Week One: Discussion One This is my fortieth year as a Registered Nurse.

I am having a lot of difficulty conceptualizing let alone accepting this fact. It was not until I began writing this assignment that I actually counted up the years. I still feel like a new nurse. The thirst for knowledge is ever present. I still want to do so many things in nursing. What a career this is, the opportunities are endless. Above all else nothing gives me more satisfaction than caring for a patient. I dont consider myself a born leader or manager. I was a poor academic student and embarrassed that I had gone to a two year program. Yet without realizing it at the time I possessed some of the traits that Gilbert identified as potential leaders among student graduate nurses; ambition, a quick thinker, sensitive to others viewpoints, and flexible (as cited in Sullivan and Decker, 2009, p. 45). Yet, time and again I have been in this position over the years. Sometimes it was by my own choice and at other times it was by coercion. The term manager or leader was not associated with nursing in times gone by rather we had as our coveted Head Nurse. The Head Nurse was manager and leader as well as the fill in for any jobs needing to be done or werent wanted by anyone else. Typically, in days gone by one learned their supervisory skills from past experiences (both good and bad) from their Head Nurses. Eventually I became a head nurse for fifteen years. I was care giver to patients and staff (and their family members, pets etc.) alike. I knew how to swab a deck, fix furniture, change florescent light bulbs, drive an ambulance, work in supply, pharmacy, lab and at the front desk just to name a few of my talents. It was/is a position I loved and still miss. I however forgot about one major thing, me. I agree with Grohar-Murray and Langan (2011) that preparation and mentoring are necessary for those wishing to assume leadership roles (Grohar-Murray and Langan, 2011, p. 16). Grossman and Valiga state that Nurse Managers need a body of knowledge and skills distinctly different from those needed for nursing practice (as cited in Sullivan and Decker, 2009, p. 44). Unfortunately after nineteen years at the same institution it became apparent that I needed to retire. One of my saving graces was my Corpsmen. They have stood by me, encouraged me and above all have accepted me on this long and arduous journey. Yes, my family and friends support me but does anyone really know you as well as your work family? Since retiring from my previous position I have applied and interviewed at two institutions. Both times after my interview I have been told that I have an impressive resume and then was asked if I would consider a position in management. I am not a manager; I am a doer, a lobbyist, a caretaker, a politician. The thoughts of procedural manuals, in-services, accreditations, quality assurance, negotiating, and putting out fires still entices me. My mind seems to be wired that way now. References:

Grohar-Murray, M. E., & Langan, J., (2011). Leadership and management in nursing (4th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson. Sullivan, E. J., & Decker, P. J. (2009). Effective leadership and management in nursing (7th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson.