Alex Barlow Ms.

Caruso English 1103 14 October 2012 Society, Facebook, and Marriage

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In a world full of corruption and bad influences, its becoming harder to find the middle ground to stand on. Couples today are facing challenges that their grandparents would have been shunned over fifty years ago. Cheating, lying, and divorce are at all time highs in relationships and its making it tough for couples to stay loyal to each other (Borchard par.9). This is causing problems with couples because they find it more difficult to believe what the significant other is telling them. They do not know how to distinguish what is the truth and what is a lie. As a member of todays society, most people feel the need to always be in contact with someone. As a result, individuals are finding it easier to reconnect with exs and make new exciting friendships that can potentially be dangerous to a marriage. As Facebook continues to expand, it has become easier for society to stay connected and make new friends and a few enemies(Bertolucci par. 2). By understanding how Facebook originated, societys views on marriage, and how couples are dealing with Facebook as a whole, one can understand how Facebook is effecting couples today. Mark Zuckerberg started Facebook as a sophomore at Harvard University in February of 2004. In the beginning, his site was only available to Harvard students, but within a few months Facebook was moving its headquarters to California and making its site available to high school students across the nation. Facebook first introduced the Wall, which allowed users to write comments and messages for other people to view on their profile. Facebook then
Alex Barlow 12/4/12 10:26 PM Comment [2]: Reworded to sound more clear. Deleted unnecessary sentence that followed. Alex Barlow 11/26/12 11:54 AM Comment [3]: Quote moved from paragraph 2 to paragraph 1. Alex Barlow 12/4/12 10:23 PM Comment [1]: Added in more

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introduced the news feed which posed many questions regarding user privacy and the intent Facebook was trying to achieve. After introducing the news feed and getting away with it, Facebook introduced Facebook chat and the Like button. After huge privacy concerns, Facebook implemented privacy settings for its timeline and allowed users to pick and choose who is allowed to see what is posted before being published onto the timeline (Milestones par.4). With concerns over privacy, Facebook has also made things a little too private. By allowing users to use private messages, IMs, and disclose certain information to certain people, its becoming less about what goes on in public, and more about what goes on behind the computer screen. These private messages have challenged many couples and made it hard for them to know what the other person is doing online. In divorce cases, this is one of the harder things for them to prove when filing. If a person deletes his/her messages, its next to impossible for those messages to be retrieved. Also, its harder for the attorney to prove the clients mishaps without the actual proof from the messages (par.6-9). Today, a marriage has a 50/50 chance of surviving intact within the first few years. Many think its unnecessary. Why do I need a piece of paper to prove I love this person? is a common question many are asking. In many instances the old rhyme, rst comes love, then comes marriage, then comes junior in a baby carriage, has been shufed around. It now seems more like, first comes love (or in most cases lust), then comes junior in the baby carriage, then comes marriage, maybe if the couple is lucky. In most cases today, the woman is pregnant before the couple has even considered marriage or starting a family. As much as anything else, this confused behavior comes from a complete misunderstanding of marriage in our society today (Sniderman par.5). Many couples are asking themselves where they are going in the relationship and many are confused as to what their partner wants out of life and the relationship. Marriage
Alex Barlow 12/4/12 9:25 PM Comment [5]: Condensed this paragraph Alex Barlow 12/4/12 9:24 PM Comment [4]: Took out All these new features made it extremely easy for couples to stay connected. It also made it so much easier to reconnect. Most of the new features were liked by many, but also caused problems with others. As couples found new ways to get around the truth, it also became easier for them to conceal a lie.

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has become less popular through the years and many are filing for divorce within the first year of being married. However, how is the other 50 percent of couples making it through the first year and beyond? By forming close ties and arguing less, couples are fighting to stick together, not fall apart. Many couples are going against the norm and agreeing to not have social media accounts and also limiting the amount of time they spend away from each other (par.7). By focusing more on one-on-one time, the couples are working more as team player, not as an opponent. In the past, marriages happened because the need for children, someone to pass on their property, and to simply not be alone in life. The grandparents and great grandparents of the past wanted to be reassured that what they had worked hard for in life was taken care of and passed down for future generations. In society today, younger couples are focused more on the basics, like love and the family values that they instill in their children. They are not having a family because they need someone to look after the farm or someone to run the family business when they pass away. Katherine Bindley reports in her article, "Facebook Relationship Problems: How Social Networking And Jealousy Affect Your Love Life", how social networking sites, like Facebook, interfere with relationships. She mentions how Facebook can alter a relationship by giving examples of what causes Facebook to be problematic in a relationship. She mentions ways to prevent these problems from the beginning so they will not hurt the relationship. Messaging someone you hooked up with before you met your current love interest, analyzing a wall post on your significant other's page, stewing over a suspicious picture but not actually asking about it -all of these have been known to tank relationships (Bindley par.5). Bindley describes in detail how couples use this site, but she never really gives a good understanding of how couples are preventing it from killing their relationship. To be clear, Facebook itself isn't to blame for the
Alex Barlow 12/4/12 9:39 PM Comment [8]: Deleted sentence that made no sense. Alex Barlow 12/4/12 9:40 PM Comment [9]: Removed introduction to quote. Tried to make it flow better. Alex Barlow 12/4/12 9:38 PM Comment [7]: Reworded Alex Barlow 12/4/12 9:31 PM Comment [6]: Added more detail on the couples.

