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elationships are inextricably linked to human life. We depend on one another for connection,
meaning, and a sense of purpose. While developing ones core sense of identity and self-sufficiency are invaluable to our development into strong dynamic adults, we are not separate from our connections with others. A great deal of happiness and success in life can result from identifying and strengthening ones basic interpersonal skills. Ideally, these basic social skills are learned in childhood through appropriate parental modeling of social behaviors and interactions with peers, but this doesnt always happen. Just because your childhood or adolescence was less than ideal (or even if it was terrible), you have the choice now, as an adult, to learn to do things differently.
(2) Asking for what you want in a way that protects the relationship
Do you notice that your interactions with others go more smoothly and manifest more positive outcomes when you ask for what you want in a direct, yet non-attacking, manner? It can be difficult to directly state our needs or wants to others for fear of rejection or simply not being capable of being assertive. The DBT mnemonic device, D-E-A-R M-A-N, is an incredibly useful tool for remembering some of these basic assertiveness skills.
existing relationships with your identified values. Communicate to others what it is that you value in another person and be prepared to act according to those values in your relationships.
r. Christine Meinecke, psychologist and author, explains that becoming a self-responsible partner
involves developing new interpersonal skills by becoming an expert user of your own brain. She likens this process to learning how to inhibit negative emotions or train your dragon. An important aspect of learning how to identify the most basic of interpersonal skills begins with feeling a sense of control, ownership, and trust over yourself. How can begin the lifelong process of improving your relationships with others through being mindful of these basic interpersonal skills? A good place to begin may be to simply focus on employing one new interpersonal skill in your life today. How can you change just one interaction for the better? ------------------------------- -McKay, M., Wood, J.C., & Brantley, J. (2007). The dialectical behavior therapy skills workbook. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc. Meinecke, C. (2010, May 2). How to train your dragon [Web log message]. Retrieved fromhttp://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/everybody-marries-the-wrong-person/201005/how-trainyour-dragon Featured image: Kayak sobre las nubes / Sailing in the sky by Davichi / CC BY 2.0