Parenting the Family Circus The Art of Gracefully Running Life Under the Big Top

The Laundry Moms Parenting E-Book

Authors under the Big Top: Terri Bonin, Kali Gillespie, Erin Lichnovsky, & Angela Rose

INTRODUCTION: The Greatest Show on Earth The family is Gods idea. It is the place where mankind is born, where infants are nourished, children are corrected, hearts are shaped, boys become men, and girls transform to womanhood. It is the genesis of a culture, the heartbeat of a society, the strength of a nation, the laboratory of life. Family is Gods plan, it is unequivocally the Greatest Show on Earth. Family is where we grow, we heal, we risk, we dream, we love, we forgive, we thrive, we learn. It is the backdrop in which the Lord of Heaven came down to earth. Family is Gods plan, and God has provided us a blueprint to follow for parenting. He is the perfect parent, and we look to Him for guidance and direction for this marvelous adventure. In this book we are sharing our motherly wisdom gained from a combined 100 years of parenting 38+

children (yes, you read that right!) in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and His ways. We are real women with all the real challenges you face in your parenting. It is our firm conviction that not only can children be successfully raised in todays wild and crazy world, but that raising children to understand right and wrong as defined by God is the only way to help them navigate through their childhood with their precious spirits intact. We offer this book to you as a gift of love and our vote of confidence in your parenting. If God has given you children to nurture, then He will surely help you to raise them. Now, if youll direct your attention to center stage, the show will begin!

TABLE OF CONTENTS 1. The Cast of Characters: Establishing a Chain of Command 2. The Three Ring Circus: Juggling the Personalities in Your Home 3. The Care and Feeding of our Performers: Back to Basics 4. The Great Balancing Act: Finding Balance in Everyday Life 5. Walking a Tight Rope of Consistency
Learning to Stand Firm in Life

6. Lions and Tigers and Bears- Oh My!: The Influence of Media in the Home 7. View from the High Wire:
Parenting with Vision

8. The Freak Show: Keep Your Cool Over Appearances

9. Keeping Those Balls in the Air: Routines and Chores 10. The Importance of Intermission (for Mom): Taking Time Out from the Spot Light

The Cast of Characters: Establishing a Chain of Command

by Terri Tip! Establishing a chain of command will keep life simple in the home. When a clear, loving, respectable authority is present, justice and peace will flow freely. Families come in all shapes and sizes, from newlyweds to multi-generations living under one roof. Just as the family was Gods idea, He also set up a no-nonsense order of authority, which you could also call a chain of command. Establishing a chain of command takes consistency. If a parent lacks follow through, the kids will set themselves up against each other and dissention will reign. My kids know that ultimately Daddy has the last word, but if he is not home and it is a trivial matter, Mom lays down the law.

After that, younger children are to listen to older siblings since the older ones KNOW the boundaries and expectations under our Big Top. We practice the chain by the order the kids sit at the dinner table and in the car. It may seem small, but the younger ones know that the older ones get to sit closest to Mom and Dad. As their siblings grow up and move out, the little ones move up in the row. This practice solves seating arrangement disputes and teaches the little ones to respect their older siblings. Mommy Said! I heard a scuffle in the other room. It sounded like an argument over a beloved toy. Little voices escalated, drowning out the peace in the house. I tried to ignore the noise, hoping the tots would work it out. I wanted them to be little men and settle the dispute maturely. The next thing I knew, a short person was tugging on my shirt. Mom, Caden took my sword

and he wont give it back. He says its his toy, but you gave it to me for my birthday. Tell Caden, Mommy said to give it back. The look of defeat left Samuels countenance and he bounded into the other room with confidence, Mom said to give it back to me, NOW! My kids learn early that theres power in my name. Power to return stolen toys or grant a cookie before dinner, power to allow mix-matched shoes to be worn to church on Sunday, power to grant permission for a sleep over. Mommy said is the dreaded verbal command to any offender in our family and the assured victory cry of the offended. Mommy said can change everything in an instant. But Mommy is not always under The Big Top. For the kids safety, setting up a clear chain of command is essential. When Mommy and Daddy are both away from the house, the young ones MUST know that the

oldest siblings carry the authority in our name. We have taught the kids by the way we live daily how the rank falls. Little enforcements such as the right to sit near mom and dad teach the little ones the rank. For instance, when Daddy is away during dinnertime for an emergency patient, the oldest son moves up the table and sits in his chair. He prays for dinner and leads the highs and lows, our familys way to get each person at the table to talk about the high point and low point of their day. Everyone moves up a chair and the kids learn through practice that they each will move up in rank in due time. As the Ring Masters wife, I train the circus whether the Ring Master is home or not. Teaching our Cast of Characters the chain of command keeps order in our home. I can trust that when my husband and I take a night away, the young ones will obey the voice of the oldest Character in charge.

