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01 - 00 (Pilot)

aeroplane (tango 1 - tango 2) holiday photos dad eye popping problem the privatisation of the police force (shares in the royal family plc) critics (sterile? I was going to say fertile, hardly different) some more critics oh, no, not another one deodorant mr. fry discovers that and precisely why he's so lovely there's something wrong with my soup (s-o-u-p) mysteryyyyy executives (that can't make an omelette without breaking the eggs) buying an aston martin (4) cigarette box in WWI, (and the dangers of wearing them in your breast pocket) mr. fry is lovely AND sick deaf, dumb, blind and anosmic soldier laurie aussie soap opera (leave me out of this!) sexual intercourse can often bring about pregnancy in the adult female poetry (you can get travelling poetry bags at most travelling poetry bag shops) young people need to learn decent, civilised behaviour, which means not to break into my car joining the SAS (quirks? yes, I keep muddling up my shoe size and my height) the west indies aren't much good at cricket psychic spoon bender we're not going to do this sketch, because it includes a lot of sex and violence bitchmother, come light my bottom (having your hair cut (which one, sir?)) information (I never knew that rabbits had an average weight) my name is derrick .... hello, we're talking about language (hold the newsreader's nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers) america (the states, activities, achievements, accomplishments and semelfactives) tv show writer (fat, smug...oooh, I forgot my next bit) control and tony - 1 (-so, the whole network's been blown. -yes, I'm afraid it has. it's a thundering nuisance. -it really is thundering. - yes, I'm severely vexed.) harmonica beggar and the benefits of democracy (if they were just being kind they'd put a bullet through your head!) hand exercise (watch out, or you may bruise your leg) peter and john - 1 (henrietta) hugh's brain is slightly amiss

01 - 01

01 - 02

01 - 03

greek restaurant costume designer (oh, no, I've left my watch on) cigarettes are good for your health outtakes (0.567359) control and tony - 2 (operation big bad wolf) (I must say, I like this folder) special agents (if we'd rung the bell, there would've been no point in my carrying this sledgehammer all the way from the car park) (SCUMBAAAG!) trouser contest announcement (and why you think trousers are important) award-winning school poem (I don't know all that much about poetry, I'm an english teacher, not a homosexual) smells like gangrene! that's my sketch, based on a personal experience I had britain's increasing madness antiquities: buying a three-door hatchbag they stole my sketch again! control and tony - 3 (catching Kostane the traitor) (-so, a mixed reception, then) light metal: the bishop and the warlord 1 (I'm a hard-headed woman, I'm a bitch on heat) heroin and cocaine market mr fry has a pair of nipples attached to his chest inspector returning home go on, take the lot of them!! how many times have you been run over by a bus and killed?

01 - 04

01 - 05

lavatories...how much do we really know about them? (estate agents: you can't live with them, you can't live with them) critics (I thought english was a sadly predictable language) mrs. lesbian (witness) some more critics (what did you think of the two central performances? -I'd've welcomed them) romeo and juliet lit class I like it when things go right, it's obviously better than when they go wrong this is my absolute all-time favourite sketch (I was murdered at a petrol station) some other critics (by self-referential you mean? I mean to make myself sound like an interesting person) I knew everyone and everyone knew me baptism and corporate church (heaven? isn't that where the Gilroys went, darling? no, devon) swiss week: heidi and johann smell just right marjorie's had a fall off a horse, of course snipper, the orphan, incontinent 8 week puppy oh, leave it out etcetera who told you you were naked?

01 - 06

control and tony - 4 (sorry wave of unfortunate and exasperating bomb attacks) violence (my hitting hugh causes others to imitate my violent actions and hit him as well) chicken lacroix, prepared at your table mr simnock, 92 years old (I want to drink milk from the breast of a burmese maiden) (berent's cocoa) I am one of the people! (tony of plymouth) (alternatively, of course, you could just write to your mp)

02 - 01

a lot has changed since the last series of a bit of fry and laurie; we've each written a song - time where did you go dancercising (quantity surveyors) a dozen grollings etcetera peter and john - 2 (the health club - last time you looked out that window you saw an idea! -yes, I remember thinking we should put a car park there) the eyewitness (I was standing here, and this guy...) letter found in grandfather's hairdressers I'm slightly mad sports commentators (grass, sun, bus, marvellous) control and tony - 5 (I am not a russian spy, cross my heart and hope to die) michael jackson tideymans carpets 'the spillage that wasn't' (where babies come from) control and tony - 6 (here you were, at the window, so engrossed in what you were doing that you neglected not to fall out of it) the right way and the wrong way of dealing with children come treat-ortricking (and the tideymans test) drunk laurie harrassles fry the pianist friedrich laurie and donaldson, eric, major fry (you are the most fantastic and attractive creature I've ever laid eyes upon) peter and john - 3 (still the health club - I...I emptied a bowl of trifle all over her. - so, she got custody? - very.) improvisation, ladies and gentlemen: do you sell grapefruit? gagged fry and laurie: vicious made-up swearwords ...and the ensuing court sketch that was simply disgusting (the only reason my children hadn't been watching is through the fortunate turn of events that they haven't been born yet) buying an engagement ring (the goodness of this morning is indeed indisputable) history of mr. laurie's girlfriends props in dr. who founding a society (without any particular aim or purpose) peter and john - 4 (marjorie) letters, genital fungus, bottom fondling etc

