Académique Documents
Professionnel Documents
Culture Documents
online.ku.edu/udk
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KANSAN.COM / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / TueSdAy, April 26, 2011 / NEWS / 3A
This tactic is one example
of the mass mobilization that
4Chan makes available to anyone
with an internet connection and
a bone to pick.
The Kansan removed the poll
and posted it again. On March
29, Allen Fieldhouse held 85
percent of the electorate with 60
votes.
On April 12, Becker contacted
The Kansan
by email to
take credit for
the incident.
I would
very much
like to see
the actual
poll results
published,
he wrote. Because they demon-
strate the failure of a democratic
system and also show that not
every student at the University of
Kansas cares about basketball.
In an interview, Becker said
he found the prank very funny
and explained that he had been,
at least in part, inspired by
Anonymous. Becker said that he
had previously been skeptical of
the power of social media, but
that Anonymous had shown him
one way an individual can make
a difference.
Its amazing how many people
will do anything at any given sec-
ond, he said.
On Monday, Playstations
online gaming remained out of
service and a Sony press release
did not offer details of the outage.
Anonymous denied responsibil-
ity for the failure in an online
statement titled For Once, We
Didnt Do It.
Anonyomous, which takes its
name from the standard alias
provided to 4Chan users, is well-
known for its attacks on entities
such as major banks, credit card
companies and Scientology.
The FAQ page on the message
board offers some definition for
the group.
Anonymous is not a single
person, but rather, represents
the collective whole of 4Chan,
according to the site. He is...
harder than the hardest metal
known to man: diamond.
Edited by Danielle Packer
homicide cases.
In both situations, youre dealing
with victims that cant speak, Prasad
said.
The logistics of busting a dogfight-
ing ring are complicated, requiring a
large number of officers and multiple
agencies, Prasad said. Authorities
have to be prepared to arrest dozens
of people who may be watching a
fight and must coordinate care for
the animals that are being used in
the fight.
You never know how many
people are going to be at a dogfight,
Prasad said.
Once arrests are made, pros-
ecutors must decide how to charge
suspects. Often charges related to
dogfighting, such as gambling or
possession of a gun while commit-
ting a felony, can result in more
prison time than the crime of dog-
fighting itself.
Edited by Jacque Weber
animals (continued from 1a)
Jerry Wang/Kansan
A prosecutors clinic for animal cruelty will open in the fall. KU lawstudents will be trained by
prosecutors to handle animal cruelty cases.
mischief (continued from 1a)
Becker
Becker used 4Chan to mobilize people to vote in an online poll on Kansan.com
TRY KANSAN
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Two 2,000 sq. ft. 3 BR apts. above Jay-
hawk Bookstore avail. June 1st. $1,250-
/mo. each apt. with 3 parking spaces.
Call 785-331-5463.
PLAY SPORTS! HAVE FUN! SAVE
MONEY! Maine camp needs fun loving
counselors to teach all land, adventure
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US Geological Suvery Organic
Chemistry Research Lab Seeks
Undergrad Assistant
The Kansas Water Science Center
Organic Geochemistry Research
Laboratory (OGRL) is seeking a part
time undergraduate student assistant.
Starting pay is $10.95 per hour. For full
job description, go to
www.KUCareerhawk.com
To apply for this position please send
resume with a minimum of 3 references
and copy of current ARTS form to
juliec@usgs.gov. To be considered for
this position applications are to be
received by 4/29/11.
Assitant wanted to research publishers
and agents for publication of a book.
785-830-9098
AAAC TUTORING SERVICES IS HIR-
ING TUTORS FOR THE FALL 2011
SEMESTER. Tutors must have excellent
communication skills and have received
a B or better in the courses that they
wish to tutor (or in higher-level courses
in the same discipline). If you meet
these qualifcations, go to www.tutoring.-
ku.edu or call (785) 864-4064 for details.
Two references required.
