The prominent void of something being missing from Ryans life was becoming hard to ignore.

His life remained stagnant, dull, and colorless. That is, until Ryan met Steve. Steve was definitely not your normal teenage boy. If a normal person jumped, he climbed if the teacher told him to write an essay, he turned his into a masterpiece making every other essay bland in comparison. He leaped through life with innovative ideas that seemed ridiculous to everyone that heard them. Most people referred to him as weird and outcasted him because of his never ending imagination. Steve and Ryan became instant friends, something just drew them together. It seemed as if everyday he injected Ryans life with the imagination and excitement that was needed. In art they were given toothpicks to create anything they wanted. The common creations were simple things such as houses, or even smiley faces but those were not sufficient for Steve. He created a mobile dinosaur out of toothpicks, glue, and other simple trinklets. People started becoming drawn more and more to the boys without limits, and by the end of the year the whole class was making toothpick dinosaurs just like him. Steve and Ryan graduated and parted ways. It had been many years since Ryan had heard of him. Until he saw him once again on T.V. He was advertising some apple computer of his. Many people were skeptical of Steve and his talents saying that they were not going to be that great but Ryan remembered Steve and knew that his imagination could take him anywhere. thirty years later, Steve, the kid who was outcasted by his crazy imagination,

was a billionaire. Responsible for the IPhone, ITouch, Mac, and the IPad, Ryans weird friend Steve Jobs was the most influential man of our century. Revise, Edit, Accept STAAR Literary Writing Checklist Score: R E-85 A

You need to work on:

Organization/Progression Creating a clear theme. Creating a coherent story line. Adequately addressing the prompt. Developing your introduction. Developing your body paragraphs. Developing your conclusion. Details contributing to the effectiveness of the story. Characters, events, and ideas focused and unify the story. Story having a logical progression. Re-arranging ideas/paragraphs/sentences. Eliminating ideas that are not relevant. Ideas Details that are lacking. Need to add more substance to the story. Story is too shallow. Needs to be more thoughtful. Story is boring. Needs to be more engaging Story is too clich . A hundred other writers will write about the same topic. Voice and Word Choice Need more vivid and expressive word choice Word choice is too elementary. Unnecessary repetition. Fluency Using effective sentence forms. Using a variety of sentence structures. Eliminating awkward sentences and/or phrases. Conventions Using accurate spelling. Punctuating correctly throughout your paper. Capitalizing correctly. Sentence structure (run-ons and fragments) Indenting for each paragraph. Making your subjects and verbs agree.

Making your pronouns and their antecedents agree.