Running head: RE-CAREERING: BABY BOOMERS ENCORE

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Re-careering: Baby Boomers Encore

RE-CAREERING: BABY BOOMERS ENCORE

Cheryl Katherine Wash November 26, 2012 Deanna L. Kretchmer, MAED

RE-CAREERING: BABY BOOMERS ENCORE

Re-careering: Baby Boomers Encore As an adult student pursing a masters degree in adult education and corporate training, I [Avoid use of the first person (I, me, my) in academic writing unless writing about a personal experience. First person use may be allowed by the instructor. ] had an option to select from a few great [Writing suggestion: "great" is an overworked word, too frequently seen, and too vague. It has too many meanings: huge, superior, numerous, etc. Use a more specific adjective] topics for an individual project and I decided to go with what was true, dear and [in academic writing, if this is a series, place a comma before the final conjunction (and)] near to my heart and that is [Wordiness: see if you can remove "that" or "that is"] learning more about reinventing careers because this impacts [Doctoral rule (although good advice for any academic writer): "impact" is a noun (a hit). It is informally used as a verb (impacting the business), but avoid this in academic writing ] me as well as a huge baby boomer [Capitalize this term] population re-careering is the future. [Writing suggestion: If this sentence is as long as 50 or more words, it can be confusing with logic twists, recursions, or long lists. Cut it into shorter sentences featuring one idea. Shorter sentences are easier to comprehend] The perfect career based on my collection of Hollywood favorites for those blessed to live hundreds of years would be a vampire. Unfortunately, as appealing as the modern day vampires are in films such as, [Remove comma after "such as" (one may be placed before this phrase but not after it)] Twilight, I show no signs of possessing anything remotely vampire-like when it comes to [Writing suggestion--Since "it" is undefined, "when it comes to" often can be reduced to simply "concerning" ] superpowers in the dawn or the near approaching twilight of my present human life which [Use "that" for a restrictive phrase (or

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place a comma before "which")] means I need a back-up [Misspelling: this is not hyphenated; it is "backup" if you mean the noun (he is my backup, we ran a backup, etc.). It is "back up" as a verb (we backed up the car, do not back up too far, etc.)] [These two words are spelled as one word] plan or an alternative as I am an aging adult in the mist of reinventing myself. [Sentence too long] When I first heard and read about baby-boomers, I thought they were really [Writing suggestion--"real" or "really" means "existing in actuality"--it adds little to the meaning (and using it to mean "big," "very," or "genuine" is slang); replace it with a more expressive word] older people when I start to learn more about them I thought myself to be one until I missed being [Doctoral rule (but good advice for any academic writer)--If not a noun (as in "human being"), the word "Being" is hard to imagine; it means "existing." Try to rewrite this without using "being"--with action words like "attending," "working," "living," "experiencing," simply "as"--or even removing "being" completely] an official part of the baby-boom generation because baby boomers [Capitalize this term] are those born between 1946 and 1964. Therefore, I am almost baby-boomer or a wanna-be baby boomer! I was born September 15, 1966. Its [A contraction ending in "s" (meaning "is") is inappropriate in academic writing--write out "It is"] [A contraction ending in "s" (meaning "is") is inappropriate in academic writing--write it out] [Contractions are inappropriate in college writing, spell out "it is" (or "it has")] the last quarter of 2012 and I am 46 years old [Wordiness: "years old" or "years of age" can be removed--the meaning will be the same] and cannot image living less than 200 years ["years" is a countable noun, so remove "less than ." Try words like "number of," "many," "not as many," "fewer," "fewer than," and so on] old [Wordiness: "years old" or "years of age" can be removed--

