Easy Rider Script

Hey, you got a room?

Hey, man!

You got a room?

You asshole!

I'm going down to Mardi Gras to get me a Mardi Gras queen

Oh, man. Wow, Mardi Gras!

That'll be the weirdest, you know?

You know what we ought to do first thing?

Go and get us a groovy dinner.

Break out some of that cash, man.

Out here in the wilderness, fighting lndians and cowboys on every side.

What's the matter? You zonked? Really zonked, eh?

No, l'm just kind of tired.

You're pulling inside. You're getting a little distance tonight.

You're getting a little distance, man.

Well, l'm just getting my thing together.

Come on, it's checkout time!

Hey, Billy!

Man, don't do that.

Howdy!

What can l do for you?

l'd like to fix my flat, if you don't mind.

No, l don't mind.

ln the barn there, you'll find any tools you'll need.

Whoa, baby! Whoa, honey!

Turn that thing off. You're making my horse skittish.

Sure is a good-looking machine.

There you go.

You fellows can sit down here.

Would you mind taking off your hat?

We thank thee, Lord, for these thy gifts received from thy bounty.

ln the name of Thy only begotten Son...

...Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

Where you fellows from?

L.A.

L.A.?

Los Angeles.

Los Angeles.

ls that a fact?

When l was a young man...

...l was headed for California, but....

Well, you know how it is.

You sure got a nice spread here.

Yeah, l sure got a lot of them.

My wife is Catholic, you know?

Can we have some more coffee?

No, l mean it.

You've got a nice place.

lt's not every man that can live off the land, you know?

Can do your own thing in your own time.

You should be proud.

Hey, man, what are you doing?

l got to talk to you, man.

Everything we ever dreamed of is in that gas tank.

You got a stranger pouring gasoline on it.

All he's got to do is look into it and he can see--

He won't know what it is, man.

Don't worry, Billy. Everything's all right.

All right, man. l don't know.

l do.

Everything's fine, Billy.

That's all taken care of.

l like that.

-How much further do we got to go? -l don't know.

Not much further.

That's what you said this morning.

l sometimes say it all day.

Really? You say it all day?

We don't have much longer. We'll be there soon.

We got to get to Mardi Gras, man.

Your little heart is set on that, huh?

We got a week.

That's a week away, man.

lt's a long way to Mardi Gras, baby.

lt won't take us a week to get to New Orleans.

l think l'm going to crash.

l think you have crashed, man.

l keep seeing things jumping all over the place.

-Really? -Yeah, look.

-What is it? -lt's a moth.

A what?

Moth. Bug.

This is a weird place, man.

That smoke's getting to me.

But l notice you're not moving.

Where are you from, man?

Can l have a light?

Where are you from, man?

Hard to say.

Hard to say?

Where are you from, man?

lt's hard to say because it's a very long word, you know?

l just want to know where you're from.

The city.

From a city?

Doesn't matter what city. They're all alike.

That's why l'm out here now.

That's why you're out here now?

Why?

Because l'm a long way from the city...

...and that's where l want to be right now.

They know you in this place?

This place we're coming to?

The place where we're at now?

This place.

You're right on top of them.

l'm right on top of them?

The people this place belongs to are buried right under you.

You could be a trifle polite.

''A trifle polite''?

A small thing to ask.

You ever want to be somebody else?

l'd like to try Porky Pig.

l never wanted to be anybody else.

You can't hit me. l'm invisible!

Hey, Sarah. How's it going?

Rudolph, what are you eating?

Thanks for the stuff you brought.

How's it going?

We can't take any more strangers. Just too many people dropping in.

l'm not talking about you and your friends.

Last week, Susan dropped in with people from Easter City.

She wanted to take pounds of rice with her.

Naturally, we had to say no.

So she gets uptight, breaks out some hash and won't give us any.

They went outside to start their bus...

...and couldn't get it started.

l bet you haven't had anybody around like me to rap to.

You know l love you

and l want you to rap.

-Oh, God! l want you to rap. -Cut that out.

l guess nobody else here is interested...

...but l'd sure like to meet your friend.

l bet you'd like to do more than that.

l think he's beautiful.

He's beautiful.

What's that weird thing on the hill?

lt looks like a stage. You got a light opera company?

