Effects of Divorce on Children 1

Divorce: The Effects it has on Children Claire Greenlee Western Kentucky University Parenting Strategies 494

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Almost 50% of families will divorce every year. These are startling numbers as is and yet the statistics grows more and more as time passes on (Lansford, 2009. p. 133). Only a few generations ago, American culture rejected divorce and thought of it as scandalous. Today law, behavior, and culture embrace and even celebrate it (Fagan, 2012, p. 1). As we look around our society there are things in our entertainment that embrace divorce and show young teens and children that if you marry someone its okay if you dont get along, you can always get a divorce. Divorce has become prevalent in our lives and changed the whole definition of a family system. Furstenberg (1990) stated in his article Divorce and Family: A century ago, fewer that one in ten marriages was ended by divorce (after 40 years). By mid-century, slightly under a third of all marriages contracted would end in divorce. Today, if all projections prove to be correct, at least half of all those marrying will divorce. Many experts think that rate of voluntary dissolution is actually much higher than that because a number of couples who separate may never bother to obtain a divorce (p. 382). An issue that came up while reading these journals was the idea of families never formally divorce and just legally separate. We also saw a growth of cohabitating couples whom raise children together yet never marry. The effects of those cohabitating parents splitting up would be just as detrimental to those children as a married couple splitting up would. Love is learned through a childs parents and they learn relationships based on what they see in the home. Fagan (2012) stated in his article, None of the effects applies to each child of every divorced couple, nor has any one child suffered all the affects we will discuss

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(p.2). It has been suggested that the long term consequences of parental divorce for adult attainment and quality of life may prove to be more serious than the short-term emotional and social problems noted in childhood (Huurre, 2006, p. 256). According to Rice (1994), The emergence of a popular backlash effect is now also apparent, which relates womens new roles and the breakdown of the family to a variety of social and psychological ills ranging from juvenile delinquency, drug and alcohol abuse, and male sexual dysfunction to violence against women, social narcissism, and materialism (p. 559). The Center for Disease Control stopped gathering data on the children annually affected by divorce in 1988, at the time the number was over 1,044,000. However, since then the percent of women who have been divorced has continued to rise, we conservatively estimate the number to be at least 1,000,000 children in divorced homes per year. We also know that for all U.S. children, as of the latest data from the 2009 American Community Survey, only 47% reach age 17 in an intact family (Fagan, 2012, p. 2). Storksen (2006) found, more externalizing problems among boys than among girls following a divorce (p. 75). He followed this up by saying, By 2 years after divorce there were no differences in social and emotional development between girls (6 years of age) from divorced and non-divorced families. Although the behavior of boys in divorced families tended to improve during the first two tears following the divorce, they still exhibited more problems at home and in school than did boys from non-divorced families (p. 75). Fagan (2012) stated, There is no way to predict how any particular child will be affected nor to what extent, but it is possible to predict divorces societal effects and how

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this large cohort of children will be affected as a group (p. 2). Fagans research found divorce detrimentally impacts individuals and society in numerous ways. First, divorce impacts families religiously because it may change their attendance to church as well as which establishment they belong to. Many children also go through a stage of blame and in that stage they may blame God for their parents divorce. The marketplace is affected due to the difference in household income that changes. At the beginning of every divorce the household goes from two incomes, to one. Although the children are not individually responsible for the money flow into the household, they will still see many changes in their way of life. They may not have the money to go out and do as many things with their friends as they used to or shop at the same stores as they used to, and this can in turn affect the children socially. College aged students are susceptible to financial fluctuation from their parents and suffer with the payment of tuition. Both parents may have planned to send the child to college and pay the tuition but with the new economic strains that may not be possible and college may now fall in the childs hands causing more stress on the individual. A childs education can fail drastically during the divorce of their parents. When reading Fagans article (2012) he states, Daniel Potter University in Virginia found that elementary school children who experience parental divorce immediately begin performing worse academically than their peers from intact families; this gap persists through elementary school (p. 27). Though these are harsh gaps that are found in this research, we know that this may not be true for all children. Furstenburg stated in his article (1990), Moderately large differences have been found in the educational attainment among children who did and did not grow up with