Call 864-4064. EO/AA
BARTENDING. UP TO $300/DAY. NO
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Camp Raintree, Lawrence, Kan. is
looking for experienced, mature camp
counselors to work full-time in our sum-
mer day camp. Applicants must have
had comparable experience in a camp
environment working with children ages
6-12. Call 843-6800.
Camp Counselors, male/female, needed
for great overnight camps in the
mountains of PA. Have a fun summer
while working with children in the
outdoors. Teach/assist with A&C, me-
dia, music, outdoor rec, tennis,aquatics
and much more. Offce, Nanny, &
Kitchen positions also available. Apply
on-line at www.pineforestcamp.com.
Christian Daycare needs summer help
F/T or P/T Must be dependable.
785-842-2088.
Paid Internships
with Northwestern Mutual
Lawrence offce 785-856-2136
STUDENTPAYOUTS.COM
Paid Survey Takers Needed in
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100% FREE to Join! Click on Surveys.
Enjoy working in a fast-paced, highly
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If so, Northwestern Mutual Financial Net-
work is the place for you. For more infor-
mation call Bethany Scothorn at 785-
856-2136 or email at bethany.-
scothorn@nmfn.com
Help wanted for custom harvesting.
Truck driver and grain cart operator.
Good wages. Guaranteed pay.
Call 970-483-7490 evenings.
SUMMER OPENINGS! $13.0 base/appt.
part-time, sales/svc, no experience nec.
Conditions apply, (785) 371-1293
1, 2, 3 or 4 BR, W/D included, owner
managed and maintained, pets possible,
June & Aug avail, 785-842-8473,
jwampr@sunfower.com
$300 off 1st Months Rent: Avail Aug- 3
BR/ 2BA, close to campus, on bus
route, off street parking, landlord pays
trash/water, all appliances incl. DW and
microwave, newly remodeled, tile and
hardwood. $850/mo. Call 785-979-2778
1&3 bdrms apts. in house. Also 2&3
bdrm houses. Some close to KU or
wood foors or w/d use. $395 up.
785-841-3633. Anytime.
1100 Louisiana St (Victorian House)
2 BR apt, water paid, $815. 3 BR apt, 3
car driveway, $1290, Aug 1. No pets,
no smokers. Call 785-766-0476
1015-25 Mis.
Remodeled 1&2 BRs
Next to Memorial Stad.
MPM 841-4935
1712 Ohio
Large 3&4 BRs
Only $900 & 1080
MPM 841-4935
1125 Tenn
HUGE 3&4 BRs
W/D included
MPM 841-4935
3 BR 1 1/2BA apt. Very nice, spacious
w/ lots of closets and storage. Updated
kitchen and BA, freplace, cieling fans,
skylight, W/D, patio and 1 car garage,
close to KU/on bus route $900/mo
785-766-0244 Avail in August
1312 & 1428 W 19th Terr. Both 3 BR, 1
BA, W/D provided. Available August 1.
$1050 per month. 843-8540, ext. 22
2 and 3 bedrooms $550-$1050
4 bedroom Farm House $1200
Late Spring - August
785-832-8728/ 785-331-5360
www.lawrencepm.com
3+ BR House at the end of a cul-de-sac.
D/W, CA & Heat, 1.5 BA. Finished base-
ment. $1000 per month. 331-6444 or
baley.rentals@yahoo.com
3 BR Townhome Special.
$780. W/D, DW, FP, Back patio.
www.lorimartownhomes.com 841-7849
4 BR, 3 BA Townhome. $1320/mo Huge
w/ more than 2000 sq ft. W/D, DW,
Close to KU. 2506 University Drive
Avail Now or August 766-0419
4 BR 2 BA house for rent. Just north of
campus, w/ a great backyard & attached
garage. $1500/mo avail. June 1st
call Bob 913-957-8363
4 BR, 1324 Kentucky. Newly remodeled.
Plenty of off-street parking. Available
8-1. Call 785-331-8430
6 BR 7 BA 1213 Kentucky
Newly Remodeled, Energy effcient,
New Hardwood Flooring, Large Closets,
W/D, close to KU & Downtown
Avail 8/1 Call 785-843-0011
5 BR 2 BA 1007 Alabama. Great prop-
erty. Close to stadium. Available 8-1.
