1 - City Morgue, You kill em, we chill em. 2- "Bob's Orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em!

" 3- "911 - What is your emergency?" 4- Hello, please state your name, address, and credit card number. 5- Roadkill Cafe! You kill it, we grill it 6- Hello Clarice 7- "Miller's Amish farm. Sorry, we don't have a phone." *click* 8- Ask "Is this being recorded?" 9- Dicks hotdogs...If you like hotdogs, you'll love dicks !!! 10-This is Microsoft; where do you want to go today? 11 State your last name (most Europeans do this, and it makes sense) 12 -The number you have dialed has been disconnected... 13 - "I've got the money, just let her go, she's been through enough." 14 - "Phone tag, you're it." 15 - You are the weakest link. Goodbye 16 - "Hello? OH NO! the voices are back again!" 17 - "Florida abortion clinic, No fetus can beat us, how may i direct your call" 18 - hello, this is the suicide hotline.. please hold 19 - If the person says hello fisrt scream 'Who sent You?!' 20 - Wong's Laundry; if it has to be white, it has to be Wong! 21 - say very panicky "send someone in with the money and no one gets hurt!"

22 - Joe's Crematorium - You kill 'em, we grill 'em. 23 - "Your gonna be my new phone buddy" 24 - "Hello Johnny? i told you to dump the body! now hurry up before we get caught!" 25 - Acme Funeral parlor. You stab 'em. We slab 'em. 26 - House of God, Moses speaking, how may I help you? 27 - I told you not to call when my wife's home... 28 - we/re sorry the person you are calling is dead 29 - Sorry, she's dead. Can I have her call you back? 30 - "Your soul is mine" 31 - if it's female: "oooooh! it's a lady!" 32 - Moo? 33 - "You started it." 34 - henry's hen-house, what chick you wanna talk to? 35 - I'd like to order a pizza. (Calvin and Hobbes) 36 - in perverted voice: Hello Kiddies 37 - Make the "beeep beeep beeep" busy tone noises and hang up 38- Thanks for calling Plan Parenthood...Press one for your girlfriends results 40 - "Hello, i'm a secret agent... oops, i have to kill you now" 41 - suicide assistors, we help you do what you dont have the guts for 42 - "Hello?" *BANG* "I've been shot..." *click* 43 - Hello This is the office for insane induviduals 44 - "Dartford swmming pool. No jumping, shouting

or piddling in the shallow end 45 - no ones home 46 - *burp* 47 - Speak in a made-up language. 48 - "Hi is Dave there?" See if they say "you have the wrong number" and hand up. 49 - National Secure Data Center. You're on scramble line six. GO! 50 - at the tone, the time will be 12:47 in Hong Kong 51 - Reding Taxidermy"You snuff we stuff em!" 52 - The Force Is Strong With This One 53 - Twat did you say? I c_nt hear you. It muft have been something you spread... 54 - You will die in seven days... until then would you like to buy cable TV? 55 - My mom keeps her removed warts in jars under our kitchen sink...wanna see? 56 - House of beauties, this is the cutie. 57 - "Hello? this is the office of Osama Bin Laden... how can i help you?" 58 - Federal Bureau of Investigation tips line, this call has been traced 59 - santa?i wanna(watever u want) 60 -what's your favorite scary movie? 62 - Bob There? 63 - constipation inialation...are you running low on exlax? 64 - Sorry I'm dead right now. Talk to you later 65 - this is heaven, hello

66 - [last name]'scold storage you stab 'em we slab 'em 67 - Can you hold on a sec? [Leave on indefinite hold] 68 - "Hello, Jimmy's Chicken Shack. Please hold..." 69 - Thank you for calling AT&T. Please listen to the following options and... 70 - You have reached 5551234. This number has been changed to 555-1234. 71 - For the nuclear terrorism department, please press 1. 72 - Pizza Hut Tokyo, how may we help you 73 - [name]ice cream shop home of the 30scoop sunday where you splurg then purge 74 - "what are you wearin'?" (while breathing heavily) 75 - Burger King, home of the Whopper, what's your beef? 76 - Hello China moon 77 -Tex's Taxidermy, You Snuff 'Em, We Stuff 'Em 78 - Hey yall wutcha gunna say?.. who is this talkin to alex 2day? 79 - hello "pause" hello "pause" etc 80 - Do you have the item? 81 - hair control if you have hair we've got nair 82 - Red Chinese Embassy and Delicatessen switchboard, how may I direct your call? 83 - You are on a restricted CIA phone line! Get off now! 84 - "County Morgue. You stab 'em, we bag 'em." 85 - "I'm waaatching you" evil laugh, click. 86 - Fish market. Shark speaking. 87 - To learn the facts about hair replacement, press 1

88 - "Hi." ... "Hi." ... "Hi." ... [repeat as needed] 89 - Play AOL welcome sound 90 - speak! 91 - You Rang? 92 - (last name) deli, nobody can beat our meat. 93 - if your a salesman hang up 94 - Jello 95 - "Switchboard" Refuse to do anything until they give "correct password" 96 - bates motel. 97 - kill her. that's all you have to do. 98 - Mommy? 99 - house of the lord god speaking 100 - Blow a whistle into the telephone 1. City morgue? 2. Welcome to McDonald's, how may I help you? 3. 911 Emergency, what is your emergency? 4. Will you marry me? 5. Hi! My name is...(huh?) my name is...(who) my name is.. Slim Shady 6. Harold? Harold is that you? 7. Hey wassup Jeff howd you like that hawks game last night? oh yeah suzi was there too. yeah it was fun we should go again sometime. hows your day goin 8. please hold. (fart, fart)

9. please leave a message after the tone. beep! haha sucker stop callin stop callin i don't want to talk anymore

If you are obsessivecompulsive, press 1 repeatedly. - If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you. - If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6. - If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. - If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. - If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. - If you are a depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer. - If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969696969. - If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line. - If you have amnesia, press 8

and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name. - If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0. - If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or during the beep. Please wait for the beep. - If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. - If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you. - If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won't be crazy forever. - If you are a blonde, don't press any buttons - you'll just mess it up.