RE-CAREERING: BABY BOOMERS ENCORE

the meaning will be the same] because people are expected [The passive voice is a form of "be" (are) and a participle (expected). Over-use of the passive voice can make paragraphs officious and tedious to read. Prefer the active voice. For example, passive voice = The paper was completed on time. Active voice = the student completed the paper on time. See Center for Writing Excellence > Tutorials & Guides > Grammar & Writing Guides > Active & passive voice] to remain in the work force [Check spelling--"workforce" is one word] longer and live longer than previous generations. If a person plans on living or have the longevity to live a few centuries, they [Check pronoun agreement--if "they" refers to "a person" (or a singular subject), it should be singular, too (he or she) and perhaps require adjusting the following verb] may find themselves [Check pronoun agreement--if "themselves" refers to "person" (or a singular subject), it should be singular, too (him or herself)] changing careers more than once and much later in life than people in past generations. Chances are your retirement will look nothing like your parents.' You may start a second career, launch a business or live a longer, healthier lifestyle, according to (Myers, W. [Leave out author's initials in the in-text citation] S. 1996). I worked for MCIWorldcom now ["Now" is a difficult word. Because this is being read some time after you wrote it, "now" is ambiguous--do you mean at the time you were writing? When was that? If you mean "as of the present time" (Hawaii is now a state), you can leave out "now." If the time or date is important, fill it in. If the essay is in the past tense, instead of "now," use "then"] Verizon for over twenty-years. I started when I was nineteen [Express numbers higher than nine in digits (when not the first word in the sentence)] years old. [Wordiness: "years old" or "years of age" can be removed--the meaning will be the same] I was fortunate to have worked my way up to Global Accounts

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when I decided to leave and pursue my dream at a publisher and writer. I found it challenging to give up the financial security to become an entrepreneur. Looking back, my choices were well worth it because I found it more rewarding to pursue your [second person] dreams and passion over chasing money. In addition to watching to change courses to seek my lifes purpose, my disabilities become more challenging to manage and difficult projects and or ["and or" is an awkward construction, a shortcut appropriate in a legal document, not in academic writing] irate clients that [Check word usage--If this word refers to a human being, people are never "that" or "which," they are "who"] used to be easy to manage became extremely stressful. According to Community Banker (2009) Less stress and more flexibility are two of the top priorities for older workers and retirees who opt to switch jobs or "recareer" even if they will take pay cuts and give up benefits and managerial responsibilities, according to a new study by AARP's Public Policy Institute. The 14-year study of 1,705 workers began in 1992 when the workers were ages 51 to 55. Among men, 28.8 percent opt for a new career path compared to 24.3 percent for women. I did not realize how stressed I was until I left my corporate job. After leaving a high-paid so called, good job I had another reality to face. When you [second person] are an aging adult and trying to seek new employee working for someone or yourself you will find new challenges in securing respectable pay for your years of experience and knowledge.

In the research reported by According to Community Banker (2009), The study also found a high percentage--23.6--of self-employed. Lower wages are part of the tradeoff for older workers who took new jobs. The median hourly wage (in 2007 dollars) dropped to $10.86 in the new jobs from $16.86 in the old jobs. Employer-sponsored pensions covered 19.9 percent of

RE-CAREERING: BABY BOOMERS ENCORE

workers with new jobs, compared to 61.4 percent in the old jobs. Only 36.3 percent of those surveyed reported stressful work conditions in their new work, compared to a whopping 64.7 in the old job. And 45.1 percent reported flexible work schedules in their new positions, as opposed to 79 percent in their old jobs. There I was almost forty [Express numbers higher than nine in digits (when not the first word in the sentence)] and starting over. It is easier said than done [Clich--"easier said than done" is an old phrase, seen too often, and marks your writing as unoriginal. Try to express the idea in another way] to climb down from the corporate ladder to the bottom and to start climbing lifes ladder all [Writing suggestion: "All" or "all of" used as an intensifier very often can be removed with no loss of meaning] over again. It would be much easier to just jump [Doctoral rule (but good advice for any academic writer)--avoid a split infinitive; consider placing the adverb (just) before or after the infinitive (to jump )--try "just to jump " or "to jump just" (or place "just" later in the sentence)] right over and be at the same level where you left off. According to Marx, P. (2012) Baby boomers are not simply delaying retirement; they are retiring retirement altogether by starting new careers. The fifty-five-year-old-and-up crowd is the only age group that is growing as a share of the workforce. Even those who have the means to chase after a merry life of shuffleboard, scrapbooking, whiskey, and golf prefer to keep working. Spending days in full-time leisure and repose no longer connotes a sense of privilege and deservingness; it means youre unemployed. According to Women in Business, 1999, Employers and employees benefit when workers receive essential business education, according to Mary Pebley, ABWA's business education director. In celebration of the benefit of lifelong learning and of 50 years of ABWA,