This could save a life if they are playing outside and this gives the Ring Master and me the freedom to enjoy our time away from our Circus. Ultimately my children know that The Ring Master and I answer to a Higher Authority, and that all the power is in His name. We desire our Characters to respect Heavenly and earthly authority, so we practice the chain of command under our Big Top. Lovingly teach your clowns the chain of command and watch order come to your circus.

The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous man runs into it and is safe. Proverbs 18:10

The Three Ring Circus: Juggling the Personalities in Your Home by Angela Tip! Learn the Personalities in Your Home for more Peace & Harmony Life can truly feel like a three ring circus at times when managing a busy household, especially if you have multiple characters under one big top. When God gives us many different personalities in our homes, we sometimes feel exhausted trying to juggle the moods and different qualities everyone brings to center stage! You might have a lion tamer personality, a clown, a tightrope walker, and maybe even someone who does not want to be in the circus at all, but would rather travel around taking the stance of no cruelty to animals.

So many different people under one roof does make for an adventure when trying to keep life in order. It also takes effort to discover the direction to encourage each performer, especially when seeking their God given talents. The Master Planner created each one of us with different strengths and weaknesses. Realizing this allows us to gain insight into accepting those qualities without putting a damper them. We can encourage the clown to be the center of attention and make everyone around himself laugh, and we can understand why the tightrope walker insists on being so precise in everything she does! It is vitally important to know when to encourage the Ring Master to lead, but also make sure he or she has a humble heart. He must lead with sensitivity toward his fellow siblings who have different personalities than he does. My own Big Top has every personality present, which used to cause many tears and much

heartache wondering why this child or that one could not just think like me. I would try to motivate one child to keep her room clean when all she wanted to do was color or play outside. I also had a child whose bed was made before breakfast, and whose school work was done by noon. This was not only frustrating, but also confusing as a young mom wanting to keep rules in and order about our day! At one point, my analytical husband was trying to communicate with my very artistic child. He wanted to make sure her feelings were not hurt. The different personalities on display were so far from each other! I felt like I was in the middle of a circus and all the animals had been let out of their cages! I was concerned that their relationship was headed for a lions den. We needed to do something fast before this child acted out her

frustration by running into the arms of some Mr. Wrong to feel loved and understood! Communication is so vital when dealing with many different personalities in your home. Allowing each personality to feel accepted and honored is the key to helping everyone feel a part of the team! Each blessing from heaven was strategically placed in your family in order to cover each others weaknesses and benefit from each others strengths so you can work together with diversity in harmony as a complete family.

Thinking Outside the Box: Planning the Life of Your Dreams By Angela

Our family had just experienced a fun-filled evening at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. We were laughing, singing, and talking as we drove home. I asked each child in turn what his or her favorite part of the rodeo had been. Everyone was sharing in the excitement. In the energy of the moment, I told the kids that they could be anything God had put in their hearts to be when they grew up! I just wanted them to have the freedom to dream big dreams about their future! To encourage them, I began asking each child, What would you like to be when you grow up? Chelsie, the oldest, said she wanted to be an artist.

Levi, the youngest at the time, said he wanted to be a cowboy, no doubt influenced by his Daddy and the more than 50,000 cowboys we had just seen at the rodeo! Then I asked Bailey, our middle child, what she dreamed of being. In her cute 5-year-old voice she bellowed out, A TENNIS PLAYER! What? Did I hear her correctly? NO ONE in our family had ever played tennis, or even been to a tennis match. Our dog didnt even own a tennis ball the kids could throw for him! Where in the world did this come from?? Trying not to sound like I was in shock, and wanting to play the encouraging, ever loving mother, I replied, WOW, thats sounds interesting Bailey! How did you decide that you wanted to become a tennis player?

