THANKS FOR LOVING ME!

By SOURAV AGRAWAL
Chapter 1- Prologue
20th February, 2012. 12:00 Am. Guys, lets go! Its already past midnight and you all have been drinking like sponges. Show some mercy on your liver and kidneys and stop drinking! Youre four and have emptied seven bottles. Dont spoil your youth You still have a lot of life and there are many girls waiting for you! Those beautiful girls would never kiss you if you are not sober said Shreyansh the only sober guy in the party. Jeene ke liye kaun pita hain yaarhum to gham bhulane ke liye peete hainaaj to peene depata nahi fir kab hum dubara ek sath milenge Abhay murmured sleepily in his native tongue. How true! Everybody seemed like they had their own share of grief - losing old friends, heart-wrenching breakups, flunking in exams, losing their carefree life. Life makes everyone stand at crossroads; where firm decisions have to be taken so that later in life we would be having no regrets; a few call it the Dawn, others call it Twilight. Dude, we already had enough! Shreyansh reproached Abhay in a serious tone. Waiter, get the bill, please Yeah right Its us who gulp down alcohol and you are the one whos paying for it? Asked Abhay in a sarcastic tone. No- no- I will pay mumbled Abhay in his drunken stupor and pulled out his Driving License. Ha-ha! Abhay, you dork! Thats your Driving License not your Credit Card! Waiter, take this card, please said Shreyansh, saving the waiter from that stupid and hilarious situation. The waiter accepted Shreyanshs card gladly and swiped it on the machine for the payment. Err- but Shreyansh, you didnt even have a single sip and yet you paid for us Cant say how bad I am feeling about this said Abhay, sounding sorry.

Its a long due treat to all my best friends. Moreover no one knows when we would all be meeting each other again and, you know, I never drink. Shreyansh reminded them, sounding soft and humble. Oh, give a break, buddy! You and your dumbass philosophies Now, lets go, guys Please Oh, come on, bro! You are spoiling the mood. Look, the nights still so young and its only been a while since we have just truly started enjoying You all have already drunk too much. Now, can we just leave before anything goes out of hand? Okay! Let us all enjoy this night at my place said Abhay, sounding sluggish. Abhay was the king of his house for that night, as his entire family had left the city to attend a wedding. He drank a great deal of vodka and chilled beer and so had Rohan, Sam and Karan. Now, only Shreyansh, Priyam, Tanay and Vivan were the sober and steady guys at the hotel. They started for Abhays place in Shreyanshs SUV. Abhay asked Shreyansh to give him a chance to drive and was politely turned down. They most definitely would have ended up behind the bars if the police had grabbed them in their inebriated condition. They reached Abhays villa where the conscious ones had taken the responsibility to carry the other boozed-off personalities to their cots. Shortly after that, all of them have passed out except for Shreyansh and Vivan. They werent feeling very sleepy, and so, they found themselves a place at the corner of the room and sunk their bottoms onto a couch. They started to converse at a low voice, in order to pass the time by giving each other an irk-free company. They were talking about their career, future plans and other stuff, when Kanishkas topic suddenly popped up. Shreyansh, how is it going between you and Kanishka? asked Vivan with a mischievous look. Oh, come on, Vivan! said Shreyansh, in an exasperated tone. You do know everything! Why do you ask again? I want to know it in detail. Vivan insisted. I want to know everything about how, when and where it all started. Shreyansh felt too hesitant to respond to Vivans enquiry, but after persistent persuasion, he finally agreed to speak out. And that was where everything had started.

Chapter 2- Thats how we met and I fell in love

April 2006. It was the year when my life swiveled. I changed my school for the third time and joined in St. Mark's Public School. I was in the seventh standard with the typical air of a simple guy. I belonged to that bunch of guys to whom mischief fascinated more than girls. My first day in the new school was more horrible than I had ever expected. The very first day, I was caught by the teacher for not bringing a book. As I had taken the admission only a day before that, I hadnt yet gotten all of my textbooks. Mrs. Mukherjee spotted a new student in the first row without a book, and thought it would be the best time for his introduction. Stand up, you new boy, and introduce yourself. What is your name? she asked, pointing a chalk at me. What the hell, lady ! Havent you ever heard what Shakespeare famous saying: Whats there in name ? Maam, it is Shreyansh I stuttered. I already hate you, lady Dont make me hate you more! I seriously cant handle that Shreyansh what? Just Shreyansh? she asked in an agitated tone. Maam, Shreyansh Garg I mumbled again. When were admitted into this school? Why dont you ask the school clerk? Maam, tomorrow Oops! That was a horrible grammatical error! Tomorrow? How tomorrow? she had mocked aloud with an ugly smile. Theres nothing to shout, lady Im only a kid A cute kid