That's the mime troupe stage.

They've gone down to the hot springs.

Mime troupe?

Hey, Lisa?

What does this mean?

''Starting brings misfortune.

Perseverance brings danger.

Not every demand for change in the existing order should be heeded.

On the other hand, repeated and well-founded complaints...

...should not fail to a hearing.''

Well, when one--

Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!

We've come to play for our dinner...

...or should l say, stay for our dinner.

Or even...

...slay for our dinner.

Men at war. How ghastly, ghastly!

We've come to drink your wine...

...taste your food and take pleasure in your women.

The water in that river is about degrees.

You put your hand in a foot away, it's below freezing.

Oh, come on. l've got to get dinner on.

Who said ''out'' to me?

l picked-Unhand me! l played communes--

Out! Out!

Evil eye on this place.

A double whammy for you all.

Come, my dear. We won't play here.

Get out.

l like you.

These people got here late in the summer.

Too late to plant. But the weather was beautiful...

...and it was easy living. And then came that winter.

There were

or

living in a one-room place.

Nothing to eat, out by the side of the road looking for dead horses.

Anything they could get ahold of.

There's

or

left.

And they're city kids. Look at them.

But they're getting this crop in.

They'll stay here till it's harvested. That's the whole thing.

Do you get much rain here, man?

l guess we'll have to dance for that.

Look at this, man. A seashell.

There's nothing but sand. They ain't going to make it.

They're going to make it.

They're going to make it.

We have planted our seeds.

We ask...

...that our efforts be worthy...

...to produce simple food...

...for our simple taste.

We ask that our efforts...

...be rewarded.

We thank You for the food we eat from other hands...

...that we may share it with our fellow man...

...and be even more generous...

...when it is from our own.

Thank You for a place...

...to make a stand.

Amen.

Let's eat.

Hark ye gentles! Hark ye all.

Time has come for curtain call.

How do you wear your hair Does your hair hang low

Do you tie it in a ribbon Do you tie it in a bow

Do you wear it over your shoulder Like a Continental soldier....

Are you an Aquarius?

Pisces?

l guessed right.

Do you like our place here?

Who sent you?

l got to get out of here, man.

We got things we want to do, man.

l got to get out of here, man.

Could you take me and my friend over across the canyon?

Yeah, anything.

lt won't be out of your way, honest.

lt's all right.

lt's all right.

We're not no traveling bureau.

Why don't they get their own ride?

We're eating their food.

All right, man.

-Get them together though, man. -Right.

When you get to the right place, with the right people...

...quarter this.

You know, this could be the right place.

Your time's running out.

Hey, man!

lf we're going, we're going. Let's go!

l'm hip about time.

But l just got to go.

Parading without a permit? Do you know who this is, man?

This is Captain America. l'm Billy. We're headliners, baby.

We played every fair in this part of the country. For top dollar!

Weirdo hicks, man. A bunch of weirdo hicks.

Parading without a permit, man!

Oh, no! What did l do now?

Oh, what am l going to do now?

Oh, my head!

All right, George. What're you going to do now?

You promised these people, now.

You promised these people and you promised these people....

Hey, would you mind?

You just woke my friend up.

l'm real sorry. l didn't realize l....

l didn't realize.

My head.

lf you don't shut your mouth, you won't have a head!

l see you're up, Mr. Hansen. You'll feel a lot better after this.

Thank you, Bob.

l guess l really tied one on last night.

Must've had a hell of a good time.

l wish l could remember it.

Could you get me a cigarette?

You animals ain't smart enough to play with fire.

They're good boys. You can give them a cigarette.

Thanks, mister.

Got a match?

Thank you, Bob.

l'm sorry about the misunderstanding.

There was no misunderstanding. We're all in the same cage here.

You must be some important dude. That treatment--

'' Dude''?

What does he mean, ''dude''? Dude ranch?

'' Dude'' means a nice guy, you know?

'' Dude'' means a regular person.

You don't look like you're from this part of the country.

You're lucky l'm here to see you don't get into anything.

Well...

...they got this here...

...scissor-happy, beautify-America thing here.

Trying to make everybody look like Yul Brynner.

They used rusty razor blades on the last two longhairs...

