Brittany Wright Bradley English 1301 18 November Research Paper Sarah was beginning her senior year at a prestigious

college preparatory school in Maryland. She had a promising future ahead of her. Having just received her college acceptance letter from Stanford, Sarah was the valedictorian of her class. Sarahs intellect was unlike most around her. In addition to being gifted in the arts, Sarah was the captain of her soccer team upon entering high school. Sarah was well liked by many of the people she met; however, there was one person in particular that became extremely fond of Sarah. John was an extremely intelligent, handsome senior. Their relationship was everything she had ever dreamed of and John seemed to be like the person she had always wanted to share her life with. She truly believed that they would always be happy together until her dream quickly transformed into a living nightmare. The nightmare began when John subtly started to say derogatory statements that he thought went unnoticed. Shortly after, the statements turned into name calling and insulting phrases. Not only had John begun to degrade Sarah, he also began to become controlling. John was never satisfied unless he knew every miniscule detail about her life. The verbal abuse continued until one day, John became so angry that he slapped Sarah. He proceeded to apologize until she forgave him. John continued to hit Sarah and eventually she began to blame herself. Because of Sarahs desperate need to fix her relationship, her grades declined drastically, her scholarship was revoked, and she got kicked off the soccer team. In abusive relationships, most people believe that the effects are only physical; however, the emotional repercussions affect every entity of the

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abused persons life. The causes and effects of emotionally and physically abusive relationships can have long term effects on the emotional being of the people affected. Many psychologists attempt to classify the causes of abusive relationships. Often, many unrelated factors are investigated. However, psychologists agree that abuse is a choice made by the abuser. Most professionals will agree that abusive actions are choices made to gain a sense of dominance over another person, they also acknowledge that there are factors that can heighten a naturally abusive choice. Three of these causes are family, society, and personality differences. Childhood traumas and unstable home environments are a gateway to aggression for many abusers. Statistics indicate that approximately 80 to 90 percent of abusers and victims have observed family members being abused or were victims of abuse as children (Johnson 72). Many people who witness abuse during the most formative part of their life believe that because their parents were involved in abuse, abuse is a main facet of love. Because they conclude that abuse is a main factor of love, these children carry the natural tendency to abuse those they love into adulthood. In the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, many patients who were classified as abusers claimed that a major issue in their relationships was that they were abused, their partner was abused, or they witnessed abuse throughout their childhood (Whiting, Oka, and Fife 143). When children see their fathers mistreating their wives, the children subconsciously associate these actions with their perception of an ideal relationship. After reaching adulthood and getting married, these children do not acquiesce to the general standard of compassion and consideration found in most relationships. Instead, they grow into jealous, controlling spouses that use aggression to convey their point. Another leading cause of abuse in relationships is the pressure that society naturally places on men. Society presents the idea that in order for a person to be considered a man, he

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must control everything in a relationship. Sometimes when enabled, he may try to assert his dominance through abuse. A specific example of society affecting mens perceptions is now a popular form of entertainment. The music style rap shows men that degrading women is openly acceptable. The derogatory way that rap treats women conveys an idea of acceptability for men to abuse women because it treats women as though they are inferior to men. This inferiority helps to remove any stigma against abusing women because it shows the abusers that it is an acceptable and possibly commendable way of behaving. Another societal influence towards abuse is portrayed by some religions. Many religions treat women like they are inferior to men and even say that wives should be completely submissive to their husbands. In fact, some of them even go as far as to encourage a man to beat his wife when she does not obey his will. Many people are able to justify the abuse because in the past, their religion has encouraged it. The Bible is also commonly used to validate the abuse. But the Bible in no way justifies abuse; in fact, it offers several passages against abuse, violence, child abuse, drunkenness and jealousy (Johnson 82). Society not only causes many people to commit abuse, but it also justifies their abuse while they are in the process of committing it. Oftentimes, what causes a person to be abusive is not societal pressures or an abusive childhood, rather, the problem stems from their own mentality. Because they get jealous and angry more easily, they tend to take those feelings out on the people that are closest to them. Due to the complexities of their own emotions, abusers may find it difficult to understand themselves. A struggle understanding emotions can easily lead a person to become abusive because their own inability to understand themselves causes great frustration. This aggression translates into the abuse of another person. A commonly displayed fact is that many men have a difficult time with the emotions of jealousy, isolation, anger, love, caring and fear (Johnson 73). Considering

