Lazy Bees

The Harrison Community has there bees on vacation. It effect the environment by not having enough honey. The bees are lounging pool side getting a tan and eating pizza and donuts and drinking soda. They are staying on vacation for the hole spring. The plants will have to much pollen and all people will be doing is sneezing when they are outside. The people who are allergic to honey will be happy because they will not have honey. I wont be happy because I LOVE honey. The food chain will break down if there is no honey. Go out and buy honey now before we run out!

Reflection: I can see that you are trying to define the topic, there is no honey and people are having allergies because the bees arent working. I can see where you are heading but the attempt doesnt go far enough in detail and the information at times is limited and unclear. Your work drew a picture in my mind but the vocabulary and misused parts of speech may impair others understanding of the story, I suggest that you have a classmate revise your work before turning it in. I can tell you feel strongly about this topic. Several times I was intrigued by your writing and I can see that you are really trying to make connections between your ideas. I suggest you add more detail so that a reader can stay intrigued all throughout the story. As the reader, I also wanted to see a chronologically organized paper. You are almost their! Activity: One of the activities I would use to help student improve his writing skills is Expanding Small Phrases to Bigger Ones. In this activity, students are given the opportunity to enhance small phrases to bigger ones by adding meaning, verbs, and adjectives.