Social competence is a complex, multidimensional concept consisting of social, emotional (e.g., affect regulation), cognitive (e.g.

, fund of information, skills for processing/acquisition, perspective taking), and behavioral (e.g., conversation skills, prosocial behavior) skills, as well as motivational and expectancy sets (e.g., moral development, selfefficacy) needed for successful social adaptation. Social competence also reflects having an ability to take another's perspective concerning a situation, learn from past experiences, and apply that learning to the changes in social [1] interactions. Social competence is the foundation upon which expectations for future interaction with others is built, and upon which individuals develop perceptions of their own behavior. Often, the concept of social competence frequently encompasses [1] additional constructs such as social skills, social communication, and interpersonal communication.

History
Past and current research intends to further the understanding of how and why social competence is important in healthy social development. The study of social competence began in the early 20th century. A noteworthy discovery was that social competence was related to future mental health, thus fueling research on how children interact with their peers and function in [2] social situations. As research developed, different definitions and measurement techniques developed to suit these new findings. In the 1930s, researchers began investigating peer groups and how children's characteristics affected their positions within these peer groups. In the 1950s and 1960s, research established that children's social competence was related to future [2] mental health (such as maladaptive outcomes in adulthood), as well as problems in school settings. Research on social competence expanded greatly from this point on, as increasing amounts of evidence demonstrated the importance of social interactions. Mid-century, researchers began to view social competence in terms of problem-solving skills and strategies in social situations. Social competence was now conceptualized in terms of effective social functioning and information processing. In [2] the 1970s and 1980s, research began focusing on the impact of children's behavior on relationships, which influenced the study of the effectiveness of teaching children social skills that are age, gender, and context specific. In an effort to determine why some children were not exhibiting social skills in some interactions, many researchers devised [2] social information processing models to explain what happens in a social interaction. These models concentrated on factors in interactions such as behavior, how people process and judge each other, and how they process social cues. They also focus on how people select social goals, decide on the best response to a situation and enacting the chosen response. [2] Studies such as this often looked at the relationship between social cognition and social competence. A prominent researcher of social competence in the mid-1980s was Frank Gresham. He identified three sub-domains of social competence: adaptive behavior, social skills, and peer acceptance (peer acceptance is often used to assess social competence). Research during this time often focused on children who were not displaying social skills in efforts to identify and [2] help these children who were potentially at risk of long-term negative outcomes due to poor social interactions. Gresham proposed that these children could have one of four deficits: skill deficits, in which children did not have the knowledge or cognitive abilities to carry out a certain behavior, performance deficits, self-control skill deficits, and self-control performance deficits, in which children had excessive anxiety or impulsivity that prohibited proper execution of the behaviors or skills they knew and understood. Despite all the developments and changes in the conceptualization of social competence throughout the 20th century, there [3] was still a general lack of agreement about the definition and measurement of social competence during the 1980s. The definitions of the 1980s were less ambiguous than previous definitions, but they often did not acknowledge the age, situation, [4] and skill specificity implicit in the complex construct of social competence. [edit]Approaches [edit]Peer

to social competence/theories
[5]

regard/status approaches
The more well-liked one is, the

These approaches define social competence based on how popular one is with his peers. [6] more socially competent they are. [edit]Social

skill approaches

These approaches use behaviors as a guideline. [7][6] identified as social competence. [edit]Relationship

[5]

Behaviors that demonstrate social skills are compiled and are collectively

approaches

According to these approaches, social competence is assessed by the quality of one's relationshipsand the ability to form relationships. Competence depends on the skills of both members of the relationship; a child may appear more socially [6] competent if interacting with a socially skilled partner. [edit]Functional

approaches

The functional approach is context-specific and concerned with the identification of social goals and tasks. This approach also focuses on the outcomes of social behavior and the processes leading to those outcomes. Information-processing models of [6] social skills are important here, and based on the idea that social competence results from social-cognitive processes. [edit]Models

of social competence

Early models of social competence stress the role of context and situation specificity in operationalizing the competence [8] construct. These models also allow for the organization and integration of the various component skills, behaviors and cognitions associated with social competence. Whereas global definitions focus on the "ends" rather than the "means" by [8] which such ends are achieved, a number of models directly attend to the theorized processes underlying [8][9][10] competence. These process models are context specific and seek to identify critical social goals and tasks associated with social competence. Other models focus on the often overlooked distinction between social competence and the indices (i.e., skills and abilities) used to gauge it. [edit]Behavioralanalytic Goldfried and D'Zurilla
[8]

model

developed a five-step behavioral-analytic model outlining a definition of social competence.

The specific steps proposed in the model include: (1) situational analysis, (2) response enumeration, (3) response evaluation, (4) measure development, and (5) evaluation of the measure. 1. Situation analysis a critical situation is defined on the basis of certain criteria, which include 1. occurs with some frequency 2. presents a difficult response decision 3. results in a range of possible responses in a given population.
[8]

Situation identification and anaylsis is

accomplished through a variety of methods, including direct observation by self or others, interviews, and surveys. 2. Response enumeration sampling of possible responses to each situation is obtained. Procedures for generating response alternatives include direct observation, role plays, and simulations in video and/or written formats. 3. Response evaluation the enumerated responses are judged for effectiveness by "significant others" in the environment. An important element is that a consensus must emerge or the particular item is removed from future consideration. In the last two steps (4 and 5) a measure for assessing social competence is developed and evaluated. [edit]Social

information-processing model
[9]

A social information-processing model is a widely used means for understanding social competence. The social informationprocessing model focuses more directly on the cognitive processes underlying response selection, enactment, and evaluation. Using a computer metaphor, the reformulated social information-processing model outlines a six-step nonlinear process with various feedback loops linking children's social cognition and behavior. Difficulties that arise at any of the steps generally translates into social competence deficits. The six steps are:

1. Observation and encoding of relevant stimuli attending to and encoding non-verbal and verbal social cues, both external and internal. 2. Interpretation and mental representation of cues understanding what has happened during the social encounter, as well as the cause and intent underlying the interaction. 3. Clarification of goals determining what one's objective is for the interaction and how to put forth an understanding of those goals. 4. Representation of situation is developed by accessing long-term memory or construction the interaction is compared to previous situations stored in long-term memory and the previous outcomes of those interactions. 5. Response decision/selection 6. Behavioral enactment and evaluation [edit]Tri-component

model

Another way to conceptualize social competence is to consider three underlying subcomponents in a hierarchical [11] framework. 1. Social Adjustment 2. Social Performance 3. Social Skills The top of the hierarchy includes the most advanced level, social adjustment. Social adjustment is defined as the extent to [11] which an individual achieves society's developmentally appropriate goals. The goals are conceived of as different "statuses" to be achieved by members of a society (e.g., health, legal, academic or occupational, socioeconomic, social, emotional, familial, and relational statuses). The next level is social performance or the degree to which an individual's responses to relevant social situations meet socially valid criteria. The lowest level of the hierarchy is social skills, which are defined as specific abilities (i.e. overt behavior, social cognitive skills, and emotional regulation) allowing for the competent performance within social tasks. [edit]The

quadripartite model

The essential core elements of competence are theorized to consist of four superordinate sets of skills, abilities, and capacities: (1) cognitive skills and abilities, (2) behavioral skills, (3) emotional competencies, and (4) motivational and [10] expectancy sets. 1. Cognitive skills and abilities cultural and social knowledge necessary for effective functioning in society (i.e., academic and occupational skills and abilities, decision-making ability, and the processing of information) 2. Behavioral skills knowledge of behavioral responses and the ability to enact them (i.e., negotiation, role- or perspective-taking, assertiveness, conversational skills, and prosocial skills) 3. Emotional skills affect regulation and affective capacities for facilitating socially competent responding and forming relationships 4. Motivational and expectancy sets an individual's value structure, moral development, and sense of efficacy and control. [edit]The

developmental framework

Social competence develops over time, and the mastery of social skills and interpersonal social interactions emerge at various time points on the developmental continuum (infancy to adolescence) and build on previously learned skills and [1] knowledge. Key facets and markers of social competence that are remarkably consistent across the developmental periods (early childhood, middle/late childhood, adolescence) include prosocial skills (i.e., friendly, cooperative, helpful behaviors) and [1] self-control or regulatory skills (i.e., anger management, negotiation skills, problem-solving skills). However, as developmental changes occur in the structure and quality of interactions, as well as in cognitive and language abilities, these changes affect the complexity of skills and behaviors contributing to socially competent responding. [edit]Factors

contributing to social competence

[edit]Temperament

Temperament is a construct that describes a person's biological response to the environment. Issues such as soothability, [1] rhythmicity, sociability, and arousal make up this construct. Most often sociability contributes to the development of social competence. [edit]Attachment Social experiences rest on the foundation of parentchild relationships, and are important in the later development of social skills and behaviors. Attachment of an infant to a care-giver is important for the development of later social skills and [12] behaviors that develop social competence. Attachment helps the infant learn that the world is predictable and trustworthy or [12] in other instances capricious and cruel.Ainsworth describes four types of attachment styles in infancy, including secure, anxiousavoidant, anxiousresistant and disorganized/disoriented. The foundation of the attachment bond allows the child to venture out from his/her mother to try new experiences and new interactions. Children with secure attachment styles tend to show higher levels of social competence relative to children with unsecure attachment, including [1] anxiousavoidant, anxiousresistant, and disorganized/disoriented. [edit]Parenting

[1]

style

Parents are the primary source of social and emotional development in infancy, early, and middle/late childhood. The socialization practices of parents influence whether their child will develop social competence. Parenting style captures two [13] important elements of parenting: parental warmth/responsiveness and parental control/demandingness. Parental responsiveness (warmth or supportiveness) refers to "the extent to which parents intentionally foster individuality, selfregulation, and self-assertion by being attuned, supportive, and acquiescent to children's special needs and [14] demands." Parental demandingness (behavioral control) refers to "the claims parents make on children to become integrated into the family whole, by their maturity demands, supervision, disciplinary efforts and willingness to confront the [14] child who disobeys." Categorizing parents according to whether they are high or low on parental demandingness and responsiveness creates a typology of four parenting styles: indulgent/permissive, authoritarian, authoritative, [14] andindifferent/uninvolved. Each of these parenting styles reflects patterns of parental values, practices, and behaviors and a distinct balance of responsiveness and demandingness. Parenting style contributes to child well-being in the domains of social competence, academic performance, psychosocial [14] development, and problem behavior. Research based on parent interviews, child reports, and parent observations consistently find that: Children and adolescents whose parents are authoritative rate themselves and are rated by objective measures as more [14][15][16] socially and instrumentally competent than those whose parents are nonauthoritative. Children and adolescents whose parents are uninvolved perform most poorly in all domains.

Other factors that contribute to social competence include teacher relationships, peer groups, neighborhood, and community. [edit]Problem

behaviors related to social competence

An important researcher in the study of social competence, Voeller, states that there are three clusters of problem behaviors [17] that lead to the impairment of social competence. Voeller clusters include: (1) an aggressive and hostile group, (2) a perceptual deficits subgroup, and (3) a group with difficulties in self-regulation. 1. Children with aggressive and hostile behaviors are those whose acting out behaviors negatively influence their ability [17] to form relationships, and sustain interpersonal interactions. Aggressive and hostile children tend to have deficiencies in social information-processing, and employ inappropriate social problem solving strategies to social [17] situations. They also tend to search for fewer facts in a social situation and pay more attention to the aggressive [9] social interactions presented in an interaction. 2. Children with perceptual deficits do not perceive the environment appropriately and interpret interpersonal interactions inaccurately. They also have difficulty reading social cues, facial expressions and body gestures. 3. Children with self-regulation deficits tend to have the classic difficulties in executive functions. [edit]Assessments

of social competence

While understanding the components of social competence continue to be empirically validated, the assessment of social [7] [1] competence is not well-studied and continues to develop in procedures. There are a variety of methods for the assessment of social competence and often include one (or more) of the following: Childadolescent unterview Observations Parent report measures Self-report reasures Sociometric measures (i.e., peer nominations) Teachers report measures

[edit]Interventions Following the increased awareness of the importance of social competence in childhood, interventions are used to help children with social difficulties. Historically, intervention efforts did not improve children's peer status or yield long-lasting effects. Interventions did not take into account that social competence problems do not occur in isolation, but alongside other problems as well. Thus, current intervention efforts target social competence both directly and indirectly in varying contexts. [edit]Preschool

and early-childhood interventions

Early childhood interventions targeting social skills directly improve the peer relations of children. These interventions focus on at-risk groups such as single, adolescent mothers and families of children with early behavior problems. Interventions targeting both children and families have the highest success rates. When children reach preschool age, social competence interventions focus on the preschool context and teach prosocial skills. Such interventions generally entail teaching problemsolving and conflict management skills, sharing, and improving parenting skills. Interventions improve children's social competence and interactions with peers in the short-term and they also reduce long-term risk, such as substance abuse or delinquent behavior. [edit]School-age

interventions

Social competence becomes more complicated as children grow older, and most intervention efforts for this age group target individual skills, the family, and the classroom setting. These programs focus on training skills in problem solving, emotional understanding, cooperation, and self-control. Understanding one's emotions, and the ability to communicate these emotions, is strongly emphasized. The most effective programs give children the opportunity to practice the new skills that they learn. Results of social competence interventions include decreased aggression, improved self-control, and increased conflict resolution skills.

Assessing Young Children's Social Competence

Diane E. McClellan and Lilian G. Katz
EDO-PS-01-2 March 2001

The Social Attributes Checklist

The checklist provided in this Digest includes attributes of a child's social behavior that teachers are encouraged to examine every three or four months. Consultations with parents and other caregivers help to provide a validity check. In using the checklist, teachers are advised to note whether the attributes are typical of the child. Any child can have a few really bad days, for a variety of reasons; if assessments are to be reasonably reliable, judgments of the overall pattern of functioning over a period of at least three or four weeks are required. The checklist is intended as one of a variety of ways the social well-being of children can be assessed. How children act toward and are treated by their classmates (cooperatively or aggressively, helpfully or demandingly, etc.) appears to have a substantial impact on the relationships they develop (Ladd, 2000). However, healthy social development does not require that a child be a "social butterfly." The most important index to note is the quality rather than the quantity of a child's friendships. Children (even rejected children) who develop a close friend increase the degree to which they feel positively about school over time (Ladd, 1999). There is evidence (Rothbart & Bates, 1998; Kagan,

1992) that some children are simply more shy or more inhibited than others, and it may be counterproductive to push such children into social relations that make them uncomfortable (Katz & McClellan, 1997). Furthermore, unless that shyness is severe enough to prevent a child from enjoying most of the "good things of life," such as birthday parties, picnics, and family outings, it is reasonable to assume that, when handled sensitively, the shyness will be spontaneously outgrown. Many of the attributes listed in the checklist below indicate adequate social growth if they characterize the child's usual behavior. This qualifier is included to ensure that occasional fluctuations do not lead to over-interpretation of children's temporary difficulties. On the basis of frequent direct contact with the child, observation in a variety of situations, and information obtained from parents and other caregivers, a teacher or caregiver can use the checklist as an informal research-based means of assessing each child's social and emotional well-being. It is intended to provide a guideline for teachers and parents and is based on several teacher rating scales (all demonstrating high internal reliability) used by researchers to measure children's social behavior. Most of these scales (Ladd, 2000;Ladd & Profilet, 1996; McClellan & Kinsey, 1999) have also been replicated on more than one occasion and have demonstrated high reliability over time. Teachers can observe and monitor interactions among children and let children who rarely have difficulties attempt to solve conflicts by themselves before intervening. If a child appears to be doing well on most of the attributes and characteristics in the checklist, then it is reasonable to assume that occasional social difficulties will be outgrown without intervention. It is also reasonable to assume that children will strengthen their social skills, confidence, and independence by being entrusted to solve their social difficulties without adult assistance. However, if a child seems to be doing poorly on many of the items listed, the responsible adults can implement strategies that will help the child to overcome and outgrow the social difficulties. The checklist is not a prescription for "correct social behavior"; rather it is an aid to help teachers observe, understand, and support children as they grow in social skillfulness. If a child seems to be doing poorly on many of the items on the list, strategies can be implemented to help the child to establish more satisfying relationships with other children (Katz & McClellan, 1997). Children's current and long-term social-emotional development, as well as cognitive and academic (Kinsey, 2000) development, are clearly affected by the child's social experiences with peers and adults. It is important to keep in mind that children vary in social behavior for a variety of reasons. Research indicates that children have distinct personalities and temperaments from birth (Rothbart & Bates, 1998; Kagan, 1992). In addition, nuclear and extended family relationships and cultural contexts also affect social behavior. What is appropriate or effective social behavior in one culture may not be in another. Many children thus may need help in bridging their differences and in finding ways to learn from and enjoy the company of one another. Teachers have a responsibility to be proactive in creating a classroom community that accepts and supports all children. The Social Attributes Checklist I. Individual Attributes The child: 1. Is usually in a positive mood. 2. Is not excessively dependent on adults. 3. Usually comes to the program willingly. 4. Usually copes with rebuffs adequately. 5. Shows the capacity to empathize. 6. Has positive relationships with one or two peers; shows the capacity to really care about them and miss them if they are absent. 7. Displays the capacity for humor. 8. Does not seem to be acutely lonely. II. Social Skills Attributes The child usually: 1. Approaches others positively. 2. Expresses wishes and preferences clearly; gives reasons for actions and positions.

