A person s career choice should be determined by his or her interest. Discuss.

That is the truth that the decision to involve yourself into a particular occupation is fateful for your way to the future. Therefore, it is serious about choosing your occupation and you must be prudentially in making up your decision. I am strongly agreed that a person s career choice should be determined by his or her interest. In this essay, I will attentively focus on the three dimensions which have greatly influenced the individual s interest level which are sense of dedication, the level of motivation and the intuition of our own.

Comment [M1]: Wrong use of the word fateful here. Better to use will affect your fate/destiny. Comment [M2]: Making a choice is a serious issue Comment [M3]: Prudent (adjective) Comment [M4]: Making up (phrasal verb) means telling a lie/imagining something. Just the word making is a better choice than making up. Comment [M5]: I strongly agree (no am and no past tense) Comment [M6]: Which greatly influences Comment [M7]: Our own intuition (word order problem)

First and foremost, when you are enthusiastic in the work that you are doing, there are developed a strong sense of dedication. That means you have the highly willingness to dedicate yourself into the work. You may be spending the mostly time on your work to achieve the best results and outcome. Moreover, the willingness of dedication able to pave the way to the tremendous success, for example, if you do not have the interest on your current job, then soon will generate a growing sense of disenchanting with the work you are currently work on.

Comment [M8]: A strong sense of dedication is developed (word order problem again) Comment [M9]: No need to use highly (wrong use of adverb) Comment [M10]: Most of your time ( ly is an adverb.. u do not show ability to use this well)

Comment [M11]: Disenchantment (noun) Comment [M12]: working

Secondly, the level of the motivation which are indicated by the passion and interest that you have paid in your work. In other words, highly motivation will accelerate the speed of working, which in turn the greatly productivity. In the same token, the greatly productivity boost your selfconfidence and self-satisfactory instead in a positive way. For example, a person s excellent performance may build up his confidence, satisfaction and ability.

Comment [M13]: hanging sentence. There seems to be no main verb. Comment [M14]: high Comment [M15]: which in turn will greatly increase productivity (word order problem again) Comment [M16]: By the same token, not In Comment [M17]: Increased productivity Comment [M18]: Self-satisfaction (noun)

Last but not least, how to choose the best career ourselves? This is the questions may have been asked frequently especially for the newly graduation students from University or college. They may feel it is absurd to follow own interest instead of the figure out the best and quick way to make them success and make money as much as possibly they can. However, our own interest in the particular occupation or job is particularly important in decision making. That can make us better in doing the things we truly addicted and like to do. Thus, will not and never doubt about your intuition, do not hesitate to follow your inner voice. Our own interest is the most important than others. Take for an example, if you choose a career that is not in your interest just due to the possibility to make the profit, then soon you will lost the patient and passion at your work, that may let you fall into the huge failure.

Comment [M19]: Graduated (adjective)

Comment [M20]: Succeed (yes u got this right in your self correction) Comment [M21]: Make as much money as they possibly can Comment [M22]: Do not, not will not

Comment [M23]: More, not most. When comparing two parties use more.

Comment [M24]: Will lose patience (noun)

In a nutshell, it is the shadow beyond a doubt that I am still hold a strongly believe on the decision making for our future career should based on our own interest. Our own interest can boost up our sense of dedication, increase the motivation level and make you success in doing the job you are extremely addicted. Indeed, people should be developing a comprehensive and thoughtful planning in their future career and insure that there is no regret in the future.

Comment [M25]: It is beyond a shadow of a doubt that Comment [M26]: I still strongly believe that

Comment [M27]: succeed Comment [M28]: poor choice of vocabulary because addicted is a negative connotation.. like addicted to drugs. Comment [M29]: ensure

Overall grade: Band 2 higher.