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A. It's Your Turn: Start Loving Yourself and Your Life B. Living in the Present Moment C. The Power of Positive Thinking D. Creating More Time and Money (and Getting Organized) E. Relax, Have Fun and Enjoy Life F. Relationships G. Illness and Grief H. Your Family, Children and Young People I. Bad Habits J. You and Society K. Spirituality L. Journaling and Your Personal Aspirations Questionnaire A. IT'S YOUR TURN: Start Loving Yourself and Your Life
1. Whose Life is This, Anyway?
It's time to define your own reality and create the life that will make you happy. This is your life. Create your own standard to measure your success. Many of us have been brainwashed into believing society's definition of success: lots of money, a high-powered job, a picture-perfect family, a big extravagant home and a beautiful body. This might work for some people, but all too often we are left feeling dissatisfied, restless and sad. We can't all squeeze ourselves into the same mold, and we shouldn't want to. Take some time to figure out what you really want out of life and then develop a strategy to achieve it. Now let's begin with a few basic premises.
5. Make Amends.
If you've hurt someone else in the process of learning your life lessons, make it right. Reach out to them, and tell them you are sorry. Or just start being nice. You are accountable for your behavior. Own up to it.
6. Nurture Yourself.
Be good to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. If you are hurting or sad or lonely, honor that. Make time for yourself. Let yourself heal. Don't expect so much of yourself. Life can be downright brutal. Let the love within you and others carry you through. In time, you will see how much you have learned. It is worth the journey.
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7. Everything in Life Happens for a Reason. Life is full of peaks and valleys. Even though they are more difficult, you learn more during the valleys or the challenging times. When you are in a valley, you might not see the value of it; but later, when you look back, you will realize that you have learned a great deal. Know that nothing you experience is an accident. Everything you experience and everyone you meet teaches you something or holds a lesson for you.
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clouds are so beautiful. If you're stuck in traffic, you enjoy the music or your passenger's company. But if you approach your day with a negative attitude and notice or experience more bad than good, then your approach is half empty. You are your own worst enemy: you sabotage your own fun and your own joy of life. So cut it out. Retrain yourself to notice only the good things in any situation until you rid yourself of this horrible habit. Don't be a dream killer . . . for yourself or anyone else.
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To put it all in perspective: if you moved away, would your community cease to function? If you quit your job, would your employer go out of business? You are not indispensable, and you are free to make choices for your own good. (JE)
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41. Use or Display Your Good China, Heirlooms and Treasures Daily.
Are your most beautiful and special things packed away? Do you use them only on special occasions? Why not use them daily and really enjoy them? So what if they get broken? They won't do you any good packed in your attic. If you are always putting off the special things in life, you might miss the opportunity ever to experience them at all. Surrounding yourself with beautiful things will lift your spirits, and remind you that your life is a special occasion. (JE)
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49. Go Camping.
Camping refreshes your spirit. Being surrounded by natural beauty from morning to night and the relaxed pace can transform anyone who will surrender to just being. If you are a high-strung control freak, you will probably consider camping torture, but chances are you will benefit from it more than anyone else. It takes about three days to get used to having no TV, computer, phone, etc. You will slowly start to unwind and relax, and soon you will find yourself just sitting in a chair and not missing any of it. Many kids will go through withdrawal from the TV, but after a few days, they will become camping converts. Kids love to roast marshmallows and sticks. A campfire is great for this. Camping is also great for stargazing When else do you get out into the night air? It takes some practice to learn about tents and stoves and other camping details, but after a few tries you'll become an expert. Family bonding magically happens in nature.
F. RELATIONSHIPS
56. Do Not Expect Others to Bring You Happiness.
All by yourself, you are a complete and perfect creation. All the answers you need are within you. Do your spirit work. Nurture, cherish, honor, and feed your spirit. Another person cannot fill a hole in your soul that exists if you do not love yourself. Reach out to help others. Extend love to them. Give, and you will receive. (JE)
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66. Look Beyond a Person's Actions and Try to See Their Goodness
Some people are hurting and sad, and they act like jerks. Most people don't want to act jerky; in fact, they probably hate it and themselves. If you can see that spark of goodness in them, then you will be free of being hurt by them. Can you reach out to them with kindness and see how far it gets you? Maybe there is a wonderful person inside of them struggling to get out, and you just might help open that door. (Note: If a person is abusive to you, that is not okay. Leave that situation immediately.)
