Funny Quotes from Freshman Year

While J and F were lying side by side on F’s bed:

F: It’s not logical for me to like Tom.
J: Womanpenises aren’t logical.

Later…
J: It’s one word. Womanpenis. Spellcheck is wrong.

While J was frolicking in the cold with her scarf:

F: J, you look like you’re high on crack or pot.
…Man and woman pass us, walking faster and staring at F and J.
J: Oops! It’s parent’s weekend isn’t it…

On Harpal’s Facebook:

J: He’s from BC. What state is BC?

F: British Columbia
J: Oh Vancouver, Canada!
F: But it says BC, not Canada.
J: Oh… what?
Both: We’re so dumb!!
F: I never said I was good at geography.
…after Google search…
“City of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada”
F: Hey! I was right!!
J: I was right too!!
Us: We were both right!

On singing “Boom Boom”

F: On one of the lyrics, it says doubleboom. What is doubleboom?

J: maybe something like this—uh-uh (while doublethrusting her pelvis on F’s bed).

On watching Family Guy

"Increasing marginal utility." Because the more you watch, the more you understand
(because there are lots of references in it) and the more you like it
- J Xi, 9 November 2005

After banging noises come from next-door single…

F: Does S live there?
J: Yeah I think I’m going to live there next semester
F: Oh that’d be so cool; we can send each other messages, like SOS
J: Like if someone were raping me, I’d say hold on, let me Morse code this over.
J: (Laughs)
F: You have a bubbly Chicago anime laugh.
J: NuhUH! Chicago’s like… ahhhhh, and anime’s like a little triangle mouth, like
awwww. I can’t do both with my mouth while laughing… (Tries and fails) Chicago and
anime is like an oxymoron!

F: I have a question. How many minutes are in a year?

J: I dunno, calculate it.
F: Well, you know that Rent song that goes, “something, something, something, …”
J: Yeah yeah yeah!!! That one!!

F: Whoa! Your Excel sheet! (Lifts up J’s computer and examines it)
F: Oh. It’s not your Excel sheet that’s not talking.
F: No… lemme explain. It was like between songs and I picked it up! And then it started
singing at me!

J: Where are the Appalachian Mountains in the North?

F: You’re asking me?!
J: Oh yeah… I guess neither of us would be the right person to know.
F: I don’t even know what the Appalachian Mountains are. Are they in Canada?

J: Oh look, that blue light in front of us isn’t on. I don’t feel safe.
F: It’s okay, I’ll protect you. (To the tune of “Rudolph the red nosed reindeer) Rudolph
the blue nosed reindeer, had a very bright blue nose, because he lived in Antarctica, and
there it was very cold…
(Both laugh)
J: (mutters) E equals h*v… no… E = ½…. Frequency… wavelength… inverse…
infrared… ultraviolet… if you have high frequency you have low wavelength so you
penetrate further… but blue light is supposed to penetrate furthest isn’t it? Ultraviolet…
that’s right! Blue/violet light has lowest wavelength so it penetrates the furthest and that’s
why it’s good to have a bright blue nose! So you can see far! Because obviously in
Antarctica you can’t see very far…
F: This is what happens when you have two Harvard girls alone on a dark Harvard street:
I start composing new lyrics for a song and you start talking about quantum mechanics
J: It’s not quantum mechanics… it’s only wave properties of light…

J: Thanks for the Asian beef. I’m glad it’s not Chinese chicken.
F: What’s wrong with Chinese chicken?
J: avian flu.
F: What’ up with Chinese birds. Wasn’t there like… SARS too?

J: La la la (singing)
F: La la la. Touch my tralala (apparently a song… whatever, F…)
J: (w/o a moment’s hesitation) Gladly! ;-)
(later) F: You know that was a song, right?
J: No… but how many things can tralala mean?
F: Tralala is penis.
J: Oh. I thought it was vagina. Whatever.
(still later) F: Ooh, I guess I should sing it like “Touch my womantralala”

(J’s imagined conversation as she washes her face)

J: Look F (points at the tuft of hair sticking up at the back of her head)! Isn’t it hot?
F: Oh yeah!!
J: It’s like my tailfeather! Now when the song says “Shake your tailfeather,” I can shake
this tailfeather instead of my butt!!

J and F are giving each other “characters” to do funny impressions of…

J: Do the drunken fairy.
F: …does an impression of a drunk by groaning, realizes that’s not “fairy” enough, so
starts flapping her hands with her elbow glued to her side…
J: laughs You look like a dying fly!!! Imitates F by flapping her hands spasmodically,
flaps increasingly feebly as she slowly reclines on the couch, gives one last flap, and is
still.

F: (about the graph of a natural monopoly) It looks like a muscle!

J: You look like a muscle!
F: It looks like an arm!
J: You look like an arm!
F: I have two arms!
J: You are an arm! It’s sooo different! Being an arm is sooo much deeper than having two
arms!
J: That’s right! Think about it… You aaaare an arm. Think about your digits, F, think
about it…
F: Digits? Hmm… I have two… (wiggles feet)… Oh I know! I have five! One, two
(wiggles feet), three, four (waves arms), five (shakes head)!
J: Some arm you are, F!
(both laugh)
F: Ow this is a workout! It’s the same muscle as yesterday!
J: It’s your arm muscle!
F: Its my bicep!
(later)
J: (while typing): I have two arms!
F: Unless you are an arm. Then you have one. Or maybe three: an arm with two arms!
(flaps arms in drunken fairy/dying fly fashion)

F: I know a bunch of very butch gay women. They’re like… not butch men, but they’re
not unbutch women either.

J: Wow, Matt! That was the first time I’ve heard you refer to anything as hot, and it was
about a computer program…
Matt: Well of course I wouldn’t refer to a girl as hot. That’d be like treating her like an
object.
J: Oh, sorry F. I’ve been treating you like an object.
F: Yeah. I guess we’re just objects treating each other like objects.

F: If you push a penis against a wall, it won’t go through the wall!

F: That’d be a really interesting way to get raped: to be lying on the bed next to the wall
like I am and to have a penis come through the wall.
J: You’d better watch out, F. You don’t know what S (girl living on the other side of the
wall) is capable of!

F: hmm… when did I start playing Snood?

J: When you were born. No, when you were in the womb. You were born with the
computer, and when the doctor took it away, you cried and was like, “That’s my umbilical
cord!!” Actually, the doctor just unplugged the Ethernet cable, which is why you cried,
because there was obviously no wireless in the hospital.

F's imagined conversation where she is lying in bed with sleeping J:

F: Where have you been all my life?
J: MunMunMunHittheshuttlecockMunMunBailamosMenMunMun

J: I just confused you and K [male].

J: I could sleep over in Lamont tonight cuz I have to write my Spanish essay and do
freshman seminar readings! I could bring a pillow and blanket!
Annie: Haha, you go do that…. (starts to leave)
J: (tries to think faster as Annie is leaving) Gah!! no sleeping on the floor! I hate rice!!
(Everyone bursts out in laughter)
J: I meant I hate rats… mice…. Gah!!