She ever so light-heartedly responded, Oh I dont know. The outfits are just so cute!!! We all roared with laughter. Thats our Bailey, her Daddy acknowledged, realizing that our little fashionista was, even at an early age, thinking totally outside of the box! You have different personalities in your home, just as I do. We must learn to encourage each one in their own strengths for the Glory of their Father in heaven! The eye cannot say to the hand, I dont need you! And the head cannot say to the feet, I dont need you! On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor 1 Corinthians 12:1

The Care and Feeding of our Performers: Back to Basics by Kali In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat for he grants sleep to those he loves. Psalm 127:2 When things get a little crazy in our circus/home, Ive learned (at times, the hard way) to take a few steps back out of the ring and make sure were all getting the basics: good food and good sleep! These two vital life requirements so often get pushed aside to the already narrow margins of our lives. And oh, do we suffer for it. I know what happens when I forget to consider the "main act" of my life- and Ive learned I must not undermine the importance of it. What really should be the sideshows often include the activities that end up squeezing out the

priorities. How often do you find yourself rushing out the door, missing breakfast, to get one of your kids to a music lesson on time? Or coming home at the dinner hour after a soccer practice or dance class, with no dinner prepared? Do you end up throwing on some pasta and jarred sauce, with no time to make a salad? After too many days in a row like this, before we know it, theres more tears than smiles, more freakouts than laughter and way more stress than peace. The minor problems start to look like majors, and show time is just no fun at all. Contrast that scene with happy productive children, and parents that fall into bed at the end of the day, exhausted but satisfied. The proper care and feeding of our families is truly the foundation of successful lives. There's also something restorative that takes

place when we allow ourselves the pleasure of spending time without rushing to make a big pot of soup, maybe baking some bread, or chopping a huge bowl of veggies for a big salad. Meals don't need to be extravagant to be healthy and nourishing! Simple stews, soups, roasted veggies and salads with fresh breads can all be prepared in under an hour. (Check the archives for some fabulous recipes here!) Next to food, the other back-to-basic remedy is the ever-coveted sleep. Years ago, a friend recommended the "8:30 Prescription" to me. This is a simple yet brilliant solution guaranteed to alleviate a whole myriad of ailments! The remedy is simple: go to bed at 8:30 pm for three nights in a row! To really ramp up the sleep benefits, take action to improve the quality of those precious zzzz's. Blackout curtains, earplugs, and wool bedding can really boost the restorative process. Cut the

afternoon caffeine, go for a brisk walk in the late afternoon and sleep should come easily by bedtime. And who doesn't want to feel more rested?! Better sleep, and more of it, is the best cure for fatigue (of course), mood swings, colds & flus, and pretty much any other ache & pain. And make sure those little ones are in bed on time too! Add an afternoon cat nap to your Back to Basics focus of good food and early nights, and you and your troupe will be back on the flying trapeze in no time!

There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment? Ecclesiastes 2:24-25

The Great Balancing Act Finding Balance in Everyday Life by Erin

TIP! Parenting in the modern era takes wisdom and discernment. Knowing your childs bent in life can help you to decide which activities will add value to your family and which ones will pull you apart. Remember, as far as anyone knows, we are a normal family! This sign hangs proudly on the wall in our kitchen. It has become one of our informal family mottos, reminding us not to sweat the small stuff and that, though we may LOOK like a circus sideshow, normal is a relative term.

I grew up in the 70s. My dad worked a traditional job as an engineer with NASA, my mom worked as a realtor. I had an older brother and a few friends my age to play with, but for the most part, I felt alone, and always wished I had more people around. Anyone looking at our home would have called us a normal, middle-class family. While some may have thought that life was normal, to me, there was a longing, an angst, that I just couldnt identify. Gilligans Island and Charlies Angels were both a reflection of my life both were void of infants, toddlers, and little kids. The thing is, I rarely ever saw babies or younger kids, unless their last names were Partridge or Brady. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined a home like the one Im currently managing, which is a busy family of ten people.

Though oftentimes we feel like were living out our own sit-com, within our small three bedroom home lives a daughter preparing for marriage, working two part time jobs and attending college full time; a son who is a full time college student, also working a part time job and running a music studio from our home; a 16 year old daughter homeschooling full time and teaching ballroom dance lessons, while also interning weekly for a local doctor and interning for a theater company; a 13 year-old son who interns at a local restaurant in order to be a professional chef, while completing his weekly homeschooling requirements and participating in theater; and four little girls who are 10, 8, 5, and 2, each at different skill levels academically; all full of life and creativity. My husband, a gifted musician and songwriter, works from home on four different jobs in order to provide for our growing family.

