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Upstate Counseling

Mini Series Book 1

Anger
As seen on Lets Talk with Natalie Davis

Table of Contents
Symptoms of Anger.4 Lies about Anger.5 Sources of Anger.6 Ways to Respond to a Angry person13 The Resolution16 The Biblical Principles of Anger...23 Land Mines.32 The Story of Two Dogs.33 Scriptures on Anger39

One of the most common prayer requests that I receive from women is to pray for their husband or boyfriend who is destroying their family or relationship through anger. The anger is exhibited through violent or abusive behavior toward them or their children. Women are not exempt from having problems with anger either. Usually, the children get the blunt end of their anger. Anger is often exhibited in a passive-aggressive type of behavior. Individuals may hold their anger inside until it becomes so great that they can't control it any longer. Then they explode. Sometimes the anger is turned inward and the result is suicidal thoughts. Educators also tell us that one of the major problems in public schools today is that of children and youth exhibiting anger and violence. We are seeing more and more school shootings coming out of anger. Parents often exclaim, "My child is out of control and I don't know what to do with him." So where does all this anger come from?
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Symptoms of Anger raised voice negative thoughts reddening of the face revengeful attitude rapid pulse aggressive behavior standing to speak clinched fist rapid speech restlessness glaring stare exaggeration of irritations tightness of the jaw unwillingness to listen nervous twitching or shaking argumentative sharp words or cursing forgetfulness closed communication violent actions backbiting

Some Lies About Anger 1. A Christian does not get angry. 2. Anger must always be vented or expressed. 3. It is O.K. to be angry if you just hold it inside you. 4. One has the right to be angry because someone has offended him. 5. One needs to control others by using anger. 6. I am not angry, just a bit irritated. (denial). 7. One can manage anger through knowledge and will power. (Self-deception).

Some Sources of Anger 1. Unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is probably the one major source for anger. Unforgiveness is holding someone accountable for a past offense. Jesus said that we are to forgive others, if not; the Father will not forgive others. Furthermore, if we don't forgive others we open the door for evil spirits to enter and take control of our lives. Anger can be the major controlling spirit. Note: "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled" (Hebrews 12:15). 2. Evil Spirits. The Scripture says, "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil" (Ephesians 4:26-27). Therefore, we are permitted to be angry one day, but not two. When we are angry longer than one day we open the door to our soul (mind, will and emotions) for an evil spirit to come into soul. This evil spirit will encourage and promote anger within the

individual. This spirit will seek to blind the individual from the truth. It will seek to deceive the individual by exaggerating the irritation and justifying the anger. This spirit will seek to control the individual and manifest expressions of anger. The spirit may also enter through unforgiveness (Matthew 18:21-35), through any kind of occult involvement, or through sexual relations with another person who has such evil spirits. 3. Stress Accumulation. We have the expression, "It was the straw that broke the back of the camel." In reality, the straw did not break the camel's back, but the straw was added to all the other weight. Conflict issues which are not properly handled are simply accumulated. The mother who was abused as a child may explode in anger with her own children when they disobey. The anger the mother felt because of her own abuse is a heavy burden. Then when her own children become an irritation to her, the straw breaks the camel's back and the mother explodes in anger toward her own children. The mother's anger toward her abuser is transferred to her own children.
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The employee may endure a few critical words from his boss. However, after a year of criticism by the boss, the employee may explode in anger. There may also be a series of losses or stress producing situations which produce a mental and emotional overload. The result may be anger. 4. Modeling. Modeling is a major factor in the development of anger behavior. Children who observe their parents exhibiting anger may grow up acting out their anger that same anger. The anger that is glorified in the drama on T.V., movies, and videos is often translated into a set to react in the minds of many children and adults. There is a truth in the adage, "Monkey see, monkey do." "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go" (Proverbs 22:24). Furthermore animated video games of unrestricted anger, aggression, and violence implant a stage for unrestricted anger and violence to be acted out without conscious thought of what is right or the consequences

of such behavior. The newest villain is the medieval and occultic war games that one my access through the internet.

5. Generational Curse of Anger. "Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me" (Exodus 20:5). An iniquity is an inherited "bent" toward sin that is passed from one generation to the next. As there are inherited physical traits, there are also inherited negative personality traits. The "chip" off the old block may be a valid adage. Junior may wrestle with anger because his Dad or Mom wrestled with anger. Furthermore, Dad and Mom may have wrestled with anger because their parents and grandparents wrestled with anger.

6. Possessiveness. Possessiveness coupled with loss or fear of loss is another major cause for anger. Possessiveness is holding on to what one believes to be his personal right or expectation. Therefore, when someone believes that he should have a certain job, position, or recognition, but loses or fails to receive it, the result may be anger. If a child believes he should have a toy, but a sibling gets it instead, the result is anger. The wife that feels that she should have the right to be appreciated by her husband, but does not receive it may get angry. The teenager, who feels he should be free to go with wherever he wants, but is grounded by his parents, may become angry. The man who fails to live up to his self-imposed expectations may get angry at himself. When anger is turned inward, it may also lead to thoughts of suicide.

One may even become angry at God when God does not live up to his expectations. Envy is closely associated with anger because it is desire to have what someone else has. Jealousy in contrast deals with a loss of favor and often results in rage. "So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple" (Luke 14:33). 7. Control-reaction. Control-reaction is my own term for a description of a source of anger. Quite often small children learn that they can control the situation through anger if their parents don't stop them. The picture is that Johnny has a temper tantrum to get what he wants. As a youth, he may become the "bully" displaying anger to control the situation. In marriage, he may use anger to control his wife and children. Anger becomes a means of manipulation. Anger becomes a necessary friend.

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8. Misunderstanding about God At times we don't see the big picture. We may take one look at the situation and declare that God is unfair. This view often produces anger. Job cursed the day that he was born because of this view (Job 3:1-3). David became very distressed when he saw the wicked prosper. He said, "When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me" (Psalm 73:16). Jonah became very angry because he thought that God was unfair. "But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry" (Jonah 4:1).

Ways To Respond To An Angry Person 1. Speak softly and slowly. 2. Ask sincere questions. ("Why do you feel that way? Can you help me to understand what you are saying?") 3. Listen closely to individual to hear what they are really saying beyond the words they are speaking. 4. Have a servant attitude. ("What can I do to help solve the problem?") 5. Have a forgiving attitude. (Purpose before God in prayer to forgive by His grace.) 6. Rebuke Satan. ("In the name of Jesus, I bind the spirit of anger {and etc.} and command anger to leave.") 7. Compliment the angry person. ("You are the best husband in the whole world.")

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8. Confess in personal offense (wrongs done toward the other person) and ask for their forgiveness. 9. Speak the truth in love. ("I do care about how you feel and I believe you are angry because ....") 10. Make gentle physical contact with the angry person. (Example: place your hand upon their hand or upon their shoulder.) 11. Yield any personal rights and expectations that the person has violated unto the Lord. (Example: "Lord Jesus, I yield to you the right for others to appreciate me.") 12. Pray and ask the Lord to open the door of opportunity for you to do something good for the individual that he or she might appreciate.

13. Pray for the person that is angry. ("Lord, I ask that you heal and set that person free from anger.") 14. Receive healing for hurts. (Jesus was sent to heal the broken hearted.) 15. Ask God to fill you with His grace of LOVE that you may show God's love to the individual.

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The Resolution.. 1. Forgiveness. Jesus said, "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you" (Matthew 6:14). Forgiveness means that we give the offender a gift which he does not deserve. Look at the word "Forgive-ness". Give is in the middle. We are to no longer hold the offender responsible for his offense. Jesus is our example. "Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots" (Luke 23:34). Paul also wrote, "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye" (Colossians 3:13).