Call 785-331-8430
4BR 3 1/2BA house for rent. Fenced
backyard. W/D. Central heat and air.
Very spacious. Close to campus.
$1400/mo. Avail Aug 1
913-205-8774 After 4 PM
5&6 BR Houses and 3&4 BR apts, close
to KU & downtown avail 8/1. Hardwood
fooring, Quiet setting, walk-in closets,
pool, patio/balcony, KU bus route, small
pets ok in apts, Call 785-843-0011
AVAIL Aug or June, 4 BR or 3 BR, 3
bath, near KU, great cond., W/D, D/W, all
appls. Call, must see 785-841-3849.
Attention seniors & grad students!
Real nice, quiet 2 BR Duplex. close to
KU. Avail. 8/1. Lots of windows. Carport.
W/D No pets or smoking. 331-5209.
6 BR, 2 BA 1121 Kentucky, Plenty of off-
street parking. Close to KU and down-
town. Available 8-1. $2400 plus utilities.
Call 785-331-8430
7 BR 2 1/2 BA, W/D, hardwood foors,
central air, 1208 Mississippi, August,
$2520 913-683-8198 after 4pm
Available 8/1 at 1037 Tenn. $1100 plus
utilities. 3 BR, quiet & n-s. Off St. park-
ing. W/D. Wood Floors. 785-550-6812
Available for Summer Lease, June
and July. 1 BR Apt at 1126 Ohio. Be-
tween campus and downtown. Close to
GSP Corbin. $475 utilities paid. W/D, No
pets. Call 785-550-5012, 913-301-3553
Available August 1. 2 BR Apt at 1126
Ohio. Between campus and downtown.
Close to GSP Corbin. No pets. Utilities
paid. Washroom. Call 785-550-5012,
913-301-3553
HIGHPOINTE APARTMENTS
New August Specials!
2001 W. 6th, Lawrence
785-841-8468
www.frstmanagementinc.com
Available August
3 BR, close to KU, appliances.
Call 785-841-3849
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Car Garage. W/D. $350/ per person plus
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Luxury Apartments half off August rent
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Call (785) 841-3849
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locations 785-749-6084
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ANNOUNCEMENTS
JOBS
JOBS JOBS
HOUSING
HOUSING HOUSING HOUSING
4A / ENTERTAINMENT / tuesdAy, April 26, 2011 / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / kAnsAn.com
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
Today is a 7
today is a good for business. Balance
work, family and friends. dont forget
to take good care of yourself. pick up
that book that youve been wanting to
read and read it.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
Today is a 7
prepare your team for action. A friend
of a friend is a big help, too. Avoid sen-
timental attachment today. its a great
time to party, as long as you take care
of responsibilities.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21)
Today is a 7
youre making stuff happen, and its
not going unnoticed. Get expert assis-
tance for the best return. you wont be
given more than you can handle.
CANCER (June 22-July 22)
Today is a 7
others encourage you to take on a new
challenge that uses newly acquired
skills. seek information from afar. A
loved one provides useful guidance.
you can do it.
LEo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Today is a 7
An older person can be a big help. A
bonus comes in. stash it away or pay
bills, and then use the next incom-
ing check to get yourself something
youve been saving for.
VIRGo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Today is a 7
Working together strengthens a bond
with a friend. encouraging their suc-
cess grows your own. people seek out
your advice. share ideals and visions.
LIbRA (Sept. 23-oct. 22)
Today is a 9
others rely on your wisdom. expand
your efforts behind the scenes. keep
track of what youre doing. perfection
leads to abundance. your assignment
may require travel.
SCoRpIo (oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Today is a 7
A loved one inspires you to commit to
something you want but have been
afraid about. enjoy your friends and
have a good time. stay close to home,
and take it easy.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Today is an 8
spread your love and optimism
through the world. others are attract-
ed to your friendly nature. A business
opportunity arises. Where will you go?