I mainly stay home with the family, cooking, cleaning, reading, writing, schooling, disciplining, and child training all the crew. Over the years I have worked part-time from home for a local Classical school my kids attend as well as tutoring on the side several hours a week. To the outsider it looks like were a little crazy. To society we dont appear normal. But were not living our life for them Balancing family life was not learned in a book, or growing up. It came from years of on-the-job training. My childhood, though pleasant and happy, didnt prepare me for the crazy schedules we keep today. When I am asked the question, How on earth do you do it all? my heart wishes I could pull up a chair and sit with the questioner, and tell them the story of how hard it was finding the balance. For years we learned by trial and error that every child does NOT have to play sports just because

one did. We learned that every child does NOT need to be in choir because the oldest was. The biggie was that just because the church doors were opened, that did not mean we needed to be there every time. We learned the difference between good, better, and best, and that sometimes we can be closer to the Lord as a family by just staying home on Sunday and Wednesday nights. We learned the value of margin time, and keeping our Saturdays open for whatever came up. Most importantly, we learned that not every day needed to be scheduled. God, in His sovereign ways, equipped us to roll with the tide over the years by giving us all these kids and teaching us that flexibility is not only a virtue, but an essential one. The great balancing act happens when God, the author of perfect order and balance, is the center of the home and parents the parent.

That means that we forget about what anyone else expects of us, and simply try to live up to what we believe God expects of us.

Thus says the Lord: Stand in the ways and see and ask for the old paths, where the good way is and walk in it; then you will find rest for your souls. Jeremiah 6:16-17

Walking a Tight Rope of Consistency Learning to Stand Firm in Life By Terri

Tip! Being consistent is one of the most important disciplines we exercise as parents, and one of the most difficult ones.

Children yearn for strong parents who are reliable and consistent. An inconsistent parent is undependable, unreliable , and ultim ately disappointing to a child. A parent that blows with the wind will raise children that do not respect authority, boundaries or deadline s . Before I had children, I imagined myself

living out daily routines with my little ones morning, noon , and night. Then I had a REAL baby and everything changed. My perfect little circus rings came to life with fire! Jumping through hoops was no longer so easy. Exhaustion challenged my priorities as I struggled through completing the daily tasks of a homemaker. I real ized that my children were growing and the chores were, too. Tr aining the hearts of my children MUST become as important as the daily household chores. Simply dressing and feeding kids is SO MUCH EASIER than taking the time to get in the ring with them an d shape their souls. The truth is we only have a short window of opportunity to shape them before

permanent habits set like cement blocks in their character. Consistency is inconvenient, but essential if our family circus is going to perform in sync. Wit hout consistency our family Big Top will be filled with untamed wild animals running amuck.

The Inconvenience of Consistency by Terri Suitcases sprawl ed over the rooms , begging to be zipped and put away after our trip . Laundry f ell off the folding table , begging to be hung and put away . The baby w ore a soggy diaper , with only one left on the shelf . Several children scurr ied around the house , passing the last toilet paper roll from bathroom to bathroom . I kn e w this from the voices hollering, Can someone co me help me, please? Everywhere I look ed, something beg ged to be cleaned, put away or restocked. I fel t out of sorts with the household in such disarray , and dis orderliness pursu ing hard

and fast in our home after many days away. Urgent chores negate d th e peace that our vacation had so lavishly bestowed on my soul. So many odds and ends reach ed for my attention , call ed for my time , and beg ged for my hands. As I survey ed the demanding to dos that scream ed so loudly , a soft, tender voice penetrate d my th oughts as my three year - old announce d , Its time for Bible. He knows our normal routine. Drip, drip, drip His milk spill ed off the table and onto the floor , adding to the unsightly c haos. I t ook my eyes off of my keys and

br ought my unruly thoughts bac k into submission . I c ould not escape to Super Target and nurse a Venti - latte while I shop ped. My anticipated mini break wa s pushed to the back of the line for the moment . Reading with my son wa s the most pressing thing on my to do list that morning. H is precious, fast growing soul would not wait for me to get it together before I focus ed on him. He was being shaped , whether by my effort o r by my neglect . He was being shaped whether I did the shaping or not.

Indeed, everything else could wait. I said , Yes, its time for Bible. W e call ed the rest of the kids into the den for our morning reading. We read about David and Goliath. I need ed a hero like David , an example of courage ; of doing the hard thing , of stepping forward in faith regardless of outward appearances. The story comfort ed me and energized my young boys. After our time together , they excitedly talk ed about if they were David and dream ed of slaying their own giants. Courage, strength , and love were sewn in stitches into my kids souls whi le the urgent work impatiently wait ed for my

at tention. The urgent things never leave . They will press their demand s into my days for the rest of my life. These children, however, will not. Their cherub cheeks and goofy laughs will grow into busy adult lives , whether I stop and take part in their training or neglect it all together. The truth is I always do what I deem truly important , whether its convenient or not: I regularly tie my tie my tennis shoes and head out the front door for a brisk evening w alk because e nergy is important to me. I go on regular dates with my husband and I enjoy his company because m y marriage is important to me .

