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In This Issue: SG Presents: Junior, Vol. 5

Duo Interpretation Two Telephone Conversations by Ross Parker........................................................................................4

Duo Interpretation Sitting on the Bench by Ross Parker........................................................................................7

Junior,Vol. 5

Duo Interpretation Not-So-Identical Twins by Ross Parker......................................................................................10

Duo Interpretation Michael Two by Ross Parker......................................................................................13

ISBN 978-1-61387-040-2 Price $25 US http://www.speechgeek.com

Duo Interpretation The Time Traveler Visits Noahs Ark by Ross Parker......................................................................................16

SON.

Two Telephone ConversationsParker by Ross

DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. Hello, speak to me. Dad, its me. It is I; me is objective case. It is I, your son. My favorite son Dad, Im your only son. So, whats up, champ? Im knee-deep in someones questionable tax deductions. Dad, you missed my soccer game.You said youd come! I said Id try to come, but fending off starvation and homelessness for my family got in the way. (pause) So, what happened? We lostbut I got one almost-goal and one almost-assist. Silly me, I thought almost only counted in horseshoes and hand grenades. Anyway, thats good Im proud of you.You must lead the league in almost-assists. Very funny, Dad. (pause) Hey could I have a photo of you to keep in my wallet? Well, sure.Why do you want one? So Ill recognize when I see you.You leave before I wake up.You come home late. Dont tell your mother, but I have another family I have to spend time with Im kidding. Hey, your sister had to go to college out of state, your mother had to have a new kitchen, and you had to have a WY and an Ipud.. Its Wii and iPod, Dad. Enter the twenty-first century. Id give up some Wii time for some us time, you know? Thats objective case. Yeah, I would too, bucko. Its just a bad time now. Im trapped in this cubicle they call my work station. Dad, Im sorry I broke your finger that time when we were wrestling. I didnt mean to. What? Hey, it was just an accident. No big deal. Anyway that was months ago. But we havent wrestled since then. And I was getting close to beating you finally. Age and treachery will beat youth and intelligence every time, kiddo. But it was my favorite thing to do, and now you never have time. Hey, the day I mail the last house payment, well wrestle til the cows come home.That would be in about twelveno thirteen years I think.

DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON.

SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD.

Very funny, Father. You always have a joke, but we never talk anymore. What do you want to discuss the birds and the bees? Did we have that talk yet? Youre about two years late on that one; Sis gave me that lecture (sisters voice) O-M-G, little bro, didnt Mom or Dad sit you down yet? That sounds like your sister. Hey, Sport, my supervisor is staring at me, and Im in serious violation of his no-personal-calls-over-thirtyseconds rule. Okay, Dad. Uh, Ive got a problem. Could we talk about it tonight? Ive got a meeting in about three minutes. I might get suspended from school for three days. What! What for? I made what the principal thought was an inappropriate gesture while the class pictures were being taken for the yearbook. What! Thats one of the stupidest things Ive ever heard! What were you thinking? Obviously you werent thinking at all. It didnt mean anything.We were just fooling around. Maybe it will mean something to be grounded for two weeks. Okay, Ill call the principal and beg and wheedle as soon as this meeting is over. Im supposed to have a parent in his office first thing tomorrow morning. Not me, Bucko. I cant blow the morning offespecially for something as idiotic as this. Ask your Mom. Shell go. Dad, Im sorry I disappointed you. Okay, okay.Whatever.Youll survive. Dad, I just wanted to tell you I. (interrupting) Sorry. I gotta run.Well discuss this later. (hangs up) need you Dad.

(ten years later, a second telephone conversation) SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. DAD. SON. Hello Hey, big guy, how are you? Dad Im fine Okay Kind of busy. Are you and Mom okay? Sure, were fine. Just miss talking to you Now that you moved across the country, it seems like we never see you guys. Weve gone over that, Dad. It was a great opportunity. Ive finally got a job with some future. Sure, sure. I know. Im not laying any guilt trip on you. I just called to chat. I miss seeing my favorite grandson. Hes your only grandson, Dad. Look, Id love to chat, but this isnt a good time. Ive got this report due by the end of the day, and Sarah

