My Summaries For Effective Living PDF

My Summaries For EFFECTIVE LIVING
My Summaries For Effective Living
Dedicated to Moore and Dainty
Contents Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Worry Regret Trial Weakness Wealth Creation The failures opinion Self-Effacement The Art of listening Leadership Influence Solitude Time Management Contentment Courage Disability Covetousness Humor
Pages 5 9 13 17 22 26 30 32 35 40 45 48 52 56 59 62 65
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Foreword The whole content of this material has been designed to help you succeed and improved on every area of life. The manuscript uses simple, straight forward approach to address everyday matter in a manner that it enables you define your life goals and designate tools that makes you become more useful. Every page covered is a step towards discovering purpose and challenging yourself to becoming the best. This summarized discourse contains seventeen areas of life which have been deliberately selected to help you improve your day-to-day performances.
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Chapter 1
Worry
If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying? - Benjamin Franklin (American President) Show me a man who never worried, and Ill show you a man who never had a vision. Many times, the doubts and confusion attached to our dreams can be nerve wrecking and upsetting to the extent it unsettles our emotional stability. Worry is the difference between what we all want and our identified limitations. It is not as if our inability to get what we desire in the immediate is a weakness as sometimes as it may appear, but usually our unwillingness to delay gratification and accept the immediate condition as a passing phase causes us the much needless apprehension. Worry can sometimes be a support mechanism if it stirs us towards a graceful end, but to allow it make us a self-destruct enemy of our own destiny is grossly unacceptable. If success eludes a man continuously on any pursuit, he is never expected to be relaxed on such quest. Worry in such instances jolt us, unsettles us and make us lose leniency on such elusive cause. Yet, anxiety is no ready substitute to achieve a set pursuit. The disquiet that we feel is a pull that is capable of pushing anyone out of complacence. This pull can singly be likened to a sparring partner that helps a boxer get into shape for the real match. A man once wanted an apple and so he went out for one. Fortunately, he gets to an orchard where he found an apple tree. Surprisingly he became worried about climbing the tree that he sat at the foot of the tree. He kept complaining and sobbing under the apple tree while a passer-by came along and plucked a couple. Knowing the mans limitations, the stranger gave the man an apple from his bunch. The man unassumingly collected the apple. Shockingly, he was worried about where to start eating his apple so that he gets all the sweetness from every bit! Now that is the condition of many, they keep grappling with worry even after they get what they want. When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere Francois De la Rochefoucauld Sir Winston Churchill has all the excuses in the world to be as worried as any other during the Nazi invasion of Europe. As a matter of fact, his defeat could have gone down in history as one that can be pardoned. Nonetheless few men in the timeline of history would go on to match, not to talk of surpassing his courage. Winston exercised a bravery that would later on reverse the outcome of the war. Rather than entertain worry he employed courage; with unflinching determination he defied all the Nazis attack and went on to secure and regain the territories of England.
At a time when the entire territories of Europe were jittery, the British bulldog as he was called, summoned courage and almost single handedly launched the lifeboat that sail Europe out of the hades of Hitlers brutality. Perhaps, the worries of Winston were not as evasive as it may have appeared. On March 1946, at Fulton, He expressed his worries for the threat of communism when he declared, There is nothing (the Russian) admired so much as strength, and there is nothing for which they have less respect than weakness, especially military weaknessif the Western democracies stand together in strict adherence to the principles of the United Nations charter, their influence for furthering these principles will be immense and no one is likely to molest them. If, however they become divided or falter in their duty and if these all important years are allowed to slip away- then indeed catastrophe may overwhelm us all. Winston stood an imposing pillar of solidarity for the entire Europe till the menace of communism and Nazism was checkmated. This heroic display of courage transverse the anarchy that could have swallowed the whole of Europe and made Winston Churchill a revered statesman- this kind of rousing panic as expressed by Winston I beseech you to get! Any sort of worry that cannot push a man to pursue a life beyond the walls of anxiety will end him up in depression! Worry as generally perceived is a state of confusion, a condition where the mind is void of direction, where a man is lost in decision, a blank purpose. A scenario of perplexed dimness where a positive outcome is in doubt! Worry is a tool and can only hurt you if you wield it wrongfully. As an instrument that it is, worry is the subject of an expected unfavourable outcome. Yet, the onus is on you to determine what you do with an outcome that bothers you. Remember also, that our perception of a particular outcome has an overriding influence on how we choose to feel about it. You have the power to determine and decide with single mindedness what you do with what you perceived as unfavourable. Overtime, we have all been conditioned to think that when the greater portion of an outcome, position, situation or condition does not suit our expected outcome, then it is negative, disparaging and undesirable! Nonetheless, no single situation or condition forms itself, everything is the subject of interaction. Except you underestimate the process that have produced an outcome or perhaps you wrongfully adjudged the final result, you might deform the opportunity to build a stronger personality through an oddity. Nobody had succeeded in solving a non-existent challenge. Ask questions; someone already has experienced same situation, undergone the same level of confusion and yet triumphed over the condition when they found the courage to fight back. They are definitely in a more refined situation to help you. Such person(s) have been to where you have not been, seen what you have not seen and have a fairer, more objective view of the situation and experiences that qualifies them to be your teacher. Be flexible to learn; be willing and ready to change your opinion once a superior view beckons. The people who are fond of sticking doggedly to a situation they hardly have sound knowledge, are prone to misery. Do you live close to anyone who is doting of saying I dont change my mind! or it is difficult for me to change my mind? there is no better field for unhappiness to flourish than such minds. There are rich treasures in the lessons you grab from the dynamism of others.
Here are few tips on how you can handle the pressing need to worry. 1. Why Worry about nothing Dont worry about what you cannot change. It is useless to worry about certain natural outcomeschanges in weather condition and natural disasters do not need anybodys worry, only our preparedness. So rather than worry about the rains or earthquakes, prepare for them. Learn to accept the inevitable, you may not be able to control what is happening around you, but you sure can control what is happening within you. William James handed the succour, Be willing to have it so, acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune. The future is not evasive, it will come when it will come, and you can only learn to prepare for the outcome you anticipate. Therefore, you must learn to worry less about the future. 2. Plan ahead You must have been acquainted with the maxim, People who fail to plan, plan to fail The only unknown reason why someone will choose not to live beyond past failures is evidenced in the fact that they are actually not planning for a better future or they think one does not exist. Yesterday is usually the best part in the life of a pessimist, only optimists expect/await a better life. There is no way a future you did not plan for will not bother you. Live beyond past mistakes, quit the blame game, take responsibilities, put your future in your hand; nobody can help you handle it better. If you plan the life of your dreams, it does not matter how small you start, there is every hope, assurance and prospect of growing big, but you will never grow unless you start. The egg that was never laid will never hatch in as much as how a baby that was never conceived is never delivered. 3. Accept/Admit outcomes Have you ever failed a task and you everlastingly blame yourself? Accept the outcome and move on. Worry stays, abides and resides with the man who refuses to let go of his guilt. Worry would have killed the hope of light bulb if Thomas Edison has chosen to dwell on the guilt of 9,999 setbacks rather than just take his chance with one more remaining outcome. Today, the world is a proud consumer of the incandescent light bulbs because a man refuses to be discouraged by negative outcomes. When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do about it- 1. Admit it 2. Learn from it 3. Dont repeat it Paul Bryant. There had never been any time that it is advisable to stay permanently in the ravine of guilt. Teach me neither to cry for the moon nor over spilled milk King George V Zig Ziglar further adviced, Admitting a mistake is a beginning, correcting it is a step forward, following through is a success.
4. Control yourself Worry is a sign you have lost the grip on your emotional balance. It is not impossible for you to do silly things with an outraged emotion. Some of the people who are most inflicted with worries in the world are individuals who easily lose their composure. Worst still they are also inclined to regret their indiscretion. Most often than not, your outbursts are uncalled for, remember the world is still trying to cope with your smiles, dont aggravate their suspicion with irritations. He who gains victory over other men is strong, but he who gains victory over himself is all powerful Lao-Tzu. 5. Feel good about yourself One of the few things nobody can do for you is your feeling good. Beam with optimism, glow with cheers, bring sunshine into every contact. Make good use of yourself by making yourself favourable to human disposition. Most times, the rewards of inner freedom are not quite feasible until it inspires others. You have no time to worry when all you spread is hope, courage, vivacity and affability. If you dont feel good about yourself, you will have a limited capacity to believe in others.- Zig Ziglar It is difficult to trust anyone if it does not first reside within you. Take a stand on worry today, let it inspire you rather than destroy you.
Chapter 2
Regret
Our repentance is not so much regret for the ill we have done as fear of the ill that may happen to us in consequence.- Francois del la Rochefoucauld Proof indicating that a man is growing is his unreserved ability to learn. When a man stops learning he ceases to grow. Learning is evidence that we need to know more than we already do. How does a man come to appreciate knowledge if past experiences are not painful enough for him to seek leverage for comfort? Like worry, regret is a state of the mind. It is an emotion that is vested on us as a result of perceived inadequacies, weaknesses, wrong doing or inefficiency. It is a feeling of distress over a perceived wrong choice. If you have ever regarded any action as regrettable, you will understand the extent of remorse that accompanies such feelings. A mother watches silently as her daughter slowly gives up the ghost in her arms after ingesting an overdose of anodyne. Unwilling to be entreated and although she admits her negligence, her groaning under the weight of guilt also did not help her mental state..weeks after, she ended up in a psychiatry! It is not bad to admit our failure, setbacks and inadequacies; as a matter of fact, it is healthy, what is unacceptable is to eternally confine ourselves in the prison of guilt. Sometimes an uncontrolled remorse makes us accept responsibility for what we did not cause or circumstances that far outweighs our immediate controls. O era cera is not just a surface maxim, it is a saying that indeed affects almost the core of our lives whether we believe it or not. What will be, will be; regardless our capacity, intelligence and talent to control the circumstance. As not to appear to playing the devils advocate for certain preventable human errors, carelessness or sloppiness, man must be alert to make his life a blessing rather than a burden. As unforeseen or unexpected as some circumstance appears, you can still reduce the impact if certain precautionary measures are put in place. Regret will in most case be averted if the human actions or inactions are properly reviewed before advancing a cause. At least no one needs forgiveness who has committed no wrong. Penitence is a sign that you know better and you are willing to live beyond the mistakes of the past. It is dismal considering how many people expresses regret over same matter over and again. What does this tell you? It means they are yet to learn from same situation that has brought them to their knees. And as expected, life keeps echoing same circumstance until they are not only eager to learn, but they are subdued not to repeat same dysfunction. The heartache, blues and exhaustion attached to guilt are schemes structured by nature to enable men learn from pain. 9
Pain is a constraint and expected to deter the repetition of an improper action. Regret is expected to be a cleansing; a striking retribution that is expected to caution and curtail unscrupulous acts. Regret always turns out as the poor judgment of pain in consequence of pleasure. Three reasons avails why people fail to honestly appropriate the repercussions of an intended action- ignorance, pride and vengeance. A faulty decision which results in an action or inaction often results in regret. Ignorance is at the root of most regret (in the least, if you know better, you will do everything possible to prevent an impending but avoidable pain).The damage resulting from pride and vengeance make the cramp of regret sink even more! Denial is another major culprit of regret. If a student refuses to admit his ignorance over a particular topic or an employee his naivety of a task; it is only a matter of time, the selfdenial may cost the student good grades and the employee his job. Both are prone to regretting their actions! Not everythings perfect, especially in the beginning. And its all right to have a little bit of regret every once in a while. Its when you feel it all the time and cant do anything about itthats when you get into trouble Sarah Dessen, Lock and Key The word, regret is flippantly used every day. In our religious places, in business establishments, in our academic institutions, in our homes, everywhere and anywhere you turn to, you see men and women exchange the word regret. People regret their marital vows, regret a business contract and regret staying in relationships with dubious friends. There is usually a portion of life that we hope could just have been better. We have all made certain mistakes; things that we are not proud of, but if we have no faults of our own, we would in a better condition to condemn others. However grave your misdemeanor, blunder or crime be assured that forgiveness has a place in every wrong doing. I am convinced that I have not erred in affirming so. Forgiveness only subsists only so long as guilt exists. Remorse is a biological mechanism set in place to humble men, it gives us the opportunity to re-evaluate, re-assess and re-adjust, to think clearer over an infringement, restore compassion and reinstate the human face that was afore supplanted by a part of us that was too quick, too weak to avoid imprudence. There is a tremendous sense of relief, freshness and health that flow in the mind when it is severed from the burden of guilt. Dont you see the smile that crescent the cheek of buddies who absolve of each others mistake? Even leaders wear a reassuring glare when followers forgive their misconduct. Following Monica Lewinskys ungodly affair with President Clinton and the widespread disparage that ensued, the personality of the president suffered injurious dents which nearly caused the president his job. Admitting his misconduct after months of legal battles and impeachment threats, President Clinton declared,
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Indeed, I did have a relationship with Ms. Lewinsky that was not appropriate. In fact, it was wrong.I know that my public comments and my silence about this matter gave a false impression. I misled people, including even my wife. I deeply regret that. Thankfully, the litigation was quashed, the American public forgave President Clinton and everyone smiled afterwards. How to Handle Regrets 1. Admit, dont deny Barring your ego, popularity, background, upbringing, fortune; you must admit the wrong- No excuses. You will only cause yourself more embarrassment trying to hide from your slip-up. You must be aware that, there is nothing more important than for you to regain your dignity. Be assured that denial will not rescue your humiliation. You cannot continue to bear the weight of guilt- so admit. Be reassured that we all have a privacy for which we are all responsible regardless of refutations. Genuine contrition is not bare of admittance. On the Clinton-Lewinsky saga, Charles Jones, a former president of American Political Science Association said, To be forgiven, more than sorrow is required, at least two more things, (is required); first, genuine repentance, a determination to change and to repair breaches .second, what my bible calls a broken spirit, an understanding that I must have Gods help to be the person that I want to be. 2. Get a confidant Your wrongs are open, whether you are conscious of it or not. The only panacea for any secret is for it not to leak. So once an arbitrary act that impugns your character is committed, you need to get a confidant- someone you can trust; a friend, a family, a mentor, your spouse or a colleague that is trusted to help without the fear of betrayal. Someone whose opinion you respect and you are convinced will be willing to offer the much needed help. You must be wary of distrust otherwise you will not confide in anyone. Be willing to let someone who cares share and help you overcome the feeling of guilt. You can always lean on the intelligence, encouragement and counsel of trusted persons on your way out of culpabilities. 3. Join an anonymous group You are not alone in your confinement. If you go out there, you will be shocked at many other people who bear same burden as you do. People are more disposed to seek help from others who have same experience as they do and are steadily overcoming it. So, dont just stick around a corner to beat yourself down over a condition for which help is available. Get information about institutions, facilities or groups that have special skills to help with earnest care and confidentiality. You are at liberty with such folks than with pretenders who will jeopardize the hopes of healing.