I take my vitamins in hopes of remain ing strong for my family long into the evening of my life because h ealth is im portant to me. There is time in my day for each truly importan t task. If I really want something badly enough, I silence the urgent , sacrifice other to dos , and accomplish the important. My kids souls are important to me. They are the future generation that will slay giants or cower in fear. We, as moms, cannot wait for the right time to teach our children biblical principals straight from the word. Sitting down calmly to read , think , and discuss with the kids is never easy when the house

looms with unfinished chores , but its necessary because the chores never end and the kids are growing fast. Know t hat what you do behind closed doors with your children will reap public fruit in due time. You are giving them the gift of yourself, of understanding p riorities, of putting first things first, as author Stephen Covey always said. If your children are ever to learn to put the world aside and commune with God, it must be learned from your example. If your children are ever to learn that they are the mast ers of their fate, and they can control their environment, it must be learned from your example. Read and enjoy the following telling

poem by Anon: As the Twig We, the youth who shock you so, Ask, How much did you help us grow? You gaze at us with aston ishment. Where were you when the twig was bent? If you wanted saplings tall and straight, Why did you wait? Why did you wait? You gave us bread. Did that atone For the days and nights we were left alone? You laughed our heroes from their height And left th em worthless in our sight. They lost their standards in the dust; Their weapons dulled with bitter rust. And when we asked for God, you turned Our answers back with doubt that burned.

We watched you tempt the hand of fate. The world plunged into war and ha te In mockery of brother - love; Nothing on earth, nothing above! You blame us for skirting dangers brink We want to feel, for we dare not think. Who asks good fruit from a well - grown tree Must take the time for husbandry

(Anon: via Soul Sculpture)

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh My! By Angela

Tip! Tame the media in your home!

In this day and age, our lives are fast paced and media savvy. Lets face it, our kids know how to surf the internet, Google anything, i.m. on their iPod, while Facebooking, Tweeting, and pinning their favorite photos on Pinterest. And they can do it all at the same time! Life is much different in this media-dominated world. We are influenced by the influx of digital technology, as it is all around us, every day, all the time. Dont get me wrong: I do love my technology as much as any app-addicted teenage girl.

Its quite nice to have Google as a mamas helper when those difficult questions ariselike where the nearest dog groomer or dry cleaners is, or figuring out how much butter I might need for a recipe. At the same time, we must as parents realize that we have to be the parents when it comes to media influencing our children. While researching for a paper on the influence of music on the brain, I was blown away by how much we as human beings are programmed by the words we speak. Television shows are called programming for a reason. We do have a TV. set in our home, its just not connected to any dish, satellite, or antenna. Yes, we do watch the occasional fun or inspiring family movie. But we have also made a conscious choice that we do not want our children to be influenced by societys with values we do not agree with, or

exposed to media that does not represent Godly character. We do have a choice. We can choose to ignore the elephant in the room called the TV, computer, or gaming system; or we can choose to set boundaries for that wild animal and tame it before it ravages our most precious gifts from above, our children!

Protecting Children from Pornography By Angela

It was a hot Texas July, and we were camping. We had electricity, but it was still camping! The kids were settling into the campground, making Dallas our new home away from home for the week. A few days into our adventure, we needed to do laundry. I started the laundry at the campground Laundromat, and then the kids jumped into the swimming pool. When we were done, one child asked to go ahead and walk back to get rinsed off in the shower before we all piled into the mini-casa for some family bonding. I said sure, that we would be right there. We gathered our things and arrived back at the camper a few minutes after the other child. Little did I realize the danger that was lurking so close to us.

The kids know we have NO secrets in our family. We regularly check Facebook, emails, and text messages to keep everyone accountable for their actions. This is to safeguard them, as well as set them up for success before any red flags might happen and things get out of control. Plus, we want to keep open lines of communication for situations or conversations they have where they might need some guidance. So as we got back to the camper, I realized my child had been alone in the camper with a computer, with no protection on the internet. My heart sank. As I pulled up the history, I discovered that my child had been exposed to pornography! An innocent curiosity in a Google search had opened the door for shattered innocence!

Devastation, anger, and sobs filled that tiny camper as I tried to pull myself together to have a heart to heart with my child. After much conversation, prayer, and repentance the initial situation was resolved, but the images implanted in this young mind could not be erased. We must be proactive in safeguarding our children on a daily basis. Taking precautionary measures to set boundaries like only allowing the family computer to be in a visible location, adding a web protection software, and setting time restrictions will help the fight to keep our childrens innocence in the battle we face for their futures. As parents, we cannot let our guard down. We must protect their innocence at all times. The evil in this world is too pervasive and too tempting for us to think we can ignore this issue.

