The REAL Housewives of Bossier City

EXT. MANSION -- DAY AMBER walks pridefully towards to the mansion from the right side of the scene. INT. MANSION -- DAY Amber smiles as PAULA greets her into the house. PAULA (exitedly) OH MY GOD! AMBER! Its so nice to see you! Here, actually Samantha and I need to talk to you about something, just sit down right here... Paula gestures to an empty seat for Amber across from two seats for SAMANTHA and Paula. CUT TO: INT. AMBERS INTERVIEW ROOM AMBER So I had just gotten home from doing a fashion deal for a client and Paula comes in all "OMG SIT DOWN RIGHT HERE!", and I am literally clueless for what was about to happen. CUT TO: INT. MANSION -- DAY Amber is seated across from Paula and SAMANTHA looking puzzled and confused. AMBER OK guys Im really confused, what are you getting at? PAULA This isnt easy to say, but Samantha and I have noticed some, unusual things going on with you lately...

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AMBER (laughing) What could you guys be talking about? Amber suddenly turns serious. AMBER (contd) I dont have like cancer do I? Because if I have cancer I will back slap both of you until youre tanner than snooki. SAMANTHA See, thats it right there, youve been getting angry way to easily. AMBER No no no no, you guys dont get it, I just get frustrated sometimes. PAULA Really? Just frustrated? CUT TO: INT. MANSION -- COUPLE DAYS BEFORE Paula walks up to Amber looking frenzied. PAULA (hurried) Hey Amber, can you call my phone I lost it and I really need to find it for the meeting, just can you please call it pleaAmber interrupts Paula going into a flurry of anger talking to Paula about her problem. (improv implied) Samantha walks in between them before a fight can start. SAMANTHA Both of you just shut up! Here Ill just call your phone Paula, whats your number again? CUT TO:

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INT. SAMANTHAS INTERVIEW ROOM SAMANTHA Ambers really been acting differently in the past few months, and nobody really knows why. INT. AMBERS INTERVIEW ROOM AMBER (EXTREMELY ANGRY) I DO NOT GET ANGRY I JUST GET FRUSTRATED, THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND! Amber shouts then starts breathing heavily to keep the anger in. She turns her head and looks at the cameraman intimidatingly. AMBER (to the cameraman) You think Im crazy, DONT YOU?! Amber gets up from her chair and starts walking towards the cameraman. AMBER (contd) YOU WANNA SEE WHATS CRAZY HUH! CUT TO: INT. MANSION -- DAY AMBER (breathing heavily) I am under a lot of stress with the the Cover girl advertisement, and the deadline for the fabric manufacturers, so DONT TALK TO ME ABOUT ANGER! PAULA Amber, maybe you have just been under too much stress, Samantha and I are considering sending you to some anger management therapy.

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AMBER OH SO EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH AMBER, IS THAT THE GAME WERE PLAYING?! How about you Paula and those huge mood swings you always have? SAMANTHA Paula, Amber does have a point. PAULA Mood swings? What mood swings? I dont know what you Guys are talking about? AMBER OH REALLY? CUT TO: INT. MANSION -- COUPLE DAYS BEFORE Samantha and Paula and reading magazines scanning for new peices of cloting. SAMANTHA Hey, do you think you could fry steaks tonight, Im reallly hungry. PAULA No! What do I look like, your maid? JUST KIDDING, I WILL! I LOVE YOU BEST FRIEND! Ew no, kidding about kidding, shut up dont talk to me, shoo, go away. CUT TO: INT. PAULAS INTERVIEW ROOM PAULA They dont know what theyre talking about. Me, mood swings? No, just no. Also, Paula has some problems too. CUT TO:

5. INT. MANSION -- DAY PAULA So what Amber? What about you Samantha, and you obsession with the word HOLLAH! SAMANTHA That is not obsession I only do it once in a while, not like all the time! AMBER AND PAULA MHMMHM, SURE... CUT TO: INT. MANSION -- COUPLE DAYS BEFORE Samantha is reading a magazine when Paula walks in. PAULA Hey werent you and I going to go see MAMA tonight? SAMANTHA Yeah, that movie looks so HOLLAH! PAULA The movie looks so, what? Did you say hollah? SAMANTHA Its not hollah its HOLLAH! You have to do the wrist, if you dont it just isnt the same. PAULA Please dont say that again SAMANTHA What, HOLLAH!? PAULA Yes that, just stop. SAMANTHA Okay, fine..... PAULA Okay we should get going to the movie, its starts in 45 minutes.

