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By Patricia Backora
Back then I thought only pure-hearted people wanted to preach the gospel
and cheer up sick and shut-in folks. At the time, the Gift of Discerning of
Spirits was not operative in my life. At first, Brother Beulah enjoyed chatting
with all of us over the hamburgers. But soon he wanted to talk only to me,
while the others talked among themselves. He made me promise to keep
everything we discussed CONFIDENTIAL. He knew I didnt yet realize that
confidentiality between a member of clergy (especially a MARRIED guy), and
a young girl is highly inappropriate.
If I felt the slightest suspicion about
his behavior it wasnt strong enough yet. I think the devil was playing a
perverse little game to see how many clues he could leave behind and still
dupe me about Sgt. Beulah for as long as possible. None are so blind as
those who have stars in their eyes.
Although I tried to steer Brother Beulah toward decent topics, he was
fascinated by racy Bible stories, such as Davids rendezvous with Bathsheba
and Abrahams konky-bine Hagar. One night he talked about 1920s ladies
lingeree. Maybe it was because they didnt have TV when he was a kid, but
he got plenty of stimulation watching his pet cats cavorting in the barn. God
must have wondered why I didnt wake up and smell the coffee. If only Id
had enough sanctified common sense to realize that only satan operates in
so-called confidentiality, which is really darkness, and such a cloak of
secrecy is necessary to hide his evil works from easily duped people who
look up to his stooges for spiritual guidance. Jesus Himself took a dim view
of concealing evil works under cover of darkness.
John 3:19-20 says: And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the
world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were
evil. For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the
light, lest his deeds should be reproved. In the margin of my Bible, that
word "reproved" means "discovered."
I should have wondered why Brother Beulah was too ashamed for all the
world to hear about the torture cats suffer when they copulate. That perv
gave me a detailed description of the plumbing of a male cat (as if that
would help me grow spiritually). Truly I found the discussion embarrassing,
since I was just a soft-spoken, deeply religious young girl ignorant of the
wiles of men.
At least we had clearly defined boundaries at my own church, where it
concerned acceptable conversation between older brothers and younger
sisters in the Lord. Unrelated brothers and sisters greeted one another only
with a handshake. That seems a bit stuffy by todays standards, but the line
has to be drawn somewhere.
Brother Beulah never once spoke about his wife and kids and what a
blessing theyd been to him for so many years. He tried to break down my
defenses with flattery. "Youre such a lovely person. Youve just got a way
about you that draws folks to you. I think of you as my own daughter. Id
like to just kiss you on the forehead like a daughter. With a twinkle in his
beady black eyes he said: "If I were a young man again, Id marry you." I
thought he was just joking. After all, he was three times my age. It was a
good thing his wife couldnt hear him. Thats a sure sign of the decadence of
the end times. A man doesnt know how to grow old gracefully and with
dignity, any more than a woman does. So he chases every pretty girl he
sees and puts a spiritual spin on his sin.
If he was attracted to the joy of the Lord I exuded, that wasnt my natural
side showing. Before my Baptism in the Spirit, I was as cynical as a
wounded war veteran. Id thought life on earth was just a sick joke. That
was a legacy of the damnable time I served at Hog Pen High. The Holy
Ghost gave me every positive thing in my life, including the ability to love
others, not just tolerate them. But Brother Beulah was too blind to see that
my good points were just the life of Jesus shining through. Maybe at the
time I didnt fully realize that myself, being a babe in Christ. After all the
**** that was heaped on me at that garbage dump school, hearing kind
comments was soothing to my wounded soul. But Brother Beulah wanted
more than light chitchat.
I did tell Brother Beulah about my Baptism in the Spirit, but he denied that
there was any such thing as the Second Blessing. He had to be faithful to
the teachings of his denomination. I know now that I should have realized
how serious it is for other Christians to be so fearful of religious authorities
that they dont desire the supernatural works of the Holy Spirit in their
church. All they might give the Holy Ghost permission to do is convict
people of sin...quietly and discreetly in the privacy of their own hearts. But
whatever happens on the outside must remain strictly under the control of
man.
I once thought that any other churchgoers opinion was equally valid, no
matter what it was about. But democracy has no voice in the Most Holy
Place of Gods Presence. Its just not the same as respecting someone elses
opinion on choir robes or stained glass windows. The Holy Spirit must
absolutely be reverenced. I believe in democracy, fair play and listening to
your own sanctified conscience. On peripheral issues we can all agree to
disagree and still have fellowship one with another. But on issues crucial to
salvation we must agree with the plain teaching of Gods Word, in order to
maintain true unity instead of trying to build bridges with the worlds
viewpoint on sin. Lots of Christians think the Baptism is an optional
accessory you can get by without, but I now firmly believe that being filled
with the Spirit IS an issue crucial to salvation. It is a Biblical commandment
(Eph. 5:18-19). If you know the Holy Spirit Baptism is a real experience but
still deride it as being a doctrine of the devil, youre in deep water with the
Lord (Mark 3:28-29). Gods Holy Spirit and His power is one of the linchpins
which holds our whole salvation experience together. We cant do that by
struggling to be good people. The Baptism of the Spirit is so precious it
should be above criticism of any sort. Had I realized that at the time, I might
have discerned that Brother Beulah was bound by satan.
I see now that Brother Beulah opened himself up to satan because some
churches dont war against the devil in the Spirit (II Cor. 10:3-5; Eph. 6:1018).
They have a form of godliness but deny the power thereof (II Tim.
3:5). If you get souls saved but deny the existence of demons who are
oppressing church members, you wont draw on the power of God to resist
them. If a church denies the power of the Spirit and the nine Gifts of the
Spirit, its members become more vulnerable to satanic control. A spirit of
lust was controlling Brother Beulah, but I didnt discern it.