...they brought in. l wasn't here to protect them.

See...

...l'm a lawyer.

Done a lot of work for the ACLU.

George Hansen.

You think you can help us get out of here?

l imagine that l can if you haven't killed anybody.

At least nobody white.

See there? $ . Not too bad for no razor blades.

You know?

-Very groovy. Thank you. -Very groovy.

See? l'll bet nobody ever said that to you.

By the way, thanks for the aspirin before.

l'm getting to....

l'm getting to think you're a regular '' regular'' here.

l'm not going to tell your dad.

You just got to be more careful.

That'd be good if the powers that be wouldn't hear about this.

The old man's not feeling good. Know what l mean?

Well, now, George, we won't tell your dad about that.

-lsn't that right? -That's right.

What do you say we look at these super machines we been hearing about?

Let's get it on.

Thanks a lot, Bob. See you later.

l'll take care of it. Don't worry about it.

All right, Carl.

Thanks a million. Say hello to the missus.

Here's to the first of the day, fellas.

To old D.H. Lawrence.

lndians!

Thank you.

You know...

...l must've started off to Mardi Gras six or seven times.

Never got further than the state line.

The governor of Louisiana gave me this.

'' Madame Tinkertoy's House of Blue Lights.

Bourbon and Toulouse, New Orleans, Louisiana.''

Now this is supposed to be the finest whorehouse in the South.

These ain't no pork chops. These are U.S. prime.

Out of sight, man!

Oh, l'd like to get over there.

How long did you boys say it would take you to get down there?

-Two or three days. -Two or three days?

ls that right?

Boy, l sure wish l was going with you.

You got a helmet?

Oh, l've got a helmet! l got a beauty!

Well, old buddy, l never thought l'd ever see you again.

You know, l threw this thing away one week ago.

My mother, of all people, retrieved it. l can't understand.

She didn't want me to play football. Always afraid l'd get hurt.

And here,

years later,

l find it on my pillow...

...with a note pinned next to it saying, ''Save this for your son.''

Fire!

Do this instead.

No, thanks. l got some store-bought here of my own.

No, man. This is grass.

You mean, marijuana?

Lord have mercy! ls that what that is?

Let me see that.

Go ahead. Light it up.

Oh, no, no, no...

...l couldn't do that. l've got enough problems...

...with the booze and all. l can't afford to get hooked.

You won't get hooked.

Well, l know. But it leads to harder stuff.

You say it's all right?

Well, all right then. How do l do it?

Here.

That's got a real nice taste to it.

Though l don't suppose it'll do me much good.

l'm so used to the booze.

You've got to hold it in your lungs longer.

What...

...was that, man? What the hell was that?

l don't know, man. l was watching this object...

...like the satellite we saw.

And it went right across the sky. And then....

l mean, it just suddenly....

lt just changed direction and went whizzing off. lt flashed and--

You're stoned out of your mind.

Oh, yeah. l'm stoned, man. But, like, l saw a satellite.

And it was going across the sky, and it flashed three times at me...

...and zigzagged and whizzed off.

And l saw it.

That was a UFO beaming back at you.

Me and Eric Heisman was down in Mexico two weeks ago.

We seen

of them

flying in formation.

They've got bases all over the world now.

They've been coming here ever since ...

...when scientists started bouncing radar beams off the moon.

And they've been living and working among us ever since.

The government knows all about them.

What are you talking, man?

You just seen one of them, didn't you?

l saw something, but l didn't see it working here.

Well, they are people, just like us...

...from within our own solar system.

Except that their society is more highly evolved.

They don't have no wars. They got no monetary system.

They don't have any leaders, because each man is a leader.

Because of their technology...

...they're able to feed, clothe, house and transport themselves...

...equally and with no effort.

You know something? You want to know what l think?

l think this is a crackpot idea. That's what l think.

How about that?

Think it's a crackpot idea.

lf they're so smart, why don't they reveal themselves...

...and get it over with?

Why don't they reveal themselves is because if they did...

...it'd cause a general panic.

Now, we still have leaders...

...upon whom we rely to release this information.

These leaders have decided to repress this information...

...because of the shock...

...that it would cause to our antiquated systems.

Now, the result of this has been that the Venusians...

...have contacted people at all walks of life...