Sitting on the Bench by Ross Parker

BOTH. DELANEY. (singing) Oer the land of the free, and the home of the brave! (hands out) Go Lady Bulldogs! Here we go, ladies and gentlemen, with another hardhitting middle school hockey game between the beloved Lady Bulldogs, representing the forces of good, and their crude and uncultured cross-town rivals, the evil Lady Warriors. What are you: an announcer or a hockey player? Hey, even the announcer will get more ice time in this game than we will on the bench fourth line alternates, sheesh. Actually, Im the fourth line alternate; you are the substitute for the fourth line alternate. WhateverThere goes the puckOh! Oh! Look at that Amazon go through our defense She scored! Yikes, what a slapshot! I would have ducked, too, Mary Kate. Goaltenders arent supposed to duck. Thats what they have pads for. You have nothing to fear but fear itself, Mary Kate. Franklin Roosevelt. Anyway, this game is looking up, bench sister. Coach says we might get to play if we are 7 goals ahead or 7 goals behind. Nice to know we can really have an impact. Hey, were lucky to make this team. Ask not what your team can do for youask what you can do for your team. John Kennedy. Come on, lets do a wave. Stella, no one has done a wave since 1987 It could be worse. We could be referees skating around in that zebra costume. The credit goes to the girl in the arena whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood and not to those cold and timid souls who never know victory or defeat. Theodore Roosevelt. Stella, concentrate on the game. Its three-to-nothing already. Actually, I wish I were home reading social studies. I love social studies. Look, Stella, weve been best friends since pre-school, right? Right. So dont take this the wrong way. Its okay to be weird about social studies and always quoting dead presidents and all, but do you have to do it out loud? At least you

STELLA. DELANEY. STELLA. DELANEY. STELLA. DELANEY. STELLA. DELANEY. STELLA.

STELLA. DELANEY. STELLA. DELANEY. STELLA. DELANEY. STELLA. DELANEY. STELLA.

DELANEY. STELLA. DELANEY. STELLA. DELANEY. STELLA. DELANEY.

STELLA. DELANEY.

DELANEY. STELLA. DELANEY. STELLA. DELANEY.

STELLA. BOTH. DELANEY. STELLA.

could whisper it to me, and Ill just giggle and pretend youre telling me a secret about a boy. No one will ever know how really strange you are. Sorry, I cant help myself. Hey, Mary Kate just stopped a shot by the Amazon! Way to go goalie! The puck (covers mouth) Go on. Get it out of your system. The puck stops here. Harry Truman. Theres your mom in the stands. What is she doing? Shes knitting her latest horrible sweater vest. Its for my brother. But its lime green and purple. You could get arrested for wearing that. Your brother is cool. Does he know who I am? Girls dont exist in my brothers universe. He lives only to stuff sixth graders into lockers and torture his siblings. I think aliens took away my real brother and left this one. Some day they will bring him back, and he will be so kind to his little sister. Whats the score? Five to zippo. We still have a chance to play. Maybe we just need a different persona. Persona. You and that lit class. Really, we could be the Goon Sisterschecking girls into the boards and slashing them with our sticks. More like the Goonie Sisters the way we skate. You need a positive attitude. See Sarah just scored. Hey, Sarah girl,Speak softly and carry a big stick. Teddy Roosevelt. I see my efforts to save you from being institutionalized are being wasted. Anyway, I do have a positive attitude. We positively are not going to have to take a shower after this game because we are not leaving this bench. Have you ever wondered why we have to be the Lady Bulldogs? Why couldnt we just be the Bulldogs and the boys can be the Gentlemen Bulldogs? Its because they had a team first. My mom says if it wasnt for Title IX we would all still be still be pom-pom girls. Ooh, that Amazon is incredible. Her parents probably put steroids in her cereal every morning. Did you see her check Sarah? Hey, the ref is finally calling a penalty. Duuuum de dum dumDummmmmm! Way to go, ref! I thought youd swallowed your whistle. Hey, Delaney, you know how you are supposed to tell someone something important when it occurs to you rather

