E M O T I O N A L M A T U R I T Y

Table of Contents

Introduction: What is Emotional Maturity? 1 Characteristics of an emotionally matured person 3

Levels of Emotional Maturity . 5

LEVEL I: Basic Emotional Responsibility . LEVEL II: Emotional Honesty . LEVEL III: Emotional Openness .... LEVEL IV: Emotional Assertiveness . LEVEL V: Emotional Understanding . LEVEL VI: Emotional Detachment .... 5 5 6 6 6 7

Emotional Immaturity .. 8
Signs of Emotional Immaturity .. 9

Comparison between an Emotionally Mature and Immature Individual . 11

An Emotionally mature person .. An Emotionally Immature Person . 11 13

Developing emotional maturity 16 Why Bother About Emotional Maturity . References 19 21

1|Emotional Maturity Introduction: What is Emotional Maturity

Introduction: What is Emotional Maturity?

Emotional maturity is not something that is automatically given to someone when they turn 18. It isnt something that necessarily grows with chronological age, i.e. you dont get more emotionally mature when you get older. Some adults are very emotionally immature; some have never matured emotionally. Emotional maturity is something that we must develop in our lives by knowing how to respond to situations in a mature and responsible manner. The mature person has developed attitudes in relation to himself and his environment which have lifted him above "childishness" in thought and behavior. It is also a requirement for starting and maintaining relationships. It is a prerequisite for long term happiness. It implies controlling your emotions rather than letting your emotions get the better of you. Your emotional maturity depicts your capacity to manage and to check your emotions, to evaluate others emotional state and to persuade their judgment and actions. A persons emotional maturity is very much influenced by his/ her relationship history. Emotional intelligence makes an important part of life, together with intellectual intelligence and relationship intelligence. Such intelligence can help one to assess emotional maturity and emotional freedom. How well do you tackle any relationship, is a major discernible factor to check your level of emotional maturity. Emotionally mature people accept responsibility for their actions. They dont look for excuses for their behavior. There may be reasons or circumstances why emotionally mature people act in an irresponsible way, but they dont waste time making all kinds of excuses. Emotionally mature people dont feel victimized by circumstances or other people. Even when circumstances or events are difficult, they deal with them without resorting to blaming others. It becomes the responsibility of the individual to overcome difficult circumstances that were not really the fault of that person. If many of us fall short of these noble attributes, it is because we grew up in less than ideal circumstances. No one is born mature. Our emotional development is shaped

2|Emotional Maturity Introduction: What is Emotional Maturity

by our parents and life experiences. Mature parents who recognize, validate, love, and accept their children and are fulfilled in their own lives rear mature children. "I think parents who have been able to find and realize their own dreams are the best parents of all, as long as their dream includes understanding and loving their own children," says Stark. A child who successfully struggles with failures, disappointments, and heartaches will develop greater maturity than one who is pampered and indulged. Throughout childhood, there are development tasks to be mastered, like making friends and developing autonomy. By completing most tasks without undue stress, conflict, or difficulty, a child can develop into a mature adult. A high IQ (intelligence quotient), good looks, and robust healthwhile attractive innate qualitiesdon't contribute to emotional maturity. There are many people born with fewer advantages who develop into mature, well-adjusted adults. Emotional maturity is, however, closely related to the popular concept of emotional intelligence, in which people are adept at handling their own and others' feelings.

3|Emotional Maturity Characteristics of an emotionally matured person

Characteristics of an emotionally matured person

Along with this realistic attitude toward life, mature people also possess these healthy character traits:

Ability to know what you want and the capacity to make it happen. Self-control and thinking before you act. Thinking sooner than acting and having control over ones behavior.

Having the sense of self-reliance and the capability to take accountability for ones life and actions.

Having patience. He that has the control over his temper. The ability to sustain intimate relationships and establish positive connections with others. Bonding with others in a supportive and constructive manner.

Actually caring about others and representing their concern. Acting honestly and living by one's principles. Keeping self-control and balance in all things. Having the capacity to tackle difficult and demanding situations. Accepts criticism gratefully, being honestly glad for an opportunity to improve. Does not indulge in self-pity. He has begun to feel the laws of compensation operating in all life.

