肉蒲团

THE CARNAL PRAYER MAT

肉蒲团

LI YU 李渔

1
 肉蒲团

Contents
Introduction



SPRING
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five



SUMMER

Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten



AUTUMM
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen


WINTER
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Notes

2
 肉蒲团

卷一：觉后禅 - 春

第一回：止 风借 事说法   谈色事就色欲 端

     第二回：老头陀空张皮布袋   小居士受坐肉蒲团
  第三回：道学翁错配风流婿   端庄女情移薄情郎
第四回：宿荒郊客心悲寂寞   消长夜贼口说风情
     第五回：选手姿严造名花册   狗情面宽收雪鬓娘

卷二：觉后禅 - 夏

第六回：稀短才漫夸长技   现小物贻笑大方

第七回：怨生成抚 痛哭   思改正屈膝哀求

 第八回：三月苦藏修良朋刮目   一番乔卖弄美妇倾心

第九回：擅奇 偏持大体   分余乐反占先

第十回：听先声而知劲敌   留余地以 真才

卷三：觉后禅 - 秋

第十一回： 豪杰浪挥金   露水夫妻成结发

第十二回：补 头方成好事   因吃醋反结同心

第十三回：破 焚舟除隐情   薪尝胆 奸仇

第十四回：闭户说欢娱隔墙有耳   禁人观沐浴此处无银

 第十五回：同盟义议通宵乐   姊妹平分一夜欢

3
 肉蒲团

卷四：觉后禅 - 冬

第十六回：真好事半路遭魔   活春宫连箱被劫
    第十七回：得便宜因人瞒己   遭涂毒为己骄人
    第十八回：妻子落风尘明偿还积欠   弟兄争窈窕暗索前通
    第十九回： 贯已盈 处香闺齐出丑   禅机将发诸般美色尽成空
    第二十回：布袋皮宽色鬼奸雄齐摄入   旃檀路阔 家债主任相  

4
 肉蒲团

INTRODUCTION
What first attracted me to Li Yu was his love of comic invention.
"Broadly speaking," he once wrote to a friend, "everything I have ever
written was intended to make people laugh." He was never content, as
other writers were, to make minor variations upon the standard literary
themes. Instead he submitted those themes to a drastic overhaul and
created a new comedy of his own, claiming all the while that his version of
reality was the true one and that everybody else was deluded. He thus
belongs to that rare breed of comic writer—rare in any culture—who
discovers or invents the terms of his own reality.[1]
Let me give two obvious examples, both of them discoveries rather than
inventions. In its most general outline a Chinese romantic comedy
consisted of a handsome youth with brilliant literary gifts falling in love
with a beautiful and talented girl and, after overcoming a number of
vicissitudes, marrying her. By the seventeenth century countless stories
and plays, some of them masterpieces, had been written to this formula.
But Li Yu would have none of it. In his first play (or opera, both terms
apply), Lianxiang ban, a title freely translatable as Women in Love, he
adapted the formula and applied it—for the first, and perhaps only, time in
the history of Chinese literature—to a love affair between two women.
Eventually the lovers are united as wives to the same man—the only
solution open to them. Similarly, in Li Yu's Silent Operas (Wusheng xi)
collection, there is a story about a love affair between two men that derives
its comic power from the way it parallels a perfect heterosexual marriage,
all the way from courtship to widowhood. Examples of comic discovery
and invention abound also in his novel, The Carnal Prayer Mat (Rou
putuan).
Invention and discovery, together with the implied virtue of originality,
were stressed more by Li Yu than by any writer before him. "Newness is a
term of approbation for everything in the world," he wrote, "but above all
for literature." Copying is taboo, of course, even from the ancients, but so
is echoing other writers, and not merely other writers but ourselves; we are
not permitted even to echo ourselves—an impossible ideal, and one that Li
Yu himself did not come close to realizing.

5
 肉蒲团

His passion for invention carried over from literature to life. He was a
designer and practical inventor as well as a writer, and his essays ring with
the (slightly self-mocking) refrain: "Is it not strange that the world had to
wait for Li Yu to invent this?" A version of the refrain occurs in Chapter
Ten of the novel, too, after Vesperus has shown his savoir-faire with
pillows: "The general principle is known to all, but … that particular
formula has never been understood before." So strong was Li Yu's passion
for novelty that he was also quite capable of shocking his readers for
sensational effect.
A second unique quality is his voice or persona. Strictly speaking, he
had not one voice but a range of them, mostly humorous, that he employed
in his fiction and essays. The narrator in the traditional Chinese novel had
always been a strong vocal presence anyway, in vague simulation of an
oral storyteller, and Li Yu exploits that convention—openly manipulating
the narrative, commenting on the action, addressing his readers as if they
were an audience, and even answering questions posed by a fictitious
member of that audience. A passage in Chapter One of his novel
exemplifies this last convention:
"Storyteller, since you want people to suppress their lecherous desires,
why not write a tract promoting morality?"
"Gentle readers [or audience], there is something of which you are
evidently unaware …"
The difference is that Li Yu is substituting a voice of his own for the
voice of the traditional narrator. Every Chinese novelist had to make some
accommodation with the figure of the traditional narrator—a history of the
genre could be written in terms of their accommodations—but Li Yu's
solution was the most personal, and perhaps the most satisfying. He was a
noted wit and pundit in life, and I suggest that he managed to create in the
voice of his fictional narrator a perfect literary correlative for his oral wit
and punditry.

Few people realize that a lively tradition of erotic fiction existed in

China, particularly in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries. It was a
superior tradition, in my opinion, to its somewhat later counterparts in
England and France. Granted, Fanny Hill is a small miracle, but it seems a
miracle precisely because it is isolated; and Sade's novels, as fiction, are
second-rate at best—full of philosophizing as well as ludicrous cruelties
6
 肉蒲团

and blasphemies. In China, by contrast, several novels of undeniable

power were written. The Jin Ping Mei (The Golden Lotus) is only a partial
member of the genre, being much else besides. If there is a classic example
of the Chinese erotic novel, it is surely Li Yu's Carnal Prayer Mat.
It is in the nature of erotic fiction to seek out forbidden territory to
explore. In China that was likely to mean adultery, not defloration as in the
corresponding European genre. (In Europe adultery was left to the
bourgeois novel.) The reason is clear enough: adultery violated the
husband-wife ethic, one of the key Confucian social obligations. In a
family-centered morality, it was a natural choice as the crucial sin, but for
precisely the same reason, it also posed an intolerable threat to society. The
libertine's adulterous adventures may enthrall the reader with their glimpse
of forbidden pleasure, but ultimately they must fail. Sexuality for the
Chinese writer, unlike Western apostles of eroticism from Sade to
Lawrence, was a drive that had to lose when it collided with social values.
That is why Chinese libertines are generally the objects of satire—as they
certainly are in Prayer Mat. And it also explains why the Chinese novels
can end only with the libertine's punishment and repentance.
But although the libertine adventure may be headed for disaster, the
erotic novels obviously cannot be taken at their face value as the dire
warnings they profess to be. For all its obsessiveness, the libertine
adventure is presented to us with so much gusto that we are surely meant
to enjoy it. I suggest that there is an inevitable—and artistically quite
justifiable—tension in much visual and literary art on erotic subject matter.
In Chinese fiction at least, the reader plays voyeur as well as judge as he
watches the tale unfold, observing, with both pleasure and foreboding, its
exploration of forbidden territory and its inescapable end.
The agency of punishment varies from novel to novel. A common one is
retribution according to the doctrine of karma—that is to say, punishment
in the next life for sins committed in this one. In Chapter Two of Prayer
Mat, Li Yu takes the extraordinary step of introducing the Buddhist priest
Lone Peak to explain this notion to us. The priest calls it "otherworldly"
retribution and pairs it with a "thisworldly" retribution by which one's sins
are repaid in this life. The second kind of retribution is an age-old, popular
notion unrelated to Buddhism proper. (The novel's views are eclectic,
embracing Heaven, the Principle of Heaven, the Creator, and the ancient
sages, as well as Buddha.) The priest goes on to quote the adage "If I don't
7
 肉蒲团

seduce other men's wives, my wife won't be seduced by others," and then
erects it into a general principle by which an adulterer's wives and
daughters are condemned to "redeem" his sins with their own—a
characteristic Li Yu twist to an old idea.
The retribution plot fascinated the Chinese novelist, and one can see
why; it allowed him to work human experience into newer and more
meaningful shapes. He did not need to believe in the actual possibility of
metaphysical retribution, for both he and his readers accepted it as part of
the machinery of causation in fiction. But although Li Yu himself adopts
the retribution plot gratefully enough in Prayer Mat, he cannot suppress
his skepticism about it, as witness the debate between hero and priest in
Chapter Two. The possibility of self-mockery must always be kept in mind
while reading Li Yu.
The typical qualities of the erotic novel are almost all to be found in
Prayer Mat, often in exaggerated form: the relentless quantification of sex,
a feature perhaps derived from the sex manuals; the fascination with
women's sexuality; the emphasis on penis size, in which Li Yu's idea of the
animal implant outdoes all other novels; the trivial games, petty jealousies,
and revenges that preoccupy the characters; and even the orgy, in which Li
Yu's wine-and-cards party again outdoes all others.
At the same time Prayer Mat gives a far more prominent place to
warnings against libertinism; Chapter Two is taken up with the libertine's
debate with the priest, and Chapter Twenty with the former's repentance
and redemption. Li Yu is using Buddhism as the ascetic alternative to
libertinism—and also as a handy means of atonement. In comparison with
the other novels, too, his language is not lubricious; he tends more to
ribaldry than sensuality. Nor are the sexual techniques he describes
particularly eye-opening by the standards of other novels.
His prime values of novelty and structural ingenuity are everywhere
apparent, and there is no need to detail them here. In any case they have
been adequately described in the critiques. (The critiques are short
passages that follow each chapter and assess its moral implications and
literary technique.) But one quality that must be stressed is his
discursiveness, which the critique to Chapter Five singles out for special
mention. Although other novelists may use discourse in their prologues,
we are told, they abandon it once the narrative begins, lest the reader
8
 肉蒲团

become confused. Li Yu, however, continues to alternate discourse and

narrative throughout his novel, to the reader's delight. The critique is
correctly pointing to discursiveness as one of the most striking features of
the novel. Li Yu not only gives up his whole first chapter to a discussion of
sex in society, together with an account of the aims and methods of his
book, he also constantly intervenes as narrator to explain a principle or
give a reason, often conducting a simulated dialogue with his readers to do
so. Sometimes the interventions are intended to tease the reader,
particularly when they occur just before or during a sexual encounter. But
more often they spring from Li Yu's irrepressible, inventive punditry. The
opinions are his own, not those of some generalized narrator; some of
them actually resemble the ideas we find in his sharp, witty, highly
personal essays.
Chapter One is an extraordinary innovation, for in it Li Yu offers us a
personal approach to sex. This is Li Yu the essayist speaking, as he offers
us a reasonable, if reductive—love is not mentioned once—approach that
prepares us for the two contrasting attitudes presented in the next chapter:
Vesperus's libertinism and the priest's asceticism. Li Yu's reasonable views
thus dominate the novel, even though its narrative ends on an ascetic note.
But does Li Yu claim to have resolved the tension between erotic desire
and social and moral values? Not at all. The epilogue to his last chapter
makes it clear that he regards such tension as a permanent part of the
human condition.
However, Prayer Mat's greatest difference from other erotic novels lies
in its wholehearted comic spirit. The other works often leave room for
ribaldry, even in their most intense moments, and at least one of them is
told in a wry, semihumorous tone, but none is as obviously comic as
Prayer Mat, which is why I have labeled it a sexual comedy. Admittedly,
some of the humor is facetious; Li Yu was always reluctant to pass up a
comic idea, and some of his ideas worked better than others. As the final
critique remarks, "This is a book that mocks everything!" But the novel as
a whole—by turns humorous, witty, outrageous, vulgar, shocking—
remains the ultimate comedy on that forbidden subject: unrestrained sexual
desire at large in society.

Prayer Mat was written at the beginning of 1657 and, like most Chinese
novels, was published under a pseudonym. (For this book, perhaps because
9
 肉蒲团

of its controversial nature, Li Yu chose a fresh pseudonym.) He was in

Hangzhou at the time, making a living as a writer. His plays or operas,
with their audacious brand of social comedy, had caused a great stir, and
his stories—a second volume of Silent Operas had appeared—were also
extremely popular, so popular, indeed, that they were soon pirated.
Over the next three centuries Prayer Mat was banned many times, but
seldom with much success. A dozen editions survive from the eighteenth
and nineteenth centuries alone, some in only one copy; it seems likely,
therefore, that still more editions once existed. The novel has circulated
freely in Japan ever since an abridged (but unexpurgated) version, adapted
for Japanese readers, was published there in 1705. Prayer Mat circulates
now in several Chinese-speaking countries, but not in China itself, where it
is deemed unsuitable, not merely for the general reader but even for the
scholar. The earlier generation of Chinese scholars, who were able to read
the novel, recognized its literary merits even if they deplored its subject
matter. The first edition has not survived, but we know a good deal about it
from a manuscript copy and from the other editions. Like the first editions
of Li Yu's stories, it must have been a fine woodblock edition with
illustrations by a leading illustrator. The title-page attributed the authorship
of the novel to a certain Master "Secrets of Passion." The preface, with a
date corresponding to 1657, was written by a Hangzhou friend using a
Buddhist pseudonym, Layman "Eternal Absolute." Curiously the table of
contents and the first page of text, places where the author's name is
customarily repeated, give a different pseudonym:
Composed by the Man of the [Buddhist] Way Who, After Being Crazed
with Passion, Returned to the True Path
Commented upon by a Society Friend Who, After Dying of Passion, Was
Restored to Life
Society Friend means a fellow member of the same literary society. It is
possible that the commentator was Sun Zhi, a Hangzhou writer and close
friend, who wrote prefaces to some of Li Yu's plays, in one of which he
signed himself Society Brother.
Like some other Chinese novels published at the time, Prayer Mat
carried its own commentary, in fact, two kinds of commentary: the
critiques that are mentioned above, as well as upper-margin notes that
comment on particular expressions or passages, often in a flippant or
humorous way. The notes do not survive in the editions, only in the
10
 肉蒲团

manuscript. Since I have not included them in my translation, I shall give a

few examples here:
In Chapter Three, when the narrator explains that a woman's feet
without their leggings on look like flowers with no leaves about them, the
note runs, "The author must be considered the leading romantic of all time.
Others who talk about sex are like Yiyang actors performing Kun opera.
All you hear is the drumbeat." Yiyang was a raucous popular form of
opera, much despised by Li Yu and other writers of the more artistic and
melodious Kun form.
In Chapter Five, when the narrator remarks that a painting—like a
woman's beauty—is worthless if it lacks power, the note runs, "The insight
of a romantic genius!"
In Chapter Six, when the woman whom we later know as Fragrance is
described as not wearing heels, the note runs, "These days women with big
feet have to use raised heels in order to hide their defect. Not wearing
heels is a way of flaunting small feet."
Again in Chapter Six, when Vesperus needles the Knave by suggesting
that he finds poor people easier to take advantage of, the note runs,
"Brilliant provocation!" And soon afterward, when Vesperus boasts of his
sexual prowess by using the analogy of a banquet, a matching note runs,
"Fine hyperbole!"
In Chapter Twelve, when Cloud explains to Vesperus her jealous
feelings toward her "sisters," the note runs, "If anyone tries to tell me there
has ever been a better novel than The Carnal Prayer Mat, I shall spit in his
face!"
Finally, in Chapter Seventeen, when Flora explains how she and her
husband used to involve the maids in their lovemaking, the note runs, "If
this method were applied generally, there would be no jealous wives left in
the world."
Although the Society Friend was nominally responsible for all of the
critiques and notes, it is highly likely, judging from their nature and tone,
that some of them were written by Li Yu himself.
The novel shares the familiar features of the traditional Chinese novel.
Each chapter begins with a pair of matched headings that hint at its

11
 肉蒲团

contents. Next comes a poem or lyric (a different poetic genre with lines of
irregular length) that reflects on the chapter's theme. Here and there within
the chapter are poems, lyrics, and set pieces (unrhymed passages of strict
parallelism) that comment on the action or describe a scene. The chapter
closes with some anticipatory remarks. Li Yu's chapters characteristically
end with an epilogue that reflects humorously on the novel's progress.

There is no good text of the novel; all of the reasonably well-edited

editions prove to be abridgments. The fullest text is a manuscript preserved
in the Institute of Oriental Culture of Tokyo University. It is the only one
to contain either the 1657 date or the upper-margin notes and, for that
reason among others, I believe that its copyist utilized a manuscript copy
of Li Yu's original edition. In making my translation, I have relied on this
manuscript and also on the fullest printed edition, one that is best identified
by its page format (ten columns of twenty-five characters each). The
Harvard-Yenching Library at Harvard University has two of several
surviving copies.

12
 肉蒲团

THE CARNAL PRAYER MAT

CHAPTER ONE
Make use of lechery in putting a stop to lechery;
start off with sex in treating the subject of sex.
Lyric:
Raven hair so quickly gray,
Ruddy cheeks soon past.
Man's unlike the ageless pine—
His fame and fortune, e'er in flux,
Gone in the flower-destroying blast.
How sad if youth is deprived of joy!
(From the courts of love the old are cast.)
So once you hear the siren song,
Young masters,
Rush to enjoy the flowers' throng.

True paradise on earth,

All things considered well,
Is found in bedroom bliss.
Unlike the realm of fame and glory,
Here joy begins and troubles cease.
Each day is spent in slippered ease, each night
In drunken slumber till the morning bell.
So open your eyes, take this to heart:
All the world's
A vast erotic work of art.
This lyric, to the tune of "Fragrance Filling the Courtyard," points out
that our lives would be so filled with toil and worry as to leave no room for
pleasure—had not the Sage who separated Heaven from Earth created in
us the desire for sexual intercourse to alleviate our toil and worry and save
us from despair.

13
 肉蒲团

In the parlance of our Confucian sticklers for morality, a woman's loins

are the entrance through which we come into the world and also the exit
by which we leave it. But the way wise men see these things is that,
without those loins, our hair might go white a few years sooner than
otherwise, and our deaths occur a few years sooner too. If you doubt their
word, consider how few priests there are whose hair has not turned white
by the age of forty or fifty, and whose bodies have not succumbed entirely
by seventy or eighty. Of course the objection might be raised that, although
priests have joined the order, they still have a way open to them, either
through adultery or by having relations with their disciples, and that they
may be no more apt to preserve their vital energies than the laity, all of
which would explain their failure to live to a ripe old age.
But if that is true, consider the case of the eunuchs in the capital, who,
far from committing adultery, have lost even the basic equipment for it and
who, far from having relations with their disciples, lack even a handle on
such things. In theory they ought to retain their delicate, youthful looks
over a lifetime of several centuries. Why, then, do they have even more
wrinkles than anybody else? And why does their hair go white even
sooner? Granddad may be our name for them, but the truth is they look far
more like grannies.[2] Plaques are put up in the capital to honor ordinary
folk who have lived to a great age, but no centenary arch has ever been
erected to commemorate a eunuch.
It would thus appear that the activity we call sex is not harmful to
mankind. However, because the Materia Medica failed to include it, we
lack a definitive explanation.[3] One view holds that it is good for us,
another that it does us harm. But if we compare both views in the light of
the above argument, we must conclude that sex is beneficial. In fact its
medicinal effects closely resemble those of ginseng and aconite, two
substances with which it can be used interchangeably. But there is a point
to be noted here. Potent tonics as they are, ginseng and aconite should be
taken only in small doses and over long periods of time. In other words
they should be treated as medicine, not as food. When swallowed
indiscriminately, without regard to dosage or frequency, they can prove
fatal.
Now, sex has precisely the same advantages and disadvantages. Long-
term use results in the mutual reinforcement of yin and yang, whereas
excessive use brings the water and fire elements into conflict.[4] When
14
 肉蒲团

treated as medicine, sex relieves us from pent-up emotion, but when

treated as food it gravely depletes our semen and blood.
If people knew how to treat it as a medicine, they would behave toward
it with a degree of detachment, liking it, but well short of addiction. Before
first engaging in it, they would reflect, "This is a medicine, not a poison.
Why be afraid of it?" And after engaging in it, they would reflect, "That
was a medicine, not a food. Why become addicted to it?" If they did this,
their yang would not be too exuberant nor their yin too depressed. No one
would die an early death, and what is more, no girls would be left without
husbands nor men without wives, a development that would contribute
substantially to the institution of Royal Government.[5]
But there is one further point to consider. The properties of sex as a
medicine are the same as those of ginseng and aconite in every respect
save the location in which it occurs and the criteria by which it is selected;
in both of those respects there are contrasting features of which users
should be apprised. In the case of ginseng and aconite, the genuine variety
is the superior one, while the local product brings no benefit;[6] whereas
with sexual activity, it is the local variety that is superior and the genuine
one that not only brings no benefit but can even do harm.
What do I mean by local product and genuine variety? The term local
product refers to the women you already possess, your own wives and
concubines; you have no need to look further afield or to spend your
money; you simply take what is at hand. There is no one to stop you, no
matter how you choose to sleep, nor any need for alarm, no matter who
knocks on your door. Sex under such circumstances does no damage to
your vital energies; it even benefits your ancestral shrine. If a single
encounter results in such physical harmony, surely we can agree that sex
does us good!
Genuine variety refers to the dazzling looks and glamour that are found
only in the boudoirs of rich men's houses. Just as the bland domestic fowl
lacks the refreshing tang of the game bird, so our wives' faded looks can
hardly compare with the youth and glamour of these fledglings of the
boudoir. When you set eyes on a girl of this kind, you dream about her;
you strive to win her at all costs; you make advances, then follow them up
with presents; and you scale walls to get to secret assignations or clamber
through tunnels to declare your passion. But no matter how emboldened
15
 肉蒲团

you are by lust, you'll still be as terrified as a mouse; even if no one has
seen you, you'll always think someone is coming; you'll sweat more from
fear than from love, and semen will seep from every pore. The desire for
love exceeds the heroic spirit; when you're taken in adultery, you'll lose
your beard and eyebrows. A plunge into the abyss will result in a frightful
disaster. In the other world you'll have destroyed your moral credit; in this
world you'll have broken the law and will be put to death. Since there is no
one left to pay for your crime, your wife will have to live on and develop
her own desires, engaging in unchaste behavior and doing all kinds of
harm—an unbearable tragedy. In the case of sex it is obvious that people
must on no account sacrifice the near in favor of the far, the coarse in favor
of the fine, or spurn the commonplace in order to seek what is rare.
The author of this novel has been motivated solely by compassion in his
desire to expound the doctrine. His hope is to persuade people to suppress
their desires, not indulge them; his aim is to keep lechery hidden rather
than to publicize it. Gentle readers, you must on no account misconstrue
these intentions of his.

Storyteller, since you want people to suppress their lecherous desires,

why not write a tract to promote morality? Why write a romantic novel
instead?[7]

Gentle readers, there is something of which you are evidently unaware.

Any successful method of changing the current mores must resemble the
way in which Yu the Great controlled the floods: channeling current trends
into a safe direction is the only way to get a hearing. People these days are
reluctant to read the canonical texts, but they love fiction. Not all fiction,
mind you, for they are sick of exemplary themes and far prefer the obscene
and the fantastic. How low contemporary morals have sunk! Anyone
concerned about public morality will want to retrieve the situation. But if
you write a moral tract exhorting people to virtue, not only will you get no
one to buy it; even if you were to print it and bind it and distribute it free
along with a complimentary card, the way philanthropists bestow Buddhist
scriptures on the public, people would just tear the book apart for use in
covering their winepots or in lighting their pipes and refuse to bestow a
single glance upon its contents.

16
 肉蒲团

A far better solution is to captivate your readers with erotic material and
then wait for some moment of absorbing interest before suddenly dropping
in an admonitory remark or two to make them grow fearful and sigh,
"Since sexual pleasure can be so delightful, surely we ought to reserve our
pleasure-loving bodies for long-term enjoyment instead of turning into
ghosts beneath the peony blossoms,[8] sacrificing the reality of pleasure
for its mere name?" You then wait for the point at which retribution is
manifested and gently slip in a hortatory word or two designed to provoke
the revelation "Since adultery is always repaid like this, surely we ought to
reserve our wives and concubines for our own enjoyment instead of trying
to shoot a sparrow with the priceless pearl,[9] repaying worthless loans
with real money?" Having reached this conclusion, readers will not stray,
and if they don't stray, they will naturally cherish their wives, who will in
turn respect them. The moral education offered by the Zhounan and
Shaonan songs[10] is really nothing more than this: the method of "fitting
the action to the case and the treatment to the man." It is a practice
incumbent not only upon fiction writers; indeed, some of the sages were
the first to employ it, in their classical texts.
If you doubt me, look at how Mencius in Warring States times addressed
King Xuan of Qi on the subject of Royal Government.[11] The king was
immersed in sensual pleasures and the pursuit of wealth, and Royal
Government did not figure among his interests, and so to Mencius's speech
he returned only a perfunctory word of praise: "Well said." To which
Mencius replied, "If Your Majesty approves of my advice, why not follow
it?" "I have an affliction," said the king. "I love wealth." To whet his
interest, Mencius told him the story of Liu the Duke's love of wealth,
which is on the theme of frugal management. But the king then said, "I
have another affliction. I love sex." By this remark he meant that he was
interested in becoming another King Jie or Zhou.[12] It was tantamount to
sending Mencius a formal note rejecting the whole idea of Royal
Government.
Now, if a puritan had been there in Mencius's place, he would have
remonstrated sternly with the king along these lines: "Rulers from time
immemorial have admonished us against sexual license. If the ordinary
folk love sex, they will lose their lives; if the great officers love sex, they
will lose their positions; if the feudal lords love sex, they will lose their
states; and if the Son of Heaven loves sex, he will lose the empire." To
17
 肉蒲团

which King Xuan, even though he might not actually have voiced the
sentiment, would certainly have replied mentally along these lines: "In that
case, my affliction has penetrated so deep that it is incurable, and I have no
further use for you."
Mencius, however, did not reply like that. Instead he used the romantic
tale of King Tai's love of sex to gain the king's interest and get him so
excited that he could hardly wait to start. From the fact that King Tai,
although fleeing on horseback, still took his beautiful consort along with
him, he deduced that the king's lifelong love of sex made him loath to be
parted from his women for a moment. Such a dissolute ruler ought surely
to have lost both his life and his kingdom, but this king practiced a love of
sex that allowed all the men in his country to bring their women with them
in their flight, and while he was making merry with his consort, his men
were able to make merry with their women. It was a case of moral
influence exerted by a king who "brought springtime with him wherever he
went and was unselfish in all things." Everyone was moved to praise him
and none dared criticize.
Naturally from this point on, King Xuan was perfectly willing to
practice Royal Government and made no further I have an affliction
excuses. Otherwise he might well have demurred again with trite excuses
such as I love wine or I have a bad temper. Mencius's ploy may truly be
said to have made a "lotus emerge from the flames"[13]—a technique from
which the author of this novel drew his inspiration. If only the entire
reading public would buy this book and treat it as a classic or as a history
rather than as fiction! Its addresses to the reader are all either admonitory
or hortatory, and close attention should be paid to their underlying
purpose. Its descriptions of copulation, of the pleasures of the bedchamber,
do indeed come close to indecency, but they are all designed to lure people
into reading on until they reach the denouement, at which point they will
understand the meaning of retribution and take heed. Without these
passages the book would be nothing but an olive that, for all its aftertaste,
would be too sour for anyone to chew and hence useless.[14] My passages
of sexual description should be looked upon as the date wrapped around
the olive that induces people to keep on eating until they reach the
aftertaste. But please pardon the tedium of this opening; the story proper
will begin in the next chapter.

18
 肉蒲团

CRITIQUE

How enticing this novel sounds! I am sure that when it is finished, the
entire reading public will buy it and read it. The only people who may not
are the puritans. The genuine puritans will; only that species of false
puritan, those who try to deceive people with their righteousness, will not
dare. On the other hand, it has been suggested that, although the false
puritans will not dare buy it themselves, they just may get someone else to
buy it for them, and although they won't dare read it openly, they just may
do so on the sly.

19
 肉蒲团

CHAPTER TWO
An old monk opens his leather bag in vain,
As a young layman prefers the carnal prayer mat.
Poem:
Though the Sea of Desire seems not so deep,
Like Weakness Water, it cannot be crossed.[15]
You may skim as light as a dragonfly's flight,
But touch a wave and you're surely lost.
Our story tells how in the Peaceful Government era of the Yuan dynasty
there lived on Mount Guacang a monk whose religious name was Correct
And Single and whose monastic name was Lone Peak. Before becoming a
monk, he had distinguished himself as a licentiate in the Chuzhou
prefectural school. However, he had also shown early signs of a propensity
for the religious life. While only one month old and still in swaddling
clothes, he would babble on and on like a schoolboy reciting his lessons, to
the bewilderment of his parents. An itinerant priest came begging to the
door, caught sight of the infant half-crying and half-laughing in a
maidservant's arms, and after listening intently, declared, "It's the
Surangama Sutra the child is reciting! He must be the reincarnation of
some famous priest." He pleaded with the parents to let him have the baby
as his disciple, but the parents dismissed his talk as nonsense.
As the child grew, his parents made him study for the examinations, but
although he could absorb several lines at a glance, his heart was not set on
worldly success, and on several occasions he forsook Confucian for
Buddhist studies and had to be severely disciplined by his parents before
returning. Forced to take the examinations, he graduated as a licentiate
while still a boy, and afterward used his stipend to help others. When his
parents died, he completed the three years of mourning and then
distributed the whole of the valuable family property among his relatives.
For himself he made only a large bag to hold his wooden fish, a copy of
the Sutrapitaka, and a few other things, then took the tonsure and lived the
life of a recluse while practicing the Buddhist virtues. Enlightened people
called him Abbot Lone Peak; others called him Priest Leather Bag.

20
 肉蒲团

He differed from other priests in abstaining not only from wine, meat,
lust, and depravity but also from three staple activities of the priestly life.
Which activities were they, do you suppose?
Asking for alms
Explicating the scriptures
Residing on a famous mountain[16]
When people inquired as to why he didn't ask for alms, he would reply,
"In general one must approach Buddhism through self-denial, striving to
wear oneself out physically and stinting on one's food in order to make
starvation and cold an ever-increasing threat. Once that is achieved, lustful
thoughts will not arise, and if they do not arise, impurity will gradually
give way to purity, and in the fullness of time one will naturally become a
buddha. It is not necessary to recite scriptures or chant mantras. If, on the
other hand, you choose neither to plow your own fields nor to weave your
own cloth but rely instead on benefactors for your food and clothing, once
you're well fed and warmly clad, you'll want to stroll about at your ease
and sleep in a soft bed. As you stroll about, your eyes will light on objects
of desire, and while you're sleeping in your soft bed, you'll have dreams
and fantasies. Not only will you be unable to study Buddhism with any
success, all kinds of damning temptation will come unbidden to your door.
That is why I live off the fruits of my own labor and abstain from asking
for alms."
When asked why he did not explicate the scriptures, he replied, "The
language of the scriptures comes from the mouth of Buddha himself, and
he is the only one who can explain it. All attempts at popular explication
are like the ramblings of an idiot, with each layer of exegesis merely
adding another layer of distortion. Long ago Tao Yuanming chose not to
seek a detailed explanation in reading texts.[17] Now, if a Chinese does
not dare seek a detailed explanation in reading a Chinese text, how can he
be so reckless as to try interpreting a foreign one? I do not presume to be
Buddha's right-hand man; all I hope is to escape his condemnation. That is
why I keep my ignorance to myself and abstain from explicating the
scriptures."
When they asked him why he chose not to live on some famous
mountain, he replied, "A practicing Buddhist must not set eyes on any
object of desire, lest it throw his thoughts into turmoil. Now, objects of
desire are not confined to carnal pleasure and money. A cool and pleasant
21
 肉蒲团

breeze, an enchanting moon, melodious birdsong, even succulent

fernshoots—anything that charms or enraptures and makes us unwilling to
give it up is an object of desire.
"Once you start living in some scenic place, the spirits of mountain and
stream will be there to tempt you to poetry, so that you can never put your
writing aside. And the nymphs of wind and moon will disturb your
meditations and make you fidget endlessly on the midnight prayer mat.
That is why those who go up famous mountains to pursue their
examination studies never finish them, and also why those who go there to
master the doctrine find it so hard to purge their senses. Moreover, on
every famous mountain there are women who come to pray and gentlemen
who come to celebrate. The affair between the priest Moonbright and the
girl Liu Cui is a warning of what can happen.[18] That is why I have
spurned famous mountains and come to live here in this desolate place, my
sole purpose being to ensure that nothing I see or hear will block my
progress."
His questioners were greatly impressed with his answers, which, they
felt, contained insights never before expressed by an eminent priest.
By virtue of these three abstentions, he became famous despite himself.
But although visitors flocked there from all quarters to join the order, he
would not accept them easily. Before giving applicants the tonsure, he
insisted on examining them to ensure that they had a good moral basis and
had renounced all worldly desires, and if he felt the slightest doubt, he
would reject them out of hand. For this reason, despite the many years he
had been in the order, he had very few disciples. He lived alone beside a
mountain stream in a small thatched hut that he had built with his own
hands, eating the food he grew himself and drinking the water from his
stream. He wrote out a pair of scrolls, which he stuck on the uprights in his
hut. They read,
No ease or comfort is to be found in the study of Buddhism; through all
eighteen hells you must make your way.
It is no simple matter to understand Zen; how many thousand prayer mats
have you worn out?
Even in these scrolls one can see his lifelong mortification of the flesh.
One day of dismal autumn wind, when the trees were shedding their
leaves and the drone of insects filled the air, the priest rose early in the
22
 肉蒲团

morning, swept the leaves from his door, changed the pure water before
the image of Buddha, inserted the incense, and then, placing a prayer mat
in the center room, sat down cross-legged upon it to meditate. By chance
he had forgotten to shut the door, and suddenly a young student attended
by two pages came walking in. In appearance:
An expression like autumn water,
A form like a spring cloud.
A face like Pan An's,
A waist like Shen Yue's.
An unpowdered complexion pale as any woman's,
Unrouged lips rosy as any maiden's.
Eyebrows so long as to meet his eyes,
A form so delicate as hardly to bear his clothes.
A jet-black crepe-silk cap he had,
Matching his face like a crown of jade.
Bright red tapestry-silk shoes he wore,
And stepped as lightly as if walking on clouds.

These lines describe the grace and charm of his whole person, and yet
they give only the most general of accounts. If you were to try describing
the various parts of his body one by one, you could write dozens of
rhapsodies and hundreds of eulogies and still not do them justice. But with
the single exception of his eyes, his features, fine as they were, were not
greatly superior to other people's. His eyes, however, were quite
extraordinary. Extraordinary in what way, you ask. A lyric to the tune
"Moon Over West River" supplies the answer:

Crevices fine as delicate jade,

Pupils frozen-crystal clear.
Their black and white too bold a clash,
Flames forever on the move.
At sight of man, they're white,
At sight of woman, black.
In contrast, Ruan Ji's eyes were short on passion;[19]
No mirror they, of pretty girls.

23
 肉蒲团

Eyes of this type are what are commonly known as lustful eyes. People
who have them generally prefer the covert glance to the direct gaze, and
reserve it for their specialty, which is peeping at women. They do not need
to be at close range, either. Even when hundreds of feet away, they need
flash only a single glance at a girl to tell if she is pretty or not. If she is
pretty, they'll send her a wink. If she is a proper, highly principled girl and
passes by with her head lowered, not glancing at the man's face, the wink
has fallen on stony ground. But if they meet a woman with lustful eyes,
one who shares their own weakness, then winks will pass back and forth, a
whole love letter will be exchanged through their eyes, and they'll be
inextricably involved. That is why, for both men and women, it is by no
means a blessing to be born with such eyes, for they lead only to the loss
of honor and reputation. If your honorable eyes are of this kind, gentle
reader, you must exercise the greatest care.
On this occasion the student came in and bowed four times before the
image of Buddha and another four times before the priest. He then
straightened up and stood to one side, stock-still and bolt upright. The
priest, having already begun his meditations, was unable to return his
greeting. Only when he had finished his duties did he leave the prayer mat
and give four deep bows in return. Then, inviting his visitor to sit down, he
asked him his name.
"Your disciple," said the student, "has come from a long way off to
pursue his studies in Zhejiang. My sobriquet is Scholar Vesperus. Hearing
that the master is the most eminent priest of the age and a living buddha
between Heaven and Earth, I have fasted and observed the proscriptions,
and I come here to do him reverence."

Storyteller, when you told us just now that the priest asked him his
name, why didn't he give his family and personal names instead of a
sobriquet?

Gentle reader, you should understand that the intellectuals at the end of
the Yuan dynasty held to certain rather unusual practices. Educated men
were reluctant to use their family and personal names and addressed each
other by their sobriquets instead. Thus everybody had a sobriquet. Some
called themselves Scholar This, some called themselves Savant That, while
24
 肉蒲团

others called themselves Master Whatever. In general, the young men used
the word Scholar, the middle-aged Savant, and the elderly Master. The
characters that formed the sobriquet all had their various connotations,
signifying some passion or predilection. The only requirement in choosing
your characters was that their meaning be apparent to you; it was not
necessary that it be apparent to everybody else.
Since the student was preoccupied with sex and favored the nighttime
over the daytime and the earlier part of the night over the later part, he had,
on seeing the lines "What of the night? Vesper's still the hour" in the
Poetry Classic, plucked a character or two out of context and taken the
name Scholar Vesperus.[20]
Embarrassed by the young man's effusive greeting, the priest replied
with a few modest phrases.
By this time the vegetables in the priest's earthenware pot were ready to
eat. Since his visitor had come such a long way, the priest thought he must
be famished and asked him to stay and share the morning meal. Then,
sitting there opposite each other, they began to discuss Zen, in which their
wits proved to be evenly matched. The reason for this was that Vesperus,
in addition to being highly intelligent, had not only prepared himself
thoroughly in his examination subjects, he had also ranged through the
texts of all the various religions and philosophies. Zen subtleties that
others would not have understood even after long explanations he grasped
completely as soon as the priest touched on them. Although the latter did
not voice the thought, he could not help musing, What a fine intelligence
the man has! But the Creator is at fault for giving him this physical form.
Why match a heart that was meant for the study of Buddha with a face that
will lead to damnable deeds? In his looks and demeanor I see all the signs
of a notorious satyr who, should I fail to get him into my leather bag, will
wreak havoc in the women's quarters with his clandestine amours.
Goodness knows how many women throughout the world will be ruined
by him! If I'd never met this troublemaker, I could have ignored him, but I
would be offending against the principle of compassion if I did not try for
mankind's sake to stop him. Even if the root of evil should prove too firmly
planted, I will at least have done my best!
"Ever since I set my heart on the salvation of mankind," he said to
Vesperus, "these eyes of mine have observed countless people. Those
25
 肉蒲团

stupid husbands and wives who refuse to turn to goodness we can ignore.
But even the scholars who come here to study Zen, like the officials who
come to hear the doctrine, are rank novices. In general it takes a different
kind of intelligence to understand Zen than to understand doctrine, Zen
being much the harder. People who understand ten times as much as they
are taught in Confucianism can expect to understand only twice as much
on turning to Buddhism. So I am pleasantly surprised at your
perceptiveness, worthy lay brother. If you were to apply it to Zen, you
could expect to attain perfect understanding within just a few years. For a
human born into an earthly existence, attaining physical form is the easy
part, attaining a soul the difficult. Mere time is easy to endure, it's an eon
that is hard. Having the innate capacity to become a buddha, you must not
take the demons' road. Why not seize this moment, in the bloom of your
youth, to rid yourself of sexual desire and take your vows as a monk?
Common clay though I am, I may still serve to bring out better things in
you. If you will take this pledge and secure the fruits of enlightenment,
after your death you will not only share sacrificial benefits with other
priests, you will also escape the rule of the demons in Hell. Well, layman,
what do you say?"
"Your disciple has long aspired to join the order," said Vesperus, "and at
some point in the future I shall certainly turn to it. But I have two
unfulfilled desires that I cannot rid myself of. I intend to return and fulfill
them while I'm still young, enjoying a few years of pleasure and ensuring
that my life has not been lived in vain. There will be time enough
afterward for ordination."
"May I inquire what your two desires are?" asked the priest. "Can I
assume that you want to do justice to your studies by gaining an
appointment in some prosperous place and also to repay the Court by
winning glory in foreign parts?"
Vesperus shook his head. "It's not fame and glory that I seek. Although
all educated men are expected to try, those certain to succeed are far
outnumbered by those destined for failure. Even Liu Fen was failed by the
examiners, even Li Bai never succeeded.[21] Your talents may seem
certain to bring you success, but you still need the right destiny, and I can
hardly arrange that for myself! Glory and high achievement are dependent
on fate, and if Heaven denies you the opportunity for glory and men the
chance of achievement, even if you have the loyalty of Yue Fei and the
26
 肉蒲团

integrity of Guan Yu, you'll still just be beating your brains out and
sacrificing your life with no guarantee of ever making a contribution to
your country![22] I know how fame and fortune work, and what I am
seeking is not to be found among such things."
"In that case, what do your desires consist of?"
"What I seek are rewards I can achieve through my own efforts, things I
can count on. They are no pipe dreams, nor are they particularly difficult to
obtain. To make no bones about it, master, your disciple's memory for
texts, his grasp of doctrine, and the quality of his prose style are all
absolutely first-rate. Our present-day men of letters are reduced to quoting
texts from memory and shuffling them about so as to produce a few school
exercises that they then publish in a volume of prose or poetry, after which
they set themselves up as original geniuses and indulge their
idiosyncrasies for the rest of their lives. If you ask me, their works are
nothing but pastiche. If you want to be a truly great writer, you have no
choice but to read every rare and remarkable book in existence, make the
acquaintance of all the exceptional men of the age, and visit every famous
mountain. Only after that should you withdraw into your study and set
down your thoughts for posterity. If you are fortunate enough to succeed in
the examinations, you may also make a contribution to the Court. But if
you are out of luck, and spend your life in some humble position, you will
still have earned yourself an immortal reputation. Therefore I cherish two
secret desires in my heart: First, to be the most brilliant poet in the world
…"
"That is your first wish," said the priest, "but what is your second?"
Vesperus had opened his mouth to speak but then choked back the
words as if afraid that the priest would laugh at him. "Since you're afraid
to mention it," said the priest, "let me say it for you."
"How could my master know what I have in my mind?"
"Let me try. If I'm wrong, I'll take the consequences, but if I'm right, you
must not deny it."
"If my master were to guess correctly, he would be an immortal as well
as a bodhisattva, and I'd beseech him to point out to me the error of my
ways. I would never dream of denying it."

27
 肉蒲团

Slowly and deliberately the priest intoned, "Second, to marry the most
beautiful girl in the world."
Vesperus was struck dumb. After a long pause he managed a smile.
"Master, you truly are a wizard! I repeat those two wishes to myself all
day long. You guessed it the first time, just as if you had overheard me."
"Have you never heard the saying, 'The whispering of men on Earth
echoes in Heaven like a roll of thunder'?"
"By rights," said Vesperus, "I ought not to discuss matters of sexual
passion in your presence. But since you have brought this up, master, I can
only reply truthfully. To be candid with you, my religious vocation is still
quite undeveloped, whereas my desires are at their peak. The two terms
beautiful girl and brilliant poet have always been inseparable. For every
brilliant poet there has to be a beautiful girl somewhere to form a pair, and
vice versa. But so far I have never seen a truly outstanding beauty. All the
women with any claims to attractiveness are already married to the ugliest
of men and cannot help but secretly regret it. Now, my poetic gifts go
without saying, but my looks are flawless too. I often gaze at myself in the
mirror, and if Pan An and Wei Jie were alive today, I would not concede
very much to them.[23] Since Heaven has given birth to someone like me,
it must also have given birth to a girl fit to be my mate. If there's no such
girl alive today, that is too bad. But if she does exist, your disciple will be
the one to seek her hand in marriage. That is why at twenty I am still
unmarried—I want to do full justice to my genius and my looks. Let me go
back, find a beautiful girl, marry her, and have a son to continue the
ancestral sacrifices. By then my desires will have been fulfilled and I will
have no further ambitions. Not only will I repent my ways, I will also urge
my wife to seek salvation along with me. What do you think, master?"
The priest said nothing at first, but then gave a sardonic chuckle and
finally replied. "At first sight, your idea seems irreproachable. The only
trouble is that the Lord of Heaven, who created all men, blundered
dreadfully in your case. Had he given you an ugly body, your luminous
soul might have attained the fruits of enlightenment, for the same reason
that so many people crippled by leprosy or epilepsy have become
immortals and buddhas by suffering Heaven's punishment. But when the
Lord of Heaven endowed you with physical form, he was a little too
indulgent. He acted like those doting parents who cannot bear to spank or
28
 肉蒲团

scold their child lest he be physically or psychologically harmed by the

experience. By the time the boy grows up, he is convinced that his body
and nature were given him by Heaven and Earth and nurtured by his father
and mother so that no harm will ever befall him, and he does any wicked
thing that enters his head. Only after he has committed a crime and been
sentenced by the judge to a beating or by the Court to execution does he
resent the fact that his parents' excessive indulgence has brought him to
this state. That soft flesh and pampered nature of yours are not a good sign.
Layman, because of your looks, and because you are a brilliant poet, you
wish to seek out the most beautiful girl. Whether you find a beauty or not
is one thing, but supposing you do, I don't imagine that she'll have
NUMBER ONE inscribed on her temples, and when you see someone
better, you'll want to change your mind. But the second one, supposing she
shares your nature, will be very particular about whom she marries and
will want to wait for the most brilliant poet. Will you be able to obtain her
as a concubine? And what if she already has a husband, how will you deal
with that? If you give up this wild idea of yours, you will not have married
the most beautiful girl, true, but if you persist in carrying it out by any and
every means, your actions will have consequences that will condemn you
to Hell. Layman, would you rather go to Hell or to Heaven? If you're
prepared to go to Hell, just continue your search for the most beautiful girl.
But if you wish to go to Heaven, I beseech you to put this wild idea out of
your mind and join me in the order."
"What the master said before, I found extremely interesting. But terms
like Heaven and Hell are rather banal, hardly the sort of thing one expects
from an eminent priest. The way to understand Zen is simply to realize
one's own origin in order to place oneself outside birth and death and so
become a buddha. There's no such place as Heaven for us to ascend to!
Even if one commits a few sins of the flesh, they will offend against
Confucian doctrine only. There's no such place as Hell for us to descend
to!"
"'Those who do good go to Heaven; those who do evil go to Hell.'
You're right, those are banalities," said the priest. "But you intellectuals
can avoid the banal in every sphere of life save that of personal morality,
where it is absolutely inescapable. Disregard for a moment the irrefutable
evidence for the existence of Heaven and Hell. Even if Heaven did not
exist, we should still need the concept of Heaven as an inducement to
29
 肉蒲团

virtue. Similarly, even if Hell did not exist, we should still need the
concept of Hell as a deterrent to vice. Since you're so tired of banalities, I'll
skip the matter of otherworldly retribution, which will take place in the
hereafter, and deal only with the thisworldly retribution of the present. But
in order to discuss it, I shall need to start off with another banality, an
adage that runs, 'If I don't seduce other men's wives, my wife won't be
seduced by others.'
"Now, I grant you, this adage is the hoariest of all banalities, but the
lecher has not been born who has escaped its consequences. Those who
have seduced other men's wives have had their own wives seduced; those
who have defiled other men's daughters have had their own daughters
defiled. The only way of escaping the banality is to stop your adultery and
defilement. If you persist, it will inevitably come to apply to you. Do you
want to escape it or not? If not, go right on searching for the most beautiful
girl in the world. If you want to escape it, I beseech you to put these wild
ideas out of your mind and join me in the order."
"You've given a very thorough exposition, master. The trouble is that,
when expounding the doctrine to ignorant people, you have to put things
dramatically enough to make their flesh creep if you want them to heed
your warnings. But when you're reasoning with people like me, there's no
need for any of that. The Lord of Heaven lays down strict rules, but he is
always merciful about applying them. Although many adulterers and
seducers do receive retribution, a considerable number receive none. If the
Lord of Heaven goes from door to door checking on adultery and making
the seducer's wives and daughters pay for his seductions, what a prurient
mind he must have! In general terms, of course, the principles of cyclic
movement and of retribution are infallible, and wrongdoers have to be
apprised of them; that is the main theme of moral education. But why must
you be so literal-minded?"
"Am I to understand from what you say," said the priest, "that there are
cases of adultery and seduction that receive no retribution? I seriously
doubt that the Lord of Heaven, having once laid down the rules, has ever
allowed anyone to escape his net. Perhaps your loyalty and generosity
have so affected your observation that you tend to see people escaping.
But so far as my observation goes, no one has ever seduced another man's
wife or daughter and failed to receive retribution for it. The cases in both
the oral tradition and the written record number in the thousands and tens
30
 肉蒲团

of thousands. As one who has joined the order and accepted the
commandments, I have trouble speaking about such matters, but just think
for a moment. Seducing another man's wife or daughter means taking
advantage of him, and so the seducer is ready to talk about it and many
people come to know. But having your own wife or daughter seduced
means suffering a loss, so you are reluctant to talk about it and few people
get to know. There are cases, too, of wives and daughters keeping their
husbands and fathers in the dark, so that the men are ignorant and think
there has been no retribution for their adultery and seduction. Not until the
coffin lids close over their heads do they start to believe in the ancient
adage, by which time it is too late to tell anyone of their discovery. Not
only will your wife and daughters have to repay your debts of seduction
and adultery, but the thought of adultery and seduction will no sooner have
entered your mind than your wife and daughters will automatically start
thinking licentious thoughts themselves. For instance, if you have an ugly
wife who does not greatly excite you during intercourse and you get your
pleasure by imagining her as the pretty girl you saw that day, how do you
know that at that very moment your wife isn't just as put off by your
ugliness and isn't getting her pleasure by imagining you as that handsome
young fellow she saw the same day? This sort of thing is universal, of
course, but although no one's chastity has been compromised, damage has
been done to even the stoutest heart and, in its way, that damage is also
retribution for lechery. If even your thoughts are repaid like this, think how
much worse is the crime you commit when you enter a woman's chamber,
press yourself upon her, and, unseen by ghosts and spirits and beyond the
Creator's censure, deprive someone's wife of her chastity! What I'm telling
you, layman, is no banality. Wouldn't you agree?"
"Again, you've given a very logical exposition," said Vesperus, "but
there's one question I'd like to raise with you, master. The man with a wife
and daughter who seduces other men's womenfolk has his own wife and
daughter to repay his debts. But if he's a bachelor, without wife or
concubine, sons or daughters, how are his debts going to be repaid? This is
a case to which the Lord of Heaven's rules don't apply. And there is a
further argument. A man's womenfolk are limited in number, whereas there
is an infinite supply of feminine beauty in the world. For example, if you
have just one wife or concubine, plus a child or two, and you seduce an
infinite number of women, even if your wife and daughter go wrong, you

31
 肉蒲团

will still have made a huge profit on the transaction. How does the Lord of
Heaven deal with that?"
When the priest heard him make this argument, he realized that he was
dealing with a stubborn stone indeed, one who could not be swayed.[24]
His only recourse was to suggest a compromise that would give Vesperus a
measure of freedom.
"Layman," he remarked, "your debating skills are so sharp that I'm
afraid I'm no match for you. Since my words have failed to convince you,
you'll have to experience these things yourself before you grasp the
principle involved. By all means go back, marry a beautiful girl, and gain
your enlightenment on the carnal prayer mat; then you'll discover the truth.
I'll stop my prattling, but I have one last thing to add. Layman, you have
the attributes of a sage among men, you have the capacity to attain the
heights, and I cannot bear to give you up. When you have seen the light, if
you wish to come and ask me about the road back to salvation, don't be too
embarrassed and cut yourself off from me just because my advice has been
all too correct. From now on I shall spend each day waiting anxiously for
your return."
So saying, he cut off a piece of paper, picked up his brush, and wrote a
four-line gatha on it. The gatha ran,
Pray cast aside the leathern bag
And on the carnal prayer mat wait.
While still alive you must repent,
Not cry: "The coffin's shut—too late!"
He then folded the paper several times and gave it to Vesperus. "I am a
thick-witted priest who knows nothing of decorum. The gatha is too
drastic, I know, but I assure you it is prompted only by compassion. Keep
it with you, and one day it will prove me right."
With that, he stood up as if to see Vesperus on his way. Vesperus
realized he was being dismissed and felt it impossible to stay. But he
respected the older man too much as an eminent priest to take an ill-
mannered departure, so he bowed his head and apologized. "Your disciple
is too stupid and pigheaded to accept your instruction, but he still hopes
you will forgive him, master. When one day he returns, he will respectfully
beseech you to take him in."

32
 肉蒲团

He knelt down again and bowed four times. The priest responded in like
manner and then saw his visitor out of the gate, where he repeated his
warnings before parting.
With this sentence the priest's debut is concluded. We shall proceed to
tell of Vesperus's obsession with sex but without further mention of Lone
Peak. If you wish to learn what becomes of him, you will have to keep on
reading until the final chapter, in which he reappears.
CRITIQUE

Vesperus is the male lead of a play in which Lone Peak is a supporting

character. If anyone else had been writing this novel, he would certainly
have begun with Vesperus and brought in Lone Peak as his visitor; that is
the orthodox method of fiction writing. This novel, however, begins by
telling of Lone Peak in such inordinate detail as to make the reader suspect
that the priest may later on behave immorally himself. To our surprise, he
does nothing of the sort. Only when, engrossed in his Zen meditations, he
forgets to shut the door does the true intent of the novel emerge and give
the reader pause. This is a variant technique in fiction, an instance of the
author's complete rejection of conventional practice. Even if another writer
were to try it, he would be bound to confuse the theme and jumble the plot
lines, leaving the reader unable to tell who is the main character and who
the secondary. In this novel, by contrast, they are as distinct as eyes and
eyebrows, so that when the reader reaches the opening of the theme,
everything is clear to him.
The remarks at the end of the chapter also clarify the plot, relieving the
reader of any difficulties. This author is a master of the art whose equal has
never been seen outside of the author of the Shuihu.[25] There are those
who say he is a younger brother of the author of the Jin Ping Mei.[26] If
so, might this not be a case of the younger outshining the elder?

33
 肉蒲团

CHAPTER THREE
A puritanical father errs in taking a libertine as son-in-law,
And a proper young lady falls for a faithless rake.
Poem:
Though woman's nature has ever been prone to sin,
From herself alone no evil thoughts arise.
Without the pillow talk of Yingying's fall,[27]
Who'd pluck Zhuo's lyre beyond the wall?[28]
So mind you stage no plays of love at home,
Nor murmur languorous songs in your lady's bower.
And novels corrupt her virtue, people hold;
One day you'll find that every word is gold.

Let us tell how Vesperus, after parting from Lone Peak, spent the entire
journey grumbling to himself, "What a colossal bore! Here am I in my
twenties, a bud that's just in bloom, and I'm supposed to have my head
shaved and start on a course of self-denial and mortification of the flesh!
I've never heard of anybody so unreasonable as this priest! My only
thought in coming here was that, as a noted intellectual who had joined the
Buddhist order, he was bound to hold some unusual views, and I wanted to
understand some of his Zen subtleties as an aid in my own writing. What I
got instead was one insult after another! The carping was bad enough, but
when he gave me that cuckold's gatha, it was simply too much to bear!
"Any manly, self-respecting husband who becomes an official is going
to have to govern the people of the empire. Surely he wouldn't be given
any job at all if he couldn't even govern his own wife? Anyway, I'm going
to take him up on this. If I don't meet any suitable girls, never mind; but if
I do, I certainly won't let the opportunity slip. I'll commit a few sins of the
flesh while controlling my own women's quarters as strictly as possible,
and then we'll see who comes to collect my debts! Far be it from me to
boast, but when a woman marries a man as handsome as I am, I doubt that
she'll be attracted by any would-be seducer, let alone lose her chastity to
him! By rights I ought to have torn that gatha of his into shreds and thrown
it right back at him. But I shall need it to prove my point when we meet
34
 肉蒲团

again, to stop up that wicked mouth of his. When I show it to him, we'll
see whether he'll admit he was wrong." Having reached this decision, he
crumpled up the poem and stuffed it in his pocket.
Arriving home, he sent servants out in all directions to notify
matchmakers that he was conducting a search for the most beautiful girl in
the world. Since he came from a distinguished family and was blessed
with the looks of a Pan An and the literary gifts of a Cao Zhi,[29] there
was no father unwilling to accept him as a son-in-law and no girl unwilling
to have him as a husband. Every day following the notification brought
several matchmakers to his door with marriages to propose. Humble
families allowed him to go to their houses and look their daughters over
from head to toe, while great families, if they were concerned about
appearances, would arrange a meeting at a temple or in the countryside.
Both parties knew the meeting was contrived, but they pretended it was
accidental. In any case they got a good look at each other, and many were
the girls who went home badly smitten. None of them, however, appealed
to Vesperus in the slightest.
"It looks as if no one will meet your standards," remarked one of the
matchmakers, "except Master Iron Door's daughter, Jade Scent. The
problem with her is that her father is an ultraconservative who will never
let anyone view his daughter, while you would insist upon it. So I'm afraid
that's hopeless, too."
"Why is he called Master Iron Door?" asked Vesperus. "And how do
you know she is beautiful? And if she is so beautiful, why won't he let
anyone see her?"
"He's the most celebrated old schoolman in the county, and terribly
eccentric. He owns lots of property but holds himself quite aloof—never
had a single friend his whole life. He just sits at home immersed in his
studies and won't open his door to visitors, no matter who they are. There
was one very distinguished visitor who was a great admirer of his and
came a long way to see him, but despite knocking at the door for ages, he
got no response, let alone a welcome. All he could do was write a poem on
the door, part of which ran,
I know that righteous eremites have huts of matting made,
But I never thought that you, sir, would have an iron door.

35
 肉蒲团

When the old man noticed these lines, he said, 'Iron Door—I find that
quite original, and rather apt too.' And then and there he adopted it as his
sobriquet and called himself Master Iron Door.
"He has no son, just a daughter who is as fair as jade and as pretty as a
flower. Matchmakers like me see thousands of girls, but none of us has
ever seen one to surpass her. What's more, she's studied a lot, with her
father as tutor, and she can pick up her brush and write you any kind of
poem you please. But the door to her chambers is always securely
guarded. She never goes to temples to burn incense or out into the street to
watch processions. In fact in all her fifteen years she has never once shown
her face in public. As for women visitors such as nuns and the like, it goes
without saying—they couldn't get inside the house even if they grew
wings.
"But on one occasion the old man caught sight of me from his doorway
as I was going by and stopped me. 'Are you a matchmaker, by any
chance?' he asked me. 'Yes,' I replied. Then he took me inside and pointed
to Jade Scent: 'This is my daughter. I want to find a presentable son-in-law
who will be a son to me and look after me in my old age. You might give
some thought to finding me one.' I mentioned your name, and he made the
comment: 'I've heard of his literary reputation, but I wonder what his
morals are like?' 'He has a wise head on young shoulders,' I replied, 'and
his conduct is irreproachable. The only problem is that he insists on
viewing the girl himself before agreeing to marriage. Since your daughter
is so beautiful, naturally she'll appeal to him. I wonder if you'd be willing
to let him visit? When he heard me say that, his face darkened.
'Preposterous!' he said. 'Only the lean ponies they raise in Yangzhou will
let you view them.[30] No respectable girl would ever consent to meet
with a man!' Faced with this reaction, I could hardly pursue the matter, so I
came away. But that is how I know the marriage is hopeless."
Vesperus pondered: I'm quite alone in the world, without parents or
brothers, and when I do marry, I'll have no one to supervise my wife. I
can't play the custodian myself all the time, because there are bound to be
occasions when I'm away from home. In view of the old man's disposition,
I can well imagine what his domestic regime will be like. If I were to
marry into his family, I'd have no need to keep watch—his daughter would
be well and truly supervised. In fact it wouldn't matter if I was never at

36
 肉蒲团

home. What a piece of luck! The only thing that worries me is having to do
without a viewing. How can I trust anything a matchmaker says?
"The match sounds very suitable indeed," he said. "But I do beg you to
find some way for me to get a glimpse of her. So long as you're essentially
right about her, I'll be satisfied."
"Absolutely impossible!" said the matchmaker. "If you don't believe
what I say, you'd better consult the spirits and take their advice as to what
to do. You certainly won't get through that iron door of his."
"Good idea! I have a friend who summons immortals to settle questions
like this, and the answers are very reliable. I'll get him to help, and then I'll
be in touch with you again."
The matchmaker assented and left.
Next day, after fasting and purification, Vesperus invited the friend to
his house, where he burned incense and kowtowed and then whispered the
following prayer:
"Thy disciple wishes to ask about Master Iron Door's daughter, Jade
Scent. I have heard that she is supremely beautiful and I would like to
marry her. But my information is only hearsay, since I have not set eyes on
her myself, and that is why I am asking thy bidding, O Great Immortal.
What concerns me is not her virtue, nor her accomplishments. And as to
whether she will bear any sons, that is a matter of destiny, anyway, and I
don't need to know it in advance. All I'm asking about is her beauty. If she
is really as beautiful as they say, I'll marry her, but if she falls even slightly
short, I'll decline. I humbly beseech thee, Great Immortal, to be clear and
straightforward in thy guidance. Do not, I pray thee, leave me with some
vague message that I cannot understand."
His prayer over, he made four obeisances, then rose, and grasping the
crosspiece, let the stick trace its message. Sure enough, it traced out a
poem:
Among all lovely women she is first;
No need for baseless fears by night or day,
Fear only lest her beauty to adultery lead;
In times of moral crisis, ask the way.
—Poem Number One

37
 肉蒲团

"So her looks are fine," thought Vesperus. "However, the last two lines
clearly state that her beauty will lead to adultery. Surely the girl can't have
lost her maidenhead already? But since the poem has Number One at the
end, there must be more to come. Let's see what the stick writes next."
After pausing a moment, the stick proceeded to write another poem:
Whether woman's good or bad is not the point,
One needs a man who runs his household right.
If he shuts his door and lets no green flies in,
How can any smut on his jade alight?
—Poem Number Two
(Inscribed by The One Who Returned to the Way)

Vesperus knew that The One Who Returned to, the Way was the
sobriquet of Lü Dongbin, and he was thrilled.[31] That worthy is an expert
on wine and women if ever there was one, he thought. If he approves of
her, she must be good. What's more, the second poem removes any doubts
I may have had about her chastity. Clearly the girl's still intact and he just
wants me to keep a close eye on her. But with such a stickler of a father-in-
law to supervise her, I shouldn't have any trouble in that regard. The last
two lines—"If he shuts his door and lets no green flies in, How can any
smut on his jade alight?"—clearly state that nobody can penetrate his iron
door. I needn't hesitate a moment longer.
Facing the heavens, he bowed in gratitude to Lü Dongbin, then told a
servant to summon the matchmaker.
"The immortal's poem gave a very favorable judgment," he told her,
"and I no longer feel it necessary to hold a viewing. Kindly go ahead and
arrange the match."
The matchmaker went gleefully off to Master Iron Door's house, where
she reported Vesperus's desire to marry.
"He insisted before on coming for a viewing," said the Master, "which
shows that he places beauty above virtue in a woman. He's obviously a
frivolous young man. What I want is a son-in-law with character, not some
popinjay."
In her anxiety to secure the commission, the matchmaker was driven to
try any means, no matter how devious, so she came to Vesperus's defense
38
 肉蒲团

with the ingenious argument that his desire for a viewing had nothing to do
with beauty but sprang solely from a concern that the daughter might be
flighty and have inauspicious features and prove in the long run not to be a
good wife. "But lately he has heard how strict her upbringing has been and
what a paragon of the feminine virtues she is, and that is why he has
changed his mind and sent me here with this proposal."
Convinced by her reasoning, the Master agreed to the match and chose
an auspicious date for the wedding. Despite the matchmaker's report and
the immortal's poem, Vesperus still felt some qualms, not having seen Jade
Scent himself. Not until the wedding night, when, after exchanging their
bows, they entered the bridal chamber and he got a close-up view of her,
did he exult in his good fortune.
What was the bride's beauty like? Here is a new lyric testifying to it:
Winsome is she,
And her person full of charms,
Full of charms.
Her tearful face, how easy to caress,
But how hard to imitate, her frown!

Unfit to play the bride, he fears,

Too slight she is, to fold into his arms,
Into his arms.
She's soft as though of flesh alone,
And he'll rest this night on a bed of down.
(To the tune "Remembering the Maid of Qin")
What was the new couple's pleasure like as they joined together in
marriage? Here is another new lyric:
Tight shut her eyes, for she's too shy to look;
Two crimson petals on the pillow lie.
Lips that were pursed to keep her fragrance in
Are quickly breached at the tongue's first try.

Her cries have ceased, but passion has no end;

Her breast lies soaked in lovers' sweat.
As opened eyes explore each other's depths,
Their hearts flare hot, and hotter yet.
39
 肉蒲团

(To the tune "Spring in the Jade Bower")

Jade Scent's looks were indeed unrivaled anywhere in the world—on
that score Vesperus had nothing to complain of. But he did have one grave
disappointment. Abundant as her beauty was, she fell short in terms of
passion and failed to please her husband to the full. Due to her father's
strict upbringing and the severe example set by her mother, she had never
been exposed to any of the more licentious aspects of life. Her reading, in
particular, had been confined to The Lives of Virtuous Women and The
Girls' Classic of Filial Piety,[32] both of which were full of strictures
against the very acts that Vesperus had in mind. As a result there was a
good deal of her father in her speech and attitudes, for which her husband
dubbed her "the puritan maid." As soon as he said anything in the least
suggestive, she would blush furiously and leave the room.
Vesperus happened to be particularly fond of daytime sex, because the
sight of his partner's genitals added to his own excitement, but on the
several occasions he tried to pull down his wife's trousers, she screamed at
the top of her lungs as if he were trying to rape her, and he was forced to
desist. As for nighttime sex, although she acquiesced, she conveyed the
distinct impression that she did so only because she had no choice. Her
distress affected his enjoyment too. Because she was unwilling to try any
novel or exotic techniques, Vesperus found himself able to practice only
the Doctrine of the Mean.[33] When he proposed Fetching the Fire from
the Other Side of the Mountain,[34] she protested that it violated the taboo
on a wife's turning her back on her husband, and when he suggested
Dousing the Candle,[35] she objected that it inverted the principle of the
husband's superiority.
If he did manage, much against her will, to hoist her legs over his
shoulders and then, by herculean efforts, to reach a climax of pleasure, she
would refuse even to call out "dearest" or "darling," almost as if she lacked
the power of speech—let alone beg for mercy so as to enhance his powers.
Vesperus was greatly upset, and reflected to himself, What a shame such a
strikingly beautiful girl should so entirely lack the pleasure of active
participation and lie there like a statue! Where's the pleasure in that?
There's nothing else for it; I'll just have to put in some time educating her
out of this behavior.
Visiting the art dealer's, he bought an album of exquisite spring-palace
pictures by the hand of Academician Zhao Mengfu of the Yuan dynasty.
40
 肉蒲团

[36] There were thirty-six pictures in all, after the line in the Tang poem,
"In the thirty-six palaces all is spring." He brought them home and put
them in her bedroom, meaning to look through them with her and get her
to understand that sexual intercourse is not a single entity but takes a
multitude of forms for our enjoyment. "It is obvious from this book that
those techniques I showed you were not invented by me but were practiced
long ago by the ancients. I've brought you these model examination
answers to prove my point."
As she took the album from him, Jade Scent had no idea of its subject
matter, but assumed it contained landscapes or flower paintings. On
opening the album, she saw that the two opening pages bore a title in large
script: PICTURES FROM THE HAN PALACE. There were many
virtuous women in the Han Palace, she thought, and these must be their
portraits; let me see what they looked like, to have been able to do the
virtuous things they did.
But when she turned to the third page and saw a man and a woman
copulating stark naked on top of an ornamental rock, her face flushed and
she lost her temper:
"Where did you get such pernicious stuff? Just having it here is enough
to pollute a lady's chamber. Have the maid take it out at once and burn it!"
Vesperus put out a hand to restrain her. "This is a rare item worth a
hundred taels that I borrowed from a friend. If you can afford to repay him,
go ahead and burn it. If you can't, kindly put it down and let me enjoy it
for a day or two before I have to give it back."
"If you want to improve your mind, do it by looking at famous paintings
or calligraphy! What's the point of looking at this sort of frivolous stuff?"
"If this were a frivolous thing," said Vesperus, "the artist wouldn't have
painted it, nor the collector have paid a large sum to buy it. It is precisely
because it is the most serious subject since the Creation itself that literary
men have chosen to paint it, mount it on silk, put it on sale in the art shops,
and preserve it in libraries—all for the purpose of advising posterity on the
right models of behavior. Otherwise, in the course of time, all knowledge
of the mutual reinforcement of yin and yang would gradually be lost,
husbands and wives would spurn each other, reproduction would cease,
and humankind would eventually become extinct. The reason I borrowed it
41
 肉蒲团

was not just to look at it myself, but to let you understand that this
principle is what makes it possible to conceive and give birth, and also to
prevent you from being misled by a puritanical father into never bearing
any children. Why get so upset?"
"I simply don't believe this behavior is respectable. If it were, why didn't
the ancients who established our code of ethics have people practice it
openly by daylight in front of others? Why did they insist on its being done
secretly at dead of night in dark places as if we were burglars? That shows
it's not respectable."
Vesperus laughed. "You can't be blamed for these opinions. It's all your
father's fault, for keeping you locked up inside the house without an
experienced woman friend to tell you about sex. That's why you're so
abysmally ignorant. You think I'm the only man in the world who's
romantically inclined, and that all the women in the world are as
puritanical as you are and never do it in the daytime but insist on waiting
until night. You don't realize that every couple does it in the daytime and
that every time they do so, they're open and aboveboard about it and let
people know. Tell me this: if men and women didn't do it in the daytime,
how did the artist learn about these techniques? How did he paint the
figures so marvelously, getting them so lifelike that it excites us just to
look at them?"
"Well, my parents are husband and wife, too. Why don't they do it in the
daytime?"
"Tell me, how do you know they don't?"
"If they did, I would surely have come upon them while they were doing
it. How do you explain the fact that in all my fifteen years I've never once
done so? I've neither seen them nor heard them."
Vesperus laughed uproariously. "You poor, benighted soul! Children are
the only ones who don't see and hear what's going on. There's not a single
maid or servant who's unaware of it! When your parents want to do it, they
just wait until you're somewhere else before they bolt their door and set to.
They're afraid that if you see them at it, your sexual desires will be
stimulated and you'll start pining for a lover and fall into a state of
depression; that's why they deceive you. If you don't believe me, just ask
your mother's personal maid whether they do it in the daytime or not."
42
 肉蒲团

Jade Scent thought for a moment. "They do often shut their door during
the day and take a nap, and I suppose they might be doing it then. But the
very idea is so embarrassing! You looking at me, me looking at you—how
could we ever do it like that?"
"It's ten times more enjoyable in the daytime, and the wonderful thing is
that it's precisely when we're looking at each other that we get really
excited. There are only two kinds of couples who ought never to perform
in the daytime; but apart from them everyone should."
"Which are they?"
"An ugly husband married to a beautiful wife and an ugly wife married
to a handsome husband."
"And why can't they do it in the daytime?"
"Our enjoyment depends on your loving me and my loving you, as well
as on the interaction of our vital forces and blood vessels. If the wife has
snow-white skin that is soft and delicate, skin like jade polished to
perfection, when her husband takes off her clothes and clasps her to his
chest, he will be looking at her all the while and naturally his excitement
will be increased tenfold, and that thing in his loins will automatically get
harder, stiffer, thicker, and longer. But suppose the wife sees her husband
looking like an ogre, with dark, coarse skin. While he has his clothes on,
she won't have noticed, but now that he is undressed, his ugliness will be
fully visible. In fact it can't be hidden. Moreover it forms such a contrast
with her own snow-white skin that what would have seemed merely ugly
now looks hideous. Don't you imagine she'll react with disgust? Her
disgust will show in her voice and in her face, and when her husband
notices, his hardness and stiffness will automatically soften and his
thickness and length shrink. Far from gaining any enjoyment, he will feel
humiliated. He'd have been much better off having intercourse at night,
when he could have hidden his defects.
"So much for the beautiful wife married to an ugly husband. A
handsome husband sleeping with an ugly wife violates the same rule, and
we don't need to discuss it. Anyway that's why I say there are only two
kinds of couples who ought not to do it in the daytime. But in the case of
couples like you and me—equally white, pink, soft, and delicate—if we
don't take our pleasure in the daylight and show our bodies to one another,
43
 肉蒲团

but burrow under the bedclothes and grope about in the dark, aren't we
hiding our talents the whole of our lives, exactly like the ugly couples? If
you don't believe me, let's try it together and see how it compares with the
nighttime for enjoyment?"
By this time Jade Scent was half-convinced, even though she was
unwilling to admit it. However, a pinkish glow suffused her cheeks and a
sensual glint appeared in her eye.
She's beginning to show a little interest, thought Vesperus. I was
planning to start at once, but this is the first time her desires have been
aroused and her appetite is still quite undeveloped. If I give her a taste of it
now, she'll be like a starving man at the sight of food—she'll bolt it down
without savoring it and so miss the true rapture; I think I'll tantalize her a
little before mounting the stage.
Pulling up an easy chair, he sat down and drew her onto his lap, then
opened the album and showed it to her picture by picture. This album
differed from others in that the first page of each leaf contained the erotic
picture and the second page a comment on it. The first part of the comment
explained the activity depicted, while the rest praised the artist's skill. All
the comments were in the hand of famous writers.
Vesperus told Jade Scent to try to imagine herself in the place of the
people depicted and to concentrate on their expressions so that she could
imitate them later on. While she looked at the pictures, he read out the
comments:
Picture Number One. The Releasing the Butterfly in Search of Fragrance
position. The woman sits on the Lake Tai rock with her legs apart while
the man sends his jade whisk into her vagina and moves it from side to
side seeking the heart of the flower. At the moment depicted, the pair are
just beginning and have not reached the rapturous stage, so their eyes are
wide open and their expressions not much different from normal.

Picture Number Two. The Letting the Bee Make Honey position. The
woman is lying on her back on the brocade quilt, bracing herself on the
bed with her hands and raising her legs aloft to meet the jade whisk and let
the man know the location of the heart of the flower so that he will not
thrust at random. At the moment depicted, the woman's expression is

44
 肉蒲团

almost ravenous, while the man seems so nervous that the observer feels
anxiety on his behalf. Supreme art at its most mischievous.

Picture Number Three. The Lost Bird Returns to the Wood position. The
woman leans back on the embroidered couch with her legs in the air,
grasping the man's thighs and driving them directly downward. She
appears to have entered the state of rapture and is afraid of losing her way.
The couple are just at the moment of greatest exertion and show
extraordinary vitality. This scene has the marvelous quality of "flying
brush and dancing ink."

Picture Number Four. The Starving Horse Races to the Trough position.
The woman lies flat on the couch with her arms wrapped around the man
as if to restrict his movements. While he supports her legs on his
shoulders, the whole of the jade whisk enters the vagina, leaving not a
trace behind. At the moment depicted, they are on the point of spending;
they are about to shut their eyes and swallow each other's tongues, and
their expressions are identical. Supreme art indeed.

Picture Number Five. The Two Dragons Who Fight Till They Drop
position. The woman's head rests beside the pillow and her hands droop in
defeat, as soft as cotton floss. The man's head rests beside her neck, and his
whole body droops too, also as soft as cotton floss. She has spent, and her
soul is about to depart on dreams of the future. This is a state of calm after
furious activity. Only her feet, which have not been lowered but still rest
on the man's shoulders, convey any trace of vitality. Otherwise, he and she
would resemble a pair of corpses, which leads the observer to understand
their rapture and think of lovers entombed together.

45
 肉蒲团

By the time Jade Scent reached this page, her sexual desires were fully
aroused and could no longer be held in check. Vesperus turned the page
and was about to show her the next picture when she pushed the book
away and stood up.

46
 肉蒲团

"A fine book this is!" she exclaimed. "It makes one uncomfortable just
to look at it. Read it yourself if you want to. I'm going to lie down."
Vesperus caught her in his arms. "Dear heart, there are more good ones.
Let's look at them together and then go to bed."
"Don't you have any time tomorrow? Why do you have to finish today?"
Vesperus knew she was agitated, and he put his arms around her and
kissed her. When kissing her before, he had tried to insert his tongue in her
mouth but her tightly clenched teeth always prevented him. As a result, she
was still unacquainted with his tongue after more than a month of
marriage. But on this occasion he had no sooner touched her lips than that
sharp, soft tongue of his had somehow slipped past her teeth and entered
her mouth.
"Dear heart," said Vesperus, "there's no need to use the bed. Why don't
we take this easy chair as our rock and try to imitate the picture in the
album. What do you say?"
Jade Scent pretended to be angry. "People don't do things like that!"
"You're right," said Vesperus, "people don't do them. Immortals do!
Let's be immortals for a little while." He put out his hand and undid her
belt. Jade Scent's heart was willing, even if her words were not, and she
simply hung on his shoulder and offered no resistance. Taking off her
trousers, Vesperus noticed a large damp patch in the seat caused by her
secretions while she was looking at the pictures.
Vesperus took off his own trousers and pulled her over to the chair,
where he made her sit with her legs apart. He then inserted his jade whisk
into her vagina before removing the clothes from her upper body.
Why did he not start at the top and work his way down instead of taking
off her trousers first, you ask. You must realize that Vesperus was an
experienced lover. Had he taken her top off first, despite all the agitation in
her heart she would still have felt shy and indulged in all kinds of coy
pretense. He chose instead to seize the key position first and let the rest of
the territory fall into his hands later, a strategy that corresponds in military
terms to seizing the rebel leader and destroying his stronghold. In fact Jade
Scent put up no resistance, but let him loosen her gold bracelets, undo her

47
 肉蒲团

silk sash, and strip off all her other clothes, including her underwear and
breastband, everything but her leggings.
Why did he take off all her other clothes but leave her leggings on? You
must understand that everything a woman is wearing can be removed
except her leggings. Why is that? Because inside the leggings are the foot-
bindings, and when women are binding their feet, they see that the lower
part looks neat but leave the upper part untidy and hence unattractive.
Moreover, in the last resort tiny feet need a pair of dainty little leggings
above them if they are going to appeal. Without leggings, they would be as
unsightly as a flower with no leaves around it, and that was why Vesperus
shrewdly left the leggings on.
After undressing her, he took off every stitch of his own clothing and
then, in full battle array, parted her tiny feet and, placing them over the
sides of the chair, thrust his jade whisk forward and began to drive to left
and right inside her vagina, searching for the heart of the flower as shown
in the first picture. After he had done this for a while, Jade Scent stretched
out her arms and pressed down on the chair, gradually forcing her vulva
upward to meet the thrust of the jade whisk. If the whisk went to the left,
she moved left to receive it; if it went to the right, she did likewise.
Suddenly it reached a place where it gave her a rather different sensation,
something between a sharp pain and a tantalizing itch, a sensation that she
could neither endure nor forgo.
"Just keep it there," she said to Vesperus. "Don't go thrusting all over the
place, or you'll stab me to death."
Vesperus knew he had reached the heart of the flower and did as she
asked, concentrating his forces and attacking in just that one place. He
ceased his diversionary tactics and gradually brought all of his techniques
into play, thrusting faster and deeper than before. After a few hundred
strokes, he noticed her hands moving instinctively behind him to grasp his
thighs and drive them directly downward with a strength she summoned
from goodness knows where. Before, she had been consciously imitating
the erotic picture, but this development was an unintentional reaction of
which she was quite unaware. Apparently it was something beyond even
the album's powers to depict.

48
 肉蒲团

To get on even terms, Vesperus stretched his arms out and pulled her
thighs toward him. He was surprised to find them drenched in the surging
seas, as slippery as oil and impossible to grasp.
Her excitement is just at its peak, he thought. By rights I ought to make
things hard for her now, but since this is the first time she has broken her
vegetarian fast, I must let her eat her fill and acquire a taste for meat before
I start to apply my falcon-training methods.
Lifting her feet and placing them over his shoulders, Vesperus put his
arms around her slender waist and plunged in to the hilt. This time the jade
whisk seemed larger than ever, cramming the vagina full and leaving not
the slightest gap. After several hundred more thrusts, he noticed her starry
eyes glazing over and her cloud-puffs in disarray. She looked as if she
were falling asleep. He tapped her twice.
"Dear heart, I know you are about to spend, but this chair is rather
awkward. Let's finish up on the bed."
Jade Scent, who was just at the critical stage, feared that if they moved
he would have to take out the jade whisk and her pleasure would be short-
lived. In addition, her limbs felt so sore and weak she could not have
moved anyway, even to walk to the bed. When she heard his suggestion,
she shut her eyes and shook her head.
"Dear heart, is it because you can't move?"
She nodded.
"I can't bear to part with you either. Let me carry you over."
He locked his arms securely around her waist and picked her up with
her tongue still in his mouth and his jade whisk still in her vagina. Then,
thrusting as he went, doing a Looking at the Flowers from Horseback
routine, he walked her to the bed and deposited her across it.
He then reached for a pillow to place under her middle, propped up her
legs, and began again. After several hundred more thrusts, Jade Scent
suddenly cried, "Dearest, I'm done for!" Clutching him tightly, she began
mumbling incoherently, like a dying man in his last throes. Vesperus knew
that her essence had come and he set the jade whisk against her flower's
heart and, with her legs trailing in the air, kneaded it with all his might
until he ejaculated together with her.
49
 肉蒲团

After they had slept in each other's arms a short while, Jade Scent
awoke.
"Dearest, I died just now. Did you know?"
"How could I help knowing? But it's not called dying; it's called
spending."
"Why is it called spending?"
"Men have male essence and women female essence, and when they
reach the height of pleasure, their essence comes out. But just before it
does, your whole body—including your skin, flesh, and bones—is
overwhelmed by a sensual languor and your mind becomes hazy as if you
were falling asleep. That's when the essence emerges, and that's what is
meant by spending. It was shown in the fifth picture in the album. You saw
it, so surely you know what I mean?"
"And according to you, one can come back to life after spending? One
doesn't really die?"
"A man and a woman spend every time they do it. There are some
women whose essence comes very quickly and who spend dozens of times
while the man spends only once. Now that's what I call pleasure! Of
course you don't die!"
"For pleasure like that I'd be willing to die. And to think one doesn't
even have to! In that case, from now on I'm going to spend every day and
every night."
Vesperus laughed gaily. "Didn't I give you the right advice, though? Isn't
this album a treasure?"
"Oh, it is! It would be so nice if we'd bought our own copy and could
keep it and look at it often. I'm afraid your friend may come and take this
one back."
"That was just a fib. The truth is I did buy it."
Jade Scent was overjoyed.
They got up and dressed and then looked at the erotic album again until
they became excited and had sex once more. From that day forward they
were perfectly adjusted and more deeply in love than ever. After looking at
the erotic pictures, Jade Scent was converted from puritanism to
50
 肉蒲团

libertinism. When making love at night, far from practicing the Doctrine of
the Mean, she favored the novel and the exotic. She was quite amenable to
Dousing the Candle and Fetching the Fire from the Other Side of the
Mountain, and so insistent was she on putting her tiny feet over her
husband's shoulders that next morning he had to exert herculean efforts to
get them down again. Needless to say, in time she became adept at uttering
passionate cries during intercourse and also at the kind of wanton behavior
that enhanced his excitement.
In order to enhance hers, Vesperus paid a visit to the bookstore and
bought a quantity of erotic works, such as The Unofficial History of the
Embroidered Couch, The Life of the Lord of Perfect Satisfaction, and The
Foolish Woman's Story,[37] a dozen or so titles in a boxed set, which he
left on the table for her to peruse. The books she had been studying he put
away, lest she revert to her old ways and display her puritanical nature
again.
The lute and the zither are inadequate symbols for the harmony of their
bedroom bliss, just as the bell and the drum are incapable of expressing
their joy. Even if you were to paint three hundred and sixty erotic pictures,
they would not suffice to depict the lovemaking of Vesperus and Jade
Scent. In later times a poet composed a lyric on the pleasure this couple
took in looking at their album. It ran,
She's on his lap by the bedroom window,
While he on her scented shoulder leans.
As they open the book and linger upon its scenes,
She finds these joys aren't secrets, after all,
But age-old lore.

Her hair disordered more and more,

They tumble like a phoenix pair;
Nine times in ten the lotuses point up.
Immortal-like, she'd play the scenes forever,
With joys as rare.
(To the tune of "The Flowerseller's Cry")

With one exception Vesperus could be described as having reached the

pinnacle of happiness. But although his marriage was exceptionally
harmonious, his relations with his father-in law were difficult. Why was
51
 肉蒲团

that? Because Master Iron Door was a staunchly conservative gentleman

who preferred austerity to luxury and who liked to discuss moral issues
while abominating all talk of love. He had regretted his choice of son-in-
law from the moment Vesperus arrived in the house with his brilliant
clothes and frivolous manner.
"The fellow is all show, no substance," he sighed to himself. "He'll
never amount to much, and my daughter won't have a husband worthy of
the name. The trouble is that the betrothal gifts have all been received and
the match arranged, and it cannot be undone. I'll have to make the best of a
bad situation by letting him marry her and then trying to mold him into a
gentleman with a father's firm hand."
He was unsparing in his criticism. Not only did he scold and lecture his
son-in-law for every slip in speech or action, he would carry on if Vesperus
showed the slightest impropriety of carriage or posture.
However, as the proverb says, "Mountains and rivers are easier to
change than a man's nature." Not only did Vesperus have a young man's
temperament, he had never known an adult's restraint since losing his
parents many years before. How could he endure this daily torture?
Several times he came close to fighting back, but because he did not want
to embarrass his wife and jeopardize his marital bliss, he felt obliged to
suffer in silence.
But at length the abuse became too much to bear. It was only because I
admired his daughter's beauty, he said to himself, and because he refused
to let her marry out of the family but insisted on a live-in son-in-law that I
pocketed my pride and joined his household. I was not some half-starved,
ill-clad pauper with designs on his father-in-law's property, so why does he
have to use his position to tyrannize me like this? It's enough that I don't
try to change him, pedant though he is. Why is he so determined to change
me? What's more, a romantic young genius like myself will want to enjoy
a few celebrated amours at some stage. That daughter of his is hardly
going to be enough wife for me! But if he keeps me under such strict
supervision, I'll never be able to put a foot wrong or say a word out of
place! If I step out of line, he's sure to sentence me to death!
I must think this through carefully. I can't stop him and I can't endure
him, either, so there's just one solution: I'll have to leave her in his care
while I go off somewhere else on the pretext of furthering my studies. I
52
 肉蒲团

already have the most beautiful woman in the world as my wife, but if I
met up with the second most beautiful, even if I couldn't marry her, I
wouldn't mind fulfilling my destiny with a brief affair.
Having made up his mind, he was about to tell Jade Scent and then ask
her father's permission, when the thought occurred to him that, because of
her craving for sex, she would never let him go and, once she was against
it, he could hardly go and ask permission from her father. The only course
was to consult his father-in-law first behind her back.
"Your son-in-law is living in a remote place and has been poorly
educated," he said. "I lack enlightened teachers and helpful friends, and I
will never make any progress in my studies or succeed in the
examinations. I am thinking of taking leave of you, father-in-law, and
traveling about the country to broaden my mind. When I find an
enlightened teacher and helpful friends, I'll set to and study. Then, at
examination time, I'll travel to the provincial capital and take the
examinations. Perhaps I'll succeed and justify your inviting me to be your
son-in-law. Would you permit me to go?"
"In the six months you've been living here as my son-in-law," replied
the Master, "this is the first sensible observation you've made. Normally
it's only dissolute stuff that you come out with. I find it admirable that you
are willing to leave home for the sake of your studies. Why shouldn't I
permit it?"
"Father-in-law, you may agree, but I'm afraid that your daughter will say
I'm lacking in affection for proposing to go away so soon after our
marriage. May I suggest that we maintain that the idea originated with you
rather than me? That way I'll be able to carry out my plan without any
obstacle."
"Very well," said the Master.
In his daughter's presence he urged Vesperus to travel for the sake of his
studies. When Vesperus feigned reluctance, the Master put on a stern
expression and gave him a severe dressing down, after which he assented.
At the unexpected news that her husband was leaving, Jade Scent, who
was just then at the height of her enjoyment, felt like a baby being weaned
of the breast, her anguish was so unbearable. Of course she threw farewell
party after farewell party for the traveler and gave him gift after parting
53
 肉蒲团

gift. She also insisted that he pay in advance all the debts for which he
would have been liable after his departure. And Vesperus, mindful of how
lonely he might be on the journey and of how at any given time he might
have no woman to console himself with, made every effort to oblige, like
someone who puts on a banquet for a guest and then enjoys it himself.
They made love several nights in succession, and only they could know
how indescribably blissful those nights were.
Before his departure Vesperus thought of leaving one of his servants
behind to attend to the chores. Because the Master was a miser who
begrudged providing board for his servants, his whole household consisted
of only the three family members and two maidservants, who had been
part of the wedding settlement. He had no manservant at all, which was the
reason for Vesperus's concern. Summoning his pages, Vesperus stood them
in front of the Master and invited him to choose one. To his surprise
neither was acceptable.
What was the reason? Vesperus was amphibious—that is to say, given to
both homosexual and heterosexual pleasures. His pages were always under
twenty, handsome young fellows with slicked hair or sly young rogues
who were beautifully dressed. Master Iron Door had often in his mind
urged Vesperus to send them packing, and now that he was to choose one
of them as a servant, he was troubled.
We do need someone to fetch and carry for us, he thought, but with my
son-in-law away and my daughter on her own, how can I have these pretty
boys in and out of the house? Looking after her is far more important than
getting the chores done. I must on no account do something I'll come to
regret.
To Vesperus he replied, "You're the only one who has any use for these
good-for-nothings. I certainly don't want them, so see you take them off
with you. If I need help, I'll always be able to get someone. Don't worry
about the chores."
Since Master Iron Door was so adamant, Vesperus did not dare press the
point. But knowing that his father-in-law might be too stingy to hire any
help, he thought it best to leave a few taels behind to pay for a servant.
Then he departed, accompanied by the pages he had brought with him.

54
 肉蒲团

This chapter has told the full story of Vesperus's first match with a
beautiful girl. There are many more extraordinary encounters to come, so
listen carefully as the chapters unfold.
CRITIQUE

When the author is exhorting his audience with talk of moral principle,
he makes their hair stand on end, and when he sets out to move them with
accounts of sexual passion, he drives them wild. Ignorant people will
regard this ambivalence of his as a flaw, thus missing the point that the
passages where he moves his audience so ingeniously are precisely the
occasions when he is most intent on exhorting them to moral behavior.
Think what a virtuous girl Jade Scent was before she saw the erotic
pictures and how wanton she became after reading their comments!
Chastity and wantonness, nobility and baseness, decided in just a moment
of time! And all of it the man's fault, for leading her into temptation! Can
husbands afford not to pay heed?

55
 肉蒲团

CHAPTER FOUR
A traveler bemoans his solitude while spending a night in the wilds,
And a thief discourses on sexual passion to pass the time.
Poem:
The puritan preaches morality,
The libertine his creed.
But both need listeners predisposed,
If they're going to succeed.