HoRoSCopE
10 is the easiest day, 0 the
most challenging.
Matthew Marsaglia
CRoSSwoRD
RoN ARTESIAN
TELEVISIoN
CApRICoRN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Today is an 8
your optimism is contagious, especial-
ly in finances. Gather information, get
advice from a professional and then
make the commitment. the invest-
ment grows.
AqUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Today is an 8
Go ahead and commit to that thing
you really want. conform to strict
rules and win big. A partner helps you
achieve the next level. Get profession-
al advice. let another represent you.
pISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
Today is a 7
youre becoming more confident as
you learn. do the work yourself for
best results. let a partner be your
guide, and aim for the role you most
want.
NBC goes all in with
new show The Voice
nBc delayed thursdays to-
night show to air a 12-minute
preview of its new series the
Voice, which premieres tuesday
at 9 p.m. est, thereby establishing
one irrefutable fact: nBc badly
wants you to watch this newbie.
should you? to the questions:
ok, why is the Voice so
darned important to nBc?
With judges christina Aguilera,
cee lo Green, Adam levine and
Blake shelton, the network thinks
its got enough star frepower. nBc
desperately needs a hit before the
may upfronts, when the networks
announce their fall lineups.
What exactly is the Voice?
the judges turn their backs to
a performer they cant see; said
performer then sings, and if the
judges like what they hear, they
press a button and turn around.
if they all turn around, the singer
gets to choose which judge he or
she wants as a coach. in the next
phase, the judges morph into
coaches after building a team of
eight singers each. they train the
singers, who then go into a battle
round. some singers are eliminat-
ed before the fnal rounds, when
viewers vote for the best. Four are
left standing, and the winner gets
a universal republic record deal
and $100,000.
McClatchy Tribune
please recycle
this newspaper
accessibility in
(785) 749-1972
accessibility info
(785) 749-1972
accessibility info
(785) 749-1972
644 Mass. 749-1912
2 for 1 admission tonight !!
WIN WIN ( R) 4:30 7:00 9:25
CEDAR RAPIDS (R) NO SHOWS
THE MUSIC NEVER STOPPED(PG)
NO SHOWS
O
Letter GuideLines
Send letters to kansanopdesk@gmail.
com. Write LettertOtHe editOr in
the e-mail subject line.
Length: 300 words
The submission should include the
authors name, grade and hometown.
Find our full letter to the editor policy
online at kansan.com/letters.
how to submit A LEttER to thE EDitoR
nick Gerik, editor
864-4810 or ngerik@kansan.com
Michael Holtz, managing editor
864-4810 or mholtz@kansan.com
Kelly stroda, managing editor
864-4810 or kstroda@kansan.com
d.M. scott, opinion editor
864-4924 or dscott@kansan.com
Mandy Matney, associate opinion editor
864-4924 or mmatney@kansan.com
Carolyn Battle, business manager
864-4358 or cbattle@kansan.com
Jessica Cassin, sales manager
864-4477 or jcassin@kansan.com
MalcolmGibson, general manager and news
adviser
864-7667 or mgibson@kansan.com
Jon schlitt, sales and marketing adviser
864-7666 or jschlitt@kansan.com
tHe editOriaL BOard
Members of The Kansan Editorial Board are Nick
Gerik, Michael Holtz, Kelly Stroda, D.M. Scott and
Mandy Matney.
contAct us
PaGe 5a
tHe uniVersitY daiLY Kansan
Freeall
for
Listening to Mmmbop on the bus
and you all have no idea.
My mom told me that I remind her of
herself on drugs... thanks mom!
The radio just informed me that
Kansas law states if your windshield
wipers are on, your headlights have
to be, too.
Now that lent is over i can no longer
use the excuse I gave up sex to hide
the fact i dont have a social life.
If you dont like how loud my music
is, just keep your ears to yourself.