Not-So-Identical Twins Parker by Ross

(Both Sarah and Susannah are sitting at the breakfast table.) SARAH. SUSANNAH. SARAH. SUSANNAH. SARAH. SUSANNAH. SARAH. Mom, isnt it possible that Susannah isnt really my identical twin sister? That we found her in a reed basket floating in the fishpond or something? If anyone was mistakenly left by the stork on the doorstep, it would be you, Sarah, not me. I am the more mature onefifteen minutes more mature, to be exact. I mean we have got to be the most un-identical twins on the face of the Earth. Maybe you are just some genetic anomaly. Sure, it is just a one-in-seven-billion coincidence that we have the same DNA, look exactly alike, and sleep in the same bedroom. But consider how different we are. You like history. I love history. Okay, you love history and cant do a forward somersault to save your life; whereas, I detest the study of dead people and am the acknowledged queen of the basketball court. (pantomines a jump-shot) She shoots, she scores! Look at us! We cant even eat the same breakfast. Youcultured yogurt with slices of grapefruit and granules of wheat germ. Yuck! Good for brain development. Better than extra-cholesterol scrambled eggs and a slab of pork fried in its own juices. Double yuck! My breakfast is packed with protein to build muscles for athletic competition and great for punishing opponents under the backboards. Actually, maybe we should switch breakfasts today. You need some muscle food and I need some brain food. Ive got a history test that is going to kick my. (interrupting) Please dont be vulgar at the breakfast table. It is true that I need an infusion of maximal aerobic energy to excel at cheerleading tryouts. So actually, my dear sister, perhaps you have the germ of an idea for a temporary change of diets. You! A cheerleader! Arent you the one who took out moms favorite lamp, trying to do a cartwheel in the living room? I was only eight years old. Nine!

SUSANNAH.

SARAH. SUSANNAH. SARAH.

SUSANNAH. SARAH. SUSANNAH. SARAH. SUSANNAH.

Okay. Nine. Anyway, I have been studying the biomechanics of cartwheels and I am now confident of achieving oneat least theoretically. Anywayabout your history testlets see how prepared you are.What are the pros and cons of the Electoral College? Uh, Electoral College, Electoral Collegestrong backcourt but weak in the paint? Thats what I thought.You havent a clue about this test, do you? Okay, okay. Hey, instead of just switching breakfasts, why dont we trade our entire days? You be me and take my history test, and I will be you and go to cheerleader tryouts. What do you say? That is ridic It is prepost Actually, that might be a great ideajust for today, of course. I do so want to be a cheerleader. And I would like a respectable grade in history. It will look good to travel team recruiters. Come on, or well be late for school. I do not want you getting my very first tardy of the year. Right behind you, Sister Sue, or should I say Sister Sarah? We will each give a full report of the days events at supper. Good luck, Sister Sue.

(Both girls walk away, then pause, and re-enter the kitchen.) SARAH. SUSANNAH. SARAH. SUSANNAH. SARAH. SUSANNAH. SARAH. SUSANNAH. Well, Sister Klutz. Congratulations! You are now a member of the cheerleading squad. Thats fabulous! And you received an A+ on your history test. That is great! I could actually end up with a B in that class! Not only that, but I signed you up for the Forensics Team. Four-and-six? What team is that? Im already the starting point guard on the b-ball team. I dont know if Coach will want me playing on another team. Forensics, Miss Jocko. Like public speaking competitions. You are scheduled to compete in the Impromptu category. Imprompt-what? You know, like, you are assigned a topic on one of the great issues of public policy, and then you have two minutes to prepare an extemporaneous speech to be presented to the judges and other competitors. What? Are you crazy? You know I have a deathly fear of speaking in front of a group. Oh, I forgot about that unfortunate fainting incident in English Lit class.You went from vertical to horizontal in

SUSANNAH. SARAH.

SUSANNAH.

SARAH. SUSANNAH. SARAH.

SARAH. SUSANNAH.

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Michael Two
MICHAEL.

see his last math grade?

