Kevin Graham 12/14/12 EPS 513 Planning Commentary 1.

Content Focus and Standards Summarize the central focus for the content you will teach in this learning segment. Describe the standards that relate to this content. The objective for this lesson is: students will be able to know the key parts of an effective essay introduction. This lesson is part of a larger unit on Hammurabis Code. In this unit, students looked at primary source documents about Hammurabis Code. After studying the documents, students will write an essay answering the focus question: Hammurabis Code, was it just? At this point in the unit, the students have studied the documents, discussed the documents, and outlined their ideas of whether or not Hammurabis Code is just. This lesson is where students will first begin writing their essays. Because students have little or no experience writing a standard five paragraph essay, this lesson will teach the basic mechanics of writing an effective introduction for their essays. The lessons that follow this lesson will teach the mechanics of the rest of an essay, including body paragraphs and the conclusion. The learning standard for this lesson is Common Core standard 4: Present information, findings, and supporting evidence such that listeners can follow the line of reasoning and the organization, development, and style are appropriate to task, purpose, and audience. This standard was chosen because it is important for students to be able to present their ideas in an organized manner that is appropriate to the audience and task. The essay introduction is the first thing that the audience reads, and it sets the tone for the rest of the essay. For the students to have a strong essay, they need an effective introduction. 2. Knowledge of Students to Inform Teaching For each of the categories listed below (a-d), describe what you know about your students prior learning and experiences with respect to the central focus of the learning segment. What do they know, what can they do and what are they are learning to do? Be very specific about how you have gained knowledge about your students. What sources of data have informed you? What teaching experiences have informed you? a) Academic development (e.g., prior knowledge, prerequisite skills, ways of thinking in the subject areas, developmental levels, special educational needs) . For this lesson, it is important to understand where students are at in terms of their writing and reasoning abilities in order to inform the design of the lesson. This lesson focuses on the writing of an introduction for a five paragraph essay. The prerequisite skills required for this lesson are an understanding of the topic. Students have to understand what Hammurabis Code is and whether or not they think it is just. They must understand the position they are taking and have evidence from the documents to support that information. Once they know their position, they will have guidance when writing their introduction and the rest of the essay. The ability to reason and argue will be a very important prerequisite skill when writing the introduction. Students will need to be able to use the evidence from the documents to come up with a position. They will also need to be able to use the evidence to argue their position. Because this lesson focuses on the writing of an essay introduction, it is important to understand the students strengths and weaknesses in this area. By looking at student writing samples, it was concluded that the students have the base skills to be able to write coherently in order to communicate. However, through looking

at previous essays that students have written, it is clear that students do not understand the structure and organization of a five paragraph essay. The students are familiar with writing an extended response, and this could be the cause of the lack of understanding of the five paragraph essay. While reading the writing samples, it seemed that the students are confusing the extended response with the five paragraph essay. Because students are not familiar with the five paragraph essay, this lesson became necessary in order to instruct students on the key features of an effective introduction. As for special education needs, there are no students in this class with IEPs. This class is a mix of sixth and seventh grade students who perform higher academically than the other seventh grade class. This students in this class scored higher in the NWEA testing, ISATs, and on in-class work the previous year. b) Academic Language development (e.g., students abilities to understand and produce the oral or written language associated with the central focus and standards/objectives within the learning segment). As stated in the previous section, based on samples of student writing, it is clear that students have the basic skills needed to write coherently in order to communicate. Earlier in this unit, students had the opportunity to have a debate on their positions of whether or not Hammurabis Code is just. The students had to have a clear thesis, use text evidence to support their thesis, and have a strong argument to show how their text evidence supported the thesis. Through the use of observation and a rubric, it is clear that the students understand how to support a position using text evidence and a strong argument when speaking. However, students will need to be able to use these skills in their writing in order to have an effective introduction and essay. c) Family/community/cultural assets (e.g., relevant lived experiences, cultural expectations, and student interests). Because of the way this unit is set up, student interest is very important in this lesson and unit. After reading through the documents, students have to take a position on whether they believe Hammurabis Code is just or unjust. Students have to form an opinion based on the evidence presented in the documents. This particular class of students enjoys every opportunity to be able to take sides in an issue and argue for their position. Because these students enjoy debating issues, they have an interest in this unit, and will have an interest in presenting their ideas in an essay format. The main topic of this unit, Hammurabis Code, is about a set of laws created over 4,000 years ago. Many of these laws include harsh punishments for specific crimes. The students have been very interested in the primary source documents so far. They have continually compared the laws from the Code to the laws we have today. They have also been able to include their own feelings and opinions to each law in the Code. The students are also interested in social issues. Any issue that involves matters that affect society as a whole or parts of society peaks these students interests. For example, this class has had discussions after the presidential debates. During these discussions, the students debated the issues that the presidential candidates debated. The students also wrote about these issues in their weekly writing assignments, without any prompting from the teacher. Another example is the debate the students had about the Chicago teacher strike. During this debate, the students were able to gather evidence to support their own opinions about the strike and how it affected the teachers, the school district, and the students and their families. Another example is segregation and racism. In their weekly writing assignments, many students write about issues of race. They are very outspoken when writing about issues that could affect them or other members of a society both past and present. d) Social and emotional development (e.g., ability to interact and express themselves in constructive ways, ability to engage in collaborative learning, nature of contributions to a positive literacy learning environment).