3. Asserts own rights and needs appropriately. 4. Is not easily intimidated by bullies. 5. Expresses frustrations and anger effectively and without escalating disagreements or harming others. 6. Gains access to ongoing groups at play and work. 7. Enters ongoing discussion on the subject; makes relevant contributions to ongoing activities. 8. Takes turns fairly easily. 9. Shows interest in others; exchanges information with and requests information from others appropriately. 10. Negotiates and compromises with others appropriately. 11. Does not draw inappropriate attention to self. 12. Accepts and enjoys peers and adults of ethnic groups other than his or her own. 13. Interacts nonverbally with other children with smiles, waves, nods, etc. III. Peer Relationship Attributes The child: 1. Is usually accepted versus neglected or rejected by other children. 2. Is sometimes invited by other children to join them in play, friendship, and work. 3. Is named by other children as someone they are friends with or like to play and work with. For More Information Berk, L., & Winsler, A. (1995). Scaffolding children's learning: Vygotsky and early childhood education.Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children. ED 384 443. Halberstadt, A. G., Denham, S. A., & Dunsmore, J. C. (2001). Affective social competence. Social Development, 10(1), 79119. Hartup, W. W. (1992). Having friends, making friends, and keeping friends: Relationships as educational contexts. ERIC Digest. Champaign, IL: ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education. ED 345 854. Hartup, W. W., & Moore, S. G. (1990). Early peer relations: Developmental significance and prognostic implications. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 5(1), 1-18. EJ 405 887. Kagan, J. (1992). Yesterday's premises, tomorrow's promises. Developmental Psychology, 28(6), 990-997. EJ 454 898. Katz, L. G., & McClellan, D. E. (1997). Fostering children's social competence: The teacher's role. Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children. ED 413 073. Kinsey, S. J. (2000). The relationship between prosocial behaviors and academic achievement in the primary multiage classroom. Unpublished doctoral dissertation, Loyola University, Chicago. Ladd, G. W. (1999). Peer relationships and social competence during early and middle childhood. Annual Review of Psychology, 50, 333-359. Ladd, G. W. (2000). The fourth R: Relationships as risks and resources following children's transition to school. American Educational Research Association Division E Newsletter, 19(1), 7, 9-11. Ladd, G. W., & Profilet, S. M. (1996). The child behavior scale: A teacher-report measure of young children's aggressive, withdrawn, and prosocial behaviors. Developmental Psychology, 32(6), 1008-1024. EJ 543 361. McClellan, D. E., & Kinsey, S. (1999) Children's social behavior in relation to participation in mixed-age or same-age classrooms. Early Childhood Research & Practice [Online], 1(1). Available: http://ecrp.uiuc.edu/v1n1/v1n1.html.Editor's note: This url has changed:http://ecrp.uiuc.edu/v1n1/index.html

Parker, J. G., & Asher, S. R. (1987). Peer relations and later personal adjustment: Are low-accepted children at risk? Psychological Bulletin, 102(3), 357-389. Rogoff, B. M. (1990). Apprenticeship in thinking: Cognitive development in social context. New York: Oxford University Press. Rothbart, M., & Bates, J. (1998). Temperament. In W. Damon (Series Ed.) & N. Eisenberg (Vol. Ed.), Handbook of child psychology: Vol. 3. Social, emotional, and personality development (5th ed., pp. 105-176). New York: Wiley

Encouraging Social Skills in Young Children: Tips Teachers Can Share with Parents
JACQUELYN MIZE ELLEN ABELL

"I feel so sorry for her She'll ask other kids if she can play, and usually they just say, 'No, you're not our friend.' She's trying to be nice. What more can she do?" "My son seems to have gotten the idea that it's O.K. to terrorize younger children. Yesterday I saw him shove this other little boy, take a shovel he had, and then just ride off on his trike, leaving the other kid almost in tears." "Erika never joins in when other children are playing. She just watches, looking miserable and lonely, and I don't know what to say to help her" It is not unusual for parents who are concerned about their children's social skills to turn to preschool teachers for advice about what to do. Many a teacher has been approached by a parent looking for help to deal with a shy or aggressive or friendless child. Can teachers feel comfortable addressing parents' concerns? What kind of guidance can teachers give to these parents? The purpose of this article is to review current thinking about young children's peer relationships and offer ideas and practices that teachers can suggest to parents concerned about their children's social development. Parents have good reason to be uneasy when their children have trouble getting along with agemates. Peers afford preschoolers some of their most exciting, fun experiences. Not having friends or playmates can be frustrating, even painful, for young children. In addition, a growing body of research supports the belief, held by many early childhood professionals, that young children's peer relationships are important for their development and adjustment to school. Preschool-aged children who have positive peer relationships are likely to maintain positive peer interactions in grade school, while children who have a hard time getting along with agemates in the preschool years are more likely to experience later academic difficulties and rejection or neglect by their elementary-school peers (Ladd, 1990; Ladd & Price, 1987; Ladd, Price, & Hart, 1988). Without the skills to play constructively and develop friendships with agemates, children become excluded from opportunities to develop additional and more complex skills important for future peer interaction (Eisenberg, Cameron, Tryon, & Dodez, 1981; Howes, 1988). Socially Competent Preschoolers Picture the well-liked, friendly children in the preschool classrooms of your experience. What do you notice about their behavior that makes them different from less well-liked children? Most observers note the generally positive character of their interactions with

other children Mize, 1995). Consider the following interaction between two four-yearold's: Ben is sitting inside a large innertube, wearing a firefighter helmet, when Jiin walks up and gives the innertube a nudge with his foot. "Hurry and get in the truck," Ben shouts excitedly. There's a fire and we gotta go put it out!" Jim gives the innertube another listless nudge with his foot and com- plains, "I don't wanna be a fireman, I wanna be a policeman." "I know,' offers Ben, "let's both be policemen and get the bad guys who started the fire." Ben removes his firefighter helmet and tosses it aside. Suddenly animated, Jim scrambles into the innertube with him. "I'll drive," he states. "Rrrrrrrrrrr," Ben replies, imitating the sound of a police siren. Ben ignored Jim's somewhat unpleasant manner and responded instead with enthusiastic and friendly suggestions. He did not react to Jim's negativity, but was instead agreeable and willing to be flexible. Children, like Ben, who have many such harmonious interactions with a variety of their preschool-aged peers are likely to be well-liked and accepted by them (Black & Logan, 1995; Hazen & Black, 1989). Agreeable children also are likely to find acceptance in subsequent peer settings, such as in kindergarten (Ladd & Price, 1987). While being agreeable certainly is a prerequisite to good peer relations, it alone is not sufficient. Socially competent preschoolers have started to develop additional, more sophisticated skills that they use to make play exciting and fun. These are skills that serve children well as they attempt to negotiate the increasingly complex world of peers. The first of these skills is the ability to tune-in to important features of the social context (Black & Hazen, 1990; Putallaz, 1987). Children are able to recognize other children's preferences, frame of reference, behavior, and interests and can adapt accordingly. Consider the following interaction among four- and five-year-olds: Elizabeth and Rachel are playing inside a cardboard playhouse. They have dolls which they periodically hold up to the cut-out windows and then, squealing, quickly pull down. Sarah walks over hoping to join in. "Can I play house?' she asks, "cause I have a doll, too." "We're not playing house!" Rachel in- forms her. "We're playing ghosts!" 'Yeah," Elizabeth chimes in. "It's Halloween and there's ghosts outside scaring us.""Anyway it's too crowded in here" adds Rachel. "Oh. Well, I could be a ghost," Sarah offers. 'No you can't," objects Rachel. "Ghosts are invisible." 'I know what," Sarah says, retrieving a nearby broom. "I'm the wicked witch." Sarah straddles the broom and circles the playhouse, cackling. "Eeeeeiaaiiil" Rachel and Elizabeth squeal excitedly. "There's a witch flying around our house!" Sarah gains eventual entree into Elizabeth's and Rachel's play because she was able to devise a strategy that was relevant to their interests - she didn't disrupt or change the play, she made it more fun. Even when they are trying to be positive, children who are less tuned in may suggest activities that are irrelevant to other children's interests, they may call attention to themselves, or they may do things that are disruptive to the play. No matter how nicely she had asked, had Sarah tried suggest that the girls play house instead of ghosts, she probably would have been met with rejection. But with a little bit

of persistence and creativity on Sarah's part, the others were convinced that having her join the play would make it more fun. Although with too much persistence a child will be perceived as a nuisance, a little flexible persistence, like Sarah's, is useful. One of the realities of social life in preschool classrooms is that about half of children's requests to play are greeted with rejection by peers (Corsaro, 1981). As Sarah demonstrated, willingness to maintain social interactions by initiating an alternative in response to peers' rejections sometimes brings success (Hazen & Black, 1989). In contrast, a less competent child might have given up dejectedly, argued with her peers, or demanded that her peers play a different game. Not surprisingly, children who resort to antagonistic behaviors that disrupt the play of their peers often are rebuffed or ignored and generally are disliked (Pettit & Harrist, 1993). If one or two relevant, enthusiastic alternatives don't bring success, however, the competent child will wisely conclude that it might be best to try another day. In addition to being generally agreeable and well attuned to the social context, socially competent children are responsive and able to mesh their behavior with the behavior of their play partners (Mize, 1995). Emma and Nadia, dressed in hats, jewelry and high heels, and sitting on two chairs behind an old steering wheel are "driving" to McDonalds. Robert approaches and says, "Hey, I wanna drive!" "No, we're driving!" shouts Nadia. "Yea, the moms are driving," Emma answers, "you can ride in the back.' Like many competent preschoolers, Emma responded contingently to Robert's initiation, and even though she rejected his request to drive, she offered an alternative and an explanation. Observations of competent preschoolers indicate that they are more likely than their less competent peers to acknowledge and respond to others, and to offer an alternative or reinitiate even if they must reject a peer's play suggestion (Hazen & Black, 1989). Less competent children more often ignore others and have difficulty maintaining long, positive interactions. This sensitive responsivity helps competent children maintain longer play bouts without getting into disruptive disagreements. Thus, children who are socially competent are able to do more than merely behave in positive ways. They show a responsiveness and a sensitivity to the social context and to others. They are able to maintain positive contact and counter play rejections with alternative options. Knowledge of the characteristics of competent preschoolers can provide a solid grounding from which teachers can offer guidance to parents about children's peer relationships. Parental influence on children's social development It is widely believed that the everyday experiences in relationships with their parents are fundamental to children's developing social skills (Cohn, Patterson, & Christopoulous, 1991; Parke & Ladd, 1992). In particular, parental responsiveness and nurturance are considered to be key factors in the development of children's social competence (Maccoby & Martin, 1983). Loving and responsive parenting helps children to see the world in a positive way and to expect that relationships with others will be rewarding. Children who display high levels of social competence typically enjoy parent-child relationships characterized by positive and agreeable interactions, acceptance (Cohn,

Patterson, & Christopoulous, 1991; Pettit & Mize, 1993; Putallaz, 1987), and sensitive behavioral exchanges in which parent and child respond to one another's cues (Harrist, Pettit, Dodge, & Bates, 1994; Pettit, Harrist, Bates & Dodge, 1991; Pettit & Harrist, 1993). Parents of competent children also minimize the use of physical punishment and coercive discipline (Dodge, Bates, & Pettit, 1990; Strassberg, Dodge, Pettit, & Bates, 1994). These styles of parent-child behavior are the foundation for children's social development. Often they reflect unexamined assumptions, values, and attitudes that a parent brings to childrearing. As such, suggesting a change in these fundamental patterns of interaction might be interpreted by parents as an attack on their values and competence. In addition, because they are so ingrained, basic qualities of the parentchild relationship are not likely to change based on an exchange with preschool staff. Specific steps parents can take to enhance children's social skills Provide children with opportunities to play with peers. There is no substitute for the experience children gain from interacting with peers. Children who have had many opportunities to play with peers from an early age are clearly at an advantage when they enter formal group settings such as daycare or public school (Ladd & Price, 1987; Lieberman, 1977). Children especially benefit when they can develop long- lasting relationships. Young children - even toddlers - who are able to participate in stable peer groups become more competent over time and have fewer difficulties than children whose peer group membership shifts (Howes,1988). In short, children develop better, more sophisticated social strategies when they are able to maintain stable relationships with other children they like over long periods. Play with children in a "peer- like' way, just for the sake of having fun. Children learn crucial skills through play with other children, but children also learn a great deal through play with their parents. Children whose parents frequently play with them have more advanced social skills and get along better with peers. This is especially true, however, when parents play with their children in an effectively positive and peer-like way (Lindsey, Mize, & Pettit, in press). Observational studies indicate that the parents of the most socially competent children laugh and smile often, avoid criticizing their child during play, are responsive to the child's ideas, and aren't too directive (MacDonald, 1987; MacDonald & Parke, 1984). Children gain important social skills from parents who play with them in ways that reflect equality in the play interaction. Consider the following parent-child play scene: Parent: Did you see these blocks? Child: Oh, blocks! Parent: What could we do? Child: I know! We could make like, a, uh, a big pen. Parent: A pen! O.K. Here, I'll start here, O.K.? Child: No, no. We gotta start way over here. Move it over here. Parent: Alright, I see, so it won't run into the sofa. Oh, but if I turn the block like this, the pen will be longer. Or should we have it taller? Child: Well, it's gotta be tall, so T-Rex can't jump it. Parent: (Picks up dinosaur: 'lopes' it along floor toward fence.) (In gruff voice) RRRRR.... I'm gonna jump the fence.

Child: (Picks up another dinosaur figure, pushes it toward parents dinosaur.) But I'm T-Rex and I've got sharp teeth, so you better not stomp the fence. Here, here's a cow you can eat! (Throws small farm animal toward other dinosaur.) Parent: Chomp, chomp, chomp. Thank you Mr. T-REX. This parent didn t correct the child or try to dominate the play. Instead, the parent followed the child's ideas in an actively involved way and also contributed to advancing the 'story" of the play. The child, in turn, picked up on the parent's ideas, and thus the play escalated so that parent and child were just having fun playing as equals. Children benefit from this type of play for several reasons. From balanced, responsive play with a parent, children may learn many of the skills commonly displayed by the socially competent preschoolers described earlier. In addition, when parents are responsive to children's play ideas, children may come to feel that they are good, effective play partners and thus are eager to play with peers. Finally, fun, balanced parent-child play may instill that positive outlook toward others that makes children look forward to play opportunities with people outside the family. Talk with children about social relationships and values. Children who have more frequent conversations with a parent about peer relationships are better liked by other children in their classrooms and are rated by teachers as more socially competent (Laird, Pettit, Mize, & Lindsey, 1994). As a part of normal, daily conversation, these parents and children talk about the everyday events that happen in preschool, including things that happen with peers. Often these interactions take place on the way home from school or at dinner (Bradbard, Endsley, & Mize, 1992; Laird et al., 1994). Just how should parents handle these conversations, and what can they say that will make a difference? One of the most important points to make in this regard is that these talks are not lectures, but rather conversations enjoyed by both parent and child. As such, these conversations probably serve two purposes: They communicate to the child an interest in his or her well-being, and they also serve as a basis for information exchange and genuine problem solving. Take a problem-solving approach. Parents don't have to know the answers to all children's problems to talk to them in helpful ways. For example, a kindergarten child told her father of a girl in her class who she described as being "mean to everybody," and to whom everyone else was, in turn, "mean." In a conversational way, the father asked his daughter questions about what she thought night be happening between the other child and her classmates. Through the discussion, the daughter concluded that the child might be acting "mean" because she thought no one -in the class liked her and decided, as a gesture of goodwill, to draw a picture and give it to the unpopular child. This father didn't dismiss his daughter's concerns, or trivialize their complexity by offering an easy answer, and he didn't lecture her or quiz her. Instead, he engaged her in a conversation that offered her support to consider the problem for herself. When problem-solving, parents can help children consider various solutions and perspectives. In observations of mothers and fathers talking to their preschool children, we find that parents of the most competent children often consider with the child multiple approaches to situations and reflect on potential consequences of each course of action (Mize & Pettit, 1994): Mom: Hmmm, gosh, what if he grabs your truck again, what do you think you'll do?

Child: I'd probably just whap him upside his head! Mom: You would? What'd he do, do you think, if you whapped him? Child: He'd give it back and never take it again! Mom: You think so? You don't think he'd just whap you back, and ya'll 'd get in a big ol' fight and then he wouldn't want to play with you again? Child: Oh, yea. Mom: What else could you try? Child: Say, "please?" Mom: That'd be a nice thing to try. Do you think it d work? Child: No. Mom: Well, maybe not. It might, but it might not, huh? Child: I could say, "I'll come get you when I'm done." Mom: Hey, that's an idea. That works sometimes with your sister, doesn't it? As teachers know, there are often no easy answers to most of children s problems with peers. Therefore, it is helpful for children to learn how to think about relationships and weigh the consequences of their actions for themselves and others (Slaby, RoedeR, Arezo, & Hendrix, 1995). Of course, one of the most important factors to consider is the effects of any potential action on others. Children who are encouraged to think in terms of others' feelings and needs are more positive and prosocial with peers (Zahn-Waxler, Radke-Yarrow, & King, 1979), and children whose parents talk with them more often about emotions are better liked by their kindergarten peers (Laird, et al., 1994). Endorse positive, relevant strategies. While its a good idea to problem-solve by helping children consider various options and perspectives, a parent does not need to treat all potential solutions as equally good. We have found that parents of competent children, like the mother in the preceding example, talk about various options but endorse friendly, prosocial strategies that leave the door open to play or friendship. Children react more positively to peers who try to solve problems by negotiation or compromise rather than through tattling, aggression, or verbal coercion ("I won't play with you anymore' or "I won't be your friend") (Crick & Grotepeter, 1995). Parents can help their children develop these skills through conversations such as the following, in which a mother and her four-year-old talk about how he could gain acceptance by a pair of children pretending to cook and wearing the classroom s only two chefs hats: Child: I'd say, "Could I cook, too, please." Mom: That'd be nice. But what if they want to keep cooking? Child: Uh, I would just go play by myself. Mom: Sure, you could do that. But, there's a table and some dishes. What happens when you go to a restaurant? When you want something to eat? Child: You say, "Bring me a hamburger!" Mom: Yeah! Maybe you could be a customer and order dinner? Child: Oh, yea. Notice that this strategy is not only friendly, it is relevant (it fits) with the other children's interests (see Finnie & Russell, 1988; Russell & Finnie, 1990). Reflect a positive, resilient attitude toward social setbacks. As previously mentioned, exclusion by peers is a fact of preschoolers' lives (Corsaro, 1981). Children have

different reactions to these rejections, ranging from anger to acceptance. Some children come to believe that others are "out to get them," or that other people are just generally mean. These children are likely to react with aggression and hostility to mild slights by peers (Dodge, Pettit, McClaskey, & Brown, 1986). Other children may assume that these rejections are caused by an enduring, personal deficiency ("I'm just not much fun," "Other kids don't like me"), and are likely to withdraw from further peer interaction (Goetz & Dweck, 1980). Socially competent children, in contrast, tend to explain these rejections as temporary or in ways that recognize that a social situation can be improved by changing their own behavior (I'll have to talk louder so they hear," or "I'll try to be friendlier next time"). Sometimes these children recognize that the situation itself led to the rejection, such as the child whose request to play was refused by two of his peers. "Well, of course I couldn't play," he said, "I should have noticed they only had two trucks!" Parents of these socially competent children endorse interpretations of social events that encourage resilient, constructive attitudes (Mize, Pettit, Lindsey, & Laird, 1993). Rather than making a statement such as, "That's a really mean kid!" they may say something like, "Gosh, maybe he's having a hard day." They make constructive attributions such as, "Sometimes kids just want to play by themselves," rather than expressing a sentiment like, 'They're not very nice if they won't let you play." These parents avoid defeatist comments such as "Maybe they don't like you," and offer instead suggestions like, "Maybe they don't want to play that, but there might be something else they think is fun." Such positive, constructive statements encourage children to take an optimistic view of others and themselves as play partners. They reflect an upbeat, resilient attitude toward social setbacks and the belief that social situations can be improved with effort and positive behavior. Intervene when necessary, but let older preschoolers work out problems themselves when possible. The preceding suggestions may convey the impression that parents and caregivers of socially competent children must spend all of their time strategically engineering peer play opportunities and looking for chances to talk to children about relationship values. This is not the case, however. While parents of competent preschoolers do take the time to structure play opportunities and assist their children in interpreting their play experiences, they do not interfere in children's ongoing play unless it is necessary. Indeed, research indicates that a gradual disengagement of parents from involvement in young children's play with peers is beneficial. While toddlers need an adult supervisor present most of the time, and, in fact, often play in more sophisticated ways when an adult is present to facilitate their interaction (Bhavnagri & Parke, 1991), as children get older, they benefit from trying to work things out during play on their own (Slaby et al, 1995). A parent s presence and involvement does not benefit older preschoolers (Bhavnagri & Parke, 199 1; Parke & Bhavnagri, 1989), and may actually interfere with children's development of social skills (Ladd & Golter, 1988). Preschool teachers often find themselves in the position of giving advice to parents about children's social skills. The research-based information presented here is intended to offer teachers solid footing for their counsel. In summary, recommendations could focus on any of three different areas. First, teachers can help parents realize that children need practice to fully develop their social skills, and that children get their practice from playing both with other children and with their parents. Teachers can

suggest that parents provide opportunities for their children to develop stable relationships with other children. Most adults can be reminded that they are more relaxed and have more fun when they are with people they know well, and they can see that this is true for children as well. Teachers can also suggest that parents take the time to play as equal partners with their children. By following their children's lead, maintaining a positive, non-competitive attitude, and having fun together, parents will help children develop a positive attitude toward themselves and others as play partners. Second, teachers can suggest to parents that they find ways to offer their children helpful information about how social relationships work. Casual discussions about the events of the day can sometimes lead to conversations in which parents guide children to consider the reasons for peers' behaviors and various options for responding. Discussions that occur when children are interested and that use a problem- solving approach are likely to be most helpful. Finally, teachers can point out to parents how important a positive attitude is for getting along with others. Most adults can relate to the fact that it is easier to behave in a friendly way when one has a positive attitude toward others, the situation, and oneself. Children benefit when adults offer them positive ways to interpret the events that are a part of their daily lives. Children s social competence with peers is an important aspect of their social development. Teachers and parents who are aware of the elements of social competence in preschool-aged children can encourage and nurture these skills. Footnotes 1. Many of the following suggestions and descriptions of parenting come from a series of studies we and our colleagues have conducted on how parents help children learn social skills. In these studies, we have observed parents and children playing together (Lindsey, Mize, & Pettit, (in press); Brown, Pettit, Mize & Lindsey, 1995) and we have watched as parents supervise the play of their own children and one or more peers (Brown et Al., 1995; Mize, Pettit, & Brown, 1995; Pettit & Mize, 1993). We have also conducted interviews with parents (Laird, Pettit, Mize, & Lindsey, 1994) and we have observed parents as they talk to their children about social problem dilemmas presented in videotape vignettes (Brown et al., 1995; Mize & Pettit, 1994; Pettit & Mize, 1993). References Bhavnagri, N., & Parke, R. (1991). Parents as direct facilitators of children's peer relationships: Effects of age of child and sex of parent. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 8, 423- 440. Black, B., & Logan, A. (1995). Links between communication patterns in mother-child, father-child, and child-peer interactions and children's social status. Child Development,66, 255-271. Black, B. & Hazen, N. L. (1990). Social status and patterns of communication in acquainted and unacquainted preschool children. Developmental Psychology, 26, 379387. Bradbard, M. R., Endsley, P, C., & Mize, J. (1992). The ecology of parent-child communication about daily experiences in preschool and day care. Journal of Research in Childhood Education 6, 131-141.

Brown, E. G., Pettit, G., Mize, J., & Lindsey, E. W. (1995, March). Play partners, peercontact supervisors, and social skills coaches: Mothers' and fathers' roles in the socialization of peer competence. In A. Russell & K. Bussey (co-chairs). Gender in the parent-child dyad: Processes and outcomes. Symposium presented at the biennial meeting of the Society for Research in Child Development, Indianapolis. Cohn, D., Patterson, C., & Christopoulos, C. (1991). The family and children's peer relations. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 8, 315-346. Corsaro, W. A. (1981). Friendship in the nursery school: Social organization in a peer environment. In S. R. Asher, & J. M. Gottman (Eds.), The development of children's friendships, 207-24 1. New York: Cambridge Crick, N. R., & Grotpeter, J. K (1995). Relational aggression, gender, and socialpsychological adjustment. Child Development, 66, 710-722. Dodge, K A., Bates, J. E., & Pettit, G. S. (1990). Mechanisms in the cycle of violence.Science, 250, 1678-1683. Dodge, F, A-, Pettit, G. S., McClaskey, C. L., & Brown, M. M. (1986). Social competence in children. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development 51, (2, Serial No. 213). Eisenberg, N., Cameron, E., Tryon, F,, & Dodez, R (1 98 1). Socialization of prosocial behavior in the preschool classroom. Developmental Psychology, 17, 773-782. Finnie, V., & Russell, A. (1988). Preschool children's social status and their mothers' behavior and knowledge in the supervisory role. Developmental Psychology, 24, 789801. Goetz, T. E. & DwecK, C. S. (1980). Learned helplessness in social situations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 39, 246- 255. Harrist, A, W., Pettit, G. S., Dodge, F, A. & Bates, J. E. (1994). Dyadic synchrony in mother-child interaction: Relation with children's subsequent kindergarten adjustment.Family Relations, 43, 417-424. Hazen, N. L., & Black, B. (1989). Preschool peer communication skills: The role of social status and interaction context. Child Development 60, 867-876. Howes, C. (1988). Peer interaction of young children. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development 53 (1, Serial No. 217). Ladd, G. W. (1990). Having friends, keeping friends, making friends, and being liked by peers in the classroom: Predictors of children's early school adjustment? Child Development, 6 1, 312-331. Ladd, G. W., & Golter, B. (1988). Parents' management of preschoolers' peer relations: Is it related to children's social competence? Developmental Psychology, 24, 109-117. Ladd, G. W., & Price, J. M. (1987). Predicting children's social and school adjustment following the transition from preschool to kindergarten. Child Development, 57, 11681189. Ladd, G. W., Price, J. M., & Hart, C. H. (1988). Predicting preschoolers' peer status from their playground behaviors. Developmental Psychology, 59, 986-992. Laird, R. D., Pettit, G. S., Mize, J., Brown, E. G., Lindsey, E. (1994). Parent-child conversations about peer relationships: Contributions to competence. Family Relations, 43, 425-432. Lieberman, A. F. (1977). Preschoolers' competence with a peer: Relations with attachment and peer experience. Child Development, 48, 1277-1287.

Lindsey, E. W., Mize, J., & Pettit, G.S. (in press). Mutuality in parent-child play: Consequences for children's peer competence. Journal of Social and Personality Relationships. Maccoby, E. E., & Martin, J. A. (1983). Parent-child interaction. In P. H. Mussen (Series Ed.) and E. M. Hetherington (Vol. Ed.) Handbook of child psychology: Vol 4: Socialization, personality and social development, 1-101. New York- Wiley. MacDonald, E B. (1987). Parent-child physical play with rejected, neglected, and popular boys. Developmental Psychology, 23, 705-711. MacDonald, F- B., & Parke, P, (1984). Bridging the gap: Parent- child play interaction and peer interactive competence. Child Development, 55, 1265-1277. Mize, J., & Pettit, G. S. (1994, July). From parent coaching to peer acceptance: Behavioral and social cognitive mediators. In J. Mize & M. Dekovic (Cochairs),Mechanisms in the transmission of social competence. Symposium presented at the International Society for the Study of Behavioral Development, Amsterdam. Mize, J., Pettit, G. S., & Brown, E. G. (1995). Mothers' supervision of their children's peer play: Relations with beliefs, perceptions, and knowledge. Developmental Psychology, 31, 311-321. Mize, J. (1995). Coaching preschool children in social skills: A cognitive-social learning curriculum. In G. Carteledge, & J. F. Milbum (Eds.). Teaching social skills to children and youth: Innovative approaches. 237-261. Third edition. Boston, MS: AUyn and Bacon. Mize, J., Pettit, G. S., Lindsey, E., & Laird, R. (1993, March). Mothers' coaching of social skills and childrens peer competence: Independent contributions of content and style. Paper presented as part of the symposium, Learning lessons about peer relationships: How parents intentionally teach their children social skills (J. Mize & G. S. Pettit, Co-Chairs). Symposium presented at the biennial meeting of the Society for Research in Child Development, New Orleans, IA Parke, P. D., & Bhavnagri, N. (1989). Parents as managers of children's peer relationsltps. In D. Belle (Ed.), Child's social networks and social supports, 241-159. New York: Wiley. Parke, PD., & Ladd, G.W. (1992). Family-peer relationships: Modes of linkages. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum. Pettit, G.S., Dodge, FA., & Brown, M.M. (1988). Early family experience, social problem social patterns, and children's social competence. Child Development. 59, 107-120. Pettit, G. S., & Harrist, A. W. (1993). Children's possessive and socially unsaved playground behavior with peers: Origins in early family relations. In C. H. Hart (Ed.), Children on playgrounds: Research perspectives and applications, 240-270. Albany: State University of New York Press. Pettit, G. S., Harrist, A. W., Bates, J. E., & Dodge, K A. (1991). Family interaction, social cognition, and childreri's subsequent relations with peers at kindergarten. Journal of social and personal relationships, 8. 383-402. Pettit, G.S. & Mize, J. (1993). Substance and style: Understanding the ways in which parents teach children about social relationships. In S. Duck (Ed.), Understanding relationship processes. Vol 2: Leaming about relationships, 118-151. Newbury Park, CA: Sage. Putallaz, M. (1983). Predicting children's sociometric status from their behavior. Child Development, 54, 1417-1426.

