Power Tool: Muriel Berard Intention vs. Expectation

Power Tool Assessment Name: Muriel Berard Date: 24/09/2012 Student ID: 265815 Email: muriel-berard@hotmail.
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INTENTION vs EXPECTATION
Peace begins When expectation ends. Sri Chinmoy, Perfection and Transcendence Our intention creates our reality. Wayne Dyer, The power of intention
Reading --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The difference between intention and expectation might sound subtle, but doing with an intention or doing in setting expectations can make a huge difference in our experience. The Visual Thesaurus gives us a glimpse of the differences these two words carry. On first consideration, the difference between Expectation and intention seems like the difference between a passive and active approach to manifestation.
Copyright 2006 International Coach Academy Pty. Ltd. Use is governed by the Terms and Conditions at http://www.icoachacademy.com Last updated Feb 2006
Lets look at a very common example. You take your car to attend an appointment. Your intention is to find a place to park near to your appointment place. You know that leaving late from your place; you cant expect to easily find a place to park. Anyway, because your intention is to find a place, you will be looking and if, by any chance, when you arrive in the street of your appointment, you see a vacant place, you will feel very happy and satisfied. If you dont find any, you will just look to another solution, which is to park few blocks away in an underground parking. During this experience, your mind is focused on open solutions and learning next time I need to leave early in case I dont find a place in the street. At the opposite, you leave late from your place because your expectation is to find a car place easily, as you usually do. If you find a place, like anticipated, OK, everything will go smoothly but you will not be particularly satisfied, just fine. But, if you dont, you will feel very frustrated and some how not ready to think of alternative solutions and look at a plan B. The issue with frustration even anger is that it will mobilize your energy and your emotional reaction to the situation and might damage your logical thinking to find a solution! If our expectation of results is zero, even the slightest achievement or fulfilment will result in infinite happiness or satisfaction! H (Happiness) = A (Achievement) / E (Expectations) Expectation(s) is defined in Oxford dictionary as a strong belief that something will happen or be the case; or a belief that someone will or should achieve something. An expectation has a success or failure attached to it depending upon whether that expectation is realised. When expecting something, we set ourselves up for an argument with reality. When expecting something, we have already created a narrative about the result: "how it's going to go", or how it should/must/have to be and consciously or not, we are expecting that story to unfold. It is important to be clear about the meaning of the word expectation. It doesnt mean intention to achieve or to have
motivation, ambition, objectives or goals. It refers only to expectation of results, expectation of outcome. Results depend on several factors, both internal and external, over which we cannot expect to have full control. There is an uncertainty involved in the actual achievement of results despite our best intentions and efforts. Therefore to be attached to the results while making the effort to achieve them, can cause unnecessary degree of anxiety, tension and fear of not achieving the results a fear of losing. An alternative to be living in expectations would be to live with intention. We can have an intention to achieve, and make the necessary efforts, without being worried about the fact that the result may not ultimately be achieved. In this case, the attention and the psychic investment is not in the actual realisation of the results but in making the required efforts to achieve the results without expectations on what the results should be. An Intention, by definition is something that we want and plan to do. Intention comes to modern English/American from latin intendere; meaning, to give consideration, turn to or focus ones attention, to have a plan, to think, conjecture or propose. So, if we set our intention toward a goal, aim or purpose, while being detached from the outcome, we can pay full attention to our efforts, to the process or the journey, which can lead to the results/outcome. When we intend something, and are open to the actual (and possibly different) outcome, there is an opportunity to learn, stay curious and be with a new perhaps better outcome. It will free ourselves from the fear of loosing, it will allow us to focus on the present and enjoy the process. Setting an intention and let go of any attachment to a specific outcome, allow to control where we put our energy and cultivate a mindfulness of our efforts. To summarise, an intention is simply an impulse, which gives structure and direction to creative energy. Expectation is a hope that something will happen. It comes from an ego state that is identified or attached to the outcome.