Does not expect special consideration from anyone. Meets emergencies with poise. A sense of balance and equanimity in dealing with stress

Having perseverance. Feelings that are not easily hurt. Self-reliance and the ability to take responsibility for your life and actions. Accepting the responsibility of his own actions without trying to "alibi."

Outgrown the "all or nothing" stage. He recognizes that no person or situation is wholly good or wholly bad, and he begins to appreciate the Golden Mean.

Being not impatient at reasonable delays. He has learned that he is not the arbiter of the universe and that he must often adjust himself to other people and their convenience.

4|Emotional Maturity Characteristics of an emotionally matured person

Being good loser. He can endure defeat and disappointment without whining or complaining.

Does not worry about things he cannot help. Someone that is not boasting or "showing off" in socially unacceptable ways. Being is honestly glad when others enjoy success or good fortune. He has outgrown envy and jealousy.

Being open-minded enough to listen thoughtfully to the opinions of others. Being not a chronic "fault-finder." Plans things in advance rather than trusting to the inspiration of the moment. Having decisiveness. Being firm and fix with the decisions he made. Someone that has humility and the ability to admit when you're wrong

Last of all, we think in terms of spiritual maturity:

Having faith in a Power greater then himself. Have the feeling of himself as an organic part of mankind as a whole, contributing his part to each group of which he is a member.

Someone that obeys the spiritual essence of the Golden Rule: "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."

5|Emotional Maturity Levels of Emotional Maturity

Levels of Emotional Maturity

LEVEL I: Basic Emotional Responsibility When a person reaches level one of emotional maturity, they realize that they can no longer view their emotional states as the responsibility of external forces such as people, places, things, forces, fate, and spirits. They learn to drop expressions from their speech that show disownership of feelings and a helpless or victim attitude towards their feelings. Expressions such as: "They made me feel . . . , " "It made me feel . . . ," "I made them feel. . . ," and any others that denote external emotional responsibility are first changed into "I" statements as opposed to "You" or blaming statements. They are, for example, changed from, "You make me so mad when you do that," to "I feel mad when you do that because . . . ." People learn at this level to regularly use the following expressions: "When you did . . . , I felt . . . , because . . . ." "When . . . happened, I felt . . . , because . . . ." As time and maturity advance, they begin to use even more accurate statements that inhibit the Blame Game such as: "I chose to feel . . . when I did . . . , because . . . ." "I choose to feel . . . whenever . . . happens, because . . . ." "I chose to feel . . . when he, she, it, did . . . , because . . . ." "I am in the habit of choosing to feel . . . whenever my/your . . . says anything to me, because . . . ." LEVEL II: Emotional Honesty Emotional honesty concerns the willingness of the person to know and own their own feelings. This is a necessary step to self-understanding and acceptance. The issues of resistance to self-discovery are dealt with at this level. They are related solely to the person's conscious and unconscious fears of dealing directly with the critical voices they hear inside. In the past, they have typically lost all interactions with this internal adversary, so their fears are justified. Now, however, they know how to choose to feel so that they can keep from being destroyed, or they can choose not to interact with their accuser at all. The realization of the old maxim, "To thine own self be true," is the primary goal at this level. This means that we are always true to what we feel: we do not hide, stuff, suppress, or repress what we feel, but honestly experience it at this level

