A

Fox in the Hen House By Ricky Diaz

Characters:

Fox (NA): A male red tailed fox on the hunt for a meal. He sneaks into a farmers chicken coop hoping for an easy meal from the hen house. When he runs into Hen, he decides to try to trick her. Fox is very intelligent, sly, playful, deceitful, and conceited, but he also portrays a sort of charming quality, almost proper, which makes him very hard to hate at times. Hen (NA): A female chicken that lives in the coop Fox tries to raid. Hen is also deceptively intelligent. Shes more than a match for the Fox. She does everything she can to ensure Fox doesnt make a meal out of anyone from her coop. Shes brave and strong and wont lay down and let Fox walk all over her. Setting: A fenced-in chicken coop yard on a farm at night. Time: Present

1. SCENE 1: THE HEN HOUSE Lights fade up on the exterior of a fenced-in chicken coop at night. The subtle sound of crickets chirping hangs in the background. FOX enters tiptoes up to as quietly as he can. He finds an opening in the fence and gracefully slips through it and into the fenced-in area. He scans the yard to see if hes woken up any of the hens. It appears that he hasnt. He laughs slyly. FOX (Whispering) No fence can deter a swift, cunning, and handsome fox such as I. Now, lets see whats for supper tonight. FOX starts creeping silently towards the door of the coop. Just as he reaches for the door, it opens. Alarmed, FOX ducks behind the coop unseen. HEN comes out of the coop. Shes looks around the yard. HEN Hello? Is someone out here? FOX peers around the side of the coop to see who came out. He licks his lips. FOX (Whispering) Ooooh, dinner is served. Confident in his cunning, FOX rubs some dirt on his face to make himself look more like a dog, rather than a fox. He steps out from behind the coop to reveal himself to HEN. Oh, do not worry Miss Hen it is only I, Fido, the farmers new guard dog. HEN Fido? FOX Yes Miss Hen. HEN What happened to Blue? FOX A bit of bad luck Im afraid. He had a run in with the farmers tractor this morning and... you know what comes next.

2. FOX gives a dramatic sigh and bow of the head. He glances up at HEN to make sure she is convinced.

Although very heart broken over his fallen canine companion, the farmer thought it best to get a new guard dog as swiftly as possible what with the plentiful number of foxes around here and all. He didnt want to take any chances that one might sneak in into the coop and gobble you all up in Blues absence. HEN Really? FOX Oh yes, he cares about you all very much. FOX begins circle HEN, checking out how delicious she looks. He would never want anything to happen to his beloved entr-- mean poultry. FOX stops circling HEN while standing behind her. He inhales a big sniff of HEN and looks intoxicated by the aroma. He slowly brings his head closer the HEN. He looks like hes about to take a bite of HEN, but she turns around before he does. Especially a prized fowl such as yourself. [Beat.] Strong, plump... juicy. FOX gets uncomfortably close to HEN. He leans in to sniff her again, but HEN kicks FOX in the shin. FOX grabs his leg in pain and shock and hops around on one leg for a few seconds. FOX Mother Nature! Ow! [Beat.] What was that for?! HEN What, do you think I was layed yesterday? FOX Huh? HEN Im not a complete birdbrain! I know youre the Fox. FOX What?! Thats preposterous! What makes you think that Im that evil, deceitful, horrid, albeit amazingly handsome creature?

3. HEN For one thing, your story about the farmers dog is complete bird poo. FOX No, its all true! Blue was in a horrible tractor accident! HEN The masters dog isnt even named Blue. His name is Leonidas. FOX Leonidas? HEN Its a 300 reference, dont worry about it. [Beat.] Plus hes sleeping on the stoop right over there. HEN gestures off-stage, perhaps to an audience member. FOX looks to where shes pointing. He points to the same place. FOX Thats Leonidas? HEN Yes. FOX Not a very good-looking dog is he? HEN No, not really. FOX Hes very good at his job either. HEN No, but hes alive. So, that means your storys fried. FOX Just because Blue-- HEN Leonidas.

4. FOX Leonidas is still alive doesnt mean Im that dashingly good looking Fox. HEN No, but your characteristic short snout, red fur, and bushy tail do. FOX All conjecture. I could be a very rare breed of dog. HEN Give it up Fox. Farmer didnt hatch no fool. FOX All right, all right, you caught me. Im the spectacularly intelligent and majestic Fox. HEN Shocker. FOX Youre one smart chick. What do they put in your feed? HEN Nothing you need to know of. Now get out of here. FOX Hold on a minute Miss Hen. I came here for a meal, and Im not leaving until I get some grub. Im thinking a bucket of chicken, original recipe, to go. HEN Cluck off! Youre not getting anything here tonight. Why dont you hit up old McDonalds farm? I heard he and his cow just got back into town. FOX Big Mac? HEN Yeah, doesnt that sound better than some nasty old Farmer Sanders chicken? FOX Thats a little too much effort for my taste. So, I think Ill just grab my carry out order and be on my way. HEN Didnt you hear what I said? I said get the--

5. FOX grabs HEN firmly by the neck and brigs her close to his face. HEN struggles to break free.

FOX (Growling) Look Hen, either you can let me into the house and pick out any delicious morsel I want, or I could just take you. Its your choice. HEN garbles an undecipherable answer because FOX is grabbing her neck too tightly. FOX loosens his grip. What was that? HEN (Strained) Okay, okay. Ill do it. FOX Thats what I thought you said. FOX releases HEN and throws her to the ground. HEN rubs her neck and gasps to catch her breath. HEN Just let me get the key. Its underneath the coop. It will just take me a second to find it. FOX Very well then. Hurry up! HEN scampers to the edge of the coop and begins rummaging around for the key. FOX walks up to the door of the coop and waits for HEN to find the key. Hen, you made me get violent on you. Thats out of my usual character, but a fox has got to eat. [Beat.] Whats taking so long? HEN It should be right around here, I swear! FOX Im growing impatient with your antics Hen! HEN Just one more second, please!

6. FOX Fine, but your definitely not getting a tip. [Beat.] Ha ha, a tip. FOX waits impatiently for a few more beats. He finally has enough and pushes the coop door open. The doors open Hen! FOX begins to enter the coop. HEN pulls a 2x4 wooden beam out from behind the coop. Maybe you arent as smart as I thou-- HEN swings and cracks the 2x4 over FOXs head. FOX is knocked unconscious and collapses to the floor. His head and most of his body are concealed inside the coop, only his legs are visible. HEN Ladies, it looks like were having fox for dinner tonight! The loud sounds of frantic, excited chickens comes out of the coop. Cunning like a fox my nuggets. Thats the fourth on this month. [Beat.] I guess the sayings true. You can outfox a fox, but you cant out outfox a hen. HEN throws the 2x4 over her shoulder and casually strolls into the coop. Lights fade to black. END OF PLAY