What we allow in our homes through media has the power to rob them of their innocence and can destroy their adult lives if left unchecked. Learn from our tragic mishap. We must be set up multiple layers of boundaries in order to protect ourselves and our children from the rampant immorality and pornography that is readily available on the internet.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

View from the High Wire Parenting with Vision By Erin

TIP! Do not let the weeds of daily life blind you from the view that is only available from the high wire. Zoom out your focus, write down your vision for your family and each child, and parent them with reckless abandon.

I just dont know how my son is going to turn out! one parent asks. How do you discipline a child that wont listen, or one who keeps repeating the same offense day after day? worries another. What does it mean to have a parenting view from the high wire?

What does it mean to parent with vision? Whose vision? What vision? How do you even find a vision? Many parents think they can teach their kids that if they just try hard enough, they can do anything they set their mind to. You may even know a parent who believes that, God has called my son to be a doctor, a lawyer, or a major league baseball player, when in reality, any bystander can see that the backyard scientist who is busy chasing butterflies might be preparing already for a future life of botany research, or the role of Puck in A Midsummers Nights Dream. Parenting with Vision means viewing your family through Gods eyes, not your own expectations and personal ambitions. It means laying down your desires for that child and asking God to show you His vision. How does HE want you to parent that child as an individual?

What direction is that life headed and how can you best water the soil of their soul so that they will one day soar with eagles?

Write the Vision My favorite week of the year is the time between Christmas and New Years Day. Its the week where I can look back over the past year, thank God for all He has done, and look ahead to the new year with anticipation and joy. My journals are filled with prayers for my husband and children written during those weeks. When they were young, I bought a new journal and inside each page I traced a copy of every family members hand, glued a picture of them on the right side, and wrote down what I was praying for them. Looking back on those pages brings tears to my eyes because I see how God has brought to pass the vision He planted in my heart so many years ago.

One thing I knew when I held my first child in my arms, was that I wanted her to love the Lord with all her heart, mind, soul, and strength. In Him is perfect love, so I knew that if she knew Him and loved Him, that everything else would fall into place in her life. I knew she would not be promised an easy road in life, and suffering most likely would be in her future; but if she had an anchor for her soul, her life would be a success.

Sow with a vision of righteousness, reap according to kindness, break up the fallow ground, for it is time to seek the Lord until He comes to rain righteousness on you. Hosea 10:12

The Freak Show: Keep Your Cool Over Appearances by Terri

Tip! Appearances can be deceiving! Care more about your childs heart than you do about the fad you detest that hes enjoying. Being a parent means walking a tight rope between complete humiliation and abundant pride on any given day. In fact, if you want to stay humble, become a parent. On special days everyone may need to look just so. But sometimes we just need to ignore appearances in order to get everything done that we need to do in a day. Other times it is necessary for us to purposefully ignore outward appearances, so that we can reach the hearts of our children. Some days we have to

choose to love them rather than getting hung up on their weird shirt or funky hair. If we are always forcing them to dress and act just the way we think they should dress and act, especially in adolescence, we will push their hearts so far away that we will lose all influence in their lives. Each of our kids is unique. I have artsy children, meticulous children, dramatic daughters, and competitive sons no two alike. Naturally as the mom, I try to train them in etiquette and decorum, while they are still little, then when they get a bit older I let go and hold my breath as they create their own circus act. Years of experience has shown me have that I can learn a lot about my childs heart by watching his/her personal expression. This personal expression sometimes makes us look like a complete freak show, but thats ok.

There is more to life than outwardly appearing to have the best looking clowns in the Big Top.

Dont Major on the Minors Samuel, our beloved four-year-old, has a fetish for high water pants. If he accidentally puts on a pair that fits him, a five-minute counseling session followed by bribery is needed for him to keep them on. Why he stays ready for a flood, no one knows, but we adore the kid and are just thankful he is not naked. Besides, when you are one of ten kids in a busy household, you get away with this type of thing regularly. And when you are a tired, post partum parent of ten kids, you live by the motto: Pick your Battles. High water pants and faded t-shirts are the least of my parenting concerns. Early Friday morning, I decided to run to WalMart with my not so stylish Samuel. He donned his usual undersized ensemble and I resembled someone that could have chosen his apparel with my baggy shirt and fuzzy hair.

