October 2012

What To Do This Month Event Quick Reference Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Costambar Cable Channel Listing The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!

Monday October 8

Yennys Market Loase Resort/Sams Bar Catamaran Beach Bar Biekes Bar Happy Hippo Supermercado Tropical Restaurant Chino The Meeting Place Madys Bar & Restaurant Costa Atlantica Big Lees Beach Bar Vena Beach Bar Chris & Madys Ocean World Marina La Tasca Los Dos Los Tres Cocos

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. Billy Joel

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Biekes Bar - the first bar in & the last bar out Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Fine dining at its best! Call of Costambar! Drop by Saturdays for Costambars Best Burger! Check out the 809-993-4503 for details. blackboards for food specials during the week! Sams at Loase Resort & Spa tempts you with Happy Hippo offers two great events this Fish & Chips and Chicken Curry Specials. Join month. First - dig out your lederhosen cause its Jose & Vashti on October 30th at 6pm to help Oktoberfest from October 5th to 7th!! Then join them celebrate their 3rd anniversary! And them for a spooktacular Halloween Bash in starting October 21st they are open from 10am support of Amigos de 4 Patas on Saturday for Sunday breakfast. October 27th!! At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach youll Madys Bar & Restaurant have a new location at find great food at great prices enjoyed with a casetta #10 on the Malecon and offers you great million dollar view! Every day they have Power food with breakfast all day! Free wi-fi available. Hour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. Enjoy your power hour with a fresh pizza slice for only Starting October 21st - Sunday Brunch! RD$50 - starts daily from 6pm! Why not sign up Costa Atlantica, the newest community for for Christmas Decorating classes starting this month - every Wednesday from 2:30-5:30pm you foreign residents, offers all expats the opportunity to use their facilities. They have 2 can learn how to create something new! They schools to learn Sky. Or why not spend the day also hold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturday of every month beginning at 10am. No at their large swimming pool for only RD$200? They will also make their facilities available for cost to vendors! activities such as playing cards, chess, BBQs, yoga or exercise classes, meetings or whatever Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food on else North Coast expats enjoy doing. Also the North Coast! Eat in or take out. Two enquire about their offer of one years free rent locations - on the Malecon in Puerto Plata and to take over any of their commercial facilities calle Principal in Cabarete. such as hair salon, mini market, bars or restaurants. The Meeting Place has started their summer hours - Monday to Friday 2pm-5:30pm. Keep Las Tasca Los Dos in Villas Cofresi is back again checking their website for new activities with all your favourite Austrian and throughout the season. International Specialties! Big Lees Beach Bar on the Malecon introduces Vena Beach Bar on the Malecon has a 2X1 Happy Johns Snack Shack with great eats at great prices and an ALL DAY Breakfast! Every Tuesday Hour on Cuba/Santo Libres from 3-8pm Monday & Thursday Presidente & Bohemia beers are only to Friday! Join them Tuesdays for Dominoes - all players get their beers for RD$70! And Sundays is RD$75 or enjoy a cuba/santo libre for only RD$50 and every Friday is drink specials all day - Ladies Day with RD$100 frozen cocktails for the ladies! cuba/santo libre only RD$50 with Karaoke starting at 8pm. Sunday October 7th they are throwin at Welcome Back Party for Bill & Jimmy with a free evening buffet!!

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Come Be Part of a New Community for Foreign Residents!

Our Best Offer
Acceptance fee of US$175 Plus maintenance fee - 6 months prepaid: US$1050 - unfurnished apartments - utilities not included - furnished until supplies end

Costa Atlantica

Monthly Payment Option

Apartments available from US$249-US$399 per month - utilities not included Luxury Ocean View apartments from US$400US-$1100 per month - furnished or unfurnished - utilities not included

Hotel Rooms from US$69 per room per night 24 hour electricity and security 50% discount for residents family and friends

SPECIAL OFFER!!
A ONE OF A KIND LIFESTYLE On The Malecon in Puerto Plata 809-586-4243 www.puertoplatabeachclub.com

3 Night Stay Only US$138 Per Couple

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PEAKY PANGLISH??
COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

! W! PIZZA SLICES ONLY RD$50!!! NE

DAILY STARTING AT 6PM

EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH FREE TO VENDORS! Starting at 10am

FLEA MARKET!!!

THE CATAMARAN PRESENTS

CHRISTMAS DECORATION WORKSHOP

Every Wednesday 2:30pm-5:30pm Sign Up Fee RD$200 Weekly Class Fee RD$200 All materials and photocopies included English, Spanish and French
SCHEDULE Oct. 17 - Door decorations Oct. 24 - Christmas tree decorations Oct. 31 - Natural Christmas tree Nov. 7 - Angels and Xmas tree skirts Nov. 14 - Santa and Stockings Nov. 21 - Stars and Snowmen Nov. 28 - Table centerpiece and Xmas words Dec. 5 - Manger Dec. 12 - Little gifts

A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart, so they agreed to drive thirty miles each and find a field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, (which was the only vehicle he had) and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?" The other farmer replied,"If they're lying in the grass tomorrow morning, They're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not." The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week and both farmers were worn out. The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife,"Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass." "Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."

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INTERNATIONAL GOURMET CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES

THE OFFICIAL WATCH OF THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC!!

NEW LOCATION! Casetta #10 Malecon, Puerto Plata

There was a flood in a village. One man said to everyone, "I'll stay! God will save me!" The flood got higher and a boat came and the man in it said "Come on mate, get in!" "No" replied the man. God will save me! The flood got very high now and the man had to stand on the roof of his house. A helicopter soon came and the man offered him help." No, God will save me!" he said Eventually he died by drowning. He got to the gates of heaven and he said to God "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "For goodness sake! I sent a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want!"

Burgers, Chicken, Fish, Breakfast ALL DAY & so much more! Daily Lunch Specials! Free WI-FI Bar & Restaurant Open at 10am to ???

Starting October 21th SUNDAY BRUNCH!! 10am-1pm

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Restaurant Chino
Best Chinese Food On the North Coast! Two Great Locations! Eat In or Takeout!
Xiang Wan Jia Plaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata 809-261-5609 Calle Principal, Cabarete 809-571-0385

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and decided to make the question a little harder, "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "About 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

OUR KINDA ONE STOP SHOPPING!!

LOS DOS
BACK AGAIN LIKE ALWAYS WITH INTERNATIONAL & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES!!!
Villas Cofresi 809-815-6838
As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work, I ask the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, I print it on an allergy band placed on the patients' wrists. Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas. Her irate son came out to the nurses' station demanding, "Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'bananas'?"

La Tasca

OPEN FROM 12 NOON CLOSED SUNDAYS SATURDAYS BIEKE BURGERS!! CHECK OUR BOARD FOR FOOD SPECIALS!

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

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After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor! (P = the problem logged by the pilot.) (S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.) P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: Thats what theyre there for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect youre right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.

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At Loase In Costambar!

Tuesday October 30 at 6pm Jose & Vashtis 3rd Anniversary Party!!

OPEN TUES-SAT 12PM-8PM CLOSED MONDAY OPEN 10AM FOR SUNDAY BREAKFAST STARTING OCT 21ST
VILLA FOR RENT BY THE WEEK
CASA OBEAR INF: 809-837-6845 www.casaloase.com

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?" God replied: "Shit! I didn't recognize you."

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!" The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles. "Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster." The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

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Vena Beach Bar

2 for 1 Happy Hour

Mon-Fri 3pm-8pm On Cuba Libre And Santo Libre

70 pesos Beer for all those who are playing a game of Dominoes

Ladies Sundays
ALL FROZEN DRINKS @100 PESOS For the ladies
A Touch Of NY in Puerto Plata

Contact: 809-215-2410 www.facebook.com/VenaBeachBar Trip Advisor: Vena Beach Bar Caseta # 2 in front of the old hotel MonteMar by Long Beach

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. 'What in bag?' asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.' The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: 'Good trade.....'