I bit a man once, in self defense!
If I keep looking at you with
annoyance while you have your
earbuds in and dont know you, it
means your music is TOO DAMN
LOUD.
The Sims > math homework.
I just found out I vomited in my
laundry over the weekend when I
saw the back of my jacket that I wore
to class.
You can get apples slices and milk
with Happy Meals these day. There is
nothing happy about that.
Anschutz, get it together. Your false
alarms are distracting me from my
distractions
Dream: Danny DeVito is running a
human meat factory, to efciently
slaughter people and sell the meat
to big shot business men. Also
produces a secret ingredient to
Coca-Cola. I think Zach from Saved
by the Bell played his assistant.
Apparently you do see something
wrong with it. Thats like starting a
sentence with no ofense, BUT...
I just argued with my boyfriend
about how many letters are in my
frst name...and lost. I think I need to
get some sleep.
Only volunteering in the ER do you
go from playing with a one year old
baby to almost getting bloody vomit
chunks all over you.
I like to think of Jesus like with giant
eagles wings, and hes singin lead
vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like
an angel band and Im in the front
row and Im hammered drunk.
Funny enough, Kanye said it best.
you can pay for school, but you
cant buy class.
Listen ex-girlfriend- you used to be
cute as a button, but Ill be damned
if youre not a whore now, and I just
cant take it. Please move to MU. Or
K-State
Really. I dont care what happens.
Just dont dance naked on a table.
Bad stuf happens when you dance
naked on a table.
It upsets me how every radio station
brags about nonstop uninterrupted
music, but then they all go on
commercial breaks at EXACTLY the
same time.
Listening to Mmmbop on the bus
and you all have no idea.
#I #never #got #hashtags #is #it
#just #random #words?
I just found out I vomited in my
laundry over the weekend when
I saw the back of my jacket that I
wore to class.
opinion
apps.facebook.com/dailykansan
tuesdaY, aPriL 26, 2011 PaGe 5a
BOBBY BURCH
editor@kansan.com
Ever thought about giving some
food to a homeless person? Well,
the Federal government wants to
you reconsider. Last week, the 11th
Circuit Court of Appeals upheld a
Florida ordinance that restricts feed-
ing the homeless at city parks.
While the 11th Circuit insists that
donating food to the impoverished in
public space is an expressive right, it
found the law as a reasonable regula-
tion to maintain order in city parks.
The ordinance requires a permit for
groups feeding more than 25 people
at parks in downtown Orlando,
with a maximum of two permits per
group, per year.
Reasonable?
Orlando Food Not Bombs doesnt
think so. The activism group, which
has fought against the anti-homeless
legislation since 2006, believes that
food is a rightnot a privilege.
Our group shares food because
people need it, the groups website
states.
As if being homeless werent dif-
ficult enough, this law obstructs
rare opportunities for the destitute
to enjoy a hot, notorious meal. In
addition, the ordinance is a kick in
the crotch to any advocate of feeding
those who cant feed themselves.
How can government justify the
deterrence of a groups right to help
the less fortunate on land built and
maintained by tax-payer dollars?
The history of government
involvement concerning expression
in public space addresses consid-
erations of time, place and manner
but also reasonable, content-neutral
regulation. Time and again the
Supreme Court has confirmed the
rights of groups to peacefully express
themselves in public areas including
streets, sidewalks, outside legislative
buildings and city parks.
In a 1977 Federal case a Nazi
group faced permit and city regu-
lations that made their planned
demonstrations illegal. The village
of Skokie, a predominately Jewish
suburb of Chicago, enacted several
municipal laws before the Nazis
marchone of which required
assemblies of 50 or more people to
pay insurance liabilities of $350,000.
The U.S. Court of Appeals upheld a
U.S. District Judges ruling that the
ordinances violated the first amend-
ment because of unreasonable and
non-content neutral restrictions.
So, are the restrictions against
groups such as Orlando Food Not
Bombs reasonable and content-
neutral?