We were quite the pair. It was a Wal-Mart run. Who would notice, right? When we arrived at Walmart, we headed to the McDonalds for an iced tea. While in line, I smiled at the elderly man behind me. He smiled back and said in a thick foreign accent, 1335 Sanders Road, Bethel Temple. We are giving free clothes for children tomorrow at noon...every Saturday at noon. 1335 Sanders Road. He repeated the address about 5 times. The look on my face had to be one of shock. A foreign missionary to the U.S. was trying to help me dress Samuel!! I quickly tried to recover with a smile and a gracious, Thank you! I repeated the address back to reward his efforts of kindness. I had no intentions of telling him we donate clothes to his mission! Oh the irony!

Needless to say, after that incident, I hid all of the clothes too small for Samuel, and I promised to tame my frizz with a flat iron before leaving the house ever again! No more freak shows in public if I can help it. However, I know better than to major on the minors. Mismatched children and awkward outward appearances are not THAT big of a deal in the scheme of life.

You are looking at things as they are outwardly. If anyone is confident in himself that he is Christs, let him consider this again within himself, that just as he is Christs, so also are we. 2 Corinthians 10:7

Keeping those Balls in the Air: Routines and Chores by Kali

TIP: Spontaneity can still exist within the boundaries of a set rhythm, but there is a comfort in the predictability of a schedule. It's easier to veer from the plan than to come up with a new plan every day! Let's face it: all of us endure the occasional bouts of craziness that home life brings. As families, we have different degrees of order and cleanliness that we appreciate in our daily lives, but the bottom line is that when we don't have routines and order in our lives, we will feel it. Our family enjoys pretty basic routines. It's helpful, especially for the youngest ones, to have a simple sense of "whats next." Meals seem to be the "full stops" that our days revolve around, and

chores fall naturally into this rhythm. Along with routines, shared family responsibilities are the best way to simply make sure that the jobs get done. In our house, we have our "dailies" and "weeklies" for each age & stage. There's nothing quite so satisfying for kids as "graduating" from one stage to the next! Kids thrive when they know what is expected of them, and learn to follow through on completing certain jobs before they're free to move on to free time! In my earlier years of mama-hood, I recall a more experienced mom telling me that she didnt "do" anything for her kids that they could do for themselves. It's a gift and privilege to serve our families, but I have adapted this wisdom as a flexible standard to attain. It helps me pause and consider what my children are capable of as they grow older, and challenge myself along with them to be growing and learning

new skills. There is a fine balance between giving them a task that is just slightly more difficult than they think they are capable of, and pushing them into something that is frustrating. When you find that sweet spot of satisfaction that comes with accomplishing a slightly more demanding task, kids become surprisingly capable at a very young ageand we get the help we need! Here are a few basic ideas to get you started, or to help change up the chore routines in your home.

Chores for 2 & 3's: These little ones are often begging for work! Take advantage of this sweet "I do it!" season (even when it's not always helpful or convenient) to train up these little ones with the mindset that work is fun and satisfying! Little ones can:

Make their own beds Put away toys and books. Tidy an entrance by putting away shoes. Put away clean dish cloths and towels.

Dust with socks on hands. Use a squirt bottle with a diluted, all natural cleaner to wipe down cupboard fronts or baseboards (vinegar and water works great to cut grease!) Use a small, handheld dustpan to sweep little spots (the corners of stairs and the area under our lower cabinets are perfect 2 year old sweeping spots!)

4's and 5's These eager beavers are still motivated to help, but have become a little more sophisticated in their expectations of "what's in it for me? Their little love tanks benefit from lots of encouragement and reminders that work is FUN!

Offer lots of praise, and invest in the 1:1 time to train them to do the job well. They also enjoy checklists, sticker charts or any kind of visual, colorful, fun recognition and accomplishment. Ideas: Dry dishes Empty garbage from bedrooms or bathrooms. Take out compost, recycling, or small garbage bags. Sweep small messes with a small "lobby" broom and dustpan. Fold simple laundry items and put them away (without dropping!). Deliver laundry to other rooms. Tidy up a room by picking up books or toys off the floor and putting them away. Use a large floor broom to sweep. Weed the garden with supervision. Water small plants indoors and out. Sweep off entrances or shake doormats

outside. Unload the cutlery racks of the dishwasher. Wipe down spots with a wet rag or using a squirt bottle to clean surfaces. Unload small grocery bags and put away food. Help with kitchen food prep like measuring, stirring, squeezing lemons, grating cheese.