WANT TO CHANGE SOMETHING IN YOUR LIFE? RAMILIFE PROGRAM WAY TO INNER HAPPINESS
Info: 809-710-1221 www.ramilife.com
(read the guestbook)

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JUST ARRIVED!
CLEAR FIBERGLASS 7 GALLON PROPANE CYLINDER TANK 24 TALL & 12 DIAMETER
Always know how much gas you have! Lighter than steel & rustproof!

ONLY RD$2500 CALL COLIN AT 809-449-1819 A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence. After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it. The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away. Then he decided to look through the window. He shouted, Do you think Im stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door. I said, Youre not coming in mate! He said, I dont want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car.

CHARTS AVAILABLE
Get your nautical charts of the Bahamas, Turks and Caicos Islands, Providenciales and Hispaniola From Rosa at Luperon Swap Meet Wendys Bar in Luperon Ocean World Marina in Cofresi

BOAT NAME OF THE MONTH!

If you have difficulty call Colin at 809-449-1819

I thought my new girlfriend was great. But after nosing through her knicker drawer and finding a nurses uniform, a french maid outfit and a police womans uniform, I dumped her Its obvious, she cant hold down a job!

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SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 13
SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

FANTASY WORLD
Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid. The remaining letters spell a hidden message

ALE BATTLE CASTLE CENTAUR CHALICE CROSSBOW CROWN DAGGER DRAWBRIDGE DUNGEON

ELVES FARM FOREST GIANTS GNOMES GOLD GUARDS HERO HORSE INN

LANCE MACE MAGIC MINSTREL MOAT OGRE PEASANT PEDDLER POISON PRINCE

QUEST SERVANT SPEARS SPRITE STEW TOWER WARLOCK WEAPONS WINE WITCH

Across 1. Forceful and extreme 5. Officer 6. Territorial jurisdiction of a bishop 7. Idiom Down 1. Resolved 2. Ancient jar 3. Circus swing 4. Permission

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12 22 28 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 40 42 43 44 46 49

CNN FOX ABC NBC CBS KIDS TBS CNBC ESPN-1 WGN CDN TNT USA ESPN-2 DISCOVERY DISNEY HBO SPORT BOOMERANG

51 56 57 64 66

CINE SPEED

CANAL

ANIMAL PLANET SCI-FI FOOD 69 DISCOVERY

70 71 72 74 79 80 81 83 84 85

WEATHER CINEMAX SHOWTIME STARZ NASA JETIX CARTOON TNT LA HISTORY THE FILM ZONE

Police Office Police Car APC Office APC Gate Security Codetel Edenorte - emergency Edenorte - office Costambar Taxi Stand Canada Britain U.S.A. German Italian Clinica Bournigal Clinica Brugal Los Tropicos Pharmacy

809-320-8510 809-320-8840 809-970-7877 809-970-7015 809-220-1111 809-261-1844 809-586-9823 809-970-7318 809-586-5761 809-586-4244 809-586-4204 809-586-6995 809-320-7601 809-586-2342 809-586-2519 809-970-7607

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise, and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last. On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!" Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker." "Oh wow! I see," Ed replied. He looked down at the table, was quiet for a moment, deep in serious thought; then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.

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Change My Stars English Immersion Pre-School!

What? A pre-school in English for Spanish speaking children to learn. When? Classes began Aug. 20 but new students may register anytime. Classes are Mon-Fri 8am-12pm. Who? Kids ages 2, 3, and 4. Teachers are native English speakers with Spanish speaking abilities. Where? Calle 12 de Julio Casa 38. Safe transport to/from Costambar at a great monthly fee. How much? Registration is 4,200 pesos, monthly tuition is 2,700 pesos. More info? E-mail cambia.mis.estrellas@gmail.com or call 809261-5537 or 809-361-8193.