Putallaz, M. (1987). Matemal behavior and children's sociometric status. Child Development, 58, 324-340. Russell, K, & Finnie, V. (1990). Preschool children's social status and maternal instructions to assist group entry. Developmental Psychology, 26, 603-61 1. Slaby, R G., Roedell, W. C., Arezzo, D., & Hendrix, F, (1995). Early violence prevention: Tools for teachers of young children. Washington, D.C. National Association for the Education of Young Children. Strassberg, Z., Dodge, F, A., Pettit, G. S., & Bates, J. E. (1994). Spanking in the home and children's subsequent aggression toward kindergarten peers. Development and Psychopathology, 6, 445-462. Zahn-Waxler, C., Radke-Yarrow, M., & King, R. K. (1979). Childrearing and children's prosocial initiations toward victims of distress. Child Development. 50. 319-330. Jacquelyn Mize, Ph.D., is an associate professor in the Department of Family and Child Development at Auburn University, Auburn, Alabama. Ellen Abell, Ph.D., is an extension family and child development specialist and assistant professor in the Department of Famfly and Chfld Development at Auburn University, Auburn, Alabama. The writing of this paper was partially supported by grants to the first author from the National Institute of Mental Health (MH49869) and Project Grant AIA 10-004 from the Agricultural Experiment Station. Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to the first author, Department of Family and Child Development, Auburn, Alabama 36849-5604. From Dimensions of Early Childhood, Volume 24, Number 3, Summer 1996. Reprinted with permission of the Southern Early Childhood Association, P.O. Box 55930, Little Rock, AR, 72215-5930,1-800-305-SECA.
What is social competence? Social competence refers to a persons ability to get along with other people. A childs social competence is affected by how well she communicates with other children and with adults. A childs views of herself in relation to her family, peers, and the wider world also affect her social competence. What makes social competence so important during childhood? A young childs ability to get along with other children contributes much to all aspects of his development. How well a child gets along with others may be "the single best childhood predictor of adult adaptation, according to W.W. Hartup. For example, Children who are generally disliked, who are aggressive and disruptive, who are unable to sustain close relationships with other children, and who cannot establish a place for themselves in the peer culture are seriously at risk" (Hartup, 1992, p. 1). Quite a bit of research during the past 20 years suggests that children who do not have a basic level of social competence by the age of 6 may have trouble with relationships when they are adults (Ladd, 2000; Parker & Asher, 1987). The long-range risks for a child who cannot interact well with other children may include poor mental health, low academic achievement and other school difficulties, and poor employment history (Katz & McClellan, 1997). On the other hand, a child is more likely to have better mental health, stronger relationships, and more success in school and work if he has many chances to strengthen his social competence by playing, talking, working out disagreements,and collaborating with peers and adults. It is not necessary that a child be a "social butterfly." Quality matters more than quantity when it comes to a child's friendships. Children who

have at least one close friend usually tend to increase their positive feelings about school over time (Ladd, 1999). Some children may simply be more shy, more inhibited, or more cautious than others. Pushing such children to interact with peers can make them very uncomfortable. Unless a child is so extremely shy that she cannot enjoy many of the "good things of life" (parties, picnics, family outings), she will probably outgrow her shyness if adults around her handle it with calm understanding. How does a child develop social competence? A persons social development starts at birth. Even tiny babies begin to interact with the people around them. They respond to voices. They cry to let caregivers know they need something. They make eye contact and smile at those who feed them, hold them, or play with them. Adults and older children, intentionally or not, are models for young children of how to behave with other people. In fact, a great deal of childrens social behavior is influenced by what they observe other people doing. Most childrens social skills increase rapidly during the preschool years. It is important to keep in mind that children of the same age may not have the same levels of social competence. Research shows that children have distinct personalities and temperaments from birth. Some children may face special challenges when they interact with peers and adults. A visually impaired child may not be able to read peers gestures and facial expressions. A child with hearing, speech, or language difficulties may have trouble with the day-to-day talk that helps children become friends. Relationships within the family may also affect a childs social behavior. Behavior that is appropriate or effective in one culture may be less so in another culture. Children from diverse cultural and family backgrounds thus may need help in bridging their differences and in finding ways to learn from and enjoy one another. Teachers can help by creating classroom communities that are open, honest, and accepting of differences. Much research suggests that pretend play can contributeto young childrens social and intellectual development. When children pretend to be someone or something else, they practice taking points of view other than their own. When they pretend together, children often take turns and make deals anddecisions cooperatively. Such findings suggest that children in early childhood programs ought to have regular opportunities for social play and pretend play. Teachers can observe and monitor the childrens interactions. How can we evaluate a childs social competence? The checklist below was created to help teachers and caregivers check to see whether a childs social competence is developing well. The intent of this checklist is not to prescribe correct social behavior but rather to help teachers observe, understand, and support children whose social skills are still forming. The list is based on research on elements of young childrens social competence and on studies comparing behavior of well-liked children with that of children who are not as well liked (Katz & McClellan, 1997; Ladd & Profilet, 1996; McClellan & Kinsey, 1999). Many of the attributesincluded in the checklist indicate adequate social growth if they are usually true of the child. Illness, fatigue,or other stressors can cause short-term variations in a childs apparent social competence. Such difficulties may last only a few days. Teachers or caregivers will want to assess each child based on their frequent direct contact with the child, observation of the child in a variety of situations, and information given by parents and other caregivers. If a child seems to have most of the traits in the checklist, then she is not likely to need special help to outgrow occasional difficulties. On the other hand, a child who shows few of the traits on the list might benefit from adult-initiated strategies to help build more satisfying relationships with other children. The Social Attributes Checklist

I. Individual Attributes The child: Is usually in a positive mood. Usually comes to the program willingly. Usually copes with rebuffs or other disappointments adequately. Shows interest in others. Shows the capacity to empathize. Displays the capacity for humor. Does not seem to be acutely lonely. II. Social Skills Attributes The child usually: Interacts nonverbally with other children with smiles, waves, nods, etc. Expects a positive response when approaching others. Expresses wishes and preferences clearly; gives reasons for actions and positions. Asserts own rights and needs appropriately. Is not easily intimidated by bullies. Expresses frustrations and anger effectively, without escalating disagreements or harming others. Gains access to ongoing groups at play and work. Enters ongoing discussion on a topic; makes relevant contributions to ongoing activities. Takes turns fairly easily. Has positive relationships with one or two peers; shows the capacity to really care about them and miss them if they are absent. Has give-and-take exchanges of information, feedback, or materials with others. Negotiates and compromises with others appropriately. Is able to maintain friendship with one or more peers, even after disagreements. Does not draw inappropriate attention to self. Accepts and enjoys peers and adults who have special needs. Accepts and enjoys peers and adults who belong to ethnic groups other than his or her own. III. Peer Relationship Attributes The Is Is Is Is child: usually accepted versus neglected or rejected by other children. usually respected rather than feared or avoided by other children. sometimes invited by other children to join them in play, friendship, and work. named by other children as someone they are friends with or like to play and work with.

IV. Adult Relationship Attributes Is not excessively dependent on adults. Shows appropriate response to new adults, as opposed to extreme fearfulness or indiscriminate approach. References Hartup, W. W. (1992). Having friends, making friends, and keeping friends: Relationships as educational contexts. ERIC Digest. Champaign, IL: ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education. Katz, L. G., & McClellan, D. E. (1997). Fostering children's social competence: The teacher's role. Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children. Ladd, G. W. (1999). Peer relationships and social competence during early and middle childhood. Annual Review of Psychology, 50, 333-359. Ladd, G. W. (2000). The fourth R: Relationships as risks and resources following children's transition to school. American Educational Research Association Division E Newsletter, 19(1), 7, 9-11.

Ladd, G. W., & Profilet, S. M. (1996). The child behavior scale: A teacher-report measure of young children's aggressive, withdrawn, and prosocial behaviors. Developmental Psychology, 32(6), 1008-1024. EJ 543 361. McClellan, D. E., & Kinsey, S. (1999) Children's social behavior in relation to participation in mixed-age or same-age classrooms. Early Childhood Research & Practice [Online], 1(1). Available:http://ecrp.uiuc.edu/v1n1/mcclellan.html. Parker, J. G., & Asher, S. R. (1987). Peer relations and later personal adjustment: Are low-accepted children at risk? Psychological Bulletin, 102(3), 357-389.

Web Resources Promoting the Emotional Well-Being of Children and Families Policy Paper No. 3: Ready to Enter: What Research Tells Policymakers about Strategies to Promote Social and Emotional School Readiness among Three- and Four-Year-Old Children
http://www.ecs.org/html/offsite.asp?document=http%3A%2F% 2Fcpmcnet%2Ecolumbia%2Eedu%2Fdept%2Fnccp%2FProEmoPP3%2Ehtml

Social-Emotional Learning in Early Childhood: What We Know and Where to Go from Here
http://casel.org/publications/social-emotional-learning-in-early-childhood

Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning

http://www.vanderbilt.edu/csefel

Emotions Matter: Making the Case for the Role of Young Childrens Emotional Development for Early School Readiness
http://www.srcd.org/Documents/Publications/SPR/spr16-3.pdf

Set for Success: Building a Strong Foundation for School Readiness Based on the Social-Emotional Development of Young Children
http://casel.org/publications/set-for-success

Early Child Development in Social Context: A Chartbook. Socioemotional Development

http://www.commonwealthfund.org/usr_doc/ChildDevChartbk.pdf

Good Beginning: Sending America's Children to School with the Social and Emotional Competence They Need to Succeed
http://casel.org/publications/good-beginning

Strengthening Social and Emotional Competence in Young Children: The Foundation for Early School Readiness and Success. Incredible Years Classroom Social Skills and Problem-Solving Curriculum
http://www.incredibleyears.com/research/article-foundation-fo-early-school-readiness-sccess-04.pdf

IEL Tip Sheets on Emotional and Social Development

http://illinoisearlylearning.org/cgi-bin/iel/searchiel.asp?st=a&sl=s

Adapted (with some additions) from McClellan & Katz (2001) Assessing Young Children's Social Competence and McClellan & Katz (1993), Young Childrens Social Development: A Checklist. ocial competence refers to a person's ability to get along with others. The checklist below was created to help teachers and caregivers assess preschool children's social competence. The intent of the checklist is not to prescribe correct social behavior but rather to help teachers observe, understand, and support children whose social skills are still forming. If a child seems to have most of the traits in the checklist, she is not likely to need special help to outgrow occasional difficulties; however, a child who shows few of the traits on the list might benefit from adult-initiated strategies to help build more satisfying relationships with others.

I. Individual Traits. The child:

Is usually in a positive mood. Usually comes to the program willingly. Usually copes with rebuffs or other disappointments adequately. Shows interest in others.

Shows the capacity to empathize. Displays the capacity for humor. Does not seem to be acutely lonely.

II. Social Skills. The child usually:

Interacts nonverbally with other children with smiles, waves, nods, etc. Expects a positive response when approaching others. Expresses wishes and preferences clearly; gives reasons for actions and positions. Asserts own rights and needs appropriately. Is not easily intimidated by bullying. Expresses frustrations & anger effectively, without escalating disagreements or harming others. Gains access to ongoing groups at play and work. Enters ongoing discussion on a topic; makes relevant contributions to ongoing activities. Takes turns fairly easily. Has positive relationships with one or two peers; shows the capacity to really care about them and miss them if they are absent. Has "give-and-take" exchanges of information, feedback, or materials with others. Negotiates and compromises with others appropriately. Is able to maintain friendship with one or more peers, even after disagreements. Does not draw inappropriate attention to self. Accepts and enjoys peers and adults who have special needs. Accepts and enjoys peers and adults who belong to ethnic groups other than his or her own.

III. Peer Relationships. The child:

Is usually accepted versus neglected or rejected by other children. Is usually respected rather than feared or avoided by other children. Is sometimes invited by other children to join them in play, friendship, and work. Is named by other children as someone they are friends with or like to play and work with.

IV. Adult Relationships. The child:

Is not excessively dependent on adults. Shows appropriate response to new adults, as opposed to extreme fearfulness or indiscriminate approach.

[Adapted from Assessing Young Children's Social Competence by Diane E. McClellan and Lilian G. Katz. Champaign, IL: ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education.]

Preschool Social Skills:

A guide for the science-minded parent

 2006-2009 Gwen Dewar, all rights reserved

Preschool social skills depend on three abilities: emotional self-control empathy verbal communication

Many parents and educators assume that children need to spend lots of time with peers to develop strong preschool social skills. They don't. Playdates and preschool attendance can add stimulation-and fun-to your childs daily life. But socialization-the process of learning how to get along with others-is not the same thing as socializing. Frequent socializing with peers does not necessarily lead to better social skills. In fact, the opposite may be true. Too much time with peers can make kids behave badly. Its the sulky elephant in the room that no one likes to talk about. Even upscale preschools are likely to make kids behave worse. As recent scientific studies confirm, preschool attendance can increase childhood stress and retard social development. For details, see this article on the effects of peers on preschool social skills.

Why parents are better than peers

Loving, sensitive parents are ideal social tutors. Unlike preschool peers, parents draw on extensive emotional resources when they interact with children. Parents can understand the causes and effects of emotions see things from a childs perspective interpret the emotions of others match social interactions to a childs developmental level describe emotions verbally regulate their own emotions appreciate the long-term consequences of social acts No wonder the core preschool social skills-empathy, emotional self-control, and communication-are best nurtured by you. Here are some of the most important ways that you can foster preschool social skills.

How to nurture preschool social skills

Teach your child about emotions

Emotional competence is the key to strong preschool social skills (Denham 1997). For example, the better children understand emotions, the more they are liked by peers (Denham et al 1990; McDowell et al 2000). To teach emotional competence, talk to your child about his feelings. Talk about your own (e.g., When you dont pay attention to me, it makes me feel frustrated and sad). Discuss what kinds of situations make us feel bad, and what things make us feel good. When parents explain emotions and their causes, kids learn how to better regulate their own feelings. In one study, parents who used more frequent, more sophisticated language about emotions had kids who could better cope with anger and disappointment (Denham et al 1992).

Maintain an intimate, loving relationship to your child

The evidence is overwhelming. Social development builds on a childs primary relationship-the bond with his parent or guardian (Sroufe and Fleeson 1986). When kids see, on a daily basis, that they can rely on you for support, they are emotionally secure. They adapt more easily to new social situations. They also develop their capacity for empathy-a key ingredient for preschool social skills. In studies conducted at the University of Wisconsin, four year olds with secure attachment relationships showed higher levels of empathy than did peers with insecure attachments (Elicker et al 1992). Other studies show that sensitive communication promotes social competence. When parents and children are responsive to each others cues, kids develop strong social skills (Harrist et al 1994; Pettit and Harrist 1993). One study asked preschoolers to predict how own parents would respond to them in various situations. The kids that expected their parents to be comforting were rated by teachers as more skilled with peers, more empathic, and more cooperative (Denham 1997).

Display positive, warm emotions at home

Its not necessary to be in a constant state of good cheer. Sometimes parents experience setbacks or loss, and these can be opportunities for children to learn how we deal with disappointments (see above). But the key is demonstrating a positive, "can-do" attitude towards setbacks, rather than anger or despair. A growing body of research suggests that kids suffer when their parents--particularly their mothers--show frequent displays of negative emotion. The more kids see their mothers display negative emotions, the less likely they are to view their mothers as people who can comfort and counsel them (Denham 1997). Moreover, the kids with the most developed preschool social skills are the ones who experience more positive emotions at home (Denham et al 1997).

Talk with your child about his social world

Discuss your childs experiences with peers in the same pleasant, conversational way that you discuss other everyday events. Such talk helps in several ways. It keeps you informed and sensitive to what is going on with your child. It shows your child that you are really interested in his social life. And it gives you opportunities to discuss social tactics with peers (see next item). Kids who talk frequently about their peer relationships develop stronger preschool social skills (Laird et al 1994).