6|Emotional Maturity Levels of Emotional Maturity

of maturity. Here, you are at least honest with yourself about how you really feel. As a secondary goal on this level, people learn to locate others with whom they can safely share their real feelings, their real selves. Such work to never again accept self as behavior. LEVEL III: Emotional Openness This level concerns the person's willingness and skills in sharing their feelings in an appropriate manner and at appropriate times. Persons at this level experience and learn the value of ventilating feelings, and also the dangers involved in hiding feelings from self and others. Self-disclosure is the important issue at this level of work. Yet, it will never be as important as the willingness of the person to be open to experiencing all of their feelings as they arise without the critical voices they hear inside trying to change, control, or condemn them. The dangers of suppressing feelings, and the values inherent in exploring and allowing all feelings internal expression are investigated further. At this level, one has the openness, the freedom to experience any emotion without the need, the compulsion to suppress or repress it. LEVEL IV: Emotional Assertiveness The person at this level of work enters a new era of positive self-expression. The primary goal here is to be able to ask for and to receive the nurturing that one needs and wants--first from self and then from others. As a secondary goal, persons should learn how to express any feeling appropriately in any situation, i.e., without aggressive overtones. This person makes time for their feelings--they prize and respect them. Such understand the connection between suppressed feelings, stress, and illness. LEVEL V: Emotional Understanding Persons on this level understand the actual cause and effect process of emotional responsibility and irresponsibility. Self-concepts are known as "the" problem. They realize that it is not possible to have a so-called good self-concept without a complimentary bad self-concept. Such experience firsthand, that because of the nature of knowledge and the formation of self-concepts, that all self-concepts contain their

7|Emotional Maturity Levels of Emotional Maturity

opposites. Knowing that though we may hide one half in darkness (unconsciousness) it is still active in us; they begin to regularly leap beyond the pitfalls of self-concepts, selfimages, and self-constructs. This knowledge of the Unity of Opposites (of self-concepts, of knowledge) is applied to new situations daily. Other understandings at this level include the following: attempts to capture a moment of self can only kill the self as the self is a living process and not knowledge or memory; to reduce self to knowledge is literally to kill it; one either has their self and is alive and experiencing, or one has found their self as knowledge and lost it. Self-concepts are always externally referenced by their very nature, and thus forever the perfect targets and hooks for the Blame Game. (For a description of the Blame Game see The Secret of Maturity.) Knowing that selfconcepts are the only hooks that can be used in the Blame Game, people at this level remember to work on seeing their own self-concepts and finding release from their own. Self-knowledge is used to free the self from self-concepts on this level rather than to form them and imprison the self in them. The main work here is a total shift from identifying with any self-concepts to identifying only with the true self. II Corinthians

10:5 "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalted itself against the knowledge of God, . . ." Matthew 10:39 "He that gain his life shall lose it: . . ." LEVEL VI: Emotional Detachment At this level the person lives without the burden and snare of self-concepts, selfimages, self-constructs, and all group-concepts and thing-concepts. They are only aware of self as process, as a sensing being, as an experiencing being, as a living vessel, as unknowable and untrappable--because it is alive and not static or fixed. They have died to the life of self as self-concepts. True detachment from all self-concepts has occurred. Thus true detachment from others has also occurred, which means that absolute emotional responsibility has been achieved (actually discovered). Not having self-concepts to defend or promote, this person can remain unaffected by the Blame Game, and even experiences unconditional love for their enemies. I Thessalonians 4:4 "That every one of you should know how to posses his vessel in sanctification and honor;"

8|Emotional Maturity Emotional Immaturity

Emotional Immaturity
One of the factors that define adulthood for many is the ability to look at situations and take action based on the facts. Children tend to see a situation and base their choices not on facts, but on how they feel about it. It is often said that many people may have a chronological age that is defined by their birth date, but their emotional maturity does not match their age. Emotional immaturity comes from not taking responsibility for your own feelings. For example, when a friend is late for dinner but is apologetic about the inconvenience, a mature person doesn't take it personal. Instead, the friend accepts the apology and the evening begins a little late. However, when dinner is late with an immature person, the friend will take offense to the tardiness and treat the other party with spitefulness. Instead of taking responsibility for feeling angry, the emotional immature person turns their feelings against the late friend..blaming the friend for their anger. As a result, the night is full of uncomfortable feelings for both the friend and the emotional insecure person. In the end, the friendship is based on resentment and anger. Emotional distress creates havoc and unnecessary drama in relationships. These relationships are controlling and exhausting creating disruption in peaceful living. When we constantly feel the need to defend ourselves in a relationship or when we are constantly walking on "pins and needles," unhealthy emotions develop. These unhealthy emotions then create stress, anxiety and depression..turning us into unhappy individuals. Emotional immaturity begins within our families, develops during our friendships, and becomes a living entity in our dating, marital relationships. When our emotions go unrecognized, we begin feeling like a third person is in the room or a dark cloud is following us.