...all walks of life....

lt would be a devastating blow to our antiquated systems.

Now Venusians are meeting with people in all walks of life...

...in an advisory capacity.

For once, man will have a godlike control...

...over his own destiny. He'll have a chance to transcend...

...and to evolve with some equality for all.

How's your joint, George?

l believe it went out.

l got to talking so much, l clean forgot about....

lt went out.

Save it and we'll do it tomorrow morning.

lt gives you a new way of looking at the day.

Well, l sure could use that.

l sure could use a little of that.

What the hell is this? Troublemakers?

You name it, l'll throw rocks at it, Sheriff.

Y'all, check what just walked in.

l like the one in the red shirt

with suspenders.

White shirt for me.

l like something with black pants on.

-What did you say? -l said--

What?

l can't believe. What are they doing here?

-Look at the teeth around his neck. -Did they drive motorcycles?

They know we're talking about them.

Hot damn!

l'll tell you.

l'll order kidneys, because l left mine out on the road somewhere.

-l like his hair all down his head.

-And l like his eyes.

You know that girl over there in the corner?

Don't look too close because the sheriff's right over there.

You know what l mean?

-Check that joker with long hair. -l checked him.

We might have to bring him to the Hilton before it's over.

-l think she's cute. -lsn't she though?

We'll put him in a woman's cell.

We ought to put them in a cage and charge admission to see them.

Those are what are known as country witticisms.

l can't believe they're here.

Let's ask them to take us for a ride.

Don't be foolish!

They'll think you-He'll laugh in your face.

-Yeah, that'd be good. -l doubt it.

-l'm going to ask them. -Be my guest.

Not when l'm around.

l don't think you're going to.

Go ahead.

l thought at first that bunch over there...

...their mothers were frightened by gorillas...

...but now l think they were caught.

l think one's Alley Oop...

...from the beads on him.

One of them darn sure is not Oola.

Look like a bunch of refugees from a gorilla love-in.

-A gorilla couldn't love that. -Nor could a mother.

l wish you could mate him up with one of those black wenches.

Oh, now, l don't know about that.

And that's about as low as they come.

He's a biggie.

And they're green.

-No, they're not green, they're white. -White?

You're colour-blind. l just got to say that.

Sure like to get some food.

l thought jails were built for humanity, and that won't quite qualify.

-Wonder where they got those wigs. -They probably grew them.

-Nothing else would grow on them. -You know...

...l'm not real hungry at the moment.

You know what l mean?

l saw two of them one time just kissing away.

Two males. Think of it!

What should we do with them?

l don't know, but l don't think they'll make the parish line.

Let's split.

Split?

Yes, sir.

lt certainly has been nice.

They got fancy bikes. That's some Yankee queers.

Check the flag on that bike.

lt sure is.

l still say they're not going to make the parish line.

Hey, can l have a ride?

You want a ride?

You got a note from your moms?

Oh, our mothers won't mind.

Please let us have a ride.

l don't mind giving you a ride.

The man is at the window

The man is at the window!

l'd love to take you girls for a ride.

You know...

...this used to be a hell of a good country.

l can't understand what's gone wrong with it.

Everybody got chicken, that's what.

We can't even get into a second-rate hotel.

l mean, a second-rate motel, you dig?

They think we'd cut their throat. They're scared.

They're not scared of you.

They're scared of what you represent to them.

All we represent to them is somebody who needs a haircut.

Oh, no.

What you represent to them...

...is freedom.

Freedom's what it's all about.

Oh yeah, that's right. That's what it's all about.

But talking about it and being it...

...that's two different things.

lt's real hard to be free...

...when you are bought and sold in the marketplace.

Don't tell anybody that they're not free, because they'll get busy...

...killing and maiming to prove to you that they are.

They're going to talk to you and talk to you...

...about individual freedom.

But they see a free individual, it's going to scare them.

Well, it don't make them running scared.

lt makes them dangerous.

Swamp.

Swamp.

Do you ever....

You ever talk to bullfrogs in the middle of the night?

Not generally.

-You don't? -No, man.

You know what l used to do?

What did you used to do?

One thing l didn't used to do...

...is talk to bullfrogs

in the middle of the night, foolish.

