T Santa Fe Eagle

12 APR 2013

now, and we met when Mr. Bubbers was four years old." Mr. Hacker was quick to point out that cat years dier vastly from human years. "It is seven years for each year. So Mr. Bubbers was really twenty-eight, when we By JACK BRISTOW rst started going out." When asked if he thinks one day humans will ever be able to legally marry their pets in According to a recent gallup poll, New Mexico Mr. Hacker responded, conducted late last year in early "I sure hope so. It would be fantasDecember, the group of Americans tic not having to live in sin with Mr. most distraught over the prospect of Bubbers any longer." gay and lesbian marriage are animal lovers. "Its already oensive enough that heterosexual men and women get to tie the knot. Now gay people - perhaps everywhere - will also have that privilege," says Mark Moore, a shopkeeper in Taos, New Mexico. "But where is my right? I have been madly in love with my Saint Bernard Molly for ve years now." Mr. Moore is not the only New Mexican chagrined that heterosexuals and homosexuals in some jurisdictions can get legally married. Hobbs resident Javier Romero is angry as well. "I mean, its just hypocritical Reuters that gay and straight people can get married, but Silvia and I cannot." Silva is a beautiful, black-and-white galloping steed, who resides with Mr. Romero in his four-bedroom, modular home. Not all Americans, however, believe human and animal marriage By BOB OBOBSTON should be legalized. Take Professor Dan Reed, of Preston Community College, for example. "I nd it The UN-sponsored International at-out disgusting, and depraved that we are even having this discussion," Moose Census got o to a ying says the forty-eight-year-old erudite. start today with hopes for an increase "I am just incredulous." in the worldwide moose population Other New Mexicans, though, like compared to last years disapointing Clint Hacker, disagree strongly with gures. Among the traditional early Professor Reeds sentiments. "Hes reporters were Egypt, returning gjust wrong," says Mr. Hacker, as he ures of six moose, a twenty percent gently strokes his tabby cats belly. increase on 2011s gures of ve, and "Mr. Bubbers and I have been in Uruguay whose moose population rea relationship for going on ve years mains stable at eleven.

Pet Lovers Enraged Over Gay Rights

International Moose Count Underway

According to Robbie McRobson, head of the UN Moose Preservation Council, worldwide moose numbers are expected to grow markedly on last year due to the traditional moose strongholds of Canada and the United States, with the larger developing moose ecologies also poised to make gains. The largest percentagege increase in moose will likely come from China, says McRobson, The Chinese government has invested heavily in moose infrastructure over the past decade, and their committment to macrofauna is beginning to pay dividends. Since 2004 China has expanded moose pasture from 1.5 of arable land to nearly 3.648 and moose numbers are expected to rise to 60,000 making China a net moose exporter for the rst time. This is good news for neighbouring Mongolia, a barren moose-wasteland whose inhabitents nonetheless have an insatiable desire for the creatures. The increase in Beijing-Ulanbataar trade is anticipated to relieve pressure on the relatively strained Russian suppliers, but increase Mongolias imbalance of trade with its larger neighbour. Historically the only competitor to China in the far eastern moose markets has been Singapore but the tiny island nation is set to report a net loss, expecting a decrease of more than ve percent on last years 50,000 moose counted. The head of Singapores Agency for Agriculture, JingFeng Lau, explained to an incredulous Singaporean parliament yesterday that bad weather had contributed to this seasons poor showing, most notably when a cargo of 150 moose were swept out into the Indian ocean in a monsoon. Yet again the global demand for moose will be met largely by the US and Canada. The recession-hit States is taking comfort in its moose growth gures with gross production expected to break 700,000 and net exports to grow by 2. The worldwide

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The Santa Fe Eagle dominance of Canada shows no signs of abating though with this years moose population expected to match last years record gures of one hundred million billion. Europes rise as an international moose power will slow slightly this year as a response to the European Unions move towards standardising the European moose. Stringent quality controls are holding back the development of the eastern european populations compared to last year when they contributed signicantly to europes strong growth gures. Norway, which is not an EU member but has observer status, strengthed in numbers relative to the Euro area with numbers of Norweigian moose, known locally as elk expected to rise for the tenth consecutive year, particularly thanks to a strong showing in the last quarter. As moose season reaches its close, researchers world wide are turning to science in an attempt to boost next years gures. NASA stunned the

12 APR 2013

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scientic community today with the announcment of their discovery that the moon is signicantly smaller than previously believed. This conclusion, which is the conclusion of a tenyear collaborative project, will have profound implications for the moose community as the gravitational eld is now known to be of the right strength to support moose in orbit. According to John Johnson, head of the NASA Moon Sizing Experiment the rst delivery of moose into low moon orbit could be achieved as early as the third quarter of next year. The technology to nurture moose in space is available now, he said, all that is needed is political will. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nulla ut tellus lacus, quis consequat metus. Pellentesque aliquet scelerisque congue. Aliquam aliquet aliquet iaculis. In pharetra dapibus felis. Etiam eu metus purus, non tempus neque. Nulla libero felis, rutrum non lacinia quis, tincidunt vitae enim.