Encourage an upbeat, problem-solving attitude

When your child has social problems with peers, encourage a positive, constructive attitude. Let your child know that everybody gets rebuffed and rejected sometimes. In one study, about half of all preschooler social overtures were rejected by peers (Corsaro 1981). Kids with the strongest social skills treat rebuffs as temporary setbacks that can be improved. You can encourage this attitude by suggesting socially generous reasons for social rejection (like Maybe hes just shy, or maybe he just wants to play by himself for a while.). In addition, help him brainstorm solutions, and encourage him to predict how different social tactics might work. Such thought experiments help kids consider what other kids are feeling and strengthen preschool social skills (Zahn-Waxler et al 1979). These what if scenarios also allow your child to explore ways he can be adapt and fit in. Kids with strong preschool social skills are responsive to the play of others, and they know how to mesh their behavior with the behavior of potential playmates (Mize 1995). For instance, if Jane and Emily are playing firefighter and they wont let Lucy join in because there isnt enough room in the fire engine, Lucy might suggest playing a different role in the game. (Help! My house is on fire and Im stuck on the roof!)

Be calm and supportive when your child is upset

When parents respond to strong emotions in soothing ways, kids are less likely to direct negative emotions at peers (Denham 1989; Denham and Grout 1993). Moreover, parents who respond supportively show their children how to behave towards others who are in distress. Young children who respond appropriately to the emotional needs of others are better liked by peers (Sroufe et al 1984) and rated as more socially competent by teachers (Denham et al 1990).

Dont dismiss or play down your childs negative emotions

When a child launches into a seemingly irrational crying jag, its natural to want to shut him up. But simply telling a child to be quiet doesnt help him learn. By taking the time to talk about his feelings, you help your child become more reflective, self-controlled and socially competent (Denham et al 1997). This may be especially important for younger children, who need more emotional coaching and who are more likely to turn off if their parents dismiss their feelings.

Don't offer material rewards for helpful, "prosocial" behavior

Research on toddlers and primary school children strongly suggests that we undermine our kids' impulses to be helpful when we offer them tangible rewards for being kind. For details, see this article on the perils of rewarding prosocial behavior.

Be a role model
During everyday social interactions, take advantage of the opportunity to discuss social behavior (I thanked our mail carrier for bringing us the package. She works hard and I want her to know that I appreciate it.) If your child sees you or other adults slipping up, talk about it afterwards (Whoops. I forget to tell Daddy thank you for bring me the book.)

Avoid bad social influences

Playing with the wrong crowd can impair preschool social skills. In one study, researchers monitored the informal playgroups that 3-4 year old children form during free play periods at preschool. They found that some kids played in groups characterized by negative emotions and antisocial practices (like making upset peers feel even worse). Kids who played in negative groups were rated as less socially competent by their teachers and parents. And the ill effects were long lasting. Kids who played in negative groups at the beginning of the study were more likely to receive poor ratings a year later (Denham et al 2001).

Practice inductive discipline

How you discipline your child has important effects on her preschool social skills. Inductive discipline emphasizes explaining the reasons for rules and the consequences of bad behavior. When parents practice inductive discipline, as opposed to discipline styles that emphasize punishment and arbitrary parental control, preschoolers show more self-control and cooperation with peers (Hart et al 1992). Such kids are also more popular.

Participate in pretend play with your child

During preschool years, pretend play is one of the most important ways that children forge friendships (Gottman 1983; Dunn and Cutting 1999). Preschoolers who pretend together are less likely than other kids to quarrel or have communication problems (Dunn and Cutting 1999). If you participate in pretend play with your child, you may give preschool social skills a boost. When parents pretend with kids, pretend play becomes more complex and lasts longer (Fiese 1990). When you play with your child, dont criticize his ideas or try to run the show. Research indicates that kids with strong preschool social skills have parents who play with them in a cheerful, collaborative, way (MacDonald 1987).

Watch for peer rejection and bullying

Both have long-lasting effects. In one study, children who were rejected by peers at an early age showed higher rates of antisocial behavior four years later (Dodge et al 2003). By contrast, peer acceptance seems to innoculate children against developing behavioral and emotional problems (Criss et al 2002). If your child is the victim of peer rejection, help her cultivate a friendship with at least one peer. Studies show that a single peer friendship can protect preschoolers from continued aggression and rejection (Criss et al 2002; Hodges et al 1999). In addition, take stock of your childs preschool social skills. In some cases, rejected children need help developing prosocial behaviors, like helping, sharing and showing concern for others (Vitaro et al 1990). Preschoolers like peers who show positive affect (Sroufe et al 1984), helpfulness (Cote et al 2002), and spontaneous sharing (Eisenberg et al 1999). They also like peers who respond appropriately to conversation (Kemple et al 1992). If your child is the victim of a bully, use the same approach described for peer rejection. In addition, coach her on how to stand up for herself. Encourage assertive behavior, not aggression. Teach her to face her bully with helpful verbal formulas like Dont do that to me. That isnt nice and I dont like it. But don't stop there. Bullying is a social problem that should concern everyone at school. Discuss your concerns with your child's teacher. If you suspect that your preschooler is a bully, he may need help learning to understand and control his impulses. Encourage him to discuss his feelings and help him think of constructive ways to deal with them. Above all, make it clear that bullying will not be tolerated.

Choose TV programs that promote preschooler social skills

Preview what your child watches. Many preschooler-oriented shows promote positive social behavior, and they can have a beneficial effect on preschool social skills. For instance, after watching excerpts from Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, preschool children increased positive interactions with playmates (Coates et al 1976). However, some seem to condone impolite behavior. For instance, the characters on "Dora the Explorer" seem to use only one vocal register-shouting-for all occasions. And I recently saw an episode of "Mickey Mouse Club" in which Donald accidentally knocked Daisy down. Daisy responds belligerently. "Hey, Donald. What's the big idea?!" Also, be careful about programs aimed at older kids. Many of these programs encourage glamorize child characters who are sarcastic, shallow, driven by consumerism, and inappropriately sexual. Such programs have doubtful value for adults, let alone young children.

Realize that sharing is difficult

Parents often think of sharing as one of the most important preschool social skills. But sharing can be difficult-even for adults. Its much tougher for young children, who have difficulty thinking beyond the immediate future. They may have trouble understanding that they will get their toy back. And, to be fair, sometimes the kids they share with dont give their toys back! Most young children dont share very well, and kids are LESS-not more-likely to share after the toddler stage (Hay et al 1991). So be patient, and when you encourage sharing, try to make it as comfortable as possible. For example, dont insist that your child share his newest toys or most loved toys. Before friends visit, put these away to avoid conflicts.

Dont take it personally

Despite the popular Hollywood image of kids as world-weary cynics who know better than their parents, young children are naive. For instance, they don't possess a sophisticated "theory of mind." Experiments suggest that kids under the age of 4 haven't yet mastered the notion that different people may believe different things--even things that are objectively false (Gopnik et al 1999). So it's not surprising that children also have trouble grasping the concept of a "lie" (Mascaro and Sperber 1999). For instance, young children tend to characterize all false statements--even statements that a speaker believes to be true--as lies (Berthoud-Papandropoulou and Kilcher 2003). And while they understand that lying is bad, they lack an older child's ability to anticipate how their words will make other people feel. The impact of lying--and the morality of lies--is something they must learn. If your preschooler says something rude or hurtful, dont take it personally. But don't ignore it either. Take the opportunity to explain how words can hurt our feelings. When your child gains insight into the power of words, he will improve his preschool social skills.

Social skills
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

In behaviourism, social skill is any skill facilitating interaction and communication with others. Social rules and relations are created, communicated, and changed in verbal and nonverbal ways. The process of learning such skills is called socialization. The rationale for this type of an approach to treatment is that people meet a variety of social problems and can reduce the stress and punishment from the encounter as well as increase their reinforcement by having the correct skills. [1]
Contents
[hide]

1 In behavior therapy 2 Example 3 Advantages 4 Controversies 5 Organizations 6 See also 7 References 8 External links

[edit]In

behavior therapy

To behaviorists, social skills are learned behavior that allow people to achieve social reinforcement [2]. According to Schneider & Bryne (1985), who conducted a meta-analysis of social skills training procedures (51 studies), operant conditioning procedures for training social skills had the largest effect size, followed by modeling, coaching, and social cognitive techniques.[3] Behavior analysts prefer to use the term behavioral skills to social skills.[4] Behavioral skills training to build social and other skills is used with a variety of populations including in packages to treat addictions as in the community reinforcement and family training approach.[5] Training of behavioral skills is also used for people who suffer from borderline personality disorder,[6] depression,[7] and developmental disabilities.[8][9]Typically behaviorists try to develop what are considered cusp skills,[10] which are critical skills to open access to a variety of environments. "Social skills can be measured on about how you treat other people and how you react to them. It's a matter of dealing with the people around you. Different tests will help you to provide and tell what kind of personality you have towards others. If you are in doubt of your behavior, then you may be in touched with this kind of test. This would not help you totally, but this would serve as your guide in handling your personality towards the people whom you're reacting with." (Ledesma, 2009)[specify]

This article's tone or style may not reflect the formal tone used on Wikipedia. Specific concerns may be found on the talk page. See Wikipedia's guide to writing better articles for suggestions. (September
2010)

Interpersonal skills are sometimes also referred to as people skills or communication skills.[11]Interpersonal skills involve using skills such as active listening[12], tone of voice, delegation, and leadership. It is how well you communicate with someone and how well you behave or carry yourself.

The term "interpersonal skills" is used often in business contexts to refer to the measure of a person's ability to operate within business organizations through social communication and interactions. Interpersonal skills are how people relate to one another.

[edit]Example
As an illustration, it is generally understood that communicating respect for other people or professionals within will enable one to reduce conflict and increase participation or assistance in obtaining information or completing tasks. For instance, to interrupt someone who is currently preoccupied with the task of obtaining information needed immediately, it is recommended that a professional use a deferential approach with language such as, "Excuse me, are you busy? I have an urgent matter to discuss with you if you have the time at the moment." This allows the receiving professional to make their own judgment regarding the importance of their current task versus entering into a discussion with their colleague. While it is generally understood that interrupting someone with an "urgent" request will often take priority, allowing the receiver of the message to judge independently the request and agree to further interaction will likely result in a higher quality interaction.

[edit]Advantages
Following these kinds of heuristics to achieve better professional results generally results in a professional being ranked as one with 'good interpersonal skills.' Often these evaluations occur in formal and informal settings. Having positive interpersonal skills increases the productivity in the organization since the number of conflicts is reduced. In informal situations, it allows communication to be easy and comfortable. People with good interpersonal skills can generally control the feelings that emerge in difficult situations and respond appropriately, instead of being overwhelmed by emotion.Confidence of the behavior is also play important role in decision to take risk.

[edit]Controversies
Recently the concept of social skills has been questioned.[13] The question is whether one response is needed or whether any response tailored in a context will meet the requirements. Ramanczyk laid out a model of social acquisition for children with autism.[clarification needed]

[edit]Organizations
Social skills training is a well recognized behavior therapy. It is evidence based for several psychological disorders. Many organizations exist for behaviour therapists around the world. The World Association for Behavior Analysis offers a certification in behavior therapy, which covers social skills training techniques [7] In the United States, the American Psychological Association's Division 25 is the division for behaviour analysis. The Association for Contextual Behavior Therapy is another professional organization. ACBS is home to many clinicians with specific interest in third generation behaviour therapy. The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (formerly the Association for the Advancement of Behavior Therapy) is for those with a more cognitive orientation. Internationally, most behaviour therapists find a core intellectual home in the International Association for Behavior Analysis (ABA:I) [8].

ocial emotional learning (SEL) is a process for learning life skills, including how to deal with oneself, others and relationships, and work in an effective manner. In dealing with oneself, SEL helps in recognizing our emotions and learning how to manage those feelings. In dealing with others, SEL helps with developing sympathy and empathy for others, and maintaining positive relationships. SEL also focuses on dealing with a variety of situations in a constructive and ethical [1] manner. [edit]Historical

Influence

During the mid 1990's, Daniel Goleman published his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, which popularized the concept of emotional intelligence. The term social emotional learning (SEL) emerged from the research in [2] social competence programs which could be applied to emotional intelligence . [edit]15

Skills involved in SEL

The following 15 skills listed are involved and promoted in SEL: 1. "Recognizing emotions in self and others" 2. "Regulating and managing strong emotions (positive and negative)" 3. "Recognizing strengths and areas of need" 4. "Listening and communicating accurately and clearly" 5. "Taking others' perspectives and sensing their emotions" 6. "Respecting others and self and appreciating differences" 7. "Including indentifying problems correctly" 8. "Setting positive and realistic goals" 9. "Problem solving, decision making, and planning" 10. "Approaching others and building positive relationships" 11. "Resisting negative peer pressure" 12. "Cooperating, negotiating, and managing conflict and nonviolently" 13. "Working effectively in groups" 14. "Help-seeking and help-giving" 15. "Showing ethical and social responsibility" [edit]Illinois
[3]

Learning Standards for SEL

There are three goals for SEL in the Illinois Learning Standards. Goal 1 - "Develop self-awareness and self-management skills to achieve school and life success." Goal 2 - "Use social-awareness and interpersonal skills to establish and maintain positive relationships." Goal 3 - "Demonstrate decision-making skills and responsible behaviors in personal, school, and community contexts." [edit]Benefits The benefits of SEL can be found both in a school and home setting. For instance, SEL improves positive behaviors while reducing negative behaviors. Positive behaviours include improved social emotional skills, improved attitudes about self and others, and improved behaviour within the classroom. Negative behaviours that are reduced include conduct problems and emotional distress. Furthermore, SEL skills are maintained throughout life; even into adulthood, they can help to foster [5] success . Moreover, SEL can help to improve several skills including nonverbal communication skills, socially compentent behaviour, and social meaning and reasoning. Nonverbal communication is important because the majority of emotional meaning is conveyed without spoken words, and instead utilizes paralanguage, facial expressions, gestures and postures, interpersonal [6] distance, and touch, rhythm and time . Social skills also play an important role in interpreting, encoding and reasoning social [7] and emotional information that are associated with the social behaviour exhibited by the child . Finally, social meaning and reasoning are important in problem solving. Social meaning is the ability to interpret others' emotions and language, and to be able to respond appropriately, whereas social reasoning is that ability to identify a problem, set goals and evaluate the [8] possible solutions available . [edit]SEL
[4]

in Education

Teachers, counselors and parents can play an important role in facilitating SEL. To begin, learning social and emotional skills is similar to learning other academic skills. Implementing a prevention program in schools can help to increase competence and learning in students which may be applied to more complex situations in the future. Teachers can accomplish this in the

classroom through effective and direct classroom instructions, student engagement in positive activities, and involving parents, [9] students and the community in planning, evaluating and implementing the program into the classroom. . For instance, a program known as the Strong Start: A Social and Emotional Learning Cirriculum was evaluated in a classroom setting for children in second grade. The results of the study illustrated that the Strong Start curriculum program fostered tools important for social and emotional competence, which was evident through increased positive peer interactions and reduction in [10] negative interal emotions . Also, a program known as Roots of Empathy was created by Mary Gordon in Toronto, Canada of [11] 1996 . The globalization of the evidence-based classroom program promotes increasing social and emotional [12] competencies, and empathy in children . Furthermore, counselors can also play an important role in facilitating SEL. The role of a counselor is to promote academic and social development for students. The expertise and leadership roles that counselors fulfill can be applied to a student environment that promotes social and emotional development. However, this type of initiative involves tending to students of all backgrounds, through classroom counselling for all students in SEL. Counselors should collaborate with teachers, students, [13] parents and administration to design and implement a program to promote SEL . [edit]SEL

and Parents

It is important to also recognize that the facilitation can happen both at school and home. Acquiring nonverbal communication skills is important for developing SEL skills, since the majority of emotions are conveyed without words. Teachers and parents can improve nonverbal communication skills through the technique of emotional coaching. Emotional coaching is a teachnique developed by John Gottman and can provide guidance about emotions for children through a step process. Step 1: One needs to be aware of the learner's emotions, Step 2: Recognition of uncomfortable feelings can be a gateway for teaching and guidance opportunities, Step 3: Emotions exhibited need to be validated rather than evaluated, Step 4: Learners need help in [14] labeling these emotions, Step 5: Finally, the problem that led to the emotions needs to be solved . Furthermore, at home SEL can be fostered through the emphasis of sharing, listening, confidence, and tending to matters. A [15] child's emotional and social development can grow by promoting and practicing these behaviours . [edit]SEL

and Learning Disabilities

It is recognized that the majority of children with learning disabilities have difficulties with social relationships. More specifically, there are three SEL skill areas that can be addressed and improved for children with learning disabilities. Firstly, it is difficult for children with learning disabilities to recognize emotions of self and others. However, academic implications to improve the skill may involve reading or hearing a story and understanding the emotions of the characters and the plot. Secondly, it is difficult for children with learning disabilities to regulate and manage strong emotions, both positive and negative. Improving this skill may involve conversing with the teacher about these emotions and recording these emotions on a scaled thermometer. Lastly, it is often difficult for children with learning disabilities to recognize their strengths and areas of need too. Until the Last Child is a vehicle to promote positive connections between school contributions and recognizing strengths. Also, Ability and Time of Ability is a program used to help identify strengths of students and then have them work together at [16] set times . Emotional competence refers to one's ability to express or release one's inner feelings (emotions). It implies an ease around [1] others and determines one's ability to effectively and successfully lead and express. It is described as the essential social [2] skills to recognize, interpret, and respond constructively to emotions in yourself and others. [edit]Description The concept of emotional competence is rooted in understanding emotions as normal, useful aspects of being human. Anger is a reaction to aggression and gives a person the strength to repel the aggression. Grief is a reaction to abandonment or feeling unloved and it has the effect of eliciting sympathetic responses from others. Fear is a response to danger and has a clear physiological effect of heightening our senses and speeding up our reactions. From this it can be seen that the suppression of emotion is not useful and that teaching people to suppress their emotions is part of trying to control them. Emotionally competent people will express emotion appropriate to the situation and their needs and they will not seek to suppress emotions in others.

