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Brianna Fleming WILTBY Essay English 1102 Ingram What's It Like To Be Me?

What is it like to be me? This question can not be answered in just three pages, but I will attempt to be clear and descriptive so that you are able to visualize a clear picture of what it is to be like to me. Looking on the outside, one might say that my life is quite simple and a breeze. You will have to peel back the layers as if I was an onion to truly see who I am. As the saying goes, things aren't always as they appear. My life was always planned and set out for me. We know that God has your life plan, but in this case my mom did as well. There were very few questions for me to be asked. I always knew the sequence of my life; expectations from my mom. It was like the paint on the walls had already dried before I even had a chance to pick the color. After high school, it was never a question as to if I would attend a four year college; it was a question of which four year college I would attend. When my older sister chose the University of North Carolina at Charlotte in 2009, I knew it would also be my college of choice three years later. I seemed to always follow in her footsteps. Everything has always been planned for me from the middle school and high school I would attend, courses I would take, and what car I received at the age of fifteen. I am not saying it was a bad thing. I actually loved it. My mother was and is the backbone of our family and was instrumental in all decisions that needed to be made. Even though it is easy to sit idly by to let someone make decisions for you, my lack of decision making caught up with me my freshman year of college. Now that I am on my own this year, I am experiencing a whole new world. Looking back on my childhood it is safe to say that my mom sheltered and controlled me from the real world. This does not mean I was not allowed to go outside when I wanted to, but my mom took care of most of the decision making and jumped in to resolve all of the issues that I have ever encountered. This reality check has really made me grow up. Since my mom always made my decisions for me when I was younger, I developed a bad habit of relying to much on her. I never questioned her nor did I once ask myself "if this was really what I wanted to do". The most difficult aspect of transitioning to college in the past few months is for me to start making my own decisions. I am living everyday with decisions I didn't make and now that my mom is not here on a daily basis I am forced to be more independent and to make decisions. I often wonder if I had been forced to make more decisions on my own would I be able to decide on a major and the classes I need to sign up for the upcoming semester. Living off campus has proved to be

challenging as well. I have to cook, fold my own clothes, clean my own room and try to budget my monthly allowance. These things may seem simple to others, but when you have your mom making these decisions your whole life and you are suddenly thrust into college life one could easily become overwhelmed! Spiritual health is very important to me when it comes to my everyday life. My family has very strong christian beliefs and God has always been our rock. I have faced many obstacles throughout this year; however, I know that I can always turn to God. I believe that he has a reason for everything he puts us through and that he chooses certain tests to make us stronger. This year has certainly made me stronger. Prior to me moving to Charlotte, I attended church every Sunday. It was important to my mom that we knew the word of God and who we could call on in the time of trouble. Now that I'm away from my "family church" and do not attend church on a regular basis, I have relied on the word of God and the christian values instilled in me at a very young age from that my pastor, grandmother, mother, and church family. My christian beliefs are healthier and stronger than ever before. My absence from church does prohibit my ability talk and call on the Lord. College definitely makes you question some things about your faith. However, being strong minded and keeping my faith embedded in my soul makes it easy to sustain. I, personally, think it's impossible to know what it is like to be someone besides your self. There is no individual who can say they have walked in my shoes. Each individuals shoes are different and their footsteps will lead them in different directions. The direction that a person chooses is based on their ability to handle adversity. Instead of viewing an issue as a problem, view it as an opportunity. Do not look at the glass half empty. Look at the glass half full. My goal is to look for the positive and learn something from every situation. My grandfather passed March 6, 2013. My family and friends have handled his death as well as the grieving process differently. Even though I am still grieving deeply, the positive I take from his death is that he is in a better place and his death allowed family members to come together who had not seen each other for a very long time. I am thankful that I am strong individual who knows who I can lean on at all times. Explaining to others what it is like to be me is actually very challenging. Even though I have lived my life from day to day for eighteen years, I am sometimes still unaware of what or who I am. So telling you what it is like to be me may ultimately result in a half answer, even after all of this. What's it like to be me? You will never know, but I am like a blow pop. My exterior persona is strong and rigid my inner being is soft, sensitive and fun!

Faith Faith on which one can live whole life Faith on which one can keep hopes alive

Faith on which one can build confidence Faith on which one can overcome encumbrance Faith on which one can strengthen determination Faith on which one can accomplish aspiration Faith on which one can take dream to reality Faith on which one can continue to live with ecstasy Faith on which one can gain even after loosing Faith on which one can refill the color in life by proving Faith on which one can fight against injustice Faith on which one can rest in paradise & peace Faith in good faith becomes stronger & stronger God will not be able to hold much longer & do wonder - Pinky Porwal

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