Research Paper: Susan Smith How Identifying Values

Research Paper Assessment Name: Susan Smith Date: October 17 2012 Student ID: 26011 Email: coachsusan27@gmail.
com
Complete your 2000 word research paper and insert it in the space below. Then email this document as an attachment to assessment@icoachacademy.com
How Identifying Values and Setting Healthy Boundaries Creates a Happier and more Fulfilling Life
Table of Contents Introduction 3
What is it that people value and how to identify those values? 3-4 Why do values matter? Changes in values Why would we want to change our values? 5-7 How to transition your values to setting healthy boundaries? 7-8 What is the purpose of setting healthy personal boundaries? 8 Taking risks by setting boundaries 9 Tips for setting boundaries 11 Conclusion References Appendix A 16 8912 13 134 4
How Identifying Values and Setting Healthy Boundaries Creates a Happier More Fulfilling Life
Copyright 2006 International Coach Academy Pty. Ltd. Use is governed by the Terms and Conditions at http://www.icoachacademy.com Last updated Feb 2006
Introduction: So many people suffer from anxiety, depression, unhappy relationships, working just to pay the bills and stress, that they lose the spirit of really living life to the fullest. Identifying your values helps you gain clarity and focus. When you are clear on your values it becomes much easier to set healthy boundaries creating balance and harmony within your life. What is it that people value and how to identify those values? Values: Your values are your current estimations of truth. They represent your answer to the question of how to live. Steve Pavlina The answer is different for everyone. Friendship, family, spirituality, religion, generosity, honesty, integrity, loyalty, diversity, monogamy, open mindedness, gratitude, flexibility, fun, vitality, empathy, compassion, love, career, adventure, companionship, community service, and so many more. In order for a client to move forward and take responsibility for their life they need to define their values. Through asking these questions
one can create an awareness for the client as to what is most important to them. What brings you joy and happiness? Where are you powerful in your life? If you knew you could not fail, what would you do? What changes could you make to support this vision and pursue your goals? This is a good place to start and the coach supports you along your journey of discovery and change. There is also a values test online at www.coachlee.com that is a great tool to use as a guide. Why Do Values Matter? The main benefit of knowing your values is that you will gain tremendous clarity and focus, but ultimately you must use that newfound clarity to make consistent decisions and take committed action. So the whole point of discovering your values is to improve the results you get in those areas that are most important to you.
Changes in values Changes in values usually result from conflicts: we act in ways we don't value, we gain a new perspective, we recognize inconsistencies among our values, or we are pressured to change our values by others.
A leading researcher of values, Milton Rokeach (1973), believes that, It is often necessary to become dissatisfied with yourself before you will change your behavior, attitudes, or values. Logic and moral judgment are not the only factors changing our values. More important may be rationalizations, biased self-protective thinking, emotional personal needs, and even unconscious factors. So, to have true wisdom about our values requires knowledge and reasoning skills, awareness of our irrationality, insight into our emotions, and some probing of our unconscious. This takes time and a willingness to know oneself, which isnt always easy. This is one of the reasons why we need to pay attention to our thoughts, and how our life is moving, for only then can we stay in alignment with our values. By staying in alignment with our values we are being our authentic selves living in truth and happiness. When one finds people that share the same values life flows much easier, you feel more fulfilled, happiness comes in abundance and you feel you can conquer the world. Find people who share your values, and you'll conquer the world together. John Ratzenberger Why Would We Want to Change Our Values? You may want to change your values when you understand and accept where they are taking you, and you realize that what you appear to value right now will not enable you to enjoy the "best" possible life for you. Your
"best" life is your vision of all the destinations you wish to reach - the greatest ultimate destiny you can possibly imagine for yourself. But your values are just a measure of the current direction you're headed right now. And in most cases these two things are incongruent, meaning that your current values are not aligned with the course of your best life. . If you keep living by your current values, then you can expect to get similar results to what you're already getting, possibly a little better if you apply them more consciously. But most likely there is some part of you that isn't satisfied with where you'll end up if you keep following this same course. What are the "airports" where your planes will merely pass over but never land? Will you never experience an intimate, loving relationship? Will you never have children? Will you never become wealthy? Will you never develop an outstandingly energetic physical body? Will you never travel around the world? Will you never be able to help your favorite cause? Will you never feel that you're living in total accordance with your spiritual beliefs? Now what if all these "nevers" could suddenly become possible for you? How can they? They can become possible for you by shifting your values. And here's the key: You don't need to maintain the same values throughout your entire life. You can change them as often as you like. When you change your values list and consciously act on it, you change your behavior and therefore your results. And this can lead to incredible new experiences. For example, if your top value is health, and you're already in outstanding physical condition, what would happen if you changed your
top value to wealth? You would cut back on your workouts for a while and invest tremendous energy into becoming wealthy. Your investment in health would slide a little, but in the short-term, it probably won't make a huge difference. Health may still be one of your top values, but it just isn't number one anymore. So now by focusing intently on your new top value of wealth, you eventually succeed in becoming wealthy. But eventually as you become very wealthy, making more and more money beyond a certain point may no longer serve you. Now you decide to shift your top value to compassion, so you go out and use your healthy, wealthy self to compassionately help others. Through this process of consciously shifting your values, you've changed from a gym rat to an entrepreneur to a philanthropist. You've lived an amazing life. But if you always maintain your original values, you'll only experience being a gym rat for your entire life. And most of your true potential would remain untapped. Steve Palvina How to transition your values to setting healthy personal boundaries? WHEN WE BLAME another, we give our power away because were placing the responsibility for our feelings on someone else. People in our lives may behave in ways that trigger uncomfortable responses in us. However, they didnt get into our minds and create the buttons that have been pushed. Taking responsibility for our own feelings and reactions is mastering our ability to respond. In other words, we learn to consciously choose rather than simply react.