It is fairly widely believed that if appropriate emotions are not expressed some sort of memory of them becomes [citation needed] stored. Later events may trigger off the old emotions resulting in inappropriate emotional responses. This particularly applies to emotions that children are prevented from expressing. Releasing these old emotions is a key feature of co-counselling. Emotional competence can lead to improved health through avoiding stress that would otherwise result from suppressing emotions. It can also lead to improved relationships since inappropriate emotions are less likely to be expressed and appropriate behaviour is not avoided through fear of triggering some emotion. The concept is distinct from emotional intelligence which, while recognising the importance of emotions, gives emphasis to controlling or manipulating them. [edit]Assertiveness Main article: Assertiveness Humanistic approaches to assertiveness, as, for instance, outlined by Anne Dickson emphasise the importance of working [3] with emotions. In particular it recognises the need to address manipulative or passive (the person does not say what they want) aggressive (they try to force the other person to do what they want) behaviour in which the manipulator exploits the feelings of the other to try to get what they want. Building up emotional competence is a way of learning to handle such behaviour. Another aspect is learning to be assertive when feeling emotional. Assertiveness training involves learning a range of ways to handle any situation so that a person is able to choose a way which seems appropriate for them on each occasion. With respect to emotions, people are encouraged to notice and accept what they feel. They then have choices from handling the situation calmly through doing so and saying how they feel to letting the emotion out, all of which involve emotional competence. This also would encompass the realm of where the emotionally competent response would have judicial consequences, e.g. competence under the law. Some researchers feel the role of emotion has been neglected, both in traditional accounts of decision-making and in assessments of adjudicative competence, and further attention and study.

[by whom?]

ERIC Identifier: ED281610 Publication Date: 1987-00-00 Author: Oden, Sherri Source: ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education Urbana IL.

The Development of Social Competence in Children.

Researchers have tried to pinpoint the origins of positive social adjustment in relation to genetic, familial, educational, and other factors. This digest reviews research on the development of social competence in infants and children, emphasizing the developmental processes which take place in the family, peer groups, preschool, and elementary school. Also discussed are difficulties in social development. INFANTS AS SOCIAL BEINGS Breakthroughs in methodology for assessing infants' perceptual abilities have shown that even newborns are quite perceptive, active, and responsive during physical and social interaction. The newborn infant will imitate people, stick out its tongue, flutter its eyelashes, and open and close its

mouth in response to similar actions from an adult or older child. Through crying and other distress sounds, the infant signals physical needs for food, warmth, safety, touch, and comfort. Infants' physical requirements are best met when delivered along with social contact and interaction. Babies who lack human interaction may "fail to thrive." Such infants will fail to gain sufficient weight and will become indifferent, listless, withdrawn and/or depressed, and in some cases will not survive (Clarke-Stewart and Koch, 1983). Increasingly, an infant will engage in social exchanges by a "reciprocal matching" process in which both the infant and adult attempt to match or copy each other by approximation of each other's gaze, use of tongue, sounds, and smiles. Bruner (1978) and others have proposed that these social interaction processes, which continually undergo development, also constitute a "fine tuning" system for the child's language and cognitive development. FAMILY ATTACHMENT SYSTEMS It is important for infants to maintain close relationships with one or more adults. Typically, one adult is the mother, but others may be fathers, older siblings, or family friends. The smiling and laughing of an infant become responses to different types of social stimulation and objects provided by specific persons (Goldbert, 1982). A growing bonding attachment, marked by strong mutual affect, with at least one particular adult, is critical to the child's welfare and social-emotional development. Attachment, evident within six to nine months, becomes obvious when the infant shows distress as the mother (or other attachment figure) departs from a setting. Infants and toddlers who are "securely attached" are affectionate and tend not to cling to their mothers, but to explore the surrounding physical and social environment from this "secure base," showing interest in others and sharing their explorations with the mother by pointing and bringing objects of interest. The socialization of the child is facilitated not only by the parents, but also within the family context, which may include relatives and friends who support the parents and children, and further reinforce cultural values. Studies by Baumrind (1973) and others have demonstrated that, as children develop, parents use different methods of control or leadership styles in family management that fall into fairly predictable categories: --authoritarian (high control) --authoritative (authority through having knowledge and providing direction) --permissive (low control or direction) --combinations of the above Some cultural groups tend to prefer one or the other of these styles, each of which encourages and controls different patterns of behavior in children. Mothers who are more verbal in their influence on children's actions have been found to use "benign" instructive direction that appears to result in the child having greater social competence at home, with peers, and in school settings. PEER RELATIONSHIPS As a toddler, the child moves in peer contexts which provide opportunities for learning to sustain interaction and develop understanding of others. Piaget (l932) pointed to peer interaction as one major source of cognitive as well as social development, particularly for the development of role-taking and empathy. In the contexts of school, neighborhood, and home, children learn to discriminate among

different types of peer relationships--best friends, social friends, activity partners, acquaintances, and strangers (Oden, l987). Through building and sustaining different types of peer relationships and social experiences, especially peer conflict, children acquire knowledge of the self versus other and a range of social interaction skills. Mixed-age peer interaction also contributes to the social-cognitive and language development of the younger child while enhancing the instructive abilities of the older child (Hartup, 1983). Children's social-cognitive development, including moral judgment, appears to parallel cognitive development as children's perceptions of relationships, peers, and social situations become more abstract and less egocentric. Preschoolers are less able to differentiate between best friends and friends than are elementary school-age children. But young children can provide specific reasons why they do not like to interact with certain peers. From six to 14 years of age, children shift their views of friendship relationships from sharing of physical activities to sharing of materials, being kind or helpful, and, eventually, perceiving friendships that allow individuality to be expressed or supported (Berndt, 1981.) LIMITING FACTORS IN SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT A child's connection with a given family, neighborhood, center, or school may limit opportunities for social development. Mixed age, sex, racial, or cultural peer interactions may be infrequent and highly bound by activity differences and early learned expectations, thereby limiting the extent of diversity in peer interaction. This lack of diversity limits the child's ability to be socially competent in various circumstances (Ramsey, 1986). Formally structured educational situations, built around teacher-group interaction, tend to result in fewer peer interactions than less formal settings. Fewer socially isolated children are found in informal classrooms where activities are built around projects in which peers can establish skills for collaboration and activity partnership (Hallinan, 1981). The long term benefits of positive peer interactions and relationships have been shown in a number of studies (Oden, 1986). Greater social adjustment in high school and adulthood has been observed for people who at 9 or 10 years of age were judged to be modestly to well accepted by peers. Poor peer acceptance results in fewer peer experiences, few of which are positive, thus creating a vicious cycle of peer rejection. Various instructional approaches and experiences related to social skills development have proved effective in increasing children's social competence. Coaching, modeling, reinforcement, and peer pairing are methods based on the same learning processes evident in early adult-child relations. With these methods, social-cognitive and behavioral skills can be developed which can provide poorly accepted peers with the ability to break the cycle of peer rejection. Children appear to learn how to more competently assess peer norms, values, and expectations and to select actions that may bring them within the "threshold of peer acceptance" (Oden, 1987). Societal factors also affect children's social development. Stressed families and those with little time for interaction with children have become a focus of research as divorce rates have risen. Poverty conditions undermine opportunities for children's positive development. Further investigation is needed on the linkage between child development and social factors.

Developing Social Competence in Children

Changes in the way families are organized and function have resulted in less, and possibly lower quality, adult-child closeness. At the same time, children have been bombarded with increasing amounts of violence in the media. This brief presents an overview of effective strategies for use with children in elementary school to improve their growth. Teachers College, Columbia University by Wendy Schwartz Introduction Young children face a vast and increasing array of challenges as they attempt to develop prosocial competencies and a conciliatory, nonviolent approach to life. Over the last several decades changes in the way families are organized and function have resulted in less, and possibly lower quality, adult-child closeness. At the same time, children have been bombarded with increasing amounts of ever more graphic and titillating violence in the news and entertainment media. Also, more children than ever before in the U.S. are experiencing violence firsthand in their homes and communities. All these forces affect the temperament of children, and each child expresses a unique set of responses to potentially inflammatory situations. Mental health and education professionals generally agree that it is essential to begin developing prosocial attitudes and behaviors in children at a very young age because aggression in young children that is not remedied nearly always leads to later acts of delinquency (Yoshikawa, 1995). Thus, they have developed a variety of age-appropriate strategies for teaching children how to respond thoughtfully and nonviolently to both internal and external stimuli. This brief presents an overview of effective strategies for use with children in elementary school, a time in their lives when they develop normative beliefs about aggression (Samples & Aber, 1998). The descriptions of approaches and activities can help educators integrate an antiviolence education into their schools and classrooms, select a program to implement from the many models in use around the country, or develop an original plan. As background, the brief also summarizes some theories about the causes of youth violence and the best ways to prevent it. Influences on Children's Aggression Bad conduct (the catchall term used to describe aggressive and antisocial behavior) by children has been increasing in both amount and severity; also, it is beginning at an earlier age than in the past (Walker, Colvin, & Ramsey, 1995). As expected, experts in medicine, psychology, sociology, and education explain the causes and possible remedies for this disturbing phenomenon differently. But, while they may debate the power of their explanations for youth violence, their combined contributions to the body of research and practical experience have done much to help practitioners develop prevention strategies. Causes of Children's Violent and Aggressive Behavior Constitutional Factors. Some experts believe that bad conduct is largely inherent. They designate the symptoms a "conduct disorder" to indicate that it is an illness, and assert that children with this disorder can never be free from the impulse to act out, although they can learn to control their behavior if they receive ongoing help (Walker et al., 1995). Medical conditions that may cause a deleterious brain chemistry include physical problems such as defects resulting from prenatal and birth trauma, epilepsy, and mental retardation; and mental problems, such as posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression (Flannery, 1997). Some researchers think that external stimuli, such as love and nurturing, can affect brain chemistry to the extent that seemingly innate negative personality characteristics can be reversed (Embry & Flannery, 1999). Most experts, moreover, agree that increasing the social connections and personal status of aggressive children, providing rewards for their good behavior, and reducing threats and adverse stimuli, can significantly alter the behavior patterns of the children. Psychodynamic Factors. Historically, most psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, and educators have recognized that child-rearing experiences, particularly in the early years, also affect the capacity of children to regulate their aggressive impulses. Some youth are raised by parents with severe personality problems, which hinder or distort the psychological structures that the children develop to adapt to their environment. Most mental health professionals believe that the resulting developmental damage is reversible. Effective techniques include individual and family therapy or counseling, family interventions, the provision of alternative adults as mentors, community youth programs, and community education for better child rearing. Schooling that recognizes the specific problems of these youth and supports educational and counseling programs and trains teachers to help them is also an important mediating tool (E. Flaxman, personal communication, June 1999). Social Factors Social factors in a child's life can also result in the symptoms of a conduct disorder. These factors include a violent or inadequate family life, parents who are criminals, a deprived and violent neighborhood, a violent and ineffective school, or substantial exposure to real or media violence (Flannery, 1997;Hawkins, Farrington, & Catalano, 1998). Moreover, the specific antisocial behaviors that young children engage in are learned "through specific and alterable processes of socialization and development" (Slaby, Roedell, Arezzo, & Kendrix, 1995, p. 2).

For minority youth, racism and lack of opportunity (as experienced personally or suffered by relatives or friends) may provoke bad conduct. As these youth struggle to develop a racial identity, they may exhibit free-floating aggression, which may be a normal and appropriate response to their circumstances but which nevertheless must be redirected (Prothrow-Stith & Quaday, 1996). Similarly, children living in poverty may express their frustrations through aggression, although their reactions, and those of children of color, may be tempered by a strong, positive ethnic culture and social and economic change (American Psychological Association, APA, 1993). Early Warning Signs Some children, but not all, exhibit behavior that predicts violence. Early warning signs include social withdrawal, excessive feelings of isolation and rejection, victimization, poor school attendance or performance, artistic expressions of violence, preoccupation with violent media, uncontrolled anger and aggression, substance abuse, and intolerance for people's cultural differences. Past violence, if not remediated through an intervention, is a particularly reliable indicator (Dwyer, Osher, & Warger, 1998). Predictive Value of Risk Factors Because of the existence of this comprehensive taxonomy of risk factors for children's aggression, some theorists believe it is possible to identify at-risk young children and essential to isolate them for intensive interventions (Walker et al., 1995). Others, citing research demonstrating that the backgrounds of some aggressive children do not include these risk factors, think that screening is a waste of resources; they believe that all children should have an antiviolence education. Moreover, false stereotyping can harm emotionally healthy children and impede the identification of children who are really at risk. For example, it is incorrect to assume that children are necessarily vulnerable because of their race, socioeconomic status, home life, academic ability, or appearance (Dwyer et al., 1998). Protective Factors Resilient children may benefit from innate characteristics that prevent them from being aggressive, such as brain chemistry and genes for a temperate personality (Gregg, 1996). They may also live in a home environment that provides care, support, stability, high expectations, and opportunities to build a social network. A positive community environment, which supports families and schools, promotes economic stability, and provides resources for healthy youth development, is also an important protective factor (Kadel, Watkins, Follman, & Hammond, 1995). For children of color, "cultural values can enhance resilience and protect individuals against harsh and stressful life conditions" (APA, 1993, p. 41). Group harmony and family closeness not only deter violent behavior but increase the availability of social support in general and of a caring, personally responsive adult in particular. Finally, a supportive, nonviolent school environment, which enables children to achieve, develop their talents, and be rewarded, is essential to children's resiliency (Kadel et al., 1995). Types of Children's Bad Conduct: Aggression Most generally, aggressive children cannot control their impulses; they respond to a feeling without first considering its impact, particularly how their response might affect other people (Greenberg, Kusche, & Mihalic, 1998). While all young children engage in aggressive behavior, such as tantrums, some do not learn alternative prosocial ways of behaving, and their bad conduct intensifies as they age (Slaby et al., 1995). Aggressive behaviors often characterize children diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) or Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): obstinacy, impulsivity, excessive energy, fighting, negative peer relationships, and a low tolerance for frustration (Flannery, 1997). Angry children may throw heavy objects, use sharp objects as weapons, or spit. Some ways of lashing out harm individuals in the aggressive child's path; the victimization may be an unintended consequence of the action or the result of the child's desire to harm either anyone in the way or a specific person. Generall, because early aggressive behavior strongly predicts greater levels of violence later in life, it is important to intervene as soon as bad conduct is recognized (Flannery & Huff, 1999). Bullying Targeting a specific child, usually one perceived to be weak, for a violent or aggressive act is called bullying. Older siblings may bully younger brothers and sisters within the framework of normal family squabbles, but victimizing tactics, such as teasing, taunting, shunning, mugging, and scapegoating a particular child, can be evidence of an antisocial orientation. Girls often express their anger by bullying because it can be personal and direct, seemingly less violent but actually more effective at victimizing another person. Ganging or mobbing, which involves bullying one child by a group of children, is even more serious, and may lead to robberies by groups on the street and later delinquency through gang activity. Frequently, bullies feel powerful when they harm others, and comfortable blaming their victims for provoking the attack. They are likely to be victims of physical punishment at home, and to have been taught that striking back physically is proper retaliation (Banks, 1997). Hate Bullying Victimizing a person of a different (and perceived to be inferior) gender, race, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation is a specific kind of bullying. It is the result of the perpetrator's need to exercise power over the victim and publicly claim superiority. Depending on the nature of the attack, however, it may not meet the legal definition of a hate crime. Further, such acts are not universally recognized or dealt with as bias incidents because there is a history of tolerating boys' harassment of

