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“
“Are some tongue-wagging lo-
cal yokels really gonna fleece
us?” asks Lonely. “I read one of le
Crisp’s dissertations and it was
”They probably like smelling somebody else’s fart.
breed at a frightful It’s not like the Bigfoot phenom-
enon, where irrefutable evidence
rate with a sexual has proven his existence beyond
appetite to rival the shadow of a doubt.”
Maybe these two esteemed men
David Duchovny on can agree to disagree, but their
work in the coming days could
poppers and Viagra.” yield potentially historical re-
- Dr. Mortimer lonely, sults.
“There are certainly similarities
”
Stanford University between cabbit sightings here and
similar sightings said to have tak-
en place in Roswell, New Mexico,”
confirms Lonely. “And while it may prOVided phOtO
be a little early to predict it, I have Martin Marmot lambastes Wiarton Willie, the Canadian groundhog. “He’s a false idol portrayed as a
been quietly amassing proof that family-friendly face, but I know my cousin is an alcoholic pedophile.”
there exists an alien civilization
more technologically advanced
than our own by about 20 min- account for. “Someone or something has “If they do exist like people say,
utes. That’s why every time you “I’m not saying this is a cat-rab- been busy as of late; our phones we should be able to catch one
go to take a shower there is never bit, or a Manx, or any such thing have been ringing off the hook!” easy enough. They probably breed
any hot water left,” he adds, mat- as that, but there is something remarks Sally Strally of VAC. at a frightful rate with a sexual ap-
ter-of-factly. getting into my garden,” says An- “I saw one in my petunias last petite to rival David Duchovny on
“We are on the cusp of making a drews. week,” says Oak Bay resident poppers and Viagra,” he says.
very big discovery,” enthuses Dr. “If you wanna know what I think, Gladys Beamer. “I was playing Beamer also wonders about the
artist ’s renDerinG le Crisp. And his enthusiasm is well, I don’t believe in cabbits. And bridge with the girls and went to cabbits and the question of their
catching on. I bet that cabbits don’t believe in let my cat, Mister Peepers, out in rapid breeding. “I was saying to
reports of cabbits in this region. A According to reports out of Oak me, either,” says Andrews. the yard, and that is when I saw it. the girls that sex is like playing
species we’re eager to classify and Bay, cabbits are real. Some might Just about everyone and their It was very kitty-like, but hopped bridge; if you don’t have a good
add to the canon.” even say sightings of cabbits have dog has a cabbit story to tell, in- about and had a fluffy tail.” partner, you at least better have a
A new species of what, exactly? outnumbered the Cadboro Bay cluding the fine folks at Victoria Other witnesses say cabbits good hand.”
A cabbit sounds like the lovechild Caddy by a huge margin. Animal Control (VAC), who have have long tails and floppy ears, Beamer may have a point, but
of Dick Cavett and Lorena Bobbit. Oak Bay Rotarian and avid stamp been dealing with an increased and some reports have mentioned what it has to do with cabbits is
Not exactly the salacious type of collector Andy Andrews has wit- number of calls and complaints libidinous activity. as elusive as the furry little bug-
coupling we want to see reared nessed animal activity he can’t in the last month. Dr. Lonely remains unconvinced. gers themselves.
“
ing; where are they getting it all the activities and relationships of all the intellectuals into soldiers
Students Against War (SAW) has from?” says Offthefield. “Is it a the students participating in on- of death.”
a long history of fighting to keep coincidence that our last meeting campus activism. Their first target Taettor believes vigorous sur-
Canadian Armed Forces recruiters had a low turnout, while some of is SAW. veillance methods will be neces-
off the UVic campus. But recent our old members walked around Dick Taettor, SAH founder, sary to make sure student groups
developments have organizers in heavy leather boots and cargo “all students need warns of possible tactics the mil- stay true to their principles.
worried some SAW members have pants?” to be observant at itary could be using to lure stu- “We want to know what stu-
lost heart in their cause. Former SAW member Bak Stab- dents. dent activists do when they get
An investigation reveals the bier says he likes the durability of the next clothing “They could be scared of los- home from school, where they
amount of students protesting military clothing; he often wears ing their pool of poor students go and hang out, who they hang
against the armed forces has gone camo and has paratrooper wings swap—who’s trying to enlist, so maybe the military out with, and what they do on the
down, while there have been an sewn on to his sleeve right next to trade you their recruiters are coming to campus weekends,” says Taettor. “We can
increasing number of students to a peace sign. with hemp pants on and flowers start with the members of SAW,
wearing badges, camouflage, and Refusing to say where he got the camo pants?” in their hair to spread seeds of evil but it doesn’t end there. Next, we
other military paraphernalia. military-themed clothing, Stab- thought,” says Taettor. “All stu- could make sure members of the
-Dick Taettor, Students
Lily Offthefield, a SAW orga- bier claims he left SAW because dents need to be observant at the UVic Sustainability Project are
nizer, says she’s concerned about of too much homework. against Hypocrisy next clothing swap—who’s trying practicing what they preach. We
”
other students being bribed with In order to make sure student to trade you their camo pants? A can check their garbage cans to
clothing to stop them from pro- groups are staying true to their university campus needs to have see what they throw out and make
testing. beliefs, a new student group, Stu- freedom of thought and speech, sure they recycle and compost.
“I’m worried about all the stu- dents against Hypocrisy (SAH), and that’s not possible with mili- The possibilities are endless.”
News The Marmot | April 1, 2009
“
“I really didn’t mean to be administration is trapped in a
snoopy, but I couldn’t help but boiling pot of increased tensions
notice those odd-looking coins between First Nations and Viking
on his desk,” says night security “It feels like I’m cultures.
guard Jump N. Jehosaphat. So far, the only point the two
Jehosaphat claims when he dis- walking over a grave.” groups can agree upon is the site
covered the coins a closet door -Joe Dyke, Dagnabit is a very scary place to be in the
”
beside him fell open. As he scram- dark of night. And nobody has
Projects
bled to clean up the mess, he real- been able to explain a strange mist
ized he was looking at artifacts of often seen seeping out from the
wooden structure. Casey Cushman graphic
what appeared to be Viking origin.
He raced out the office to immedi- To add to the confusion, con- According to First Nations Club
ately contact the authorities.
Before being taken into police
custody for questioning, Blame
struction material and tools have
been mysteriously disappearing
from the site, and workers have
representative Boned Feather, the
site is home to a concentration
of unsettled negative energies. “I
Gnomolites look so
confessed to taking orders from
upper management to conceal the
Viking artifacts.
reported unexplained cold chills
while working.
“It feels like I’m walking over a
smoke my peace pipe and hear
spirits screaming for blood,” he
says.
cute in their pointy
“This discovery is going to
change the history books!” ex-
grave,” says Dagnabit contractor
Joe Dyke.
Giles Millstone, head of an an-
thropological team from New York little hats, ahem,
sorry—Funding denial!
claims Henry Jones, UVic Profes- While investigation of the al- University, is expected to make an
sor of Archaeology. “We knew the leged cover-up by Dagnabit con- announcement after Easter Break
Vikings landed in Newfoundland, tinues, various groups in the about the building’s fate.