We cant talk about resentment without also talking about forgiveness. Forgiving someone doesnt mean that we condone their behavior. The act of forgiveness takes place in our own mind. It really has nothing to do with the other person. The reality of true forgiveness lies in setting ourselves free from holding on to the pain. Its simply an act of releasing ourselves from the negative energy. Forgiveness doesnt mean allowing the painful behaviors or actions of another to continue in your life. Sometimes, forgiveness means letting go. You forgive them and release them. Taking a stand and setting healthy boundaries are often the most loving things you can donot only for yourself, but for the other person as well. Lousie Hay You Can Heal Your Life What is the Purpose of Setting Healthy Personal Boundaries? The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us. A first step is starting to know that we have a right to protect and defend ourselves. That we not only have the right, but the duty, to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us. http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm To help a client discover what kind of boundaries they have and if they are working for them a coach could ask questions like this.
How would you describe the health of your relationships? Do you know where others end and you begin? What are you saying no to? What are you say yes to? What toll is this taking? What is the result you wish to create? The client now has an awareness of their boundaries and with the coaches help can put an action plan into place to create the desired results. Taking Risks by Setting Boundaries: It can be a scary feeling when trying to set healthy boundaries. When one stands up for what they believe in and value and puts this into practice many people react unfavorably, but taking the risk is well worth the effort. You are unique, gifted and special. Its time that you started believing in yourself and standing up for your values. You need to learn to let go of the outcome and learn to accept the situation however it unfolds. Its not the experience thats important, its how you move through it. Many people that you considered friends will fall away. If that happens, thats okay for they did not have your best interests at heart or they came into your life for a short time to bring an awareness about yourself that you wanted to know. In order to attract good friends, one must learn to appreciate and value your own friendship with yourself.
Tips for Setting Boundaries: 1. Know how you expect to be treated, and be clear about it to others. Many of us have been trained not to make demands or state our own wants when dealing with others. But consider this: How much easier would your day be if everyone you dealt with was completely up front with how they preferred to be treated and where their boundaries are. 2. Dont feel you have to offer explanations for your boundaries. When you set a boundary or refuse a request, you are under no obligation to explain yourself. Youre an adult, and adults give each other the respect of assuming they have good reasons for their actions. In fact, those who do require explanations often do so solely for the purpose of trying to shoot them down. Offering explanations gives the impression that you feel your boundaries and preferences are insufficient to stand on their own. Dont short change yourselfstate your case, stand by your requests and dont let others try to argue you out of your own best interests. 3. Be respectful, thoughtful and responsible when setting boundaries. It would be disrespectful to demand to be treated like a princess at
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work, no matter what title or standing. Likewise, its completely inappropriate to require others to address you by your full title at all times simply as a way of reminding them whos the boss. On the other hand, its irresponsible and unprofessional to stay quiet about potential boundary issues at work and then wind up too overbooked to properly do your job. In personal relationships, make sure you dont set boundaries simply as a way to get special treatment, or to get out of your share of responsibilities. On the other hand, its not fair to others in any relationship to let a lack of boundaries create tension, resentment and other problems. 4. If you want others to respect your boundaries, you must respect theirs, even if you dont agree with them. If your boundaries happen to be incompatible, you must either find a way of working around those issues, or figure out some compromise that will work for you both. But its not fair to ask one person to give up their boundaries in deference to anothers unless the situation is critical and theres no other way to resolve it. In that case, you should take the first opportunity to allow the person who gave in a chance to be recognized and rewarded for their generosity in a way thats meaningful to them.