The students in this class jump at the opportunity to be able to interact with their peers. The vast majority of this class learns a lot from working with each other in small group and whole class activities. For this unit, students have been able to work together through partner work, small group, and whole class activities. During the class debate we had about whether or not Hammurabis Code is just, every student participated and shared their positions and arguments. The students were also able to build off of their peers arguments and positioned. Because the students were able to interact with their peers, they were more excited and willing to participate because they want to have the chance to be able to share their opinions with their peers. In this lesson, students will have the opportunity to share drafts of their introductions with each other. e) Learning strategies: what instructional and learning strategies have been effective for your students? How do you know? There are several learning strategies that have been effective for these students. The first learning strategy that has been effective is instructor modeling. In previous lessons, students have gained by seeing the teacher model the thinking behind whatever is being taught that lesson. For example, when this class was learning about making inferences, they benefitted from listening to the teacher model the thought process behind making inferences. After the initial lesson on inferences, students were still confused about the thought process behind making an inference. After listening to the teacher model the thought process by thinking out loud, the students had a better grasp of the inference process and more students answered the exit tickets correctly. In this lesson, the teacher will model how to write an introduction by thinking out loud through the process. Another learning strategy that has been effective for these students is think-pair-share. In previous lessons, students seemed more involved and interested in the lessons when they had the opportunity to interact with peers in a structured way. Think-pair-share allows the students come up with a response to a question or prompt and then share it with a partner. While sharing with a partner, the students are able to refine their thinking and responses before sharing with the whole group. During the share out, the students are able to share what they came up with and hear what the other partners came up with. In previous lessons, this strategy has proven to be a great way to generate student interest, generate lots of ideas, and to get more students to participate in the lesson. Another strategy that has been effective with these students is student examples. This strategy especially works well for writing lessons. In this strategy, the teacher or student reads aloud a good example that was written by one of the students. This gives students the opportunity to hear or see an example that gives them guidance on what their writing should look like or accomplish. This strategy also allows for students to share their work with their peers.This strategy has been used to show students how their weekly writing assignments should look. After using this strategy for the weekly writing assignments, more students were following the writing procedures and directions for the assignments, and the overall products were much better than in the previous weeks.

3. Supporting Student Learning Respond to prompts a-e below to explain how your plans support your students learning related to the central focus of the learning segment. As needed, refer to the instructional materials you have included to support your explanations. Cite research and theory to support your explanations.

a) Explain how your understanding of your students prior learning, experiences and development guided your choice or adaptation of learning tasks and materials, to develop students' abilities to successfully meet lesson segment outcomes. In this lesson, students will learn how to write an effective introduction to a five paragraph essay. Because it was discovered that the students did not know the structure of a five paragraph essay or an essay introduction, it was decided that this lesson needed to focus on the key parts of an effective introduction. The lesson relies on the students prerequisite skills to be able to take a stance on a topic and defend it. It also relies on the students skills to be able to write clearly and organize their writing. In th I do section of the lesson, the teacher will go through each of the key parts of an effective introduction. Each part will be explained/defined and examples will be given. For example, the teacher will define what an attention grabber is, how it is used, and an example of what an attention grabber looks like. In this way, students will not need to have prior knowledge of the parts of an effective introduction. Because these students are very social and do well with activities that include group work, it was important to include a segment that allowed for peer interaction. In the We do section of the lesson plan, there is a think-pair-share activity where students have to work partners to create an attention grabber for their introductions. This activity will allow students to have social interaction while having practice creating an attention grabber. The students will also be able to share out what they came up with to the rest of the class. There is also a segment in the lesson where the teacher or student will read aloud an introduction that was written in class by one of the students. This introduction will incorporate all of the key parts of an effective introduction. This will offer students an opportunity to hear an introduction draft that uses all of the parts. Because the students have such a great interest in social issues, this lesson incorporates social issues. Previously in the unit, students were able to look at Hammurabis laws and decide if they were just to the victim, the accused, and the society. The students were able to compare the laws to society today and to their own opinions and beliefs. The introduction will allow the students to begin writing about this social issue and incorporate their own stance on the issue. b) How are the plans for instruction sequenced in the learning segment to build connections between students prior learning and experiences and new content skills and strategies? Because the students have little or no experience and skills with writing an introduction for a five paragraph essay, it is important to take them through each part of an introduction in the I do section of the lesson. This will allow them to learn the parts of an introduction and what these parts look like. The I do section of the lesson will instruct students on: attention grabber, short summary/background information, and the question restated with the thesis. This section will also give students examples for each part of the introduction. This section is based on the first stage of Blooms Taxonomy where students will have to remember the key parts of an introduction. After the students have learned the key parts of an introduction, they will have an opportunity to see the writing of an introduction modeled for them in the We do section. The teacher will model how each of the parts of the introduction work together to form an effective essay introduction. In this section, the teacher will model the writing of an introduction as if the teacher was writing it for the essay topic that the students will be writing about. This section of the lesson is based on the second stage of Blooms Taxonomy where students will have to understand what what the key parts of an effective introduction are and what they look like. After watching the teacher model the writing of an introduction, the students will have a chance to practice writing a draft of their introduction in the You do section of the lesson. During this part of the lesson, students will have to use what they learned in the previous two sections and combine it with the outlines they

created earlier in the unit. The students will have to use their outlines to come up with their thesis and stance for their essays. The students will also be able to use what they learned in the debates they took part in during the prior lesson and build off of their previous arguments and thesis. This section of the lesson focuses on the third stage of Blooms Taxonomy where students have to apply what they learned about the key parts of an effective introduction while they are writing a draft of their introductions. This lesson teaches new content (essay introduction) and relates it to student background knowledge (understanding of Hammurabis Code). The lesson also progresses in a way that each section builds of the last. First, the students learn the key parts of an introduction. Next, the students watch the teacher modeling how the key parts are used. Finally, the students are able to practice writing an introduction on their own using what they learned in the previous two sections. c) Explain how, throughout the learning segment, you will help students make connections between skills and strategies in ways that support their abilities to deepen their content learning. In the I do section of the lesson, the teacher will teach the key parts of an effective introduction. It is important for students to understand what these parts are, how to identify them, and how to use them to create their own introductions. The teacher will instruct students that it is important be able to write an effective introduction for the rest of students academic careers. Introductions set up the framework for the rest of the essay. The students need to be able to communicate ideas effectively through writing. This means that writing must be clear and well organized. In the I do and We do sections of the lesson plan, the students will have the opportunity to see an introduction being modeled that is clear and organized. In the You do section, the students are able to practice writing an introduction using the key parts. This will help the students begin to write clearly and organized. d) Describe common developmental approximations and misunderstandings within your content focus and how you will address them. Through looking at student writing samples and discussing with a mentor teacher, it was found that there are several misunderstandings that students have when writing essay introductions. One misunderstanding is that the introduction is only one sentence at the beginning of the first body paragraph. Through the I do portion of the lesson, the students will see that the introduction is a separate paragraph that sets the stage for the body paragraphs. The students will learn exactly what the introduction consists of and what it looks like. Another misunderstanding is a weak or missing thesis. Before the lesson begins, there will be a short vocabulary exercise where students will define thesis using a synonym web. This section will help students understand what a thesis is before the lesson begins. In the I do section, an example of a thesis will be given so that students also know what a thesis looks like when it is used in an essay introduction. Also, students will have a chance to see the writing of a thesis being modeled during the We do section. This will reinforce what a thesis is and how it is written. Through the use of the vocabulary exercise and the I do and We do sections, students will have a better understanding of how to write a thesis for their introductions. A third misunderstanding that may occur is students putting too much into the introduction. In the past, students have tried to begin using text evidence and started their arguments in the introduction instead of in the body paragraphs. This will be cleared up during the I do section when students will learn exactly what goes into an introduction. This part of the lesson will be very clear so that students know exactly what an introduction consists of.

e) Describe any instructional strategies planned to support students with specific learning needs. This will vary based on what you know about your students, but may include students with IEPs, English learners, or gifted students needing greater support or challenge. In this class, there are no students with IEPs and no English language learners. There are, however, two students who are higher than the other students. In order to challenge these students, they will be able to assist students sitting at their groups after they have finished writing their own introductions. This will allow them to practice identifying parts of their peers introductions and give them more practice in trying to help their peers improve their introductions. This peer revision will create more of a challenge than simply writing their own introductions. 4. Supporting Student Understanding and Use of Academic Language Respond to the prompts below to explain how your plans support your students academic language development. a) Identify the key academic language demand and explain why it is integral to the central focus for the segment and appropriate to students academic language development. Consider language functions and language forms, essential vocabulary, and/or phrases for the concepts and skills being taught, and instructional language necessary for students to understand or produce oral and/or written language within learning tasks and activities. There are several key words that are essential to the lesson. The most important word is thesis. In order for students to have an effective introduction, they must have a clear and strong thesis. Without a strong thesis, the entire essay has no direction or focus. By understanding what a thesis is and what it looks like, students will be able to form a strong thesis of their own in order to guide their essays. A phrase that is essential for students to understand in this lesson is effective introduction. This phrase appears several times throughout the lesson. This phrase is also the entire focus of the lesson. Everything that students will do during this lesson all comes back to effective introduction. b) Explain how planned instructional supports will assist students to understand academic language related to the key language demand to express and develop their content learning. Describe how planned supports vary for students at different levels of academic language development. Before the lesson will begin, there will be a fifteen minute vocabulary exercise (see the bottom of the lesson plan). This exercise will focus on thesis. Students will have to create a synonym map in order to define thesis. This exercise will give students background knowledge and context before beginning the lesson. During the I do and We do section of the lesson, students will again be told what a thesis is and will be shown what a thesis looks like and how a thesis is written. Throughout the entire lesson, students will learn how to write an effective introduction. The I do section of the lesson is very explicit about what an effective introduction consists of. Students will learn the key parts of an effective introduction and how to write them. The students will also see an effective introduction being modeled for them by the teacher. All of this combined will be enough to drive home what an effective introduction is. 5. Monitoring Student Learning

a) Explain how the informal and formal assessments you select and/or designed will provide evidence you will use to monitor student progress toward the standards/objectives. Consider how the assessments will provide evidence of students use of content specific skills and strategies to promote rigorous learning. Before designing this lesson, student performance on a Reach assessment was evaluated. On this assessment, the entire class scored either a one or a zero. The main reasons for the low scores on this assessment were the lack of focus in the writing and the lack of organization. This lesson what designed in order to assist students in focusing and organizing their writing through the writing of an effective introduction. Before the lesson begins, there will be a Do Now that asks students what they already know about the parts of an introduction. This will allow the teacher to see if students have a grasp on certain parts of an introduction. If it is discovered that students know certain parts of an introduction, more focus will be given to the parts that students do not know. During the lesson, there will be checks for understanding to see that students are on pace with the lesson. During the You do section of the lesson, the teacher will circulate around and read what students have written for their introduction drafts. The teacher will be able to conference with students and clear up any confusions there may be. At the end of the lesson, there will be an Exit Ticket to assess whether or not the students grasped an understanding of the key parts of an introduction. The teacher will be able to meet with any students who did not answer the exit ticket correctly during the independent reading section of the lesson. The teacher will be able to conference either one-on-one or in small groups with these students to reteach any parts that the students did not understand. Students will be formally assessed on this lesson by their final essays. The teacher will use a rubric to grade students on their introductions. The rubric will measure the students use of the key parts of an introduction and how effectively they used them. b) Describe any modifications or accommodations to the planned assessment tools or procedures that allow students with specific needs to demonstrate their learning. Because the students in this class are composed of students of a higher academic achievement, there are not any students with IEPs or English learners. Therefore, there will be no need for accommodations or modifications to the assessments used in this lesson. Assessing Student Learning A. Analyzing Student Learning: 1. Summarize student performance in narrative and/or graphic form (e.g., table or chart). Overall, the results of the assessment of the essay introduction varied by each criteria of the rubric. The average points scored on the hook section was 1 out of 2 points possible (50% average). The average points scored on the summary and background information was 1.5 out of 2 points possible (75% average). The average points scored on the thesis statement was 1.25 out of 2 points possible (63% average). The average points scored on the roadmap was 0.5 out of 2 points possible (25% average). The average score overall was 4.25 out of 8 points possible (53% average).

2. Discuss what students appear to understand well and where they continue to struggle, including any misunderstandings, developmental approximations, confusions, or needs (including a need for greater challenge). Students appeared to understand the short summary and background knowledge used in an introduction because the average score was 75% on that section in the introduction of the essay. Compared to the students' previous writing samples, the students improved greatly. In previous writing samples, students either did not have a summary and background information or included too long of a summary that was unrelated or unimportant to the topic of the paper. The most common misunderstanding with the summary and background information was using background information that was unnecessary and not most relevant. Overall, the majority of students included a thesis statement in their introductions. However, many students included a thesis statement that was either unclear or weak, which led to the average score of 63%. After reading the students' thesis statements, it seems that there was confusion in the simplicity of the statement; many students attempted to tie it in with other parts of the essay, such as the hook or background information which made the thesis confusing. Judging by average score on the roadmap of 25%, most students did not understand the roadmap. Many students omitted the roadmap completely, but the few students who did include the roadmap received full credit. This data can suggest that students did either not understand that the roadmap was necessary, or did understand how to form one. There were very few students who attempted the roadmap who did not receive full credit. In other words, there were very few attempts at including the roadmap in the introductions. The hook section in the students' introductions was very inconsistent. Some students omitted the hook entirely, while other students included a hook that did not connect to the thesis or did not grab the readers attention. Other students included a hook that was clear and connected to the thesis. After assessing the hooks, it became clear that the biggest misunderstanding was that the hook must connect to the thesis or subject of the essay. 3. Consider common patterns across the class as well as groups of students with similar strengths or needs. Cite evidence to support your analysis from the 3 student work samples you selected. The three student work samples selected represent the common patterns across the class. As stated above, most students understood the short summary and background knowledge section of the introduction. Student A scored 2 out of 2 in this section. [4,000 years ago there was a king of Babylonia. His name was Hammurabi. He made 282 laws for his kingdom.] This student's background information was short, concise, and included only the necessary information that the reader needs to know in order to understand the background of the essay. Student B and C received 1 out of 2 in this section. [Student B:Hammurabi wrote these rules for Babylonia in 1756 BCE. Student C: Hammurabi was a king. He made over 200 laws.] These students included background information, but did not include all the information necessary (who, what, where, and when). As for the hook, the three work samples show the common patterns across the whole class. Student A included a hook [Is a law just, just because Shamash says so?] that was clear, grabbed the readers' attention, and connected to the thesis. Student B included a hook [Hammurabi's code was just or not just?] that did not grab the readers' attention and did not clearly connect to the thesis, which was true of many of the students in the class. Student C did not include a hook in the introduction, which was also true of several students across the class. The thesis statements in the introductions were present in most essays but had the common problem of being unclear. Student B's thesis [Yes it was just because Hammurabi wrote these rules for Babylon in 1756 BCE.] was present but was blended with the background information, which made the thesis unclear. Student C's thesis statement [He made 200 laws that were just and unjust but the statue of limitations is unjust] was confusing and unclear about which direction his essay was headed.

