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Women deserve better than '50 Shades of Grey' | HLNtv.com

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Women deserve better than '50 Shades of Grey'

By Avital Norman Nathman, special to HLN
updated 10:35 AM EDT, Tue May 22, 2012

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Avital Norman Nathman is a widely published author, blogger and feminist. Her blog, The Mamafesto, focuses on the way feminism and motherhood intersect. You can also reach her on Twitter @TheMamaFesto. Every once in a while, a novel is published that grips the entire world by storm, regardless of who its intended audience originally was. J.K. Rowlings "Harry Potter" series enjoyed this sort of 800 phenomenon, as did Suzanne Collins "Hunger Games" books. For the most part, its quite clear what gets folks talking about these sort of books: high quality writing, well thought out characters that draw us in, and storylines that transcend age, race, and gender, providing something for almost anyone 46 to connect with.
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Can the same be said for the most recent literary phenomenon, E.L. James breakout Share series, "50 Shades of Grey"? To be fair, it has received its share of media attention, with articles written about it in most major newspapers and magazines, including The Email New York Times and Newsweek. It has also solidified its place in pop culture, making it into a recent "Saturday Night" Live skit, as well as on the Ellen Degeneres Show. Yet, despite the attention from these varied media sources, what most people are
www.hlntv.com/article/2012/05/08/opinion-fifty-shades-grey-feminism-literature

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Women deserve better than '50 Shades of Grey' | HLNtv.com

focusing on is the controversy surrounding the series, rather than the literature itself. Most reviews of "50 Shades" agree that the prose is poorly written, with the editing allowing its fan fiction origins to shine through, yet that doesnt prevent them from weighing in on what has been called the ultimate in Mommy Porn. Completely condescending and demeaning nickname aside, its significant to note that the majority of conversations occurring around "50 Shades of Grey", as well as the majority of criticisms, revolve around the (apparently shocking) concept of women reading, and <gasp> enjoying erotic literature. Its even gotten to the point where a county in Florida has banned the series from their libraries shelves for being too pornographic. Many writers have jumped on the "50 Shades of Grey" bandwagon, expressing their own critical views, which tend to boil down to a few different schools of thought. Some feel that erotica like "50 Shades of Grey" is not only a waste of time, but can be degrading to women as well. Others jump on the fact that any woman who enjoys reading BDSM stories clearly has rape fantasies, and that this entire genre of literature can be potentially damaging to women. Critique of the quality of the series aside, the issue that frustrates me the most in all of this "50 Shades of Grey" hubub is the way women are talked about in relation to reading for sexual pleasure. Its either looked upon as cutesy, in a mommy porn sort of way, or otherwise its something to be ashamed of and hidden amongst the other books in your Kindle. So...which is it? Is this something to be tittered about amongst the other moms as they wait to pick up their kids from school, or is it something that grown up, autonomous women should feel shame and embarrassment over? I vote for neither. I say that while "50 Shades of Grey" wouldnt have been my first (or heck, even 50th) choice for the book that gets us all talking about this genre of literature, here we are. So, lets talk about it like actual adults, and not treat it like the sideshow spectacle that its become. If this had been a book marketed toward men, would we be seeing the same sort of equal parts derision and patronizing reactions? Would the media dare coin the term daddy porn? Of course not. Instead of stopping with a mainstream book that has allowed some women the space to finally talk about sexual fantasies and preferences, lets look beyond this one book to the larger picture: The fact that women are sexual beings, and sometimes they enjoy reading erotic literature that sometimes delves into the kinky. In a society that essentially caters to mens desires, its remarkable, though not surprising, when people get up in arms the moment a woman expresses some sort of desire. Lets move past the gendered nature of shame, where terms like mommy porn exist, and treat it like the reality that it is. Sure, "50 Shades of Grey" may have opened the door to talk about this, but women deserve more than knowing smirks and patronizing comments when discussing healthy female sexuality because of a book that started off as "Twilight" fanfiction. While we cant turn back the clock and have another book or series broach the mainstream discussion that shows the popularity of erotica and female sexuality, perhaps we can use this opportunity to begin to change the discussion of what women like or want. Who knows, perhaps the neighbor next door enjoys reading about being dominated then likes to try it out in the privacy of her bedroom, or perhaps the cashier behind the counter of the local supermarket simply enjoys reading about being spanked without any inclination to actually be spanked. Lets stop treating it as a farce, or fluke, or heaven forbid, a dirty secret. Lets turn the conversation into a productive one, where were not judging, giggling at or shaming others for their preferences, and instead, lets approach the topic of female sexuality head on, like it deserves to be discussed - with respect, dignity, and a few less insights from Anas inner goddess. Want to buy this house? Adulterers need not apply!

