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Memories…

This is the story of a satellite surveillance victim. Notes from


her diary

The beautiful girl in the bus

Today i woke up in the morning with a sadness..i sat in the bed for 10 minuts..my
mother asked me what r u thinking ...i said nothing....the people who ar not
familier to me but talking to me all the time to my mind..i too talk to them....they
woke me early morning....i asked them why u woke me up this much morning....i
aksed them whether my exboyfrind is there or not...they said he is sleeping...he is
also with them...i used to talk him also...some mechanism is in my
body...ya..yesterday night u know what happend..we did that....i dont know how
they are doing that...they made me erotic ..i felt those feeling in my senses..not
really but..its there..i tried to finish it off..but i couldnt..they were doing
something..i tried but i couldnt...i told them ,pls stop doing this..let me
complete..they dint do..so i decided to sleep....thats what happend
yesterday...today..i saw a beautiful girl in the bus..i told them how beautiful she
is..they also agreed..y u r looking only girls....no boys..are u a lesbion..they
asked..i laughed...the girl next to me stared at me..the reason is the no reason
laugh of mine...

F R I D A Y, A U G U S T 2 9 , 2 0 0 8

a smile created a small problem in the morning

hi today u know what happend..nothing specially...when i woke in the morning,i


was so sad...i dont know what is the reason...they didnt talk to me..i dint hear
their voice...i found so dull...suddenly i heard their sound..they started talking to
me...i smiled ..regarding my mother,it is an unwanted reasonless smile..she asked
me why are you laughng..i told they told me dont sing...at that time i was
humming a song....they keep on warning me ,dont sing dont sing...i always object
their order...this time my mother told me ur medicine is not enough...need some
more dose...i stopped smiled...in the bus i talked to them about girls and
boys...how difficult for girls comparing with boys...they told we gents are big big
people ..u gals are incoparable ...like worms on the earth... i agree with that..

M O N D A Y, S E P T E M B E R 2 2 , 2 0 0 8

passing urine everywhere

this week was horrible..u know ,they are doing something in my body,and i m
passing urine everywhere ..i cant control myself....every where it is urine...my
mother took me to consult with a doctor..the doctor asked to chek sugar
level..they took blood and checked...no sugar...because of the fear about
dibetics,my mother cut short my sugar intake...i dontlike sugarless coffe or
tea..then i asked them pls dont do this..u cando what ever except this..they dint
listen..but after one day's horrible urination,they stoped...thank god..and i
realised that urination out of control is how horrible and emabaressing...that
fellow who are talking to me have a good voice..that i m listening for the past one
year.....what are all the things that i could face in this small life..

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The morning,that i never forget

nothing but a simple incident...i told u they keep on talking to me..but they never
interfere inmy sleep...this time,the day i was in my hometown,they asked one of
my cousine to irritate me emotioally...so she did...their gang done it so...they
asked this team to watch me all time in the sleep,in the night,day all tim...they are
keep ontalkng to me..that day when i was in my new house..i was in sleep after a
bitter experience,.....my mind was not in good mood...in the morning they asked
me to,shall we do soemthing for u,because u dint acheive the goal that u
deserve...i woke up early morning by hearing their voice...can u show me agirl
with this kind of experiene ever in the univers...but i am

W E D N E S D A Y, S E P T E M B E R 3 , 2 0 0 8

I laughed in the bus agian.

morning..they made a great dream ...i was in sleep...it was about a great torturing
..the heroin was me..i couldnt complete that dream actually..before that they
woke me up..they dint talk to me..i thought did they go or not..but...becouse of
that dream they kept silent..they thought i would have asked about that..but i
forgot about that....then remember again...i dint ask about that dream...by the
way to the office i asked about the delivery...have u seen a delivery ever..i
asked..he said,the invicible said..ya i ve seen it when i was born.....i was delivered
by my mother..so i v seen it...i laughed in the bus agian..pasengers looked at
me....i stoped luaghing....

T U E S D A Y, S E P T E M B E R 2 , 2 0 0 8

Blue wear
today morning,they did somethng to make a dream..i was sleeping...every
morning they are doing this...this morning,the dream was about an exam...i think
they wanted to know what will be prominent in mymind...so they are keep on
dreaming every morning...(may be they wanted to prove that early mornig
dreams are simply not going to happen)...ya..in the bus we were keep on talking
..today when i stoped talking,they asked me to talk...when i sang they told dont
sing..i obeyed their orders...then i saw a bus with lot of paintings on its body..i
asked them which color do ulike the most..they said...nothing..which color do u
prefer me to wear on my marriage..they said..wear what color u like..again i
asked..they said..we like blue...i said..i wont wear blue..i dont like to be watched
like a blue film throught the marriage ceremony...u guys are like this only..u
always like blue....then they said..u dint understand or what throught these
days..we are guys..i think we keep on proving that...i laughed in the bus agian..the
conductor looked at me.....i stoped

no conversation today..

nothing specially happend today..what they did to me is they made me a pain in


my ear...like pricking effect...it was a little bit painful..i shocked...then i
realised..it is just a feeling...not really...what they had done to me past few
months was ...the bleeding thing..i dont know how they are doing all these..may
be some electrode or something inmy body...without my knowledge somebody
installed...they are telling u wont go anywhere...as my marriage is fixed with
some guy working in america..i dint care about that...it is simple threatening i
think..they wont do like that..somhow i m enjoying...today no fairies..no girls..i
thought about some adult onlies...they made me a pain there...then said..only this
much pain ..not more than that in the first attmpt..i said..i dont want to marry...i
am afraid of it...they laughed in the other side...

T U E S D A Y, O C T O B E R 7 , 2 0 0 8

Lucifer in the nightmare

this week till now nothing specially happend...normal days..i m withdrawing from
my mood..the pain that i had during last week's incident is reduding day after
day...everythin is goin smoothly...today i read meenakshi reddy madhavan's
blog...feeling good after reading all...theose people are keep on talking to me...i
asked my exboyfrind to come and meet me...he is in the town..as if he is talking to
me through this malintent mechanism..he is the other fellow are the two people
talking to me..talking in mind..mind whispering...i think they too talking using
their mind... i think my mother is a little bit more close to me..they might be
scared of a suicide of one of their daughters..may be because of that they are
showin much more closeness to me...
what a terrible life..hell here in my mind..as lucifer in the nightmare
PA RT Y

F R I D A Y, N O V E M B E R 2 1 , 2 0 0 8

what are they doing?its the ultimate question that one can ask to me ...the
question that i can answer now....i m the one who is suffering all....no change at
all...everthing is goin as usual...yesterday when i was taking bath,then i asked
them have u seen anything...they said we have seen everything....i said while u
inserted that instrument,you would have seen everything.....i know i know..they
said dont tell to anybody..i said ok..i wont tell to anybody.....dont u know how
much i suffered...they said for that only......they giggled...party is still
there..talking to me...they said now manasilayi...for that only....my ex boyfrind is
there not talking to me...yesterday i chat with him ..he is still talking to me in
hurmour...i m glad a bit....thats all...

