WHEN HUSBANDS DIE

The leadership of nations, tribes, communities and indeed the family almost everywhere in the world is headed by men. This patriarchal system has placed the women in disadvantaged position that tends to perpetuate their dependency on men. Yakubu Ozohu-Suleiman

Women are generally regarded as weak. Men, as ordained by nature, are physically stronger. They possess more Muscles and can work more than the women can. Widely accepted and practiced as this patriarchal mode of relationship, it has unfortunately produced very negative results, which in recent years has brought it under severe criticism. Traditional practices in most parts of Africa holds that the man who desires to marry a woman is expected to pay the dowry and other costs of the marriage. In some places, he is charged some amount of money for the various aspects of the marriage activities. Sometimes the charges are very high depending on traditiona1 stipulations, personal interest of the brides family and cost of living. The man is therefore made to pay for the woman, thus somehow giving him and his family exclusive right of ownership of the children, and decision over their choices and welfare. It is not always anticipated that the husband would die before the wife, as there is no fixed natural law about this. Sometimes, the wife dies before the husband, and in this case, the husband is often entirely at advantage. However, what happens when the husband dies before the wife? In most parts of Nigeria, customs and traditions are held higher than common laws, and even religious injunctions. This is such that even if a couple must perform marriage rites in the fashion of their faith, they are still required to carry out the traditional marriages. In most cases, they are even required to carry out the traditional marriage before that of the court or religion. Therefore, they are expected to adhere to tradition more than anything else does. In her documented opinion, Kennedy Aniemeka Ogbuani, a social scientist, noted that the practice of stripping a woman of all her husbands properties, and dispossessing her of the children by in-laws is still a very strong, culture and it is largely unchallenged. She lamented thus the ugly stories of dehumanization and maltreatment of women in some parts of the land, draws tears from the eyes. This unkindness has its root in the state of mind and understanding more than in truth and love In fact, the practice of stripping a woman of her late husbands properties in some places may not be unconnected with the antecedents of her relationship with her late husband as observed by the in-laws. Sometimes however, such action is sheer wickedness on the part of the in-laws. Aniemeka observed that in some cases, the woman was the breadwinner for the family, but pretended that her husband was, in the interest of marriage and love. In some cases also, the two might have laboured together to acquire such properties, unknown to the in-laws. But since the system places the woman in a disadvantaged position; all they have is believed to belong to the late husband who might not have left any statement of will. Indeed the concept of will is not held highly in the Nigerian setting. Even the levitate custom that ensures that a woman and her children do not suffer after the death of her husband is largely ignored. A woman who loses her husband is expected to show some level of grief and sorrow. This is how the in-laws know that she really loved their son, and has a feeling of sympathy for the deceased. The manner and extent to which this sorrow is expected to be shown is where the question lies. Among the Igbos of Nigeria for instance, a widow is expected to cut her hair very low, and wear a black gown as a sign that she is mourning her late husband. This fashion is

expected to last for as long as it takes to complete the funeral rites of the late husband. The duration of the funeral rites depends on the family members of the deceased. It may take three months or less. After then the woman can decide on her own whether to remain single or not. Among the Hausas, no form of dressing is required of a widow, and she is expected to mourn for at least three to seven days after which she is free to go into a fresh relationship with another man., Allah (SWT) gave an injunction in Quran 2:234 that And those of you who die and leave wives behind them, they (the wives) shall wait (as regards their marriage) for four months and ten days. The waiting period (lddah) is done to show consideration and respect for the deceased. Within this period, if the widow was pregnant living the late husband, it would be known, and indeed, she is entitled to a reasonable proportion of her late husbands assets. Rev. Moses, in his Protecting widows from physiological and phyical abuse: the role of religion noted that the Nigerian woman has always been relegated to the background Christianity, he said, has a very clear position in the issue which enhances the right and status of women. It should be stated that the foregoing are just statements of the ideals, as the individual family and in-laws, tend to tilt towards the customary beliefs in matters of right and entitlements of the widow. In some places, the widow is made almost a permanent prisoner. She is expected mourn limitlessly, even at the expiration of the supposed mourning period. The decision on whether or not to marry another husband is strictly tied to the in-laws. In fact the in-laws are pleased to see her in very dirty and torn clothes. By this they are convinced that she actually feels the death of her husband. In some places, she is even suspected of being responsible for her husband death. In fact she is the prime suspect. In this case, she may be forced by her in-laws to drink the water used in bathing the corpse of her late husband. After drinking the water, she is expected to confess, if she has a hand in the death of her husband. Where it is found that she is innocent of her husbands deaths, she would be acquitted, but still required to continue to mourn. The profound influence of in-laws in the traditional African setting constitutes a very significant factor in two lovers taking decision as to whether a courtship should culminate in marriage or be broken. This is to such an extent that women tend these days to prefer marrying a man whose parents, especially mother are not alive. Observers have noted that high blood pressure (Hypertension) tops the list of health problems among widows in Nigeria. Others include, shock, heart attack, heart failure, kidney failure and paralysis. In the year 2000, the Human Development Initiative, under the health-screening programme conducted in Lagos State discovered that 30 per cent of the widows screened had high blood pressure. In the year 2001, the same exercise revealed that 25 per cent of widows in Lagos had HBP. According Professor Sara Oloko, reaction to the death of a spouse varies, depending upon the intensity of attachment and dependency. In this case, a woman who has borne children for her late husband is more likely to be aggrieved than one who does not. Again, the duration of marriage matters. If it lasted for a long time or if just a fresh one and, moreso, the extent of the love for her late husband are other important factors. However, some of the associated problems of widowhood includes frustration of love and companionship, financial problems which may be the major cause of high blood pressure, painful readjustment to relatives, friends and others, guilt from the negative feelings the bereaved had towards the deceased while he was alive.

Others, as identified by Hajia Binta Babajo include the burden of raising children, anger about loss and fear of death of self or children, the burden of going into a fresh relationship, excessive weakness for the children which may lead poor upbringing, and hostility of unfaithful friends and in-laws. All of these problems, according to her, could, only be solved through intense prayers and commitment to God on the part of the widow, while at the same time developing the habit of substituting positive thoughts and actions for mourning or depressing ones. Most of all, there is a dire need to review the customs and traditions of harsh widowhood rites which abound in most parts of the country.