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CONTINUED: SAMANTHA Yeah okay, but look at this dress, its only 85 dollars and its super HOLLAH! PAULA IF YOU SAY HOLLAH ONE MORE TIME I WILL MAKE YOU SIT ALL ALONE WHEN YOURE WATCHING MAMA! SAMANTHA Okay nevermind, lets go. PAULA Thats what I thought... Paula and Samantha get up and leave for the movies.

6.

CUT TO: INT. MANSION -- DAY SAMANTHA Yall just arent cool enough to do HOLLAH! Amber retaliates back and all the girls get into a big, loud fight JUMP CUT TO: INT. THERAPY ROOM -- DAY All three girls are in chairs with another therapist at the top of the circle of chairs, silence has filled the room. THERAPIST So, the producers of your show have asked me to conduct this therapy session, they understand you girls have been having some difficulties with each other. All of the girls look at each other and then look back at the therapist. THERAPIST My colleagues and I have discovered that all of your problems are comming from the endecrine system, a collection of glands that take care of the processes of your body. (CONTINUED)

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ALL THE GIRLS HUH? THERAPIST Your problems are with your hormones ALL THE GIRLS Ahhhhh.... THERAPIST All of you have developed diseases within your endecrine systems from different causes. Paula you have bipolar disorder, Samantha you have tourettes, and Amber you have hyperthyroidism. AMBER HOLD UP, are we supposed to know what these are, because I never heard of hyperthyroidism. THERAPIST Hyperthyroidism is a condition dealing with the thyroid gland of the endecrine system. It can cause fatiuge, heat intolerence, restelssness, and many more unhealthy symptoms. AMBER Sooooo, how did I get this "hyperthyroidism" THERAPIST The three most common causes are graves disease, inflammation of the thyroid, or taking large ammount of hormone pills AMBER SAMANTHA, YOU TOLD ME THOSE PILLS WERE FRUIT SNACKS! SAMANTHA Oops THERAPIST Now, you Samantha, have tourettes

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SAMANTHA What you mean this HOLLA! THERAPIST Yes, that is part of your tourettes. Tourettes is a disorder within the adrenal gland that makes you do sudden things that you cannot control, these are called tics. SANANTHA Trust me, I can control when I say HOLLA! THERAPIST No you cant... SAMANTHA Yes I ca- HOLLA! AHHHHHHH! Samantha turns into a crying voice SAMANTHA WHY DO I HAVE TOURETES!?? THERAPIST Sadly, knowbody really knows the cause of tourettes. THERAPIST Now, finally Paula PAULA Yes? THERAPIST Paula you have bipolar disorder PAULA OMG I love polar bears! THERAPIST No, bipolar disorder is a condition in your pineal gland that causes you to have mood swings. These mood swings go between mania and depression and can often happen very quickly. PAULA OMG, I hate poler bears!

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THERAPIST See the cause of this disorder is also unknown, but scientists are working on uncovering it AMBER So how can we get our problems fixed, and go on with our show. THERAPIST Paula you will need therapy for your bipolar disorder, Amber we can put you on medication for hyperthyroidism, and Samantha sadly you will have to live with tourettes AMBER So when does our treatment start? THERAPIST See, Im not allowed to do that... PAULA WHAT? WHY!? THERAPIST After Jeresy Shores episode where snooki got punched in the nose, reality television ratings have skyrocketed, so by law I am not allowed to administer any treatment that would diminshnish the drama of reality television. SAMANTHA But this is therapy right here, arent you breaking the law. THERAPIST Im not helping you, Im just telling you youre problems, also the producers needed to squeeze ten extra minutes into the show. All the girls get up out of the chairs and start walking towards the THERAPIST THERAPIST Oh snap. The therapist get out of her chair and starts walking backwards (CONTINUED)

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10.

All the girls scream as one flips the therapists chair over, and as the therapist is seen getting beat up FADE OUT: