Frasier

Final Draft 8 Demo

written by Anthony Banks

"That's Why They Play the Game"

Final Draft 8 Demo

Final Draft 8 Demo

RTVF 360-CN Scot Abrahamson FINAL DRAFT June 11, 2010

ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. RADIO STUDIO - DAY - DAY /1 (FRASIER, ROZ, KENNY, MAN (V.O.)) FRASIER IS ON THE AIR TAKING HIS LAST CALL OF THE SHOW.

Final Draft 8 Demo

ROZ We have Charlie from Kirkland on line three. FRASIER Hello Charlie, whats on your mind today. MAN Uh, hi there Dr. Crane Im kind of embarrassed to be calling honestly because I know what is wrong but I dont know how to deal with it.

FRASIER Looks like we have time for one more call. Roz who do we have on the line?

Final Draft 8 Demo

FRASIER Dont be embarrassed, if its bothering you enough to solicit advice then it is a legitimate concern. What is it? MAN Well Im really nervous about the Seahawks in the playoffs Doctor. I really think this is our year but I keep having these breathing problems whenever I think about it. I just keep thinking that something bad is going to happen and, and(breathing like hes hyperventilating) Oh Dr. Crane, I dont know if I will make it though the week!

Final Draft 8 Demo

FRASIER SMIRKS AND CUTS ROZ A LOOK WHILE SHAKING HIS HEAD. FRASIER Well Charlie, I can tell you just like I told Alan yesterday and Martha earlier that such negativity and anxiety is uncalled for. I think youll be quite fine. (MORE)

FRASIER - "THAT'S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME" FRASIER (CONT'D) Although I will be honest with you and admit that even my father, who is a lifelong fan has been caught up in the excitement and euphoria that has embraced our fair city as our beloved team tries to win its first ever football championship.

2.

ROZ POINTS TO HER WATCH AND MAKES A CIRCULAR MOTION WITH HER FINGER TELLING FRASIER TO WRAP IT UP AS KENNY ENTERS THE CONTROL ROOM AND STANDS BEHIND HER.

Final Draft 8 Demo

FRASIER (CONTD) So Charlie, you are not alone in your fears but lest we forget that in the end it is just a simple game and to have such anxiety over something you can not control is simply not rational or wise. MAN Sooo, youre saying that Ill be fine unless they lose right? Right? FRASIER (BEAT) Exactly, and thank you for calling. Well thats all the time we have for todays show. Enjoy the rest of your day and good mental health. ROZ And were off. Great show Fras. FRASIER And I hope they have Seahawk straight jackets in your size Charlie.

Final Draft 8 Demo

FRASIER REMOVES HIS HEADPHONES AND CROSSES INTO THE CONTROL BOOTH. FRASIER (CONTD) Why hello Kenny, sorry that you had hear that obvious lack of enthusiasm at the end but I must admit Im a little tired of all this banter about the Seahawks. We seem to get more and more calls everyday and coupled with my fathers daily rants about...

Final Draft 8 Demo

ROZ FAKES A LOUD COUGH AND SUBTLY NODS TOWARD KENNY TO GET FRASIER TO NOTICE THE LOUD SEAHAWK TIE THAT HE IS WEARING.

FRASIER - "THAT'S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME"

3.

FRASIER (CONTD) About how we might lose when everyone in their right mind knows were bound for the Incredible Bowl. KENNY The, the what doc? ROZ He means the Super Bowl. Its like you guys are talking in different languages and I have to translate.

Final Draft 8 Demo

KENNY Oh doc, Im sorry. I heard your show the last couple of days and thought you were really into football. I was going to offer you an opportunity to help the station promote the team. FRASIER Well, I have to be honest Kenny, Im not the expert that I seem to be. ROZ Ha! Oh, Im sorry. Youre trying to be serious arent you? FRASIER (beat) As I was saying. I rarely watch any TV, let alone football. With the exception of Masterpiece Theatre on public television oh course. KENNY You like barbecue shows too? cable access. What channel? I have

Final Draft 8 Demo

FRASIER LOOKS AT ROZ WHO NODS AND TURNS TO KENNY.

Final Draft 8 Demo

KENNY Ohhhh! I love that show! That station is still on at night? FRASIER AND ROZ STARE AT KENNY FOR A BEAT AND THEN FRASIER STARES AT ROZ WHO NODS AT HIM AND TURNS BACK TO KENNY.

ROZ Its the same channel that Dora the Explorer comes on.

FRASIER - "THAT'S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME"

4.

ROZ Whats this offer of yours Kenny? can only take this for so long.

Final Draft 8 Demo

FRASIER Why Kenny, Im touched you and the team would consider me for such a vaulted position. Ive often wished I had more time to serve the public in such a manner. ROZ Fras, I cant believe youre taking this so seriously. Its just a promotional title like the official coffee of Seattle or king or the world! Who would you really help?