After taking leave of his wife and father-in-law, Vesperus set out on his
study tour. He had no particular destination in mind, but merely let his legs
carry him wherever they would. So long as there was a beautiful girl
somewhere, he thought, that was where he would settle down. At each
prefectural or county town he came to, he stayed several months. As a
brilliant young man of letters, he easily qualified for local society. He was
fond of joining literary circles, had published a great deal, and was known
by name to educated men for hundreds of miles around. Wherever he
went, he found friends eager to take him off to join their groups.
For Vesperus, however, writing and the social life that went with it were
of minor significance beside his quest for a beautiful girl. Every day at
dawn he would get up and patrol the town from its main streets to its back
alleys. Unfortunately all the women he saw were quite ordinary, and he
never came across another outstanding beauty, which was a
disappointment that preyed on his mind and tongue; for whatever he was
doing, he would mutter, "Such a fine place, yet not a single girl worth
looking at!" Over and over he would mutter these words wherever he
went, even on trips to the privy. His complaint ultimately became such a
habit with him that he would blurt it out before acquaintances and
strangers alike, a fact that led his fellow students to call him sex-crazy
behind his back.
One day while he was staying at an inn in the countryside, both of his
pages fell ill and were confined to bed. Vesperus wanted to go for a walk
but feared it would detract from his dignity if some woman saw him
without an escort, and so he remained alone in his room, bored beyond
56
 肉蒲团

endurance. Just at the height of his boredom, a guest from the next room
paid him a visit.
"You're all on your own, sir," said the visitor, "and I daresay you're
feeling lonely. I have a jar of wine in my room, and if you have no
objection, I'd like to invite you for a drink."
"Meeting by chance," said Vesperus, "one mustn't impose. If we're going
to drink together, you must let me be the host."
"And I've always heard that educated men like to be unconventional!
Why so formal? As the proverb says, 'Within the four seas, all men are
brothers.' And there's another one, too: 'Many's the time men meet by
chance.' I may have a humble station in life, but there's nothing I enjoy
more than making friends. However, your prospects are so grand that in
the ordinary way I would never have presumed to make your acquaintance.
So this is a rare encounter, our staying at the same inn! What harm would
there be in your condescending to join me?"
In his state of acute boredom Vesperus was only too eager to have
someone to talk to and, on finding himself so earnestly invited, he
promptly accepted. His host seated him in the place of honor, while he
himself sat to one side, an arrangement over which Vesperus protested,
insisting he take the seat opposite. After a few casual remarks, they
exchanged their names. Vesperus revealed his sobriquet and asked his
host's.
"As an educated man, sir, you have a sobriquet," said the other. "But I
am a vulgar fellow and have no such elegant title, just the nickname A
Match for the Knave of Kunlun. How ever, you'll find that everyone within
a hundred miles of here recognizes that name."
"It's most unusual. How did you come to choose it?"
"If I tell you, I'm afraid you'll be scared. And even if you're not scared,
you'll want to leave at once and not drink with me anymore."
"I'm a man of some courage myself, you know, as well as a free spirit. I
wouldn't be scared even if it was an immortal or a ghost there in front of
me. And as for such things as status and education, I pay them even less
attention. As everybody knows, there was a barnyard mimic as well as a
sneak thief among the heroes in the Lord of Mengchang's entourage, and

57
 肉蒲团

Jing Ke used to get drunk with a dogmeat butcher in the marketplace of

Yan.[38] So long as we get on together, why wouldn't I drink with you?"
"In that case there's no harm in telling you. I'm a professional thief, a
specialist in breaking and entering. A rich man's tower may be thousands
of feet high and his walls hundreds of courses thick; if I choose not to try,
fine, but if I go there in search of money, I'll get straight to his bedside
with the greatest of ease, bundle up his valuables, and make my getaway
so cleanly that he won't know he's been robbed until the next day. They say
there used to be a Knave of Kunlun who got over the wall into General
Guo's palace and abducted a Girl in Red, but he did it only once, whereas
I've done that kind of thing hundreds of times.[39] Anyway that's why I'm
called A Match for the Knave."
Vesperus was aghast. "But since you've been doing this for a long time
and have earned a name for yourself that everyone knows, surely you must
have fallen foul of the law?"
"If I did that," replied the Knave, "I'd be no hero. As the proverb says,
'You have to have the goods to catch the thief.' When the stolen goods can't
be found, I point that out, and no one dares lay a finger on me. In fact
everyone around here tries to get into my good books, because they're
afraid I'll ruin them if they so much as cross me. But I'm not without
honor, you know. I do have my Five Abstentions from Theft."
"And what are they?"
"I don't rob unlucky people, lucky people, people I know, people I've
robbed once already, or people who take no precautions."
"Those terms are rather intriguing. Won't you please explain?"
"If people have suffered some blow such as an illness, a death in the
family, or some natural disaster and are in terrible anguish over it, robbing
them would be like pouring oil on the flames—too much for them to bear.
That's why I won't do it.
"If a family has something to celebrate, such as a wedding, the birth of a
son, or a new house, and I were to go and rob them in the midst of the
festivities, the loss of property would be far less important than the ill
fortune I'd be bringing them, ill fortune that would dog them in the future.
That's why I won't do it.

58
 肉蒲团

"I don't consider it wrong to steal from people I've never met, people I
know but who don't know me, or people who know me but aren't willing
to associate with me. But in the case of people I meet and greet every day,
if I were to rob them, they'd never suspect me and I'd feel a bit ashamed
when I saw them next. For instance, I invited you to join me for a drink
just now. If you'd refused, you'd have shown yourself to be a snob who
looked down on me and, no matter where you lived, I'd never have let you
get away with it. But you were happy to come over and sit here opposite
me. Someone as congenial as that—how could I bring myself to rob him?
"In the case of a rich man who has never been robbed despite all his
wealth, I'll condescend to pay him a call, to hit him up for a contribution,
as it were. What's wrong with that? But if I've robbed him once already
and gotten my share, I'd have to be a monster of greed to go on plaguing
him. So that, too, is something I won't do.
"But those timid souls who worry about thieves all day and guard
against them all night, who never stop talking about thieves, they treat me
without any respect, so I do the same with them. I rob them a couple of
times and show them I'm smarter than they are and all too easy to
underestimate, just so that they won't look down on us thieves anymore.
"But if it's a bighearted, generous man for whom money is just a matter
of chance, anyway, the sort of man who will let you steal a little if you
need it, either by neglecting to shut his gate or deliberately leaving his
door open, if I stole from a man like that, I'd be a coward and a bully, a
thieving rat or cur, as they say. It is not something that our great mentor,
Robber Zhi, would ever have stooped to, so how can I do it?[40]
"Those are my Five Abstentions from Theft. All my life I've benefited
from them. People far and wide know about these qualities of mine, and
although they realize I'm a thief, they don't treat me as one and they take
no precautions. Since they don't consider it a disgrace to associate with
me, I don't consider it one either. If you have no objection, let's take an
oath of brotherhood. Should you ever need my help, I'll do my level best to
serve you, to the death if necessary. This is not one of those oaths of
brotherhood you educated men swear, which amount to helping a brother
in good times but begging off in bad. We thieves aren't like that."
As he listened to the other's speech, Vesperus had been nodding in rapid
succession. Now he heaved a sigh.
59
 肉蒲团

I never expected to find such a hero among thieves, he mused. If I make

friends with him, the one case in which I might need his help would be if I
heard of some outstanding beauty—like the Girl in Red or Red Whisk—
who was living in a great mansion where I mightn't be able to
communicate with her, let alone meet her.[41] How marvelous if I could
count on him to play the role of Kunlun! Perhaps meeting him today
means that I have an exceptional destiny in store for me and Heaven has
sent a supernatural being to help me achieve it.
At this prospect he began to jump for joy. But the Knave's suggestion
that they swear an oath of brotherhood gave him pause. Although he
replied, "Capital," his tone was less than enthusiastic.
The Knave guessed his thoughts. "You may say you agree, but in your
heart you haven't quite agreed. You're not afraid, by any chance, that I'll
involve you in a lawsuit? Forget for the moment that my exceptional skills
will keep me out of the courts; even if I got into trouble, I'd go to my death
if need be, rather than drag an innocent person down with me. So don't
give it a second thought."
Now that the Knave had answered his reservations, Vesperus readily
accepted, not daring to make any excuses. They contributed to a three-
animal sacrifice and then, after writing out their dates of birth, smeared
their mouths with blood and took an oath to live or die together. Since the
Knave was older than Vesperus, they addressed each other as younger
brother and elder brother, respectively. Then they enjoyed what was left of
the sacrificial meats and ate and drank until midnight, by which time the
table was littered with cups and dishes.
They were about to go to their rooms, when Vesperus said, "We'll be
lonely sleeping in separate rooms. Why not come and share my bed and
we'll pass the night in heart-to-heart talk?"
"Good idea," said the Knave, and they undressed and got into bed.
Vesperus had been so preoccupied with drinking and talking that he had
quite forgotten the complaint that was normally on his lips. But now, with
the drinking and talking over, as he got into bed and was about to drop off
to sleep, he reverted to form. He came out with his grievance and repeated
it several times.

60
 肉蒲团

"There are beautiful women everywhere," protested the Knave. "What

makes you say that? Are you still unmarried, by any chance, and traveling
about in search of a wife?"
"No, no, I already have a wife. But how can a man be expected to
depend on just one woman for company all his life? After all, he needs a
few women besides his wife just for the change of scenery! To be quite
candid, brother, I have an exceptionally amorous nature. Wealth and honor
are within my grasp, but they don't interest me at all. This is the one thing
that matters. The journey I'm on is nominally to advance my studies but
actually to look for women. I've been to many cities and towns, but all the
women I've seen have either been larded with makeup to hide their dark
complexions or covered in jewels to hide their brown hair. I've not met a
single natural beauty, one who didn't need to adorn herself. I've lost heart,
and that's why I say this all the time, to vent my frustration and despair."
"You're quite wrong there, brother. Good women never let themselves
be seen, or rather, the only ones who do are not good women. Even among
prostitutes, not to mention girls of good family, it is only the ugliest ones
that nobody wants who will stand in doorways and try to sell you their
wares. Those with any reputation at all sit inside and wait for the man to
call on them, and even then they play hard to get and only come out after
you've asked for them several times. You surely don't imagine that an
unmarried girl of good family or a wife or concubine from a great
household is going to stand in her doorway and display herself, do you? If
you really want to know whether there are any good women about, you
ought to come and ask me."
At this suggestion Vesperus's head jerked up involuntarily. "Now, that's
a surprise! Since you don't take the stage yourself where love is concerned,
how would you know anything about it?"
"I may not take the stage," said the Knave, "but I have a better view of
the action than anyone else. Even the principals have only a general idea of
what's going on. They're in no position to know all the details."
"Why is that?"
"Tell me, are beautiful girls more plentiful in rich and eminent
households or in poor and humble ones?"

61
 肉蒲团

"Oh, in rich and eminent households, of course. Poor men can't afford
them."
"Well, then, can you get a more accurate view of the beautiful girls in
the rich and eminent households when they're fully dressed and made up
or when they're undressed and have washed off all their makeup?"
"Of course, it's only after they've washed off their makeup that you see
their natural beauty. When they're dressed and made up, how can you tell
anything?"
"You see my point," said the Knave. "We thieves, of course, don't
choose to go near the houses of the poor and humble. The houses we
frequent are full of girls hung with jewels and dressed in the finest silks,
and so naturally we get to see them in great numbers. Moreover, we time
our visits, not for the daytime but for the dead of night, when they may be
sitting undressed in the moonlight or else sleeping beside a lamp with the
bedcurtains open. For fear the girl may not be asleep, I don't dare take
anything at first, but hide in some dark corner with my eyes riveted on her
body to make sure she's not stirring. Only when she's asleep do I set to
work. Thus for the better part of an hour I have my eyes on her, and during
that time nothing escapes me, not her eyes or face or figure or complexion,
not even the depth of her vagina or the growth of her pubic hair. I have a
mental record of which women are good-looking and which aren't in the
houses of all the rich men and officials within a hundred miles of here. If
you want to go in for this, you'll need my advice."
At this point Vesperus, who had been lying inside the bedclothes,
suddenly sat bolt upright, exposing his chest and back.
"That's right!" he exclaimed. "You can't see the women in a great
household, no matter who you are. Or if you do see them, it's never a good
view that you get. You thieves are the only ones who are able to see them
properly! If you hadn't brought this up, I'd have missed a glorious
opportunity. But it raises another question in my mind: when you see such
beautiful women, with such well-developed vulvas, what happens if your
excitement gets too much for you and you can't control yourself?"
"When I first saw such sights as a young man, I couldn't control myself
and would often sit there in the darkness and shoot my handgun at the
woman, making believe I was doing it with her. Later, as I saw more of
62
 肉蒲团

them, they came to mean less and less. Gradually a vulva came to
resemble some kitchen utensil and aroused about as much feeling in me.
Only when I saw a woman doing it with her husband and heard the moans
coming from their mouths and the pumping sound from down below did I
get a little excited."
Now that the Knave was touching on such fascinating subject matter,
Vesperus, who was sitting up in bed not far away, feared that even the
remaining two or three feet would lessen the impact of what was being
said, so he flipped over and lay beside the Knave.
"If you're not too bored with such trivialities," the Knave went on, "let
me tell you one or two of the things I've seen and heard, so you'll
appreciate that, although I may be a thief, I am also a spy in the camp of
love and a chronicler of women's ways, not some dumb know-nothing who
can't even write the word love."
"Splendid! If you'll do that, one night of talk with you will be worth
more than ten years of study. Do go ahead."
"I've seen so many things, I hardly know where to begin. Ask me
anything you like and I'll try to answer."
"Fine. Well, then, which are more common, the women who like it or
the ones who don't?"
"Oh, the women who like it, of course. Still, there are those who don't.
In general, out of every hundred women you'll find only one or two who
don't like it. But even among those who do, there are two kinds: those who
like doing it and say so, and those who try to give the impression they
don't like it even though they do. Only after their husbands have forced
them on stage do these latter ones show their true colors.
"Of the two kinds, it is the former that is the easier to dispatch. At first,
as I watched from a dark corner while a wife brazenly urged her husband
to do it, I thought she must be a real wanton whose energy would last all
night, but, lo and behold, she spent after just a few thrusts and then felt
drowsy and only wanted to sleep. She no longer cared if her husband did it
or not, and she gave up trying to spur him into action or keep him up to the
mark. By contrast, the woman who really wants it but pretends she doesn't
is terribly hard to live with. I was robbing a house once and saw the
husband trying to get his unwilling wife to do it. When he mounted her,
63
 肉蒲团

she pushed him off, so he concluded she genuinely didn't want to and went
to sleep and began snoring. But then she set herself to tossing and turning
in bed in order to get him to wake up. When he didn't wake up, she shook
him. But he was sound asleep and still didn't wake up. So she started
screaming, 'Thief! Thief!' Anyone else in my position would have been
frightened off at that point, but I realized she wasn't really crying thief, she
just wanted her husband to wake up and have sex with her. And so it
proved. He woke up with a start, and she was ready with a clever excuse:
'The cat was chasing a mouse and it jumped down and made a noise that I
mistook for a burglar. Actually it wasn't anything.' She clasped him tightly
and rubbed her vulva beside his penis until he got excited and mounted
her. At first, when he thrust, she managed to refrain from uttering any cries
of passion, but after several hundred strokes she started to moan and her
fluid came in a steady stream. She let him thrust a while and then wipe up,
in constant attendance on her. At midnight her husband spent, but her own
passions were still at their height. She was greatly distressed at his wanting
to stop, but she couldn't bring herself to ask him to continue. Her only
solution was to start sighing and groaning as if she were ill in order to get
him to rub her chest and stomach, thus preventing him from sleeping. It
was too much for the husband, who couldn't help mounting her and
beginning all over again. This went on until cockcrow, keeping me up all
night. Then, just as I was about to gather up their valuables, dawn broke
and I had to sneak away, and I never did manage to rob them. But that is
how I know that this kind of woman is hard to live with."
"Indeed. But let me ask you this, are most women capable of passionate
cries while they're having sex?"
"Most are, of course. Still, there are those who aren't, probably one or
two in every ten. But women have three kinds of cries, which sound very
different even when expressed in the same words. We thieves are the only
ones who can tell the difference. Even the men having sex with them don't
know."
"What are they?"
"When they start, the women aren't feeling any pleasure and have no
desire to cry out. They're just putting on an act to get their husbands
excited. You can tell that from the sound they make; in general, although
they cry out, they don't move at all and their words are distinct rather than
64
 肉蒲团

garbled. When they begin to feel pleasure, not only are their minds and
mouths full of sensuality, every part of their bodies is starting to feel the
same way. The cries are audible, but the words come out incoherent and
disjointed. When their pleasure reaches its climax, their energies flag, their
arms and legs go limp, and they couldn't utter any cries even if they
wanted to. Now the sound comes from their throats rather than their
mouths and is barely audible.
"But even this barely audible sound is too much for the listener. I was
robbing a house once and saw a husband and wife having sex. At first as
they tumbled about, the noise she made was deafening, but it had not the
slightest effect on me. Then she fell silent and stopped moving, as if her
husband had done her to death. I cocked an ear and drew closer. All I could
hear was a wheezing and gasping from her throat that sounded like
something between speech and a sigh, and I knew she had reached her
climax. A wave of excitement swept over me, I began to tingle all over,
and my semen came of its own accord without resort to the handgun. That
is how I know women are capable of this sort of cry as well."
At this point Vesperus heard in his imagination the most wanton of
women uttering her cries of passion in his ear, and his body began to tingle
all over, too, and before he knew it his long-suppressed semen was
spreading over the mat.
There were more questions he wanted to ask, but it was now broad
daylight. The two men got up, washed, and then sat down again to
continue their talk, which was full of the same kind of fascinating
information. The lecturer may occasionally have shown signs of fatigue,
but his listener's interest never flagged, and after several days of intimate
conversation an even closer bond had formed between them.
"I've seen many women since I left home," said Vesperus at this stage,
"but none who has taken my fancy, and I'd come to the conclusion that
there are no beautiful girls left in the world. From what you say, though,
you've seen girls like that not once but many times. Since I'm devoting my
life to sex, I feel thrice blessed in getting to know you, and I'd be missing a
golden opportunity if I failed to entrust you with this concern of mine. I
beg you, brother, to pick out the most beautiful girl from among those
you've seen and think up some way for me to get a look at her. If she really
is strikingly beautiful, well, to be candid, I was born under the lucky star
65
 肉蒲团

of love. All my life it's been the same way. Once I meet a woman, I don't
need to seek her out, she comes looking for me. When the time is right, I'll
ask you to pull off one of your miracles and arrange a rendezvous. Who
knows, perhaps you as the reincarnation of the Knave of Kunlun may
come to my aid as a latter-day Master Cui?"
The Knave shook his head. "No, I can't do that, because I've vowed
never to rob any people I've robbed before. Having robbed them once, I
couldn't bring myself to rob them of their property again, let alone of their
womenfolk's chastity! But I'll make a point of watching out from now on.
When I enter someone's house and see a beautiful girl, I won't necessarily
take anything, I'll come back and consult you about a rendezvous. That's
something I can do for you."
"I failed to give a gallant man his due," said Vesperus. "My suggestion
was presumptuous, I now realize. There is one thing I must mention,
though: I am grateful for your offer, but if you find a strikingly beautiful
girl, whatever you do, don't steal anything. Don't let the sight of her
valuables tempt you into forgetting your promise. If you can arrange
something for me, I'll make a point of rewarding you."
"Now you really have failed to give a gallant man his due! If I were
looking for a reward, I'd do better to take what you have on you right now.
Why shouldn't I be tempted by the sight of your valuables? Even if you
make a point of rewarding me, the reward will be just the promise of a
contribution or two after you're in office. I can well imagine what those
contributions will be worth; ten of them together wouldn't equal what I
make from a single robbery. That kind of reward you can forget about. I'm
promising you a beautiful girl. Of course, when I find one for you, the
onus of seducing her will be on you. I can't guarantee everything!"
"I'm a specialist in the art of seduction," said Vesperus. "You can set
your mind at rest."
"Now that you've met me," said the Knave, "there's no need to go off
anywhere else. Why not rent some rooms here and get on with your
studies? But don't depend solely on me. If you see someone good, you
should go ahead on your own. If I find someone, I'll come and report. With
both of us on the lookout, we're sure to find one or two. We can hardly
draw a complete blank."

66
 肉蒲团

Jubilant, Vesperus told his servants to look for lodgings. Then, before
letting the Knave take his leave, he insisted on bowing another four times
in friendship. With sworn brothers in the past, his friendships had been
cemented with eight bows; only in the Knave's case had he given as many
as twelve. In later times someone wrote a poem pointing out the error of
Vesperus's ways, namely, his lechery and his consorting with a criminal.
The poem ran,
Since lust misleads us, dims our sight,
He took thief for hero in lust's despair.
Then swearing an oath, he forged a bond
With the lowliest creatures of earth and air.

Having bent the knee to a humble thief,

How should he answer the emperor's grace?
Your views, good sir, are enlightened indeed;
In the world today we honor the base.

CRITIQUE

The Knave's character is ten times better than Vesperus's. It was not
Vesperus, but the Knave, who swore brotherhood with a thief.
Lone Peak's three abstentions and the Knave's five are the most
remarkable and delightful writing of all time, something quite unparalleled
in fiction. Even if you tried, you couldn't prevent them from enjoying a
wide circulation!

CHAPTER FIVE
In selecting beauties, he rigorously compiles a list of names;
For personal reasons, he leniently admits an older woman.
Poem:
Her girlish beauty's on display;
How passionate? One cannot say.
In bed she oughtn't to be shy,
For soldiers must not run away.

67
 肉蒲团

Once a mother, already old,

Until then, a simple maid.
Her sole desire, that beauty stay;
But graying locks can't be delayed.

After parting from the Knave, Vesperus took up residence in a temple

that was a secondary abode for the Immortal Zhang, god of fertility. It had
few rooms, which normally were not rented to travelers. But because
Vesperus was prepared to pay a very high rent—other places charged one
tael a month and he offered two—the Taoist priests, in their eagerness for a
paltry profit, made an exception in his case.
Why was he willing to pay such a high rent to stay at this temple?
Because the Immortal Zhang was extremely efficacious and women
flocked to him from far and wide to pray for sons. It was Vesperus's idea to
treat the temple as an examination hall, and that was his purpose in
moving there. Sure enough, he found that every day brought several
groups of ladies to the temple to burn incense, ladies who differed from the
women attending other temples in that there were always one or two of
them in every ten who were tolerably attractive.
Why should that be, you ask. Surely Vesperus had not posted a notice
banning all ugly women and admitting only the pretty ones? You must
understand that every temple has its women visitors, who encompass the
old, the middle-aged, and the young. Of these the old and middle-aged
make up about two-thirds and the young one-third; thus the goodlooking
women are outnumbered by the rest. But the women who came to this
temple were all there to pray for sons. Now, old women are beyond
menopause and cannot bear children, while middle-aged women are
approaching it and have lost interest in child-bearing; thus the women who
came there to pray for sons were all young. If any mature women did come
along as companions, they were few in number. For the five or six years
following the age of thirteen, all girls, goodlooking or not, have a certain
bloom in their cheeks that men find subtly appealing. That was why, out of
every ten visitors, there were always one or two who were tolerably
attractive.
Vesperus rose early each morning and, dressed as smartly as the leading
man in a play, paced endlessly back and forth in front of the Immortal's
throne. When he saw any women approaching, he would duck out of sight
68
 肉蒲团

behind the throne and listen while the Taoist priests communicated the
women's prayers. He would watch as the women took incense sticks and
knelt down, carefully observing their looks and demeanor and then
dashing out when they least expected it.
At sight of his peerless looks and ethereal manner, the women would
gasp in astonishment, assuming that the sincerity of their prayers had
brought the Immortal's statue to life to provide them with sons. Not until
Vesperus came down the steps and swaggered about did they realize that
he was a mere human being, by which time their souls had been captured
by this living Immortal Zhang. So wild with desire did he drive them that
they sent him loving glances and meaningful winks and could scarcely tear
themselves away. Some dropped their handkerchiefs on purpose, while
others left their fans behind. Vesperus could count on receiving several
such tokens of admiration each day.
From this time on, his behavior grew quite irresponsible and his mind
ever more depraved. He went so far as to proclaim, "I deserve to enjoy the
most beautiful women in the world. A man as handsome as I am deserves
to have women dancing attendance on him. There's nothing strange about
that!"
On moving to the temple he had put together a small notebook, which
he kept in his pocket. On the cover were inscribed the words:
GARNER THE BEAUTIES OF SPRING FROM FAR AND WIDE
Any woman who came to the temple to pray and who possessed a
degree of beauty would have her particulars entered in the notebook as
follows: name, age, husband's surname and personal name, address. Beside
her name Vesperus drew circles in red ink to indicate her ranking: three
circles for summa cum laude; two for magna cum laude; and one for cum
laude. After each name he added comments in parallel-prose style like
those written on examination scripts, to describe the woman's good points.

Storyteller, what you've just said doesn't tally with what you said before.
When the women came into the temple, all Vesperus could do was stand
aside and observe them. That way he wouldn't have learned the women's
own names, let alone their husbands' names and addresses! Are you trying
to tell us that he stopped them and asked them their particulars?

69
 肉蒲团

Gentle reader, you've missed the point again. When a woman goes into a
temple to pray, she invariably has a priest beside her to communicate her
prayer. When she comes in, he always asks her, "What is your surname,
please? Your personal name? Your age? Which believer's wife are you?
Where do you live?" Even if she doesn't answer the questions herself,
she'll have a servant or a maid there to answer for her. As he listened,
Vesperus made mental notes about each woman and then entered them in
his book after she had left. What's so hard to believe about that?
Within the space of a few months Vesperus had garnered almost all the
beauties in the district. There was just one problem, however. Although he
was lenient about admitting people to the examination, he was extremely
strict in his grading. Many names were entered in his book, but all in the
second or third categories; there was not a single name to which he gave
three circles.
My lifelong ambition, he thought, was to marry the most beautiful girl
in the world. I used to think that the one I married was the most beautiful,
but in the light of my recent experience I see that there are many others
who are on a par with her. Clearly she doesn't qualify as the most
beautiful. But it makes no sense to have a Secunda and a Tertia but no
Prima.[42] Anyway, if a Prima does exist somewhere, I have yet to meet
her. All those I see as I search and search are cum laude talent. I'll keep
this by me as an alternate list, and if I never meet the one I'm looking for,
I'll take it out and do the best I can with it. Meanwhile I'll wait and see
what the next few days will bring.
From this point on, not only was his grading even stricter, his
admissions policy was also tightened up. One day, in a state of mental
exhaustion, he was taking a nap in his room when one of his pages burst in
and announced, "Master, come and see the beautiful girls! Come at once,
or you'll miss them."
Vesperus promptly arose, put on a new cap and an elegant gown, and
then stopped to check his appearance in the mirror, all of which took a
little time. When he got outside, he saw two girls, one dressed in pale rose,
the other in lotus pink. Their companion was also a beauty, although
somewhat older. Having burned their incense, the three women were on
their way out of the temple when Vesperus caught a glimpse of them from
a distance. The two girls looked to him like the Goddess of Mount Wu and
70
 肉蒲团

the Fairy of the River Luo[43]—in a different class altogether from the
women he had seen so far.
Now, the way to look at a woman is the same as the way you look at
calligraphy or painting. There is no need to study a scroll brushstroke by
brushstroke; all you have to do is hang it up at a distance and judge its
power. If it shows adequate power, it is a masterpiece; if its power is
blocked and the scroll lacks vitality, it is no better than a print; however
fine its brush technique, it is mere hackwork and hence worthless. Now, if
a woman's beauty has to be examined close up to reveal itself, it will be
limited at best. The qualities of a truly beautiful woman cannot be
obscured, even though seen through a curtain of rain, mist, flowers, or
bamboo. Even if she is glimpsed through a crack in the door or has hidden
herself in the dark, a sense of her charm will emanate of its own accord
and make the observer marvel, "How comes it she is like a heavenly one,
how comes it she is like a god?"[44] If you think these qualities reside in
her physical form, you are wrong; but if you think they lie outside of her
physical form, you are also wrong. They are beyond explanation, hence
marvelous.
At sight of the girls, Vesperus went out of his mind. Since they had not
yet reached the gate, he flew after them and, kneeling down outside the
threshold, began kowtowing non stop. His pages and the priest were struck
dumb, terrified the women would make a scene. But there was a method in
Vesperus's madness, for he was calculating along these lines: if they are
willing to go down this path with me, they will realize that I kowtowed
because I saw how beautiful they were and was overcome with love; they
can hardly return my greeting in public, but I doubt that they will make
much of a scene. If, on the other hand, they are proper, highly principled
girls and do make a scene, I'll just claim that I was visiting the temple to
pray for a son and that, on noticing some women in there already, I knelt
down and kowtowed outside to avoid mixed company. They can't possibly
know I'm staying in the temple and refute me. Only because he had this
ingenious plan up his sleeve and felt himself on safe ground did he dare
kowtow.
Just as he had supposed, the three women knew nothing about him.
Thinking he had come there to pray for a son, they withdrew to one side
and waited for him to finish. As he kowtowed, the two younger women
turned and gave him a look, but it was not clear to him whether it was a
71
 肉蒲团

look of interest or indifference. The older beauty, however, faced him

squarely and put on a regular performance. With her hand over her mouth,
she dissolved into giggles, nudging the two girls as if to get them to turn
and acknowledge Vesperus's kowtows with her. As she departed, she also
sent him a couple of sidelong glances.
For a long time Vesperus remained stupefied, unable to utter a sound.
Only when the women were half a mile away did he turn to the priest:
"Those three just now—which household are they from? They're so
beautiful!" But the priest, who had seen Vesperus's wildness almost result
in an incident, was still furious with him and would not tell him anything.
Vesperus considered following them home, but they were now too far
away to overtake, so he returned to his room and sat there brooding. "How
terrible!" he said to himself. "I know the names and addresses of all those
women who don't appeal to me, but not of these two who do. What a pity
I've let such peerless beauties slip through my fingers! How will I ever get
over it?"
He took out the notebook and placed it in front of him, intending to add
the two women to his list. But then he realized, on picking up his brush,
that he did not know what names to put down. So he wrote a short
introductory note:
On the _____ day of the _____ month, met two outstanding beauties. As
their names are unknown to me, for the time being I name them for the
colors of the dresses they were wearing. Apparent ages, temperaments
noted below, to aid in search:

Pale Rose Maid. Age about sixteen or seventeen. Judging from emotional
attitude, seems married only short time, with sexual desires as yet
undeveloped.

Comment:
Graceful as a cloud in motion, elegant as a column of jade. With ruby lips
apart, looks as pretty as a flower that understands speech. Walking with
delicate steps, moves as lightly as a swallow just able to fly. Brows
constantly knitted, but not with grief—it's true that Xishi was given to
frowning![45] Eyes reluctant to open, though not from weariness—it's a
fact that Yang Guifei was fond of sleep![46]
72
 肉蒲团

Even more endearing is the way she offers others her heart rather than
gifts; on parting she left no trinket behind. She showed me her thoughts
rather than her actions; on leaving she cast no backward glance. Surely a
hermit among women, a recluse of the boudoir! If I place her in the highest
group, who will deny she deserves it?

Lotus Pink Beauty. Age in her twenties. From her expression, seems to
have been long married but without exhaustion of original yin.
Comment:
A beauty soft and graceful, a bearing as light as if dancing. Eyebrows that
need no Zhang Chang to paint them, a face that requires none of He Yan's
powder.[47] Flesh that is between sleek and spare, its beauty being that its
spareness cannot be increased nor its sleekness reduced. Makeup that is
between heavy and light, its beauty being that its heaviness looks shallow
and its lightness deep.
The affecting thing about her is that the melancholy of her feelings goes
unrelieved, like a lotus bud overdue to open; and that the concerns of her
heart go unexpressed, like a flower that dreads its fading. She deserves to
rank with the first girl ahead of all other blooms and to merit the title of
supreme beauty. Only the Oral Examination will determine the top
candidate.
After finishing the comments, he remembered someone he had omitted.
The beauty of these two goes without saying, he thought, but even the
older one has not lost her youthful charm. To take just one feature, her
eyes are pure gems; the pupils can positively speak. She sent me glance
after glance, but because I was so intent on the others, I never responded—
embarrassing thought! Her age may be rather advanced, her looks may
have declined somewhat, and she may be a little too plump, but since she
was with the others, she must be a relative of some kind. If only out of
consideration for them I ought to be more lenient in my grading.
Moreover, she was willing to join in the fun and try to get the others to
look at me. Obviously she has a lot of savoir faire. If I can only find her,
the others, too, will surely fall to my bow. The trouble is I've no idea where
to start looking. For the present I'll just enter her in my notebook with a
summa rating: first, as a reward for being so responsive; second, as an
extension of my love for the other two; and third, so that if I do find her, I
can show her this notebook and, after winning her over, gain her help with
the others.
73
 肉蒲团

He changed the two of two outstanding beauties in the first line to three.
Since she was wearing a dark dress, he named her
Black Belle. Age about thirty-five, but looking only fifteen. From her
bearing, it would seem that her desires have been long neglected and that
her passions are incandescent.
Comment:
Of effervescent feelings and mercurial mood. Her waist may be thicker
than a young woman's, but the line of her eyebrows is as arched as any
bride's. Her cheeks are as rosy as ever, maintaining their flowerlike,
original brightness; her skin still glows, showing its jadelike, pristine
beauty.
The most captivating thing about her is the way her glance, without any
movement of the eyes, flashes as vividly as lightning amid the mountain
crags; and the way, in her walk, without taking so much as a step, she
wafts as lightly as clouds over the mountain tops. She deserves to be
classed with those who express their feelings through their thoughts rather
than their actions. Placed beside the other two beauties, she would not
have to concede very much.
After completing his comments, he drew three large circles beside each
of the names, then folded up the notebook and tucked it into his pocket.
From that day forward he no longer cared whether he went to the temple to
look at girls. He was preoccupied with the three beauties, but although he
spent every daylight hour walking the streets with his notebook, he could
find no trace of them.
The Knave has more experience than anyone else, Vesperus said to
himself, and he knows this area well. Why not go and ask him? There is
one problem, though. He promised to find me a mistress, and since he
hasn't been around the last few days, I expect he's gone off in search of
one. If I mention this to him, he'll assume I've found a suitable girl and
give up his responsibilities. Moreover, without a name to go by, where
would he start looking? I'll keep the matter to myself for a few days. He
may find someone and come and tell me about her. You never know. One
can have too much of everything in life except beautiful girls. Even if he
produces dozens of them, I'll deal with his recommendations first and still
have time for these three later. Thenceforth after rising each morning he
either went out hoping to run into the Knave or else waited anxiously in
his rooms.
74
 肉蒲团

One day while crossing the street he spotted his friend and hailed him.
"Brother, about that promise you made me the other day. How is it I've had
no response? You haven't forgotten, by any chance?"
"It's been on my mind every hour of the day. How could I possibly
forget? The trouble is that there are plenty of ordinary girls out there but
very few excellent ones. I've been searching all this time, and only now
have I come up with one or two. In fact I was just on my way over to
report when I ran into you."
Vesperus's face broke into a broad smile. "In that case this street is
hardly the place to talk. Come over to my lodgings."
Linking hands, the two men walked to his lodgings. Once there,
Vesperus dismissed his boys and shut his door so that he and the Knave
could discuss the happy prospect in private.
Whose wife will be so fortunate as to get the services of this eminently
qualified lover? And whose husband will be so unfortunate as to arouse the
attentions of this devilish adulterer? There is no need, gentle reader, to
remain in doubt, for the answers will be found in the next chapter.
CRITIQUE

Fiction writers always confine themselves to narrative as distinct from

discourse. Or, if they do write discourse, they develop a piece to serve as
prologue to the narrative and then, after reaching the transitio,[48] quickly
wind it up, evidently fearing a hopeless confusion. How can they conduct
a philosophical discussion while poised for the fray? The author of this
book is the only one who can display calm amid the panic and cool amid
the heat. Into every tense passage of narrative he inserts a piece of
leisurely discourse, posing and answering his questions in such an orderly
fashion that the reader, far from finding it a distraction, is loath to see it
end. When the author has finished his discourse and takes up the narration
again, he is able to make it dovetail perfectly with what has gone before.
A true master of the art! Ever since he invented this mode, he has been the
only one capable of practicing it. Those who imitate his technique merely
earn the reader's boredom.

75
 肉蒲团

CHAPTER SIX
In embellishing a shortcoming, he boasts of a long suit;
For presenting a small object, he is mocked by a great expert.
Poem:
If you lack great talent for the bedroom art,
Tempt not with lesser skills the womb of woe.
In the darkness Pan An's looks will go unseen;
What use are Cao Zhi's rhymes before the foe?
After his dream King Xiang returned to Chu;[49]
Pray ask him why he ever climbed Mount Wu.
You expect from birth love's perfect instrument?
Then see that its size and design are left to you.

The Knave took a seat and opened the discussion: "Well, brother, any
interesting contacts?"
Fearing that the Knave merely wanted to shed his responsibilities,
Vesperus said no, then went quickly on: "Brother, that one you mentioned
just now—what family does she belong to? Where do they live? How old
is she? How would you rate her looks? Do tell me."
"I've found you not one but three. I'll tell you all about them and let you
make your own choice. But you can have only one, you mustn't get greedy
and hanker after all three. That would never do."
I have these three girls on my mind, thought Vesperus, and here he is
talking about three girls too. I wonder if his three could be the same ones I
saw? If so, I need seduce only one of them for the other two to come
around of their own accord. I wouldn't even need his help in that.
"Of course not," he replied. "One would be ample, thank you. I'd never
dream of being so greedy."
"Just as well," said the Knave. "The only problem is that everybody has
his likes and dislikes, and someone I think beautiful may not seem so to
you. I've found these three girls, but I'm not sure they'll appeal to you."

76
 肉蒲团

"Brother, you have such a wealth of experience that you must be a good
judge. It's possible that a woman who took my fancy might not seem
beautiful to you, but hardly the other way around."
"Well, then, let me ask you this: do you prefer your women plump or
slender?"
"A plump figure has its attractions, just as a slender one does. But a
woman must not be so plump as to fill out her clothes or so slender as to
look bony. So long as she is plump or slender within a suitable range, she'll
appeal to me."
"In that case you'll find all three to your liking. Now let me ask you this:
in matters of sex, do you prefer them passionate or prudish?"
"Why, passionate, of course. It's no fun having a prudish woman in bed
with you. It's simpler sleeping on your own. I've always been dead scared
of prudes."
The Knave shook his head. "In that case, none of these will be right for
you."
"Tell me, brother, how do you know they're prudish?"
"As it happens, they all belong to the same school—supremely beautiful
but lacking experience in lovemaking."
"But that's no obstacle! So long as the basic quality is there, passionate
behavior can always be instilled. To be quite frank with you, my own wife
was a prude at first, utterly ignorant about lovemaking she was; but it took
me only a few days to educate her out of it. Now, believe it or not, she's
almost too passionate. So long as these women really are beautiful, I have
my own ways of changing them should they be a little on the prudish
side."
"Well, that takes care of that. There's just one other question I have for
you: do you need to take possession as soon as you meet, or are you
willing to hold off for a few months while waiting for her to come to
hand?"
"Frankly, brother, my desires are always at fever pitch. If I have to go a
few nights without a woman, I'll have a wet dream. In all the time I've
been away from home, I've not visited a brothel once, and by now I'm
simply frantic. If I fail to meet a beautiful girl, I daresay I'll be able to
77
 肉蒲团

scrape by, but if I do find one, and we have some feeling for each other, I
don't think I could contain myself any longer."
"In that case let's confine ourselves to this one and ignore the other two.
They belong to a rich and distinguished family and would be difficult to
obtain at short notice. This one is the wife of a poor man and should be
easy to get. I don't frequent poor people's houses, but the promise I made
to you has been very much on my mind, and I've made a point of looking
closely at every woman I saw, by day or night.
"One day I was walking along the street when I noticed this woman
sitting in her doorway behind a bamboo curtain. Although I saw her only
through the curtain and did not get a clear view, I was struck by the pink
and white glow of her complexion, like some priceless pearl radiating
light. When I looked again, this time at how graceful her figure was, she
seemed like a great beauty's portrait hanging there inside the curtain and
gently swaying in the breeze. The sight held me rooted to the spot, unable
to walk on. I stood there opposite her house for a while and then noticed a
man coming out, a coarse-looking character in shabby clothes who was
taking a roll of silk to market. I went and asked the neighbors about them
and learned that the man's surname was Quan, that due to his reputation
for honesty he was known as Honest Quan, and that the woman was his
wife. I was worried about not getting a close enough view of her through
the curtain, so I went by a few days later, and there she was again, sitting
in her doorway. Before she had time to do anything, I whipped the curtain
aside, burst in, and told her that I had come to buy silk from her husband.
"'My husband is away,' she replied. 'But if it's silk you want, we have
plenty of it. Let me get some out for you to look at.' But despite what she
said, she made no move to get the silk. I talked her into getting some, just
to see what her hands and feet were like. Her fingers were like lotus
shoots, as delicate and tapering as you could possibly imagine. Her feet
were less than three inches long, and she was not wearing high heels
either, so there was no artifice involved. I had now seen her hands and feet,
but not the rest of her, and I had no idea whether her skin was light or dark
in tone, and so I came up with another ploy. Spying another roll of silk on
the top of the case, I said, 'None of this is good enough. Could you get me
down that roll from on top? I'd like to take a look at it.'

78
 肉蒲团

"She nodded, and raised her arms over her head to get it down. It was a
hot day, you understand, and she was wearing nothing but an unlined silk
dress. As she raised her arms, her loose sleeves fell all the way back to her
shoulders, so that not only were her arms exposed, her breasts were faintly
visible too. They were truly as white as snow, as smooth as a mirror, as
fine as powder. No doubt about it, she belongs in the top group of all the
women I have ever seen. I was embarrassed to be giving her so much
trouble and felt obliged to buy a roll of silk. But before I go any further, let
me ask you this, brother: do you like this woman and would you want
her?"
"She sounds like perfection itself. Of course I do! But how can I see her
and then, once I've seen her, how can I get her?"
"There's no problem there. It'll cost a little money, that's all. I'll go and
get a few ingots now, and then we'll set off for her place and wait until her
husband leaves home. We'll proceed as I did before, bursting in and asking
for silk. You'll be able to tell at a glance whether she appeals to you. The
only question is whether you like her, for I've no doubt that she'll like you.
After facing that coarse-looking husband of hers day after day—honest he
may be, but he has absolutely no appeal—she's bound to be aroused by the
very sight of you. Give her the impression you're making advances and, if
she doesn't take immediate offense, we'll come back and think how to
proceed. I guarantee that within three days she'll be yours. Afterward, if
you want to arrange a marriage, I'll see to that too."
"I'd be grateful to all eternity. But there is one thing that puzzles me.
Since you possess such marvelous ingenuity and supernatural power, I
should have thought there'd be nothing in the world you couldn't do. How
is it that you can get me this one and not the other two? Is it really because
a poor man is easy to take advantage of but you don't dare provoke the rich
and mighty?"
In every other matter that's the case; the poor man is easier to take
advantage of and the rich man more dangerous to provoke. But with
adultery the opposite holds true."
"Why is that?" asked Vesperus.
"A rich man is sure to have several wives and concubines, and while he
is sleeping with one of them, the others will be left on their own. As the
79
 肉蒲团

old saying goes, 'Once you're well fed and clothed, your thoughts turn to
sex.' Those women, being well fed and well dressed, have nothing else to
think about but sex. When a woman like that is feeling frustrated and a
man slips into her bed—a man, the very thing she has been longing for!—
she is hardly going to push him out again. Even if her husband catches
them in the act, although he may feel like seizing them and dragging them
off to court, still, as a rich and distinguished man he will fear the resultant
loss of face. Alternatively, although he may feel like killing them both on
the spot, he won't want to give up such a beautiful girl, and if he can't bear
to sacrifice her, how can he justify killing her lover? So he will usually
suppress his anger and say nothing, playing deaf and dumb so as to give
the lover a chance to escape.
"The poor man, on the other hand, has only one wife who sleeps in his
arms every night. Forget that she is so preoccupied with worrying about
hunger and cold that she would never have any lustful thoughts anyway.
Even if she did, and tried to arrange a meeting with her lover, there'd be no
place for them to have sex. If by some chance they did manage a furtive
embrace and were caught in the act, her husband, as a poor man, wouldn't
care about loss of face and would show them no mercy whatever. He'd
either seize them and drag them off to court or else kill them both on the
spot. That's why it's dangerous to provoke a poor man but easy to take
advantage of a rich one."
"That's all very plausible, but how do you explain the fact that these
arguments contradict what you said before?"
"It's not that I'm being inconsistent, just that those families are in
precisely the opposite situations from the ones I've been talking about,
which is why this one is easy to get and the other two are beyond your
reach for the moment."
"I've set my heart on this one, but it wouldn't do any harm to tell me
about the other two, if only to show how much trouble you've gone to in
my behalf."
"One of them is in her twenties," said the Knave, "and the other no more
than fifteen or sixteen. They are two sisters who are also sisters-in-law,
being married to two brothers. Their husbands' family has produced
officials over many generations, but no one in this generation has
succeeded in the higher examinations. These two are nominal licentiates
80
 肉蒲团

who, for all their studies, are quite ill educated. The elder brother's name is
Scholar Cloud-Reposer, and he's been married to the woman in her
twenties for four or five years now. The younger one's name is Scholar
Cloud-Recliner, and he's been married to the fifteen- or sixteen-year-old
for less than three months. Both wives are as beautiful as the woman I've
just described, but they're also prudish. They don't move or say anything
during sex and they give the distinct impression of not liking it. But
although they may not like it, their husbands have no other wives or
concubines to turn to, so they share their wives' bedrooms every night,
which is why it would not be easy to get either woman. If you want to try,
you'll need to use every trick in the book to arouse her sexual desire and
then wait until her husband is away before making your move. It is not
something that can be done in a month or two. The woman in the silk shop
whom I mentioned has two advantages: she is easy to meet and her
husband is often away. That is why it would be simpler to get her."
Noting that the description of the two women roughly fitted the two
girls he had seen a few days before, Vesperus was reluctant to let the
matter drop. "Brother," he said, "you are perfectly right, but there's one
point you've overlooked. You said the two women are prudish and lack
sexual desire and therefore it would not be easy to make a move. I suspect
they may be like that only because their husbands' endowment is so tiny
and their stamina so inadequate that the wives get no pleasure from sex. If
they met up with me, I submit that they would soon be relieved of their
prudery."
"From what I've seen," said the Knave, "their husbands' endowment
can't be described as tiny or their stamina as inadequate, although it is true
that they don't compare with men of the greatest proportions and
capacities. That's one thing I was going to ask you about, worthy brother.
Your sexual desires are so keen that I'm sure you have what it takes. But
tell me, just what is the size of your endowment? And what is your stamina
like? I need to know if I am to act for you with an easy mind."
Vesperus beamed. "That's one thing you needn't worry about, my good
fellow. I'm not boasting when I say that my stamina and endowment are
both more than adequate. They will lay a feast from which even a woman
with the heartiest appetite will stagger away gorged and drunk. It will be
no pauper's dinner party, I assure you, from which the guest rises sober and
ravenous, complaining bitterly of her host's lack of savoir-faire."
81
 肉蒲团

"That's very reassuring. Still, it wouldn't do any harm to take the matter
a little further. When you're making love, approximately how many thrusts
can you give before letting go?"
"I've never even counted. Anyone who can keep track of the number is
bound to be of very limited sexual powers. I don't abide by any general
rule when I'm making love to a woman, but I can assure you that she
receives innumerable thrusts before I stop."
"Even if you can't remember the number, you must at least remember
how long. Approximately how many hours can you last?"
Vesperus's actual limit was only one hour, but since he wanted the
Knave to act for him, he was afraid to admit to so little, lest he give his
friend an excuse for backing out, and he felt compelled to add another hour
to his performance.
"I can last a good two hours," he replied. "If I tried to hold out, I daresay
I might be able to last for half an hour or more beyond that."
"That's nothing out of the ordinary," said the Knave. "It doesn't qualify
as a very strong performance. Such mediocre ability is ample for everyday
sex with your wife, but I'm afraid it would be quite inadequate for a raid
on someone else's camp."
"You're worrying unnecessarily, my good fellow," said Vesperus. "The
other day I bought myself an excellent sex tonic. I have no woman at
present, so I'm a warrior without a battlefield. But if an assignation can be
arranged, I'll take a chance and apply some of it ahead of time. I've no
doubt I shall prove to have plenty of endurance."
"Sex tonics can give you endurance only," said the Knave. "They cannot
increase your size or firmness. If a man with a large endowment uses one,
he'll be like a gifted graduate taking a ginseng tonic at examination time;
in the examination hall his mental powers will naturally be enhanced, and
he will be able to express himself well. But if a student with a very small
endowment uses one, he'll be no better off than some empty-headed
candidate who couldn't produce a line even if he swallowed pounds of the
tonic. What's the point of his sitting in an examination cell for three days
and nights if all he's doing is holding out regardless of results? Moreover,
most such tonics are a swindle. Who knows whether yours will work or

82
 肉蒲团

not? But I'm not asking whether you've tested it. What I want to know is
the size and length of your endowment.
"There is no need to go into that," said Vesperus. "What I will say,
though, is that it is not small."
Seeing that Vesperus was not about to respond, the Knave shot out his
hand and tugged at the crotch of his friend's trousers in an effort to free the
object in question. Vesperus kept evading his reach, refusing to let him do
so. "If that's the way things are," said the Knave, "I won't bother you
anymore. Your stamina certainly can't be described as strong. If your
endowment should be puny, too, and if by some chance you fail to
stimulate the woman and she cries rape, think how terrible that would be!
If you got into any trouble, I would be the one who had misled you, and
that is something I cannot accept."
Confronted with such vehemence from his friend, Vesperus could only
smile gamely. "My endowment will certainly pass muster," he said, "but I
do find it a little indelicate to have to produce it in front of a friend, and in
broad daylight too. However, since you're so worried over nothing, I
suppose I have no choice but to make a spectacle of myself."
With that, he undid his belt and brought out a penis that was dainty in
both size and texture. Weighing it in his hand, he continued, "Here is my
modest endowment. Take a look at it by all means."
The Knave approached and scrutinized it. This is what he saw:
Body a pearly white,
Head a crimson glow.
Around the base thin grasses in dense profusion rise,
Under the skin fine threads are faintly to be seen.
Bounced in the hand, it makes no sound, being lighter than the hand itself;
Touched with the fingers, it retains no trace, its muscles being so few.
In length all of two inches;
In weight a good quarter-ounce.
Solid outside, hollow inside, easy to mistake for a schoolboy's brush
handle.
Sharp of head, tiny of eye, easy to confuse with a Tartar girl's pipe stem.
A twelve-year-old virgin could accommodate it,
A thirteen-year-old catamite would delight in it.
83
 肉蒲团

Hard as iron before the event, resembling a very long dried razor clam;
Bent like a bow when all is done, suggesting a very plump dried shrimp.
The Knave examined it, looked Vesperus in the eye, contemplated for a
long time, but said nothing. Vesperus assumed he was astonished at its
size.
"It is only like this when limp," he said. "When full of vigor it is even
more spectacular."
"If this is what it's like when limp," said the Knave, "I can well imagine
what it's like when full of vigor. I've seen all I need to, thank you. Please
put it away." Then, unable to contain himself any longer, he put his hand
over his mouth and burst out laughing.
"How can you be so ignorant of your own limitations, worthy brother?
Your endowment is less than a third the size of other people's, and yet you
propose to go off and seduce their wives! Do you imagine the women's
shoes are too big for the lasts they have at home and that they need your
little peg wedged in alongside? When I saw you looking about everywhere
for women, I assumed you had a mighty instrument on you, something to
strike fear into the hearts of all who saw it. That's why I hesitated to ask
you to show it to me. I never dreamed that it would turn out to be a flesh-
and-blood hair clasp, good for titillating a woman inside her pubic hair,
perhaps, but useless in the really important place!"
"It will serve at a pinch," protested Vesperus. "Perhaps yours is so
massive that you tend to look down on everybody else's. I'll have you
know that this unworthy instrument of mine has been much admired."
"Admired?" said the Knave. "A virgin with her maidenhead intact or
else some boy who has yet to make his debut—people like that would
admire it. But apart from them, I'm afraid everyone else would find it as
hard as I do to flatter your honorable instrument."
"You mean to tell me that everybody's penis is bigger than mine?"
"I see them all the time—I must have inspected a thousand or two, at
least—and I don't think I've ever seen one quite as delicate as yours."
"Let's leave other people's out of it. The husbands of those women—
how do their members compare with mine?"
"Not much bigger—only two or three times the size and length."
84
 肉蒲团

Vesperus gave a laugh. "Now I know you're not telling me the truth!" he
said. "This shows that you don't want the responsibility of helping me and
are just looking for a way out. Let me ask you this: Perhaps you really did
see the two men in that household as you robbed their houses at night, but
as for the woman in the silk shop, you told me yourself that you visited her
only once, in the daytime, and that you spoke only to her and never met
the husband. How can you possibly be sure that his thing is two or three
times as big as mine?"
"I saw the other two with my own eyes," said the Knave. "This one I
only heard about. The first day I met her, I went and asked the neighbors
about her husband, and they told me his name. Then I asked them: 'Such a
beautiful woman—I wonder how she manages to get along with her stupid
clod of a husband?' 'Although the husband may look coarse,' they told me,
'he is fortunate enough to have an impressive endowment and that is why
the two of them rub along without any actual quarrels.' I then asked, 'How
large is his endowment?' Their reply was, 'We've never measured it, but in
summer, when he strips down, we've noticed it swinging about in his pants
the size of a laundry beater, so we know it's impressive.' I made a mental
note of that at the time, which is what led me to ask to see yours today.
Why else, for no reason whatever, would I want to inspect someone's
penis?"
At last it dawned on Vesperus that the Knave was telling him the truth,
and he began to feel depressed. After pondering a while, he went on,
"When a woman goes to bed with someone, it's not only from sexual
desire, you know. It may also be because she admires his mind or is
attracted by his looks. If neither his mind nor his looks amount to much, a
man is forced to rely on his sexual prowess. Now I happen to be quite well
endowed with looks and brains, and perhaps a woman will take that into
account and be a little less demanding in the other department. I implore
you to see this matter through for me. You mustn't ignore my many strong
points because of a single shortcoming and abandon your idea of helping a
friend."
"Talent and looks," said the Knave, "are sweeteners for the medicine of
seduction. Like ginger and dates, their flavor helps get the medicine inside,
but once it's in there, the medicine alone has to cure the disease; the ginger
and dates are of no further use. If a man goes in for seduction and has
neither looks nor talent, he'll not be able to get a foot in the door, but once
85
 肉蒲团

he is inside, his true powers are in demand. What are you planning to do
with her under the quilt, anyway, write poems on her pelvis? If someone
with a very limited endowment and stamina manages to get in by virtue of
his looks and talent and then gives a disappointing display the first few
times, he will very quickly get the cold shoulder. A fellow takes his life in
his hands when he goes in for adultery, and he therefore hopes for a love
affair that will last a long time. Why go to such trouble if all you have in
mind is two or three nights' fun? We thieves think we have to steal five
hundred or a thousand taels' worth of valuables in a break-in, just to make
up for the stigma we incur. For a couple of items we might as well stay
home, rather than incur the stigma and have nothing to show for it. But
let's ignore for the moment the man's desire for long-time pleasure. A
woman who deceives her husband and has an affair must take endless
precautions and suffer innumerable alarms, poor thing, in order to get
some real pleasure. All well and good if she enjoys it a few hundred or
even a few dozen times. But if she gets no pleasure out of the affair at all,
she's no better off than a hen mounted by a rooster. The hen scarcely
knows what's going on inside her before it's over. The woman's life has
been wasted and her reputation lost, all for nothing! Not an easy thought to
live with! Forgive me for what I'm going to say, worthy brother, but while
endowment and stamina like yours are all right for keeping your wife on
the straight and narrow, they are not enough to sustain any wild ideas
about debauching other men's wives and daughters. Luckily I was shrewd
enough to measure the customer before cutting the cloth. If I'd simply set
to work without asking your measurements, the garments would have been
far too big for you. What a waste of material! And apart altogether from
the woman's resentment, I'm afraid you, too, would have blamed me in
your heart for not acting in good faith but deliberately choosing someone
too large for you so as to get myself off the hook. I'm a straightforward
sort of fellow, and I put things crudely, but I hope you won't hold it against
me. From now on if you need any money or clothing, I'm only too ready to
provide it. But as to this other matter, I simply cannot do your bidding."
From the forcefulness with which the Knave spoke, Vesperus realized
that the affair was a lost cause. He knew, too, that the money and clothing
would be stolen goods, and he was afraid of the trouble they could land
him in.

86
 肉蒲团

"I am in rather a difficult spot," he said, "but I haven't spent all my travel
money yet, and I still have a few plain garments left. I would not want to
put you to any expense."
After saying a few things to comfort his friend, the Knave made as if to
leave. Vesperus, his hopes dashed, could not find it in his heart to ask him
to stay, and showed him to the gate.
After this frustration did Vesperus curb his desires? Did he reform? The
reader is not the only one who is perplexed over these issues; the author
himself is not sure, either, and will have to continue into the next chapter
before he resolves them. Thus far, although Vesperus's mind has been
corrupted, his conduct is without blemish. He is still, believe it or not, a
man who could lead a virtuous life.
CRITIQUE

Each passage of discourse is bound to contain several superb images

that invariably delight the reader and cause him to burst out laughing.
They are too numerous to list in full, but two examples may be cited: the
likening of sex tonics to examination tonics and the comparison of talent
and looks with medicinal sweeteners. Humorous though these remarks are,
they also contain a profound truth. I don't know how many thousand
apertures the author's mind possesses, to radiate such brilliance!

87
 肉蒲团

CHAPTER SEVEN
Complaining of his physical endowment, he laments with hand on groin;
Hoping to rectify his failing, he prays on bended knee.
Lyric:
Men's desires, how hard to satisfy!
They weep, who've never known adversity.
And other unfortunates there are,
Who in the midst of joy will heave a sigh:
"I have no luck!" they'll cry,
All because their desires are set too high.
(To the tune "Dreamlike Song")

Let us tell how Vesperus's joyous mood was swept clean away by what
the Knave had said. After the latter's departure, he was like a dead man,
unable to bring himself either to speak or to eat. He sat alone in his room,
turning the following thoughts over and over in his mind: In the course of
my twenty-odd years I've seen a great many things in this world, but I've
rarely seen another man's penis. Ordinary people keep theirs tucked away
under their clothes, where naturally they can't be seen. The only time
anyone showed me his was when those nancy-boys took down their
trousers and did it with me, but they were younger than I was and naturally
their things were smaller than mine. Since the only ones I ever saw were
smaller, mine appeared larger. When I was young and played the nancy-
boy myself with my schoolmates, we did see each other's things, but we
were all of an age and naturally we were about the same size. I came to
regard that size as normal and assumed from my own experience that
everybody's was much the same. But he claims he has never seen one as
small as mine. If so, it's utterly useless! What good is it?
There's one thing that puzzles me, though, Vesperus reflected. When I
had sex with my wife, she enjoyed it every bit as much as I did. And in the
days when I used to visit courtesans and seduce maids, they would cry out
with passion and spend, too, which they never would have done if this
thing hadn't brought them pleasure! If it's so useless now, why wasn't it

88
 肉蒲团

useless then? Why has it become useless all of a sudden? Obviously he

must have been deceiving me in order to get out of his commitments.
Thus a moment of suspicion was followed by a moment of wild hope,
after which Vesperus suddenly awoke to the truth: No, that's not it, he said
to himself. My wife's vagina was quite unformed before I developed it.
Now its dimensions match my own exactly—a perfect fit, with no room to
spare, between my shortness and thinness and her smallness and
shallowness, which is why she enjoys it. It's like cleaning your ears. If a
tiny cleaner is inserted in a tiny ear and twiddled about, it gives a pleasant
sensation, whereas in a large ear it may have little or no effect.
The Knave told me the other day that women have ways of faking their
cries. Who knows whether the maids and courtesans I slept with may not
have felt obliged to flatter me after accepting my money and presents? In
fact perhaps they didn't even want to give any cries at all, but just faked
them to deceive me. And if their cries can be faked, why not their spending
too? The things he told me may not be entirely reliable, but they can't
simply be dismissed either. From now on, whenever I meet someone, I'll
make a point of looking at his penis to see if it bears out what the Knave
says.
Henceforth, whenever he attended a literary gathering and one of his
friends went out to relieve himself, Vesperus would follow along and do
likewise, glancing first at his friend's penis and then back at his own. It
was true; everybody's was more impressive than his. Even when he was
going along the road and noticed someone relieving himself outdoors, he
would be sure to scrutinize the man's organ out of the corner of his eye.
Nothing in the world is proof against self-doubt. Before, when he
thought he had a large penis, even if he had met up with a Xue Aocao, he
would have concluded his was better because Xue's was mainly for show
and might be of no practical use.[50] But now that he was consumed with
fears about his own size, even if he had seen a boy's, he'd have felt, The
boy's is better than mine, for even if mine is the same size, it may not be as
firm as his.
For these thoughts, gentle reader, you must not laugh at him. This was a
golden opportunity to purge himself of evil and lay a foundation for
cultivating his virtue and reforming his conduct. Who knows, perhaps Lu
Nanzi, who shut his door against an importunate widow, and Liuxia Hui,
89
 肉蒲团

who kept his self-control with a girl on his knee, may have shared these
very thoughts of his, thoughts that have made them the leading paragons of
all time.
After Vesperus had completed his comparative studies, his desires began
to slacken and he became less and less inclined to run risks for the sake of
sex. Although the Knave's advice was harsh medicine, he thought, I shall
just have to swallow it. At least he is a man! I felt like hiding my face in
shame when he laughed at me, but think how I'd have felt if I'd been
having sex with a woman and right in the middle she had come out with
some scathing remark! What should I have done then, stopped and
withdrawn, or stayed on until I was ejected? From now on, I'm going to
give up all thought of seduction and devote myself wholeheartedly to my
proper task. If I can succeed in the examinations, I'll put up some money
and buy a couple of virgins as concubines. Theirs will be smaller than
mine, and naturally I'll earn their appreciation rather than their contempt.
Why waste my energy on all these religious exercises?
After this decision, he gave up his frivolous pursuits and concentrated
on his studies. If he noticed any women coming to burn incense, he no
longer rushed off to look at them. In fact, if he met any outside the temple,
he would duck inside to avoid them, lest they discern his contours through
his unlined summer gown and have a private snicker at his expense.
Needless to say, if he met a woman in the street, he would hang his head
and pass quickly by.
However, because he was a young man in his prime, a certain
tumescence made itself felt after a week or two of this harsh regime. His
answer was to add a cummerbund to hide this one shortcoming of his from
women's prying eyes. As for his other, outstanding features, he was still
more than willing to flaunt them.
One day while walking along one of the streets, he observed a young
woman open her door curtain and start chatting with a neighbor across the
street, revealing her profile as she did so. Seeing this from a distance, he at
once shortened his pace and advanced very slowly to listen to her voice
and look at her face. Her enunciation was as clear, sweet, and perfectly
cadenced as the sound of a panpipe or a flute; every word she uttered left
an echo lingering in the ear. On reaching her doorway, Vesperus looked
closely at her face and figure. She bore a strong resemblance to the woman
90
 肉蒲团

the Knave had described: her face was like a priceless pearl radiating light
while her figure was like a great beauty's portrait swaying in the breeze
behind the curtain. "Perhaps she is the one he mentioned," he surmised.
After a moment's observation, he walked past a few more houses and
then asked a bystander, "Is there a silk merchant here by the name of
Honest Quan? You wouldn't happen to know where he lives, I suppose?"
"You've just passed his house," said the bystander. "Inside that curtain
there, where the woman is talking—that's his place."
His hunch confirmed, Vesperus turned around and took another good
look at her before going back to his lodgings. When the Knave described
her beauty to me, he thought, I didn't believe him. I felt that, although he
claimed to be a connoisseur, he might not be the best judge of quality. I
never dreamed he'd have such a marvelous eye! Since he judged this one
so perfectly, it goes without saying that his judgment of the other two will
be equally reliable. To think that such classic beauties are available and
such an extraordinary gallant stands ready to help, and yet I'm missing out
on three heaven-sent chances just because this thing of mine has let me
down! Oh, the frustration of it all!
After a moment's fury he shut his door, undid his belt, and, taking out
his penis, examined it from every angle. Then rage seized him again and
he longed to fetch a sharp knife and cut it off, ridding himself forever of
this sorry excuse for a penis that was attached to his body for all to see.
After a moment he launched into a bitter tirade: "This is all the Lord of
Heaven's fault! If you wanted to indulge me, you should have indulged me
all the way; why did you have to leave me with this handicap? My looks
and talent are only for show, they're of no practical use. You endowed me
liberally enough with them, but in the case of this all-important item you
wouldn't even lift a finger to help! Do you mean to tell me that adding a
few inches to its length and circumference would have cost you any
endowment? Why not use someone else's surplus to make up my shortage?
Even if bodily material can't be exchanged once people have been
endowed, why not take some flesh from my own legs, some sinew from
under my skin, some of my body's strength, and redistribute it here? That
would have been ample. Instead, why did you take the material needed
here and distribute it elsewhere, so that what I really need becomes useless
and the things I don't need I have too much of? No doubt about it, this is
91
 肉蒲团

all the Lord of Heaven's fault! I've seen this beautiful girl, but I don't dare
make a move. I'm like a starving man who sees a dish of food with the
most wonderful aroma but can't swallow it because his mouth is full of
sores. It's enough to make one weep!" And he began to sob bitterly.
Later he went over to the temple, where he strolled about trying to shake
off his depression. There he happened to notice a new poster stuck on the
screen wall outside the temple gate. Its message, cast in the form of a four-
line verse, differed from all the other messages; it was as if the Lord of
Heaven had heard his piteous weeping and sent an immortal down to Earth
to relieve his misery. It read,
A TRUE MAN FROM A DISTANT LAND
HAS COME TO TEACH THE BEDROOM ART.
HE CAN TAKE A PUNY GROIN
AND TURN IT INTO A MIGHTY PART.

The space beneath the poem, which was in large script, was filled with a
line or two of tiny characters:
Passing through this area, I have taken lodging in room _____ in the
_____ Temple. Those interested in receiving instruction should make haste
to honor me with a visit. If they delay, they will be too late for a
consultation.
Vesperus read both poem and postscript several times. So great was his
astonishment that he burst into wild laughter. "What an amazing thing!
Just when I'm at my wit's end about the size of my penis, along comes this
immortal peddling his art and puts up a poster where I happen to see it! It
has to be Heaven's will!"
He flew into the temple, sealed up some introductory gifts, and put them
into a small box, which he had one of his pages carry while he found his
way to the address given in the poster.
The adept in question proved to be an old man of awe-inspiring
appearance, with a boyish face and white hair. At the sight of Vesperus he
folded his hands in front of him and asked, "Well, my good sir, have you
come to study the bedroom art?"
"Yes," said Vesperus.

92
 肉蒲团

"Which program are you interested in, the one in altruism or the one in
egotism?"
"Let me ask, venerable sir," said Vesperus, "what you mean by altruism
and egotism?"
"If your sole desire is to serve the woman and bring her pleasure without
attempting to gain any yourself, that is an easy art to learn. You just take a
little sperm-suppressant to make your semen come more slowly, rub some
analgesic ointment on your penis to numb it until it has no more feeling
than a lump of iron, and you'll no longer care whether you spend or not.
That's what I mean by altruism.
"If, on the other hand, you wish to attain pleasure with the woman, so
that every sensation her vagina feels your penis feels too, and so that with
every withdrawal you both come back to life and with every thrust you
both begin to die, now that is mutual pleasure, true enjoyment. The trouble
is that at the height of pleasure you will both inevitably want to spend, and
the woman will be afraid of spending too late and the man of spending too
soon. The most difficult art of all is to get the man to spend less the more
he enjoys himself and the woman to enjoy herself more the more she
spends. That kind of pleasure is much harder to attain; self-cultivation is
the main requirement, supplemented by medication. If you wish to study
it, you will have to accompany me on my travels for several years and
gradually reach enlightenment before you attain the reality. It is not
something that can be mastered in a day or a night."
"In that case I can't study it," said Vesperus. "It will have to be the
course in altruism. I already have some of that vital medicine in my
lodgings and I won't presume to ask you for more. But it's a commonplace
technique at best, one that enables you to hold out but not to increase your
size. Your poster claims that you can 'take a puny groin and turn it into a
mighty part,' and that was what brought me here to seek instruction. What
method is it, I wonder, that can actually effect a change?"
"There are various methods, from which one must choose according to
the client's capacity. First, one must see the original size. Second, one must
ask how much of an increase the client wants. And third, one must ask if
he can bear it and if he is prepared to make the sacrifice. Only when those
three questions have been answered can one decide which procedure to
use. It is not a casual decision, by any means."
93
 肉蒲团

"What if it is large to begin with?" asked Vesperus. "Or small to begin

with? What happens if you enlarge it a lot? Or a little? What if one can
bear it and is prepared to make the sacrifice? And what if one can't? Please
advise me on all these points so that I can make my choice."
"If the original size is not particularly small and only a modest increase
is sought, the treatment is quite simple. You needn't even ask the client any
questions. All you have to do is rub some analgesic on his member to
make it insensitive and then fumigate and cleanse it with medication. With
every fumigation and cleansing it must be kneaded and pulled. The
fumigation is to make it firmer and the cleansing to make it stronger; the
kneading is to make it thicker and the pulling to make it longer. If you do
this for three days and nights, you can increase the original size by up to a
third. This is a procedure that people are happy to consent to and that they
need have no qualms about, so you apply it right off without asking any
questions.
"If the original is small and the client wants to increase it by a large
amount, the procedure involves an operation, hence the client must be
asked if he can bear it and is prepared to make the sacrifice. If he is a timid
soul unwilling to take the risk, you should stop right there. But if he puts
lovemaking above life itself, you proceed without hesitation to a
restructuring. For that you need a dog and a bitch, which you shut up in an
empty room, where they will naturally start copulating. You wait until they
are right in the middle of the act, then pull them apart. A dog's penis is an
extremely hot organ that expands, on entering the vulva, to several times
its former size; even after ejaculation it cannot be withdrawn for a long
time, let alone before. You seize this moment to amputate it with a sharp
knife, after which you cut open the bitch's vagina and extract the dog's
penis, slice it into four strips, and then, after quickly numbing the client's
penis with an analgesic to render it insensitive to pain, make four deep
incisions on the sides, top, and bottom. You force one of the strips from the
dog's penis, still hot, into each incision and promptly apply a miracle
dressing to close the wound. In all this your one fear is that the incision be
done incorrectly, for that would harm the client's penile vessels and render
him impotent. But so long as the vessels are unharmed, there is no cause
for concern. After a month of recuperation, the parts inside the dressing
will have grown together so completely that they are no longer
recognizable as human or canine. When, after a further period of
94
 肉蒲团

recuperation, the patient engages in sex, the heat generated will be as

intense as a dog's. Before the penis enters the vagina, it will look several
times its original size, but once it enters, it will grow several times as big
again. In effect one penis has been turned into dozens of penises. You don't
think the vagina feels any pleasure, eh? You don't think the woman enjoys
it?"
On hearing these words, Vesperus felt as if resurrected from the dead.
Before he could so much as reply, he found himself on his knees, pleading,
"If you can do this for me, you will be restoring me to life!"
The adept quickly helped Vesperus to his feet. "You need only recognize
me as your teacher. Why this elaborate ceremony?"
"Your student has a highly lecherous nature and regards sex as life itself.
Unfortunately I am handicapped by a natural endowment that prevents me
from fulfilling my aspirations. This meeting with an immortal is the
luckiest encounter ever! I wouldn't dare give you anything less than a royal
obeisance before imploring you to help me." He then called to the page to
bring forward the gifts, which he proffered with his own hands. "Just a few
unworthy presents to mark your acceptance of me as a student. After the
restructuring, I shall make every effort to reward you. I will never go back
on my obligations."
"But what I told you is only the way it works in theory; there is a ninety-
percent chance that it won't be possible. I'm afraid I cannot accept your
magnificent gifts without further assurances."
"But it has to be possible!" exclaimed Vesperus. "It's my nature to
disregard life itself for the sake of lovemaking. If, by the grace of Heaven,
the restructuring turns out well and a puny groin is transformed into a
mighty part, I shall of course be immensely grateful to you and sing your
praises everywhere. But even if there's a mistake in the course of the
operation and a slip of the scalpel costs me my life, that will be the fault of
my destiny and I'll bear you no ill-will from the Nine Springs.[51] Please,
venerable sir, there's no need to hesitate a moment longer."
"If I weren't familiar with this procedure and confident of the outcome, I
wouldn't dream of gambling with a man's life! What concerns me is not the
danger but the three drawbacks that result from restructuring, all of which
will give you trouble. That is why I don't take this decision lightly. Let me
95
 肉蒲团

explain those drawbacks, for only if you consent to all three of them will I
accede to your request. If there is a single one you don't consent to, I shall
be unable to proceed."
"What are they? Please tell me."
"The first is that you must wait a hundred and twenty days after the
operation before having sex. If you have sex just once within that period, it
will damage you internally and cause the human and canine parts to
rupture. And not only will the implants fail to take, your own penis will
fester and drop off. That was why I raised the question of whether you
could bear it. What I meant was not whether you could bear the pain but
whether you could bear to abstain from sex.
"The second drawback is that only a woman in her twenties or thirties
will be able to accommodate you. A girl under twenty, even if she has lost
her maidenhead, will suffer terribly during her first encounter with you,
unless she has already given birth. The same caveat applies with even
greater force to virgins, needless to say. You will be killing every one of
them that you sleep with. There will be no chance survivors. Unless you
undertake not to marry a virgin and not to sleep with any young women, I
shan't proceed with the operation. Otherwise, not only will your moral
credit be damaged, I, too, as your accessory, will be guilty of a grievous
sin.
"The third drawback is that, although your acquired strength will be
more than ample, some of your innate supply of vital energy will
inevitably escape during the operation. There will certainly not be enough
left, and hence no guarantee that you will ever be able to have children.
Any children you do have will tend to die young. That is what I meant
when I spoke of making a sacrifice. I was not asking whether you were
prepared to sacrifice your life, or even whether you were afraid of death,
but whether you would sacrifice your chances of marrying a virgin and
having children.
"I've observed that you are a young man of great ambition. In the first
place your sexual desires are too urgent to allow you to go three months
without sex. Secondly your sexual appetites are too great for you to
guarantee not to sleep with a virgin at some point. And thirdly you're still
very young. I daresay you don't have any sons yet, or at least not more
than one or two. That is how I know that these three things will give you
96
 肉蒲团

trouble. When you first heard of the operation, you thought only of its
benefits, not of its dangers, and you got excited and wanted to start at once.
Now that you know the dangers as well as the benefits, you'll not be so
quick to experiment."
"None of those drawbacks troubles me in the slightest," said Vesperus.
"Set your mind at rest, my good sir, and get on with the restructuring."
"How can they not trouble you?"
"I'm living in rented rooms," said Vesperus, "which is very different
from living at home. If I don't have the operation, I'll still be sleeping on
my own every night, so if I do have it, what will I be giving up? Your first
drawback doesn't bother me and is no reason for not going ahead. As for
women, it is only one's first wife who has to be a virgin; with maids and
concubines it doesn't matter. Since I already have a wife, there's no need
for me to worry. Moreover, virgins make the least satisfactory sexual
partners. They know nothing whatever of sex or passion, and the men who
sleep with them are just trying to make a name for themselves; they
certainly derive no pleasure from it. For real enjoyment you need a woman
in her twenties who will know something about opening, development,
reversal, and closure. Because sex is really like an essay, in which each
section has its mode of organization and each stage its type of parallelism.
This is well beyond the capacity of a child just learning how to write.
"Thus your second drawback doesn't bother me either; in fact it suits
me. It is certainly no reason for not going ahead. As for sons, other men
may set great store by them, but I don't. Worthy, filial sons are far fewer
than the unworthy, incorrigible kind. How many sons are there like King
Wu, who excelled at continuing the family line? How many sons are there
like Master Zeng, who scrupulously honored his parents' wishes? If I were
lucky enough to have a good son, I'd give him a free start in life and he'd
support me in my old age, but that would be merely a fair exchange—
nothing out of the ordinary. If I had an unworthy, unfilial son, he'd lose the
property and make me die of apoplexy, and when that happened, I'd
bitterly regret having had sex once too often, emitting my sperm and blood
to such a sorry end.
"That is what happens to people with sons. However, at least one or two
men in every ten will have no sons at all, because that is their fate. You're
surely not going to tell me it's because all their vital energy escaped during
97
 肉蒲团

penile reconstruction? The mere fact that I have this wish is a sign that I'm
not due to have any sons. I am quite prepared to have none, I definitely
want to have the operation, and I assure you that I'll have no second
thoughts. Obviously Heaven and Earth, as well as my ancestors, are aware
that it's my fate to have no sons, so they're not trying to stop me. It's yet
another sign that I'm not due to have any.
"And if I'm not fated to have sons, it doesn't make any difference
whether I have the operation or not. If by some chance I should be fated to
have a son, my vital energy may congeal during the operation and not
escape completely, and I may still father a child who will survive to
maturity. These are things that cannot be anticipated, and I won't set my
heart on them, just resign myself to being childless.
"So as to your two requirements, sir, I can bear to wait and I am willing
to make the sacrifice. In my eyes your drawbacks are actually advantages.
There is no need for any further doubts about me. Please go ahead with the
restructuring."
"Since you are so set on it," said the adept, "I shall certainly go ahead. I
have no desire to create difficulties. Well, now, we shall have to set a date
for surgery and decide whether it should be done at your honorable
establishment or in my humble abode. It must be done in secrecy, without
a soul knowing, because if someone heard about it and came along to spy
on us, we would find it impossible to carry on."
"My humble quarters are very cramped," said Vesperus, "and there are
people coming by all the time. It would be embarrassing if they saw us,
and we could hardly continue. It would be better to use your honorable
abode."
Once the arrangements had been agreed on, the adept accepted the gifts.
Then, asking Vesperus his age and date of birth, he took out an almanac
and chose three or four dates, all of which were fire days. (The penis
belongs to the fire element, because "in the time of fire, the yang is
strongest.") From among the dates he chose one for the surgery that did
not clash with his patient's destiny. Vesperus then took his leave and
returned to his lodgings in a euphoric mood.
This incident was the root cause of all the evil he was to do during the
rest of his life. Clearly it is wrong to study the bedroom art, for once
98
 肉蒲团

learned, it tends to corrupt our thinking. If officials wish to apprehend

adulterers, all they need do is lie in wait for them at the sex-aids shop. For
the man has not been born who buys sex tonics and studies the bedroom
art for the sole purpose of pleasing his wife.
CRITIQUE

If anyone else were writing this book, he would certainly have told us
how, after the Knave dashed his hopes, Vesperus realized that his penis
was inadequate and sought desperately for someone to rectify it. After the
rectification, this writer would have enjoyed telling how Vesperus lusted
after women, in order to excite his readers and silence any criticism that
his narrative had too many branches and too little trunk. Such a writer
would never have been willing to insert the passage in which Vesperus
stops looking at women, the passage in which a young libertine is
suddenly transformed into a puritan. Only our author, with the eye of a
dispassionate observer, would devote his attention to such an episode,
looking back and lingering over it, reluctant simply to tell it and be done
with it. No doubt there is a profound meaning here. The author is not
merely concocting an interesting turn of events to liven up his narrative, he
is providing adulterers with a way to turn back. Had Vesperus really
changed his ways, he would not be about to lose his reputation or moral
credit, nor would his wife and concubine be about to pay for his sins of the
flesh. It is clear that even the worst sinner becomes a good man once he
wishes to repent his sins, but that he must not have a further change of
heart after repenting.
Readers should pay particular attention to this kind of passage, chewing
the olive inside the date until they can taste its flavor. The author's
profundity is apparent well before the end of his book.

CHAPTER EIGHT
After Vesperus cultivates himself for three months, a friend eyes him anew;
When he flaunts his looks just once, a beauty loses her heart.
Lyric:
Song Yu's brilliance, Pan An's beauty,

99
 肉蒲团

The grace of the willow tree,

Youth like the flowery season's start,
A temper mild, a patient heart-
With these five things a seducer you can be.

Two other things there are, both hard to counterfeit:

Be born with a lover's grace
And by love's lucky star be blessed.
With these seven things, if you start your quest,
Expense of spirit is all you'll have to face.
(To the tune "Butterflies Adoring the Flowers")
100
Taking leave of the adept, Vesperus returned to his lodgings, where he
lay in bed contemplating the sexual adventures he would enjoy after
reconstruction. He felt the excitement building up in him.
I've been living the single life for ages, he reflected, and my heart is
choked with long-repressed desire. I'll never be able to bear the period of
enforced impotence after tomorrow's operation. Before I go under the
knife, I ought to take this chance to find a woman and have a bout or two
with her. It would act like a dose of rhubarb and purge all the emotional
congestion from my system.
Preoccupied by these concerns, Vesperus had trouble sleeping. He was
about to get up and go in search of a prostitute when it occurred to him
that by this hour prostitutes would be busy with their clients and reluctant
to open their doors to him. For a while he endured the frustration, then
realized, I have emergency relief right here at hand! Why not get it out and
put it to use? I've been ignoring the unbolted south gate while trying the
blocked-off north road.[52] He then called one of his pages into bed, to
serve as a woman and allow him to work off his desire.
He possessed two pages, one named Satchel, the other Sheath. Because
Satchel, who was only fifteen, could read a little, Vesperus had entrusted
his books to the boy's care as if he were a satchel, hence the name. To
Sheath, who was a few years older, Vesperus had entrusted his antique
sword, an heirloom, as if he were a sheath, hence his name. Both boys
were attractive; indeed, apart from their big feet, they were on a par with
the most beautiful women. But Sheath was somewhat artless and lacking
in coquetry, and although Vesperus had frequently dallied with him, he had
100
 肉蒲团

never been completely satisfied. Satchel, on the other hand, although

younger, was extremely artful and an expert sexual partner. While joining
Vesperus in his pleasures, he was able, like a woman, both to raise his
buttocks to meet Vesperus's thrusts and also to utter cries of passion.
Vesperus favored him, and so on this occasion it was Satchel, not Sheath,
whom he called into bed to help him vent his now violent desires.
Satchel waited until he had finished, then asked in a coquettish tone,
"Master, you've been so preoccupied with women that you've completely
neglected the two of us. Why this sudden interest in reopening the old
accounts?"
"This is not sex we're having tonight," said Vesperus. "This is a
farewell."
"A farewell? Surely you couldn't bear to part with us?"
"Who said anything about selling you? Perhaps the word farewell needs
some clarification: I'm not the one saying farewell, it's my penis that's
saying farewell to your buttocks."
"But why?"
"Well, as you know, I'm due to have my penis restructured in a day or
two. After the operation it will be dozens of times bigger than it is now.
Even a woman whose vagina is a little on the tight side will no longer be
able to receive me. So after tonight you and I won't be able to have sex
again. If that's not a farewell, I don't know what is!"
"Perhaps yours is rather small, but why would you want to restructure
it?"
Vesperus explained that women differed from boys in preferring the
large to the small.
"So after surgery you intend to seduce girls? You'll have no use for us?"
"That's right."
"When you go off on your seductions, you'll need to have an escort.
Take me along, and if there are any girls left over whom you don't have
time for, give one to me so that I can see what sex with a woman is like.
That way I'll not have wasted my time in the service of a great lover."

101
 肉蒲团

"That's easily arranged. A well-fed general doesn't starve his troops, you
know. While their mistresses are sleeping with me, you shall have any
maid you want. And not just one, but dozens, hundreds …"
Satchel was so delighted that he climbed on top of Vesperus and doused
the flesh-colored candle.
Vesperus slept the rest of that night. The next morning he assembled the
things he would need. He bought an extremely plump, sturdy dog; he
found a bitch to match with it; and he kept them in separate quarters in his
lodgings until the next day, when he told Satchel to fetch the dogs and
accompany him. Sheath was to prepare the wine and bring it along later.
Since he dealt in such secret techniques, the adept had found himself a
large, very private place surrounded by open land where there were no
casual visitors. Once the gate was shut, it offered the ideal setting for the
operation. To prepare for the surgery, he applied analgesic to Vesperus's
penis. At the first application of the ointment, Vesperus felt as if his organ
had been plunged into cold water and then as if he had no organ at all, for
he felt no sensation when it was pinched and scratched. Some of his
tension left him at that point, as it dawned on him that he would feel no
pain during surgery.
Before long the wine arrived, and Vesperus and the adept drank as they
waited for the dog and bitch to couple.
These two hot-blooded creatures were apparently under the impression
that their new master wanted to do them a special favor and had purposely
brought them to some out-of-the-way place where they could couple
freely, without interruption from other males dashing up to pick fights or
other females acting jealous. And so, not daring to betray their master's
generosity, they spliced themselves together as soon as they were in each
other's company. Little did they realize, however, that theirs was an
impecunious master who meant to appropriate their very endowment.
The dogs had been brought to the operating room with ropes around
their necks, and the ropes had not been removed. Now that the dogs were
enthusiastically coupling, all that Satchel and Sheath had to do was give a
strong tug on the ropes for them to be pulled half apart like a severed lotus
root with its fibers still entwined. The male could not bear to be parted and
began to bark furiously, while his hind legs tried to grip the female's vulva
102
 肉蒲团

and prevent it from slipping away. To his surprise, he could not hold on,
and both vulva and penis were removed together. The female could not
bear the thought of separation any more than the male, and she barked
furiously, too, her hind legs holding his penis to prevent it from slipping
out. To her surprise, the penis could not be held either, but was removed
along with her vulva.
After cutting out the dog's penis, the adept quickly made the incisions in
Vesperus's penis and, having sliced the dog's into strips, packed one strip,
still hot, into each incision. He then applied a miracle drug and bandaged it
up. Once the operation was over, he and Vesperus resumed their drinking.
Vesperus asked the adept if he might stay the night. The two men shared
the same bed, and in the course of the night the adept passed along much
tactical information. Next day Vesperus returned home to begin his
convalescence.
During the next three months, thanks to his self-control, he never once
looked at a woman or entertained a lascivious thought. He neither peeked
at his restructured penis nor felt it with his hand, but acted as if it was still
the same. Only when the critical period was over did he take off the
bandages, clean it out, and examine it closely, at which point he let out a
whoop of laughter. "It's simply magnificent! It really is different! With an
amazing thing like this, I'll be able to run wild!"
After another day or two, just as he was thinking of going to look for the
Knave and urging him to make good on his promise, the latter happened to
come by.
"Worthy brother," said the Knave, "you haven't been out in ages, just
stayed quietly at home. You must have made a lot of progress in your
examination studies."
"None at all, although I have made a little progress in my study of
bedroom techniques."
The Knave smiled. "If you're not born with the right capacity, the
progress will always be limited, I'm afraid. I would urge you not to spend
your time on that subject."
"Just what are you suggesting, brother? When you meet a gentleman
again after three days, you should look at him with a fresh eye, you know.

103
 肉蒲团

An even fresher eye in my case, for you've not seen me in three months!
Do I still have to put up with your insults, even if I've made some
progress?"
"If you've made any progress, it will be merely cosmetic and won't
affect the real issue. You're like a man in combat training; if he has an
exceptional physique and strength, he'll naturally be in great demand. But
if he's less than three feet tall and can't lift ten pounds, even if he practices
constantly and masters all eighteen techniques, he'll have to confine his
fighting to the puppet theatre. He can hardly take part in real combat!"
"Brother, you're going farther and farther astray! Have you never seen a
boy three feet tall develop into a husky man? Have you never heard that
before an army races with the speed of a hare, it's as demure as a maiden?
[53] Only dead men's penises can shrink but not grow. What living man's
thing never grows, but stays predictably the same?"
"I simply don't believe it. The pecker on a twelve- or thirteen-year-old
boy who has never produced a drop may grow by the day, but in the case
of a man in his twenties, if his penis is going to develop at all, it will do so
very little, by millimeters rather than centimeters."
"If it were just a matter of centimeters, you wouldn't notice the
difference. It would only be noteworthy if it grew several times bigger."
"Impossible! We may have get-rich-quick millionaires, but there are no
get-big-quick penises! Anyway take it out and let me see it."
"The last time I did that I had to put up with a stream of ridicule from
you. That same day I made a solemn vow never to show my penis to
anyone ever again. Then I stuck the vow on my wall. I'm not going to
make a spectacle of myself a second time."
"Stop making fun of me, brother, and hurry up and show me. I hope it
has grown a bit. If so, I shall offer it my humblest apologies."
"A verbal apology won't suffice. Only if you find it a real opportunity
for action, to try it out and give it encouragement, will you be showing a
desire to foster talent."
"You're right. If it really has developed, I'll foster it with that affair we
spoke of."

104
 肉蒲团

"Very well, then, I suppose I shall have to make a spectacle of myself all
over again."
It was the beginning of winter, and Vesperus was wearing a padded
jacket and lined trousers. Thinking his clothes would be too bulky to allow
a close inspection, he tied his sash around his waist, tucked up his shirt,
and let down his trousers. Then he presented his penis with both hands,
like the Persian offering up his jewel.
"Well, has it made any progress? Take a look."
The Knave, who was standing some way off, thought he must have
obtained a donkey's member from somewhere and attached it to his waist.
Not until he came close and scrutinized it did he realize that it was the
genuine article. He gaped in astonishment.
"What method did you use to turn that puny object into something so
impressive?"
"I don't know exactly, but after you provoked it, it suddenly pulled itself
together in an effort to do me credit. There was no holding it back."
"Don't you try to fool me! I can see the surgical scars, as well as four
strips of a different color. Come on now, tell me the truth, what ingenious
technique is behind all this?"
Vesperus could hold out no longer against his friend's questions. He
proceeded to relate how he had met the adept and undergone transplant
surgery with the aid of a dog's penis.
"The lengths you go to for the sake of sex! You'll obviously succeed,
because you'll let nothing stand in your way. I can see I have no choice but
to help you out in this affair.
Luckily I still have a few pieces of gold on me. Let's go over to her
place now and see if there's any opening."
Overjoyed, Vesperus hastily changed his clothes, put on a new cap, and
went out with the Knave. When they came near her shop, the Knave asked
him to wait while he went ahead and spied out the land.
Before long he was back, a broad grin on his face. "Congratulations!
You're in luck! Provided you have the right destiny, you can pull it off
tonight."
105
 肉蒲团

"But we've never even met," said Vesperus. "How can you be so sure
about tonight?"
"I've just heard from the neighbors that her husband is off on a buying
trip and won't be back for over ten days. You'll burst in with me and start
making advances to her. If she shows any liking for you, I'll find a way to
get you in there tonight. You'll be able to count on ten days of pleasure
with her."
"I shall owe everything to you."
When they reached the shop, the woman was sitting inside, spinning
silk. The Knave pushed the bamboo curtain aside and he and Vesperus
burst in.
"Is Master Quan at home?"
"No, he's away buying silk," she replied.
"I was thinking of buying a few pounds. Since he isn't here, what shall I
do?"
"You could always go somewhere else for it."
Vesperus intervened. "We could get it anywhere, of course, but we've
been customers of yours for a long time and would prefer not to patronize
someone else. Moreover, other people's silk may not be of the highest
quality. We feel more confident buying from you."
"If you're customers of ours, how is it I don't know you?"
"Where's your memory, ma'am?" put in the Knave. "I was in here last
summer buying silk. Your husband was away then, too, and you served me
yourself. You got a roll down from on top and sold it to me. Surely you
haven't forgotten?"
"No, I do remember that."
"Since you remember," said Vesperus, "you must know we haven't come
here to haggle. If you have some silk, bring it out and sell it to us. Why
drive business away to your competitors?"
"I do have a few pounds," she said, "but I don't know if they'll meet
your requirements."