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demise of domestic bliss. Instead, it's an avenue by which threats can develop if you fail to communicate about them, and one that can exacerbate problems that already exist (par.4). This quote explains that Facebook is not responsible for the actions couples choose to make while on the site. It is simply their choice who they talk to and who they come in contact with. So why are couples continuing to get into so much trouble on this website? The relationship may very well start out with innocent energy, a combustion erupting from excitement and shared interest, but you never know when one or both parties might get attached. Therefore become needy and jealous and it becomes a problem for one or both of the marriages involved (Borchard, par.2). With the start of this spark, many couples are finding this new relationship more interesting than the marriage they are involved in currently. It is common for women to become more emotionally attached to the new relationship than it is for men. This is proved by the large amount of divorce cases that are being filled by men stating that their wives have been unfaithful and cheating on them via Facebook. A recent article titled, "What Happens on Facebook...Can Ruin a Marriage" lists different encounters that Facebook places in a couples life (talking to exs, private messages, flirty on posts and pictures, etc.). Each encounter can weigh heavy on how a relationship functions and eventually, if they will work out in the long road. Add to this that people feel bolder behind a screen than in person, people still foolishly believe that what happens on Facebook, stays on Facebook, people type and press Send faster than common sense can kick in, and people feed off the rush theyre feeling rather than rationally thinking about what theyre doing("What Happens" par. 2). This article explains that couples need to talk to each other about what is happening on Facebook and how communication can determine how they cooperate as a team. It also talks about this quote, which is referring to couples stirring up old
Alex Barlow 12/4/12 10:04 PM Comment [11]: Reworded and combined with next sentence. Alex Barlow 12/4/12 9:48 PM Comment [10]: Added to make more elaborate and added in new source.

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flames with new ones. Reaching out to a past love interest and reminiscing about the good ole times recalls the feelings for one or both of the people. The longer the jaunt down memory lane, the better the chances that an emotional or physical affair will occur (par.3). Communicating with ones partner is the key to making any relationship work. If either partner is confused as to what is appropriate, then it can cause uncertainties and later cause tension that can be unhealthy for a relationship. By talking things through thoroughly and setting limits before they are exceeded, couples can focus on what really matters in a healthy relationship. Dont spend more time on Facebook than you should. How much time is that? It depends on what your spouse says. Communicate with your spouse and ask them, Am I spending too much time online? You want to make sure your spouse is your number 1 relationship, not your buddies on Facebook(Morgan par.7). By asking the spouse about what is acceptable, couples are preventing problems before they arise. They are also opening up lines for communication and small talk that is essential to success in relationships. Potentially one of the best quotes on Facebook and marriage describes how taking responsibility and accepting the consequences of ones online activity is part of accomplishing ones wedding vows. Watching what you post (and how it comes across to others) is part of online etiquette. Ensuring that comments are not inappropriate is a part of personal decency. Flirting with no one but your spouse is a part of fulfilling the wedding vows (par. 8). Even in todays world, couples are trying very hard to stay loyal and avoid things that can tank a relationship. Articles that are advising couples on how to have a happy relationship on the Internet can be very useful and help them stay focused on one another. Some couples handle relationships better than others. Most couples are working hard to keep their relationship going strong and sincerely care for the other person; however, it is the
Alex Barlow 12/4/12 10:19 PM Comment [12]: Added in the new quote from Morgan and reworded my sentences so they fit together better. Worked on word structure.

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smaller population of couples that dont trust each other that gives couples on Facebook a bad reputation. Facebook has been blamed for many divorces and break ups since it first originated, but it has been proven that it is a personal choice whether it interferes with the relationship or not. Many authors and psychologists have published research on how Facebook affects marriage and it has become a well-known topic in America and across the world. With countless sources to back up this point of view it is hard to ignore the cold, hard facts. Facebook can be dangerous to a relationship, but it doesnt always have to be.

Alex Barlow 12/4/12 10:20 PM Comment [13]: Took your advice and reworded the phrase from truly dont care to dont trust each other.

 Works Cited

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Alex Barlow 12/4/12 10:22 PM Comment [14]: Formatted differently.

Bertolucci, Jeff. "InformationWeek: The Business Value of Technology." Informationweek. UBM Tech, 18 May 2012. Web. 11 Nov. 2012. Bindley, Katherine. "Facebook Relationship Problems: How Social Networking And Jealousy Affect Your Love Life." The Huffington Post. 09 Sept. 2011. Web. 29 Sept. 2012. Borchard, Therese J. "Does the Internet Promote or Damage Marriage? World of Psychology." Psych Central.com. 23 Mar. 2011. Web. 29 Sept. 2012 "Milestones in Facebook's History." The Sydney Morning Herald. Fairfax Media, 18 May 2012. Web. 02 Nov. 2012. http://www.smh.com.au/. Morgan, Trey. "11 Facebook Rules for Married Couples."treymorgan.net. WordPress, 01/08/2011. Web. 30 Sep 2012. "What Happens on Facebook...Can Ruin a Marriage." 23 May 2012. Web. 29 Sept. 2012. http://techlationships.com/2012/05/23/what-happens-on-facebook-can-ruin-a-marriage/.