THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON

The Psychosocial Personality/Identity Re-Development of Pema Chodron, American Buddhist Nun Bethany J. Royer Florida Institute of Technology

THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON Abstract

Deidre Blomfield-Brown, better known as Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun, was brought to her faith following the failure of two marriages. The subsequent reinvention of her life and how she became not only a well-respected Buddhist led to prolific authorship, a popularly sought speaker known for her, Warmth, wisdom, and humor, her downright realness, (Lindsay, 2008) and the becoming of an extraordinary insightful individual. She developed the uncanny ability to not so much transform pain but lean into it, in following with Buddhist tradition. A change in her lifes path was led by such teachers as Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, a Buddhist meditation practitioner and founder of Shambhala (unconditional love), as well as, pain and failure. However, though Chodron would become the first American to undergo Bhikshuni ordination (full ordination to become a nun), many enviable questions remain. Was this new path one of retribution or an act of avoidance (Giving up) after two failed marriages? Did she follow a healthy psychosocial stage of development or re-development of personality/identity according to theorist Erik Eriksons Epigenetic chart (Psychosocial development)? Did culture and gender play a key part in her early choice of employment and continued marriage attempts? And finally, has she reached, at the current age of 76, stages of Gerotranscendence or Stagnation? Gleaning what little information is available on her early years and using her written works, lectures, and numerous transcribed interviews we will piece together Chodrons personality to unravel whether she has reached a healthy stage of development or has managed to avoid key sides of development according to Erikson.

THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON

The Psychosocial Personality/Identity Re-Development of Pema Chodron, American Buddhist Nun The story of twice-married and twice-divorced American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron is one of transformation. How she turned a set of devastating negatives into positives, an annihilation of one personality/identity into a new, and would later become a symbol for thousands of other individuals who would go on to hear the transitional story. Thus using it as a guide for their own path-shaken lives, with the inevitable question of whether or not such a leader chose a healthy path or one of avoidance. It all begins with a rock that is thrown at an unfaithful spouse, an action that would proceed to change the throwers life in ways she never would have imagined, at a time when she was otherwise little known as Deidre Bomfield-Brown. Had there been the opportunity, theorist Erik Homberger Erikson would have more than likely acknowledged that Deidre Bomfield-Brown was a healthy, well-established individual, having met all the early stages of his psychosocial development successfully before the subsequent rock throwing. His Epigenetic chart of stages from infancy to old age would have placed a mid-30 Bomfield-Brown at intimacy vs. isolation and generativity vs. stagnation, as we shall soon further discuss. Born in 1936 in New York City, young Deidre said she had a, Pleasant childhood with her Catholic family. (Miller, 2011) As the youngest of three she had the fortune of attending very prestigious schools: Miss Porter's School in Connecticut and the Sarah Lawrence College.

THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON This information from her early life is a mere glimpse into her formative years but

suggests that Bomfield-Brown had a solid, safe and well-rounded upbringing. When taking into consideration of the time period, her subsequent choices and lifestyle would fall well within societys expected roles for women. Being that she married and subsequently had two children, a boy and a girl. The young family moving from the east coast to the west, California, where the mother of two would go on to obtain a masters in education from the University of California at Berkeley and became an elementary school teacher. ("Oprah Winfrey talks," 2008) Again, the well-respected roles of mother and teacher would be more than acceptable, if not expected, for a woman of her time in the United States. It was entirely conventional, and would have well passed Eriksons psychosocial stages of trust versus mistrust during infancy, autonomy in early childhood, initiative in the play stages of life, industry in the school years and having established an identity as an adolescent and going on to a successful intimacy versus isolation as a young adult. (Cloninger, 2008) Save for an interruption of what appears to have been a solid foundation when her path is given its first notable bump with the dissolution of her first marriage from the father of her children. Blomfield-Brown manages to successfully follow this with a reestablishment of her identity as a spouse with a second marriage to a writer that would take her and her two children away from California to New Mexico. What little is shared about either marriages could perhaps be summed up not only in the failure of both but by the seemingly insignificant but eventual transformation moment with a rock.

THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON Blomfield-Browns second husband comes home one day with the announcement hes having an affair and wants a divorce. Shocked by the revelation, feeling the ground swept out from beneath her feet, Blomfield-Brown leans over, picks up a rock, and throws it at him. I dont know why it devastated me so much but it was really a kind of annihilation. It was the beginning of my spiritual path, said Chodron (Walker, 2011) of a moment that has never been entirely or systematically dissected. While still identifying herself as one Deidre Bromfield-Brown during her second divorce, it is an identity obviously in crisis. At the time she should had been firmly planted in Eriksons generativity stage, one that would have her guiding younger generations, both through her children and that of her students as an elementary school teacher. Given that she had long

since established, on two separate occasions the role of a spouse, the stage of intimacy had been met. Though that was now suffering an interruption. It is here, in the second and seventh stages of psychosocial developments that Blomfield-Brown suffers and struggles. Had she been under the care of Erikson, he would have perhaps put her back to the stage of identity confusion in adolescence. Perhaps he would have even diagnosed an identity crisis well before her first marriage, before having children, that her identity had not been sufficiently established in her teen years as one would have anticipated for someone who was otherwise quite successful in life up until the point of having thrown a rock. Or even for her saying she had a pleasant childhood. A second divorce in the 1970s had to be a blow when society was still expecting women to hold but few roles, typically that of wife, mother and perhaps teacher. Even in the mid-1960s the media, specifically that of television still framed womens lives in that

THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON of home and family. (O, 2009) Yet, Blomfield-Brown had failed not once but twice at

what society expected of her. The fact she lamented over going through a deep depression, unlike anything she had experienced before, is warranted. Nothing has been written as to the details behind the ending of her second marriage, whether there were any fights over property, attempts at counseling, and the affects of two divorces on her children. Blomfield-Brown does share a wealth of information on her moments of groundlessness, after the fact. She gives more than a window peek into her lost identity as she reflects on the, Utter groundlessness of sorrow, and all the protective shields I had managed to keep in place fell to pieces. (Chondra, 2010) A statement that is enlightening in terms of how she had been building walls of supposed security through the identity of wife and then, well out of her control, having it completely destroyed. However, in this moment of her walls being systematically torn down, her identity practically annihilated, Bomfield-Brown references how close she felt to others in the world who were likewise suffering. How she felt tenderness towards those who were in agonizing pain, whether physically or mentally, and uses the horrors (In a later lecture) of September 11, 2001, as an example of the aftermath to disaster and the need to reach out to others. (Lattin, 2001) This softness may have been the first sign of reestablishing an identity and a reemergence of intimacy versus isolation. Bomfield-Brown could have, after two failed marriages, become isolated, withdrawn, bitter and angry. Instead, she took an initiative rather than guilt or shame. (Cloninger, 2008) She moves on from her failed second marriage to re-establish her identity in an entirely unique and much unexpected manner. When she could have gone and possibly re-identified herself as a wife by seeking a third marriage.

THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON Instead, in an attempt to cope with her pain and loss, Blomfield-Brown begins by

seeking counseling and spiritual traditions. What types of therapy, how many, what type of spiritual traditions is not mentioned though we can assume as a Catholic she attempted through her church to find solace. That she may have visited therapists in her area, perhaps group therapy and the like, but again, this is not something that has been thoroughly divulged by our protagonist. Theres the possibility that some of the reasons Bomfield-Brown could not find adequate help in these traditional avenues is that she may have sought this type of counseling before, after the loss of her first marriage, and was afraid to repeat prior ventures. Perhaps Bomfield-Brown sought these traditions because she had not after the first marriage. Rather than seeking help after the first divorce she simply remarried as the solution. However, it is obvious from her statements that nothing was working this second time to alleviate the pain and depression. The information may have been bad, that she was told to get back on the horse (to go out and date) that directions, suggestions, and the like on soothing her grief were ones she had attempted before without any luck. That she was afraid to repeat her mistakes and thus the desperate need for something new. The latter seems more the theory because of the notable change in her personality, her lamentation of feeling for others during this striking time of emotions. Under such trials, many would have become self-absorbed and unable to empathize with others. A future statement from Bomfield-Brown would shine a clearer light as to why she decided,

THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON whether consciously or unconsciously, not to purse the usual route, which was to find another life partner.