Sorry, maam - yesterday! I mumbled, blushing hard. The whole class of sixty seven students, excluding me and my brother, Tanay, was laughing at me. I hadnt felt so embarrassed in my entire life. The first impression I had left upon my teacher and my classmates couldnt be worse. Later, the whole day, I felt miserable and didnt talk to anyone. Not even a crumb of food went down my throat during the recess. I was too unhappy and discomfited. Anyhow, my first day at the new school ended at last and, feeling greatly relieved, I finally returned home alive. Yeah! Im really glad that I was still alive. But, after such an episode of humiliation and embarrassment, I had already died a thousand times in those few moments. That night, I had wept till late in the night and requested my parents not to send me to that school again. I begged them to admit me in another other school, but, as expected, they posed deaf ears to my plea. Parents are always considered next to God; they are omnipotent; they have the power and ability to change their wards' schools as and when they wish. They are omnipresent. They always have an eye on us. They would always know about your deeds. They understand and judge better. But, here in my case, I still wondered why they hadnt felt the depth of my ordeal. A few days passed by, and I joined in new tuitions, during which I made a few new friends. One day, as usual, I was sitting in the first row, and the day suddenly turned out into another terrible one for me. It was the History period and the professor was asking questions, picking up students randomly. I was seated in the first bench and so I was engrossed in opening the book to look up for the answer. I wasnt able to answer his question when he abruptly picked me up. Again, I was reprimanded in front of the whole class. Yet again, I felt badly mortified and almost felt like crying. The same question was asked to one of the girls sitting in the middle row, fourth bench, right side. Kanishka, stand up and answer the same question. bawled the professor. Without a moments delay, she shot out the right answer. Feeling more disgraced than ever, I turned around to see who the answerer was. Of all these days, this was the first time I had ever looked at that girl. She was fairly tall, cute, and good-looking, with a milky white complexion, straight hair, sweet voice and a killer smile. For a while, I was lost staring at her beauty, but soon rushed back to my senses after someone sitting behind me pinched me hard. I didnt show much enthusiasm to know about her and was again back to my own world of misery and disappointment. Those moments of happiness were only short lived.

Later, on the same day, she too joined the tuition where I used to go; we were officially introduced to each other. The days just passed by, and soon our relation evolved into a friendship - Just friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Now and then, we used to get into abrupt conversations in tuitions, but we never actually spoke to each other in the school. After the summer vacation was finished and the school reopened, our class was split into two different sections. I had already made many new friends such as Sam, Vicky, Prashant, Krishna, Abhay, Priyam and many more, but most of them dispersed into different sections including Kanishka. As the days passed by, Kanishka and I had become good friends, but used to have minor clashes in our arguments during our tuitions. Most of these arguments usually revolved around ridiculous and stupid issues. We always enjoyed doing so and even had a few nicknames for each other. Also, whenever she was absent from the days tuition class, I used to miss her company very badly. I didnt have any feelings towards her, but I liked her; just liked her. She was always a good buddy while combating with words. My brother was short tempered and could be set on fire very easily at any moment. If anyone teased him or provoked him, he would instantly wrestle with him or her, which soon made him very popular. Because of my brothers misbehaviour, I too was pointed out every time a misdeed occurred, and my impression among others got ruined too. Tanays naughtiness frequently summoned my parents to the Principals office, causing them a constant disgrace and annoyance. April 2007. I was promoted to eighth grade and, as time passed by, everything healed. I started enjoying my school life and made a handful of good friends who were always helpful and supportive. Life became trouble-free, leaving me in a heap of happiness. Life was running smoothly like a bike on the fifth gear without streaking onto any bumpers or sudden breaks. There was an interchange of students among the two sections and a few students from the other section - including Kanishka - were shifted to our class. I actually was happy about Kanishkas re-entry into our class, but never revealed my feelings to anyone. She was always engrossed in her own circle of friends, all of whom were only girls; she was never seen mingling with boys. She never gossiped with boys unreasonably and was always lost in her own world of fantasies. We used to be in the same tuition, but, unexpectedly, one day, she changed her tuition for no reason. For a few days, things were just normal. Her disappearance didnt have much of an impact on me. But, gradually, I started to miss her. Slowly, unknown to myself, I began to miss her company, our fights, and her smile and every beautiful moment we had together. One month passed by and I started growing restless.