T H U R S D A Y, N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 0 0 8

His birthday

today,his birthday is today.i wished him through this mechanism.i dont know
whether he heard it or not..but i wished..he was my boyfrind.my exboyfrind...i
loved him alot..he too loved me alot..anyway we separated after 2 years
relationship..i left that place he too left that place..and time took our love..now
both of us are escaped from that bonding...and i will be the first person who is
wishing her boyfriend through this mechanism in the entire world...no where else
it is using i think....thankful to this mechanism for the first time....and still there
is remaining love in my mind i think..i love u my dear ex....

envy of them

the cause of this torturing is simple ..the envy of my cousin..so they hired the
party and started torturing me...she just wanted to destroy me..my mammy is so
sad about this incident..she is just sad...still she is saying everything is ur
hallucination...that medicine is not enough or what...need to take more
medicine..why dint u tell to that doctor about ur hallucination..but i know
everythingis real and they are torturing me..i m waiting for that day .the day im
goingto mash him ..after the marriage of mine they will leave me i hope..waiting
for that day..god me let me to do that also
S U N D A Y, N O V E M B E R 9 , 2 0 0 8

postmortem-dream

yesterday night,they made a dream about a postmortem..i wake up by the time


2.30,after that i couldint sleep..i went to my mom's bed and slept..i like their
dreams but not the all ,sometimes they make nice dreams like movies.once they
made a dream with actors..dileep was the main character..i enjoyed that movie
type dream very well..when i wake up they asked me kollamayirunno...i said
adipoli...that day party was suffering from cold...i heard the difficulties of his
kichkich..
i usually talk about party to my mammy...one day she lost control she screamed
at me..vave ni veruthe irunnonam..irakki vidadi avare..ni partykkarem
kettipidich irunno..ni thanneya ninte bhavi kalayunnath...ini oru vashiye ullu
nalla vadi eduth veekkuka..ini athanu..i laughed by hearing this..she became
much more angry..
yesterday some strange thing happend...when i was taking bath,i noticed that
milk is coming out while sqeezing my breast..i surprised..i wasn't pregnent...i
asked them about this ..they told me with a giggle that u r pregnent...i felt so
angry at them,..are you playing on my body.u fool..what r u thinking about
me...then my mood changed ,i too enjoyed this strange thing no one else is
experiencin in this entire world..i m always extraordinary ....for godsake,not
much milk is coming two or three drops..that much..waiting for the bath today..i
wanted to chek it whether it is coming or not..

T H U R S D A Y, N O V E M B E R 6 , 2 0 0 8

Veriety Of Smells

Today morning they made bleeding..i scared because i wasn't prepared...i rushed
to the bathroom after i reached my office and kept a pad in my underware...i m
relieved...then i came back to my seat..their old way of torturing by making a
smell in my nose,instead of this they made a sweet smell in my nose...i m so
happy..suddenly they stoped that smell...i told my party,"please put that smell,pls
pls pls...okok party told..kept that smell..i m happy for a while....party is some
way nice man..but he is extreamly naughty also...he is telling he is not 65..but i
think he is in his 50s...i like him now..i gave lot of kisses to my exboyfrind also..he
is out there talking to me..sometimes i give kisses to party also..then he said i
have wife...i dont want ur kisses..i laughed in the middle of my office...my
collegue asked me that do u have any problem?i laughed again at her...she dont
know what are all the things that i m undergoing....i said sometimes somehow i
have problems..she too smiled at me....

what they are doing

i usually write mails to him..regarding what is happening strange to me...how


those people know about what happening everyday ..and they keep on telling
about what happend in my hostel and what happend on my way...it was actually a
nuisanse for me..i never mind them...i went to the same way as usually i go and
come back.....but everything really really disturbed me..and i couldint get up from
the bed thinking thinking about what had happend in the office..at that time i
became a professional...my cousins never like that i got a job.they dont want me
as a professional

Today and Yesterday

Actually what happend you know,its them ,them only forced me to write this..its
my story...they ordered me not to tell anybody..what had happend and what is
happening...i cant live without saying this to anybody..so i decided to write..
usually raining here is kerala is heavy during october...but this year it is very
less..the rain it is only for three days...i belive strongly its because of
them...becase they tortured me..thats y the rain stoped...its them the party
people..
today i woke up early.listened to their voice..but nothing heard..a happiness filled
in my mind..they left me.i thought...usually they will say somehting like
kollamayirunno...they ask me about the dream they made for me...they can do
whatever they want...everything they want..i was just like a experimental object
for them,i think like that....it was not actually experiments..its proved ,tested
mechanism ,what they had inserted inside my body two year back..but i m not
able to remember when they inserted and how and where they inserted that
thing..unknown to me...unknown to everybody in the world except them and my
parents..my parents know everyhting..even then also they tell me, u r
hallucinating everything...nothing can inserted in the human body...i wont belive
them..becase i m the one who is keep on talking with them...angry at
them...throwing foul words at them...i m the one who suffering those stupid
dreams by 2.30 am in the morning...i m the one who is suffering the pains in
various parts of my body..i m the one who suffering the forced urination ..usually
wet my pijamas when i reach my house..walking with that sound by the touching
of each side of my paijama...(now they are keep on teling you wont go to
america..we will block it if u write all of this..i never mind them)..i m the one who
suffering the forced bleeing ...but sometime they made me erotic..and they create
some dreams filled with sex..i enjoyed these two things..they started this very
recently..so before that it was pure torturing...this is for the brief
introduction...Normally there will be a question arises..why and for whome they
are doing this kind of strange and most secret torturing...the answer for why they
are doing is still unknown to me..byt the other qustion for whome they are
doing..its for my cousin..he and his sister didint like me...i m considering as their
enemy...their forever competitor....what they wanted to see is my
destruction,...can you imagin a purposefully destruction of a girl....what they are
doing is that...for that they are using what i had done when i had a boy frind..and
what are all the incidents that is emabarressing in my life...

T U E S D A Y, N O V E M B E R 4 , 2 0 0 8

they are not doing much now

ho..i escaped from the grasp of a big octopus...grasp is still there..but it not
biting....talking talking...nothing..today suddnely i felt that men are not part of
my life..they suddenly made me erotic ..i thought about my ex boyfrind ...then
they said..men are for life..we just wanted to feel u that all..i sweat ..thats
all..anyway,theyare trying to do lot of things and doing also...one night i wet my
bed...they did that..morning i found my bed and my undergarment got wet..i felt
so angry at them..who gave them this kindof right...may be the government..hi hi

T U E S D A Y, D E C E M B E R 3 0 , 2 0 0 8

today they threaten me

they dont want me to share this thing with anybody...but now blog is being
shared with one guy..
so did something yesterday...tendency to go to toilet ..i was not in not that
situation to go to toilet...i triedmy maximum to control myself..machine Vs
woman..how can i ..i was not walking through the road ..i was trying to fly to
reach my house...i successfully reached my house fortunatly..then i rushed to
toilet..what are all the man made problems that i could face..the machine here is
the thing that been inserted into my body...they can do whatever they want

the day i decided to write a book

yes atlast i decided to write a book..the book -the incidents happend in my life
within two years..it may be funny in one view but it was serious for me in the
other side...the things that happend to a girl withing one year is really interesting
rite..it is interesting,but i v gone through an ordeal in life..i would have suicided
in between the incidents ..but fortunatly or unfortunatly i survived..can u imagin
a girl without any problem in mentally is taking medicine for mental
relaxation..(he is saying Pavam )..some people can change a girl'd life ever
purposefully..like the changing of a silent river to a roaring one suddenly...
it as unbelivable...i survived ..now it is again a little bit calm.....a job gave back her
life again..otherwise i would have died ..previous job took her but the next job
gave her life again...i v changeda lot now..in brief