KENNY Oh yeah, well since we broadcast the games the team is giving us full access for the playoffs. Matt Hasselbeck himself will be here tomorrow for an interview with Bulldog and I thought you would be interested in becoming the official source of casual psychiatric advice for the team.

Final Draft 8 Demo

KENNY Well, it does come with a press pass and access to the locker room on game days. ROZ Sooo, Fras will we be doing Freudian or Jungian analysis? FADE OUT.

SLUG TITLE CARD READS: MOVING UP THE DEPTH CHART, WHATEVER THAT IS...

Final Draft 8 Demo

FADE IN: INT. MCGINTYS BAR - NIGHT - DAY /1 (FRASIER, MARTIN, NILES, DAPHNE, MAN, ANNOUNCER (O.S.))

FRASIER - "THAT'S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME"

5.

FRASIER ENTERS AND LOOKS AROUND. HE SEES MARTIN SITTING AT A TABLE NEAR THE BAR AND IS SURPRISED TO SEE NILES AND DAPHNE SITTING WITH HIM. HE WALKS OVER TO THE TABLE. MARTIN Well, well. Look whos here too. Hey Fras. Grab a chair from over there and have a seat.

Final Draft 8 Demo

DAPHNE Hey there Doctor Crane! FRASIER I must say that Im a little shocked to find you two here. Dad, I thought you were supposed to be watching a game with Duke. I stopped by to see if you wanted a ride home. MARTIN Well I was but he had to cancel and Niles and Daph were at home and they decided they would come along and get a lesson. A lesson? FRASIER A lesson in what?

NILES Hello Frasier.

Final Draft 8 Demo

DAPHNE American Football! With the Seahawks in the playoffs I want to try and understand it finally. Especially since I have to watch your father spend an entire day yelling at the telly about it. FRASIER LOOKS AT NILES AND NILES GLANCES AT DAPHNE AND SMILES BROADLY AND THEN LOOKS BACK AT FRASIER AGAIN.

Final Draft 8 Demo

NILES It has always intrigued me as well. FRASIER Yes, Im sure it has. I would ask how its going Dad, but I wouldnt want to frustrate you anymore than you already are.

FRASIER - "THAT'S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME"

6.

MARTIN Actually Its going pretty good. I really think theyre getting the hang of it. FRASIER They? Daphne I understand, but you too Niles? I cant believe that..

Final Draft 8 Demo

FRASIER CUTS A LOOK TO MARTIN. FRASIER You said this has been going well? NILES If you would let me finish. It really is a lot like chess only with real people if you could imagine such a thing. Certain people do certain things and get this, many of the players that can move across the board are named after coins! Isnt that quaint!

NILES It is far more interesting and complex than I ever imagined. I remember as a child looking at Dad watch it on television and wondering. Why are all those armored men fighting for that strange brown egg? There must be a hidden treasure inside.

Final Draft 8 Demo

MARTIN CUTS A LOOK BACK AT FRASIER. MARTIN Alright, alright you got me. Its been going okay. Not as bad as you think though. I think having Daphne around to help explain things really has helped.

Final Draft 8 Demo

DAPHNE Its a lot like rugby as well, with more attention on throwing the ball and less courage if you ask me with all these paddings and titfers. MARTIN LOOKS CONFUSED AND NILES NODS YES IN BLIND APPROVAL. FRASIER Oh course it has. Now its crystal clear to me as well.

FRASIER - "THAT'S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME"

7.

DAPHNE Why dont you show Frasier some of what youve learned dear? Yes! NILES Yes I will. See that Frasier?

THE GANG LOOKS AT A COLLEGE GAME ON THE TELEVISION BEHIND THE BAR. A RUNNING BACK IS BREAKING A TACKLE AND MAKES A MOVE AND GOES ON A RUN TO THE ENDZONE FOR A TOUCHDOWN.

Final Draft 8 Demo

ANNOUNCER (O.S.) What a move around Marshall! Hes at the twenty! The ten! Touchdown Oregon State!

NILES THEN TAPS THE BACK OF A MAN SITTING AT THE BAR WATCHING THE GAME. NILES Heck of a jukebox move around that rook like fellow wasnt it. THE MAN CUTS MARTIN A LOOK. MAN LOOKS BACK AT NILES. MARTIN SHAKES HIS HEAD AND THE

Final Draft 8 Demo

NILES (CONTD) His attempt at capture failed like the Siege of Naxos! MAN Close enough half-court. getting it. Youre NILES TURNS BACK TO THE GANG FULL OF CONFIDENCE. NILES See there! I told you I was a natural! Dad, Daphne, and I may just get seasoned tickets next year.