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the Association is offering "50 credits by the 50th Anniversary." Members who earn 50 hours of continuing education credit by the 1999 National Convention in Kansas City, Mo., will receive commemorative certificates honoring the achievement. Ramona, like 3,000 other ABWA members who participate in the continuing education program, believes in keeping her education as diverse as possible. "You never know when you're [Write out contractions] going to have to [Instead of "going to have to," try something like "will have to," "would have to," or simply "must"] recareer these days, so keeping yourself marketable is a smart idea," says Ramona, a member of Mountain State Charter Chapter in Charleston. I was told that by friends, family and [in academic writing, if this is a series, place a comma before the final conjunction (and)] certified experts in the coaching field that a masters degree would not benefit me. Well, [This is a thought-pause word in speech or folksy writing but is wordy and inappropriate in academic or business communication] this was a personal goal of mine [Simplify. You are writing this, so "of mine" is probably not needed] to get my Ph.D. Well, [This is a thought-pause word in speech or folksy writing but is wordy and inappropriate in academic or business communication] I have to get a Masters first. One thing I do know is that I enjoy learning new things and I felt [Style suggestion: if "felt" is used in the sense of "to believe or think," it is a clich and vague; use a form of "believe" or "think"] [Clearer writing suggestion: if "felt" is used in the sense of "to believe or think," it is a clich and vague; use "believed" or "thought"] that if I pick a program that can help me work on areas that I can improve in or help me learn a new way of thinking, that [Remove comma before "that" preceding a restrictive phrase (otherwise replace "that" with "which")] would be worth it. Also, [Remove comma (unless introducing a nonrestrictive phrase)] I felt [Try "thought" or "believed"] the my inner voice told me

RE-CAREERING: BABY BOOMERS ENCORE

that a Masters [A possessive adjective requires apostrophe s -- 's] of [if this refers to an academic degree, Master's is spelled with an apostrophe before the s (and unless with the name of the school, the degree name is not capitalized)] Arts in Education/Adult Education and Training would be a great program for me [Simplify. You are writing this, so "for me" is probably not needed] as I did not want to be in a classroom but I wanted to create wonderful ["wonderful" is acceptable as an intensifier, but remember the word means "causing to pause in wonder (awe)"] programs online for my publishing business. I knew that the University [Do not capitalize without the complete name of the institution (unless in a citation or as the first word in a sentence)] for Phoenix Distant Learning Program was the perfect fit for me [Simplify. You are writing this, so "for me" is probably not needed] after I researched various programs and schools. I connected with my enrollment advisor and [Grammar: A run-on sentence requires a comma before "and" (or other conjunction) linking main clauses] [Run-on sentence: Insert comma before "and" if the following is an independent clause (not part of a series)] she was an amazing resource and motivator in getting me started and the journey has officially began or should I say the saga continues. Maslow (1970) sees the goal of learning to be self-actualization: the full use of talents, capacities, potentialities, etc (Knowles, Holton, Swanson, 2011) [The citation for a direct quote needs the page number] Opportunities to change your life are there if you think positive and outside of [Writing suggestion: simplify by removing "of"] the box [Clich--"outside of the box" is an old phrase, seen too often, and marks your writing as unoriginal. Try to express the idea in another way] . It does not matter if you are young or an aging baby-boomer! A phenomenon as complex as adult learning will ever be explained [Passive voice ] by a single theory

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["Single" is often used as an intensifier, but it is redundant--how is "be explained by a single theory" different from "be explained by a theory"? ] , model, or a set of principles (Knowles, Holton, III, & Swanson) When I reflect back on this amazing opportunity, I received confirmations and affirmations from the universe the very first week. I enjoyed reading the bios of my instructor and students who are [Writing suggestion: rewrite the sentence to remove "who are"] loaded [Passive voice ] with a wealth of experience and diversity and many were experts in areas that can provide direction in my personal and professional life [Use "personal and professional lives"] . I am so excited [Passive voice ] but often have a challenging time explaining how complex adult learning is and how amazing the opportunities are which [Use "that" for a restrictive phrase (or place a comma before "which")] will allow you to reinvent yourself. You can truly start over and start a new career. One of the greatest experiences in my communications class while pursing a masters degree was to turn my knowing some of this this [Typographical error: eliminate duplicate word (if on the same line)] information to understanding learning styles. After reading the assigned reading materials and research, I read a document by Linda Kreger Silerman, Ph.D, Licensed Psychologist called Upside-Down Brilliance: The Visual-Spatial Learner By: Linda Kreger Silverman, Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist (The Styles of Learn Individual Presentation, Personal assignment, 20 August 2012) I really realize that in order to [Writing suggestion--the meaning will be the same (and less wordy) by removing "in order"] recareer you need to accept that you are a continuous [Check spelling: "Continuous" means continuing unceasingly, constantly, all