T H U R S D A Y, D E C E M B E R 1 1 , 2 0 0 8

Today morning

Today morning they made a dream for me....i was asleep..but i dreamt about
sambar and rice...the onion was as whole as it is...it spread over my rice..i
surprised ..then suddenly my dream changed to some kind of chasing by some
people..and they sexually abuse me..but i enjoyed it in the dream..suddenly i
woke up..party asked me something..kollamayirunno..i said..kollam...then they
said dont tell to anybody..i said ok...i asked him whether my exboyfrind is there
or not..he said he is asleep.....i think its their routine to get up early...and making
dreams for me..or they compel mymind to dream ...how they can do this..really
surprising....i m enjoying somehow...but its ridiculous...my time is the best time
ever a girl can born..i thought......they do all kind of disturbances in my body..by
ticking,scratching etc..no other dont have this kind of experiences...my fate

W E D N E S D A Y, J A N U A R Y 2 1 , 2 0 0 9

another shocking moment in mylife

today i got feisal's mail ,he is telling that its global phonomenon..no escape
actually...torturing a person is considerin as a life time acheivement for them..so
no escape from this torturing segment...cant tell to anybody,or sharing about
this..anyway its a global phenomenon ..wht to do..anybody can suggest anything
for this ..i v no escape from this problem...no escape..no escape i think...foever
bearer of this torturing segment...rest in peace my soul

S U N D A Y, J A N U A R Y 1 8 , 2 0 0 9

Shocking moment in my entire life

I dint tell u about feisal know..its one of my mailing friend..who is one of the
victim of mind control mechanism..we have several conversations through mails.i
asked several questions to him..he answered all..like when did they leave me and
how do they insert it inside my body like several questions...today he ansered the
ultimate question that i v asked him..they wont leave me it will be there until my
death..they wont leave the victims..i got desperate like anything...you know what
is i m thinking now ?i just want to leave my body that all..its there inside the body
no...how can i escape..shall i suicide ?
T H U R S D A Y, J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 0 9

the real incidents

The Men inside My Walls (means The mind controllers (the goverment agency
here in kerala in my case) )

I was a 24 yr old decided to do something- a job in the software industry..bcoz i m


MCA....atlast i succeded...i got an entry in a prestigious firm.......i never thought
of this,u know what the running of time.because it was like a ridiculous climbing
of a mountain that destruct our confidence while seeing forward...it was a
torturing segment of life..it was the begining of all...
now i m not 24 now i m 25 yr old… one year has passed. i never thought of it..i
thought the earth stopped its rotation..the next day wont come ...the situation
was like that...fortunately it happened,i mean the one year has passed.
it was sab ,the project that i got to do in the office..the fact was i thought the
nuisance around me becuase of some people hired by my jealouse cousine..so
that they my office atmosphere created like that..they gave me sab as my project
...and the situation matching to my mind..my office boy always called me asking
me would u like to marry me..i love u so much...i was irritated by his calls...i hate
him wiht all of my heart..atlast i found a way to escape from his calls by telling
him that i hv undergone 50 percent of the sex..but i m virgin...i never known that
it will be a thread for them to torture me...anyway i suffered alot in between...i v
escorted with one guy till i reach my office..the guy was teasing me...i m
embarresed...most of the people around me was aware of the torturing segment
that i v undergoing...by that day they made sucking sounds around me ...my
collegues they created the sound....it was the ultimate embarresment for me....i
thought they would stop that after that...but it was just a starting...they created
threatening cum embarressing segment thoughout that year...by making that
sucking sound....they escorted me to my hometown while i went to attend my
grand father's 1st death aniversary...the provocation for this movement for them
was simple actually that mail was a provocation for them...they cannot prove
that..all the mails before this ,they were the winner in the match..i was defeated
by them..,so the took revenge by prooving that i v undergone that 50 % sex..atlast
the day came..the day of them..i and my mother caught a bus,in that bus they
were there..the people running behind me..they scolded to the air dont speak ,
when i was talking to my mother...our conversation got an end...after that we
never talk anything till i reach..in between they were remembering us about my
past..how my realtionship with my exboyfrind was...they played several love
songs as the reminder of our relationship..till i reach my grandfather's
house..there one ridiculous thing was awaiting me...after i reached there my
aunty came..talking about milk...rubber milk..inner meaning was about the
breast of mine..i got embarresed..it was just the begining...then all of my auntys
surround me talked about milk ....the breast..my thought was all of them knew
about the incident that i v told to the office boy...then another uncle came
inbetween i came out of that room to the front varanda....infront of varanda it
was highway...a jeep full of mad people with red shirt passed,they teased me by
making koo koo voice..the voice from around25 people...i ashamed ..i rushed into
the room..there my uncle started talking about the milk..i embarresed again,...but
i never showed any expression in my face...it was the ultimate embarressing
experience in my life ever....i thought they might stop after that..my unlce was
talking talking talking about milk production and staring at me...u dont know
how i controlled everything....it was like a tug of war of emotions in my mind....(i
was unaware about the mind reading mechanism at that time)..after all
discussions in between them and with me we had dinner and went for sleep..that
night i slept silently,..in between the night i heard the sound of a beed falling into
the terrace..shown the sign of the winner..it was me the winner,because i never
showed any expression infront of them....suddenly my mother pressed her naked
breast against me...reminds me u won the upper portion in the battle...actually
there was not that much immotions in mymind..i slept with utter sadness...(in the
office they remember me how willbe the start of a heart attack,a pain from the
hands first...they dont have to explain how it will be..it was software
company)fortunatly there was no heart attack....in that torturing segment several
times i thought i would have died of heart attack suddenly...that kind of
embarrassing segment they created..next day i came back to my place wiht my
mother..in the bus i never mind the songs they played for me...so they took a
short break...when ireached my stop there a man similer to my exboyfrind was
awating me....i was in utter confusion whether my mother would know about my
past love story...suddenly i heard a voice from the shop near the bus stop about
the things happend through that days...the organiser was my mother..but it was
their trick to make a quarrel with my mother....but i was a little aware of the
situation that they will create all the situations to make quarrels and fightings, so
i never mind that..i was utter confusion and i was tired of that incident..by next
morning i could not speak ..i was full of sorrow..i thought i would hv died of heart
attack by next day..fortunatly i survived...by next week i got chicken pox...one
sentance to avoid a guy created this much problems for me.....like a dieing
experience...
The Bus
i never forget that bus journey..i was staying in the hostel in ernakulam..one day
my father took me to my house..he came one day to my hostel and asked me to
get ready for a visit to my house.till thirssur there was no problem...after reaching
thrissur...some people directed my father to a bus which was actually waiting for
us...one guy directed towards the vacant seats near the driver...after started the
journey they began talking to us in the midst of the night.we started our journey
in the night..they were talking to me all the things that i had told to that office boy
in the office...i was emabarresed infront of my father...atlast that guy asked me
why dont u give to us...that means i told about the sex know thats what he
asked..anyway after getting up from the seat while we reached the busstop where
we want to get down,they switched on thelight purposefully just to embarrese me
infront of all the other fellow passengers..i never ever showed any sign of
embarresement...how difficult to hide ur feelings actually..