In her continued journey to find peace, to find something different, another answer, Blomfield-Brown happens upon a magazine article by renowned Tibetan Buddhist meditation teacher Trungpa Rinpoche titled Working with Negativity that was an excerpt from his book, The Myth of Freedom and the Way of Meditation. This excerpt speaks of negativity not being bad or something to avoid, rather that it is something one can learn from as opposed to running away. (Trungpa, 1976) It was at this reading when BlomfieldBrown realized she was trying to run away from her pain, trying to bury it somehow, rather than accept it, face it, learn from it and specifically, lean into it. Whether she compared her second marriage as running away, burying her first failed marriage is never suggested. As Blomfield-Brown would go on to state in a future publication, One flash of anger can destroy years of ethical conduct and virtuous actions. That even when we apologize, it takes a long time to rebuild trust, so even a flash of anger has long-term consequences. (Chodron, 2005) She made this statement out of the fear, not only for the deep depression she was under or the groundlessness she so often speaks of, but the anger she felt towards her ex-husband. Undoubtedly, realizing the detriment this anger had on her own well-being, that of her children and the affects it would have on them all if she did not find an answer. An answer that would include integrity, as Bomfield-Brown more than likely suffered with generative issues. Unable to lead anyone, whether a room full of students, her children, least of all herself, though had enough wits about her to realize the importance of coming back to that point, she simply did not have the resources that fit her needs.

THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON At least, not yet, and it would have been interesting to have Erikson use his Epigenetic chart to see the fluctuations of her personality at this time. That she was struggling with identity, had lost her generative status, and was teetering on stagnation, isolation, all under potential avoidance of pain. While the reading of the Buddhist excerpt was enlightening it would not be until a fateful meeting with Tibetan Buddhist teacher Lama Chime Rinpoche that BlomfieldBrowns new path would begin to fall into place. Seemingly as quickly as she had remarried after the first divorce, she begins to divide her time between England and the

United States to study Buddhism and from here we can only speculate she quit her teaching job. Likewise, what became of her children is unclear. This decision leaves some concern on her personality potentially taking on an unconscious avoidance or self-absorption, so wrapped in this new education that her most important role of mother has been eliminated. When speaking with Bill Moyers on Faith and Reason, Chodron explains how within two years of not actually looking for a Buddhist teacher but finding one anyway, she became a nun. When I look back, it was premature. My children were young teenagers and it would have been better to have waited until they were older, Chodron said. (Moyers, 2006) Asked if she felt any guilt, Chodron acknowledges and again stresses the timing could have been better but never elaborates, theres no specificity on whether her children were, for lack of a better word, abandoned on her journey to becoming a Buddhist nun. In failing to explain further, Chodron could be placed within stagnation and isolation in the Epigenetic center of Eriksons personality development. Not only in the

THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY 10 RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON case of what happened to her children during her transformation to becoming a nun but her decision to not remarry or seek any romantic relationship. Did becoming a nun make it easier to avoid intimacy in a manner relevant to Western expectation? And in avoiding this type of intimacy, did her children suffer under an umbrella affect of avoidance? After all, Chodron has transformed everything that had once been an ideal. Whether that ideal was based on societys terms, her terms, or a combination of both is never elaborated on. Its hard to determine without Chodron coming directly out and saying that somewhere in the early stages of her adult life she had been following an expected path. Just as theres no acknowledgement from her children on how they felt during this transitional time. By 1981, Blomfield-Brown had established her new identity as that of Pema Chodron, the first American to undergo Bhikshuni ordination, a fully ordained Buddhist nun. Her daughter was 16 years old and her son almost 13 when, as the only Westerner and only English speaker with three other women (In their 60s while Brown was in her 30s) and two men, took vows at Miu Fat Monastery in Hong Kong. (Franklin, 1984) As a new identity is established, Chodron moves on to re-establish her intimacy and generativity stages. Again, the former is not quite in the Western sense on the view of intimacy with a lover but rather on friendship, and she does so quite successfully after a formidable crisis. Chodron also refrains from what Erikson would have seen as self-absorption through the development of social ties with the Buddhist community and outsiders, ties and friendships that likewise do not destroy her new found identity. (Cloninger, 2008) Also,

THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY 11 RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON she goes on to help Trungpa Rinpoche establish the Gampo Abbey in Nova Scotia, Canada. The first Tibetan Monastery for Westerners. In a further testament to a healthy re-establishment (If we overlook intimacy in a lover type of relationship and speculation on her children) of a new identity and re-securing her generative and intimacy stages she pens her first book, The Wisdom of No Escape. A book that takes readers and those struggling with identity crisiss of their own on a path to embracing the good with the bad, using her multi-devastating experiences with pain to lead others through theirs. Once again establishing her position as a teacher, as well as intimacy as opposed to what many would construe as being in isolation since she is now a nun. Interestingly, she established her identity in a role that typically has more authority and respect for a man than a woman. This would almost seem as a regression back into the role of wife, as one of her vows into the monastery requests her being submissive to monks, regardless if they are of lower status. However, her personality inside this new identity must have radiated a leadership role as she was told boldly to make it her own. In short, she was given an opportunity that she may not have been given to her as a child, adolescent or young adult, or wife. She was told to buck not so much societal pressures to subservient but even pressures to concede within the Buddhist community. Surely that must have raised a new consciousness in Chodron after having come from the more traditional, Western expected roles of wife, mother, and teacher. Thus eradicating the former pressures placed upon her in the younger years that may have played an enormous part in terms of her inability to succeed at marriage. That her new identity, while could be construed as subservient again, was now one of leadership in ways she was never permitted before.

THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY 12 RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON Looking at it in this perspective, one has to wonder if Chodrons identity had not been in crisis for quite some time, that she had always been looking for such a leadership role, and may have discovered her current status earlier had she not been distracted with outside expectations of being a wife and mother. Whatever the case may have been in the before, the after has proven tremendously successful when looking at the number of publications and popular, much-sought speaking engagements. Chodron has published almost a dozen books dealing with what has been likened to earthy, insightful teachings. (Lindsay, 2008) Shes released almost as many audio tapes, and has spoken with the likes of Bill Moyers, Oprah Winfrey, and author/activist Alice Walker. Her retreats are overflowing. This is an achievement that may never have enfolded if Deidre Blomfield-Brown had not been transformed into one Pema Chodron. Yet, it is a transformation that may have never happened if not for the pain suffered by Blomfield-Brown. Its a circular pattern, one with an identity crisis that is striking with its subsequent renewal that showcases how a personality is constantly under assault and transitional. Chodrons honesty towards that which makes us human is what makes her so popular, that we are all connected not by perfection but by our flaws. (Walker, 2011) It is these very flaws that Chodron speaks of so readily, expressing no regrets when looking back at her earlier years. At 76 years of age she is in Eriksons Stage 8 of integrity versus despair, and has spoken of forgiveness towards her former spouse. That his leaving was the best thing to ever happen. (Moyers, 2006) That there is nothing wrong or negative about forgiveness, no matter how large the transgression, a lesson shes

THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY 13 RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON undoubtedly learned the hard way through two failed marriages. Lessons that taught her how to embrace bitterness, rather than running or trying to entertain it (Walker, 2011) and to find compassion, empathy, and understanding towards her own pain and suffering.. In a turnabout, what would her life look like now had she not learned to deal directly with the pain? One can assume that this healthy approach to looking back, being able to forgive, and move on, also the expression that should she die today, that she feels satisfied with life, would prove that Chodron has succeeded in all psychosocial stages of development. As she also concedes that there is no perfection, there will always be pain and that one should have an insatiable appetite, eagerness and curiosity for what is going to happen next in life. An attitude that flies in the face of despair, an unwillingness to accept what has transpired in the past and no fear over impending death. As Chodron moves into the final stage of psychosocial development, Stage nine: dystonic resurgence or gerotranscendence, she should prove to be successful. Her health has already been in decline for quite some time due to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome but has not impeded her entirely so once again she has met a challenge with grace, humility and continued optimism. She has also lamented that she does not believe shell go out kicking and screaming when the end comes. Rather, she sees her passing in relative peace, thus showing a cosmic rather than materialistic value towards the end of her life. (Cloninger, 2008) While some questions may remain on whether Chodron avoided some elements of life, intimacy with a lover, the role of mother with her teenage children, for her part, she has proven successful across all of Eriksons developmental stages.