106
 肉蒲团

"How could your silk not meet our requirements? It is more likely too
good. I'm afraid a poor student like me may not be able to afford it."
"You're too kind. Well, won't you take a seat while I get it out?"
The Knave made Vesperus take the upper seat, which was closer, so that
he could flirt with her more easily.
The woman brought out a roll of silk and handed it to Vesperus. As she
did so, she remained impassive and did not look closely at him.
Before he even took the silk, Vesperus said, "This is too yellow. I'm
afraid it won't do." Then, after taking it and inspecting it, he said to the
Knave, "That's funny! In madam's hands it looked a yellowy brown, but in
mine it's white again. How do you account for that?" He pretended to
ponder the answer, then went on: "I know! Madam's hands are too white,
and so they make the silk look yellow by comparison. My hands are dark,
and so they make it look white."
When she heard this remark, her eyes fastened on Vesperus's hands and
examined them. "Your honorable hands can hardly be called dark," she
said at last. Despite this, she retained her serious expression, with no trace
of a smile.
"His hands may not be dark as compared with mine," said the Knave,
"but compared with madam's they're certainly not white."
"If you think the silk is white, why don't you buy it?" she asked.
"But it's white only in comparison with my unworthy hands," said
Vesperus. "Obviously it's not really white. Only silk the color of madam's
honorable hands will do. Please bring some out and show it to us."
"Where in the world are you going to find silk as white as that?" asked
the Knave. "If we could only get some the color of your complexion, it
would be all right."
At this remark the woman's eyes fastened on Vesperus's face and
examined it. This time her face lit up with pleasure. "I'm afraid there's no
silk in the world as white as that," she said with a smile.
Gentle reader, why do you suppose she smiled now but not before? Why
do you think she looked closely at him now but not before? The truth is
she was nearsighted and could see nobody more than a few feet away.
107
 肉蒲团

When Vesperus entered the shop, she thought he was just another
customer. Then, when she heard him describe himself as a poor student,
she realized he was a licentiate, but still thought him ordinary and did not
scrutinize him. Because she had to strain her eyes in order to see people,
she never looked closely at a man on meeting him.
In general, among nearsighted women the pretty ones outnumber the
ugly and the intelligent the stupid. But there is one thing to remember
about them all: Their desire for sex is fully equal to that of those men with
lustful eyes. Both types throw themselves wholeheartedly into sex without
any respite. There is an old saying that goes:
A nearsighted wife
Won't be idle in bed.
Suppose an oversexed woman were able to see people at a distance. If
she saw a handsome man, her desires might well be aroused and her
lifelong chastity lost. That is why the Creator, in endowing her with human
form, had the brilliant idea of giving her these eyes, to prevent her from
seeing anyone—not even a Pan An or a Song Yu—except her husband,
thus avoiding a great deal of retribution. Historically the vast majority of
nearsighted women have preserved their chastity while only a small
minority have gone astray.
Because her eyes kept her out of trouble, she'd never have known if a
man was standing before her all day making eyes at her. He might just as
well have been wrapped in a blanket of fog. But now that she had seen
Vesperus's hands and face, she was dazzled, captivated.
She turned to him. "Well, sir, do you really want to buy some? If you do,
I have a roll of excellent quality that I'll be glad to bring out and show
you."
"That's what we came for," said Vesperus. "Of course we want to buy
some. Please show me what you've got."
She went into the shop and returned with a roll of silk, at the same time
telling her maid, a scabby-headed young girl, to serve tea to the Knave and
Vesperus.
Vesperus did not finish his tea, but left half a cup in tribute to his
hostess, a gesture that she acknowledged with a smile before handing him
the silk. As he received it, he took the chance to squeeze her hand, and she,
108
 肉蒲团

although affecting not to notice, responded by scratching his hand with a

fingernail.
"This is an excellent roll," said the Knave. "Let's take it and be on our
way."
He gave the purse to Vesperus, who weighed out the amount she asked
for and handed it over.
"Please note that it's in full ingots," he said.
"If it's in full ingots," she replied, "I'm afraid it may look good on the
outside but be worthless inside."
"If you're worried about it, ma'am, why not keep both the silk and the
silver here and this evening I'll come back and break open one of the
ingots and try it out for you? I'm not exaggerating when I say that our
silver is as good as we are, the same on the inside as on the outside."
"That won't be necessary," she said. "If it's all right, we can do business
again. Otherwise you'll be a one-time customer."
Picking up the silk, the Knave urged Vesperus out of the shop. As he
left, Vesperus cast several lingering glances behind. Although she couldn't
see, she understood and narrowed her eyes to two slits in an expression
that was neither happy nor sad.
Back at his lodgings, Vesperus conferred with the Knave. "I feel I have
an excellent chance there. But what means of entry shall we use? We can't
afford to take any risks."
"I've made careful inquiries," said the Knave, "and there's no one else in
the house except that maid we saw just now. She's only ten or eleven.
She'll be asleep as soon as she falls into bed and won't hear a sound the
rest of the night. The house is obvious enough—no upstairs, no cellar. It
won't hold me up in the least. If we go through the wall, someone will spot
us and you won't be able to pay her a second visit. I'll just have to carry
you up to the roof on my back, remove a few tiles, pull out a rafter, and let
you descend from on high."
"What if the neighbors hear and cry thief?"
"With me beside you, that's not likely to happen, so don't worry. The one
thing that concerns me is her remark—did you hear?—that she was afraid
109
 肉蒲团

you might look good on the outside but be worthless inside, and that if you
didn't please her you'd be a one-time customer. Doesn't it bear out what I
told you? You'll have to do your damnedest not to let her flunk you.
Otherwise you'll be admitted to a first examination but not to a second or a
third."
"It will never come to that," said Vesperus. "If you doubt me, why not
keep watch from some vantage point?"
They joked together while waiting impatiently for "the golden crow to
descend in the west and the jade hare to rise in the east," when the time
would come for Vesperus's examination. But we do not yet know what
method the examiner will adopt and will have to wait until the questions
are handed out.
CRITIQUE

Fiction is parable and, as such, its content is obviously not factual. I

hope that readers will not distort the author's intention by focusing on his
literal meaning. The surgical implant of a dog's member into a human
being, as related in this chapter, is a palpable absurdity, which implies that
Vesperus's actions are going to be bestial in nature. Similarly, in Chapter
Three, when he swore friendship with the Knave and even acknowledged
him as an elder brother, the implication was that his character and
aspirations were lower than those of a burglar. Both incidents are scathing
expressions of deep loathing, tantamount to reviling him as a cur or a
crook. People must not mistake condemnation for praise and fantasy for
reality and think it right to mutilate dogs and fraternize with burglars. But
if the bearer of the warning is slandered as the promoter of the very vice he
is warning against, he will merely be sharing the same fate that writers
have always suffered.
In Chapter Six, the Knave described this woman as prudish, as unversed
in passion, whereas in the silk-shop incident in this chapter she matches
Vesperus blow for blow in repartee. Not only is she not prudish, she is
extremely seductive, a fact that flatly contradicts what the Knave has said.
No doubt ignorant readers had concluded that the novel's stitching was not
fine enough and had criticized the author for it, never dreaming that he
would have nearsightedness in mind as a pivot, and that that was the
reason for the apparent inconsistency. The author deliberately set an
110
 肉蒲团

ingenious ambush so as to lure people into attacking him—a clear case of

literary deception. The reason the woman was described as prudish is that
she was nearsighted; she didn't see the handsome young man in front of
her and had no occasion to behave seductively. Similarly the reason she is
now shown as seductive is also that she is nearsighted; suddenly she sees a
handsome young man in front of her and cannot maintain her prudishness
any longer. Obviously nearsighted women should never be allowed to set
eyes on handsome young men. Readers should understand that the author
is using her as an example in his moral instruction of women, not just as a
means of livening up his plot.

CHAPTER NINE
One woman, although adept at the rarest sensuality, upholds basic
principle,
While another, although ready for leftover pleasures, takes first prize.
Poem:
Wanton bawds talk much of chastity
And gain thereby a false celebrity.
Others there are, of snow-white purity,
Who're only roused by rare depravity.

Let us tell now of Honest Quan's wife, whose childhood name was
Fragrance. Her father was a village schoolmaster who gave her lessons in
reading and writing from early childhood. She proved an extremely apt
pupil, and because she was also very pretty, her parents were unwilling to
rush her into an early marriage. When she was fifteen, a young student
who had topped the list in the Boys' Examination sent a go-between along
with a proposal, and Fragrance's father, who felt the youth showed some
promise, betrothed her to him. Unfortunately after just one year of
marriage he died of general debility.
Fragrance remained in mourning for a full year before marrying Honest
Quan. Although hers was a highly sensual nature, she had a good grasp of
basic principle, and whenever she heard talk of some woman's going
astray, she would laugh at her behind her back, on one occasion declaring
to her companions, "Because we failed to cultivate our virtue in our last
111
 肉蒲团

existence, we've been born female in this one and are forced to spend our
lives in the women's quarters. There's no sightseeing or visiting for us, as
there is for men. Sex is the one diversion we have in our lives, and surely
no one can tell us not to enjoy that! But we were created man and wife by
Heaven and Earth and matched in marriage by our parents, and so
naturally it is right and proper to enjoy ourselves with our husbands, while
sex with any other man is a moral transgression. If our husbands hear of it,
it will bring us curses and a beating, and if the news becomes public, it
will create a scandal. Beatings and scandal aside, if a woman does not
have sex, well and good. But if she is going to have it, she should at least
see that she enjoys it. After all, when you're with your husband after the
day's work is done, you undress, get into bed together, and take things
from the beginning in an ordered, leisurely way until eventually you reach
a degree of ecstasy. What enjoyment is there in some furtive, fumbling
encounter in which your only concern in the midst of your panic is to
finish up as hastily as possible, whether you've hit the mark or not? What's
more, there's nothing to eat when you're famished and more than enough
when you're well fed and, just as with food and drink, you get sick from
the continual feast and famine. How ridiculous those women are who go
astray! Why didn't they use those same eyes to pick out a good husband in
the first place as they used for picking out a lover later on? If they're
impressed by a mere name, let them choose someone cultivated. If it's
appearance they want, let them choose someone good-looking. And if it's
neither a name nor good looks that attracts them, but the reality of sexual
performance, they ought to find someone robust and vigorous. That way
they'll not go wrong and they'll be able to enjoy the real thing. There's
simply no need to abandon your husband and take a lover!"
Her companions listened and said, "She speaks from experience, so
naturally her advice is somewhat different. It comes from the heart, but it's
also rather entertaining."
In what sense was she a woman of experience? As a girl she had valued
three things in a man—a name, good looks, and sexual ability—and in her
heart she wanted a husband who possessed all three. When she married the
student, she knew he had talent and was quite handsome, and she assumed
he had the third quality as well. But to her great disappointment, his
endowment was impossibly small and he had no stamina whatsoever.
When he mounted her, she had scarcely begun to warm up before he had to
112
 肉蒲团

dismount. But she was a hard-driving woman who refused to let him shirk
his duties, and once her passions were aroused, she would urge him on
again. No man with a weak constitution could survive such grueling
demands, and in less than a year he was dead of general debility.
After this ordeal she realized that talent and looks, however attractive,
serve no practical end. If all three qualities cannot be found together in a
man, one should discard the illusory ones in favor of the real, which was
why, when she came to choose another husband, she did not insist on an
educated man, or even on a handsome one, but chose a robust and
vigorous man for strictly practical ends.
Observing that Honest Quan, although coarse-grained and dull-witted,
had the strength of a tiger, she knew he would also have the necessary
practical qualifications, so she married him without even asking about the
state of his finances. She had chosen him for his strength and had no idea
of the size of his weapon. She merely assumed that a man of great physical
strength would not need the longest spear or the biggest battle-axe to gain
the victory, that even with a short sword or a thin blade he would still be
able to defeat the foe. She never dreamed that his weapon would prove to
be an eighteen-foot lance that a weak person could scarcely lift or someone
with small hands even grasp. She was delighted and clung to him with
utter devotion from the day of her marriage, not once entertaining a
wayward thought.
His was a small business that brought in only a meager income, so she
rose early to spin silk for him, contributing some cash each day. Far from
her living off his earnings, he had to live off hers.
That day, as fate would have it, she had opened the curtain and was
chatting with the woman across the lane when Vesperus passed by and got
two close-up views of her. But because of her own nearsightedness, all she
saw was the vague outline of a man dawdling in front of her shop; she had
no idea what he looked like. Not so the woman across the lane, however,
who enjoyed an excellent view.
This woman was in her thirties, and her husband, like Fragrance's, was a
silk merchant. He and Honest Quan would go off on business trips
together, and although they did not pool their resources, they were partners
in every other respect. The wife was exceedingly ugly and also oversexed,
but partly because her signboard was not attractive enough and partly
113
 肉蒲团

because her husband was a violent man who beat and abused her for the
slightest misdemeanor, she was afraid to do anything rash.
That day she got a good view of Vesperus from head to toe and, as soon
as he had left, she crossed the lane to her neighbor's.
"That was a terribly handsome man walking up and down just now,
looking at you. Did you notice?"
"You know how well I see, with my eyes! I sit here, and not a day goes
by that a few men don't look at me through the screen. Well, let them look.
What's the good of noticing anyway?"
"With the ordinary run of men, someone like you wouldn't find it
worthwhile to let them look; but with a man like this, you'd let him stand
in front of your door and look at you for days on end."
"You mean he's better than perfect?"
"Not just better—ten times better, in my opinion. I stand in my doorway
all the time and on any given day I see hundreds and thousands of men,
but I've never seen one as handsome as this fellow. There's nothing to
compare with the pure whiteness of his complexion. His eyes and
eyebrows, nose, ears—everything about him is simply adorable! He's as
gorgeous as a figure on a silk fan. Even if an artist were to paint a portrait
as handsome as he is, it could never capture that romantic look. He makes
you just die of longing!"
"You describe him so vividly, it's comical. Frankly I don't believe such a
paragon exists. And if he did exist, he would stick to his business and I to
mine, and I'd never even learn his name. So what's the point of longing for
him?"
"You may not long for him, but I saw how he longs for you. Half out of
his mind, he was. He was going to leave, but couldn't bear to. Then he was
going to stay, but he was afraid of what people might think, so he had to
leave. But after a while, there he was back again. Even when he left, he
couldn't bear to part from you. Isn't that pathetic? You didn't see him, so
naturally you're not in love with him. But I saw him and I'm lovesick on
your account. How's that for a strange thing?"
"I imagine he was reacting to seeing you, not me. You're too
embarrassed to admit he's in love with you, so you put it all on me."
114
 肉蒲团

"He fall for me—with my looks! It was you, I assure you. If you don't
believe me, he's bound to come by again, and when I see him in the
distance, I'll let you know. Then you can come out and see him and also
give him a chance to see you."
"Let's wait until he comes back and then decide."
After many other intriguing remarks, the neighbor retreated to her
house. For the next few days Fragrance was on the lookout, but a great
deal of time elapsed without her seeing him again, and by the time he
came in to buy silk, she had dismissed him from her mind. Then, on seeing
how handsome he was, she naturally recalled the earlier conversation.
He must be the one we spoke of, she thought, after he had left. In
appearance he is in a class of his own, but I know nothing yet about his
inner talents. If I'm going to lose my good name, I ought at least to get
some real enjoyment in exchange. If appearance is all I want, I can get him
to come back for silk every day and gaze at him to my heart's content;
there's no need to do anything more. Just now he joked about breaking it
open and trying it out. He was talking about the silver, of course, but he
meant it as a double entendre. If he does come tonight, ought I to reject
him or let him stay? Is my reputation going to be decided, once and for all,
for better or for worse, in this one moment? I must give this some serious
thought.
While she was in the midst of her dilemma, her neighbor came over.
"Mrs. Quan, did you recognize that man buying silk from you?"
"No."
"But he's the one I told you about! Didn't you realize? Is there another
man in the world as handsome as he is?"
"Handsome, yes, I grant you that, but altogether too light and frivolous,
not at all like a proper gentleman."
"Now you're getting all moralistic again! When would a proper
gentleman ever come around looking at women? Let's just admire his
looks and not put him on the scales. Who cares if he's light or not?"
"That's all very well, but in front of other people he ought to be a bit
more serious. He made all kinds of advances just now. It's fortunate my
husband wasn't at home. He would never have let him get away with it!"
115
 肉蒲团

"What advances? Do tell."

"It was all so juvenile, there's no point in describing it."
The neighbor had an extremely prurient mind and, on hearing talk of
advances, she imagined that Vesperus must somehow have dragged
Fragrance off to bed. Fairly trembling with excitement, she pinched and
patted her to make her tell, and Fragrance finally gave in. "He wasn't
alone. He had a companion with him. His flirting was just a matter of
making eyes at me, very suggestively, while he was talking. What else did
you imagine?"
"And did you give him any encouragement in return?"
"He was lucky I didn't tell him off. What encouragement would I give
him?"
"That shows a real lack of feeling on your part. Now don't take me
wrong, but there's not another woman in the world as beautiful as you are,
and not another man as handsome as he is, either. You two were meant for
each other. It's a match made in Heaven. You ought to have been husband
and wife, but since that cannot be, you should at least fulfill your deepest
desires by becoming lovers. Don't take me wrong if I say that Master Quan
is not a proper match for you. A fresh flower stuck in a dungheap, that's
what you are, and a crying shame it is. If this man doesn't come back,
never mind; but if he does, and you have no one else to take the part, I'll
gladly come over and play the matchmaker for you. Why, if you made love
with him a couple of times, it would justify your whole existence. Now
don't get all moralistic. It's only widows who don't remarry that get the
memorial arches built in their honor, you know. Whoever heard of a
married woman getting a commendation from the government for not
taking a lover? Am I right?"
The whole time the neighbor held forth, Fragrance was busy calculating
to herself. It looks as if she's madly in love with him. If I go in for this
affair, since she lives just over the way, I'll have to give her a piece of the
action or she'll wreck everything. But I still don't know about that fellow's
capacity. Why not let her have first turn, as if she were sitting an exam in
my place? Then, if he proves to have the capacity, I'll sit the next one
myself. I need hardly fear that an ugly woman like that will steal his

116
 肉蒲团

affections. If he's not up to it, all I have to do is make a scene and drive
him out, and my good name will be as good as ever. Brilliant!
Her mind was made up.
"That sort of thing is not really my line," she said. "If he comes back
again, rather than your being my matchmaker, why not let me be yours, so
that the two of you can enjoy yourselves a few times?"
"Don't be ridiculous! You don't mean what you're saying, but even if
you did, he'd never want an ugly woman like me. If you wish to do me a
favor, let me burst in on you after you've been to bed with him a couple of
times. You can pretend to be embarrassed and insist that I join in, as if we
were taking turns at being the banker in a gaming house. That just might
work."
"I did mean what I said, and I know how it can be done, too. I noticed
how awfully persistent the man can be. I tried to snub him, but I can't have
been stern enough, because just before leaving he joked about trying to
sneak in here tonight. Our husbands are away, and there's hardly anyone at
home. Lock your place up tonight and come over here to sleep. We'll blow
out the lamp, and I'll hide. Then, if he does come, you pretend to be me
and sleep with him. Afterward he'll have to sneak away in the dark and
will never suspect it was you in my place. Consider you're doing me a
favor, as well as preserving my good name. Now isn't that a wonderful
idea?"
"From what you say, I gather you've already told him he can come. I'm
tickled to death at the idea, of course, and I couldn't turn it down even if I
wanted to. But there's one thing I don't understand. Why would you let him
come here and not go to bed with him yourself? No virtuous woman has
ever behaved like that."
"I'm not acting hypocritical or covering my ears as I steal the bell. The
fact is, I've already savored every bedroom pleasure there is. No one is a
match for my husband where virility's concerned, and someone who has
enjoyed a banquet will turn up her nose at a scratch meal. If the food's
mediocre, better not try it. That's why I won't compromise."
"I know what you have in mind. Master Quan's endowment is well
known around here. You've been shaped on a big last and you're afraid that
a child's one won't do. So you want me to spy out the land for you. Well,
117
 肉蒲团

I'm more than prepared to sacrifice myself, because it's no great hardship
to play the spy in this case. There's just one thing, though: you must wait
until I've thoroughly enjoyed myself, not come charging on to the
battlefield at the critical moment, leaving me in a bind as to whether to
advance or retreat. There's an old saying you ought to keep in mind: 'When
feeding a priest, you might just as well bury him alive as not let him eat his
fill.'"
"I'm not expecting any such luck. You can set your mind at rest."
Having agreed on their plans, the two women waited until it was time to
put them into effect.
This was a momentary stroke of luck for the ugly neighbor. She has
received this splendid assignment, and it is her shoe that the brand-new,
freshly restructured last will be the first to shape. If you wish to learn the
last's proportions, you must wait a little while until the event takes place.
CRITIQUE

Fragrance's plan for taking a lover is absolutely masterly, a variation on

the principle that it's a wise subject who knows how to choose the right
lord and master. How different she is from some passive observer with no
purpose in mind! What a pity she met the adulterer at this stage, for the
meeting will lead her to a career of good works! If Vesperus had acted
three months earlier than he did, the neighbor's loss of her chastity would
have coincided with Fragrance's preservation of hers. If there are any
enlightened officials about who are interested in erecting a
commemorative arch or shrine, I have an honorand to propose whose
name is as fragrant and glorious as that of the chaste maid of "I Want to
Get Married."[54] She opened up a convenient new route within
Confucian morality, and for a thousand years to come all those women
who, despite their disloyal thoughts, manage to avoid taking another
husband will be able to look up to her as a pioneer.

118
 肉蒲团

CHAPTER TEN
By listening to her precursor, she finds a strong opponent;
By allowing a little grace, she fosters a true talent.
Poem:
Beauty, while enjoying herself,
Should allow her lover some rest.
To spare a thought for the morrow's sport—
Mightn't that be lust at its best?
Let us tell how the neighbor went home rejoicing in her enviable
assignment. She got some cloths ready for wiping up her secretions, lest
they soak her friend's bedding, then waited impatiently until evening,
when she locked her door and crossed the lane.
Fragrance decided to play a trick on her. "I'm afraid I've brought you
here on false pretenses," she said. "I've just received a note: someone has
taken him drinking and he can't get away, but he would like to set another
date. You might as well go home again."
The neighbor was so upset her nostrils flared and her eyes flashed. She
blamed Fragrance for not sending a message right back insisting that he
come, but at the same time she strongly suspected that Fragrance now
regretted the whole arrangement and wanted to get rid of her and have him
all to herself. Fragrance let the protests continue for some time before
explaining, with a laugh, "I was only having you on. He should be here
any moment now. You'd better get ready to go to bed with him."
She heated a bowl of water so that she and the neighbor could wash
their private parts, then placed an easy chair across from the bed, her
intention being to lie back and listen while the other two had sex. She told
the neighbor to bolt the door and stand quietly behind it, for when her
visitor came, he would knock very lightly. She was to let him in at the first
knock, not force him to knock again and again, which might alert the
people next door. After letting him in, she was to replace the bolt before
taking him to bed, where she should keep her voice down, lest he
recognize her.

119
 肉蒲团

The woman nodded and sent Fragrance off to lie down, while she stood
guard by the door. She had waited a solid two hours without anyone
coming, and was just going in to ask Fragrance's advice, when in the
darkness someone suddenly clasped her in his arms and kissed her. She
leaped to the conclusion that it was Fragrance playing another of her
tricks, this time by pretending to be a man, so she felt for the person's
crotch. On reaching downward, however, she found a very large object
butting at her hand and realized this was the visitor they were expecting.
Affecting a sweet, girlish voice, she asked, "How ever did you get in,
dear heart?"
"Through the roof," said Vesperus.
"What a clever sweetheart! Well, now you're here, let's go to bed."
They unclasped—and undressed. Well before Vesperus, the woman had
undressed completely and was lying on her back. When Vesperus mounted
her and felt for her feet to put them over his shoulders, he couldn't find
them; from the moment she had gotten into bed, her feet had been up and
her vagina open, waiting for his penis.
I never suspected she was such a wanton, thought Vesperus. But since
she is, I won't need my gentler techniques. I shall have to start off with a
show of strength.
Raising himself a foot or more above her vagina, he thrust out his penis
and attacked.
She began squealing like a slaughtered pig. "Oh, no! Be gentle, please!"
Vesperus parted the labia with his hands and began to work his way
slowly inside. But time went by and no more than an inch of the glans had
penetrated.
"The gentler I am," he said, "the harder it is to enter. I'll need to be a bit
more vigorous, I'm afraid. You'll just have to put up with a little pain
before you start enjoying yourself."
He attacked once more, which only set her squealing again. "Don't!
Don't! Use some spit at least!"
"Spit is for virgins only; that's an inviolable rule. We'll just have to do it
dry." He attacked again.
120
 肉蒲团

"Don't! This isn't working! If you won't break your rule, please
withdraw and let me put some on."
"That would be better."
After he withdrew, she spat copiously into her palm. She then opened
her labia and put half the spittle inside. The rest she rubbed on his penis.
"Now there shouldn't be any problem, but take it easy as you enter."
Vesperus, however, was eager to display his prowess and refused to take
things easy. He raised her legs and, with a sudden swish, that long, thick
object of his buried itself to the hilt inside her.
She began squealing again. "How is it you intellectuals are so rough?
Don't you care whether we live or die? All the way in the first time! I don't
have room! Take it out a little."
"You don't have room? You don't think it's still outside surely? I'll have
to move it a bit. Don't be left out in the cold!"
Laughing, he began to move again. She could not bear the first few
thrusts and let out an aiya! with each one. But then, after fifty or more
thrusts, nothing more was heard from her—until, after a hundred, she
began crying aiya! once more, but in delight now, rather than pain. (Aiya
has a range of meanings.)
After several hundred strokes she began making numerous wanton
moves and uttering countless cries of passion, enough to make it
impossible for a man to restrain himself. Vesperus had to speed up his
onslaught and force her to spend so that he could spend along with her. But
she was not without guile, for although she had spent several times
already, she replied, "No, not yet," when he asked her.
Why didn't she tell the truth? Because, as a stand-in, she feared she
would lose her place the moment Fragrance heard her say she was
satisfied. As the saying goes, "If you're going to be robbed by a powerful
official, the longer you can put it off the better."
Vesperus took her at her word and did not dare spend. But as he thrust
away, he gradually lost control of himself and had to do so, contriving only
to hide the fact from his partner. After that he did not dare stop, but kept
going like a drunken man on a donkey, nodding his head every step of the
way, with none of his former élan.
121
 肉蒲团

Noticing that his penis hung back from the fray, she asked, "Sweetheart,
have you spent?" Vesperus was afraid she would laugh at him for his lack
of stamina and felt compelled to say no. Before her question he had been
getting weaker with every thrust, but now he was like a dozing schoolboy
struck by the teacher who suddenly works twice as hard as before. He
pulled himself together and gave several hundred thrusts in succession
without even pausing to catch his breath.
She began to cry out. "Dear heart, I'm spending! I'm dying! I can't bear
another thrust. Hold me in your arms and let's sleep together. Mind you
don't move."
At this point Vesperus stopped and, with his penis still inside her, they
fell into a sound sleep.
Although she had an ugly face, she was blessed with small feet. And
although her skin was as dark as could be, it was not really coarse. That
was why, during all the time they had sex together, it never occurred to
him that she might be a substitute.
Let us tell now of Fragrance, who was lying hidden beside the bed
listening intently to everything that went on. At first, on hearing the
woman cry out in pain, Fragrance knew that Vesperus's instrument, far
from being insignificant, must at least be serviceable, and she relaxed
somewhat. Then, when she noted that his technique was that of a master
and that he varied his pace like a man of experience, she relaxed
completely. In the middle, when he slackened off, she felt a certain
contempt for him, but later, when his morale picked up again and he strove
harder than ever, she said to herself with deep satisfaction, "Obviously he
is a hero of the boudoir, a champion of sex. What else is there to say? I
need have no regrets about losing my virtue to him. I'd slip in beside him
while he's asleep and explain everything, except that he hasn't seen her yet
and may think she's better than I am. I'll have to find some other approach.
Moreover, I wouldn't look my best without an ugly woman to point up the
contrast. When a man has fought long and hard, he may not be able to rise
and fight again unless you have something to tempt him with."
Tiptoeing into the kitchen, she lit the fire and ladled some water into a
pot, then picked up a taper and waited until it caught before marching into
the bedroom, candle in hand. There she ripped aside the bedcurtain and
tore off the covers, declaring, "What scoundrel is this who has forced his
122
 肉蒲团

way into someone's house in the dead of night and seized a woman for his
lustful purposes? What's the meaning of it? Kindly get up and tell me just
what's going on in here?"
Startled from his dream, Vesperus leaped to the conclusion that
Fragrance's husband had been hiding in the house waiting for him to go to
bed with her so that he could catch him in flagrante and extort blackmail.
His teeth chattering with fear, he broke out into a cold sweat. But when he
looked up, there in front of him stood the same woman he had spoken to
that day and slept with that night. "Can there be another one like her in the
house?" he wondered aloud.
Then he bent his head to take a closer look at the woman in his arms and
found that she was an insufferably ugly creature, with a face full of dark
pockmarks, hair that was short and yellowy brown, and skin the color of
an unscoured Jinhua ham.
"Who are you?" he exclaimed in astonishment.
"Don't be alarmed," she said. "I've just been spying out the land for her.
I'm her neighbor from across the lane, the one she was talking to the other
day when you came by. She thought your looks were fine, but that you
mightn't be of any practical use. She felt she'd be risking the stigma of
adultery to no purpose, so she invited me over to try you out. I imagine
you've passed the test and can sleep with her. By rights I ought to stay and
get another reward before I leave, but it would spoil your enjoyment to
have an interloper around. I'd better go off home and content myself with
being the best helpmate in the world."
She got up, pulled on her jacket and trousers, and draped her
underclothes and the sopping wet cloths over her arm. On leaving she
addressed Vesperus again: "I may have an ugly face, but I've served you
well, because this lovemaking was all my idea. The fact that we slept
together was due in the first place to her kindness, but also to our being
destined for each other. If you do come back, and if you have some time
on your hands, I hope you will sleep with me again. Don't be heartless,
now." Then she turned to Fragrance, bowed several times in gratitude to
her hostess, and left.
Vesperus, who felt as if he were sobering up from a binge or awakening
from a dream, thanked the Knave fervently in his heart. Without his
123
 肉蒲团

salutary advice to needle me into surgery, I'd have been like Su Qin when
he tried to make the grade in the state of Qin—I'd have failed and been
driven out with nothing to show for my efforts!
After escorting the neighbor out, Fragrance replaced the latch and came
back.
"I knew you wouldn't be able to leave me alone tonight," she said, "and
that's why I found a substitute to wait up for you. Now that you've slept
with her, I consider the account closed. What are you doing here? Why are
you in my bed?"
"Not only is your account still open, I intend to add to your sins. It's past
midnight and will soon be daybreak. Hurry up and come to bed. We
haven't time for gossip."
"You really want to sleep with me?"
"I really do."
"In that case you'll have to get up, put on a gown, and see to a certain
very important thing."
"What else is important, apart from this?"
"Don't ask. Just get up."
As she spoke, she went into the kitchen and ladled the water she had
heated into a bidet, which she brought in and set beside the bed.
"Up you get and wash. You're not going to spread other people's muck
all over me!"
"You have a point. That is important. But I not only slept with her, I also
kissed her several times. By the same token I ought to rinse my mouth,
too."
"You don't need to rinse your mouth. I don't go in for that kind of
thing."
"There you go again! You mean to say you'll write a zhong below but
not a lü above?"[55]
Just as he was going off to look for something to scoop the water up in,
he noticed a bowl of hot water already in the bidet with a toothbrush on
top of it. What a thoughtful girl! he said to himself. If she hadn't done this,
124
 肉蒲团

she'd have shown herself a slattern, none too particular about the pure and
the impure.
Fragrance let him rinse out his mouth and wash, then sat on the bidet
and washed the lower part of her own body. She had already washed
herself when the neighbor did, so why did she wash again, you ask. You
must understand that while lying beside the bed listening to Vesperus
having sex, she had been drenched in her own secretions. She was afraid
Vesperus might feel the dampness and make fun of her, so she washed
herself a second time. Afterward she took a damp cloth and wiped the bed
mat with it. She also fetched a fresh cloth from the trunk and placed it
beside the pillow, then blew out the lamp and sat on the bed and undressed,
taking off everything but her breastband and drawers, which she left to
Vesperus.
Vesperus put his arms around her and kissed her as he undid the band.
When cupped, her breasts did not even fill up his hands, but when stroked
flat they covered her entire chest. They were dainty and soft to the touch,
because there was no hardness in her breast. When he took off her drawers
and felt her vagina, he found that in softness and daintiness it equaled her
breasts and that in smoothness it surpassed them.
He let her lie back, then placed her tiny feet over his shoulders and
raised himself above her just as he had done with the ugly neighbor. He
then drove in a long way, to make her suffer a little at first in order to taste
a keener pleasure afterward. But, despite all his pounding, Fragrance
seemed totally oblivious to both pain and pleasure.
Everything the Knave warned me about has come true! thought
Vesperus. Without that gross thing of Honest Quan's, how could she have
become as large as this? If I'd not had the restructuring, I'd have been like
a grain of rice lost in a granary, a fish scale adrift in the ocean! How could
I ever have anticipated anything like this? Since my show of force has
failed to impress her, I'll have to use some strategy.
He took the pillow out from under her head, inserted it under her hips,
and then, having set his new strategy, engaged her again. Fragrance, who
had not yet begun to enjoy herself, saw him remove the pillow but not
replace it, and she realized he was an expert.

125
 肉蒲团

Now, taking out a pillow and using it to bolster a woman's hips is a

routine technique; why should it make him an expert? You must
understand that the principles of sexual intercourse are exactly like those
of warfare; only a man who can estimate the enemy forces will make a
skillful general. If he knows a woman's depth, he will know how far to
advance and retreat; if she knows his length, she will know how to meet
and return his thrusts. This is what is meant by the saying, "The key to
victory lies in knowing your own and the enemy's strength." Penises differ
in length, just as vaginas differ in depth. If a vagina is shallow, a very long
penis will be useless, for during intercourse there will be a constant sense
of idle capacity. If the penis penetrates all the way, the woman will not
only feel no pleasure, she will be in actual pain, and how can the man
enjoy himself on his own? If the vagina is deep, an extremely long
instrument is necessary; if it is even a little short, it will bring no pleasure.
But the size of a penis is fixed, so how can it be lengthened? In such a
case one must find some way of supplementing it. The region between the
stomach and the thighs needs bolstering so that the vulva is raised to meet
the penis, making it easier for the man's thrusts to reach all the way. Thus
the technique of bolstering the hips is to be used only in the case of a short
penis and a deep vagina; one should not conclude that a pillow is essential
for all intercourse. These facts explain why a short penis can be treated but
not a thin one; why it is better to be short and thick than long and thin; and
why the adept, in restructuring Vesperus's penis, had tried to make it
thicker but not longer.
Now, Fragrance was deep and Vesperus short, so in moving quickly to
bolster her with a pillow was he not proving himself an expert? The
general principle is known to all, but as for placing a pillow under the
woman's hips and leaving nothing under her head, that particular formula
has never been understood before.
If a woman has one pillow under her hips already and another is then
placed under her head, the upper part of her body, a little over two feet in
length, will be forced into a concave shape. It amounts to breaking her in
the middle and then piling a man's weight on top of her. Can't you imagine
how uncomfortable and even painful it is? What's more, if her head is
resting on a pillow, her face will be forced down so that her mouth is no
longer opposite the man's, which makes kissing awkward. He has to bend
down to meet her lips, while she has to force her head up to meet his. Such
126
 肉蒲团

a waste of effort, and all because of a single pillow! Therefore nothing

should be allowed to remain under the woman's head during intercourse,
whether or not her hips are bolstered. A capable lover will push the pillow
aside before he starts, letting the woman's hair lie on the bed mat and her
lips, face, organs, and limbs all coincide with his. The upper and lower
orifices differ from the other parts; they not only coincide, they fit, and
they not only fit, they interpenetrate. His jade whisk enters her vagina,
while her crimson tongue enters his mouth, allowing her to play the
aggressor, too, and achieve a balance of sexual pleasure as well as a
perfect fit.
While with one hand Vesperus removed the pillow, with the other he
supported her head and laid it on the bed mat, where she faced directly
upward, in the right position for kissing. That was why Fragrance was
secretly pleased; she realized that he was an expert.
After placing the pillow under her hips, Vesperus raised her tiny feet
over his shoulders and, supporting himself with his arms, employed all his
skills and thrust as hard as he could. With each retreat he withdrew
halfway, but with each thrust he plunged in to the base. There is a point
worth noting here: He withdrew quickly, but he thrust slowly. Why was
that? He was afraid there might be trouble if he thrust rapidly and made
such a noise inside her as to alert the neighbors, so he dared not let himself
go.
After a while her vagina began to feel tighter—it was no longer the vast,
shapeless thing it had been—and Vesperus knew the dog's parts had flared
up and his penis begun to grow. His vigor now increased a hundredfold
and his thrusts came faster and faster. Hitherto Fragrance had shown no
reaction, but now she wriggled from side to side and exclaimed, "Dearest,
it's starting to feel nice."
"I've only just begun, my sweet," said Vesperus. "It can't be feeling nice
yet. Wait until I've done some more and see how you like it then. There's
just one thing that bothers me, though; I never like doing it silently, and if
I'm going to get excited, I need to hear the sounds from inside. The trouble
is that this house of yours is so cramped I'm afraid the neighbors will hear
if I let myself go. What shall I do?"

127
 肉蒲团

"That's no problem. On one side of us there's a vacant lot and on the

other a kitchen, where no one sleeps. So go right ahead, there's no need to
worry."
"Perfect!" Vesperus exclaimed.
His technique was now exactly the opposite. He withdrew slowly but
thrust rapidly, and when he thrust, he did so as noisily as any beggar
beating on his ribs with a brick to gain public sympathy. After a spell of
earth-shaking activity, Fragrance's passions were in full flow, and she kept
crying "darling boy" over and over again, as her fluid spread everywhere.
Noticing the flood, Vesperus was about to pause and wipe it up, but
when he groped for the cloth, she snatched it away.
Why did she do that? Because she had an instinctive dislike of silent
sex, much like Vesperus, and, of the things she most enjoyed, her deepest
pleasure came from the sound of sexual activity. In general the more the
fluid the greater the sound, and that was why, even if she was streaming
with fluid until her body was drenched, she would never let her husband
wipe it up. Only when they had finished would she sit up and clean herself.
It was an obsession with her—a singular feature that can be spoken of to
the enlightened, if not to the vulgar. Seeing her reluctance, Vesperus
guessed the reason and resumed his activity even more resoundingly than
before. After more earthshaking thrusts she clasped him tightly.
"Dearest, I'm going to spend. Spend with me, please."
But Vesperus wanted to display his prowess and was not ready to spend.
"You've convinced me of your powers," said Fragrance. "You're not a
phony, by any means. You haven't stopped all night, you've taken on two
women, and the effort must have drained your energies. Do save a little for
tomorrow night. Don't ruin yourself and deprive me of my pleasure."
At these endearing words Vesperus clasped her in a tight embrace and
wished he could have forced his whole body inside her. After more furious
thrusting they finished together.
They scarcely had time to say anything more before it was daybreak.
Fragrance was afraid Vesperus would be seen if he stayed any longer, so
she urged him to get up. Then she dressed, too, and saw him to the door.

128
 肉蒲团

From this point on he continued in the same fashion—arriving at night,

departing at dawn—except that he no longer played the gentleman of the
rooftops, but came in through the door. On one or two occasions he could
not bear to leave and hid in her house all day. Fragrance told people that
she was sick and could not go out or receive visitors, and the two of them
went about in broad daylight without a stitch of clothing on, the mere sight
of each other's snow-white flesh serving to stir their passions.
Every second or third night the ugly neighbor would drop by. Vesperus
could not very well reject her totally and would occasionally pay her some
superficial attention. Although he was unable to satisfy her fully, he could
not afford to let her become resentful.
Several other neighbors had an inkling of what was going on, but they
all thought it was the Knave who was the adulterer; they never imagined
he would consent to act for anyone else. For fear he would get angry and
retaliate, they shut their doors before dark and ignored everything that
went on outside. Thus the two lovers slept together for over ten nights
without the least apprehension until Honest Quan's return, at which point
Vesperus's visits came to an abrupt end.
The Knave was afraid Vesperus's youthful passions would get him into
trouble, so he forbade him to go near her door even in the daytime to spy
out the situation. Instead he himself would play the part of Hongniang.[56]
On the pretext of buying silk, he was constantly carrying messages back
and forth between the lovers. On several of these occasions Honest Quan
was at home, but he took the Knave for a businessman accustomed to
dealing with his wife and stood aside to let them talk. Quan was a
completely honest and straightforward man who never played anyone
false, which is why he was known as Honest—a fact that inspires a certain
faith in nicknames. After all, even Xu Shao[57] used to pin an apt label on
his neighbors at the beginning of each month. Nicknames differ from
sobriquets, which we select ourselves and for which we pick the most
flattering combinations. When we choose our friends, we don't need to
look at their character or conduct to know if they will be suitable; we need
only ask what their nicknames are.

CRITIQUE
129
 肉蒲团

What a pity that a secret lost since antiquity, a formula that could not be
purchased for a thousand taels, has been revealed to the public!

130
 肉蒲团

CHAPTER ELEVEN
A housebreaking hero throws his money about,
And clandestine lovers become husband and wife.
Poem:
Many are the robbers living in the greenwood
Who'll meet a friend and treat him lavishly.
Many, too, the robbers among the official classes;
Why don't they show an equal sympathy?

When Fragrance had been sleeping with Vesperus for ten nights or more
and their passion was at its height, the affair was abruptly terminated by
her husband's return. Her frustration was indescribable.
I used to think, she said to herself, that talent and looks in a man never
went together with performance. That was why I passed them both up and
regarded that coarse, stupid creature of mine as such a treasure, letting
myself in for a life of constant hardship to help him earn a living. I never
dreamed there might be anyone who combined all three qualities. If I'd not
met this genius, my beauty would have been wasted, and I'd have been no
better off than the ugly woman across the way! It's no good regretting
what's past, but I'm not going to waste any more of my life! As the maxim
says, "An upright person doesn't do underhand things." If a woman does
not lose her honor, fine. But if she does, she might as well be bold and
resolute enough to leave her husband for her lover and so avoid having to
divide herself between them. I've often said that you can only afford to
take a lover if you have Red Whisk's eye for a hero and Zhuo Wenjun's
boldness. And provided you take just one lover during your whole life and
stick with him, even the words take a lover will be rectified in due course.
Eventually you'll receive honors and a title and qualify as a true heroine.
Those weak, useless creatures who scarcely manage to consummate
their love and then waste the rest of their lives on their lovers, in some
cases never seeing them again and even pining to death—aren't they
ridiculous? The formula for taking a lover is composed of two terms,
adultery and elopement, which are inseparable. If you're going to commit
adultery, you have to elope. If you think you'll never be able to elope,
131
 肉蒲团

you'd do far better to remain faithful to your husband and so escape

retribution for your sins! Why batter away your honor and even your life
for a moment of joy?
Having made her decision, she wrote a letter to Vesperus proposing that
they elope. As a girl in her mother's household, she had loved reading and
writing, but on becoming a merchant's wife she had neglected her skills
and now wrote as she spoke, without any literary flavor at all. But although
she was ill versed in the art of composition, she wrote straight from the
heart, unlike those talented young ladies whose letters submerge all trace
of feeling under a welter of subtle implication, forcing people to read them
as literary texts rather than as letters.
Her letter ran,
To my lover, Scholar Vesperus:
Ever since you stopped coming to see me, I have spent all day in front of
my food unable to swallow it. If I force myself to eat some, it is only a
third at best. Obviously my heart and other organs must have shrunk to a
fraction of their former size; it is not just my face and body that have
withered until they scarcely look human. Not having seen me, how would
you know the state I'm in? I have now made up my mind to spend the rest
of my life with you, and you must arrange it at once. Either trouble the
Knave to come and abduct me or I'll do a Red Whisk and run away to join
you. Just settle the date and the place where you'll be waiting, lest we miss
each other and I be lost to the fisherman who gets the profit.[58] This is
very important, so take note! If you are worried about the consequences
and hesitate to run the risk, then you are a faithless wretch. You may write
and tell me, but from that moment on I'll break with you and never see you
again. If I should see you, I have sharp teeth and they'll take a bite out of
my false-hearted lover and eat it as I would pigmeat or dogmeat!
As for all those lovers' oaths sworn on pain of death, they are just cynical
ploys used by heartless women to deceive men, and I cannot bear to utter
them.
Respectfully, Fragrance, the concubine you favored with your love.
After finishing the letter, she stood by the door until she saw the Knave
walking by. But upon giving it to him, she began to worry that Vesperus
would be too timid for such a dangerous venture, and she conceived the
idea of picking quarrels with Honest Quan until he couldn't stand her and

132
 肉蒲团

would be willing to follow the precedent of Zhu Maichen and let her go.
[59]
Feigning constant illness, she gave up her spinning. Her husband even
had to make the tea and do the cooking. If the tea was a little cold, she
would accuse him of not boiling the water, and if the food was a little
tough, she would complain that he had not cooked it properly. She got up
every morning at dawn and nagged steadily until evening, stopping only
when she went to bed. He had to be ten times as diligent as before if he
was to get safely through the night; otherwise she would order him out at
midnight to make tea or prepare medicine, and that would be the end of his
uninterrupted sleep.
When they had sex, she used the same means by which she had
disposed of her first husband, hoping to send Quan on his way and leave
herself free to marry someone perfect in all three respects. Faced with her
scorn and loathing in the daytime, Quan did his utmost to serve her at
night, to atone for his misdeeds. To his dismay, however, his nocturnal
efforts did nothing to make up for his daytime delinquencies. She had
scarcely gotten out of bed than her whole attitude changed, striking fear
into his heart before she opened her mouth. In less than two months she
had so worn down her tiger of a husband that his bones stood out like
matchsticks and he barely clung to life.
When the neighbors saw what was happening, they felt indignant, but
because of their fear of the Knave they were reluctant to tell Quan. He,
however, noticing this sudden change in a wife who had previously been
so contented and affectionate, realized that there must be a reason behind it
and continued to question them.
"Was there any outsider at the house while I was away? Did you notice
anything going on?"
At first they made out they knew nothing, but at length, under the
pressure of his questioning, they took pity on him as an honest man about
to die at the hands of an adulterous wife and felt obliged to respond.
"Well," they replied, "yes, there was someone who made a few visits to
your house, but he is not the kind of customer you would want to provoke.
If you do, it will be just as the proverb says: 'An open thrust is easy to
dodge, but a sneak attack is hard to avoid.' Not only will you fail to stop
him, you could suffer a very nasty accident."
133
 肉蒲团

"Who is this man, that he's so dangerous?"

"None other than the dreaded, world-famous miracle thief, A Match for
the Knave of Kunlun. He was passing by your house a while ago when he
saw what a good-looking woman your wife is and came over and asked
whose wife she was. We told him she was yours, and he said, 'What a
mismatch for this woman to be married to a husband like that! Do they get
along all right?' We assured him you got on very well indeed. Then later he
noticed you were away on business and came and asked us, 'How long will
Honest Quan be away?' We assumed that he wanted to buy some silk and
told him, 'The whole trip will take ten days or more.'
"But from then on, we heard noises coming from your house every
night, as if there were people talking in there. If it had been anyone other
than the Knave, we'd have gone and investigated. But you know how it is,
you'd sooner provoke the God of the Years than this fellow.[60] Even if
you leave him alone, he may still come and get you, but if you offend him,
you're in real trouble. Moreover, there's no provision in the law for
neighbors to seize people in adultery. And so we let him come and go as he
pleased. He slept there ten or more nights, until you came back and the
road closed again. We're telling you this, but you've got to keep it to
yourself and be on your guard at all times against revealing it to anyone
else, or it will bring disaster down on all of us. Even in front of your wife
you'll have to control your feelings and not give yourself away. Otherwise
she'll let him know, and none of us will be left in peace. If we're lucky,
we'll lose only our property; if we're unlucky, we'll lose our lives as well."
"I saw him coming in to buy silk all the time and I was surprised he was
such a big customer. So this is why! Well, gentlemen, if you hadn't told
me, I would never have known, so I shall respect your wishes and not tell
anyone. But the day will come when he'll fall into my hands, and when
I've caught him and cut off his head, I shall ask you to back me up."
"That's foolish talk," said the neighbors. "As the saying goes, 'You have
to have the goods to arrest the thief, and you have to catch them in the act
to prove adultery.' He's been a thief all his life, and he's never once been
found with the goods on him. Do you really suppose that after a few nights
of adultery he's going to let you catch him in the act? Now, don't take
offense, but that wife of yours isn't yours anymore. If he carries her off
with him one day, just be happy if you don't have to provide the dowry."
134
 肉蒲团

"How could he do that?"

"An old technique of his, haven't you heard?" asked the neighbors. "A
wall may be dozens of feet high, but he'll clear it at a single bound! Or it
may be hundreds of courses thick, and he'll get through it the first time!
That cottage of yours will give him no trouble at all. He's sure to get in, by
one means or another, and not only will your wife be taken off, all your
property may well go with her as dowry. You'll have to be on your guard
against a double loss."
Honest Quan grew even more alarmed and, kneeling down in front of
the neighbors, begged them to think of some plan for avoiding such a
disaster. The neighbors sympathized with his plight and tried to think of a
solution. Some urged him to divorce his wife and cut off the danger at the
root. Others told him to take his wife and flee with her to some distant
place. Quan was in a dilemma until another neighbor, a man of some
experience, offered his opinion.
"Neither solution will work," he said. "Even if Quan's wife could be
evicted under the law, he hasn't gathered any evidence. On what grounds is
he going to divorce her? And the Knave knows every road in the land.
He'll track you down no matter where you move to, and when he does,
you'll have delivered your life into his hands, I'm afraid. In my humble
opinion, the only thing to do is make the best of a bad deal. Since your
wife has no desire to stay with you, there's no point in trying to keep her.
You'd be far better off getting a little money from selling her, so that you
won't suffer a loss. If you sell her to anyone other than the Knave, she'll
refuse to go, and when he hears about it, he'll resent your trying to break
up his affair and will retaliate. The best thing would be to sell her to him.
A thief can easily get his hands on some money, and since he's in love with
your wife, he may be willing to put up a hundred or two. With that you
should have no difficulty getting a second wife. Find a homely one who'll
give you no trouble, and you'll be ahead in two respects: you'll have a wife
and you'll be able to keep your property."
"Excellent idea!" said Quan. "Although it's not what a husband ought to
be doing, it's the only option I have. But there's just one problem. I can
hardly ask him myself, so I shall need a middleman. Would one of you
gentlemen be willing to act for me?"

135
 肉蒲团

"If that's what you want," said the neighbors, "we wouldn't mind helping
out. But once you've sold her, you're not to go stirring up trouble by saying
we conspired with a scoundrel to seize your wife."
"If this works out, I will owe my life and property to you gentlemen. I
would never do anything so two-faced."
"Quan is an honest man," said the experienced neighbor. "He'd never do
such a thing, you can set your minds at rest."
They consulted and chose someone known for his diplomatic skills to
go and negotiate with the Knave the next day.

Meanwhile, ever since parting from Fragrance, Vesperus had been

suffering from lovesickness. In his desperate state he was counting on the
Knave's magical powers to reunite him with Fragrance.
"If you want her abducted," said the Knave, "that's no trouble. The only
problem is that you won't be able to go on living here afterward. If you
wish to be husband and wife, you'll have to take her to the ends of the
earth, somewhere you can't be traced, and settle down there. Are you
prepared to do that? It's a question you'll have to decide before I can take
any action."
Because of the two other summa beauties whom he had yet to seduce,
Vesperus was reluctant to leave the area. At first he could not make up his
mind, but then, seeing how outspoken Fragrance was in her letter, he felt
in honor bound to agree.
"I'll never be able to drop out of sight unless I move a long way off. Of
course I'm ready to leave."
"In that case it will be simple," said the Knave, "except for one thing.
Abducting a man's wife is a far more serious crime than stealing his
money. Money is all a matter of chance anyway; if you lose it today, you
can always earn some more tomorrow. But if a man's primary wife is
abducted, the loss will be too much for him. Moreover, Honest Quan is
poor. If he loses this wife, how will he ever be able to afford another one?
A man's life is at risk if you push him too far. We need to think of some
form of consolation for the victim. We should bring a hundred or more
taels with us when we abduct his wife and leave them in his house, as if to

136
 肉蒲团

suggest that he take them and buy himself another wife. If we deprive him
of one wife but enable him to get another, it may not help our moral credit
at all, but at least I'll have been true to myself as a hero."
"That would be the perfect plan, except that I'm embarrassingly short of
money and there's nowhere I can get any. I'd have to trouble you for it, as a
friend, and that is something I'd feel very uncomfortable about."
"Where my money's concerned, it's easy come, easy go," said the Knave.
"If I begrudged you the money, do you think I'd have dared to speak up so
boldly? Just leave the expenses to me. Write to her and say that I'll go and
get her whenever she wishes, so long as Quan isn't at home; tell her there's
nothing for her to worry about."
Vesperus was in high spirits as he hastily ground up the ink. Because her
letter had been simply written, he replied in the same simple language, to
save her trouble in interpreting it. The letter ran,
To Mistress Fragrance:
The two months since we parted seem like decades. Your heart and other
organs have wasted half away, while mine have swollen to the same
extent. Otherwise why would they block my throat so that I cannot
swallow a morsel of food? I have been pleading all this while with the
Knave to help us, but he was afraid that you were not fully committed and
did not dare embark on it lightly. However, when he saw your letter to me,
he realized that your love was as firm as iron or stone and he now
undertakes to try his best. To do as Red Whisk did would be far too
dangerous; with him helping us, it would be better just to emulate the Girl
in Red. It is hard to predict when our tryst will occur, but the day your
warden leaves home will be the same day Chang'e flees to the moon.[61]
Send us the glad tidings as soon as you know, so that we can take action. If
I prove faithless, whether I am pigmeat or dogmeat, your honorable mouth
will not need to bite me, for there will be crows and curs aplenty to drag
me off and devour me. I shall say no more.
Respectfully,
As a precaution I shall not sign my name.
After delivering the letter to Fragrance, the Knave took out a hundred
and twenty taels and packed them up in readiness. But while he and
Vesperus waited anxiously for news, Quan never left the house. Then one

137
 肉蒲团

day, to the Knave's surprise, one of Quan's neighbors appeared and, after
exchanging a few casual remarks, came to the point.
"Honest Quan's business has been losing money and he can't make ends
meet. As a result he is unable to keep his wife and proposes to sell her. It
occurred to me that other people either had no money at all or else hadn't
enough to keep her, whereas you, with your great generosity in helping
others, might come to the rescue. So I'm here to beg you to do a good deed
that would not only save this woman from starvation but that would also
provide Honest Quan with some bride money as capital. You would be
doing a great service to two people."
The Knave was perplexed. What an extraordinary thing! Here was I, just
about to go off and see to him, when he sends someone over with an offer
to sell her, as if he knew what I had in mind. He may have heard that I was
acting for someone and, thinking he could not escape my trap, he may
have decided to take this way out. Since he has done so, I'd better buy her
openly rather than covertly. Why take the money along and then abduct
her?
"Why on earth would he want to sell his wife?" he asked the neighbor.
"He's been driven to it by poverty, nothing else."
"In that case is the wife willing to leave him for someone else?"
"She can't stand the misery at home and is eager to get away. There's no
question of her willingness."
"What would the price be?"
"He intended to ask for two hundred, but you don't need to stick to that.
As long as he gets a bit over half, I daresay he'd be satisfied."
"In that case let's make it a hundred and twenty."
Having obtained the Knave's consent, the neighbor asked him to weigh
out the money while he sent for Quan to come and close the deal.
The Knave's first idea had been to name Vesperus as principal and the
neighbor and himself as intermediaries, but he thought better of it. It's a
risky business taking another man's wife, he reflected. My reputation is
sufficient to deter anyone from hauling me into court, but if I let him give

138
 肉蒲团

his name, he'll be in trouble at once. So he said nothing about Vesperus,

and he made out he was taking Fragrance as his own concubine.
Quan arrived and a marriage certificate was drawn up, to which he
affixed his thumbprint. The neighbor also made his mark and passed the
paper to the Knave, who handed over a packet of silver in the amount
promised plus another ten taels as broker's fee for the neighbor.
That same day, still without letting Vesperus know, the Knave hired a
sedan chair and fetched Fragrance. Only after he had found a house,
furnished it, and engaged a maid for her, did he arrange the wedding and
see the couple to their bridal chamber—behavior unsurpassed even by Bao
Shuya with his loyal friendship or Curlybeard with his gallantry.[62] The
only pity is that the Knave answered the wrong question in the
examination and cannot qualify as a true hero. If he had applied his loyalty
to the case of a worthy friend and his gallantry in a real emergency, he
would have been entitled not only to rank as a hero among robbers but also
to feel superior to the official classes.

CHAPTER TWELVE
By means of kowtowing, he succeeds in seduction;
In spite of her jealousy, she arranges a pact.
Lyric:
My love I dearly love,
My love I idolize.
But jealousy springs from love too dear;
I glare—but with the fondest eyes.

This beauty I hold dear,

That beauty I adore.
If I can get these beauties not to fight,
Romantically, my fame will soar.
(To the tune "Love Eternal")

Once Vesperus and Fragrance had become husband and wife, they
enjoyed themselves to the full, day and night, hot weather and cold. After
joining his household, she had just one period and then became pregnant.
139
 肉蒲团

Vesperus was delighted at the news, believing that the adept had been
proven wrong and that he could still father a child. His instrument of
pleasure had been successfully restructured.
After four or five months her body began to swell up, making sex a little
awkward. Normally Vesperus would stop thrusting only when there were
no more cries to be heard from her, and now, on hearing a cry of alarm, he
was not startled enough to detach himself, draw in his stomach, and
proceed less passionately. As a result she told him that rather than exhaust
himself, he should put off sex for the time being and husband his strength
for a grand celebration after the baby's birth. From that time on they slept
in separate rooms.
Vesperus spent his nights in the study where, amid peace and quiet, he
inevitably longed for action, hoping for another affair. Before his marriage
to Fragrance, he had felt that if only he could have her, he would be able to
get through life without ever taking another mistress. But once he had
married her, he began to think how much nicer it would be if he had
another one like her, to form a pair. Although the idea occurred to him
soon after the wedding, he was still able to enjoy himself, so he shelved it.
In his present state of frustration, however, he began to treat this shelved
idea as a matter of the highest priority.
"Of all the women I've seen," he thought, "only those two whose names
I don't know are truly outstanding, fit to put beside the one I've just
married. Unfortunately I don't know where they live or even where to start
looking for them. I'll have to content myself with the second best and turn
to someone from the magna class in my notebook for relief in this present
crisis. There'll be time enough later on, when I'm free, to go looking for the
others."
Without letting Fragrance know what he was doing, he shut the study
door, took out his notebook, and leafed methodically through it until he
came to the name Cloud of Scent. Although his comments on her
amounted to no more than a few sentences, they were a little more positive
than the rest; they were straightforward praise without irony, whereas the
other comments were either praise with a dash of criticism or criticism
with a dash of praise. She clearly stood at the head of the magna class and
only a notch below Pale Rose Maid and Lotus Pink Beauty.
Comment:
140
 肉蒲团

There are many special features to her beauty. She has grace to spare. She
trips so lightly as to leave no sign, and could be lifted on the palm of the
hand. Her charm is unaffected, and her looks are as in a painting. The
breeze wafts a rare fragrance from her, as if she were steeped in the scent
of flowers. At her side one hears exquisite tones, like the warbling of
innumerable orioles: She is without doubt an outstanding beauty, the most
charming of women. I place her in the magna class, above the other
beauties.
Rereading his comments, Vesperus recalled her face and remembered
her as being in her twenties, a young woman who gave an impression of
great charm. As she passed by, he had sensed a fragrance imbued with
freshness and sweetness that was quite unlike the perfumes women use on
their clothes or skin. After she departed, he had found a fan with a poem
on it lying beside the incense altar and realized that she had left it for him.
She was on his mind for days, and he fully intended to seek her out. But
after meeting with the two summa women, he had begun to treat her as "a
fish thrown back into the river." When he came upon this comment in his
notebook, however, he felt the cold ashes of his desire rekindling and
examined the tiny handwriting that followed the comment to see her
address. It turned out that she was living in the same lane as he was!
He was overjoyed. There cannot be more than a few dozen families in
this lane, he said to himself, so she must live quite close by. It shouldn't be
too difficult to get hold of her. He went out at once to ask where her house
was.
Little did he realize that he had been aided in his evil plans by the
neatest of coincidences. It was as if the gods of Heaven and Earth were
aiding the evildoer—for she proved to be his next-door neighbor, with
only a wall in between! His study even backed onto her bedroom! Her
husband, whose sobriquet was Master Felix, was a licentiate in his fifties, a
man as long on talent as he was short on virtue, with a reputation as high
as his character was low. Cloud was his second wife, his first wife having
died. He ran a school and lived away from home, returning each month for
only one or two nights.
This must mean we are destined for each other, thought Vesperus.
Supernatural powers have brought me here so that I can enjoy myself with
her. Such a convenient arrangement—how can I fail to take advantage of
it?
141
 肉蒲团

Back and forth he paced, trying to think of a plan of action while

surveying the terrain. The wall outside the study was not high, but it was
part of the house and he could not get over it. The wall inside was not very
substantial, but he could not drive a hole through it, because it was built of
whitewashed brick and any attempt would have left obvious traces on both
sides.
So he abandoned the classic methods found in literature and went
neither through the wall nor over it, but decided instead to rehearse his
own text and drop down through the roof. However, on looking up, he
noticed a section three feet high and five feet wide along the top of the
wall where the bricks had not reached and the wall had been finished off in
wood.
Now that I've found this gap, he said to himself, I won't need to get up
on the roof. Why not adapt the expression "drive a hole, climb a wall"? All
I need do is pry a few boards off the wooden section and I shouldn't have
any trouble getting over the wall. He fetched a ladder and leaned it against
the wall, then brought from the study a set of tools that he had purchased
but never used, a carton containing a knife, ax, saw, and chisel. Because he
had never had occasion to use it, Vesperus had thought it useless and kept
it in his study only as a curiosity. Little did he realize that there is nothing
in the world without its function; for the tool kit, he had found a function
in adultery.
Carrying his set of tools, he climbed up the ladder and took a close look
at the wooden section. Fortunately, strong as it was, there were cracks in it.
When it was being built, the boards had been tapped into place one by one,
not mortised together, which would have made them impossible to budge.
He set to work with a small file to grind away a fraction of an inch from
the top of one of the boards so that there would be no resistance when he
pried it off. Next he inserted a small chisel into the crack and jimmied the
board toward himself. Before he realized it, one board was off, and when
he went to jimmy the second board, he found he needed no tools at all; one
pull and, with nothing to hold it in place, the board came away with ease.
After taking off two or three boards, he craned his neck through to
survey the scene. What met his eyes was a woman relieving herself on a
commode. Before tying her trousers up again, she went to replace the
cover, but it slipped from her hand and, in stretching down to pick it up,
142
 肉蒲团

she bent her slim waist and raised a fine pair of slender buttocks in the air.
The back part of her vulva was directly in front of him. Observing her
from behind, he was still not certain that she was the woman he was
seeking. But when she pulled up her trousers and turned around, he saw
her face and knew that she was indeed the one he had admired, now more
fetching than ever.
He was about to call her, but feared someone else might hear. It also
occurred to him that she wouldn't know him, hidden as he was, and would
scarcely be inclined to give him a welcome. It would be awkward if she
made a scene. He would have to think of some way of enticing her up to
see him. One look at my face, he thought, and I won't have to plead with
her. She'll come to hand of her own accord.
Puzzling over what to do, he suddenly remembered the fan with the
three Tang poems on it in her handwriting. "I expect she still remembers.
I'll leave the wall open and go and find the poems. When she hears me
reciting, she'll understand and come up to see me, at which point I'll work
on her with a few clever remarks. She's bound to fall for my line."
He scampered down the ladder and opened the trunk in search of the
fan. While staying in the temple, each time he had picked up one of the
many tokens of admiration left for him, he had put it away for safekeeping
against the day when he found the woman and needed it in convincing her.
Confident the women would be willing if only he had something to offer
them, he treated the tokens as treasures and saw to it that they were not
mislaid. Lest they get mixed up with his other possessions and be
impossible to find in a hurry, he had had another trunk made for them, on
the lid of which was inscribed, in two columns of four large characters for
easy recognition, a line from one of the "Songs of the States" in the Poetry
Classic:[63]
BEAUTIFUL GIFTS
WOMEN FROM
As he opened the trunk, tipped out its romantic contents, and picked
them over, the first fan he turned up was hers. Its calligraphy, he noted on
opening it, was not of the highest artistry but did possess a certain charm.
Its three four-line poems were by the Tang genius Academician Li, to the
tune "Peaceful Melody." They were written when Emperor Xuanzong was

143
 肉蒲团

admiring the tree peonies with Lady Guifei and called Li into the palace to
celebrate the occasion.
Vesperus would not have dreamed of reciting the poems without the
correct preparation. He changed into his best clothes and cap, then lit an
incense burner filled with the finest incense. Finally he cleared his throat
and, like a singer of Kun opera rendering a long, slow tune, enunciated the
poems syllable by syllable so that she could hear them clearly.
Poem One
Like clouds her garments are, like a flower her face,
As zephyrs brush the rail-top's shimmering dew.
Should you fail to find her on the Mount of Jades,
You may meet her on Jasper Terrace beneath the moon.

Poem Two
A sprig of crimson radiance, scent-bedewed,
Spells clouds and rain and an emperor's broken heart.
In the palaces of Han who is there to compare?
One pities even The Swallow, fresh adorned.

Poem Three
They rejoice, the noble flower and peerless beauty,
Watched by the king of kings with indulgent smile.
Gone is the pain that the vernal zephyrs bring,
As in Aloeswood she leans upon the rail.[64]

He recited the poems again. When there was still no response after ten
recitations, he read out the date and the calligrapher's name as well, like
the dialogue in the middle of an aria. He thought he might just as well let
her hear properly, so he repeated those items several times, too, whereupon
from the top of the wall there suddenly came a barely audible sound that
was something between a cough and a sigh. Vesperus knew that she had
climbed up there, so he rounded on the fan and denounced it: "Because of
this fan, someone was almost driven to his death. The fan is here, but
where is she? If she can be found, I should give it back to her. What's the
point of keeping it?"
A reply came from the top of the wall: "The fan's owner is over here.
Please throw it up to me. There's no need to be so bitter about it."
144
 肉蒲团

Looking up, Vesperus pretended to be astonished: "So the peerless

beauty is close at hand after all! There was no need for me to be lovesick
all this time! Now I shan't die!" So saying, he bounded up the ladder, took
her in his arms, and kissed her so that their tongues copulated together.
"Where have you been all this time, that I never saw you again?" asked
Cloud. "And why are you in this place all of a sudden and reciting the
poems on my fan?"
"I live here. I'm your next-door neighbor. Didn't you know?"
"There are other people living there. I've never noticed you before."
"I've only just moved in."
"Where were you living before? And why did you move here?"
Hoping to win her favor, Vesperus took the opportunity for a little
deception. "I moved here on your account. Surely you realize that? When I
saw you in Zhang the Immortal's Temple, I fell in love, and when you gave
me a parting look and left your fan for me, I couldn't get you out of my
mind. I tried everything I could think of to move here so that we could be
together."
"What a romantic you are!" said Cloud, breaking into a broad smile and
tapping him playfully on the shoulder. "To think, I almost did you an
injustice! But whom do you have living with you?"
"Just a concubine a friend gave me. She's not been with me long. The
rest of my family I left at home."
"But why didn't you come by before you moved here? You've made me
positively sick, longing for you all this time!"
"At first I couldn't find out where you lived, so there was no way I could
see you. As soon as I heard, I moved here to be with you."
"When did you move here, then?"
"Less than six months ago. Four or five months at most." Cloud's smile
froze on her face. "Since you've been here all this time," she asked after a
pause, "why didn't you pay any attention to me before? Why did those cold
ashes of yours take so long to give off a spark?"

145
 肉蒲团

Vesperus knew from her tone that he had made a mistake and, flushing
with embarrassment, he tried to talk his way out of trouble. "All this time I
assumed your husband was at home and, since the last thing I wanted was
to get you into trouble by doing something rash, I put you out of my mind
and simply endured these past few months. Only just now, when I heard
your husband was away teaching and there was no one else at home, did I
dare make my presence known. It was caution on my part, nothing more.
You surely don't think that I could forget you or that I would deliberately
ignore you?"
Cloud said nothing, but retained her sardonic smile. "Well, do you still
have my fan?" she asked after some thought.
"I keep it close beside me at all times. It's never away from me for an
instant. I wouldn't dare lose it."
"May I see it in that case?"
Vesperus assumed that once she saw the fan her suspicions would be
dispelled, her mood would change, and she would be ready to consider
sex. He climbed down the ladder, wrapped the fan in a cloth, and handed it
to her. To his astonishment she tore the fan into shreds and threw them into
her room. Then she flung the cloth back at him.
"What a false-hearted wretch you are! I'm only glad I never got involved
with you! From now on it's over between us!"
Fuming, she started down the ladder, pulling herself away from
Vesperus's clutches and ignoring his entreaties. Reaching the bottom of the
ladder, she burst inexplicably into tears.
Vesperus wanted to climb down and ask what the matter was, but he
was afraid of being seen, so he watched her from the top of the wall as she
wept. In the midst of his predicament he heard a sudden sound from
among the banana palms outside the study door, as if someone was there.
Afraid it might be Fragrance, he quickly replaced the boards and climbed
down.
He was puzzled. What could be the matter with her? he asked himself. I
haven't said or done anything to upset her, so why on earth should she lose
her temper like this? Judging from her reaction, she was blaming me for
taking so long to contact her, which delayed our lovemaking by six

146
 肉蒲团

months. But as the saying goes, "In the Qingming festival, it's never too
late for the cold food."[65] All that matters, surely, is that I love her. Let
me make up with interest all we've missed in the last six months. Why get
so upset? I suspect that her reaction wasn't solely due to this, but that
there's some other reason for it. What she said just now, harsh as it was,
may not have represented her true feelings. It may have been just a trick to
make me beg for forgiveness. I can't very well go there in the daytime, but
this evening I shall have to get through the wall and find out. Whatever the
rights and wrongs, I'll apologize and settle matters between us.
That day passed as slowly as a year. Vesperus waited impatiently until
evening, then sent Fragrance off to bed and returned to his study. First he
fastened the door and windows securely and took off his scholar's cap and
outer garments. Then, putting out the lamp, he climbed up the ladder and
removed the boards that he had loosened before, for all the world as if he
were opening up a gateway.
He was still worried. So far so good, he thought. But if there's nothing to
climb down on, I can hardly jump off a twenty-foot wall! She sounded so
harsh before, I'm sure she'll never come and help me if I call out. I won't
be able to say a word.
As it happened, Cloud's heart proved softer than her words. Before
going to bed she had left him a loophole, not taken the ultimate step in
rejection. When he climbed up and stretched out his hand, Vesperus found
that the ladder she had used during the day was still there waiting for him.
Overjoyed, he stepped on to it and climbed silently down, as if crossing
a wooden bridge. He had gone up with an even tread and he came down
with an equally even tread, untroubled by the least difficulty or danger.
Silently he felt his way to the bed, where she lay motionless. He
assumed she was asleep and intended to ease his way into her bedclothes.
He would take the opportunity to insert his penis into her vagina and
gently awaken her, after which they would talk. That would allow him to
dispense with the usual overtures. His mind made up, he stretched out a
hand to lift aside the bedclothes.
Little did he realize that Cloud was not asleep, but that she had heard
him very clearly as he approached. In the hope of saving herself from his
overtures, she had faced the wall, pretending to be unaware of his
147
 肉蒲团

presence. But when she felt him trying to open the bedclothes, she decided
that she could hardly let him "burst unannounced into the general's tent."
Unable to escape, she had to turn over and pretend to have been startled
from a dream. "Who's there?" she cried out. "Creeping into people's beds
in the dark!"
Vesperus whispered in her ear, "I'm the one you spoke to today. I know
it was wrong of me to neglect you all this time, and I've come especially to
beg your forgiveness." As he spoke, he tried to wriggle inside the
bedclothes, but Cloud, furious, hugged them tightly around her and refused
to let him in.
"What a heartless wretch you are! Who asked you to come here begging
forgiveness? Out, and be quick about it!"
"I've worn myself to a frazzle trying to think how to get over here and
be with you! You can't call that heartless!"
"Who do you think your fine words are going to deceive? Oh, such good
judges of quality your eyes are! You don't have some dazzling beauty to
enjoy yourself with, so you turn to an ugly creature like me. You'd betray
your own sweetheart to be here with me."
"The girl I have at home was given to me by a friend and I had no
choice but to accept her. How can you be jealous of her?"
"It is perfectly proper to enjoy yourself with your own wife. How could
I be jealous of her? But you oughtn't to involve yourself with someone like
me and then banish me to the ends of the earth. If you lived a long way off
and we had no chance to meet, that would be one thing. But there you
were on the other side of the wall, and not a word did you utter, as if we
were total strangers! A person as heartless as that I'd just as soon leave to
others."
"Mistress, where do you get all of this? Apart from my wife and
concubine, I've never been intimate with any other woman. This is my
very first attempt at an affair. Why are you slandering me for no reason?"
"Answer me this," said Cloud. "On such-and-such a date, three women
went into Zhang the Immortal's Temple to pray. Were you, or were you
not, the one who admired their beauty so much that he knelt down outside
the gate and kowtowed like a madman?"

148
 肉蒲团

"It's true. There were three women in the temple that day burning
incense. I was there, too, to pray for a son, and when I saw some women
already there, I thought it best not to go in, to avoid mixed company, so I
knelt down and kowtowed outside the gate. But it was Zhang the Immortal
I was worshipping, not the women!"
Cloud burst into laughter. "What! You've just given yourself away. If
you'd denied everything, you might have gotten away with it. But since it
was you, you've no case left. Do you mean to tell me that a voyeur who
used to hide behind the Immortal's image would be too afraid of scandal to
rush in and flirt with any woman he fancied, but would kneel down and
kowtow outside the gate? That lie wouldn't deceive a two-year-old, and yet
you have the nerve to try it on me!"
Vesperus realized she knew everything and that it was no use trying to
cover up. He had no choice but to tell the truth, both to confess his
misdeeds and also to coax the other women's whereabouts out of her.
"To tell you the truth, Mistress," he said with a smile, "I was kowtowing
partly to the Immortal and partly to those women, to get them to take pity
on me. But I wonder how you came to know what was going on at the
temple while you were sitting at home? Who told you about it?"
"Oh, I have supernatural powers, I don't need anyone to tell me."
"Mistress, since you know what happened, you must also know where
the women live and what their names and their husbands' names are. I beg
you to tell me."
"You've been with them six months and you still have to ask me that?"
"Once more, I don't know what you're talking about! I've never seen
them again since that first time. How can you say I've been with them six
months? Oh, how can I protest this injustice?"
"You're still trying to bluff your way out of it! If you weren't with them,
why didn't you come and see me these last six months? Obviously it was
all their idea, to prevent you from having anything to do with me. You
think I don't know that?"
"What a monstrous injustice! Not a shred of evidence, and yet you're
full of suspicion!"
"If it's really not true, swear a solemn oath."
149
 肉蒲团

Vesperus faced the heavens and swore, "If I have ever had anything to
do with those three women, may I be … If, far from having had anything
to do with them, I so much as know their names or where they live, or
have ever gone to look for them, then may I be …"
When Cloud heard him swear such a violent oath, her suspicions were
partly assuaged. "You really haven't been with them?" she asked.
"I really haven't!"
"In that case you may be forgiven."
"Now that everything is cleared up," said Vesperus, "and I've done
nothing wrong, won't you let me inside the bedclothes?"
"My looks can't compare with those of the three women, so why not go
and sleep with someone better-looking instead of bothering me?"
"You're being far too modest again. Whatever gives you the idea you're
not as good-looking as they are?"
"There's nothing wrong with your eyes evidently. After all, it was only
because you saw how gorgeous they were that you knelt down and
kowtowed to them. If they'd been merely attractive, a close look, like the
one I got, would have been ample. They'd never have had any kowtows!"
"That was a purely spontaneous reaction, with no conscious intent
behind it. Anyway you seem to be blaming me for kowtowing to them and
not to you. You think I'm making distinctions, and that's why you're
complaining. If so, there's an easy solution. Let me do some more
kowtowing and pay off my debt with interest."
He knelt down on the floor beside Cloud's pillow and rattled off several
dozen resounding kowtows that shook the bed before Cloud stretched out a
hand and helped him inside.
Vesperus wriggled inside the bedclothes so that his lower instrument
met hers like a carriage on a familiar road. Understandably, since it was
their first encounter and their passion for each other had been delayed by
their overtures, they could stand no more ceremony in bed, and it was a
case of I want to join her and she wants to join me as the two objects met
like old friends in no need of an introduction.

150
 肉蒲团

Vesperus at once thrust in all the way. Cloud's vagina was of only
average size, but her passions were aflame and she could wait no longer.
She wanted to suffer a little pain so as to quell the itching sensation inside
her, to put up with hardship in order to reach the frontier. Since she was
able to accommodate him, Vesperus knew she was a worthy opponent, one
to whom he could not offer a handicap, and he exerted all of his skill. He
thrust and counterthrust in pitched battle, then insisted on withdrawing
from the palace and driving into the lair itself. For the first dozen or two
strokes the inside was slippery, but after fifty strokes it turned sticky.
Cloud could bear the discomfort no longer and asked, "When I sleep with
my husband, I find that things get easier as we go along. Why is it harder
now than at the beginning?"
"The one asset I have," said Vesperus, "is this poor thing of mine, which
differs from other men's in two respects: it starts small and gets large,
swelling up gradually after entering the vagina like dried food soaked in
water; and it starts cold and gets hot, like a flint that heats up when struck,
as if about to burst into sparks. Having these two qualities, I didn't want to
conceal them but to make love to you and offer them for your
appreciation."
"I never believed you had such a treasure. I thought it was all a hoax.
But since it's true, if you go on making me so uncomfortable, I'm afraid I'll
cease to enjoy it altogether."
"You're too dry inside at present, and that's why you're feeling
discomfort. But soon there'll be some fluid along to moisten things, and
you'll feel quite different."
"In that case I'll put up with the pain. I may as well let you do your
worst, to get some moisture flowing and put an end to this dryness."
"You're absolutely right." Placing her feet over his shoulders, he thrust
hard and fast only a few dozen times before her vagina became slippery
and his penis hot. Because of the former effect she ceased to feel any pain,
and because of the latter she enjoyed herself more and more.
"Dearest," she said. "What you said just now was no hoax either. It
really is a treasure, and I'm beginning to enjoy it."
Vesperus seized this chance to gain her favor by thrusting even more
fiercely, at the same time asking in a wheedling tone, "Dear heart, if that
151
 肉蒲团

was no hoax, it must be obvious that the other things I told you weren't a
hoax either. You can trust me implicitly, so why not tell me about the three
women?"
"So long as you truly love me, of course I'll tell you; but what's the
hurry?"
"You're right," said Vesperus. Henceforth he said nothing and merely
continued thrusting in silence.
He had been working a good two or three hours when Cloud's hands and
feet suddenly turned ice-cold. She broke out into a sweat and spent three
times in succession.
"Dear heart," she said to Vesperus. "I am not very strong and I can't
stand any more of this battering. Hold me in your arms and let's try to get
some sleep."
Vesperus did as she asked; he dismounted, lay beside her, and took her
in his arms. As he lay there, he was conscious of a strange scent emanating
from the bed, the same scent he had noticed on first meeting her.
"Dearest," he asked, "what is this exotic scent you perfume your clothes
with? It's so delightful."
"I don't use any scent. When did you notice it?"
"That day we met, when you walked past me. And I noticed it again just
now, while lying beside you. If you don't perfume your clothes, where
does it come from?"
"It's nothing exotic, just a scent that comes from inside. You're quite
wrong about it."
"I don't believe that any scent from inside you could have such a nice
bouquet to it. If so, your body must be a treasure too."
"It's the one real asset I have, something that no other woman possesses.
I'm told that at my birth, just before I appeared, a rosy cloud wafted into
the room and everyone noticed an exotic scent. Then, when I came along,
the cloud dispersed but not the scent, which was often found issuing from
me. It was on the strength of this that I was given the name Cloud of
Scent. If I sit quietly, the scent is barely perceptible, but if I exert myself
and start sweating, it comes from my pores. When that happens, not only
152
 肉蒲团

are others aware of it, I can sense it myself. Since I have this asset, I don't
like to conceal it either. That day in the temple when we met, you looked
so terribly handsome that I lingered a while and made eyes at you and left
you my fan as a token. I was hoping you would come and seek me out so
that I could offer you this scent for your appreciation, but to my great
disappointment you never came. Only now do I get my wish."
Vesperus sniffed her body carefully all over and found that each pore
gave off a wisp of scent, which convinced him that the most beautiful
women are not to be chosen solely on the basis of their visual appeal, just
as heroes are not to be judged solely by their physique. Clasping her in a
tight embrace, he called her dearest several dozen times, until Cloud broke
in: "Have you smelt me all over?"
"Yes."
"I'm afraid there's one place you've missed."
"No, I didn't miss anywhere."
"Yes, you did. You missed one place, where the scent differs from
everywhere else. I might as well offer that for your appreciation too.
"Where is it?"
Cloud took one of his fingers in her hand and touched her vulva with it.
"The smell in here is different again," she said. "If it's not asking too much,
why not sniff it and see?"
Vesperus crouched down and gave several deep sniffs before scrambling
up again.
"What a treasure! There's nothing more to be said, I shall love you
forever!" With that, he crouched down again, parted that supreme treasure,
and began licking it.
"Don't do that! It's too much! It'll be the death of me!" As she spoke, she
tried to pull him up, but the harder she pulled the more furiously he licked.
Using his three-inch tongue like a penis, he went back and forth, thrusting
and withdrawing as in real copulation. When he sensed her fluid coming,
he drew it into his mouth, gulping it down without losing a drop, after
which he kept on until she spent, when he even swallowed her essence.
Only then did he get up and lie on top of her again.

153
 肉蒲团

Cloud hugged him tightly. "Dear one, why do you love me so? There's
nothing more for me to say either. I shall love you forever, too. If you truly
love me, let's take a vow tonight."
"Just what I was going to suggest." They got out of bed, dressed, and
took a vow before the moon and stars, praying that, among other things,
"Not only may we never part in this existence, but in the next one, too, let
us be husband and wife."
Then they took their clothes off again and climbed back into bed, where
they began confiding their innermost secrets."
In my opinion," said Vesperus, "there's not another woman in the world
to equal you. I don't know how many virtuous lives your husband needed
to be blessed with such a supreme treasure. But since he has this treasure
at home, why doesn't he stay and enjoy it instead of spending all his time
elsewhere, leaving you to sleep on your own? What possible reason could
he have?"
"In spirit," said Cloud, "he would like to enjoy it, but he hasn't the
strength, so he uses his teaching as a pretext for staying away and avoiding
his duties."
"He's still only middle-aged, as I understand. Why is he so weak?"
"In his youth he was a rake who had one affair after another. Day and
night he'd be off wenching. He wasted his powers so badly that now, in
middle age, he's quite useless."
"How would you compare his capacity in his youth with mine tonight?"
"Much the same in point of technique, but he never had those two
special features of yours."
"Mine is unique, and so is yours. Now that our two treasures have fit
together, we must see that they never part. From now on I shall be over to
sleep with you all the time."
"But you have a wife! How can you be over all the time? I'll be quite
satisfied so long as you're not as heartless as you were before."
"I don't know what scandalmonger has been filling your ears with gossip
and leaving me without a chance to defend myself. You're still saying I'm

154
 肉蒲团

heartless. If I knew who it was that told you, I'd go and have it out with
him!"
"To tell you the truth," said Cloud, "it was those three women."
"This is getting stranger and stranger! They should have been offended
to hear such a nasty remark! How can they be so shameless as to repeat
it?"
"To be frank with you, it all began with my telling them. We belong to
the same family, and I call the two younger ones sister and the older one
aunt. We are all on good terms, and the two sisters and I are particularly
close, as close as real sisters, and keep no secrets from each other. Well,
that day after I got back from the temple I told them how handsome you
were, how you kept stealing glances at me, and how I fell in love with you
and left you my fan. They said, 'Since he's so much in love with you and
knows you fancy him, he's bound to come looking for you. How are you
going to send him away?' I, too, fully expected you to come looking for
me, and I waited at the gate for ten days without a sign of you.
"Then, on their return from the temple, they came to visit me and asked,
'What did he look like, that man you saw the other day? What was he
wearing?' I gave them a detailed description. 'In that case,' they said, 'we've
just met the man you love.' Then they asked, When he fell for you, did he
kowtow, by any chance?' I replied, He had to keep his feelings hidden, of
course. How could he possibly kowtow in front of all those people?' They
said nothing, just looked at each other and smiled in a smug, secretive sort
of way. That aroused my suspicions, and I questioned them closely until
they told me in great detail, smiling all the while, how you had kowtowed
to them.
"There was something awfully superior about their attitude that upset
me for days. This is how my thoughts went: 'He was meeting them for the
first time too. Why was he so afraid of scandal when he saw me that he
didn't even bow once, whereas with them he went wild and kowtowed
quite brazenly? Obviously my looks don't compare with theirs and, equally
obviously, my luck doesn't equal theirs either.' If you were going to seek
anyone out, you'd seek out the ones you'd kowtowed to. You wouldn't
come looking for me!

155
 肉蒲团

"So I cut my love for you out of my heart and never went back to the
gate. But I was constantly on the lookout to see if you came searching for
them. Normally we are the closest of sisters, but because of this incident I
began to resent them, and that was why, when we met today and you said
you had waited six months before paying any attention to me, I couldn't
help suspecting them. Only when you swore all those terrible oaths did I
realize that nothing of the kind had occurred. This whole comedy was
kowtowed into existence by you. Tell me: do you think you were right to
do it?"
"With this injustice on your mind," said Vesperus, "no wonder you
flared up. But since they're your sisters, they must be my sisters-in-law,
and you ought to let me see them. All I have in mind is to address them as
sisters-in-law and let them know that you and I are lovers. They put you
down with their story about my kowtowing, so let me return the favor by
putting them down, not just with these kowtows but with our lovemaking
as well. How does that appeal to you?"
"There's no need for that. We're not only sisters, we've also sworn to
share each other's fortunes, for better or for worse. If they had deceived me
about this, they would be at fault. But since they didn't break their vow, if I
now break mine and keep you for my own enjoyment, I will be the one at
fault, and I couldn't bear that. When I see them, I shall have to explain
things and impress on them that they mustn't forget the fish trap once
they've caught the fish and try to one-up me or make me jealous. After that
I'll bring you out and introduce you, to let them know that this marvelous
creature is here for everyone's appreciation. That's what is meant by the
saying, 'The treasures of the world ought to be shared with the people of
the world.'
"There is just one thing. I want to impress on you that once you have
those women, you're not to go changing your feelings for me. You must go
on being just as loving to me as you were tonight. You must swear me
another oath that you'll never switch."
Jubilant, Vesperus somersaulted off the bed and addressed an even more
terrible oath to Heaven and Earth, then climbed back in and began making
love all over again. It was as if the two wedding receptions had been rolled
into one and both the matchmaker and the in-laws invited. Don't you
suppose the matchmaker got drunk and the ladies ate their fill? After the
156
 肉蒲团

lovers had finished, they slept entwined in each other's arms until dawn,
when Cloud sent Vesperus home over his wooden bridge. From then on
they met every day and slept together every night, and their love was
deeper than that of husband and wife.
We do not yet know when the two sisters will fall into his hands. But
enough has been said of Vesperus's infatuation with sex, all the way from
Chapter Two onward. Let us now pause for the space of a chapter or so
and take up a different subject altogether. Of course after another scene or
two of this comedy have been played out, the male lead will reappear on
stage.
CRITIQUE

There is nothing in fiction more remarkable than The Carnal Prayer

Mat and nothing in The Carnal Prayer Mat more remarkable than this
chapter. When you first read of Cloud's outburst, you are upset; you have
no idea of its cause and you suspect the author of deliberately piling up
difficulties and dangers in order to make the reader nervous. Only when
you reach the final part do you realize that the previous section was
perfectly reasonable and logical and not in the least contrived.
Before Cloud became Vesperus's lover, she was consumed by a baseless
envy and so, after sharing her bed with him, should she not have felt a
justifiable jealousy? This is a common characteristic of women and a
familiar gambit in fiction. But not only is she not jealous, she even takes
pride in playing the celestial matchmaker and bringing three remarkable
destinies together.
By this time the reader is so far along the Shanyin road that he would
not have time even to accept a summons from the Palace![66] Just see
what triumphs Vesperus is enjoying!

157
 肉蒲团

CHAPTER THIRTEEN
To purge his hatred, he smashes his pots and pans and burns his boat;[67]
To avenge adultery, he sleeps on woodpiles and sups on gall.
Poem:
As the Spring and Autumn Annals stressed revenge,[68]
I dare to write a novel in similar vein.
The historian Dong Hu never touched on sex,[69]
While the Zheng-Wei songs have left no moral stain.[70]
A poem on lust will chill the lustful heart,
And a tale of lechery hold the lecher back.
Two former enemies will meet once more,
But somewhere else than on the narrow track.
Let us tell how Honest Quan gave up work after the sale of his wife,
partly because he was seething with rage and partly because he could no
longer face the public. Instead he spent his days sitting morosely at home,
grilling the eleven-year-old maid as to when his wife had begun sleeping
with the big fellow and whether anyone else had assisted him.
At first the maid was too afraid of her mistress's spite to tattle, but now
that her mistress had been sold and would presumably not be returning,
she revealed everything, from the dates when Fragrance and her lover had
begun and ended their affair to the fact that the ugly neighbor had come
over and slept with the lover too. She also revealed that it was not the big
fellow who was the lover, but a handsome young man instead. In fact the
big fellow had been assisting the young man, rather than the other way
around.
At this news Quan's heart raced, and he promptly went out and asked
the neighbors.
"Yes," they replied, "there was a handsome young man, but he came
only once, unlike the Knave, who was back and forth all the time. Besides,
the Knave is a proud man who would let others serve him but would not
agree to serve them. He would never act for anyone else."
They were all in the dark until Fragrance married Vesperus, when the
story got out and they learned of the deception. Once Quan knew the truth,
158
 肉蒲团

he made inquiries about Vesperus's background and discovered that he was

a stranger with a wife back home who had taken Fragrance as his
concubine.
If the Knave had been acting in his own behalf, he thought, I would
never think of appealing this wrong or of taking revenge. I'd have no
choice but to put up with it in this life and settle accounts with him in the
courts of Hell. But since someone else is responsible, how can I bear the
rage I feel? I have to think of some way of getting even. He's not going to
get away with it! If I take him to court, he'll have the Knave's help, for one
thing, which means he'll have plenty of money to spend. Officials these
days are always ready to do favors, and the Knave has only to ask them for
one and I've lost. And secondly, the verdict in a marriage suit depends on
the evidence of the middlemen, and the neighbors are so afraid of the
Knave that they'll never speak up for me. So that's a blind alley.
The other ideas that occur to me are either unworkable or else unlikely
to bring me satisfaction. The only solution is to go to the place he comes
from, visit his home, work my way by hook or by crook into the
household, and debauch his wife a few times. Now that would do my heart
good! He debauched my wife, so I'll debauch his, paying back wrong for
wrong, as they say. Even killing him wouldn't give me as much pleasure as
that. "Where there's a will there's a way," as the saying goes. So long as
you persevere, there's nothing you can't do. Everyone for miles around
knows he seduced my wife before marrying her, and I imagine that the talk
behind my back is none too pleasant. If I don't take revenge, I'll never be
able to go on living here anyway, even without this injustice on my mind.
Now that he has that slut of mine, I don't suppose he'll be returning home,
so I'll seize the chance to go there myself: Perhaps Heaven isn't blind but
will manifest its retribution and help me."
After deciding on a course of action, he sold the maid and all his
furniture and effects for cash, which he combined with the hundred and
twenty taels of the bride price and his trading capital. Then he took leave
of his neighbors and set off, smashing his pots and pans and burning his
boat.
After days of travel he arrived at his destination and put up at an inn
while he found out where the house was situated and collected as much
information about the family's activities as he could. Before he arrived,
159
 肉蒲团

vengeance had seemed as simple a thing as fishing something out of his

pocket, and he had scarcely given it a thought. But after finding where the
house was situated and learning something of the family, he realized how
difficult his task was going to be and began to worry.
He had assumed that the women's quarters in other men's houses would
all be like his own; while the men were at home, the wives were naturally
under strict control, but when they were away, it was as if the doors had no
latches and the houses no inhabitants; anyone could go in and out at will.
Little did he realize that intellectuals' families are quite different from
merchants' families; only close relatives and intimate friends are allowed
to cross their thresholds. And this family was different again from other
intellectuals' families; not even close relatives and intimate friends were
allowed to enter their house. Quan was in a quandary: It looks as if what I
have in mind may not be possible, after all, he thought, but since I've
embarked on this plan, I'm going to do my level best to carry it out. If I
fail, it will be a sign of Heaven's will. After this long and difficult journey,
even if I can't see how to bring it off, I'm not going to be scared away by
the name Iron Door.
He was hoping to rent a room nearby where he could stay while
awaiting his chance, but Iron Door's house was isolated, with open land all
around it. If a married man could not have moved in next door, what
chance did a bachelor from another part of the country have to settle there
and carry on a seduction? Realizing there was nothing for him to rent, he
set off back to his inn. But before he had gone fifty yards, he saw a
wooden noticeboard nailed to a big tree beside Iron Door's house. It
appeared to contain a message. Quan went over and found that there was
indeed a message on it, in bold characters:

UNTILLED LAND FOR CULTIVATION

FIRST CROP RENT-FREE

Quan looked all around him; there was nothing but heath as far as the
eye could see. It must be this land here, he thought. Whoever owns it, there
has to be a tenant's cottage to go with it. That would be the ideal place to
rent. I'd be living close by and, on the pretext of working the land, I could
keep an eye on what is happening over there.

160
 肉蒲团

At a nearby house he asked, "Who is the owner of the untilled land?

Would there be a cottage for the tenant to rent?"
"The owner's name is Master Iron Door," came the reply, "and he lives
in that isolated house over there. But there's no cottage that goes with the
land. He expects the tenant to find his own lodgings."
"I'm thinking of breaking the land in for him," said Quan, "and I'm
wondering what kind of landlord he is."
The other shook his head. "The most impossible man in the world! If he
were easier to deal with, that land would have been rented long ago."
"Impossible in what way?" asked Quan.
"According to custom you're supposed to get three years rent-free for
breaking in land, but he allows only one year and demands rent from the
beginning of the second. And that's just one instance. He's so stingy he
begrudges providing board for servants, so he doesn't even have anyone to
run his household. Being a tenant of his means doubling as a hired hand;
when there's work to be done around the house, you'll be called in to do it
for nothing. Three years ago someone did break the land in, but he couldn't
stand being ordered about and left before the spring sowing. That's why it's
unworked now."
Quan was overjoyed at the news. What concerned me was how to get
inside the house, he thought. Once in, I shall have a reasonable chance.
Other men can't stand being ordered about, but I'm eager to take orders.
Others expect to be paid, but I'm only too ready to work for nothing. I shall
need to be employed by him if I'm going to succeed, but it is not
something I can arrange in a day. If his son-in-law comes back and sees
through my plan, I'll be in real trouble. Luckily we've never met, enemies
though we are, so that even if he does come back, he won't recognize me.
All I need do is change my name and he'll never guess who I am.
He changed his name to Lai Suixin, because he had come (lai) to get
revenge, and by getting it he would fulfill his desire (sui xin). However, to
save the reader from confusion, the author will continue to call him Honest
Quan.
After changing his name, Quan drew up a lease and went over to the
house to wait upon the owner. He knew it was no use knocking on Master

161
 肉蒲团

Iron Door's gate and resigned himself to sitting down outside and waiting.
That day no one came out, and he went back to the inn. Returning the next
day, he was lucky enough to find Master Iron Door waiting outside the
gate with scales and a basket to buy beancurd. He felt certain from the
man's stern appearance and austere dress that it must be Iron Door, and he
approached and gave a deep bow.
"Master Iron Door! Might that be your honored name, sir?"
"Yes. Why do you ask?"
"I understand you have some land that you are looking for someone to
work. Since I don't have the capital for a business of my own, I'd like to
rent your land and work it. Would you be willing to rent to me?"
"Breaking in land is not something for a weak or lazy fellow, you know.
What about the physical labor involved? Are you a hard worker? You
mustn't loaf on the job and neglect my property."
"I'm used to hard conditions, and my strength will serve well enough. If
you doubt me, why not try me out for a while? If I can't do the job, you
can always let me go and take someone else on."
"I don't have a cottage for you. Where will you live?"
"That's no problem. I have no wife, only myself to worry about. Let me
build myself a thatched hut at my own expense. Why pay rent for a place
somewhere else while I'm farming your land?"
"Quite right. In that case you may go and draw up a lease."
"I have one right here," said Quan, handing over the lease he had
prepared.
Noting Quan's coarse appearance, the Master considered he would make
a good, sturdy servant, one who would not only break in the plot but also
serve him as a hired hand. He accepted the lease and gave Quan
permission to build a hut at his own expense.
Quan, who had plenty of money, bought lumber and thatch and engaged
a couple of carpenters and thatchers, and in a few hours they had finished
the job. Although just a hut, it looked bright and new. At least he had a
place to call his own.

162
 肉蒲团

He bought a set of farm tools and early each morning would get up and,
without stopping even to comb or wash, go off to the fields to cut rushes
and dig the soil, in the hope that the Master would be impressed with his
diligence and show him favor.
Just opposite the plot of land, Iron Door had a studio in which he spent
most of his time. It was his custom to rise very early, so when he found
Quan already up, he was surprised. In fact Quan had cleared a good deal of
land before the Master was even out of bed. The latter was full of praise,
and if any heavy work needed doing about the house, something the maids
couldn't handle, Quan would be asked to do it. He did his utmost to oblige,
putting twice as much effort into serving Iron Door as he did into his
farming. Not only did he ask for no pay, he refused even to eat his fill. On
one occasion, as he was about to leave, the Master, impressed by his hard
work, offered to buy a jug of strong liquor to cheer him up. But Quan
replied that hard liquor didn't agree with him, that he never touched a drop,
and that in any case he would rather go home and drink something he had
bought himself than involve his master in extra expense that might prevent
him from being invited to help in the future.
Before setting foot in the house, he had been greatly worried. How ugly
his daughter must be, he said to himself, to force her husband to leave
home in search of other women! Myself, I've had a fine woman to sleep
with. Supposing I manage to entice this one on stage, then take a look at
that appalling face and my penis refuses to stand up? What if I'm all set to
take revenge and it won't cooperate?
He cheered up considerably when he entered the house and saw a
strikingly beautiful girl there, but he was still not sure of her identity.
Later, on hearing the maids address her as miss, he realized that she was
indeed the Master's daughter. A woman like that, he mused, is well worth
sleeping with. Why did he leave her on her own and go off after other
men's wives?
Although he forced himself to be even more patient and methodical in
his plan of revenge, his penis was unwilling to be patient. It insisted on
"destroying the enemy before breakfast" and raised the standard of revolt
whenever he saw her. But Quan was a very cautious man, and seeing how
strictly the women were segregated in this household, he never betrayed

163
 肉蒲团

the fact that he was covertly watching her, but always passed by with his
head bowed, not saying a word, like a complete prude.
Within a few months the Master, noting how hardworking, honest, and
abstemious he was, had became very fond of him. When my son-in-law
left, he thought, he gave me a few taels for hiring a servant. But most of
the stewards I've seen in other households are lazy and interested only in
their victuals. Reliable men are in a distinct minority, which is why I've
hesitated to take anyone on. But a fellow like this would be worth a
lifetime's victuals. I daresay, since he's poor and has no one to turn to, he
might be willing to sell himself as a bondservant, but there is just one
problem. Bringing a single man into the household has two drawbacks:
first, since there'd be nothing here to hold him, he might try to make off
with my valuables; second, how could the sexes be kept apart? It's not only
the maids that need watching; there are all the problems that arise from
having a daughter in the house. But I do have plenty of maids. If he were
willing to sell himself, I'd be prepared to give him one of them in
marriage. With a wife to tie him down he wouldn't be so inclined to make
off. And a wife would also keep an eye on him inside the house and relieve
me of my anxiety.
Although the Master intended to make the offer, he was afraid that Quan
might refuse, so he hesitated to come straight out with it. One day he
walked over to watch his tenant hoeing and inadvertently sounded him out
with a jesting remark or two.
"You work so hard, and you don't waste your money. By rights you
ought to be establishing a family. Why don't you take a wife? A man your
age, and still on your own!"
"There's an old saying," said Quan. "'By brains you can support a
thousand, but by brawn only one.' People who work with their hands are
doing well just to get by. How can I even think of getting married?"
"But a man needs a wife and children in his life. Since you can't afford
to marry, why not join the staff of some household that would provide you
with a wife? If you have a child, there'd be someone left behind to burn
paper money for you after you're gone. Why slave away all your life and
have nothing to show for it at the end?"

164
 肉蒲团

Quan realized from these remarks that the Master was thinking of taking
him into his household, and he responded with a ploy of his own. "'A big
tree gives good shelter,'" he replied. "I'm familiar with that proverb of
course. But being dependent is no simple matter either. For one thing, you
may have a hard-hearted master who beats and curses you instead of
thanking you, even if you've been toiling for him all day like an ox.
Secondly, the other people on his staff may not accept you. They were
there before you came along, and they expect you to truckle to them. And
if they're not prepared to exert themselves for their master, they'll be afraid
that your loyalty will show them up, so they'll set the master against you
and make it impossible for you to stay. I've often seen that sort of injustice
in gentry households, which is why I'd have to think long and hard before
joining one."
"Those gentry households are very grand and have numbers of servants,
among whom you always get discord and indifference, which is why such
injustices occur. But in a household of moderate size, the master would be
able to tell how good his staff were. Moreover, you would have very few
colleagues and no problem fitting in. Take the case of a household the size
of mine, for example, with a master as enlightened as I am. Would you be
interested in that, supposing there was a wife there waiting for you?"
"Oh, that would be ideal! Of course I'd be interested."
"Well, to be quite frank with you, I do need a servant. The only reason I
don't have one now is that I haven't found anybody suitable. Seeing what
an honest, hardworking fellow you are, I've considered taking you on, and
that is why I've been asking you these questions. If you really are willing,
go ahead and draw up a contract stating how many taels you will need as a
bond, and I'll see to it. Then the day you join my household, I'll pick out a
maid for you as a wife. What do you say?"
"That way I'd have someone to turn to the rest of my life! I'll bring the
contract over tomorrow. But there's one point I'd like to make. My sexual
desires are very modest, and it's not important to me whether I have a wife
or not. Why not go slow for the time being? There'll be plenty of time to
give me a wife after I've put in a few years' service and my strength has
begun to fail. At present all I want to do is serve you with all my heart, not
have some woman sapping all the energy I shall need for the household
chores and the farmwork. As for this so-called bond price, there's even less
165
 肉蒲团

need to talk about it. Since I'm selling myself and don't have any parents or
brothers left, there's no one for me to give the money to. Once I'm part of
your household, so long as I have my food and clothing, I shall be
perfectly all right. What would I need money for? But if the contract
doesn't mention a sum, I suppose I can't be said to have sold myself. You
can put down whatever you wish, but in fact you won't need to spend any
money on me at all."
The Master's face broke into a broad smile. "Ah, it does my heart good
to hear you say that! Anyone can see that you're a faithful servant. But you
can decline only one of my offers, not both. If you don't collect your price,
perhaps the money can remain in my keeping until such time as you need
to have clothes made. But it simply won't do not to take a wife. People
who sell themselves as bondservants have always done so to obtain wives
and enjoy a little married pleasure. So why don't you want to? If you won't
take either your bond price or a wife, you'd seem completely independent,
and even though you addressed me as master, I'd feel very awkward
calling you my servant and very uneasy about giving you orders. If you're
going to insist on that, I'm afraid I cannot take you on."
"I know what's at the back of your mind, sir," said Quan. "You're afraid
I'm not dependable, and you think that one day I'll want to leave. You wish
to give me a wife to prevent me from being disloyal. Well, I'm not such a
scoundrel, I assure you, but since you're so concerned, I shall accept your
offer."
After this clarification Quan did not wait until the next day, but drew up
a contract and submitted it to the Master that evening. The Master didn't
wait either, but gave him a maid in marriage the same evening. He tore
down the hut and told Quan to move into his house. Previously he had
called him Lai Suixin, but now he called him simply Suixin. By an odd
coincidence the maid given him in marriage was named Ruyi (satisfy
desire). It is evident from this coincidence that vengeance is now more
likely than ever, for to the name Suixin has been added the portent of Ruyi.
CRITIQUE

One marvelous feature of this chapter is the way the straightforward,

rough-and-ready Honest Quan manages by devious, convoluted means to
work his way inside the "iron door," thus reenacting the romantic exploit
166
 肉蒲团

of Sima Xiangru.[71] And a second marvelous thing is the way Master

Iron Door, who has worried over every possible contingency and taken
every conceivable precaution, falls right into Honest Quan's trap like a
latter-day Zhuo Wangsun. The thought and imagination that have gone into
The Carnal Prayer Mat also deserve to be called convoluted in the
ultimate degree!

CHAPTER FOURTEEN
When he shuts his door to talk of love, the walls have ears;
When she forbids anyone to watch her bathing, "there's no money
here."[72]
Poem:
A wanton woman loves to spy on man
But gets indignant when on her he spies.
Her indignation has a single purpose:
That on her pretty pout he feast his eyes.

Let us explain that the story of how Honest Quan sold himself lies in the
future. Well before he entered the household, Mistress Jade Scent had
fallen prey to a secret melancholy, which our brush has been too busy to
describe but which we shall now address. Just at the height of her sexual
enjoyment, her husband had been driven away by her monster of a father, a
development that left her feeling like a drunkard who has just sworn off
wine or a gourmet who has just given up meat. She couldn't even get
through the next few days, let alone survive for years as a grass widow.
Deprived of real pleasures, she was reduced to placing the erotic album in
front of herself and trying to quench her thirst by looking at plums and
satisfy her hunger by drawing a cake. To her dismay, however, she found
that looking at plums increases rather than quenches one's thirst and that
drawing a cake sharpens rather than satisfies one's hunger. The longer she
looked at the album, the worse she felt, until at length she put it aside and
brought out a few idle books instead, in the hope of relieving her distress
and boredom.
Gentle reader, what kind of books ought she to have read, do you
suppose, in order to relieve her distress and boredom? In my humble
167
 肉蒲团

opinion, no play or novel would have been of any use whatever. Only the
books her father taught her to read as a girl, such as The Lives of Virtuous
Women and The Girls' Classic of Filial Piety, would have met her need. If
only she had been willing to take them out and read them, they would have
relieved her distress and boredom and also quenched her thirst and
satisfied her hunger. She might then have been able to endure a real
widowhood, to say nothing of the grass variety.
But Jade Scent took a different course and gave undue credence to the
"Four Virtues for Girls" and the "Three Obediences for Women," which
stipulate: "Before marriage obey your father, after marriage your
husband." Accordingly she ignored her father's books and began to read
her husband's, tipping out his entire stock of obscenity, such as The
Foolish Woman's Story, The Unofficial History of the Embroidered Couch,
and The Life of the Lord of Perfect Satisfaction, and going through them
carefully and methodically. She noticed that these books invariably praised
penises as either extremely large or exceptionally long, using expressions
such as "a head the size of a snail," "a body like a skinned rabbit," and
"strong enough to support a peck of grain without bending." She noticed
also that men's thrusts were numbered in the thousands and tens of
thousands rather than in the dozens and hundreds.
I simply don't believe there is any man as strong as that between Heaven
and Earth, or anyone with so impressive an instrument either, she reflected.
My husband's is less than two inches long and two fingers thick, and he
cannot last more than a couple of hundred strokes before discharging. He
has never reached a thousand! He told me himself that he was without
equal among men, so surely there cannot be anyone dozens of times
stronger than he is! As the old saying goes, "Better to have no books at all
than to believe everything you read." These absurdities must have been
concocted by the authors! Such marvels don't exist!
But her skepticism did not survive for long. "That's not true, either," she
reflected. "It's a big world we live in, with vast numbers of men, among
whom there must be all kinds of exceptional cases. How do I know that
what the books say isn't true after all? If a woman were able to marry a
man like that, her bedroom pleasure would be beyond description! She'd
be loath to change places with the immortals in Heaven! But that's too
much to hope for!" Thus, having gone from skepticism to faith, she
reverted to skepticism.
168
 肉蒲团

Day after day she would get up and, neglecting her needlework, match
herself against these idle books, trying to bring her sexual excitement to a
fever pitch so that when her husband returned, they could relieve it
together. But when time passed and no word came from him, she could not
help feeling a certain resentment. I've noticed that there's not a single
woman in any of these books who does not have several lovers, she
thought. Evidently it is not at all unusual to take a lover. I must have
misbehaved myself in my last existence to get such a beast for a husband.
Only a month or two after our wedding, and he goes off and stays away for
years! I very much doubt that anyone as highly sexed as he is will have
held out this long without straying. And if he has strayed, it would hardly
be wrong for me to have a backdoor affair of my own. The only pity is that
we women are so strictly regulated that we never even see a man.
Then, having arrived at this stage in her thinking, she transferred her
resentment from her husband to her father and looked forward eagerly to
the latter's early demise so that she could bring a man into the house.
Thus when she first set eyes on Honest Quan, she was like a ravenous
eagle spotting a chicken or a hungry cat coming upon a mouse—rough or
smooth, good-looking or ugly, she wanted nothing better than to gobble
him up. While he was still working his land, she could do nothing about
her desires; firstly, because she had observed that he was a terribly prudish
soul who would not even look at her as he passed by and would certainly
not jump at an invitation; and secondly, because he came in the daytime
and left at night, and even if he did accept, they would have had neither the
time nor the place for sex. But when she heard he was selling himself as a
bondservant, her heart leaped and she resolved that on his very first night
in the house he would not escape her.
As it happened, however, the one who was waiting anxiously to fulfill
her desires (suixin) did not fulfill them, while someone else who was not
expecting to satisfy hers (ruyi) did so. Jade Scent watched with a pang of
jealousy as the bridal couple took their vows and entered the bedroom
together. Waiting until her father was asleep, she then stole out of her room
to eavesdrop on their lovemaking. Honest Quan's penis was by no means
insignificant, and Ruyi, although in her twenties, was still a virgin because
her highly principled master had never molested her. How could a space
scarcely big enough to hold a finger endure a laundry beater stuffed inside

169
 肉蒲团

it? Naturally she screamed and wailed fit to shake the heavens, until the
eavesdropper herself began to feel pain on her behalf.
This maid is a few years older than I am, thought Jade Scent. On my
wedding night I felt only a slight discomfort as my husband worked his
way in. Why is she so helpless, making all this fuss over a little pain?
Quan saw that his wife couldn't bear it and hastily brought matters to a
close. Jade Scent, after standing there a while, heard nothing more of
interest to her and went back to bed. Returning to eavesdrop the next few
nights, she heard more cries of pain but none of pleasure.
After the third night, however, Quan's prowess was destined to be
revealed. On previous nights he had blown out the lamp before going to
bed, but on this occasion, as if he knew someone was watching and wanted
to show off his effects, he neither blew out the lamp nor let down the
screen. Before entering Ruyi, he told her to fondle his penis, which was
over eight inches long and too big to be grasped. By this time her well-
reamed vagina was no longer too tight, and Quan extended all of his
powers. The number of his thrusts compared well with what Jade Scent
had read of in her books, for he refused to stop until he had given several
thousand, by which time Ruyi had graduated from acute discomfort to the
most acute pleasure. Her frantic actions and cries fairly shook the heavens,
and the observer, who had previously felt pain on her account, now began
to feel pleasure. In fact the fluid that resulted from her observing exceeded
that of the sexual act itself, and not only were her trousers wet, even the
top part of her stockings was damp.
Henceforth Jade Scent was obsessed with Quan. He, for his part,
changed his tune the moment he entered the household, dropping his
prudish ways completely. Whenever he met Jade Scent, he stole glance
after glance at her. If she smiled, he smiled, too, and if she looked sad, he
responded with a sad look of his own.
One day she was taking a bath in her room, when he passed by and
happened to cough. She realized who it was and, hoping to arouse his
desires by getting him to look at her, called out, "I'm taking a bath in here!
Whoever that is outside, don't come in!"

170
 肉蒲团

Quan knew she meant it in the sense of there's no money here. Not
wishing to disappoint her, he moistened a tiny patch on the paper window
and observed her from above.
Jade Scent saw there was someone outside the window and knew it
must be Quan. Previously she had had her back to the window, but now
she turned around until her breasts and vulva faced it directly, offering
them for his inspection. Lest the most important part of all be half hidden
underwater, she lay back and spread her legs, giving him a full frontal
view. Then, after lying like that for a while, she sat up, cradled her vulva in
both hands, looked at it, and heaved a deep sigh, as if to say she was
longing for a chance to put it to use.
At this sight Quan's desires flared up until they could no longer be held
in check. Moreover, he knew that her desire was at its height and that she
felt bitterly frustrated. If he did not accept the invitation to her party, he
would be blamed, and conversely, if he did accept it, he would never be
turned away. He pushed the door open, burst in, and kneeling down in
front of her, pleaded, "Your slave deserves to die!" Then, scrambling to his
feet, he took her in his arms.
Jade Scent pretended to be shocked. "How dare you take such liberties!"
"Mistress, the only reason I sold myself was to get inside the household
and be with you. I meant to declare my feelings when we were alone
together and get your permission before I did anything rash. But today I
happened to be passing by and saw how incredibly soft and delicate your
precious person was, and I couldn't restrain myself any longer, but had to
come in and inflict myself upon you. Spare my life, Mistress, I beg you!"
Jade Scent had a few more stock protestations ready, but she feared they
might take too long to deliver and in the meantime someone might come
upon them.
"Well, then," she asked, "what do you have in mind? This bath is hardly
the place for anything."
"I realize this isn't the time or the place, but I do beseech you to let me
wait on you tonight."
"But at night you sleep with Ruyi! She'll never let you come."

171
 肉蒲团

"She's a very sound sleeper. After we've had sex, she goes straight to
sleep and sleeps until dawn, and even then I have to call her dozens of
times before she awakens. She'll never know, if I deceive her and join you
during the night."
"Very well, then, do as you suggest."
Now that he had received her consent, Quan caressed and kissed her and
then started to leave. She called him back, worried that he might not keep
his word.
"Are you really coming tonight? If you are, I'll leave my door open. If
you're not sure, I'll lock it and go to sleep."
"Of course I'm coming! But I urge you to have a little patience. Don't be
too anxious."
Their arrangements made, the pair separated.
By this time it was evening. Jade Scent dried herself, but did not dress
or eat dinner. She lay on her bed, intending to take a nap and build up her
strength for the night's encounter, but she could not get to sleep and lay
there impatiently until the beginning of the second watch, when she heard
the door creak and knew it must be Quan. "Brother Suixin," she
whispered. "Is that you?"
"Yes, Mistress dearest, it's me," he whispered back.
Worried that Suixin might not be able to find his way to her bed in the
dark, Jade Scent scrambled out and guided him in. She was worried, too,
that in his ignorance of her proportions he might be too wild, so she gave
him instructions: "Dearest, I've noticed that that thing of yours is different
from other men's. I won't be able to bear it at first, so please go slow."
"I wouldn't dare offend your precious person. I know a very effective
means of entry that will cause you no discomfort at all."
"I would be ever so grateful," murmured Jade Scent.
Despite his assurances, Quan suspected that her modesty was mere
coyness. Her husband, after all, was an adulterer, and must be well
endowed; surely he didn't cause pain to his own wife? Placing his penis
against her vulva, Quan proceeded to offend her person anyway. The pain
was too much for Jade Scent, who lost her temper. "Did you forget your
172
 肉蒲团

promise the moment you made it? What's all this hurry, when I told you to
go slow?"
Unable to gain entrance, Quan realized that her request was not false
modestly and apologized: "Frankly, Mistress, this is the first time I've seen
a beautiful young woman, and when I touched you, I got carried away and
couldn't wait to enter. That's why I was too energetic and upset you. Let
me make it up by taking things much more slowly." He raised his penis
and rubbed it on both sides of the vulva. Afraid not only to enter the inner
room but even to ascend the hall,[73] he thrust away between her thighs.
Why do you suppose he did this? He was employing the method known
as Clearing Away the Rocks to Get the Spring Flowing. The best lubricant
in the world is vaginal fluid, a substance designed by Heaven and Earth to
moisten the vulva and penis. Spit, although acceptable, is simply no match
for this fluid. It is generally used when the man is too impatient to wait for
the fluid and turns to what he has in his own mouth instead. But the water
from another spring is never as good as one's own. The fluid is more
convenient—and also more appropriate, because using it to moisten the
vagina follows the same principle as using river water to cook a river fish;
the flavor of the fish is not adulterated, and it slips easily into the mouth.
Originally Quan had been ignorant of this method, but when first married
to Fragrance he had found it difficult to enter her because of the size of his
penis, and she had racked her brains to come up with this method, which
made easy what had seemed impossible. Jade Scent's vagina now was
about the same size as Fragrance's had been in those days, a circumstance
that put Quan in mind of her. His old problem had come to mind, too, and
with it his old solution. Placing his penis between her thighs, he gave her
vulva such a massaging that the inside began to itch abominably and fluid
naturally ran out, after which he felt like a heavily laden boat floated off a
sand bar by the spring floods and swept hundreds of miles downstream.
Meanwhile, seeing that he had gone past the gate, Fragrance thought he
had lost his way and was using the gap between her thighs as a vulva, and
she began to giggle.
"What are you doing down there?" she asked.
"Making love. Surely you know that?"
"No, I'm afraid you're doing it wrong. We never used to do it that way."
173
 肉蒲团

"It's perfectly all right. You must have been doing it wrong. This will
bring you pleasure, believe me."
After he had thrust for a while, the inside of her thighs began to feel
slippery and Quan knew that the spring floods had arrived. Worried that
the fluid would now make things so slippery that he would slide off
somewhere else instead of entering her, he parted her legs, caught one of
her hands, and put his penis into it.
"You're right," he said, "I was doing it all wrong before and now I can't
find the right place. Please show me."
Jade Scent drew up her vulva and placed the glans directly over it.
"Now it's in the right place. Give it a try, then I'll let go."
"Wait a moment," said Quan. "Hold on until it's inside the gate."
Jade Scent knew what she was about, and when he said this, she used
the other hand as well, encircling his penis with both hands like an outer
wall to make sure it entered. Quan thrust forward, beginning at the outer
wall and then gradually penetrating a fraction further each time until, after
twenty or more thrusts, that penis of his, over eight inches long and too
large to be grasped in the hand, had entered all the way.
Observing that he was an expert in sexual technique, Jade Scent felt
even more loving. Clasping him tightly, she asked, "Dearest one, how is it
you're so sophisticated when you've had no experience with women? My
husband had affairs and went to brothels all the time, and yet he was never
as gentle and considerate as you are. Oh, I could love you to death!"
Receiving this accolade so soon after assuming his duties, Quan
naturally redoubled his efforts. This was no time to rest on his laurels. He
feared she would scorn him as weak if he thrust too slowly and as violent
if he went too fast, so he proceeded neither too fiercely nor too gently,
neither too slowly nor too fast, until she was totally incapable of uttering a
word of praise, let alone an accolade—at which point he stopped. Jade
Scent had never in her life experienced such a thrill. From then on nothing
would do but that he come to her every night.
At first they kept Ruyi in ignorance, but then it occurred to them that
they could not go on doing so forever and that they might as well tell her
now and act openly. Fearing she might be jealous, Jade Scent went to great

174
 肉蒲团

lengths to make up to her. In name they were mistress and maid, but in fact
they were more like wife and concubine. Sometimes one of them slept
with him all night and at other times they shared him, changing places at
midnight. And there were even a few festive occasions when they all slept
together, and Quan, unsure who was the mistress and who the maid, would
cry out darling indiscriminately on reaching his climax.
His original motive had been revenge. He had hoped to seduce Jade
Scent, sleep with her for a few months, and then leave. He could not afford
to become captivated and waste his powers so badly with constant sex that
she would be the one taking revenge. But it is always hard to free
ourselves from a predestined enemy. He had slept several years with
Fragrance without having any children, but the very first time he slept with
Jade Scent, she became pregnant. She did not realize it at first, but after
two or three months she began to suffer morning sickness and knew well
enough. They tried desperately to find a medicine that would induce a
miscarriage, but without success.
"My death will be on your head," sobbed Jade Scent. "You know the
kind of man my father is. A word out of place, and he rants and raves. You
surely don't imagine he'll let me get away with something as bad as this?
When he finds out, I'll die anyway. Far better to die now and spare myself
the agony." She tried to hang herself then and there, while Quan pleaded
with her to stop.
"If you want me to go on living," she retorted, "you'll have to think of a
plan to get me away from here to some distant place where we can escape
all our troubles and live together as husband and wife. Furthermore the
child I'm carrying, whether it's a boy or a girl, is your flesh and blood, too,
and if we can get away, it won't have to be drowned at birth. You'll be
saving two lives, not just one. Well, what do you say?"
Quan recognized the force of her argument and agreed. At first they
were going to leave Ruyi in the dark, but they feared she might find out
about their plans and reveal them, so they had to include her. They packed
up their most necessary clothes, waited until Master Iron Door was asleep,
and then opened the main gate and fled. But if you are wondering where
they went and what became of them, you will have to read on until you
come to Chapter Eighteen.
CRITIQUE
175
 肉蒲团

On finishing this chapter some readers will charge the author with bias,
claiming that his retribution is inconsistent with respect to exhortation and
admonition. Whereas Vesperus, as an adulterer, deserves to have a wanton
for a wife, Master Iron Door, as a virtuous man, does not deserve a
daughter who elopes. If the Lord of Heaven is going to admonish us
against vice, surely he will also exhort us to virtue!
You are mistaken, say I. This type of requital does indeed demonstrate
the Lord's infallibility. During the course of his life, Master Iron Door
never makes a single friend, or even meets anyone—behavior that can only
be described as misanthropic. And on top of that there is the evil of his
stinginess. Take, for example, such harsh and mean-spirited actions as
allowing his tenants only one year rent-free on new land, when custom
dictates three years, and constantly calling his tenants in to do his
household chores for no pay. How can he be allowed to escape ultimate
retribution? That is why the man who holds himself aloof will not flourish
in the long run. When carried to extremes, such aloofness results in an
untold amount of misanthropic behavior and harsh, mean-spirited rule,
which is why the man who holds himself aloof offends against Heavenly
tranquility and does not flourish. This is a matter to which the superior
man should pay careful attention. If the author punishes vice, but does so
too gently, how are people ever going to learn? The traditional advice on
reading—that we consider a book in all its aspects, not just one—applies
in this case.

176
 肉蒲团

CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Three allies gallantly discuss nocturnal revels,
And two sisters evenly divide a night of pleasure.
Lyric:
So swift, alas, the springtime night!
Of the lords of time I ask a boon.
I'll trade ten thousand white jade suns
For a single, pearl-bright moon.

It hangs afar, like a flowered mirror,

And lights pink cheeks and raven hair.
If no one stirs, we'll lie here still,
And the pain of parting never bear.
The full story of Honest Quan's vengeance is not yet over, but the
greater part of it has been told, and the rest will be given after a brief
interval. Let us now take up again the merry tale of Vesperus's triumphs.
We may as well let him carry his enjoyments to the limit before they come
back to confound him.
That night, as he held Cloud in his arms, he learned that all three
beauties were her relatives and that the two younger ones were particularly
close to her. But the night was short and every moment precious because
of their desire to make love, so he never did ask the women's names, their
husbands' sobriquets, or where they lived. Not until his visit the next night
did he make good the omission.
"The one I call Aunt," said Cloud, "was born on Flowers' Birthday and
was given the name Floral Dawn. Because she is our aunt and older than
we are, we can't very well use her personal name, so we call her Aunt
Flora. When her husband died ten years ago, she wanted very much to
remarry but was prevented from doing so by the birth of her husband's
posthumous child, and so she has had to remain a widow.
"The ones I call sister are married to two brothers, nephews of Aunt
Flora's. The elder girl is named Lucky Pearl, the younger one Lucky Jade.
Lucky Pearl's husband is Scholar Cloud-Reposer, Lucky Jade's Scholar
177
 肉蒲团

Cloud-Recliner. Although all three families live in separate houses, the

houses are so interconnected it is as if they shared a common gateway,
where they are constantly running into one another. I'm the only one who
lives apart, but even I am only a few doors away. At least we all live on the
same lane. When you and I met yesterday, I thought you must have moved
here on their account and then waited a full six months before calling on
me, which is why I got so angry with you. How was I to know you'd had
nothing to do with them?"
At this news Vesperus became even more jubilant. He recalled the
Knave's telling him about two sisters from a rich and distinguished family
who were married to two brothers, and the brothers' sobriquets happened
to match these. Obviously, a thief's eye is like a libertine's; it misses
nothing.
"Yesterday you were so kind as to promise your sisters to me," he said.
"I wonder when I'll be allowed to meet them?"
"It won't be long now. In three or four days I shall have to go over and
explain matters, after which I'll take you to meet them. There's just one
thing I should mention, though. Once I'm over there, I shan't be coming
back here again. We'll not be making love in this bed anymore."
Vesperus was astonished. "Why is that? No sooner do I move in than
you move out to avoid me!"
"There's a perfectly good reason for it. If I'm over there, you can come
and see me anytime, and while visiting me you can visit them too. Two
birds with one stone! You've nothing to worry about."
"I simply don't understand a word you're saying. Kindly explain."
"Well, my husband, as you know, is a tutor in their husbands' family,
and both men are students of his. Their writing is poor, and they're afraid
of the triennial examination they will have to face as licentiates, so they've
bought places in the Academy, and are about to set off for the capital.
Since they can't get along without their teacher, my husband has to go too.
He's worried that I'll have no one to look after me while he's away and
wants me to live with their families. I shall need to move within the next
few days. That's why I won't be back again. We'll just have to meet over
there."

178
 肉蒲团

At this news Vesperus's joy was redoubled. It was as if the Heavenly

powers had put themselves out to please him, sending the three husbands
off on a journey and bringing their three wives together in one place where
he could indulge his every erotic desire with complete license.
In a few days, as Cloud had said, the teacher and his students departed,
and she at once moved into the other house.
Her move came at the height of her affair with Vesperus, and she could
not bear to be parted from him for long. She knew that somehow she
would have to reveal her secret if she was to get her sisters' agreement to
bring him over for sex. Her motivation was seventy percent self-interest,
thirty percent altruism.
"Have you ever been back to the temple to burn incense?" she asked,
after exchanging a few pleasantries with her sisters.
"No, we went there only once," said Lucky Jade. "Why would we want
to burn incense all the time?"
"With such a handsome man kowtowing to you, a visit every few days
would hardly be too much."
"We'd like to, but we have no fans to give him, and we wouldn't want to
go empty-handed."
"Stop making fun of me, sister," said Cloud. "I got nothing in return for
my fan, I know that. And although you may have gotten a few bows, I
never saw any sign of him following you home. All he likes to do is
perform a few meaningless kowtows and get you to fall in love with him."
"You never spoke a truer word," said Lucky Jade. "We were just talking
about that incident, and there's one thing we still don't understand. Why
did he fade away like that after such a brave beginning? From the crazy
way he carried on, you got the impression he couldn't wait until the next
day but would come over that very night. We waited and waited, but there
was no sign of him. If he's so heartless, why did he bother to kowtow in
the first place?"
"I've heard that he spends all his time longing for you, but is frustrated
because he doesn't know where to find you."
"It may not be the two of us he's longing for. I suspect he's lovesick
from looking at the fan and thinking of the one who gave it to him."
179
 肉蒲团

"He did feel lovesick over the fan, it's true. But fortunately the sickness
was not deep-rooted and has yielded to treatment, and the account has now
been settled. But as for his lovesickness over the kowtowing, that is a very
serious matter indeed, and will take time to cure. If he dies of it, I'm afraid
you two may have to answer with your lives."
This remark struck Lucky Pearl and Lucky Jade as highly suspicious,
and they peered closely at Cloud to observe her expression. She did seem
to have a supercilious air about her as she talked and laughed.
"You're looking so smug," they said in unison. "Don't say you caught
him and settled accounts for the fan?"
"You're not far wrong. And I did it behind your backs."
At this the sisters resembled nothing so much as two failed candidates
for the provincial examinations meeting a newly successful one—a
mixture of humiliation and envy.
"Well, congratulations!" they said, forcing smiles to their faces. "You've
given us a new brother-in-law to be proud of! But when do we celebrate?"
This last remark carried three distinct implications: jealousy, ridicule,
and the suspicion that Cloud might not have caught him, after all, but be
indulging in a little leg-pulling at their expense. If so, they thought, she
would surely be disconcerted when they challenged her claim.
But Cloud was not in the least abashed; if anything, she was more smug
than ever. "You may not have celebrated yet, but there will certainly be a
wedding reception," she said. "One day I'll give a party and invite you
both."
"In that case," said Lucky Jade, "where is our new brother-in-law?
Would you permit us to see him?"
Cloud prevaricated. "You've already seen him once. You've even been
kowtowed to! Why do you need to see him again?"
"He was a total stranger then, and although he did kowtow to us, we
weren't able to respond. But now that he's related to us, why shouldn't we
see him again? Let us return his bows, address him as brother-in-law, and
show him a little affection, for your sake."

180
 肉蒲团

"There's no problem in meeting him," said Cloud. "I'll have him over
any time it suits you. What worries me, though, is that when he sees you,
he may go crazy the way he did before and offend you both with his bad
behavior. For that reason it might be best if you didn't meet."
"On that occasion he had no one to keep him in check," replied Lucky
Jade, "so he went wild. But now that he has a jealous woman like you in
front of him, he won't dare let himself go."
Lucky Pearl turned to her sister. "You're wasting your breath," she said.
"She can't bear to have anyone else meet her beloved. When we took our
vow of sisterhood, although she promised to share and share alike, she
doesn't keep her promises. She'll share her bad luck, yes, but not her good
luck. You'll be doing well if you can get her not to act jealous and keep
raking up that kowtowing business. It's no use hoping for anything more."
Cloud could see they were upset, so she dropped her bantering tone and
became serious. "Now don't get upset. I'm not like that at all. If I'd wanted
to keep him to myself, I could have stayed home and enjoyed myself day
and night instead of moving in with you. Why move house just to get
jealous? The very fact that I told you about him shows my good intentions.
Provided we can arrive at some fair and impartial arrangement, so that we
remain on good terms after the introduction, I'll bring him over to meet
you."
"If you're willing to do that," said Lucky Jade, "it would really give
some meaning to our vow. Let's ask you to set the rules and we'll abide by
them. There's no need for any discussion."
"I was the first to meet him," said Cloud, "and also the first to sleep with
him. By rights I ought to be in the position of a wife as compared with a
concubine, or a senior as compared with a junior, and enjoy extra
privileges, getting half his time while you two divide the rest. But we're
such close friends that I'd be loath to take that line. We don't need to
consider any other options, let's just go by seniority. Whether we're
enjoying ourselves by day or by night, we'll proceed from senior to junior.
We mustn't get in each other's way like the boy of Que Village who
'presumed to sit with his seniors and walk abreast of them.'[74] And in all
we say and do, let's give each other a little grace. Someone younger
mustn't be too bumptious and try to show up her elders with things she
may be better at. The new friendships mustn't get so close as to weaken the
181
 肉蒲团

old one, making me feel like the fish that got thrown back in the river. If
we can stick to this rule, we'll get on well together without quarreling.
Agreed?"
Lucky Pearl and Lucky Jade assented in unison: "Your reasoning is
absolutely fair. The one thing that worried us was that you might not be
willing to share him. Of course we agree."
"In that case get me some notepaper and I'll call him over." The sisters
were jubilant. One fetched the paper while the other ground up the ink.
Cloud picked up the brush and wrote two lines:
The female companions of Mount Tiantai,
Are waiting for Liu, their pact complete.[75]
She then threw down the brush, folded the note several times, and
placed it in the container.
"Why did you write only two lines?" asked Lucky Jade. "You haven't
finished it either. What kind of poetry is that?"
"I know what she has in mind," said Lucky Pearl. "She can't bear to
make him exert himself, so she saves him the trouble of writing a letter by
giving him a couplet to complete." She turned to Cloud. "You're head over
heels in love!"
Smiling, Cloud sealed the container, gave it to a maid, and told her to
throw it through the gap in the wooden wall of her room and wait there for
a reply. Once the maid had left, the three women resumed their discussion.
"Tell me," asked Lucky Pearl, "what method did you use to get him to
your place? And how many nights did you sleep with him?"
Cloud told them that he lived next door, had removed part of the
wooden wall, and would come over at night and not leave until dawn. She
said that they had slept together several nights.
"Well, and what is his ability like, as compared with your husband's?"
asked Lucky Jade.
"Speaking of that, well, it's simply adorable! You've seen only his looks,
which are unequaled, true, but which an artist or sculptor might
conceivably capture. But his endowment is a priceless treasure of a kind
that no woman has ever heard of, let alone seen."

182
 肉蒲团

Pearl and Jade became more and more excited and bombarded her with
questions, like candidates for an examination buttonholing a friend outside
the hall and asking him about the paper: How large? How long? From the
classics? Were candles supplied?[76] They wanted answers to all these
questions.
The meal was over, but the dishes had not been cleared away. Cloud felt
she could never describe the object successfully without giving an
illustration. When asked how long, she picked up an ivory chopstick and
replied, "The length of this chopstick." When asked how thick, she picked
up a teacup and replied, "The size of this teacup." When asked how hard,
she pointed to a bowl of bean curd and replied, "As hard as that bean
curd," a reply that sent her listeners into fits of laughter.
"In that case it's awfully soft," they said. "What's the use of its being so
big if it's like bean curd?"
"You're wrong there," said Cloud. "There is nothing in the world that's
harder then bean curd. It's harder than metal, for metal, hard as it is, melts
on contact with fire, whereas bean curd gets harder and harder the longer
it's exposed to heat. That object of his is the same, it gets harder with sex,
not softer, which is why I compared it to bean curd."
"We don't believe such a treasure exists," said the sisters. "You're
overdoing it."
"Far from it. I haven't even told you all of its strengths. It has two other
marvelous qualities apart from those I have mentioned, but if I tried to
describe them, you'd be even more skeptical. You'll just have to wait until
you're having sex with him and can experience them yourselves."
"Do tell us," chorused the sisters. "Never mind whether we believe
you."
But Cloud was not about to reveal his qualities so easily. She let the
sisters become more and more agitated before finally giving them a
systematic account of Vesperus's ability to get larger and hotter, an account
that stirred up the sisters' passions and brought a flush to their cheeks and
ears. They longed for him to walk in that very moment so that they could
drag him off to bed without a word of greeting and put his extraordinary
talents to the test. Unfortunately the maid had still not returned, although
she had been gone a long time.
183
 肉蒲团

The reason for the delay was that Vesperus was not at home. The maid
waited inside Cloud's room, where she was spotted by Satchel, who
climbed through the gap in the wooden wall and had a long and heavy
session with her. When Vesperus returned, she threw the letter over and
received his reply, which she duly brought back.
The three women squeezed together to read it. They saw that he had
understood Cloud's intention and, instead of writing a letter, had merely
added a second couplet:
All prepared is the sesame food;
Restrain your hunger when we meet.
Now that their night's pleasure was assured, the sisters were eager to go
in and arrange their beds, fold the covers, bathe and perfume themselves,
and await his lovemaking. Cloud stopped them.
"Don't run away so quickly. Let's get tonight's order settled now, lest we
make a spectacle of ourselves with a scramble at the last minute."
Lucky Pearl was well aware that Cloud, having slept with him several
nights, ought to give up her place, in which case it would be her turn; this
was no time to apply the seniority rule. Instead of saying this, however,
she gave a calculated display of deference. "But you set the rules just now,
from senior to junior, and it goes without saying that you'll be first. What is
there left to discuss?"
"By rights we ought to do it like that," said Cloud, "but a different
principle should apply tonight. As the saying goes, 'He who enters first is
host, he who enters last is guest.' I've slept with him several nights already
and would have to be considered the host. Let's use the host-guest
principle tonight and switch to the seniority system after you've both slept
with him. That's definitely the right solution, so let's have no false
modesty. There's just one question still to be settled: with me out of
consideration, he should naturally begin with Pearl. But are you going to
take a whole night each or will you divide the night between you? Talk it
over and let me know."
But the sisters just looked at one another and said nothing. "We're too
embarrassed," said Lucky Pearl after some time. "You're the eldest, you
decide."

184
 肉蒲团

"A whole night is more satisfying," said Cloud, "but it would be hard on
the one who has to wait. It might be better if you took half the night each."
She offered this as a suggestion only, because she wanted them to accept
it before she converted it into a ruling. To her surprise, each of them had
reservations that she could not bring herself to express. Again neither said
anything.
"I know what your silence means," said Cloud. "The one who goes first
is afraid he won't put himself out for her but will reserve his strength for
the second party, so she won't agree. And the one who goes last is afraid
she'll get someone who has shot his bolt and lost his edge, so she won't
agree. Let me put it to you straight: he is a match for several women."
She turned first to Lucky Pearl. "Even if you have him the whole night,
you'll still get only half a night of the real thing. Well before midnight
comes around I'm afraid you'll beg to be excused. You'll end up handing
him on anyway."
Then she turned to Lucky Jade. "'The wine affects the last guest to
arrive just as much as the first,' as the saying goes. Moreover, his particular
winepot tastes especially good toward the bottom. There's no need for you
to be suspicious of each other, so let's do it that way."
Now that she had guessed their thoughts, the sisters resolved their
doubts and agreed: "We'll do as you say."
The arrangements complete, Cloud told a maid to stand by the door.
They hadn't long to wait before Vesperus was ushered in.
As he entered, the sisters affected a maidenly confusion and withdrew a
step or two, leaving Cloud to receive him. Vesperus gave a deep bow in
greeting her, then straightened up. "Please ask the young ladies to come
forward and be introduced," he said. Cloud led them forward to meet him,
gripping one girl's arm with each hand.
After the introductions Lucky Pearl called to the maid to bring tea.
"There's no need to order tea," said Cloud. "He's been longing for you two
so badly that he's quite bitter, so give him some of the nectar in your
mouths instead of tea." As she spoke, she took the girls' hands and placed
them in Vesperus's. Embracing both girls, Vesperus popped his tongue first
into Lucky Pearl's mouth and let her suck it and then into Lucky Jade's and

185
 肉蒲团

let her do the same. Then he brought all three mouths together to form the
character pin,[77] after which he took both tongues into his own mouth
and sucked them.
It was getting late and Lucky Jade was worried lest her time with him be
delayed, so she hurried out to the kitchen and urged the maids to get
supper on the table.
"Let's go to bed," said Vesperus. "It's late."
"But we haven't had our sesame food yet," said Lucky Pearl. "How can
you talk of bed?"
"I drank your nectar just now. That will do nicely instead."
They were still joking as the food was brought in. Vesperus sat in the
place of honor, with Cloud opposite him and Pearl and Jade on either side.
They had finished their supper and were about to clear the dishes away
when Vesperus pulled Cloud aside.
"Tell me, what are the sleeping arrangements for tonight?" he asked.
"I've settled it all for you," she said. "The first half of the night you'll be
with Pearl, the second with Jade."
"And what about yourself?"
"Oh, I'll take the middle half," said Cloud, dissembling.
"That'll be fine, too."
"That too sounds a little odd. You're surely not implying that I'm being
unfair, like someone who keeps the middle part of the fish for himself and
leaves the head and tail to others, so that they complain of getting all the
bones! In that case why not put all your energy into the first and last parts
and cut back in the middle?"
"I wouldn't dream of it. What worries me is that my time will be
frittered away running to and fro. Let me ask you your opinion: Wouldn't it
be better if we all slept together?"
"I know what you have in mind! You're not worried about the toing and
froing, you're simply too greedy to part with either of them. You want to
do as you did just now when you kissed together, except that underneath
the pin you want to draw a chuan.[78] I've no doubt we'll get around to

186
 肉蒲团

that later, but this is your first meeting and you mustn't try it yet. I was
having you on just now. I'm quite content to withdraw for the night and let
them enjoy themselves. You're to keep to the order I mentioned and sleep
with Pearl the first half of the night and with Jade the last half. You'll have
to be on your mettle to live up to everything I've told them about you."
"No need to remind me. But it's going to be rather hard on you."
Cloud summoned a maid to bring a lantern and take Vesperus and Lucky
Pearl to the latter's room. She herself was concerned that Lucky Jade might
be upset, so she chatted with her a while before going to bed.
Vesperus and Lucky Pearl undressed each other, then climbed on to her
ivory-inlaid bed and began their sport. It was difficult at first. Pearl found
the pain too much to bear, but fortunately she knew from all the marvelous
things she had heard that her subsequent pleasure would amply reward her
for the pain she was feeling, and that in fact there was no way to get the
pleasure except by suffering the pain. So she gritted her teeth and bore his
onslaught. Wanting to put his priceless treasure to the test, she was
constantly on the watch for it to swell and heat up and was thus far more
aware of its size and temperature than another woman would have been.
Eventually, as he worked, it did swell and heat up, like some enormous Mr.
Horn filled with boiling water and jammed inside her. Even if he had not
moved at all, simply left it there, she would have felt pleasure, but how
infinitely more pleasurable it was with his rapid, lively movement! At last
she realized that the account she had been given was not hyperbole and
that the term priceless treasure was a fitting sobriquet for it.
Clasping Vesperus tightly, she gave him a couple of playful taps. "My
dearest, your looks must have driven thousands of women to their deaths
of unrequited love! How ever did you come to possess such a priceless
treasure as well? Do you want to drive every woman in the world to her
death?"
"Only by doing someone to death can you make her die of love. Dearest
girl, are you willing to sacrifice your life and let me do you to death?"
"Now that I've met this fierce creature, do you think I want to go on
living? But let me do it a few more times first, and then I'll die content.
Don't dispatch me on the first occasion!"

187
 肉蒲团

"Tonight," said Vesperus, "my time is divided between you and your
sister. So even if you die, you'll still be only half dead, and I don't suppose
I shall be accused of murder. But who knows what tomorrow night or the
night after will bring?"
With that he began a series of earthshaking thrusts. Although Pearl's
vagina was deep, the heart of the flower was extremely shallow, and he
needed to penetrate only an inch or two before touching and teasing it, so
that every thrust hit the mark. After several hundred thrusts she was in a
desperate state and kept crying out, "Dearest, I'm not just half dead, I'm
completely dead! Have mercy!"
But Vesperus, who was intent on displaying his prowess, took no notice
of her cries and thrust with undiminished vigor from the first watch to the
second, by which time her arms and legs were limp and her breath had
grown cold. Realizing she was not a strong opponent, he stopped, clasped
her tightly in his arms, and slept.
Pearl awoke after a brief sleep. "Dear one, how is it you're so capable?
If I die, my death will be on your head, I need hardly say. But you'd better
go now; my sister is expecting you."
"It's pitch-dark outside," said Vesperus, "and I'll never be able to find my
way. Dearest, won't you get up and take me over?"
"I'm so limp from your lovemaking that I can't even move. I'll get a
maid to show you."
She called one of her maids out of bed to lead Vesperus over. The maid
was a fourteen- or fifteen-year-old virgin who had been aroused to fever
pitch by overhearing their earth-shaking activity and had emitted a good
deal of fluid in the process. Now, with Vesperus's hand in hers, and under
cover of darkness, she was not going to let him escape. When they came to
a secluded spot, she halted.
"How can you be so cruel," she said, "as not to let me taste any of those
sweets you gave my mistress? As the saying goes, 'Passing by the paddy
fields, you don't worry about drought.' Now that you're at my customs
checkpoint, you surely wouldn't try to slip through without paying your
dues?" Winding one arm around Vesperus, she took off her trousers with
the other.

188
 肉蒲团

Vesperus, realizing that she was beside herself with passion, felt he
could hardly deny her a turn. He told her to lie on a bench and, after
opening her vagina, took out his penis and tried to enter without rubbing
any spit on it. The maid, having never been with a man, assumed that his
instrument would be a delicious sip of broth, which is why she had halted,
her only fear being that he might not agree to her demand. Little did she
realize that the delicious sip would prove to be a cupful of hard liquor.
Someone who has never tasted mustard will start coughing and choking at
the mere smell of it, and she began to scream as soon as she saw him about
to thrust. Vesperus realized that her seal was still intact, and he rubbed a lot
of spit on his penis before trying to drive it in. But she began screaming
again. "It's no good," she said. "If it's like this, it will be no fun at all. But
why should something that brings the mistress such pleasure bring me
nothing but pain?"
Vesperus explained that it was necessary on the first occasion to break
the skin and cause a little bleeding, but that after ten or twenty times she
might expect to enjoy the experience. "My endowment is much too large
for you," he said, trying to console her, "but I have a young page called
Satchel, and his is still quite small. Why don't I bring him over tomorrow
and let him do it with you a few times before I try again?"
The maid thanked him profusely, then got up, fastened her trousers, and
took him the rest of the way.
Lucky Jade's quarters were brilliantly lit up. She was waiting for him
and, on hearing footsteps outside, told a maid to open the door and show
him in.
"Dearest," said Vesperus, approaching her bed, "I know I'm late. Please
don't be cross."
"You might just as well have stayed there the whole night," she said.
"Why put yourself to the trouble of coming over here?"
"I'm terribly upset as it is about our having only half the night together.
How could I stand a whole night without you?"
By the time these words were out of his mouth, he had completely
undressed. He opened the bedclothes, got into bed, and set to. At first,
needless to say, Lucky Jade felt a moment's pain, just as Lucky Pearl had
done, but when she reached the state of rapture, she gave an impression
189
 肉蒲团

that was very different from Lucky Pearl's—one of utter desperation. It

was a sight to make a man pity her but at the same time want to make love
to her all over again. Why was that? She was three or four years younger
than Lucky Pearl, and rather slight. There was nothing to compare with her
skin for softness and delicacy, and her breasts were like two new-laid, soft-
shelled eggs, which the mere weight of a man's body threatened to crush.
As for the soft suppleness of her figure, the demure charm of her manner,
when she stood outdoors, you feared lest the wind might blow her over,
and even when she sat indoors, you felt she needed people beside her to
hold her up. How could she endure the wear and tear of actual sex? After a
few hundred strokes her eyes were half-closed, her lips were parted, and
her heart was choked with things she was too weak to say. She feared that
her constitution could not stand the strain and that if he went on much
longer, her life would be in danger. Her only hope was that Vesperus
would stop thrusting and let her revive.
Vesperus noticed the state she was in and was overcome with pity. "My
sweet little darling, can't you bear it anymore?"
She nodded, unable to reply.
Vesperus slipped off to let her recover. He knew she could not endure it
if he went on, but he loved her too much to stop. In the end all he could do
was take her in his arms and draw her on top of him, in which manner,
fitted snugly together, they slept until dawn.
Cloud and Lucky Pearl arose early and, with a view to working out a
long-term plan with Vesperus, visited Lucky Jade's bedroom to urge him
out of bed. On opening the screen, they found Lucky Jade sprawled on top
of him and awoke them both.
"We won't need any candles when we light up tonight," they said
mockingly.
"If the oil is all used up and there aren't any candles left, don't blame
us!" said Lucky Pearl.
After a few more jokes they put their problem to Vesperus. "If you leave
every morning and return every night, sooner or later someone is going to
notice," they explained. "If you're gone every night, even your own
concubine will suspect you of having an affair and try to find out about it.
Can you think of any solution? It would be best if you could stay here a
190
 肉蒲团

while and not return home even in the daytime. If we could be together, we
wouldn't necessarily have to make love all the time. It would be fun to play
chess, write poetry, tell jokes. Do you happen to have some brilliant
scheme that would bring all this about?"
"Before I came over," said Vesperus, "I put the most marvelous plan into
effect. I didn't leave everything until now."
"What is that?" they asked.
"My concubine is pregnant and can't sleep with me anymore. I spoke to
her yesterday and suggested that since I've been away from home a long
time, it might be a good idea if I made a return visit during her pregnancy.
The whole journey need take only three months, which would bring me
back in time for the delivery and free me from having to go home
afterward, at a time when we could be enjoying ourselves. She said it
made good sense to her. On my return to the house this time, I'll pack up
and set off with one of my pages, making as if to return home but actually
coming over here. During these next three months we'll not only write
poems, play chess, and tell jokes, we'll even have time to put on [chuan]
some plays."
The three women jumped for joy. "It's such a brilliant scheme, not even
Chen Ping could have thought it up!"[79]
"There's one other thing I need to discuss with you. I have two pages,
one a bit naive, the other rather smart. I'm going to leave the naive one at
home and bring the smart one with me. But the trouble with this lad is that
he has his master's ways about him—he's sex-crazy. If we don't let him
have a piece of the pie, he'll get restless and want to go back, which will
only lead to trouble. What can you suggest?"
"That's simple," said Lucky Pearl. "We have plenty of maids, and we'll
just give him one at bedtime and let him enjoy himself. It will serve to tie
him down and also stop up the maids' mouths and prevent them from
tattling when our husbands get back."
"Good idea," said Vesperus. Their arrangements made, the women saw
him off. That same evening he returned with his bags.
From then on, not only did Vesperus lie down drunk amid the flowers
and savor every erotic delight, even his page turned into a miniature

191
 肉蒲团

version of Lin Bu, who was surrounded by his plum-blossom wives until
he almost died of the accumulated scent.[80]
Alas, one day the beauties of spring will fade in the old garden and
thoughts of the past will be too painful to bear.
CRITIQUE

Far from feeling jealous of her sworn sisters, Cloud was prepared to
share the man she loved with her kindred spirits. Immoral as her conduct
may have been, it has much to commend it as an act of friendship. If you
look for comparable behavior among men, you won't find any. Nowadays
the projects that sworn brothers embark on may not be entirely moral,
either, but the spirit of envy is even stronger among them than among
outsiders. What a lucky thing such men were not born as women! As
women they would have gone to extremes and not rested until they had run
the gamut of debauchery.

192
 肉蒲团

CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Real enjoyment comes to grief at midpoint,
As a human erotic album is seized in its trunk.
Poem:
Her suffering heart belies the spring,
As she works the silk with another thread.
The needle breaks at the lovebird scene—
And the joy in her picture is also dead.
The women hid Vesperus in their house, and each of them slept with
him for one night, in order of seniority, after which the rotation began
again, all without discord. After several rotations, Vesperus added a new
rule entitled the "Thrice Alone Once Together Coordinated System": after
sleeping with him individually for three nights, they were to sleep with
him collectively for a night before returning to the rotation. Thanks to this
new rule, they were able to experience the joys of togetherness.
Once the rule was established, they set up another, extra-wide bed and
made for it a five-foot-long pillow and a coverlet sewn from six widths of
material. When they slept together, Vesperus would get the three sisters to
lie side by side, while he himself rolled here and there from body to body,
never touching the bed, but making love wherever he fancied as he worked
his way from one side to the other. Luckily none of the women possessed a
great deal of sexual stamina, and after thrusts ranging in number from one
hundred to two hundred, they would want to spend. When the woman in
the middle had spent, he would move to the one on the left, and when she
had spent, he would turn to her neighbor on the right. A few hours sufficed
to complete his main task. The rest of the time he liked to spend fondling
their soft charms and savoring their fragrance. The bliss that was now his
had been enjoyed in the past, even among emperors, by only a handful of
epicures such as Xuanzong of the Tang, Yangdi of the Sui, and the Last
Ruler of the Chen. Since all of the other, more straitlaced emperors had
never enjoyed it, think how remote it was from the experience of some
licentiate too poor to keep wife or concubine!
Shortly after Vesperus moved in, Cloud held a secret conclave with her
sisters. "It's a marvelous piece of luck having this immortal, this treasure,
193
 肉蒲团

here for our enjoyment," she said. "My only concern is that the best things
in life always come to grief. At the height of success one ought to be
constantly on guard against failure. We mustn't let any outsider know, or
the news will spread. Then he'd have to leave, and that might be very
awkward."
"This house is out of the way," said Lucky Pearl, "and we don't have any
casual visitors, so what goes on in here will never be known outside. Even
our own stewards have to wait beyond the inner gate, and we simply won't
let them in. No, it's not men I'm worried about, it's a certain woman who
lives nearby. If she ever finds out, the fun will be over."
"Who do you mean?" asked Lucky Jade.
"Someone with the same surname was ours. Don't you know?"
"Aunt Flora?"
"Who else? You know what an oversexed creature she is. She may be a
widow, but men are constantly on her mind. What's more, she was with us
that day at the temple, and when he kowtowed, she went crazy, too, as if
she'd have liked to kneel down and kowtow along with him if only she
weren't too embarrassed. What a performance she gave! When we got
home, she praised his looks to the skies and said what a pity it was she
didn't know his name, because if she did, she'd never let him get away. If
someone as lusty as that learns we have him tucked away over here and are
having such a good time with him, do you suppose she won't get envious
and set a trap for us? Something awful is bound to happen—apart
altogether from the fact that the fun will be over."
"You're absolutely right. She's terribly devious. We'll just have to take
precautions."
"But what should we do?" asked Lucky Jade.
"I used to worry that the maids might leak the news," said Lucky Pearl,
"but now that they have Satchel to keep them quiet, I doubt that they'll be
inclined to gossip. So I'm not worried that she'll hear about Vesperus, only
that she'll notice him. When she comes over, she'll suddenly sneak into the
room without warning, her eyes darting about like a thieving rat's, as if we
were up to something behind her back. The key thing in defending
ourselves against her is to have the maids take turns keeping watch along

194
 肉蒲团

the border between the houses. When they see her coming, they should
give a secret signal, a cough, say, or a shout, to allow us time to hide our
man. The other thing we have to do is think of some hiding place where
she won't find him."
"What would be the best place?" asked Lucky Jade.
The three women exchanged ideas. One suggested he hide behind the
door; another suggested under the bed.
"No, neither place will do," said Lucky Pearl. "Those thief's eyes of hers
are awfully sharp, and they'll spot someone behind a door or under a bed in
a flash. In my opinion there's just one place you could put him where even
an immortal would never think of looking."
"Where do you mean?" asked the other two.
Lucky Pearl pointed to a piece of furniture, a trunk used for storing old
paintings. It was more than six feet long, two feet wide, and over three feet
high and was covered in bamboo fabric stretched over thin wooden slats.
"That would be ideal," she said, "not too long nor too wide, but just big
enough for a man to lie down in. If we empty out all the paintings, we can
hide him in there in an emergency and she'll never suspect a thing. My
only concern is that he may suffocate, but if we knock out a couple of
slats, he should be all right."
"Brilliant! Let's do that," said the others. They told the maids to take
turns on lookout duty and then knocked a few slats out of the trunk. They
also told Vesperus that anytime he saw a strange woman coming, he
should lie down inside the trunk and keep absolutely quiet. After the plan
was put into operation, their aunt made several visits, but the maids gave
the secret signal, Vesperus disappeared inside the trunk, and she noticed
nothing.
But there was trouble in store for the sisters. One day they found a
notebook in Vesperus's cardcase and, on opening it, saw that it contained
the names of a number of women who were classified into categories and
evaluated in critical comments. The notebook was in Vesperus's
handwriting.
"When did you see these women?" they asked. "And when did you write
this? And what was the point of it?"

195
 肉蒲团

"Oh, I did that while I was living in the temple," said Vesperus. "I made
those notes as I observed the visitors to the temple. My idea was to
compile a list from which I would select a few brilliant prospects for
intensive cultivation."
"Well, and did you find your brilliant prospects?"
Vesperus folded his hands in salutation. "Behold, my three pupils."
They laughed. "We don't think we deserve that kind of evaluation. You
just made that up on the spur of the moment."
"There's no need to be so suspicious," said Vesperus. "I have the poems
to prove it." He looked up their rankings and evaluations and showed
them. After a careful scrutiny, they began to swell with pride. The praise
might be a little overdone, they allowed, but at least it was apt, not general
criticism of the one-size-fits-all kind.
Only Cloud was less than joyful, because his comments on her were a
little shorter than those on her sisters. Fortunately Vesperus had taken
precautions. Fearing she might see the entry, he had added another circle to
the two she already had, raising her from a magna to a summa. As a result,
although her evaluation was less detailed than the others', Cloud was at
least in the same class, and she was not too disappointed.
But when the sisters turned the page and found a Black Belle whose
evaluation was every bit as high as Lucky Pearl's and Lucky Jade's and
rather higher than Cloud's, they were astonished.
"Where does this beauty come from? What makes her so gorgeous?"
"She's the one who came to the temple with you," said Vesperus. "You
remember."
Lucky Pearl burst into laughter. "You mean that old baggage! At her age
and with her looks, it's sheer blind luck that she got a summa, too!"
"If that's the case," said Cloud, "our rankings are more of an insult than
an honor, and who wants that kind of evaluation? Why don't we just cross
them out?"
"There's no need to get upset," said Lucky Jade. "There must be a
motive behind his method of selection. He must have heard the story of the
old pupil who repaid his examiner's kindness over three generations,[81]
196
 肉蒲团

so he examined only three candidates and gave us all summas without

regard to what we wrote, in the hope that we'd repay the favor someday.
That would account for you three, all right, but I am by far the youngest
and ought to get the lowest class. How is it I have a summa, too? Kindly
remove my name."
Vesperus wanted to make a clean breast of everything and persuade
them that one person's luck rubs off on everyone present, but his three
pupils were raising such a commotion that the examiner could not get a
word in edgewise.
"Sister Jade, you are absolutely right," said Lucky Pearl, "but although
you are the youngest, we're not exactly old, either. I say we remove all of
our names and let the old pupil be the sole winner." She picked up the
brush, crossed out their names and evaluations, and appended a note of her
own:
Huaiyin was youthful, Jiang and Guan venerable.[82] The former would
not presume to be ranked with the latter and must respectfully yield.
Then she turned to Vesperus. "Fortunately this brilliant prospect lives
not far from here. You'll find her through that door over there. Do go and
give her some cultivation. From now on we three won't be troubling you
for any."
Confronted with this display of public indignation, Vesperus could do
nothing more than hang his head meekly, acknowledging his bias. Let
them drive him out if they wished, he would not say a word.
He waited until they had calmed down a little before trying to win them
over with a confession. "In the first place, it was a natural extension of my
love for you. Secondly, I wanted to find her and get her to introduce us, so
that I could make love to you. That's how I overcame my scruples enough
to write those flattering words; it was not an honest evaluation, by any
means. I hope you ladies won't judge me too harshly."
At these words the women's indignation began to evaporate, and
Vesperus took the opportunity to ingratiate himself further. Undressing
first, he lay on the bed waiting for them to join him. They were about to do
so, when all of a sudden the maid on guard duty gave an emphatic cough.
Recognizing the secret signal, the women began pulling on their clothes
again with lightning speed. As soon as they had dressed, Lucky Pearl and
197
 肉蒲团

Lucky Jade rushed out to receive their visitor, leaving Cloud behind to
hide Vesperus. Because he had undressed before the others, his clothes lay
underneath theirs. At first he couldn't find them and then, by the time the
women had dressed, it was too late for him to dress anyway. There was
nothing for it but to climb into the trunk stark naked.
Let us tell now of Flora as she arrived in the main room to be greeted by
Lucky Pearl and Lucky Jade. She noticed at once that they looked flustered
and that they stood side by side as if barring her way into the bedroom, a
fact that only added fuel to her suspicions. Concluding that they had been
up to no good, she insisted on storming in to see for herself. But one
person's guile is no match for two people's craft, and by the time she
reached the bedroom, the live erotic album had been safely locked inside
the picture trunk.
In the bedroom Flora made a point of praising her niece. "I've not been
in here in quite some time. You've got the place looking nicer than ever."
She went first to the head of the bed, then to its foot, and even inspected
the cupboards, but she found no telltale signs anywhere and concluded that
she must have been unduly suspicious and imagined things. She took a
seat and began chatting.
By their quick action the nieces had reduced a potential disaster to a
harmless incident, which was fortunate indeed. Little did they realize,
however, that in their haste they had overlooked something, and that, one
way or another, their secret would soon be out. Flustered by the maid's
cough, they had had time only to get dressed and open the trunk. Since
their overriding concern had been to stuff their prize inside the trunk, they
had neglected a pocket-sized notebook lying on the desk. Only later, while
chatting with their aunt, did one of them notice it. She was just reaching
for it when Flora, with her sharp eyes, noticed it, too, and snatched it up
first. Panic-stricken, the girls tried unsuccessfully to wrest it from her.
Then Cloud, realizing they would never get it by force, let it go and
affected indifference: "Oh well, it's only a tattered old book we found in
the street anyway. Why not let Aunt have it? There's no sense in trying to
get it away from her."
"Cloud is really so-o-o generous," said Flora. "A book the size of your
hand—it can't be worth very much. So why do we need we to have this

198
 肉蒲团

tug-of-war over it? Since Cloud has given it to me, let me open it up and
see what kind of book it is."
Standing a full ten feet from her nieces, she opened the notebook. From
its title, Garner the Beauties of Spring from Far and Wide, she assumed it
was an erotic album and hastily leafed through it to enjoy the pictures first.
To her surprise it contained not a single erotic picture, only a few columns
of tiny characters, which she was forced to read. She had read several
pages before she realized that the notebook was more interesting than any
erotic album; it consisted of evaluations of beautiful women done by some
amorous young man of talent. After carefully savoring the evaluations, she
came in the end to one of a Black Belle, whose comment read exactly like
a pen-portrait of herself, at which point she felt a certain titillation.
Could this have been written by that young man we met at the temple?
she wondered. Turning back to the previous page, she saw a note before
the names in the last entry that spoke of meeting three peerless beauties on
a certain date. After puzzling for some time over the names Pale Rose
Maid and Lotus Pink Beauty, Flora gave a sly smile and concluded that the
young man was indeed the author. But when she came to the note
Huaiyin was youthful, Jiang and Guan venerable. The former would not
presume to be ranked with the latter and must respectfully yield,
she recognized Lucky Pearl's writing and stopped smiling. Tucking the
notebook up her sleeve, she gave a calculated sigh. "What a genius Cang
Jie was, to invent the character script for our use!"
"What makes you say that?" asked Cloud.
"There's not a single stroke in any of the characters he invented that
does not have its meaning. For instance, the character jian in jianyin
(adultery) is composed of three nü (woman) characters. Since you three are
living together and committing adultery, you must surely appreciate the
brilliance of the invention!"
"We may be living together," said Lucky Jade, "but we've never done
any such thing! How can you say that?"
"If you've never done any such thing, where did this notebook come
from?"
"I found it in the street on my way over here," said Cloud.

199
 肉蒲团

"A two-year-old child wouldn't believe that!" said Flora. I'll say no
more, except to ask you where the man is who wrote this. Confess
everything, and you'll hear no more about it. If you don't confess, I shall
have to write to your husbands, enclosing this notebook, and summon
them home for a little chat with you."
At this ugly tone, her nieces felt they could hardly remain defiant. "We
really did find it in the street, and we have no idea of who the writer is or
where he lives. What else can we tell you?" they replied meekly.
All the time she interrogated them, Flora was looking around the room.
The only place I haven't looked is in that trunk, she thought. It's normally
left open, so why is it locked all of a sudden? There must be a reason.
"Since you won't confess," she said to Lucky Pearl and Lucky Jade, "I'll
have to suspend my investigation until a later date. But that trunk of yours
contains several old paintings I've not seen yet. Would you mind opening it
up for me?"
"We've mislaid the key," they replied together. "It hasn't been opened in
ages. As soon as we find the key, we'll take out the paintings and send
them over."
"That's no problem. I have tons of keys and can open any lock at all. Let
me send for them." She gave an order to one of her maids, who returned in
a few minutes with several hundred keys. As Flora tried them in the lock,
her nieces resembled nothing so much as three corpses. They could not
very well protest or prevent her from trying, but they were hoping against
hope that the keys would not fit and that the trunk would stay shut.
But fortune favored the enemy. Flora did not need even the second key,
for the first one fit perfectly. Opening the lid and glancing inside, she
discovered the smooth, snow-white body of a man across whose thighs lay
a flesh-and-blood laundry beater that was woefully limp but still big
enough to shock. She could only imagine what it might look like when
stiff.
Confronted with such rare merchandise, Flora felt a natural impulse to
monopolize it. Without disturbing anything in the trunk, she let down the
lid, relocked it, and launched into a tirade. "A fine thing you've been up to,
with your husbands away! When did you smuggle him in, I'd like to

200
 肉蒲团

know? How many dozens of nights has he slept with each one of you?
Come on, out with it!"
The women's faces turned ashen with fright, but they said nothing, no
matter how she cross-examined them.
"Since you won't confess, I have no choice but to go to the authorities."
She told the maids to inform the neighbors that she had caught an adulterer
in broad daylight and wanted them to come and attest to the fact, after
which the man would be taken to court inside the trunk.
Her nieces withdrew for consultation. "She's bluffing," they said, "but if
we don't clear matters up at once, her bluff may turn into reality. We'll
have to come to terms with her and give him up for general use. Surely she
won't sentence us to death!"
They approached Flora and apologized. "We oughtn't to have carried on
behind your back. We know we were wrong and won't try to quibble about
it. We simply appeal to your generosity, Aunt, to let the man out of the
trunk so that he can confess and ask for clemency."
"And just what form is his confession going to take? I should like to
have that settled in advance."
"To be quite candid, Aunt," said Cloud, "we've been dividing his time
into three equal shares. We'll be glad to cut you in. In fact, on account of
your age we'll give you first place in the roster."
Flora burst into laughter. "A fine penance that is! You keep him hidden
away in your house and sleep with him for I don't know how many nights
and only now, after you're caught, do you offer me a share! By that logic,
when the authorities catch a robber, they wouldn't need to beat or torture
him, they could just stipulate that anything he steals in the future will be
forfeit while all the things he has already stolen are his to keep."
"Aunt," said Lucky Pearl, "what ought we to do, in your opinion?"
"If you want to settle the matter privately," said Flora, "you'll have to let
him come back and sleep with me for as long as I like, until I've made up
all the arrears due to me, after which I'll hand him back and we'll resume
the one-person-a-night rotation. Otherwise we can simply settle it in court,
which would mean breaking the family ricepot and letting everybody go
hungry. Well, what do you say?"
201
 肉蒲团

"If we do that," said Lucky Jade, "you'll have to specify a time limit,
three nights or five nights, say, after which you'll release him. You surely
don't expect to be given carte blanche to keep him for months or even
years!"
"I can't specify a time," said Flora. "Let me take him back with me and
question him as to how many nights you three have slept with him, and
then I'll keep him the same number. After that I'll hand him back and we'll
say no more about it."
Although the nieces said nothing, a possibility had occurred to them:
Vesperus loves us dearly and may well under-report the number of nights
to her. So they agreed. "Well, he's only been here a night or two. Take him
off and question him. You'll see."
Now that an agreement had been reached, the nieces were about to open
the trunk and let Vesperus out so that he could go back with Flora. She,
however, was afraid he might run away, and hesitated. "If he goes over in
broad daylight," she said, "the servants may see, and that would look bad.
We shall have to think of some way of getting him over in secret."
"Why don't you go back now," her nieces suggested, "and we'll send
him over when it gets dark?"
"Don't bother," she said. "I have a better idea. There's no need to unlock
the trunk. We'll just pretend it's full of old paintings that belong to me and
call in a few stewards to carry it over with the man inside. No problem."
Acting on her own initiative, she told the maids to summon some
stewards. Within minutes four men arrived and, hoisting the trunk onto
their shoulders, bore it swiftly away.
Pity the three sisters! Their grief was as keen as that of any widow who
ever said farewell to a coffin and yet, unlike the widow, they were unable
to express it. They couldn't bear to have this live erotic album stolen from
them in its trunk, and they were afraid, too, that the man inside would be
worked to death by the old bawd. There was a road that led over there, but
no road back. Was it not a bad omen that the picture trunk was carried off
on men's shoulders like a coffin?
CRITIQUE

202
 肉蒲团

After reading the chapter in which they met at the temple, one expected
that Flora's pleasure would precede Lucky Pearl's and Lucky Jade's, and
that Vesperus's comments on Flora would be the thread that strung the
pearls together, the tile that drew the jade in response. Who would ever
have imagined that the author's mind would so resemble the Creator's in
disposing independently of people and events and confounding all our
expectations? The author has taken the woman easiest to seduce and
placed her after the ones hardest to seduce, which is remarkable and
fantastic in the extreme! He has made the thread that was to have strung
the pearls together and the tile that would have drawn the jade in response
into the very reasons Pearl and Jade are cast aside. The tempest in the
bedchamber originates in a scene of noisy argument, which again is
remarkable and fantastic in the extreme! How unpredictable is the
authorial mind!

203
 肉蒲团

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Through others' deception she gains the advantage;
By her own arrogance she suffers abuse.
Poem:
Let Experience not with Youth contend,
For fear of arousing the youngsters' spleen.
You elders will always lose in the end,
So stand aside and observe the scene.

After the trunk arrived at her house and she had dismissed the stewards,
Flora did not open it immediately, but fetched a suit of men's clothes from
her own boxes, together with a well-worn cap and a pair of shoes and
socks, all of which had belonged to her late husband, and laid them out.
She then unlocked the trunk and invited the paragon to step forth and
dress, after which they greeted each other and sat down for an intimate
talk. As might have been expected, Vesperus's nimble tongue, so adept at
deceiving women, invented a lie or two, such as, "After seeing you in the
temple, I longed for you day and night, but not knowing your honorable
name, had no means of finding you. Fortunately Heaven has vouchsafed
me this chance to turn bad luck into good, and now at last I am able to
gaze on your fair countenance!"
Having read his comments on her, Flora believed that he really did
admire her and she took his lies for the truth and was full of gratitude. She
told a maid to prepare lunch, after which they waited impatiently for
evening and went to bed.
Although she could not be described as really fat, Flora was undeniably
plump. Vesperus had mounted her but barely begun to move when she
hugged him tightly, planted a kiss on his lips, and cried, "Dearest!" This
was enough to set him tingling all over. He had slept with many women,
but had never experienced such a reaction from a hug.
What was the reason? You must understand that there are two categories
of women: those for looking at and those for practical purposes. The
former are not necessarily suitable for practical purposes, just as the latter
204
 肉蒲团

are not necessarily goodlooking. In all recorded history, there has been just
one woman, Yang Guifei, who has managed to combine both qualities.
In general, there are three desiderata of the good-looking woman:
1. Better to be thin than fat
2. Better to be short than tall
3. Better to be weak and delicate than strong and robust
This explains why the women you see in paintings have wisplike waists
and figures too slight to fill out their clothes, and why you never see any
plump or robust ones among them: they are there for visual rather than
practical purposes.
The practical women are a different species, but for them, too, there are
three desiderata:
1. Better to be fat than thin
2. Better to be tall than short
3. Better to be strong and robust than weak and delicate
Why do they need these three qualities? In general when a man lies on
top of a woman, the first requirement is that she be as soft as a cushion; the
second is that she match his height; and the third is that she be able to bear
his weight. A thin woman's figure is like a stone slab, and your whole body
aches unbearably just from lying on top of her. A fat woman, by contrast,
is soft and tender, and when lying on her, you don't even need to start
moving before you feel your body tingling and your spirit in raptures. And
she has another marvelous quality, too: she is warm in winter and cool in
summer. All of which explains why it is better to be fat than thin.
When you sleep with a short woman, your body cannot meet hers at all
points, for if the upper parts fit together nicely, the lower parts do not, and
vice versa. Moreover, a body as slight as a child's will stir a man's pity
rather than his passion. All of which explains why it is better to be tall than
short.
A man may weigh anywhere from seventy or eighty catties to over a
hundred, which is a weight that only a strong and robust woman can bear.
If you lie on top of a weak and delicate woman, you are on tenterhooks all
the time in case you crush her. Sexual enjoyment is entirely dependent on
your peace of mind; it cannot survive if you feel nervous. All of which

205
 肉蒲团

explains why it is better for a woman to be strong and robust than weak
and delicate.
Thus good looks and practical usefulness are mutually exclusive. If a
woman manages to combine both qualities, she need be only eighty
percent beautiful to rate as one hundred and twenty percent, for in such a
case how can one insist on perfection?
Although Flora was an older woman, she did combine both qualities. As
soon as Vesperus got into bed, she automatically revealed her long suit by
clasping his upper body in her soft arms and enveloping his lower body
with her soft legs, wrapping him around like a downy quilt. Enjoyable,
wouldn't you say? Moreover, her body matched his nicely, and she was
also able to bear his weight. The women Vesperus had slept with before
had all been on the small, weak, and delicate side and he had never known
that this kind of pleasure existed, which is why he felt himself tingling all
over before he even set to. Precisely because he found the sensation so
delightful, that object down below swelled up to extraordinary proportions,
getting longer without penetration and hotter without friction, as if it had
thrust dozens of times already. Aligning itself with her vulva, it stabbed its
way in.
Flora had already borne a child, and naturally her vagina was large,
unlike those of the sisters, who had suffered considerable pain before
gradually reaching a state of bliss. But after only ten strokes, she suddenly
went into convulsions and, clutching Vesperus, cried out in great agitation,
"Faster, darling, faster! I'm going to spend!" Vesperus thrust furiously for
ten more strokes before she cried out, "Stop, darling! I'm spending!"
Vesperus placed the head of his penis against the heart of the flower and
waited while she finished her orgasm, then resumed thrusting. As he did
so, he asked her, "Dearest, why is your stamina so low? You spent after
only twenty or thirty strokes. Your nieces lasted for two or three hundred,
and I thought they were easy to dispatch. I never expected to meet anyone
even easier."
Flora fixed him with a stern eye. "Now, look here! Don't you go
thinking of me as easy. I'm the hardest woman of all to dispatch. It takes
between one and two thousand strokes to get me to spend, and even then
you have to put in a great deal of extra effort. You'll never succeed with
this sort of thrusting."
206
 肉蒲团

Vesperus was surprised. "If you have that kind of stamina, why were
you so easily dispatched just now? Surely you weren't faking?"
"No, I wasn't faking. There is a perfectly good reason for it. I've not
been with a man in over ten years, and my passions are at their height.
When I saw how handsome and well-endowed you were, my joy got the
better of me, and my essence came of its own accord soon after you
entered. It amounted to spending on my own and had nothing to do with
your thrusting. If you don't believe me, just watch me next time. It will be
very different, I assure you."
"I see. But there's something I still don't understand. You said that even
with over a thousand strokes, it still took extra effort to get you to spend.
That takes some effort to understand, I'm afraid. You mean something else
in addition to the thrusting?"
"Simply this, that you have to put extra effort into arousing me, either
by doing it audibly or else by saying lewd things. That brings my passions
to life and I'm able to spend. If there's no sound from down below and
nothing lewd from you, it would be like the deaf having sex with the
dumb, and where's the fun in that? If you were to go on all night, I might
get a pleasant sensation inside, but I'd still feel no joy at the bottom of my
heart and the essence wouldn't come. But there is one thing I have to warn
you about. I may be slow to spend, but the way I do it is different from
other women; I actually pass out for a quarter of an hour before coming
back to life again. I'm telling you this now, so that you won't panic when it
happens."
"In that case only the strongest man could make you spend. My stamina
may not be in the highest class, but at least it is well up in the second and,
if I summon all my strength, perhaps I'll be able to cope. But what was
your late husband's stamina like, I wonder? Was he able to satisfy you
every night?"
"His stamina was not even in the second class," said Flora. "At first he
was very highly sexed and an experienced seducer, and he did a great
many immoral things. He used to say to me, 'Other women's are made of
flesh, but yours is made of iron. I've tried everything I can think of, and I
still can't get you to spend.' But then he thought up a number of ways of
arousing my passions, and sex became a lot easier. Regardless of how

207
 肉蒲团

many strokes it took, one thousand or two thousand, I'd feel joy at the
bottom of my heart and would want to spend."
"In that case please tell me what his methods were. I 'may not have an
old man ripe in judgment to guide me, but at least I shall have your
statutes and laws.'[83] Let me copy his methods and perhaps save myself
some effort."
"The methods are extremely simple, and great fun to try. There are just
three of them, six words in all, which are self-explanatory. You'll
understand as soon as I say them."
"What are they?"
Flora recited: "Erotic pictures, erotic books, lewd sounds."
"As for erotic pictures and books, I used both methods when I was
newly married and they worked well, with one limitation. They aroused
me the first time I looked at them, but by the second or third time I became
bored. They can be used once in a while, but not as a regular standby."
"I imagine you had only a small supply at home and that you finished
them up quickly and got bored. I have a large stock, several dozen albums
and several hundred novels, and by the time you finish the last one, you've
forgotten the first and can start all over again and get just as excited as
before.
"However, there is a right and a wrong time to use them. Erotic pictures
should be looked at before sex, while the partners still have their clothes
on and are behaving correctly. When looking at a picture and analyzing its
subtleties, you should not do anything, even if your feelings happen to be
aroused. If the penis stands up and the fluid starts to flow, you must ignore
both developments until you've looked at several dozen pictures and can
restrain yourselves no longer. That's the way to get the full effect of an
erotic album.
"For erotic novels to be of any practical use, they should be read after
you've begun but before you've finished. Place the book in front of you
before you begin. Then, when you've done it for a while, one or other of
you should open the book and read aloud from it. When you come to an
exciting passage, start sex again. When you reach a less interesting stage in

208
 肉蒲团

sex, start reading again. That's the way to get the full effect of an erotic
novel."
"What a subtle observation!" said Vesperus. "Obviously I have
neglected my studies and made no progress. As the adage says, one's
education never ends. Without the benefit of your instruction, I might have
gone on studying and practicing all my life and never learned this. I now
understand the first two items, but not the last. Not only have I never
written on that topic, I'm not even sure what it means. What do you mean
by lewd sounds?"
"In my opinion," replied Flora, "there is nothing to surpass it among all
the thrills and pleasures of sex. It means lying beside a pair of lovers and
listening to the sounds they make—enough to drive you wild with delight.
I've always taken a special pleasure in listening to other people in action.
While my husband was alive, I used to get him to seduce a maid and do it
as rapidly and noisily as possible, so that the girl was quite beside herself
and began to cry out. That would bring me to a fever pitch and I'd give a
cough, at which he would fly into my bed and pound away furiously. I'd
make him ignore the usual strategy and throw himself into a continuous,
all-out assault. Not only would I get a pleasant sensation inside, it would
spread to the bottom of my heart and I'd spend after no more than seven or
eight hundred strokes. As a method, it's even more fun than erotic pictures
and novels."
"An even more delightful disquisition!" said Vesperus. "But there is just
one point that puzzles me. You told me your honorable husband's stamina
was on the inadequate side. If so, how did he manage to seduce a maid and
then have sex with her mistress straight afterward? Moreover with the
maid he had to do it as rapidly and as loudly as possible. I'd expect him to
be a spent force by the time he got to you, so how could he hurl himself
into an all-out assault? I'm afraid I'm not able to credit that quite so easily."
"In the first stage I didn't ask him to do it himself, but to use a stand-in.
Only in the second stage, the all-out assault, did I have to ask his help.
He'd never have been able to manage it all on his own."
"I think I know that stand-in. Is his name Mr. Horn, by any chance?"

209
 肉蒲团

"Right. We have lots of them in the house. And as for pretty maids, we
have several of those too. I daresay that in our first encounter today I won't
have any difficulty spending, but we must try that method tomorrow."
Vesperus was enthralled and felt as if he had just seduced the maid,
heard the cough, and rushed into Flora's bed. Heedless of strategy, he
threw himself into a continuous, all-out assault.
During their conversation he had not been idle but had thrust steadily
away, at least five hundred times in all. Now, with this renewed assault, the
pleasant sensation in her vagina spread to the bottom of her heart and, just
as if she were dying, her hands and feet grew cold, her eyes glazed over,
and her mouth dropped open.
Had Flora not told him her secret in advance, Vesperus would have been
alarmed. But after a few minutes, just as she had predicted, she revived
and, clasping him to her, sighed in admiration: "What a fine, capable
sweetheart you are, to make me spend without a stand-in. Judging by this
performance, your stamina belongs in the summa class. How can you say
it's only a magna plus?"
"I gave you a summa in my notebook and now you're doing the same
thing for me! How quickly you've returned the compliment!"
"I was going to ask you," said Flora, "who crossed out those three
names in your notebook and added that comment."
Vesperus was loath to tell her and pretended not to know.
"You may not want to say," said Flora, "but I can easily guess what
happened. It was those three wenches, who think I'm old and have lost my
looks and can't compare with them, so they liken themselves to Huaiyin
and me to Jiang and Guan, as if to say they're ashamed to be ranked with
me. Well, they may be a few years younger than I am and their skin a little
softer, but I assure you that they're good for nothing but sitting there and
letting you admire them. I doubt very much that they can equal this old
lady when it comes to the real thing. On top of that, if you compared our
vaginas, you'd find a similar difference in quality. I'll keep my feelings to
myself for the present and not quarrel with them, but once we have some
free time, I'll go over there and organize a contest. We'll all undress and
have sex together in broad daylight. Each woman will show what she can
do, and then we'll see whether youth or experience wins the day."
210
 肉蒲团

"You're right. They're young and untried and they do need an

experienced hand to guide them. You should arrange a contest."
"That's for later. We can discuss it some other time. Let's think how to
enjoy ourselves now."
It was getting late, so they dressed. Flora told the maids to prepare a
formal dinner of welcome for Vesperus. She had an excellent capacity for
wine, fully equal to his, and the two of them played guess-fingers and
drinking games until the second watch had passed. By that time their
feelings were so stirred by the wine that they went back to bed and began
again. That evening saw Flora's long period of enforced celibacy come to
an end. Her essence flowed easily, and she had no need to resort to her
special methods.
Next day she arose and brought out her erotic albums and novels, which
she had not looked at in years, and placed them on the table in readiness.
She had four personal maids, all attractive, two of whom were sixteen or
seventeen and, having lost their maidenheads, could accommodate him.
The others, being fourteen or fifteen and still virgins, were useless, and
Vesperus suggested that Flora send them to Satchel and let him break them
in for several days and nights, in preparation for their role in arousing their
mistress.
From this time on, Vesperus and Flora pursued their pleasures by night
and day with the aid of all three methods. After he met Flora, Vesperus's
enjoyment was of a different order from what it had been, and his
knowledge was also greatly enhanced.
Flora worried that her nieces would come and ask for their property
back, so from the moment the trunk arrived, she kept the side door locked
and refused to open it no matter how loudly they clamored. On the fifth
day of unrest, however, Vesperus felt sorry for them and tactfully pleaded
their case to Flora, who was obliged to settle the issue by promising to
return him in two days' time. With a definite date set for his return, the
nieces ceased banging on the door.
Early on the eighth day Vesperus went to take leave of Flora, but found
her still hoping for a delay. Fortunately he could be very persuasive and at
length managed to leave.

211
 肉蒲团

When he walked through the side door, the sisters reacted as joyfully as
if the sun had dropped down from the sky. "How have you enjoyed
yourself the last few nights?" they asked, after greeting him. "What's the
old baggage keen on? Did you ever touch bottom or reach dry land?"
To avert their jealousy, Vesperus muted his praise, mentioning only
Flora's three methods of arousal in the hope that her nieces might emulate
her. He also mentioned her suggestion about the contest, to encourage
them to do their best and not be deterred from "showing their superiority
simply because they were a little younger."
"In that case," said Cloud, "she'll allow us to go first so that she can
share in everyone else's pleasure and then enjoy hers all on her own. But
let's not worry about her pleasure, let's go first ourselves and try something
on. So long as we do it quietly, with no sound from down there or up here,
she'll lose her advantage, fail to get aroused, and be caught in her own trap.
What do you think?"
"In my opinion," said Lucky Jade, "we should not let her choose, but
insist that, since she's our aunt, naturally she has to go first. Then, when
she has had rather a poor time of it, it will be our turn and we'll make a
point of crying out in order to get her worked up. By that time she won't be
able to do it again or even to stand the sound of it, and she'll simply die of
frustration! Nothing would give me greater pleasure!"
"There's a lot to be said for both ideas," said Lucky Pearl, "but I'm afraid
she'll come up with some other trick and we won't be able to use them. I
suggest we wait until the time comes and watch out for an opening."
"You're right," said the others.
Proceeding according to the established order, each of them slept one
night with him and then, on the fourth night, just as they were looking
forward to a combined event, a note arrived from Flora proposing the
contest. She also sent along one tael as her share of the expenses, together
with instructions for the party, which, she suggested, would be enjoyable
only if there were wine on hand as well as sex.
"It's lucky she's coming today," said one, as they consulted together, "on
one of our combination days! 'Adding another guest, but not killing
another chicken,' as the saying goes. Let her come. It'll be hectic in bed

212
 肉蒲团

and she'll get only a small share of the real thing. We'll be doing her a
pretty useless favor."
We shall respectfully follow your instructions, they wrote in reply.
Since Flora was their senior, why did she go to her nieces' place rather
than have them over to hers, you ask. You should realize that Flora had a
nine-year-old son, who, for all his youth, was highly intelligent. When she
entertained Vesperus in her house, the boy saw nothing, but if a man were
to be carousing and cavorting there with four women, she could hardly
hide the fact from him, and it would be embarrassing if he noticed. Her
nieces had no children, so all they had to do was shut the door and no one
would be any the wiser. That was why Flora sacrificed seniority to
expediency and consented to join them.
Not long after they had sent their reply, she arrived for the party.
Vesperus noticed a bulge in one of her sleeves as if she had something
hidden there.
"What do you have up your sleeve?" he asked. "Not Mr. Horn, by any
chance?"
Flora shook her head. "No, but something just as amusing. It's for
looking at while drinking or having sex, so I brought it along in case we
needed it." She took it out and showed them. It was a pack of erotic
playing cards.
"Normally these things are just for amusement," said Vesperus, "but we
do have a use for them in our contest today. Let's not look at them now, but
wait until the wine takes effect. Then each of you must pick a card and act
out with me whatever it shows."
"Exactly what I had in mind," remarked Flora.
"In that case," said Cloud, "let's look at them first. If we understand
what they are, we'll be able to act them out better when the time comes."
"Very well," said Vesperus, placing them in front of Flora. His idea was
to have the more experienced woman take the lead and offer her guidance
to the others.
"I've seen them many times," said Flora, "and I'm quite familiar with
their techniques. I'm no sudden convert, I assure you. I'll stand aside and
let the girls take the test on their own."
213
 肉蒲团

The three young women laughed and, spreading out the cards,
scrutinized them one by one. But when they came to a card that showed a
young woman lying on an ornamental rock and raising her buttocks in anal
sex with a man, they put their hands over their mouths and giggled.
"Whatever is this position? Why would anyone go in for such disgusting
behavior instead of doing it the wholesome way?"
"Which one is that?" asked Flora. "Let me see."
Cloud handed it to her. "This method is taken from literature," Flora
announced after a glance. "Surely you know that?"
"Where is it from? We're not at all clear," said Cloud.
"From a work called I Want to Get Married. Have you read it?"
"No. Please tell us about it."
"There was once a beautiful girl who lived next door to a handsome
student. The student fell sick because of his love for the girl and asked
someone to go to her and give her the following message: 'If I could meet
you just once, I'd die content. I wouldn't dream of doing anything
improper.'
"The girl was so affected by his pathetic plea that she felt obliged to
consent. When they met, she sat on his lap and let him hug, fondle, and
kiss her to his heart's content; but she would not let him have sex. When he
asked, she told him, 'I want to get married, so it's out of the question.' The
student, who was by now in a state of intolerable frustration, knelt down
and begged her, but she still refused, repeating the words, 'I want to get
married,' and adding, 'The reason you wished to meet me was that I'm
pretty and you wanted to fulfill your deepest desire by being close to me
and touching me. Now that I'm sitting on your lap letting you fondle me all
over, you can fulfill your desire. Why do you have to ruin me? I want to
keep my maidenhead and become a bride one day. It may not matter now
if I lose it, but when I get married, should my husband notice, I'll never be
able to hold up my head again as long as I live. It's out of the question.'
"'But when a man has intercourse with a woman,' said the student, 'this
three-inch thing has to go in there for it to count as love. Otherwise they're
nothing more than strangers. No matter how close our bodies are, no

214
 肉蒲团

matter how we touch, my heart's desire will never be fulfilled.' This time
he knelt down and refused to get up.
"Unable to withstand his pleas, the girl hung her head in thought and
came up with a stopgap solution. 'I want to get married,' she said, 'and so I
definitely cannot let you do this. But what would you say if I found
something else for you?' 'What else is there, apart from this?' 'You'll have
to try the back instead of the front and satisfy your heart's desire by putting
your three-inch thing in there. That's my last word on the subject!'
"Daunted by her firm tone, the student could protest no more, but
accepted the stopgap solution and began to copulate with her by treating
the rear courtyard as if it were the front. This method is taken from that
story. How can you be so ignorant, not to have read such a good book?"
Her nieces were upset by her supercilious tone and apprehensive lest she
put on airs during the sex itself, so they dropped the cards and withdrew
for consultation, united in their desire to take her down a peg.
The three days Flora had been parted from Vesperus seemed like nine
years to her, and she could hardly wait for the others to withdraw before
beginning to pet. They had embraced and exchanged kisses and
endearments before the other women returned and told the maids to set out
the wine.
Vesperus sat at the head of the table, with Flora opposite him and the
young women on either side. After several rounds of drinks, Flora had the
cards brought in so that each of them could pick one and serve the wine
accordingly. Her nieces objected: "After looking at the cards, we'll be so
distracted by thoughts of sex that we won't be able to touch the wine. Let's
play some other game now, drink until the wine takes effect, and then
bring out the cards. There'll be nothing to stop us from both serving wine
and having sex as shown on the cards."
"You're right," said Vesperus. Lucky Pearl passed over the dice box and
called on Vesperus to start.
"It's too much effort playing dice," he said. "Why don't we play Prima
guess-fingers,[84] to settle the order for the wine now and the sex later.
What do you say, ladies?"

215
 肉蒲团

Flora, who knew her Classic of Guess-fingers by heart, beamed at this

suggestion; she could hardly wait to be declared Prima in order to put them
all in their places. The only thing that bothered her was the thought that if
she won, she would have to have sex first, even though she was the one
who needed to hear other people's cries. How could she bear to be in the
vanguard? She was in a quandary.
"The order we do it in," she said to Vesperus at last, "need not be the
order we finish in. Let it be up to the Prima to decide whether she goes first
or last."
"Very well," said Vesperus.
That settled, they extended five snow-white fists and began to play,
beginning with Vesperus and ending with Lucky Jade. Flora was indeed an
expert and quickly won first place. As Prima, she did not wait to see who
would become Secunda and Tertia, but immediately issued an order:
"Since I am Prima, I will be Magister Ludi. Not only must the Old Scholar
pass my test, even Secunda and Tertia must accept my rulings. Anyone
who disobeys will have to drink a large cup as forfeit."
"In that case," said Vesperus, "may I ask that you post your rules well in
advance, so that they are laid down once and for all and there is no room
for any doubt or suspicion."
"With regard to the number of cups," said Flora, "we'll start with Prima
and go as far as Tertia, increasing the amounts as we go. The Old Scholar
will stand to one side and hold the winepot.[85] She is entitled to pour but
not to drink. The order for sex will be exactly the opposite, running from
Tertia to Prima, again increasing the amounts as we go. The Old Scholar
will stand to one side and remain strictly neutral, permitted to wipe up but
not take part."
"Those rules are all very fine," said Vesperus, "but you haven't thought
them through. If by some chance your humble servant becomes the Old
Scholar and cannot take part, none of you will be able to do a thing. What
then? Won't you be falling foul of your own laws?"
"Of course, but I've already thought of that. You'll be exempt from the
examination. I'm appointing you Overseer, for assignment later."
"But then I'll be able to take part in the sex and not in the drinking!"

216
 肉蒲团

"You will get more wine than ever," said Flora. "When Prima drinks,
you'll drink with her, and when Secunda and Tertia drink, you'll drink with
them. But you're not to put yourself out for the Old Scholar, who will be
serving us, or it will mean a large forfeit."
"I'll have to push myself to the limit to keep up with all three of you! It
doesn't bother me at all that the Old Scholar isn't competing. Let her
suffer!" said Vesperus.
Although the sisters had given their aunt a wry look or two, they had
allowed her to go on issuing orders without raising any objections.
Fortunately they had foreseen the problem and held their conclave, at
which they had come up with a brilliant plan. But they kept it to
themselves, uncertain whether they would have a chance to apply it.
"You are the Overseer," they said to Vesperus. "You ought to make your
presence felt when the Magister Ludi is being unfair and impeach her
instead of toadying to the old tyrant. If she goes on like this, we shall make
a big fuss and reject her authority altogether."
"If I'm acting unfairly," said Flora, "there's no need for the Overseer to
impeach me. Just make the charges openly and, if they are sustained, I'll
drink a forfeit."
Having set the rules, Flora exempted Vesperus and told the three girls to
compete again, which they did, finishing, as if by supernatural means, in
precisely the order of their seniority: Cloud as Secunda, Lucky Pearl as
Tertia, and Lucky Jade, who was too delicate for vigorous sex anyway, as
the Old Scholar. (She was the only candidate who hadn't passed, so it was
appropriate that she humble herself and, as the youngest, take on the
burden when there was work to be done.)[86]
When the game was over, Flora called upon Lucky Jade to serve the
wine, one cup for her, two cups for Cloud, and three for Lucky Pearl, all of
whom were accompanied in their drinking by Vesperus. Then, when they
had drunk the wine, she ordered Lucky Jade to shuffle the cards and place
them on the table, after which she was to stand to one side in a neutral
position, ready to wipe up while the others had sex. Jade did not dare
disobey, but did as she was told.
"With the first of us," Flora said to Vesperus, issuing her orders again,
"you'll be restricted to one hundred strokes and with the second to two
217
 肉蒲团

hundred. If you are one stroke over or under the count, you'll drink a
forfeit accordingly. It's entirely their luck if they spend; you are not
responsible for seeing to it. After that it will be my turn. The Magister Ludi
is in a different position from the other players. No matter how many
strokes it takes, you must go on until I spend. In the first two cases the
score will be kept by the Old Scholar, and any discrepancy will be
punished."
She turned to her nieces. "Pick up the top card and follow the method
shown on it. Whether it's to your liking or not is all a matter of luck; you
can't change cards. To pass, you need to imitate the model exactly. The
slightest discrepancy will be punished with a wine forfeit as well as a
reduction in the number of strokes."
"If we don't imitate the model, of course we'll drink a forfeit," said
Lucky Pearl. "But what happens if the Magister Ludi fails?"
"If she fails, she will have to drink three forfeit cups and repeat the test
until she passes."
"In that case the top card is mine," said Lucky Pearl.
"Correct," said Flora.
The card Lucky Pearl picked up showed a woman lying on a bed with
her legs apart but not raised in the air and a man's body some three feet
away. He was supporting himself with his arms and facing her as he thrust
—a position known as The Dragonfly Skims the Surface. Having offered
the card in evidence, Lucky Pearl set to work to imitate it. Stripping off her
trousers, she lay on the bed while Vesperus mounted her and played the
dragonfly, skimming madly without pause. Lucky Pearl was intent on
pleasing the Magister Ludi and getting her excited, so she did not wait to
feel pleasure before crying out. For every skim she gave a cry, and then,
after sixty or seventy, she began giving several cries to each skim, until
Vesperus reached his quota and stopped.
"Now it's my turn," said Cloud, picking up the next card. It showed a
woman lying on a lounge chair and a man standing in front of it with her
feet over his shoulders. He was support ing himself with his arms on the
chair and pushing vigorously—a position known as Pushing the Boat
Downstream.

218
 肉蒲团

Placing the card in evidence, she lay on the lounge chair and imitated
the position with Vesperus. Her cries were quite different from Pearl's,
however. Since a boat is easy to push downstream, the water rushing past
tends to produce sounds from under the bows that, swelling together with
those from beneath the hull, are delightful to listen to, are they not?[87]
And if they were delightful to listen to, you may be sure that Cloud's
expression was something to behold.
When Flora had eavesdropped on lewd cries before, the girl had been
hidden from sight; she had never actually seen anyone's expression in the
moment of rapture. Now she not only heard something she had never
heard before, she also saw something she had never seen, and her sexual
excitement was far more intense than on those occasions when she had
signaled her readiness with a cough. She could wait not a moment longer.
As soon as Cloud had received her complement, Flora stood up. "Now
it's the Magister Ludi's turn. Move aside and let me on stage."
As she picked up a card with one hand, her other hand was already at
her trousers, undoing her belt. But when she looked at the card, her face
blanched in fear and the hand with the card in it sagged limply to her side.
"We can't use this one," she declared. "I'll have to change it."
Her nieces were up in arms. First they hid the rest of the cards, then they
came and looked at the one she had chosen. What position did it show, do
you suppose? None other than that of the story I Want to Get Married, the
technique in which the woman raises her buttocks in the air and engages in
anal sex with her partner.
How can such a coincidence be accounted for? Of all the cards, how
was it that she picked this particular one? In fact the coincidence was the
result of the young women's plan. They had assumed it would fall to one
of them to shuffle the cards and had marked this one so that it could be
dealt to their aunt. When Flora ruled that the Magister Ludi would go last,
Lucky Jade, in shuffling the cards, had put this one third from the top, and
Flora had duly picked it up. However, the coincidence may not have been
entirely the result of human ingenuity. Excess of any kind is anathema to
the Creator, and Flora's overweening arrogance may also have played a
part in her downfall.

219
 肉蒲团

After inspecting the card, the three urged her to take off her trousers, but
she adamantly refused. "I appeal to you to consider whether it is even
feasible—especially with that object of his. Just think a moment."
"Out of the question!" they replied. "We're all in the same boat. If we'd
picked up that card, would you have let us off? Moreover, you were the
one who ruled that we were not to change cards. The methods on the cards
were familiar to you and you alone; we were totally ignorant, remember?
If you thought this method so impossible, why didn't you remove the card?
Now that you've taken it, there's nothing more to be said. Come on, off
with your trousers, or we'll shame you by pulling them off."
"A fine Overseer you are!" they said, turning to Vesperus. "Why don't
you say or do something? Do we have to strip her and hand her over to
you?"
"It's not that I'm playing favorites," said Vesperus. "The trouble is that
her behind cannot take this thing of mine. We ought to allow her another
means of reparation and let her drink a few extra cups of wine instead."
"Utter rot!" they retorted. "If wine can substitute for sex, we would have
opted for it, too. None of us is so shameless as to want to undress and
make a spectacle of herself."
Vesperus saw that the three sisters were adamant. Even Flora hung her
head in despair, at a loss for words.
"There's nothing else for it," said Vesperus. "But let me ask you ladies to
allow her a way out and not be too strict. Let her take down her trousers
and give a token demonstration only."
But Cloud and Lucky Jade would allow no substitutions. They accepted
no leniency and were still insisting on actual sex when Lucky Pearl gave
them a broad wink. "All we need is a token demonstration," said Pearl.
"We certainly won't insist on a strict application of the law."
"That's easily settled, then," said Vesperus, seizing Flora and trying to
pull down her trousers. At first she stubbornly refused, but she could not
hold out against his entreaties and at length grudgingly consented,
removing her trousers and lying facedown on the lounge chair. He took out
his penis, wiped a good deal of spit on it, and tapped it once on the outside

220
 肉蒲团

of her anus. Flora began to squeal and tried to get up, refusing to let him
proceed.
All this while the three wicked young women had been waiting there
with their murderous hands at the ready. The words Lucky Pearl had
accompanied with a wink had been designed to trick Flora into taking off
her trousers, and now that she had done so and was lying on the chair, they
came forward. One held her head down, while a second held her hands
fast, preventing her not only from getting up and escaping but even from
changing her position or twisting her buttocks to one side. And the third,
the wickedest of all, hid behind Vesperus and chose the very moment when
he was tapping at her anus to give him a mighty shove, driving his penis in
to fully half its length, whereupon she wrapped her arms around his waist
and pushed and pulled while Flora squealed like a slaughtered pig and
cried over and over, "Spare me! Spare me!"
"It's no laughing matter when someone's life is at stake!" said Vesperus.
"Have mercy!"
She ruled that the Magister Ludi was in a different position from the rest
of us. No matter how many strokes it took, you were to go on until she
spent. Ask her if she's spent or not."
"I've spent! I've spent!" said Flora. Because she was so obviously in
distress, and because Vesperus kept imploring them, her nieces had to let
her go.
When she got up, she looked like a corpse. Unable to speak and
unsteady on her feet, she had to call a maid to come and help her home.
Later her anus swelled up, she had bouts of fever and shivering, and had
to keep to her bed for three or four days, just as if she had suffered a major
illness.
Afterward, although bitterly resentful, she was so eager to join in their
activities that she could not afford to remain hostile. As the old saying
goes, "If you want to be friends with someone, first take him to court." The
aunt and her nieces had been at loggerheads, but following this quarrel
they patched up their friendship and the one man and four women shared
the same bed and enjoyed pleasures too numerous to recount.

221
 肉蒲团

Vesperus had arranged with Fragrance to stay away no more than three
months so as to be back in time for the baby's birth. But he had been so
preoccupied with sex that he had quite forgotten his promise, and by the
time he recalled it, the three months had elapsed. He sent Satchel off to
inquire and found that Fragrance had given birth to twin girls. Flora and
the sisters contributed to a party in Vesperus's honor and celebrated with
him for several days before sending him on his way.
Fragrance was afraid the babies would be a burden to her and prevent
her from enjoying herself, so the moment they were born, she hired two
wet nurses to look after them at home. As a result she was leading as
carefree a life as if she had never given birth and, when Vesperus walked
in one month later, she promptly called on him to draw up his forces and
engage her in battle again. She was intent on collecting all of the
accumulated debts she was owed. How could she have foreseen that "the
people were exhausted and the treasury was bare," and that he could not
even raise an army?
What was the reason? For four or five months now Vesperus, a lone
male, had been pitted against four women. What's more, he had indulged
his debaucheries by day as well as by night. Even an iron penis would
have been worn down by such an ordeal, even a river of semen would have
been sucked dry. How could he be anything else but debilitated in body
and mind? A few months away from her, and she was forced to look at him
with an entirely different eye! From that moment forward Fragrance
deeply regretted what she had done.
CRITIQUE

Some people criticize this chapter's descriptions for going too far,
allowing the adulterous husband and his wanton women no grace at all.
But without the extraordinary lechery of this chapter, there would be
insufficient cause for the drastic retribution of the next. Indulging the
characters really means tormenting them. When you read the passage in
which Jade Scent, as the leading exponent of the most extraordinary
wantonness of all, repays her husband's debts, you will finally realize that
the previous few chapters have done well to go too far in their
descriptions.

222
 肉蒲团

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
His wife becomes a prostitute and publicly repays his debts,
While two brothers compete for a charmer and secretly collect their dues.
Lyric:
Do not, I pray, take up a lecher's loan!
The better the terms, the sooner it must be paid.
Your wife will be the one to foot the bill
For debts that, unlike you, she can't evade.

A human lender may forgive your debt,

But Heaven plays a far more ruthless part.
What's to stop you selling her body?
Your own you needn't sell, just your heart.
(To the tune "Springtime in the Jade Bower")

Most of Vesperus's triumphs have now been told, but only a fraction of
the disasters that were to befall him. We shall proceed step by step to repay
in full those lecher's loans of his and then, after concluding this tale of
retribution, put our brush and inkstone away.
His wife had run off with Honest Quan and the maid Ruyi. Jade Scent
began having abdominal pains at the first place they stopped, and the fetus
she was bearing, which could not be induced to miscarry before despite all
their efforts, now miscarried of its own accord under the strain of the
journey. If only it had done so a few days earlier, they would not have had
to flee, but it was now too late to turn back. Jade Scent had eloped to no
purpose whatever. Surely it was her husband's sins that had brought her to
such a pass!
Quan's original motive had been vengeance rather than lust, and from
the moment he abducted her, he had meant to sell her into prostitution. But
she was carrying his child, its sex still unknown, and he could not bear the
thought of his own flesh and blood being born in a brothel and growing up
to shame him. He was in a quandary until the miscarriage, when he
quickly decided on a course of action.

223
 肉蒲团

Taking both women with him on a nonstop journey to the capital, he

lodged them at an inn while he looked about for a buyer. Now, when
someone is trying to sell a woman of good family into prostitution, he has
to employ deception. He will tell her he has a relative there who is trying
to find them somewhere to live and by that means get a potential buyer in
to see her. Only if the buyer likes what she sees is it possible to trick the
woman into joining another "family."
There lived in the capital a certain celebrated madam named "Immortal
Maid" Gu. One look at Jade Scent was enough to convince her that this
was rare merchandise indeed, and she paid Quan the full price asked by the
go-between. She also bought Ruyi, to continue serving Jade Scent as a
maid.
Before the sale Quan had been too obsessed with the idea of revenge
ever to question it. But immediately afterward he felt uneasy and gradually
came to repent his actions, turning the following thoughts over and over in
his mind: I've heard that, according to the Buddhist scriptures, if we want
to know the karmic causation from our last existence, we should look at
our fortunes in this life, and if we want to know the causation for our next
life, we should look at our actions now. I failed to safeguard my women's
quarters and allowed my wife to behave disgracefully. For all I know, in
my last existence I may have seduced some other man's wife and am now
being punished by having to give my wife up to someone else. I ought to
have meekly accepted the humiliation and so canceled my karmic debt.
Why did I have to go seducing someone else's wife and incur a sin for my
next existence? Even though I felt the need for revenge, I ought to have
slept with her for a few nights to purge my anger and let it go at that. Why
did I have to sell her into prostitution and make one man's wife the wife of
ten thousand? I may have a vendetta against the husband, but does that
mean that everyone else has a vendetta against him, too? And if the sin of
selling her into prostitution is so unbearable, why did I have to compound
it by selling an innocent maidservant along with her? Jade Scent may have
a husband I hate, but what husband does the maid have?
At this point in his reflections, he fell to beating his chest and stamping
his feet in self-loathing. He knew perfectly well that wrongs once done
cannot be undone and that his only recourse was to repent his sins for the
rest of this life in preparation for the next. He gave the money that he had
received from the sale to the poor and the handicapped, and he himself,
224
 肉蒲团

after shearing off half his hair until he looked like a mendicant friar,
traveled about in search of a truly eminent monk who would be willing to
induct him into the monastic order. In due course he came to Mount
Guacang, where he met Abbot Lone Peak and recognized in him a living
buddha. After Lone Peak had accepted him into the order, Quan struggled
to perfect himself for twenty years before attaining the fruits of
enlightenment.
But these events still lie ahead of us. Let us speak now of Jade Scent's
fall into prostitution. Having arrived in Immortal Maid's household, she
and Ruyi took one glance at what was afoot and realized, needless to say,
that this was no decent family they were joining, but that they had been
duped by a scoundrel. A vulgar saying puts their reaction in a nutshell:
They knew this wasn't proper company,
But in a pinch they thought it best to join.
Even the most chaste of women, once she had crossed that triple
threshold, could not have escaped. How unlikely it was that one who had
already lost her virtue and was not exactly averse to men would even try!
Jade Scent simply told Immortal Maid her story and contentedly resigned
herself to the career of a courtesan.
Of course it was necessary for her, on entering a house of prostitution, to
adopt a sobriquet for her clients' use. To avoid confusing the reader,
however, the author will continue to use her original name, as he did in the
case of Honest Quan.
A very rich client chose her the first evening. Next morning he was
about to depart, when Immortal Maid noticed and begged him to stay.
Although he insisted, he had some advice for her as he left: "That daughter
of yours has a perfect face and figure. All she lacks are those three
superlative skills of yours. A great general oughtn't to have any
incompetents on his staff, you know; you really ought to pass your skills
along. I'm leaving now, but after you've taught her, I'll be back for my
lesson." And with that he was off.
Why did he say this? Because Immortal Maid had long possessed three
superlative skills, none of which had been mastered by any other woman.
As a girl she had been of only average looks and had shown little talent for
verse, yet by now she had enjoyed over thirty years of celebrity. Moreover
the men she slept with were all from the aristocracy or the gentry; no
225
 肉蒲团

ordinary citizen could get in to see her. Even after she reached forty or fifty
and became a madam herself, the rich and eminent continued to patronize
her for the sake of her skills.
What were these superlative skills of hers? The first was Lowering the
Yin to join the Yang, the second was Raising the Yin to Meet the Yang, and
the third was Sacrificing the Yin to Aid the Yang.[88] When having sex
with a man, she did not expect him to move, but did the moving herself.
First she asked him to oblige her by lying on his back. Then she mounted
him, inserted his penis in her vagina, and raised herself and sheathed it,
sank down and kneaded it, raised herself and sheathed it, sank down and
kneaded it. If another woman had done this, her legs would have ached so
abominably after the first few strokes that she'd have been unable to
continue, but the Maid's knees seemed to be made of brass or iron, for the
longer she worked, the stronger she became. And it was not just the man
she pleased, she also pleased herself. "Having a man do the moving," she
used to say, "is like asking someone to scratch an itch for you. You can be
sure that half the time he'll miss the spot. But when you scratch yourself,
it's simply heavenly, because you never miss." This is what was meant by
Lowering the Yin to join the Yang, the first of her skills.
At other times, when she lay underneath, she would not let the man
exert himself alone, but would insist on arching her body to help him.
When he thrust forward, she rose to meet him; when he pulled back, she
gave way. Not only did she save him half the effort, she also got fully half
the benefit for herself, ensuring that her secret pass was under constant
attack.
"The most delightful things in life," she was given to saying, "cannot be
enjoyed on one's own. Yin must fit together with yang, yang must fit
together with yin. When they happen to meet halfway, you'll naturally start
enjoying yourself; that is what is meant by the reciprocity of yin and yang.
If the woman doesn't respond to the man but just lets him thrust away,
what's to stop him from getting a wood or plaster mannequin and drilling a
deep hole in the middle of it? As long as he can enter, he'll be able to thrust
back and forth, so what does he need a woman for? That is why famous
courtesans have to grasp this principle if they are going to please their
clients as well as themselves." This is what was known as Raising the Yin
to Meet the Yang, the second of her skills.

226
 肉蒲团

As for Sacrificing the Yin to Aid the Yang, it was incomparably more
profound. When having sex, she was most reluctant to let her finite supply
of female essence leak out where it would do no good. So long as the man
got the benefit, she had no regrets about spending; but otherwise she felt as
downcast as if she had lost money or made a poor business deal, and
afterward, when it was all over, she would be inconsolable.
What technique did she use to see that the man got the benefit?
Whenever she was about to spend, she would tell him to place his glans
against the heart of the flower and keep it there without moving. She knew
how to maneuver the tiny orifice in the heart into precise alignment with
the orifice in the glans. Since she took care to teach the man in advance
how to ingest the essence, it was no sooner secreted than he ingested it into
his penis and thence through his coccyx directly to the pubic region. For
sheer efficacy, ginseng and aconite cannot compare with this substance,
which is unsurpassed even by the elixir of immortality.
She learned this marvelous art at the age of fifteen. She was losing her
virginity to a magician at the time, and he had inadvertently revealed it.
Whenever she met a sympathetic client, she would instruct him in what to
do, and he invariably benefited. After a few nights with her, not only
would he become twice as vigorous, even his complexion would take on a
new glow. People said she must be the incarnation of an immortal maid,
which is how she acquired her name.
Once her clients had been taught the principle, they duly practiced it at
home, where of course they had no need of her. Little did they realize,
however, that people can be taught how to ingest the essence but not how
to align the orifices. The key factor is the woman's skill in bringing them
together, and Immortal Maid was the only one who knew the secret; others
could not succeed no matter how hard they tried. The remarkable thing
was that all other women were in the dark except for her, which is why it
was known as a superlative skill.
When Jade Scent first arrived, it was not her reputation that drew the
rich client but Immortal Maid's, as a formidable adversary. The client took
it for granted that Jade Scent, as someone trained by the Maid, would be
familiar with her tactics. What complicated matters was that he was
grossly fat. When he climbed into bed and lay on her, he began puffing and
wheezing after no more than forty or fifty strokes, so he quickly
227
 肉蒲团

dismounted and held her on top of him while she did the work. But Jade
Scent, accustomed as she was to a life of leisure, had never done anything
half as strenuous as this in her whole life. She may have Doused the
Candle a few times, but always with the man holding her by the hips and
bouncing her up and down; nominally she was the active partner, but
actually it was he. How could she make that slight, delicate frame of hers
do anything as rough as this? After less than ten sheathings, her feet and
legs ached so badly that she collapsed onto his stomach. The client
realized that she had not mastered this skill, to say nothing of the others,
and he hastily finished off and slept until dawn. But although he could not
enjoy her, he was not prepared to give her up, which is why he offered his
parting advice to the Maid.
The Maid assumed, as she showed him out, that Jade Scent had put on
ladylike airs instead of trying to please him. 'How was she going to make
any money by receiving such an important gentleman and then sending
him away after just one night? The Maid armed herself with her rod and
was about to start beating, when Jade Scent fell to her knees and begged
for mercy. Because this was her first offense, the Maid forgave her, but
scolded her severely and insisted she study the three arts by day and night.
While the Maid was having sex with a client, she taught by practical
example, making Jade Scent stand beside the bed and watch closely to see
if she could master the techniques. And when Jade Scent was having sex,
the Maid gave her an individual tutorial, sitting beside the bed and
watching closely to see that her pupil was doing it right.
Where there's a will there's a way, as the proverb says. Jade Scent was
forced to study hard, both from fear of the Maid's discipline and also
because she wanted to make a name for herself. As a result, in no more
than a month or two she had mastered the three skills. Her art was now
fully equal to the Maid's, while her beauty and poetic talent were far
superior, and it goes without saying that before long an endless stream of
carriages was calling at her gate. Soon she was famous throughout the
capital, and there was scarcely a wealthy gentlemen or young nobleman
who did not come to sample her delights.
Among her clients were two gentlemen so eager to lavish their money
on her that they promised her a dozen taels for a single night, a promise
that made her especially solicitous.

228
 肉蒲团

Who were they, do you suppose? None other than Lucky Pearl's and
Lucky Jade's husbands, Scholars Cloud-Reposer and Cloud-Recliner. As
students enrolled in the National Academy, they had heard of Jade Scent's
towering reputation and vied with each other to be the first to visit her.
Without telling his brother, Reposer slept with her several nights, after
which Recliner, without telling Reposer, slept with her a few nights more.
Each of them, in deceiving the other, had assumed that, although she was a
prostitute, she would hardly be so ignorant of ethical principle as to
receive one brother after already receiving the other. Little did they realize
that it is money, rather than ethics, that motivates prostitutes. Not only
were brothers and classmates regular visitors under her skirts, she also
received grandfathers as well as grandsons, and fathers as well as sons,
transforming this one small article of hers into an ancestral shrine for three
generations and offering equal access to old and young, noble and base.
When the brothers eventually found out, they felt they might just as well
invite her to their lodgings for the common enjoyment of all, for brothers
and classmates—and for teacher and students. Because even Cloud's
husband, Master Felix, would often make a superficial contribution to the
proceedings. After a night or two with her he actually did feel a renewed
vitality, which convinced him that Scent's vagina was a medicinal tonic
and that if only he had married a wife like her, he would not have had to
dodge his connubial duties.
After a year at the Academy the brothers began to feel homesick and
decided to pay a return visit, lest their young wives become depressed and
ill from pining for them. They asked the dean for a few months' leave, and
the request was granted.
After saying goodbye to Jade Scent, they traveled back with Cloud's
husband. Once home, needless to say, each was treated to a welcome-home
party by his wife, and then asked how many courtesans and catamites he
had been with and how he had enjoyed himself as compared with his
experience at home. Each husband, of course, told of his liaison with Jade
Scent and described her three superlative skills in glowing terms,
inevitably saying more than he should have said.
Next morning, when the wives arose, they told one another what they
had learned, and all of their stories tallied.

229
 肉蒲团

"We don't believe such a prodigy exists," said Lucky Pearl and Lucky
Jade, "although if she does exist, she will render us passé. But we think
that the whole story has been cooked up by our husbands to make us look
like the only truly useless women in the world. The idea is to needle us
into putting more effort into our lovemaking."
"Ah, but they won't be able to deceive the man we've been living with,"
said Cloud. "He has lots of experience, and if such a whore exists, he's
bound to know of her. Let's ask him when next he comes over."
"Good idea," said the others.
During the Qingming festival their husbands went off to visit the family
graves and were not expected back until the following day. The women
promptly sent a maid to invite Vesperus over. After exchanging greetings,
they asked about the woman.
"There are all kinds of things in the world," he said. "Perhaps there is
such a prodigy of a prostitute somewhere. Anyway, if she's in the capital,
I'll meet up with her one day. Just give me one night with her; and only if
she's a match for me will she qualify as a prodigy. Those fellows wouldn't
know a good woman if they saw one!"
After chatting for a while, they spent the night together. As Vesperus left
the next day, he was still puzzled. It must be true, if all three husbands tell
the same story, he thought, and since we have such a magician as that
among us, why shouldn't I go and see her? I've been to bed with any
number of beautiful women in my time, but I've never come across one
who could do the work herself—it's a distinct gap in my experience.
Moreover, my blood and semen have been sadly depleted by these four,
and I need to learn some tactics for building them up again. If that whore
knows all these magical arts, it'll take me just one night with her to learn
how to ingest the essence, after which I'll be able to enjoy myself for the
rest of my life. If it's such a boon, why not try it?
He decided to return home to see his wife and then travel on to the
capital to visit the famous courtesan.
His journey itself was of no importance, but it led to certain results:
The fury in his heart could not have been vented by toppling Mount Tai,

230
 肉蒲团

The shame on his face could not have been cleansed by scooping up the
West River.
If you wish to learn the details, you will find them in the next chapter.
CRITIQUE

Vesperus's lechery and wickedness have now reached their climax. If his
wife had been made to take a lover without becoming a prostitute, it would
not have gladdened our hearts, any more than if she had become a
prostitute without entertaining the three women's husbands. If, by the end
of a lewd book, there is no character or event but has met with retribution,
all those readers who have committed any sins of the flesh will find
themselves bathed in a cold sweat. That is just the kind of lewd book we
should read more of!

231
 肉蒲团

CHAPTER NINETEEN
The cup of his sins runs full, as two wives bring disgrace;
Buddhist mysteries are revealed, as sensuous pleasure turns to emptiness.
Poem:
How vivid the peonies, purple and gold!
Yet sense is empty, to Buddha's mind.
Just wait till all the peonies fall,
And Buddha's eyes won't seem so blind.

Before setting off, Vesperus paid a farewell call on the Knave and asked
him to watch over the family during his absence.
"Looking after someone's family is not something to be taken on
lightly," said the Knave. "Children are easy enough. It's wives that are the
problem. I'm a rough and ready sort of fellow, and all I can see to are the
daily necessities; I can't stand guard over your women's quarters for you. If
there's anything your wife needs in the line of food, firewood, or money,
she has only to ask for it; but I can't give much of a guarantee about other
matters. You'll have to go home and instruct her yourself."
"The daily necessities are my only concern," said Vesperus. "I've already
spoken to her about the other matters. Anyway she's an experienced
woman, quite different from when she was first married. A potential
seducer with any practical qualifications would surely be no better
endowed than Honest Quan, and she found him inadequate and married
me instead. I doubt that there's another man like me anywhere, so there's
really no cause for worry."
"You're right. Just so long as you can trust her. In that case I don't mind
taking it on."
Vesperus took his leave, then wrote four love poems and sent them
secretly to Flora and her nieces as a farewell message. Finally, after several
nights of love with Fragrance, he set off.
Arriving in his hometown after days of travel, he made his way to Iron
Door's house, where he knocked for a long time without response. He was

232
 肉蒲团

rather pleased. So the household really is strictly run, he thought. I doubt

that any outsider has been in; it wouldn't have mattered if I'd stayed away
months longer.
After knocking until dark, he finally glimpsed someone peeping at him
through the crack in the door. Vesperus realized it must be the Master and
addressed him: "Father-in-law, open up. It's your son-in-law."
The Master hastily opened the door and let him in. Vesperus went
through into the hall, greeted him formally, and then sat down and began
asking after the family, first about his father-in-law's health and then about
his wife's.
The Master heaved a sigh. "I keep fairly well myself, with no ailments
to speak of, but my daughter suffered a terrible misfortune. After you left,
she came down with an illness that prevented her from either sleeping or
eating. Finally she fell into a depression, and in less than a year she passed
away." He began to sob bitterly.
"How could that happen!" exclaimed Vesperus, as he began to beat his
chest, stamp his feet, and accompany the Master in his sobbing. "Where is
her coffin? Has she been buried yet?" he asked, after sobbing awhile.
"It has been kept in the cloister. I wanted you to see it before the burial."
Vesperus had the cloister opened and, prostrating himself on the coffin,
wept again before eventually composing himself.
Where do you suppose the coffin came from? When the Master found
out that his daughter had run off with a lover, he could not bear to tell
anyone, partly because he was afraid of the neighbors' ridicule, and partly
because he feared the day his son-in-law came looking for her. His
solution was to buy a coffin, seal it up, and give out that his daughter had
died of an illness and that he was keeping her coffin at home for the time
being. In this way he could stop the news getting out and also deter his
son-in-law from trying to find her.
Since his father-in-law was normally the soul of honesty, Vesperus
readily accepted the explanation. Moreover, his own departure had come
right in the middle of his wife's sexual awakening, and it seemed entirely
plausible that, with her torrid sexual desires suddenly denied an outlet, the
resulting depression might have brought on an illness. Thus his suspicions

233
 肉蒲团

were not in the least aroused. In fact quite the contrary; in a mood of bitter
self-reproach, he called in priests to hold services for three days and nights
to commend her soul to immediate rebirth, lest she resent his lechery from
her place in Hell and become so jealous as to emulate the dead wife who
snatched Wang Kui from the living.[89]
After the services, on the pretext of seeking further education, he again
took leave of the Master and set off for the capital to learn the technique of
revitalization.
Arriving in the capital after a laborious journey, he deposited his
luggage and went in search of the beautiful courtesan. He found out where
she lived and went to see her, but as bad luck would have it, she had been
invited out a few days before by a certain gentleman who was loath to let
her return. The Maid reported as much to Vesperus, who departed
crestfallen.
He waited another day or two in his lodgings before paying a second
visit. "I had a note from her yesterday," said the Maid, "to say that she
would not be back until this evening but that if there was a guest here, I
could ask him to wait."
Delighted, Vesperus handed over a thirty-tael retainer, enough for a stay
of several nights. He had also brought several private gifts that he planned
to give her in person.
"It's still quite early," said the madam, taking charge of the retainer. "If
you have other business, sir, by all means attend to it and come back later.
If you have nothing better to do, of course you are most welcome to stay."
"I did not think a thousand li too far to come to see your daughter. No, I
have no other business."
"In that case you may sit in my daughter's room and read a book or take
a nap, as you wish, while you wait for her to join you. There are things I
need to attend to and I'm afraid I'll not be able to keep you company."
"Don't let me hold you up. Please feel free to go on with your work."
The Maid showed Vesperus into the room and told a young prostitute to
burn incense and make tea and attend on him as he read. But Vesperus was
interested only in building up his vital energies for his sexual encounter
that night, so he lay down and rested from noon to dusk. At dusk he arose
234
 肉蒲团

and, picking up an idle book, was leafing through it when he saw a

strikingly beautiful woman peer in at him through the window and then
rush off. The young prostitute was in the room at the time. "Who was that
who looked in just now?" he asked.
"That was my elder sister," she replied.
From the beautiful courtesan's behavior, Vesperus was afraid that she
meant to reject him, and he hurried out to intercept her before she could
get inside.
Jade Scent had recognized her husband at first glance and leaped to the
conclusion that he had come to have her arrested. Panic-stricken, she
rushed in to ask the Maid for some way of escape, but before she had time
to explain, she realized that Vesperus was coming after her. This alarmed
her even more. She did not know what to do and just said, This man is
someone I cannot possibly meet. You mustn't let him see me," then dashed
into the Maid's room, shut the door, and lay down trembling on the bed
without another word. The Maid had no idea what Jade Scent meant, but
simply assumed that she disliked the man and would refuse to come out
and meet him.
"I've had another note from my daughter to say she has been kept on and
won't be back today," she told Vesperus. "In fact not for another couple of
days. I hardly know what to suggest."
"Your daughter's back already! Why are you telling me this? Is it
because my retainer was too small and you want an increase?"
The Maid continued to dissemble. "She's not back, and that's all there is
to it. I assure you I have no such thought in mind."
Vesperus's face hardened. "But I saw her just now, as clear as day,
peering at me through the window and then darting off to avoid me. Why
are you telling me these lies? It's only because my retainer wasn't big
enough that she won't receive me! But, as the saying goes, 'Keep your
reproaches to yourself.' What's the harm in meeting somebody? She can
still take her leave of me with a few parting words. Why does she have to
cut me off so cruelly? Does she think she'll make a big impression on me if
I just see her once?"
The Maid stuck to her story, her jaw set firm.

235
 肉蒲团

"Look here, just now I saw a woman run into your bedroom and hide.
Since your daughter isn't back, let me search the room. If she's not there,
I'll leave just as I am, without a woman and without my money. What do
you say?"
His words cut too close to the truth. The Maid thought it would be
embarrassing if he found Jade Scent and brought her out, so she tried to
disarm him. "To tell you the truth, sir, she is back. She's keeping out of
sight because some vicious lout drained her energies for several nights in a
row, and she's such a wreck she'll need a night or two to recover before
receiving anyone else. But since you're so determined to see her, let me
call her out. There's no need to search the room."
"Then let me ask her myself," said Vesperus, "so that she won't think me
insincere and use that as an excuse for not seeing me." He followed hard
on the Maid's heels as she went up to the door and began to plead.
"Child," called the Maid, "this gentlemen is absolutely determined to
see you. Won't you come out and meet him?"
She repeated her request several times, but heard nothing in reply. "Try
once more," said Vesperus, "and if she still won't open up, I shall have to
use force."
Inside the room Jade Scent saw little hope for herself. Vesperus would
surely insist on taking her to court, where she would be tortured and die,
by one means or another. Far better to die now, before he saw her, and
spare herself all the misery. She undid the silken cord from her waist,
strung it over a low beam, and hanged herself.
When Vesperus forced his way into the room, she had already been dead
for some time. His one thought, on seeing the tragedy he had caused, was
to escape, and he had no time to look at her closely. He had turned and was
about to flee, when the Maid saw that he had driven Jade Scent to her
death and held him in a firm grip. "Where do you think you're going?" she
screamed. "You and I have no feud from a previous life and there's no bad
blood between us in this one, so why did you drive her to her death, the
one person I had to depend on in my old age?"
At the height of the commotion, a number of customers came up. They
were all young noblemen, clients of Jade Scent's who had been deprived of
her company for the past few days and now, on learning of her return, had
236
 肉蒲团

hurried to the house and chanced to arrive together. Hearing she had been
driven to her death, they were even more distraught than if their own
wives had been murdered. Bristling with fury and consumed with hatred
for the murderer, they promptly ordered the house stewards to attack
Vesperus. The stewards pinned him to the ground and rained hundreds of
blows on him with their clubs, avoiding those places where a blow might
have been fatal, but leaving the rest of his body black and blue. Then they
put him in chains and locked him up beside the dead woman until the
constables could make their inspection and take the next of kin to court to
press charges.
Up to this point Vesperus had been so intent on escaping that he had not
even glanced at the dead woman. But now, with his bones broken and his
muscles torn, he could scarcely move and, shackled as he was, he
abandoned all hope of getting away. There was nothing left to do but look
at her and find out what nemesis this was that had done him such grievous
harm. But when he approached the corpse and examined its face, he was
aghast.
She's the image of my dead wife, he thought. How can there be any two
faces so exactly alike?
He looked at her and pondered, and the more he looked and pondered,
the more closely she resembled his wife, until finally it occurred to him
that the story of her dying of an illness had been suspect from the
beginning. Perhaps, he reflected, Jade Scent ran off with someone and my
father-in-law was too embarrassed to tell me about it—even bought a
coffin to deceive me? What's more, if this woman had nothing to be
ashamed of, why would she try to hide from me? Finally, when she
realized she couldn't hide, why else would she take her life?
At this stage in his thoughts he felt fairly certain, but the possibility
nagged at him that it might still be a case of identical women. He needed
to think of some unique feature of his wife's that would clinch the matter.
Recalling that she had a cauterizing scar on the crown of her head where
the hair had not grown back, he undid the dead woman's chignon and
parted her hair. On her crown he found a patch of bare skin the size of a
fingertip.

237
 肉蒲团

Just as he arrived at his conclusion, the constables burst into the room
and began asking him about the cause of death for their report on the
incident.
"The dead woman is my first wife," Vesperus told them, who was
abducted and sold to the Maid to entertain clients. I came here to visit the
courtesan in complete ignorance of all this, and she hanged herself because
she was too ashamed to meet me. It wasn't until I was locked in here with
her that I looked at her closely and recognized her. I shall certainly protest
this injustice to the authorities. I wish to be taken there at once so that I
can be set free. I have nothing further to say."
The constables then questioned the Maid. In fact she knew nothing
about it, but they suspected her of trying to lie her way out of trouble.
"Who sold this woman to you?" they asked. "If it was a dealer, he must
have brought several women along, not just this one. Since the dead
woman can't tell us anything, we shall need to question the others."
"I bought her together with her maid, who is here now. Let me call her
out."
But when she went to call her, Ruyi was nowhere to be found. The Maid
assumed she had run away, but in fact she had merely hidden herself under
the Maid's bed, where she was soon found. On seeing her former master,
she had been terrified and had fled into the Maid's room together with Jade
Scent. Then, when she saw her mistress hang herself and Vesperus force
his way into the room, she knew there would be trouble and wriggled
under the bed, where she had lain all this time, wondering what to do. To
her surprise she was discovered and dragged out.
The constables asked if she knew Vesperus. Ruyi meant to deny it, but
her face and voice gave her away. The constables understood and
threatened her until she confessed. She told them in great detail how Jade
Scent had committed adultery with someone at home and gotten pregnant,
and then, for fear her father would condemn her to death when he found
out, had been forced to elope, taking Ruyi along with her. Her lover,
however, had betrayed her and sold her into prostitution.
Now that they were in possession of the facts, the constables urged the
parties to settle the case out of court. Someone who drove his wife to her
death would surely not have to answer for it with his life, they felt, and
238
 肉蒲团

someone who bought a woman in good faith for the entertainment of her
clients could hardly be convicted of kidnapping.
All that remained was the question of Ruyi's future. Did her former
master want her or not? If he did, he should buy her back. If not, she
should stay where she was. By this time Vesperus, who had given himself
up for dead, no longer cared about his own life; in fact he wanted to die,
and the sooner the better. What use did he have for a maidservant?
"By rights," he said, "I ought to take the case to court and request an
investigation, if only to relieve my anger. But I'm afraid the story will get
bandied about and give me an unsavory reputation. So I'll suppress my
feelings and do as you gentlemen suggest. As for the maid, since she has
been a prostitute; it would be awkward to take her back. Let her stay."
On hearing him speak so honestly, the Maid concluded she would have
nothing to fear from him in the future and, at the constables' suggestion,
she unlocked his chains, gave him back his retainer, and sent him on his
way. Before he could get out, however, he was punched by the other
clients and cursed as a cuckold. By the time he reached his lodgings, the
pain of the beatings had intensified, and all he could do was lie on his bed
and bemoan his fate.
I used to believe I had a right to sleep with other men's wives, he
thought, but that my wife could never under any circumstances sleep with
anyone else, so I spent all my time lusting after women and taking
advantage of every woman I met. I never dreamed that the principle of
retribution would work with such amazing speed. While I was down there
sleeping with their wives, they were up here sleeping with my wife, but
whereas my affair was secret, theirs was carried on in public, and while I
took a man's wife and made her my concubine, someone took my wife and
turned her into a prostitute. In the light of my experience, adultery is
something to be avoided at all costs. I remember Abbot Lone Peak
pleading with me three years ago to join the Buddhist order. When I kept
refusing, he tried to persuade me by explaining in great detail what the
retribution for adultery would be, but I continued to argue that not every
adultery would necessarily be punished. I see now that every last one of
those debts has to be paid. I doubt that the Lord of Heaven holds a special
grudge and reserves all his harshness for me while letting everybody else
off lightly!
239
 肉蒲团

He continued his self-examination: I also argued that a man's own wife

and concubines are limited in number while there is an infinite supply of
women in the world, so that if he seduces an infinite number of women
and pays for it only with a wife or concubine, he is making a huge profit
and certainly not taking a loss. But, by my calculations, I have slept with
only five or six women in the course of my entire life, whereas my wife,
after taking up this business, has slept with thousands or at least hundreds.
Has any debt ever been repaid at a higher rate of interest?
Lone Peak also told me that since his words had failed to convince me, I
would have to gain my enlightenment on the carnal prayer mat. I've spent
enough time on that mat these past few years and tasted every drop of
honey and gall it has to offer. If I am ever to see the light, now is the time!
The humiliation I suffered today was more than just the beating and the
cursing. Obviously it was Abbot Lone Peak working through others to
administer a blow and a shout to force me to repent![90] Even if I don't
repent, I shall never have the face to return home. Far better to beat a
retreat and write a candid letter to the Knave asking him to arrange a
match for Fragrance and marry her off. The twins can go with her, if she
wishes, or else stay with the Knave and be raised by him. I myself will go
off on my own to Mount Guacang to look for Abbot Lone Peak and do
penance for my sins with a hundred and twenty ringing kowtows. Then I'll
beseech him to point out where I have gone astray and guide me back to
the path of enlightenment. Capital!
Now that Vesperus had decided what to do, he sat down to write the
letter to the Knave, but his hands had been so badly hurt in the beatings
that he couldn't write. Only after a month of recuperation was he able to
write again. By an odd coincidence, just when he was beginning his letter,
a letter arrived from the Knave. On opening it, he learned of a crisis at
home that required his immediate return, but he was not told its nature.
"The only possibility is that my wife is ill or that something has happened
to one of the children," he speculated. When questioned, the messenger at
first said nothing; only when pressed did he reveal the truth—that
Vesperus's second wife had taken a leaf out of his first wife's book and run
off with a lover.
Vesperus asked who the man was. "I don't know," replied the messenger.
"In fact, not even her maid knows. All she can say is that she heard the bed
creaking every night before the mistress went off, but when she got up in
240
 肉蒲团

the morning, there was never a trace of anyone there. After a dozen nights
like that, she got up one morning to find the doors wide open and the
mistress nowhere to be found. The head of the house set off to catch them
and at the same time sent me here to urge you to return at once."
Vesperus sighed. This letter is just another blow and shout! Obviously,
he thought, adulterous debts must never be incurred, for they need to be
paid back a hundredfold. I realize now that my debts cannot be repaid and
that, so long as there are any women left in my family, they will have to go
on paying my debts off. In the light of this, I ought not to think too kindly
even of those two mites of mine. How do I know that they're not potential
redeemers themselves? But I can't worry about any of that. I'll wait until I
have consulted Lone Peak about the future.
He ground up some ink and wrote a letter of farewell to the Knave:
The elopement of my wanton concubine should come as no surprise, for
what is ill gotten will be ill lost. This is a constant principle in life, and the
recent events at home are just another illustration of it. I am well aware
that the cup of my sins has run full and that I deserve this retribution.
However, the day evil influences are exorcised is the same day that the
spirit of penitence emerges. Instead of returning East of the River, I shall
go home to the Pure Land of the West.[91] My sole regret is that the womb
of disaster has not been destroyed, but that I continue to clasp these twin
nemeses to my breast. Let me trouble my old friend to extend their lives
for the moment. When I have seen the buddha, I shall borrow the sword of
wisdom and dispatch them. In haste.

He sent off the letter and packed his bags for departure. He had intended
to take Satchel with him, to serve him as a novice. But on reflection, he
feared that having a catamite with him might only stimulate his lust again.
Better not risk distraction by setting eyes on any object of desire. In the
end he sent him back with the messenger and started off alone, an action
that is summed up in the proverb "A man bitten by a snake will be
frightened of an old rope for years thereafter."

241
 肉蒲团

CRITIQUE

In this chapter the author's main purpose has at last become clear.
Readers of The Carnal Prayer Mat will qualify as competent readers of
fiction if they read the other chapters once but this chapter and the next one
three times each.

242
 肉蒲团

CHAPTER TWENTY
Through Leather Bag's generosity, satyr and rogue are saved;
On the broad Buddhist highway, enemy and creditor are able to meet.
Poem:
Though enemies fight to the bitter end,
With an eye for an eye, is the feud ever done?
So abandon the path where enemies meet,
And leave it to Wu and Yue to run.[92]

Let us tell how the priest Lone Peak had been continually reproaching
himself ever since he let Vesperus slip through his fingers. In the last resort
my Buddhist powers were not strong enough nor my compassion deep
enough, he said to himself. This demon of love and satyr of lust passed
right in front of my eyes, and I was not able to capture him. All the blame
for letting him pollute mankind and work his evil will on the fair sex
belongs to me, not to him. Since I've failed at catching demons and satyrs,
what earthly good is this leather bag?
He hung the bag from the top of a pine tree outside his door, then planed
a piece of wood, wrote a message on it in small characters, and nailed it to
the tree.
The notice read,
For as long as Vesperus stays away, I shall leave this leather bag here, and
for as long as it endures, I shall not give up hope. My only wish is that I
may soon be able to take it down and that he will not have to occupy the
carnal prayer mat forever.
There was something distinctly odd about the bag, for from the time of
Vesperus's departure, when it was hung on the tree, a full three years had
passed, a thousand and several hundred days in all, and not only had it not
deteriorated in the slightest, it had steadily become more durable.
Vesperus could see from a distance that there was something hanging
from the tree. At first he supposed it to be a cassock hung out to air, and
only when he got closer did he see that it was a leather bag. Then, on
reading the notice, he began to weep and wail. There was no need to save
243
 肉蒲团

his kowtows for his meeting with the priest; instead he treated the notice as
if it were the priest's image and kowtowed dozens of times before it. He
then climbed the tree, took down the bag, and went into the Buddha Hall
wearing it on his head. As on his first visit, Lone Peak was engaged in
meditation. Vesperus promptly knelt down and kowtowed nonstop, like the
disciple who bowed down before the Fifty-three Deities.[93] He
kowtowed from the beginning of the meditation period right through to the
end, some six hours in all, far exceeding the one hundred and twenty
kowtows he had set for himself.
At last Lone Peak arose from the prayer mat and helped him up.
"Worthy lay brother, your favoring me with another visit is generosity
enough. Why this elaborate ceremony? Do come up!"
"Your pupil is a born fool!" said Vesperus. "I deeply regret that I did not
accept your teaching when last I came here. Through wanton self-
indulgence and folly I have done all manner of things sufficient to
condemn me to Hell. My thisworldly retribution has already been
received, but the otherworldly variety still awaits me. I beseech you,
reverend master, take pity on me now and accept me as your pupil,
teaching me to repent my sins and turn to religion. Are you willing to take
me in?"
"You brought in my leather bag," said Lone Peak, "so you must have
seen the notice. After you left, I almost wore out my eyes watching for
your return, so how can I refuse you now that you turn to Buddha? My one
fear is that your vocation may not be strong enough and that you will fall
back into the mundane world. But it was for your sake that I left the bag at
the mercy of the elements these past three years."
"I was in the depths of remorse," said Vesperus, "when suddenly I felt
the need to repent. I think of myself as having escaped from Hell and
would never dare go back. Of course I'll never change my mind! I beseech
you, master, take me in."
"Very well, I shall accept you."
Vesperus got to his feet and began to bow in greeting all over again.
This time Lone Peak stood there and received the bows, then chose an
auspicious day for the tonsure. With Lone Peak's permission, Vesperus
selected his own name in religion: Stubborn Stone. It signified regret over
244
 肉蒲团

his slowness to repent, which showed the stubbornness of a stone, and also
gratitude for Lone Peak's skillful preaching, which had persuaded a
stubborn stone that hadn't nodded its head in three years to start nodding it
again. In general, too, he wanted a name that would serve him as a
reminder, lest he forget what he had done and start thinking evil thoughts
once more.
From that time forth he took pride in his Zen meditation and devoted
himself wholeheartedly to understanding doctrine. Lest a life of luxury
stimulate his lust again, he neither dressed nor ate well, but preferred to
develop his religious vocation by exposing himself to hunger and cold.
But any young man joining the order has certain problems he must face.
However strongly he tries to rein in his lusts, however firmly he tries to
extinguish his desires, prayer and scripture reading will get him through
the day well enough, but in the wee hours of the morning that erect
member of his will start bothering him of its own accord, making a
nuisance of itself under the bedclothes, uncontrollable, irrepressible. His
only solution is to find some form of appeasement, either by using his
fingers for emergency relief or by discovering some young novice with
whom to mediate a solution. (Both methods are regular standbys for the
clergy.) Had Vesperus done so, no one who caught him at it would have
been disposed to criticize. Even Guanyin herself would have forgiven him,
if she had come to hear of it; she would hardly have had him consumed in
the fires of his own lust![94]
Vesperus felt differently, however. He maintained that those who had
joined the order ought to accept its commandment against sexual desire as
a cardinal rule, whether or not their standbys took the form of actual
adultery. Even if the standbys broke no rules and brought no dishonor to
those practicing them, they represented a failure to suppress desire just as
surely as adultery itself. Moreover, the handgun led to intercourse, and
homosexual relations to heterosexual. Sight of the make-believe causes us
to yearn for the reality, and one act leads to another by an inexorable
process that we must not allow to get started.
One night he dreamed that some women came to worship at the temple.
On approaching them, he was astonished to find that they were all old
friends of his. Flora was there, as were Cloud and her sisters, and also his
two eloping wives, Jade Scent and Fragrance.
245
 肉蒲团

The sight of his wives infuriated Vesperus, and he called on Flora and
her nieces to help him catch them. But in the twinkling of an eye the wives
vanished, leaving only the four friends, who drew him into a priest's cell
and proceeded to do with him what they had done so often before. They
undressed and were about to begin another contest, with Vesperus's penis
fitted into someone's vagina and ready to thrust, when all of a sudden he
was awakened by a dog barking in a nearby wood and realized that he had
been dreaming. That erect member of his, however, still assumed there was
a treat in store for it, and it butted and burrowed here and there among the
bedclothes looking for its old haunts. Stubborn Stone took it in his hand
and was thinking of some way to appease it, when suddenly he stopped.
This is the root cause of all my sins, my nemesis, he thought. I don't
have to take revenge on it, but I must not let it loose.
Having come to that conclusion, he banished the foolish idea from his
mind and tried to get some sleep before it was time to rise and chant sutras
again.
But he tossed and turned in bed and could not get back to sleep,
tormented beyond endurance by the root of evil under his bedclothes. So
long as this accursed thing is attached to me, he thought, I'll always be
bothered by it. The best solution is to cut it off and eliminate all the trouble
it's going to cause me. Moreover, dog's flesh is anathema to the Buddhists
and I oughtn't to have it attached to me. If I don't cut it off, I can never be
anything more than an animal. Even if I cultivate my behavior to
perfection, the best I can hope for is to be reborn as a human being. How
can I ever become a buddha?
Having arrived at this conclusion, he could not wait for daybreak. He lit
the lamp, picked up a thin vegetable knife, and honed it a few times on the
ewer. Then, taking his penis in one hand, he brought the knife down on it
with all the force he could muster, slicing the organ right off.
Evidently he was destined to shed his animal fate and to be transformed,
for the amputation did not feel terribly painful. From that time on, his
desires ceased and his moral purpose gained in strength, and the
perceptiveness shown in his religious studies grew steadily. By this time
Lone Peak had numerous disciples, all men of some knowledge. They
would gather to listen to his sermons and, of them all, Stubborn Stone was
the one most apt to nod his head in understanding.
246
 肉蒲团

His first six months were devoted to a general training in moral conduct
in readiness for ordination. When the training period was over, Stubborn
Stone gathered together a dozen or more priests and asked Lone Peak to
take the platform and expound the doctrine. All the priests were men who
had committed themselves to accepting the commandments and living a
life of meditation, with no thought of ever returning to their old lives.
Now, when monks are about to receive the commandments, their first
step is to confess every sin they have committed in the course of their lives
and then, having set forth the case against themselves, to kneel down
before Buddha and beg an eminent priest to pray for their forgiveness. Any
suppression of the facts is known as "cheating Heaven and deceiving
Buddha" and infringes upon one of the cardinal tenets of the faith. No
transgressor can ever hope to attain true enlightenment, even if he slaves
away at moral cultivation for the rest of his life.
The priests invited Lone Peak to mount the platform, where he prayed
and then set the order for their initiation. The priests sat in two rows on
either side of him as he explained the commandments. After detailing what
it meant to accept them, he ordered everyone to confess his sins, holding
nothing back. Stubborn Stone, as the last to arrive, was sitting in last place
and all he could do, until his turn came, was to listen to the others'
confessions. Among them were murderers and arsonists, thieves and
bandits, as well as some who, like Stubborn Stone himself, had
undermined the moral law with their adulteries. All of them confessed, not
daring to hold anything back. At length it was the turn of the priest sitting
next to Stubborn Stone, a man who, despite a coarse appearance, seemed
to have a certain spiritual air about him.
"In thirty-odd years," he confessed to Lone Peak, "your disciple has
done only one evil thing: I indentured myself as a servant, seduced my
master's daughter, and then abducted the daughter and her personal maid
and sold them both into prostitution. It is a sin that cannot be expiated by
death. I beg you, master, to intercede for my forgiveness."
"That is far too grievous a sin," replied Lone Peak. "I'm afraid it is
beyond the reach of forgiveness. As the adage goes, 'Of all evils, adultery
is worst.' Adultery on its own would be bad enough, how could you go and
compound it with abduction? Both adultery and abduction are always
extremely difficult to gain forgiveness for. Why did you sell her into
247
 肉蒲团

prostitution and turn one man's wife into every man's mistress? She cannot
be set free in this life, which means you cannot be set free either. Even if I
pray for forgiveness, I'm afraid Buddha won't grant it. What can I do?"
"Master, I beg leave to explain. It was not by my own choice that I did
this. I was forced into it. The woman's husband seduced my wife and then
made me sell her, and I was powerless to resist. So I had to go outside the
law and do these terrible things. But they were done under extenuating
circumstances; I should not be compared to some lecher who is merely
seeking to gratify his lust. I wonder, might you still be able to pray for my
forgiveness?"
Stubborn Stone found himself strangely affected by the man's
confession. "Let me ask you, worthy brother," he said to the priest, "what
was the name of the woman you abducted? Whose wife and whose
daughter was she? And where is she now?"
"She was the wife of Scholar Vesperus and the daughter of Master Iron
Door. Her name is Jade Scent and her maid's name is Ruyi. She and the
maid are in the capital now, entertaining clients. You don't happen to know
her, by any chance?"
Stubborn Stone was thunderstruck. "Then you must be Honest Quan,"
he said. "How do you come to be here?"
"Let me ask, might you be Scholar Vesperus?"
"Yes, I am."
The two men left their prayer mats and begged each other's forgiveness.
Then they revealed to Lone Peak all that had happened and each confessed
his sins.
Lone Peak roared with laughter. "What a fine pair of enemies you are!
You were bound to cross each other's paths sooner or later. Since you knew
what the outcome would be, why didn't you pay heed at the outset?
Luckily for you, Buddha's compassion has given you this broad highway
on which enemies can pass without let or hindrance. If you'd met on any
other path, you'd now be locked in endless struggle. In principle your sins
are beyond forgiveness, but thanks to your virtuous wives' redeeming your
debts for you, much of the burden has been lifted from your shoulders.
Otherwise, even if you cultivated your conduct for ten lives, let alone one,

248
 肉蒲团

you'd still be condemned to the cycle of birth and death, unable to escape
your fate. I shall now pray for your forgiveness and beseech the
Bodhisattva to extend her compassion and show you a measure of mercy
for the sake of those wives of yours. Pity these poor women! Each of them
was worthy of a memorial arch or tablet, but was forced by her husband's
lechery to behave like a wanton and redeem his debts. And even after she
has discharged his debts in this world, there will still be debts for her to
discharge in the other. The men we needn't concern ourselves with, but oh,
how they ill-use the women who redeem their debts, women unjustly
condemned to lives of shame!" He told both men to kneel down in front of
Buddha while he recited from the scriptures and prayed for their
forgiveness.
"Master," Stubborn Stone asked him when the prayers were done, "I
have a question for you. If, to give a hypothetical example, an adulterer
were to have both a wife and a daughter, once the wife has redeemed his
debts, can the baby daughter be spared, so that she doesn't have to redeem
them, too?"
Lone Peak shook his head. "Quite impossible. The adulterer's only hope
is to have no daughters at all. Any daughter he has will be a potential
redeemer. How can she be forgiven?"
"To be frank with you, master," said Stubborn Stone, "your disciple has
the misfortune to be the father of two potential redeemers, both of whom
are at home. From what you say, they will definitely not be forgiven. Your
disciple therefore wishes to return and eradicate these roots of evil with the
sword of wisdom, as if they had been drowned at birth. That should not be
too grave a sin."
"Amitabha Buddha!" exclaimed Lone Peak, placing his palms
reverently together. "Such a wicked suggestion should never have left your
lips or entered my ears! How can a priest who has accepted the
commandment not to kill even think of such a thing? A layman is
forbidden to kill, let alone a priest! They're still in swaddling clothes,
they've done nothing wrong! What crime are you going to kill them for?
And if you wait until they have done something wrong, it will be too late
to reclaim the debts they'll have repaid. Your violence will all be in vain
anyway. Far better to spare them!"
"But how can I settle this matter?"
249
 肉蒲团

"Those two are not your daughters," said Lone Peak. "They were sent
by the Lord of Heaven to redeem your debts when he saw the intolerable
evil you were doing. As the proverb says, 'One good deed cancels out a
thousand evil deeds.' If you turn your mind steadfastly to goodness, the
Lord of Heaven may change his decision and recall them. There's no need
for any sword of wisdom!"
Stubborn Stone nodded. "You are perfectly right, master, and your
disciple will do your bidding." From that day forward he ceased to worry
about his family and turned his whole mind to the service of Buddha.
Another six months passed. One day, as Stubborn Stone was talking to
Lone Peak in the hall, a great, strapping fellow whom he recognized as the
Knave came rushing in. The new comer paid homage to the image of
Buddha, then bowed before Lone Peak.
"Master," explained Stubborn Stone, "this is my sworn brother, A Match
for the Knave of Kunlun, whom I have often mentioned. He is the
foremost gallant of the age, one who manages to do righteous deeds in the
midst of evil."
"Am I to understand that you are that hero of a burglar with his Five
Abstentions?" asked Lone Peak.
"He is," said Stubborn Stone.
"In that case you're a bodhisattva of a thief!" said Lone Peak. "Who am I
to receive bows from a bodhisattva?" He was about to kneel down and
return the bows, when the Knave reached out and stopped him.
"If the master is unwilling to receive a thief's bows," said the Knave, "I
can only assume it is because you want to exclude me from the faith. Your
disciple may be a thief, but I have a kinder heart than many who are not
thieves. The reason I came to this treasure mountain was both to visit a
friend of mine and also to pay my respects to a living buddha. If you
refuse to accept my bows, you will be cutting off my path to goodness and
strengthening my will to evil. It would seem as if we ought to hide the
nature of our profession and become the sort of thieves who are clad in
official robes rather than the sort who break and enter, and that would
never do."
"In that case," said Lone Peak, "I shall not dare return your bows."

250
 肉蒲团

After greeting Stubborn Stone, the Knave sat down and exchanged a
few polite remarks with Lone Peak, then drew the Stone aside for a private
conversation.
"I have told the master everything," said the Stone. "Whatever the
family secret, you can talk about it in front of him. Anyway, this living
buddha knows the past as well as the future and cannot be deceived."
The Knave sat down again and told Stubborn Stone the news of his
family, apologizing for failing in his responsibilities and breaking his
promises to a friend. Not only was he unfit to entrust a wife to, he was also
unfit to take care of children, and he was ashamed to face his friend.
"From what you are saying," said Stubborn Stone, "I gather something
must have happened to the fruits of my sin?"
"Just so. I don't know why, but your daughters suddenly died, both at the
same time. They weren't suffering from smallpox or convulsions, and they
were sleeping peacefully when it happened. The night of their death the
wet nurses heard a voice calling out in their dreams: 'His debts have been
settled and there is no need for you anymore. Come back with me.' When
the nurses awoke, they had no sooner touched the children than they
realized it was too late. There is something terribly strange about the
whole affair."
Stubborn Stone said nothing in response, but went and bowed several
times in front of Buddha and again before Lone Peak. Then he told the
Knave how he had been worried lest his daughters redeem his debts and
how Lone Peak had told him that if he turned his mind steadfastly to
goodness, the Lord of Heaven might change his decision and recall them.
"It's a stroke of good fortune," he went on to say, "that these agents of
retribution have been removed. You ought to be congratulating me,
brother, rather than talking about a breach of trust."
At these words the Knave felt a chill run down his spine and paused a
moment before continuing. "Apart from the bad news, I do have one piece
of good news that should cheer you up."
"What is that?" asked Stubborn Stone.
"I felt terrible when that slut Fragrance ran away. I tried to catch her, but
without success. It turned out she had been abducted by a priest, who kept

251
 肉蒲团

her hidden in a cellar. Quite by chance I found her there and rid you of this
root of evil. Doesn't that cheer you up?"
"A cellar would seem to be a safe enough place to hide," said Lone
Peak. "How did you happen to find her?"
"The priest was living near a crossroads, where he used to rob and
murder passersby. I heard that he had a vast sum stashed away in the
cellar, so one night I went there to steal it. Imagine my surprise when I
found him in bed talking with a woman who sounded exactly like
Fragrance! I kept out of sight and listened, and gradually the situation
became clear to me. I heard my name mentioned as well as yours. She said
her first husband was Honest Quan, who, although a little coarse, was at
least a one-woman husband, without any other wives or concubines. To her
surprise a certain person helped another person to seduce her and force her
into marriage, after which the latter abandoned her and gave himself up to
debauchery, leaving her alone in an empty house. Eventually, physically
worn out, he was unable to cope with his domestic duties and set off on a
long journey to escape them, heedless as to whether his wife and children
lived or died. 'Why should I stay with such a faithless wretch?' she said. At
this point my anger could no longer be restrained. Luckily I had a sword
on me, so I flung aside the curtain and cut them both in two with a single
stroke, then lit a torch and hunted for their booty. I found over two
thousand taels, which I brought back and donated as I saw fit to countless
poor people, doing numerous good deeds. Let me ask you, master, was it
right, in your opinion, to kill this couple and take their money?"
"They deserved to die," said Lone Peak, "but it was for Heaven to kill
them, not you, worthy layman. And they deserved to lose their money, but
it was for the authorities to take it, not you. Your action is deeply
satisfying, to be sure, but it doesn't quite square either with the Principle of
Heaven or with the law, and I'm afraid you will not be able to escape
retribution for it in this world or the next."
"But if our nature is in accord with the Principle of Heaven," said the
Knave, "so long as we feel an action to be deeply satisfying, why shouldn't
it square with the manifest justice of the Principle? Your disciple has spent
his entire life as a thief without ever getting into any trouble. Are you
telling me that I'm now going to fall foul of the law?"

252
 肉蒲团

"That's not the way to look at it, layman," said Lone Peak. "Both the
Principle of Heaven and the law are absolutely watertight. No one who
harms the Principle or breaks the law ever gets away with it. His
retribution may come early, or it may come late. If it comes early, it will be
less severe, but if it is long delayed, it will suddenly burst upon him with
intolerable force. That priest had broken the commandment against lust
and the woman the law against adultery, and of course the Lord of Heaven
would have destroyed them. But does he not have the Thunder God to do it
for him? Does he need to turn to a mere mortal for help in killing them?
Even if he does, well, every mortal in the world has a pair of hands. Why
should he turn to you in particular? Are your hands the only ones that can
kill? The sovereign authority must not be lent, nor the sword of authority
allowed to slip away. The Lord of Heaven cannot handle such a serious
matter himself, so he sees that sinners are killed by other sinners. No one,
absolutely no one, is left out! Thus your otherworldly retribution certainly
cannot be avoided.
"Perhaps your action is less serious and will be judged a little less
severely than if you had killed honest folk. But since you've followed this
profession all your life, surely by now every official in the country knows
your reputation. As the proverb says, 'A man fears fame as a pig fears to
grow fat.' You may have done good by giving your money to the poor, but
no one will ever believe it; people will always suspect that you have a
secret cellar under your house where you've hidden the money, and sooner
or later they'll come after you. If you really had the stolen money at home,
you could use it to buy them off and so save your skin. But I'm afraid
you'll find the money you gave to the poor impossible to recall at short
notice, and your life will be in jeopardy. Thus your thisworldly retribution
is inescapable too. And a delayed retribution may well prove worse than
the sin itself."
The Knave had always been a violent man with a fiery temper that
everyone feared, so he had never received any moral advice. Now,
confronted with the priest's compelling arguments, he felt moved by a
spirit of repentance. There was no need to pressure him further; he was
committed to reforming himself.
"Admittedly," he said to Lone Peak, "the things I have done are not the
actions of a good or superior man. But since rich men are unwilling to
distribute their money themselves, it has been my practice to take a little
253
 肉蒲团

from them and do a few good deeds in their behalf: In doing so, I am
thinking of others, not myself. From what you say, however, I have done
many evil things for which retribution is inescapable, both in this world
and in the next. If I repent now, will you still be able to intercede for
forgiveness?"
Lone Peak pointed to Stubborn Stone. "His sins were far worse than
yours, but because he turned his mind to goodness, he moved Heaven into
taking back the daughters who would have redeemed his debts. That is
something you saw with your own eyes, not something I made up, so you
already know whether you can be forgiven."
Stubborn Stone was delighted when he heard of the Knave's intention to
turn his mind to goodness. He told how he himself had rejected the
master's advice three years before and thrown himself into all kinds of
debauchery, and how the retribution he suffered as a consequence had
borne out the master's warnings to the letter. He urged the Knave to heed
his example.
The Knave took his decision and made his bows to Lone Peak that very
day, acknowledging him as his teacher. Receiving the tonsure, he
embarked on a strict course of self-denial and in less than twenty years
attained the fruits of enlightenment. He died sitting in the buddha position,
like Lone Peak and Stubborn Stone.
Obviously there is no man who is unfit to become a buddha. It is only
because we are so controlled by money and sex that we cannot avoid the
path of error and reach salvation's shore. That is the reason why Heaven is
so sparsely populated and Hell so densely crowded, why the Jade Emperor
has nothing to occupy his time and King Yama is too busy to cope. In a
more general sense it is all due to the meddling of the Sage who separated
Heaven and Earth. He should never have created woman or instituted
money, reducing man to his present sorry state. Let me now sum up the
case against the Sage with a quotation from the Four Books: "Was it not
the Sage himself who invented burial images?"[95]

254
 肉蒲团

CRITIQUE

Whereas at the beginning of the book he was grateful to the Sage, now,
at its close, he berates him. That worthy cannot be feeling either too
pleased or too vexed about it. This truly is a book that mocks everything!
Let me come to the Sage's defense with yet another quotation from the
Four Books: "Those who understand me will do so through The Carnal
Prayer Mat; those who condemn me will also do so because of The Carnal
Prayer Mat."[96]

255
 肉蒲团

NOTES

[1] Li Yu thought he had been born in 1611, but the clan genealogy says
1610. He died early in 1680.

[2] Gonggong was a term of address for a eunuch and also for a
grandfather.

[3] The Bencao gangmu of Li Shizhen, first published in 1593.

[4] The kidneys (and the sex functions) are related to the water element,
the heart to fire.

[5] The ideal political system advocated by the philosopher Mencius.

[6] Li Yu is apparently speaking of ginseng rather than aconite. The best

ginseng grew in Manchuria and the next best in Korea. The better varieties
were known as daodi, that is, genuine.

[7] I have used italics to mark passages of simulated address by the

audience to the storyteller/narrator. Simple questions from the audience are
not italicized.

[8] The victims of amorous excess.

[9] The allusion is to the Zhuang Zi. See Burton Watson, trans., The
Complete Works of Chuang Tzu (New York: Columbia University Press,
1968), p. 313: "Now suppose there were a man here who took the priceless
pearl of the Marquis of Sui and used it as a pellet to shoot at a sparrow a
thousand yards up in the air—the world would certainly laugh at him."

[10] These are the titles of the first two sections of the "Songs of the
States" in the Poetry Classic (Book of Songs). They stand for the "Songs"
as a whole, many of which are about love.

256
 肉蒲团

[11] For this passage, see D. C. Lau, trans., Mencius (London: Penguin
Books, 1970), pp. 65-66. King Tai's flight was a migration to a new
settlement. Note that the words Li Yu puts into the puritan's mouth parody
Mencius's lecturing style.

[12] The last rulers of the Xia and Shang dynasties, respectively, who were
famous for their gargantuan debaucheries.

[13] A reference to the Buddhist parable of the burning house (Lotus

Sutra).

[14] The olive, with its bitter taste, stands for a salutary lesson.

[15] A legendary body of water. Although shallow, it is uncrossable; even a

feather will sink.

[16] There were eight or nine sacred mountains.

[17] The poet Tao Qian (A.D. 365-427). See his "Biography of Mr. Five
Willows."

[18] See the story "The Priest Moonbright Saves Liu Cui" in Gujin
xiaoshuo, Stories Old and New, published about 1621.

[19] The poet, who lived from A.D. 210 to 263. White (contracted) pupils
signify disdain, black (dilated) pupils signify approval and pleasure. We
are told in his biography (Jin History 49) that Ruan revealed his mood by
purposely making his eyes white or black.

[20] See the poem "Ting liao" in the Poetry Classic. It is translated by
Arthur Waley in The Book of Songs (New York: Grove Press, 1987), p.
191.

[21] Liu Fen, a Tang candidate, was failed by the examiners for criticizing
current policies. Li Bai is the famous poet (whose name is usually written
Li Po).

257
 肉蒲团

[22] Yue Fei and Guan Yu personified patriotism and personal honor,
respectively.

[23] Pan An and Wei Jie personified male beauty.

[24] The reference is to the legend of a Buddhist priest whose sermons

were so powerful that they moved the surrounding rocks or stones to nod
their heads.

[25] See Sidney Shapiro, trans., Outlaws of the Marsh (Peking: Foreign
Languages Press; and Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1981). The
novel probably dates back to the fourteenth century, but reached its present
form in the sixteenth.

[26] See Clement Egerton, trans., The Golden Lotus (New York: Paragon
Book Gallery, 1972). A famous erotic novel, it probably was written in the
late sixteenth century.

[27] Heroine of the best-known Chinese romantic play, The West Chamber
(Xixiang ji), written at the end of the thirteenth century.

[28] Zhuo Wenjun, who eloped with the Han poet Sima Xiangru in a
romance that was much celebrated in later poetry and drama.

[29] The famous poet (A.D. 192-232).

[30] The expression lean ponies refers to girls on sale in Yangzhou, a well-
known marketplace for concubines.

[31] Lü was one of the Eight Immortals of Taoism.

[32] Respectively, the Lienü zhuan by Liu Xiang (79-6 B.C.) and the Nü
Xiao jing of the Tang dynasty.

[33] One of the Four Books of Confucianism, here used in a punning sense
to mean middle of the road, routine.

[34] Vaginal intercourse with the man on his side behind the woman.
258
 肉蒲团

[35] Vaginal intercourse with the woman on top of the man.

[36] The famous artist and poet (1254-1322).

[37] Xiuta yeshi, Ruyi Jun zhuan, and Chi pozi zhuan, respectively. The
first was written by the playwright Lü Tiancheng about 1600, the second
by an anonymous author perhaps in the middle of the sixteenth century,
and the third by another anonymous author in the early decades of the
seventeenth.

[38] The Lord of Mengchang was the archetypal feudal patron. Jing Ke
attempted to assassinate the First Emperor of the Qin. Biographies of both
men appear in the Shi ji.

[39] The Girl in Red appears in the Tang story "Kunlun nu."

[40] Zhi is the archetypal robber referred to in the Analects of Confucius

as well as in the Zhuang Zi.

[41] Red Whisk appears in the Tang story "Curlybeard" (Qiuran ke zhuan).

[42] The terms are those for the top candidates in the civil service
examinations (zhuangyuan, etc.). Their Latin equivalents have been
feminized here.

[43] The divine beings of the "Gaotang Rhapsody" (attributed to Song Yu,
third century B.C.) and the "Luo Goddess Rhapsody" of Cao Zhi,
respectively.

[44] The lines come from the song "Junzi jie lao" of the Poetry Classic.
See Arthur Waley, trans., The Book of songs, p. 77.

[45] The classic beauty. Even her frown was imitated by other women.

[46] The Tang beauty, consort of Emperor Xuanzong.

259
 肉蒲团

[47] Zhang, a Han official, was famous for painting his wife's eyebrows.
He Yan, a Wei official of Three Kingdoms times, had a face so pale the
emperor suspected him of using powder.

[48] Name for part of the eight-legged examination essay.

[49] King Xiang had the romantic encounter described in the "Gaotang
Rhapsody."

[50] Xue, the fabled lover of the Empress Wu, was noted for the enormous
size of his penis. See the Ruyi Jun zhuan.

[51] The world of the dead.

[52] The words for south and male are both pronounced nan.

[53] The image comes originally from the famous military treatise Sun Zi.

[54] A story that is told in Chapter Seventeen.

[55] The character zhong consists of a circle bisected by a straight line.

The character lü consists of two mouths linked together.

[56] The maid in The West Chamber, who carries messages between the
lovers.

[57] An Eastern Han figure famous for regular, pithy criticism of his
neighbors.

[58] According to the parable, a crane and a clam were preoccupied with
fighting each other, when a fisherman came by and caught them both.

[59] Zhu was a woodcutter whose wife grew impatient with poverty and
left him just before he succeeded in life.

[60] Taisui, who presides over the planet Jupiter. A baleful god, he
punishes those who offend his taboos even slightly.

260
 肉蒲团

[61] The woman in Chinese mythology who stole her husband's elixir of
immortality and fled to the moon.

[62] Bao, who lived in the early part of the Zhou dynasty, was famous for
his self-sacrificing friendship with Guan Zhong. Curlybeard is the hero of
the Tang story of that name.

[63] From the song "Jing nü" in the Poetry Classic. See The Book of
Songs, p. 33: "But you were given by a beautiful girl."

[64] The Mount of Jades and Jasper Terrace are abodes of the immortals.
The clouds and the rain refer to King Xiang's erotic encounter on Mount
Wu. Swallow is Zhao Feiyan, a palace beauty of the Han dynasty. The
spring winds strip the flowers from the trees, as beauty is ravaged by time;
spring is thus the season for the pangs of unfulfilled love. Aloeswood is the
name of the pavilion in which the Emperor and Guifei were sitting when
Li Bai was allegedly called in to compose the poems.

[65] Qingming was the spring festival, a time for tending the graves of
one's ancestors. Traditionally only cold food was eaten.

[66] This idiom is based on an anecdote in the Shishuo xinyu. On the road
to Shanyin there was so much beautiful scenery that the traveler was
completely engrossed.

[67] Two classic references; cf. burning one's bridges.

[68] A Confucian classic, allegedly compiled by Confucius himself, which

is said to make its moral judgments implicitly.

[69] A fearless historian of the sixth or seventh century B.C., whose

writings do not survive.

[70] The Zheng and Wei sections contain the most risqué love songs in the
Poetry Classic.

[71] Zhuo Wenjun eloped with the poet Sima Xiangru in a famous
romance. Her father was Zhuo Wangsun.
261
 肉蒲团

[72] This expression is based on a joke about a man who, wanting to hide
his money, buried it and put up a sign saying, "There's no money here."

[73] See D. C. Lau, trans., The Analects (London: Penguin Books, 1979),
p. 108.

[74] A reference to Confucius's bumptious messenger boy. See The

Analects, p. 131.

[75] The reference is to the "Tale of Immortals" (Shenxian zhuan); see the
Taiping guangji, 61. This tale, which belongs to a common type, tells how
two young men, Liu and Ruan, meet and fall in love with two divine
maidens. It is a leitmotif that runs through Vesperus's encounter with the
three young women and signals the fact that this part of the novel belongs
to a different order of reality. The reference to sesame in Vesperus's reply
is from the same tale.

[76] Chu jing, as well as meaning come from the classics, is a pun on emit
semen and put forth strength. Candles presumably refer to Dousing the
Candle.

[77] The character pin consists of three mouths in close conjunction.

[78] The character chuan consists of two circles bisected by a straight line.

[79] A famous strategist who aided in the founding of the Han dynasty.

[80] A reclusive poet (A.D. 967-1028). He never married, but grew plum
trees and raised cranes, calling the plum trees his wives and the cranes his
children. Note that one term for a maidservant is meixiang: plum
fragrance.

[81] The story is Feng Menglong's "The Old Student Repays a Debt of
Gratitude Over Three Generations."

[82] The allusion is to the Han dynasty general Han Xin, who was
"ashamed to be ranked with Jiang and Guan." Jiang was Zhou Bo
262
 肉蒲团

(enfieffed as Marquis Jiang); Guan was Guan Ying. See Han Xin's
biography (Shi ji, 92).

[83] From the Poetry Classic. See The Book of Songs, p. 253.

[84] A variety of the guess-fingers game in which the winners are given the
titles of the top examination graduates.

[85] The Old Scholar: the perennial failure.

[86] See The Analects, p. 64.

[87] Lang sheng (sound of waves) is a pun on lewd sounds.

[88] This is a Taoist technique of male rejuvenation.

[89] In a famous story Wang was supported in his studies by Gui Ying and
swore vows of eternal love. Then, after succeeding in the civil service
examinations, he married someone else. After Gui Ying had killed herself,
her ghost claimed Wang's life.

[90] A Buddhist notion, it denotes a salutary shock administered by a

religious mentor.

[91] East of the River was the base from which Xiang Yu, a contender for
the empire during the decline of the Qin dynasty, launched his campaign.
In defeat, he spurned the idea of returning and beginning all over again.
The Pure Land is the Buddhist Western Paradise, which holds the hope of
perfect happiness.

[92] In the Zhou dynasty, the states of Wu and Yue were legendary
enemies.

[93] A reference to Sudhana, whose visits to religious luminaries occupy

much of the Huayan Sutra.

[94] The goddess of mercy.

263
 肉蒲团

[95] The quotation is from Mencius. See D. C. Lau, trans., Mencius, p. 52.
Confucius condemned the use of burial images because he thought they
encouraged human sacrifice.

[96] The quotation is adapted from Mencius, where Confucius is described

as defending his composition of The Spring and Autumn Annals. See D. C.
Lau, trans., Mencius, p. 114: "Those who understand me will do so
through the Spring and Autumn Annals; those who condemn me will also
do so because of the Spring and Autumn Annals."

