My Vision

It begins with me falling over the edge of a very high precipice. It is one of those, like in the "Roadrunner" cartoons. You know the ones, where the coyote falls forever. He even continues to fall past the point where you are sure that he will hit the ground. After I fall, I am immediately terrified. Heights are my greatest fear. When I was a boy, I would sometimes dream that I had fallen. The fear would wake me immediately. I would be wide awake, with heart pounding and fighting for air. This was like that, except for the fact, that I wasn't dreaming, I didn't wake up, and I had newer been that scared before! As I continue to fall, I become even more frightened than I was before. I began to frantically claw at the face of a solid rock cliff with my hands. I attempt to find anything to stop my fall. I feel my fingernails being ripped off! Then I feel the skin on my fingers being scrapped off down to the bone. I feel blood flowing down my arms but do not feel any pain. I am too frightened to care! I grow more frightened and lose all touch with sanity. I am only a screaming, crying, animal trying to do anything that will save my life. No matter how hard I tried. Nothing was working. Finally, even through my panic, I realized that I was not going to stop this fall. When this got to my panic-stricken mind I was instantly, completely calmed. In less time than a blink of an eye, I went from unreasoning fear, to a feeling of complete tranquility and acceptance. Now, as I looked down at the ground rushing toward me, I felt no fear! What had been my greatest fear was now meaningless to me. Even death held no threat to me. The thought that went through my mind was, "so this is it?" It amused me that something that had scared me so badly, was now so unthreatening and that I just did not care. Then a strange warm feeling came over me, a feeling of comfort! I knew at that same time that my prayer had been answered! There is a God and He was waiting for me when I died. I now had that certainty that there was a God.This is what I had asked God for, when I had prayed to him earlier that day. If my vision had ended right there, God would have more than answered my prayer. Not only had He shown me that He exists, He showed me that death was not frightening. Even, a death, that for me was the most frightening one imaginable. My vision, and my

blessing, did not end there! I looked up, toward where I had been taught that God lived in heaven, and said, HUnto thee I commit my soul." Immediately my fall ended, as I was transported, to another place. I did not pass through a dark tunnel, as some people have reported that they did, when they died. I was just instantly in a new place. Maybe, the reason that I did not go through a tunnel, as they did, is because I did not die. God just allowed me to see what death would be like, and I did not actually die. In this new place I could see nothing. All was grey, like the last scene in the movie "Casablanca." I still felt like me, but I knew that I was now spirit instead of a physical being. As I stood there, alone, a great store of knowledge came to me. All of the questions that I had ever had were immediately answered. I did not ask those questions, they were just known to me. I believed then, and still do, that the reason that I was able to understand those things, was because I was out of the physical realm. There was nothing to stand between God and me. I knew all about everything! How things worked, like physics, chemistry, biology, genetics, and anything else that came to mind. I was amazed by my knew found wisdom. Today I do not remember most of what I learned that day. I remember some things that I learned, but mostly I remember that I did know them once. All seemed so obvious! I kept thinking, "ot course!" The answers to all of lifes mysteries were now revealed to me and seemed so simple, so obvious, and easy to understand. I could see how they were all interrelated, and how they all worked together to run our Universe. I was totally astonished by the knowledge that I now understood.
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While I was still getting used to this new found understanding that I had, I observed a bright light to appear on the left of me. The light became brighter and brighter. Soon it was brighter than any other light I had ever seen. Just as others have described it, like those who have had near death experiences. I would describe the light as brighter than the sun, except that it was brighter than the sun if you looked at it through the hubble telescope. It should have burned my eyes blind, but it did not. There was no pain at all, when looking at it. Even though it did not hurt to look into the light, I could not see anything inside. I knew that inside of the light, and

the source of the light, was God. I knew that He was my creator and the creator of the Universe. I was in the presence of God! I felt no fear, only awe, humility, and embarrassment to be in his presence. I knew that I was not worthy to be in His presence. God is so much greater than man! We are insignificant, nothing, in comparison with Him. We are as a speck of sand compared to the entire universe. I wanted to hide and was so embarrassed to be seen by Him. Not because I feared God, but because of a feeling of humility. No human being is worthy of being in God's presence. He belongs to a higher plane, a place we will never be worthy of! As I looked toward the light, I felt the thought enter my mind, "show me." I knew that even though He had said, "show me," He was going to show me something and not the other way around. I knew that I was about to review my life and that I would do it with God watching! It turned out to be different from what I had always imagined it to be. I had heard about people who had almost drowned. They claimed that their lives had flashed before their eyes, in an instant, just before they had gone under for the third time. I had always pictured this experience as your life flashing before your eyes in a serial progression. I thought that one would see their life, from childhood, through adulthood, and then into old age, in an orderly fashion. This is not what happened to me. I saw a billion separate incidents or encounters from my life, thrown out before my eyes. They were in no particular order! It was altogether different from what I had expected. This is one reason why I know that this experience was not a dream. If it were a dream, I would have had an experience that was like what I had imagined the experience to be, not something completely different. Another thing, about this experience that astounded me, was that I could comprehend all of the chaos that was before me. I could make sense of my life, and see the patterns of behavior, that had shaped me into the person that I had become. In addition to this method of understanding, I was also able to concentrate on individual incidents and listen in on them. I could even hear the