BEGINNER

INTERMEDIA TE

HIDDEN MESSAGE
The Lord of the Rings

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Two aliens landed in the Texas desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.' The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Pissed at the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!" The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really think that will make him mad.' 'Rubbish,' replied the cocky young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch. Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antennae, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head. 'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you never screw with a guy who can loop his pecker over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'

RD$955 Includes Dental RD$1190 with Drugs

Aquacero, Malecon, Puerto Plata 5pm Biekes Bar, Costambar 6:30pm Or call Petra & Marcel Bahr 1-809-885-2155

Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology, Acupressure, & Hot Stone Physical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic Drainage Manicure & Pedicure: Regular & Intensive Braids & Hair Extensions & Mens Haircuts Facials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse Services Natural Health & Beauty Products
ASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS. Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointment Service to the home. Transportation available. #14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

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One dark night a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact. But the roaring flames held the fire-fighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire station who could bring out the companys secret files. But still the fire companies could not get through. From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire company, composed mainly of old timers over the age of 65. To everyones amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters. The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked their chief, What are you going to do with all that money? Well, said the 70-year-old fire chief, The first thing we gonna do is fix the brakes on that truck

OPEN DAILY (INCLUDING HOLIDAYS) Mon-Sat 8am-10pm Sundays 8am-8pm Everything you need from snacks to supper! Delivery Service Available! Calle Principal, Costambar (just inside the gate) 809-970-3028
I told my wife to spin the globe, put her finger on it and wherever it lands that will be the holiday destination. Ooooo! she says excited, Looks like its the Caribbean. Great . I replied, Now lets see where Im going.

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An 6-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?" The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?" The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. " Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

DO YOU NEED A GOOD MECHANIC?

Call Ito
829-563-1878 or 829-540-6622 (for English 809-464-7898)
SERVICE DONE AT YOUR HOME! ALL GENERAL REPAIRS & MAINTENANCE!
SOUND RENTAL

Karaoke Tropical
For Any Event Of Your Choice With Animation in English, Spanish, German and French Lyrics in 7 Languages International Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172 Email dj.marilyne_karaoke_tropical@hotmail.com

Costambar Monthly page 17

VIVERO MAIMON
GREEN THUMB
Landscaping and Gardening Maintenance Services
Palms, Flowering and Foliage Plants BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST!!!
George Roesch 809-543-8041
OPEN Monday to Friday 8am-5pm Saturday 8am-noon

Km 11 Carretera PP-Imbert Just past The Fish Places

AGUA EXPRESS
1 Truck RD$350 2 Trucks RD$600

Office: 809-970-3547
There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card. I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!

Costambar Monthly page 18 LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBARS FLEA MARKET AT THE CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!! Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be placed by emailing costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820 PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items. Commercial properties or enterprises (including real estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise notified.

CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE Vita Mix series 5000 blender. This is a professional quality blender that can be used in restaurants. Very powerful motor and is in good condition. Make smoothies, hot soups right in the blender, nut butters, slushy margaritas, sauces, crush ice, puree and do any of your tough blending jobs. This item sells upwards of $400 new. Your price is $185 Call Art 829 340 3336 or email arthurkarno@gmail.com FOR SALE Ford F-150 V-8 4.6l runs on gasoline but has gas installed, year '98, engine 2007, very well taken care of by owner!! Also known as "the big yellow monster" $13,000usd obo!! Call Vik 829 864 9420 FOR SALE Zantrex C35 Multifunction solar/wind charge controller, one year old 65 Usd. Technomaster pure sinewave inverter 2000watts with 3000watts maximum, I year old, still under guarantee 20,000 pesos. Two 65 watt solar panels, 6 months old, 130 USD. Tel 809 970 32 87 or 809 639 9393. email: bobyk@libello.com. FOR SALE Dining Table Set, Mahogany, square table, 8 chairs, Beautiful! RD$75,000 Living room set, 6 pieces , Mahogany RD$70,000 Hyundai Starex 2001, Nine passengers, Diessel , Automatic. More info: 809-709-0360 ; ldml_27@hotmail.com WANTED "Karaoke business looking for an assistant with experiences as a DJ. Dominican welcome! for contacts call 809 988 1322 after 2.30 PM." FOR SALE Bose Companion 3 Series #2 speaker set for your computer. Have high quality sound for music, movies and games right out of your computer. Comes with two small but powerful desk top speakers and one woofer that goes on the floor. Unit plugs into wall socket and uses sound jack into computer. Sells for $249 to $289 new on Amazon. Your price $165. Call Art 829 340 3336 or email arthurkarno@gmail.com FOR SALE Whirlpool Gold fridge freezer in stainless steel, water cooler, ice maker, etc same fridge in La Sirena is RD$105,000, our price 14 months old RD$55,000 tel 829 728 6201 FOR SALE Panasonic Digital Cordless Phone System. Includes four phones, four cradles and is good for office or home. It has never been used and comes in original box. Model # KXTG9344T (black) Sells new for $144. Your price $75 Call Art 829 340 3336 or email arthurkarno@gmail.com FOR SALE GL150GY-3A motorcycle, 1 cylinder 4-stroke 150 cc, on/off road. bought new July 2011, less than 3000 km, located in Luperon. $800 USD o.b.o., Please call Rene @ 829-6849863

IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you to services every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are in Spanish. Children activities. Before Costambar Gate Security, turn on the right side toward the power plant, 100 meters on the right side.

FOR SALE 19ft BAYLINER, 115 HP Evinrude / trailer. Following is new VHF system, Bimini top, paint, Color fishfinder/gps/chartploter, anchor+200ft rope, 10 rod holder. Also included: Life vests, compass, 1000watt sony mp3/cd/iphone radio, bilge, stainless steel fitting, fenders, much more. 12.500 US neg. Call 809-884-5858

FOR SALE 150cc Chinese dirt bike. Purchased new March 2012 with title & insurance card. US$800 Call Chris 829-753-0193 FOR SALE Generator Hyundai 6.5 HP. 4 stroke hardly used RD$9,500 call Becky 809-970-7431

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Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell - but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy." "That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. "It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here." Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death. The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story. "Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

WEST COSTAMBAR LAND FOR SALE

One lot from beachfront at the end of Calle Guarionex beside Casa Blanca bungalow. The property is on the Cofresi side of west Costambar. The land is 600 square meters with fruit and mature palm trees. The seller has been motivated to sell due to the airlines cancelling of direct flights from Western Canada. ASKING PRICE OF US$41,750 OFFERS CONSIDERED

There is a full set of architect plans for a modest beach house available for an extra fee. Legal title is on file. Please contact Colin in Costambar @ 809-449-1819 Or Ted Hughes / owner @ tedofchi@shaw.ca

Costambar Monthly page 20

Every Tuesday & Thursday

GRANDE BEERS RD$75
Presidente & Bohemia

CUBA/SANTA LIBRES RD$50

Made with Brugal Anejo or Blanco

Celebrating Our One Year Anniversary !!!!

NEW!! JOHNS SNACK SHACK!!!
At Big Lees Beach Bar

CUBA/SANTA LIBRES RD$50

Made with Brugal Anejo or Blanco PLUS Starting at 8pm

Every Friday

SUNDAY OCTOBER 7TH Welcome Back Party For Bill & Jimmy!!! FREE BUFFET In the evening! Come & Enjoy!!!

Half-Pound Burgers, Club, Chicken & Ham & Cheese Sandwiches! ALL DAY Breakfast with both a VALUE breakfast and a SUPER breakfast! Grilled Cheese and Grilled Ham & Cheese Sandwiches!