264
 肉蒲团

第一回 止 风借 事说法  谈色事就色欲 端

    词曰：黑发难留，朱颜易变，人生不比青松。名消利息，一派落花
风。悔杀少年不乐，风流院，放逐衰翁。王孙辈，听歌金缕，及早恋
芳药。    世间真乐地，算来算去，还数房中。不比 华境，欢始愁
终。得趣朝朝，燕酣眠处，怕响晨钟。睁眼看，乾坤覆载，一幅大春
宫。

    这一首词名曰《满庭芳》。单说人生在世朝朝劳苦事事愁烦，没有
一毫受用处，还亏那太古之世 天辟地的圣人制一件男女交媾之情，
与人息息劳苦解解愁烦，不至十分憔悴。照拘儒说来，妇人腰下物乃
生我之 ，死我之户。据达者看来，人生在世若没有这件东西，只怕
头发还早白几年，寿还略少几岁。不信单看世间的和
尚，有几人四五十岁头发不白的？有几人七八十岁肉身不倒的？或者
说和尚虽然出家一般也有去路，或 妇人或狎徒弟，也与俗人一般不
能保元固本，所以没寿这等。请看京里的太监，不但不 妇人不狎徒
弟，连那 妇人狎徒弟的器械都没有了，论理就该少嫩一生，活活几
百岁才是，为何面上的皱纹比 人多些？头上的白发比
人早些？名为公公实像婆婆？京师之内，只有挂长寿匾额的平人，
没有起百岁 坊的内相。

     可见女色二字原于人无损，只因《本草纲目》上面不曾载得这一
味，所以没有一定的注解。有说它是 人的，有说它是害人物。若照
这等比验起来，不但还是 人的物事，他的药性与人参附子相同，而
亦交相为用。只是一件，人参附子虽是大补之物，只宜长服，不宜多
服；只可当药，不可当饭。若还不论分 ，不拘时度饱吃下去，一般
也会伤人。女色的利害与此一般。长服则有 交济之功，多服则有
水火相克之敝。当药则有宽中解郁之乐，当饭则有伤筋耗血之忧。世

265
 肉蒲团

上之人若晓得把女色当药，不可太疏亦不可太密，不可不好亦不可酷
好。未近女色之际，当思曰“此药也非毒也胡为惧之，”既近女色之
际，当思曰“此药也非饭也胡为 之”。如此则 不亢 不郁，岂有不
益与人哉。只是一件，这 药性与人参附子件件相同，只有出产之处
与取用之法又有些相反，服药者不可不知。人参附子，是道地者佳，
土产者服之无益。女色，倒是土产者佳，倒地者不惟无益且能伤人。
何谓土产？何谓倒地？自家的妻妾，不用远求不消钱买随手 来就
是，此之谓土产。任我横睡没有阻桡，随他敲 不担惊恐。既无伤于
元气，又有益于宗 。交感一翻，浑身通泰。岂不谓之 人？艳色出
于朱 ，娇妆必须绣户。家鸡味淡不如野鹜新鲜，旧妇色衰，争似闺
雏小艾，此之谓倒地。若是此等妇人，眠思梦想，务求必得，初以情
挑，继将物赠，或逾墙而赴约，或钻穴而言私。饶伊色胆如天，倒底
惊魂似鼠，虽无人见似有人来。风流汗少而恐惧汗多，儿女情长而英
雄气短。试身不测之渊，立构非常之祸，暗伤 德，显犯明条，身被
杀矣。若无偿命之人，妻尚存兮。尤有失节之妇， 利害惨不可
当。可见世上人与女色二字断断不可舍近而求远，厌旧而求新。

    做这部小说的人原具一片婆心，要为世人说法，劝人窒欲不是劝人
纵欲，为人秘 不是为人宣 。看官们不可认错他的主意。既是要使
人遏 窒欲，为甚 不著一部道学之书维持风化，却做起风流小说
来？看官有所不知。凡移风易俗之法，要因势而利导之则其言易入。
近日的人情，怕读圣经贤传，喜看 官野史。就是 官
野史里面，又厌闻忠孝节义之事，喜看 邪诞妄之书。风俗至今日可
谓 荡 矣。若还著一部道学之书劝人为善，莫说要使世上人将银买
了去看，就如好善之家施舍经藏的刊刻成书，装订成套，赔了贴子送
他，他还不是拆了塞瓮，就是 了吃烟，那里肯把眼睛去看一看。不
如就把色欲之事去歆动他，等他看到津津有味之时，忽
266
 肉蒲团

然下几句针砭之语，使他瞿然叹息道“女色之可好如此，岂可不留行
乐之身，常还受用，而为牡丹花下之鬼，务虚名而去实际乎？”又等
他看到明彰报应之处，轻轻下一二点化之言，使他幡然大悟道“奸
之必报如此，岂可不留妻妾之身自家受用，而为惰珠弹雀之事，借虚
钱而还实债乎？”思念及此，自然不走邪路。不走邪路
，自然夫爱其妻妻敬其夫，周南召南之化不外是矣。此之谓就事论事
以人治人之法。不但作 官野史当用此术，就是经书上的圣贤亦先有
行之者。不信且看战国齐宣王时孟子对齐宣王说王政。那宣王是声色
货利中人，王政非其所好，只随口赞一句道“善哉信乎”。孟子
道：“王如善之，则何为不行？”宣王道：“寡人有疾，寡人好货。”孟
子就把公刘好货一段去引进他。宣王又道：“寡人有疾，寡人好
色。”他说到这一句已甘心做桀纣之君，只当写人不行王政的回帖
了。若把人道学先生，就要正言历色规谏他色荒之事。从古帝王具有
规箴：“庶人好色，则亡身；大夫好色，则失位；诸侯好色，则失
国；天子好色，则亡天下”。宣王若闻此言，就使口中不说，心上毕
竟回 道：“这等，寡人病入膏肓，不可救药，用先生不着了。”谁想
孟子却如此反把大王好色一段风流佳话去勾住他，使他听得 致勃
然，住手不得。想太王在走马避难之时尚且带着姜女，则其生平好色
一刻离不得妇人可知。如此 荡之君，岂有不丧身亡国之理？他却有
个好色之法，使一国的男子都带着妇人避难。太王与姜女行乐之时，
一国的男女也在那边行乐。这便是 春有脚天地无私的主。化了谁人
不感颂他，还敢道他的不是？宣王听到此处自然心安意肯去行王政，
不 再推“寡人有疾”矣。做这部小说的人得力就在于此。但愿普天下
的看官买去当经史读，不可作小说观。凡遇叫“看官”处不是针砭之
语，就是点化之言，须要留心体认。其中形容交媾之情， 写房帷之
乐，不无近于 亵，总是要引人看到收场处，才知结果识警戒。不然
就是一部橄榄书，后来总有回味？其如入口酸 涩，人不肯咀嚼何？
267
 肉蒲团

我这番形容摩写之词，只当把枣肉裹着橄榄，引他吃到回味处也莫
厌。 
    摊头絮繁，本事下回便见。

    第二回：老头陀空张皮布袋  小居士受坐肉蒲团

 
    说话元朝至和年间，括苍山中有一个头陀，法名正一，道号孤峰。
他原是处州郡学一个有名诸生。只因性带善根，当其在襁褓之中不住
的咿咿晤晤就像学生背书一般。父母不解其故。有个行脚僧上 抄
化，见了鬟抱在手中，似啼非啼似笑非笑。僧人听之说他念的是《楞
严大藏真经》，此子乃高僧转世。就回他父母乞为弟子。父母以为妖
言，不信。大来教他读书，过目成诵。但功名之事非其所愿，屡次弃
儒学佛，被父母痛惩而止。不得已出来应试，垂髫就入泮，入泮就帮
补。及至父母亡后，他待二年服阙，将万金家产尽散与族人。自己缝
一个大皮袋，盛了木鱼经藏等物，落去头发，竟入山修行。知道者称
为孤峰长老，不知道的只叫他做皮布袋和尚。与众僧不同，不但酒肉
邪之事戒得甚坚。就于僧家本等事业之中也有三戒。那三戒是：不
募缘，不讲经，不住名山。人问他为什么不募缘，他道：“学佛之事
大抵要从苦行入 。须劳其筋骨，饿其体 ，使饥寒之虑日迫。饥寒
之虑日迫则 欲之念不生， 欲之念不生则秽浊日去，清静日来。久
之自然成佛。若还不耕而食，不织而衣，终日靠着施主拿来供 。腹
饱则思闲步，体暖则爰安眠。闲步而见可欲，安眠即成梦想。无论学
佛不成， 入地狱之事不求而自至矣。我所以自食其力，戒不募
缘。”人问他为甚 不讲经，他道：“经忏上的言语是佛菩萨说出来
的，除非是佛菩萨才解得出。其余俗口讲经，尤如痴人说梦。昔陶渊
明读书不求甚解。夫以中国之人读中国之书，尚且不敢求甚解，况以
中国之人读外国之书，而再妄加翻译乎？我不敢求为菩萨之功臣，但

268
 肉蒲团

免为佛菩萨之罪人而已。以此知愚守拙，戒不讲经。”人又问何不住
名山，他道：“修行之人须要不见可欲，使心不乱。天下可欲之事不
独声色货利。就是适体之清风，娱情之皎月，悦耳之禽鸟，可口之薇
蕨，一切可爱可恋者皆是可欲。一居胜地，便有山 水怪引我寻诗，
月姊风姨搅人入定，所以如名山读书者学业不成，如名山学道者名根
难净。况且 一处名山没有烧香的女子随喜的仕官？月明翠柳之事乃
前车也。我所以 了名刹来住荒山，不过要使耳目之前无可沽滞的意
思。”问者深服其言，以为从古高僧所未发。他因有此三戒，不求名
而名日彰。远近之人发心皈依者甚众，他却不肯轻收弟子，要察他果
有善根绝无尘念者，方才剃度。略有一毫信不过，便拒绝不收。所以
出家多年，徒弟甚少，独自一个在山涧之旁构几间第屋，耕田而食，
吸泉而饮。
 
    一日，秋风萧瑟，木脱虫吟。和尚清晨起来，扫了 前落叶，换了
佛前净水，装香已毕，放下蒲团，就在中堂打坐。忽有一少年书生，
带 个家童走进 来。那书生的仪表生得神如秋水，态若春云。一对
眼睛比他人更觉 样光焰。大约不喜正观 思邪视， 处用不着，唯
有 看女子 是专 。他又不消近身，随你隔几十丈
远，只消把眼光一瞬，便知好丑。遇者好的就把眼色一丢。那妇人若
是正气的，低头而过，不着到他脸上来，这眼光就算是丢在空处了。
若是那妇人与他一样毛病的，这边丢去，那边丢来，眼角上递了情
书，就 交不得了。所以不论男子妇人，但生下这 眼睛就不是吉祥
之兆，丧名败节皆由于此。看官们的尊目若有类此的不可
不慎。彼时这书生走进来，对佛像拜了四拜，对和尚也拜了四拜，起
来立在旁边。和尚起先在入定之时不便回礼，待完了工课方才走下蒲
团，也深深回了四拜。叙坐已定，就问其姓名。书生道：“弟子乃远
方之人，游苏浙中， 号‘未央生’。闻师父乃一代高僧 间活佛，故
269
 肉蒲团

此斋戒前来，□仰说话。”
 
    你道那和尚问其姓名他为何不称名道姓，却说起 号来？看官要晓
得元来之时士风诡 ，凡是读书人不喜称名道姓 以 号相呼。故士
人都有个表德，有称为“某生”，有称为“某子”，有称为“某道人”。大
约少年者称生，中年者称子，老年者称道人。那表德的字眼也各有取
义，或是情之所钟，或是性之所近，随取二字
以命名，只要自己明白，不必人人共晓。书生只因性耽女色，不善日
而喜夜，又不喜后半夜而喜前半夜，见《诗经》上有“夜未央”之句，
故此断章取意名为“未央生”。
 
    当时和尚见他称誉太过，愧不敢当，回了几句谦逊的话。其时瓦铛
之中斋饭已熟，和尚就留他吃了晨斋。 个对坐谈禅，机锋甚合。原
来未央生性 聪明，凡三教九流之书无不 浏览。这禅机里面 人千
言万语参不透的，他只消和尚提头一句就彻底了然。和尚心下暗想
道，好个有知识的男子，只怪造物赋形有错，为何把一副
学佛的心胸配一个作 的相貌？我看他行容举止分明是个大色鬼，若
不把他收入皮布袋中，将来必到钻穴逾墙，酿祸闺阃。天地间不知多
少妇人受其涂毒。我今日见了这悖乱之人而不为众人弥乱，非 慈悲
之道也。就对他道：“贫僧自出家以来阅人多矣。那些愚夫愚妇不肯
向善的固不足道，就是走来参禅的学士，听法的宰官也都是些 外
汉，能悟禅机的甚少。谁想居士竟有如此 明，以此学禅不数年可登
三味。人生在世，易得者是形体，难得者是性资。易过者是时光，难
过者是劫数。居士带了作佛的资性来，不可走到鬼魅的路上去。何不
趁此朝气未散之时，割除爱欲， 入空 。贫僧虽是俗骨凡胎，犹堪
作他山之石。果能发此大愿，力注此大因果，百年后上可配享于僧
伽，下亦不至听命于罗刹。居士以为何如？”未央生道：“弟子归禅之

270
 肉蒲团

念蓄之已久，将来少不得要归此法 。只是弟子尚有二愿未酬，难于
摆脱。如今年纪尚幼，且待回去毕了二事，安享数年。到那时然后来
摩顶皈依，未为 也。”
 
    和尚道：“请问居士有 二愿？莫非是要策名天府，下酬所学？立
功 域，上报朝廷么？”未央生摇头道：“弟子所愿不是这二事。”和
尚道：“既不是这二事，但所愿者毕竟是何事？”未央生道：“弟子所
愿者乃是自己力量做得来的，不是妄想的事。不瞒师父说，弟子读书
的记性，闻道的悟性，行文的笔性，都是最上一流。当今的名士不过
是勉强记诵，移东换西，做几 窗稿，刻一部诗文，就要树帜词坛，
纵横一世了。据弟子看来那是假借，要做真名士毕竟要读尽天下
书，交尽天下奇士，游尽天下名山，然后退藏一室，著书立言传于后
世。幸而挂名 榜，也替朝廷做些事业，万一文福不齐老于 下，亦
不失为千古之人。故此弟子心上有私语二句道：要做世间第一个才
子，……”和尚道：“这是第一句了。那第二句 ？”未央生待 口又
声不好说出的意思。和尚道：“第二句居士既然怕讲，待贫僧替
说了吧。”未央生道：“弟子心上的事师父那里说得出？”和尚道：“贫
僧若说不着，情愿受罚。只是说着了，居士不要假推不是。”未央生
道：“师父若说得着，不但是菩萨又是神仙了，岂敢 词推托？”和尚
不慌不忙道：“是‘要娶天下第一位佳人’”。
 
    未央生听了不觉目瞪口呆，定了半晌，方才答道：“师父真 人
也！这 句私语是弟子心上终日念的，师父竟像听见了一般，一口就
着着了。”和尚道：“岂不闻人间私语天闻若雷乎？”未央生道：“论起
理来，情欲之言本不该对师父讲。今师父既猜着，弟子不敢瞒师父说
弟子道心尚浅，欲念方深。从古以来‘佳人才子’
四个字再分不 ，有了才子定该有佳人作对，有了佳人定该有才子成

271
 肉蒲团

双。今弟子的才华且不必说，就是相貌也不差。时常引镜自照，就是
潘安、卫介生在今时，弟子也不肯多让。天既生我为才子，岂不生一
个女子相配？如今世上若没有佳人则已， 或有之，求佳 偶者非弟
子而谁？故此弟子年过二十尚未定亲，是不肯辜负才貌的
意思。待弟子回去觅着佳人成了配偶，生一子以继宗 ，那时节良愿
已酬无 他想，不但自己回头，亦当劝化室人同登彼岸。师父以为何
如？”和尚听了冷笑道：“这等看来居士的念头一毫不差，只是生人造
物的天公有些不是。若把一副丑陋形骸付与居士，居士具一点不昧之
，或者能于正果。所以古来之人常有 疾痫症，手
折足翘，因受天刑而成仙。仙人也就是这 道理。居士只因赋形之时
天公 骄纵了些，就如父母爱子一般，幼少之时唯恐损伤皮肉，恼壤
性情，不忍打他一下，骂他一句。儿子大来，只说皮肉性情是天地生
成的，父母 就的，所以任意去为非作歹。犯下罪来受官府之 笞，
遭朝廷之 刑戮，方恨父母骄纵太过，至有今日。这副细
皮肉、骄纵性情不是好祥瑞也。居士因你的相貌是第一个才子就要
去寻第一位佳人，无论佳人可得不可得，就使得了一位，只恐这一位
佳人额角上不曾注写‘第一’的 个字。若再见了强似他的，又要翻转
来那好的。这一位佳人若与居士一般生性，不肯轻易嫁人要等第一个
才子，居士还好娶来作妾。万一有了良人，居士何以
处之？若千方百计必要求遂所愿，则 堕地狱之事从此出矣。居士
还是要堕地狱乎？上天堂乎？若甘心堕地狱，只管去寻第一位佳人。
若要上天堂，请收拾了妄念，跟贫僧出家。”   
 
    未央生道：“师父说‘天堂地狱’四个字，未免有些落套，不似高僧
之言。参禅的道理不过是要自悟。本来使身子立在不生不灭之处便是
佛了。岂真有天堂可上乎？即使些有风流罪过亦不过玷辱名教而已，
岂真有地狱可堕乎？”和尚道：“‘为善者上天堂，作恶者堕地狱’果然
272
 肉蒲团

是套话。只是你们读书人事事 可脱套，唯有
修身立行之事一毫也脱不得。无论天堂地狱，明明不爽。即使没有天
堂，不可不以天堂为向善之阶。即使没有地狱，不可不以地狱为作恶
之戒。你既□明套话，我今不说将来的 报，只说现在的 报，少不
得又是套话。古语有云‘我不 人妻，人不 我妇。’这 句是 平常
的套话，只是世上贪 之人不曾有一个脱得套去，
人妻女，妻女亦为人所 。若要脱套，除非不奸 则已。若要奸 ，
少不得要被套话说着。居士还是要脱套乎，要入套乎？若要入套，只
管去寻第一位佳人；若要脱套，请收拈了妄念跟贫僧出家。”
 
    未央生道：“师父所言讲的样样透彻。只是为愚蒙者说法，不得不
讲个尽情，使他听得毛骨悚然，才知警戒。若对我辈说理亦未必如
此。天公立法虽严，行法亦未尝不恕。奸 必报者虽多，奸 不报者
亦未尝不少。若挨家逐户去访缉奸 ， 人妻女者亦使其妻女偿人
债，则天公亦其亵矣！总之循环之道，报施天理，大概
不爽，为人不善者不可不知道，就是劝化的大题目了，何必如此纳
柱？”和尚道：“照居士这等说来，世上的奸 亦有不报的么？只怕大
公立法并不曾使人漏网。或者居士忠厚，略有使人漏网处。据贫僧看
来， 人妻女而不报者古今并没有一个。书史所载，俗口相传者，盈
千累万。居士请试想之， 人妻女是得便宜的事，肯对
人说，故知道的多。妻女被 是失便宜的事，不肯对人说，故知道的
少，内中还有妻瞒其夫，女瞒其父，连自家也不知道，还说奸 之报
必无此事。直到盖棺之后，方信古语不诬，到那时节这了悟的话又对
人说不出了。无论奸人的妻女，才以妻女偿人 债。只奸 之念一
动，此时妻女之心不知不觉也就有许多忘了。譬如自家的妻女生得丑
陋，夜间与他交媾不十分起 ，心上想着日间所见的标致女子，把妻
子权当了他，自取其乐。焉知此时妻子心上不嫌丈夫丑陋，想着日间
273
 肉蒲团

所见的标致男子，把丈夫权当了他，自取其乐？此等事人人有之，虽
无损于冰霜之操，颇有伤于匪石之心。亦男子好 之报也。举心动念
尚且如此，何况身入其室，体压其层而鬼神不见，造物不嗔，使妻子
为全节之妇乎！贫僧此言却不是套话。居士以为然否？”未央生
道：“ 讲的入理，只是还要请问师父，妻女者 了人的妻女还有妻
女相报， 若无妻女者 了人的妻女，把甚么去还债？这大公的法度
也就行不去了。还有一说，一人之妻女有限，天下之女色无穷。譬如
自家只有一 个妻妾，一 个儿女，却 了天下无限的妇人，即使妻
女坏事，也就本少利多了。天公将何以处之？”
 
    和尚听了，知他大块顽石推移不动的人，就对他道：“居士谈锋甚
利，贫僧就不敢当。只是这 道理口说无凭，直待做出来方见明白。
居士请自待娶了佳人之后，从肉蒲团上参悟出来，方得实际。贫僧观
居士有超凡入圣之具，登岸造 之资，实不忍舍万一到豁然大悟之
后，还要来见贫僧，商量归路。贫僧从明日起终朝拭目
以待。”说罢，取出笺纸提起笔来，写五言四句的一首偈道：
 
        请抛皮布袋，去坐肉蒲团。须及生时悔，休嗟已盖棺。
 
    和尚写完递与未央生道：“粗笨头陀，不识忌讳，偈语虽然太激，
实出一片婆心。屈居士留之，以为后日之验。”说完立起身来，竟像
要送他的意思。未央生知道见绝，又念他是个高僧，不敢悖悖而去，
只得低头陪罪道：“弟子赋性愚顽，不受教悔，望师父海涵。他日重
来，尚祈收纳。”说罢依旧拜了四拜，和尚也一般回
礼送他出 ，分 而去。那和尚的出处言之已尽，后面只说未央生迷
恋女色事，不 容叙孤峰，要知孤峰结果到末回始见。
 
    评曰：
274
 肉蒲团

    未央生是一本戏文的正生，孤峰乃末脚也。他人执笔，定将未央生
说起，引孤峰作过客。此独叙孤峰， 其详悉，使观者疑孤峰后来或
有 行，谁料却又不然。直到打座参禅才露出正意来，使人捉摸不
定。此从来小说之变体，乃作者辟尽窠臼处。即使他人用此法必至题
旨错乱，头绪纷然，使观者不辨谁宾谁主。此独眉眼分明，使人看到
入题处 自了然。末后数语又提清线路，不 难为观者，真老手也。
 
    第三回：道学翁错配风流婿  端庄女情移薄情郎
 
    却说未央生 了孤峰，一路叽叽哝哝的埋怨道，好没来头。我二十
多岁的人，一 鲜花才 ，就要教人削发修行，去寻苦吃。世上那有
这样不情的人。我今日见他不过是因他是由名士出家，胸中必有 样
见解，要领略他禅机，好助我的文思。谁想竟受他许多怠慢，又做一
首乌龟偈赠我，教我怎当得起？我一个昂藏的丈夫，
若做了官还要治天下，管万民，难道自家妻子就管不下？我今遇着好
妇人，偏不肯当面错过。略做几桩风流罪犯，把自家闺 严谨，看有
个男子来讨得债去。况且有妇人嫁我这样标致丈夫，就有 个男子来
引诱 只怕也看不上眼。那失节之事料定是没有的。他方才那一首
偈，论理就该 碎了丢还他。只是后来相见要塞他毒口没
有凭据，我且留在身边，看他后来见了悔过不悔过。思量已定就将偈
语折好藏在衣带中。
 
    回到家里，吩咐几个伴当各路去传谕媒婆，要寻世间第一位佳人。
他原是个阀阅之家，又兼才貌双全， 一个男子不愿得他为婿， 一
个妇人不愿得他为夫？自从传谕之后，日日有几个媒婆寻他说亲。小
户人家任凭他上 去相，若是大户人家要顾体面，或约在寺院中，或
定在荒郊外，俩下相 ，以有心装作无意，相得分明
。惹了多少妇人回去害相思，他却个个都看不上眼。有个媒婆对他
275
 肉蒲团

道：“这等看来 的女子都不是你的对头，只有铁扉道人的小姐名
叫‘玉香’，才配得你上。只是他父亲古怪，定不肯使人相，你又定要
相，这事又是做不来的了。”未央生道：“他为何叫做‘铁扉道人’？你
为何见得他小姐标致？既然标致，为何不肯使人相？
”媒婆道：“这老者是有名的宿儒，做人孤介。家中有田有地无求于
人，生平没有一个朋友，独自一个在家读书，随你甚么人去敲 ，他
只是不 。有一个贵客慕他的名去访他，敲了半日 ，莫说不 ，连
答应也不答应。那贵客没奈何，题诗一首写在 上而去。中间有 句
道：
    但知高士篷为户，谁料先生铁为扉。
 
    他后来见了诗句道：‘铁扉 字道得不差，’他就把做 号叫做‘铁扉
道人’。生平没有儿子只得一女，生得如花似玉，无人可比。又且读
了一肚子书，都是父亲所教，凡诗词歌赋皆做得出。他家的闺 严
谨，又不走去烧香，又不出来看会，长了一十六岁不曾出头露面，至
于三姑六婆飞不进 。因昨日那老者立在 前，见我走过叫住问
道：‘你莫非是做媒的么’我答道：‘正是。’他就请我到家中指着女儿
对我道：‘这是我的小姐，要招个像样的女婿当儿子 老。你可留心
替我访择。’我就把相公说上，他道：‘我也闻得他的才名，但不知德
行何如？’我又道：‘相公少年老成，毫无破绽。只是一件，他要亲眼
相一相才肯下聘。’他听得这句话就放下脸道：‘胡说！只有扬州人家
的 马肯与人相，那有正经女儿许男子见面之理。’我见他说了这
话不好再讲，竟自出来。故此知道这头亲事定做不成。”
 
    未央生闻言心中暗想道：“我如今上无父母下无兄弟，明日娶了
妻，心性 一个拘管？就是自己行监坐守难道没有出 的时节？这老
儿的古板如此，我若赘在他家，不消我去提防，他自家的女儿自然会

276
 肉蒲团

照管，我就出 一世也不妨事。只是不得相一相究竟不放心，媒人的
口那里信得。就对他道：“照你说来亲事是 好的，毕
竟求你设个法子使我窥见些影响，只要大段不差也就罢了。”媒婆
道：“这个断断不能。你若不信，只好去求签问数，卜之于神。该做
就做，不该做就罢。”未央生道：“也说的是。我有个朋友，请仙判事
及其 验，待我请他来判断过了，然后回你的话。”媒人答应而去。
 
    次日未央生斋戒沐浴，把请仙的朋友延至家中。焚香稽首，低声祝
道：“弟子不为 事，只因铁扉道人之女名唤玉香。闻得他姿容绝
世，要娶为妻，但属耳 闻未曾目击，所以请问于大仙。果姿容绝
世，弟子就与他连姻稍不然即行谢绝。伏望大仙明白指示，勿为模糊
之言，使弟子参详不出。”祝完又拜四拜，起来扶住仙 ，
听其挥写。果然写出一首诗道：
    红粉丛中第一人，不须疑鬼 疑神。只愁艳冶将 诲，邪正 头好
问津。
    右其一
 
    未央生见了这一首，心上思道：“这等看来姿色是好的，只是后一
句明白说 冶容诲 ，难道这女人已被人破了瓜去不成？诗后既
有‘其一’二字，毕竟还有一首，且看后作何如。”只见仙 停了一
会，又写出四句道：
    妇女贞 不差，但须男子善齐家。闭 不使青蝇入，何处飞来玉
上瑕。
    右其二          回道人题
 
    未央生见了“回道人”三字知是吕纯 的 号，心上大喜道：“此公
于酒色二字 是在行，他说好毕竟是好的了。后面这一首是□我心中
之疑不通，要我堤防的意思。我想这古板丈人替我拘管，料然无事。
277
 肉蒲团

后 句明明说他铁扉之中无人钻得进的意思，不必再疑惑了。就望空
拜谢了纯 ，叫人唤媒婆来。 吩咐说：“仙诗判得甚好，如今不消去
相瞒，竟去说亲罢了。”
 
    媒人甚喜，走到铁扉道人家，把未央生求亲的意思述了一遍。道人
道：“他起先要亲眼相亲，就是重色不重德的人了，轻薄可知。我要
招个有品行的女婿，不要这等务外之人。”那媒婆要趁媒钱，只得把
巧话回 道：“他要相的意思不是为色，只怕举止轻佻，没有福相，
后来不得夫人。故今访得府上的闺训甚严，小姐的阃德又备，故此心
安意肯，特地央我来求亲。”道人道见他说的近理，就许了亲约，定
吉日过 完姻。
 
    未央生虽听了媒人之话，信了仙诗之言，只因不曾相得，到底狐
疑。直到成亲之夜，拜堂已毕，同入绣房，定睛细看，方才欢喜。怎
见得新人的好处？有新词一首为证：
    人窈窕，浑身满面都堆俏。
    都堆俏，愁容可掬，颦眉难效。

    还愁不是新人料，腰肢九细如何抱？
    如何抱，柔如无骨将又惊靠。
    右调《忆秦娥》
   
    怎见得新郎与新人成亲的乐处？也有新词一首为证：
   
    星眸合处差即盼，枕上桃花歌 瓣。
    多方欲闭口脂香，却被舌功唇已绽。
    娇啼歇处情何限，酥胸已透风流汗。
    睁 四目互相看， 心热似红炉炭。

278
 肉蒲团

    右调《玉楼春》
   
    却说玉香小姐姿容虽然无双，风情未免不足，还有一二分不中丈夫
的意。只因平日父训既严，母仪又肃，耳不闻 声，目不睹邪色，所
读之书不是《烈女传》就是《女孝经》，所说的话都与未央生心事相
反。至于举止，不免有乃父之风，丈夫替他取个混名叫“女道学”。对
他说一句调情的话就满面通红，走了 去。未央生
喜日间干事，好看 物以助 。有几次 脱裤， 就大喊起
来，却象强奸 的一般，只得罢了。夜间干事，虽然承当，都是无可
奈何的光景与见。行房的套数只好行些中庸之道，不肯标新立 。要
做“隔山取火”，就说犯了背夫之嫌。要做“倒浇 烛”，又说倒了夫纲
之礼。要搭 脚上肩，也费许多气力。至于快活之
时不肯叫死叫活，助男子的军威，就唤 心肝命肉，竟象哑妇一般，
不肯答应。
 
    未央生见 没有一毫生动之趣，甚以为苦。我今只得用些淘 的工
夫，变化 出来。明日就书画铺中买一副绝巧的春宫册子，是学士赵
子昂的手笔，共有三十六幅，取唐诗上三十六宫都是春的意思。拿回
去与玉香小姐一同翻阅，可见男女交媾这些套数不是我创造出来的，
古人先有行之者，现有赵文敏墨卷在此，取来证验。
起初拿到之时，玉香不知里面是甚 册，接到手中揭 细看，只见
卷 页写着“汉宫遗照”四个大字。玉香想道，汉宫之中有许多贤妃淑
媛，一定是些遗像，且看是怎生相貌。及到第三页，只见一个男子搂
着一个妇人，赤条条在假山上干事，就不觉面红发起性来道：“这等
不祥之物，是从那里取来的？玷污闺阃，快叫丫鬟拿去烧了。”未央
生一把 住道：“这是一件古董，价值百金。我问朋友借来看的。你
若赔得百金起只管拿去烧，若赔不起，好好放在这边，待我把玩一

279
 肉蒲团

日拿去还他。”玉香道：“这样没正经的东西看 它何用？”未央生
道：“若是没正经的事，那画工不去画他，收藏的人也不肯出重价去
买他了。只因是 天辟地以来第一件正经事，所以文人墨士拿来绘以
丹青，裱以绫绢，卖于书画之肆，藏于 墨之林，使后来的人知所取
法。不然 交感之理渐渐沦没，将来必至夫弃其妻妻背其夫，生生
之道尽绝，直弄到人无焦类而后止。我今日借来不但自己翻阅，也要
使娘子知道这 道理绝好受胎怀孕，生男育女，不致为道学令尊所
误，使夫妻后来没有结果的意思。娘子怎么发起恼来？”玉香道：“我
未信这件勾当是正经事。若是正经事，当初立法的古人何不教人明明
白白在日间对着人做？为何在更深夜静之时，瞒了众人就像做贼一
般，才行这件勾当？即此观之，可见不是正经事。”
 
    未央生笑道：“这等说来怪不得娘子，都是你令尊不是。把你 在
家中，没有在行的女伴对汝说说风情，所以孤陋寡闻，不晓人事。你
想，世上的夫妻那一对不在日里去干事？那干事不是明公正气使人知
道的？若还夫妻日里不行房，这画画之人怎么晓得这些套数？怎么描
写得这样入神，使人一看就动 起来？”玉香道：“
这等，我家父母为甚么不在日间做事？”未央生道：“请问娘子，怎见
得令尊令堂不在日间做事？”玉香道：“他们若做事，我毕竟撞着。为
何我生长一十六岁并不曾撞着一次？莫说眼睛不曾看见，就是耳 也
不曾听见？”未央生笑道：“好 懂妇人！这桩事只是儿女看见不得，
听见不得。除了儿女，其余丫鬟使婢 一个不看见？ 一个不听见？
他们要做事 毕竟晓得你不在面前，把 闭了，然后上场。若被你看
见就怕引动春心，思想男子，生出郁病来。故此瞒着你做。”玉香想
了一会道：“他们日里也常 睡觉，或是干此事也未可知。只是羞
人答答的，你看我我看你，如何做得出来？”
 
280
 肉蒲团

    未央生道：“日里行房比夜间的快活更加十倍。其间妙处正在我看
你你看我，才觉得动 。世间只有 夫妻断不可在日间干事。”玉
香道：“ 夫妻？”未央生道：“丑陋丈夫标致妻子，此一 也。
丑陋妻子标致丈夫，又一 也。”玉香道：“为何这 人日间做不得
事？”未央生道：“做这事全要你爱我我爱你，
精神血脉彼此相交，方才会快活。若是妻子生得肌 雪白，又娇又
嫩，就像美玉琢成的一般，丈夫把他衣脱了搂在怀中，一面看一面
干，自然 高十倍。那 物不觉又坚又硬，又粗又大了。只是女子看
见男人就像鬼怪一般，身上皮肉又黑又粗。 了衣服还不觉，此时脱
了丑态毕露，掩饰不来。况与雪白肌 相映，八分丑陋就觉
有十二分。妻子看了岂不憎嫌？心上既然憎嫌就要形与词色，男子看
见不知不觉坚硬的也软了，粗大的也细了。快活事不曾做得，反讨一
场没趣。不如在夜里行房，还可以藏拙。这是标致妻子与丑陋丈夫干
事的样子。那标致丈夫与丑陋妻子行房的情敝也与此一般，不消再
讲。若是我和你这样夫妻，白对白红对红，娇嫩对娇嫩，若不在日间
取乐，显一显皮 ，终日钻在被窝里面暗中摸索，可不埋没了一生，
与丑陋夫妻何择？娘子不信，我和你试一试，看比夜间的滋味何
如？”
 
    玉香到此处不觉有些省悟，口里虽然不肯，心上却要顺从，但觉
腮微红，骚容已露。未央生暗想， 有些意思来了。本要下手，只是
此女欲心初动，饥渴未深，若就与 做事譬如馋汉见了饮食，信口
直 ，不知咀嚼，究竟没有美处。我且熬 一熬然后同 上场。就
一把太师椅，自己坐了， 坐在怀中，揭 春宫册子
一幅一幅指与 看。那册子与 的春意不同，每一幅上前半页是春
宫，后半页是题跋。那题跋的话前几句是解释画面上的情形，后几句
是赞画工的好处。未央生教 存想里面神情，将来才好模仿，就逐
281
 肉蒲团

句念与 听道：
 
    第一幅乃纵蝶寻芳之势。
    跋云：女子坐太湖石上， 足分 。男手以玉麈投入 中，左掏右
摸以探花心。此时男子妇人 在入手之初，未 佳竟，故眉眼 张，
与寻常面目不甚相远也。
 
    第二幅乃教蜂酿蜜之势。
    跋云：女子仰 锦褥之上， 手着实， 股悬空，以迎玉尘，使男
子识花心所在，不致妄投。此时女子的神情近于饥渴，男子的面目似
乎张惶，使观者代为之急，乃化工作恶处也。
 
    第三幅乃迷鸟归林之势。
    跋云：女子倚眠绣床之上，双足朝天，以 手 住男人 股往下直
舂。似乎佳境已入，能恐 迷， 下正在用工之时，精神勃勃。真有
笔飞墨舞之妙也。
 
    第四幅乃饿马奔槽之势。
    跋云：女子正眠榻上， 手缠抱男子，有如束缚之形。男子以肩取
他双足，玉麈尽入 中，不得纤毫余地。此时男子妇人 在将丢未丢
之时，眼半闭而尚睁，舌将 而 吐， 面目一样神情。真化工之
笔也。
 
    第五幅乃双龙斗 之势。
    跋云：妇人之头倚于枕侧， 手贴伏，其软如绵。男子之头又倚于
妇人颈侧，浑身贴伏，亦软如绵，乃已丢之后。香魂欲去，好梦将
来，动 近静之状。但妇人双足未下，尚在男子肩臂之间，尤有一线
生动之意。不然竟像一对已毙之人，使观者悟其妙境有同棺共穴之思

282
 肉蒲团

也。
 
    玉香看到此处不觉骚性大发。未央生又翻过一页，正要指与 看，
玉香就把册子一推，立起身来道：“甚么好书，看得人不自在。起来
你自己看，我要去睡了。”未央生道：“还有好光景在后面，一 起看
完了同你去睡。”玉香道：“难道明天没有日子，定要今天看完？”未
央生知 急了，就搂住亲嘴。往常亲嘴把舌头送过
去， 的 紧闭不 ，若要 伸过来一发不能 了。做过一月夫妻
还不知舌长舌短。此番才靠朱唇， 的舌头已不知不觉度过 重
来了。未央生道：“心肝，我和你不消上床就把这太师椅当了假山
石，照册上的光景 拟一 番何如？”玉香假意恼道：“这岂是人干的
事？”未央生道：“果然不是人干的事，乃神仙干的事。
我和你权做一刻神仙。”就手解 裤带。玉香口虽不允手却允了，搭
在未央生肩上，任他把裤子脱下。只见裤裆之中湿了一大块，乃看画
之时 水流出的原故。未央生把自家裤子也脱了， 他坐在椅上，
脚分 ，将玉麈插入 中，然后脱 上身的衣服。为甚 起先不脱
衣服，直到脱裤之后才解上衣？要晓得未央生是个在行
的人，若先脱 上面衣服， 心上虽然着急外面还要怕羞，必竟有许
造作。故先把要害处据了，其余的地方自然不劳而定。这是行兵擒王
捣穴的道理。
 
    玉香果然凭他把一身的衣服脱得精光，唯有脚上的褶裤不脱。这是
何故？原来褶裤里面就是足脚，妇人裹脚之时只顾下面齐整，十指未
免参差，没有十分好处。况且三寸金莲 毕竟要褶裤罩在上面才觉有
趣。不然就是一 无叶之花，不耐看了。所以未央生得窍只除这一件
不脱。替 脱完之后把自己的衣服也尽脱下，然后大整
旗枪，分 小脚架在椅上， 起玉麈向 中左掏右摸，也像第一幅春

283
 肉蒲团

宫探觅花心的光景。掏摸了一会，玉香就把 手伸直抵住交椅，把
户 上来迎合玉麈。玉麈往左，以左承之。玉麈往右，以右承之。忽
然抵着一处，觉得里面似酸非酸，似痒非痒，使人当不得又使人离不
得的光景，就对未央生道：“如今只是这样罢了，不要
左掏右摸，搔坏了人。”未央生知道花心已得，就依了 。并力只攻
一处，由浅入深，由宽而紧，提了数百提。又见玉香的 手不觉来在
身子后面 住 股向上，直 与第二幅春宫的光景自然相合。未央生
就把 双足提起放在肩上，以 手抱住纤腰，尽根直抵。此时玉尘
更觉粗大，塞满 中。又提了数百提，只见 星眼将朦，云鬓欲坠，
却像要睡的光景。未央生扑 扑道：“心肝，我知道你要丢了。这椅
上难为人，到床上去完事罢。”
 
    玉香正在要紧头上，恐怕走上床去未免要取出玉麈来，把快活事打
断了。况且此时手酸脚软动弹不得，要走也走不上床。闻他一说这一
句只是闭了双眼摇头不应。未央生道：“心肝，你莫非走不动 ？”玉
香把头点一点。未央生道：“待我抱你上去就是。”竟把 双足架在
手臂上。玉香双手抱住未央生，口里含了绛舌。未
央生抱将起来，玉尘留在 中并不抽出，一边行走一边抽送做个走马
看花的势。抱到床上，把玉香放倒，架起双足从头干起。再抽数百
抽，玉香忽然叫道：“心肝，我要不好了！”双手紧紧搂住未央生，口
里 就像大病之人要绝命的一般。未央生知道 精已生，把玉
麈顶住花心用力一揉，也陪 似死。
 
    个抱住睡了一刻，玉香醒转来道：“我方才死了去你知道么？”未
央生道：“我怎么不知道，这不叫死叫做丢。”玉香道：“怎么叫做
丢？”未央生道：“男有 精女有 精，干到快活尽头处那精就来了。
将来未来之时，浑身皮肉连骨头一齐酥麻起来，昏昏 竟像睡去一

284
 肉蒲团

般，那精才得泄。这就是丢了。那春宫第五幅就
是这个模样。”玉香道：“照你说来丢过之后还会活，竟是不死的
么？”未央生道：“男子与妇人干一次丢一次，还有 有来得快的妇
人，男子丢一次 丢几十次的。这叫做快活，那里会死！”玉香
道：“既是如此，从今后我日日要丢，夜夜要丢了。”
    未央生大笑道：“何如我劝你不差么！这副春宫册子可是件宝具
么？”玉香道：“果然是件宝具。若买来放在家里常看看也是好，只怕
那朋友要来取去。”未央生道：“那是哄你的话，其实是我自己买
的。”玉香听了欢喜。 个说完起来 了衣服再看春宫，看到 高之
处重新又干。夫妇二人从这日起分外相投， 加恩爱。
 
    玉香自看春宫之后，道学变做风流。夜间行房不行中庸之道，最喜
标新立 。 烛也肯倒浇，隔山也容取火。干事之时骚声助 的狂态
渐渐在行。未央生要助 性，又到书铺中买了许多风月之书，如
《绣 野史》、《如意君传》、《痴婆子传》之类，共有一二十 。
放在案头任 翻阅，把以前所读之书尽行束之高阁。夫
妇二人枕席之欢就画三百六十幅春宫也还描写不尽。真是：琴瑟不足
喻其和，钟鼓不能鸣其乐。
 
    未央生至此可谓快乐之 矣，只是一件，夫妇里面虽然和谐，翁婿
之间甚觉不合。为甚么原故？只因铁扉道人是个古执君子，喜质朴恶
繁华，忌说风流爱讲道学。自从未央生入赘之夜见他衣服华丽，举动
轻浮，心上就觉有懊恼。叹一口气道：“此子华而不实，必非有成之
器。吾女失所规矣。”只是聘礼已收，朱陈已结，不
可改移，只得将错就错，等他成亲后以严父拘管，把他磨炼出来，做
个方正之士。所以词色之间毫不假借，莫说言语舛错，做事差池定要
呵斥他教训他，就是行起坐 稍有不端正处，亦要聒絮一番。未央生

285
 肉蒲团

少年心性，父母早亡，不曾有人拘束，那里受得这般磨难？几次要与
他相抗，只怕妻子有所不安，有妨琴瑟之乐，没奈何只
得隐忍。忍到后来忍不过了，心上思量道，我当初不过慕他女儿，因
他不遣嫁定要招人，我所以来就他。他如何竟把太山势来压我。他那
样一个腐儒我不去变化他也罢了，他反要来变化我。况且我这一个风
流才子将来正要做些窃玉 香 炙人口的事，难道靠他一人女儿就勾
我终身大事不成？都像这等拘管起来，一步路也不许乱
走，一句话也不容多说，若还做出分外事来倒不问我一个死罪？我如
今思量与他拗又拗不得，忍又忍不过，只有一着，除非把女儿交托与
他，只说出 游学，且往 处走走。如今世上第一位佳人已被我娶
着， 若遇见第二位纵不能 娶他，便做几夜露水夫妻，了了夙缘也
是好的。
 
    主意定了，要先对玉香说过然后请问丈人，又怕玉香贪恋枕席之欢
不放我去，若先受 一番阻挠就不好再对丈人说了。只得瞒了玉香背
后告丈人道：“小婿僻处山邑，孤陋寡闻，上少明师下无益友，所以
学问没有长进之日。如今要拜 岳父，游艺四方，使眼界略宽，胸襟
稍大。但见有明师益友之处就在那边下帷，遇了场期
就到省中应试，或者博得一科 榜也不枉岳父招赘一场。不知肯容小
婿去么？”铁扉道人道：“你在我家做了半年女婿，只有这一句话才堪
入耳。肯离家读书是 好的事，我为甚么不肯？”未央生道：“岳父虽
然见允，只怕令爱怪小婿寡情，新婚未几就要远出。如今照小婿的意
想，只说出自岳父之心非干小婿之事，方才没有牵
带，可以率意径行。”道人道：“ 说得是。”
 
    商量定了，道人当着女儿劝未央生出 游学，未央生假意不肯，道
人正颜厉色苦说一番，未央生方才依命。玉香正有得趣之时，忽然听

286
 肉蒲团

得丈夫要去，就像小孩子要断乳一般，那里苦得过？连出 以後的欠
账都要预支了去。未央生也晓得长途寂寞，一时未必有妇人到手，着
力承奉。就像办酒席的一般，虽然是为客而设，也落得自家奉陪。一
连几夜的绸缪，真是 人替他说不出，只好夫妻自家知道而已。到临
行之时，未央生 了丈人妻子，带了家童随身而去。此后未央生奇遇
尚多，静听下回分解。
 
    评曰：
    说道理劝人使听者毛发 竦，说情欲动人又令观者神魂 荡。不知
者以首鼠 端为作者病，殊不知委曲动人处正是刻意劝人处。但思玉
香未看春宫以前是何等正气？既观题跋以後是何等 欲？贞 贵贱判
于顷刻之间，皆男子导 之过也。为丈夫者可不慎哉？
 
    第四回：宿荒郊客心悲寂寞  消长夜贼口说风情
 
    未央生 了丈夫妻子，出 游学。信足所至，没有一定的方向，只
要有标致妇人的所在就是他安身立命之乡。每过一府一县，定要住几
曰。他是个少年名士，平日 考得起，又喜结社，刻的文字最多。千
里内外凡是读书人没有一个不知道他的，所以到一处就有一处朋友拉
他入社。他把作文会友当了末着，只有寻访佳人是他
第一件要紧。每日清晨起来，不论大街小 定去寻历一边。所见的都
是寻常女子，再不见有天姿国色。

    一日在荒郊旅店之中， 个伴当一齐生起病来，动身不得。要出

走走没个跟随的人怕妇人家见了不象体面，独自一个坐在下处甚觉无
聊。忽见隔壁房里有个同下的客人走过来道：“相公独坐未免寂寞，
小人有壶酒在那边，若不弃嫌请过去同饮一杯何如？”未央生道：“萍
水相 ，怎好奉扰？”那人道：“我闻得读书人是
287
 肉蒲团

喜脱略的，相公为何这等拘执？小人虽是下贱之人， 喜结朋友，
只是相公前程远大，不敢高攀。如今同在旅店中也是难 难遇，就屈
坐一坐何妨？”
    未央生正在闷 之中，巴不得 人讲话，就应允了。同他过去，他
把未央生送在上面，自己坐在旁边。未央生再三不肯， 他对坐，那
人就问姓名。未央生把自己的 号说了也问他是何尊号。那人
道：“小人是个俗子，没有 号。只有个浑名叫做‘赛昆仑’。”未央生
道：“这个尊称来的 样。为何取这三个字？”那人道
：“若说起来只怕相公害怕，不 与小人对饮了。”未央生道：“小弟
也是豪侠之人，随你神仙鬼怪立在面前也不怕的。至于贵践贤愚一概
不论，只要意气相投，有甚 不 ！”赛昆仑道：“这等就不妨直说
了。小人平日是个做贼，能飞墙走壁，随你几千丈的高楼，几百层的
厚壁，我不消些气力就直入他 榻之中，把东西席卷
出来。不盗第二日也不使他知道。人说当初有个昆仑，能飞入郭令公
府中盗取红绡出来。他一生一世不过做得一次，我不知做了几百次，
故此把我叫做‘赛昆仑’。”

    未央生大惊道：“你既然久做此事，又出了名，人人晓得，难道不
犯出事来？”赛昆仑道：“若犯出事来就不为豪杰了。自古道‘拿贼拿
脏’，脏拿不着，我就对他说，他也不敢奈何我。远近的人没有一个
不奉承我，惟恐得罪了我要算计他。我生平有些义气有‘五不 ’：遇
凶不 ，遇吉不 ，相熟不 ， 过不 ，不提防不 。”
    未央生道：“这五 名目来的有意思了，请逐件说明。”赛昆仑
道：“人家有凶事，或是生病或是居丧，或是有飞灾奇祸，他正在急
难之中，我若去 他，如火上添油，他一发当不起了。我所以不去。
人家有喜事，或是嫁娶或是起盖，或是生子寿诞，他正在吉庆头上，
我若去 他，使他没有好彩头，将来做事就 蹬了。我所以不去。那
288
 肉蒲团

一面不相识的人我去 他不为过。若是终日相见拱手作揖的人，我去
他，他总不疑我，我见了他也觉得有些惭愧。我所以不去。那财主
人家金银甚多，我去下顾一次，只当打他的抽丰，何为之过？若 过
一遭得了甜头只管去骚扰他，就是个贪得无厌之人，这样事我也不
做。那提心吊胆的人家夜夜防贼，口里不住的说贼。他以不肖之心待
我，我就以不肖之心待他。 他一遭使他知道我的见识，不容易防
的。若是宽胸大度之家，知道钱财是身外之物，不以为意，或是大
忘了不闭或是房 设而不 ，我若去 他就是个欺软怕硬的人了，我
岂肯做他。这就叫做‘五不 ’。远近之人见我有这些好处，所以明知
我是贼，不以为贼待我，反与
我相处不以为辱。如今相公若还不弃，就在这里拜个弟兄，以後有用
着小人处，只管效劳，就是死也肯替的。”

    未央生听他说话，不觉心上叹息道，不意盗贼之中竟有这般豪杰，
我若同他相处与 处还用不着， 若遇了佳人如红绡、红拂之类，在
高 大宅之中，或有消息不能相通，或身子不能出入，我就托他当了
昆仑何等不妙？思量到此不觉手舞足踏起来。后来听说要同他结拜，
心上就有些 躇，口里虽应道“ 好”，心内不十分
踊跃。赛昆仑知道他心思就 口道：“相公口里决了，心上还未决，
莫非怕有连累 ？无论小人高强，做贼断然不犯，就是犯了出来，死
便自家死，决不 无辜之人。相公不消多虑。”
    未央生见他参破机 又解了疑虑，满口应承。 人各出分资办了三
牲祭礼，写出年月日，就在店中歃血为盟，誓同生死。赛昆仑年长，
未央生年幼，序了兄弟之称。又同享祭物，吃到半夜。要分 去睡，
未央生道：“ 处睡了大家都寂寞，不如同在小弟床上，抵足谈心，
消此长夜何如？”赛昆仑道：“也说得是。” 人就脱了衣服，同床而
睡。
289
 肉蒲团

    未央生才爬上床不觉就露出惯相来。口中说道：“怎么这样好所
在，没有看的上的妇人！”赛昆仑听了问道：“贤弟为何说这 句，莫
非不曾娶弟妇？要各处求亲 ？”未央生道：“弟妇是娶过了。只是一
个男子怎么靠得一个妇人相处到老？”必竟在妻子之外还要 寻几个
相伴才好。不瞒长兄说，小弟的心性是 喜风流的
，此番出来名为游学，实是为访女色。走过了许多州县，看见的妇人
不是涂脂抹粉掩饰 漆黑的肌 ，就是戴翠项珠遮 焦黄的头上，
那里有一个妇人不消打扮，自然标致的？所以小弟看厌了，不觉说这
句。”赛昆仑道：“贤弟差了。天下好妇人决不使人见面，那见面的
决不是好妇人。莫说良家子女，就是娼妓里面除非是
丑 陋没人爱的，方肯出来倚 卖笑。略有几分身价就坐在家中等
人去访 方肯出来，何况好人家子女，肯立在 前使人观看？你若要
晓得好妇人，只除非来问我。”

    未央生听了就昂起头来道：“这又奇了。长兄又不在风月场中着
脚，为何晓得我那事？”赛昆仑道：“我虽不在风月场中着脚，那风月
的事却只有我眼睛看得分明，耳 听得分明。我且问你，天下标致的
女子还是富贵人家多，贫贱人家多？”未央生道：“自然是富贵人家
多。”赛昆仑道：“这等富贵人家标致的女子还是脸
上 了脂粉身上 了衣服才看的仔细，还是洗了脂粉脱了衣服才看得
仔细？”未央生道：“自然是洗脱去了才见本色。”赛昆仑道：“这等就
明白了。我们做贼的人那贫贱人家自然不去，去走动的毕竟是珠翠成
行的去处，自然看见的多了。去的时节又是更深漏静之时， 或是
脱了衣服坐在明月之下，或是 了帐幕睡在灯影之中。我怕 不曾睡
着不敢收拾东西，就躲在暗处，把双眼盯在 身上看 ，响不响动不
动，直待 睡着了方才动手。所以看得仔细，不但面貌肌 一毫没

290
 肉蒲团

有躲闪，就是那牝户之高低， 毛之多寡，也看得明白。这数百里内
外的人家， 个妇人生得好， 个妇人生得不好，都在我肚里。你若
要做这桩事，只消来问我。”

    未央生起先还在被窝中侧耳而听，及至说道此处，不觉露出胸 坐
起来道：“有理。大人家女随你甚 人不得见，就见也不分明，惟有
你们相得到。还有一说，你看了标致的妇人又见了丰满的 户，万一
动起 来都怎么处？”赛昆仑道：“起先少年的时节见这光景也熬不
住，常在暗地对着妇人打手铳，只当与 干事一般。
后来见得多了，也就不以为意。看着 户就象寻常动用的家 并不动
情。只是见 与丈夫干起事来，口里 中即即作作，未免有
些动 起来。”
    未央生见他说到至妙处，就拨转身子睡到一头去听。赛昆仑
道：“你若不嫌亵渎，待我说一 桩为你听，未知肯听否？”未央生
道：“妙 ！如得如此，真是与君一席话胜读十年书。快讲讲来。”赛
昆仑道：“我生平看见的事甚多，不知从那里说起。如今随你问一
件，我就说一件罢了。”

    未央生道：“请问妇人是喜干的多，是不喜干的多？”赛昆仑
道：“自然是喜干的多。大约一百个妇人只有一 个不喜干，其余都
是喜干的。只是这喜干的里面有 。有心上喜干，口里就说要干
的。有心上喜干，故意装作不要干，待丈夫强 上场，然后露出本
相来。这 妇人倒是前面的一 好打发。我起先躲在暗处见
催丈夫干事，我想是个 之妇，通宵不 的了。谁想抽不下几下
就丢，一丢之后精神 怠只想睡觉，随丈夫干也罢不干也罢。惟有心
上要干假说不干的妇人， 难相处。我曾去 一家，见丈夫 妻子干
事，妻子不肯。丈夫爬上身去，反推下来。丈夫只说是不要干，竟呼

291
 肉蒲团

呼的睡了。那个妇人故意把身子翻来 去，要碍他醒来。见碍他不
醒，又把手去摇他。谁想丈夫睡到好处，再不得醒。 就高声喊起
来道：‘有贼！’若把 个做贼的，就被他 走了。我知道 不是喊
贼，是要惊醒丈夫，好起来干事。果然不出所料，只见丈夫 醒之
后， 又把巧话支吾道：‘方才是猫捉老鼠跳一下响，我误听了，只
说是贼，其实不相干。’就把丈夫紧紧搂住，将牝户在 物边挨挨擦
擦。丈夫才动起 ，上身去干。初时抽送还 勉强熬住，不露骚声。
抽到数百上，渐渐 哈起来，下面 水流不住。干到半夜丈夫丢了，
的骚 正发，又不好叫丈夫再干，只得装声叹气却像有病的光景。
让丈夫揉胸摸肚，不容他睡。丈夫睡不着，只得又爬上身从头干起，
直到鸡鸣方才歇息。累我守了一夜，正要收拾东西天又明了，只得潜
身而出。所以晓得这 妇人 难相处。”

    未央生道：“请问妇人干事的时节，还是会浪的多不会浪的多？”赛
昆仑道：“自然是会浪的多。大约十个妇人只有一 个不会浪，其余
都是会浪的。只是妇人口中有三 浪法，惟有我们听得清楚，那干事
的男子反不知道。”未央生问：“ 三 ？”赛昆仑道：“初干的时节，
不曾快活，心上不要浪外面假浪起来，好等丈
夫动 。这 声气原听得出大约，口里叫出来的字字清楚。此是一
浪法。干到快活的时节，心上也浪，口里也浪，连五官四肢都浪起
来。这 声气也听得出，叫出来字字模糊，上气不接下气。又是一
浪法。干到快活尽头处，精神 了，手脚软了，要浪浪不出。这 声
气在喉咙里面，就有些听不出了。我曾 一家，见他夫妻干事，起先
乱颠乱耸，响声如雷。干到后面，那妇人不响不动，宛如被男子入死
了一般。我走到近处去听，只见喉咙里面咿咿呀呀似说话非说话，似
叹气非叹气。我听了这光景知道 快活 了，不觉 大动，浑身
酸麻，又不曾打手铳，自己的精竟流出来。所以晓得妇人又再有这一
292
 肉蒲团

浪法。”

    未央生听到此处，也就浑身酸痒，不觉的 精竟流了一席。还要问

他 的，不想天已大明。 个起来梳洗毕，依旧对坐说些妙话。 个
绸缪几日，交情 密，未央生就对他道：“小弟生平以女色为性命，
如今得遇长兄可谓三生有幸了。若不以心事相托，岂不当面错过？要
求兄长把见过的妇人拣第一个标致的，生个法子使小弟经一经眼，若
果然是绝色，不瞒长兄说，小弟的贱造是有红鸾照命的，生平一见了
妇人我不去寻 自然来寻我。到那时求长兄显个神通，成其好事
何如？”赛昆仑摇头道：“这个使不得。我生平有 过不 之戒。 过
了 财物尚不忍再 ，何况于有 名节的妇人？只好从今以後留心为
你寻访，走到人家见有标致妇人就不
财物，竟走回来与你商量，做成好事，这还使得。”未央生道：“小
弟有眼不识义士，方才的话唐突多了。只是一件，既蒙金诺要替小弟
留心，若果见了绝色妇人，千万不可 财物，忘了今日之言。诺
做得事成，小弟后来自然图报。”赛昆仑道：“这等看来，你果然有眼
不识义士。我若是想你图报的人，又不如拿现在的穗
了。就是你日后做官，许我打几次抽丰，那打抽丰的银子也看得见，
不如我做一次盗。这样的报也可以不图。我如今许你一个标致妇人，
少不得明日还你一个标致妇人。你如今既遇了我不消到 处去，且在
这边赁几间房子读书。也不要靠我一个，你若看见有好的，就自己去
做事。我若看见有好的，走来报你。 路搜寻，自然遇
着，决不至落空。”
    未央生大喜，就央人去寻寓处。临 之时，又 住他拜了四拜，方
才分 。毕竟未央生的奇遇如何，下回便见。

    评曰:

293
 肉蒲团

    赛昆仑的人品高于未央生十倍！不是未央生结交匪类，还是赛昆仑
结交匪类耳？

    第五回：选手姿严造名花册  狗情面宽收雪鬓娘
 
    未央生自赛昆仑 后，搬在一个庙中作寓。这庙是送子张仙的行
宫，里面房间甚少，往常是不寓客的。只因未央生不惜重价， 处一
一月他情愿出二 ，道士贪图微利所以租与他住也。为甚么肯出重
价？只因本庙的张仙 其 验，远近妇人来求子者 多。未央生要在
此处做个选场，所以谋在这边作寓。自进寓之后，每日
定有几班妇女进来烧香。那烧香的妇女又与 处烧香的不同。十个之
中定有一 个将就看得。这是甚么缘故？原来各处烧香的妇人大抵老
中年的多，少年的少，所以没一个看得上眼。此处烧香的妇人都是求
嗣而来，老年的经水已绝，必无生理。中年的经水将绝，子 以阑。
所以进来求嗣都是少年女子，不过有一二个老成的陪来
。但凡女子十四岁至二十岁这五六年中间，无论好歹，面上都有点桃
花色艳，隐隐动人。所以十个之中定有一 个看得。
 
    未央生每日早起，打扮得整整齐齐，在神座前走来走去。望见有妇
人来就躲在张仙的背后，听道士替 通诚，又看 拈香礼拜，把面庞
态度看得无遗。然后攻其不备从里面闯出来。那妇人见他姿容绝世，
都吃一惊，疑是自己至诚把泥塑的张仙拜活了，下来送子与我。直待
他走下阶前摇摆一会，方才晓得是人。那 魂已被活
张仙勾去了。弄得那些女子心花意乱，眼角传情，都恋恋不肯回去。
也有故意扔下汗巾子为表记的。
 
    自此以後未央生举止分外轻佻，精心 加放荡，竟说世间标致女人
该是我受用的。自起先入庙之时就钉下一本袖珍册子，藏在夹袋之
294
 肉蒲团

中，上面题四个字“广收春色”凡是烧香女子有几分姿色就登记入册。
如妇人某人，年岁若干，良人某某，住居某处，都细细写下名字。旁
又用朱笔加圈，以定高下。特等三圈，上等二圈，中等一圈。每一名
后面又做四六批语，形容 的好处。那未央生怎么晓得许多妇人并
丈夫姓名住处？只因妇人入庙烧香定有个香火道士立在旁边替 通
诚，就问 姓甚么名甚么，年纪多少，系那一位信士之妻，住在何坊
何里。那妇人就不说，定有个家人使婢替 答应。未央生此时就记
在腹中，待 去后，取出册子登记上去。不上数日，把一方的女色收
罗殆尽。虽然录了许多妇女，都是一等中等的，要那三圈头竟没有一
个。心上想到，我生平的志向原要娶世间第一位佳人，起先在家里娶
着的只说是第一位了。如今看起来与 一样的尽多，可见还算不得
第一位。我想天下的女色岂有有了榜眼探花而无状元之理，必竟有第
一位的在那边我还不曾遇着。如今看来看去，这些妇女只好存在这边
做个备卷，若终久遇不着亦可拿来塞责。我且姑待几日，看以後进来
的何如。于是取法加严，不肯少恕。
 
    一日，精神怠 ，正在房里睡觉，忽见家童 进来道：“相公，快
起来看标致女子。”未央生连忙下床来，戴新巾， 丽服，又要照照
镜子，未免耽搁了一会。及至走到外面，只见 位少年女子，一个
银红，一个 藕色，陪伴来的是个半老佳人，都烧了香要出去了。未
央生隔着许多路把那 个少年女子一看，真是巫山神女，洛浦仙颐，
比往常所见的大不相同，一时不觉风颠起来。见 要走还不曾出
，就如飞赴去跪在 槛外，不住的叩头。把 个家童与香火道士皆
得口呆，只怕妇人要发作。
    谁想未央生外面虽是疯颠，心上却有主意。料那三个妇人若是肯走
这条路的，知道我见 标致爱 不过，所以跪拜 ，料 必不发作。
若还是正气的发作起来，我只推是外面走来的人，要拜张仙求嗣，见
295
 肉蒲团

有女眷在内，混杂不雅，所以不敢进去，跪在 外叩头。 难道晓

得我寓在庙中不成？把这个计较放在胸中，立于不败之地，所以才敢
如此。
 
    果然那三个妇人不知就里，只说他是求嗣的，都缩转身去立在旁
边。直等他拜完，方才举步。拜的时节，那 个少年女子虽然一般顾
眄，只是那 意思还在有意无意之间，不觉得十分出像。独不那个半
老佳人，对着未央生十分做作，自己掩口不住的笑。临行之际，还把
未央生 了几眼，方才出去。
    未央生痴足半晌不能出声，将去一二里才问香火道士是 家的女
子。道士见他轻举妄动，几乎惹出事来，埋怨不了，那肯对他说。未
央生要跟着轿子去追踪迹，他又知道去远了，追赶不上，只得回到房
中，闷闷的坐。心上想到，这等可恨的事，那些不中意的个个都晓得
姓名住处，偏是这 个 中意的一个也不知道下落。可惜一对绝世佳
人当面错过。就取出那本册子，要添这 个上去，竟无名字可写，只
得先记一笔在前，道：
 
    某月某日遇国色二名，不知姓氏，姑就所衣之色随意命名，仿佛年
齿性情 列于左，以便物色。
    银红女子一名。年可十七八。察其情意， 于归未决而欲窦未
者。
    批：
    此妇态如云行，姿同玉立。朱唇绽处，娇同解语之花。纤步移时，
轻若能飞之燕。眉无忧而长蹙，信乎西子善颦。眼不 而慵 ，应是
杨妃喜睡。更可爱者，赠人以心，而不赠人以物，将行无杂佩之遗。
示我以意，而不示我以形，临去少秋波之转，殆女中之隐士而阃内之
幽人。置之巍等，谁曰不宜？

296
 肉蒲团

 
    藕色佳人一名。年可二十许。察其神气，似适人虽久而原 未流
者。
    批：
    此妇风神绰约，意志翩跹。眉无待画之痕。不烦京兆，面有难增之
色。焉用何郎肌肉，介肥 之间，妙在 不可增，肥不可 。妆束居
浓淡之际，妙在浓似乎浅，而淡似乎深。所可怜者，幽情郁而未舒，
似常 不 之 萏。心事含而莫吐，怠未谢愁谢之芳菲。所贵与前，
并压群芳，同称国色者也俟！
 
    面试后再定元魁
 
    批评已毕，心上又想到，那个半老佳人也不 少年风致。 的且不
要说，只是那双眼睛或如一件至宝了。 起先丢上许多眼色，我只因
注意那 个，不曾回 一眼。如今想来甚不过意，况且与标致妇人
同行，不是 娌定是亲戚，也就要看标致的分上宽待 几分了。 又
肯帮情 趣，引那 个顾眄我，分明是个解人。我若寻得 ，何愁
那 个不入鹄中？我今也把 写在册上，加一个好批评。一来报 牵
卷之情，二来若寻着的时节就把这册子送与 看，先把 奉承到了，
不愁 不替我做事。就提起笔来，把国色二名的“二”字改作“三”字。
因 服是玄衣，再添一名道：
 
    玄色美人一名。年疑四九，姿同二八。观其体态，似欲事书疏而情
甚炽者。
    批：
    此妇幽情勃动，逸 湍飞。腰肢比少妇虽实，眉黛与新人竞曲。腮
红不 桃花，肌莹如同玉润。最销魂者，双星不动而眼波自流，闪烁
如同崖下电。寸步未移而身容忽转，轻飘酷似 头云。即与二美鼎足
297
 肉蒲团

奚多让焉！
 
    写完，每一个名字上圈了三圈，依旧藏在夹袋中。
 
    从这一日起，那张仙殿上去也得，不去也得。进来的妇人看也可，
不看也可。只把这三个佳人时刻放在心上，终日带了这个本子沿街去
撞。再不见一毫踪影，心上想道，赛昆仑见识最高，路数又熟，为甚
么不去问他？只是一件，他原许我寻一个，这几日不见，想是去寻
了。我若对他说，他只道我有中意的，倒把这担子丢 了。况且没名
没姓，教他 里去查？我且放在肚里，再等几日他或许寻一个来报我
也不可知， 的东西怕多，标致妇人也不怕多了。
 
    自此以後，每日起来不是出 问撞，就是在家死等。一日，在街上
遇着赛昆仑，就 住问道：“大哥，向日所许的事为何不见回音？莫
非忘记了？”赛昆仑道：“时刻在心，怎么会忘记。只是平常的多，绝
色的少。近日才寻着，正要来报你，恰好撞着。”未央生听了，满脸
堆下笑来道：“既然如此，请到敝寓去讲。 人偕
手而行，一同入寓。把家童打发出去了， 个 了房 商量好事。
    不知是 一家妇人造化，遇着这会干的男子，又不知是 一家丈夫
气，惹着这作 的奸夫？看官不用猜疑，自有下回分解。

第六回：饰短才漫夸长技  现小物怡笑大方
    诗曰：
    不是房中作干才，休将末技惹愁胎。
    暗中谁见潘安貌，阵上难施子建才。
    既返迷魂归楚国，问伊何事到 台。
    生时欲带风流具，尺寸还须自剪裁。
 
298
 肉蒲团

    赛昆仑坐下先问未央生道：“贤弟这一向可曾有甚么奇遇么？”未央
生怕他要卸担，只回没有。接口就问道：“长兄方才所说的是 一
家？住在 一处？多少年纪？怎么样姿色？”赛昆仑道：“我如今寻着
的不止一个，一共有三个，只许你拣择一个。你不要贪心不足都想
要，做起来这就成不得了。”
    未央生心上疑惑道，我心上有三个，他口里也说三个，莫非是日前
见的不成？若果然是，只要弄得一个上手，那 个自然会来，何须要
他帮助？就回 道：“岂有此理！只要有一个也就 得紧了，怎敢做
那贪得无厌之事！”赛昆仑道：“这等才好。我且问你，你还是喜肥的
还是喜 的？”未央生道：“妇人家的身体肥有肥
的妙处， 有 的妙处。但是肥不可胜衣， 不可露骨。只要肥 得
宜就好了。”赛昆仑道：“这等说来三个都合着你意思。我再问你，你
还是喜风流的喜老实的？”未央生道：“自然是风流的好。老实妇人睡
在身边，一些 趣也没有，倒不如独宿的干净。”
    赛昆仑摇头道：“这等说来，三个都不是你的对头。”未央生
道：“怎见得那妇人老实？”赛昆仑道：“那三个妇人皆是一般家数，
若论姿色，倒有十二分，只是‘风流’二字不十分在行。”未央生
道：“这个不妨。妇人家的风情态度可以教导得来。不瞒长兄说，弟
妇初来的时节也是个老实头，被小弟用几日工夫把 淘熔出来，如
今竟风流不过了。只要那三个妇人姿色好，就老实些小弟自有变化之
法。”
 
    赛昆仑道：“这也罢了。我再问你，你还是一见了面就要到手，还
是肯熬几月工夫，慢慢伺候到手？”未央生道：“不瞒长兄说，小弟平
日欲火 盛，三五夜不同妇人睡就要梦遗。如今离家日久，这点欲心
慌得紧了。遇不着标致女子还可以勉强支持，若遇着了，只怕就涵
不住了。”赛昆仑道：“这等，丢了那 个，单说这一个罢。那 个是
299
 肉蒲团

富贵人家女子，一时难到手。这一个是穷汉老婆，容易设法。我因许
你这桩事，时时刻刻放在心头，遇了妇人定要仔细看看。那一日，偶
从街上走过，看见这个妇人坐在 里， 外挂着一条竹帘。虽然隔着
帘子看不明白，只觉得面庞之上红光 ，白焰腾腾，竟象珍珠宝
贝，有一段光 从里面射出来一般。再看 浑身态度，只像一幅美
人图挂在帘子里面随风吹动一般。我走过去那 对面立了一会，只见
一个男子从里面出来，生得粗粗笨笨，衣服褴褛，背一 丝到市上去
卖。我就去问他，邻居说他姓权，为人老实，人就因此叫他做‘权老
实’。那妇人就是他妻子。
 
    “我恐隔着帘子看不仔细，过了几日又从 首经过。 又坐在里
面。我心生一计，掀 帘子闯进去，只说寻 丈夫买丝。 说男人不
在家，若要买丝家里尽有，取出来看就是。说罢回身取丝出来。我见
十个指头就如藕芽一般，一双小脚还没有三寸。手脚虽然看见了，
还有身上的肌肉不能看见，未知黑白何如。我又生个法
子，见 架子顶上还有一 丝，就对他道：‘这些都不好。那架子顶
上的拿来看看何如？’ 答应了，就擎起手臂来去拿。你晓得，此时
热天， 身上 的是单纱衫子，擎起手来的时节，那 双大袖直褪到
肩头上面，不但一双手臂全然现出，连胸前的 乳也隐隐跃跃露出些
影子出来。真是雪一般白，镜一般光。我生平所见的妇
人这就是第一了。我因劳 半日，不好意思，只得买了一 丝出来。
请问贤弟，这妇人你是要不要？”
    未央生道：“这等说来竟是个十全的了，有甚么不要？只是这个妇
人怎么就能勾见面，见了面就能勾到手？”赛昆仑道：“不难。我如今
就同你拿些银子去伺候，等 丈夫出 ，依旧用前面的法闯进去买
丝。你中意不中意一见就决了。我想 终日对着那个粗笨丈夫老老实
实，一些情趣也没有。忽见了你岂不动心？你略做些勾引 的光
300
 肉蒲团

景， 若当面不恼，我回来就替你商量做事。管取三日之内定然到
手。若要做长远夫妻，也都在我身上。”
 
    未央生道：“若得如此，感恩不浅。只是一件，你既有神出鬼没的
计较，又有飞墙走壁的神通，天下的事必没有难做的了。为甚么这一
个就做得来，那 个全不说起？毕竟是穷汉好欺负，富贵人家不敢去
惹他！？”赛昆仑道：“天下事都是穷汉好欺负，富贵人家难惹，只有
妇人一节，倒是富贵人家好欺负，穷汉难惹。”
未央生道：“这是何故？”赛昆仑道：“富贵人家定有三妻四妾，丈夫
睡了一个，定有几个守空房。自古道饱暖思 欲。那妇人饱食暖衣，
终日无聊，单单想着这件事。到没奈何的时节，若有男子钻进被去，
还求之不得，岂肯推了出来？就是丈夫走来撞见，若是要捉住送
官，又怕坏了富贵体面，若是要一齐杀死，又舍不得那样标致妇人。
妇人舍不得，岂有独杀奸夫之理？所以忍气 声，放条生路让他走
了。那穷汉之家只有一个妻子，夜夜同睡，莫说那妇人饥寒劳苦不起
心，就有 心与男子干事，万一被丈夫撞见，那贫穷之人不顾体
面，不是拿住送官，就是一同杀死。所以穷汉难惹，富贵人家好欺
负。”
 
    未央生道：“既然如此，你今日所说的事又与这议论相反？”赛昆仑
道：“不是我做的事与说的话相反，只因这一个人家与那 个人家的
地位恰好相反。所以这一家好设法，那 个妇人难以到手。”未央生
道：“如今小弟心上已注意在这一边了，只是那 个妇人何妨也说一
说，等小弟知道长兄的盛意，为我这样费心。” 赛昆仑道：“那 个
妇人一个有二十多岁，一个有十六七岁。 个在娘家是嫡堂姐
妹，在夫家又是姻亲 娌。夫家世代做官，只有 人的丈夫是个秀
才。哥哥叫做‘ 云生’，与那二十多岁妇人做亲四五年了。兄弟叫

301
 肉蒲团

做‘倚云生’，与那十六七岁的妇人成亲不上三月。 人的姿色也与方
才说的妇人一般。只是一样的老实，干事的时节身也不动，口也不
，看 意思竟象不喜干的光景。妇人又不好 ，丈夫又没有三妻
四妾，夜夜同睡，难以算计。你除非千方百计引动 心，又要嗣候
丈夫不在，方才可以下手。这不是有几月工夫？不如卖丝的妇人，
丈夫常不在家，容易设法。”
 
    未央生见他说那 个妇人与日前所见之人有些相似，心上还舍不得
丢 。又对他道：“长兄的主意虽不差，只是还有见不到处。你说那
个妇人老实没有 心，必是 丈夫本钱细微，精力短少，干得
不快活，所以如此。若还遇了小弟，只怕那老实的也会不老实起
来。”赛昆仑道：“我看那 个男子本钱也不细微，精力也不短少。只
是比了 粗大长远的稍逊他。我且问你，你的本钱有多少大？精力有
几时长？也要见教一见教，使我知道你伎俩的深浅，好放心替你做
事。”未央生欣然道：“这个不劳长兄挂念，小弟的本钱精力也算得
来。随你甚么大量妇人，定要请 吃个醉饱，方才散席。决不象酸
子请客，到把饱的吃饥，醉的吃醒了。”
    赛昆仑道：“这等就好。只是略说一说也不妨，贤弟往常与妇人干
事大约有多少提方才得泄？”未央生道：“小弟与妇人干事没有甚么规
矩，只请 吃一个无算数就罢了。那里记得数目。”赛昆仑道：“数
目记不出，时刻是记得出的。大约耐得几更天气？”原来未央生的本
事只有半更，因要赛昆仑替他做事，恐怕说少了他要借端推诿，只得
加上半更。就答应道：“小弟的力量足足支持得一更！”塞昆仑
道：“这等说来也是平常的精力，不叫做高强。若是夫妇干事，有这
本领也就好了。若要隔家过舍去做 菅劫寨的事，只怕不是平等力量
可以做得来的。”
 
302
 肉蒲团

    未央生道：“长兄不消过虑。小弟前日买得有绝好的春方在那边，
如今正为没有妇人使英雄无用武之地。只要好事做得成，到临时用些
抹的功夫，不怕他不久。”赛昆仑道：“春方只能使他久，不能使他
大。若是本钱粗大的，用了春方就象有才学的举子，到临考时吃些人
参补药，走到场屋里自然精神加倍，做得文字出来
。那本钱微细的，用了春方尤如腹内空虚的秀才，到临考时就把人参
补药论斤吃下去，走到场屋里也只是做不出。我今只问你这物事有多
少大？有几寸长？”未央生道：“不消说得，只还你不小就是。”赛昆
仑见他不说，就伸手去 他的裤裆，要他脱出来看。未央生再三回
避，只是不肯。赛昆仑道：“若是这等，劣兄绝不敢替你做事，若强
替你做事，万一不看那妇人 痒，被 叫喊起来，说你去强奸 怎
么了得？到那时弄出事来倒是劣兄耽误你了。怎么使得？”
    未央生见他激切，只得陪个笑脸道：“小弟的本钱也看得过，只是
清天白日在朋友面前取出，觉得不雅。今长兄既然过虑，小弟只得献
丑了！”就把裤带解 ，取出 物，把一双手托住，对赛昆仑 几
踮，道：“这就是小弟的微本。长兄请看。”赛昆仑走近身去仔细一
观，只见：
 
      本身莹白，头角鲜红。根边细草蒙茸，皮里微丝隐现。量处岂无
二寸，称来足有三钱。十三处子能容，二七娈童最喜。临事时身坚似
铁，几同绝大之□于；竣事后体曲如弓，颇类 粗之虾米。
 
    赛昆仑把 物看了一会，再不则声。未央生只说见他本钱粗大，所
以吃惊，就说道：“这是疲软时如此，若到振作之後还有可观。”赛昆
仑道：“疲软时是这等，振作时也有限。请收拾罢。”说完不觉大笑
道：“贤弟为何不知分量，自家本钱没有 人三分之一，还要去
人的老婆！我起初见你各处寻妇人，只说定有绝大

303
 肉蒲团

的家 带在身边，使人见了害怕，所以不敢轻易借观。那里晓得是根
肉搔头，只好放在 毛里面擦痒，正经所在是用他不着。”
    未央生道：“不瞒长兄说，小弟这贱具虽不甚魁伟，也曾有人喝彩
过的，亦不至如此无用。”赛昆仑道：“有人喝彩，必是未经破瓜的处
女，不曾干事的孩童，若见了他自然要赞叹几句。除了这 人，只
怕就与我一样，不肯奉承尊具了。”未央生道：“照长兄说来，难道世
上人的肉具都大似小弟的不成？”赛昆仑道：“
这件东西是劣兄常见之物，不止千余根。从没有第二根像尊具这般雅
致。”
 
    未央生道：“ 人的且不要管，只请问那三个妇人的丈夫，他腰间
之物比小弟的何如？”赛昆仑道：“比贤弟的大也大一 倍，长也长一
倍。”未央生笑道：“我知道长兄的话不是真言。乃不肯替小弟任
事，借端推诿，如今试出来了。我且问你，那 个的或者你夜间去
他看见了，也不可知。这个卖丝的妇人，据你说不
过日间去一次，又不曾遇见他男子，怎么知道他的东西比小的长大一
倍？”赛昆仑道：“那 个是目见的，这一个是耳闻的。我初见之
时，走去问 邻舍，邻舍对我说了姓名。我又问他道：‘这样标致女
子嫁了那粗蠢丈夫不知平日相得否？’邻舍道：‘他丈夫的相貌虽然粗
蠢，还亏得有一副争气的本钱，所以过得日子还不十
分 闹。’我又问道：‘他的本钱有多少大？’邻舍道：‘量便不曾替他
量，只见他夏天脱了衣服那件东西在裤子里荡来荡去，就像棒 一
样，所以知道他的本钱争气。’我今日所以定要问你借观，就是为
此。不然为甚么没原没故借人 物看起来？”
 
    未央生听了，才晓得他是真话，有些没趣起来。只得又对他
道：“妇人与男子相处，也不单为色欲之事，或是怜他的才，或是爱

304
 肉蒲团

他的貌。若是才貌不济的，就要靠本事了。小弟这 件都还去得，或
者 看才貌分上恕我几分也不可知。还请长兄始终其事，不可以一
短而弃所长，把为朋友的念头就中止了。”赛昆仑道：“才貌 件是
妇人的引子，就如药中的姜枣一般，不过借它气味，把药力引入脏
腑。及至引入之後，全要药去治病，那姜枣都用不着了。男子 妇人
若没有才貌，引不得身子入 。入 之後，就要用着真本事了。难道
在被窝里相面，肚子上做诗不成？若还本钱细微，精力有限的，就把
才貌 件引了进去，到干事的时节一 遭干不中意那娇人就要生疏
了。做男子的既然 了性命 着女子，也要与 心投意合相处一生
半世便好。若要只图一 遭快活，为甚么费这样心机？且不要说男子
妇人要图长久快活，就是妇人瞒丈夫 男子，也不知费多少提防，
担多少惊 ，指望要快活。若还一些受用也没有，就像雌鸡受雄的一
般，里面还不曾得知就完了账，岂不坏 一生名节？贤弟不要怪我
说，都像你这样的本钱，这样的精力，只要保得自家妻子不走邪路就
了。再不可痴心妄想，去 污人家女子。今日还亏劣兄老到，相体
裁衣，若还不顾长短，信手做去，使衣服大似身子，岂不坏了作料？
等那妇人报怨也罢了，只怕贤弟还要怪我谋事不忠，故意寻那宽而无
当的妇人来塞责。劣兄出言粗卤，贤弟不要见怪。”
    未央生见他言语激烈，料想好事不成，无言可答。赛昆仑又安慰了
几句，就起身辞去。未央生 致索然，也就送他去了。他扫 之後不
知如何，直到下回是有定局。
 
    评曰：
    每一番议论定有绝精的比喻，无不使人快心。如“春方乃临场补
药”，“才貌乃药中引子”之类，不可胜数。虽属谐谑之语，实有至理
存焉。我竟不知作者的心肝有几万几千个孔窍，而遂玲珑至此也。
   
305
 肉蒲团

    第七回：怨生成抚 痛哭  思改正屈膝哀求
 
    却说未央生一团高 ，被赛昆仑说得冰冷，就像死人一般。独自坐
在寓中想到，我生长二十多岁， 的物事见得也多，只有 物其实不
曾多见。平常的人藏在衣服里面，自然看不出了。只有那些年少的龙
，脱下裤来与我干事，方才露出前伴。他的年纪轻似我，物事自然
少似我，终日所见都是小似我的，所以就把我的形大
了。今被他说所见之物没有一根不长大于我，这等我的竟是废物了，
要他何用？只是一件，我在家中与妻子干事的时节， 一般也觉得快
活。就是往常嫖女客 丫鬟， 们一般也浪，一般也丢，若不是这
件东西弄得 快活，难道 自己会浪，自己会丢不成？可见他的话究
竟不是真言，还是推诿的意思。疑了一会，又相一会。忽然了悟道，
我晓得了，妻子的牝户是件混沌之物，从我 辟出来的。我的多少
大， 的就多少宽；我的多少长， 的就多少深。以短投浅，以细投
窄，彼此相当，所以觉得快活。譬如取耳一般， 细的消息放在 小
的耳 里面转动起来，也觉爽利。若还是宽耳 遇着细消息，就未必
然了。日前赛昆仑说妇人有心上不浪，口里假浪之法，焉知那些丫鬟
女客不是因得了我的钱财，故意奉承我，心上其实不要浪，口里假浪
骗我，也不可知。浪既可假，岂有丢不可假者乎？他说这话虽不可全
信，也不可不信。以後遇着男子，要留心看他的 物何如，就明白
了。
 
    从此以後，与朋友会文的时节，朋友小解，他也随去小解；朋友大
便，他也跟去大便。把朋友的看一看，又把自己的看一看。果然，没
有一个不雄似他的。就在路上行走，看是肩上坑上有人绊手，也定要
斜着眼睛，把他的 物看个仔细。果然个个大也大的他、长也长的
他。自此比验之後，未央生的欲心也渐渐轻了，色胆也

306
 肉蒲团

渐渐小了。心上思量道，赛昆仑的话句句是药石之言，不可不听。他
还是个男子，我前日被他一番取笑，尚且满面羞愧，万一与妇人干事
弄到半中间被 轻薄几句，我还是自己抽出来不干的好、还是放在
里面等 呕吐出来的好？从今以後，把 妇人的事情收拾起，老老实
实干我的正经，只要弄得功名到手，拼些银子讨几个处女
做妾，我自然受 奉承不受怠慢了。何须陪了精神去做烧香塑佛的
事？算计以定，果然从这一日起， 却闲情，专攻举业。看见妇人来
烧香，不但不赶去看，就在外面撞见，也还要避了进来。至于街坊上
行走，看见妇人，低头而过，一发不消说了。
 
    准准熬了十余日，到半月之後，欲心难禁，色胆又大。一日，从街
上走过，看见一个少年妇人把一只手揭 帘子，露出半个面庞，与对
的妇人说话。未央生远远望见，就把脚势放松，一步勾做三步走，
好慢慢的听 声音、看 面貌。只见吐出来的字眼就像箫声笛韵一
般，又清楚又娇媚，又轻重得宜。躲着走到 前细看
面貌态度，竟与赛昆仑所说的话件件相同。也像珍珠宝贝，也像一幅
美人图在帘子里随风吹动。心上想猜， 前日所说的莫不就是此人？
 
    相了一会，走过几家 面，故意问人道：“这边有个卖丝的人，叫
做权老实，不知他在 里？”那人道：“你走过了。方才那帘子里面有
妇人说话的就是他家。”未央生知道果然是了，就 转身来又看个仔
细，方才回到寓中。心上想道，起先，赛昆仑在我面前形容 的标
致，我还不信，只道他未必识货。那里晓得是一双法
眼。这一个相得不差，那一家 个的自然不消说了。有这样的佳人，
又有那样的侠士肯替我出力，只因这一件东西不替我争气，把三个好
机会都错过了，怎么教人恨得过。懊恼一番就把房 上，解 裤

307
 肉蒲团

子，取出 物来左相一会，右相一会，不觉大怒起来，恨不得取一把
快刀，登时割去，省得有名无实放在身边。又埋怨道，这
都是天公的不是，你当初既要娇纵我，就该娇纵到底，为甚么定要留
些缺陷？这才貌 件是中看不中用的东西，你偏生赋得完备，独有这
件要紧物事舍不得做情。难道叫 它长几寸大几分要你费甚么本钱不
成？为何不把 人的有余损些下来补我的不足？就说各人的形体赋定
了，改移不得，何不把我自己 上的皮肉、浑身上下的气力匀些放在
上面，也就 了。为甚么把这上边的作料反匀到 处去使？人要用
的有没得用，不要用的反余剩在那边，岂不是天公的过处？如今看了
这样标致女子不敢动手，就像饥渴之人见了美味，口上又生了疔疮，
吃不下去的一般，教人苦不苦？思量到此，不觉痛哭起来。
 
    哭了一会，把 物收拾过了，度到庙 前去闲步遣闷。只见照壁上
一张簇新的报帖，未央生向前一看，只见上写道：
    天际真人  来受房术  能使微   变成巨物
    这四句是前面的大字，后面还有一行细字。是偶经此地，暂寓某寺
某房，愿受者速来赐顾，迟则不及见矣。未央生看了不觉大喜道，有
这么样的奇事，我的 物渺小，正没摆布，怎么就有如此的 人到这
边来卖术，岂非天意？遂如飞赶进庙去，封了一封贽见礼，放在拜匣
中，教家童捧了，自己寻 到寓处去。
    只见那为术士相貌奇伟，是个童颜鹤发的老人。见他走到，拱一拱
手，就问道：“尊兄要传房术么？”未央生道：“然也。”术士道：“尊
兄所问还是为人之学还是为己之学？”未央生道：“请问老先生，为人
怎么样，为己怎么样？”术士道：“若单要奉承妇人，使 快活，自
己不图欢乐，这样的房术最容易传。不过吃些
塞精之药，使肾水来的迟缓；再用春方 在上面，把 物弄麻木了，
就如顽铁一般，一毫痛痒不知。这就是为人之学。若还要自家的身子
308
 肉蒲团

与妇人一齐快活， 物 物皆知痛痒−−抽一下， 边都要活；抵一

下， 边都要死。这才叫做交相取乐，只是快活之 ，妇人惟恐丢得
迟，男子惟恐丢得早。要使男子越快活而越不丢；妇人
越丢而越快活，这 房术最难，必须有修 的工夫到，再以药力助
之，方才有这 乐处。尊兄要传，跟在下云游几年，慢慢参悟出来，
方有实际。不是一朝一夕可以得去的。”
 
    未央生道：“这等，学生不能待，还是为人之学罢了。方才见尊禀
上有‘能使微 变成巨物’这八个字，所以特来请教。不知是怎样方法
才能改变？”术士道：“做法不同，大抵要因才而施。第一，要看他本
来的尺寸生得何如；第二，要于本来尺寸要扩充多少；第三，要问他
熬得熬不得，拼得拼不得。定了规矩，方好下手。”
    未央生道：“这三件是怎么样，都求老先生明白指教，好得学生择
事而行。”术士道：“若是本来的尺寸不短小，又于本来尺寸之外扩充
不多，这 做法甚容易，连那拼得拼不得、熬得熬不得的话都不必
问，只消用些药敷在上面，使 它不辨寒热不知痛痒，然后把药替它
薰洗，每薰一次洗一次，就要搓一次 一次。薰之欲其
长，洗之欲其大；搓之使其大， 之使其长。如此三日三夜，就可比
原来尺寸之外长大三分之一。这 做法是人所乐从的。若还本来的尺
寸短少，又要于本来尺寸之外扩充得多，这 做法就要伤筋动骨了。
所以要问他熬得熬不得，拼得拼不得。他若是个胆小的人，不肯做利
害之事也就罢了，若还是爱风流不顾性命的，就放胆替
他改造。改造之法，先用一只雄狗、一只雌狗 在空房里，它们自然
交媾起来。等它们交媾不曾完事之时，就把 狗分 。那狗肾是 热
之物，一入 中长大几倍，就是精泄后还有半日 不出来，何况不曾
完事？而这时节先用快刀割断，然后割 雌狗之 ，取雌狗之肾，切
为四条。连忙把本人的 物用麻药麻了，使 它不知 痛，然后将上
309
 肉蒲团

下 旁割 四条深缝，每一条缝内塞入带热狗肾一条，外面把收口
丹即时敷上。只怕不善用刀，割伤肾管，将来就有不举之病，若肾管
不伤，再不妨事 到一月之後，里面就像水乳交融，不 有人 狗肾
之 。再 几时，与妇人干事那 热性，就与狗肾一般。在外面看
来，已比未做的时节长大几倍；收入 中，又比在外的时节长大几
倍。只当把一根 物变做几十根了，你道那 物里面快活不快活？”
 
    未央生听到此处，竟像已死之人要重新转活来一般，不觉双膝跪下
道：“若得如此，恩同再造。”术士连忙扶起道：“尊兄要仿学生服事
就是了，为何行此大礼？”未央生道：“学生赋性好 ，以女色为命。
无奈如先天所限，使我胸中的志愿再不能酬。如今得见 人，怎敢不
行北面之礼，就好造次奉求。”说完就唤家童取
礼过来，自己亲手递过去道：“些须不腆，暂为拜见之仪。待改正之
後，再当奉献。”术士道：“这桩事说便是这等说，十有九分还是做不
成的。这个盛仪不敢轻领。”未央生道：“没有甚么做不成。学生贱性
是 爱风流，不顾性命的。若还改造的好，能使微 便成巨物，将来
感恩不浅。就或者用刀差错，有伤性命，也是数该
如此，学生亦不敢怨。老先生不必多疑。”
 
    术士道：“这法度在下做得惯拿得稳，用刀自无差错。只是改造之
後有三件不便处，所以不敢轻易任事。须要逐件说过，若还情愿如
此，才敢领命。 三件之中有一件不情愿，就不敢相强。”未央生
道：“是 三件不便处？”术士道：“第一件不便，做过之後有三个月
不可行房。一行了房，里面就要伤损，使人 、狗肾
下分 ，不但假的生不牢，连自己真的也要烂。我起先说熬得熬不得
的话，就是为此。第二件不便，做过之後，除非二三十岁的妇人方能
承受，未满二十者就是已经破瓜、大而生育的，初干之时也要受许多

310
 肉蒲团

磨难。若未曾出嫁的处女干一个死一个，决无幸全之理。要做这事，
除非戒了不娶头婚，不御少妇，方才使得。不然岂但本人的 德难
全，连代做之人罪过也不小也。第三件不便，做过之後，後天的人力
虽然有余，那先天的原气割的时节未免泄漏了些，定然不足生男育
女。即使生男育女，生出来也都是夭亡者多，长命者少。我起先所说
拼得拼不得的话就是为此。我看尊兄是个青年有志的人，一来欲心太
燥，熬不得三月不行房；二来色心太贪，保不得将来不幸处女；三来
年事甚轻，恐怕令郎还不曾有，就有也不多。我想这三件事皆有碍于
尊兄，料尊兄未必件件情愿而敢于轻试也。”
 
    未央生道：“这三件事皆碍学生不着。老先生放心，只管替我改造
就是。”术士道：“怎见得碍不着？”未央生道：“我如今在客边比在家
里不同，就是不做此事尚且连夜孤眠，难道做了此事反有甚么走动不
成？那第一件事是与我无碍的了。有甚么做不得？”至于结发妻子不
可娶头婚，其余婢妾都可以不论。学生的 妻已
经娶过，可以不消虑得。况且女色之中 不受用的是处女，一毫人事
不知，一些风情不谙，有甚么乐处？要干实事，必待二十以外、三十
以内的妇人，才晓得些起承转合。与做文字的一般，一段有一段的做
法，一般有一般的对法，岂是 笔的蒙童做得来？那第二件事不但于
我无碍，又且与我相投了。有甚么做不得？若子息一事
人看得 重，学生看得 轻。天下的子嗣肖者少，不肖者多；孝顺
者少，忤逆者多。若侥幸生个好的出来这不消论，若生个不肖不孝的
出来，把家业废去，又把父亲气死，要此子何用？况且天下的人十个
之中，定有一 个无子，这都是他命该绝嗣，难道也是因改造 物，
泄了原气所以绝嗣不成？我今天起了这个念头，就是
个无子之兆了，又自己情愿无子，一定要割。万一命中有子，到那临
割的时节原气不十分漏泄，依旧会生育男女，生出来的男女或不到夭
311
 肉蒲团

亡也未可知。这总是意外的事，我不想，只打点做个无子的人就是
了。老先生所说之事，学生熬也熬得，拼也拼得，有甚么不便？如今
不消疑我，竟替学生改造就是了。”
 