“
“Although there were some odd The board funds groups such
ever since. And what about that ing around with hickeys the likes
symptoms noted, as reported in as the Mime Club, the Math-O-
voodoo cult that was arrested for of which I have never before ob-
the media, it turned out be a sim- Holics, the Society of Explo-
a series of unexplained incidents served! They have gaping wounds
sive Engineers, and many others.
ple case of . . . agggrh . . . the flu. around campus? Not to mention in their necks, arms, and shoul-
Members of the Gnomolites be-
”How would a
Yes, the flu. Nothing to . . . agruggh the reports of the missing corpses ders! This type of sexual aggres-
. . . worry about.” at graveyards all over town. I don’t sion can only be related to what I
lieve they should receive student Christian feel if I had
But Sniffleworthy’s comments funding like other serious student
appear to be a little premature.
want to say there’s a conspiracy assume to be the consumption of
groups on campus. a lawn ornament
theory afoot, but there’s a number marihuana cigarettes, part of the
“This is an outrage,” exclaims
Symptoms of the flu-like virus of things that haven’t been adding city’s encroaching drug problem.”
Gnomolite member Cara-Winkle
of Jesus Christ on
still appear to be spreading around up,” says McRickles. But UVic Campus Security Of-
campus, with increasing numbers McRickles suggests the mystery ficer Dave Broadfellow dismisses
Jones. “It shows discrimination a cross poking out
against a religious student group
of UVic students noticeably af- illness is being spread through McRickles’ concerns.
who will allow anyone from cam- from behind my
flicted with symptoms includ- blood or oral transmission by what “Just a harmless flu, it’ll be gone
ing pale skin, delayed reactions, pus to join.” petunias!?”
he terms “wacky student make- soon . . . aghhhrr. . . . No sense in
awkward walking patterns, open The Gnomolites’ religion states
out rituals.” hiding from it. Exposure is the
wounds, and a bizarre obsession that every person is guided by -Dee Fender, member,
“I know what these students best way to deal with the disease.
with human brains. their own spirit gnome. Each Gnomolites student group
are up to, with their rock and roll Hey, why don’t you come here, you
member of the group receives
”
“Brains . . . brains . . .” says John make-out parties and sock-hops. have a nice, big skull . . . I bet you
Walburn, second-year psych stu- a magical name chosen by their
Well, it seems their out-of-con- have a nice, tasty brain . . . mmm .
dent. gnome.
trol lifestyle is catching up to . . brains . . .”
Their main philosophy states
human beings and creatures of the
Marmottakah hits Uvic magical realm need to live side by
side to guide each other through fund the group, they aren’t trying
In celebration of the traditional rodent new year, marmots and other buck-toothed to interfere with the group’s free-
life. With this religion also comes
mammals, including some of the uggers around UVic, are holding various events across
advocacy. Gnomolites feel com- dom of expression.
campus.
mon lawn gnomes objectify sacred “They are free to form their own
religious and artistic statues and group on campus, regardless of
should be removed from gardens. how insane their ideals may be,
CIVICS SPIELS “How would a Christian feel if but they will not be seeing any
“
I had a lawn ornament of Jesus student group funding,” says
Christ on a cross poking out from Phool.
behind my petunias!?” says club The Gnomolites will be holding
member Dee Fender. an awareness rally for their stu-
“Rabbit power is unwarranted and unjust! Rise up, my The Gnomolites hope to create dent group in front of the UVic
marmot brethren. Join UVic’s Black Beaver movement and citywide awareness for their cause SUB building on April 1.
“We hope that students will
and will extend membership to
fight the rabbit political machine.” any living creature that wishes to come and support our cause,” ex-
join their group. plains Jones, “and if they do the
”
-Marmot X at recent on-campus rally “We are being stifled,” explains creatures of the spiritual world
Jones. “The board denied us fund- will remember those who helped
ing to try to stop us from educat- them. They will also remember
ing this city and saving it from those who didn’t.”
The Marmot | April 1, 2009 News
“
the engines of their SUVs are now sity of Victoria.
lighting up incense and marijuana They should call it a Knob-el
cigarettes.” Prize, because this guy is a total
The effects of this debilitating tool,” continues Dr. Tremolo. “Se- “Seriously,
disease are easy to see all over riously, how the fuck did a student
campus. Dropout rates are at their who rewrote the book on academic how the fuck did
highest since 1969. The green ar- probation con his douchey little
eas of campus are littered with way to a Nobel Prize nomina-
a student who
students talking to trees, dropping tion?” rewrote the book on
LSD, and kidnapping the UVic rab- The whole ruckus began ear-
bits to be kept as spirit animals. Casey Cushman graphic lier this month when the Nobel academic probation
“The source of this madness is selection committee recognized
an infusion of patchouli oil into tier and knottier; no matter how Moss is just one of thousands of Worthingthorn’s research paper
con his douchey
the drinking water,” explains Dr. hard I washed, I couldn’t get them innocent students claimed daily on the effects of globalization on little way to a Nobel
Joanne Watermark of the Earth, out!” by this ruthless disease. guys who wear wife-beaters during
Ocean, and Atmospheric Sciences Moss is now a far cry from her Dr. Oppressor advises students the winter, entitled “Dude, Greed Prize nomination?”
faculty. “It appears that the afflict- well-groomed Calgarian self, with who begin to experience symp- Is Sweet.” -Dr. Tremolo, UVic Dean of
ed students have been ingesting bits of sticks and grass stuck in toms of West Coast Bullshititis Worthingthorn could become
”
seven to eight times the recom- her dreadlocked hair, a stainless to take a series of crucial steps the next recipient of the most Busyness
mended daily patchouli intake.” against the disease until they can prestigious award outside of the
Patchouli has long been known be seen by a qualified medical pro- Latin Grammy for Best Folk Song
as the signature smell of hippies fessional. by a Puto. If he wins, Worthingth-
“
worldwide. The oil is tradition- “Exercise your right to consume,” orn will receive a cash prize of $1
ally rubbed into unwashed hair or says Oppressor. “Buy anything and million US. His name would join Worthingthorn admits his paper
pulse points on unwashed bodies buy lots of it. Rampant consum- the ranks of such everyday fa- was written in a brownie-induced
to counteract the adverse affects ”Students who erism has been shown to combat mous economists as Finn E. Kyd- spurt of boredom. “I have some
of the hippie hygiene schedule (or mild forms of West Coast Bullshi- land, Reinhard Selten, and Trygve mad baking skills, yo. My brown-
lack thereof). once lit up the titis.” Haavelmo. ies really get my brain a-firing
“I used to have a life,” sobs Car- In addition, Oppressor advises Even Worthingthorn’s peers with creation, if you know what I
manah Moss, who had her name
engines of their students to follow a strict diet were taken aback by the commit- mean.”
changed from Ashley Bratt, a com- SUVs are now regimen. tee’s nomination of a classmate “Yeah, so I submitted my paper
mon side effect of West Coast “Chain smoke Marlboros and generally thought to be an under- as a joke,” says a defiant Worthing-
Bullshititis. lighting up incense drink Crantinis,” he suggests. achiever. thorn. “My friends and I do this
Speaking from her bed at the
Hippie Help Emergency Rehab
and marijuana “Having been accustomed to a “When I first met him, I just as- sort of shit all of the time. Usu-
diet of LSD, marijuana, and tofu, sumed he was born with Fetal Al- ally we apply for those jobs in the
Centre, Moss quickly grows emo- cigarettes.” the West Coast Bullshititis virus cohol Syndrome,” says Clarabelle back pages of The Economist, you
tional, describing her battle with will take these new additions as a Clitterhouse, an honours student know, Resource Manager in Azer-
the disease. “I had a job, I was -Dr. John Oppressor, shock to the system.” her whole life who finds the Nobel baijan, writing resumes based on
”
inches away from a commerce de- head physician Finally, Oppressor has these sug- situation distasteful. our experiences’ working in gas
gree . . . inches! It was never sup- gestions in order to defeat West “Honest to Christ, it’s a fuck- stations and Subways. It’s a gas.
posed to be this way!” Coast Bullshititis. ing sham. I am ever-so-pissed!” That’s how we roll here at UVic.”