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both biological parents. Marital disruption has been associated with school problems, grade failure, higher dropout, lower attendance, and completion of college leading to a reduction of occupational attainment and income later in life. It remains to be seen how much of the difference in educational attainment can be traced to psychological or economic differences resulting from divorce (p. 393). Keeping focus on their academic curriculum could be more of a struggle when they are going through emotional changes at the home along with the physical changes like packing and moving between the parents homes. Social and academic factors are varied and further reserved when dealing with children of divorced families. Divorce diminishes childrens capacity to handle conflict. Also, fear of peer rejection is twice as likely among adolescents of divorced parents. These childrens social competence is at risk and there is an increased risk of social incompetence. (Fagan, 2012, 13). Another area which children can be affected is their health and well-being. Many people probably can not see how a divorce can affect their childs health but it can in various ways. Storksen (2006) stated even 8 years after divorce (on average), the adolescents report more symptoms of anxiety and depression. Fagan (2012) stated in his article: When children experience parental divorce before age five, they are particularly vulnerable to emotional conflicts at he time of their parents separation. They will frequently cling to their parents and regress to bedwetting and other behaviors more characteristic of younger children. Older children, rather than clinging, frequently withdraw from home life and seek intimacy elsewhere. If divorce occurs while the

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children are teenagers they tend to react in one of two very different ways: by attempting to avoid growing up or by attempting to speed through adolescence. Also, divorce is related to increased depression and anxiety for both boys and girls of all ages (p. 43). A huge issue to look at when discussing the health of a child after a divorce is separation anxiety. This may become an issue for a child when they begin separating from certain family members after a divorce. The child may turn to separation anxiety for various reasons, but a big part may be seeing a family member leave. If a child sees Daddy leave the house and not come around as often as he used to, the child may think if Mommy drops t hem off at school she too may not come around to see them anymore. As we know for the majority of children this would never happen, but in their mind all they know is Daddy hasnt been coming back so who is to say Mommy will. Or on the opposite spectrum if Daddy has not been around very much then when they are around the child has that separation anxiety about them leaving for fear they will not come back, or be gone for another long period of time. While there are aspects of separation anxiety that are normal, there are also things that are abnormal and a major red flag for caregivers of a child. According to Robinson (2012), red flags include but are not limited to withdrawal from friends, family, or peers, refusal to go to school for weeks, preoccupation with intense fear or guilt, or excessive fear of leaving the house. If these red flags are seen in a child treatment could be therapy, counseling, or possibly medication. Whiston (2011) reported in her article that there is a more substantial need of school counseling with the high rates of divorce. I can see this when looking at all the affects and especially the degree of separation anxiety.

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Another affect of divorce in later years is dating and trust in the childrens relationships as they get older. All of this can go back to the social learning theory, which states that behavior can be learned through observing the actions of others. Thus young adults may shape their behavior in their romantic relationships by observing marital interactions between parents. They may learn a variety of conflict behaviors from observing their parents arguing, and these observations are likely to shape their own conflict behavior in their romantic relationships in young adulthood (Cui, 2010. 332). Social learning theory also suggests that in addition to learned behavior, young adults could develop their attitude toward marriage and divorce by observing their parents marriage and divorce. A bad marriage between the parents and that experience of the divorce may lead the child involved to develop a negative view about marriage. Therefore, young adults may determine to leave a less satisfying relationship rather than work on the relationship based on seeing the consequences of his or her parents behavior (Cui, 2010, 332). Fagan (2012), stated in his article: Divorced families use violence more frequently to resolve conflict and are more likely to be aggressive and physically violent with their friends, male or female. In their own marriages, children of divorced parents are more likely to be unhappy, to escalate conflict, to communicate less, to argue frequently, and to shout or to physically assault their spouse when arguing. Thus, the likelihood of divorce is transmitted across generations (p.11). In Fagan (2012)s article he addressed trust in relationships stating:

