FOR THOSE WHO TAKE

LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY

29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired

of thinking.
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
30. Experience is something you don't get until
2. A day without sunshine is, like, night
just after you need
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
it.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar
31. For every action there is an equal and
territory.
opposite criticism.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on
32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed
the spot.
of checks
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad
33. Never do card tricks for the group you play
name.
poker with.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel
34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
universe.
35. Success always occurs in private and failure
8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything
in full view.
you say will be
37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional
misquoted, then used against you.
to the softness
9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would
of the bread.
be without sponges.
38. The severity of the itch is inversely
10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
proportional to the
11. Remember half the people you know are
ability to reach it.
below average.
39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism;
12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed
to steal from many
how popular it
is research.
remains?
40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to
13. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
rise above your
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
principles.
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
41. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your
16. Depression is merely anger without
life.
enthusiasm.
42. You never really learn to swear until you learn
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get
to drive.
sucked into jet engines.
43. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
18. The early bird may get the worm, but the
44. The problem with the gene pool is that there
second mouse gets the
is no lifeguard.
cheese.
45. The sooner you fall behind the more time
19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
you'll have to catch
20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.
up.
21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't
46. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad
expect it back.
memory.
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to
47. Change is inevitable except from vending
buy her friends?
machines.
24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is
48. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great
made of.25. The only substitute for good manners
trade!
is fast reflexes.
49. Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture
50. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
some people have.
51. If you think nobody cares, try missing a
27. When everything's coming your way, you're in
couple of payments.
the wrong lane and
52. How many of you believe in telekinesis?
going the wrong way.
Raise my hand...
28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all
53. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-
evidence that you
opener.
tried.
54. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving
isn't for you.