Moss moved to Victoria from “Put down your copy of A New screeches Clitterhouse behind a As the committee is pressured to
Calgary in 2005 and, until recent- steel bottle of amethyst water at Earth and throw out that Grate- veil of tears. rethink and/or revoke the contro-
ly, her interests included money, the ready, and a henna tattoo out- ful Dead CD that has appeared What began as a ripple of con- versial nomination, Worthingth-
shopping, and her Ford Escalade. lining her heart chakra “to remind in your collection,” he says. “And troversy on the normally placid orn, a reformed pacifist, is refus-
“It happened slowly,” she ex- me of my soul power,” she catches don’t forget to pray to the gods campus has morphed into a tsu- ing to relent and says he will take
plains. “At first, I felt the need to herself saying, reacting as though of money, oil, and Steven Harper; nami of disbelief both here and in his fight to the Supreme Court,
shed off my material possessions, the words are coming from some- faith in the right wing might be Sweden, home of the Nobel Prize. and even beyond.
then my hair started getting knot- one else. your only chance.” The committee is under pressure “I don’t care what anyone but
to reveal how someone such as those Swiss dudes think. And if
CC TW
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The Camosun libraries at both BC filmmaker goes head-to-head
ou
campuses will undergo major with the logging industry giants
Camosun’s Student Voice
T
overhauls starting next year. in new documentary film.
7
Since 1990 neWs—3 arTs—7
Editorial
Nexus
Tessa Cogman it’s how important it is to get out
Staff Writer there and vote. You can’t complain
Ah, yes, student if you don’t vote, right?
e l e c t i o n s . Fa n c y Let’s look at it this way; if Nexus
Next publication: April 8, 2009 posters and catchy readership goes down, it’s our fault
Deadline: noon April 1, 2009 slogans. Powerful debates and for not distributing an interesting
the promise of soda pop drinking newspaper that students want to
Address: 3100 Foul Bay Rd., Victoria, BC, fountains. pick up.
V8P 5J2
The Camosun College Student If not enough students are vot-
Location: Lansdowne Richmond House 201
Society (CCSS) elections are com- ing in the student elections, it’s the
Phone: 250-370-3591
ing up again on campus, but don’t CCSS’ fault for not finding more
Email: nexus@nexusnewspaper.com hold your breath in anticipation for creative ways to get those ballots
Website: www.nexusnewspaper.com a passionate election process. Just filled. X marks the spot, but not a
Publisher: Nexus Publishing Society expect a vibrant looking voting bal- lot of students see that one voting
lot with 10 exciting positions, some table at each campus.
NEXUS PUBLISHING SOCIETY of which only have one nominee, Either more tables need to be
STUDENT BOARD MEMBERS and a wacky box to throw it in. set up or the CCSS needs to stop
Kyla Ferns being so terrestrial and start an
Kelly Marion online voting system instead. This
Andrea Moir If not enough students would allow students to vote from
Jason Motz home or from on-campus computer
Chris Pal are voting in the labs and read the nominee profiles
Graphic: Adrian Binakaj
Miriam Putters student elections, it’s whenever they like.
MANAGING EDITOR Some may argue that even if
Jason Schreurs the CCSS’ fault for not votes were more accessible and If there had been more than a 10 and vote for someone and don’t
LAYOUT EDITOR finding more creative candidates more creative, students percent turnout that year, we might let an important referendum slip
Laila Brown just don’t care enough to vote. A be saving the little money we have through your fingers. This year’s
STUDENT EDITOR
ways to get those lot of students are only here for a left from all the other student fees. referendum proposes a slight in-
Tessa Cogman ballots filled. few years and then they skip off to What’s worse is our children crease in the athletics and recrea-
Copy EDITOR university. Why should students are more likely to see this Student tions student fees.
Alan Piffer care when they won’t be here long Union Building before we ever do. Read up on the reasons for the
EDITORIAL ASSISTANT
With only 422 votes from Lans- enough to notice who represents I guess we can be happy with fixing referendum and the candidates’
Kait Cavers downe and Interurban combined them? up Camosun for future Camosunit- platform statements in the centre
last fall (roughly a five percent In April of 2006 a referendum es. A VIP pass would be nice when spread of this issue.
STAFF WRITERS
Guy Alaimo
turnout), the majority of Camosun was passed to allow the charge of it’s built though. And maybe suggest to the
Brendan Kergin
students are clearly not getting in- $14 per student, per semester for a It could be awhile before we see Camosun students running for
Jason Motz volved in the election process. Student Union Building fund. 506 any changes to the CCSS election election that they could use just a
Some may even feel guilty about people voted in favour of the fund process, just because it might be a little more pizzazz to get their name
StAFF PHOTOGRAPHER
Courtney Clarke
it. If we’ve been lectured anything, and 313 said no. lot of work. But, still, get out there known on campus.
ADVERTISING SALES
Breanna Carey
Jimmy Nguyen
Get some sun, dammit! I personally take 10,000 IU during the dark seasons and less in summer.
Letters
Jason Schreurs Liquid drops are available with each drop equaling 1,000 IU.
250‑370-3593
In her Giving It Up column in the Mar. 18 issue, Kelly
Marion compares her sun phobia to a vampire. Lamentably, Marion would be wise to eschew her anti-sun arsenal if she cares about
Campus Plus NATIONAL her immune system, bones, and, yes, even skin health.
1-800-265-5372 there are some unfunny errors in the serious parts of her piece
which Marion and students should be aware of. If anyone wants more info I would recommend Holicks’s book or www.
DISTRIBUTION
Her idea is to completely give up sunlight “before [she] vitamindcouncil.com
Adrian Binakaj
fries [her] way to skin cancer.” This is a gross oversimplifica- Pablo Miramontes
Ashley Moore
tion. She is right that melanoma rates are on the increase, but not due to Camosun student
CONTRIBUTORS:
Guy Alaimo normal sun exposure.
Adrian Binakaj Dermatologist and researcher Michael Holick states that “it’s more What is the Canadian cultural mosaic?
Michael Brar dangerous to avoid sun exposure completely than it is to get regular, The Canadian cultural mosaic surely exists and is growing in this
Cristian Cano moderate sun exposure.” In fact, according to published research, mod- society. Since International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimina-
Breanna Carey erate sun exposure prevents numerous types of cancer, not to mention tion was on March 21, I want to emphasize the importance of Canadian
Kait Cavers osteoporosis. diversity.
Michelle Chowns The healthiest approach, according to the latest research, seems to I have experienced and witnessed the “Cultural mosaic” over the past
Courtney Clarke be don’t sunburn, get enough antioxidants (particularly lutein and beta two years as an international student from Japan studying at Camosun
Tessa Cogman carotene) in your diet, and ensure adequate vitamin D intake whether College in Community, Family, and Child Studies.
Maelina de Grasse through sensible sun exposure or supplements. The sense of multiculturalism is the character of the country that I
Michael Duncan Only 20 minutes in the summer sun produces 10,000 IU in the skin.
Donald Kennedy
value and respect the most, and I see it as the strongest characteristic of
Unfortunately, our nanny government has limited vitamin D in supple- Canada.