02 - 02

02 - 03

02 - 04

bigometer and marlon brando dinner with digsby (ah...the queen of the adriatic!-is just one of the things you've been called) returning suits bought in 1947 the Department - 1 (garage) (we want you to sit down and watch an entire episode of krypton factor) my mother told me you could either be an elf or a pixie peter and john - 5 (public lavatory enterprise) robert and robinson (the pruteanu brothers) control and tony - 7 (contraption (code name: telescupe) and enemy agent) we've hit 1.6 on the bigometer south american actors (lawnmower sketch) and, finally, mr marlon brando mr. fry's applying for an mbe dominic appleguard (you can trust him with a cod) the rhodes boysons hour van vs. bicycle - and the organ loss inherent on the part of the bicycle rider freddie and jack - 1 (put a bomb in the restaurant for the cause of freedom) comics fans the day after getting quadruplegically plastered (vox pop) restaurant (jeffrey archer delivers; paul eddington's timing) (mr keith bennett? - (politician), broadcasting freedom and wider choice of cutlery) (freddy: table for bomb, please) things from films keep happening to mr. laurie paul eddingdon's timing: immaculate anger, satire and replacements for things destroyed by the aforementioned means where is the lid hugh laurie is dead mr. L. O. Pages we are talking about language. again. (I think that you are beautiful, but you are not Beauty) anarchy! we believe in anarchy! (we don't believe in god! long live the god of anarchy! whom we don't believe in!...) peter and john - 6 (executive bishop and executive vice-bishop of diocese of uttoxeter) (tell me something I don't know, peter - my geography teacher's middle name was louis) wine tasting (vox pops) mr laurie's first kiss (in his great uncle's lap) tony inchpractice - 1(hello, and welcome to borrowing a fiver off...) control and tony - 8 (they thought that what with the russians calling us up and telling us all their secrets, we don't need to spend quite so much money on finding them out) tony inchpractice - 2 (hello, and welcome to introducing my grandfather to...) a vision of family heritage urine and fun amenity vomit

02 - 05

02 - 06 'A Bit of Fry and Laurie (deceased)'

03 - 01

timothy, the chosen one (and the penknife berwhale, the avenger) sarah is very upset (could you please tell us what's upset you? -no.) elvis' soul has passed into mr. fry's body love me tender (some fellow called nicholas parsons) demonic milk pot or chalice the Department - 2 (japanese fighting fish) (you can shove the Department up your ass) you, you, you song psychiatrists (whiskey thunder)

03 - 02 I'd like eight packets of condoms please! (and the new album by jason

theatrical minister of war (or the like) ampersands duellists (I understand the choice is yours: sword or pistol?) kickin' ass real estate petrol station agents mr laurie's job history translator (there is no sense in which price means exploding vest) (oh, dear) the 'I expect they'll be back in a minute' subtitles (slow snog with a distant relative)

03 - 03
southerners vs. yorkshiremen ( translocation podules) we've had letters concerning (silly names) the Department - 3 (tailor) (hence your rotten apple theory. -no, hence my rotten department theory. I don't really have a rotten apple theory) hey juuude the day mr fry forgot his legs (I stooped to pick a buttercup - why people leave buttocks laying around I've no idea) terry, you're fired (that's perfect, sir) what do you think happened next? what do you think happened next encore balloon dachshund shoe shop/brothels (including mr dalliard)(I was after a pair of shoes. ah, very well, sir, I shall serve them first) (everything in the till and no sudden moves) get well cards tony inchpractice - 3 (welcome to photocopying my genitals with...) american asses (highly nasalised) ('cause my ass is on the line. -the bottom line?) the not quite late enough show (and by book you mean a work of thought or prose bound together between hard or soft covers and distributed by means of a bookshop?) the atmosphere around bristol crown court was tense today, as the defendants...