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Parental divorce often leads to low trust among children and those who casually date exhibit the strongest effects of parental divorce, suggesting that the repercussions of parental divorce may be in place before the young adults form their own romantic relationships. The divorce of their parents makes dating and romance more difficult for children as they reach adulthood. This could all come back to children of divorced parents fear of being rejected, and a lack of trust frequently hinders a deepening of their relationship (p. 20). Velez (2011) states, Although peers exert increasing influence on development starting in middle childhood, the family arguably is the most powerful context in which coping & socialization occurs (p. 244). The family system is the most important and powerful area in which divorce affects children. Family is everything to most people because that is what we are surrounded around and lean on the most however divorce can be an earth shattering way to weaken the family and the relationship between children and parents. Family is the building blocks as to which we stabilize our entire life around. We learn from our family system how to act, react, interact, and without a secure environment at home the trust of all your previous knowledge can falter. Furstenburg (1990) said, The most obvious effect of divorce is that it typically brings about a sudden reconfiguration of the family. The transition from a two-parent household to a single-parent household disrupts the parenting system and usually reduces the economic support available to children (p. 384). While Fagan (2012) stated, family is the building block of society, and marriage its foundation (p47). This reconfiguration of the family system is a weakening parent-child relationship. This is the primary effect of divorce on children. Parental divorce not only

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separates the children from the biological parents on a daily basis, but also makes it more difficult for children to trust their parents. Children of divorced mothers have poorer and less stimulating home environments which weakens the mother-child bond. Divorced mothers are less able than married mothers to give emotional support to their children. Divorced mothers tend to be less affectionate and communicative with their children, and to disciplining them more harshly and more inconsistently, especially during the first year following the divorce (Fagan, 2012, 5). All of these effects on the mothers have a negative rippling effect on the children. Paul Amato, professor of sociology at Pennsylvania State University summed it up: divorce leads to disruptions in the parent-child relationship, continuing discord between former spouses, loss of emotional support, economic hardship, and an increase in the number of other negative life events (Faga, 2012, p. 2). When you look at parents divorcing and changing the family system, there is something you can look at to change the family system in a more drastic way: stepparents. When we think about kinship we tend to only think blood-related when in fact that does not have to be the case. When looking at step parents and the relationships they bring to the picture we see many extended kinships that are not by blood (Cherlin, 1994, p. 366). Throughout history step-parents have conveyed a negative image of being the evil step-parent making the step-children do all this extra chores, when in fact this is not always the case. Stepparents can be very beneficial for children not only for that extra love and affection, but also from an improved economic standpoint. Stepparents remove many children from severe economic disadvantages and mitigates many of the indirect

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costs associated with downward social mobility. Cherlins article looked at step-parents and their relationship with their step-children. Cherlin (1994) stated: What determines how step-children and step-parents view each other? A key factor is how old the child was when the step-parent joined the household: the younger the child, the more likely he or she is to consider the stepparent to be a real parent. The evidence isnt precise enough to establish an age cut-off for emotional bonding. Still we suspect if the stepparent arrives during the preschool years (before 5) there is more a possibility to establish a parent-child like relationship: but if the stepparent arrives much later, strong bonds form much more rarely. A second factor is how frequently the step-child sees the stepparent and nonresident parent. The third factor is the quality of the relationship of the stepparent and the biological parent in the household (p.367). These are just a small amount of the effects a divorce can have on a child, and there is no way we could possibly know how divorce affects every child because everyone is so different and internalize things differently. Although with the studies that have been done we can tell that each and every child is affected in one way or another. It may not be something that is extremely noticeable like a severe separation anxiety or behavior change, but deep down everyone is changed in some form. Since we have looked at how divorce affects children, we as caregivers, teachers, and friends of these children need to know what we can do to help them. Kids may feel uncertain about what life will be like, or angry at the prospect of mom and dad splitting up for good. Helping your kids cope with your divorce means providing stability in your home and attending to your childs physical and emotional needs with a reassuring, and positive attitude.(Hillevi, 2006). Staying positive and open is important when