Keltie Larter ments to 1,000 IU, while latest research suggests several thousand IUs
Kelly Marion Keiichi Otani
are necessary during winter. Camosun Student
Jason Motz
Alan Piffer
Miriam Putters
Sarah Rankin
Shane Scott-Travis What’s the best April Fool’s joke you’ve ever played?
Ed Sum
Joel Witherington
By Keltie L arter
upcoming election
Students stuck looking for a
quiet spot to delve into their stud-
ies will be familiar with Camosun
Jason moTz The CCSS Board of Directors College’s libraries and their retro
COntriButing Writer believes by splitting the levy two charm. But with over 37,000 vis-
Well, it’s that time of year ways, students can receive greater its per month to the Lansdowne
again—the annual run of the apa- athletic and recreation services and, library and 13,500 visits per month
thetic bulls, commonly known as more importantly, better financial at Interurban, the extended use of
the Camosun student elections, are accountability. the buildings has taken its toll.
underway. If history is an indicator, “The referendum is an important “Our libraries are aging,” says
there will be no Obama-sized turn- issue for the board that we believe Chief Librarian Sybil Harrison,
out at the polls. Still, the Camosun will benefit both the college ath- “and more students than ever are
College Student Society (CCSS) letics teams and the students that needing access to on-campus li-
expects a significant turnout. make use of recreation at Camosun,” brary resources.”
“Voter turnout is typically be- says Turcotte. “The split is being This year, Camosun is renovat-
tween five and 10 percent of mem- proposed to provide clarity and ing its Lansdowne and Interurban
bership,” says Michel Turcotte, accountability as our auditor exam- campus libraries as a part of its Vi-
CCSS Director of Operations. ined the current levy closely during sion 2020 project. Right now, the
“Given that this is a contested elec- our last audit.” libraries have minimal study and
phOtO: COurtney CLarke
tion in a few key positions I would As for the student board pos- lounge space, limited computer
The number of computer stations at both libraries will be increased.
think that we should get at least 800 itions, 10 are available, most of access, and a lack of new books
[students] voting.” which carry a one-year term. These and research materials. fundraising campaign is already New library digs
positions include External Execu- The new designs were made bringing in capital. Once the new Camosun Learning Commons
tive, Finance Executive, Lansdowne to address these concerns. Once “The Foundation is initially aim- are completed, students will have access to
Executive, Interurban Executive, completed, the Camosun Learning ing the campaign at our Camosun the following:
Women’s Director, Pride Director, Commons will be born. family—faculty and staff, retired Lansdowne Campus library
“Voter turnout is and Students with Disabilities The project will have three employees, and alumni members,” • 35-seat electronic classroom
• 48 computer stations
typically between five Director. phases; the first being an overhaul says Susan Haddon, executive
• four dVd/media viewing stations
The three other positions up for of the Lansdowne library’s first director of the Camosun College
and 10 percent of floor, starting this October and fin- Foundation. “Our total campaign
• 25-seat presentation/seminar class-
grabs, all of which carry six-month room
membership.” terms, include First Nations Direc- ishing in Spring 2010. Then, work goal is $500,000 and proceeds • 75-seat study/lounge area
tor, Interurban Campus Director, will commence on Lansdowne’s from this portion are starting to • two self-checkout stations
miChel TurCoTTe second floor next summer, while come in now.” • seven group study/project rooms
CamOsun COLLege student and Saanich Campus Director. • Writing/Learning skills Centre
The three contested positions Interurban’s library will also see Until the awaited Learning • teaching/Learning Centre
sOCiety
are External Executive, Womyn’s renovations in 2010. Commons is finished, all library • audio-visual centre
Director, and First Nations Direc- The total cost of the revitaliza- services will still be accessible • Commons café
tor, while the rest are uncontested tion will be approximately $4 mil- during renovations with little Interurban Campus library
lion. Funding for the project will disruption. • increased electronic and hard copy
For that prediction to pan out, and will need to be voted in by holdings
there would have to be a doubling acclamation. come from college capital dollars “While the first floor of Lans-
• 32-seat electronic classroom
of last fall’s turnout, when a scant If these positions aren’t excit- and fundraising campaigns; the downe is being renovated, most • 31 computer stations
422 voters cast their ballots. And to ing enough to make you forsake college has also submitted a pro- services will be relocated upstairs • 28-seat quiet study room
put that number into perspective, studying for finals, there’s also the posal to the Federal Government for and the library classroom will be • five group study rooms
possible infrastructure funding. converted into a computer lab,” • 52-seat group study/lounge
only 207 Camosun students voted matter of the Camosun College by- • One self-checkout station
in the Fall of 2007. elections. What’s at stake here are Launched earlier this year by says Harrison. “We are exploring
• it/audio-visual support area
According to current CCSS a total of six seats, including one the Camosun College Foundation, all options to make sure disruptions • increased electronic and hard copy
External Executive Christopher Board of Governor and two Educa- the “Love Your Learning Library” to students are minimized.” holdings
Gillespie, there are many reasons tion Council seats per campus.
why students may refrain from One of the candidates for the
GRAB A NEXUS IV
V
APPROVAL OF MINUTES FROM PREVIOUS AGM
REPORTS
Copies of nexus are located 1.) President’s Report
on the outskirts of campus 2.) Financial Report
VI ADOPTION OF FINANCIAL STATEMENT
in our handy blue boxes. 1.) Adoption of 2008-2009 financial statement
find us near the richmond 2.) Adoption of 2009-2010 proposed budget
and foul Bay bus stops at VIII RESIGNATION OF CURRENT BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lansdowne, and near the IX BOARD OF DIRECTORS ELECTIONS
bus shelter at interurban. X ADJOURNMENT
250.370.3591 250.370.3591
nexus@nexusnewspaper.com nexus@nexusnewspaper.com
www.nexusnewspaper.com www.nexusnewspaper.com
Richmond House 201, Lansdowne Richmond House 201, Lansdowne
CAMPUS April 1, 2009
* '
than total worldwide transportation combined. Thus, the theme for this
year’s award is Eco Eating. The competition has a first prize of about
$2,500 that will be awarded to the student that invites the most friends
to the Green2Cool.org social networking website. The contest is open
to all post-secondary students and runs until June 30. For more info, go
to www.green2cool.org
Why:
Voting is your chance to speak up about issues that affect
your life. It takes just a few minutes to have a say in your
future and your province.
Where:
You can register and vote in either the riding where you
reside while going to school, or in the riding you usually live
in when you’re not at school. It’s up to you.
When:
Advance voting:
8 a.m. to 8 p.m. (local time), Wednesday May 6 to Saturday May 9.
General voting:
8 a.m. to 8 p.m. (Pacific time), Tuesday May 12, 2009.
Other options:
If you’re going to be out of your riding or
the province during the May provincial election, you have
other voting options. Contact us to find out more.
1-800-661-8683 elections.bc.ca
check us out on facebook
Election
Centre for Sport and Exercise rently offered, Exercise and Well- “The connection between fit-
Education (CSEE). “The building ness and Sport Management, will ness and health is well established,”
is merely a reflection of those ideas be joined later this year by a third, says Rehor, “and it’s not only a
and plans.” Sport Performance. healthy society, but I think it’s a
Boasting a faculty including The four-year degree program, more satisfied society.”
Christopher Gillespie
External Executive
The position of External Affairs Executive requires time and commitment to diplomatic relations with College staff and Governors,
local politicians, larger government organizations, and the community as a whole. With two years of experience with the Camosun
College Student Society (CCSS) and one of those years as your External Affairs Executive, I am the best person for this position.