by Ross Parker

Hey Michael One thinks youre cute.You better watch out! Michael, you know how I hate it when your hands are cold. From now on I expect you to warm them up before you pretend to control my voice. Then one day in study hall I heard a strange voice. Hey, Scott, could you give Michael One the answers to the science assignment. Hes not too B-R-I-T-E. It was him! That really creeped me out. I hadnt said a thing. Really. I looked at him but he just gave me his wooden smile. Scott told the teacher but I just pretended it was a joke. Your grades in science are the real joke. The next night at dinner Mom said that $10 was missing from the money jar in the kitchen.When she was putting clothes in my sock drawer she found a $10 bill. I said that Michael Two must have done it, not me! You can imagine her reaction to that explanation. Fortunately, wooden hands have no fingerprints. A couple nights later, I woke up smelling smoke. Some papers in my trash can were on fire! When my parents came running into my room, I was shaking Michael Two by the neck. He said: Im such hot stuff, the papers just went up in flames just from my personality. Dad was so mad. He thought I had started the fire and then made that smart remark using the dummy. I was grounded for a week. The next night I went down to the basement and got my Dads saw. I was going to put an end to this dummy once and for all. Just as I put the saw blade on Michael Twos neck, he woke up and gave me that weird laugh. Before I knew what I was doing I was sawing on my bed post. Next time Ill make you hurt yourself, Michael One. (creepy laugh) That did it. My parents took me to the school counselor. I told them the whole story and now they think Ive completely flipped out. Now I have to go to a psychiatrist. Maybe the shrink will send you to an institution.Then Ill have the room all to myself. (creepy laugh) So thats my story. I found my Swiss Army knife in his boot two nights ago. I decided to take up whittling, as a hobby, you know. I locked him in a suitcase and went to bed, but in the

(stage whispering) Hello. My name is Michael.That over there is Michael Two. Please, please try not to make any noise to wake him up. He scares me when hes awake. He does thingsbad things. Oh, I know what youre thinking. Its just a ventriloquists dummy; its made of wood. It couldnt hurt anyone.Yeah, thats what I thought at first, too. You think Im emotionally disturbed, dont you? You think Im crazy, like my parents.Wellat least hear my side of things. It all started two months ago when my dog Levi disappeared. I loved that dog like a brother. I dont have very many friends. Levi waited for me every day to come home from school.We played fetch in the backyard. He always wanted to lick my face. Every night he slept by my bed. Then one night, I overheard my mom and dad talking downstairs. Sometimes I listen to them through the register in the floor in my bedroom. I heard my dad say,Thats it. Its either me or that dog.These allergies are killing me. The next day Levi was gone. Mom said he must have run away, but I know better. I miss him so much. I was heartbroken. The next day Dad said,Hey, Sport. I have a present for you. And his name just happens to be the same as yours. Michael. He gave me the dummy and a book on how to learn to be a ventriloquist. At first I had trouble working the dummy. (demonstrates using his hand as a dummy) Hello, how are you? My name is Michael, too.

MICHAEL. MICHAEL TWO. MICHAEL.

MICHAEL TWO. MICHAEL.

MICHAEL TWO. MICHAEL.

MICHAEL TWO. MICHAEL.

MICHAEL TWO. MICHAEL. MICHAEL TWO. MICHAEL. MICHAEL TWO.

So thats why I named him Michael Two. (waking up) Did someone mention my name? Oh, no Hello, Michael One. Please, go on with your story. I do so enjoy a good mystery. I hope it has a happy ending. (creepy laugh) See what I mean? Well, anyway, I studied the book and practiced. After a while I got the hang of it. I took him to school, and the other kids thought it was cool. (Michael lip syncs.) He thinks Im the dummy, but did you

MICHAEL TWO. MICHAEL. MICHAEL TWO. MICHAEL. MICHAEL TWO. MICHAEL.

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The Time Traveler Visits... by Ross Parker