thoughts that I had then and interpret them with my current maturity and understanding. I was embarrassed that I was seeing myself while God was also watching, because even I, could see that I should have handled many of the situations differently than I had. I soon found that I could review the moments of my life in another way too. This was the most astounding way of all! I could actually relive those moments and feel everything as it felt at that time. Every emotion and every physical sensation that I felt then, I felt again. While I was doing this, I could still filter all those feelings through my current understanding. I was thoroughly amazed with my ability to do these things. I was able to review all of these moments of my life in three different ways, all at the same time, and comprehend it all at the same time. This gave me the ability to understand my life and to know how I had become the person that I had become. I was happy to relive most of the incidents of my life. I got to see people that I had not seen for years and even to relive good times that I had forgotten. I got to see my grandparents, who had died many years before. Some of the moments caused me pain. Some was the pain I felt because I was actually hurt during the experience, and some because I had hurt others. I felt real pain, remorse, and sorrow for the wrong that I had done to others during those moments of my life. I wished that I had acted differently, been a better person. Most of the time, it would have been just as easy for me to do the right thing, as it was for me to do what I had done instead.
As all of these things went through my mind, I suddenly realized that this ability was not limited to me. I knew that God did the same thing all of the time! The difference was that God could do it with everybody at the same time!

So, as amazing as I thought my ability was, it amounts to nothing, really, when compared to Gods ability. I came to know that God had lived my life, right along with me. My idea of God, before this time, was of an all-powerful being who lived somewhere above us. I thought that He could see us and even hear our thoughts. My idea of God was way off! I had no idea of just how well He really knew me. He is so much greater and so much more than I had imagined Him to be. Here again, is a reason that I know that this experience was not a dream. It was not what I expected, and If it had been a dream, it would have

conformed to my expectations. Now, when the review ended, I was alone with God. I had been embarrassed to be in His presence before, now I was mortified! God knew me much better than I ever realized that He did. He was inside of me, felt everything that I did, and at the same time as I did. It was bad enough before, when all / thought He did, was to watch me. Now I knew that He knows everything about me. I found out that He feels everything that I do, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Every dirty little thought that ever went through my mind, He had it with me! There was nothing that / thought was secret that really was. Where I had once compared myse/( next to God, as like a speck of sand in comparison with the Universe, now I felt like a molecule instead. I felt so unworthy and once more / wanted to hide from God. I felt no fear of God because there was never any hint of a threat coming from Him. I was just so in awe of Him that / was very uncomfortable being in His presence. When I thought that I could not stand it any longer, I felt, Hit's okay, come into my mind. It was similar to, when you were smal" and your mother would hold you to her breast pat your back and say over and over, Hit's okay, it's okay. Hit would console you and let you know that everything was going to be all right. This is what I felt. Then I felt a wave of love wash over me. It was a physical sensation, as it rocked me back on my feet. This was a feeling of love that was stronger than any other love I have ever felt before. Another wave of love, stronger than the one before, washed over me. Then another wave, and another, and another one, each stronger than the last one. They were like the Earthquakes, which are measured by the Richter sccue: Each point on the scale, registers' ten times greater than the last one. Each wave of love was that much stronger than the last one. I was becoming overwhelmed.This was too much for me to take. Just before I got to the point to where I couldn't stand it anymore, I was back inside my own home. I was crying my heart out, sobbing, and wracked with emotion. I had never felt so good, or so loved, or as understood, either before that time, or since. I don't expect to feel that way again, until I really do die, and return to God. We all reveal a different version of ourselves to different People. Our parents, spouses, children, and best friends may love us, but they don't really know the real us." No one knows the real us" except us and God. He knows who we really are and He loves us anyway. He loves us unconditionally with a love
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greater than any other, a love beyond understanding. It is a love that makes one feel euphoric and to have a sense of ecstasy. Perhaps it is a love that we are incapable of handling while we are in this life. All I know is that I hope to feel that way again. Now, when I look back on this experience, I know, that it was the so called, last judgement." I found out that there was no judgement involved with the experience, except the one that we do ourselves. The experience is a chance to review our lives, and to learn where we came from. A chance to learn who we really are. A chance to repent for those past wrongs we have done.
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Another thing I learned, is that what one regrets, is the way in which we have treated others, not those petty crimes that we might have committed. I never felt a moment of regret for the time that I had stolen a candy bar, when I was a boy. It was the times that I had hurt other people that I felt sorry for. Even the most minor incident that involved hurting others had made me feel real remorse. By that, I mean, that I really wished that I could have been a better person, and treated people better. I would have rather been hurt myself, than to have hurt others. The most important thing that I learned, from my vision, was that God is not concerned with the things that we thought He cared about. He does not care about whether or not one is a member of an organized religion, or about any of those other things. What He cares about is, who we are, in our deepest innermost soul. Are we sorry for the hurt that we have done to others during our lives? That is all He cares about! No matter what other people say, or try to tell you, God loves us and His love Is Unconditional!