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35 comments Beth Loper Woods DePaul School of Nursing

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I think the point of her article was why do we have to make it cute or talk about it as if it's scandalous instead of making it a serious discussion. Men don't have to hide that they are sexual beings - but for women, it's like it's a foreign idea. Reply 25 Like Follow Post May 9 at 9:35am

Nanette Lawrence Whinnery I don't know why this is such a controversy. It was a great story! If this is so bad, perhaps its time to take a look at A. N. Roquelaure's collection of Sleeping Beauty! Kinda makes Christian look like a choir boy! Reply 20 Like Follow Post May 9 at 9:21am Tammy Quick Reply Subscribe Tampa, Florida

Thanks for reminding me, I'll have to read them again ;) 6 Like May 9 at 10:05am Top Commenter

Bridget Lausch

lol, oh gosh. I'm glad I read down a post, I was just preparing to cite that very set of books. Great read, by the way. Very informational. Reply Like May 9 at 6:15pm Alicia Pont Art Institute of Phoenix What about the "Sleeping Beauty" series by Anne Rice? Those three novels alone could have sparked this discussion, and probably be analyzed for the next 20 years at least.... Gods forbid that women enjoy sexual situations and stories. What does it matter that women are reading something that not only has strong sexual content, but not the traditional 'safe' approach... Reply 17 Like Follow Post May 9 at 9:58am Lee Stratton "Gods"?? lol Do you mean the ONE living God AND all the dead fake ones? Keep trying...maybe someday you will be able to think for yourself and not just repeat what you hear at Starbucks :) Reply Like May 9 at 1:51pm Bridget Lausch Top Commenter

Lee Stratton I think she means the gods that existed for thousands of years before christianity oversimplified things. Perhaps you should keep trying to understand that religion is what man makes of it. Reply 6 Like May 9 at 6:18pm

Sydney Lighty Beaverton, Oregon

www.hlntv.com/article/2012/05/08/opinion-fifty-shades-grey-feminism-literature

Read this book and couldn't put it down, all three in fact. While it wasn't the greatest writing

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Women deserve better than '50 Shades of Grey' | HLNtv.com

Read this book and couldn't put it down, all three in fact. While it wasn't the greatest writing I've encountered it provided a nice escape. More than the "porn" aspect of it I appreciated the attention and adoration (not to mention the lavish gifts!) showered upon her by Grey. Its like a modern day fairy tale or the prince coming in and sweeping you off your feet, minus the S&M of course. Reply 17 Like Follow Post May 9 at 9:53am

Renny Vega It's not about porn it's about Love. Men will say they love in order to get sex. Women will give sex in order to receive or feel loved. I haven't read the book but it seems that women now are even ready to be put in a position of S&M in order to feel:AAA...Accepted, Appreciated and Adored. I don't think its wrong to love in what ever form as long as a woman is not pressured or humiliated. Only problem is that no man on earth and satisfy and fill the void that we all have. It has to be a higher love and a deeper transcendent love that fills the void of the soul. Reply 15 Like Follow Post May 9 at 9:30am Renny Vega My wife recently died, I was married for 13 years. I am not against sex John or S&M if participants are willing. All I was trying to say that humans and women in particular are looking something more meaningful than the material world can provide and sadly are willing to give what ever it takes to get that feeling. I wish peace, love and blessings for you John. Reply 2 Like May 9 at 10:40am

Dave Phillips Web Developer at Workplace Bullying Institute A man who says he loves just for sex is not a real man. He's a liar, manipulator and emotional cheat. Not all men are like that. Reply 3 Like May 9 at 2:10pm Top Commenter