The Hostel

the hostel which i stayed was a hell..there around 100 students were staying...all
are in different age groups...there i was the center of attraction....they created
everything in inner meaning...my mind was changed at that time...they wanted to
change my mind so whatever they created effected my mind....i couldnt read
anything with proper concentration...they demonstrated whatever i had
experienced in my previous days....i couldint tolerate anything..i was in utter
confusion at that time..my room mates was haunting me...in all moves..they
wanted to clean the bathroom and all..so i did everything ....

My House Those Days

fucking dreams, interruption during the dreams even commentary from the walls
of my rooms, surprisingly my walls are saying the names and incidents that
happened in the dreams(there are some invisible people living inside my
walls..talking to me is my hobby..their's too )
.something happened to my memory..calls from everywhere..regarding
proposals.becase my parents were looking for a perfect match for me....me..my
mind got traped these days...whatever i m going to think is getting to whome are
in my bedroom walls..hi hi...i couldnt even sleep properly....dreems
everywhere..during day times also..i think they are really enjoying..i think they
are awaiting for my day dreams...when they are getting time to sleep.?..(still they
are watching me,the way,and what are all i m writing..telling pani kashinju(she
got an end)anyway its really interesting ,dramatic,mind churning expereince for
me...like our mind is in a mixie jar....how it will be...i tried to stop myself thinking
..i mean tried to put a seat belt around my mind..it was an utter useless
try..controlling mind is the most hard working and ridiculuos task that one can
do in the entire world..because they were talking to me with its maximum..im
controlling not to think about the past ..(if i remember the past they will ask
about that that..and i cant tolerate the embarresment at that time infront of my
exboyfrind)atlast i found mind is an mischevious kid..out of control....i went for
taking bath..simply laughed and finished bath...then i angry to my mom..she is
always curious about me..wanted to interfere even my personal matters...i hate
that..especially mothers are not supposed to interfere in their children's personal
matters..i think

May Last Week-The day , my frind being a part of them

some magics.Now i can hear the voice of one of my friend Ratheesh ...nothing
harmful in this week..taking bath with lot of comments like ooommm....ur boobs
are beautiful... pour a little bit water on ur body..its not yet clean pour a little bit
again.... they told me from the walls..they are not only in the bedroom walls all
the wall where i am standing..fine and strange experience(i really enjoyed ..i
think no other girls never experienced before in the whole universe ...talking to
the men inside my walls ..they are responding as well...)i m really mad i
think..they (i mean the walls) wanted to prove something infront of me... i dont
know for what...may be they might be paid from other invicible fellows for
interrupting my soul and mind.(i thought it may be like that otherwise nobody
would do without a reward ).only internally...externally i m perfectly alright ...but
my mind vigerously conversating with the men inside my walls...sometimes my
mother noticed my smile without reason....and the loud laugh ..thats y they
decided to take me to a doctor..a psychologist..Dr.Seetha..when i was in the
doctor's house, a girl with angry faced was sitting beside me.in the waiting
room...and when i told them that she is cute and is she really sick?they replied
that ask her herself...i stoped ...lot of sick people were there..exactly the same
persons that are participatin in the drama they are playin around me....kavihta's
new family...and all...really got sick ...i m not going anway ther anymore..(you
know why those invicibles around me,i have one cousin named kavitha..she is
jealous of me..so she and her brother did this to me..those invicibles are a
torturing segment than a funny thing..you know how i happend to think like that
,all the things are matching for their wishes and according to their minds..)
doctor told me what i was feeling those days...exacty the same things they are
trying to make me feel i mean the men inside my walls...ok..then i came out after
the consultation,i asked my mother whether she got prescription for her
sicknes..she was sick at that time..i asked her to consult with that doctor..she lied
to me that she has got priscription,as i realised she was lieing, i tore the
priscription and threw it away.....they were keep talking to me ..somebody is
constantly following me everywhere...nha pinne..this week was full of sorrows...as
the way i was in the bus,they were there...and in the bus they were talking to
me...the bus conductor,everybody was irrirating me,...u know something is inside
my body...they are making koo koo sound when i am writin this...i want to kill
them..like a mic in my mind...i m not even able to think..they are capturin
instantly what i am thinking even befor me..i dont know..y...and Mr.Ratheesh is
gettin tired of me i think....(they are tellin she got an end..)..somemore funny
incidents too...i m really sometimes enjoying..soimtimes gettin sick...and more
over i took the previous dose ofmedicines again las night..beacuse last time
Dr.Seetha gave me a strong dose ..i was relly calm yesterday..today i m losin
again...but not fully, half(the dose is half no hi hi hi) i m keep talking with
them...if i have a hammer in my hand ,i would have killed them instanly those are
inside my walls.....they are forcefully inside my walls...actually what happnd u
know...i asked them while i was watchin a movie in my pc,,i felt some irritation
on my breast...i aksed them, are you doing something..they told me that it is due
to the tightness of ur bra..ok...i laughed

