RUNNING HEAD: Adolescence

Alyssa Dannhausen
March 12, 2015
SW 3510
Wayne State University

Adolescence Paper

My adolescence was far from perfect. Many events that occurred in my

early adolescence caused major upsets in my early teenage years. A lot of
what I experienced in my adolescences was normal, however there were a
few situations that took me down a dangerous path in my life.
Body Image
My parents got a divorce when I was five years old. The divorce was
devastating to my childhood. As a five year old, it was a hard concept to
understand and it caused me to fall into a depression very early. Shortly after
my parents got divorced, my mother got remarried to a man that I was not
fond of. I struggled to accept the new man in my life and felt that he was
attempting to take over the role of my father. During the period that my
mother was married to her second husband, he would tell me things that
would affect my self-esteem. I particularly remember an instance when I was
eleven years old and my stepfather made a comment about my weight and it
affected most of my adolescence.
My eating disorder became my life.; it consumed me entirely. The
moment I woke up in the morning my first thought would be how empty and
light I felt. I know this is not a normal feeling, but it was a feeling I longed for.
Through out the day I would constantly think about how my body felt. I would
experience terrible anxiety attacks if I could feel the any part of my skin
and/or fat touching the top of my pants. This would happen in school and it
would cause me to not be able to breath. Once my family found out about
the struggle I had with my weight, they would constantly watch me. They

Adolescence Paper

would force me to eat and they didnt understand the affects that had on me.
During this time in my life, if I would eat, even a few bites, it would make me
instantly want to purge. I think a lot of people have a misconception of a
person struggling with an eating disorder. It is mentally debilitating and
forcing someone to eat when they have been going through what I went
through is difficult. I would instantly want to find free time to purge whatever
I had just ate. My family would sit outside the bathroom door to listen in and
find out if I was throwing up.
From the ages of eleven to twenty years old, I struggled immensely
with body image and self-esteem. I was diagnosed with anorexia at the age
of twelve and it followed me into my early adult years. It was brought to the
attention to my mother that I was extremely thin, by my sister, and I was
forced to see a therapist. Over the course of five years, I had seen three
therapists, none of which I felt were helping me. I had continued to see one
therapist for several years, that I had a hard time relating to. My mother and
the therapist had always had a meeting before my session, leaving the
therapist with a preconceived notion of what was happening. During our
sessions the therapist would constantly side with my mother on every issues
we discussed and it caused me to not trust my therapist. During the course
of my therapy sessions I was forced into interventions with my family and
specific diets that were created to make me gain weight. While I was in high
school I was told by my mom, and my therapist, I would not be able to attend
my prom, due to the fact that they could not monitor my eating.

Adolescence Paper

Towards the end of my time with my therapist, I was not progressing

and gaining weight. The therapy sessions, interventions, and eating plans
were not successful. It came down to the point that I was going to have to be
admitted into an inpatient rehab facility. When I found out that I would be
having to go all the way to Illinois for rehab, it terrified me. I was able force
myself to eat more often and gain a bit of weight. This allowed me to avoid
going to an inpatient rehab facility, however my eating disorder was far from
over.
The Social Learning Theory is based on the though that we essentially
are a product of our environment; people learn through observation. Growing
up the skinner you were, the prettier you were. Being fat was completely out
of the question if you wanted to be accepted in society, The Social Learning
Theory demonstrates that we learn new behaviors through observing others
( Ashford and Lecroy, 2010, pp. 101). This theory allows us to see how role
models, such as women in the media, can distort out views on beauty and
what is accepted in society.
I also believe that Eriksons stage of industry vs. inferiority has a lot to
deal with that I was going through (Ashford and Lecroy, 2010, pp. 99). During
this stage, a child seeks for a skill tht allows them to be accepted by a group
and failing to do so causesa sense of inferiority (McLeod, 2008) felt that I was
not accepted because I was not thin enough, otherwise my stepfather would
have never made the comment he did. I began to look at my body and
compare it to those I saw on TV that were considered beautiful. To me, being

Adolescence Paper

beautiful was a skill, it was part of who you are and what you did. If you were
beautiful, then everyone would accept you.
My eating disorder will always stay with me, it is not something I will
fully recover from. It does fuel be to be a stronger person and to stay in
recovery. I have willed myself to be a strong person and not to fall into the
trap again. I do, however, have moments on weakness that I really feel
myself slipping back into the old habit of not eating.
Depression
Depression and my eating disorder fed off of each other. There may
have been other factors playing into my depression and eating disorder, such
as a rough break-up. I was diagnosed with depression by my psychologist
and was put on a series of depression medicine. I was first prescribed Prozac,
which was very scary for me because I had never been on medication before.
The first few weeks on the medication went okay, but I had to keep
increasing the amount I was taking. I got up to a certain amount and it broke
me. My family and I were up at our cabin in Grayling, Michigan, and one
night the Prozac got the best of me. I personally do not have any recollection
of the event that occurred, so this is based off of what I was told. I
completely blacked out for about 5 hours, and apparently had gotten into a
fight with my sister. One moment I was screaming and the next I was crying.
When I started coming back to life, as I say, I remember laying in my sisters
arms crying and shaking. Needless to say I was taken off of that medication
and was told to try another.