girls (although such attitudes may change as a result of the recent U.S. Supreme Court decision on this issue), and because certain groups (such as gays and lesbians) are not identified as a protected class in some hate crime legislation. Regardless, a child's act of hate bullying may be a precursor of future bias crimes (U.S. Department of Education, 1999). Indeed, fraternity hazing often follows childhood acts of hate (Bodinger-deUriarte & Sancho, 1991). Violence Prevention: Theories and Applications: Principles and Goals The most effective antiviolence efforts focus on preventive measures that "eliminate the onset of behavior problems" (Samples & Aber, 1998, p. 228) by helping children feel cared for, secure, and attached to supportive institutions and individuals. Continuity in their lives, particularly through the ongoing presence of significant adults, is essential, and, given the fact that some communities and families cannot offer such support, it is even more necessary for schools to provide it (Noddings, 1996, p. 186). In fact, the most critical factor in promoting children's social development may well be bonding with positive, nurturing adults: teachers who offer unconditional acceptance and support, model prosocial behavior, live according to positive values, and convey the importance of these values to an individual's well-being (Gregg, 1996). Student-school bonding also deters aggression. It results from children's active, age-appropriate involvement in the educational process; their development and use of behavioral, cognitive, emotional, and interpersonal skills and competencies; and the reinforcement of their prosocial and academic efforts through teachers' praise and approval (Hawkins et al., 1998). The most effective school antiviolence programs employ four strategies. The first is teaching social competence: specific instruction to help change students from being adversaries in a confrontation to being partners in a search for a fair agreement (Gregg, 1998). Instruction can be consolidated in a separate antiviolence curriculum, or introduced to children as they are learning other curriculum topics, or both. Students are trained to develop the following competencies (Goldstein, 1999; Greenberg et al., 1998; Slaby et al., 1995): Understanding and recognizing one's own emotions and the emotions of others. Accurate perceptions of a situation to enable correct interpretation of social cues and appropriate responses. Understanding and predicting the consequences of personal acts, particularly those involving aggression. The ability to remain calm in order to think before acting, to reduce stress and sadness, to replace aggression with positive behavior, and to control anger. Social problem-solving, cooperative behavior, understanding and use of group processes, and the development and maintenance of peer relationships. Empathy with others in general and, especially, with those perceived as different. Peer mediation and conflict resolution. Selection of positive role models and supportive mentors.

Specific strategies that the schools and teachers can employ to implement the second strategy, creating a positive calm, environment, are discussed below. The third and fourth strategies, not discussed in detail here, are establishment of behavior standards and establishment of rules and regulations for responding to violence. Formal and Informal Antiviolence Curricula Educators differ about how to help children develop prosocial competencies. Some advocate a curriculum that is taught separately from other areas of instruction. A wide variety of well-respected programs do, indeed, help elementary school children manage their impulses, overcome their biases, problem solve, and resolve conflicts nonviolently. For example, BrainPower teaches African American boys to interpret social cues correctly and respond appropriately (Samples & Aber, 1998). Second Step has curricula for each of several grade groups; they cover topics such as impulse control, anger management, appropriate touching, empathy development, and acceptance of people's differences (Gregg, 1998). The Promoting Alternative THinking Strategies (PATHS) curriculum develops emotional and social competencies and helps reduce aggression (Greenberg et al., 1998). Other theorists, however, cite evidence that separate prevention programs are not effective. They believe that the overall school environment can promote a prosocial approach to life, and recommend that school personnel model prosocial behaviors throughout the day and teach these competencies across the curriculum (Noddings, 1996). One program embracing this philosophy is PeaceBuilders. Its five principles for children are:

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

praise other people, avoid put-downs, seek wise people as advisors and friends, notice and correct hurts one causes, and right wrongs (Gregg, 1998).

Some practitioners even think that a school employing the best of the school reform practices, one focused on educational effectiveness and providing positive support for all aspects of students' life, has a de facto effective antiviolence program, since evaluations of such schools do suggest that they are less violent. The Resolving Conflicts Creatively Program takes a hybrid approach; it trains educators to provide students with instruction in peer mediation and bias reduction, and parents to resolve conflicts nonviolently at home (Gregg, 1998). The school safety movement is also committed to reducing school violence, but not through individual programs. It is based on the belief that a focus on safety gives students a sense of security that calms aggressiveness in at-risk children, alleviates fears that provoke bad behavior, and promotes good behavior by all (Kadel et al., 1995; Samples & Aber, 1998; Stephens, 1998). Schools remain free from violence and crime by establishing positive behavior goals and instituting codes of conduct (with input from students and parents), monitoring the campus for signs of infractions, developing comprehensive plans for dealing with crime and violence (possibly in collaboration with local law enforcement agencies), and responding fairly, swiftly, and consistently when students misbehave. Strategies Beyond the Curriculum Many overall approaches to school organization, teaching, and classroom management can promote children's caring and cooperation and minimize their behavior problems. Simply strategies for negotiating the day's activities that enhance the prosocial behavior of all children, they can be employed as part of a schoolwide antiviolence program or curriculum, or be used on an ad hoc basis when appropriate. Here is a sampling of such strategies: Schoolwide Schools seeking to eliminate students' aggression establish the "norm of nonviolence" (Hawkins et al., 1998, p. 194). They have a calm and predictable atmosphere that provides a sense of security and limits the possibility that unforeseen events will trigger explosive behavior. Schools also specify behavioral expectations; explain the reasons for them; provide structured opportunities to practice good behavior; and foresee and prevent possible bad behavior by, for example, increasing supervision in potentially volatile situations (Walker et al., 1995). As needed, they attempt to counter messages of violence that can be pervasive in children's lives by providing prosocial alternatives to fighting (Hawkins et al., 1998). Professional development is an important component of a school's antiviolence program, since teachers' attitudes and behavior can promote students' feelings of self-worth and caring for others, and lower their aggression level. Schools ensure that teachers are qualified, foster students' achievement and respond to their needs, have appropriate expectations, are enthusiastic and give frequent praise, and always model prosocial behavior (Greenberg et al., 1998). Finally, schools with adequate facilities and a population consonant with their size are more likely to be nonviolent (Samples & Aber, 1998). Classroom and Playground Traditional means of "controlling" a classroom can actually exacerbate children's aggression, provoke a teacher-child argument, or invite bad behavior by children not originally targets of a teacher's control efforts. Alternative ways of maintaining good conduct can be more effective. Teachers can work with students to develop a list of rules for acceptable behavior. They can establish the norm of cooperation and mutual respect and enlist everyone's support to ensure that no students are isolated or bullied either in class or while at play (Banks, 1997). Teachers can ignore a student who is quietly misbehaving in class (such as not reading along with the others) and approach the student privately later to discuss his or her reasons for refusing to participate. They can respond to an unruly student by recommending alternative, less disruptive behavior instead of showing anger and/or publicly disciplining a student (i.e., suggesting a student raise his hand to get a need met instead of jumping or yelling). Teachers can calm an agitated child by helping him or her solve the precipitating problem and, if the scene is repeated in the future, briefly remind the child how to solve the problem instead of rewarding the bad behavior by again bestowing a lot of attention on the child. In general, it is more effective for teachers to deal with misbehaving children quietly, in private, and with as little attention as possible (Walker et al., 1995). Providing students with rewards for prosocial behavior in class or at play deters aggression. Teachers can give students points for attendance, preparedness, performance, and good sportsmanship that qualify them for an extra school trip, for example. Parents can be kept apprised of their children's behavior through reports on the number of points being earned over the year (Hawkins et al., 1998). To foster prosocial behavior while children are at play, teachers can organize cooperative activities instead of winner-loser games. They can urge children to help, rather than taunt, those with less athletic ability. Instead of responding to bad conduct on a playing field with punishment or attention to the perpetrator, either of which can encourage additional negative behavior, they can immediately implement peer mediation strategies with arguing students.

Parent Involvement Through parenting centers, classes, and private meetings, schools can help parents promote the prosocial development of their children and recognize and respond to early warning signs. They can help parents understand the effects on their children of their own behavior, and of their nurturing and behavior management strategies. They can support parents emotionally, help them improve their parenting skills, and link them with community services. Educators can also sensitively convey their own concerns about certain children based on observation; they can assure parents that the school will work with them to obtain appropriate interventions and will keep the family's confidentiality (except, of course, in potentially dangerous situations) (Dwyer et al., 1998). Home-school connections can be facilitated through regular notes to parents that describe violence prevention efforts and suggest how the parents can support them. Homework assignments can help both parents and children explore their feelings about interpersonal violence and figure out alternative strategies for resolving conflicts. To promote role modeling, assignments can prompt parents' discussions about their own behavior when they were the same age as their children (Greenberg et al., 1998). Educators can involve parents in the school's violence prevention policy by soliciting their input in formulating rules, informing them of conduct policies, and alerting them to possible problems. For example, parents can help their children who are victimized by notifying the school and working with personnel to mediate between the bully and the victim. Parents of bullies can be helped to work with their children to improve their behavior (Banks, 1997). Despite the value of school antiviolence efforts, the burden of preventing youth violence ultimately rests with parents who are most able to observe and evaluate their children's behavior on an ongoing basis. Thus, a school's most important antiviolence strategy may simply be helping parents understand that ignoring or dismissing a child's small behavior problem nearly always results in the child's subsequent involvement in more serious antisocial actions. Conclusion A wide range of strategies to help children develop prosocial attitudes and behaviors is effective. The most successful are those implemented as part of a comprehensive, multidisciplinary approach to nurturing children at home, at school, and in the community. The increasing evaluations of existing programs offer useful guides for future program implementation. In addition, there are now organizations providing schools with technical assistance on antiviolence initiatives, such as the Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence's Blueprints for Violence Prevention Program (Greenberg et al., 1998). Public support for school antiviolence initiatives has been limited, however; resources continue to be concentrated on social controls, such as juvenile prosecution and detention. But in addition to making a greater investment in youth violence prevention, society also needs to strengthen communities by supporting parents' efforts to provide emotionally and economically for their children and by reducing violence by controlling access to weapons (Flannery & Huff, 1999). Finally, those elements in society (including the news and entertainment media), which perpetuate the growing culture of violence in the U.S., need to consider whether their message is obviating the benefits of youth violence prevention efforts in the schools.

Encouraging Social Skills in Young Children: Tips Teachers Can Share with Parents
JACQUELYN MIZE ELLEN ABELL

"I feel so sorry for her She'll ask other kids if she can play, and usually they just say, 'No, you're not our friend.' She's trying to be nice. What more can she do?" "My son seems to have gotten the idea that it's O.K. to terrorize younger children. Yesterday I saw him shove this other little boy, take a shovel he had, and then just ride off on his trike, leaving the other kid almost in tears." "Erika never joins in when other children are playing. She just watches, looking miserable and lonely, and I don't know what to say to help her" It is not unusual for parents who are concerned about their children's social skills to turn to preschool teachers for advice about what to do. Many a teacher has been approached by a parent looking for help to deal with a shy or aggressive or friendless

child. Can teachers feel comfortable addressing parents' concerns? What kind of guidance can teachers give to these parents? The purpose of this article is to review current thinking about young children's peer relationships and offer ideas and practices that teachers can suggest to parents concerned about their children's social development. Parents have good reason to be uneasy when their children have trouble getting along with agemates. Peers afford preschoolers some of their most exciting, fun experiences. Not having friends or playmates can be frustrating, even painful, for young children. In addition, a growing body of research supports the belief, held by many early childhood professionals, that young children's peer relationships are important for their development and adjustment to school. Preschool-aged children who have positive peer relationships are likely to maintain positive peer interactions in grade school, while children who have a hard time getting along with agemates in the preschool years are more likely to experience later academic difficulties and rejection or neglect by their elementary-school peers (Ladd, 1990; Ladd & Price, 1987; Ladd, Price, & Hart, 1988). Without the skills to play constructively and develop friendships with agemates, children become excluded from opportunities to develop additional and more complex skills important for future peer interaction (Eisenberg, Cameron, Tryon, & Dodez, 1981; Howes, 1988). Socially Competent Preschoolers Picture the well-liked, friendly children in the preschool classrooms of your experience. What do you notice about their behavior that makes them different from less well-liked children? Most observers note the generally positive character of their interactions with other children Mize, 1995). Consider the following interaction between two four-yearold's: Ben is sitting inside a large innertube, wearing a firefighter helmet, when Jiin walks up and gives the innertube a nudge with his foot. "Hurry and get in the truck," Ben shouts excitedly. There's a fire and we gotta go put it out!" Jim gives the innertube another listless nudge with his foot and com- plains, "I don't wanna be a fireman, I wanna be a policeman." "I know,' offers Ben, "let's both be policemen and get the bad guys who started the fire." Ben removes his firefighter helmet and tosses it aside. Suddenly animated, Jim scrambles into the innertube with him. "I'll drive," he states. "Rrrrrrrrrrr," Ben replies, imitating the sound of a police siren. Ben ignored Jim's somewhat unpleasant manner and responded instead with enthusiastic and friendly suggestions. He did not react to Jim's negativity, but was instead agreeable and willing to be flexible. Children, like Ben, who have many such harmonious interactions with a variety of their preschool-aged peers are likely to be well-liked and accepted by them (Black & Logan, 1995; Hazen & Black, 1989). Agreeable children also are likely to find acceptance in subsequent peer settings, such as in kindergarten (Ladd & Price, 1987). While being agreeable certainly is a prerequisite to good peer relations, it alone is not sufficient. Socially competent preschoolers have started to develop additional, more sophisticated skills that they use to make play exciting and fun. These are skills that serve children well as they attempt to negotiate the increasingly complex world of