9|Emotional Maturity Emotional Immaturity

The negativity (i.e., dark cloud) suffocates our ability to live freely and intuitively. Thus, the goal is to clear the negativity and welcome peacefulness back into our lives. In order to develop freedom, you must learn to become an emotionally stable person. It's important to get back to your spirit..the spirit you were BEFORE you took on the burden of emotional garbage. The first step is to recognize whether or not you are being an emotional stable or immature person.

Signs of Emotional Immaturity Here are some of the signs of emotional immaturity: 1. Being moody and depressed too much of the time. 2. Crying, pouting, losing temper and screaming over trivial matters. 3. Being late for appointments or allowing pleasures to get in the way of school assignments or other responsibilities. 4. Staying up too late at night when you should be getting your rest then sleeping in too late for classes or work. 5. Staying in bed and calling in sick when you feel a little tired or down, rather than disciplining yourself and putting your responsibilities first. 6. Getting mad if you aren't the center of attention and the most popular girl around. Or, getting irritated and insolent when you don't get your way. 7. Being demanding of other people and feeling that they should cater to your desires and needs first. 8. Buying on impulse failing to consider the price, or whether you have the resources. 9. Failing to say "NO" to yourself giving in to your desires and wants without restraint disregarding the consequences. 10. Failing to reason out a situation or problem from beginning to end before making a decision acting first and thinking later.

10 | E m o t i o n a l M a t u r i t y Emotional Immaturity

11. Being easily influenced by others, instead of using your mind and making your own decisions. 12. Daydreaming wasting your time in a world of fantasy and make believe instead of thinking constructively. 13. Reacting emotionally and falling apart in an emergency. Failing to collect your wits and act with a clear thinking head after the initial blow has passed. 14. Finding fault with everything and everybody, instead of trying to get along with people. In other words, being generally negative and critical toward life. 15. Using the excuse that since you're a woman and therefore more emotional (especially at certain times of the month), you don't have to keep your emotions in tow. 16. Failing to take the blame or being too stubborn to admit it when you are wrong. 17. Feeling inadequate and easily discouraged particularly when associating with peers who are self-assured, multitalented and successful. 18. Other general manifestations: a) Shyness loner-type b) Fearful of taking new steps c) Impetuous d) Self-indulgent e) Insensitive and inconsiderate f) Whines, complains and cries easily g) Overly concerned with your health h) Moody, changeable, unstable i) Easily offended j) Accusing k) Competitive win or else always have to be first l) Argumentative and intolerant m) Impatient everything must be "now" never later n) Sarcastic and cynical o) Unable to be serious and levelheaded p) Disorganized a) Unable to concentrate b) Irresponsible-and undependable

11 | E m o t i o n a l M a t u r i t y Comparison between an Emotionally Mature and Immature Individual

Comparison between an Emotionally Mature and Immature Individual

An Emotionally mature person

An emotional mature person respects feelings All feelings are respected by the emotional stable person. When she is angry, she is angry. When she is sad, she is sad. As soon as she allows herself to feel, the feeling is released. Emotions do not linger past the moment, which allows movement and flow.

An emotional stable person refrains from holding others hostage with their emotions All feelings are communicated in a healthy manner. He takes full responsibility for all of his feelings and will never hold another person at fault for the way he feels. If he is hurt, he will let the other person know he is hurt. If he is sad, he will let the other person know he is sad..and so on. The key factor is that he will never use his feelings to control someone else. He will not ignore a person when upset nor will he speak bad about the person who has upset him.

An emotional stable person is respectful of another person's emotional needs When someone else is sad, angry or upset in anyway, the emotional stable person will not take it personal. The mature person will not take responsibility for the other party's emotions, but she will listen to their concerns. She realizes that the only control she has is that of her own emotions and behaviors.

12 | E m o t i o n a l M a t u r i t y Comparison between an Emotionally Mature and Immature Individual

An emotional immature person give and receives love and affection Emotionally mature people are able to trust themselves and others enough to be willing to give of themselves and receive genuine love, affection and friendship as well.

An emotional immature person deal with reality While emotionally immature people spend a great deal of time and energy avoiding responsibility and reality, emotionally mature people eagerly face the realities of daily life and deal with them in an up front and ethical manner.