Adolescence Paper

Depression is a terrifying thing to deal with. Suicide thoughts are even

scarier. There were many times where these thoughts came to my head and
luckily I was always surrounded by family to pull me out of it. Depression
isnt picky; it will take anyone it can and it effects everyone surrounding that
person. I believe there are a lot of stereotypes out there against depression
and it makes me angry. I have heard from so many people that depression is
a cry for attention or they are being dramatic, when its not the case.
Depression is a major mental illness and it can and will consume you. It took
over my life and affected everyone in my family.
Depression and my eating disorder are very hard to talk about. It is not
something that I am proud of, however I am proud that I am a survivor. My
eating disorder will never be gone, it will also be apart of who I am, I just
choose to not let it take over.
Drugs and Alcohol
In my adolescence and teenage years I was never really exposed to
drugs, however I was exposed to alcohol. Around the age of fifteen I got into
drinking. My best friend and I ended up going to parties with my older
boyfriend, or when our parents were away, my sister and I would have
parties at our house. There may have been people who were involved with
drugs at the parties, however I think I was very nave at this age. Drinking
was a big part of my freshman and sophomore year of high school. I also
think that drinking led to my first sexual experience.
Sexuality

Adolescence Paper

Growing up I was nave and innocent towards sex. My parents

discussed sex with me, however it was never something discussed into
detail. Sex was never something that was on my mind or that I had questions
about. I have two older sisters that had told me stories and their
experiences, so I was able to find things out that way. I was never very
interested in it, but I think that between my low self-esteem and drinking, it
caused me to engage in sexual activities at fifteen years old.
Engaging in sexual activities at a young age has affected me. It caused
me to have a higher amount of sexual partners that I would have liked, but it
always made me who I am today and I am a strong women.
Family Dynamics
My family is has not been the most traditional family. My parents got a
divorce when I was five years old and my mother remarried a year after. I
was able to see my father every other weekend, which was very hard for me
as a kid. Growing up in a household with my mother was difficult. We would
get in arguments over her husband because he and I did not get along. They
eventually got a divorce, due to him cheating on her, and it left us in a panic.
Our house went from two incomes to one and it caused a great deal of stress
on us all.
My mom remarried for the third time when I was seventeen, to a man
that I consider to be a big part of my life. Her third husband, Bob, has done
everything in his power to treat us like his own kids, but careful not to cross
any boundaries to upset my father. We were my fathers, on the other hand,

Adolescence Paper

never remarried. He has always lived with my grandmother, helping take

care of her since my grandfather died in 1996.
Being from a divorced family was never easy. I witnessed my father
crying, many times over the years, because he missed his daughters. I held a
grudge against my mother for putting us through the divorce, for many
years. It completely confused me and made me question many aspects of
my life. I felt as if I had to be two different people; two separate daughters
for two separate parents. It was never an easy task, switching from one
parents house to anothers. It was devastating having to leave my fathers
house and I dreaded going home. I can recall crying for hours after I came
home from my fathers.
Over the years I learned how to deal with the roles I had within
each of my parents houses. With my mother, it was strict with chores and
answering to her, where as my fathers house had no rules. He was the one
to let us have fun and bail us out of trouble if we needed it. I really think this
influenced my life in many ways.
As a child of a divorced family, you play many different roles. Each role
you play makes up whom you are. This is essentially the Ecological Systems
Theory. In reductionism, part of the Ecological Systems Theory, the whole
person is the sum of its parts (Ashford and Lecroy, 2010, pp. 143). I had
many different roles coming from two different families, and each of these
roles made the person I was.

Adolescence Paper

The divorce of my parents still have lasting effects on me. It scares me

that one day I could end up like them and get a divorce. It also is difficult to
spilt up your time with each parent, without the other one being upset. I still
feel hurt from them separating and I still get angry at my mother from
causing the divorce that ripped apart our family.
Diversity
Growing up I was not surrounded by diversity. My mothers family is
from the south and they had strong feelings against the majority of people
who were not white. My family was and is still very against dating some one
who is not white. I had always wondered why it made a difference to them
what our boyfriends skin color was, but I never questioned them; I was
afraid. As I grew older I started questioning more and more aspects of my life
that dealt with people my grandparents and parents were against. It has
always bothered me that they would not allow us to date someone who was
not white.
My family did have some experience with diversity with my cousin
coming out as being gay. In this aspect, we all welcomed him with open arms
and would never turn our backs on him. It was very important to my family
that he knew he could always be comfortable around us and never had to be
ashamed of who is. I take this very seriously. I find that the LGBT community
is very important to me and I will still fight for equal rights. This still has
lasting effects on me, to this day. One of the reason I want to be a social

Adolescence Paper

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worker is to help fight for equal rights for every human being. I cannot stress
how important and significant that is in my life.
Having a family that is racists has only fueled my fire for equality. It
sickens me that people are so judgmental and still have a problem with race
or the LGBT population. Even as a woman, I still get discriminated against,
and I will be apart of the change. I know I can not do much right now to fight
the change, but I will be apart of it one day.
My childhood has been messy and painful. It is not the perfect
childhood you wish for and it has had long lasting affects on me. Although I
have a lot of hurt and anger still, I do believe that is has helped me to
become a better person and to strive for a better life for my child. It is
important to look at your life and see what was the most painful and turn
into strength. A lot of my past is very difficult to talk about but I can only
help that it allows others to relate to me and to know they are not alone.

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References
McLeod,S.(2008).ErikErikson|PsychosocialStages|SimplyPsychology.RetrievedApril3,
2015,fromhttp://www.simplypsychology.org/ErikErikson.html
Ashford,J.,&LeCroy,C.(2001).Humanbehaviorinthesocialenvironment:A
multidimensionalperspective(5thed.).Belmont,CA:Brooks/Cole/ThomsonLearning.