At the core of the rulings in both
the 1977 case and this contemporary
example is an attempt to balance the
interests of the state with the value of
expression in public space. According
to the 11th circuit, Orlando has a
substantial concern in managing
parks and preventing overuse by any
single groupespecially an organiza-
tion that threatens the viability of
the states most prominent industry:
tourism. As we see nearly every day
in American society, the concerns
of profitability often trump that of
humanity.
After all, seeing that starving fam-
ily on the way to Disney World might
put a damper on the afternoons fun.
Thanks goodness the states look-
ing out for me, the helpless tourist. I
dont know what I would have done
if I actually saw people eating their
first meal of the week in public space.
I probably wouldve hid in my hotel
room and ordered room service.
A look at the data suggests that
Orlandos increased rate of homeless-
ness may have influenced the anti-
homeless ordinance. Orange County,
home to Orlando, experienced one
home foreclosure for every 110 hous-
ing units in 2010the third highest
in the state of Florida according to
a report by the Florida Department
of Children and Families. The orga-
nization also reported a 17 percent
estimated increase of homelessness
over the last year.
Under the new ordinance groups
would be limited to feeding parties
with 25 plus people in attendance
to twice a year. Why twice a year
and not at all? Could you imagine if
an organization planned a four-day
feeding frenzy at the new-year? Or
what about that six-person family
who likes to have birthday parties
for their children and friends at their
favorite local park? Id like to see
the police slap the cake out of little
Tommys hands when his birthday
celebration interrupts the order of
Orlando city-life.
When you consider the percent-
age of veterans among the homeless
population that will be affected by
this law Im sure members of the
Westboro Baptist church are jumping
for joy.
According to the National
Coalition for the Homeless, there
are between 130,000 and 200,000
veterans living on the street at any
given night in 2009representing
about one fourth of all homeless
people. That translates to roughly 375
homeless veterans in Orange County
according to the Florida Department
of Children and Families estimate.
Although the state is simply
attempting to prevent heavy over-
crowding of city parks, the ordinance
violates the rights to assembly and
expression in public space guaranteed
by the constitution. Balancing the
interests of first amendment free-
doms and state control is difficult,
but when the law affects those whose
voice cannot be heard its certainly
quite a bit easier.
Burch is a senior in journalism
from Wichita.
HuMOr
Do your own thing, screw the man and let free love reign
CartOOn
nicholas sambaluk
BY Liz StepHenS
lstephens@kansan.com
sOCiaL Media etiquette
Dating has always been difficult.
But now that the world of social
media is taking over our basic
routes of communication, there
is all sorts of gray areas. Here are
a few tips of what not to do that
might come in handy when you are
trying to catch the eye of that cer-
tain someone.
1)Dont ask someone out on a
date through Facebook.
Ive been convinced for quite
sometime that technology is making
us lazier and more cowardly, so this
has been a pet peeve of mine for a
while. When I first started dating
in high school, the magic always
started with a good old-fashioned
phone call followed by an awkward
first date. The way it should be.
Thanks to Facebook and texting,
this doesnt really happen anymore.
Call me old school, but it doesnt
take much confidence, will power or
integrity to ask someone on a date
through Facebook. Its just a turnoff.
2)Dont read into your future
potential lovers profile too much
Yes, you can draw conclusions
from the over-obvious (like if this
persons profile picture is of them
in a ski-mask, or if no one has
written on their wall since Bush
was in office). But dont write this
person off because he has flirty
wall posts with other girls or pho-
tos from a couple drunken nights.
Facebook can make us all look like
real A-holes. Give them the benefit
of the doubt when it comes to the
basics.
3)Dont post passive-aggressive
Facebook statuses and expect them
to do you any good.
Example Susie was enchanted to
meet you. Or Bobby really likes
you but doesnt know what to do.