I didnt want to leave that friendly little group because I treasured
something other young people took for granted: sitting at a table with
friends, talking and sipping a Coke. Even after you receive the Holy Spirit it
takes a bit of time to recover from all the hurts of your past, and to tell you
the truth, Im still working through a lot of issues 40-odd years later. When I
was in high school I usually ate lunch by myself, because I had been singled
out by satan as THE target for school bullies. Daily I was harassed for my
hair, my figure, even my name. I was always last to be chosen in P.E. I was
attacked on the school bus. At least one lowlife urged me to kill myself. After
my Baptism, prophecy was spoken over me by a minister who had never
met me: That when I was young, satan had tried to destroy me and take my
life. True. During those stinking teenage years Id been tempted to end it
all, just to get out of the devils world.
Satan took advantage of the fact I was still struggling to overcome years of
having my self-esteem shoved down in the toilet, and the fact I was grateful
when anybody said anything nice to me. In getting me to overlook Brother
Beulahs quirks, satan was taking advantage of those ruined years. He is the
father of all workers of evil, inclulding bullies (John 8:44). Satan fights, but
he is no valiant warrior who fights by the rules and dares to look an
opponent in the eye. He is a skulking coward who attacks the weak and the
walking wounded. The devil knows Jesus stripped him of his dignity and
might at Calvary, so he can only win by fighting dirty. His children are just
as cowardly as he is. Time and again, I hear news stories about a gang of
bullies beating up some little kid or ONE helpless old man. A lone bully is
Secondly, people who are dying want their final words on earth to leave
behind a warm, loving legacy their loved ones will cherish. If Brother Beulah
died before his wife did, he would only have marred his own memory by
confessing that he had lusted after young girls and thats the REAL reason he
took them out to nursing homes and hospitals to sing. When confronted with
his sin, he chose to LIE about it to his wife, and I feel that makes it a
thousand times worse in the sight of God. So even at deaths door a sinner
might lack the courage to confess and receive Gods forgiveness. The road to
hell is paved with good intentions.
Like a victim of domestic violence, I thought that kissing incident was just a
one-off, that it wouldnt happen again. But Brother Beulah followed the
same pattern the following week: driving me home last, immobilizing my
arms and head and giving me an unwanted kiss. I prayed within: "O Lord, if
you let me escape Brother Beulah this last time, I promise I wont ever go
back." Thankfully, God heard me. Second chances spring from the Grace of
God, because God doesnt owe anyone a second chance to obey. I got away
before anything worse happened.
A couple of nights later, I was over at a friends house. I felt God wanted to
give me a further sign that I wasnt just borrowing nonexistent trouble. A big
Bible lay on a table. I flipped it open at random. This verse jumped out at
me: II Samuel 13:14: Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but
BEING STRONGER THAN SHE, forced her and lay with her (KJV).
It could have been about me! "He, being stronger than she!" I knew that
story. King Davids daughter Tamar had been overpowered by her halfbrothers superior strength and what followed was extremely tragic.
Because I listened to God in the nick of time, I was spared the same fate. It
filled me with awe that 3000 years Tamars tragedy, God used the story to
warn me that my suspicions about Brother Beulah were neither uncharitable
nor untrue. I just hadnt wanted to think the worst of a so-called brother in
the Lord. Amnon was Tamars half-brother, so she, like me, had not
discerned any danger.
I told my friend about Brother Beulah and the verse and she urged me to tell
our pastor. Surprisingly, he told me that he had discerned a spirit of lust in
Brother Beulah the first time he had ever met him. The pastor apologetically
admitted that he should have voiced his suspicions. Had this working of the
Gift of Discerning of Spirits been acknowledged by the pastor, I might have
been warned through that gift, being a second witness to the witness of the
Spirits warning in my own heart: (Matt.18:16).
show it. Maybe the old perv thought that even if he went to torment for
eternity, not even God could take away the happy memories of all the hell
hed raised on earth.
I no longer accept the doctrine of UNCONDITIONAL eternal security. This
heresy was taught even at the church where I received the Baptism of the
Spirit. My belief is this: Abiding is the key word. We began this walk by
repentance toward God and faith toward the Lord Jesus for remission of sins
(Acts 20:21). We must continue this walk in the same way and hold
steadfastly to the doctrine of faith in the atoning Blood of Christ in order to
make it to heaven (Heb. 4:14; 10:23).
II John 9 says: Whosoever
transgresseth and ABIDETH NOT in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God. HE
THAT ABIDETH IN THE DOCTRINE OF CHRIST hath both the Father and the
Son. John 15:1-7 speaks of the need of believers to abide in Christ, the
Living Vine. It isnt enough to come into Christ, we must remain in Him
through abiding faith. Noah entered the Ark and was saved from the Flood.
But what if Noah had jumped out of one of the portholes because he didnt
like the way the Ark stank after months of monkey manure piling up in the
cargo hold? What if he didnt want to obey God anymore and keep on
abiding in that Ark which saved him from the water? He would have
drowned like the worst sinner who never made it into the Ark the first time!
As I Corinthians 13: 7 teaches us, love beareth all things, endureth all
things, hopeth all things, and believeth all things are possible by the grace of
God, even the reclamation of a backslider. But God is a God of truth. We
are called to walk in truth, not just sweet love (II John 4; III John 3). Love
does not lie to itself. Love must be tough enough to face the truth and deal
appropriately with it, whenever warnings are given by Spirit of Truth, so that
a snare of the devil might be uncovered and a life saved from certain
shipwreck.