With me as the External, the CCSS has:
• Created stronger ties with the College, built on mutual respect and cooperation
• Began the process of creating a permanent liaison with the Camosun Community Association
• Assisted the college in securing further government funding, through meetings with local politicians, so that Camosun wouldn’t
have to run a 2.4 million dollar deficit
• Participated in the hiring of a new Manager and Assistant Manager of College Safety, ensuring that they have the qualities
needed for the Camosun community.
• Raised awareness of Student Debt with the March 30th Zombie Walk: Day of the Living Debt
If you want to see the CCSS continue to become an even stronger voice for you and all of the other students at Camosun, vote
Gillespie on April 7, 8, 9. Gillespie – Proven Leadership, Proven Results
Matteus Clement
External Executive
My goal is to develop communication and collaboration between Camosun’s student body, administration and Student Society.
Over the last four years I traveled throughout Southeast Asia, Japan and Australia, and am now working towards a degree in
Applied Communication. Through my travels and various management positions I have come to understand the importance of
effective communication and administration, as well as the necessity of open-mindedness, determination and a forward-thinking
attitude as a way to affect meaningful change. I want to focus on three central issues:
• Lobby for healthier and more diverse food options in The Caf.
• Organize monthly cultural parties, showcasing food, music & movies from the diverse groups that attend Camosun.
• Create a video based website informing students of the services available to them-- from clubs and events to student
awards and peer helping.
I want to involve students in what is important to them. I know what it takes to initiate change and create awareness, and the
motivation to follow through with the ideas and interests of the student body. Through the position of External Executive I know
that I can better our own education, as well as those who follow us.
Matthew Martin
Finance Executive
I am excited about the opportunity to further serve the students of Camosun as Finance Executive.
Education & Experience:
• 2nd year accounting student
• 2 ½ years experience serving students in a variety of positions including
• Interurban Executive
• Student Reprentative on Education Council
• Students With Disabilities Director
• Interurban Director
What I bring to the position:
• Passion to provide students with the highest quality of education
• Energy to actively raise student issues
• Desire to ensure that the interests of students are addressed
I have been highly active in student government in my 2 ½ years here at Camosun. I have been involved in many areas from
education standards, policies, and financial statements behind the scenes to the frontline running of events for students. This
experience has allowed me to directly and indirectly improve the education experiences of ALL students. I look forward to
continuing my service to students in these new and exciting positions.
Vote Matthew Martin for Finance Executive on April 7th, 8th, and 9th.
Matthew de Groot
Interurban Executive
OK fellow students, we’re almost done this treacherous year and ready to face the summer. In a lot of ways I feel that Interurban has
been long neglected as far as events are concerned. I plan to hold more inclusive, fun filled events in the coming year and to help provide
a social environment to aid in your networking and social interactions. To continue the legacy that the Student Society has worked on, I
would also like to present you with issues that are facing students in a non-partisan manner. Have any suggestions, please talk to me.
Roxanne Smillie
Lansdowne Executive
Hey everyone! Being one of the Lansdowne Directors over this past year has been a great learning experience about the great active groups
our campus has and the challenges we face. I would like to help enhance the connections with-in our campus to make more of a community
feeling. A challenge I have seen is the that the large turn over here at Camosun causes problems for our many clubs and activists. I would
like to establish some templates and outlines to be left behind for the future students so that these activities live on and turn into traditions.
I look forward to helping plan various events such as Camfest, monthly cultural events and highlighting events for the many clubs here on
campus. If elected Lansdowne Executive I will represent you the students and make your voices heard.
Thank you,
Roxanne Smillie :D
Lauren Blakey
Women’s Director
I am a Political Science/ Public Relations Student at Camosun College.
If you elect me as Women’s Director I will make sure your voice is heard at the student council meetings, as I’m not afraid to fight for the
things you believe in.
My goal is to listen to all of the women on campus, implement relevant changes, and create new events that are important to everyone.
I had the privilege of working closely with last years Women’s Director on many events, and I will use my experience to make the
Women’s Center an even better place for everyone at Camosun College.
I would love to hear your ideas on the issues you deem important, and I can be reached anytime at the contact information below.
I am excited to get involved and get things done, so vote Lauren Blakey for Women’s Director, and together we’ll make this the best year
yet!
Chloe Markgraf
W o m e n ’s D i r e c t o r
The position as Women’s Director is something I took on at the beginning of the semester and has been a joy to fulfill thus far. We have had
the pleasure of hosting several events: luncheons, collective meetings and a production of ‘The Vagina Monologues’ in late April. It is my
hope that I can continue as Women’s Director of the CCSS and carry on to facilitating an inspiring, comfortable, safe and productive space
for the women of Camosun.
My passion is women’s issues, and my current studies have led me to study biology with a personal focus on women’s health. These passions
extend into the realm of social issues, and I am enthusiastic in supporting efforts by women to gather and mobilize, both as women alone
and with men. My hope is that I can be a strong empowered voice for the women at this college as well as facilitating a safe and thought-
provoking environment at the women’s centres. I also hope to organize exiting stimulating events that are relevant to camosun women.
My dedication to this work is my life path and I truly believe I will be the best at fulfilling this position. Please fell free to email me with any
comments, questions, ideas, or criticism (women.centre@camosunstudent.org). I am open to feedback and really wanting to see the women
centres and the women of Camosun flourish.
Chloe Markgraf, current women’s director, CCSS.
Jesse Bennett
Sustainability Director
Hi, My name Is Jesse Bennett, and I represent a new age of vision that sees change as a reality at Camosun. But this change can only
exist given persistence and perseverance, which I will be giving my full attention to. I represent the students of Camosun, each and every
one of you. Every concern is important to me, and I plan on making many gains of progress, in the direction towards a more sustainable
social friendly school. I can see a Camosun where students see, hear, and voice their support towards a sustainable future.
As your new Sustainability Director, I will be placing issues of student importance on meeting agendas and following them through till
they are accomplished. These issues will include:
• Bettering the bus system • Subsidized transit alternatives
• Car pooling establishment • Sustainable (pesticide free) food alternatives I plan to see Camosun become a more accountable school
to the students, a school where the concerns of the people are heard and acted upon.
With your vote we can become united, and make a stand for a school that will hear the issues of student importance, and most of all
change them for the better. Thank You, Jesse Bennett
Mohsin Abbas
International Director
Mohsin Abbas, voice for you
I stand up for all students at Camosun. Thank you all for giving me the opportunity to serve you as Director Landsdowne.
I remember when my first year in a Canadian college as an international student, living in exile in Canada, lonely and with very little
money to pay heavy tuition fees as an international student and living expenses. I know there are many of you (international students)
going through tough times. It can be much easier if International students would be allowed to work full-time.
I would love to see you joining me to take this matter to Canadian Minister of immigration. This will help foreign students continue their
studies in much easier and better conditions than they are in now.
Now, I am in the English Creative writing class and as a non-native speaker, I can see how challenging it is and feels when you are in a new
country or studying in a new language, and with very limited hours to work.
I believe in communication. I live my life with enthusiasm. I have seen struggles and believe lots of them can be made a little easier with
some outside support. Schooling is a struggle for all of us. I will make sure your voice is heard so the support knows where to go. Let
me have the opportunity to bring more international events and support around campus. Let me have the opportunity to make our space
a more comfortable place to be. If elected, my goal is to take this matter to Canadian Immigration Minister to make the life easy for
international students.