    术士道：“既然尊意甚坚，一定要做，在下不好作难。须要选个日
子，或约在尊馆，或屈到小寓，必须做得隐静，不可使一人知道。若
有人知道走来窃看，就不便行事了。”未央生道：“敝寓往来人杂，难
行此事。不如还到尊寓来罢。” 个相约定了，术士才把贽仪收下，
取出一本通书，选了日子，是个火日， 物属火，
取火旺则盛的意思。
    改造日子定了，未央生千欢万喜，分 而去。他生平造 之根皆始
于此，可见天下学房术是学不得的，学了房术就要坏了心术，从未有
学房术单为奉承妻子，而不 人妻子者也。
 
    评曰：
    他人执笔定于未央生知道 物短小，急急寻人改正。改正之後好叙
欲之事，使看书之人精神踊跃，无枝多干少之嫌。岂肯插入不看妇
人一段，使风流才子忽变为道学先生以冷观者之目？作者独于此处着
意，殆有深意存焉。使未央生果于此时改弦易辙，则后来名利无伤，
无妻妾偿 之事矣。可见 恶之人，一念回头即是彼岸，不可于回头
之後再转一念耳。读此书者当在此处着眼，则于枣肉之中嚼出橄榄之
味，作者深心不待终 而始见也。
 
    第八回：三月苦藏修良朋刮目   一番乔卖弄美妇倾心
   
    未央生 了术士，回到寓中，独自一个睡了。就把改造 物以後与
妇人干事的光景预先揣摩起来，不觉 大发，一时难禁。只得叫随
身一个家童上床去睡，把他权当了妇人，恣其 乐。
312
 肉蒲团

    他有 个家童，一个叫做书笥，一个叫做剑 。书笥年十六岁，因

他识几个字，未央生把一厅书籍都交给他掌管，就像个藏书的箧子一
般，所以取名叫做书笥。剑 年十八岁，未央生有一口古剑交付他收
藏，就像个护剑的套子一般，所以取名叫做剑 。 个人物都一样妖
姣，姿色都与标致妇人一般。剑 不会作骄态，未央
生虽不时弄他还不觉十分得意。书笥性 猾，与未央生行乐之时态
耸驾后庭如妇人一般迎合，口里也会做些浪声，未央生最钟爱他。所
以这一 不用剑 ，单叫他上床好发泄狂 。
 
    书笥等他完事之後就问道：“相公这一向单爱妇人，厌弃男子，把
我们抛 久了。为何今夜高 ，温起旧账来？”未央生道：“我今 不
是同你干事，是与你作 。”书笥道：“这么说，莫非要卖我么？”未
央生道：“我怎舍得卖你，这‘作 ’二字不是我同你作 ，是我的
物与你的后庭作 。”就把要改造 物的缘故细细说了一遍。书笥
道：“这等，你改造之後一根 物有几十根大的，好去 妇人，量我
后庭想是不能承受了。”未央生道：“是。”书笥道：“你若去 妇人，
少不得要一个使唤的随身护驾。就把我带在身边，若有多余的妇人你
睡不了的，赏我一个，等我尝尝女色的滋味，也不枉跟个风月主人一
场。”未央生道：“这个容易。‘饱将手下无饿兵’，正经的同我睡了，
那手下的丫鬟任凭你睡。莫说一个，就要几十个也有。”书笥听了欢
喜道：“你的 物既与我的后庭作 ，我如今也要与你作 了。”就倒
爬上身去，浇了一回本色 烛，方才下来。
 
    未央生睡到第二日，就买了一只 健的雄狗，又买一只雌的相配，
分作 处 在寓中。等到约定日期，叫书笥牵了，自己一同过去，又
令剑 备一 酒席，随后送来。那术士的寓处是个 秘密的所在，没

313
 肉蒲团

有闲杂人往来， 好做事。当日见未央生走到，就叫他取出 物，预

先上了麻药，好待临期用刀。那麻药初 上去就像冷
水激了一下，一激之後竟像没了此物一般。掐也不知 ，搔也不觉
痒。未央生放下了心，知道割的时节没有苦吃的了。
 
    不多时，酒已送到，与术士一边吃酒，一边等雄狗与雌狗干事。那
个畜生牵到僻静处来，放在一处，它们只道是主人盛意，肯行方
便，就联络起来。那里晓得是主人要借 它本钱？！那 狗牵来的时
节颈项里各系一条索子，未肯解去。术士见它们干到 高之时，就令
个家童把 根牵索用力 。雄狗舍不得 交，口里乱吠， 只后
紧紧夹住 物，惟恐 它 去；雌狗也舍不得 交，口里乱吠，
只后 紧紧夹住 物，惟恐它出去。术士手持快刀，把狗肾割断。随
割 雌狗之 ，取出雄狗之肾，切分四条。就连忙把未央生 物割
四条缝，每一条缝内托一条狗肾，带热塞进去。四条塞完，外面敷上
丹，用汗巾包扎好了， 个依旧饮酒。
 
    未央生这一 就在术士寓中借宿，夜间抵足之时，又传授了许多战
法。到第二日才回去将 。这三个月之中也亏他把持得定，不但不想
欲事，连新改的 物眼也不去看一看。直等过了三个月方才解去汗
巾，把 它刮洗出来。仔细一看，不觉大喜道：“魁梧奇伟，果然改
观，有此 物，可以横行天下矣。”
 
    又过了数日，忽见赛昆仑走来问道：“贤弟一向不出 ，在寓中静
坐，想举业的功夫必然长进了。”未央生道：“举业的功夫不过如此，
倒是房术的功夫有长进了。”赛昆仑笑道：“资质不高，长进也有
限。”未央生道：“长兄差了，士三日不见便当刮目相待，何况小弟
了三月？难道就没进益么？何不思三尺之童后来变

314
 肉蒲团

成大汉，脱兔之师起先有若处女？只有死人的 物只会消不会长，
有活人的东西是人所能料定的？”赛昆仑道：“这话我不信，十三四岁
的孩子那鸡巴不曾出汁就会一日大似一日，岂有二十以外之人 物还
会发作么？就发也发不多，不过论丝论毫，决无论分论寸之理。”未
央生道：“莫说论丝论毫，论分论寸也不足形其所发
之长大。”赛昆仑道：“岂有此理。世上只有暴发的财主，不曾见有暴
发的 物。既然如此求取出来与愚兄看一看。”未央生道：“前次取出
来受兄许多怠慢，如今怎敢再献出？”赛昆仑道：“贤弟不要取笑，快
取出来。若果然长进，待我奉承几句请罪就是了。”未央生道：“口中
奉承也没干，除非寻件实事与 它做做，一来试验它，二来鼓舞它，
才见长兄作 人材的盛意。”赛昆仑道：“若真是长进了我就把前日说
的事作 它。”
 
     未央生道：“既是如此，依旧要出丑了。”就把衣服抄起系在带
间，次将裤子卸下。然后把 手捧住 物，就像波斯献宝一般，对赛
昆仑道：“长进不长进，看就知了。”赛昆仑远远望见，疑是用一条驴
肾挂在腰间骗我。及至近身仔细一看，方才知是真货，不觉吐舌大
惊，问道：“贤弟用甚么方法就把一个 疲矮的物事弄得 雄壮起
来？”未央生道：“不知甚么原故被长兄一激之後， 它就平空振作，
竟像要发狠争气的一般。连我自己也不能禁止。”赛昆仑道：“你不要
骗我。我看皮 上现有刀痕，四面四条又是一 颜色，毕竟是用甚么
巧术造作出来。好好对我直说。”未央生被他盘驳，只得把改造的事
细细说了。赛昆仑道：“贤弟好色之心坚韧至此，真不可阻挠了。我
只得完备这件事罢，今日就同你撞到他家去看机会。”
    未央生大喜。换了衣冠同赛昆仑出去。走到相近的所在，赛昆仑把
他安顿在一处，自己先去打探消息。不多时走来回报道：“恭喜、恭
喜，今夜就能成事了。”未央生道：“面也不曾见，怎么就保得今夜成
315
 肉蒲团

事？”赛昆仑道：“我方才去问邻舍，邻舍说 丈夫往远处卖丝去
了，有十几日不得回来。你如今同我走进去用心勾搭
，只要有些情意，我 间自有办法送你进去，包管有十几夜同 快
活就是了。”
 
    未央生大喜， 人连忙走去。到了 前，赛昆仑把帘子倡起，同未
央生一齐钻进去道：“权大爷在家么？”妇人道：“不在家。”赛昆仑
道：“在下要买几斤丝，如今不在家怎么处？”妇人道：“ 处去买罢
了。”未央生就接口道：“丝怕没处买？只因一向是府上的主顾，不好
去总承 人。”妇人道：“既是舍下的主顾，为甚么我不认得？”赛昆
仑又接口道：“大娘，我夏天来买丝，也遇着太爷不在，是大娘亲自
交易，从架子内取下来与我去的。难道就忘记了？”妇人道：“是记得
有这一次。”未央生道：“既然大娘记得，可见不是空口来打价了，如
今要有丝，取出来交易就是。为甚么把自家的生意推到 人家
去？”妇人道：“丝便有几斤，不知你中意否。”未央生道：“府上的丝
岂有不中意，还是 好了些，怕我这酸子买不起？”妇人道：“好说，
这等相公请坐了，待我取出来。”
 
    赛昆仑就叫未央生坐在上面，自己坐在下面。上面近着妇人，待他
好调情的意思。那妇人取出一 丝来，递与未央生看。未央生还不曾
接丝到手，就回 道：“这丝颜色太黄，恐怕用不得。”及至接到手仔
细一看，又道：“好古怪，方才大娘拿在手里，觉得是焦黄的，如今
接到我手又会白起来，这是甚么缘故？”故意想了
一会又道：“这是大娘的手 白了些，所以映得丝黄；如今我的手
黑，所以把黄丝都映白了。”妇人听了这话，就把一双眼 着未央生
的手，相了一会，方说道：“相公的尊手也不叫做黑手。”说便说这一
句，还是正言厉色，没有一毫 笑之容。赛昆仑道：“他的手比了我

316
 肉蒲团

们的不叫做黑，若比了大娘的就不叫做白了。”妇人道：“丝既然白为
何不买？”未央生道：“这是贱手映白的，可见不是真白。毕竟要与大
娘的尊手一样颜色的方是好丝。求取出来看看。”赛昆仑道：“世上那
有这样白丝，只要象你脸上这样颜色，它就用得过了。”妇人听了这
话，又把一双眼睛 着未央生的脸，相了一会，方才有欢喜之容，对
他笑道：“只怕世上没有这样白丝。”
 
    看官，你道 为甚么以前不笑，直到此时才笑？以前不顾眄，直到
此时忽然顾眄起来？原来，这妇人是一双近视眼，隔了二尺路就看不
见。起先，未央生进去，只道是寻常买卖之人，及至听见“酸子”二
字，方才晓得是个秀才也。还只说是寻常人物，不把眼去相他。因为
睁眼看人有些费力，所以遇见男子不大十分顾眄。但
凡为妇人者，一点云雨之心，却与男子一样都是要认真做事，不肯放
松的过了。若是色心太重的妇人，眼睛又能远视，看见标致男子，岂
能保得不动私情？生平的节操就不能完了。所以造化赋形也有一 妙
处，把这近视眼赋予 ，使 除了丈夫之外，随你潘安、宋玉都看
不分明，就省了许多 障。所以，近视妇人完节的多，坏
事的少，总是那双眼睛不会惹事。
 
    这个妇人若不是把几句巧话引他眼睛上身，随你立在面前调戏到
， 只当在云雾之中，那里晓得。只因手上一看，脸上一看，看花
了心，就有些 交不得。对着未央生道：“相公当真买不买？若果然
要买，我房里有一把好的，取出来看就是。”未央生道：“特地寻来，
岂有不买之理。快取来看。”妇人进去一会，果然取
出一 丝来，又叫一个□□丫鬟捧了 盅茶，递与赛昆仑、未央生吃。
未央生不敢吃完，留了半盅做个转奉主人之意。妇人看见，又对未央
生笑了一笑，方才递出丝来。未央生接丝，就趁手把妇人捏了一把。

317
 肉蒲团

妇人只当不知，也把指甲在未央生手上兜了一下。塞昆仑道：“这一
果然好，买了去罢。”就把银包递与未央生。未央
生照他说的价钱称了，递与妇人。
    妇人道：“这银子成锭，恐怕是中看不中用的。”未央生道：“大娘
若不放心，我把丝与银子都放在这边，今 就夹 一锭，试他一试何
如？不是夸嘴说，我们的银子都是表里如一的。”妇人道：“也不消如
此，若果不差，下次还可交易。不然，只好做一遭主顾罢了。”赛昆
仑拿着丝，催未央生回去。未央生临行，又把妇人唆了几眼，妇人虽
不看见，也能领略大意，竟把眼睛收做细缝，似笑非笑的模样送他。
 
    未央生走到寓中问塞昆仑道：“这事有八九分成了，只是今 怎样
进去？”赛昆仑道：“我细细打听过了， 家没有第二个人，只有方才
那个丫鬟，才十一二岁，夜间跌倒头就睡着了。 家的房屋是看得
见的，又不是楼房，又不是土穴，只消我背了你爬到 屋上，掀去几
片瓦，摆去一根椽，做个从天而下罢了。”未央生道：“若还被 邻
舍听见，大家捉贼起来怎么处？”赛昆仑道：“有我在身边不消多虑。
只是一件，那妇人方才的话说是恐怕你中看不中用的，若还干得 不
快活，就是一遭主顾了。劣兄前日的话如今可验了么。你须要自己挣
扎，不要被 考倒，只进一场，到第二三场就不得进去。”未央生
道：“决不至此，长兄放心。”
    个笑了一场，巴不得金乌西下，玉兔东升，好做进场举子。但不
知那位试官是怎生一个考法，须得题目出来方知分晓。
 
    评曰：
    小说，寓言也。言既曰“寓”则非实事。可知此回割狗肾补人肾非有
是理，盖言未央生将来所行之事，尽狗彘之事也。犹第三回与赛昆仑
结盟，而且以兄事之，盖言其人品志向犹出盗贼之下也。皆深恶而痛

318
 肉蒲团

绝之词，分明是他做狗乌龟、贼乌龟耳。世人不得认贬为褒，以虚作
实，谓狗真可割而割之，贼真可交而交之，使作贼之人，反蒙作俑之
谤。斯千古文人有同幸矣。
 
     第九回：擅奇 偏持大礼   分馀乐反占先

    却说权老实的妻子，名叫艳芳，是个村学究之女。自小也教 读书
写字，性 聪明。父母因 姿貌出众，不肯轻易许人。十六岁上，有
个考案首的童生央人作伐，父亲料他有些出息，就许了他。谁想做亲
一年就害弱病而死，艳芳守过周年，方才改嫁给权老实。
 
    此妇虽好 ，颇知大体，每见妇人有 佚之事，就在背后笑 。尝
对女伴道：“我们前世不修，做了女子，一世不出闺 ，不过靠着行
房之事消遣一生，难道好叫做妇人的不要好色？只是一夫一妇乃天地
生成，父母配就，与他取乐自然该当。若要相处 个男人，就是越礼
犯分之事，丈夫晓得要打骂，旁人知道要谈论。且无论打骂不打骂，
谈论不谈论，只是这桩事体不干就罢，要干定要干个像意。毕竟是自
家丈夫，要做事体 个脱衣上床，有头有脑，不慌不忙的做去，做到
后来方才有些妙境。那慌忙急促之中只图草草完事，不问中窍不中
窍，着题不着题，有些甚么趣味。况且饥时不点，点时不饥，就像吃
饮食一般，伤饥失饱反要成病。那走邪路的女子，何不把后来相情人
的眼睛留在当初择婿。若要慕虚名，拣个文雅的；若要图外貌，选个
标致的；若不慕虚名，不图外貌，单要干房中的实事，只消寻个精神
健旺气力勇猛的，自然不差。何须丢了自己丈夫去寻 个？”那些女
伴听了都道：“过来的人，说话自然不同，句句亲切有味。”
 
    怎见得 是过来的人？ 当初做女儿的时节，也慕虚名，也图外
貌，也要干实事。及至嫁了那个童生，才也有几分，貌也有几分，只
319
 肉蒲团

道是三样 修的了，谁想本钱竟短小不过，精力又支持不来。爬上身
去肚子不曾猥得热，就要下来。艳芳是个勤力的人，那里肯容他懒
惰，少不得作 鼓舞，又要耸拥他上来。本领不济之人，
经不得十分剥削，所以不上一年就害弱症而死。
    他经过这一番挫折，就晓得“才貌”二字是中看不中用的东西，三者
不可得兼 可舍虚而取实。所以后来择婿，不要才貌，单选精神健
旺、气力勇猛的以备实事之用。看见权老实，生的粗粗笨笨，精力如
狼似虎，知道是有用之材，所以不问贫富，就嫁了他。起先还单取精
力，不知他的器械何如。只说力雄气壮之夫，不必定
用长枪大 方能取胜，就是短兵薄刃亦可摧锋陷阵。那里晓得竟是一
根丈八长矛，所以艳芳喜出望外，自从嫁他之後，死心 地依靠着
他，不生一毫妄念。因他生意微细，日进不多，终日替他络丝，每日
有一二钱进益，故权老实得以清闲度日。
 
    只因那一日合当有事，掀 帘子与对 妇人说话，未央生从 首经
过，把 细看 番。 因眼睛近视，只看见有个人影在 前过来过
去，却不知道面貌何如。谁想倒被对 妇人看了一个像意。那妇人有
三十多岁，丈夫也是贩丝卖的，与权老实一同去卖，虽不合本，倒像
计一般。这个妇人面貌虽丑，性子甚 。一来因招
不好，没人想 ；二来因丈夫凶狠，略有差错，不是打就是骂，所以
还慎法，不敢胡行。那一日，把未央生看得清清楚楚，待他去后，就
走过街来对艳芳道：“方才一个绝标致男子走来走去，看你 次。你
晓得么？”艳芳道：“你知道我的眼睛可是看得人见的，我坐在这边，
一日没有几个男人隔着帘子看我，便舍他看看罢了
。晓得他做甚么。”妇人道：“往常的男子，你这样人物直不得舍与他
看。方才这一个，就等他看了三日三夜也是情愿的。”艳芳道：“怎么
这等说，难道有十二分人才不成？”妇人道：“岂止十二分？照我看起
320
 肉蒲团

来，竟有一百二十分。我终日立在 前，看了许多人，并不见有这样
标致的。脸上皮肉，随你甚么东西没有那 白法
。眉毛、眼睛、鼻头、耳 ，那一件不生得可爱？身上俊俏竟像个绢
做的人物一般。就是画上画的有这般标致，也没有这样飘逸。真教人
想思。”
 
    艳芳道：“好笑大娘说得这样活现。我不信世上有这样男子，就有
这样男子，他是他我是我，想他做甚么？”妇人道：“你便不想他，我
看他好不想你，出神出智，好像落魂了一般。要去又舍不得去，要立
又怕 人知。没奈何，只得走过去一会，又 重新走转来。临去的时
候又去看看。你道可怜不可怜？你不曾看见，自然不想他，我看见
他，就替你患起相思病。”艳芳道：“只怕他那 光景不是为我，是为
你。你自己相思不好说，得故意把我来出名。”妇人道：“我好副嘴
脸，他肯为我？其实是为大娘，大娘不信，他少不得还要来走过，我
远远望见他来，就知会大娘。大娘把身子立到外面，一来好看他，二
来等他也好看你。”艳芳道：“且等他走过的时节再做道理。”
    妇人又说许多话，方才过去。艳芳到第二三日，倒也留心要看，不
想过了许多日，再不见来，也就丢 了。及至这一日，来买丝，看见
这副标致面貌，自然再想起前话来。等他去后，心上想到，前日所说
的莫非就是此人不成？论他外貌，果然是第一 品男人，但不知内才
何如。他方才有一句巧话，说今天就夹 来试他一试，虽然是说银
子，却是双 二意。万一今 当真走来，我还是拒绝的好，收留的
好？终身的名节，坏与不坏，就在这一刻定局了，不可不自家斟酌。
 
    正在 躇，只见对 的妇人走过来道：“大娘，方才买丝的人你认
得么？”艳芳道：“我不认得。”妇人道：“就是我前日说的。你难道不
明白，世上那有第二个男子像这样标致的？”艳芳道：“果然标致。只

321
 肉蒲团

是 轻薄些，不像正人君子。”妇人道：“大娘又来道学了。世上那有
正人君子肯来看妇人的？我们只取人物罢了
，又不要他称斤 ，管他轻薄不轻薄。”艳芳道：“是便是这等说，只
是在人面前也该稳重些便好。方才做出许多调戏来，亏得我家主不
在，若还在家，看见怎么了得？”妇人道：“怎么样调戏你？对我说
说。”艳芳道：“总是不老成，说他做甚么。”
 
    那妇人是个 的，听见“调戏”二字，不知怎么样要搂 亲嘴，
做事，就不觉摇头摆尾，把手在艳芳身上左捏一把，右敲一下，定
要 说。艳芳被 缠不过，就回他道：“方才是 个人，一齐进来，
难道有甚么 样？调戏不过就是说话之间眉来眼去，做些勾搭人的意
思就是了。”妇人道：“这等，你也该露些好意回答他。”艳芳道：“我
不骂他就 了！还有甚么好意回答他？”妇人道：“这就是你的寡情
了。不要怪我说， 这样标致女人，他那样标致男子，真是天生一
对，地生一双，原该配做夫妻才是。既不能勾做夫妻也该相处，了了
心愿。我想权大爷那样人物不是你的对头，一 鲜花插在牛粪堆上，
也觉可惜。他若 再来，我就走过来替你做媒，若把好事干得一 遭
也不枉为人在世。”
 
    一边讲，艳芳一边算计道，看这妇人心上爱他 了，我就要做这
桩事， 住在对 ，若不把些甜头到 ， 岂不坏我的事？我如今不
知那人的本事何如，不如让 先弄一次，只当委 考试一般。若还
本事好，我然后上场，不怕这样丑妇夺了我的宠去；若还本事不济，
我就一顿发作起来，赶他出去就是了，依旧不曾坏得名节，何等不
妙？主意已定，就对 道：“这样事我其实不做，他若再来，倒不要
大娘替我做媒，待我替大娘作伐，等你 个做几遭好事何如？”妇人
道：“岂有此理。莫说大娘这句话未必出于本意，就 是出于本心，我

322
 肉蒲团

这样丑貌他那里肯要？大娘若有好意，除非你 个弄下了手，一遭
遭之後我故意撞来，大娘只说不好意思， 我也干一遭。这还使
得。”艳芳道：“我这话不是假话，有个做法在这边。我方才被他歪缠
不过，要拒绝他又放不下脸来，他方才临去的时节说一句巧话，今
就要摸来也不可知。如今你家男子与我家男子一同买卖去了，总则这
里没人，你今 竟锁了 ，到我这边来睡。预先吹灭了灯，待我躲在
暗处，他若果然来，你竟假充了我同他睡觉。他在暗地里那里晓得是
你，只当替我做了一个人情，又保全了我的名节，不致有亏。何等不
妙？”妇人道：“这等说是你许他来的了？我如今心上被你说得痒不
过，要辞也辞不得了。只是一件，你为甚么许他来又不肯同他干事？
从来的节妇那里有这样做法的？”艳芳道：“不是我假仁假意，定要做
这掩耳盗铃之事。不瞒大娘说，房事的滋味，我也尝得透了。随你有
本事的，也赶我自家的男人不上。吃过大宴席的些须东道看不上眼，
荤不荤素不素，不如不吃的妙。我所以不肯累这个虚名。”妇人
道：“你的主意我知道了，权大爷的本钱是一方有名的，你被大喧头
喧过了，恐怕那喧周鞋的小喧，撩不着大人的鞋帮，所以要我做个探
子，替你探探消息的。我想这事在我也没有甚么折本。只是一件，也
要等我干个像意，不要在要紧头上，你又自己冲上阵来，使我进退不
得。自古道‘斋僧不饱不如活埋’，这句话你须要记得。”艳芳道：“料
想没有这等徼幸的事，你且放心。”
    个商量定了，只等临期行事。这也是那奇丑的妇人一时的造化，
奉了这个美差。一个簇簇新新改造出来的喧头，是 这双皮鞋喧起。
要知宽窄何如，少刻喧时便见。
 
    第十回：聆先声而知劲敌   留余地以 真才

323
 肉蒲团

    那个妇人奉了这个美差，满心欢喜。预先寻几块绢袱带在身边，好
待干事之时揩抹 水，省得湿了 人家的被褥。 到点灯时候，忙把
锁，走过街来。
    艳芳故意哄他道：“今 竟是虚貌了，他方才寄个信来，说被人批
住吃酒，脱不得身。还要 约日子。大娘且请回罢。”妇人听了，急
得眼中火出，鼻内烟生。又怪艳芳不寄信转去，强 今 来，又疑
艳芳起先失口许了，如今舍不得让人，要赶人回去，自己受用。埋怨
了一会，艳芳笑道：“我是哄你。如今想又要来了，只打点与他干事
就是。”先烧一盆热水，同妇人净了下身，然后拿一张春 ，铺在床
横头，自家睡了，好听他们干事。吩咐妇人把大 好，悄悄立在
后，他若来必轻轻敲 ，你听见敲一下就 ，放他进来。不可使他
敲多次，恐怕隔壁人家听见。放他进来之後依旧把 闩好，一同到床
上去睡。只是与他说话声气要放轻些，恐怕他认得出。妇人唯唯听
命。艳芳就去睡着了。妇人到大 边去伺候。
 
    等了一更多天，不见动静，只得走进房去，正要问艳芳，不想暗地
之中有人搂住 亲嘴。妇人只说是艳芳假装男子和 取笑，就伸手去
摸他裤裆。才伸得下去，就有一根绝大的东西把手撞了一下，方才知
道是本人。就装出娇声来问道：“心肝，你从 里进来的？”未央生
道：“是从梁上下来的。”妇人道：“好个本事。如
今上床去睡罢。” 人遂各自解衣服。未央生不曾解完，妇人已脱得
赤条条仰睡在床上了。未央生爬上肚去，要摸着 只脚好架上肩
头，不想再寻不见。那里晓得自上床时节已高高翘在半天，献出
户，只等 物进来。
 
    未央生想道，不料此妇竟是这等一个 物，既然如此，那些温柔的
家数都用不着了，只得赏 一个下马威。就把下身抬起，离 户一尺

324
 肉蒲团

多高， 起 物朝下一攻。那妇人就像杀猪一般喊起来道：“阿呀！
使不得。求你放轻些。”未央生把 只手替 户，慢慢轻轻
擦 擦许久，只进得一寸龟头，其余都在外面不能进入。未央生又
起 物朝里一攻。妇人又喊起来道：“使不得！求你用些馋唾。”未央
生道：“只有弄小官用着那件东西，岂有同妇人干事要用馋唾之理？
这例子破不得，还是干弄的是。” 起 物又向下直攻。妇人道：“使
不得，你若不肯破例，请抽出来，待我自己用些罢。”未央生听了，
就把 物拔出，听 自用。妇人伸 巴掌，吐上许多唾沫，把 物
，灌了一半进去，余剩的都 在 物上。对未央生道：“如今没
事了，慢慢弄进去。”
 
    未央生要显本事，不肯从容，把 只手捧住 股，响的一声，将
改造长大的 物一概事攻进去。妇人又喊起来道：“怎么你们读书人
倒是这样粗卤，不管人死活，一下就弄到底？如今里头着不下，快拿
些出来。”未央生道：“里头着不下，难道如今在外面不成？只该叫
它活动些，不要坐冷板 就是了。”遂运动起来。起
初几下，妇人还当不起，每送一次，定叫一声“阿呀”，送到数百之
数，就不见则声了。及至送到百外，那妇人就有无限的骚状做出来，
无限的 声唤出来，使人禁持不住，只得一阵紧似一阵，要催他丢过
了自己好丢的意思。谁想那妇人有些奸诈，明明丢了 次，问 ，
只说“不曾”。为甚么不说实话？只因自己是代职的，恐
怕艳芳听见，说 心事已完，要来交代。未央生认作真话，再不敢
丢。抽到后来，忍耐不住，也丢了一次。丢过之後又不好住手，只是
没有勇往直前之气。
    妇人见 物逡巡不进，就问道：“你丢了么？”未央生怕笑他本事不
济，只得也说“不曾”。起先未问之先，一下软一下，自从问了这句，
竟像学生要睡，被先生打了，那读书的精神比未睡时节更加一倍，遂
325
 肉蒲团

一连抽上几百下也不停一停。那妇人叫起来：“心肝，我丢了，我要
死了！你今不要动，搂住我睡罢。”未央生方才住手，抱住酣睡。原
来，妇人面貌虽丑，还亏一双脚小；肌 虽黑，还不十分粗糙，所以
黑夜认不出是替身。
 
    却说艳芳躲在床横头，侧耳细听。起先见妇人叫 叫苦，弄不进
去，就知他的家 长大，可以用的。又见他的干法在行，抽送有度，
不像没有来历的。又见他干到中间，懈了一阵，虽有些鄙薄之意，后
来见他重整军容，比入手之初更加奋勇，心上大喜道：“这等看来，
分明是阃内之骁才，色中之飞将了，我今就失身与他亦
可无悔。欲要趁他歇息钻进被去，说个明白，又怕他在 暗之中不看
见妇人的嘴脸，只说 好似我，还要想去弄 ，况男子久战之後，若
不把姿色去歆动他，未必能勾再举。就悄悄走到 下，取起火来，先
了几瓢水，在锅里下面点一个草把烧着，然后拿烛光走进房去。把
帐一掀，绵被一揭道：“是 一个奸贼？深夜闯入人家
奸 妇人，是何道理？快起来说个明白！？
 
    未央生在睡梦中忽然惊醒，只说是 的丈夫躲在家中，故意等妻子
同我睡了，走来捉奸，要我的银子， 得 齿乱斗。及至抬头一看，
就是夜间所干的妇人。心上想道，难道他家又有一个不成？低下头把
那同睡的妇人一看，才知道是个 丑陋之妇。一脸漆黑的癞麻，一头
焦黄的短发，颜色就如火 不曾剥洗过的一般。就大
惊道：“这是 一个？”妇人道：“你不要惊慌，我是替 做探子的，
住在对 。那一日，你在 前走过，与你说的就是我。 说你容貌虽
好，只怕中看不中用，恐累 汉的名，所以央我来试你一试。如
今料想见中式了，你同 睡觉罢。我论理也该睡在这边，再讨些赏赐
了去。只是旁边有打混的人，你 个就干不爽利，不若

326
 肉蒲团

我回家去睡罢。”说完就起来，只 一领绵袄，一条夹裤，其余衣裙
物件都挂在手臂上，带了回去。临去时又对未央生道：“我的容貌虽
丑，也是你的功臣。这事是我说起的，今 与你睡这一次，一来是大
娘的好意，二来也是前世的姻缘。后来若有闲空的工夫，也还同我睡
睡，不要十分寡情。”说完又对艳芳拜几拜，谢了东道
主人，方才出去。
 
    未央生如醉初醒，如梦初觉，若不是赛昆仑激我改造，今日进来只
好做个秦邦赴考的苏秦，不中文章，白白赶了出去。艳芳送妇人去
后，把 闭好了走进房来，对未央生道：“我晓得你今夜放我不过，
特寻一个替身等你，你如今与他干事一次，也消得我的账了，还不出
去，在这里干甚么？”未央生道：“不但消不得账，还
要加你的罪，如今已是半夜了，快些上床来睡睡。”艳芳道：“你且起
来披了衣服，做一件紧要事，才好同睡。”未央生道：“除了这一桩，
还有甚么紧要事？”艳芳道：“你不要管，只爬起来。”说完走到
下，把起先温的热水 在坐桶里，掇来放在床前。对未央生道：“快
些起来，把身子洗洗，不要把 人身上的龌龊弄在我身上来。”未央
生道：“有理。果然是紧要事。我方才不但干事，又同他亲嘴，若是
这等说，还该漱一漱口。”正要问 取碗 水，不想坐桶中放着一碗
热水，碗上又架着一枝刷 。未央生想道，好周至女子，若不是这一
出，就是个腌脏妇人，不问清浊的了。
 
    艳芳等他漱洗过了，自己也把下身洗濯。 下身起先已与妇人一齐
净过了，为甚么又要洗濯起来？要晓得 睡在床头听他干事的时节，
未免有 水出来，恐怕未央生摸着要讥诮他，所以再洗一次。洗过了
把一条湿手巾揩抹了，又在箱子里取出一条新汗巾，放在枕边。方才
吹灭了灯，坐在床上。未央生搂在怀中，一边亲嘴，

327
 肉蒲团

一边替 脱下衣服。只见 个乳峰捏来不上一把，放去竟满胸 ，总

是娇而且嫩，里面没有块磊的原故。及至脱去裤子，摸着 物，其骄
嫩与乳峰一样。未央生放 睡倒。先取一双小脚架在肩头，然后提
起下身，也像弄丑妇的方法远远舂进去，要等 先受苦，后来才觉得
快活。不想舂进去艳芳心上只做不晓得一般。未央生思想
赛昆仑的言语一字不差，若没有权老实的粗长之物，焉得有此宽大之
？我若未经改造，只好做大仓一粒，焉能窥其底里？如今军容不足
以威敌，全要看着阵势了。就把他头底下的枕头取来垫在腰下，然后
按了兵法同 干起。
 
    艳芳不曾到好处，但见他取了枕头下去，又不再取一物与 枕头，
就晓得此人是个惯家了。取枕头垫腰是行房的常事，怎见得就是惯
家？要晓得男女交媾之事，与行兵的道理无 ，善对敌者才能用兵。
男子晓得妇人的深浅方知进退。妇人知道男子的长短，才识迎送。这
叫做“知彼知己，百战百胜。”男子的 物长短不同，
妇人的 户浅深不一。 户生得浅的，就有 长之物也无所用。抽送
之际定要留有余不尽之意。若尽根直抵，则妇人不但不乐，而且痛
楚。男子岂能独乐乎？若 户生得深的，就要用着 长之物，略短些
也不济事。只是 物生定怎么长得来到其间，就要用补 之法。腰之
下股之上，定须一物衬之，使牝户高张，以就 物，则纵
送之时易于到底。故垫腰之法，惟 短 深者可以用之，不是说枕头
乃行房必须之物也。所以男子的 物短者可医，小者不可医。与其小
而长，无 大而短。术士替未央生改造之时，只求其大，不使其长，
就是这个缘故。
 
    如今艳芳的深，未央生的短，所以取枕头垫在下面。岂不是惯家？
这 道理世上人还有知道，至于取枕头垫在腰下面，竟不取他物与妇

328
 肉蒲团

人枕头，这 法窍就没人参得透了。妇人腰底下既有一物，若还头底
下又有一物，则上身一段不过二尺多长， 头凸起，中间凹下，只当
把妇人的身体拘断在下面，上面又压了一个男子，你道 气闷不气
闷，辛苦不辛苦？况且妇人枕了枕头，面庞未免带反，口齿唇舌都与
男子不对， 不便于亲嘴。男子要亲嘴必须鞠着身子往下面 ；妇人
要亲嘴，必须便起颈项朝上面 。碍了一个枕头，费人多少气力，所
以干事之时无论垫腰不垫腰，总是颈项底下的东西断断留他不得。会
干事的，将要动手，就把枕头推过一边，使 云鬓贴席，朱唇面
天，五官四肢没有一件不与男子相合。上下二孔又与 的肢体不同，
不惟相合而且相投，不惟相投而且相出入。男子的玉麈入于女子
中，女子的绛舌入于男子口中，使 也有一件的便宜处。则乐事相
均，而无有余不足之事矣。
 
    未央生把一只手取枕头下去，就把一只手托住 的头颈，安顿在席
上，使面孔不歪不邪，以预为亲嘴之地。所以艳芳暗喜，知道他是惯
家。未央生垫腰之後，重新提起小脚放在肩头，把 只手抵住了席，
放出本事尽力抽送。每一抽，定要拔出半截；每一送，定要抵个尽
根。只是一件，抽便抽得急，抵却抵得缓。为甚么缘故？他恐怕下去
急了要入得 户响，恐怕邻舍人家听见，弄出事来，所以不敢放手。
干了一会，那 户里面渐渐紧 起来，不像初干的时节汗漫无际了。
未央生晓得是狗肾发作， 物大起来的原故。就不觉精神百倍，抽送
的度数 加紧密。
 
    艳芳起先不动声色，直到此时方才把身子 几 ，叫一声道：“心
肝，有些好意思来了。”未央生道：“我的乖肉，方才干起头，那里就
有好意思？且待我干到后来，看你中意不中意。只是一件，我生平不
喜干哑事，须要弄得里头响起来，才觉得动 。只是你这房子狭窄，

329
 肉蒲团

恐怕邻舍听见，不好放手，却怎么处？”艳芳道：“不妨。一边是空
地，一边是人家的厨房，没有人宿的。你放心干就是。”未央生
道：“这等就好了。”此后的干法就与前相反，抽得缓，送得急。送进
去的时节，就像叫花子打肋砖，要故意使人听见好可怜见他的一般。
 
    翻天倒地干了一阵，艳芳骚性大发，口里“心肝、儿子”叫不绝声，
牝中 水旁流横 。未央生见 势头来得 涌，要替 抹干了，重
新再干，就伸手去取汗巾。不想摸到手里被艳芳抢去，不容他揩抹。
这是甚么缘故？原来， 的生性也是不喜干哑事的，与未央生所好
略同，但凡干事之时， 水越来得多，响声越觉得
溜亮。所以 平日干事随下面横流直淌，就把身子都浸在里边，也不
许丈夫揩抹，直待完事之後，索性坐起来，把浑身上下拭个干净。这
是 生平的嗜好之癖。未央生见 不肯揩抹，就悟到这个缘故，比
前 加响弄起来。又翻天倒地干了一阵，艳芳就紧紧搂住道：“心
肝，我要丢了。你同我一齐睡罢。”未央生要骋本事，还不肯丢。艳
芳道：“你的本事我知道了，不是有名无实的。如今不肯住手，弄了
一夜，抵敌了 个妇人，也是亏你。可留些精神明夜再干。不要弄坏
了人，使我没得受用。”未央生见 这几句话说得 人，就紧紧搂
住，又抽了一番。 个才一齐完事。完事之後，不曾说几句话，天已
将明。艳芳怕他出去迟了被人看见，只得催他起来，自己也 了衣
服，送他出去。
 
    从此以後，未央生晓去夜来， 是从 里出入，再不做梁上君子
了。还有几次舍不得分 ，连日里也藏在家中。艳芳只推生病，不出
去 。 人青天白日一丝不 ，彼此看了雪白的肌 ，恣其 乐。
对 的丑妇隔一 夜过来一遭，未央生不好拒绝 ，也时常点缀点
缀，但不能饱其所欲，只好免于怨恨而已。左右邻舍有几

330
 肉蒲团

个听见些响动的，都只说赛昆仑自己来奸 ，再不想是替 人做事。

未曾到 ，各家都闭户 ，不管外面闲事，惟恐赛昆仑恼他碍眼，
要顺便去算计他。所以一连睡了十几夜，没有一毫惊恐。直到权老实
回来之後，方才断了踪迹。
 
    赛昆仑恐怕未央生年少心性，弄出事来，连日间也禁止他，不许到
前去窥探。 可自己做红娘，终日托名买丝替他传消递息。权老实
有几次在家，只说是生意主顾，平日与妻子交易惯的，自己倒立过一
边，凭他 个说话，一味忠厚到底，不以诡谲待人。这才叫做权老
实。始信天下的混名叫得一毫不差。不像自家取表德，
只拣好字眼称呼。天下择交之法，不必察其为人，观其行事，只问此
人叫做甚么混名，就知道交得交不得也。
 
    评曰：
    千古不传之秘，千金不易之方，尽为世人泄之，殊觉可惜！
  第十一回： 豪杰浪挥金  露水夫妻成结发
    诗云：
    豪杰从来数绿荫，一 知己便挥金。
    衣冠亦 多豪客，何事全无念友心？
 
    艳芳与未央生睡了十几夜，那 云雨私情正在稠密之时，被丈夫回
来打断好事，苦不可言。心上想道，我起先只说天下的男子，才貌与
实事决不能相兼，我所以去了才貌，单取实事。把个粗蠢东西当做宝
贝一般，终日吃辛吃苦，帮他做活。那里晓得男子里面原有三件
全的，我若不遇着这个才子，枉做了一世佳人。如今过
去的日子虽不可追，后来的光 怎肯虚度？自古道“明人不做暗事”，
做妇人的不坏名节则已，既然坏了名节，索性做个决裂之人，省得身
子姓张肚肠姓李。我常说从来的妇人，有红拂妓的眼、卓文君的胆，
331
 肉蒲团

方才可以 汉。生平只 一次，一 就 到底，连那个 字后面也改

正过来，才是个女中豪杰。况且“ 奔”二字原分不 ，既要 就要
奔，若度量后来奔不得，就不如省了那些 障，做个守贞不二之人，
何等不妙？为甚把名节性命去换那顷刻的欢娱？
 
    主意定了，就写书一封寄与未央生，约要私奔。他当初在母家的时
节， 喜读书写字，只因嫁做商人妇，就把笔研荒疏了，所以写的书
扎如说话一般。书云：
 
情郎未央生赐览：
    自你不来之后，我终日对了饮食 咽不下。就勉强吃下去，不过三
分之一。我如今立定主意，随你终身。你可速速料理，或是你烦赛昆
仑进来盗我，或是我做红拂前来奔你。只要期定日子，约在何处等
我，不致彼此相左。至嘱至嘱。
    你若虑祸， 躇不敢做此险事，就是薄 负心之人，可写书来回
我，从此绝交。以後不得再见，若还再见我，必 你的肉，当做猪肉
狗肉吃也。
    馀言不尽，只此寄知。
                   辱爱妾艳芳敛衽拜寄
 
    写了此书，立在 前，看见赛昆仑走过，付与他带去。又怕未央生
胆小，不敢行此险着，又生一计：终日寻是寻非，与权老实争闹，使
他不能相容，好做朱买臣的故事。就终日只推有病，一根丝也不络，
连茶饭都要丈夫炊煮。每日清晨起来，咒骂到 方才停息，至于干事
之时，把摆布前夫的手段 重新放出来，要打发他上路
，好嫁三样 全的丈夫。权老实见他日里憎嫌不过，只得竭力奉承，
指望将功赎罪。谁想夜里的功劳补不得日间的过失，爬下床来，就换

332
 肉蒲团

了一副面孔，把一个如狼似虎的丈夫不消 月，磨得骨 如柴，恹恹

待毙。邻舍见了个个不平，只是惧怕赛昆仑，不敢说得。
 
    权老实见妻子一向安心贴意，忽然改变起来，知 必有缘故，就在
邻舍面前细问消息，说“我出 的时节，可曾有甚人在我家往来？”邻
舍起先只推不知，后来见他盘问不过，又怜他是个忠厚之人，将来要
死于 妇之手，得说道：“有便有一个人在你家走动，只是不可惹
他，若惹他就有不测之祸。”权老实道：“是甚人？这等厉害？”邻舍
道：“就是天下驰名，人人 怕，惯做神贼的赛昆仑。旧时在你 前
经过，看见你娘子美貌，就走来问我们说‘是 一个的妻子’，我们说
是你的令正。他又说‘这样妻子嫁了那样丈夫，平日夫妻之间和睦不
和睦’，我们又说是 相得的。后来见你出去卖货，走来问道‘权老实
这番出去有几日才得回来’，我们只说你去卖丝，有十几日才得回
来。不想那一日起，你家夜夜像有人说话一般，若是 个，我们就好
出来稽查，你晓得太岁头上可是动得土的？不去惹他，尚且要来照
顾，况得罪他有个不来搅扰的？又且律法没有邻舍捉奸之理，所以凭
他自来自往，宿了十几夜，直待你回来方才断了这路。我说便对你
说，只好放在肚里，切不可泄漏出来，招灾惹祸。就在令正面前也只
宜隐忍，不可说破。恐怕走漏消息，害你性命。”
 
    权老实道：“原来如此。今既蒙吩咐，怎敢漏泄。但他终有日落在
我手里，待我拿住了他，杀头的时候，求列位高邻助我一臂之
力。”邻舍道：“这都是呆话，自古道‘拿贼拿赃，拿奸拿双”，他做了
一世贼，不曾被人拿着赃，难道通了奸情就被你拿着双不成？令正既
被他奸，终有日被他领去，只保得不赔妆奁也就 了。
”权老实道：“怎见得如此？”邻舍道：“他平素的手段你难道不知？任
你高墙厚壁，他也有本事进去，何况你这几间小屋？终究被他钻进去

333
 肉蒲团

把人领去。人既被他领去，那屋中的财物岂保得不做妆奁？你不可不
堤防。”权老实听了大惊，就对邻舍跪下求他画策免祸。邻舍怜他情
急，个个代他算计。有的劝他休了妻子，断绝祸根
；有的教他带了妻子搬远处去。内中有一个老成的道：“这都不是主
意。他令正虽有可出之条，却不曾拿捉赃据。把甚题目休他？赛昆仑
的路数没有一处不熟，随你搬在那里去，他也会寻着。这都不是良
策。依我愚见，只有将错就错之法，可以做得。你妻子既然无心靠
你，留在家中也没有用。不如卖些银子用用。若卖与 人，
令正决不肯去。就是塞昆仑知道，怪你断他恩爱，也要来报仇。不如
就卖与他。他既然爱你令正，或者肯出一二百 也不可知。你拿了这
宗银子过来 讨一个妇人理家，自然不至招灾惹祸。又得了人又保得
不破财，岂不 便？”权老实道：“此计甚好。只是我自己不好去说，
须得 一个对他说话便好，不如列位中那一位肯替我
周全否？”邻舍道：“若肯如此不妨与事，只是卖去之後，你不可生
端，说我们通同奸贼，占你妻子，这就使不得了。”权老实道：“若做
得成，我身家性命都亏列位保全，怎敢做此负心之事？”众人听了就
大家酌拟一个会说话的，约次日去寻赛昆仑说话。
 
    却说未央生自与艳芳 后，害起相思病来，终日废寝忘食。欲要赛
昆仑去拐 出来，又恐 丈夫缉获；欲领 远去，又想起 个特等妇
人不曾弄得上手，舍不得丢了远去。心内 躇不决。后来看见艳芳的
书写得 激切，只得定了主意。就求赛昆仑拐 出来，情愿领 到
远方去，使 丈夫缉访不着。赛昆仑道：“若肯如此就
好处了。但权老实是个穷汉，没了老婆，那里还讨得起。凡人情倒了
处就有性命之忧，不可不替受害之人想个退步。除非带百十 银子
丢在他家，然后拐出人来，使他失了一个，还好再讨一个，这等做来

334
 肉蒲团

才不失我做英雄的本色。”未央生道：“此计虽好，只是小弟旅囊羞
涩，设处不来。奈何？”赛昆仑道：“贤弟不消忧虑，
我做了一生豪杰，若拼不得挥金，怎敢说此仗义的话！要银子都在我
身上，你可写书回 ，不拘时日，只要权老实不在家我就去拐 出
来。”
    未央生大喜，就写下书札，也不用文理深奥，只把几句浅话回 ，
省得 费解。其书云：
 
艳娘芳 赐览：
    得 个月，竟像几十年，终日寝食 废，履告昆仑求他力图，他
只恐尊意不决，所以不敢轻举。因看来札，始知勾我之心坚如铁石，
今已力任不辞矣。
    红拂之事甚险，切不可做。既有此人出力，只做红绡可也。佳期难
以预卜，典守离家之日，即是嫦娥出月之期。速赐好音，以便举事。
    话不宜，只此奉 。
                    真名不具
 
    赛昆仑拿了此书送与艳芳之後，就取一百二十 银子，预先封好，
好待临时带去。过了 日，忽见 邻舍走来说：“权老实生意折本，
日给不敷，不能 活妻子，要转卖与人，我想你为人宽胸大度，有闲
饭 人，又肯济贫扶危，所以特来作合。求你积个 德，一来超拔此
妇出来，省得 饿死；二来使权老实得些聘金，好做
生意糊口。 是 便的事。”赛昆仑听了暗想道，有这样奇事？我正
要去算计他，他就央人来卖与我。或者他晓得些风声，知道我替人做
事，料想出不得圈套，故此来上这条路也不可知。既然如此，我要暗
买不如明买了。就问邻舍道：“他既贫穷要卖妻子，不知他妻子肯去
否？”邻舍道：“ 在家受苦，巴不得出 。有甚不肯去。”赛昆仑

335
 肉蒲团

道：“他要多少财礼？”邻舍道：“他要讨二百 ，若不得，一百 外
多些，他也就肯了。”赛昆仑道：“既然如此，就是一百二十 罢。”
    邻舍见他允了，就去叫权老实亲来交易。赛昆仑初意，要教未央生
做受主。后来想道，我的名声人人惧怕，不敢同我打官司。若叫他出
名，后来就有官司口舌了。所以不提起未央生，只说自己要做意。权
老实走到写了婚书，打了手印，邻舍押了花名，交与赛昆仑。赛昆仑
取出那封银子，恰好是这些数目，又 取十 ，送与邻舍做媒钱。当
日就佣轿子，把艳芳抬过来，也不使未央生知道。直待他寻下房屋，
置了床帐家 ，方才备办花烛，把 他 个送入洞房。虽鲍叔之交
情，虬髯之侠气，不过如此。只可惜把题目错认，所以算不得为豪杰
也。
 
    第十二回：补 头方成好事  因吃醋反结同心

    未央生与艳芳做了夫妻， 个不分昼夜尽 快乐。艳芳进 之後，

经水来得一次就有了胎。未央生大喜，以为术士之言不验，一般也会
生育，这根取乐之具是落得改造的。到了四五个月，艳芳的腹渐渐大
了，行房之时未免碍手碍脚，不能如意。艳芳就吩咐未央生，教他权
且耽搁几时， 精蓄锐，待生育之後好图大举，不要
枉费了精神。从此以後， 个就分房宿歇。
 
    未央生独睡在书房，不免静 思动，又要做起分外事来。心下想
到，我目中所见的妇人，只有那 个不见姓名的是个绝色，与我新娶
的这一个可以鼎足而立。怎奈不知下落，无处寻访。不得已而求其
次，只好在册中 选一个出来，暂救目前之急。就瞒着艳芳把书房
了，取出册子来细细翻阅。
    翻着一个名字叫做香云。批他的批语虽不多几句，比 个的略加厚
些。这分明是第一等之第一名，比绝色的女子止争一间也。
336
 肉蒲团

 
    批云：
    此妇色多殊美，态有馀研。轻不留痕，肢体堪擎掌上；娇非作意，
风神俨在画中。因风嗅 香，似沽花气；从旁听妙语，不数莺簧。殆
色中之铮铮，闺中之娇娇者也。拔之高等，以冠群姿。
 
    未央生看了批词，追想 面貌。记得是个二十以外、三十以内的
人，神致妩媚，从前走过，觉得有一阵香气，与熏在衣上、带在身上
的不同。既去之後，又在香案旁拾得一把诗扇，知道是 所遗。未
央生想了数日要去踪迹他，因后来遇着特等的，就把 丢下。此时翻
阅着了不觉死灰 燃，就把下面的小字细查，看 住在何处。原来与
自己的住处同是一个 名，心上大喜，忙走出去问人。
    那里晓得作 之事偏生 巧，这个女子就是他的紧邻。只有一墙之
隔，书房间壁就是 的 房。丈夫叫做“轩轩子”，是个才高行短的秀
才，年纪有五十多岁。前妻已死，香云是他的继室。轩轩子在外处
馆，每一个月回来宿一 次，其余日子都在馆中宿歇。
 
    未央生访问的实，心上暗暗喜道，这分明是前世的姻缘，神差鬼使
送我住在这处同 作乐的了。忙回到家中，一边想计策，一边看形
势。书房外面的墙虽然不高，是有房子隔住的，跳不过去。书房里面
的墙是夹砖砌的，又有白灰粉在上面，一动就有痕迹，又不好凿孔。
存想了一会就要做爬梁上屋之事。仰起头来细看，只见
屋山头上有三尺高五尺阔的一块，是砖墙砌不到，用板壁铺完的。心
上喜道，既有这 可乘，又不消想到屋上去了。只消把板壁 去几
块，那砖墙上面就可以跳得过了，有甚么难做的事？
    就掇一张梯子斜靠在墙上，然后到书 里取出一副家 ，外面是个
纸匣，纸匣里面刀、 、锯、凿样样都有，名字叫做“十件头”。未央
生自买回来一件也不曾用，只说是没用的东西。那晓得天下无弃物，
337
 肉蒲团

要 妇人竟用着 它。就带了这副家 爬上梯去，把那板壁一看还喜

得有缝可寻，就先用一把小锉将横木之上锉去二分使橇板下来的时节
没有障碍。然后用小凿投入缝中用力一橇，已下来一块。一连橇下三
块，就伸头过去一张。
 
    看见一个妇人坐在马桶上小解。解完之後未曾系裤，先盖马桶。那
马桶盖落在地上，伸手去取，未免屈倒纤腰，把 片美臀高高耸起，
连那半截 也与未央生打个照面。未央生在背后看了，还不知可是
本人。直等得撒上裤子，掉过脸来，仔细一认，正是当初赏鉴的人。
未央生要叫 一声，一来怕被人听见；二来我在暗中
， 不知我是何人，怎么肯来招接？万一发作起来，反为不便。须要
设计引 上来张我，看见我面貌，不消我去仰 自然来俯就了。想
了一会，忽然记起 当日遗下一把扇子，上面有三首唐诗，是 亲
笔写的，我如今把板壁 在这边，走下梯去寻出那扇子，把上面的诗
高声朗诵， 听了自然会意，比上来张我。然后用巧话挑
拨 ，自然一勾便上了。
 
    算计已定，就下去 了箱子，搜寻那把诗扇。他在庙上作寓之时，
烧香妇女所遗之物甚多，不止捕把扇子。拾得一件就收藏一件，又怕
与 的东西混在一处，一时要寻难以寻起，又 作一箱，盖上写四个
大字，取国风上一句，是“美人之贻”四字。此时 了箱子把那些哀艳
之物细细拣阅。阅到一把扇子就是 的，展 一看，上面写三首绝
句，乃唐朝才子李白所作，名为清平调，是唐玄宗与贵妃赏牡丹召他
进宫做的。未央生不敢造次就念，先把衣冠换得齐 齐整整，然后打
扫喉咙，竟像昆腔戏子唱慢调的一般，逐字逐句哦出韵来，等 好仔
细听，诗云：
 
        云想衣裳花想容，  春风拂栏露花浓。
338
 肉蒲团

        若非群玉山头见，  会向瑶台月下 。（右其一）

 
        一枝红艳露凝香，  云雨巫山枉断肠。
        借问汉宫谁得似，  可怜飞燕倚新妆。（右其二）
 
        名花倾国 相欢，  常得君王带笑看。
        解释春风无限恨，  沈香亭北倚栏杆。（其三）
 
    念过一遍不见响动，就把落款年月与写字之人的姓名当做曲子里面
的介白一般，也念出来。要使 听得明白，又念了几遍。只见板壁上
忽然响了一声人，像咳嗽又像叹气。未央生知道 上来了，就对着
扇子埋怨道：“为这一把扇子弄得人死不死、活不活，如今扇子在这
边，人在 里？若还寻得着，不如送还 ，留在这里做
甚么！”
    说了这话，只见板壁上有人应道：“扇子的主人现在这里，丢上来
还我！”未央生抬头看见，故意吃一惊道：“原来绝世佳人就在咫尺，
枉害了一向相思。这等说死不成了。”就把十步梯子并作五步跨上
去，一见了面就搂住亲嘴。
    香云问道：“你一向在 里？再不能见面，如今为甚么走到这里人
家，念起我扇上的诗来？”未央生道：“这就是我的寓所。我就是你的
紧邻。”香云道：“既住在这里，为何一向不曾见你？”未央生道：“我
是新搬来的。”香云道：“你为甚么搬到这里来？”未央生要买 的欢
心，就随机应变，想出话来道：“我搬来的意思都是为你。因前日在
张仙庙看见尊容，心下十分想念，见你临 之时十分顾眄，又留下扇
子赠我，所以丢你不下，谋到这里来住，好与你相处的。”
 
    香云听了微笑一笑，把手在未央生肩上轻轻打一下，道：“你原来
这样有情，我错怪了你。你家里还有甚么人？”未央生道：“只有一个
339
 肉蒲团

小妾，是朋友赠我的，其余的贱眷都在故乡，不曾带来。”香云
道：“你未搬来之先，如何不到我 前走 走？使我终日想你。”未央
生道：“我起初问你不着，不知住在 里。后来访知下
落就搬过来就你了。”香云道：“是几时搬来的？”未央生道：“不上半
年，只好四五个月了。”香云一听这一句，登时变脸就问道：“既然来
了这些日子，为甚么往常不理我？”未央生见 词色不好，知道露了
马脚。又把巧话支吾道：“一向只说尊夫在家，恐怕轻举妄动，贻害
于你，所以只当不知道。直到今日，方晓得尊夫
在馆，家里没有 人，才敢露些声色。不过谨慎的意思。难道敢忘记
了你不成？”
    香云听了冷笑一声，又问道：“我的扇子可还在么？”未央生
道：“紧紧藏在身边，不敢遗失。”香云道：“你拿来我看。”未央生听
了就下去取来，把一把汗巾子裹住，双手递过去。不想香云接到了手
三把 得粉碎，往自己房里一丢，遂将汗巾子掷还他道：“这样薄
情的人亏得不曾与你有染。从今以後 下闭交。下去吧。”就忿 忿走
下梯子，眼泪汪汪的哭起来。
 
    未央生不知 为着何事，要爬下去问个明白，又怕被人撞见，只得
立在上面看了 哭。正在难处之际，忽然书房 外芭蕉弄声，竟象有
人走动。未央生怕是艳芳，只得上了板壁，走下梯来。心上猜疑道，
这是甚么原故？又不曾有话冲撞 ，为甚么使起性来？察 口气不
过怪我亲近迟了，耽搁半年工夫，不曾与 作乐，要
我去请罪的意思。但日间不好过去，待到 上钻过去问个明白。无论
怪得有理没理，总是陪 个不是就完了账。
 
    主意定了，挨到黄昏时候，打发艳芳睡了，来到书房。把 窗紧
闭，遂爬上梯去。将日间橇动的板壁尽数除下，心上想道， 那边没

340
 肉蒲团

有东西拔脚，二丈高的高墙如何跳得下去？欲要叫 一声， 既说
了硬话，怎么肯来接引？谁想香云口嘴虽硬，心肠还软。临睡之时，
原 一面之网在那边招纳 。未央生爬到墙上伸手过去一
摸，只见日间所用的梯子不曾撤去，依旧放在那边，若有所待。未央
生大喜，就踏着梯子悄悄爬下去。只见黑洞洞不辨东西，又悄悄摸到
床前，见 不响不动，只道是睡着了。就伸手去揭 被，要把身子
钻进去。
 
    那里晓得香云此时也不曾睡着，未央生过来的时节 明明听见，只
因要省些客气，所以朝里睡了，只当不知。及至他伸手来揭被，这番
客气就省不得了。只得转身来，假装梦中惊醒的模样，叫道：“你是
一个？黑地里爬到我床上来！”未央生靠着耳 低 低说道：“不是
人，就是日间与你说话的人。知道自家不是，特过
来请罪。”一面说一面钻进被窝。香云紧紧裹住，不放他进去。发作
道：“这样寡情的人，那个要你请罪？”未央生道：“我费尽心机谋到
这边来亲近你，也不叫做寡情了。香云道：“你那双眼睛好不识货！
怕没有标致的同 作乐，希罕我这等丑陋东西？”未央生道：“我家
里一妾是朋友赠我的，我不得不受。娘子怎么吃起醋
来？”香云道：“你同自家妻妾作乐是该当的。我怎么好吃醋？只是与
我一样的人，你不该先去缠 ，把我丢在九霄云外。若住在远处也罢
了，只隔得一壁，叫也不 叫一声，竟象不相识的一般。这样寡情的
人还要人理？”
 
    未央生道：“娘子这话是从 里说起？我除了一妾之外，并不曾相
处一个妇人。娘子为何谤起我来了？”香云道：“我且问你，某日某时
张仙庙里，有三个标致妇人进去烧香，有人跪在 外 头，可就是你

341
 肉蒲团

么？”未央生道：“那日果有三个妇人在庙烧香。彼时我也去求神，见
有一阵在内，恐怕混杂不雅，所以不好进去。就
跪在 外 头。我是拜张仙，难道拜那三个妇人不成？”香云笑
道：“何如自己招出来了。既然 头是你，还有甚么辨得？你前日躲
在张仙背后 看妇人，见有少年女子竟不怕混杂不雅，直走出来调戏
他。岂有妇人在里面反怕混杂不雅，跪在 外 头之理？这样混话骗
三岁孩子也不信，反要来骗我。”
 
    未央生听了，知道掩饰不过，只得吐露真情，好套出那三个妇人的
下落。就对他笑一笑道：“不瞒娘子说，我那日 头一半为神，一半
为妇人。但不知娘子坐在家里怎么晓得这事？是 个对你说的？”香
云道：“我自有千里眼、顺风耳，何须要人说得？”未央生道：“娘子
既晓得这事，必晓得那三个妇人住在 里，叫甚么名字，丈夫叫甚么
名字，索性求娘子说个明白。”香云道：“你同 相处半年怕不晓
得，反来问我？”未央生道：“这话从 里说起。我从一见之後就不曾
再见。怎说与 相处半年？这 情叫我 里去申诉！”香云道：“你既
然不曾与 相处，为甚么半年之中不见我一面？分明是 们叫你不
要理我。我难道不晓得？”未央生道：“屈天屈地何曾有一些影响，娘
子若不信，待我对天发誓：我若与三个妇人有一毫于染，天雷立即打
死！”
 
    香云见他发的誓愿，疑心也释了一半。就说道：“既是这等，你的
罪过还可原。”未央生道：“如今我说明了，请娘子揭 被窝，放我进
来睡罢。”香云道：“我的面貌不如那三个妇人生得标致，你还是去寻
标致的睡，不要来缠我。”未央生道：“娘子又太谦了，怎见得你的面
貌不如那三个？”香云道：“你的眼力自然不

342
 肉蒲团

差，毕竟是 标致你不肯跪下 头。”未央生道：“那 头的事不过是

之所至，偶然做出来。何曾有甚么成见。据娘子这等说，是怪我
的头，不曾 你的头，所以这等牢骚不平。我如今加上利钱多 些
头，补还前日的欠账就是了。”
    说完，遂跪在床前一连 了几十个响头，把床都振动。香云才伸手
下来扶他上床。未央生脱了衣服，钻进被窝。那 物就与 户 着，
竟象轻车熟路走过几次的一般。想来是初交之际，彼此情浓，又被客
气的话耽搁了一会，到此时所以我要 他、他要 我， 件来而自然
倾盖如故。未央生 着之後，就把 物直抵牝中，是要借些痛意，好
中之痒。香云欲图快活，所以耐着艰难，任他抵塞。未央生见
承受得起，就放出本事，同 对垒。起先几十提，里面倒还滑溜。
到半百之後，渐渐有些濡滞起来。
 
    香云抵挡不住，就问道：“我往常与自家男人干事，都是先难后
易。为甚么今日不同，反先易后难起来？”未央生道：“我的 物与人
不同，有 桩 样。第一桩是先小后大，起初象一块干粮，一入牝就
渐渐大起来，竟象是浸得胀一般。第二桩是先冷后热，就象块火石，
擦磨几下渐渐热起来，就象有火星要爆出的一般。只因有这 桩好
处，所以不敢埋没，要来亲近娘子，求你赏鉴的意思。”香云道：“不
信你身上有这样宝贝，只怕是哄人的话。就作是真的，怎么这等艰难
起来？”未央生道：“如今牝内干燥不过，所以艰难。少刻有些 水浸
润，自然不象这等了。”香云道：“这等，待我敖住了 ，任你狠弄一
阵，弄些 水出来，省得里面干涩。”
 
    未央生听了，就把双脚架在肩上，紧紧抽送。不上几十下，那 户
也滑起来， 物也热起来。滑则不觉其 ，热则 见其乐。香云
道：“真个你方才的话不是哄我，我如今快活了。”未央生就乘势 加

343
 肉蒲团

狠弄，一边使 欢心，一边套 的口气道：“心肝，我这话不哄你，

可见 样的话也不是哄你。你可把那三个妇人的话对我
说说何妨？”香云道：“只要你真心待我，我自然会对你说。何你这等
忙？”未央生道：“也说得是。”就把 的舌头紧紧含在口里，再不说
话，一味哑干，足足抽了一二更天。只见香云手足冰冷，一连丢了三
次，就说道：“心肝，我的精神单薄，再经不得掏掳了。搂着我睡
罢。”
 
    未央生听了，爬下身来搂住同睡。睡的时节觉得一阵 香，与那日
初会时闻见的一样。就问道：“你平日熏衣服的是甚么香？这等可
爱。”香云道：“我平日并不熏香，你在 里闻得？”未央生道：“那日
相见的时节，你在我面前走过，就有一阵香气。今日睡在床上，也是
如此。你平日若不熏香，这一 气味是那里来的？
”香云道：“这是我皮肉里面透出来气味。”未央生道：“不信皮肉里面
有这样好气味，若是这等你皮肉也是一件宝贝了。”香云道：“我生平
也没有 长，只有这一件与 个妇人不同。当初父母生我时，临盆之
际有一 红云飞进房来，觉得有一阵香气。及至生我下来，云便散
了。这 香气再不散，常 常在我身上闻出来，所以
取名叫做‘香云’。若坐了不动，还不十分觉察，但是劳碌之後，有些
汗出，这 气味就从毛孔里透出来，不但 人闻得出连自家也闻得
出。我有这件好处也不敢埋没，前日庙中与你相 见，你生得标致，
故把扇子赠你，又把这 气味与你赏鉴，要你寻到我家来。谁想你不
来，直到今日方了得心愿。”
 
    未央生听了就把 浑身上下仔细闻，没有一个毛孔不有香气。方才
晓得绝世佳人不是相得出来的。就把 紧紧抱住，一连叫了几十个心
肝。香云道：“我身上的香气你都闻到了，还有一 香气更比身上的

344
 肉蒲团

不同。索性与你赏鉴。”未央生道：“在 一处？”香云把一只手捏着
未央生的指头，朝 户里面点一点，道：“此中的
气味更自不同。你若不嫌亵渎，也去闻一闻看。”未央生缩下身子，
去把鼻孔对着 嗅了几嗅，就爬上来道：“真宝贝，真宝贝！我如
今没得说，竟死在尔身上罢。”说了这话，又把身子缩下去， 那
件宝贝，就用舌头 将 它起来。香云道：“这怎么使得！还不快些上
来。”一面说一面去 他。越 得急，未央生越 得慌，把一根三寸
长的舌头竟作了干事的 物，在里面一抽一送，一来一往，与交媾无
，一见有 水流出来，就吸在口里， 下肚去。直 得 丢了，
连 精都吃下去，方才爬上肚来。香云紧紧抱住道：“我的心肝，你
怎么这等爱我！我如今没得说，也死在你身上罢了。”
 
    未央生道：“照我看来，你这样佳人如今世上没有第二个了。你既
有这件宝贝，你的丈夫为甚么不回来受用，终日睡在外边，使你孤眠
独宿？”香云道：“他心上也要受用，只是力量不济，所以借处馆的名
色在外面躲避差徭。”未央生道：“我闻他还是中年的人，怎么就这等
不济？”香云道：“他少年时也是个风流子弟，
喜 良家女子，日夜 乐。 丧太过，到中年就没用了。”未央生
道：“他少年时的力量比我如何？”香云道：“做事的伎俩虽然差不
多，那有你这 桩好处。”未央生道：“我这件东西与你这件东西皆是
世上没有的。如今 件宝贝 在一处，切不可使 它们分 。从今以
後，夜夜要过来同你睡了。”
 
    香云道：“你是有家小的人，怎能夜夜过来？只不要象前日的寡情
也就 了。”未央生道：“不知是 个多嘴的人到你面前来学舌，使我
抱了不白之 ，到这时候还说我寡情。我若知道那个学舌的人，定要

345
 肉蒲团

与他狠做一出。”香云道：“我老实对你说，学舌的人不是 个，就是
那三位佳人。”未央生道：“这又奇了。这话
若是 人说的也该没趣，难道自己不怕腼腆，竟告诉起人家来。”香
云道：“不瞒你说，我与三位佳人是姻 之亲。 个年纪小的，我叫
他妹子；一个年纪大的，我叫他姑娘。 个妹子更与我心投意合，竟
象同胞的一般。我有心事对 们讲， 们有隐情也对我说。我那日
烧香回来，见了 个，就把你生的标致， 看我，我也爱你，丢下扇
子的话告诉 们。 们 个道，既然他爱你你爱他，少不得有个寻来
的日子，看你怎么样打发他？我心上也料你要寻来，立在 前等了十
来日，再不见一毫踪影。后来 个烧香回来，遇见我就问我道，
你那日看见的人是怎么面貌，怎样打扮？我就把你面孔衣服对 们
说。 个道，这等说，你心上的人我今日也见过了。又问我，他既
然爱你，那一日可曾对你 头否？我说，他爱我只好在心上，那有在
众人面前 头之理？ 们见我说这话，就不作声，只是笑，像个得
意之貌。我疑心起来，再三盘问， 们方才把你 头的事细细告我。
一面笑一面说，果然有个骄人之貌。我一连没趣了几日，心上想道，
我与他一般是初见之人，你为甚么见我就避嫌疑， 诺也不唱一个？
见他就疯颠起来，一些嫌疑不避壁，竟 起头来？可见我的面貌不如
们，你就要寻也去寻 们，必不来寻我。往常我与 们是 好的姊
妹，为这件事竟有些恨 们起来。所以今日于你相会，见说来了半
年，直到如今方才理我，焉得不疑？后见你发誓起来，方才知道没有
此事。这些戏文都是你 头 出来的，请问你该做不该做？”
 
    未央生道：“原来如此也。难怪你不忿恨。但 个既是你令妹，
也只当是我的小姨了。你肯使我见 们一面， 的事不想得，只等我
叫 们几声姨娘，使 们知道我们 个有了私情。 们起先把 头
的话来骄你，待我替你把不但 头又且相与的话去骄 们。心上何
346
 肉蒲团

如？”香云道：“这也不消，我与 个不但是姊妹，又且同盟。原说有
福同享有苦同受， 们以前既不曾背我，我如今怎么又反背 们？
我意欲要 你去与 们相会，使 个也知道天地间有一 妙物，大
家赏鉴赏鉴。只是我也要与你断过。你得了 们之後不可改变心
肠，要像今夜这等爱我，方才使得。你改变不改变也要发个誓来。”
 
    未央生听了，不觉手舞足蹈，一个筋斗就翻下床来，对了天地，比
以前所发的誓更加狠毒。发完之後，又爬上床去，重新干起，当做央
媒一般。及干到事完之後，交颈而睡。睡到天明起来，香云打发未央
生依旧从梯上过去。
    自此以後， 个日日见面，夜夜同床。但不知 位小姨何日到手，
今且暂停。下面 回另叙 事，少不得 出戏文之後又是正生上台
也。
 
    评曰：
    我观肉蒲团之奇，未有奇于此回者。初看香云使性一段，使人张紧
眼，莫知所自。及至看到末幅，始知从前一段乃理之当然，非作意
也。香云未经相与之先，便吃无影之醋；既同枕席之後，必抬有理之
酸。此妇人之常情也。后来不怪不 ，而且以月老自居，使三段奇缘
一时毕集。观者虽有急事，亦不暇理，凡看未央生如何得意也。   

    第十三回：破 焚舟除隐恨   薪尝胆 奸仇

 
    却说权老实自从卖妻之後，愤恨不过，且无颜见人，就把生意不
做，歇了。终日闷坐在家，拷问那十二岁丫鬟，说 与那长大汉子是
几时睡起，还有甚么人替 往来做事。丫鬟起先怕主母利害，不敢
多嘴。如今见主母卖去，料没有回来，就把某时睡起，某时才住，连
对 丑妇过来同睡的话尽情说出，又说与他同睡的不是那
347
 肉蒲团

个大汉，另是一个标致后生，那大汉子反是替他做事的。权老实听了
这话， 加愤恨。后来艳芳归了未央生，有人传说过来，权老实方才
得了真情，就去查访未央生的来历。知道不是本处人，家中现有妻
子，这是娶去做妾的。
 
    权老实想道，若是赛昆仑自己做事，我这 仇也不要想报，只好忍
过一世，到 司地府之中与他算帐罢了。如今奸骗之人既不是他，我
这 仇如何不报？若要与他告状，他有赛昆仑帮助，不怕没有银子
用，如今官府 个不听分上的？他若央了人情，我的官司就要输与他
了。我想起来告他也无益，不如走到他故乡，访着他的住处，千方百
计钻进内室之中，把他结发妻子也拿来 了几次，方才遂我的心。他
我妻，我 他妻，这才叫做 报 、仇报仇，就是杀死他也没有这
桩事痛快。主意定了，就把那十一岁的丫鬟与一应家 物件都变卖出
银子来，连那一百二十 财礼与平日贩丝的本钱，都收拾了。 了乡
邻，破 焚舟而去。
 
    不一日，到了地头，就在饭店中歇下。次日去访未央生的住居与他
家里的动静。访了半日，方才晓得事体难做，心下十分忧虑。起先，
只说 人家的闺 与自己的一样，男子在家的时节自然严紧，男子出
去之後就像 上少了 ，可以借托事端，直进直出了。那里晓得读书
的人家比做生意不同，不是三党亲戚及至交朋友即若
不许跨进 槛。他那个人家又比 个读书的不同，就是三党的亲戚，
至交的朋友，也不许跨进 槛。心上 躇道，这等看来，那桩心事多
应做不来了，只是既然举了此念，无论成与不成，也要尽心竭力去做
一做，若万万做不来就是天意了。难道千山万水来到这里，就被“铁
扉”二字 了不成？
 

348
 肉蒲团

    主意定了，就要到他前后左右赁间房子住下，早 之间好看机会行

事。谁想他住的所在，是孤孤 一个宅子，四面都是空地，那里有
个房子可以赁得。权老实相了一遍，知道这事难做，只得走回寓处。
走不上四五十步，只见他宅子旁边还有一株大树，树上挂了一个木
， 上写了八个大字。权老实近前一看，见上面写道
“荒 招垦，初 免租。”权老实看了又把大树周围相了一遍，只见野
草连天一望无际。心上想道，字上所说的荒 ，想就是这空地了。不
知是甚么人家的，既有荒 ，毕竟也有间房子与人住了才好锄 。我
就去租来住在近边，终日以锄地为名好看他家的动静。
 
    就走到附近之处去问人道：“这荒 的业主是 一个？可有间房子
租与 的人居住么？”那人道：“荒 的业主叫做铁扉道人，就住在
那孤 房子里面。只有 没有屋，是要 之人 寻房子住的。”权
老实道：“我要替他 垦，但不知他做人何如？”那人摇头道：“这人
是难相遇的，若好相遇的也有人 垦，不倒如今
了。”权老实道：“怎见得他难相遇？”那人道：“ 荒的旧例，原该免
租三年，他只肯免一年，到第二年就要交纳。这也罢了，他平日做人
酸啬不过，拼不得饭食 人，一个官家也没有做他的佃户，只当他的
长工，家里有生活要做去叫，又没有工钱。三年前头也有人 垦过
了，只因被他差使不过，只得丢了不 。所以荒到如
今。”权老实听了欢喜不过，肚里思量道，我所虑者，是不能 进
，只要进得 去，就有三分机括了。 人怕差使，我巴不得求他差
使； 人要工钱，我巴不得没 有工钱，正要使他用我才有妙处。只
恐他女婿回来识破机 ，就不妙了。我今须要 换一个姓名。他与我
不曾见面，就回来也认不出我的。亦不至被他识破了。
 

349
 肉蒲团

    算计已定，就改姓为“来”，名字叫做“遂心”。他原为报仇而来，取
来到即遂心之意。做小说的仍称他为“权老实”，省得人看花了眼。改
名之後，就写了一张租约，走去伺候。知道他家的 是从来敲不
的，只得坐在 外死等。等了一日，不见有人出来。回到寓所宿了。
到次日又去。恰好，铁扉道人立在 前买豆腐点
心。老实见他相貌端严，就知是本人。走上前深深作揖问道：“铁扉
道人莫非就是尊号么？”道人道：“正是。你问我怎的？”权老实
道：“闻得府上有一片荒 招人 垦，小人因没有生意，要替府上租
来 作。”道人道：“ 荒的事，不是无力之人和懒惰之人做得来的，
你平日方作如何？”权老实道：“小人平时是吃苦惯 的，气力也将就
去得。府上若不信得我，权做几时，若还 垦不来，再换佃户就是
了。”道人道：“这等，我家没有房子，你在那里居住？”权老实
道：“这个不难。小人又没有妻小，不过单身一人，待我自出工本，
搭一个草舍起来就可以住得。”道人道：“也好，你去写租契来。”权
老实已写在身边，就把租约递过去。道人见他形体粗笨，知道是个健
汉，不但 地 得来，连家里的长工也当得过了。就收了租约，随他
自备工本来搭草舍。
 
    权老实就去买几根木料，几担稻草，叫一 个泥工木作，不上半日
就搭起来。虽是茅屋草舍，也觉得焕然一新。又把 垦地的家 办
得整齐。每日清晨起来就去锄茅掘土。要使主人看见，觉得他勤谨，
好乘青看顾的意思。铁扉道人有一间小阁，恰好对着荒 。行起坐
都在这阁上。他平日起得 早，谁想权老实又早似他。他不曾下床，
权老实已锄过许多地了。道人看见不住的喝彩，自己家里有费力的生
活就央他去做。权老实竭力奉承，替他做事不但不要工钱，连饭也不
敢吃饱。心上想道，他的女儿不知怎么样奇丑，所以厌恶他，离乡
井去 女色，我是睡过好妇人的，万一勾引他上场，看了那奇丑面
350
 肉蒲团

貌，这根 物不举，不肯替我报仇奈何？及看见一个绝美的妇人，心
上虽然欢喜，还不知是与不是。后来见他丫鬟都叫小姐，方才晓得就
是此人。心上又想道，这样妻子也睡得过了，为甚么丢在家中去占
人妻子？从此以後，忍心耐性，只图报仇。见他家里闺 严肃， 加
勤谨，不敢露一毫窥伺之容。在玉香面前走过，头也不敢抬，声也不
敢则，竟像个诚实的人。
 
    一连过了几个月，道人见他又勤谨又老实，又不贪嘴，心上爱他不
过，因想道，前日女婿临行曾留下几 银子，教我讨一个薪水之仆。
我看见 人的官家好吃懒做的多，体心得力的少，所以不敢轻讨。若
像这样的人讨他一个也未为不是。我想此人穷无依倚，或者肯卖身为
仆也不可知。只是一个汉子讨在家中，有 桩不便
：一来怕他没有牵绊，要 物件逃走；二来男女混杂，那里防闲的许
多。我想他若肯卖身，就把一个丫鬟配他，他有妻子系住了身，自然
不想逃走，就是出入之间有妻子防闲他， 样的事也就不消虑了。
 
    主意定了，一日走去看他锄地，就问道：“你这等克勤克苦，论理
就该做起人家来了。为甚么家小也不讨一房？”权老实道：“自古
道‘智 千口，力 一身’，靠力 活的人，糊得口来也就 了。那里
能 讨家小？”道人道：“人生一世，妻子儿女都是少不得的。你自家
既不能娶亲，何不投靠一个人家有现成女子，配他一个？生得儿女出
来，百年之後也有个烧钱化纸的人，多少是好。”权老实听了，知道
他有接纳之心，就将计就计答道：“我想投靠人家也是难事，一来怕
主人不知甘苦，终日为他做马牛，他不为功劳，又要打骂；二来怕同
伴里面不能相容，他不肯替主人出力，见我赤胆忠心，就怕形他短处
出来，反要主人面前离间，使我不能 安身。我常见乡宦人家有这情
敝，所以不敢去投靠。”道人道：“那乡宦人家仆从甚多，上下之间情

351
 肉蒲团

意不洽，所以有这情敝。若是不大不小的人家，手下人的好恶主人就
看得出。况且同伴甚少，有甚么相容不得？譬如人家像我这模样，一
进了 又有妻子配你，你肯去不肯去？”权老实道：“这是 好的，有
甚么不肯去。”道人道：“老实对你说，我家少一个使唤的人，今见你
勤谨老实，心上要留你，所以问你这些话。你若果然情愿，就写一张
身契进来，要几 身价先对我说，待我好设处。进 之日我就把丫鬟
配你。你意下何如？”老实道：“若得如此，我明天就送身契进来。只
是小人平日欲心 淡，妻子有也得，没有也得，不十分思想。欲把丫
鬟配我且从容些，待我做事几年，到精力衰 的时节把来配我，也不
为迟。如今这样年纪，正要为主人出力，何苦把精神气力被妇人消耗
了去？至于‘身价’二字一发不消提起，我是自己卖身的，又没有父母
兄弟，身价把与 一个？只要自己有得 、有得吃就是了。要银子何
用？只是文契上不写身价怎么叫做卖身，只好在纸上随意写出多少银
子就是。其实一分一文都不要主人破费。”道人听了，不觉欢喜
道：“听你这些话，可见你是个忠义之仆。只是 件之中只好辞一
件。身价不领，或者留在我身边，待后来做衣服 。这还使得。若说
不要妻子那就成不得了。从来卖身的人只为得一房老小，要图些夫妻
之乐，你为甚么不要？身价既不领，妻子又不要，只当是毫无干涉的
人，我怎么好取留你？”权老实道：“既然主人怕我心性不常，后来要
去，故欲把妻子配我使我没有二心的，但我不是那样恶人，今既不放
心，我承受了就是。”
 
    个说明白了，权老实不等第二日，当 就写身契过去。道人也不
等第二日，当 就把丫鬟配他。从此以後，道人把草舍拆了，教他在
家里宿歇。起先唤他“来遂心”，如今把“来”字削去，单唤“遂心”，配
他的丫鬟叫做“如意”。眼见报仇之事有了八分，如意之名又增一遂心
之兆矣。
352
 肉蒲团

 
    评曰：
    妙在粗笨真率之权老实而能委屈求全， 回钻入铁扉之中，为司马
相如之韵事，又妙在铁扉道人于将来之事节节虑到，究竟入权老实计
中为卓王孙之後身女心。思路亦可谓奇之 、曲之至矣。
 
    第十四回：闭户说欢娱隔墙有耳  禁人观沐浴此地无银

    却说权老实未卖身之前，那玉香小姐有许多幽郁之情，总因笔墨不
闲，不曾叙得，如今方才说起他。当初正在得趣之时，被个狠心父亲
把丈夫赶出去，竟像好饮的人戒了酒，知味的人断了荤，就是三五夜
也熬不过，何况今年隔岁守起活寡来。实在欢娱既不可得，只好把春
宫册子摆在面前观看。谁想越看越不禁止那一段 欲
之心。从此以後就把春宫册子放过一边，寻几 闲书出来消愁解闷。

    看官，你道 当此之时，要消愁解闷，是甚么书好？据在下看起来

闲书皆不中用，惟有 少年所读父亲所授的书，如《列女传》、
《女孝经》之类， 是对科。若肯拿来一看，岂但消愁解闷，就是活
寡也守得来，死寡也守得住。怎乃计不出此，反把丈夫所买之书，取
出观玩。那丈夫所买之书都是 词艺语，如《痴婆子传》、《绣 野
史》、《如意君传》之类，尽数翻出来细看。
    只见那书上凡说男子抽送的度数，不是论万就是论千，说男子的
物，不是赞它 大，就是夸它 长，甚至有头如蜗牛、身如剥兔，挂
斗粟而不垂的。心上想道，我不信男子身上有这样雄壮的东西，我家
男子的物事长不过二寸，大不过 指，干事的时节， 多不过一二百
提，就要泄了。何曾有上千？自古道：“尽信书
则不如无书”。这些百经的话一定是做书之人造出来的，那有这等
事。疑了一会，又想道，天下甚大，男子甚多，里面奇奇怪怪，何所
353
 肉蒲团

不为，焉知书上的话不是实事？ 若做妇人的嫁得这样一个男子，那
房帏之乐自然不可以言语形容，就是天上的神仙也不愿去做了。又把
这话疑了又信。
 
    连日爬起来，女工针指一些不做，只把这几 闲书做对头，要使心
上的 索性浓到 处，好等丈夫回来一齐发泄。谁想等到后面，一
毫音信也没有，不由 不怨恨起来。心上想道，我前世不修，嫁着
这样狠心男子，成性不上数月，一去倒丢了几年。料他那样好色的
人，再没有熬到如今不走邪路之理。他既走得邪路，我也 得后 ，
就与 个男子相处也不为过。只可惜闺 严紧，没有男子见面。想到
那个地步就把怨恨丈夫的心 怒到父亲身上，巴不得他早些死了，好
等男子进来。
    及至看见权老实就像饿鹰见鸡，不论精粗美恶，只要 得进口就是
食了。起先做工的时节，虽有此心，一来见他老实，相见之际头也不
抬，不好突然俯就他；二来日间进来，夜间出去，就要俯就他亦无其
时。后来，听见他要卖身，心中甚喜，要想进 的头一夜就不肯放过
他。不料父亲把如意配他，见他 个拜堂之後，双双进房，心上就吃
起醋。伺候父亲睡了，就悄悄走去听他干事。权老实的 物甚大，如
意虽有二十多岁，只因主人至诚，不曾 摸过他，所以还是个处子，
那里能经得绝大东西。叫喊之声，啼哭之状，自然惊天动地。连窃听
之人都要替 痛起来。权老实见 承受不起，只好草草完事。
 
    玉香立了一会，听不出好处，也自进房睡了。到第二三夜，又去补
听，也还只见其苦，不见其乐，直听到三夜之後，也自权老实的本事
该当出现以前。几夜都是吹灭了灯，然后睡的，独有这一 ，灯也不
吹，帐子也不放，未曾动手之先，把一根八寸多长、一手把握不来的
物，教如意捏在手中，摩弄了一会，方才插入 户

354
 肉蒲团

。此时的 户已被 物喧大了，不像以前紧涩。权老实就放出本领

来，抽送的度数竟与书上一般，不到数千不肯住手。如意从奇苦之
後，忽 奇乐，那些呼唤之声，又不觉惊天动地。以前替 痛之
人，如今又替 快活起来。看出来的 水，比弄出来的 水更多。
 
    从此以後，玉香的心已注在权老实身上。权老实自进 之後，也不
老实。遇见玉香，不住把眼睛 觑玉香，若有笑面，也把笑面相承。
一日，玉香在房里洗浴，他从 外走过，无心中咳嗽一声。玉香知道
是他，要引他看看肌 ，好动 。故意说道：“我在这边洗澡，外
面是 一个？不要进来。”权老实知道这话是此处无银之意，就不敢
拂他的盛情，把纸窗湿破一块，靠在面上张看。玉香看见窗外有人，
知道是了。就把 个肉峰，一张牝户，正正的对着窗子，好等他细
看。还怕要紧的去处浸在水里，看不分明，又把身子睡倒， 脚
，现出个正面，使他一览无遗。
 
    睡了一会，就坐起身来， 手捧住牝户，自己看了，长叹一声，做
个技痒难搔，无可奈何的意思。权老实看了，知道这妇人 也 到
处，熬也熬到苦处，我若进去，决不拒客了。直把房 一推，直闯进
去，跪在玉香面前道：“奴辈该死。”就爬起身来把 搂住。玉香故
意吃惊道：“你为何这般胆大？”权老实道：“小人
卖身之意，原是要进来亲近小姐。起先还要在没有人去处诉出衷情，
待小姐许了，才敢放肆。不想今日看见千金之体生得娇嫩，熬不住
了，只得进来冒渎，求小姐救命。”玉香道：“据你的意思，要怎么
样？难道浴盆里面好干甚么事体不成？”权老实道：“小人也知道，这
个所在与这个时候，不是干得事的。只求小姐恩允过了
，待我夜间来服事就是。”玉香道：“你夜间与如意同睡， 怎肯放你
来？”权老实道：“ 是 贪睡的，夜间干事之後，直睡到天明方醒。

355
 肉蒲团

我今夜瞒了 来， 那里知道。”玉香道：“这等，依你就是。”权老
实见 允了，就把浑身上下摸过一遍，又亲了 个嘴，约今夜 等
我，方才出去。
 
    此时天色已 ，玉香揩干了身子，衣服也不 ，夜饭也不吃，就爬
上床去，要先睡一觉， 精神好同他干事。谁想再睡不着， 到二
更，初听见房 响，知道是他进来，就低低叫道：“遂心哥，你来
么？”权老实也低低应道：“小姐，我来了。”玉香怕他在黑暗之中摸
不上床，忙爬下来接引，就牵他上床，说道：“心肝
，你的东西，我看见过了，比 人的不同，我承受不起，求你从容
些。”权老实道：“千金之体，我怎敢唐突。”
 
    口虽说这话，心内还疑 假意装娇，岂有 妇人的男子没有绝大本
钱，使自家妻子还怕 痛之理。就把 物对着牝户唐突起来。玉香忍
不过，就恼起来道：“我吩咐你从容些，你怎么又这等急遽？”权老实
见抵不进去，知道起先的话不是虚情。就陪个小心道：“不瞒小姐
说，我不曾见过标致妇人。今遇小姐，心上爱你不过
，巴不得早进一刻也是好的，所以用力太重，得罪了小姐。如今待我
将功折罪就是了。”遂把 物提起，在 户 旁东挨西擦，不敢入
室，竟在 缝之中弄送起来。你道他是甚么意思？原来是个“疏石引
泉”之法。天下最滑之物，莫过于 水， 是天生地设，要使它滋 润
户的东西。唾沫虽好，那里赶得它上？凡用唾沫者皆是男子性急，等
不得 水出来，所以把口中之物纳入 中，用那假借之法。究竟 洞
之水，不若本源之水滑溜，容易入口。权老实起先也不知有此法，只
因初娶艳芳之时， 大 小，不能入。亏得艳芳搜索枯肠，想出这
法来，把 难之事弄得 易。如今玉香的 户，与艳芳昔日的 户宽
窄相同。权老实忽然记起这旧事，所以仍

356
 肉蒲团

用此法，把 物放在 缝之中，替 户摩肩擦背，使 里面痒不过，

自然有 水出来。 水一来，如浅滩上的重船得了春涨，一到，自然
一息千里，连篙橹之功都可以不费了。
 
    玉香见他把 缝认做 户，就笑道：“你走错了路，我们往常不是
这样干。”权老实道：“一毫也不错。我还你快活就是。”弄了一会，
只见 缝里面有些滑溜起来，知道 水已至。又怕太滑，抵不着
，要溜到 处去，就拿住玉香的手，把 物交与 道：“起先果然
弄错了，如今摸不着真穴，求你自家点一点。”玉香就 起 户，把
物 在 户口，吩咐道：“如今是了，你自己用力插进。”权老实
起 物，一直插进去。每抽一次，送进一二分。再抽二十馀抽，那根
八寸多长的 物，不知不觉已尽根进去了。玉香见他干法在行， 加
爱惜。就紧紧搂住道：“心肝，你是初近女色的人，怎么就这等知情
识趣。我今爱杀你了。”权老实任事之初，得了这 奖语，自然不肯
安。把抽送之法，不猛不宽，不缓不急的做去。做到后面，竟使他
一辞莫赞，连奖语都做不出来，方才住手。
 
    玉香不曾尝这样滋味，十分欢喜。自此以後，夜夜少他不得，起
先，还是背着如意做事，后来晓得瞒不到底，索性对 说过，明明白
白的往来。玉香怕如意吃醋，尽心奉承 ，名为主婢，实同大小。
或是一人一夜，或是一人半夜，甚至有高 之时，三人同睡。
 
    在权老实的初意，原为报仇而来，指望弄上了手，睡几个月，即便
抽身，不可被妇人恋住。谁想 之事难以 交，当初与艳芳睡了几
年，不见生子，如今与玉香一干，就成了孕。起先还不觉，及至三月
后害起 喜来，方才知道。千方百计寻药来打胎，再打不下。玉香对
权老实哭道：“我这条性命送在你身上了，你晓得我父亲严法，一句
话讲错，尚且要打骂，肯容做这恶事？明日知道，我少不得是一死。
357
 肉蒲团

不如预先死了，还省得淘气。”说罢就要上吊起来。权老实再三苦
劝。
    玉香道：“你若要我不死，除非领我逃走，逃到他乡外国。一来免
了后患，二来好做长远夫妻，三来肚里生出来是男是女，总是你的骨
血，也省得淹死了他。你心下何如？权老实见 说得有理，就要瞒
着如意做事；又恐怕 预先知觉，要说出来，只得与 商量定了，把
随身衣服 好，等铁扉道人睡了， 了大 一齐逃走。但不知 走
到何方，后来怎生结果，看到十八回才知下落。
 
    评曰：
    有人看到此回，疑铁扉道人是个善士，不该有 奔之女，天公既欲
惩奸，独不欲劝善乎？余曰：不然。此等报应，正是天公不谬处。铁
扉道人生平不交一友，不见一人，不免蹊刻太甚，且 荒之例，原该
免租三年，他只免一年，不时呼佃户服役而不给工钱之类，皆残忍刻
薄之事，安得使后来无报？所以从来狐介之士厥后反不昌者即此理
也。为君子者可不慎乎？
 
    第十五回：同盟义议通宵乐  姊妹平分一夜欢
 
    权老实报仇的因果按下慢表，如今且把未央生得意之事畅说一番。
自这一夜搂住香云细谈往事，知道那三个美妇都是 一家， 个少年
的又分外心投意合。只因话长夜短， 个又要干事，竟不曾问那三个
妇人是何姓名，三个丈夫是何 号，家住在 里。直到第二夜过去，
方才补问。
    香云道：“我叫 姑娘的，是花朝日生的，名字叫做‘花晨’，我们
叫 晨姑。丈夫死过十年了， 心上要嫁，只因生下个遗腹子，累住
了身子，不好嫁得，所以守寡。我叫 妹子那 个，是 嫡亲
妇，大的叫做‘瑞珠’，小的叫做‘瑞玉’。瑞珠的丈夫，号‘ 云生’；瑞
358
 肉蒲团

玉的丈夫，号‘倚云生’， 个是胞兄弟。 三个人家 户虽然个 ，

里面其实相通。只有我远一步，隔得几家 面。总来都在这条
内。”
 
    未央生听了， 加欢喜。又记起赛昆仑前日之言说 个富贵女子，
就是此人。可见贼眼与色眼一样，同是一丝不漏的。就问香云
道：“昨日蒙你盛情，把 位令妹许我，但不知何时才许我相会？”香
云道：“再过三五日，我就要过去，可以引你去相会。只是一件，我
一去之後，就不回来，这张床不是我们作乐之处了。”未
央生吃一惊道：“这是甚么缘故？你可明白说来。”香云道：“因我家
丈夫在 家处馆，那兄弟 个是我丈夫的学生，文理都不齐，怕做秀
才要岁考， 个一齐缘了例，目下要进京坐监， 个是不得离先
生，少不得我家丈夫要同他进去。他怕我没人照管，要接到他家，等
我姊妹三个一同居住。这数日之内就要起身，所以我一
去之後就不回来，只好约你到那边相会了。”未央生听了，一发喜上
加喜，想三个男子一齐 去，三个女子一齐撮合，可以肆意宣 了。
果然数日之後，师徒三个一齐起身。起身之日就把香云接去。香云与
未央生 个正相到好处， 里离得长久？少不得一见之後就要透露
出来，好商量定了，领他来干事。
 
    次日，香云对瑞珠、瑞玉问道：“你 个可曾再到庙里去烧香
么？”瑞玉先答道：“烧过一次就罢了，难道只管去烧？”香云道：“有
那样标致男人 你的头，就三五日去烧一次也不为过。”瑞珠道：“香
倒要去烧，只是没有扇子送他。”香云道：“贤妹不要笑我，我的扇子
固然折本就是。你们 个虽受他 头，也不曾见他跟你们回来，哄你
害害相思罢了。”瑞玉道：“我们 个说起这件事，也解说不出为甚
么。那个男人这等虎头蛇尾，若照那样颠狂起来，就像等不得第二

359
 肉蒲团

日，当 就要跟来的一般。及至等到后面，一些踪影也没有。既然这
等寡情，何不省了那几个头不 也罢。”香云道：“我闻得人说，他终
日在那边思想，只是寻你们不着。无可奈何了。”瑞珠道：“我们 个
他未必思想，只怕对了那把扇子睹物思人，要害起相思病来。”香云
道：“扇子的相思他倒果然害过，不是假话。如今倒勾过帐了。只是
头的相思，害得 重，一时医他不好。将来害死，只怕要你来偿
命。”瑞珠、瑞玉见他这话可疑，就一齐到他脸上看他颜色何如。香
云一面说一面笑，也做出一 骄人的光景。 个一齐道：“看你这样
得意，莫非上了手么？”香云道：“也差不多，偏背你们与他勾账过
了。” 个听见这话，就像科场后不中的举子，遇着新贵人一般，又
惭愧又羡慕，变赔个笑脸道：“这等，恭喜！添了个得意的新姐夫我
不曾贺你，如今新姐夫在 里？可肯借我们看看么？”香云故意作难
道：“你们都是见面过了，何须再要见？”瑞玉道：“当初是道路之
人，他便 头，我不好回礼。如今是至亲了，何妨再会，待我们回他
个礼，叫声姐夫，替他亲热也是好 的。”香云道：“要见有何难，我
就去叫他来。只怕他一见了面，要象前日 头的光景，疯颠起来，得
罪了二位贤妹，不成体统。”瑞玉道：“他起先少人拘管，所以轻举妄
动，如今有你这个吃醋的人立在面前，他怎么敢放肆。”瑞珠对了瑞
玉道：“你这些话都是枉说的，他心上的人怎么舍得把与 人见面？
当初结盟的话，虽说有祸同受，有福同享，如今那里依得许多。只是
求他不要追吃以前的醋，把 头的话置之不问，也就好了，怎么还想
样的事。”
 
    香云听了，知道 发急了，就认真道：“你不要发急。我若是要独
自受用，不与你们同乐，只消住在家中不肯过来，日夜同他快活就是
了。何须带自己的醋到 人家吃起来？我今肯对你们说，可见不是恶

360
 肉蒲团

意了。如今要从公酌议，定一个规矩，使见面之後，大家没有争兢，
我就叫他进来，同你们相会。”瑞珠道：“若肯如此
，也不枉结拜一场。就求你立个规矩，我们遵依就是了。”香云
道：“我与他相处在你们之先，论起理来，就该有个妻妾之分，大小
之 。凡是要占便宜，得我与你是相好的姊妹。不好这等论得，只是
序齿罢了。凡日间、夜间取乐，总要自大而小，从长而幼，不许越
位。就是言语之间，也要留些余地。不可以少年之所长，形老成之所
短，使他有后来居上之评；不可以新交之太密，使旧好之渐疏，使我
有前鱼见弃之恨。若依得这些话，自然情投意合，你们肯依不肯
依？”瑞珠、瑞玉齐答道：“这议论甚是公道，只怕你不肯。我们有甚
么不依？”香云道：“这等，待我写字唤他来。”就取出一幅花笺，写
出 句诗道：
    天台诸女伴，相约待刘郎。
 
    写了这 句，就把签折做几折，放进笔筒里。瑞玉道：“为甚么只
写 句？这诗叫做甚么体？”瑞珠道：“我晓得云姐的主意，是舍不得
他搜索枯肠，留后 句待他续来，省得再写回贴的意思。你也 熬爱
他了。”香云笑一笑，把诗封好，交与丫鬟，吩咐拿到自己房里从板
壁缝中丢过去，讨了回字转来。
 
    丫鬟去后，瑞珠问道：“你是怎么法引他到家里来？如今过几夜
了？”香云就把他住在隔壁，如何相会，共睡几夜，细说一遍。瑞玉
道：“他的本事何如？”香 云道：“若说起本事，竟要使人爱杀。你们
个只知道他的面貌标致，那里晓得他的本钱是一件至宝。从来妇人
不但不曾看见过，连闻也不曾闻过。”瑞珠、瑞玉听
了，一发要问，就像未考的童生，遇着考过的朋友， 住问题目一
般，是大是小，是长是短，出经不出经，给烛不给烛，件件要问道。

361
 肉蒲团

彼时正在吃饭之後，碗 未收，香云见他问多少长，就拈一根 ，
道：“有如此 。”见问他多少大，就拿一个茶盅，道：“有如此
盅。”见他问坚硬何如，就指一碗豆腐，道：“有如此腐。”瑞珠、瑞
玉笑道：“这等，是 软的了。既然如此，就要他长大何用？”香云
道：“不然。天下 硬之物，莫过于豆腐。更比钢铁不同，钢铁虽然
坚硬，一见火就软了。只有豆腐，放在热处越烘越硬，他的东西也是
如此，是弄不软的。我所以把豆腐比他。”瑞珠、瑞玉道：“我不信有
这件好宝。”香云道：“我说这话还不曾尽其所长，他另有 妙处，
我若说出，你一发不信。只好到干事时，你自己去验罢了。”瑞珠、
瑞玉道：“你说就是，管我们信不信。”香云又把先小后大，先冷后
热，次第形容出来， 人听了他，不觉欲火上升，耳红面赤，即刻要
他来与他干事，好试他绝技。
 
    谁想丫鬟去了半日，再不见来。原来未央生不在家。他坐在房里等
候，被书笥看见，也从板壁上爬过来， 个大弄半日。直待未央生回
来，把书笥丢过去，方才讨得回字转来。三人拆 一看，见他果然会
心，就在原诗后面续 句道：
    早修胡麻饭，相 节馁肠。
 
    瑞珠、瑞玉看了知道今夜是万无一失了，不胜欢喜。香云道：“今
夜干事的次序，须议一个妥当，省得临事之时，个个要想争先。”瑞
珠心上晓得 睡过几夜，该当让人，没有今夜就要序齿之理。心上
虽然如此，口里故意谦逊道：“你方才做定规矩，自长而幼，自大而
小，不消说是你起头。”香云道：“论理原该如此，只
是今夜又当 论。自古道‘先入为主，后入为宾’，我同他睡了几夜，
就算是主人，今夜且定宾主之礼，等你 人各睡一次，然后再序长
幼。你们不要虚谦，今夜自然是珠妹起了，只是你 人还是每人一

362
 肉蒲团

夜，睡个完全的好；还是每人半夜，睡个均匀的好？你们商议定了，
回我的话就是。”瑞珠、瑞玉想了一会齐说道：“我们
人不好说得，凭家长吩咐就是。”香云道：“每人一夜觉得像意，只是
难为侯缺的，还是每人半夜罢。你 人意中如何？”谁想他 人各有
隐情，不好说出，只是闭口不言。香云道：“你们不说的意思我知道
了，前面的一个怕他不肯尽欢，要留量去赴第二席，所以不应；后面
的一个怕他是强弩之末，干事的时节没有锋 ，所以
不应。我老实对你说，他的本事是一个当得几个的。”对着瑞珠
道：“你就同他睡一夜，只好做半夜实事，只怕还不到半夜，就要求
免，落得交下手去。”又对瑞玉道：“酒醉后来人，况且他那壶酒又分
明是下半壶好吃。你 个不必狐自。”
 
    瑞珠、瑞玉的隐情被 参破，又决下疑心，一齐应道：“依命就
是。”香云遂吩咐丫鬟立在 前去等。不多一会，就把未央生领进
来。瑞珠、瑞玉见他来到，假装羞怯退后一步，让香云接他。未央生
对香云深深一揖，道：“请 位小妹过来相见。”香云每一只手 住一
个，同他相见。见后，瑞珠唤丫鬟拿茶，香云道：“不消唤茶，他为
你 个也想得苦了，各人把口里琼果送些过去，当了茶罢。”就把
个的手交与未央生。未央生接到了手，就双双搂住，把自己的舌头先
伸在瑞珠口里，等 尝了一会；又伸在瑞玉的口里，也等 尝了一
会。然后把三张口合在一处， 成一个“品”字，又把 根舌一齐含在
口里，尝了一会，方才放手。
 
    只见丫头排上夜饭，未央生上坐，香云下坐，瑞珠居左，瑞玉居
右。四个吃了 饭，将要收碗，未央生 香云到背后去问道：“请问
娘子，今夜是怎么样睡法？”香云道：“我预先替你酌定了，上半夜是

363
 肉蒲团

瑞珠，下半夜是瑞玉。”未央生道：“这等，娘子 ？”香云道：“今夜
我且恬退一夜，让 个受用。待明夜然后轮起
，照序齿一人睡一夜。但你今夜要争气些，应得我的口来就是
了。”未央生道：“那个不消吩咐，只是 难为你。”香云就叫丫鬟拿
灯送未央生与瑞珠进去。自己怕瑞玉难过，陪 说了一会闲话，方
才就寝。
 
    瑞珠与未央生进房之後，就宽衣解带，上床行乐。初干之际，颇觉
艰难，瑞珠想起日间的话说得好听，知有将来之乐，足偿此际之苦，
所以坚忍， 住 ，任他冲突。时时刻刻盼他大起来，时时刻刻望
他热起来。只见抽到后面，果然越弄越大，越干越热，竟像是个 大
的角先生，灌了一肚 水，塞进去一般。就是不抽不
动，留在里面也是快活。方才知道日间所言不是虚誉，“至宝”二字竟
可做此物的 名。就把未央生紧紧搂住道：“我的心肝，你有这样标
致面孔，又有这件至宝生在身上，难道要把普天下的妇人都想死了不
成？”未央生道：“弄得人死，才想得人死。心肝，你舍得一条性命，
等我弄死了么？”瑞珠道：“遇着这件东西，难道
还要想活不成？只是让我多干了几次，死才死得甘心。不要头一次就
送我性命。”未央生就翻天倒地干起来。瑞珠的 户虽深，花心生得
浅，只消进一二寸就挠着痒处，所以抽送之间再没得落空。抽到半
千之後，就要死要活起来，口里不住的叫道：“心肝，我今要死了。
求你饶了罢。”未央生要现所长，听见这话，只当听不
见，力也不较，从一更干起，直干到二更，只见 四肢瘫软，口内冷
气直冲，未央生知道不是劲敌，就住了手。紧紧搂住睡了一会，瑞珠
醒转来道：“心肝，你怎么这么会干？如今我妹子在房里等，你过去
罢。”未央生道：“黑暗暗的，我那里摸得过去？”瑞珠道：“待我叫丫
鬟送你去。”就叫一个丫鬟起来，搀了未央生的手，送他过去。
364
 肉蒲团

 
    那个丫鬟是个十五六岁的处子，起先听见他干事，弄得山摇地动，
中骚痒不过， 水不知流了多少。如今搀着未央生的手，那里放得
他过。走到僻静去处，就对未央生道：“你怎么这等狠心，刚才那样
好滋味，何不使我尝一尝？”就把一手搂住未央生，一手去脱自家的
裤子。未央生见 情急不过，不好推辞，就叫 睡在
懒榻之下，将 户 ，然后取出 物，唾沫也不 ，对了 户直
抵。那丫鬟不曾经人弄过，暗想那件东西是好吃的汤水，所以 他
弄，还愁他不肯弄。不料，他把 物一抵， 痛难当，就喊叫起来。
未央生见 是个处子，就 上许多唾沫，紧紧朝里又抵。 又叫喊
起来道：“做不得！若再照样，一些好处也没有。为甚么我
主母弄了就快活，这是何故？”未央生就把初次干起要皮破血流，直
要干过十余次方才会快活，又安慰 道：“我的本钱 大，你当不
起。我有个小厮，叫做‘书笥’，他的本钱还小。明日带他来先与你干
几次，然后等我干就不妨了。”
 
    丫鬟感激不尽，就爬起来， 好裤子，引他行走。走到瑞玉 前，
只见明烛辉煌，点在房里伺候。听见外面走响，丫鬟就 房 ，接他
进去。未央生走到床前，叫道：“心肝，我来迟了。你不要见怪。”遂
把衣服脱下，揭 被窝，爬在瑞玉肚上， 起 物就干。初干之时，
痛楚起来，与瑞珠一般，干到好处，那 要死要活
的模样，更比瑞珠不同，使人看了竟要可怜起来。这是甚么原故？因
他的年纪比瑞珠小三四岁，身体也在 弱一边，肌 娇嫩，竟无一物
可比。就是立在阶前，尚怕随风吹倒；坐在椅上，还要东扶西靠的
人，那里能经得这样干事？所以抽到数百之后，星眼微 ，朱唇半
启，心上有话，口里说不出来，无非是弱体难胜，香魂欲断，若再抽
一会，定有性命之忧。未央生看了，心上怜惜不过，就问道：“心

365
 肉蒲团

肝，你经不得再弄了么？”瑞玉答应不出，只把头点一点。未央生就
爬下身来，等 苏息一会，要干，又经不得再干；不干，又爱 不
过，只得把 抱在肚子上面，睡到天明。
 
    香云与瑞珠清早起来，要商量长久之策，就到瑞玉床前催未央生早
起。揭 帐子一看，只见瑞玉倒在上面，未央生倒在下面，就叫醒来
笑道：“今夜点灯不消买 烛了！”姊妹三个笑了一会，就与未央生商
议道：“如今 去夜来，终究被人看见。就是你自己家里的人见你夜
夜不回，也要根究出来。怎么设法在这里住几时，连日里也不回去，
不必定要干事，就是下棋、做诗，说说笑笑，也是快活的。你有这个
妙法么？”未央生道：“我未来之先，就把绝妙之法算得妥当了。”三
人问道：“甚么妙法？”未央生道：“我的小妾现今怀孕在身，干不得
事。我昨日对 说，我离家日久，不曾回去，今趁你怀孕之时，到
故乡去看看。往返只消散个月，就好转来看你分 。省得分 之後，
又要回去，妨我们作乐的工夫。 说我这话 讲得是。我今日回
去，就收拾行李出 ，只说回故乡去，竟挑到你家来。这三个月之
中，莫说做诗、下棋、说笑话，就是要串戏，也串得几本了。”
 
    三个女子听了，不胜欢喜，皆言妙计。未央生道：“还有一事，要
与三位商议。我身边有 个伴当，一个丢在家里，一个带他出来。只
是那小介也有主人之风，若不把些甜头到他，他若走回去露出事来，
却怎 么处？”瑞珠道：“这个不难，我家有得是丫鬟，随他去作乐就
是。不但可系伴当之身，还可塞梅香之口，省得我们男子回来要去学
舌。”未央生道：“说的有理。”四人计议定了，就打发未央生回去。
当 就挑行李过来。自此后，不但未央生醉 群芳，连随身伴当亦享
温柔之福。只可惜故 春色一旦飘零，使人有不堪回首之叹耳。
 
    评曰：
366
 肉蒲团

    香云不吃同盟之醋，而背以钟爱之人，公之同好。虽所为出于不
正，而交情亦自可取。求之男子中正不可得。今之同盟兄弟，所共图
之事，亦未必尽出于正，而嫉 之心更有甚于不同盟者。此等男子，
幸不生为妇人，若为妇人，必 尽天下之 行而后止。
第十六回：真好事半路遭魔   活春宫连箱被劫
    诗云：芳心忍负春晴日，小阁添丝绣碧罗。绣到鸳鸯针忽折，画中
好事也多魔。
 
    香云与瑞珠、瑞玉，把未央生藏在家中，依了定例，一人睡一夜。
周而 始，轮了几次，未央生与旧例之外，增个新例出来，叫做“三
分一统”，分睡了三夜，定要合睡一夜；合睡了一夜，又依旧轮睡三
夜。使 姊妹三人，有共体连形之乐。自添新例之後，就设一张宽
榻，做一个五尺的高长枕，缝一条八幅的大被。每到合睡之夜，教
姊妹三人并头而 ，自己的身子再不着席，只在三人身上 来 去。
到那一个身上， 高起来，就在那一个干起。喜得三个妇人的色量
都还不高，多者不过一二百抽，少者还不上百余抽，就要丢了。中间
的丢过一次，就要轮着左边的；左边的丢过一次，就好轮着右边的。
只消一二更天完了正事，其余多的工夫，就好摩弄温柔，咀尝香味
了。
 
    一日，香云与瑞珠、瑞玉在背后商量道：“我们三个把这等一个神
仙，一件宝贝，放在身边受用，可谓侥幸之 。只是一件，从来的好
事多魔，须要在得意之时，预防失意之事，不可被外人知觉，唇播
来，使他立脚不住，就不妥了。”瑞珠道：“我家屋宇深 ，没有闲杂
人进来。房中的事，外面那里晓得。就是自己的官
家，也只许在二 外伺候，不容他进来就是。所怕者是一个妇人，万
一被 知道，我们的好事就做不成了。”香云道：“是那一个？”瑞珠

367
 肉蒲团

道：“就是晨姑。你晓得， 性子是好 不过的，虽然守寡， 一时

一刻不想男人？况且那日去烧香， 看见 头也疯颠起来，就像要跪
下去，与他回拜的一般。只是不好做出。及至回来，
又 口赞他标致，还说可惜不认得他。若晓得他姓名住处，定然放他
不过。你说那爱慕的人，若晓得被我们藏在家中作乐，岂有不怀忌
，暗算我们之理？一经 暗算，我们就有不测之祸，岂但好事做
不得？”香云道：“说的有理，果然 是个好 的人，这事不可不
虑。”瑞珠道：“我起先怕丫鬟泄漏，如今有书笥塞了口，料
想不肯传说出去。只怕 亲来看见。 往常过来的时节，不响不动，
就钻进房来。那双眼睛，就像 油的老鼠，东张西望，就像有人瞒
做事一般。如今倒要防备，第一着，实吩咐那些个丫鬟，叫 们在
边交界处轮班看着，一见 过来，就要做个暗号，或咳嗽或叫唤，
我们就好藏人；第二着，要算一个藏人之处，使 撞不着、寻不出就
是了。”
 
    瑞玉道：“藏在那一处好？”三个人交相酌议，有说躲在 背后的，
有说伏在床底下的，瑞珠道：“这都不是算计。 那双贼眼，好不厉
害，岂有 背后及床底下藏人不被 搜出之理。”想了一会，忽然看
见一只 箱，是收藏古画的，有六尺长、二尺阔、三尺深，外面是一
层竹丝，里面是一层薄板。瑞珠看了，指着道：“
此物甚妙，又不大不小，将里面古画搬出，可以睡得一人。到要紧时
节，把人藏在里面， 那里知道。所虑者是气闷不过，只要把里面薄
板掀去 块，就不妨了。”香云与瑞玉道：“果然绝妙。”主意定了，
就吩咐丫鬟叫 轮班打听，又把 箱里面掀去 块薄板，吩咐未央
生，叫他见有妇人来就睡在里面去，不可响动。自从设
计之後，果然有几次过来，被丫鬟做了暗号，未央生忙躲进去，一毫
也看不出。
368
 肉蒲团

 
    偶然一日，那三个姊妹合该有事。在未央生匣内拾着一本册子，揭
一看，见有许多妇人的名字，美貌分等第，后列批评，都是未央生
的亲笔。就问道：“这册子是几时造的？要 它何用？”未央生道：“就
是我寓在庙中之时，一边看见，一边登记的。要待造完之後，选几个
玉笋 生出来，好做公 性交，不时去浇灌 、培
植 的意思。”三个问道：“那玉笋 生如今有了不成？”未央生
道：“就是三位。”三个笑道：“不信我们就当得这样品题。”未央生
道：“不必多疑。”就把三个人的等第批评查出来，指与 们看。三
人细细看了一遍，大家一齐得意起来。只有香云，见他的批语比 人
略 些，欢喜之中，不十分满足。还亏得他未雨绸缪，怕香云看见，
预先在 圈之上，加了一圈，把一等提做特等，所以香云看了，见他
虽有详略之分，实无高下之 ，故不以为意。
 
    及看到后面，又有“玄色女子”一名，批评的话竟与瑞珠、瑞玉不相
上下。三人见了，不觉惊骇，一齐问道：“这一位佳人，这等标致，
是甚么人家的？”未央生道：“就是那一日同二位进来的，怎么就忘
了？”瑞珠、瑞玉听了，不觉大笑道：“这等说，就是那个老东西了。
是何等年纪，何等面貌，竟与我们三人一齐考
起特等来？有这样无赛的事。”香云道：“这等说，我们考法都不足为
，反足为辱了，这样的批评要它做甚么，不如涂抹了罢。”未央生
要暴白原情，把一人有福，带系满屋的话，说与 们听。奈何三个
生一齐鼓噪起来，竟不容主司 口。瑞珠、瑞玉道：“云姐的话
讲的是，我们一概除名，让那老 生独占鳌头罢了。”瑞珠就提起笔
来，把三个人的名字、批评一齐抹去，后面批一笔道：
    淮 齿幼，绛灌年尊，不敢雁行，谨当逊位。
 

369
 肉蒲团

批过之後，就对未央生道：“这一位玉笋 生还喜得不远，那旁 里
面是走得过的，请去浇灌 ，我们三个不劳你培植了。”
 
    未央生见他动了公愤，不好措办，只得低头下气，随 们驱逐，只
是不理。直待 们气平之後，方才说出原情，是推你们的屋鸟之爱，
要寻 做个介绍，好与列位相处，所以奉承 几句，其实不是公道
批评，列位不要过责。三人听了，方才释了公愤。未央生就于释愤之
後，卖笑求欢。自己先脱去衣服，睡在床上，等三人次第宽衣。正要
爬在床上去，不想守 丫鬟咳嗽一声。三人知是暗号，就流水 起衣
服来，留香云在里面藏人，瑞珠、瑞玉连忙出去招接。未央生的衣服
脱得最早，堆在女衣下面，寻不出来。及至众人 完，捡出来时又
不及，只得精赤条条爬进箱去。
 
    且说花晨走到中堂，见了瑞珠、瑞玉，看 个面容大有惊慌之
色，心内疑惑起来，知道这三个人必有良之事了。就要闯尽 房，察
动静。谁想 已把活跳的春宫，锁在箱子里去了。花晨走到房
中，故意喝彩 道：“好几日不来，一发摆列的整齐了。”就到床前床
后走了一次。连 柜里面都去搜检一番，并不见一毫形
迹。只说是自己生疑，其实没有相干。遂坐下与三人共说闲话。不
料，这事到底做不完全，弄来弄去，依旧露出马脚来。起先， 三人
听见咳嗽，大家慌了，只有工夫 衣服， 书箱，急把窝藏的人塞得
进去，就完得一桩事。不虑那一本册子丢案头，不曾收拾。直到说话
之际，方才看见。正要去取，谁知花晨眼快，一把就捏
在手中。三个人慌了手脚，一齐去夺，那里夺得过来。
 
    香云知道不能夺来，就先放手，故意对瑞珠、瑞玉道：“不过是路
上拾得一本残书，送与晨姑拿去罢了。抢它做甚么。” 人一齐放
手，花晨道：“既蒙云姐见赐，待我揭 张 它一张，看是甚么
370
 肉蒲团

书。”就把身子立 ，与 三人隔了一丈多路，揭 一看，看见“广收

春色”四个字，只说是本春意图。急急翻到后面，先看人物，后看标
题，才晓得其中意味。谁想翻来 去不见一幅春宫，都是批评的语，
方才晓得是个多情才子品评佳人的册籍，比春意还好看。就把一概批
评细细看去，看到一个名为“玄色佳人”，后面批语竟像为 写照的
一般，就不禁动起心来。暗想这册子莫非就是庙中相遇的人做出来的
不成？就翻转到前面去看题头，只见有“某时某日遇国色三人”的话，
写在名字之前。再把“银红”、“藕色”的字眼想了一会，就知道是 无
疑了。及至看到“淮 齿幼，绛灌年尊”的一行批语，认得是瑞珠的笔
迹，就放下脸来，把册子藏入袖中，故意叹道：“当初造字的苍颉，
真是圣人。”
 
    香云道：“怎见得？”花晨道：“他造的字，再没有一个字没解说
的。譬如奸 的‘奸’字，是三个“女”字合起来，即如你们三个女子住
在一处，做出奸 的事来一般。难道还不晓得苍颉造字的妙处？”瑞
珠、瑞玉道：“我们住在一处，并不曾做出甚么事来。这话从那里说
起？”花晨道：“你们既不曾做，这册子是 里来的？”香云道：“是我
过来的时节，在路上拾得的。”花晨道：“你不要骗我。我如今只问造
册的人现在 里？好好抬出来，万事干休。若还不说，我就写一封
书，把这册子封在里面，寄与你们的丈夫，叫 他们回来同你们说话
就是了。”
 
    三人见 词色不佳，不好与 相抗，只是推说这册真是拾来的，那
里晓得造册的人姓张姓李，住在何方。花晨一面盘问，一面东看西
看，心上想道， 处都相过了，只有这只画箱不曾检验。往常是 着
的，为甚么忽然锁了？其中必有原故，就说道：“这事你们既不肯
抬，只得暂时免究，待改日再审。只是你这箱子里有几轴

371
 肉蒲团

古画，可 出来待我看看。”瑞珠道：“钥匙不知放在 里，这几日尚

寻不着，待寻着时 出画来送与姑娘看。”花晨道：“这等，不难。我
家钥匙甚多，可以 得的。”吩咐丫鬟去取。不上一刻，取了几百把
来。花晨接到手，就去 箱。 三人就像死人一般，又不好嗔，又
不好拦阻，只得凭 去 。心上还妄想 钥匙 不着， 不来。
    谁想 不用第二把，头一把就 着了。揭起盖子一看，只见一个雪
白男子睡在里面， 上横着一根肉棒 ，软到 处，尚且令观者吃
惊。不知他坚硬起来更作何状。花晨见了如此奇货可观，岂有不居之
理，就不忍惊动他，依旧放下箱盖，把原锁锁了，对着三人发作
道：“你们做的好事。这男子是几时弄进来？每人睡过几十夜？好好
招出来，如若不招，我就要惊官动府，叫丫鬟去知会邻舍，说拿住奸
夫，先叫他进来验一验，好连箱抬去送官。”
 
    香云与瑞珠、瑞玉惊得面如土色，只得走到背后去商量道：“ 的
说话是狠意，我们若不理 ， 就要弄假成真了。如今我们该走过去
调停 ，把这个男子放出来，公用就是了。”遂一齐走到花晨面前
道：“这桩好事，原不该偏背姑娘。如今自知理亏，不敢巧辨，只求
姑娘海涵。就把箱中之物送出来请罪就是了。”花晨道
：“请罪之法，该甚么样道理？倒要请呀！”香云道：“不瞒姑娘说，
我们三人三股均分，如今也把姑娘派上一份。”花晨大笑道：“好个请
罪的法子，你们把人藏在家中，不知睡了多少日子，到如今败露出
来，方才搭我一份。难道从前睡过的，都不消追究了？”瑞珠道：“据
姑娘的意思，要怎么样？”花晨道：“若要私休，
只除非叫他跟我回去，随我作乐，睡睡几时，补了以前的欠数。然后
把他交付出来，与你们一个一夜，重新睡起。这还可以使得。不然，
只有官休之法，拼得打破饭锅，大家不吃就是了。有甚么 说？”瑞
玉道：“这等，也要说个数目。或是三夜，或是五夜，就放他过来便
372
 肉蒲团

好。”花晨道：“这个数目定不得，等我带他回去审问一番，说你们三
个睡过多少夜数，我就要也睡多少夜数，然后交出来。”三个听了内
心暗想，未央生爱我三人，未必肯说真话，或者少说几夜也不可知。
就一齐应允道：“既然如此，他只来得一 夜，你竟带回去，审问他
就是了。”
 
    三个定议之後，就要 了箱子，放未央生出来，好随 过去。花晨
怕他要逃走，就对三人道：“日间走过去，要被家人看见，不妙。我
今有个妙法，连这锁也不消 ，只说这一箱古画原是我家的，叫几个
官家进来，连这箱连人抬了过去就是了。”说了这一句，不等他们回
，就吩咐丫鬟去叫官家。不多时，四个官家一齐唤
到，把画箱撮上肩头，抬了飞走。可怜这三个姊妹，就像送棺材的孝
妇一般，心上悲悲切切，只不好啼哭出来。不但舍不得这幅活春宫被
人连箱劫去，还怕箱中之人被 妇干死，有路过去，无路回来。只因
书箱这件东西与棺材无 ，恐怕是不详之兆也。
 
    评曰：
    看庙中相遇一回，疑是花晨之好事在瑞珠、瑞玉之先，而评花晨数
语，即 珠之线、引玉之砖也。孰意作者之心与造物之心无 ， 有
一 安排，决不肯由人计较，以最易得之人，反出最难得之人之後，
亦可谓奇之 、幻之至矣。
 
    第十七回：得便宜因人瞒己  遭涂毒为己骄人
 
    花晨把未央生抬到家里，打发管家出去之後，就 自己箱子，取出
一套男衣，一顶旧巾并鞋 ，是他丈夫在日 的，摆在书箱边。然后
了金锁，请出未央生，替他 着。二人先见了礼，然后对坐。未央
生那张利嘴，是 会骗人的。说我在庙中相见之後，终日思想，不知
373
 肉蒲团

尊姓芳名，无由寻觅。幸得今日天假以缘，因祸得福，方才得观芳
容。
    花晨只因看见批评，想他果然见许，就把假话当了真言，心上欢
喜，等不得到 ， 个就上床做事。 的身体虽不叫做 胖，也有八
分身体。未央生才爬上身，被 紧紧抱住，亲一个嘴，叫一声“心
肝”，未央生就遍体酥麻起来，觉得妇人睡过许多，未尝有此之乐。
 
    这个甚么原故？要晓得妇人里面有中看中用二 。中看者，未必中
用；中用者，未必中看。那中看的妇人要有“三宜”。 “三宜”？宜
不宜肥；宜小不宜大；宜娇怯不宜强健。所以墙上画的美人，都是画
小娇窃的，再没有画肥大的身子，健旺的精神。凡画的美人，是画
与人看的，不是把人用的。那中用的也有“三宜
”：宜肥不宜 ；宜大不宜小；宜强健不宜娇怯。怎见得中用的妇人
要有这“三宜”？凡男子睡在妇人身上，一要温柔似褥；二要身体相
当；三要盛载得起。 的妇人同石床板榻一般，睡在上面混身都要
痛，怎能像肥胖妇人，又温又软？睡在上面不消干事，自然会麻木人
的身体，最爽人的精神。所以知道 不如肥。与矮小妇
人同睡， 下的肢体不能相当， 着上面 不着下面； 着下面 不
着上面，竟像与孩子一般，那能有趣？所以知道小不如大。男子身子
之轻重，多者百余斤，少者亦有七八十斤，若不是强健妇人，那里盛
载得起？睡在娇怯妇人身上，心下惟恐压坏了 。追欢逐乐之事全
要以适性为主，那里经得要战战兢兢？所以知道娇怯不如
强健。
 
    这等说起来，中看中用 件事竟是相反的。若能与相反之事相兼得
来，这样妇人，只要有八分姿色就是十足的了。花晨年纪虽大，实能
兼此二美。未央生睡在床上，花晨就露出所长，把一双嫩肩搂住他上

374
 肉蒲团

身，一双嫩 搂住他下身，竟像一条绵软的褥子，把他裹在中间。你
说快活不快活？未央生以前所御的妇人，都在 小娇
怯的一边，何知有此乐？所以还不曾动手，竟觉得遍体酥麻了。只因
身上快活，引得下面的东西分外雄壮坚固，遂把 物对着 户直刺。
    花晨的 户是生育过的，里面自然宽大，不见痛楚就入佳境。只见
到十抽之外，搂着未央生叫道：“心肝，快些弄。我要丢了！”未央生
狠抽不上十下，又叫道：“心肝，不要动。我丢了！”未央生就把龟头
抵住花心，停了一会，待 丢过之後，又弄起来。一边弄一边问
道：“心肝，你的本事怎么这等不济？抽不上三十下竟自丢了？你那
三位 女多的要二三百抽，少的也要一二百抽，方才得泄。我还说
们容易打发，那里晓得妇人里面更有容易打发的。”花晨就应
道：“你不要把我看容易，我是妇人里面第一个难打发的。若不到一
二千抽不得我丢。就是到了一二千抽，我要丢的时节，也要费上好些
气力，不是这等抽送就弄得丢。”
 
    未央生道：“你既有这样本事，为何方才这一遭容易打发？难道是
假丢，骗我不成？”花晨道：“不是假丢骗你。有个原故，因我十几年
不见男子，欲火甚盛。及忽见你人物又标致、本钱又壮大，心上欢喜
不过，所以才塞进去，那 精不知不觉就出来。这是我自己丢的，不
你抽送之事。你不信，只看这一次，就不比方才
了。”未央生道：“原来如此。你方才的话，我还有些不明白。你说到
一二千抽，也要费好些力气，不是弄得丢，这一句说话，真正难解。
莫非除了抽送之外，还有 的干法不成？”花晨道：“干法不过如此，
只要加些助 的功夫，或是弄出响声，或是说起骚话，使我听得
起，方才会丢。若是底下没有响声，口里不说骚话，

375
 肉蒲团

就像与哑男子干事一般，有甚么 趣？随你一夜弄到天明，那 精也
不肯来。只是一件，我的丢法与 人不同，竟要死去一刻时辰，方才
得活来。我预先对你说明，你若见我死去的时节，不要呆怕。”
 
    未央生道：“这等说来，竟要强雄健壮， 有精力的男子方才弄得
你丢。我的精力算不得头等，也还是二等前列，或者能应付你。但不
知你亡过的尊夫，精力何如？”花晨道：“他的精力算不得二等，只好
在三等前列。他当初也 爱 妇人，做了许多伤伦之事。他尝对我
说， 人的 户都是肉做的，只有你的是铁打的，千
方百计再弄不丢。就想出许多助 之法， 动我的欲火，后面干起来
也就容易。不论一千二千，只是心窝快活就要丢了。”未央生道：“这
等话说，那些法子是怎么样的？”花晨道：“那些法子 容易做，做来
也 有趣。不过是三件事。”未央生道：“ 三件事？”
 
    花晨就念道：“看春意、读 书、听骚声。”未央生道：“‘看春
意’、‘读 书’，这 件事我初婚的时节都曾做过，果然是有趣的事。
至于‘听骚声’这件事，不但文字不曾做过，连题目也解说不来。怎么
叫做‘听骚声’？花晨道：“我生平及喜听人干事，可以助我的 动。
当初先夫在日之时，故意叫他 丫鬟，又要
他弄得 响，干得 急，等丫鬟 快活不过，叫唤起来。我听到 浓
之际，然后咳嗽一声，他就如飞走来，抱我上床，把 物塞进去，狠
舂乱捣。不可按兵法，只是一味狠野战。这等干起来，不但里面快
活，连心窝里都快活。只消七八百抽，就要丢了。这个法子比看春
意、读 书更觉得有趣。”
    未央生道：“这 议论甚是奇畅。只是一件，依你方才说话来，尊
夫的精力也在单薄一边，怎能先弄丫鬟，后干主母？而且起先又要弄
得 响，干得 急，飞搬过来的时侯，一定是强弩之末了，怎么又能

376
 肉蒲团

再肆野战？这事我还不能信。”花晨道：“起先不要他干，另有代 的
人。就是后来野战，也要央他接济。不然， 里支持的来。”未央生
道：“那代 的人我知道了，莫非是一位姓‘角’的么？”花晨道：“然
也。这件东西，我家里最多。今日我和你初交，料想不到难丢地步。
明日干事，就要用到此法了。”
 
    未央生听了，也就不按兵法， 起一味野战，乱来舂捣，抽了数
千，自然从 户快活到心窝里去。只见 手寒脚冷，目定口张，竟像
死得一般。若不是预先说破，未央生竟要害怕。果然死了一刻时辰，
方才苏醒。搂着未央生道：“心肝，你不消用代 之物，竟把我弄丢
了。这看来你的精力竟是特等，怎么说在二等前列？”
未央生道：“我册子上面取你做特等，你如今也取我做特等，何相报
之速耶。”花晨道：“我正要问你，那册子上面他们三个名字是 个涂
抹的？后面一行批语是那一个添上？”
    未央生不好说出，只推不知。花晨道：“你虽不肯说，我心上明白
不过。那三个说我年老色衰败，还能配得 们过。把自己比做淮 ，
把我比做绛灌，是个不削为伍的意思。不是我夸口说， 们的年纪
虽幼小几岁，面色虽比我嫩几分，只好在面前你看看罢了。若要做起
事来，恐怕还赶我老人家不上。我今忍在心里，不与 们争论，待等
闲空时节，待我走过去，约 们做个胜会，一个奇男子，四个俏佳
人，都要脱了衣裙，日间干事，与 们各显神通，且看是少年的好，
老成的好。”未央生道：“说得有理，这个胜会不可不做。”
 
    二人见天色暗起来， 了衣服，丫鬟排上酒肴。花晨酒量 高，与
未央生不相上下。二人猜拳行令，直饮到更初。乘了酒 ，依旧上床
干事。这一 是久旷之後， 精易泄，不消用三 法子。到了次日起

377
 肉蒲团

来，就把许多春意、 书一齐搬运出来，摆在案头，好待临时翻阅。
他看 个长丫鬟，年纪 在十七八岁，都有姿色，又
是已经破瓜的，承受得起，就吩咐在身边，以备助 之用。
    从此以後，朝朝取乐，夜夜追欢，都用三 成法。花晨最怕隔壁的
人要来索取，追还原物，自从画箱过来之後，就把旁 锁了。随 叫
唤，只是不 。叫到第五日，未央生过意不去，替 哀求。花晨没
奈何，只得说要睡到七日，到第七日后送去还 。那三人见有了定
期，方不叫唤。到第八日上，未央生要辞 过去，花晨还有求闺之
意。亏得未央生善为说辞，方才得脱。及至 了房 ，走了过去，香
云姊妹三人见了大喜，就问未央生道：“你连夜的受用何如？这老东
西的 趣何如？”未央生怕 们吃醋，不敢十分赞扬，只把三 成法
说与 们听，好等学样。连花晨要做胜会的话也说出来，叫 各人争
气，切不可以一日之短，埋没了千日之长。
 
    三人听了，遂暗暗商量算计花晨，未有定着，只得放下。香云
道：“今日为始，又要照从前次序，每人分睡一夜何如？”瑞珠、瑞玉
道：“如此 妙。”三人遂分睡三夜，到了四日，正打点要做合体联形
之事，不想花晨写字过来，约 们三个做盛会，又出了一 公份，
叫 们备办酒席：一面饮酒，一面干事，方才觉得有 。三个商量
道：“恰好今日是个合睡的日子，自古道‘添客不杀鸡’，就等 来大
觉会聚也分不多少去。这落得做个虚人情。”立刻写字回 ：“谨依来
命。”
 
    花晨的名分大，为甚么不叫 女就姑娘，反屈姑娘就 女？要晓得
家里有个十岁的儿子，虽然不大，也是有知识的。起先把未央生一
个藏在家中不觉得，如今一男四女饮酒作乐起来，恐遮掩不住，被儿

378
 肉蒲团

子看见不好意思。香云姊妹三个都是没有儿子的，只要 了二 就不
见人影了，所以不论尊卑，情愿过来就 。
 
    只见回字去后，过了一会，花晨就来赴会。未央生见 衣袖之中隐
隐跃跃却像有物的模样，就问 道：“袖中何物？”花晨道：“是一件
有趣的东西。酒色二件事都用着 它，所以带来。”就取出与众人看，
原来是一副春意酒 。未央生道：“这件东西今日做胜会才好用着，
如今且不要看，等到酒 发作之时，你们各取一张，照上面的法则，
同我模仿一模仿就是了。”香云道：“这等，待我四人先看一遍，看明
白了，到了临期之时才好模仿。”未央生道：“也说得是。”花晨
道：“我看过多次，上面的方法都是烂熟的，不得临时抱佛脚。如今
立过一边，让你们看看就是。”
 
    三人笑了一笑，就摊 来，逐张仔细看。看到一张，只见一个少
年女子覆在太湖石上，耸起后庭，与男子干龙 之事。三人看了一齐
笑道：“这是甚么形状，为何丢了乾净事不做，做起龌龊事来？”花晨
道：“是 一张？拿来我看。”香云就递与 。 看了道：“这个干
法，是从文字上面 拟下来，难道你们不晓得？”
香云道：“是 一 文字？我们不曾看过，求你指教。”花晨道：“是
一 《奴要嫁传》。当初有个标致闺女，与一个俊俏书生隔墙居住。
书生想这闺女，不得到手，害起相思病来。央人到闺女面前致意，说
只要见得一面，就死也甘心，不敢做非礼之事。那闺女见他说得可
怜，只得应允。及至相会的时节，坐在书生怀里，随他要搂就搂，要
摸就摸，要亲嘴就亲嘴，只不与他干事。等他要干就回 道：‘奴要
嫁人，此事不可为。’书生急不过，跪在地下哀求， 到底不允。只
把‘奴要嫁’三字回他。说你求见之心不过因我生得标致，要靠一靠身
体，粘一粘皮肉，我今坐在你怀中，把浑身皮肉随你摩弄，你的心事

379
 肉蒲团

也可以完了，何须定要坏我原身，明日嫁去时节被丈夫识破此事，我
一世就做不得人了，这怎么使得。书生道，男女相交，定要这三寸东
西把了皮肉，方算得有情，不然终久是一对道路之人，随你身体相
靠，皮肉相粘，总了不得心事，只是跪在地下哀求不肯起来。闺女被
他哀求不过，只得低头暗想，想出权宜之法，就对他道：‘我是要嫁
的人，这件东西断许你不得。我如今 寻一物赠你，何如？’书生
道：‘除了此物，那里还有一物？’闺女道：‘除非舍前而取后，等把你
三寸东西一般进了皮肉，了却这桩心事，再没得说了。’书生见 说
得真切，也就不好再强，竟依这个权宜之法，把后庭当做前伴，交情
起来。这个干法，就是从那 传上 拟下来的。这样好书，你们何不
曾读过？”香云姊妹三人见 说话骄傲，心上甚是不平，就丢了酒
不看，一齐到背后去商量。大家协力同心，要摆布 一场。
 
    花晨与未央生隔了三日不见，胜似九秋，巴不得众人 去，好与他
绸缪一番。 个就搂住亲嘴，说了许多话，那 妹三个方才走来。叫
丫鬟摆酒，未央生上座，花晨下座，香云与瑞珠、瑞玉分坐 旁。饮
过数寻，花晨就叫事 ，过来各取一张，照上面行酒。香云道：“看
了那件东西，只想要干事，连酒都吃不下。如今且行
令，吃到半酣，然后取它过来，照上面行酒也得，照上面行事也
得，就无碍了。”未央生道：“也说得是。”瑞珠遂取出色盆来，未央
生道：“掷骰费力，不如猜个状元拳，定了前后次序。如今照次序行
酒，少刻就照次序行事，列位心上何如？”花晨的拳经最熟，听见这
话就眉欢眼笑，巴不得要做状元，好摆布 们三个。所虑者，恐中
状元干事要从 干起。 是要先听虚声，后干实事的人，那里肯当头
阵。想了一会，就对道：“行事的次第，不必照依行酒，只凭状元发
挥，凭 要先就先，要后就后。”
 
380
 肉蒲团

    未央生道：“也说得是。”就把五个拳头一齐伸出，从未央生猜起，
猜到瑞玉住。果然花晨拳高，一口就被 猜着状元，是 中去了。不
等榜眼、探花出来就先发令道：“我既中状元，就是个令官，不但老
儒听考，连榜眼、探花都要受我节制，如有抗令者，罚一大杯。”未
央生道：“既然如此，求你把条教号令预先张挂出
来，定了个规矩。”花晨道：“吃酒的数目，从状元起到探花住，吃个
节节高。老儒执壶旁立，只教 斟，不许 吃。干事的先后，要与前
面相反，从探花起到榜眼住，也干个节节高。老儒执巾旁立，只叫
揩，不许 干。”又对未央生道：“你如今不用考，委你做监令官，
好待后面用你干事。”未央生道：“这等说，我事便
有得做，酒却没得吃了。”花晨道：“你的酒数更多，状元、榜眼、探
花有酒，都要你陪。只是老儒服役，不许你去待劳。代劳讨好者罚一
巨杯。”未央生道：“ 自己不争气，去做老儒，不干我事，凭 去
受苦罢了。”香云姊妹三个侧目而视，让 发挥，不敢稍参末议。还
亏 虑在事前，起先到背后去想了一个妙计，放在胸中。就对未央生
道：“你既做监令，若令官不公道，你也要参劾 ，不要阿谀曲从，
助纣为虐。若是如此，我们就鼓噪起来，不受约束了。”花晨道：“若
做得不公，不消监令参劾，你们只管公举，举得 常，我只管受罚就
是。”
    花晨定了条约，就除出未央生，教 姊妹三人决个胜负。却也古
怪，那三个拳头恰好也照序齿之例，香云中了榜眼，瑞珠中了探花，
把个经不得大干的瑞玉做了老儒。猜定之後，花晨就叫瑞玉行酒，自
己一杯，香云 杯，瑞珠三杯。都是未央生陪吃。吃完之後，就叫瑞
玉把酒 洗好放在 上，然后执巾旁立，待众人干事之际，好替
揩抹 水。瑞玉不敢违拗，只得依令。
 

381
 肉蒲团

    花晨对未央生道：“头一个限你一百抽，第二个限你二百抽，多一
下，少一下都要罚酒。丢与不丢，看 造化，不累你管。干到第三个
就得轮着我了，主令之人，与众人不同，不计数目，定要丢了才住，
以前 个的数目，都要老儒代数，差者罚。”又对香云、瑞珠道：“你
们上前揭起，揭着那一张，就依那一张的干法好与
不好凭人造化，不许换 。干事的时节，要 仿酷肖方才中式，若有
一毫不像，除罚酒外还要 去抽数。”瑞珠道：“我们做得不像，自然
受罚；若令官不如式，却怎么处？”花晨道：“令官不如式，罚了三
杯， 重新做起，定要做到如式才住。”
    瑞珠听了，就伸手去揭第一张，只见一个妇人睡在床上， 足张
，男子的身体与妇人隔 三尺， 手抵住了席，伏在上面抽送，叫
做“蜻蜓点水”之势。瑞珠把酒 呈过了堂，就脱下裤子，仰 在床
上。未央生爬上身去，仿起蜻蜓的样子，把 物塞进 中，不住的乱
点。瑞珠要奉承令官，后面动 ，不等快活之後方才叫
唤，未央生点一点， 浪一浪；点十点， 浪十浪。直浪到不点才
住。
    香云道：“如今临着我了”。就揭起第二张，见一个妇人睡在春榻头
上，男子立着，把 双脚放在肩头， 手抵住春榻，用力推送，叫
做“顺水推船”之法。香云也把酒 呈过了堂，就睡在春榻上去，与未
央生 仿成式。 那个浪法，更比瑞珠不同，顺水推船既容易推，
则顺船之水也容易出，船头上的浪声与船底下的浪声一齐澎湃起来，
你说好听不好听？
 
    花晨往常窃听骚声都是暗中摸索之事，何曾看见这快活头上。如今
见了，那 比往常咳嗽的时节更不相同，大有不能姑待之意。等
得香云满数之後，就立起身道：“如今轮着令官了。”就把一只手取

382
 肉蒲团

，一只手插在裤裆，先去解带。及至揭起第三张一看，不觉惊慌失
色，对众人道：“这一张是用不得的，只得要 换一
张。”香云姊妹三个一齐鼓噪起来，先把余下的 藏在一处，然后来
看这一张。
    原来就是“奴要嫁”的故事，妇人耸起后庭，与男子干龙 的套数。
为甚么这等 巧？多少 揭不着，偏揭这一张？原来就是 姊妹三人
商量出来的计策。料想 三个毕竟轮着一个洗 ，就把这一张做了
计号，要分与 。谁想 又预先号令出来，众人居先，令官落后，所
以瑞玉洗 的时节就把这一张放在第三。如今恰好取着，这也是
骄傲之报。
    三个看过了 ，就催花晨脱裤。花晨抵死不肯，道：“求列位公
议，这一桩事可是做得么？况他那一件东西，可是做得这一桩事么？
大家想一想就是了。”三个道：“这个说不得，若是我们揭着，你可肯
饶恕我们么？况且不许换 的话，又是你说的。 上的方法，只有你
烂熟。你既知道这张用不得，何不预先除出这一张？如今揭着了，还
有甚么说？快些脱裤，省得众人动手。”又对未央生道：“好个监令
官，为甚么口也不 ，手也不动？要你何用？”未央生道：“不是监令
官徇情，其实我这件东西， 后面原当不起。还要 个赎罪之例，
等 多吃了几杯酒，当了这事罢。”三人道：“你这句话，只当放屁！
若是吃酒当得干事，我们起先只该吃酒，不该干事了。 个是不顾
廉耻，肯脱衣服在人面前出丑？”
 
    未央生见 们说得词严义正，无言可对，只得求众人道：“如今我
也没得说，只求刻令 一面之网，不要求全责备，等 脱下裤来，略
见大意罢了。”香云、瑞玉还不肯依，要与寻常干事一般，瑞珠紫一
紫眼道：“只要见得大意也就罢了。难道定要尽法不成？”未央生
道：“这等还易处。”就伸手去 花晨，替 脱裤。花晨执意不肯，
383
 肉蒲团

被未央生苦劝不过，低头丧气，只得曲从。就把裤子解 ，伏在春榻
头上。未央生取出 物，抹上涎唾，只在肛 外面抵得一抵，花晨就
叫喊起来。正要立起身子不容他干，谁想这班恶少安排三双毒手等
。起先紫眼的话，是哄 脱裤，等 脱了裤子伏上春榻，就一齐走
上前去，捺头的捺头，封手的封手，莫说立不起，就要把身子动一动
也不能。更有一个最恶的，躲在未央生背后，等他抵着肛 的时节，
就把未央生的身子着力一推。那 物竟推进了半截，又把住未央生的
身子，替他抽送。花晨就像杀猪一般，大声喊叫“饶命”。未央生
道：“人命相 ，不是当要的事，饶了 罢。”众人道：“ 起先说令
官与众人不同，不论次数，直要丢了才住，如今问 丢了不曾？”花
晨连声应道：“丢了、丢了。”
 
    众人见他狼狈已 ，只得放手。花晨立起身来，就像死人一般，话
也说不出，站也站不牢，只得叫丫鬟扶了回去。后来肛 肿，发寒
发热，睡了三四天方才爬得起。从此以後心上虽怀恨，只因要做这桩
勾当，不好怨恨同事之人，只得与 们相好起来，一男四女，共枕
同衾，说不尽 们的乐处。
 
    未央生出 之日，原与艳芳约以三月为期，就回来看 分 。不想
乐而忘返，等到想着期，已在三月之後。叫书笥出去打听，闻得艳芳
已经分 ，一胞生下 个女儿。花晨四人办酒，与他贺喜。又作乐了
几日，方送他回去。
    艳芳恐怕孩子累身不好作乐，就雇了 个 娘，把孩子抱去抚 。
恰好到弥月之时，未央生走到。就叫他大整旗枪，重新对垒，要严追
已往的积逋。那里晓得民穷财尽，一时催征不起。这是何故？只因四
五个月中，以一男而敌四女，肆意奸 ，不分昼夜，岂有不神疲力
之理？从此以後，艳芳不能遂其欲，遂有悔恨之心矣。

384
 肉蒲团

 
    评曰：
    有病此回形容太过，不为奸夫 妇留余地者，然非此回之奇 不足
起下回之惨报。纵容他处，正是难为他处。看到玉香独擅奇 ，替丈
夫还债处，始觉以前数回不妨形容太过耳。
 
    第十八回：妻子落风尘明偿积欠  兄弟争窈窕暗索前逋

    未央生得意之事按下慢表，再说他妻子玉香跟了权老实与丫鬟如意
逃走，走到一处，忽然肚痛起来。 肚里的东西起先在家时节千方百
计再打不下，如今走到路上受些辛苦，不觉就坠了下来。若早坠几
日，岂不省了这番举动？如今逃走出来，回去不得，白白做了私奔之
人，岂不是丈夫造下的 带累 如此？
 
    权老实的初意原为报仇，不是贪 。自从拐出之後，就要卖 下
水，只因有孕在身， 躇未决。此时见 落下胎来，方才定了主意。
就把主婢 个带入京师，寓在店中，寻人货卖。但凡卖良为娼，定要
做个圈套，瞒了本妇，只说有亲眷在此 ，托他寻房居住，才好领人
来看，看中了意，才好骗 入娼 。京师里面有个鸨母叫
做“顾仙娘”，一见玉香就知道是桩奇货，照媒人所说的身价一天平对
出来，连如意也买过去，依旧做了丫鬟服事 。
    权老实卖过玉香之後，就有些过意不去，渐渐懊悔起来。心中想
道，我闻得佛经上说，要知前世因今生受者，是要知后世因今生作
者。是我自家妻子做了丑事，焉知不是我前世 人妻之故？今世把妻
子还人也不可知。我只该逆来顺受才是，为甚么又去 人妻子，造起
来世的 障来？就是要报仇，既然与 睡过几夜，消了意恨也就罢
了，为甚么又卖 为娼？又把 无事使女也卖下水去？权老实想到此
处，不禁捶胸顿足，自家恨起自家来。想从前的事 已做错，不可
385
 肉蒲团

回，只有个忏悟今生，预修来世之法。就把卖人的银子，施舍与残疾
穷苦之人，自己把头发剪去半截，做了个头陀，往各处去云游，要访
真正高僧，求他剃度。后来游到括苍山中，遇着孤峰长老，知道是一
尊活佛，就摩顶皈依了他，苦修二十年，成了正果。这是后话。
 
    却说玉香堕落风尘，与如意 个走到顾先娘家，看一看动静，才晓
得不是良家的光景。就是贞烈妇人跨进这重 槛也 不出去，何况已
经是失节之妇？玉香看了无可奈何，只得安心贴意，做起青楼女子的
行径来。遂改名字叫□妙，取个表字，好待嫖客称呼。作者还叫他玉
香，省得人看花了眼。
 
    初到的一 ，就有个大财主来嫖。到第二日就要去，顾仙娘留他不
住，他临去的时节吩咐顾仙娘道：“这位令爱容貌丰姿，件件都好，
单少那三 绝计。你还应该传授 才是。我如今暂 ，待你传授
会了再来请教。”说罢回去。他为甚么说出这话来？原来顾仙娘生平
有三 绝技，都是妇人里面不曾讲究过的。 少年时节容貌也平常，
竟享了三十余年的盛名。与 相处的都是乡绅大老，公子王孙，就
到四五十岁的时节，还有富贵人去嫖 ，就是为此三 绝技。第一
是俯 就 ；第二 是耸 接 ；第三 是舍 助 。 与男子干
事，教男子仰面睡了， 爬上身去，把 物插入 中，立起来套一
阵，坐下来揉一阵，又立起来套一阵。 的妇人弄了几下就 酸脚
软，动不得了。 一双膝弯竟像铁铸的一般，越弄越有力气。不但
奉承男子，连自己也十分快活。这就叫做俯 就 ，是 第一 绝
技。 有时候睡在底下与男子干事，再不教男子一人着力，定要把自
家身子耸动起来，男子抵一抵， 迎一迎；男子抽一抽， 让一
让。不但替了男子一半气力， 自家也讨了一半便宜。若还女子不迎
不送，只叫男人抽抵，何不把泥塑木雕的美人腰间控一个深孔，只要

386
 肉蒲团

伸得 物进去，就可以抽送得了，何须要与活人干事？所以做名妓的
人要晓得这 道理，方才讨得男人欢心，图得自家快乐。这就叫做耸
接 ，是 第二 绝技。至于舍 助 之法，一发玄妙， 与男
子干事，再不肯使有限的 精泄于无用之地，每丢一次，使男子受
一次之益。这是甚么样的法子？原来 与男子干事到将丢之际，就
吩咐男子，教他把龟头抵住花心，不可再动； 又能使花心上小孔与
龟头上小孔恰好相对，预先把吸精之法传授男子，到此时 精一泄，
就被男子吸进 物之中，由尾闾而直上，径入丹田。这 东西的妙
处，不但人参附子难与争功，就是长生不老的药，原不过如此。这
妙术是 十六岁上有个 人来嫖 ，无意之中说出这道理，被 学
过来，遇着有情的嫖客，就教如此如此，嫖客依 做来，无有不验。
与 宿过几夜，不但精神倍加，连面上的颜色也光彩起来。人都说是
仙女转世，所以教 做仙娘。这 道理既传与嫖客，那嫖客就该到
自己家里去做，不须用着 了。要晓得吸精之法，虽然可传，那对着
精孔之法，是传授不去的。要在干事的妇人善于 合，这些 窍，只
有 肚里明白， 的妇人那里 合得来。妙在天下妇人皆迷，惟有
一人独悟，所以叫做绝技。
 
    玉香初到底时节，那里晓得有这三 绝技，嫖客与 干事，见 第
一 绝技尚然不会，那 一发做不来了，就与 草草完事。睡到天
明，见 美貌，舍 不得，可惜不谙此法，所以临行之际有这一番
叮咛。仙娘送了嫖客出 ，就骂 装娇作态，不曾奉承，把这大财主
接得一夜就打发 去，以後怎么样赚钱，就要 打起来
。玉香跪下再四哀求，仙娘方才饶了，就把这三 绝技，日夜与 讲
究。自己同嫖客干事，就教 立再面前细看，会与不会，好当面指教
； 与嫖客干事，自己也坐在面前细看，是与不是，好当面提醒
。
387
 肉蒲团

 
    俗语说得好，天下无难事，只怕有心人。玉香惧怕鸨母的法度，不
敢不学，只消一 月工夫把三 绝技都学会了。又兼姿容秀美，笔墨
精工，一时闻名动京师。没有一个乡绅大老公子王孙不来赏鉴。更有
个大老官 肯破钞，宿 一 ，定有一二十金相赠。你道这 个
大老官是那个？原来就是瑞珠、瑞玉的丈夫，一个叫做
云生，一个叫做倚云生。因在京里坐监，闻得玉香的盛名，兄弟
个争先拜访。起先是 云生，瞒了阿弟先去嫖了几夜。后来是倚云
生，瞒了阿兄也去嫖了几夜。一日兄弟 个盘问出来，遂索性把玉香
包在家中，大家公用。不但兄弟同利，又且师弟同 ，连香云的丈夫
名为轩轩子，也时常点缀点缀。与 睡过一 夜，竟有些
老当益壮起来。方才晓得玉香的 物竟是一味补药，若取着这样妻
子，竟不消躲避差徭了。
 
    云生兄弟在监里坐了一年，偶然想起故乡，要回去看看妻子，就
央一个人情，求大司成给假数月，大司成批了。师弟三人 了玉香一
同回去。到了家中，少不得三位佳人替丈夫接风之後，就问一向在外
嫖了几个女客。三位丈夫就把相处玉香的话陈说一遍，又把那三 绝
技次第夸张出来。香云姊妹三个第二日起来各述所闻
，都是一般诧事。瑞珠、瑞玉道：“我不信妇人之中竟有那样怪物。
这等说起来，我们三个都是没用得了，这些话还是他们三个通同造出
来，要激励我们用心干事的意思。”香云道：“这样事瞒不得我们相处
的人，他生平见广识多，若有这一 妓妇，他毕竟晓得。等他进来，
大家一问就是了。”瑞珠、瑞玉道：“也说得是。”
 
    一日，遇着清明佳节，三个的丈夫一齐出去扫墓，要第二日回来。
就叫丫鬟请未央生进去相会。一见了面，就把这疑事问他。未央生
道：“天下的事奇奇怪怪，或者妓妇里面有这一 物也不可知。
388
 肉蒲团

既在京师，我终有一日遇着 ，待我嫖 一夜，若对得我过的，方才

是个真怪物。”四人说了一会，宿了一 。未央生次日出来，心上想
道，他们三个丈夫的话如出一口，可见这一桩事是真的了。当今之世
有这样 人，何不去会 一会？况且我的精血被这四五个妇人也耗
得多了，正要学个采战之法。滋补一滋补。那个妓者既有许多妙术，
我只消嫖 一夜，把个吸精之法传授过来，就一生受用不尽了。主意
定了，就要先回故乡看看妻子，然后进京去访那名妓。他这一去，有
分教：
    触翻东岳，泄不尽愤懑之胸；掬尽西江，洗不尽羞惭之色。
    要知分解，就在下回。
 
    评曰：
    未央生之 恶已造到 处，若使其妻子止于 汉而不至于为娼，人
犹不痛快。即使为娼，人心犹不痛快。即使为娼，止于接他客而不及
香云姊妹之夫，人心犹不痛快。一部 书看到头，无一人不报，稍有
风流罪过之人，未有不通身汗下者，如此 书不可不多读也！
 
    第十九回： 贯已盈 处香闺齐出丑  禅机将发诸般美色尽成空
 
    未央生临行之际，走去辞 赛昆仑，把家中之事交托与他，求他照
管。赛昆仑道：“托妻寄子的事，不是轻易任的，寄子容易，托妻甚
难。劣兄只好替你料理薪水，不能替你防守闺 。”未央生道：“小弟
所托之事单为薪水，不虑闺 。你弟媳妇是个过来人，比初嫁丈夫的
不同。天下中用的男子不过像权老实，他尚且嫌他
不济，要跟小弟终身。料想男子里面没有第二个像小弟的，老兄不必
过虑。”赛昆仑道：“也说得是，只要贤弟信得过劣兄，受托也不妨
了。”

389
 肉蒲团

    未央生 过赛昆仑，就写封密札寄 花晨与香云姊妹，又与艳芳绸

缪了几夜，方才起身。不一日，到了故乡，走到铁扉道人 首，敲了
半日不 。心上暗喜道，他 户这等森严，料想没有闲人进去，我就
再迟几日回来也不妨了。直敲到 ，方才有个人影在 缝里视望，未
央生晓得是铁扉道人，就叫“岳父 ，小婿回来了”。铁扉道人听
见，忙把 ，接他进去。
    未央生走进中堂，见过了礼，就问起居。先候岳父的台安，后问令
爱的清吉。道人叹道：“老夫身体倒还粗安，只是小女自贤婿去后，
就生起病来，睡 不安，饮食不进，竟成了忧郁之症，不上一年就身
故了。”说罢放声痛哭。未央生道：“怎么有这等 事？”也就痛哭起
来。哭了一阵，又问“ 柩在 里，如今葬了不曾？”道人道：“现停
在冷屋里，等你回来见一见才好安葬。”未央生就走到冷屋，伏在
柩上又 重新哭了一场。
    你道这口棺木是 里来的？原来是铁扉道人见女儿跟人逃走，不好
说得，一来怕乡舍取笑，二来怕女婿要人，只得买口棺木回来，封钉
好了，只说女儿病故，停在家中，既可掩人之耳目，又可免女婿之追
求。未央生因他平日至诚，没有虚话，所以并不疑心，反自怨不早回
来，以至 忧郁而亡。就请几众高僧，做三日三夜好
事，追荐亡 ，教 早生早化，不要怨恨丈夫贪恋女色，在 间吃起
醋来，做活王魁的故事。追荐之後，仍以游学为名， 了道人，往京
师进发，要学滋补之方。
 
    不一日，到了京师，安顿行李，就去访问佳人。访着住处，就去登
拜见。谁想玉香数日前被一个大老官请去，睡了数日不肯放 回
来。仙娘回 了未央生，未央生只得回寓。过了 日，又去拜访，仙
娘道：“小女昨日有个话来，说今日靠 就到。”未央生听了，就送嫖
金三十 ，还有几件私礼，待 回来面送。仙娘收了
390
 肉蒲团

嫖金，又道：“如今天色尚早，相公若有 事，且去一会再来，若没
有 事，就在这里等。”未央生道：“我专为令爱而来，没有
事。”仙娘道：“这等，到小女房中坐下，或是看书，或是睡觉。待小
女一到就来奉陪。”说罢，就领未央生进房，吩咐一个小妓教他 茶
服事。又对未央生道：“老妇有俗要去料理，不能相伴。”遂转身出
来。
 
    未央生想要将 精神，好到夜间干事，就从午刻睡起，直睡到薄
暮，方才下床，取了一本书正在看，只见纱窗外有个标致妇人把他张
了一张，就慌忙走 去，却像要躲避的一般。未央生就问小妓
道：“方才张我的人是 一个？”小妓道：“就是我家姊姊。”未央生看
见那些光景，怕 有拒绝之心，就出来求见。
    玉香起先张了一张，认得是自己丈夫，只说有心来捉 ，所以慌了
手脚，要同仙娘商量去路。不想走到仙娘房前，还不曾说话，就望见
未央生赶来，只得对仙娘道：“此人是接不得的，不可使他见我。”就
入仙娘房里，把 窗坚闭，声也不则。仙娘不知就里，只想 心
上不爱，所以不肯接他。就去对未央生道：“小女又有信来，就依旧
被他留住，不得回来。却怎么处？”未央生道：“令爱回来了。怎么是
这等说？莫非怪我礼物轻微么？”仙娘道：“真是不曾回来，并无他
意。”未央生道：“方才明明在窗外张我，一张就躲避 去。怎么讲这
样胡话？就是有些怪我，也须与我想见一面，再把话辞我，我也是辞
得去的。何须这等绝人？”
 
    顾仙娘只是照前话回覆。未央生道“我刚才见一个妇人躲在你房里
去，若果然不曾回来，待我搜一搜，若搜不着，我嫖也不嫖，礼物也
不取，竟自回去。”仙娘见他说得对针，恐他搜出人又不好意思，只

391
 肉蒲团

得对他道：“不瞒相公说，来是果然来了。只是被个作 的男子一连
掏漉了几夜，身子缺安，要将息一 夜，才好留客的
意思。相公既然执意要见，待我叫 出来就是，何须搜得。”未央生
道：“这等，待我亲身去请，省得说我来意不诚，又要推托。”就跟仙
娘走到房 前一齐启请。仙娘道：“我儿，相公要会你，你可出来会
一会。”连叫几遍，再不见则声。未央生也叫一会，不见 。
    玉香看见势头不好，想起见面之後定要惊官动府。加起刑来，少不
得是一死，不如死在未见之先，还省得一场没趣。就解下束腰的带，
系在梁上自尽。后未央生见 打不 ，打 进去，人已吊死了。未央
生看见弄出事来，要想脱身，那里有心 看吊死的人是何面貌，遂转
身竟走。仙娘见他 死了人，一把 住道：“往 里走？我和你无
无仇，为甚么把我 差的人活活 死？”
 
    正在校问之时，只见许多嫖客走到，都是些公子，往常嫖过玉香
的，连日因人接去不得见面，闻 回来，大家不约而同都来看 。见
被人 死，大家怒发冲冠，就吩咐管家一齐动手，把未央生按在地
下，用青柴短棍打了上千，只有致命之处不曾受伤，其余的皮肉没有
一处不被他打的乌青烂熟，打过之後，就把铁练练了，锁
在死人旁边。要等地方乡保同来看过，好领户主报官。
    未央生起先要逃走，不看死人。如今被打得损伤，又锁在死人旁
边，料想脱不得身，就把死人面貌头脑仔细一看，就大惊起来，想这
面貌与我亡妻无 ，难道天下的面孔竟有这样相同？看了又想，想了
又看，越看越像，越想越是。不觉疑心起来，焉知不是我妻跟人逃
走，岳父不好说得，买口棺木骗我也不可知。况且这妇人若还没有虚
心之事，为甚么见我就躲，躲到后面见躲不脱，就寻起自尽来。想到
此处，已有八分明白，又想起妻子顶 里有一 ，是不生头发的，

392
 肉蒲团

我今何不验个仔细。就把 鸦髻分 ，里面一看，恰好有指头大的

一块，没有头发，正是 无疑了。
 
    忽见地方乡保一齐拥进房来，查问致死来历。未央生道：“吊死之
人是我妻子，被人拐骗出来，卖与仙娘接客。自己还不晓得，走来嫖
。 虚心不敢见面，所以悬梁自缢。及致锁在一处，细看面貌方
认出来。我这 枉少不得要到官伸诉，只求早些到官，就见天日
了。”众人盘问仙娘，这个女子是甚么人卖与你的？仙娘不
知就里，说：“他满口胡言，总是支吾的话，我这女子现有一个丫鬟
相随，同时明买的。”众人道：“吊死的人不会说话，可问这丫鬟就明
白了。”仙娘起身去叫如意，谁想寻了半日不见，只说 走了。那里
晓得竟躲在仙娘床底下，被众人看见，一把 出来。
    原来 也是看见未央生，慌了手脚，同玉香一齐躲入房中，看见玉
香吊死，未央生又打进房来，知道没有好处，所以钻在床下躲避。不
想被人看见， 了出来。众人指着未央生问道：“这个人你可认得
他？”如意心上还要不认，怎奈面上的颜色，口里的声音竟替 递起
认状来。众人知道有些原故再把利害的话恐 ， 就把玉香在家与
某人通奸，怀孕怕父亲知道置于死地，只得跟了某人与自己一齐逃
走，谁想某人负心，卖 下水的话，细细招了一遍。
 
    众人知道情节，就劝他 下解交，不必惊官动府。一个 死自家妻
子，料不抵命；一个明买妇人接客，料非拐带。只是这个使女问原主
还要不要，若要，便赎 回去；不要，还留在这边。未央生到了这
个时候，只当是已死之人，连自家身子都可以不要，巴不得早死一刻
也是好的，那里还要 。就对众人道：“论理起来定该
到公堂上去，求官府替我追究一番，消消隐恨才是。但恐被人传拨
去，声名不雅，不如依列位，隐忍些罢。这个使女既然做过娼妇，也

393
 肉蒲团

不便带回，由 在这边罢了。”仙娘见他说出真情料想没有后患，就
依众人处分， 了铁锁，追还嫖金，打发他出去。临去的时节还被那
些嫖客骂了多少王八乌龟才走得脱身。
 
    未央生回到寓处，棒疮发作起来，叫天叫地，喊个不住。心下想
道，我起先只说 人的妻子该是我睡的，我的妻子断没得与 人睡
的，所以终日贪 ，讨尽天下的便宜。那里晓得报应之理，如此神
速。我睡人的妻女，人也睡我的妻子；我睡人的妻子还是私 ，人睡
我的妻子竟是明做；我占人妻子还是做妾，人占我的妻子竟是为娼。
这等看起来，奸 之事，竟是做不得的。我还记得三年前孤峰长老劝
我出家，我不肯从，他就把奸 的果报说来劝我，我与他强说奸 之
事未必人人有报。如今看起来这桩事再没有不报的了。我又说一人之
妻妾有限，天下之女色无穷，若是 了无限妇人，就把一 个妻妾还
债也就本少利多，不叫做吃亏了。如今打算起来，我生平所睡的妇人
不上五六个，我自家妻子既做了娼，所睡的妇人不止几十个了。天下
的利息那里还有重似这桩的？孤峰又说这道理口说无凭，教从肉蒲团
上参悟出来，方见明白。我这几年，肉蒲团上的酸甜苦辣尝得透了，
如今受这番打骂凌辱也无颜归故乡了，此时若不醒悟，更待何时？不
如写一封恳切的书寄与赛昆仑，教他寻一个人家把艳芳打发出去，
个孩子，随 带去也得，留与赛昆抚 也得。我自家一个径至括苍
山寻见孤峰长老， 他一百二十个响头，陪了以前的不是，然后求他
指出迷津，引归觉路，何等不妙？
 
    主意定了，就要写书，怎奈 只手臂都被众人打伤，写不得字。将
了一月，手臂好了，就要写书，恰好赛昆仑有书寄到，拆 一看，
说家中有急事，教他闻信之日，即便起身，又不说紧急事是那一桩。

394
 肉蒲团

未央生心上疑惑，不知何事，遂盘问来人。来人道：“是二娘跟人逃
走。”未央生又问：“ 跟甚么人逃走？”来人道：
“莫说我家不知，就是府上的丫头伴当也不晓得。只说未走之先，夜
夜听见床上有些响动。及至起来又不见有个人影。一连响了十几夜，
那一日清早起来，只见重 洞 ，寻觅二娘，竟不知 里去了。故此
家主一面缉访，一面着小人前来追赶相公回去。”
 
    未央生叹道，这个信来又是一番报应了。可见奸 之债，断断是借
不得的。借了一倍，还了百倍。焉知这 个女儿不是还债的 子，如
今也虑不得许多，遂写一封决绝书，回覆赛昆仑道：
    姬私奔，不足为奇。悖而入者亦悖而出，此常理也。故乡之事亦
类此。自知罪恶贯盈，有此报。魔障消除之日，即道心发现之期，
不当返江东，径归西土。所恨者祸胎未灭，犹存二 于怀中，暂累故
人，延其喘息，俟我见佛后，当借慧剑除之耳。单 不尽。
 
    打发回书去后就欲起身，要把书笥带在身边，做个沙弥服事。后来
想了一想，惟恐 童在侧，又起 心，不如不见可欲，使心不乱。竟
叫书笥跟了来人也发他回去。自己收拾行李，单身独往括苍山去。
 
    评曰：
    作者本意直到此回乃见。凡看肉蒲团者， 回只看一遍，此回与下
回能看三四遍者，□会看小说之人也。
 
    第二十回：布袋皮宽色鬼奸雄齐摄入  旃檀路阔 家债主任相
 
    却说孤峰和尚自从放过未央生，时时刻刻埋怨道，毕竟是我法力不
高，婆心不切，见了情魔色鬼走过不能收缚，任他流毒于苍生，肆恶

395
 肉蒲团

于闺阃，乃老僧之罪也。既不能缚鬼受魔要这皮布袋何用？就拿去挂
在大 外面松树梢头，又削一块小板，写几行细字，钉在松树上道：
    未央生一日不至，皮布袋一日不收；皮布袋一日不烂，老和尚之心
一日不死。但愿早收皮布袋，免教常坐肉蒲团。
 
    这件东西却也古怪，自从未央生去那一日在松树上挂起，挂到如
今，已是三年，不但一些不烂，反觉得比未挂之先倒硬挣起来。未央
生走到时节，看见松树梢悬一个皮布袋，又看见树上有一块小板，小
板上有 行小字，念了一遍，不觉痛哭起来。就把这条木板当做孤峰
法像，跪在松树旁不知拜了几十拜，然后爬上树去，取
了皮布袋下来，顶在头上，走入佛堂。遇着孤峰打坐，就跪在他面
前，不住的 头。从入定之初， 到出定之後，约有三个时辰，岂止
一百二十个响头而已。
 
    孤峰走下蒲团，一把搀住道：“贤居士重来赐顾，就见盛情了，为
何行此重礼？快请起来。”未央生道：“弟子愚蒙，悔当初不曾受得教
悔，以至肆意胡行，把 落地狱之事都做出来。如今，现在的 报
虽然受了，将来的 报还不曾受，要求老师父哀怜，收在法座之下，
使弟子忏悔前因，归依正果。不知老师父可肯收约否？”孤峰道：“既
然收我皮布袋进来，我岂有不收纳之理。只恐你道念不坚，将来又有
入尘之事。”未央生道：“弟子因悔恨之 ，方才猛省回头。如今只当
是从地狱里面逃走出来，那里还敢再去。自然没有反覆的，只求师父
收纳。”孤峰道：“既然如此，收纳你就是。”未央生爬起身来， 重新
行礼。孤峰就拣个好日，替他落了头发。未央生告过孤峰，自取法名
叫做“顽石”。一来自恨回头不早，有如顽石；二来感激孤峰善于说
法，使三年不点头的顽石依旧点起头来。从此以後，立意参禅，专心
悟道。

396
 肉蒲团

 
    谁想少年出家到底有些不便，随你强制， 心硬挠欲火。在日间念
佛看经自然混过，睡到半夜，那 物不知不觉就要磨起人来，不住在
被窝中碍手绊脚，捺又捺 它不住，放又放它不倒，只得要想个法子
去安顿它。不是借指头救急，就是寻徒弟解纷，这 桩事是僧家的方
便法 。未央生却不如此，他道出家之人，无论奸 不
奸 ，总要以绝欲为主。这 桩事虽然不犯条款，不丧名节， 不能
绝欲之心，与奸 无 。况且手铳即房事之媒，男风乃妇人之渐，对
假而思真，由此而及彼，此必然之势，不可不禁其初。偶然一夜，梦
见花晨与香云姊妹到庵拜佛，连玉香、艳芳也在里面，未央生见了愤
恨之 ，就叫花晨与香云姊妹帮助他拿入，睡想转眼之
间不见了玉香、艳芳 个，单单剩下四位旧交，就引他入禅房，大家
脱了衣服，竟要做起胜会来。把 物 着 正要干起，被隔林犬吠
忽然惊醒，方才晓得是梦。那翘然一物，竟在被窝里面东钻一下，西
撞一头，要寻旧时的 户。顽石捏了这件东西，正要想个法子安顿
它，又忽然止住道，我生平 之根，皆由于此，它就是
我的对头，如今怎么又放纵它起来。就止了妄念，要安睡一觉。
 
    谁想翻来 去再睡不着，总为那件 根在被里打搅。心上想道，有
这件作祟之物带在身边，终久不妙，不如割去了它，杜绝将来之患。
况且狗肉这件东西是佛家最 忌之物，使它附与身体也不是好事。若
不割去，只当是畜类，算不得是人身，就修到尽头地步，也只好转个
人身，怎能成佛作祖？想到此处，不待天明，就在琉璃
上点下火来，取一把切菜的薄刀。一手 住 物，一手拿起薄刀，恨
命割下。也是他人身将转，畜运将终，割下的时节竟不觉十分 痛。
    从此以後，欲心顿绝，善念益坚。住了半年，还是泛泛修行，不曾
摩顶受戒。到半年以後，聚了一二十僧，都是死心受戒，没有转念的

397
 肉蒲团

人，请孤峰登坛说法。但凡和尚受戒，先要把生平做过的罪犯逐件自
说出来，定了罪案，然后跪在佛前，求大和尚替他忏悔。若有一件不
说出来，就是欺天诳佛，犯了不赦之条，随你苦修一世也成不得正
果。
 
    众僧请孤峰登坛拜毕，以入 之先后定了次第。大家分坐在 旁，
孤峰把受戒的条规说了一番，就叫众僧各陈罪过，不得隐讳。顽石进
最迟坐在末席。一时轮未及他，只听得众僧里面也有杀人放火的，
也有做贼奸 的，皆自己陈告出来。后来轮着一僧，相貌粗笨，坐在
顽石上首，也陈告道：“弟子生平不做恶事，只有卖
身与人为仆、奸了主人之女，连 使女都拐出来，卖与青楼为妓这桩
罪犯。真是死有余辜，求师父忏悔。”孤峰道：“你这罪重大，只怕忏
悔不来。自古道‘万恶 为首’，只消一个 字也就 得紧了，怎么做
出拐事来？又怎么卖 为娼？你这罪恶就有几世不得超升，我便替你
忏悔，只恐菩萨不准，奈何？”和尚道：“禀告师父，这事是 人 我
做，不是我自己要做。只因那妇人的丈夫先奸我妻子，又 我卖与
他，我没有势力，敌他不过，所以 上梁山，做了这事。其情可原，
或者还可以忏悔。”
 
    顽石听了，不觉动心，就问老师兄：“你拐他去卖的妇人叫甚么名
字？是 一家的妻子？那一家的女儿？如今在何处？”和尚道：“他是
未央生之妻，铁扉道人之女，叫做玉香，丫鬟叫做如意，如今在京师
接客。”未央生大惊道：“这等说来，你就是权老实了！”和尚道：“莫
非你就是未央生么？”顽石道：“正是。”
个一齐走下蒲团，各赔个不是，然后对着孤峰共剖原情，各陈罪犯。
孤峰大笑道：“好！ 家也有相会的日子。亏得佛菩萨慈悲，造了这
条阔路，使 个 家行走，一毫不碍。若在 路上相 ，就 交不得

398
 肉蒲团

了。你 个罪犯原是忏悔不得，亏那 位夫人替丈夫还债，使你们的

罪犯轻了许多。不然莫说修行一世，就修行十世也脱不得轮 回，免
不得劫数。我如今替你忏悔，求佛菩萨大舍慈悲看那 个妻子面上，
宽待你们一分。”就叫 人跪在佛前，自己念起经来，替他俩忏悔。
 
    忏悔之後，顽石又问道：“请问师父，奸 之人既有妻子女儿，妻
子还过了债，那怀抱中的幼女，也可以赦得他过，后来不还债
么？”孤峰摇头道：“赦不过，赦不过。奸 的人，除非不生女儿就
罢，若生下女儿就是还债的 子。那里赦得 过。”未央生道：“不
瞒师父说，弟子现有 个债 ，将来定是不赦得了。弟子要
师父回去，用慧剑除了 根，只当生来时节一盆水淹死了，不曾领
起来的一般。”孤峰合掌念一声“阿弥陀佛”道：“如此恶言，不该出于
你口，入于我耳。那里有受过法戒的和尚还想杀人的道理？”顽石
道：“既不可杀，当用何法以处之？”孤峰道：“那 个孩子不是你的
孩儿，是天公见你作恶不过，特送与你还债。古语
说得好‘一善能解百恶’，你只是一心向善，没有转移，或者天公回
心，替你收去，也不可知。何须用甚么慧剑？”顽石点头
道：“是。”遂一心向善奉佛。
 
    又过了半年，正在禅堂与孤峰讲话，忽见有个大汉闯进 来。顽石
一看，见是赛昆仑。先参佛像，然后拜孤峰。顽石对孤峰道：“这人
就是弟子的盟兄，叫做赛昆仑。是当今第一个侠士。”孤峰道：“莫非
就是 豪杰、生平有五不 的人么？”顽石道：“然也。”孤峰
道：“这等，是一尊贼菩萨了。贫僧何人，敢受得菩
萨的拜？”就要跪下答拜。赛昆仑忙 住道：“弟子今日到此，一来为
访故人，二来为参活佛。师父若不受拜，是绝人向善之路，坚人作恶
之心。可见天下人该做暗贼，不该做明贼；该做衣冠之贼，不该做

399
 肉蒲团

之贼了。”孤峰道：“这等说，贫僧不敢回礼了。”赛昆仑又与顽石
行礼，然后分宾主坐下，对孤峰叙了寒温，就立起身，要与顽石到后
面去说话。顽石道：“小弟以前的事都与师父说过，家中有甚么隐情
不妨面讲。”赛昆仑听了，依旧坐下道：“劣兄谋事不忠，不但不可托
妻，亦且不堪寄子。今日相会甚觉无颜。”顽石道：“这等说来，想是
家中的 障有甚么原故了。”赛昆仑道：“你 位令爱，又无疾病，好
好睡在床上，就一齐死了。临死之夜， 个乳母都梦见有人叫唤，说
他家的账目都已算清，用你们不着，跟我回去罢。及至醒来，把孩子
一摸就没用了。这事着实古怪。”顽石听了大喜，就怕自己惧怕女儿
还债，师父教我一心向善，天公自然回心替你收去的话述了一遍。如
今 障消除，乃大幸之事，老兄怎么说起负托的话来。
 
    赛昆仑闻言不觉毛骨竦然。听了一会，又道：“还有一个喜信报
你。那 妇艳芳背你逃走，其实可恨。小弟终日缉访不着。谁想被一
个和尚拐去，藏在地窖中，被我无心看见，替你除了。”孤峰道：“
藏在地窖中可谓 稳的了，你怎么能看见？”赛昆仑道：“那个和尚常
在三 路口惯做谋财害命的事，我打听他有无数银
子藏在地窖中。那一夜去 他，谁想他睡在床上与妇人说话。我就躲
在旁边细听，只见妇人道：‘我当初的原夫叫做权老实，虽然粗笨，
倒是一马一鞍，没有 个妇人分宠。谁想赛昆仑替未央生做事，把我
奸骗上手，强娶过去。他丢了自家妻子终日去走邪路，教我独守空
房。弄到精力衰微，应付不来，又到远处去躲避差徭，不
管家人的死活。这样的薄 男子，我为甚么跟他？’弟子听了，知是
艳芳，不觉大怒，拔出利剑掀起帐子，把 个杀了。然后点起火来，
搜寻财物，约有二千多金都被弟子取来，任意挥霍，济了无数的穷
人。请问师父，这 个男女该杀不该杀？这一注钱财该取不该取？”
 
400
 肉蒲团

    孤峰道：“杀也该杀，取也该取，只是不该是居士杀，不该是居士
取，恐天理王法上还有些说不过去，只怕 二报定有所不免。”赛
昆仑道：“人情痛快即是天理昭张，有何说不去？我做一世贼，不曾
弄出事来，难道为这项银子就犯了王法不成？”孤峰道：“居士不要这
等说，天理王法 件事都是一丝不漏的。没有一个不报，只是迟速之
分。报的速的倒还轻些，报的迟的，忽然发作起来就当不起了。那和
尚既犯了奸 ，那妇人既犯了私奔，天公自然会诛 他，难道少了雷
神霹雳，定要假手于人去杀 他们不成？就作要假手于人，天下人个
个有手，为甚么不去假他，单要借重你一个？难道只有你这手是杀得
人死的不成？大权不可假人，太阿不容旁落，杀人的大事，天公能主
持，使有罪之人依旧被有罪之人所杀，岂有付之不问之理。所以将来
的 报定不能免，或者比杀良善之人不同， 罪略轻些也不可知。居
士这桩事业既然做了一生，料想你的大名是没有一个衙 不知，没有
一个官府不晓得了。你 来的银子虽然济了穷人， 人不信，只说你
藏在家中，少不得有个寻着你的日子。你往常所得的财物若果然藏在
家中，还好送去买命，只怕济穷人的银子一时追不转来，就有性命之
忧了。所以将来的 报定不能免，只怕发作的迟，比初犯罪 略重大
些也不可知。”
 
    赛昆仑平日原是些狼器的人，只因性子不好，人人惧怕他，所以善
言不入于耳。如今听了这番正论，就不觉动了悔过之心，不消强 ，
他竟有个反邪归正的意思。就对孤峰道：“弟子所做的事，原不是正
人君子所为。只因世上有钱的人自家不肯挥霍，所以要去取些出来，
替他做几件好事，只想为人，竟不想着自己。照师父说来，弟子作恶
多端， 二报都是不免的了。但如今从此回头，可还忏悔的去
么？”孤峰指着顽石道：“他之作 比彼还重得多。只因一心向善，就

401
 肉蒲团

感动了天心，把还债的女儿都替他收他回去，这是你亲耳听见的话，
不是贫僧附会出来的。即此一推，忏悔得去忏悔不去就知道了。”
 
    顽石见他有向善之心，不胜之喜，就把自己三年前不受师父教训，
肆意妄行，后来报应句句合着他所言，不可不以小弟为鉴。塞昆仑定
了主意，就拜孤峰为师，削了头发，立志苦修二十年，成了正果。与
孤峰、顽石一同坐化。
 
    可见世上的人皆可作佛，只因被“财、色”二字缚住，不能跳脱迷
津，超登彼岸。是以天堂之上，地广人稀；地狱之中，人稠地窄。上
天大帝，清闻不过；阎罗天子，料理不来。总是 天辟地的圣人多
事，不该生女子、设钱财，把人限到这地步。如今把这 句《四书》
定他罪案，道：
    始作俑者，其为圣人乎？
 
    评曰：
    首处是感激圣人，收场处又埋怨圣人，使圣人欢喜不得，烦恼不
得，真玩世之书也。仍以《四书》二句为圣人解 曰：知我者其为肉
蒲团乎？罪我者其为肉蒲团乎？

402