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communicating emotions throughout the process of a divorce. Being honest is also important so your child can understand. For example (Hillevi, 2006) says, We cant get along anymore. You may need to remind your child that while sometimes parents and kids dont always get along, parents and kids dont stop loving each other or get divorced from each other. Some children may not understand the difference in relationships and may believe they too could get divorced from there parents and that may cause the child extreme anxiety. Always say I love you to your child and let them know that your love for them hasnt changed due to the divorce. Always address with your child the changes that are going to be made and make sure they understand what will not be changing. Lastly, always avoid blaming anyone particular in the situation. Never change your answers to the child so keep it open and honest, stick to the first explanation and explain to your partner that he/she needs to do the same. Helping kids express their feelings about a divorce may one of the changing factors in how the child is affected from the divorce. Listen to your child and encourage them to express their feelings. As an adult you may have to help the child find words to the express their feelings and acknowledge that you understand why they are feeling this way. Lastly, let the child be completely honest in how they feel and let them know that whatever they are feeling is okay to talk about (Hillevi, 2006). Set the record straight about why you decided to get a divorce, be patient with the kids because from day to day your child may have different questions and confusions about the divorce. Give your child reassurance and love and let them know that both parents will still be there and love them.

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Providing stability and structure is also a major part of your child coping with a divorce. Kids feel safer and more secure when they know what to expect next. Knowing that, even though they switch homes, dinnertime is followed by a bath then homework, for example, can really set a childs mind at ease. Another important factor is for the parent to too take care of their needs so you are calmer and emotionally present to your children (Hillevi, 2006). Even though there are many things you can do with a child to help them get through the divorce, the most important is to make sure your child always knows they are loved no matter if mommy and daddy love each other or not. Fagan (2012) stated, American children today are weaker than children of previous generations-intellectually, morally, emotionally, and physically, and our human capital is decreasing (p. 48). Much of this can be traced back to the example parents are giving their children. They are saying divorce is okay by doing it and culture is saying divorce is okay by condoning it through our entertainment. If we continue to believe this is okay these children will continue to be affected in the ways stated throughout this paper and the vicious circle will never be broken. All this data shows us there are definitely consequences to divorce. The data is there to show us the way it is affecting the children involved, both short term and long term. While it is stated that every child eternalizes divorce differently and some may not show the major red flags like other children do, we know they are affected in some way or another. If we did a better job as a society of educating young couples on how theyre choices in their marriage will directly affect their children, they will be more understanding of the information. Maybe we could cut down the statistics that almost 50% of families will divorce every year and over a million children witness the divorce

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of the two most important people in their life each year. That is a huge amount of children with these affects as well as everyone else involved.

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References Cherlin, A., Furstenberg, Frank. (1994). Stepfamiles in the United States: A reconsideration. Annual Review of Sociology, 20, 359-381. Cui, Ming., Fincham, Frank. (2010). The differential effects of parental divorce and marital conflict on young adult romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 17, 331-343. Faga, Patrick., & Churchill, Aaron. (2012). The effects of divorce in children, Marri Research, 1-48. Furstenberg, Frank. (1990). Divorce and the American family. Annual Review of Sociology, 16, 379-403. Huurre, Taina., Junkkari, Hanna., Aro, Hillevi. (2006). Long-term psychosocial effects of parental divorce: A follow-up study from adolescence to adulthood. Eur Arch Psychiatry Clin Neurosci, 256-263. Lansford, E.J. (2009). Parental divorce and childrens adjustment. Psychological Science, 1-42. Rice, Joy. (1994). Reconsidering research on divorce, family life cycle, and the meaning of family. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 18, 559-584. Storksen, Ingunn., et al. (2006). Adolescent adjustment and well-being: Effects of parental divorce and distress. Scandinavian Journal of Psychology, 47, 75-84. Velez, Clorinda, et al. (2011). Protecting children from the consequences of divorce: A longitudinal study of the effects of parenting on childrens coping processes. Child Development, 82, 244-257. Whiston, Susan. (2011). School counseling outcome: A Meta-Analytic examination of interventions. Journal of Counseling and Development, 1-27.