Final Draft 8 Demo

MARTIN Cut him some slack Fras. At least hes trying. Im proud of you son. I just wish I could have gotten you both interested in sports when you two were younger. Like thirty. FRASIER SMARTS AT THE COMMENT FOR A SECOND AND THEN REMEMBERS SOMETHING.

FRASIER Well tell them to take it easy on the salt then.

FRASIER - "THAT'S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME"

8.

FRASIER Well they say that its never too late for some things. Why dont you all take a look at this. FRASIER PULLS OUT HIS PRESS PASS AND PLACES IT ON THE TABLE. DAPHNE What is that Dr. Crane?

Final Draft 8 Demo

Is that? MARTIN Is that what I think it is? FRASIER Why yes it is. NILES I didnt know you were into laminated jewelry. Can you make me paper ring? FRASIER Its a press pass you ninny! Full access to the stadium and locker room on game days. Or should I call it the colosseum for you Perseus?

Final Draft 8 Demo

Wow Fras! did you? MARTIN I cant believe it! How FRASIER Theres more. Youre looking at the official source of casual psychiatric advice for the Seattle Seahawks (looks down for a beat). Matt Hasselbeck himself is coming to the station tomorrow and dad youre welcome to come and meet him. MARTINS MOUTH IS OPEN AND HE RISES FROM HIS SEAT.

Final Draft 8 Demo

THE BAR ERUPTS IN APPLAUSE AND MARTIN TAKES IT IN. GIVES EVERYONE THE IT WAS NOTHING WAVE. FRASIER

MARTIN Did you hear that everybody! Im going to meet Matt Hasselbeck in the flesh tomorrow! My boy Frasier is working for the Seahawks!

FRASIER - "THAT'S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME"

9.

MARTIN (CONTD) Hey you all excuse me for a second I got to go call Duke and the guys and tell them the news. Thanks Fras! I, I still cant believe it! MARTIN EXITS OFF SCREEN TO THE BACK OF THE BAR. DAPHNE That was very sweet of you Dr. Crane. I havent seen him that excited in a while. He barely used his cane on the way back there! NILES Poppycock. You had to steal my thunder didnt you? FRASIER Well, I do what I can. Sorry that your little lesson doesnt match up to almost being a member of the team like me does it? NILES Member of the team? Hardly! I will let you know that I was once the number one play of the evening on ESPTV! DAPHNE Now, now. Settle down you two. Always turning a nice gesture into a donnybrook between the two of you. Let it go. NILES Oh course dear. Youre right and I am glad to see that Dad is so enthralled. Now who is this Matt person that is coming to the station tomorrow anyway?

Final Draft 8 Demo

Final Draft 8 Demo

Final Draft 8 Demo

FRASIER I have no idea. I had to write his name in my hand. AS FRASIER SHOWS HIS HAND TO NILES, DAPHNE LOOKS AT THEM BOTH AND SHAKES HER HEAD. FADE OUT.

FRASIER - "THAT'S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME"

10.

FADE IN. INT. RADIO STUDIO - DAY - DAY /2 (FRASIER, ROZ, MARTIN, BULLDOG, MATT) FRASIER IS ON AIR DOING HIS RADIO SHOW WITH MATT HASSELBECK SITTING BESIDE HIM. MARTIN COMES TO THE DOOR OF THE CONTROL ROOM AND ROZ WAVES HIM AND PUTS UP THREE FINGERS TO DENOTE THE TIME LEFT IN SHOW. SHE HITS A BUTTON AND CUTS THE SOUND FROM THE BOOTH.

Final Draft 8 Demo

ROZ Hey Marty. Hes in there with Matt now on the last call and Bulldog should be back any second to take you guys to the meeting room. Everybodys in there waiting to take pictures with Matt. You look so excited. MARTIN Yeah I cant hide it. This is great. Fras really came through this time. ROZ Hold on one sec.

ROZ HITS THE SAME BUTTON AND THE AUDIO FROM THE BOOTH IS AGAIN AUDIBLE. FRASIER And in closing I want to again thank our special guest Matt Hasselbeck for sitting in on our show today. MATT Not a problem Dr. Crane. Like I said before Im a fan. I had to be here for Sports Central anyway so it was nothing to stick around. Sitting in with you has been a pleasure. And please call me Matt. FRASIER IS SOMEWHAT SURPRISED AND PLEASED. HE SEES MARTIN THROUGH THE BOOTH WINDOW AND MARTIN SMILES AND GIVES HIM THE THUMBS UP. FRASIER Well you can call me Frasier. thanks again listeners and.. So

Final Draft 8 Demo

Final Draft 8 Demo

MATT Doc, if you dont mind. Do you think I could ask your advice on something before we go?

FRASIER - "THAT'S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME"

11.