2. Deliverance. First, we are to forgive. Second, we are to put the offender in God's hands and ask Him to forgive. Third, we are to ask God to forgive us for yielding any ground to the enemy through unforgiveness or bitterness. Fourth, we are to ask God to take back the ground that we have yielded to the enemy any other sin or sin habit. Finally, we are to take authority over the enemy in the name of Jesus and bind him and command him to leave our mind, will, emotions, body, and the area. "And these signs shall follow them that believe; in my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues" (Mark 16:17). We are to use the Word to drive the enemy out and to shut the door. "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" (James 4:7).

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3. Unload your cares. "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world" (I Peter 5:7-9). We were not meant to handle all the cares of life. We are to live by the grace of God working in us. "For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13). There also may be a need to receive healing for past emotional wounds. Jesus came to heal us of our emotional wounds and set us free from the blow to our identity (Luke 4:18).

4. New Model. We need to change what we focus our attention on. "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God" (Romans 12:2). "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things" (Philippians 4:8). We may also need to see ourselves as who we are in Christ. "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new" (II Corinthians 5:17).

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5. Break the Generational Curses. Here we need to understand that Jesus became the curse for us that we might be set free from the curse. "Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree: That the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith" (Galatians 3:13-14). In brief, we must come to see that we have been both crucified that the body of sin might be destroyed and resurrected that we might live a new life in him. "Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord" (Roman 6:11).

6. Yield your personal rights to God. First, Jesus gave up his rights. "But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men" (Philippians 2:7). Even in the garden as he faced death he said, "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done" (Luke 22:42). Second, Jesus also instructed us to give up our personal rights. "And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me" (Luke 9:23). Moses had to throw down his rod before God as a symbol of throwing down everything in his life. "And the LORD said unto him, What is that in thine hand? And he said, A rod. And he said, Cast it on the ground. And he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from before it" (Exodus 4:2-3).

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7. Use peace. Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God" (Matthew 5:9). Solomon said, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger" (Proverbs 15:1). Paul wrote, "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men" (Romans 12:18). The author to the Hebrews said, "Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord" (Hebrews 12:14). 8. See from God perspective. When Job came to see from God's perspective, he came to see that God was righteous and fair. He declared, "I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee" (Job 42:5). When David went to the temple and saw things from God's view he changed is attitude toward the wicked (Psalms 73:17-28). Jonah needed to see that it is God's nature to be merciful and loving God to anyone who would repent and receive His mercy and kindness, even Jonah's enemy.

The Biblical Principles of Anger Anger is similar to fear in its effect on our body, but it is energy to resolve problems or injustices. It has been given as a gift to us, so that we will have the motivation and energy to overcome our problems. Unfortunately, it too can be used incorrectly with dire consequences. When we bury it, anger can lead to bitterness and sickness. There are a number of Greek words for anger and wrath so it is necessary to carefully interpret verses on this subject. Orge means a strong controlled passion or impulse. Thumos is usually translated wrath and means an agitated condition or outburst which quickly blazes and subsides. Paraorgismos is stronger but more short lived than Orge. Cholao means to be enraged.
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1. Anger is energy to resolve problems and to bring justice. We need anger in order to resolve our problems. We are made in the image of God. We need to learn to use anger correctly as God does. Nah 1:3 The LORD is slow to anger, and great in power, and will not at all acquit the wicked: the LORD hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet. Psalms 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

2. The wrong use of anger can be a destructive curse to us. Ge 49:7 Cursed be their anger, for it was fierce; and their wrath, for it was cruel: I will divide them in Jacob, and scatter them in Israel. 3. We can control the amount of anger that we have by how we perceive our problems and by what we say. If we take things personally or perceive that the other person did things intentionally, we will be angrier. If we tell ourselves that they have a problem and that what they have done says nothing about us, we will be less agitated. We can actually talk to ourselves in such a way that our anger level decreases. Pr 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

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4. We must not react to a situation, but take time to think it through and respond to it. Sometimes this requires taking an anger break to calm ourselves down. Taking time to evaluate the situation instead of reacting to it is called being slow to anger. Pr 16:32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

Jas 1:19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

5. We are to use our anger to resolve our problems and to bring justice speedily. Sometimes taking dramatic action is the only option when we have done everything else that can be done. Jesus cleared the money changers from the temple himself when he realized that the Pharisees and leaders themselves were involved in the corruption. Jo 2:13 And the Jews' Passover was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem, 14 And found in the temple those that sold oxen and
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sheep and doves, and the changers of money sitting: 15 And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen; and poured out the changers' money, and overthrew the tables; 6. If we cannot resolve the problem, we are to give it and our anger to God.

Ro 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

7. Sometimes the best thing to do is just drop our anger. However, if we do this we must be sure we are not stuffing it. If we stuff it, it will erupt at a different and inappropriate time and place.

Pr 19:11 The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.

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8. We are to resolve our anger issues before we go to bed. This is critical because we will start the next day with whatever level of anger remains from the previous day. Since we have only one anger level, if we are still very angry from events from the previous day, we will only have a small margin of anger control remaining until we blow up on the following day. Eph 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 9. We are not to provoke others to anger. If we do, we may only be increasing contention and strife. Pr 20:2 The fear of a king is as the roaring of a lion: whoso provoketh him to anger sinneth against his own soul.

Eph 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 10. Problems with anger and wrath in our lives can become a stronghold. The adrenaline that accompanies anger can become an addictive agent. Pr 19:19 A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment: for if thou deliver him, yet thou must do it again.

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Buried or Stuffed Anger and Land Mines One additional area needs to be discussed-that of buried anger and land mines. When we have not used our anger appropriately in the past we bury or stuff it and it builds up. Then when something similar happens we explode in anger and so something inappropriate because the anger we are releasing was not even for that particular problem. In addition, experiences from the past that have not been adequately resolved are like land mines. A person does something that reminds us of the previous event and we explode using the unresolved anger from the past.

The Story Of Two Dogs Overcoming Anger Some years ago as I was studying about anger, God gave me a little story to communicate some counseling principles about it. There was this little old lady that had two dogs. One was a great big ugly furiosus, Pitbull dog that she named Anger. She kept Anger penned up in her back yard. Actually, she was afraid to let him out of the yard. People would be afraid of him, and someone just might get bit by him. The second dog was a small, friendly sheep dog which she had named Peace. She allowed Peace to come into her house and even took Peace with her when she walked to a nearby market. She had a small cart and a harness made for Peace so that he could pull the cart to and from market. There was just one problem. Since Peace was such a small dog, he was not able to pull the cart fully loaded. Usually when this little old lady did her shopping, she would only partially load the cart and end up carrying a couple of bags of groceries in her arms.
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One day she got the harness, put it on Peace, hooked him up to the cart, and started off to market. On the way there some teenage bullies stopped her and begin to make fun of her and her little dog pulling the little cart. The more they teased her, the more she got upset. Finally, one of boys pulled a switchblade knife out of his pants' pocket and cut the harness attached that attached Peace to the cart. Another boy grabbed Peace and ran off with him with the other boys following. The little old lady just helplessly stood there in shock. Not knowing what to do, the little old lady picked up the tongue of the cart and dragged it back home. She was hurt. She was devastated. She wondered out into her back yard. She was so upset that Anger, her big Pitbull dog, sensed her emotional hurts. Then Anger began to pace back and forth in the yard. He began to snarl and show his teeth. The lady became almost terrified. What if Anger jumped the fence and went and bit someone? What if Anger turned and even bit her? In desperation, she dropped to her knees and began to pray. "Lord, some bullies have stolen my Peace and Anger is almost out of