Case study Laura had the objective to lose weight. She has set quantifiable measures of success: losing 20 pounds, fitting size M trousers and running and 8-minute mile. She expected to reach her goals within 6 months. She has been trying hard for the last 3 months, controlling her diet and exercising 3 times per week without reaching the results expected half-way. Laura started to be discouraged and frustrated, telling herself that she will never make it. She finally decided to get support from a coach. Step 1: Create self-awareness identifying the attachment to results brought by expectations Laura became aware of the attitude induced by her expectations: everyday Laura was used to check her weight, expecting to notice a change on the scale and everyday she was disappointed it was never enough, never up to her expectations. Focusing her attention on a daily basis on her achievements versus her expectations put on her a lot of pressure and questioned the relevance of her efforts. She became aware that she was putting more attention on the weight she was supposed to loose rather than on why it was important for her and how she would reach her goal. Step 2: letting go of the expectations When Laura realised that her current focus on the outcome was sapping her motivation and her energy, she decided to let go this disempowering perspective and put her energy on the daily efforts necessary to loose weight and feel better. She stopped to check her weight every day, but instead, would check it only when feeling an improvement. Step 3: shifting from expectations to intentions With her coach, Laura came back to her first intentions to loose weight: feeling healthier and lighter, feeling better in her clothes and improving her running time.
Each time Laura was catching herself focusing on the results, she came back to her intentions, focusing all of her attention to her present efforts to loose weight. Laura started to affirm her intention daily in the morning. She also joined a mindfulness meditation group once a week to support her to be fully present and detach herself from future outcome, she also learned to practice mindful eating and running. After a while, Laura was surprised to feel better in her body even if she had only lost few pounds. She realised that she was enjoying her new life style. It became her way of life, not anymore a six-months race to loose weight. She was very proud of herself. Looking at her weight management plan as a journey, not a destination Laura enjoyed the process and was able to achieve her objectives.
Self-application
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We all have expectations: our own expectations or expectations set by others for us, expectations regarding our job, our carrier, expectations for our kids, expectations in our relationships, even expectations regarding our next holidays Unfortunately, for most of us, there is a gap between our expectations and their achievements or fulfilments. Many of us experience stress, frustration or disappointment that disempower us when things dont go exactly the way they are expected to. Those negative feelings come from the attachment to the results/outcome associated with our expectations. By choosing to live with intention, and let go of any attachment to a specific outcome, we can reclaim our power and decide to put our energy in the present. We choose to let go of the form something takes and choose instead to connect to the essence of it the underlying intention. The process of reaching, becomes more important than the event of arriving. It is what Jagdish Parikh call Detached Involvement. It is the capacity to remain detached from the expectation of the actual results, while keeping in touch with our intentions and commitment to them. This way, we can give greater attention and energy to our efforts and actions in the present.
How do you know when you are disempowered by our expectations? Create awareness; be attentive to some situations like when you are: - struggling in a situation, not feeling satisfied because its not turning out as expected, - telling ourselves that it is not enough, I am not going to make it - experiencing negative emotions such as fear, stress, anxiety, disappointment - using the language of expectations such as I have to do that, I need to, it should be this way, she is supposed to - Ask yourself if you are attached to a specific outcome in these situations. Then identify your expectations and examine them: Are these expectations serving you? Are they supporting you in achieving your ultimate goal?
How to let go of your expectations? How to detach yourself from the outcome? Once you are aware of your expectations and you have acknowledged them, you have a choice: keep these disempowering expectations or let them go. If you choose to let go your expectations, you choose the power of the present. Let go of your ideas of how things/people should be. A ceremony might be helpful in order to physically act out the letting go of expectations. Write all of your expectations down on a slip of paper and then burn them, let the ashes blow away. Even visualizing this could already help to let them go. Practice mindfulness to be fully in the moment and detach yourself from any expected future o Accept uncertainty and lack of control as an inherent part of your experience. In your willingness to accept things as they occur, solutions can spontaneously appear. o Remain open to all possibilities and enjoy every moment in the journey of your life be in the present moment
Change your language: each time you catch yourself using the language of expectations, change it to the language of intention. Anytime, you are attached to the outcome, release it and live with intention. So using statement as I want to, I decide to, I choose to vs I have to, It should be will allow you to live with intention and regain our power.