I felt something which was unlike anything that I had ever felt for anyone else before. I was attracted to Kanishka. I was getting used to her presence; practically getting addicted to it. I realized that I had fallen for someone. I had fallen in that very thing called LOVE. I had started loving Kanishka. I thought I was mistaken at first, but later I realized that I was actually into it. As she had left the tuition, I no more had any prospects of interacting with her again the terrible feeling which always made me impatient. Tuition was the only place where we ever mingled. So, I finally decided to change my tuition too. I finally got admitted into the same tuition as hers but, whenever our paths crossed, my head would inadvertently bend down. I didnt know how to face her. I always tried talking to her but my gullet got choked whenever I tried that; I couldnt utter a single word. I was always nervous and sweaty at the very thought of speaking to her again. I was scared that she might read my feelings before I could even utter a word. I never revealed my love for Kanishka nor shared my feelings for her with anyone except with my brother. After all, brothers are meant for that - to lend you a helping hand when you need it, to lend a shoulder when you need to cry and to listen to your latest crushes. But, unfortunately, in my case, it wasnt so. When I reported him about my secret love for Kanishka, he called me crazy. He called me a hungry dog searching for fresh meat. He termed it as a comic-tale and neglected me. He thought I was joking but my love was not a joke. I was hurt and decided not to disclose it to anybody else. I always stayed away from girls and preferred to the company of guys. I never proposed Kanishka as I was always scared of losing her even as a friend. April 2008. By the time I reached my ninth standard, my impression among teachers had improved a great deal and I was listed among the best students. The tag of being a mischievous boy got erased slowly and everybody credited me as a decent boy. The same impression was carried among the girls of my class too. Every girl considered me a sweet chocolate boy as I never tried to flirt with any girl. But, in fact, I was like a wolf in a sheepskin. My eyes were always set for a long term gain. Act innocent, make a good impression on girls - particularly Kanishka - and win her heart. Many chaps tried their luck flirting with Kanishka but none ever succeeded. She never had any feelings for anyone and treated everyone as a friend irrespective of whether it was a boy or a girl. To my eyes, she was an idol of excellence; a perfect creature made with curiosity. She was undeniably made for me. But she had always been an easy prey to rumors, and I would always flare up at those gossips. I always cared for her and respected her. We rarely talked, but whenever we talked, it would make my day. I never thought of any other girl except her. We were not in a relationship, but I have been always loyal to her. Whenever I did anything, the first thought would occur to my mind was what she would think. And, the only she in my life was Kanishka.

April 2009. I have always believed that man is an animal, falling into many categories. Those from the first category slog throughout the year to gain the desired result and are always successful. Second category belongs to those who work by need. Among these, some get the desired result while some keep blaming their bad luck. The last category belongs to a breed that never believed in hard work. They say hard workers are born and not made. A class of forty seven students was formed after clubbing the two sections. Everything was proceeding well, and I was enjoying the last year of my school life. Many were putting their best efforts to score decent marks right from the beginning of the session, while the rest were busy engrossed in flirting with with girls, sports and every other activity except for studies. Kanishka, yet again, changed her tuitions abruptly and joined in some coaching classes of some other tutor. And, this time, I chose not to shift my tuition to hers. Anyone could have become suspicious regarding why I had been shifting my tuitions along with Kanishka. So, I had to hang on to the same tutor. After that, I was neither able to meet Kanishka anymore nor got any chance to talk to her. But, I felt badly desperate to be with her all the time. I was still deep into mischief but I was cautious all the while. I didnt want to get caught and lose all the hard earned impression for a small moment of glory. I was the only one who used to come late to the school almost every day. I rarely got caught owing to the fact that our class teacher, Mr. Verma, was also a late comer. He always used to warn me, The day I come earlier will be the day I catch you But, luckily, such a day never arrived. When it came to committed relationships and so called Bhai-Behen-Ka-Rishta, brother and sister relationship, I have been always miles away from all that crap. My name was never mentioned in connection with any of the girls, as I always maintained a great distance from them. This made me quite popular among girls and I was often questioned by many girls why I was always like that, why I never talked to any girl, why I never opened my mouth in front of any girl, why I always looked nervous being with a girl. Why? Why? Well, if they really cared to know why, here were my reasons. Firstly, I never actually believed in Bhai-Behen-Ka-Rishta. For me, thats just some holy crap. Why should I associate my name with any girl and spoil the likelihood of even getting Kanishka. Secondly, I dont usually open my mouth in front of girls because Im not entirely sure about what might come out of my mouth. I never knew what to talk with a girl nor had I ever been with any girl, and thats the reason why I always grow nervous in their presence.