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the fact that while in a relationship, many of these emotions are often prevalent; the mixture of these different feelings creates a battle that the abuser cannot overcome. He or she then becomes enraged at their confusion and they apply this created emotion to the person closest to them through either a verbal or physical attack. Because of the various forms of emotional and physical trauma that occur throughout these types of relationships, victims are often left with scars that last the rest of their lives. These scars are not easily healed, although victims often attempt to heal them in every conceivable way. Seeing that many abusers were victims at one point in their lives, effects from these relationships are not only obtained by the victim. While the effects of the relationship have repercussions on every part of their lives, the three main effects that come from abusive relationships are self-esteem issues, depression, and suicide. Self-esteem issues stem from abusive relationships because of the derogatory nature of these relationships. In abusive relationships, the victim is meant to feel powerless. The abusers intent in the relationship is to gain superiority over their partner through verbal and emotional attacks. Not only is the partner degraded in every way possible, they also begin to blame themselves for the unhappiness of the abuser. Livestrong claims that the low self-esteem caused by abusers helps them keep their victims under control (Downey). One major problem with abusive relationships is the fact that the victim adamantly believes that they deserve the abuse because they did something wrong. Because of the harmed personality of the victim and the general degradation, self-esteem problems are often an effect that the victim is never able to escape. Depression often develops because a person perceives themself as inadequate. Through abusive relationships and a process of being degraded on every possible level, this inadequacy

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manifests and grows. Therefore, depression is common. According to Livestrong, many women feel unable to overcome or escape abuse due to threats of violence or loss of resources and feel trapped and hopeless (Downey).This feeling of being trapped grows the longer the relationship is sustained and eventually worse effects than depression occur. Eventually, partners are not capable of handling the depression any longer. Suicide is an extreme effect of abusive relationships; however, it is prevalent and extremely realistic. People can only blame themselves for so long until they cannot handle the blame any longer. Many that are in abusive relationships are willing to commit suicide solely because it is an act they commit themselves and only they have the power to do it (Johnson 63). The sad fact is that a person will go as far to take their own life to not be subject to another persons power. Although suicide is not always prevalent, suicidal thoughts are common. Many people in abusive relationships at one point in time hope to escape the trauma and tragedy they face. Abuses causes and effects are enormous concepts that reach extremely far beneath a few bruises and scars. Abuse changes people and affects peoples outlook on life and the quality of other people. Love is extensive in its many forms and cannot be described by any one concept or action. Yet, abuse is not a categorized form of love. Abuse is a choice influenced by the past that no person should ever be subjected to.

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Works Cited Downey, Lillian. The Effects Of An Abusive Relationship.Livestrong, Demand Media, Inc. 11 August 2011.19 November 2012. Johnson, Scott. When I Love You Turns Violent. New Jersey: New Horizon Press, 2005. Print. Stefan, Simona. "Sexual Abuse And Masochism In Women: Etiology And Treatment." Journal Of Psychotherapies Cognitive & Behavioral 12.2 (2012): 231-239. Academic Search Complete. Web. 19 Nov. 2012. Whiting, Jason, Megan Oka, and Stephen Fife. "Appraisal Distortions And Intimate Partner Violence: Gender, Power, And Interaction." Journal Of Marital & Family Therapy 38.Supp S1 (2012): 133-149. OmniFile Full Text Mega (H.W. Wilson). Web. 19 Nov. 2012.