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It seems fairly predictable that certain conditions bring on illness. Sure, sometimes the whole office has the flu, and you get it. But other times, it's not that simple. Have you ever noticed that when you are feeling really stressed out, you're inefficient or make mistakes? If you could just calm down and start over, you'd be more productive, right? Well, illness can work the same way. When you burn the candle at both ends for too long, something gives. You get sick or injured. If you have unresolved grief or emotional issues, you get sick. If you won't slow down, you break your leg, and then you have to. In other words, if you have some emotional, spiritual, or personal issues that you need to attend to and you aren't doing it, then often you will become sick so that you will be forced to re-examine your priorities and deal with those issues. Or maybe there is just a very good lesson that you will learn from this experience. Sometimes that lesson is for someone else in your life (a loved one or friend). You might not see it now, but you'll discover it soon enough. (JE)
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I. BAD HABITS
98. Don't Tailgate.
You really won't get to your destination any faster and you create a discourteous, stressful climate for other drivers. If you are so stressed out about getting somewhere that fast, then you are probably headed for a heart attack. Slow down. Next time you tailgate because you are late or in a hurry, think about how late you'll be after a policeman pulls you over for a speeding ticket.
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medicating yourself. It solves nothing, and you deserve better. So does your family. (JE)
K. SPIRITUALITY
109. Organized Religion Does Not Have a Monopoly on Spirituality.
God is not one religion. Organized religion often is about power, not about faith, love, or spirit. If your religious leaders tell you that you should hate certain groups or people, then they are not walking with God. Your religion should not make you feel guilty or try to control you. If you would like to attend a church, pick one that allows you to question and discover, to love all in God's world, and to not judge. Don't let anyone else tell you what to believe, they do not know what is right for you. No one else is more knowing or worthy
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F. RELATIONSHIPS
19. Do Not Expect Others to Bring You Happiness: (#56)
Are you constantly looking for that Knight in Shining Armour to make your life complete? _______ Do you give your whole self away to relationships and then feel empty and drained? _______ Make time for your own spiritual and emotional fulfillment. Love yourself enough to make you a priority.
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36. Never Use Your Kids in a War with Your "Ex:" (#83)
Be a grown-up here. Do you try to remain neutral so that your kids can love both of their parents without feeling guilty or conflicted? ___________ If you have a lot of anger, get counseling so that your kids do not have to grow up in such a stressful environment. Teach your children that there are not really bad people as much as there are bad behaviors and bad choices. Try to help them see the good qualities in your "ex," you, and themselves. How can you improve the situation for your kids? __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ Do not expect your children to be your confidants. Do not burden them with your problems about money, relationships, etc. Let your kids be kids, and talk to friends about your problems.
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If not, get off the phone, turn off the TV, turn off the computer, and sit down at their homework table or at dinner and ask them intelligent, nonconfrontational questions. Let them tell you how they feel. Ask them about their friends. Enjoy each other. How satisfied are you with the amount of genuine dialogue that takes place in your family?____________ Comment: __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ Tell your kids often that you love them, and give them hugs even when they are 6'3".
I. BAD HABITS
43. Don't Drown Your Sorrows: (#99)
Do you demonstrate addictive behavior?____________ Is this addiction working for you?______________ How about for your family? _________________ (Why not ask them?) Find the source of your sadness, fear, or anger. Read all the self-help books you can. Join a support group. Write down your plan for recovery: _________________________________________________________________________________________________
K. SPIRITUALITY
50. Organized Religion Does Not Have a Monopoly on Spirituality: (#109)
Are you paying attention to your spiritual needs? ___________ How?_________________________________________ Do you attend church, have friends you talk with about spirituality, read inspirational books, or what? _________________________________________________________________________________________________ How do you define God? ____________________________________________________________________________ Is the subject of God full of love, fulfillment, and contentment for you . . . or is it full of guilt, judgment, and control? _________________________________________________________________________________________________ If your search for God or spiritual fulfillment is not a joyful journey for you, then you need to look for him in other places and things. Do not let someone else's narrow definition of God detract from your spiritual quest. God, however you define or envision him or her, is your friend and can open all doors for you.
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS:
A special thank you to Oprah Winfrey for producing her most recent (1999) TV programs, which promote positive relationships, wellness, spiritual growth, and life skills. Huge numbers of people are searching for a better life and enlightenment. A transformation on a grand scale is now taking place and she has been instrumental in facilitating much of that dialogue. Thanks for all the inspiration, hard work, and commitment: no wonder so many people look up to you. A special thank you to my husband, who thought of this Website name, secured it for me, and then said, "You should write a book!" I couldn't and wouldn't have done it without your encouragement. Thanks, Love Me
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