These types of statuses usually
just make you look obsessive, over-
emotional and stalkerish. I admit,
I have been guilty of posting angry
Taylor Swift lyrics when a guy I was
talking to decided to fall of the face
of the earth. Or when a guy I liked
wouldnt ask me out. Back then,
(as in like a year and a half ago) I
was unaware that human beings are
attracted to confidence. Rather than
creepily posting awkward feelings to
the entire Facebook world, its better
to just confront the person of inter-
est with whatever your problem is.
4) Dont friend request her/
poke too soon.
There is nothing creepier than
meeting a guy in a bar and three
hours later you have a Facebook
friend request, poke and a It was
so great meeting you inbox mes-
sage awaiting you. Especially when
all you told the guy was your first
name and major. This leads one to
wonder How the hell did he find
me? which is never a good begin-
ning inquiry. Just wait a day or so.
And I would recommend never
poking unless you are an obnoxious
person who wants a middle school
relationship.
5)Dont overcreep.
This is difficult for many us
because Facebook makes us all
a little creepy, to be honest. But
when you first are starting to talk
to someone, dont like their high
school prom pictures or comment
haha, thats so funny on every
single wall recent post. That said,
dont Facebook chat them every
minute the both of you are online.
Play hard to get. It works, I swear.
Matney is a junior in journal-
ism from Shawnee. She is associate
opinion editor.
Unfair restrictions on
feeding the homeless
The value of self-love hasnt been
lost on my familys pet lovebird.
You may say that he re-invented the
concept. When his mate died five
years ago, he lost his singing partner
and the only soul in the house that
understood him. (Although my non-
English-speaking cleaning lady often
talks to the little guy and he chirps
back like they have some sort of bird-
to-human communication system
that my family members and I never
figured out.)
He became restless and bored.
Now the bird spends his days franti-
cally eating and then purging with
his talons onto a wooden rod in his
cage. When he is done purging, he
immediately starts masturbating on
the wooden rod. He does this at any
waking hour and often for hours at a
time. For the sake of the entire avian
population and the dignity of this
human audience, I am not making
this up.
After his mates death, the bird also
developed an aggression comparable
to a charging tractor. No longer are
we allowed to hold him or pet him or
even put a finger into his cage. If the
aforementioned action takes place, he
bites into my flesh as if it were a piece
of soft cheese. Many a time when our
blood has stained his feathers do I
think I can see the slightest, birdliest
smile on his face.
I realized that the bird has actu-
ally taken his life to the maximum
pleasure level that is possible for
a creature. Following his rules
of thumber, clawwe too can
have fabulous lives even in iso-
lated depression.
Rule number one: Eat what
you want, when you want to, and
damn the bigger guy who says that
youre not allowed. Your stomach is
your own and if you want to feel it jut
out your ribcage in a pseudo-second
trimester lump, you go girl.
Rule two: If you feel like touching
yourself, dont let anyone stop you.
There are legality issues here appli-
cable to humans and not to birds, but
wearing loose clothing with the pock-
ets cut out or sitting in a corner with
a book on your lap should negate
those rules.
Rule three: People may try to touch
you, shake your hand, give you a
high-five, a tap on the shoulder. DO
NOT LET THEM. YOU DO THE
TOUCHING NOW (see rule two).
You have two options: bite them or
scream at them with the intensity to
make their eyes fill up with blood.
Above and beyond anything, the
bird would tell you to do your thing,
screw the man, let free love reign.
Even if all the love we get is self-love,
thats the most important thing of
all. We mustnt abandon ourselves;
we are our own best support. Even if
that means straddling a wooden rod
in view of an entire family and their
cleaning lady.
Stephens is a junior from Dodge
City studying English.
POLitiCaL COMMentarY
BY MandY MatneY
mmatney@kansan.com
Top fve Facebook dating donts
KANSAN.COM / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / TueSdAy, April 26, 2011 / SPORTS / 7A
MORNINg bREw
T
he NFL Drafts first round will be
held on Thursday night, which
is one of the few bits of positive
news involving the NFL these days. But
although the newly-drafted athletes will
finally achieve a goal theyve been working
toward for years, the ongoing lockout is sure
to cast a pall over the three-day event.