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5. Be proactive when dealing with other peoples boundaries. If you are unsure where anothers boundaries lie, take the initiative and ask. In a business situation, you can start by asking how the other person prefers to be addressed or how they prefer to receive communications. In personal settings, you can start by laying out likes, dislikes and other personal idiosyncrasies. In either case, most people will appreciate the opportunity to make their needs clear and reciprocate in kind. These steps will help you become more comfortable setting personal and professional boundaries, and with expressing those boundaries to others.
http://www.slowdownfast.com/tips-for-setting-boundaries-in-your-life-and-work/ David B Bohl
Conclusion By taking the time to know oneself and identify your values you have the power to change your world. It gives you a starting point that enables you to align yourself with your values. Now you can set goals and create action plans that will lead you to success in any key area you choose. Being true to yourself gives you the courage and the freedom to set healthy boundaries, enabling you to live a life of balance and harmony full of truth and happiness. By identifying your values and setting healthy boundaries you
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have created a happier and more fulfilling life.
References Bohl David, B Burney, Robert http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm Coach Lee available online at www.coachlee.com Evans, Melanie available online at www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/setting-boundaries.htm Hay Louise You Can Heal Your Life Carlsbad, Ca Hay House Ratzenberger John Roteach Milton (1973) Palvina Steve Appendix A Exercise Do Your Boundaries Need Work? How capable are you of keeping the good in and the bad out? Ask yourself - do you: 1. Struggle to have your own preferences. For example when asked what do you want to eat tonight? do you say I dont care whatever you want?
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2. Burn up emotional energy on things outside of your control? 3. Allow others to intimidate you without speaking up? 4. Ignore your own uncomfortable feelings and try to fix or change other peoples uncomfortable feelings? 5. Say "Yes" to people and situations because its easier? 6. Feel guilty when trying to say "No"? 7. Let misunderstandings pass you by hoping for the best? 8. Have trouble accepting support and gifts? 9. Tell people what they want to hear rather than speaking the truth? 10. Tolerate aspects of your life that you know dont match your values? 11. Fix other peoples problems for them regardless of feeling
uncomfortable? 12. 13. losing Take the blame for other peoples problems? Put up with certain peoples behavior because you are scared of
their affection or approval? 14. 15. 16. and/or Put up with a job because you are scared of losing security? Say "Yes" because you are fearful of disapproval? Have a high tolerance for inapplicable situations and people,
Fight and hook into inapplicable situations and people? 17. for Have individuals in your life who arent taking responsibility
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themselves who you feel responsible for? 18. 19. 20. what Often feel depressed, exhausted and unsupported? Have trouble speaking up and asking for support? Find it difficult to identify who you are, what you stand for and
you' will and wont tolerate and back it up with courage and action? 21. 22. Attract rude, arrogant and manipulative people? Attract criticism, persecution and lack of support?
23. Often feel like you are overly sensitive to other peoples energy and
tend to take on their stuff'?
Results 18 or over: If you have said "Yes" to this many of the questions, you have severe boundary dysfunction. You have a condition known as reverse boundaries. You are saying "Yes" to the bad, and "No" to the good. You have little sense of who you are and have in fact taken on who everyone else is. You are constantly getting enmeshed and controlled by life and people outside of you and have very little awareness of how to be empowered and navigate your life. Quanta Freedom Healing work is strongly suggested as you have many internal less than beliefs creating this disempowerment. Self-mastery training is also necessary. You are suffering
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grave lack of self-esteem and depression as a result of the breaches 14-17: You have limited ability to create an empowered life. It is difficult to attach yourself to the work and goals that are meaningful for you. You feel controlled by life and other people and are putting up with many aspects that feel uncomfortable and even overwhelming. Self-work is necessary to correct the problems. 6-13: Even though you do have the ability to say "No" to certain areas of your life, there are still times when you give in to keep the peace. Learn to be more assertive and definite. 3-5: You have the ability to honor yourself and create an empowered life. There is however, still room for improvement! 0-2: Youre a powerful person who knows how to set boundaries and honor yourself. Youre a great example who facilitates good boundary awareness and empowerment for others. Keep up the great work!
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/setting-boundaries.htm
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Research Paper Assessment Name: Susan Smith Date: October 17 2012 Student ID: 26011 Email: coachsusan27@gmail.

have created a happier and more fulfilling life.

tend to take on their stuff'?

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