Kymberlee Sellwood (Chase)
First Nations Director
Hello, my name is Chase and I am in my first year of Aboriginal studies at Camosun’s Lansdowne campus. Over the past two semesters,
I have helped to organize monthly feasts, giveaways and raffles, advocated on behalf of FNSA to allocate funds to cultural events
and workshops, and, with a few of my peers, started fund raising for a graduate trip. Additionally, I have met regularly with FNSA
director(s), and advisors from the Aboriginal faculty. For the upcoming term, I am running for the First Nations director position, and
a seat on the Education Council. In respect to the position of director, if I do get elected I plan to focus largely on ways to unite the FN
students from all five Camosun locations. I also hope to, if elected, implement a plan that would give each satellite school an opportunity
to access funds giving students who are interested a chance to host cultural events, workshops, or lectures. As a second-generation
residential school survivor, I understand, at the very least, the emotional impact of both the historical and contemporary content in
Indigenous studies; therefore, if I am also successful in gaining a seat on the Education Council, I hope to always advise from a place
that is always present of the additional challenges of Aboriginal education. Regardless of the outcome of the election, my hope is for
students come out and exercise their right to vote.
Pamela Webster
First Nations Director
Hello, my name is Pamela Webster. I am from Ahousaht an affiliation of the Nuu-chah-nulth Tribal Council. My parents are Hudson and
Janet Webster and my grandmother only survivor, Mamie Lucas.
My long time spouse, Guy and I have a son who has his own family. He and his wife have two sons. We are grandparents and totally
loving it!! We are a close family with our son of course, and with all our extended families.
As a full-time student, I have an interest in supporting and working with First Nations. I intend to bring First Nations together from all
campuses, and form a committee from these locations as we strive for our education endeavors.
As I have strong values for culture and tradition, I am active with Ahousaht culture and very keen in having other cultures support us as
First Nation students while in College.
I welcome your introductions, concerns, comments and suggestions as a First Nation student.
I can be located at the Interurban Campus or you may leave a message at the CCSS office in Campus Center building.
Ph: 250 370-3868 or fax: 250 370-3830
Personal Email: pfwebster@shaw.ca
Cristian Cano
Pride Director
I want to run for the position of Pride Director once again because I feel that I still have too much to do. UVic will host the Canadian
University of Queer Services Conference in the spring of 2010, and I plan to get Camosun involved as much as possible. Camosun
Pride will participate, as well, in camp Firefly (a camping retreat for the queer youth) during this summer. I want to make sure that
our collective is helping the community during this upcoming year. I plan to create safer spaces for the LGTB community in campus,
especially at the Interurban campus. I plan to create more activities in both campuses for the members of the collective to network and
just have fun during their spare time at college. I also want to make sure that our group keeps following its golden rule: Everybody is
welcome. Anyone, no matter sexual orientation or gender identification, will be welcome to be part of Camosun Pride, even the straight
allies. Camosun Pride is proud to be the most inclusive collective in campus.
Matthew Martin
Board of Governors Rep. Interurban
I am excited about the opportunity to further serve the students of Camosun as your Board of Governors representative.
M i c h e l Tu r c o t t e
Board of Governors Rep. Interurban
Vote for Dedication, Dependability, & Experience
The Board of Governors is Camosun’s governing body and makes all major financial decisions including increasing your tuition, there
are only two students on this important board.
I have spend the last 10 years working full time in support of student rights and ensuring the yours, the students, voice is heard at
Camosun College and beyond. As a long time employee of the Camosun College Student Society I have a proven track record of
helping students resolve their problems and ensuring that CCSS programs functioned to your benefit. I am now a student in the
Advanced Human Resources Diploma Program and seeking the opportunity of representing you as your Interurban Board of
Governors Representative.
• Responsible for the creation of a full time Ombudsman at Camosun College
• Negotiated and implemented the Universal Bus Pass (U-Pass)
• Degree in Political Science
• Former Elected Student Representative
• Long time campaigner for Student Rights
• Organized many beverage gardens and special events
• I will not vote to raise your tuition!
Vote Yes!
to separate and raise the Recreation
and Athletics Levy
Get out and Vote! 500 votes are needed to pass or fail
a referendum!
$ NM ³S - H R R
Student Society
The
Victoria Underfoot
Harbour Publishing
Jason moTz
staff Writer
Vancouver Island is fertile
ground for anthropologists, archae-
ologists, historians, and dreamers
alike. Victoria Underfoot is a col-
lection of stories about the buried
Immaculate view from Jackson Hill history of the capital region.
For the local citizen or day-
miChael dunCan the band recently down in Texas at he explains. tripper who takes for granted the
COntriButing Writer the SXSW Festival. Gallupe notes each track on majesty of the Fort Rodd Hill, the
Comfortable isn’t a quality Gallupe wrote the majority High on Jackson Hill had its own watery history of the Gorge, or the chapters delve into how hospitals
most indie rock fans would like of High on Jackson Hill, recorded individual sensibility. “Each song tunnels below the downtown core, functioned and operated a century
to describe their favorite bands over three weeks at his childhood did have its own particular experi- here’s a book to alter one’s apathetic ago. Needless to say, things have
as having. According to Brooke home with producer Colin Stewart ment to go along with it.” view of Victoria. greatly improved on that front.
Gallupe, lead singer/songwriter (Black Mountain, Destroyer). In With songs featuring an early The real value of Victoria Under- Victoria Underfoot is a handy
of Victoria’s Immaculate Machine, comparing the new album’s sound ’70s sound a la T.Rex, to the exten- foot is the pictures of old Victoria. guide to Victoria’s back streets of
it’s understood “comfortable” is by with Immaculate Machine’s previ- sive use of harmonies, the album’s It’s hard to believe Fisgard Street yore. Geared toward tourist shop
no means playing any part in his ous album, Fables, Gallupe simply authentic sound should stand out was once little more than planks of displays, this isn’t a heady read. For
music career. says, “This album sounds more amongst other indie clutter. wood above muddy streets. Or that anyone looking to unearth some of
Immaculate Machine has an natural.” Gallupe understands it’s really the Gorge, the last place anybody Victoria’s ghosts, this is as good a
almost completely different lineup out of his control how Immaculate would go for a dip today, was once place as any to begin.
than when they started, their sound Machine fans take to the material, a prime attraction for sunbathers, Victoria Underfoot is a labour
has evolved, and Gallupe just re- adding, “You do have a choice of boaters, and regatta spectators. of love for a couple of Camosun
cently completed writing and re- “this album sounds what song you are going to make a Shots of Esquimalt, long before College Anthropology instructors,
cording their new album, High on more natural.” video for, but don’t have a choice for 20 th-century encroachment de- Brenda Clark and Nicole Kilburn.
Jackson Hill. what song people will post on blogs voured up the city’s plush greenery, Fellow editor Nick Russell is pres-
Maybe the only thing remaining brooKe galluPe and which ones radio will play.” are a revelation.
immaCuLate maChine
ident of the Hallmark Society and a
the same is the band name. Case in point, CBC Radio Three Some of the more interesting former reporter and editor.