You're out of your mind!

That's right.

Oh, God.

What are we going to do with his stuff, man?

Get it to his folks somehow.

There's not much here, man.

There's some money, and there's his driver's license.

Here's his card, man.

He ain't going to be using that.

We'll go there for just one drink, man.

No man, now really. He would've wanted us to, man.

'' lf God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him.''

That's a humdinger.

l'm getting a little smashed, man.

A little smashed.

Wow, it's hot in here, man.

Chicks, man.

Look at those chicks, man.

Goodbye, girls.

Later.

Hi! Howdy!

My name is Billy.

And this here is Captain America.

Excuse me one minute, ladies.

Do you mind if l take the tall one?

-No, that's all right. -Oh, thank you.

Come on, you little Hereford. Get yourself over here.

You old thing, you.

l'm really from New York. This is all just a weird act.

You're a freak, aren't you?

My name is Mary.

You want a drink?

No, thanks.

What's this?

-ls this really your hair? -What is this?

ls this really your hair? Are you kidding me?

-What are these things? -What are these things, huh?

l'm kind of a freak myself.

l never really thought of myself as a freak.

But l'd love to freak.

What's happening outside?

What?

You know, in the street. Mardi Gras.

Well, you know, it's crowded and all that.

Hey, you want a drink?

Here's to you.

Thank you.

What's the matter? Don't you like me?

What?

You paid for me.

That was for my friend.

l don't....

l'll buy you a drink.

l don't drink.

l've got an idea.

Let's go outside.

We'll all go to Mardi Gras.

What's that?

What's that?

Never mind. Just shut up and take it.

Yeah, right.

What do you do with it?

Give it to me.

-Just shut up and take it. -Put it on your tongue.

l believe in God...

...Father Almighty...

...creator of heaven and earth.

Going up for the last time, the last time, the last time.

--was crucified, died and was buried. He descended into hell.

The third day,

He rose from the dead.

He ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of God...

...creator of heaven and earth.

l believe in God, Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth.

And in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord--

-Shut up. -Conceived by the Holy Ghost...

...born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate...

...was crucified, died and was buried. He descended into hell.

The third day, He rose from the dead.

He ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of God.

He shall come to judge the living and the dead.

l believe in the Holy Ghost, the holy Catholic Church...

...communion of saints, forgiveness of sins...

...the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen.

How could you make me hate you so much?

l hate you so much.

-l want you to be beautiful. -l always wanted to be pretty.

Listen to me. l want you to be beautiful.

No! You know me.

l know you.

Baby. Okay. Okay.

Come back!

l know you.

--full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are thou amongst women....

Make me loveable.

Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners....

l know it. l know you. l know you.

Look at them. We're all aglow.

Look at us. We're all aglow! Look. Glow!

Where's your John?

l don't know why l like you.

-l don't even know if l like you. -l know l like you.

l know l like you.

Don't you dare! Don't you dare!

l can feel the outside.

l can feel the outside but l can't...

...l can't feel the inside.

Don't stop! Don't stop!

l'm dying!

l'm going to die! l'm going to die!

l'm dead.

l'm dead. Do you understand?

Mary loved....

Oh, dear God, please let it be! Please help me conceive a child!

l'm right out here.

l'm right out here. l'm right out here.

l'm right here, out of my head.

l'm conceiving!

Please, God, let me out of here!

l want to get out of here.

Do you know what l mean?

You wanted me ugly, didn't you? l know you, John.

l hate you so much.

You never knew about me.

Why did you leave like that? Everybody else, but not you.

And not me.

l loved you.

Oh, God, how l loved you.

And you're such a cruel mother and l hate you so much.

We've done it. We've done it.

We're rich, Wyatt.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, we did it, man! We did it.

We're rich, man.

We're retired in Florida now, mister.

You know, Billy...

...we blew it.

What?

Well, that's what it's all about. Like, you know.

You go for the big money, and then you're free.

You dig?

We blew it.

Good night, man.

Look at them ginks.

Pull alongside. We'll scare the hell out of them.

You want me to blow your brains out?

Why don't you get a haircut?

What happened?

Oh, my God!

-l'm going for help! -l got them. l'll get them!

We better go back.

l'm going to get them.

We're ready now.