june first week--my attempt to commit suicide


ya..the most courageous week in my life....the men inside my walls told about the
1 lakh taken by kishore...during the construction of my house(i don’t know
whether it is true or false)..anyway. I told it to my father..he told take medicines
properly. because when i started saying like this to my family members they took
me to a psychologist...he prescribed some medicines for a week....i mean for
mental health...i would have taken the medicine but my mom purposefully gave it
to me ..she was running with it behind me. I had already spoken about it...don’t
run behind me....like this. I v my own things to do..Dont come on my
ways...but...she did it again...i threw away the tablet when she put it in my
arms....she hit on my cheek. I lost myself..i beat her anyway...and again she ran
behind me so i lost my control. I took a blade and cut my forearm...the skin torn
apart the white soft skin…I lost my courage on half way of cutting..i stoped.i
surprised myself. the way it torn apart...anyway that moment also i
enjoyed...blood came out as u imagin.only two drops...no vein was there by
godsake..i thougt i would have died. nothing happend..Within two days the
wound healed. a simple mark left..ya..after that, the day got an end with only two
drops of blood.....the next day the same old day. Nothing sepcially..They kept on
talking to me...nobody told anything. simply roaming here and there..Nothin
specially happened...in the night they asked me to do that..i mean
masturbation...i refused first..but it was from wall-the men in my walls..like an
order (you know what they are telling as a reason,its for not commit suicide..it’s a
relaxation techinique for an unmarried girl)..so i did it..they did somethin
remotly...i got and i did it..how was it they aksed finally..i said it was
good..(hihi)..ya i was watching a movie,kilukkam...i ate a banana while watching
that movie..they told we really enjoyed the way u ate it...and in between they were
makin me erotic.by caressing my breasts...and askin me kollamo..i told
them..poda kuranga..and the smelly words in malyalam....they didnt reply..keep
on did that.and they played that smell..the erotic smell of men...i went for a nice
sleep....i didnt take medicin or bath...ya,,...about my dreams...all smelly dreams
during my midday sleep..lot of nonsense...(they were keep on listening that..i
think they are really enjoying my dreams..ask mr.Ratheesh .One jurasic dream
striking now. the dinosaurs chasig me...lot of dinosers like in the movie' the lost
world'..i v been chasing by them throughout the night..and ..i m trying to escape
in a large builing with lot of rooms...i trying to escape in a small room first..they
the dinosors tried to break the door of that room..my whole family is with me..my
father tried to change their target that is me..fortunatly i could escape from that
room to another with a little bit good condition ..again they changed their target
from my family members to me..i opend the door and ran like anything with
terror. my father and family couldn’t do anything simply watching me. with
sympathy. I ran and ran and ran suddenly they made a noise..bhuuurrrr..i
jumped from the bed with horror. all got dissappeard..The dinosors...only the
reality-the men inside my walls left....i told them with a little louder,what is ur
problem,i came back to normal condition and thought about the dream and the
men inside my walls...i ggigled ..my mom came and asked me why u r laughing
alone..what happend..i screamed at her "think only about u and forget me.dont
interfere in my matters."..and i lie there for about a few minutes..it was about
10.30 in the morning...and by the noon i was watchin a movie named mr ya
mrs..they my men inside my walls started commenting about me regardig the
thougts that are coming out of my mind(actually the speaking are only in between
minds..i dont know they are using minds or not...anyway i m using my
mind..actually i love to watch girls beauty i mean their boobs and not bums(i dont
like bums)..ya the girl in that movie had great boobs....i insisted its original..they
told its pad...but the conversation got into a debate and we atlast decided it is
original..greeeat boobs....hi hihi

june second week 2008 -when i went to church...

something funny happend really..u know i didnt tell to mother...when i went ot


church..because she didnt answer my call..whatever,i bang the gate and went....i
didnt catch any bus until i droped my suspision...fear of music..because they play
music in the brain..regarding myself..the whole embarrassing incidents that
happened in my life and they check my condition of my mind..whether I m tensed
or not…if I m tensed ,they will contiue the thing …unless they will stop playing
music..moreover they can control the organs of my body..they can hit me (not
that much painfully)( there one cock made a sound.....its really surprising me
how fast they are..may be professionals..may be have some offce too
somewhere(its my doubt))
at last i reached the church. lot of small small incidents..lot of people ....they keep
on talking to me..but not to me...but its to me...anyway..i reached the
church...nothing specially happnd..i prayed...(actually they where waiting for
hearing what i m going to ask to god...but..i knew that...)so i purposefully didnt
tell anything....it was a famous church in the town...then i catch another bus and
reached other church...there it was like a sadhya with lot of dishes..inititally the
alter was decorated with one sentencce 'everything is for u god'.that means what
they are doing and telling are only for god..no other questions and answers...in
the middle of the service i entered into the church...the service started with a
song.. .....some preayeers ,,the service continued with Jesus Christ’s last supper...
...ok...and ..in the middle i saw a mango..in my mind I said hai there is a
mango...then they told thenga(coconut)...i laughed in the middle of the mass..the
girl near to me looked at me..i stoped instantly..in the middle..they wanted to tell
me a big secret u know....when i was doing masturbation...they kept a camera in
my room..my room mate told me to enjoy..as she told i did that..i never had any
mood too.. everybody was watching me.....they are telling that day he would have
been dissmissed(because he was the officeboy in my office and some more
colleagues where there....because the men inside my walls can capture the minds
around me..and can do according to their wishes)..one train passed nearby..i
would have been committed suicide...they thought....expecting a cd too from their
side....so sad..y didnt tell me after that day..then only it would have an
effect....one day i sneezed at kishore-that office boy...when he was serving
tea.....as that begger is paid well...because of that may be..i dont know....ok..then i
was keep talking to them about the movie i decided to watch.....again i saw a
bunch of mangoes...that mass got an end i came back to my house......ok then u
know what happnd.....i dont know what it is...they tried to arouse me by trying to
disturbing my breast..i felt it so erotic ..they told me they are doing by watchin
me.....what ever...it was really funny this after noon.....then i decided to do
something to them..but i decided to drop all the plans..
all the plans are worth less...they big people are big no...we poor people what has
to do..nothing no...atlast i got the secret behind that enigma what i feel
sometimes(what i m feeling is all the objects are away from me...but its not away
close to me..but its small..but its not small)...its my soul leavin me..how can u
identify that...they played one koo koo song while i said this thing to them-it is a
teasing part from their side
it was not at all funny ..
They are keep watching me...its paining some where in the body...(they are doing
that)...ok...what happnd u know ..they were keep on threatening me of taking my
virginity......and gave me a feel of tearing that skin out there..i scared and touched
there for the surety that its still there...i heard a loud laugh out there...i feel really
angry at there...i dont know ,...thay can kiss me, do whatever they want
remotly..yea...they asked me to masterbate several times ..as it was as the form of
threatening,i agreed...with that.....when they did it for the first ..i scared an
screamed like anything...i mean when they put penis for the first time
remotly,,..not really but i can feel the whole process..i shocked...that emptyness
that is the final feel of that process(i dont know whether it is the last feeling or
not.i never had such an experience before..i am a baby still in their
works)...parents rushed to my room...parents thought somethin is wrong with
her...so they took me agian to a psychiartist....prescribed some medicne..actually i
have no problem...i think..my mind is not incontrol..sometime i felt it so..but fully
normal..
yea today...they sensed me how to be after a drink..i felt that in my eye lids..its got
hang....good..lot of foul smells too..whn i disagree or didnt mind them...(they are
telling type in malayalam....but its not the correct wayno)..that two nights they
did continuously ...morning it was wet like anything. ...i dint get first...but it was
that only...they were doing(i think they must need some extra care.....playing with
mind and body no)
anyway...i took all the medicnes....watching movies...doing good..i dont
know...they asked me to do it when i was taking bath..u know..now.i m enjoying a
little bilt..but scared....what will be the next..like the movie jumanji....

june third week-they took a break for that sex mechine

all the time it was working while i was sleelping and walking and eating..all the
time..my inner garments went wet all day...and more overe they can sense me lot
of foul smels too,,.. horrible....nothing enjoyable except when they ordered
do it ....i mean masturbation...ok..that time i enjoyed..my nipples went hot and all
it was enjoyable....asked me to do even i was taking bath...they wanted the way
how i do it usually...i think they are keep watchin me....they are gettin all the
things from mind...like a mic set in the mind...or sitting in my mind
....exactly.....nothing more happnd...still as a prisoneer...the last proposal was
funny...a sex machine shaped bufffello came to meet me...little bit oil all over his
face...i think that might be the last (they are hacking those fellows minds
according to thier needs)
again an option from their side as a groom..i think they got
exhausted...anyway...me too exausted.....that they showed me their mail
shauvanism...i never care about that...i think something they wanted to prove
infront of me....i dont know what it is

june last week--when i went to church in the next sunday

it was funfilled but little bit tensed week..u know mammy was compelling me to
eat me those stupid mental tablets.,...hardly succeed...i threw them away
tthrough the window to the heavy rain..it might be vanished in the heavy
water..the monsoon carried those small yellow and white oval shaped
tablets...anyway...simply she cried for no reasons...i mean i found no
reasons...she might had some reasons......those people on the walls are still
there...like a telepathy technique...talking talking all the times....simple talkings
...while watching tv shows to even at the time or bath....they are talking
talking..Somthing something.. i think they were keep on laughing of hearing my
nonsense...some more techniques too they tried...i said yes...i dint mind too..as
revenge they sqeezed my utrus..i think so...blood came out with some clots..(i
think those people are very interested to watch how i handles those situations like
all other girls do) ..every morning they did it...my first duty was washing my
underware and changin the pads...i dont know...simply just for their fun i
think....all came on the talk reality show...when i was cutin my nails i told them u
know it is hardly difficult to find a nail cutter here...even a dining table is
dissapearing from here then a nail cutter.. i heard a loud laugh from my
walls....they switched of the mic and switched on in between......they made me
feel the smells differing from wine to stool....and more over there i found some
butterflyies on my konna tree.........i took some photos not clear anyway....those
characters inside the walls are still watchin me out there...i gave the coolest man
inside the wall as appukuttan.....no mind no feelings...same sound all the time..no
modulation or frequncey change in his voice...same feeling like catchin fire on an
ice...he is the mediator to talk..lot of othes too there i think.....i like that mans'
voice....mammy is in blue all the time...i went to church today....then i sat behind
replica of kavitha.(u know who is kavitha ..its another story..she is the same age
of me..she is jealous of me and because of that her brother wanted to proove my
family something that they are great people )..priest preached about all...peter the
apostol as the rock...symbolises the kavitha's family...kavith's family wanted to
prove something that they are as rock....i dint listen the whole...then i understood
that its story of understanding somethin to me ....so how could it be changed
from their path.(the story of revenge and betrayal chapter-thats passing from
generation to generation especially in between the family of farmers who have
photos of 6 or 8 generation of great grand fathers and great grand
mothers)....they are keep on telling oh poor meera.. oh poor meera..i dint
understnad still....one day evening i lost my control...(i dint take the tablet)..i
fired kishore with all foul words in my vocabulary...i heard the sound of kishor
from the walls (the conversation is only by minds of each others) ..it satisfied me
a little bit..

july first week

Mr.Ratheesh is still there ...talking to me and that appukkuttan too....still have


some conversations...i hve shaving set he said when i called him kuttithadi ....i
said thats why you have that kuttithadi...he is an encyclopedia,..i think..he said
podi...Mr.Ratheesh is saying something ....its not clear..somebody said
pavam....always saying like pavam(poor) pavam..i dont know why..i m not atlall a
pavam ,i think...thats what kavitha's family is telling..bhayangari...when i watch
fashion tv and all...they got silent.....u made us in a good mood...i laughed ..and
continued with that channel....some day i purposefully did like that...when i was
taking bath ,i applied shampoo in my hair the water from hair got a little bit dark
in color because of the dirt..i told its full of dirt...they told it is not dirt color of
hair is washin out..i laughed in the bathroom...outside my mother rushed to my
room and asked why are you laughing..i told nothing you might be
mistaken...(nobody knew about that..its simply the conservations between minds
no)....continued the bath.....that day passed the next day started, nothin
especially happnd..they were keep talking to me...i aksed them to play a song for
me remotly..so i could enjoy na....at that time my mammy was singing a song
..devotional song..i struggled to listen the song they are supposed to play..but
they dint played..they made my nipple hot...they told first ..she is fresh..then
changed no no she is not..in the initial stages it is not even touchable.i mean the
nipples...they said...i laughed when they comment about me like this....most of
the converstions are really funny...they pinched me remotly..When i said
something against them they beat me remotly..But not painful. they are making
me erotic by giving me a sucking feeling on my breast even i m writing.....and
sometimes they bit my nipple(its only a feeling that they can give..not in real for
ur knowledge)

july second week

nothing specialy happnd....some more jokes...interrupting my dreams...it was


about 10 oclock in the morning..still i did'nt wake up..i was dreaming
..dreaming...i am taking tablets for mental health so my dreams are full of
fragrance...no sad ,moody..nothing....they can read what ever things that in my
mind....ya..after wakin up ..i listened their frequncey and feelings of the
sound..fresh like a new flower..they might got in a good mood after going through
that dreams ..they can actually read my mind..what is that mechine..the mind
readin machine...i dont know....then..again i thought about mr.Ratheesh..when i
was watching a movie...it was about the hanuman story...i thoght him
acciently...then he asked why u thought about me...i m not like that..u always
thinking me like that in a gooffy way..i wont meet u any more..i was supposed to
meet u on next month..i wont come and meet u...i said ,i did'nt mean
it..accidently u came in my mind..i dont know how to convince u...i pleaded
.again he told not only once,several times u r thinking like this..i v noticed several
time...no change to his mind...i lost one of my frind(who asked him to keep a
chair for him in my mind..)....they keep on changing the smells in my nose...from
a foul smel to another one..the smell varies from vomit ,wine,stool,urin,musk,shit
and much more..now i am keeping a deodrant with me..at that time i am keeping
that bottile near to my nose..using this technique i can escape from those foul
smells ..nice idea no....i m internally sometimes enjoying...but not all time..stinky
tueseday......ya..today they took my eye sight for a while ..they can take it like
small quanitity each..hihi..i thought it will be for a permamet reduction...but i
think its for a short while....only my hallucinations i think...(its not a
hallucination now,they took it....becouse i write it here no thats y,..they are telling
it will come back tomorrow)..the other technique they are using is tickling in my
back.....i cant sleep..how could u sleep if somebody continously tickling ur back
for a while(it was more than a tickle..)...it was like that....they did it previously
one year back..i thought it was becouse slepping early.(i was an early sleeper at
that time...they didnt like me to sleep early).......yea..its their hand....the tickling
hand.......anyway i m dreaming tirelessly in the nights...no night
mares...everything that i m dreamin is facing courageiosly nowadays..the tablet is
working properly,,,,.....(i dont want to loose my texture of my mnd too..i might
have loose my sixth sense part of my mind because i have an ability to dream the
future things..this incident that i m facing is one of them..only for watching,no
use at all..i am not able to change it...because i never belived in my dreams..i
belived it only after it happend)

july third week

nothing specially happned...nha u know how the great appukkuttan's life changed
to be the one among the men inside my walls..when i asked them they told the
secret ,how they became men inside the walls...once he loved a girl..then the men
inside the wall came in his life becouse of some other jealosy invisibles...(may be
because they might be so jealosy by seeeing their love..his father was dead..he
and his father was enemies..so that invisible person would ask the men in the
walls to torture him..anyway atlast they got married..he said..did u do that before
marriage..i asked him..he said yes..i giggle as an early tean)