The three student samples also represent the common patterns across the whole class. Student A included a roadmap [After reading some laws about family, property, and injury, I can clearly see that Hammurabi's code was not just.] that was clear and let the reader know where the essay was headed in order to prove the thesis. This was true for almost all students who included a roadmap. Students B and C omitted the roadmap entirely, which was true for most of the class. This shows that most students had confusion about the roadmap overall. There were very few students who attempted the roadmap and didn't receive full credit. 4. Refer to your learning progression analysis you created from your student work samples. Describe individual learning strengths and weaknesses of your high performing and your low performing student. Student A received full credit on the introduction. This student included all parts of the introduction, and each part was clear and concise. This student's previous work samples showed limited use of the sections in the introduction (except the thesis). The work sample shows that the student understood each section of the introduction and how to use them in order to create an effective introduction overall. Student C received a 2 out of 8 on the introduction. This student only included two parts (thesis and background information) of the introduction. In previous writing samples, this student tended to not include introductions. This student's introduction shows that the student made some progress with using the thesis and background information, but needs more instruction with the other parts of the introduction that were not present. This student may not know the parts necessary to an effective introduction or does not understand how to construct them, which led the student to not include these parts in the introduction.

B. Feedback to Guide Further Learning: 1. How did the feedback you provided to each of the 2 focus students address the individual students needs and learning objectives? Reference specific evidence of submitted feedback to support your explanation. For my focus students, I chose two students (student B and C) who scored low on their introductions and have more trouble with writing based on their previous samples. These two students were chosen because they represented the difficulties that other students in the class faced. (see feedback at the end of the paper) Student B included a hook, background information, and a thesis statement. This student omitted the roadmap, which was true of many other students in the class. In the feedback I gave to this students, I began by telling the student the parts that were included in the introduction. Next, I alerted the student to the fact that there was not a roadmap present in the introduction, and why a roadmap is important. I also alerted the student to the fact that they can reference the sample essay in their Hammurabi packet to see what a roadmap looks like. I then gave a suggestion as to how the student can improve the thesis by separating it from the background knowledge in order to make it clearer. I believe that this feedback will offer the student a chance to include the missing section and strengthen the other section in the draft. I did not want to overload the student with ways to improve the essay. Instead, I wanted the student to focus on two things that would help to improve the essay. Student C included background information and a thesis. This student omitted the hook and roadmap. I first commented on the parts that the student included. Next, I suggested that the student strengthen the thesis by making it a clear statement and gave an example to the student for reference. Next, I alerted the student to the fact that the roadmap was missing. I then gave the student an example of a roadmap for reference. Finally, I alerted the student to the fact that the hook was missing. I then gave the student the different types of hooks that could be used. I offered more scaffolding to this student through the use of examples in the feedback because this student clearly showed more struggle with the introduction and would need more feedback in order to improve the draft.