FRASIER Of course Matt. Go ahead, Im listening (laughing). MATT Do you have kids doc, I mean Frasier? FRASIER Yes. I have a son that lives in Boston with my ex-wife. So unfortunately, I dont see him very often.

Final Draft 8 Demo

MATT Really? Well, I have two daughters, a son, and a wife that dont see much of me because of my career too. And well... FRASIER Please, go ahead. MATT You know my youngest daughter wrote a song for me and performed it at her Christmas pageant. Shes performing it again for a talent contest this week. FRASIER Thats wonderful! So what is the problem? MATT Shes so mad at me for missing the pageant she wont play it for me the rare times Im at home. My wife even said she cried herself to sleep about it the other night.(beat) It really isnt fair to her you know? ROZ TAPS THE GLASS TO GET THEIR ATTENTION AND MAKES THE WRAP IT UP SIGN WITH HER FINGER. FRASIER I have missed so much of Fredricks life and there isnt a day that I dont regret it. My father was away at work often as a child and when he was home, well. (MORE)

Final Draft 8 Demo

Final Draft 8 Demo

FRASIER - "THAT'S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME" FRASIER (CONT'D) (BEAT) In any case Matt, sometimes we forget what the real priorities are in life not those dictated by our own egos and selfish goals. I always say family first and foremost and I only wish I could live up to that standard myself. I hope that helps in some way.

12.

MARTIN SEEMS TO TAKE THE COMMENTS TO HEART FOR A BEAT.

Final Draft 8 Demo

It does. MATT Thank you. Thanks a lot. FRASIER Well thats all the time we have today and I wish you all a good day and good mental health. ROZ Thats it Fras. Great show guys.

FRASIER AND MATT ENTER FROM THE BOOTH INTO THE CONTROL ROOM. FRASIER Thank you Roz. Matt this is my producer Roz Doyle and my father Martin Crane.

Final Draft 8 Demo

MARTIN (GUSHING) Pleasure to meet you Mr. Hasselbeck. Ive been a fan of yours since Boston College. I even was fond of your father back in the day. I remember how happy I was when you came from Green Bay. MARTIN SHAKES MATTS HAND AND FRASIER GLOWS IN THE BACKGROUND. MATT Thank you sir the pleasures all mine. And please call me Matt. MARTIN Would you mind if I get your autograph with the picture? Well a couple actually. For some of my buddies on the force. MATT No, not at all. Your son has been a real help to me. Its the least I can do. (MORE)

Final Draft 8 Demo

FRASIER - "THAT'S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME" MATT (CONT'D) Roz, your last name is Doyle right? Boy that name sounds familiar from my Packer days. Have you ever been to Green Bay, Wisconsin?

13.

ROZ Wisconsin uh, no. FRASIER But Roz youre from Wiscon... SHHH! Matt.

Final Draft 8 Demo

ROZ I have heard its quite nice BULLDOG ENTERS CARRYING A SEAHAWKS JERSEY. BULLDOG Hey I got it Matt. Marty! Just in time for the pictures. Take a look at this. They made it for Frasier. BULLDOG HOLDS UP THE JERSEY AND IT HAS CRANE ON THE BACK WITH THE NUMBER 1.

Final Draft 8 Demo

FRASIER Its for you dad. I thought you would appreciate it. Really! MARTIN Are you sure son?

MARTIN Wow, son. This is nice. I never thought I would see the Crane name on a Seahawk jersey.

FRASIER Oh yes. (feeling the material with his fingers and cringing) Trust me quite sure.

Final Draft 8 Demo

ROZ Well guys Im going to head to the meeting room. You guys coming? Matt? BULLDOG DEFENSIVELY STEPS BETWEEN MATT AND ROZ. BULLDOG Back up Roz! The man is married okay! Excuse her Matt, shes always trying to make me jealous. You know the type.

FRASIER - "THAT'S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME"

14.

ROZ You dont even know the species, let alone the type. Anyway, Ill see you guys there. ROZ EXITS OUT THE DOOR AND OFF SCREEN BULLDOG Im right behind you! Come with me Matt, Ill show were its at. Wait up Roz! You guys coming? MARTIN In one second Bulldog. Matt. See you there

Final Draft 8 Demo

BULLDOG AND MATT EXIT OUT THE DOOR AND OFF SCREEN. MARTIN (CONTD) Fras, this is one of the best days of my life. My son, working with the Seahawks who would have known. FRASIER Not a problem Dad. Just making lost time. Now, lets not keep everyone waiting. Youve got a jersey to show off and pictures take. Clear the way! Seahawks through! up for new to coming

Final Draft 8 Demo

MARTIN AND FRASIER SMILE AND EXIT OUT THE DOOR AND OFF SCREEN.

FADE OUT.

Final Draft 8 Demo

END OF ACT ONE