Gallupe’s previous bandmates, has chosen to mainly play High
Noise Addict
Kathryn Calder and Luke Kozlow- on Jackson Hill’s, “Only Love You
ski, have for the most part moved Maybe it was the home setting, for Your Car,” a track featuring a
on, with Calder working with The opposed to a sterile studio, which “Bollywood beat,” as Gallupe de-
New Pornographers and Kozlowski allowed Gallupe to flesh out an Im- scribes the track set to a shimmer- By Michael Duncan
retiring from the band. maculate Machine sound more en- ing organ line he’s always wanted
“Kathryn is still involved, in gaging than previous recordings. to use.
theory,” says Gallupe, mention-
ing she did contribute to the new
The album flows through a High on Jackson Hill is out April
broad style of songs that neither rest 28, and Immaculate Machine will
Keeping with real country
album. apprehensively nor are scattered in be playing their CD release show at From Hank Williams’ “Tear Bonnie Prince Billy (myspace.
Immaculate Machine’s new search of a sound, which may have Logan’s Pub on May 9. in My Beer,” to Woody Guthrie’s com/princebonniebilly) may sound
lineup features Aden Collinge, Jor- been what Gallupe hoped for. Whether you’re already a fan “This Land Is Your Land,” country like an odd name, but for Will Old-
dan Minkoff, Caitlin Gallupe, and “I wanted to somehow both be or a newcomer, be sure not to and folk originated as music with ham, it’s a perfect fit. Oldham’s
occasionally Gallupe’s girlfriend, casual in my childhood home, but miss either; this machine won’t a story and a message. The songs music can be narrowed down to a
Leslie Rewega, who played with be more epic and rockin’ in a way,” disappoint. expressed the average person’s folk, rock, and Americana sound.
struggle and heartbreak. But now, His newest album, Beware, keeps
most contemporary country and with his traditional sound and
folk musicians have strayed from soothing warble. The songs fea-
these roots to recycling country ture a wide array of instruments,
clichés while wearing 10-gallon including mandolin, pedal steel,
hats. Here are three folk and country accordion, and distorted guitars.
musicians with an authenticity that Oldham is certainly a bearer of the
doesn’t come with the tired pop- country tradition, but also fuses
country garbage. rock energy with the traditional
Americana ballad style.
Jason Isbell (myspace.com/
jasonisbellmusic) and his band the
400 Unit are in line with the time-
honoured Southern rock bands.
Isbell was originally a member of the
Drive-By Truckers, who were at the
time one of the premier contempor-
ary Southern rock bands. Isbell’s
Canoe $10 Burger songwriting talents have certainly
transferred over to his new band and
and Beer on their debut, self-titled album. The
Monday Nights!! songs feature Isbell’s storytelling
abilities set to country guitars and
Canoe welcomes students lofty organ that combine to keep
to join us on Mondays for the band on the forefront of the
a Canoe Burger or a Veggie Southern sound.
Burger with a glass of Canoe Austin Lucas (myspace.com/
brewed beer for just $10! austinlucas1) is a newcomer to
the folk and country scene, having
If you’re currently a student, previously played in a host of punk
bring a valid piece of student ID bands. But his past is something one
to take up this incredible offer! would never expect after listening to
*Offer not valid with any substitutions* his 11-song debut, Somebody Loves
You, a rootsy and country affair. All
All students must have 2 pieces
of government-issued ID to join 11 songs are mainly acoustic guitar
us in the pub. along with accompanying fiddles
and female harmonies to Lucas’
Canoe Brew Pub Sam Bean-like vocals. The songs are
250-361-1940 reminiscent of a troubadour, deal-
info@canoebrewpub.com ing with themes of heartache and
www.canoebrewpub.com traveling, and are excellent listens
with a whiskey or beer in hand.
nexus@nexusnewspaper.com COLumns 9
Save money with DIY beer Sura Korean BBQ and Hot Pot Restaurant
Joel WiTheringTon pop bottles if you like. -Put the carboy in a place where 1696 Douglas St., 250–385–7872
Csea memBer You can get everything you need it won’t make a mess if it bubbles BBQ Combo A (includes Dumplings Soup, Salad, Fried
If you’re living off at Hobby Beer and Wines on Fin- over, and leave it for a week.
a student loan or sav-
Dumpling, Beef Short Ribs, Marinated Beef Rib Eye,
layson Street, and for the dextrose -Siphon the beer into a container,
ings, then you might be I recommend pre-ordering a big clean the carboy, siphon the beer Marinated Pork, Marinated Chicken), and a Seafood
experiencing a shortage bag from For Good Measure in back in the carboy, and leave it for Pancake
of cash now that the Cadboro Bay. one more week. Donald: There’s something magical about being able to sit down at
term is coming to an end. So, what Here’s a cheap way to make a -Add 1 and 1/4 cup dextrose to a restaurant and cook your own food. Fighting to get your meat on the
better way to save money than to canned beer kit that’s available at the carboy to give it fizz. BBQ first, and then watching it spit and crackle like a nest of drooling
make your own booze? any beer and winemaking store for -Bottle, wait a week, drink, and woodland fairies awakening on a bed of twigs—yes, it truly makes for
It’s very easy; you just need some $13-$18. enjoy! a fun evening. However, a restaurant needs to provide more than just
basic supplies. First, get a big jug -Open the can and pour the con- Making your own booze is fun an opportunity to avoid doing dishes. Most of you broke motherfuckers
(called a carboy) with a volume at tents into a pot. and can positively effect the environ- don’t even own dishes. You probably prepare meals in your sink, and then
around 20 to 25 litres. Then, you’ll -Use the can to measure out a can ment by reducing your impact as a wash everything you don’t eat down the drain. Luckily, Sura provides a
need an airlock to stop contaminants and a half of dextrose. consumer. meal that not only creates no mess, but tastes a lot better than sink salad
from getting into the carboy and a -Add some water and heat up the Remember, you can save all and toaster oven perogies. The marinade for the meat dishes is a simple
siphon tube with a hose. Next, you’ll pot to dissolve the sugar. your bottles and reuse them with mix, but it does the trick. The supple pork is the real standout here, as the
need some sugar (corn sugar works -Fill the carboy half up with water, each batch. sweet chili and soy marinade gives it an almost candied flavour. Throw
good), otherwise known as dextrose, and add the beer kit once it has If you would like to know more in a seafood pancake on the side and you’ve got yourself quite a nice little
a thermometer, and finally some cooled. about CSEA, go to www.camosun- dinner party.
bottles and caps. Old beer bottles -When all liquid in carboy reaches student.org/csea or e-mail camosun- Guy: I want to apologize to Little Ling, for I have moved on to a new
work best, but you can use plastic 25–30 degrees, add a yeast packet. sea@hotmail.com Asian beauty. I forget her name, but as she turned over our pork ribs on
the little BBQ, her smile and the faulty top button of her shirt made the
meal ever-so-enjoyable. It made the beef taste beefier, and the pork taste
Maude’s April Specials sweeter. When I gave her a $10 tip, her eyes lit up with a smile so genuine,
I felt remarkable, like I made a difference in this young waitress’ life while
sharing a unique connection that might survive until the next time I feel
Music Bingo Mondays (Bingo starts at 7:30 PM) the need to drop what little money I have at Sura. While the food was
good, I don’t buy it. The whole Korean thing of cooking your own food
$6.95 Burger & Fries (4PM) might work if you pay a flat rate for all-you-can-eat, and it might make
Martinis $5 you think you’re highly cultured (wow, I can use chopsticks and cook my
own food at a restaurant!). But overall it was a little expensive, and felt a
Black Tuesdays tad limiting in terms of what I could try for what I paid. I just need to go
to Shabusan in Vancouver again.
$6.95 Classic Beef Dip & Fries (4 PM) Price: BBQ Combo; $39.95 plus tax. Pancake; $8.95 plus tax.
$4 Jagermeister Verdict: To quote Canadian punk band SNFU, “She’s not a sex object, but
a person too (I know that) / She’s not on the menu.”
Wing Wednesdays Hey, check out our Victoria buffet and burger blogs at vicbuffet.com
(Guy) and vicburgers.blogspot.com (Donald).
.35¢ Wings (after 2 PM)
Thirsty Thursdays
$5.95 10” Pizza (4 PM) SUMMER
$3.99 Hi-Balls/$5 Doubles JOBS
Sunday Brunch COLLEGE PRO PAINTERS
$7. 95 Brunch is presently looking for responsible / hard-
$8.95 Roast Beef Special working University or College
$3.99 Caesars/ $5 Doubles students for:
Y
$13.50 Team Pitchers DAIL $6.95 Full-Time Painting Positions
5 . 9 5 &SPECIALS May - August
Daily Draft Specials $ H
Snack Attack Appys 3-6 PM & 9-11 PM EVERY DAY! LUNC No experience required,
we will train you to paint.
Watch Canucks hockey here! Positions available in your area.
If interested call 1-888-277-9787
3810 Shelbourne Street (at Cedar Hill X Rd) 250.721.2337 or apply online at www.collegepro.com
Trades Technology
Career Fair
Thursday, April 9, 2009, 10 am – 2 pm
Interurban Campus, Technologies Centre
Presentations: 11:30 am – 1:30 pm
Secure your future at the fair… meet specialist exhibitors, build your
network, and hear about employment trends.
Bring your resume and dress for success!
krista at 250-661-1562
Iaso Bodyworks, downtown near Fort and Cook
campus Camosun College presents inter-
national human rights activist/
scholar nontombi naomi tutu. the
entertainment, and activities
focused on green-living challenges.
so come on out, bring your mugs,
daughter of archbishop desmond and prepare to be informed and
By Kait Cavers tutu will discuss “us and them: motivated about sustainable living!
how We Construct the Other.” 7:30 9 am-4 pm, Lansdowne courtyard.
pm, mcpherson playhouse, $12 for info: camosunsea@hotmail.com
students.
join THE
Friday, April 3
Thursday, April 2
BC-STV
Economic crisis are you ready for the may 12 refer-
discussion endum on BC-stV? i’m sure not; i
Camosun’s student Business Club haven’t picked up my depends yet.
hosts an economic Crisis discussion find out about the single transfer-
panel with david hahn (BC ferries), able Voting system. 7 pm, Campus
SMART
Lindsay hall (goldcorp inc.), and Centre 124a, interurban. info:
steven dagg (Coupland Com- tama_lamont@hotmail.com
munications). Check it out, avoid
the panic, and get your questions Tuesday, April 7
answered. 5:30 pm, Campus Centre Workshop!
124, interurban. info: dec.camosun@ speakers natasha reger and
gmail.com david Bell from the reger group
will discuss how to start your own
GEnERATion.
Thursday, April 2
business. screw the economy and
Sustainability Day the lack of jobs, be your own boss!
Camosun students for environ- 4–5:30 pm, Campus Centre 121,
mental awareness (Csea) hold interurban. info: employ@camosun.
their third annual sustainability bc.ca
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The Marmot | April 1, 009 Feature 5
“
in blood and other fluids, aw man, it’s go time.”
His love of his fluid-filled toe has made some of his classmates un-
comfortable, though none were willing to talk to The Marmot for fear
of him rubbing his foot all over their books.
WE’RE HERE BECaUSE WE BElIEVE THERE
JESUS SaVES (YoUr toE) IS PlaCE IN THE WORlD FOR PEOPlE WITH
Meanwhile, FUNGI do have opposition in their effort to purposely
cripple the crowds. Rev. Jimmy C. Corn has made it his personal mission INGROWN TOENaIlS!!! Sorry, my phone has a
to rid the campus of bum toes.
“Ingrown toe nails are the touch of Satan,” the reverend says from
shitty connection; I think I need a new wire.
his pulpit. He wouldn’t come down for the entire interview. “God hath - Scott Herbert Ovens, spokesperson, Forever
abandoned those with the leaky foot finger.” Understanding Nails Grow Initiative
Corn has started an advocacy group attacking the pro-pus agenda. The
”
People Against Wet Socks (PAWS) are a small but vocal group trying to
dissuade ingrown toe fetishes.
“We shall strike with the hammer and sword of God! The hammer will
crush thy frothy toe and the sword will permanently separate the foul
flesh from thy body. Then, once we hath cleansed thy wound with the
fire and vinegar, thy toe will return if God believes thou art worthy for pass a criminal background check and religious zealot check, and we’ll
such body parts,” says Corn. let you in.”
When questioned about where the funding for such a group comes FUNGI is not impressed by ITEF’s support.
from and rumours that a company making sandals was a large financial “Ya, kinda seems like they pussied out on us, doesn’t it? Or is that
backer, Corn was evasive. pus-ied out?” says Ovens. “We’re okay, out here on our own. Every truly
“We’ve had no contact with the Birkenstocks whatsoever, none at all. great group has gone through persecution for their beliefs.”
I smite thee!” says Corn. “Although, sandals are what Jesus hath worn, And that’s how FUNGI are going to play this, as persecution of a small
so they shalt be good. But they are still footwear of the Devil.” group of people. They haven’t harmed anyone and simply want to be
When pressed on who might be providing funding, Corn blurted out, left in peace, coveting their pus-covered toes in private.
“Thy name is Crocs!” Ovens hopes others will at least accept them as equals. Equals with a
With the advocacy of FUNGI handled by a slow-moving membership, strange twist on how they like their feet to look, smell, and operate.
what with the limping and the toe pain, and PAWS outfitted in brand “We’ll still be here next year,” proclaims Ovens. “We’ll fight the PAWS
new athletic sandals, it’s led to regular clashing between the groups and and the PAWS won’t win. Ingrown toenails will triumph.”
some rather tragic beatings, followed by thorough disinfection.
“They chase down our members, it’s brutal,” says Ovens. “They crack
our guys in the leg with this thing they call the hammer of god and then
hold them at sword-point. Then they pull out bleach and dump it all
over the toes.”
So far the athletic Annatolli has been able to outrun his religious
pursuers, but only just.
FUNGI are lodging complaints with the UVic Student Society and
Saanich police have been notified of the violent tactics used by PAWS.
Feminism gets
womyn handled
Bra burning and going commando might intrigue some women,
but we like to steer clear of feminism. We can now vote, wear
pants, and work any job we feel like. Feminists have done their job,
so shut up about it already and put on some underwear.
On the other hand, all men are rapists so we can see why the femi-
nism clan would want to stay clear of a rapist title. We wouldn’t
want someone assuming we’re rapists because we’re women, so we
get the point.
MARMOT theMARMOT
JOBS announcement:
Want to work at the Marmot?
With marmots being so rare, we’ve
just sold our newspaper mascot
We’re hiring for our office Bitch
at a profit to a local wildlife group.
positions. think you have what it takes?
Instead we now have a customized
Check out the job description at:
rabbit. We just chopped off the ears, a little bit
of sewing, and presto!
www.marmotnewspaper.com
Go to www.marmotnewspaper.com for more info.
Thank you.
The Marmot | April 1, 2009 grafx@marmotnewspaper.com Comics
Chessfart — By DJ Binakistan
JF Kennedy III
PunchMouth — By DJ Binakistan