03 - 04

god save the queen (in the old days, as soon as the national anthem was heard, a whole nation would rise stiffly to attention) aa meetings (my name is trevor werren, and basically, my problem is that the starting motor gets stuck, especially in cold weather) long table (pass the marmalade) too long johnny the seventh dimension - 1 (the red hat of patferrick) (a mug of horlicks) jane eyre (did you write this? -no, that was charlotte bronte) sick elisabeth, caring messrs. richard and henry (soup vs. broth) mr. laurie's split personality world sports: bushwallyta (and, as you can see, the object of the chair is to see which of the players can make a workable picnic chair out of whatever materials they come across the grass) italians (are you sleepin' with my sister?) mozart's figaro overture for fragrances countdown to hell (sloblock) neddy and jack - 2 (how would you like to be prime minister?) (and what about your wife? -I wouldn't like to be my wife, jack, no) (beef goulash) leaflets in magazines aeroplane models (I call it my morocco sunrise - and believe me, it has caused many a son of morocco to rise in its time) trick shop (my finger is chopped off) restaurant (mineral water) tahitian kitchen (these fingers come from a rod stewart fan) my favourite pants (there's a very funny story attached to these pants...mmm...but it must've fallen out) the bishop and the warlord (grease my gristle, blow my whistle) american court (set yourself on fire) tony inchpractice - 4 (welcome to flying a light aeroplane without having had any formal instruction with...) (berliner credit sequence) grey and hopeless introduction and guests (oh, GOD, why??) parent-stabbing (what I've done?! I stab your parents to death with a bread knife, and all of a sudden it's my fault!) the comedy charter (jokes must be delivered on time!) poem (I first wrote it when my grandfather was murdered) smell - the forgotten sense all we gotta do wristchanger, comfypee, comfypoo soaraway life (golden meteorite) dead dog burried in yard (vox pop)

03 - 05

03 - 06

04 - 01

04 - 02

mr. laurie's accident (have you sustained any loss of memory from the accident?) abuse (denial, as we all know, is in egypt) guests (impressionist and shooting anna karenina) newsreader coughing fit the english people appear to be the most ignorant people in europe I'm in love with steffi graff enhancing love life: foreplay fascist fashion (did hitler have a philosophy at all, was he a john lennonny kind of guy?) you don't remember me, fiona? (I waited all day for you, but you never came) heart transplant (yes, it's a sketch in hospital, I'm so sorry we're not breaking molds and deconstructibg forms ) (long, confident suck) the dunker and the outraged old lady (jeans and heroin) (vox pop) guests (provide an amusing caption for the following photograph) bartender (other men can boast a healthier looking -stool? -lifestyle) kettle's on and mr. fry has important news little girl good hot, fresh hot etc cup of traditional british tea british angry, shakespearean salad don't be dirty (fellatio/ preservation of hardwoods) (the south seas vulvic wart) mr. laurie's hello to historians of the future who may be looking at this show as part of a higher education course in the year 2010 entitled 'britain: just what the bloody hell went wrong?' guest introduction and top gear football training for young children (the object of the game is to run into the box and fall over) model aeroplane shop (including the ever so famous mr. dalliard)(good morning) guests appearing in previous sketch be nice ('cause I'm a goodass motherliker) mr. fry's brilliant idea, involving hair and gardening. and mr. laurie, at one point the seventh dimension - 2 (flowers for wendy)(good evening, mr. beckett. - extraordinary! how could you possibly know that it's evening, you aren't wearing a watch!) (a quick one with you, stephen) oprah and incredibly talented, beautiful, rich etcetera luella, suffering from low self-esteem hospitality customers introduction (m'colleague, you have a way with words that reminds me of my old geography teacher after he'd had a couple. - a couple of what? - very serious car accidents) winner of the race (we had a lot of problems with the car) tribunal (the meansing of cleansing)

04 - 03

04 - 04

04 - 05

it's red, it's shiny, it's instantly desirable and it's remarkably cheap telecom quiz burmie (tommytoes) angry mr. fry (and grandmother) wasps (you got to get into the wasp's mind) (swinging ball sack) (chess and voice-over) (mr. laurie's taken up mugging) no one's answered the guest advertisement young tory of the year mr. variety himself (he trains seals, he seals trains etc) gossiping heads - well, I never did mr. laurie's received a death threat misunderstood song (if you say once more that I'm a hoover, then baby I'm gonna have to disagree with you) the government's just been bought by honda the job of being a duke (silver prostate)

04 - 06

04 - 07

it's the eeeend! (and introduction of the guests) religious esperanto primary school pre-coital agreement sophisticated song mr. fry's much tormented and fast-paced past telephones video games and suicide (here lies terry gardner, he got to level bloody nine) (modern britain)

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