The festive season was on and Diwali was at its peak. As it was going to be our last year of school life, we all planned to do something that would be remembered for years. Tanay, Sam, Vicky, Prashant and a few more friends planned to light up the crackers in the school just to make this Diwali a memorable one. The plan didnt sound to be a safe play for me, and so I refused to help in executing Diwali Dhamaka, which was the name they had given to the plan. The very next day of Diwali, they decided to finally implement their plan. As soon as the bell rang for the days dismissal, they planted a big cracker with a deafening sound quality in the boys lavatory and rushed far away from it after putting it ablaze. The cracker never went off as someone had put it out with water after finding it. They executed the plan yet another time and this time it was a success, though the noise that came out was much subdued, as the cracker was undersized. So, they decided to execute the plan for the third time. The third time, they planted a big cracker in the boys lavatory again. They fixed it during the recess and flew away sharply. It took almost fifteen minutes to burst out. The deafening sound buffeted against every ear drum in the vicinity. The whole school shook with the blast. Though the toilet was in the playing field away from the school building, the noise was so enormous that it echoed through the entire school campus, causing chaos all around. No sooner were the remnants of the cracker spotted lying inside the toilet, than a furious investigation shot up. A few students from the junior division had confessed to the principal that they had seen the planners of Diwali Dhamaka running away from the corridor near the toilet. They were all identified and were summoned to the principals office. A lengthy harangue welcomed them. But, after that, something much unexpected, something very unusual, happened. Something that none had ever imagined in their wildest of dreams. They were all given a suspension order and were asked to call their parents to the school. Everyone was utterly flabbergasted at this new development, and started wishing that it had all been rather an awful dream than a reality. This was the first time after several years in the school that students were given the suspension order for an indefinite period of time. The entire school came to know about this and were all drowned in a river of shame. These miscreants were tagged as the most reckless and the most indisciplined students in the history of St. Marks. My parents too were called and a detailed catalogue of my brothers actions put forth, as it had been a long time since my parents had last been in the principals office. Tanay was severely reproached before being given the very last warning. He agreed that he felt guilty for his misdeeds and promised not to do anything mischievous again. They all resumed their school life after a week long holiday; they seemed totally changed. My 'good boy' impression with the teachers and girls was still as good as ever as

I wasnt involved in the Diwali Dhamaka event. I was again acknowledged as a Good Boy. Soon the Christmas arrived followed by the New Year. So, thats me, Shreyansh Garg, the one guy who tried hard to earn the title, Good Boy, all his school life, who controlled his mischievous brain and limbs, who is fairly tall with a height of just less than six feet, proportionately built with tender facial features, deep, dark eyes, small spiky hairs and typical smile. Sweet and good looking were some of the rare compliments that I got from girls and, of course, from my sisters. I could have been the pride of any basketball team but was born with a different gene. I was to make scores, but not on the basketball net; I had to make them in the love net and that too of one particular girl. January 2010. The New Year came along with loads of worries, tension, stress, exams, results, career decisions and stuff. We had our Pre-board exams from fourth to twenty second of January. The questions were all the same as the school management prepared the papers, but the correction was too strict and I again couldnt score more than fifties in English language. Many boys still tried flirting with Kanishka but still no one ever succeeded in winning her affections. For the whole year, I didnt get a single chance to talk to her, but there wasnt a single day when I didnt think of her. I loved her but wasnt ever able to reveal myself to her. I never had the guts to talk to her. Her close presence always made me nervous. On the Farewell day, I finally gathered up my courage and went over to talk to her, but the moment I approached her, she was already leaving for her home. Soon, holidays were declared for our self-study to prepare for our BOARD EXAMS. The next one month, I had to entirely stay at home, glued to my books. The anxiety to show the best performance in the Board exams was pressurizing every cell of my brain. Attending weddings and parties of relatives and friends seemed to be a sheer waste of time to me than enjoyment. I was always with one of my subject books, but missing Kanishka was all I could ever feel. I lost every hope of getting her, of making her mine. I tried to forget her, but forgetting someone you love is like forgetting someone you never met. I tried to move on and stopped believing in love. At times, I look over at her during the exams whenever I was worried or tensed, and her beauty always made me feel a lot more comfortable. Exams were soon finished and vacations started but I never met her again nor saw her another time. I tried to forget her, but its very true that First love never dies. I could never take her out of my heart and mind. I always thought of myself as a loser, a Fattu, total Fattu, who wasnt even proficient enough to propose the girl with whom he was in love for the past three years.