Bridget Lausch

Dave Phillips sadly the ones that are take their toll. I almost jilted a wonderful man because I was afraid to risk putting my heart on the chopping block, again. If only there were some sort of label system... or a humane league for exboyfriends where they could be evaluated and listed as un-adoptable, if necessary. Reply Like May 9 at 6:27pm Heather Koetters you know mommy porn has been around for a long time case in point Harquin novels. Reply 12 Like Follow Post May 9 at 7:10am Suzanne Porth Kee Assistant Professor at UT Southwestern Aunt Ruth STILL reads them! Ha Reply 3 Like May 9 at 10:08am

Heather Koetters Suzanne Porth Kee wow lol i will now think of Aunt Ruth in a new light Reply 1 Like May 9 at 10:15am Top Commenter

P.J. Gagne

Are you referring to Harlequin? Reply Like May 9 at 11:03am View 1 more Erica Sendel McGill This has much more in it then sex. I am not a mommy and don't ever intend to be. This however, is about trust, honesty, communication, feeling protected, feeling respected...and what people do behind closed doors is essentially no ones business unless it's not being respectful of each other and they are not respecting each others limits....so florida banned these from the libraries, I bet if we walk into a corner store their will be penthouse, playboy and hustler everywhere...get a grip people this is reality for women and they want it all..the kinkery the love, the attention the doting... Reply 11 Like Follow Post May 9 at 10:17am Bridget Lausch Top Commenter

Exactly. If stress and pain are stored like pantry goods they will rot like pantry goods. It has to come out somewhere and sometimes there's only one safe place. Some people don't need that safe place. Some do. =) Reply Like July 2 at 11:21pm Laurie Carlson Subscribe Flint, Michigan

What you say IS true, however magazines/periodicals are not treated like books are. Libraries, at least the ones I have been acquainted with, do NOT allow Pornographic magazines/periodicals as a part of their reading materials. That's the difference between 'the book' and libraries, and what the author of this Post is getting at. Magazines/Peroidicals do not have ISBN numbers, so won't make it to the Library of Congress, unless I am wrong. Reply Like July 16 at 10:42am James L. Nammack Diviner/Dream Analyst at Self

www.hlntv.com/article/2012/05/08/opinion-fifty-shades-grey-feminism-literature

Just what is the big deal with this book? I read it and enjoyed it. It is erotic literature, not

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Women deserve better than '50 Shades of Grey' | HLNtv.com

Just what is the big deal with this book? I read it and enjoyed it. It is erotic literature, not "Mommy porn," whatever that is. If it were poorly written, no one would read it. I have noticed that when it is criticized for being poorly written, no one ever offers any examples. Hmmm. The minority negative reaction to this book is nothing more than typical American hysteria about all things sexual. Nabokov's Lolita is another example of successful erotic literature. So was Fanny Hill, and a host of others. Why are we so surprised all of a sudden that we have another successful erotic novel in our midst? Somebody needs to get a life. Reply 7 Like Follow Post May 9 at 10:52am Lindsay Fox T. C. Roberson High School "If it were poorly written, no one would read it." That's not true. The Twilight series is poorly written and yet it has MANY fans. And the movies aren't much better. Reply 4 Like May 9 at 1:20pm

Clarissa Williams Lindsay Fox what is poorly written to you may in fact be a great read to another. Everyone has different tastes in the type of literature they like. Reply 1 Like May 9 at 3:57pm

Diana H. Crandall Reynoldsburg Clarissa Williams I'm going to have to disagree. There is a certain standard of 'poor writing' from an academically respected point of view. I have flipped through the pages of this book (and read all of the Twilight books) and would argue that the quality of writing is not good. Whether or not the plot is captivating is another story - but the author doesn't have the type of depth or avoidance of cliches' that other, more respected authors have (such as Stephen King). Reply View 2 more Mark Schaffer Or 91/2 weeks, for that matter..nothing to see here...move along. The more things change. Reply 5 Like Follow Post May 9 at 9:36am 5 Like May 21 at 12:09am

Francesca Elizabeth Miller Writer at Reel Energy Entertainment, Pasadena, CA I read the first two books and agree with those who noted that at its heart, 50 Shades of Grey is a romance. The protagonist and romantic antogonist don't even have sex until chapter 8. Despite my reservations about the merits of the prose ( I had many), the author pulled me in and I kept reading. The writer doesn't seem to be offended by the term "mommy porn" and is basking in her success. Her work has shaken up the romance literary genre and its effects will be felt for years to come. Reply 4 Like Follow Post May 9 at 11:22am View 25 more
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