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day and night; "continual" means frequent but not uninterrupted continuance] learner and [Grammar: A run-on sentence requires a comma before "and" (or other conjunction) linking main clauses] [Run-on sentence: Insert comma before "and" if the following is an independent clause (not part of a series)] you will grow personally and professional. You also need to create an improvement strategy or get you a career coach. One way forward is to take stock of what has gone on before and ask ourselves precisely what is it that we should be assessing, why is this important, and how we should do it. ARMSTRONG, S. J., & [Use an ampersand (&) only in a company name or inside the parentheses of an in-text citation. Anywhere else, spell out "and"] FUKAMI, C. V. (2010). The improvement strategy I came up with is that I have to do all the recommendations the reading from eating healthy, exercising, asking for help and support and [Run-on sentence: Insert comma before "and" if the following is an independent clause (not part of a series)] one of the biggest for me [Simplify. You are writing this, so "for me" is probably not needed] is prioritizing and practice time management. Thorson, J. S. (2012). BLUEPRINT YOUR [Do not use all capitals in academic writing--unless in trade name, an acronym, or the running head ] GOAL. Horse & Rider, 51(5), 50. Time management is one of my biggest challenges. I am looking into tools, resources and [in academic writing, if this is a series, place a comma before the final conjunction (and)] applications to help me organize and prioritize. I have to learn to follow-up on time. This will help me to avoid spending too much time on my creative side and allow me to exercise the critical thinking, research and [in academic writing, if this is a series, place a comma before the final conjunction (and)] time management when it comes to [concerning] projects in my personal and professional life [Use "personal and professional lives"] .

RE-CAREERING: BABY BOOMERS ENCORE I know that creating a plan for my re-careering will help me continue on [Phrasal verb: These two words mean something different from the two words separately (looking up each word in the dictionary would not produce the meaning), which could cause misinterpretation in a business communication if the reader is not from your region (or

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country). Try simpler wording, such as "advance," "continue," or "progress"] my journey to serving my life purpose and [Run-on sentence: Insert comma before "and" if the following is an independent clause (not part of a series)] it does not matter who you are or what you did or here youve [Write out contractions] from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself. No matter who you are, baby boomer [Capitalize this term] or not, no matter what you did, something or nothing at all, [In speech, "at all" is often used as an intensifier, but it is less effective in writing. Try to avoid its use] no matter where you've [Write out contractions] come from, venus or mars, you can always change to become a better version of yourself and put on a wonderful [avoid using "wonderful"] encore career performance. Let the re-careering begin!

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References Myers, W. S. (1996). Navigating your financial future. (cover story). Women In Business, 48(5), 20. What Older Workers Seek in Positions. (2009). Community Banker, 18(8), 14. Marx, P. (2012). Golden Years. New Yorker, 88(31), 72-75. Women in Business, Jul/Aug99, Vol. 51 Issue 4, p34, 1p Knowles, M. S., Holton, E. F., & Swanson, R. A. (2011). The adult learner: The definitive classic in adult education and human resource development (7th ed.). New York, NY: Taylor & Francis. Merriam, S. B., Caffarella, R. S., & Baumgartner, L. M. (2007). Learning in adulthood: A comprehensive guide (3rd ed.). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. Master of Arts in Education/Adult Education and Training. ((c) 2006-2012). Retrieved from http://www.phoenix.edu/content/altcloud/en/programs/degreeprograms/education/masters/maed-aet.html#tab=overview Amstutz, N. (August 2012 Issue). iUniverse Titles Making their Mark; Seven iUniverse Authors Win 2012 IPPY Awards. Retrieved from http://independentpublisher.com/article.php?page=1545 http://www.learning-styles-online.com/style/visual-spatial Upside-Down Brilliance: The VisualSpatial Learner By: Linda Kreger Silverman, Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist The Styles of Learn Individual Presentation, Personal assignment, 20 August 2012

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