Chapter 3 - The coincidence and the wrong choice

Board results, the most awaited result for any adolescent, the result which decides matters a lot, the result which decides the future. It was time for Board results. After making millions of teenagers to wait for two months, after making their lives nastier and screwing their holes till the last millimetre, ICSE finally declared the result on 19th May, 2010 for All INDIA ICSE Class 10 Exam applicants. It was a warm summer day and I was waiting for my results since the dawn. I was both too excited and anxious about my result. At around three in the afternoon, when all the servers were busy, when the Internet cafes were jam-packed with students and when every hand was either on a cell phone or a computer with a web connection, waiting for the results, the result was finally accessible on the websites of ICSE. After praying for the last time and calming my nerves, I typed my roll number, T/3537/040, with trembling hands and finally clicked the Enter button. My heart beats were getting faster, my body temperature was rising drastically, my entire body was sweating like hell and the web page still showed: Loading please wait My heart seemed like it was about to pop out at any time, finding its way through my wind pipe when the web page finally opened and showed SERVER ERROR, PLEASE TRY AGAIN. After trying for another four times and waiting for my results, I was getting nuttier with every passing micro second. Finally, the page opened and there it was. My future was displayed on a twenty four inch LCD display. I hurriedly evaluated the marks and calculated the percentage that turned out to be a little lesser than what I had expected. My heart began to slow down while the seat started to wean off my body. Slightly disappointed and yet greatly relieved, I proceeded to check others results too. After checking the result of my brother, Tanay, who too scored a decent percentage, I typed the third roll number on the keyboard. It was Kanishkas. She too scored a good percentage and I was happy for her. I notified this news to my parents and a few close buddies. After a while, phone calls and messages from classmates and relatives started pouring in. It really freaks out anyone to inform every familiar person about ones academic performance only to listen to their boring comments and suggestions that usually go on like: You could have done better,

You mightnt get admitted into a very good college, He scored more than you didnt he? Anyway, now was the time to settle upon a decision regarding the stream to be opted, and neither had I ever thought about that in advance nor had I decided what I wanted to be in the future. Most of my mates were opting for the science stream, while a few for the commerce and rest for the Arts. A few of my friends who had opted for the sciences had already left for Kota for the IIT coaching while a few others withdrew to extreme cities of India for their further studies. My parents left it upon me to decide what I wanted to be in the near future. I thought hard and finally settled upon COMMERCE as my stream. The reason for my choice was that most of the youngsters were, now-a-days, either opting for Engineering or for Medical. As India is the second largest producer of scientists in the world, thousands of Engineers and doctors are produced every year. So, I surmised, what good it would do to add one more chap to their huge population. Moreover, to be a superior businessman, I would have to enter the world of Commerce. I was a free choice of choosing from two options: leaving for other places for my studies or studying within the home town. And, I chose to be with my parents for two more years. Going away from home, leaving my awesome room and living in dirty PGs and hostels without air-conditioning, eating tasteless food everyday instead of having my moms finger licking food, that too for pursuing twelfth of Commerce seemed to me like a kind of waste: an absolutely worthless effort. Finally, I decided to join in Sri Jagarnath International School (SJIS) along with a few old buddies from St. Marks. I was at the reception of SJIS, collecting the application form when I heard a familiar masculine voice requesting for a form for the Commerce. I turned around to see who it was and spotted a well-known face. I know him from somewhere, said my mind. It was Kanishkas Car Driver. A big, unusual smile stretched across my face upon seeing him. I had seen him sometimes when he used to drop by and pick up Kanishka from the school. I was delighted to know that Kanishka too was joining SJIS for her further studies. I gathered out from various sources that she was going to Bangalore for further studies, but now, I was overwhelmingly happy to know that she wasnt. I demanded for a new bike as I was bored of trekking my old one. Firstly, my parents rejected my proposal but after my pestering for a day, I was finally gifted a brand new black Pulsar 220. When God had other things in store for me and Kanishka, why cant the parents behave normally? 16th June 2010, 07:45 am.