Ages 6 to 7 Unload dishwasher and put away dishes in low cupboards. Help make lunches or salads (cutting "soft" fruits & veggies like cucumbers and apples, washing and/or tearing lettuce) Mop floors Start and move over loads of laundry Wipe down sinks, counters or bathtubs Vacuum floors and furniture Collect firewood and bring inside

 Dust surfaces

Ages 8 to 9 and up At this age, kids love to be independent with their jobs. Let them have the music on, put the timer on to keep them focused, and give them some breathing space to finish the job the way they want to finish it. Sample tasks: Cleaning glass doors, windows and mirrors within reach Shopping assistants- older kids are great cart pushers Helping with younger siblings- doing puzzles, reading books, playing games Increased ability to follow simple recipes Make lunch: scrambled eggs, toast, simple sandwiches, cut up veggies Transcribe shopping lists while driving! Sweep outside decks

 Wash cars, clean out and wipe insides

Avoiding Frustration Lowering our expectations is necessary at times to keep the peace; not so low that kids are taking shortcuts or cutting corners, but really taking an honest look at what they are capable of, and evaluating accordingly. I have seen the look of discouragement on my own children's faces at times where I have come down a little too hard. Demanding a higher standard than they are really capable of producing in a given period of time is so disheartening for them! Saying "go clean your room" and then arriving to what appears to still be a mess can be frustrating for a parent! Clearly communicate what is expected beforehand, and break down each task into bitesized pieces. Directions such as make your bed; pick up all clothes on the floor; and put your books

back on the bookshelf are much more helpful. These are specific tasks that can be completed and checked in a straightforward, unemotional way. A wise friend taught me this important lesson that I still find a challenge to put into action: You can only EXPECT what you are willing to INSPECT. Yes, that means checking their work after it is done. Every single time. These are some ideas to get you started incorporating your children in household tasks! We all know many hands make lighter work. Train them up well while they're young, and your home will be a haven of peace and fun.

May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us-yes, establish the work of our hands. Psalm 90:17

The Importance of Intermission (for Mom) by Angela

Tip! As the official manager of the home, it is vital to make sure our love pitcher is full in order to pour out to those around us! Sometimes life has a way of moving faster and faster, and before we know it everything has become like a giant snowball, bolting out of control down the mountainside. Women are typically natural born givers. We give life directly from our bodies, we give food directly from our bodies, and we give love from our hearts to those in our lives. It has been instilled in us from the beginning of time to be a helpmeet to our husbands, to help in any way, shape, or form with anything that needs to

be done. It is just part of who we were created to be! Usually we feel fulfilled when we are able to meet the needs of our family and those around us. However, if we have given, and given, and given for an extended period of time, we can become exhausted, worn out, irritable, and down right burnt out. Taking time out for ourselves to replenish our spirits, and fill ourselves back up is not only the right thing to do, but it is extremely healthy for our well-being and for the well being of all those around us!

The Mommy Meltdown by Angela

Snuggling up on the sofa with a crackling fire in the fireplace, a good book, or a long-awaited chick flick with some hot tea and a little chocolate is nourishment for my soul. Maybe not like a carrot stick, but more like a cool drink of water on a hot Texas day! Life goes by so fast. I have learned the hard way that if I do not stop and take an hour or two, enjoy a latte and a little time alone, I will pay for it, and so will everyone else in my path. Im talking about the dreaded mommy meltdown! You see, I dont plan on having a mommy meltdown, but as I continue to say yes, I can do that; sure I can help with that; you need me to pick that up? Im happy to volunteer for that project; I will squeeze that in at some point, I have gone too far.

Before you know it, I am frazzled beyond recognition! I can even end up on the couch for days when my body is exhausted from taking on too many commitments! God has a way of reminding me to slow down, and its usually through my husband telling me Please do not take on anything else. It is going to overload you and be too much! I enjoyed the movie How Does She Do It with Sarah Jessica Parker playing the wife, mother, and also the businesswoman working to further her career. She tries to juggle every role society says she should play, but in the end she feels like a failure because all the balls come crashing down around her. Thats because this is an unrealistic picture of perfection! Women are HUMANnot SUPERhuman! The classic scene where Parker is lying in bed, going over her to-do list, making sure every detail of

life is covered, from the dry cleaning, to the birthday party, to whats for dinner that week is my favorite, because I can soooo relate! How many times have we all done just that? We lie in bed for hours trying to cover every little detail we have going on in our lives. We try to sort everything out in order to control or fix the outcome according to how we think it should all work out. We are fixers by nature because we like to nurture. Yikes! I am GUILTY of this! When I relinquish the worry and the desire for control to the Lord, and realize He does not need my help, I feel more free. I can take a few deep breaths, maybe even go for a walk. It is during these times that I realize He wants to be the God in my life. I can step down from the throne and let Him take control.

We can all repeat Carrie Underwoods prayerful plea, Jesus, take the Wheel. When I give everything to Him, and take time out for an intermission for mommy, everyone in this family circus seems to perform better and the electric excitement about life is contagious!

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30