How to live with intentions? Filling with intentions the space left by your expectations will shift your attention from results to efforts, from target to process and from destination to journey. You will release your energy from the fear of losing to the joy of doing! Having clarity about your values, your desires, and your life purpose can support you to set meaningful intentions. You might wish to start by this self-discovery step. But, It is not just about setting intentions and then forget about them; it is all about living them every day. It is about practicing; affirming daily your intentions and reaffirming them when you catch yourself attached a specific result. Take a few minutes first thing in the morning when you wake up, to set an intention and to visualize and sense yourself practicing. Take the habit of setting an intention when you start any activities in your day it can be just to enjoy the present moment, to learn something, to get some clarity, to act with mindfulness By practicing living with intention, you will free yourself of trying to fulfil your expectations. You will fully live you present! Reflection Can you recall situations where your attachment to the results was responsible of stress, anxiety and fear of failure? How did you feel? How did you react? Recall any moments where you set expectations and did not meet them. How did you feel? How did you react? Think about expectations you have about yourself and about others. Think about expectations you might have about life itself, or about how some particular aspect of life is supposed to work. How these expectations serve you?
How do you know when you are tied to your expectations? Can you think of any moments when you were more focusing on the intention of doing rather than on the expected outcome? How did you feel in this situation? What benefits do you see in being detached from results and outcomes? How would you feel if you were not attached to specific outcomes? How could you let go of your expectations? What benefits do you see in living with intention? What are you intending for NOW? What is your intention in reading this document? How do you bring your intentions to actions? Identify 5 actions you can take to support you to live with intention.
Coaching application --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------How to manage the clients and our own expectations as a coach regarding the coaching relationship? At the beginning of the coaching process, when we establish the coaching relationship with our client, sharing mutual expectations helps establish continuity and trust, agreements and framework for the work that is mutually undertaken. We need to be aware to commit only to clients expectations we can manage, expectations that depend only on us, neither on the client nor on external circumstances ie. honesty, respect, safe and non judgmental environment, confidentiality It will prevent any misunderstanding or disappointment and frustration to our client during the coaching alliance. It is also important for us as coaches to be clear on our own expectations and evaluate if these expectations are supporting the partnership we are creating with our client or if it would be more beneficial to let them go and engage in this relationship with intentions. How can we help our clients to shift from a disempowering state of expectations to living with intentions? Coaching is about helping clients to move forward by supporting them to overcome obstacles, living in the moment, bringing more positive thoughts and beliefs, and hence positive energy into their lives by reframing and shifting their perspective.
How can we help client to get free of disempowering expectations and enjoy the present moment in living with intentions? A 4-steps process is proposed: Create self-awareness: help the client to be aware of his expectations Change perspective: help the client to understand intentions vs expectations and choose to let go of his expectations Support the clients self-discovery to identify his core values, desires, dreams and life purpose to set meaningful intentions. Take actions: support the client to set meaningful intentions and practice daily intentions Life is a journey, not a destination! The process of reaching, therefore, becomes more important than the event of arriving Jagdish Parikh Managing your self: management by detached involvement Reflections - Why is it important to manage clients expectations while establishing the coaching contract? - How can you manage client expectations concerning the coaching relationship? How do you manage your own expectations? - How do you know that a client is tied by his expectations? - How can you help him to be aware of disempowering expectations? - How to support a client to move from living by expectation to living with intention? What coaching tools could you use?
References and Inspirations Visual Thesaurus - www.visualthesaurus.com Oxford dictionary Managing your self: management by detached involvement - Jagdish Parikh http://kateyestudio.com/2012/04/lessons-from-abroad-letting-go-ofexpectations.html http://www.beliefnet.com/Inspiration/2010/12/Live-with-Intention.aspx
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Power Tool Assessment Name: Muriel Berard Date: 24/09/2012 Student ID: 265815 Email: muriel-berard@hotmail.

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