I still think the NFL wont lose any games
this year. It was recently announced that
the NFL has structured the 2011 season so
that there are open weeks available later in
the season for the NFL to reschedule games
that get locked out. Both the owners and
the players are smart enough to realize
how damaging missed games would be to
the sports reputation, so I anticipate them
eventually reaching a compromise and end-
ing the lockout.
Nevertheless, the draft figures to be an
awkward procedure. More than 250 players
will hear their names called at Radio City
Music Hall at some point during the three-
day event held Thursday through Saturday.
By hearing their names called, these players
are effectively being told that they either
have a job or the right to compete for
one. Except they dont. They can still train
individually, and the team they were with
before the lockout still owns the rights to
them, but they really dont have a job. They
are all just waiting to get their jobs back
from the owners. For many teams, these
same owners have a large say in which play-
ers their team selects, and which player that
owner gets to lock out.
The tension that will be present at the
draft underscores one of the many differ-
ences between college and professional ath-
letics. In college, these athletes were most
likely pampered, and quite possibly some of
them may have been given illegal benefits.
Its going to be a shock come Thursday
night when the players realize exactly what
they are leaving behind. Instead of being
the kings of campus, theyre quickly thrust
into the harsh realities of real life and real
business. One of the points of contention
between the players and the owners is the
size of rookie contracts. Eventually the
lockout will end and the players will get
their contracts, but the contracts probably
will not be as large as they previously would
have been.
Whichever players are lucky enough to
get drafted at some point between Thursday
and Saturday are in a position many
Americans envy. Lots of those players will
receive a hefty contract that us peasants can
only dream of. But that still doesnt make
the business aspect of the game any easier
or any less stressful for these involved. And
for the rookies, business in the NFL is sure
to be a wild difference from how their col-
lege teams operated.
Edited by Dave Boyd
QUOTE OF THE DAY
if the NBA were on channel 5
and a bunch of frogs making love
was on channel 4, id watch the
frogs even if they were coming in
fuzzy.
Bob Knight
FACT OF THE DAY
The highest scoring NBA game
in history was on december 13,
1983, when the detroit pistons
defeated the denver Nuggets,
186-184. (in three overtimes)
factmonster.com
TRIVIA OF THE DAY
Q: What player holds the
career record for stealing home
plate?
A: Ty Cobb stole home plate
54 times during his career. On
four occasions, he went so far as
to steal second, then third, then
home plate in the same inning.
usefultrivia.com
THIS wEEK IN
KANSAS ATHleTiCS
NFL life will be a shock to rookies
BY geoffreY calvert
gcalvert@kansan.com
TODAY
baseball
vs. Creighton
6:30 p.m.
Omaha, Neb.
Mens golf
Big 12 Championship
All day
Hutchinson
wEDNESDAY
Softball
vs. Wichita State
5 p.m.
Wichita
vs. Wichita State
7:00 p.m.
Wichita
Mens golf
Big 12 Championship
All day
Hutchinson
THURSDAY
Tennis
Big 12 Championships
All day
Waco, Texas
FRIDAY
baseball
vs. Texas Tech
6:30 p.m.
lubbock, Texas
Judge lifts lockout,
football will continue
The NFl lockout has been lifted.
Judge Susan Nelson of the u.S.
district Court in Minneapolis grant-
ed the request of the players for an
injunction that forces NFl teams to
continue football operations.
Nelsons ruling gives the players
an early victory in their battle with
team owners over a new collective
bargaining agreement in the $9
billion business. Owners locked
out the players after negotiations
broke down on March 11 and the
players decertifed their union.
Nelson could have granted the
injunction but issued a stay to
keep the lockout in place until the
appeal. However, she decided not
to stay the decision, meaning the
league must lift the lockout imme-
diately and cannot put it in place
while it waits for a decision from
the eighth Circuit Court of Appeals
in St. louis.
McClatchy- Tribune
NFL
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