The Art of Marital Happiness

Marital happiness is one of the most important objectives of marriage in Islam and it has a concept, content and a manner to achieve. It means that two parties accept each other with satisfaction and each one of them feels that the other party suits and makes him/her feel comfortable. In order for marital life to proceed from satisfaction to happiness, and from happiness to paradise, we present here some basic rules regarded as practical steps that should be taken by both wife and husband to get marital happiness. First rule: Get closer to Allah! Wife and husband should be keen on getting closer to Allah The AllMighty through doing good deeds and abiding by His commands, and have to avoid evil deeds that displease Allah and make them subject to the punishment of Allah in this world and the hereafter. Doing good deeds and abiding by commands of Allah relieve the heart and create an atmosphere of psychological happiness and comfort at home and within the family, Allah says in the Noble Quran(translation of meaning into English):" Then if there comes guidance from Me(Allah), then whoever follows My guidance he never shall go astray, nor shall be distressed. But whosoever turns away from my reminder(i.e. neither believes in this Quran nor acts on its teachings), verily, for him is a life of hardship, and We shall raise him up blind on the Day of Resurrection ".( Taha:123 -124) Second rule: shared responsibility The husband is responsible of his family and commanded to look after them, and the wife shares this responsibility with him as she manages the affairs of home, looks after and brings up the children, and gives advice to her husband. According to the prophet's commands, everybody in the society, including husband and wife, are commanded to take their responsibilities and perform their duties, the prophet(peace and blessings be upon him) said(translation of meaning into English):" Everybody is responsible of his/her inferiors: the Imam(leader) is responsible of his people, the husband is responsible of his family, the wife is responsible of her home, husband and children and the servant is responsible of his master's property"( narrated by Bukhari and Muslim). Third rule: give in order to take! Marriage in the religion of Islam is a partnership between a man and a woman to build up a generation that worships Allah and constructs the earth, and it is built upon love, intimacy, and altruism between the husband and his wife. In order for marital life to continue, Allah(Exalted be He) enjoined duties that have to be performed by both the husband and wife to please each other, and if one of them looks only for his/her happiness and ignores his/her partner, he/she will get nothing and will regret. Fourth rule: if you do not find whom you love, love whom you find!

The successful man in life is the one who changes the difficulties and obstacles he faces into a ladder he climbs up to reach happiness, and the one who learns how to make a sweet drink from sour lemon. So, before you say that your spouse is not the one you have been looking for, look at his/her beautiful characteristics and get determined to gradually change the characteristics you do not like, because we are who create the happy life and should find it, and it never comes to us if we do not work. Fifth rule: Do not listen to all what is said! If you listen to the news of other couples and compare your life to theirs, you might get depressed and sad, and you will feel unhappy and dissatisfied with your spouse. The news you hear about other couples might be the tool which undermines your home and change your life into a hell. sixth rule: Turn a blind eye to mistakes and avoid blame! In order for a husband and wife to lead a happy marital life, each one of them should turn a blind eye to his/her spouse's mistakes and always remember and mention his/her good characteristics and deeds. They also should avoid blaming each other about doing minor mistakes and act as the prophet(peace and blessings be upon him) who blamed his wives about some mistakes and turned a blind eye to other ones. Once, the prophet (peace and blessings upon him) disclosed a secret to one of his wives, Hafsah, and asked her to keep that secret, but she told that secret to another one of the prophet's wives, A'ishah. Allah(Exalted be He) informed the prophet(peace and blessings be upon him) about that so, the prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) blamed Hafsah about some mistakes and did not blame her about other ones. This incident is narrated in the Noble Quran where Allah says (translation of meaning into English):" And (remember!) when the Prophet disclosed a secret to one of his wives (Hafsah), then she told it to another (i.e. A'ishah). And Allah made it known to him, he informed part thereof and left a part. Then when he told her(Hafsah)thereof, she said:" who told you this?", he said" The All-Knower, The All-Aware(Allah) has told me."(66:3). Seventh rule: Never unearth the past! The husband and his wife should not ask each other questions such as: Is this your first love? Did you fall in love with someone else in the past? Because such questions ignite blind jealousy and undermine the pillars of home, and Allah commanded us not to ask such questions or try to discover things that do not concern us, Allah The All-Mighty says in the Noble Quran(translation of meaning into English):"O you who believe! Ask not about things which, if made plain, may cause you trouble" (5:101).

Eighth rule: Rights and duties Allah the All-Mighty says in the Noble Quran(translation of meaning into English):" And they (women)have rights(over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar( to those of their husbands)over them(as regards respect and obedience) to what is reasonable"(2:228).A husband should help his wife when he commands her to do something, and the wife should help her husband when she asks him to do something, A'ishah(The prophet's wife, may be pleased with her) stated that the prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to help his wives with the housework, and when he heard the call to prayer, he went to the mosque to perform prayer.(narrated by Imam Bukhari). Abdullah Ibn Abbas(one of the Prophet's cousins) was keen on getting dressed well in front of a mirror, and when asked about the reason he said:" I like getting dressed well for my wife as I like her to get dressed well for me." Ninth rule: seek the reward from Allah! It happens sometimes that one of the two spouses spends over the other and gives him/her love and care, yet the other spouse ignores that and does not express gratitude. We say to the first party: Be patient and keep performing your duty, and seek the reward from Allah, and be sure that you will get the reward from Allah in this world and the hereafter because Allah says in the Noble Quran(translation of meaning into English):" Allah wastes not the reward of Almuhsineen(i.e. Doers of good)." (9:120). Conclusion: we should always remember that our hearts are controlled by Allah, so let us utter that supplication mentioned in the Noble Quran:" Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us the leaders of the pious." (25:74).