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4. Consult an expert Discuss your case with someone who has skilled expertise and training to help you. A psychologist, your pastor, a counselor, a therapist- just make sure you are in the safe hands of a helper who can assist. There is hardly any case of human endeavor where a professional is lacking, be it medicine, social, political, sports, entertainment, domestic, just to mention but a few. So help is always available to the man or woman who sincerely seeks. One thing about experts is that they are always willing to help, unless a victim is unwilling to help. 5. Be willing to change Follow through on the assistance, sessions, and medications etc. that have been provided for you to find healing. You must challenge yourself to live a life that is incorruptible, useful and inspiring. You must know that until and unless you make up your mind to be helped, no man can help you! You owe the primary responsibility to be honestly disposed to use the support that will be provided. Once you make up your mind, the first major barrier of distrust, suspicion, insecurity is broken. You cannot release yourself from the shackles of a life of regret with a complacent attitude. Let me also let you know that the consequences of your action may not be totally circumvented, but you will not be utterly consumed by it, if you find help early enough. 6. Seek divine assistance Beyond the human efforts is an unseen force that guides every visual existence. Whatever you believe it to be, you need God. Let me also assure you that, that is where you find the most pleasing and reassuring support in all times of needs. There is a measure for the serenity that comes after a communication with God. Pray over the toils of your guilt, your frustration and the need for a stronger character that can withstand the pressure of time. Every prayer is a request made on a superior power, being force that a man is sure can provide a greater, more suitable response. Reach out to that force for your answer. Assuredly, sorrow is better handled when God is involved; it takes God to row a boat without rocking it.
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Chapter 3
Trial
You can always tell when you are on the road to success- it is uphill all the way- Paul Harvey Rooted human outlook on life suggest that we are all to a certain level risk averse. Nobody prays for challenges, not even one. Even self-acclaimed daring-dos will avoid a necessary challenge if they could reach their pursuit without one! Yet, how can mankind reach the height of any known desired end, without a test. Whether in academics, sports, business or relationship there had hardly been any transition into any meaningful promotion without a test. In fact some of the most remarkable individuals in history are the subject of dire circumstances. Wars have given birth to heroes, no less as sports have given birth to champions. Men have survived epidemics that have plagued an entire region/race and overcome some of the most devastating congenital disease that human history has recorded. I once read this story about a psychologist who once quizzed his class with this story: A father had syphilis, the mother tuberculosis (TB). Both already had four children. The first is blind, the second had died, the third is deaf and the fourth also had TB! The mother is pregnant but the couples are willing to have an abortion, so they have come to you for expert advice. However, should you support their intension, the couples will accept wholeheartedly. What will you recommend? Well as expected, more than half of the class, suggested an abortion...Congratulations, the lecturer said, You have just taken the life of Beethoven. An unsettling condition (trial) can cause emotional upheavals and it can sometimes be confusing, illusionary and distractive however true it appears. Even respected professionals can make threatening blunders under such conditions! So no one is absolved of making certain unintended but rash decisions when they are confronted with perceived ruinous circumstances. A friends sister, Mrs. Jane Roland (not her real names) visited her doctor to complain of a lump in one of her breasts. After a routine test, the medic diagnoses her of breast cancer! She was devastated for weeks. She underwent series of chemotherapy and finally, the doctor suggested a surgery to sever the affected organ before the cancerous cells spread. Barely a week after the surgery was concluded, it was detected that what was established as cancer was a mere innocuous malignant in her breasts! Lo! The breast is irreplaceable. A disturbing condition may be real for all that is presumed to be, and initial panics may the excused, but to allow such terror overwhelm the human spirit is unacceptable. The human spirit is like a conga (a drum), not much is made of it, until it is thumped. The gem cannot be polished without friction nor man perfected without trials (Chinese proverb).
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The best is extracted from us all when pressure stares us in the face. When we are apparently at a loss of choice and the only possible reality is to fight back against a possible odd that is when our best effort thaws. We barely fully exploit our potential in convenience and comfy. Challenges are orchestrated by nature to strain us and get the best out of seemingly painful conditions. Can you please just imagine your life without a challenge? Oh! You think it will be blissful and all ecstasy. You are wrong! Let me tell you what I think we would have; civilization and culture will have to tolerate a vicious monster. In other words, you would have become a frightening outlaw for our world. If nothing has ever tampered with your willpower, if you have all you want without lifting an arm, if life bestow on you all the luxury you desire without sweat, how will you ever be human, meek and humble enough to feel for others? How would we as a race task the cells in our brains to invent and innovate were it not for obstacles? I bet the creative nature of the human race will be dead upon arrival! Some part of nature was bare of certain occupation, waiting for human ingenuity. The skies were left plain for man to conjure flight, the deep sea was left open for us to conquer with massive vessels, and the space was left uncluttered for our adventurous visit. Our excellent spirit will but waste for wants of use, our brains will become soggy and our organs will sag and we will be wiped out! Nature expects us to exercise our inborn, innate abilities. These abilities cannot be drilled without certain level of austerity and ache. In us all is the ability to overcome any circumstance. Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved.- Helen Keller Our world was once awashed with the knowledge that no man can run a mile in four (4) minutes. Even respected experts agreed. Perhaps, the fact that the information was widely circulated by physiologists further corroborated the impression. The possibility dimmed as sportsmen failed with repeated attempts. If any, achieving the feat became vague and there was little courage left to defy the thinking. May be science was right; there was no one who is prepared enough to refute the claim. Sport doctors have claimed that the human body is simply incapable of such unbelievable performance. The reigning conventional wisdom was that the human lungs could not process enough oxygen to sustain the effort; they will burst under the strain, as would the heart! Dreadfully, it was further claimed that the bones would fracture, joints will rupture, muscles will ruin, ligaments and tendons would tear and fail under trying to achieve such perplexing stress and strains. Tragically, facts are not truths, and facts are sometimes capable of creating a wild mental bloc. In fact the trillionth part of information that is incorrect can make an entire fact a lie! A human being running a mile under four minutes was just not possible-A mental bloc.
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May 6, 1954 in Oxford, England, a young medical student named Roger Bannister broke the jinx! He ran a mile in 3minutes 59.4seconds. Bannister broke the mental bloc, he refuted the widespread appeal that limits many- He conquered the likely invincible. Few people know that Edmund Hillary is not the leader of the expedition to conquer Mount EverestBaron John Hunt was. When the first attempt failed, at a press conference that was well attended, Edmund was reported to have stood before the hanging frame of Everest and asserted, You have grown all you can, you cannot grow any further, but I am still growing. On the 29 th May, 1953, at 11.30am Edmund Hillary mounted earths highest point; Everest in the Himalayas was conquered. Every red flag situation is awaiting our ingenuity, our prowess, our disputations, our fearlessness, our faith. Every circumstance have its breakpoints, like every other thing they have limits; they just await the few who are willing to go the full hog. Nobody said it was going to be easy, no one has claimed it is not going to be sweaty, demanding and really distressing, but no one also say you cannot win. If you think you can, you are right, if you think you cannot, you are right Henry Ford. After Bannister, a lot more other people have crossed the rope of a mile mark under 4 minutes. After Edmund, a lot more have repeated the feat of conquering Everest. Many who thought both situations cannot be succumbed now know better. Our world just sometimes awaits a pioneer, someone who could afford all it takes to show the way. Edmund seems to know what other does not. He was aware that early in the morning you have a reserve of strength that could enable you secure victory at such height where oxygen level depletes the higher you go. While others on the expedition team were still resting at the feet of Everest, Edmund pushed himself early in the morning to stir a rebellion against Mt. Everest. In the press conference that follows the victory, Edmund said, We did not conquer the mountain, we conquered ourselves. A flip-flop in attitude, in personality, in approach, in motivation cost us most victory. A poor perception, a weak spirit, a vague focus, hazy organization just twists the desired outcome out of our reach. Until we make up our mind to overcome the self within, elements without will continue to rule us. There is no greater victory that is as edifying as those we register against our self-doubts. Our inability to break perceived status quo is majorly attributed to resist what we despise, abhor and loathe. You can never live above what you are contented with; you can never live above your excuses. Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict - William Ellery Channing Sadly, most men stopped trying during trying times. The difference between those who will finally succeed and those who will not, is the staying power the former depicts when all surrounding conditions seem swallowed with the breath of affliction.
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Have you ever watched an Olympic sailing competition? In the race, each sailor glides and navigates pass outrageous and sometimes nail biting winds. Each holds the rudder with a firm grip, bellowing and bawling with blurred focus as the current tries to beat their boat off course, yet in synchronized fashion the sailor pulls and push against the fierce currents that rage continuously in diverse directions. In calculated harmony, the sailor skates over the undulating waters, he may slip many times, but he holds on. Battling forcefully against the aggression of the sea, he roars and chants words of courage, he refuses to be scuttled by the violence that is pushed against him less he wastes his chances. The waters may beat his boat and unsettle his course as to steer him away off victory but the sailor as many times as possible recoils. The sailor holds the mast in place to regain support even from the wind that stirs against his course. On and on the sailor races, his cowering fist may become stony, his body may gradually start to give way, and his breath may narrowly snap at intervals, his pulse may pound but he holds on not willing to capsize. Everyone crosses the line with their heads high. Although, one sailor wins the race; but for me, each contestant is a winner irrespective of the time they returned. Such undying spirit I bid you to array during trying times. Challenge makes you strong by exercising your creative, mental and emotional muscles. Challenge tones your intuition and imagination, exercises your desire, puts mass on your positive beliefs, trims your fat- fears, adds definition and articulation to your attitudes. Challenges are the free weight you use to build your body of successes- Peter Hirsch. Never let a trial break you, let it make you, dont let it despoil you, let it uphold you, dont let it make you bitter, let it make you better, dont let it knock you out, let it get you up. An ordeal prepares you for the best and no one qualifies more for the best more than you do.
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Chapter 4
Weakness
Glass, china and reputation are easily cracked and never well mended Benjamin Franklin Most of the crippling, wrong, negative habits are the result of idle excuses. We all have at a time made away with excuses and because it easily passes for a temporary ease, it serves as a thoroughfare from taking responsibility. I cant in fact remember how many excuses I made growing up! Idleness is a major factor for most known poor living patterns. The apathy to positively engage in constructive activities wears self-morals and reinforces bad character. Insidiously, the vulnerability to compromise values builds up in a subtle and faint fashion that we are most unconscious of how our ethics have begun to wear! We hardly recognize the fact that we are gradually sinking into selfindulgence because of the way it mostly appears. It appears as a break, a respite, a recreation, a breather and before long we slide into acts we are not so proud of. Often such unguarded acts make us procrastinate high level priorities so that we can opt for low end mundane activities, hang out with friends who hardly add value to us, become a couch potato, watch despicable movies, indulge in obscene and indecent acts; all of which ultimately lands us in humiliation, indignity and ignominy. Indeed, the idle mind is the devils workshop. For want of reluctance people build the tendency for bad habits. The flair and the level of indulgence exercised make such flaws nearly inborn. Virtually, no habit-good or bad, is inborn any more than it is learnt. According to psychologists, men have the capacity to unlearn whatsoever that is learnt. The human mind is fallow and fertile; it is prone to accept whatsoever it receives from its senses and predisposed to replicating it. In order words, the human mind is highly receptive and can learn fast, especially when the subject matter is appealing to the senses. We are most unsuspicious of our frail conducts; really they appear unassuming and spread their tentacles gradually and fledge inoffensively until we can no longer control them! Lets take wrong habits as a weed. A weed is a plant, it has its own benefits and thus it is useful. What makes a weed inappropriate is that it grows where it is not desired. Simply put, an eggplant that sprouts on the nursery specifically prepared for cowpeas is a weed! Does that takes the potency, use and the importance of the eggplant away? Oh NO! It is just that the status of the eggplant changed for growing where it is not wanted. If it is allowed to fledge, the eggplant is capable of crowding out the principal plant (i.e. the cowpeas). The features that may be necessary for the eggplant to thrive may not be appropriate for growing on the cowpeas nursery; hence, it is capable of harming the cowpeas regardless of its significance. The farmer by principle is expected to uproot the weed (i.e. the eggplant) so as to prevent it from affecting his expected productivity (cowpea yields).
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Watching TV is not bad, but watching TV when you should be reading to prepare for an exam or business presentation is bad. Therefore, watching TV can be taken as the weed (the eggplant) and the cowpeas (the exam or the business presentation) which can affect your productivity (good grades or excellent business pitch). As the farmer, you are expected to deal with every act that seeks to stunt your productivity- you must remove the weeds before they crowd out your expected outcome. Living a more productive life requires that you uproot destructive attitudes. Remember, whatsoever you can see, hear, touch, taste, smell have great influence on your mind. The mind is capable of accepting, believing, trusting and duplicating what is passed on to it from the sense organs. The chain smoker has only succeeded in luring his mind into believing it is impossible not to smoke; so the mind sends out flashes that trigger the seemingly irrepressible hunger to smoke. The human mind is cooperative and irrespective of the popular jingle that smokers are liable to die young the mind is not constrained from stirring the body to cooperate with the smoker when it is time to smoke. If you condition your mind that you cannot boost the quality of your performance without enhancing drugs- you are correct, the mind will cooperate and trigger your senses to become restless unless you take the drug. When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost Billy Graham The falsity of weak conducts is that they ordinarily appear enticing, luring, and juicy to ignore as opposed to building and reinforcing noble conducts. It is easy for the mind to settle for what appeals to it and indulge in any act that makes it feel at ease. Such attitude in a snap becomes second nature and indulgence becomes quite effortless. It is easy for the mind to reverse such attitude or conduct, but the decision does not operate in space. It entails sacrifice and to give up an appeal that can sometimes be reluctant. The human nature forbids anything that makes it want to give up any perceived enjoyment, however undesirable! Indeed a bad habit can so interestingly appear like an enjoyment however short-lived. We are all subconsciously made to believe we enjoy a deep sense of freedom when we give in to a habit that is not sustaining or supportive of our moral quest. Unfortunately such a habit exposes us to chronic infections, ailments, and social dysfunctions. We necessarily detest inconvenience and will essentially want to avoid any matter that could draw us closer to discomfort. Over the long haul, we treat issues relating to forgoing old inherently built habit as threats to convenience and we find ourselves stalked in same old fashion. Until willing, deliberate and committed steps are taken we are not any more secure in ourselves than we are in anyone who is ready to help us.
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We can choose to fight our weakness; we can deal with the uncleanness in our unconscious self. We have the capacity to erase self-imposed ill injunctions. Man is but a steel of power when he chooses to be so built. We can form new, purposeful, affirmative doctrines that make us live at peace with our inner self. It is a matter of choice; a choice that weighs the pains of sacrifice over the pleasure of indulgence. For a minute, figure out yourself; stand out of yourself as if you are standing aloof in a corner of the room looking down at the you that is reading this material. Look at the next 5-10years of your life with this weakness you presently struggle with. Assuming it is smoking; just imagine your soggy, all worn liver or kidney! Imagine your deteriorating state of health, imagine a TV charity campaign to raise money for your health recovery, imagine your spouse in the deep loss of not wanting to lose you..just imagine what this juicy pleasure could cost you. Then imagine the sacrifice (pain) of staying off cigarettes one stick at a time; imagine the new formed you in a healthy, happy self, fully optimizing every moment without those nauseating odour that your spouse have to put up with, imagine all that you have saved from discontinuing smoking going to charity and helping lives and contributing positively to humanity. Just imagine. What is built over time cannot be won overnight, therefore, you must put in place an awareness mechanism that consistently allows you to win, and however unhurried it appears. This step(s) must be measureable (i.e. it must be daily, weekly or monthly) and you must be aware that it is approximately what you can relate with. It may be a reward system; something like promising yourself that for every week I shun smoking, I will reward myself with a book that further reinforces my knack to desist from smoking. Be cautious and ensure that the new habit you want to create to replace the old is commensurate, so that the pleasure does not in any way overpower the pain. Also avoid the temptation of replacing a bad habit with another dodgy habit. For instance, you will not make any meaningful progress if you quit smoking and reward yourself with junk foods. When a condescending thought you have made up your mind to fight subtly want to resurface, you must revert to your defense mechanism. You must reinforce the new habit with discipline and not be daunted until the old can no longer lure you. The interesting thing is that this adjustment process can be fun, insightful and filled with new discoveries as you journey along. Be willing to catch the fun. The constructive journey to replace the old habit can also be a persistent self-assertion, pep- talks, meditations, a hike, sightseeing, unburdening to a trusted friend, talking to your counsellor, visiting an interesting game, going to the cinema etc. until the negatives phase out. Lets do an exercise, think of any habit you are not comfortable with. Stop reading for a minute to really thinkIm waiting. Good that you did; now take a pen, write it down, dont be reluctant. Be reassured that it is not quite as difficult as it may seem to build a new constructive habit. Now write in front of same habit the new habit you desire to form, and the possible reward(s) you will use as compensation(s).
