The Peek-A-Boo Affect

Emma Mildon Blog

Peek-a-boo

Emma Mildon

Peek-a-boo, a game many of us grew up with as children. You see your parent, they hide, and they come back. But what if they dont come back? This blog discusses the peek -a-boo affect, and the abandonment issues many adopted children face throughout their life. I was adopted, and experienced a reluctance to let anyone get too close to me. By my mid twenties I was self sabotaging a lot of my intimate relationships not just testing my adoptive family (checking they were not going to leave), but also my girlfriends, boyfriends. I had this underlying fear that I was going to be left behindAnd so often cut people from my life before they had a chance to leave me. The Peek-a-boo affect is common in children who have experienced adoption, foster even divorce. A fear from childhood becomes ingrained in our behavior and set into our mind as a constant worry and becomes part of us as we grow up into adulthood. It is the constant fear of being left, left out, left behind, excluded and abandoned. So how do you work with children to help them develop confidence in facing their abandonment issues, and develop skills and exercises to change their frame of thought? It is not rocket science it is actually cartoons! Yip it is as simple as Spiderman and Harry Potter, fictional characters who have been inspiring children through comics and film for years. And they were inspiring because they came from abandonment orphaned, fostered, adopted. Cartoon Heroes who transformed their lives from abandoned to amazing. The kids who wanted to change their circumstances, make the world a better place, make others feel safe, loved, protected all the things that they had missed in their childhood and relationships. In fact when we look closely at our favorite Disney classics, fairy tales and comics there is a trend to one key factor to what helps build a superhero. Harry Potter, parents killed by evil wizard Lord Voldemort. Batman, Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson (Robin), parents murders turned them to fighting crime. Mowgli of The Jungle Book, lost by his parents and raised by wolves. Superman, sent to earth without his parents from his doomed home planet. Tarzan, raised by apes after deaths of parents. Cindrella, raised by her Step Mother and Sisters. Nemo, Nemos Mother passes away, leaving him in a single father family. Cinderella, orphaned left to live with her step family. Spiderman, orphaned brought up by his grandparents. Wolverine, abandoned by parents for being a mutant. Snow White, orphaned by the death of her father the King. James Bond, orphaned by the death of both of his parents in an accident.

Some tips for Parents EDUCATE Books! Growing up I was actually told I was adopted through a childrens picture book called Why was I adopted. They help children to understand why, and help them recognize the different start to their life, and why they are special. Also I always made the connection between my favorite super heroes and what I had in common with them! COMMUNICATE Openness children are curious. I would constantly ask my Adoptive mother questions about adoption. Try not to take curious questions personally, and try to remain open and honest. Your children will appreciate it when they are older. LOVE Accept accept your childs journey through adoption. And never fear about your relationship with them you are raising them, you will always be thought of as their mother or father even if you are not blood. Your relationship with them is sacred. INSPIRE you are an inspiration for adopting or fostering a child. You gave a child love, hope and a second chance! Inspire others to do the same, there are so many children in this world with no home. Everyone deserves the presence of love in their life.

For Adopted Kids KNOW Know that you are special. You were chosen by your new parents, not unwanted by your old ones. You are part of a very big family full of successful leaders, innovators and inventors who also started their life with abandonment. INSPIRE Surround yourself with inspiration. Learn about others who have walked in your shoes and the things that they have achieved. Focus on your goals, dreams and aspirations and know that you can achieve great things! GRATITUDE Thank the people around you who are helping you, loving you and inspiring you. Let them know you appreciate what they do for you. Let them know how they have changed your life. GIVE THANKS Realize that life could have been different. You should never feel hard done by, sorry for yourself, or left behind because you were lucky enough to get chosen to be put into a family, with a roof and loving people to help you grow! Be grateful for your journey through adoption.