In Trivandrum just for a reminder what happened last month I mean in April
after the job in infopark ,actually the men inside may walls was playing a
torturing segment in that office..they didnt like me as a professional or working
somewhere...
they insisted ravi(he is one of my frind) to take me to trivandrum,he was working
in trivandrum..and he offered a job in that office ..so as i lost my job from
infopark ,i decided to join with that company..(u know y i lost the job i teased
kavitha ...she was actually jealus of me...so she and her brother charted a
planning session for torturing me...using their invisible fellows ..i dont know how
they got connection with this type of mind hacking invisible fellows)
it was a big trap..it was not for a job purpose...
it was for the that torturing segment......there they wanted to prove
something...they even made situations like thretening me...i quit the job for just
for an escape after a month..because i wanted an escape from the mental
torturing by saying about my personal life ..initially i thought what they are
telling is public...i was sweating all the time because of embarresment ..i thought
whole of the things was telling infront of others....thats why decided to quit the
job...i knew the men inside my walls can do magic ..they can influence others
too..like my parents and all others without their knowledge,,,they will do
whatever as the men in my walls wanted to do .they are magic people..but i know
its their ultimate interfere in my personal as well as professional matters..
even before an escape my father forcefully asked to take me from the hostel,and
in the bus their people where there to tell me what happend(actaully it was in my
minds ...not in the bus)...i felt really embarressed by hearing everything infront of
my father...you know what are all the things they told..my life before i worked as
software professional,and how i do sex with my boyfrind..ya i didint tell that ..i
have a boyfriend..his name is deepak....but i have no plan to marry him...working
in bangalore as software engineer..what they were telling is what we had did in
our personal moments...my parentes well aware about my relationship with
him..and now they wanted me to go from here also...but i dont wanted to go ..y
they are running behind me...what they want..may a mental torturing...
i dont want anybody behind me....i said several times to them...
(in between my mammy and brother asked me to delete this scap...but i
deleted,fortunately it was there in the desktop...when i restarted it...)

in trivandrum,

my hostel was near Amballoor temple....a famous ambalam near vishinjam and
kovalam...
everybody is participating in this incident..i had 5 room
mates.....bilkis,bindhu,meenu,reshmi...and me...the last candidate...
here meenu was the replica of me....her duty was imitataing me as the men inside
my walls are telling.i told u they can catch the minds which one they wanted..they
caught all the mind of my roommates(pattikal still they are watching
me,commenting me....)
as usual,i thought all the hell is got over.....i was in a happy mood actually..new
environment....good condition(i dint know that they were just about a start)
one mother was ther around 72 yr old...she was good in all sense...she was
handling all the girls out thereroom was okey....everyhting was alright
in my office everything got upside down...the intention of that appointment over
there was the same as continuation of that toturing out there
from infopark....from the second day itself,started the whole....they purposefully
took leave all the candidates after noon
u know for what..for going out....me and Ravi left we too had no work..so we
decided to take a leave....actually in his mind his intention was to bring me to
shanghumugham beach.....
(u know now i am writing under the bedsheet cover,in my system,the whole thing
is covered,the system,me everything with my sister's bedsheet)outside the
bedroom my mammy is threatening me
by breaking my system....she is forcefully asking me what i am doing is wrong or
not...i told them its true....(they just wanted me to tell what i am writing is
wrong....)but i understood...still those kids are playing outside,their minds are
also captured by them..
they are telling their(men inside my walls) decisions just to hear me...what ever it
is....
ya where we stoped....shanghumugham beach...(i was in a thorough chek up they
are even watchin me even i am taking bath....as i told u earlier)
there is a statue of a nude.....Ravi purposefully showed me that statue..(their
intension was to prove that i had sex with my boyfrind...)
(outside myhouse one ambasidor car sound horn..i felt it so..everything
happening is inside my mind) its a symbol of threatening........just to remind
me....
whatever i had no experessions at that time ....during office time i was
concentrated only on my work....eventhough i realised they are still there.....( i
dont know y there are running behind me)
after every day at office they are giving me jackfruit..(symbolising the sex life with
my deepak because of the smell it have ..represents the foul smell of the sex life of
an unmarried girl....during nights they dont want to me to sleep...they made
noices by beating on the cot using hangers...
i cant slept for about one week....i was in an immense pressure......they were
telling all about my sexlife..that we had shared ..as an unmarried girl how can i
agree that we had sex ..what they wanted was i should agree that we had it....i
didnt agree ....
after the completion of one month.....when the day came the day i decided to
leave kerala...they asked my parent to pick me .....from the hostel...
here they are putting music according to the incidents happened in my life...i was
sweating like anything...
they are keep playing .....the last day.....
why those people are running behind me......
they are simply making things worse and they are simply running behind
me.....what they wanted to tell me is telling through my neighbours and kids
surrounding this area..

after i wrote till now current has gone...(i think everything is well planned,they
initially thought i m gonna suicide,then they thought that i will inform the police
or the media)
any how nothing going to happen.....the neighbours around me started saying
about some matters.. about my past..anyway....then my mom gave me my old
pendent...the one shaped as 'j'
then u know what happend...after i switched off the machine i went to kitchen
there one of my neighbour was waiting with the jack fruit(symbol of bad smell i
think...symbolises the past of mine..the smelly past of mine..sex before marriage
is banned in kerala.the society here is still in the well..may be there will be a
change in the future)
.
whan i went to the sitting room there was a seed of jack fruit was waiting for me..i
kicked that seed's ass ..it stopped its spiinning near the boundary wall.....
anyway...my family members ate that jackfruit....they like it very well.....then my
brother asked me to clean the toilet( i was the only cleaner of bathrooms
,throughout my hostels..may be some kind of compulsions my room mates
wanted me to do that...the magic of the men inside the walls)..in my bathroom it
was some blood clottings (it was new out there...i was very much aware of
that..and more over i understood everyhtin is doing by them only. u know what is
the solution they r telling..they wanted to make me in a good condition..but i dont
wanted to be like that........i don konw how they r doing ,..anyway they are very
much fast
then our imagination,...lot of hands to help even to disapear an elephant instantly
without evidence...making others mind acting accoriding to their wishes without
their knowledge)anyway i cleaned the toilet without hesitatioan(i used to the
cleaning part..initialy it was tough for me)..
by that time current has come and my brother started searching for the file that i
saved...anyway he found out and started reading and my mother also wanted
chek whether it contains any natural disasters or something...(but what they are
doing is absolutly nonsense...)....
some missing parts like the news in the papers and all they are trying to match
with the situation indirectly..but the actual news in the paper is regarding other
things..but indirecly resembles my matters..
my damn fate to be here in this trap.....why these people are running behind
me...i dont know.........