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Under the old habit, write five possible short and long term consequences if you do not adjust and underneath the new desired habit, write five possible benefits if you adjust. Now nip it to where you can see it every day and make sure you live up to the willingness to change and as expected dont cheat yourself of the reward- it is important to reward yourself. The willingness to change might not at first be as strong as the impulses of the pleasure. Nevertheless, every victory is a sign of progress. Fight the disdainful feelings; make sure you stay afloat the hostilities of your weakness and defective conduct. Tips for adjustment 1. Solicit for appropriate support It is impossible for you to fix your health issues with an automobile engineer. It simply means you have to seek the support of qualified experts where necessary on areas of your life that is out of bound! Join support groups where you can freely share your story and find the much needed help. 2. Pick a measurable technique Not much progress is made if your success is not measurable. You should be able to state in clear term where you are today from where you are coming from in the scheme of things. Set selected measurable goals that are achievable in the process of wearing a new look. 3. Read helpful material As much as you dont have all the knowledge, If you think you do, youll not be where you are presently. Read from those who have seen what you want to see, listen to those who have been to where you want to be. Reading materials written by pundits, specialists and authorities is much like taking a special personal session with them and helping you to find the strength to overcome. 4. Avoid poisonous companies and substances Be wary of those who are not helpful in your process of defining your life- A company of fools always perish. Shun any and every substance-magazines, TV broadcasts, online resources that further thaws you into your old paths. Complete ignore people and materials that are destructive otherwise the battle is lost before the war began. 5. Be committed You lie loudest when you lie to yourself. Remain undeterred, unfettered, and faithful to every single obligation you desire to make. It is a sign that you have make up your mind to adjust, when you remain focused to live the kind of life you honestly desired.
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6. Reward yourself Your commitment is refreshed with every act of compensation. So if you score the right point on your weakness, pay yourself. Celebrate every victory, no matter how small. Just make sure you leave a mark that inspires you to repeat same constructive feat. Finally, the accent, the strength and the vigour of a bad habit are reinforced by repetition and fortunately, same is the story for the new habit(s) you desire. It makes your work easy. Also the same energy or force that is required and mustered to conduct unethically, same is required to act otherwise. So, why not channel your energy and focus from what is corrupt, unhealthy and diseased to acts that are honest, positive and beneficial. The consistent constant repetition of a good work only reinforces the performance of other associated acts.
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Chapter 5
Wealth Creation
Dont tell me where your priorities are. Show me where you spend your money and Ill tell you what they are. James w. Frick Wealth creation is much more like the creation story, if youre ever going to start; its got to be in your mind. The richest men kept the frame of affluence, capital assets, prosperity and material comfort hanging in their minds eye always. Regardless of current realities, they foresee what they want and they embark on the pursuit without looking back. On the other hand, so many of the poor men that Ive seen exercise their energy a lot more on soggy talks about money than acting on having it in abundance. They prophesy their future of lack, loss and wants. I can never have enough money is the root of all evil none has made a headway in my generation when it comes to money.on and on the poor man reveals this abhorrence for what he needs virtually the most. The plea to have more money is not place on talks. An emphasis on the evasive nature of money is distractive- it reveals the mindset of the victim. Obviously, that is why most people cant stop complaining of their want of money. Their mind is not set to possess it; it has been conditioned to abuse the process that brings money about. Its become a ritual for poor men to complain about the rich. So, how many genuine rich moguls do you complain of? Can you remember any? Ok...can you get a paper now? Can you endeavour to list their names? If you have followed this exercise, you need to redefine your perception about wealth. Be aware that when you hold an arbitrary assumption or grudge against a person or thing, you are most likely not going to build a positive, healthy thought about the person or thing. As most times, you blind yourself to people who made their wealth genuinely, judiciously and prudently sustains it by comparing them with those who are not quite as discreet- the perception you have formed overtime is a one size fit all view which have resulted in you passing scathing remarks about wealth and wealthy men. Certainly you need a social re-evaluation and re-conditioning when it comes to matters of money making. Logically, nothing is entirely bad unless no one benefits. Hope youve suddenly not forgotten that this material has provided you with some tips on poor character which was treated in the preceding chapter. Now will you let me be on your face for a minute and be as stern as I possibly can? The truth is; poverty is a habit- It is neither a curse nor an infection. It is built surreptitiously overtime to a point where it takes on auto pilot functions and becomes nearly effortless, involuntary, instinctive and natural. So akin to wealth, poverty is learnt. We are daily tested on poverty and each success is a daily fundamental transition into make beliefs that further lure us down the ladder of lack and want. Let me bring the message closer home, do you agree that saving is a habit built overtime? Do you know that investment is hardly spontaneous than it overtime becomes a habit? 22
But so are also liveried improvidence, profligacy and licentiousness. We all build them unconsciously and like strand of threads they warp continuously until they become a complex web and are not easily broken. If a man has worked 5years without a saving- for sure, hes living out his mindset. It is not because his income is not enough to spare a saving but because he has overtime formed the habit to spend more than he currently is capable of earning. Miserably, some even retire or are sacked without a pence in their bank account than the last take home settlements! The glib justification is usually, How on earth do you want me to save from this meager salary. Some have never in life even ventured into any sort of trade. They are quick to counter any form of appeal to diversify their income into a meaningful investment; such quips, My family will suffer if I invest any share of this crumb or I dont know how or what to invest in, my parent never did Moreover, we are all on the fast lane, when it comes to excuses. When you do what you fear most then you can do anything- Stephen Richards If you cannot save from a perceived meager earning, it is almost impossible to have anything to revert to on a rainy day. Savings and investments are sacrifices you make not to merely survive but to attain a level of freedom where you can financially contribute to society. Remember, nothing is quite as bad until no one benefits. The question is; who benefits from poverty? A wretch-like lifestyle is akin to a desert; always dry, with sheets of undulating dunes, infertile with severe level of attrition. Reclaiming your life from its current overbearing financial dissatisfaction depends largely on how long you can still endure and find reasons for lack! Once you come to the realization that financial lack is a devastating threat you are ready to break free. When you get to a point where the basic necessities of life do not threaten your lifestyle, you are indeed financially free. It means you have enough that your basic financial commitments can handle and thus the need for worry disappears at least on your financial outlook. Poverty as it is widely attributed to as the lack or want of money is short sighted, poverty relates to as many other aspects of the social core of the human race. Anyone who cannot mend his moral fabric is all together ethically impoverished. So does same applies to anyone who cannot fully knot the ends of his pennies and dollars, such are described as financially poor.
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Safety Tips on Investment; These are not in any way different from what you get from your local business journals or financial experts. The unfortunate thing is you never fully steadily continuously apply them for long before you fizzle. It will be of least effect to appeal to you to do anything about your financial life. If you consider it vital, then it can as well sum up as one of the most honourable thing to do. If you desire to restore your life, may be not instantly but at least gradually, may be not randomly but for sure systematically, you may be on your way to smile again. I hope you find these healthy tips constructive enough for use. The individual investor should act consistently as an investor and not as a speculator. This means that he should be able to justify every purchase he makes and each price he pays by impersonal, objective reasoning that satisfies him that he is getting more than his moneys worth for his purchase- Benjamin Graham Consider the following tips 1. Save However small, save. Saving is what you do for contingencies; be it on the basis of commercial transactions or other related risk or uncertainties. Emergencies do arise, however hard you hate it. Consider emergencies as battle and savings as one out of the many weapons you will need at the battlefront to outshine the many foes of financial shortfalls. Anyone who decline to prepare for a rainy day, will for a cert be drenched. Perhaps, you opined, my salary is meager! well, in view of this discussion, meager is relative and almost insignificant as against the question of priority. If you are not quite as open to saving as you are to spending, your priority is given already. Consult a financial expert who can guide you on the various saving option that can help you. The internet also has various open source platforms where you can beef up you financial intelligence as regards contingent options that reliably can suit your purse. It is plausible to save in order to invest rather than to consume, so you must decide ahead what constitute the headline of your saving interest. Commodities/Property option These day properties are assuming one of the most relevant cash source for interested investors. More and more people across the world are trying out various property options across varying choices. Your readiness to identify various investment corners that suit your personality and expression may determine your success rate. Many people today are also considering other options in commodities like gold, silver and other valuable iron properties that commands long standing value. With little from what you currently earn, you can pick up a trade selling clothing wares, amongst other lifestyle accessories both for corporate and casual outings. Indeed these are commercial activities you can take advantage of to hit some dramatic exploit in business and build your own empire of trade.
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3.
Forex and Stocks Like most other things in life, trading in shares has its own lurking risks and gains. If you possess a little more uncertainty than you are willing to bear and yet are convinced of trying out your chances in stocks, the most reasonable thing to do is to consult with an expert; stockbrokers are always a standing support you can rely on. They can always help you grow your investment, advice you on which stocks to buy and give you potent strategies of engaging the market for you to make your gains. These are valuable, worthwhile investment options that pay off both in the short and long term. The forex market is also becoming a fast means of earning for people who are open to risks. If you are the risk adverse person, you can turn to the thousands of fast growing young talents in that industry who are not only rich in information to teach you but also to trade on your behalf. Personal development Investment The question here should be; what are you adding to yourself? What latest knowledge do you possess that can give you a credible opportunity ahead of others? What value(s) do you intend to add to yourself going forward that makes you almost difficult to be displaced? All these require work and a smart drive. For you to possess a leading edge in any matter of life, you need to invest on your level of intelligence. What you know will feed you. If it requires learning a skill, take up your apprentice apron and enroll for one, if it requires you going back to school, what are you waiting for, make enquiries, it is time to learn. You must be willing to invest in books, somebody knows more about what you want to do and already wrote about it; it eases your advancements. So draft the level of skill that your pursuit requires and give it a timeline and a deadline. The man who is yet to be displaced has excellence in intelligence speaking for him.
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Your ability to build yourself will go a long way to determine your capacity to build others. Your ability to help others get as much of what they want only opens doors of better opportunities for you. Be well guided in all your investment options. Make sure where you exercise uncertainty or nervousness, you think and re-think time and again, consult experts specifically in the field or learn the art through time. Know for sure that if you can unknot your financial worries, most of your worries may just naturally ease off. So save your time, invest your money and your returns will remain ever-green. Quick Friendly Tips on your Finance Have a financial plan: A goal that is not set is hardly ever achieved. Be financially informed: What you do not know have a greater rule over you, so listen to and read from experts. Attend financial related seminars/workshops/conferences and get financial related resources. Place value of your money always: The extent to which you value your money, to that extent you plan. Be proactive: Think and act ahead of others, the cutting edge in modern trade is intelligence. 25
Chapter 6
The Failures Opinion

A failure is a man who blundered, but is not to cash in on the experiences- Elbert Hubbard Even an egg becomes hard as a rock to the inept! To put up a character that makes you appear lazy, inadequate and non-compliant for a task only worsen your chances for personal growth. Of a truth, it is virtue for a man to pick up his situation and polish it into the precious jewel he so desires. Lesser opportunities await such men who could not mend greater feat out of a chanced fate. To a failure, nothing works! There is rarely a fortune that is awaiting any man any more than that which he is capable of beating out of the crust of his ruins. Whatsoever a man can so imagine is gladly at his beckon call, if he will not relinquish his pursuit. We as an entity of life both make a success of our endeavours or we phut and retrogress. In the words of G.K Chesterton, he said, I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act, but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act. The man of weak character and inclinations will always complain at every given chance. No situation is going to be completely ever suitable or satisfactory. Complacency becomes a niche only for an honourable failure. The breakdown in the mind of people to desire more, to crave for more, to drive themselves more in the face of unpleasant odds are usually instrumental to defining their true identity. Hardly does a mans defining moment comes without pain and panic. The letdown of most lives is not in the amount of tragedies they face, not in the amount of wants they lack, not in the number of battles they have fought, but rather in their reluctance to defend themselves. Men rarely win the battle they never confront. Unfortunately, potential failures hardly complain about their wrong doing much as they frequently do about what they think is going wrong. There are usually lists of things that go wrong with a failing life. Lets touch on some of them. 1. Perception Nothing complicates the existence of a mans life as the complexities in his mental and psychological state. Perception determines realities. Peoples position, objectivities and judgment of a condition or situation arises from their perception. If your inward opinion of yourself is pathological, so shall also be your outward realities. Once a person begins to see himself as being too big to handle small things he consistently becomes too small to handle big things. Perfection arises from handling trifles. If you dwell and arrogate to yourself any position without equal responsibility to match, you are headed on a cause that may soon make mockery of your blunted wit. Where and when much is also expected from you given your expertise and you achieve less, your capacity to add value to self and others may soon begin to attenuate. 26
If you do not live up to the position you occupy, there is this growing, collective, natural distrust about your personality and capabilities. Hardly, can he live a life ever so full, a man whose judgments of self is deprived and glum. When childhood unmet expectations and experiences, social depressive conditions and poor selfestimation amongst other tense psychological factors have stolen from a man his self- belief, confidence and grit to eagerly prove himself worthy of a cause, he is soon swept into the cloudburst of pity. At that stage people who should follow you starts to mock you, pity you or rebel against you. Have you not observed as often as I have done that it is usually not the inadequacy of men that often out-play them much as their inability to employ their innate character strength in that corner where they gloriously may find victory howbeit slight. Whatever it takes for you to find your true self in the clouds of wandering illusions, with a diligence mixed with uncompromised purpose find that person and put that person to full use. 2. Indecision In similar fashion, does it hit you, how failures indeed lost count on the best time to truly start something worthwhile. Tomorrow is always quite brighter for the indolent. He feels there is a time that every act of nature will work in his favour without a piece trying to be reluctant. There is never be such a time when all the risks and uncertainties of life would have totally disappear unless in the imaginary paradise. The man who will make a difference makes up his mind before the situation hit him unaware. To hire frittered thought on a task that awaits your thoroughness is to waste the chance to become an uncommon hero. Indecision stretches certainty, empowers procrastination and expands the room for slothfulness. Be it today or tomorrow, the undecided fellow is categorically unsure of anything. He promises and fails, he strains and wails and he tries and cracks. He is left desponded on his own business. If you seek make your life become the light that it so is, you must be decided. The decisive man is strong in the face of instabilities, he might not be sure what the end holds, but he is so sure he will run his race bare of disgrace. The few men in the annals of history who have made a firm grip on their pursuit and showed good understanding of life are the ones, who find a way to be decisive. Make up your mind regardless of the pain and ugly debacles you will encounter. If everything were so good, so correct, so complete, there would have been a need for you. The common frailties, little imperfections, slight flaws and petty blots in our planet need you to be decisive. They need men and women who can make up their minds to make the expected change. They need people who can add value to creatures and creations. Your first assignment is to be able to make up your mind on worthy calls, thereafter act. Nothing extends worry as indecision. Eternally hanging on a decision and yet not lifting a finger leaves the fate of a mans endeavour miserable and pathetic.