peers. The first of these skills is the ability to tune-in to important features of the social context (Black & Hazen, 1990; Putallaz, 1987). Children are able to recognize other children's preferences, frame of reference, behavior, and interests and can adapt accordingly. Consider the following interaction among four- and five-year-olds: Elizabeth and Rachel are playing inside a cardboard playhouse. They have dolls which they periodically hold up to the cut-out windows and then, squealing, quickly pull down. Sarah walks over hoping to join in. "Can I play house?' she asks, "cause I have a doll, too." "We're not playing house!" Rachel in- forms her. "We're playing ghosts!" 'Yeah," Elizabeth chimes in. "It's Halloween and there's ghosts outside scaring us.""Anyway it's too crowded in here" adds Rachel. "Oh. Well, I could be a ghost," Sarah offers. 'No you can't," objects Rachel. "Ghosts are invisible." 'I know what," Sarah says, retrieving a nearby broom. "I'm the wicked witch." Sarah straddles the broom and circles the playhouse, cackling. "Eeeeeiaaiiil" Rachel and Elizabeth squeal excitedly. "There's a witch flying around our house!" Sarah gains eventual entree into Elizabeth's and Rachel's play because she was able to devise a strategy that was relevant to their interests - she didn't disrupt or change the play, she made it more fun. Even when they are trying to be positive, children who are less tuned in may suggest activities that are irrelevant to other children's interests, they may call attention to themselves, or they may do things that are disruptive to the play. No matter how nicely she had asked, had Sarah tried suggest that the girls play house instead of ghosts, she probably would have been met with rejection. But with a little bit of persistence and creativity on Sarah's part, the others were convinced that having her join the play would make it more fun. Although with too much persistence a child will be perceived as a nuisance, a little flexible persistence, like Sarah's, is useful. One of the realities of social life in preschool classrooms is that about half of children's requests to play are greeted with rejection by peers (Corsaro, 1981). As Sarah demonstrated, willingness to maintain social interactions by initiating an alternative in response to peers' rejections sometimes brings success (Hazen & Black, 1989). In contrast, a less competent child might have given up dejectedly, argued with her peers, or demanded that her peers play a different game. Not surprisingly, children who resort to antagonistic behaviors that disrupt the play of their peers often are rebuffed or ignored and generally are disliked (Pettit & Harrist, 1993). If one or two relevant, enthusiastic alternatives don't bring success, however, the competent child will wisely conclude that it might be best to try another day. In addition to being generally agreeable and well attuned to the social context, socially competent children are responsive and able to mesh their behavior with the behavior of their play partners (Mize, 1995). Emma and Nadia, dressed in hats, jewelry and high heels, and sitting on two chairs behind an old steering wheel are "driving" to McDonalds. Robert approaches and says, "Hey, I wanna drive!" "No, we're driving!" shouts Nadia. "Yea, the moms are driving," Emma answers, "you can ride in the back.' Like many competent preschoolers, Emma responded contingently to Robert's initiation, and even though she rejected his request to drive, she offered an alternative and an explanation. Observations of competent preschoolers indicate

that they are more likely than their less competent peers to acknowledge and respond to others, and to offer an alternative or reinitiate even if they must reject a peer's play suggestion (Hazen & Black, 1989). Less competent children more often ignore others and have difficulty maintaining long, positive interactions. This sensitive responsivity helps competent children maintain longer play bouts without getting into disruptive disagreements. Thus, children who are socially competent are able to do more than merely behave in positive ways. They show a responsiveness and a sensitivity to the social context and to others. They are able to maintain positive contact and counter play rejections with alternative options. Knowledge of the characteristics of competent preschoolers can provide a solid grounding from which teachers can offer guidance to parents about children's peer relationships. Parental influence on children's social development It is widely believed that the everyday experiences in relationships with their parents are fundamental to children's developing social skills (Cohn, Patterson, & Christopoulous, 1991; Parke & Ladd, 1992). In particular, parental responsiveness and nurturance are considered to be key factors in the development of children's social competence (Maccoby & Martin, 1983). Loving and responsive parenting helps children to see the world in a positive way and to expect that relationships with others will be rewarding. Children who display high levels of social competence typically enjoy parent-child relationships characterized by positive and agreeable interactions, acceptance (Cohn, Patterson, & Christopoulous, 1991; Pettit & Mize, 1993; Putallaz, 1987), and sensitive behavioral exchanges in which parent and child respond to one another's cues (Harrist, Pettit, Dodge, & Bates, 1994; Pettit, Harrist, Bates & Dodge, 1991; Pettit & Harrist, 1993). Parents of competent children also minimize the use of physical punishment and coercive discipline (Dodge, Bates, & Pettit, 1990; Strassberg, Dodge, Pettit, & Bates, 1994). These styles of parent-child behavior are the foundation for children's social development. Often they reflect unexamined assumptions, values, and attitudes that a parent brings to childrearing. As such, suggesting a change in these fundamental patterns of interaction might be interpreted by parents as an attack on their values and competence. In addition, because they are so ingrained, basic qualities of the parentchild relationship are not likely to change based on an exchange with preschool staff. Specific steps parents can take to enhance children's social skills Provide children with opportunities to play with peers. There is no substitute for the experience children gain from interacting with peers. Children who have had many opportunities to play with peers from an early age are clearly at an advantage when they enter formal group settings such as daycare or public school (Ladd & Price, 1987; Lieberman, 1977). Children especially benefit when they can develop long- lasting relationships. Young children - even toddlers - who are able to participate in stable peer groups become more competent over time and have fewer difficulties than children whose peer group membership shifts (Howes,1988). In short, children develop better,

more sophisticated social strategies when they are able to maintain stable relationships with other children they like over long periods. Play with children in a "peer- like' way, just for the sake of having fun. Children learn crucial skills through play with other children, but children also learn a great deal through play with their parents. Children whose parents frequently play with them have more advanced social skills and get along better with peers. This is especially true, however, when parents play with their children in an effectively positive and peer-like way (Lindsey, Mize, & Pettit, in press). Observational studies indicate that the parents of the most socially competent children laugh and smile often, avoid criticizing their child during play, are responsive to the child's ideas, and aren't too directive (MacDonald, 1987; MacDonald & Parke, 1984). Children gain important social skills from parents who play with them in ways that reflect equality in the play interaction. Consider the following parent-child play scene: Parent: Did you see these blocks? Child: Oh, blocks! Parent: What could we do? Child: I know! We could make like, a, uh, a big pen. Parent: A pen! O.K. Here, I'll start here, O.K.? Child: No, no. We gotta start way over here. Move it over here. Parent: Alright, I see, so it won't run into the sofa. Oh, but if I turn the block like this, the pen will be longer. Or should we have it taller? Child: Well, it's gotta be tall, so T-Rex can't jump it. Parent: (Picks up dinosaur: 'lopes' it along floor toward fence.) (In gruff voice) RRRRR.... I'm gonna jump the fence. Child: (Picks up another dinosaur figure, pushes it toward parents dinosaur.) But I'm T-Rex and I've got sharp teeth, so you better not stomp the fence. Here, here's a cow you can eat! (Throws small farm animal toward other dinosaur.) Parent: Chomp, chomp, chomp. Thank you Mr. T-REX. This parent didn t correct the child or try to dominate the play. Instead, the parent followed the child's ideas in an actively involved way and also contributed to advancing the 'story" of the play. The child, in turn, picked up on the parent's ideas, and thus the play escalated so that parent and child were just having fun playing as equals. Children benefit from this type of play for several reasons. From balanced, responsive play with a parent, children may learn many of the skills commonly displayed by the socially competent preschoolers described earlier. In addition, when parents are responsive to children's play ideas, children may come to feel that they are good, effective play partners and thus are eager to play with peers. Finally, fun, balanced parent-child play may instill that positive outlook toward others that makes children look forward to play opportunities with people outside the family. Talk with children about social relationships and values. Children who have more frequent conversations with a parent about peer relationships are better liked by other children in their classrooms and are rated by teachers as more socially competent (Laird, Pettit, Mize, & Lindsey, 1994). As a part of normal, daily conversation, these parents and children talk about the everyday events that happen in preschool, including things that happen with peers. Often these interactions take place on the way home from school or at dinner (Bradbard, Endsley, & Mize, 1992; Laird et al., 1994). Just how

should parents handle these conversations, and what can they say that will make a difference? One of the most important points to make in this regard is that these talks are not lectures, but rather conversations enjoyed by both parent and child. As such, these conversations probably serve two purposes: They communicate to the child an interest in his or her well-being, and they also serve as a basis for information exchange and genuine problem solving. Take a problem-solving approach. Parents don't have to know the answers to all children's problems to talk to them in helpful ways. For example, a kindergarten child told her father of a girl in her class who she described as being "mean to everybody," and to whom everyone else was, in turn, "mean." In a conversational way, the father asked his daughter questions about what she thought night be happening between the other child and her classmates. Through the discussion, the daughter concluded that the child might be acting "mean" because she thought no one -in the class liked her and decided, as a gesture of goodwill, to draw a picture and give it to the unpopular child. This father didn't dismiss his daughter's concerns, or trivialize their complexity by offering an easy answer, and he didn't lecture her or quiz her. Instead, he engaged her in a conversation that offered her support to consider the problem for herself. When problem-solving, parents can help children consider various solutions and perspectives. In observations of mothers and fathers talking to their preschool children, we find that parents of the most competent children often consider with the child multiple approaches to situations and reflect on potential consequences of each course of action (Mize & Pettit, 1994): Mom: Hmmm, gosh, what if he grabs your truck again, what do you think you'll do? Child: I'd probably just whap him upside his head! Mom: You would? What'd he do, do you think, if you whapped him? Child: He'd give it back and never take it again! Mom: You think so? You don't think he'd just whap you back, and ya'll 'd get in a big ol' fight and then he wouldn't want to play with you again? Child: Oh, yea. Mom: What else could you try? Child: Say, "please?" Mom: That'd be a nice thing to try. Do you think it d work? Child: No. Mom: Well, maybe not. It might, but it might not, huh? Child: I could say, "I'll come get you when I'm done." Mom: Hey, that's an idea. That works sometimes with your sister, doesn't it? As teachers know, there are often no easy answers to most of children s problems with peers. Therefore, it is helpful for children to learn how to think about relationships and weigh the consequences of their actions for themselves and others (Slaby, RoedeR, Arezo, & Hendrix, 1995). Of course, one of the most important factors to consider is the effects of any potential action on others. Children who are encouraged to think in terms of others' feelings and needs are more positive and prosocial with peers (Zahn-Waxler, Radke-Yarrow, & King, 1979), and children whose parents talk with them more often about emotions are better liked by their kindergarten peers (Laird, et al., 1994).

Endorse positive, relevant strategies. While its a good idea to problem-solve by helping children consider various options and perspectives, a parent does not need to treat all potential solutions as equally good. We have found that parents of competent children, like the mother in the preceding example, talk about various options but endorse friendly, prosocial strategies that leave the door open to play or friendship. Children react more positively to peers who try to solve problems by negotiation or compromise rather than through tattling, aggression, or verbal coercion ("I won't play with you anymore' or "I won't be your friend") (Crick & Grotepeter, 1995). Parents can help their children develop these skills through conversations such as the following, in which a mother and her four-year-old talk about how he could gain acceptance by a pair of children pretending to cook and wearing the classroom s only two chefs hats: Child: I'd say, "Could I cook, too, please." Mom: That'd be nice. But what if they want to keep cooking? Child: Uh, I would just go play by myself. Mom: Sure, you could do that. But, there's a table and some dishes. What happens when you go to a restaurant? When you want something to eat? Child: You say, "Bring me a hamburger!" Mom: Yeah! Maybe you could be a customer and order dinner? Child: Oh, yea. Notice that this strategy is not only friendly, it is relevant (it fits) with the other children's interests (see Finnie & Russell, 1988; Russell & Finnie, 1990). Reflect a positive, resilient attitude toward social setbacks. As previously mentioned, exclusion by peers is a fact of preschoolers' lives (Corsaro, 1981). Children have different reactions to these rejections, ranging from anger to acceptance. Some children come to believe that others are "out to get them," or that other people are just generally mean. These children are likely to react with aggression and hostility to mild slights by peers (Dodge, Pettit, McClaskey, & Brown, 1986). Other children may assume that these rejections are caused by an enduring, personal deficiency ("I'm just not much fun," "Other kids don't like me"), and are likely to withdraw from further peer interaction (Goetz & Dweck, 1980). Socially competent children, in contrast, tend to explain these rejections as temporary or in ways that recognize that a social situation can be improved by changing their own behavior (I'll have to talk louder so they hear," or "I'll try to be friendlier next time"). Sometimes these children recognize that the situation itself led to the rejection, such as the child whose request to play was refused by two of his peers. "Well, of course I couldn't play," he said, "I should have noticed they only had two trucks!" Parents of these socially competent children endorse interpretations of social events that encourage resilient, constructive attitudes (Mize, Pettit, Lindsey, & Laird, 1993). Rather than making a statement such as, "That's a really mean kid!" they may say something like, "Gosh, maybe he's having a hard day." They make constructive attributions such as, "Sometimes kids just want to play by themselves," rather than expressing a sentiment like, 'They're not very nice if they won't let you play." These parents avoid defeatist comments such as "Maybe they don't like you," and offer instead suggestions like, "Maybe they don't want to play that, but there might be something else they think is fun." Such positive, constructive statements encourage children to take an optimistic view of others and themselves as play partners. They

reflect an upbeat, resilient attitude toward social setbacks and the belief that social situations can be improved with effort and positive behavior. Intervene when necessary, but let older preschoolers work out problems themselves when possible. The preceding suggestions may convey the impression that parents and caregivers of socially competent children must spend all of their time strategically engineering peer play opportunities and looking for chances to talk to children about relationship values. This is not the case, however. While parents of competent preschoolers do take the time to structure play opportunities and assist their children in interpreting their play experiences, they do not interfere in children's ongoing play unless it is necessary. Indeed, research indicates that a gradual disengagement of parents from involvement in young children's play with peers is beneficial. While toddlers need an adult supervisor present most of the time, and, in fact, often play in more sophisticated ways when an adult is present to facilitate their interaction (Bhavnagri & Parke, 1991), as children get older, they benefit from trying to work things out during play on their own (Slaby et al, 1995). A parent s presence and involvement does not benefit older preschoolers (Bhavnagri & Parke, 199 1; Parke & Bhavnagri, 1989), and may actually interfere with children's development of social skills (Ladd & Golter, 1988). Preschool teachers often find themselves in the position of giving advice to parents about children's social skills. The research-based information presented here is intended to offer teachers solid footing for their counsel. In summary, recommendations could focus on any of three different areas. First, teachers can help parents realize that children need practice to fully develop their social skills, and that children get their practice from playing both with other children and with their parents. Teachers can suggest that parents provide opportunities for their children to develop stable relationships with other children. Most adults can be reminded that they are more relaxed and have more fun when they are with people they know well, and they can see that this is true for children as well. Teachers can also suggest that parents take the time to play as equal partners with their children. By following their children's lead, maintaining a positive, non-competitive attitude, and having fun together, parents will help children develop a positive attitude toward themselves and others as play partners. Second, teachers can suggest to parents that they find ways to offer their children helpful information about how social relationships work. Casual discussions about the events of the day can sometimes lead to conversations in which parents guide children to consider the reasons for peers' behaviors and various options for responding. Discussions that occur when children are interested and that use a problem- solving approach are likely to be most helpful. Finally, teachers can point out to parents how important a positive attitude is for getting along with others. Most adults can relate to the fact that it is easier to behave in a friendly way when one has a positive attitude toward others, the situation, and oneself. Children benefit when adults offer them positive ways to interpret the events that are a part of their daily lives. Children s social competence with peers is an important aspect of their social development. Teachers and parents who are aware of the elements of social competence in preschool-aged children can encourage and nurture these skills. Footnotes 1. Many of the following suggestions and descriptions of parenting come from a series of studies we and our colleagues have conducted on how parents help children learn social

skills. In these studies, we have observed parents and children playing together (Lindsey, Mize, & Pettit, (in press); Brown, Pettit, Mize & Lindsey, 1995) and we have watched as parents supervise the play of their own children and one or more peers (Brown et Al., 1995; Mize, Pettit, & Brown, 1995; Pettit & Mize, 1993). We have also conducted interviews with parents (Laird, Pettit, Mize, & Lindsey, 1994) and we have observed parents as they talk to their children about social problem dilemmas presented in videotape vignettes (Brown et al., 1995; Mize & Pettit, 1994; Pettit & Mize, 1993