An emotional immature person learn from experience and deal with frustration A part of accepting personal responsibility is the ability to learn from experience. If you have a positive attitude towards others and towards life in general, you are able to accept not always getting your way/frustration as a part of the equation. Emotionally mature people are willing and able to learn from their experiences, both good and bad, problem solve and make adjustments as needed. Emotionally immature people just look for someone to blame and have a tantrum.

An emotional immature person accept constructive criticism constructively An emotionally mature person knows and accepts that they are not perfect and does not get mad that someone else has noticed. Being emotionally mature means accepting and using feedback to help make personal improvements.

An emotional immature person is optimistic and self-confident Emotionally mature people are optimistic about life in general and tend to see the good in themselves and others. This helps them to feel confident in their abilities to get things done and be successful.

13 | E m o t i o n a l M a t u r i t y Comparison between an Emotionally Mature and Immature Individual

An Emotionally Immature Person

An emotional immature person holds onto their unresolved emotions and will use these feelings against others. An emotional immature person has difficulty understanding his emotions. He believes that if he uses his anger against the person who has hurt him, he will punish them for what he believes is a wrong doing. It is his intention to control others with his emotions through the silent treatment or by yelling and blaming.

An emotional immature person will use their emotions as weapons and will have a difficult time controlling these weapons An emotional immature person will use their words and emotions to cause damage. She wants you to feel her pain through name calling, criticism and chaos. She is always on guard and ready to attack at any moment.

An emotional immature person has difficulty forgiving and likes to hold grudges. When an emotional immature person is reminded of past hurts, he will bring them up again and again. The goal is to make the other party feel miserable. He has a difficult time communicating in a healthy way and is terrified to take responsibility for his feelings. To forgive is a death sentence to the emotional insecure person. This challenges him to put down the weapons and become vulnerable, which is very difficult for the emotionally immature person.

An emotionally immature person displays emotional volatility Emotionally immature people react impatiently. This generally refers to the tendency for your emotions to get out of your control. Actions like temper tantrums - like screaming, yelling, breaking things or hitting others, getting upset extremely easily, having a low frustration level,

responses out of proportion, that is, making a mountain out of a mole hill,

14 | E m o t i o n a l M a t u r i t y Comparison between an Emotionally Mature and Immature Individual

inability to take criticism, rather taking it too personally or taking yourself too seriously, extreme jealousy, unwillingness to forgive, unpredictable fluctuation of moods are indications of emotional volatility.

An emotionally immature lacks Independence: People who have a balance of

independence vs. dependence are both relatively self-reliant and cooperative with other people. An unhealthy dependence has the characteristics such as too reliant on others for things you can do for yourself, needing someone around all the time, not having your, own opinions, or being willing/able to express them, being very easily influenced by others and prejudging other people An emotionally immature seeks constant attention and gratification: Emotionally immature people spend a lot of time and energy looking for attention and gratification from other people. This type of trait is characterized by superficial values, loyalty that lasts only as long as the person views the relationship as useful, needing immediate gratification which may result in financial or personal problems, thoughtless and impulsive behavior An emotional immature person is extreme self-centeredness Self-centered people are often viewed as selfish. Usually, this suggests having low self-esteem, self-centered people can be extremely competitive, make unreasonable demands, are constantly preoccupied with themselves, seek out positive feedback or sympathy relentlessly, and dont tend to accept responsibility for anything. An emotionally immature person steers conversations to ensure he or she is the center of the topic. Immature people also interpret discussions about issues through a "personal filter" that makes the issue about them. They have difficulty separating issues from their ego or personal reactions to the topic.

15 | E m o t i o n a l M a t u r i t y Comparison between an Emotionally Mature and Immature Individual

In summary, the emotionally immature person cant understand the needs and feelings of others, and therefore have a difficult time being a partner or a parent. An emotional immature person makes thinking errors. Many of the behaviors of the emotionally immature come from flaws in their logic. They often misinterpret social cues, jump to conclusions that are not well thought through or get stuck by beliefs about themselves or others that make it difficult for them to see their own error in thought. It's a form of mental stubbornness. An emotionally mature person opens up to others suggestions or reasoning and considers how it might alter how to consider a topic differently. An emotional immature person takes no responsibility for what happens. If a person consistently plays "victim" about events and is unable to reflect on what he or she did to contribute to the result, it's a red light. Accountability is the sign of the opposite: mature people consider what they did - and might have otherwise done - for the result at hand. They also take responsibility for the actions.