2. What opportunities were or will be provided for students to apply the feedback to improve their work, either within the learning segment or at a later time? The students will able to use the feedback to revise their introductions after receiving instruction of the writing of the body paragraphs of the essay. The students will be able to use the feedback to create a final draft that can replace their previous score on the introduction. This opportunity to revise takes place after the learning segment. C. Using Assessment to Inform Instruction 1. Based on your analysis of student performance in the assessment, describe next steps for instruction for the whole class. The next step for whole class instruction will take place in the next writing unit. Students will again look at primary and secondary source documents and write an essay based off of a prompt. Students will receive whole class instruction focussing on using a hook and a roadmap in an introduction because the average scores were not above 50% overall. There will be small group reteaches focusing on thesis and background information because more than half of the class does not need instruction on these objectives. There will also be extension groups for students who scored very high on the essay after the first draft. These students will receive individual instruction based on their feedback for areas where they can still improve and extend even if the rest of the class is not ready to proceed. 2. Describe any individualized next steps for the 2 focus students. The two focus students will be included in the whole class and small group reteaches during the next unit. Student C will also receive small group instruction on each part of the introduction before revising the essay. During the next unit, it will be assessed whether or not these students need more need small group reteaches for any of the four parts of the introduction. 3. Explain how these next steps follow from your analysis of the student performances. The next steps focus on how students scored overall. Because the students as a whole scored above a 50% on one part of the introduction, then that part does not need to be retaught whole group. Instead, the students who scored lower will participate in small group reteaches. On the sections where students scored below 50%, there will be whole group instruction because over half of the class did not become proficient with the objective.

Criteria Hook

0 points No hook present.

1 point

2 points

Hook is present but may Hook is present and not connect with thesis connects to the thesis. or subject. May not grab Grabs readers' attention. readers' attention. Some background information. Not clear or is confusing. May be too long (more than 3 Clear and short (1-3 sentences) background information present. Fills the reader in on the

Summary/background information

No background info present.

sentences).

background of the subject. Tells: who, what, where, and when. Clear thesis statement that tells the reader the argument that the essay will prove. Clear roadmap lets the reader know where the essay is headed in the body paragraphs.

Thesis statement

No thesis present.

Thesis is not clear or is confusing.

Roadmap

No Roadmap present.

Roadmap is present but is either incomplete, confusing, or is not connected to the thesis.

Student Work Samples Student A: Is a law just, just because Shamash says so? Hook 4,000 years ago there was a king of Babylonia. His name was Hammurabi, He made 282 laws for his kingdom. Background information After reading some laws about family, property, and injury Roadmap I see clearly that Hammurabi's code was not just. Thesis Hook: 2 Background information: 2 Thesis: 2 Roadmap: 2 Comments: - Your introduction contains all the necessary parts of an introduction. Your thesis and roadmap are clear and tell exactly where your essay is headed. You use a question as a hook. In the future, lets work on using some different types of hooks (statistics, quotations, bold statement) to grab the reader's attention even more. Student B: Hammurabi's code was just or not just? Hook Yes it was just Thesis because hammurabi wrote these rules For Babylon in 1756 BCE. Background information There are many reasons why the code was fair. Hook: 1 Background information: 1 Thesis: 1 Roadmap: 0 Comments: Your essay contains a hook, thesis, and background information. I noticed that you did not include a roadmap for your essay that tells the reader where your essay is headed. How will you prove that the code is just? Look at the sample essay in your packet to see if you can include a roadmap similar to the sample. This can be included with your thesis in the end of the

introduction. Also, by keeping the thesis and background information separate, your introduction will be clearer to your reader. Student C: Hammurabi was a king. He made over 200 laws background information that were just and unjust but the statue of limitations is unjust. Thesis Why do I think they are unjust because they have laws that don't make sense. Hook: 0 Background information: 1 Thesis: 1 Roadmap: 1 Comments: - Your essay introduction contains a thesis and background information. To make your thesis stronger, use a strong statement: Hammurabi's code is just/unjust. Also, be sure to give a roadmap of how you will prove your thesis. What areas was Hammurabi's code unjust? Family, property, and injury laws or unfair to women and slaves? Use a hook as the first line of your essay to grab your reader's attention. This can be a question that gets your reader thinking about the topic.