W E D N E S D A Y, J A N U A R Y 7 , 2 0 0 9

mouse hunt

for the first incident that i v noticed based on the stalking of the government is
that ,one day i reached my house from the hostel where i was working.that time
the heading of the popular malayalam newspaper was the mouse hunt of a
cat,based on the munnar issue in kerala..when i reached there,my neighbour was
telling that there is a big mouse around here we are about to hunt the mouse..i
surprised i got nothing from that statement ..it means that the mouse they
mentioned is me ..the cat is them,..so it is mouse hunt..now i am realising what is
meant by their statement...surprising stalking a innocent girl by a big party
without anyprovocation...(they are telling because of a minister they had done
this).whatever its over i think..i suffered alot thats all

want to mash my cousin

in between the work they are telling remotly that they are hungry let us go for a
snack...i heard it i m amased..for the first time i m hearing this kind of
conversation .usually they talk to me ,tease me , harrase me ,anwering my thougts
etc.for the first time i m hearing this kind of conversation..i surprised..what a
people are they ..i smiled in between.akbar near to me stared at me..why this girl
is laughing he might be thinking like that..whle writing this , they prik on my
nose and a tickling feeling in my arms..i said stop this..then serious talk to my
exboyfrind,i asked him could u do a favour for me ,i have a cousin he is doing all
these ..can u beat him for me..make him a paste i told him...he laughed at other
side..he said let me think..i said you are not loving me..then i stoped the
conversation..moreover that my cousin's family is making roumers about me,that
i m not praying anything ,i disobey my parents, i go to sleep during prayers..they
told to all of my relatives..i lost my patience..

T U E S D A Y, J A N U A R Y 6 , 2 0 0 9

The injection day

After continuous urination,i decided to tell about this to my mother..she told me


u are suffering form diebetics.so we went to meet a doctor..she prescribed to
check the blood to confirm that whether i m suffering from diebetics or not..the
day came atlast ,the day to check by blood sugar..after hearing that i hav to check
my blood,they started to scare me..it will be much painful than u imagin..i said if
so its not a problem for me...i told to them..thus i reached the hospital the nurse
took the syringe and pearce my skn on the spot they asked me vedanicho..i told
kurach...i really surpised they were silent till that moment ..a sudden voice really
surprised me..i forgot about them for a short while...i really enjoyed that
moment..i wont forget in my life..an ontime reassurance from remote place(i
dont know where are they)....nobody else would have experience such a moment
in the entire world i think

F R I D A Y, J A N U A R Y 2 , 2 0 0 9

unimaginable to him

he is not beliving me..the ultimate truth i told.. the experience of mine is


ridiculus..unimginable to him...how can prove that its true..its beyond
imagination..the experience isbeyond his imagination.how can i prove it to him..i
think this experience should experience.then everybody belive in that..otherwise
it is umimaginable,unthinkable..

F R I D A Y, F E B R U A R Y 6 , 2 0 0 9

my attitude now

Atlast i realised the truth ..they wont go till to the end...so i decided to cop up
with their decisions and their wishes..today when they started to itch me..i fell on
party's feet imaginarily and told him we are a team dontdo anything
wrong..please..please dont do like this..how long are you been doing like this..am
i a human being..he dint tell anything...we are a team dont forget that..somehow
some kind of happines and on the other side the feeling of losin the myself and
my freedom of my soul..like peeping through the key whole to somebody's room
forever...and the happienss side is like a invisible partner forever..hoping they
will express their opinions in future...

T U E S D A Y, F E B R U A R Y 3 , 2 0 0 9

no one is there for me to help

i m so sad now..i asked my frind that he have any connection with this kind of
torturiing people..he said that he doesnt have any connection with this kind of
people ..its pure jelously i told to him..i was in a good hope that he could do
something..unfortunatly..i m lastin one of the victims as others..forever...all have
gone through such a torturing....i think frinds never be frinds forever its just for
time being..as one of my frind told me...suffering forever suffering..suffering
forever suffering...suffering forever suffering..i could not stop typing suffering
forever suffering...suffering

M O N D A Y, M A R C H 1 6 , 2 0 0 9

the travelling in our car

i wont forget the travelling in our car..my uncle also was in that car...we four,my
father,and me,,my uncle,and the driver.i think my uncle got instructions from
them directly from space..my uncle was telling about what are we did during our
love life...they wanted me to agree with what they are telling...how can i agree
with all..i dint agree anything..my uncle was telling about what we had done
during those daysthey made something in my body ..my tension level increased
by them..they wanted me to agree with them what i had done during those
days....i cant even breath..i thought of lieing on my father's lap..but i
couldnt..they made my physical condition like that...i thought of going to hospital
in between..after two minutes an abulance passed by..i saw that...i surprises..they
stoped the care near a bar...just to remember me that we had drunk during those
days...they dint stop any condom cellin shop..fortunatly..if it so they can make it
out that i had done everything during those days..i m really thankful to them for
stoping near a condom shop...atlast i reach the aiport..there i came out from the
car..suddenly everything changed..i got my body back without that extream
tension state...i met my sister in the airport...they sent lot of people to us..they
were telling lot of things and was threatening me ..soemone stared at me and
shaked the toy dog on our car..i scared..whether they will kill me instantly or all
these people are going to do something against aus..and we travelled to our
house..4 hrs travelling distance from that ariport..till i reached my house they
were telling about what i v done during those days.i was seriously think whether
my mother knew allthse or not..my condition was worst...

T U E S D A Y, M A R C H 2 4 , 2 0 0 9

The Separation Note

Atlast we decided not keep in touch with each other..i wrote a separation mail to
him.
whatever,i never ever mentioned that its u behind this satellite surveillance...its
them..very rarely happenind in and around the world..like me lot of victims...i
was like hunted day and night by some people..at that time most of the men
would have run in and around..that time only i distrubed u...i wanted a relief
from anywhere..thats all,...can u imagin being haunted all day for about 2
years..what do u think...still my parents are crying what happend to me....i
decided to end my life several times..but i never had courage to do that...once i
tried but failed...i dont want to tell more...bye...i never told that its u behind it...i
dont like to keep touch in with u ok..bye..that all..i m fed up with all..everyday
they mentally assaulted me and crack crackers near my house..even the day i
agreed we had like that and all..if i dint agree they physically assault me so i
agreed after several days..they tortured me very badly..(i heard ur voice in my
skull for aboout 9 months..u were talking to me..i know its not u..they were doing
somthing there ...so u could have think about my mind..my cholestrol level
increased ...blood pressure increased...fortunatly i dint become a diabetice
patient..i dint die of heart desese fortunatly...i dont have nothing to tell more
about this events..they even changed the hormons also..now its growing hair
under my chin like u people..i m shaving daily..(have to do somehinglike
electrolissis or soemthin)i am stoping here everyhting..i wont disturb u
anymore...bye(moreover,there is no pj joseph and all..its like that only the
present government would do that..which ever party it is..i v lot of contact now
with victims like me..a very few malayalis and some people from other countries
and out of state also..now only the picture clear..it will be there until my
death..the person who do this to me is my cousin..i dont knw where he knows
everything or not..i dont know more than this...i m expectin a day will come...the
day i will escape ..let us hpe for the best..i will inform u if u escape from tis..u r
the one who suffered all know thats y..i wont disturb u anymore...bye..hope u
would remember that day)..ninne njan kurre upadravichu alle..sorry..ini
upadravikkilla

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