Few days ago, one of my friend called up at mid night to tell a story , which

perhaps germinated the seed of this study.

He narrated a horrible incidence of what we call domestic violence but

surprisingly, the batterer in this case was not he, but his wife.I have heard of
and experienced ,women provoking domestic violence by “bitching and nagging and
emotionally hurting men”, but battering ?

Domestic Violence ; no, let me modify it to "Domestic Battering" is ,where one

person harms another person with whom they have (or have had) some sort of
relationship by physically attacking the other with the sole purpose to control,
intimidate, and subjugate her/him.

Often we are told that ,having arguments and even fighting among couples is normal
and essential to maintain a healthy relationship but to what extent ?

Let us have a look at the analysis of Batterer's profile by As Neil S. Jacobson,

and John M. Gottman in their article Anatomy of a Violent Relationship :-

"-Batterers share a common profile: they are unpredictable, unable to be

influenced by their wives, and impossible to prevent from battering once an
argument has begun.

-Battered women are neither passive nor submissive; sometimes they are as angry as
the batterers. But women almost never batter men.

-Batterers can be classified into two distinct types, men whose temper slowly
simmers until it suddenly erupts into violence, and those who strike out
immediately. This difference has important implications for women leaving abusive
relationships.

-Emotional abuse plays a vital role in battering, undermining a woman's

confidence.

-Domestic violence can decrease on its own--but it almost never stops.

-Battered women do leave at high rates, despite the increased danger they face
when leaving the relationship."

Good piece of information but in our case the batterer is a woman .Incredible !
Let's go deeper into it now :)

What provokes this so called battering ?

For that, let me reproduce an incidence narrated by Neil S. Jacobson & John M.
Gottman in the same article :-

"Don was having a miserable day. There were rumors of layoffs at work, and his
supervisor had been on his case for coming in late. Not only was he sick of not
getting credit for doing his work well, he was sure he was about to get caught in
some kind of vise he could not control. Now Don was test-driving the car he had
asked his wife, Martha, to pick up from the garage. As he listened to his car's
motor, he knew instantly that she had been hoodwinked. That damn rattle was still
there when he drove up hills! By the time he pulled into their driveway, he was so
mad that he almost hit Martha's car.

"What is it with you?" Don railed as he walked into the house. "Couldn't you tell
that the damn car still wasn't running right?"
Martha, who was cooking dinner, responded calmly. "Is something wrong with the
car? It sounded fine to me."

"Couldn't you tell you'd been had by the garage mechanics? Are you really that
stupid?" he continued.

Martha started defending herself. "Wait a minute. I may know nothing about cars,
but I resent being called 'stupid.'"

Don continued railing against the mechanics and against Martha for not standing up
to them. He was beginning to see red, and he warned her to shut up.

But Martha didn't shut up. "If you're such a big man, why didn't you stand

up to the mechanics the last time they gypped you?"

Don punched Martha in the face--hard. It was not the first punch of their
marriage. But she deserved it, he told himself as he continued to hit her and yell
at her. All he had wanted, he said, was a little empathy about his problems--and
here she was siding with the enemy. Only a small part of him, a dim whisper in his
brain, wanted to beg her forgiveness, and by the next day he would manage to
squelch even that dim light of remorse."

Was there any logical reason for Don to take it that far ? Not at all but why it
happened ? for that, we need to understand the "History of Violence".

"Violence has a long history. You might be surprised to find yourself with a
violent partner when there was no early sign of violent tendencies when you were
still getting to know each other. Most of the time, the roots of violence dates
back to the aggressive person’s past.

A boy, for example, who grew up witnessing his father violating his mother will
either grow up to be exactly the opposite of his father, or exactly the same.'
mentioned Alex in his article How to Deal with Violent Partners .

Now my question is , if a boy can be infected with this "Virus of Battering", why
not a girl ?

Well, the Paper presented by Gault, Martha at the annual meeting of the American
Sociological Association on Aug 14, 2004 answered my question..She said that :-

"1) girls who report a better relationship with their parents also report lower
levels of violence, 2) girls whose parents report better relationships with them
report lower levels of violence, 3) girls who watch less TV and fewer videos,
report less smoking and/or drinking, and have fewer sex partners also report lower
levels of violence, and 4) girls who report higher levels of self-esteem and lower
levels of depression also report lower levels of violence."

This is a huge topic and my primary objective was to find out ,whether woman can
also be a batterer and got my answer !

Unfortunately, very few men disclose their sufferings !!!

Author : Abhijit Kar