Asking Too Much By Matthew Perrett www.mattperrett.com mperrett@mattperrett.

com "Wait a minute, lemme get this straight," Captain Matthews asked in complete disbelief. Jr., Shion and Allen had come onto the bridge of the Elsa with a ludicrous proposal that he wasn't certain he had heard right, and just the thought of it was making his head spin. "You want to take the Elsa and go hunting for this Lost Jerusalem place?!" "And its crew, of course," Jr. reassured him. "We wouldn't think of separating you from your beloved ship, Captain." "But without the U.M.N., all we'd have is normal flight!" Hammer interjected with some dismay. "It would take years to get to even the closest star system! Do you even know where we'd be going?" "We have a general idea, yes," Shion replied, seemingly unconcerned by their objections. "A general" Captain Matthews broke off, sputtering in rage. "And what if you're wrong?!" "Then we'll keep searching until we do find it," Shion answered in a firm tone. "Even if we do, how would we ever get back home?" Tony inquired with grave seriousness. "Well, unless MOMO and Scientia can build a new U.M.N. from scratch in our lifetime," answered Allen as he rubbed the back of his head nervously, "we, uh, probably won't be able to." "What?!" the captain exploded. "What the hell's so important about this place, anyway?!" "For one thing, it's the birthplace of humanity, and we think KOS-MOS wound up there," Shion stated matter-of-factly, as if that was reason enough. "Beyond that, we're not really sure what we'll find. It's likely either entirely devoid of life or swarming with Gnosis, though." Hammer, appearing close to a panic attack, kept pressing the argument. "Look, have you seriously considered all the logistics of this trip? We'd need food, clothing, parts" He ticked each of these items off on his fingers as he spoke. "Maybe for a lifetime!" "Hey, don't worry about that stuff," Jr. said, gesturing dismissively. "The Elsa's a cargo freighter, so we'll just fill the hold with everything we need. I've got Mary and Shelley working it all out."

"We can use hydroponics to grow our food, and make cloth from plant fibers," Allen explained. "We can also process some of it into artificial meat. We'd want to save most of the cargo space for spare parts, equipment and other irreplaceables." Tony and Hammer shared a glance, looking for all the world as if they would like nothing better than separation from their beloved ship. "And how many people would we be taking?" the pilot asked, his suspicions rising. "Oh, just the six of us," Shion answered smoothly. The navigator did a quick calculation. "Which comes out to five guys and one woman, who's" "Engaged!" Shion said, beaming as she held up her hand to show off the brilliant diamond ring that adorned her finger. Allen took a step closer to her possessively. "Right," Tony muttered sourly. "Great." "We could pick up a few more crew members before we go," Allen offered in an attempt to appease them. "Professor and Assistant Scott said they might be interested in coming." "Yeah, that'll solve the problem, alright," retorted Tony, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Wait, when were you planning on leaving?" Hammer queried, suddenly afraid of the answer. "In about two weeks," Jr. responded. "Helmer's helping us expedite the process." "Two weeks?!" the ship's crew exclaimed as one. Jr. shrugged. "Give or take a week." Captain Matthews took a deep breath, trying to get his temper in check. "So lemme see if I got this right," he said as calmly as he could, though there was still a strong undercurrent of anger in his voice. "You want us to go on a one-way trip to a mythical planet you don't know the location of, which, if we're lucky, will only take decades and not generations." "It's not a myth if we find it!" Shion declared cheerfully. "Also," he continued, "beyond the point of no return, we won't be able to resupply or communicate with anyone, so if we forget anything or have an emergency we didn't prepare for, we'll be up the creek without a paddle." "Planning is everything!" Jr. agreed, nodding enthusiastically. "You're committing us to a life of vegetarianism and celibacy, we'll probably never see another friendly face again, and even if we do find it, there's a significant chance that we'll die a horrific death at the hands of the Gnosis."

"Geez, when you say it like that it sounds like a bad idea," Allen remarked. "That's because it is a bad idea!" the captain bellowed furiously. Jr. held up his hands soothingly. "Captain, we're only asking you because we honestly think you're the best man for the job." He pulled out a data pad, which was displaying a truly staggering sum. "Also because it's an excellent opportunity to wipe the slate clean with the Kukai Foundation." Captain Matthews froze, looking like an animal caught in a trap. Hammer and Tony walked up and clapped him on the shoulder, grinning like they'd just won the lottery. "Well, Captain, it's been great serving with you," Hammer said cheerily. "Best of luck with the voyage to Lost Jerusalem!" 'Don't worry, Captain," seconded Tony, "we'll help you find some hearty adventurers as our replacements." Captain Matthews spun on them, a maniacal gleam in his eyes. "What're you morons talking about? You just renewed your contracts last month! You're mine for the next five years!" The color drained out of the pair's faces as this revelation swept over them. "Have a heart, Captain!" the navigator pleaded while Tony looked on in stunned silence. "I do have a heart!" Captain Matthews shot back with a savage smile. "I couldn't possibly journey out into the great unknown without my two favorite idiots on board, now could I?" "Well, I'm glad we got that settled," Shion broke in, her tone brisk. "We'll be back tomorrow morning to start loading supplies, so we'll leave you to make the necessary preparations." So saying, the three visitors turned away and disembarked the vessel, Allen waving goodbye jauntily. The bridge was quiet for a long while as the crew struggled to process this sudden turn of events. Eventually, Captain Matthews spoke up. "I'm gonna go fill the hard drives with Seraphim Sisters stuff," he declared as he stomped out of the room. "After all, I'm never gonna see them in concert ever again." Tony glanced over at Hammer, who had collapsed into his chair and was now weeping copiously. "Save some space for the rest of us, will ya?" he called back.