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Decide whether or not the goal is worth the risk involved. If it is, stop worrying- Amelia Earhart 3. Complacency How much more evil can the lazy man cost himself? Lasting distress is one of it; shame and guilt awaits the indolent. You least regret your actions than your inactions; you learn if you fumble (actions), nothing is there to gain from passivity (inaction). What truly pains us the most are those things we could just have done and capable of doing that could make a lot of difference but we never attempted. This is nothing associated with the fear of disappointments but just sheer disregard for responsibility. To be rejected is better than to be irresponsible- men and God may find it difficult if we fail to act when it is most discerning. Sydney Harris counsels, Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time, it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. The sense of sudden fulfillment that greets the minds of men has made more failures of them than it has made success. The fatigue, the waste, the despair of never exploring or exploiting an area of potential success singly because of complacency is sometimes fatal; especially when the circumstance becomes irredeemable! To loathe your ability, to scorn your opportunities, to blame your misfortunes on others, to condemn your life, to berate your chances; are all evidences that you unwilling to take responsibilities for your existence. Daily passing through our lives are opportunities we should take advantage of; if it is a phone call, make it, if it is a business plan, write it, if it is an academic institution, attend it, if it is a character flaw, make amends; whatever it is required to be reached for you to arrive at the culminated of your dreams, do not wait or exercise complacence about it. Complacency is a demon you must never yield to. Even Michael Angelo on his death bed was noted for saying, I am still learning. Never get to a stage in your life when there is nothing more to look forward to, to yearn for, to explore, to pursue and to conquer. It is a sign of self-bewildering adventure when a man asserts, What more do I need? or What is left to be achieved? Such minds have merely come to the end of a road that has many bends waiting for their voyage. Beware; complacency is the beginning of slow death. 4. Fear Most of the ridiculous failures that I have met hide their rationale for not pressing-on on a certain fear(s). For example, some self-acclaimed perfectionist for fear of committing a mistake, end up making the greatest mistake of all- Never attempting. They gave up trying because they are skeptic! As such they wait to clear their skepticism(s) before they can sail the wild sea to an imagined fair coast. The presumptions of the worst possible outcome do not usually turn out as envisaged. To wait till all the tides clear before a fairy sail is attempted on the open sea is in itself unfair to the cause to which any such minds seek. Life lend itself fairly to every man in that you hardly transit to the next level until you proof you have learnt from it teachings. So life expects you to learn from mistakes not fear them. 28
Most of us forget too soon that past unsuccessful efforts are experiences for improved performances. A past that will not repeat itself is a past you have learnt from. A repetitive motion is a clear indication that something is not fully understood. 'Lord, deliver from the man who never makes a mistake, and also from the man who makes the same mistake twice.- Dr. William Mayo The essence of experience is not contained in what happens to you, it is chiefly what you are able to transform into through the process. Whenever a past experience halts its repetition, you have learnt and you can thence go and further more fulfilling endeavours with lesser anxiety. Nevertheless, if a repetitive situation stops you from going forward in life, take it, you are on your way to becoming the next in that corner of pursuit. I see no reason why you should make-up such rueful statistic. 5. Exiting too early A man who relinquished his dream before it could develop the wings to fly can be likened to a spectator who dashed out of a game before the eventual and long awaited goal was scored. Consider the pick axe; it sometimes cannot cut through some trees in a single strike. There are some battles meant for you to fight more than once before you win. It is a defeatist spirit to stop fighting before you are defeated. There is no such thing as failure for a man who never stopped trying, consistently finding new approach to tackling an old fuss. Until you are internally convinced that your hopes are dashed, the willingness to win never dies. Every triumph is borne out of a struggle. There are no insuperable conditions except the ones you breed in your consciousness. There is no failure except no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barriers save our own inherent weakness of purpose.- Ken Hubbard. There are seldom more worrisome conditions than seeing people who stopped trying during trying times. Coals will not become diamonds if pressure quits. When people give up all too soon, it becomes impossible for them to know how far they can actually go. No matter how far we have gone, it is always too early to quit! When potential failures place a limit on how far they can go, champions take the baton and go the full hog. Giving up is not an option where you can apply wisdom and where necessary making the needed adjustments for progress. Never fail for the farce that there is an ultimate end to any pursuit, where you lay down your feet another shall soon occupy and make a better feat. The power to stride, to continue to battle, to fight on, to lead a cause of conviction has not final rest. Life is ever an endless course; it is the responsibility of man to keep finding new routes.
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Chapter 7
Self-Effacement
The minute you start talking about what youre going to do if you lose, you has lost- George Schult There are times when emotional imbalance allows our action to flout our good intensions. Most people need serious lessons to enable them differentiate between the word humiliation and humility. When we violate our set principles, when we reprimand our ascending positive aims, when we reduce to more mere naught our gracefulness and rescind our power to be in charge of our earthly mandates we become uncannily powerless. In such instances the natural powers made available within us by a gracious creator is left unused. We leave the world no better choice than to abuse us, for same we have done to ourselves. The feature of low self-esteem is most pronounced in those who have made it habit to think that the positive contribution they can make to life is too small to be appreciated. Thus, the extent of their minutiae, to same is their action. They refuse to yield their full self to a world that is ever yearning for more from all. They are soon caught up in this scrawny thinking that results in wasteful assertions and limping excuses that entangles the bedrock of their innate capabilities. The vast list of people who never saw themselves worthy enough to write a book, sing a song, paint a desired masterpiece, complete a study programme, act on stage, participate in a competitive game, go back to school is endless and can some worth be inundating. The tragedy is that most of them are now six feet below us! There is always hope for the living and as such this resource is expected to help you find the courage and motivation to write your name boldly on the marble of legacy. It is hypocritical for a person to think others are better suited or more qualified for a position they have also long admired and desired. If you nursed the desire to become a doctor, none is better positioned to be than you are, unless you give in to your doubt. It only passes for dilettante to think taking pride in an ambition is extravagant. When it comes to making positive imparts to accentuate constructive attitude must never be relegated. To think the best way to shield yourself from envy is to achieve less, do less and act less then you have the nest of agony crested on your palms. Recall, men do not live with as much pain with their actions as they do with their inactions. The only thing that separates a man from where he is and where he aspires to be is what he is doing at the moment. To focus and take strategic actions no doubt separates the men from the boys. Action is critical to success as much as pregnancy is critical to childbirth. Nobody will get optimal result from any attempt he has given a divided attention. Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly- Robert F. Kennedy
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Those who had made great exploits from seemingly humbling circumstances, are the few who stride to the highest point of their aspirations as triumphant heroes and heroines. Michael Jordan was humbled but refused to be humiliated by the virtues of events surrounding his basketball career. He was not even considered a first choice player for his college team because of his height. His willpower turned a perhaps ball-boy to a super-dunk idol. MJ is today recognized as a measuring tape for any would-be basketball player. One of Nigerias fascinating and enigmatic billionaire, Jimoh Buraimoh- a versatile corporate guru, speaker, philanthropist and lawyer still speaks of his humbling beginning but this proud son of a bricklayer and pepper seller refused to let a discomfiting background make a mess of his vision. Albeit streaking scandals, he is today a yardstick for most wannabe Nigerian youth. If anyone should have an excuse to be effaced by the vicissitudes of life it should be Ronan Tenor. This rare tenor singer, doctor, and humorist could hardly be seen as a handicap each time he stands to dole out his performance to presidents, corporate moguls, amidst other audiences. Hardly would you know Ronans limbs are amputated due to an unhealthy condition he suffered during his childhood years. Ronan had since grew beyond the limitations of his disability and found a voice where many had long been silenced because of an unpleasant condition. It is unfortunate and less appealing to know that there are some people who could barely make a life without having to make an excuse or blame others for this misery- they make nothing more! There are least of most things that can take the place of effort; when you have given your true best and indeed there is nothing more to give, life will not deny you a faithful reward. Lets face it, you will least be ashamed of your self-acclaimed nature or nurture when you know the reason why you choose to keep a low profile (i.e. to be modest) is nothing related to your inadequacy. However, you will tarnish your opportunities for fame, recognition and acceptance when you exert the least expected energy to anything worth doing. You cannot predict the feat that will churn you into stardom. All that is priced and worth your attention requires your earnest, resolute courage and commitment; the reality of our expected outcomes sometime lurks in iotas. It is primitive to grease your capabilities (the volume of your innate power-talents, giftedness, deft) with the mediocrity of helplessness. Your condition is not quite as trodden or badly smitten as you qualify it. Virtue is beckoning on your prowess-give all you can, live up to expected performance; break the jinx of ill and plain crookedness. You might not have the best chance or the most fortuitous opportunity to prove your worth in an spiteful situation, but as wrong as you may perceive a situation compared to others, every situation only make you stronger with a deliberate commitment to triumph. Give your unreserved all, give your total best in the face of every condition you perceive as unsuitable and the end will justify your drive. We all always have more chances to make a difference everyday perhaps not with an effacing attitude. How many chances you notice will be determined by the level of your observance to the possibilities that lurk in oddities. 31
Chapter 8
The Art of Listening

Only say something that you already know, but when you listen you learn what someone else knowsAnon How little we count what we gain from listening. Have you ever taken cognizance of the wise? They listen than they do talk. The fellow who uses his ears much more than he does his gut seldom fall into trouble. We fall into unnecessary temptations easier than we could have with hasty comments. Listening to others has many benefits because it gives us the opportunity to hear other peoples content/contribution, weigh their objectivities before assertive conclusions could be made. There is no better way to learn more than to listen. When you listen you open your mind to free information that is capable of transforming your life, changing your thought and uplifting your spirit. Now, we should be more specific on what should make up the content and quality of what you should give a listening ear. The shocks of many lives are also not excluded of what they have given thought to listen to. If you lend your ears to fetish nonsense, your life may be converted into the dwelling of chaos. Apart from other things that may be capable of influencing your life, what you see and what you often hear has overwhelming powers over you. It truly matters what you open your ears to hear. If you listen more to rotten, messy, stale subjects, you are most likely to go trite and musty yourself. Nothing impairs a mans mind faster than quantum exposure to repulsive snarls. If you must improve in any field of expertise, there are three things you need to do; 1. LISTEN 2. LISTEN 3. LISTEN You must learn to listen to minds that have done with almost smooth finesse what you seek to achieve. Go to the people who already possess the treasure you seek earnestly. Sit at the feet of sage who have cherished truths about the knowledge you dare to have. The fastest way to access some of the richest information in the world is to hear from those who have made all the mistakes you seek to avoid and made all the success you desire to have. Your limitation is rarely the height of your hill but the amount of rich, qualitative, healthy information that makes the climbing less arduous and hazardous.
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Once a man is through with his leniency to listen to others who have better vouchsafe information than he sincerely does, he is indeed through with growing intelligently. The aversion to learn from a body that supersedes you is most glaring with the way you sometimes interrupt a conversation that is more or else make your knowledge appear inadequate. Such interruptions are akin to breaking the bony structure of the human body, how else do you expect it to stand? Seek first to listen and understand others before you seek to be understood. Silence is golden if it translates to your healthy mental, logical and emotional development. The silence you borne is not a blank option that further empties your character strength rather it is an option expected to further edify your wittiness, purpose and budding progress into a realistic future. Place a caveat of the kinds of remarks that you expose your mind to. The difference between the intelligent and the ignorant is the quality of information that comes to them daily. Listen more, hear more from sources that edifies you and comforts your spirit. A man will preserve his life more to the extent that he can wisely listen. Have you not noticed that you understand, care, appreciate or dissent people based on your assessment of their communication? There is no scene where crude, uncouth gullibility is exhibited than in a debate where parties are forcibly trying to make a point at same time. It is a sign they do not have respect or regards for each others stance. Friendliness is at its base during such raspberry. Be aware that everything you know is not important and you cannot know every important thing. This is the more reason why you must seek to understand others, before you seek to be understood. If you seek to see people show a misdemeanor or disenchantment for each other, watch them in a feat of riotous argument, where none of either party is disquiet and not in any way ready to listen to each other. A statement, especially when it is careless can sometimes put the commentator into speechless trouble. Listening does not make us a fool as though it sometimes appear. Men can possibly hunt a word; there is yet a trap that will ensnare effective listening. If you can listen twice as much as you are eager to pass a comment, the level of maturity that you will exhibit will surpass the inhibitions of prejudice. There is no faster end to effective communication than holding up to understand what the voice from the other end truly meant before you connote what is not intended. Unfortunately, listening is one of mans poorly developed skills. If you can feed your ears and tame your lips how golden your heart will be. The difference in every era is made not only by what people say, but also the quality of information that this passed on to them. The quality of the information that comes across to a man is capable of building or destroying him. How then can you ever so hear effectively if you do not ever so listen effectively? If you delay your comments twice than you listen, you possibly may not have as must problem with communication.
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Men are born with two ears but only one tongue that they might listen twice more than they talk Diogenes Although the contrary ensues in most cases; Men had over the ages gone astray because they use their tongue than they do their ears. A kind of inflexibility grows around the heart of people who spend a lifetime using their mouth much than they do their ears. You cannot benefit from people you have never listened to. You are closer to learning with listening than with any other communication organ. You will become more affable, endearing and lovable if you seek to understand before you are understood. It is easy to twist, manipulate and induce what people say, but same is difficult if you learn to guard your mouth and open your ears more during a conversation; especially one that is considered wary. Far more reasons exist why the invisible appears near invincible or indivisible. The ability to remain silent until a useful expression is required reduces the vulnerability to err during a dialogue. Silence is a strength that is hardly empowered or used all through life. Havent you observed that people find it difficult to fight the strategy of a silent man? Everyone may suspect the silence of a man but suspicion is a no brainer for condemnation. Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence- Leonardo da Vinci You have unseen controlling powers working in your favour each time you allow your lips to rest when it is pointless to talk. Never be quick to say anything howbeit logical that might soil your honour. The necessity of silence become inevitable when you realize that your ability to be able to hear and further understand others only gives you a chance to share in their emotions, feel as close the things that cause them to act in the way they do and be able to provide patient support where necessary and requested. If you are going to stay clear unnecessary trouble, stay off empty, hasty remarks. Your ability to remain silent and guard against the temptation or restiveness to talk where and when it is not necessary is power. This is opposed to a situation where you are bullied into silence. When you allow yourself to be bullied into silence, you make yourself the victim of other peoples judgment. How else do you think the creator communicate with his earthly creatures? He does not until and unless they are silent. On his own part too, he maintains silence when you make all your inquisitions and desires known to Him. Pari Passu, communication between the creator and man is a mutual effort; it requires that both parties exercise a level of respect before cooperation can take place. We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature- the trees, flowers, grass- grows in slience, see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence we need silence to be able to touch souls- Mother Teresa
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With as much concordance you must find a place in your heart to build a sound level of cooperation with the creator. You must learn to seek to understand Him; for without this, it is difficult to gain His attention, His commitment or His grace. Rule out all inhibition, aberrations and eccentricities.Just listen.