ALEX. (sweeping) I am so lucky to have this job, cleaning up the physics lab. Its so quiet. No one to talk to but myself. The professors are never messy, and I have plenty of time to catch up on my reading assignments. Even Professor Schmidts time machine just needs an occasional dusting. What a joke! Hes been working on this thing for 20 years. Watches too much late night television, if you ask me. (climbs in) Just set the way-back knob to, lets say, 600 B.C., and push the start button. (reacts to whirring and vibration) Yikes! What is going on? This thing is doing something! Houston, we have a problem! (lands with a thud, climbs out and looks around) Where in heavens name? Welcome visitor. I am Zedkat, wife of Cham, and child of Noah. You must be a special Time Traveler, chosen by God to help with the Ark. Ark? Arkas in Noahs Ark? I am not a Chosen One. Im just Alex, the cleaner of the physics lab. Welcome Just Alex You have arrived in time to help Father Noah fulfill Gods directions to build a great vessel to preserve a righteous mankind from wickedness. That is one big boat! Yes, fifty cubits wide by one hundred and fifty cubits long by thirty cubits high, as God has specified. Thats a lot of cubits.Whats with all the animals? When the time comes, we will load seven of every kind of clean animal and two of every kind of unclean animal onto the Ark so that after the Great Flood we will be able to re-populate the Earth. Just as Cham and his brothers and their wives and now you will build a new society for the just. Im not so sure about being a seventh wheel. So what s going to happen now? It looks kind of cloudy today. We are sorting the animals and loading enough food for them for our voyage to Mount Ararat. Soon you will be on board with the other Chosen Ones. And you will contribute to the repopulation of the world. Repopulate the world! I havent even taken biology yet. (examines scroll) Lets see.You could help Japheth with the large carnivores. Actually, I am more of a cute, furry, and snuggly little animal kind of guy. Wait, no, that might include creepy little critters, rats and such. How about medium-sized, but gentle, creatures who taste good when barbecued, and also chickens and pigs for eggs and bacon?

ZEDKAT. ALEX. ZEDKAT. ALEX. ZEDKAT. ALEX. ZEDKAT. ALEX.

ZEDKAT. ALEX. ZEDKAT. ALEX. ZEDKAT. ALEX. ZEDKAT.

ZEDKAT. ALEX. ZEDKAT. ALEX. ZEDKAT. ALEX.

ALEX. ZEDKAT.

ZEDKAT. ALEX.

ALEX. ZEDKAT. ALEX.

ZEDKAT. ALEX.

Maybe some shrimp cocktail occasionally. Oh, we could never sacrifice the animal guests of the Ark.Watch out for the water buffalo! (dodging) My, they are aggressive, arent they! Maybe you should leave them out of the plan. Also, the bats. They creep me out. Oh, no. All of Gods creatures, large and small, must make the voyage. Well, what are we going to eat for forty days and forty nights? We have a delicious assortment of nuts, dried berries, and wheat germ. Wheat germ! Normal people dont eat wheat germ. Do we have assigned seating or formal dining? Im not crazy about that, but I am a big fan of the midnight buffet. I do not comprehend buffet, but I promise you will not starve. I hear the thunder.The time grows near. Its getting dark. It looks like it could Hey, Ive got to get back to the time machine. Professor Schmidt will be furious if I dont bring it back in one piece. Ive got to get back to the twenty-first century. I cant live without my cell phone and iPod. I do not comprehend cell phone, but do not worry, Just Alex.We have much to do on the Ark. Many enjoyable entertainments. Really? Like hitting golf balls off the deck into the water? I do not comprehend golf balls. What about skeet shooting? (Zedkat nods) A talent show? No, but the Fern Planning Committee meetings can be quite stimulating. And the animal husbandry debates can be positively raucous. You Chosen Ones just want to have fun, huh? Oh, no! Its starting to sprinkle. Look, Zedkat, I dont want you to think I dont appreciate all you and the other Chosen Ones are doing. I do. I really do. But, butI havent finished sweeping and I have a paper in lit class due tomorrow. And, and...I just dont think I am cut out for the prehistoric lifestyle. But Just Alex, this is a once-in-a-millennium opportunity to change the history of the world. Hmmmmm Thats it! I cant stay because in my reading of the story of Noah and the Great Flood I remember the three sons and their wives and the animals loading two-by-two, but nowhere do I remember an extra guy named Just Alex hanging around. I could throw off the entire balance of the universe. Oh, Just Alex, gone will be the chance to be the Father of Nations, to make decisions to set the destiny of all of mankind. Mankind! I have trouble deciding between jeans or khakis in the morning, clean t-shirt or not-so-clean. Really, I am just not the kind of guy I would like to have for an ancestor. Maybe I could send you back a genetics or philosophy majormuch better decision

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Duo Interpretation Two Telephone Conversations by Ross Parker Duo Interpretation Sitting on the Bench by Ross Parker Duo Interpretation Not-So-Identical Twins by Ross Parker Duo Interpretation Michael Two by Ross Parker Duo Interpretation The Time Traveler Visits Noahs Ark by Ross Parker

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SpeechGeek Presents: Junior, Vol. 5 Copyright 2012 ISBN Number 978-1-61387-040-2