Alumni Teleclass, Dec 5, 2011 After-Action-Review (AAR) Notes

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
In our last teleclass we looked at the perils and profits associated with the dynamic known as constructive criticism. In discussing the phenomena of criticism and constructive criticism we looked at both why it seems necessary and valuable to be able to offer and receive this sort of feedback as well as the problems and challenges that confront us as we attempt to do so. Criticism whether constructive or not is not merely neutral feedback. Criticism involves confronting problems. Criticism is evoked when things are not going well and we want to face and deal with just what doesnt seem to be going well. Especially when things are problematic its important to be able to address the situation. Part of the challenge comes in when we realize that many of our attempts to address and resolve these problems with things not going well tend to end up aggravating the very problems we are trying to resolve. Often even if we resolve the original dilemma we are left with new problems that where generated from the very way we addressed the original problem. The simple frames we used for the teleclass were that criticism is a tool used to face and address problematic dissatisfying situations and events. We are interested in finding the most rewarding and successful way to do that. Every time we have more than one thing going on, any time we have things in relationship, we will have friction (at some point) between the interaction of the moving parts. The tensions and frictions we feel in our work and life can be utilized as the energy and insight to fuel growth and development if we can harness its winds into our sails. The friction and tension we feel always relates at some level to our interests and concerns. The frictions and tensions we feel are assessments about the health of our interests and concerns. Our interests and concerns have to do with our sense of what we need and want at any given time for any given project. One big problem and one big challenge for us in dealing with criticism, whether giving it or receiving it, is to make the level of interest and concern relevant, specific and explicit for all stakeholders involved. Often when dealing with criticism we leave out this level of concern and interest. We only have criticism to the extent we care and yet often the very care and concern at the heart of criticism gets lost in translation. This care and concern can be a transformative resource in this domain if we can tap it.

As an intention for engagement we want to be as skillful as we can be in the way we offer feedback. We want to help facilitate our teams and organizations to be able to engage as skillfully as possible in these dynamics. At the same time we dont want to lose our game as soon as someone unskillfully offers us criticism. We want to have a way to maintain high levels of performance even in less than ideal situations, even while endeavoring to create as ideal a situation as possible. Negative remarks are often used to attempt to motivate others performance with very limited success and many unintended and negative consequences developed in the process. If we keep in mind that feeling tensions and frictions as well as facing them is an important part of a healthy and robust organization then we can develop a tentative framework for practice. One ideal to practice with is: Most criticism is the tragic expression of unmet needs and wants. The reason we say its tragic is because it is attempting to meet those needs or wants or correct for their lack and yet it sets itself up for failure in the very way it attempts to achieve its ends. If we realize that all our criticism has some unmet need or want at its core we can begin to chart a new more creative empowered approach. In any real conflict there will be more on the table than just your own interests and so part of the challenge is finding or creating the world with enough space and opportunity for both you and them, a place that can have opportunity for all the interests on the table. This can be a real challenge but it can be done.

Practice Steps
Presentation of the situation o Present the situation describing what happened free from any judgments of character or evaluations of anyones
identity. This is a neutral description of the situation you would like to address. Its stating what happened without evaluating it.

Inquire as to how the other stakeholders would present what happened. Notice but parking-lot all attributive evaluations at this time and just go for a description of the event. This practice of describing what happened free from evaluation is harder than it seems and has much value.

Sharing the impact and putting your interest on the table o This is where you directly show how what happened has impacted you and your interests and concerns. You want to do
this without judging anyones character. You are showing the way that the situation impacted you and what sense you made of it. You are especially making it clear what interests you have on the table and are wanting to address.

o o

This is a result of doing the work where you transform your criticism into its unmet interest (need/want) and then addressing that specifically. If you can find a place of alignment with interest its a huge advantage. Often if we can get down deep enough to what we really care about we find a lot of alignment, agreement and resonance in this regard. From this place its easier to be on the same team even when we are in real conflict.

 Inviting the others interests to be put on the table o With the same care and concern that you would allow for yourself this is where you would inquire into what interests the
other stakeholders might have. You want to listen deeply for the core issues and concerns where you might have alignment.

Inviting requests and committed action o This is where you want to see if you can make some requests about actions that could be taken to address and fulfill all
the interests on the table.

Receiving Criticism:
If you are receiving negative criticism from others, even in the middle of judgments about your character and evaluations of your identity, you can practice with this framework for good results. What you want to be able to do is to listen inside the other persons criticism for their unmet needs and wants (interests). You want to see if you can reflect this back to them and get their agreement. At this point you can consider if there is any meeting place between their interests and yours. At a minimum you may have helped them to get in touch with the core concern that we usually lose sight of in the experience of distress and escape the judgments and evaluations of character and identity. The evaluations and judgments are stand-ins for the real concern. Once the real concern is put on the table these other aspects can drop off. This is one step to take to create the possibility of a positive collaboration in the middle of what can be a negative encounter. What unmet need or want (that you could also care about) could be motivating this persons negative comments about you?

End Notes:
These ideas and associated practices and engagements are meant to be points of departure leading to great discoveries and learning. They are not meant to be the final statement themselves. They are meant to be tested by driving around in them and kicking their tires. Given the brief nature of the teleclasses we only have had the chance to just skim the surface of some very deep waters here. This is meant to be a wine tasting of some very vintage spirits. There is much that is left out from what we have covered here in the same way that the trailhead of a great hike leaves much out of the total journey. Each step here is meant to bring a certain benefit but it will also potentially lead to a new challenge. If you are practicing any of these things and are running into a challenge that needs to be addressed then please reach out and inform me. Vid Deva.