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Chapter 9
Leadership
Leadership is a potent combination of strategy and character. But if you must be without one, be without strategy- Gen H. Norman Schwazkopf If there is any topic that has find its way into nearly all books and discussion- it is Leadership. The novel is talking about a protagonist, the political analysts are always assessing political juggernauts far more than political issues, and the soft sell magazine is sneaking into the privacy and life of celebrities. There is hardly any sphere of life where there is breath and life that you do not have people at the centre of attraction and decision- They are across board recognized as leaders. Basically, everyone is a master at something. At least if you do not occupy a post to lead many, you are subjected to lead yourself. Nobody needs a test to know that they bore the responsibility at some stage of life to lead a life that they so expect regardless of external influences. The instinct to be there for yourself, to seek independence, to take your own decision, to be able to feed yourself suggestions that you consider irreversible by none other than you. The choice to be able to stand alone and see yourself as the arbiter of certain conclusion as they interfere with your life is called- self-supervision or personal-leadership. Even on some of the most crucial issues of life or the simplest of them all we all at a point have decided to take the steering; the consequences notwithstanding. I am not trying to convince you that you are a leader; I am simply telling you that you are one. Irrespective of the corner of the world you find yourself, regardless of the degree of the responsibility that is conferred on you, you are a leader in a dimension that best fit the responsibility that is accorded such obligation and the consequences are as well binding. Observe a mass action, independent participants at such rallies stand in defense of their individual rights but stand to support the overriding collective interest. In the event of a reprisal from an opposing faction, it is the strategy to diffuse the mass that determines if the upheld interest is subdued or gain feasibility. The man standing on the podium per chance is merely representing the collective interest; those below him stand in personal obligations to defend what they consider a breech to their personal privileges. In a struggle, every man is significant in his own right; the space occupied by each person on the march gives the cause credence. Each participant stands responsible for the collective interest which they seek to protect. So a protest is the confrontation leaders in their respective individual capacities who agglomerate through joint actions to wrestle situation, condition or state that is perceived unfavourable.
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In whatever form of leadership across the social, political, business, or religious strata, even the person who is perceived the most weakest have mandatory and principal rights to his opinion and adjoining consequences as may have been constituted. Within the circumference of that established right of expression and upon an exercise of such right, the person become a leader to an acceptable degree. Being a leader does not mean you have to be prevalently visible, avowed with adulations and overtly celebrated. It means within the little space where you have the right to exercise a certain degree of responsibility, the expected obligation is carried out in the interest of a larger community. As you may be aware, there are varying forms, categories and styles of leadership but for concision and for you to have a more straight forward grip of the subject I have in this material limited leadership to just two classes: 1. Passive leaders 2. Active leaders Passive leaders You have more of this sect in every organization, group or association. They render support in the group and give backing even to some of the most outspoken members in an organization and this does not in any way smudge there contributions nor threaten their reputation as part of the think tanks. However soft they appear on the surface they possess in-depth scientific approaches and are highly critical. They are the silent strategist and their part is not likely to be noticed in most cases because of their modesty. A group or organization may find it hard to cope with their perceived slow approach, as they are evidently unconcealed perfectionist. Theyll rather prefer that all segments of an action are flawless before the next step is taken. This group is more scientific and lenient. Active leaders These group are the singled out, conspicuous personalities. They are usually at the top of the pyramid. They are the exposed celebs that everyone wants to mimic, the corporate executive everyone admire, the hardline generals that command respect of all ranks, the spotless religious personalities that we venerate. They are tactical, tough and articulate. They are popular and in most cases over celebrated. They are charismatic and always immediately receive the backing of others in a group as soon as they assume office. In some cases, they have accumulated experience and education which enables them effect quick decision on matters regarding their group. Their tough background cum exposure makes it easier for them to plot wider stronger schemes. They are often easily irritated and could brush others without emotions. This group is more tactical and strict. It is important to note here that both identified classes are influenced by a lot of factors which could include be physical, biological and environmental. This is where nature and nurture come to play. Whichever of these traits you exhibit, it does not make you weak or strong, it is only an indication that overtime, and your style is how you interpret the world. 36
Leadership is subordination You are prone to get more sublime result as a leader based on the quality of your subordinates. After hacking down a log, the man who lifts the pick-axe will have a more precise hit if and only if the man holding the log held firmly. Everyone has a defined, discreet responsibility in the cadre of authority. The lumber who is not hitting hard enough should not blame the man who is holding hesitantly. Leadership is subordination and subordination is handling your responsibility quota effectively and efficiently. As a janitor, you are of no less a worthier personnel than the managing director. Both of you are important at your post. The organization pays both of you based on your contribution, vision and the level of change you bring to the company. You cannot wait for someone to take the lead where the onus of control rest on your shoulders. That is why, when things go wrong in your assigned quarter, none other is rebuked but you. Lets do a quick leadership skill test 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. Read each of the following questions Check the box if the statement best describe you Base your selections on how you tend to most naturally behave No suspicion, be yourself Do you consider yourself bold and persistent? When it comes to tasks are you cooperative and supportive? Regardless of opposition, do you like competition? Are you averse when it comes to taking risks? Do you trust people easily not minding if the hurt you? Do you often find people comment on your audacity and determination? Are you self-motivated and yet dynamic? Do you often consider easy and steady as your choice motto? Do you frown at domination and love to pioneer missions? Do you consider yourself logical and assertive? Do you consider yourself as compliant but amusing? Are you often described as erratic? Do people see you as confronting and wanting to be in-charge? Do you quarrel with status-quo? Do you like being with others and conventional?
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SCORE yourself If you checked, 0-4: You need improvement on your leadership skill and I recommend you invest on more leadership development materials. 5-8: You are on course but will often be regarded as a wannabe; there is room for improvement 9-12: You must be leading a group already or on the verge, but it does not mean you are quite fantastic. The largest room in the word is the room for improvement. Observe the diagram below:
Optimistic Outspoken Precise Visionary Inspiring Exacting Self-confident Persistent
Meek Moderate Lively Detailed Thoughtful Humane Observant Keen
Note: If the words on the right side of the circle best describe your most frequent responses you are likely to be a passive, soft leader. You are likely the leader who gets the job done anonymously with not much of attention. If the words on the left side of the circle best describe your most possible actions giving a condition or state, you are most likely an active leader. Your traits receive the accolades and attention-you are popular.
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CAUTION! There is nothing wrong with either of both traits exhibited per time. They are mere qualification of perceived attributes which does not make a trait stronger or superior to the other. Any of the listed attributes can be learnt with time. Do not be distracted with the associated benefits; your attribute best suit your leadership style. Both class of leadership also have their shortcomings in the event of an excess which are occasionally inevitable.
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Chapter 10
Influence
(Be a Team-Worker) The man who can think and does not know how to express what he thinks is at the level of him who cannot think- Perites The gap between an effective communication and its contrary is what people meant to say and what they actually said. What you end up saying is what the public relate with regardless your intension (good or bad). In a discussion, an intension is a shadow of what is really expressed- it is hidden and cannot be seen or easily decipher. We are all influential to the degree that we agree with our capacity to sway others. To the extent to which you think you have a grip of your audience; to that extent you begin to attain some level of confidence to further your control. Your influence gives you the ability to be able to ask for the support of others, it gives you the knack to be able to work with others and get more done than you would have if you embark on an entire assignment yourself. Remember, a banana is most likely to get eaten once it leaves the trunk, much as a broom is most vulnerable soon as it leaves the cluster, so also a key is likely to get lost if it is not hanging with the bunch. You are most vulnerable standing alone. Influence ensures that you are able to recruit people who are smarter than you in your office without fear of intimidation, it means you are able to marry a spouse that can complement you, and it means you can hang out with networks that support you. This chapter is expected to help you find strategies that make you become a sound communicator to attract people into your life that accelerate your success rate. Many of the excuses we make for poor communication are far from what we truly make of them. Nobody was there to teach me how to talk to people, my daddy was a poor communicator, he never speak well, my boss, trounce my self-esteem, I think that is the reason for my introversion, I dont know, I just dont seem to get along with others, the excuses are numerous for being bashful. Your ability to attract into your life a level of network that makes you stronger only means you are strong yourself. You do not necessarily have to be rich before you attract people into your life, you just need to act and relate like the rich and find your way to where so ever the rich congregate. If you can successfully learn the mannerisms of the rich, the rich will come into your life. You do not need the cropping defenses and apologies that dissociate you from people.
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Have you ever met (on first contact) a confrontational, aggressive, chronically intimidating person who just kept stuffing you with logs of his acquisitions and knowledge? Have you? How long does it take you before you cower and give in just to escape the salvos of his dispersed attacks? After your obvious voluntary escape, do you crave for such a conversation next time? I bet you will say NO! That kind of let me conquer him attitude of your imaginary rich friend only send the wrong signals that weakens any former good impression you have of him. With so much insecurity running in the vein of a man, it does not take too long before he lets you know. His carriage, improper resistances, uncalculated attacks and in some cases repulsive insults only shows the high level of low lives some people live. Such are incapable to sustain a healthy relationship that helps them live a much happier life. The guilt of knowing that your self-effaced, lack of confidence exposure had caused you a relationship that could have enable you live a more rewarding life, live longer even long after the relationship have long ended. Have you met lately someone who did not open a conversation with a debate? Who makes a point without yelling? Whose composure and enthusiasm keeps you in a relaxed mode? Who is simply genuine and truthful in disposition? Who smiles in style and confidence? Sounds good already, uh? Do you remember any such lately? I am sure you are gleaming with smiles already and you will embrace that creature when they come calling again. Controversial, irrational bursts discolour a relationship and reduce the weight of respect that could possibly have amounted or count for a positive influence. A character flaw is a constraint to the amount of admiration that could lubricate a relationship and balance the reverence that is expected at either ends of the association. The most deprived actors in the world hardly have a chance on our screens not for the fact that they are not good characters, but they just seem not to be able to sustain a good personality for long. They are everywhere- on the streets, in our homes, offices, markets and anywhere where you perhaps can see mankind. They have a short circuit on anger, the find it difficult to agree and apologize when they are wrong, they are over-bearing in relation and commit too small and demand too much from others. They have a controlling spurt and when the tickles of their command fail them they are quick to label the other party. They seem to want to influence others in a fashion they are also critically averse. The greatest ability in business is to get along with others and to influence their actions- John Hancock Anger and fear are the upshots of a disenchanted relationship. Ridden, personal, emotional grief leads to protestations, complaint or fault-finding in relationships. They are the failing state of our unmet dreams, aspirations, and disturbances. They often cost us more problem than we can best be imagined. They have laden us with a burden that far outweighs our willingness to bear. They really do not help us that much as the rudimentary and yet temporary upsets we think they offset.
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Let us quickly conduct a little exercise. Are you ready? Now lets try, frown your face and say the following words; Good day, Im happy to meet you (Really and sincerely, do you think anybody will believe you?) Now clear your throat. Have you done that? Sit back relaxed, cross your legs or erect your posture and adjust your shoulders in a prime manner (if you are standing), look natural and at ease, gaze straight as if you are looking into the eyes of somebody and repeat the same word with a smile- Good day, Im happy to meet you (Dont you think anybody could at least want to start a conversation with you with glee?) Action speaks louder than a million voices. Your mien and carriage carries a lot more percentage of the attributes that makes you attractive or neglected. People hardly care about what you say as your nonverbal expressions which are well represented in actions. The tone, texture and pitch of your voice are all important elements that speak volume of your confidence. Everyone wants to know how much you are ready to share until they discover you are unimpressive. Regardless of your communication spills, the height of your articulacy can go a long way to sustain your audience or keep a lasting relationship. The rich, noble and respected elites cherish articulation and that is why empire builders never relegate the importance of orators in the court. The 3 s of mastering your influence Initiative: Is the ability to kick start a conversation, venture or advance a thought that determines subsequent events or interaction. Your initiative has an immeasurable influence if it strikes a creative edge. It tells so much about the content of your wit or an enterprising resourcefulness. If you lack depth or ability to invent a conversation that can gain the attention of others, it is most likely that you will struggle to win their interest. Intelligence: Is the depth of your acuteness and brainpower. The level of information you have gathered over time. This information makes your nearly indispensable and almost always beneficial to other parties. The currency of the value that you possess determines the level of influence youll wield. If you know what others do not know, you will attract them easily to yourself. Integrity: Is the level of your steadfastness and the ability to keep to a high level of moral and professional standards without wavering. If people know that your word is your bound, they dont mix what you say with doubt. They do not take you for granted neither do they think they need to evaluate the substance of your opinion any more than might be necessary. The truth about integrity is that it is always upright. Indeed, if you have integrity, your ability to influence others possibly becomes easier.
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A conversation is as sound as the qualities of the mindset people who engage in it. Influence is any more a skill than it is a character. It is what a good voice is to a musician, it is what the paint and brush is to the artist, it is what a good healthy body is to an athlete. If you can sharpen your communication, you will have as well have succeeded in sharpening one aspect of your social value. People attach more weight to how we say things than what is said. Like the shades in a drawing that depicts the solidity of a picture, so is the tone of your voice. How and what people feel about the tone of your voice tell much about the feedback. No A-listed presenter wears a long face and keeps the viewers, no rude huckster keeps his clientele, and no bad orator gets the listeners attention. It is impossible for a person with a bad character to be a positive influence. Consciously or unconsciously, we are all in the business of marketing. Daily, each of us wake up striving to strike an impression, we energetically attempt to convince others that we are good enough to be trusted, to be believed, to be supported, to be celebrated. We just want to get along and carry others along anyways. His circumstance is more pathetic, the man who thinks one of the best ways of becoming a secured forest is by pulling down other trees! Such minds need to be reminded that the next time a lumber jack visits, he will be the only standing log to be hacked down. None is more vulnerable than the man that stands alone. 5 Ways to be a Man of Influence 1. Be yourself Most people just find it difficult to be themselves. We currently live in a world where it is fast becoming a difficult task to be real in your own skin. Everybody wants to be like someone elsemore and more people want to be like the media celeb, the popular politician, the attentiongrabbing on-air-personality, the fascinating performer; the list of wannabes is endless. You are right for whom you are. Until you fully tap into who you truly are, you dont know what an interesting person you are missing. Express yourself. Find that experience that makes you unique; we all have one, which is why the finger prints are exclusive. There are just a few things that you are wired to do better than others and you are perhaps the only one who can better explore such opportunities right about now. Be Friendly Express yourself with anecdotes. Tell jokes, be funny, be the guy or lady, people love to be with. If you are not so good with humours, develop a respectable speaking skill that attracts others to you. If you are not, be a decent singer; just find a means that makes you interesting. Meet people with charisma, be magnetic, be captivating and above all, be affectionate. You might want to be stingy with a lot more things, but not with your smiles, never joke with a smile; its free and always affordable.
2.
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3.
Be a solution Barely can any man be ignored who has been identified has a living solution to a looming challenge. Countless people meet you every day and they need your support. Not necessarily financial, but you can be an inspiration, a lifting hand, a leveling ground, a fulcrum upon which they can find a launch to higher grounds. Be gentle with the foolish, pleasant with the wise and mild with the dilettante. Nurture you nature to be a solution and you shall so gladly be rewarded.
4. Be precise Frittering is an unwise tactic of solving a problem. Pottering around issues elongates worrying distractions. You have to learn to be meticulous, exact and straight forward. Make simple, brief, clear and easy to understand assertion. Lengthy verses in a conversation can always make you a suspect of dishonesty. Maintain that soft, gentle but firm eye contact while you make your points. Suffer not your composure when life demands of you the exactness that makes winners. 5. Be Caring You can hardly be honest with people you dont care about. Care giving is an important reference point of any positive attitude that should be advanced. No one can truly give unless they truly care. Care is as much an overarching approach to building a relevant influence. The last time I checked; the reckless politician who watched the people suffer, the celeb who passes the wrong pulse across to his/her fans, the mischievous corporate executive who seeks a carnal romp with his married assistant can all in a fold be best described as careless. Once people noticed you care less about them, they are willing to lose all manner of respect they readily have for you. Be willing to help others; if you do not care about people, it just will not take long before they know. Quick Task: Firstly, make a list of 10 possible characters you consider striking to start building a positive circle of influence. Secondly, circle those one you think you already have and people commend you for. Thirdly, device a strategy on the others; find a way to demonstrate them in your next conversation. Finally, practice them consistently until they become a habit.
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Chapter 11
Solitude
Solitude is the nest of thought-Kurdish Proverb Every single one of us is an agent of change. In our bellies lie deep thoughts that can change the world if we would be willing to consult it. Not taking cognizance of the fact that the change we seek lies deeply within us make us lose almost all of the chances that could have secured us a place in the annals of human history. The passage within us echoes loud voices of immutable possibilities waiting to be explored. Chances that are hidden to all are exposed in profound lights within us all. We must only learn to listen, yearn and abide by its mutations. How close anyone relate with himself or the world within have impeccable causalities in determining how far such persons will go. I have the humble privilege to announce to you that the best sought help in certain cases silently comes from solitude- The quiet state of the mind that no anxiety can permeate. Have you ever sought answers to unfounded troubles and then you decide to take a walk along the shores of the rumbustious oceans alone? Have you given thought to some moments when you decide to find answers to a worrying situation and suddenly, you are left alone in the corner of a dark room? Have you even ever noticed your thought when you are all alone in the rest room? Have you ever seek to be alone in a garden and the rush of thoughts running in your mind felt so deep and uncontrollably inspiring? Have you? Have you? I ask. Observe; any area that permits us to be alone and allows us to surrender our thought to solitude in alignment with the natural tendencies of life makes us experience inexplicable wonders! Those moments you will agree with me are some of the most rewarding even in a lifetime. The caution here is that in your moment of silence, you must guard your heart so that ruinous opinions that could offend your creator do not cross your heart. There is hardly any celebrated genius who is not solitary. In fact some of the most renowned scientists and inventors carve out some hours of the day for solitude. Albert Einstein was known to have had a chair in his study where he sits one hour every day for meditation. A man must arrange for regular periods of solitude when he can concentrate and indulge his imagination without distraction- Thomas Edison Most of the confusions around us are the babies of distracted, wearying thoughts. Just as refraction create disfigured illusions, so also the mind in a state of disturbance. Solitude, quiet moment, meditation, seclusion, privacy or what so ever you choose to call being lone to reflect enables you to relax in the face of a distress, allows you to critically weigh the possible consequences, empowers you to properly draw up a suitable persuasive strategy and puts you in a state of contionus progress with every passing day. 45
A complete solution is never complete; that is why a solution is a reversed challenge and vice-versa. Constant meditation enables us to purify our thought, improve the level of quality thinking and be able to create fresh approach to every passing process of life. With solitude, you are empowered to sanitize your thought process, envision a greater you and relate with the entire composition of life that could accelerate your aspirations. The world is all opening, all doors and all opportunities to him who can summon the indwelling unreserved inner resolve. Solitude is the heart of imagination; it is the birthplace of all known creativity, the nursery for human exploits and the habitation for imagined innovations. Small or large, relevant or trivial, strong or weak, the composition of a mans capabilities can be traced to how much he devote to train himself in his silent rendezvous with his higher self. The solace that many men seek lies in their seclusion. Highly celebrated Olympians are rarely seen in public- they train in the secret habours of isolation, they are even sometimes unknown and not revered until a great performance discloses them to a boisterous world. They become champions not in the full glare of the public, but in the silence of hard earned preparations. Some men become almost immediately useful as soon as they stay away from throngs of life. That is when they can manage their focus effectively, reposition their thinking and put up a near perfect performance. It is time to exercise your mental capacity, to enact your spirituality, to put to use your innate capabilities, it is time to rediscover YOU; it is time to be alone. Surrender the humming riddles of lifes illusions to the crystal clear energies of your inner will- Solitude is the scepter of your lifes control force. Surrender yourself to solitude and you are prone to gain twice the power you do not think you naturally possess to solve a problem. The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind- Albert Einstein William Sydney Porter (1862-1910) popularly known as O. Henry (by his pen name) was a confined criminal in a cell in Columbus, it was in same incarceration that he discovered the spirit of his authorship. He later went on as one of the most celebrated writers and act of his era. It was loneliness that transformed this condemned criminal into a celebrated author. There is a sleeping architect of power that needs re-awakening in you. The grit to resurge your spirit, to redefine your direction and validate your ambition settles in your quiet moment. Dramatic turns in human history- be it medicine, science, sport, art, technology or finance can largely be traced to solitude. One of such moment was when one of worlds greatest inventor- Thomas Edison, was asked how he come about his numerous inventions, he answered, I spent one hour everyday thinking where the world would go next. Henry D. Thoreau also knew the potency of seclusion when he averred, I have never found the companion that was as companionable as solitude.
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I hardly come across any writer who did not embrace solitude. It is almost incredible to see an exceptional musician who disregards silent moments. Every creative persona gives credence to their moments of privacy. Even the sages of the past ages are hermits (loner). They live a reclusive life in the mountains, caves, monasteries, and wilds. It is obvious; solitude is the school of the genius. Quick Practice: Find a quiet place NOW. Sit back relaxed, shoulders down, your hands on the knees. Legs upright and breathe steadily. Close your eyes (for the sake of concentration), dont be tensed..relax; this is not an exam! Think of an area of your life that bothers you; your character, your commitment level to projects that could bring out the best in you, a subject/course upon which you hope to improve you current performance, a relationship you desire to get right,.just pick an area of your life upon which you are presently hard pressed. Now relaxed? Without all those overbearing curiosities that perturbs you; allow a natural flow of energy in the direction where you hope to make an adjustment. Steady your breathing, no worries. Assert positively in present tense the kind of change you seek in the area you have chosen. After your assertions, remain quiet and imagine yourself already living the kind of changes you imagined. This is not make-believe or some slap-happy imaginative reveries to keep you busy while your worries awaits you to open your eyes and stare you in the face again. You must remain consistent, committed and whole in your sessions. If you maintain a regular, unfailing faith in your assertions, your life, body, career, relationship, aspirations will yield and naturally respond to your golden desires. It is only those who see the world in their mind that conquers it. See the beauty of your desires emanates and receive each with gratitude, create the means of your earnest pursuit in your silent reveries, watch the resounding vigour of accomplishment rush under the wings of your dreams and surprise yourself with the reality of a life you have always desired. Men scarcely conquer what is not boldly and clearly inscribed in their heart. It is difficult to concentrate on what you do not conceive in the inner dwellings of your heart. Make it a routine to have a constant, close tete-a-tete with your inner self. At least, let your inner self be aware you respect his views on your assignments and desires before you hastily vent a conclusion. The best form of advice is not in the veering noises around you but in the voice that is silently borne inside you.
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Chapter 12
Time Management
Do not wait; the time will never be just right. Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along- Napoleon Hill You increase your share of an irredeemable life when you waste time. Money misplaced you can recover, but time wasted is hopelessly irreversible. Time is the commodity that all men spend. The richest amongst us all have only shown how much time they have essentially spent on an act that turns out fortuitous. The lessons on time are not stereotypical as likely as they seem. Time does not foist itself on you, it is non-intrusive, it does not concern itself with what you are about per chance, it does not impose itself on you. It naturally allots to us all that which is appropriate for a life of purpose. Whether you are capable of setting a goal or not, visualizing a dream or not, imagining an aspiration or not, envisaging an ambition or not; your resevations regardless, the ticks on the clock trickles. It does not wait for you to make a perfect move; there arent going to be any anyways. Time runs regardless of your preparedness. There is no excuse; you are expected to be able to be alerted to the cause of your life every time. It is just as if, many of us lose the real essence of life (time) when we think pointing an accusing finger buy us an assumed pity from the long hands of nature; NO and Never, it is possible for your personal stumbling to constrain the restive hands of time. It keeps counting, whether you are making progress or not. If there is any resource that never accepts an excuse or apology for mismanagement, it is spelt T-I-M-E. Even a micro-second contains the spectacle that either makes a man or mars a life. Ask the Olympic champions who knows that breaking a career record may be determined by a micro-second. Time wasted is harmful and somewhat disastrous as none can predict which turn changes his lot. When you waste money, you waste something that can still be recovered, when you waste time, you waste something that is irredeemable, you waste life- Orison Swett Marden Time is like every other valuable commodities- you can save it, invest it or waste it Time Saved You can save you time by effectively planning your engagements in advance. He is wise; the man who knows what to do next and waste no time in doing it. Every bit of work executed ahead of an expected stipulated time frame leaves a space for more efficiency. Tasks are better implemented when they are determined in advance. It allows for proper adjustments to be made before a rash conclusion sets in. The very act of thinking and planning unlocks your mental powers, triggers your creativity and increases your mental and physical energy- Brian Tracy 48
Merely joggling activities just to be sure that you are engaged does not translate into optimum use of your daily allotted time. The workaholic sometimes is just one individual trying to get so much done with so little return. Schedules that are planned on specific tasks with expected benefits in return prevents exerting energies on desultory. A peak performer takes his time to plan his diary ahead of impending tasks to ensure deliberate competence. Every effort to improve on performance/outcome must be deliberate and planned. Procrastination successfully wields its weapon against the mind that is not prepared in advance. Plan your project ahead; make a list of your commitments, expected outcome, required resources, people needed to assist in the implementation process and perhaps the consequences of not achieving the goal. Most things in life do not singly come by impulse; they require proper organization, evaluation and extensive management. Time Invested A decision made to focus on an agenda is a compromise of other tasks that struggles to secure same attention. A time (i.e. an instance or single occasion for an event) devoted to an assignment is an investment. Other tasks sacrificed for such devotion is an opportunity forgone (according to economists). This is where the case of priority setting comes into play. A proper scale of propositions herein becomes a recipe for success. Be willing to let go everything and/or anything that will not add to your productivity. There is a consequence for every time invested and you stand as the decision maker of what seems the most appropriate consequence for how you choose to invest your time. You can plan ahead to save time, but be sure that the time you are investing does not amount to a deficit as a result of wrong choices. While the best way to save time is through planning and organization, the best way to invest time is through introspection (inputting long time vision into the sea of an uncertain future). It is important for you to know that where you truly want to be is determined by what you regularly settle for. The eager, spirited and hopeful mind would not chide self-control. What you invest your time on will show the level of your discipline. A man with a disciplined mindset will not settle for things that will detached him from his long term progressive advancement towards a desired end. People who invest time wisely have no reason(s) to exercise tension or apprehension. This is where you are expected to conduct deep analysis of your choices. A proper breakdown, study and scrutiny are expected at this stage. A wise man will properly evaluate his intended actions vis--vis his initial decisions. This provides the support to assuage the level of anticipated risks. I know a man who will never make it through life; he is the man who consistently and continuously misplaces priorities.
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Time Wastage It is so simple to squander time. Perhaps, nothing had suffered more abuse than T-I-M-E! Our world is awash with people who do the right thing at the wrong time or conceivably the wrong thing at the right time. Worst still, the wrong thing at the wrong time!!! The only time the outcome changes, is when you do the right thing at the right time. Unfocused, relenting, complacent individuals might sometimes appear curious starters but habitual poor finishers. Many people misplace the difference between the poor and the rich; mostly they think it is money- No! It is rather the value that is contained in their time. The chisel of an easily distracted mind is always too blunt to carve a prolific future. The result of this stage is quandary- the expected outcome is cleft with poor performance, bereaved of prime management and self-destructive. The quantity and quality of service rendered is measured as the clock ticks. Every distraction that does not add to your productivity destroys your opportunity. It is to the extent of quality and usefulness of performance/solution that rewards are allotted. Remember, we spend time, not money. Money is only a physical representation of time consumed and intelligence. If you waste time you will be rewarded but certainly your reward will not be satisfactory, but you must also know that nature is no such cheat that it will reward you with what you are not qualified to possess. Your efficiency deals with your skill/talent (what you can do), your effectiveness deals with your rate of delivery (time utility; the speed at which you can translate your skill/talent into value), intelligence deals with your awareness (your level of know how/competitiveness). The combination of this trio convincingly determines your worth and approves the level of your ascertained competence. You can improve your rate of delivery/return if you organize your life (time), identify your area of comparative skill/talent (resources), improve your native awareness of the market (intelligence) and all together deploy it for a rewarding end (wealth). Consider these suggestions to get more out of your time: 1. Design a Schedule The best way to get more out of your time is to be able to reduce the amount of distractions that creeps stealthily into your agenda. The more the distractions you give in to, the less effective your productivity. Therefore, design a schedule that allows you to set convenient, workable, specific and measurable timelines. Your schedule must be thorough and followed up with discipline otherwise, the burden of distractions may be too heavy for you to bear. 2. Be Focused Be attentive to your goals. Helpful, creative thoughts only come to you if you make your goals the epicenter of your pursuits. Focus only means you are willing to give up other quests to achieve what you desire the most. This is where you cannot compromise clarity of purpose and the desire to make a difference with what you set out to achieve. 50
3.
Be Disposed You cannot do everything yourself. Get help if you need one, subordinate; seek the assistance of others who have handy abilities that could help accelerate your goals. Be willing to share your task with people who could make the accomplishment twice as fast. You variance to delegation is an indication of your trust in your network.
4.
Be Patient Everything goes through a process. The Eureka burst seldom flashes in all condition. So if you are not nearing the end quite as fast as planned, give time to reason; you might just have underestimated the shockwaves of unforeseen jolts which might have slowed you down. You just must be sure that regardless of the shocks, you are on course.
5.
Be Selective You cannot do everything at same time. Set your tasks on the scale of preference. First things must come first. Dont ever try to do everything at same time; you will end up muddling the effects and fumbling on the outcome. The mind focuses better, sharper and clearer when it is allowed to handle things orderly. You can write your itinerary in bullets- it makes it simpler and discrete for the mind to handle.
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Chapter 13
Contentment
Who is rich? He that is content Who is that? Nobody- Benjamin Franklin Have you ever seen a person who has enough of any good thing? As soon as we begin to show approval for a thing, it is an indication that some other priorities are losing our attention. The supposed exploit we are primarily satisfied with may afterwards start to attract more yearnings for improvement. None of human endeavor is assumed to take an eternal halt. Life expects man to recreate himself, to relive its own exposures, to continuously advance its own course, to grow. There is no complete halt in any act of ingenuity; where there are, they reveal the limitation in the thinking of the advocates. Mans growing needs are insatiable; man is never going to come to a stage when there is nothing more to desire, to request, to demand. This growing want takes a lifetime and respect no religious accolades or tribal beliefs. The only time a man cease to want, is a time he cease to live. So if you ever come across a man who is in pursuit of naught, you need to verify what you saw- May be you saw a ghost. For as long as man lives, he shall continuously seek to conquer, he will ceaselessly and relentlessly pursue. Although, the pursuit of men may vary, but man is not weary in his drive to achieve that which he seeks. For instance, for reasons best known to them, a man may seek to dissolve a marital relationship, reneging a conjugal vow, deserting the woman or man they once have vouched to die for; seeking an Eldorado in what seems to be a more fulfilling romantic adventure. It is astonishing how such idyll charm soon fades and the same hollow, presumptuous fellow come back to his previous romance knees down, head low seeking for forgiveness. Such greed I bid you not to seek. Certainly, the now apologetic, remorseful fellow possesses same determination as an upbeat, upright man; only that he chose to satisfy an indiscreet wanderlust, one that have landed most men in decrepit situation. Even in the face of achieving a feat, higher, nobler thoughts constantly gesture at us. We seem to be larger, wider, and elastic with every passing phase of our mundane accomplishment. Those leading inventions and innovations that once ruled the world of science, technology, information, sports, mechanics have lately become ordinary; all thanks to the unquenchable desire to want more. The many cravings of man will never allow him to be fully satisfied; he salivates for more, drools and slobbers when his gaze catches a novel merchandise of perceived superiority.
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But for the untamed desires of man, new horizons would not have been discovered, the seas would not have been reclaimed, the valleys would not have been raised, the skies would not have been subdued. The creator has placed in the innermost dwellings of men a knack that knocks at the door of discoveries. The creator in his wisdom I am convinced has devised this mechanism so that man can grow beyond the boundaries of the ancient garden to reach his ultimate use. History is left with the relics of man gravitation, transformation and development. Every achievement has become a step, every rung on the ladder has led man to new vistas, new heights are reached and fresh terrains established. Although mans transitory accomplishments has not come with its own fiends, but he has also endure the recompense of his unsatisfactory lusts. Man will continue to transcend, to ascent, to surpass his primordial feats until an end will come to it all. Growing up was fun; it was an age we started building our castles in the air. We care less where we put the foundations, we bother less where to put the iron bars to hoist our grand castles, without such worries we build fancies that we hope will one rose to become realities. The hunger, the restlessness, the urge to acquire more bewitched us all while we were all too young to decline its lures. We grow with this aptitude, but eventually when the propensity to achieve that which we seek stumble on the walls of our own self-inclined pessimisms, disapprovals and poor decisions we lose our castles. These inadequacies soon become our greatest undoing. Even when the obstacles we go through in life render our childhood aspirations almost distorted, pushing us hard against frustrations; yet man lives on, he fights hard, he shoves against the rejections and refusals. Unbeaten, he struggles to correct his mistakes, alive and quick he seeks to grab that which he still considers recoverable. Many men may not have lived the quantum of life that they dreamed, but they also do not entirely renounce the reveries of their childhood; thus they lived in magnitudes that make them a hero in certain scales. Our inner discontent is a blessing as much as it is a curse- depending on the direction of our lures. A mans aspiration shall hit futility if he bends his will to the vagaries of life. The caprices that we encounter have a major part to play in building our character. It prods us so that we might reckon with the fact that, that which we seek is not commonplace, and if indeed we are truthful to our dominant obsessions, the odds do not matter, we will triumph anyways. The never say die attitude quickens our life-force and reminds us that the creator made us to dominate, to govern and reign supreme over the variations of life. That spirit that reminds us that we cannot give-up too soon when much more is waiting to be desired is the true spirit we inherited from the creator. No one can live on the credence of a single victory in a lifetime and yet expects to be celebrated for territories he never conquered. Our life is dependent on the sum of those little victories that we gallantly secure when nobody saw us or celebrated it with us. Until that likely insignificant victory launches us into acceptance, meaning and honour.
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Moreover such triumph is not the result of an absolute contentment. Nature has put in place a mechanism that expects us not to totally depend on a single conquest; success is never the product of contentment. Success is also not a steady outcome; it changes face, figure and step. It is firm and will never remain stagnant. Why would success be static in a world where records are waiting to be trounced? Success is a moving trend and does not have an ecclesiastical standard to which it is gauged as final. However self-seeking a man in his ambitions, it is as much exciting, grand and pious as same life tirelessly seeks to ease the life of others. The man who device the technology for cooking may seek selffulfillment but in the cause have solve a problem for a whole lot of us. The life that does not pursue the downfall of his fellow man has not violated any law of man or of God. These lives are rare on the pyramid of living. Only a scanty lot wants to lay his hold on fortunes to become a blessing, many become a tyrant soon after they assume a particular state or status in the social order. The soul that does not spitefully use others, that resist being petty or disdain the privileges of others, such souls will find rest in the great beyond-They have lived in accordance with the injunctions of the creator. It is bad and conceivably evil for you to live less than you are truly naturally capable of. If you know what some socially adjudged disabled do with their fragile body then you may need to ask if you are not living a fragile life. Supernatural forces only come to the aid of willing men not contented men. The saying, Heaven help those who help themselves is real and still effective in all ages. For no want of a better word; the man who seeks to grow without friction is forcefully deteriorating. Everything grows out of force. There is scientifically a level of force that is applied for every stage of growth and result. Even the world upon which the entire population of mankind is seated relies on force. People who want to improve largely on complicity are likened to the plant that prefers to grow without sunlight- their outcome is obvious and most predictable. Complacent people mature into contentment faster than any other group of mankind and complaint is their weapon. The self-satisfied complains about nearly everything he encounters. He loathes everything that unsettles comfort, jitters at hostilities that awaits his industry and despises new strides of courage. The complacent is such a workload even to himself. It is the self-indulged that protests the outcome of a game where the rules are fair, the umpires are upright but the outcome is just not in his favour. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure- Thomos Edison When you develop a roadblock mentality and feels there is a place where nothing could be more achieved any more than that which is already accomplished, when you imbibe a mentality of here marks the end of all possibilities mindset you destroy your chances to expand.
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All of mans greatness has always come from an unchained longing, unsatisfied thirst and unquenchable fire for more. That little boiling point of desire that wants attention, that fiery smoke of need that seems elusive, that powerful preoccupation that fans the ember of your pursuit; they are the signals that a chess of treasure is waiting to be found and unlocked. They drive your chase, they determine the essence of life and they define how far you can truly go if indeed you are bold. Never allow a clogged impression (especially the ones rooted in complacency) to fuel the insinuations of your guilt and a lifetime of regrets. Things that will benefit and fetch succour for the greater interest of humanity should not be ignored; so rally your best efforts to initiate positive actions on creative thoughts that crossed your mind. Every known heroic act started in the settlement of a closet. The little beginnings do not matter if you initiate deeds of valour. Be freely disposed to a life that makes you a helping hand and do not ever be tired to give your best. You will climb your mountain to the top if you keep exploring new possibilities. How far you can go will be determined how much you intelligent seek. Your life is a hint of possibilities and you cannot settle for less.
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Chapter 14
Courage
(Discouraging Fear) No man ever became great doing as he pleased. Little men do as the please, little nobodies. Great men submit themselves to the laws governing the realm of their greatness- Zig Ziglar (1926-2012) It is disturbing how many people allow tomorrows uncertainties deny them the reality that can most presently be secured. The men who have achieved tremendous feats, whose starry accomplishments intimidate many of us, are not excluded from the natural feelings of fear. They have merely learned and vigorously trained themselves to discourage their fears. Soldiers appear to show courage but this courage bears two possible consequences- they know if they go to a war that they either return alive or dead- at either ends they are heroes. If we all live by same principle; to live for influences that are beyond us, to be daring and seek exploits above our means- if in the end, we did not win quite as much as we crave, we still are celebrated for the victories we have secured on our way to larger expeditions. We must learn and quickly too, that we are heroes who need not be pummeled and crushed by the intimations of fear. Columbus would not have laid the brass tracks to find and discover the new world if he allowed the stories of earlier futile explorations shatter his will into splinters. Noel Webster will not have delivered to us, loads of words and their meanings if he had allowed the setbacks he suffered 10years before He commenced his documentations of the dictionary deal a shocking blow on his faith- a work that later took 36years! Do you remember George Stevenson? The man who invented the first steam locomotive for the railways- It took him 15years to arrive at the summit of his indefatigable efforts. Yet, the completion of such bodies of complex deeds is not quite as significant as the composition of conviction these men accumulated in the face of hurting discouragements. Nothing deters men as the fear of never being capable of finishing a thing. Regrettably, it is the same that has buried some of the greatest mind in obscurity. The fear of failure is absurd; it makes us feel unworthy, inadequate and a little less than we indeed are capable of. Heartily, the men who struck major breakthroughs are also haunted by this fear but with gusto they refused to be pushed around by a feeling that is ready to hand them over to a lifetime of torments and misery. They fought with a courage that was not ready to blink or forfeit its riches. Resolve not to allow your assurance yield to perplexing emotions that are capable of distorting your expected outcome. The human emotion can sometimes be over-protective making us withdraw from daring acts that can release us into unexpected elegance. If you will discourage your fears today, you will be shocked at the level of powers at your disposal.
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True safety only comes to us all by daring so fervently and training our instincts to be recalcitrant to the fallacies presumed panics. There is a dint of fear in us all but the creator did not permit fear so it can dent us; No! That was not the intent. Fear is not a sensibility that makes us foresee the worst outcome to run from where we might have won. It is rather a mechanism that makes us fashion a means to address a perceived unpleasant outcome as a challenge waiting to be overcome. The few men who saw fear as an opportunity to exercise faith; they are the few who have successfully lick fear and rise to reckoning. The good news is that if they can succeed in training themselves to such extent, you too can. Tight rope entertainers at the circus perform with a deft that leaves their audiences in frenzy and as though they are naturally made to walk the ropes. Most members of the audience watch in spinechilling awe; they watch with their jaws nearly falling off as they look on with heads raised. To make matters worse, the performer can sometimes thrill the audience further by riding a bicycle on a tight rope! Terror mixed with excitement grips the clapping audience, who even in some cases pray for this careless performer. Anyways, does this streak performer have no fears? Definitely NO! But has he trained himself to pocket his fear? Yes, of course. He might occasionally fall off, even bruised, but he goes back to his performance. Such daring, such faith, such devotion, you must crave. The Antidotes to Fear 1. Learn to use your constructive imagination A sage once said, Courage is creating somebody where there is nobody. Learn to force your creative impetus on any feeling of negativity. Both are feeling and it is the one you give the most preference that sways. The victory we secure and the loss we accrue were first details of our imagination- good or bad, excellent or average, loss or gain. Nothing clearly was the reality of a man that was not dominant in his imagination. Learn the ability to discover the stronger, firmer and healthier you in your own acceptable perception not the one some negative sensation suggests to you. Even in the most daring instances, resolved that the possibility you uphold in your imagination shall so become your reality. When you come across frightening situations as you will certainly encounter, reach forth to the inner graceful, tougher you. Learn to hold-on longer than a posing threat. 2. Practice Self-Assertion Keep the brightness you uphold in your head alive in your mouth. Assert continuously to yourself encouraging and uplifting words that builds your faith the surrounding conditions regardless. Open yourself up to rich words that make you indestructible in the face of a seizure; refuse to be overtaken by the shadows of fear. Let your thoughts escalate life building words and not faith wrecking jabbers.
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Assert confidently, I am not a tiddler, I am not a risible minor, I am good enough for success, I can face all that come across my path in my deliberate attempt to succeed, I can face this monstrous threat and I shall not lose my resolve, I can do it. Appeal to your inner willpower over every feeling of fear and you sure will win. A mans persistent assertion, often in the end becomes his reality. Whatsoever you profess you eventually possess. You cannot run too far from what you continuously say to yourself. 3. Confront your fears You can win but for a clause, if you give a very good fight. If your faith resonates and you fail to attempt anything, the faith that you so acclaim is useless. Throws lengthy jabs at supposed phobias; every experienced pugilists knows that such thrusts precede the killer punch. Deliberately do things that could have easily passed for caution. I suggest that you attempt it in bits though, go from the known to the unknown, move from shallow waters to the deep. Start from the smallest parts to weighing down the colossal threats. We are most advantaged in an assignment where we have the greater intelligence. A persistent work out on any hazard reduces its threat. The more you work on it, the more you unravel clues to handle it better. You have powers within you, exciting strength and fortified courage that need to be exercised and until you do, you never know the worth of what you possess. 4. Repeat the feat If you have subdued a phobia in a certain way(s), duplicate the tactic in other scenarios to see if it works. The biblical David is a notable example; he killed a bear and a lion with stones and in the war front, he replicated same feat and killed a giant- Goliath. Expertise is not instinctive; it is the result of years of practice. If your keep at it, it may soon yield results that may surprise you. Do not settle for temporary, one-off victories, the enthusiasm may not be able to burn for a lifetime. An act does not become a standard until it becomes a universal solution. Repeat the feat in as many scenarios as possible to see how far it could fare. If your last performance is worth its prices, let it worth its test with yet another try.
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Chapter 15
Disability
(What a wonderful creature) I see people with two legs and I say what a waste of two legs- Serah Reyanson (Disabled Athlete) At a time when fellows of same incapability accepted to go cap in hands, living of beggarly hand-outs, Jose Feliciano refuse to bow to the odd fate has dealt him. He held his head high up even though he was visually impaired. Jose found an old piece of guitar and trained himself how to play. In the bosoms of convenience and discomfort, he practiced night and day. Sometimes, he played until his fingers bled. Later on in life, he became a well-deserved and celebrated musician and guitarist. Today and to his fond memory is the all-time hit song- Feliz Navidad without which our Christmas jollies become incomplete. Steven wonder is another breathtaking phenomenon. He had won more Grammies than some physically able musician. This multi-talented instrumentalist, composer, singer and producer is one of worlds alltime performer. Oscar Pistorius (fondly called the Blade Runner) is a double leg amputee who has set sprint records that will long inspire coming generations. On many occasion he competed with able athletes before later participating in the Paralympic games. Overall, he has won 6golds, 4silvers and 1bronze medal in various international meets. He is currently the world record holder in the 2012 summer Paralympic games. Nigerias Cobhams Asuquo is a multiple award winning musical maestro, producer and songwriter. Let me quickly add, he is also visually impaired. He is recognized for producing some of Nigerias finest musical talents, with several hit songs. He has become the yardstick for success in the Nigerian entertainment industry. The list of physically challenged individuals with events that have shaped their lives is endless. They have graced the podium of courage to speak and address seas of heads at various events, crafted masterpieces in the global art scene, they have gained reckoning at the Olympics and even decorated with medals, they have managed businesses they naturally cannot see but have touched lives. Some of them have discouraging beginnings, grew with the pains of building wealth empires they will never see and born with ailments that are scientifically described as mysterious. While their physical conditions possess the capacity to make them pathetic and cripple their lives, they also show the courage not to allow such fates determine their tenacity. The strength they demonstrate, their charisma and untainted determination begets the honours bestowed on them.
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They may be visually impaired, cripple in their hands, smashed in their legs but their hopes are not diminished. They may physically appear to be challenged in one way or the other, but the amount of passion boiling inside of them is not trampled. They might not be able to express themselves normally, hold things firmly, run or walk steadily, but the amount of power inside of them rise twice than what confronts them. Across the globe, these men and women have made positive impacts. You can find their landmarks in engineering, sports, entertainment, teaching, banking and finance, religion, and all other aspects of life. They are as the oysters pearl, borne out of pressure. While growing up, Serah Reyanson competed in school sports. Many times she came last and did not even complete the race. Later in life she competed in the triathlon and against able bodied athletes! The triathlon is a competition that involves running, swimming and cycling. She traveled the hog of the three course contest in harsh weather and tough contenders. Many times, she struggled with giving up; but she knew it was a battle of a lifetime. Running on prosthesis, this hard fighting 30year old gave her all and flex muscles with able bodied men and an unfavourable weather. Serah wept even as she crossed the finish line. At the post tournament press interview she said, May be Im not the same 7year old who have to be last in the race but still want to be in the race. Although Serah did not win the race, she finished the course in 8hours a feat she never thought she could achieve. I love Helen Keller; a gracious academic, speaker, activist and philosopher. Nearly can a motivational book be complete without a mention of her name. Her long standing nuggets still reverberates across the world long after she had passed on. Helen was one of the few who graduated from Radcliffe cum laude; a feat anyone could have thought impossible considering that she was both blind and deaf. It would have been difficult for anyone to give her a chance at that time, but Helen knew it was not men who await their fellow men that take the path of recognition, it is those who take the initiative and she did. It is hard to discuss minds that have surpassed their bodily limitations without the mention of Ronan Tenor. He has won more gold medals than any other able athlete (between 1981 and 1990, he won 18 gold medals and broke 14 world records). The first disabled athlete ever to be admitted into the prestigious National College of physical education in Limerick. Won the John McCormick cup for tenor and he has sang in Americas Presidential inaugurations than most revered American artists. What a record for a humble amputee. These wonderful creatures have proved it right that it is not what you lack that hinders you; it is what you fail to use.
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To the many physically challenged who finds it difficult to believe in themselves, you have hope, you have a life that must not be compromised. What you do not have in physical degree, you have in your innermost being. If you concentrate on what you can do with what you have, you will realize what you lack may not count as much. You will have all that you could ever desire with your alertness to the possibilities that lie inwards. You are a whole lot of miracle waiting to happen. Agreed, you might not be physically equipped by nature to run towards your dream, if all you are left to do is to crawl; crawl. Whatsoever talent you have rejected its use, overtime becomes useless. If your voice is all you have left, may be that is all you might ever need. If and only if you can devote yourself and manage what you have left, you will be amazed at what you are capable of turning out to be. You possess a rising surge of power, massive potentials and undying capabilities if you can look inwards. If all you need is to look inwards, why look around. The loss of one part can only intensify the use of other available parts of your body. Decongest your attention on what you may not be able to replace and focus on what you have left. Through practice, careful drills and exercise you may astound yourself with your performances. What you cannot see, hold or feel physically must not take the future you see, hold and feel internally away from you. There is none other quite as beautiful, graceful and effective as you are. You are uncommon and perfect as you are. If you believe and trust the power of your creator; your potentialities will soon yield possibilities. You are wonderfully and fearfully made. Dont allow the absence of an organ completely steal from you the vision of a lifetime- See beyond the borders of your physical limitations.
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Chapter 16
Covetousness
And covetousness, which is idolatry- Colossians 3:5B (NIV) Recall in chapter 10 of this resource we talked about contentment. Now we are going to be discussing its extreme opposite- covetousness. Contentment as have been discussed in not in the dimension many may have expected; hence, in some ways covetousness and contentment to certain degrees are not encouraged in this resource when it does not support humanity. In as much as the contented (the complacent man) is culpable, so much is the covetous man. I want you to remember that true success is the attainment of a desired goal without the violation of the privileges of others (whether they knew it or not). No doubt, the ground rules of covetousness breaks this rule. Covetousness is a wanton lust, an excessive want, a compromised verdict to have what primarily belong to others. To a large extent, few things will make a man have an inconsolable thirst and a disturbing appetite for the assets of others as greed. Greediness is facile. It is a grisly hunt of what belong to others that causes an internal melee. It causes a miscarriage of self-control and nothing makes a man revert to primitive tendencies much as greed. History is filled with men and women who result to abrasive and subversive measures to override the opportunities possessed by others. At every point, greed concocts scathing tactics to acquire more at the expense of others. I consider no greater tragedy as the menaces attributed to men selling themselves off to avarice. When a man stage himself to seize the convenience of his fellow man, promote campaigns that in time past only mimics the forays of mans-inhumanity-to-man and mediate overtures that topples the livelihood of others to his selfish advantage he only show how much he is sold out to vanity. Greediness is the root of some of the most conceived wickedness. It is the toxic device that produces lethal jealousy and envy. It contrives the downfall of others. Those who drink from the vessel of greed will without shame feed on the flesh of their fellow men. Greed is treacherous, greed is debauchery and greed destroys. The grail for success on honest, truthful and humane grounds cannot be associated with a pursuit that seeks to drag others down to have what they have. As soon as a man condescends and loses his authority and control over gross, pointless acquisitions he drifts far apart from empathy. His wellness to care about his fellow man fades and his consciousness to sense dignity becomes morbid. The emission of greed releases deceit, cynicism and disloyalty. The rewards of a covetous man is not inconsistent neither is it unstable. It is a ready, steady recompense that can never be compromised or negotiated.
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It is never a senseless rebuttal that allows the sinner have his ways without paying in full for his misgivings. Like a man who crashed from a swing; while hes yet lifted in deluded heights of cheers and merriments his hope shall suddenly be dashed. While he still ravishes the gains of his booties with glees of a conqueror, he shall abruptly crumble on the rocky kickstand of retribution. Covetousness is odious and it is a sign of weakness. It entreats the feeble to contrive means to obstruct the upright. It tempts them to think evil can forfeit and outwit righteousness; it pushes lewdness to think of itself worthier than decency, it confronts the truth as if he were a better alternative. Covetousness is the profane guise of all uncouth inducement. When a man is so drunk with it, he loses the heart of kindness and meekness and seeks to wrestle those who possess the right purpose for living. BeWARE (Be Watchful Against Reckless Entreaties) If you are dead-on to plunder that which belongs to your neighbor illicitly, criminally undermining his footsteps to take his place or even lusting irrepressibly on the things of your fellow man of which you equally possess; beWARE of such appeals for the latter end is utter damnation- an irreparable loss. Your plans, your plots, your goals are upright unless you stain them with the intension of the fall of your brethren. To add better meaning to whom you are and exonerate yourself of a faltering conduct such as greediness, you need to weld the gaping holes in your way of life. Discipline is a sacrifice; it means you train yourself to let go, to ignore, to look in another direction if you cannot have that which you seek right away rather than harm your fellow man to have it. Any act or approach to life that destroys others to achieve a definite purpose had violated the highest rule in the domain of mankind- Thou shall do unto your brethren as you require be done unto thee. I rarely can mention any attitude that becomes habitual that is not engrained in greed. BeWARE! Let you will fight the loose feeling of an untamed lust; a lust that would not mind how many lives you torture, torment and afflict just so that you can smile! Let your life tilt in the directions that sets you above the dark hold of greed. Until you set yourself above the coy of greed, you may never find the reason why certain things do not require selfishness. When a man begins to think everything should belong to him, he starts to query the reason others should have as much as he does. The covetous is so unfortunate, he acquires until his acquisitions begins to trouble him. Any man who is not prepared and deservingly so; to rid himself of the fetters of greed has tie a huge stone with a rope round his own neck that will pull him down the deep. Ask the men who has acquired more of the things he least needs, and you will find out none are more troubled than they are. Ugly, untoward incidences surround the men who have their senses fixed on what they commonly do not need. The ravenous instinct to have it all without restraints on how we treat our fellow man leads only to unending guilt and grave consequences. True satisfaction is gained, when your acquisitions enables you to empower others. A man starts to live devoid of such a satisfaction, if most of what constitutes his assets dismisses his peace. 63
A beacon for Right living In truth, our sins are just the result of misdirected, misguided and misfired energies-The wild agitations of carnal lust waiting to be tamed. Perhaps we need to take more replenished lessons from the selfrestraint; He has gained the powers to oppose the rebellious advances of petty and vain gains. He knew he cannot have everything, but of the little he has he share, he cares for his fellow man and he showed it with how he give of himself to help them. He neither deceives the poor nor steals from the opulent to enrich himself. He pursues his course gallantly knowing fully well that there shall be reward in the end of his race. Therefore he runs with the serenity of purpose and with a committed faith he knows he shall win for no one that ever so ran loses. Take the charge off your trivial, fraudulent lusts; do not let such lascivious appeals conquer your supreme chase. Control luring desires- what is under your authority should not be your master. Teach your eyes to see, train your hands to touch, educate your ears to hear, instruct your tongue what it tastes, order your legs where it goes; let your mind be the consummate master of your senses; for if your mind is free of filth, your organs are free of iniquities.
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Chapter 17
Humour
(It crack my rib) In the Old Testament, the Ten Commandments does not include a law that say, Thou shall not laugh.Icon Aside air and dream, nothing is quite as free as your laughter. Humour stimulates the parts of our brain that use the feel good chemical messenger dopamine- That puts laughter in the category of activities you want to do over and over again, such as eating chocolate or having sex.- William Speed (Readers Digest, 2006). Norman Cousin once narrated in a book how he healed himself of a frantic terminal disease using laughter to stimulate his immune system. In his narration, when he was discharged from the hospital, he checked into a motel where he watched funny videos that aroused resistance cell bodies that accelerated his healing. Our bars, clubs, meetings, pubs and other social hang outs are now incomplete without a comedian. I can tell you emphatically, one of the fastest growing sectors of the entertainment industry is the comic business. More and more people are fast becoming a comedian either by nurture or nature. In a global economy that suffers from a depressing business cycle, the humour industry is fast becoming an essential commodity. Comedy is fast becoming an economic bail out (for both comedians and their delighted audiences) not for its entertainment frills alone but also for its curative powers. Studies on the health benefits of laughter showed that the people who find good enough reasons to laugh often live more radiantly, healthily and are happier than those who do not. It further proved that those who could still manage a smile in the face of difficulties appear younger and well-balanced than those who become frenetic when faced with an oddity. Further studies showed that if laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases mirth and intimacy. The embittered, sour and growling fellow will age faster and also become melancholic. While you summon and exert more facial muscle to frown, you require less force effort to smile. Humour is a powerful antidote to stress and it can act as a useful reverse mechanism for most emotional disorder. Humour helps to take a light outlook at tense conditions; in so doing it relaxes muscles, lowers stress hormones and improves the zest for success. Humour has physical, mental and social benefits that you should not refuse. You cannot fake a dashing smile- Impossible! People can easily tell if a smile is not from your heart. Deep, soothing smiles creates an atmosphere of good feeling and light heatedness that douses anxiety. Through humour, you soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.- Bill Cosby
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Real laughter creates an unfeigned pulse in your diaphragm; it makes your rib cage bubble in delight and sparks a rush of oomph in your blood vessels. Humour defuses the torment of anxiety and provides a sweet relief from the grief. Jim Valvano asserts, I just got one last thing, I urge all of you, all of you, you enjoy your life, the precious moments you have; To spend each day with some laughter and some thought, to get your emotions going. Humour of all, might not be the best of medicines, but is sure a medicine. Humour is fast rising as a doctors strong prescription for depressed patients. Even a bad news is better told these days with some comical tints. Comedians are fast taking advantage of bad social, economic and political situations fashioning jokes that makes their audiences fall into hysteria. Cheer up! Be jolly, your life is a reflection of your expectations and not a drubbed, incoherent, disfigured existence. Be optimistic, be upbeat, your best is yet to come. More bad news for the pessimists; according to a new Dutch study, optimists live longer.- Ben Walsh Heaven may perhaps not look any different from hell, if inmates are allowed to smile! You can always tell the difference between a buoyant, happy-go-lucky and a swinging, low-spirited person- it is honestly happiness. Their faces, their carriage, their warmness tells it all. This is as opposed to the paradoxical circus performer named Grimandi. He was a cheery circus clown, who was the delight of all spectators at the circus. One day, Grimandi secretly visited a physician. After complaints about his moodiness and unknown who the patient was, the doc advised his surreptitious visitor to go later same night to watch Grimandi-the clown (unknown, the physician has prescribed Grimandi to Grimandi). Choked, the physician was surprised when the visitor seated before him whispered, I am Grimandi. Morale: Happiness like the truth, you cannot hide it. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins (the human body feel good chemicals). Humour pushes relief to all nerve endings, internally ensuring peaceful sensations. A smile have intense influence including improving the function of the blood vessel and flow. Sportsmen, marketers, toastmasters, presenters, business executives, all know that their inability to keep a smile can cost them their career. Even under intense pressure they smile, banters and laugh away their tension. Most of the best first impression started with a smile. People involuntarily reciprocate a smile- Even a toddler responds chirpily to a smile. Your ability to influence others and become the people person that you are may start with a smile. If you must inspire others, you must learn to smile. Humour is pleasurable. You can induce happiness by listening to music and watching stand-up comedians, hanging out with loved ones and reading comics. The online social Medias are also fast becoming the hub of all manner of jokes. People exchange jokes online every day for free; Join the fun.
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How you can create your own Humour Attend comedy shows Play with a pet Visit online comedy websites Make time for fun activities Hang out with friends and family Watch your favourite TV shows Play games
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Notes
About the Author

Elijah Olupona is a dynamic, innovative and experienced Economic, Brand and Marketing Professional with over 5years of robust and intensive work experience in economic research and integrated marketing operations. His career experience cuts across Economic Strategy Consulting and Brand Marketing-specifically serving decision makers in governments, businesses and economic institutions. He has been part of various projects that ensures the deployment of appropriate economic policies, healthy companies, strong economic institutions and sound financial markets.
Notable among which are the Medium Term Strategic System (MTSS) for Kwara State, Economic Study of the East-West Coastal Road, Reputation Audit for Access Bank, Value Chain Analysis of the defunct Smurfit Corrugated Packaging (currently, Starline Corrugated Packaging), Transformation Plan for Deap Capital Management into a Merchant Bank, Nigerian Economic Scorecard (Developed for the Nigerian Economic Summit Group (NESG)) among others relevant projects. He has also provided services for Quick Service Restaurants (QSRs), and personal development coaching sessions with focused groups, schools and NGOs.
His proven ability and industry intelligence have earned him the opportunity to manage key account relationships and communication projects majorly in the Nigerian target markets. Currently, he spearheads the I.N.V.E.N.T project; a development which focuses on building resourceful talents and visionary leaders for Nigerias future. I.N.V.E.N.T is an acronym for Inspiring Nigerias Vanguard of Visionary Leaders.

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Dedicated to Moore and Dainty

My Summaries For Effective Living

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The Failures Opinion

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The Art of Listening

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Optimistic Outspoken Precise Visionary Inspiring Exacting Self-confident Persistent

Meek Moderate Lively Detailed Thoughtful Humane Observant Keen

My Summaries For Effective Living

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