control! Help me!" In a few moments, God spoke to her and she got up from off her knees and went back into her house. She went into a storage room and dug through the closet. She found it! It was a larger harness that she had made to fit Anger. She also found a leash. However, she had always been afraid to put harness and leash on him. Again, Anger was so big, ugly, and furiosus that she knew that people would be afraid of him. She returned to her back yard and called Anger. He seemed to know what was about to happen and didn't resist as when she put the harness on him. She attached the leash to the harness and wrapped the leash tightly about her right hand. She opened the gate and said, "Anger, let's go and find Peace." With Anger being the dog that he was, he quickly picked up the scent of Peace and led the little old lady to the home of the bullies. She found a nearby phone booth and called the police. The police came, found Peace, and returned him to the lady. She returned home with her two dogs. When she got home and finished repairing Peace's harness, she suddenly realized that she still had not been to market. Then she got an idea. She attached Anger
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directly in front of the cart. Then she attached Peace out in front of Anger. Since Anger was such big, strong dog, he could help carry the heavy load of the cart. Also, with Anger being such a ferocious dog, he would keep the bullies away. With Peace leading the way, other people would not be so afraid. The end. We can see several truths in this story. First, everyone has the capacity of having the emotions of both anger and peace. In fact, anger is a God-given emotional capacity. God, Himself, gets angry. Yes, even Christians get angry (Ephesians 4:26). Second, rather than opening the gate and saying, "Sic-em, Anger", we are to be slow to anger. "A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife" (Proverbs 15:18). God is slow to anger (Psalm 108:3). Third, a sense of loss often stirs up anger. Fourth, anger is a strong, energy charged, emotion. Fifth, the energy of the emotions of anger can be re-channeled to help resolve difficult situations. This brings us to see specifically, one of the ways to deal with anger. On one occasion, Jesus went to Jerusalem to the temple and found the merchandising of animals for

sacrifice (John 2:13-17, Mark 11:15-18). When people came to the temple, they brought with them animals to be sacrificed as a part of Hebraic worship. However, the priests examined the animals to see if they were fit for sacrifice. Of course, they would usually find something wrong with the animals, especially if Gentiles had brought them. However, they just happened to have animals inside that they had already approved. Of course, the prices for the approved animals were exorbitant. Jesus surveyed the situation, became extremely angry, but took the time to pick up some cords off the temple floor and braided a whip. He drove the money changers out of the temple, let out the animals from their cages, poured out their money, and overturned their tables. Then Jesus declared the Word, "Is it not written, My house shall be called of all nations the house of prayer? but ye have made it a den of thieves" (Mark 11:17). When the disciples observed the assertive actions of Jesus, they remembered the scripture, "The zeal of thine house hath eaten me up" (John
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2:17). Yes, Jesus got very angry! On another occasion when the Pharisees watched to see if Jesus would heal a man with a withered hand on the Sabbath, he also became very angry. "And when he had looked round about on them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch fourth thine hand" (Mark 3:5). However, Jesus was slow to anger. He took the time to pick up the cords from off the temple floor in our original passage. The he converted the energy of anger into a zeal to resolve the problem. He picked up the cords, braided them into a whip, drove out the money changers, overturned the tables, poured out the money, opened the cages letting out the animals, and assertively declared the truth. He changed the emotionally charged energy of anger into energy to resolve the situation, at least on a temporal basis.

Some Scriptures on Anger Genesis 4:5-7 "But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell. And the LORD said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen? If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him." Job 5:2 "For wrath killeth the foolish man, and envy slayeth the silly one." Psalms 18:48 "He delivereth me from mine enemies: yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man." Psalms 37:8 "Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil." Proverbs 14:17 "He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated."

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Proverbs 16:32 "He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city." Proverbs 21:19 "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman." Proverbs 22:24 "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go." Proverbs 25:28 "He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls." Proverbs 27:4 "Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?" Proverbs 29:22-23 "An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression. A man's pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.

Jonah 4:9 "And God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And he said, I do well to be angry, even unto death." Matthew 5:22 "But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire." Ephesians 4:26-27 "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil." Ephesians 4:31-32 "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Colossians 3:8 "But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth."
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Titus 1:7 "For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre." James 1:19-20 "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God." Ecclesiastes 7:8-9 Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools."

Upstate Counseling 11075 Watson Dr Seneca, South Carolina 29672

Phone 1 (864) 438-0564

Email natalie@upstatecounseling.net

Website http://www.upstatecounseling.net

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