16 | E m o t i o n a l M a t u r i t y

Developing emotional maturity

Developing emotional maturity

It is possible to become more emotionally mature and anyone can develop emotional maturity in oneself. Here are some activities that can help and keeping some important points to keep you on track in developing emotional maturity: 1. Do things for others: Look for opportunities to be unselfish, whether its not talking about yourself and instead, asking your partner about their life, and genuinely listening to them. This helps make it easier for you to give and receive genuine love and affection. 2. Expand your social circle: Take an honest look at who you spend time with. Are they personally and professionally successful? Or are they excuse makers who blame others? Seek out people who can bring out the best in you rather than the worst. 3. Play fair: Cooperate with others rather than trying to win all the time. You can practice this with friends by not always having to have your way with where to eat or what movie to see, with your partner the next time you have a disagreement, or at work by asking for others opinions and seeking mutually beneficial solutions to problems. Practice being happy instead of right. 4. Be honest with yourself: None of this will work if you are not willing to take a good look at yourself from the outside. Consider how others see you and face reality. It isnt going to go away so you might as well face it and deal with it constructively. Being honest with yourself will only increase your self-esteem because deep down, you know if you are avoiding reality and it keeps you feeling like a fraud. If you start facing it, it can only get better. 5. Find something bigger and better to focus on: Whether it is something spiritual or a more concrete contribution like helping to clean up a local park or river, getting out and realizing how much beauty there is in the world and being a part of it can help you be a more optimistic person. Being an optimist means looking for and often finding the good in yourself and others. Its there if you are willing and know where to look. (George Bielay)

17 | E m o t i o n a l M a t u r i t y

Developing emotional maturity 6. Work hard to achieve your goals. Life is not a fairy tale where magic wands do wonders. 7. Start accepting your tensions and worries. Dont avoid it just to get momentary relief. Work over your stress and anxiety, and handle them. 8. Start recognizing and expressing your anger. Otherwise, youll become afraid of yourself after a certain point of time. 9. Learn to bear pain and hurt because life is full of uncertainties. You never know what lies in store for you. 10. Face the consequences of the things youve done. Understand your responsibility and learn from your mistakes. 11. Learn to accept your failures and engage yourself in better actions. Keep a positive approach and be helpful to others. 12. Make your own viewpoint from your feelings. Comprehend that the world is really big and one can actually not identify with the things, people etc. In the previous section, we have discussed the characteristics and description of emotional maturity. Although, knowing these things may not be enough to develop emotional maturity. For us to develop emotional maturity is to embody them and the ways to embody them is: (1) Ability to Face Reality Acceptance, we have to stop denying that situations exist and instead move towards assessing the risks of situations and taking actions based on those risks. (2) Ability to Relate Well With Others, This is a big world, and we need to get along with others even those that are different from us or have beliefs that differ from ours. All too often we look at others with a critical eye or let anger and frustrations interfere with our perceptions of others. We must learn to forgive others (and ourselves) and start making amends with people for what we have done wrong in the past. Instead of looking at people with a critical eye, look for the good inside them. Be compassionate, not critical. (3) Willingness to be Honest with Ourselves, We must be willing to do a self-appraisal of who we are and what we want our of life. Chances are that there are areas in your life that could use improvement. Being honest with ourselves can lead us to understand that some things in our life just arent worth worrying about.

18 | E m o t i o n a l M a t u r i t y

Developing emotional maturity At times, Immaturity can also be related to child abuse and emotional incest. Go through the given questions and find out if youre emotionally mature.

Do you deal with sudden change? Do you pay attention to other people's ideas? Do you make out your feelings as they occur? Do you act wisely and mature enough under stress? Do you express your feelings properly? Do you take accountability for your actions and behavior? Do you control intense emotions and impulses?

If your answer is No to any of these questions, it points out part of your life when youre not exactly emotionally mature. Stress, in extreme cases, also makes one to act immaturely. To handle childhood traumas, counseling by a psychiatrist could help.

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Why Bother About Emotional Maturity

Why Bother About Emotional Maturity

A relationship has to be healthy for both parties to be happy. The characteristics for healthy relationships include co-operation, humor, quick conflict resolution, intimacy and caring, honoring, giving and receiving, equality, honesty, assertiveness, healthy boundaries, accommodation of change, community and extended family contact, space for privacy, balance between work and play, stabilizing and energizing qualities. These characteristics are possessed by only the emotionally mature. We all know that a relationship requires a combination of time, energy, identity, attachment, finances, extended family and other social relationships. These investments are assets of the relationship. The more you invest into a relationship the greater your chances of profiting and finding happiness. If you've experienced the ill of losing an asset then you'd understand the cost of risking a relationship breakdown after you've put in your all. Now, if you want to chose the right partner who'd complement you you need to deal with yourself first; start with your own emotional maturity. Being emotionally mature enables you to heal toxic emotional bonds and accept yourself as you are. Self-acceptance lets you express your emotions. If you avoid your emotions you may become overly reserved, dissociated or robot-like. If you on the other hand avoid expressing your emotions when you feel it you may falsify your relationships. Push your partner away from you, undermine your health and delay personal development. There is still yet another danger in expressing your emotions wrongly. When you become emotionally mature you will find your relationship blossoming because in the place of the I want it now' attitude is the capacity to face unpleasantness, frustration, discomfort and defeat without complaint or collapse. Instead of the mindless possessiveness maturity permits you and your partner the freedom to pursue your individual interests and friends without restriction. This allowed level of separateness brings lovers closer together. It acts as a bond not a wedge. Partners get to bring their uniqueness into the relationship. Childish adults detest responsibilities. Maturity is the ability to live up to the responsibilities of a love relationship. It means being dependable; keeping your word; coming through in the clutches and not breaking promises.

20 | E m o t i o n a l M a t u r i t y

Why Bother About Emotional Maturity Maturity, in general, is many things. Maturity in a love relationship is everything! Need I say more? With maturity partners know that by working together, the state of unconditional love will present itself and mature with time in the relationship. They understand that a strong relationship doesn't just happen; that there would be sweet and sour moments yet still being able to enjoy the instant gratification that comes with the romance of the moment while knowing the best is yet to be and being patient while your love grows. One thing I love about mature couples is their knack for side-stepping resentment and focusing on the good. Plus their capacity to accept, forgive and understand each other's differences. Emotional maturity is an essential part of a relationship.

21 | E m o t i o n a l M a t u r i t y References

References
Webiography David B. Bohl, http://www.dumblittleman.com/2008/01/3-ways-to-embodyemotional-maturity.html Retrived on: March 23, 2012 Mr. Rice, http://www.hwarmstrong.org/rice05.pdf Retrived on: March 23, 2012 Keven Evertet Fitz Maurice, http://www.kevinfitzmaurice.com/response_mature_level.htm Hanalei Vierra, http://www.howtokeepher.com/emotional-immaturity.html Retrived on: March 23, 2012 http://www.relationship-with-self.com/emotional-immaturity.html Retrived on: March 23, 2012 Michael Powers, www.michaelppowers.com/path/mature.html Retrived on: March 23, 2012 http://lifestyle.iloveindia.com/lounge/emotional-maturity-949.html Retrived on: March 23, 2012 Elaine Gottlieb http://www.beliefnet.com/healthandhealing/getcontent.aspx?cid=14207 Retrived on: March 23, 2012 http://www.helium.com/items/1505193-signs-of-emotional-immaturity Retrived on: March 23, 2012 Donna Hamlin, http://www.helium.com/items/1505193-signs-of-emotionalimmaturity John on March 7, 2012 http://selfhelpguidesonline.com/03/the-differences-between-emotionalmaturity-and-immaturity/ Retrived on: March 23, 2012 DJ Chuang, http://djchuang.com/2008/what-is-emotional-maturity/ Retrived on: March 23, 2012