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Discussion Former Deidre Blomfield-Brown now Buddhist nun Pema Chodrons personality and psychosocial development showcases the astute manner in which societal pressures can lead one down an unconsciously undesired path. Though little material is available in regards to her earlier feelings we can surmise from Chodrons current labor of love that personality stages and identity development are not necessarily written in stone. They can fluctuate at any particular point, sometimes under our control and other times outside of it. Such as when a spouse requests a divorce or societal expectations of identifying oneself solely as that of wife and/or mother according to gender, are two such examples. Chodron could have perpetuated her expected path by attempting a third marriage (Its success can only be merited by glum statistics that subsequent marriages after divorce have high failure rates). Instead, she chose to take what appears to be her greatest strength that of Erik Eriksons Generativity stage of psychosocial development. She used it to not only improve her own life circumstances, finding peace, contentment and learning to deal with pain as opposed to running, avoiding, or drowning it, but showing others how to do likewise. Whether through her numerous lectures, writings and books, she has managed to assist many others who find their lives at a pivotal juncture. Though we cannot fully concede a healthy balance in terms of Chodrons elimination of a former life, that includes her children who were in their teen years when she became a fully ordained nun and how they were handled in the aftermath. We could surmise that her redeveloped/reestablished identity would have had a positive affect on

THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY 15 RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON them. And that her ability to buck societal expectations according to her gender to find her contentment in life has contributed to her being a positive role model to many. As time goes on we hope that 76 year old Chodron will perhaps enlighten us to those more formative years in the context of an autobiography. Or that someone will take the bull by the horns and write proficiently of those early years to see if her path was one chosen or pressured and look deeper into how she transformed searing negatives into glowing positives. It would be interesting to see a bigger picture on her transformation in relation to Eriksons Epigenetic chart.

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References Chodron, P. (2005). No time to lose: A timely guide to the way of the bodhisattva. Boston: Shambhala Publications, Inc.

Chodron, P. (2010). Taking the leap: Freeing ourselves from old habits and fears. (p. 76). Boston, MA: Shambhala Publications, Inc.

Cloninger, S. (2008). Theories of personality: understanding persons. (Fifth ed., pp. 122148). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson.

Franklin, J. L. (1984, February 22). Journey to a new country: In Vermont center, Buddhist nun teachers the pain and inspiration of meditation. Boston Globe, p. 1.

Lattin, D. (2001, October 14). Buddhist teachers with Berkeley ties counsel pacifism. San Francisco Chronicle, p. B5. Retrieved from http://go.galegroup.com.portal.lib.fit.edu

Lindsay, L. (2008, January). Introduction (a Pema Chodron Primer) Shambhala Sun Magazine, pp. 3-4. Retrieved from http://pemachodronfoundation.org/wpcontent/uploads/2011/01/pemachodronprimer-shambhalasun.pdf

THE PSYCHOSOCIAL PERSONALITY/IDENTITY 17 RE-DEVELOPMENT OF PEMA CHODRON Miller, A. (2011, January). A Pema Chodron Primer. Shambhala Sun Magazine, pp. 5-7. Retrieved from http://pemachodronfoundation.org/wpcontent/uploads/2011/01/pemachodronprimer-shambhalasun.pdf

Moyers, B. (2006, August 4). Interview by B. Moyers [Web Based Recording]. Bill Moyers on Faith and Reason, Retrieved from http://www.pbs.org/moyers/faithandreason/print/faithandreason107_print.html

O, J. (2009). Encyclopedia of Gender and Society. (Vol. 2). Singapore: Sage Publications, Inc.

Oprah Winfrey talks to Pema Chodron. (2008, February). Oprah Magazine, Retrieved from http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Oprah-Winfrey-Talks-to-Pema-Chodron

Trungpa, C. (1976). The Myth of Freedom and the Way of Meditation. Boston: Shambhala Publications, Inc.

Walker, A. (2011, January). In Conversation: Pema Chodron and Alice Walker. Shambhala Sun Magazine, 13-16. Retrieved from http://pemachodronfoundation.org/wpcontent/uploads/2011/01/pemachodronprimer-shambhalasun.pdf