The first day of a new School, with an entirely different Environment, unknown Teachers, and unfamiliar associates, was an introduction day. I saw Kanishka after almost four months, and still she was the same. Kanishka, the heart stealer, the head turner, the beauty goddess and the hard-on giver, was still as fresh as a dewdrop. She was like an oasis in the Sahara desert; she was like the first monsoon drizzle in drought land; she was like a cool breeze on a scorching summer day. A slim yet gorgeous figure, just about five feet four inches tall, with smooth curves and a whitish complexion wouldnt be enough to describe her. Big, black eyes filled with innocence and a small, cute nose that looked perfect for her pretty face and pinkish lips just complemented her overall look. Her killer smile was enough to charm anyone and steal anybodys heart. Her awesome hairstyle and wavy locks falling on her face were hard to overlook. Her innocence and kind, helping heart made her more admirable and adorable. She was more beautiful than my dreams. Oh, God! Shes so hard to describe that words wouldnt be enough to describe her beauty and her nature. Everything was fresh for me except for a few, old friends and a handful of beautiful memories. New School usually meant new girls, enhanced chances to earn a girlfriend and, for that very reason, a strengthened chance to be in a relationship. The future prospect looked quite promising. On the very first day, I was forced to accept the painful fact that it would be difficult here to be mischievous and escape easily there after. The school followed an authoritarian set of laws and policies as it was a renowned international school in the locality. Though most of us were new to the school, it didnt take as much time to adjust among ourselves; we got acquainted easily. I made many newfangled friends in no time. A few days passed by and everything was going on well, but I couldnt shake off the feeling that something was missing in my life. The missing piece was the presence of a girlfriend whose absence has left my life tasteless till now. The thought that I was still single started to irk me again. I finally took up a firm decision to earn my very first girlfriend to add some excitement and charm to my boring life. At first, I thought of Kanishka but wasnt sure about her feelings for me. I always thought she was too good for me and that I couldnt be an ideal boyfriend for her. I didnt know whether she loved me or not, and so stopped considering her as an option. I scanned the entire girls population including classes 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th, because wider the area wider the scope of finding a girlfriend. But to my utter surprise, most of the girls were committed to some guy or the other. Among the leftover girls, most were not-girlfriend-types while the rest seemed too hazardous to health. Lastly after addition, subtraction, multiplication and division from all the corners, I concluded that Alisha would be the perfect one for me. She would be the best option though not the perfect girl as my girlfriend. She was belonged to the girlfriend-type-folks and surely was my type. She was from tenth standard and was beautiful, fair, with moderately developed curves.

On the first day, I followed her Sedan till her residence on my bike to gain her address Task one done. Secondly, I started gathering information regarding issues ranging from her past relationships to her family background and from her performance in studies to her favourite chocolate. Directly or indirectly, I was assembling all the facts concerning her likes, dislikes and every other stuff. I had to take help from her friends and classmates to know more about her. So, I approached a few guys of her class; as its a well-known fact that males were the best ones to maintain the full account of any girls details, I started being friendly with boys of her class. I used to go to their class in the recess and gossiped with the guys, though my main objective had always been to have a glimpse of Alisha. Sometimes, when our classes would fall adjacent to each other, I used to intentionally indulge myself in some mischievous stunt and walk out of the classroom even before the professor ever finished saying Get Out. And then I would stand outside her classroom window only to shamelessly stare at her. It might be a lowly act but I have my own different opinions. Love is all about displaying your feelings boldly and being bold is the on;y right thing to do when in love. I came to know about her tuitions vicinity and timing, and started hanging on there to scrutinize her. Every now and then, I used to offer a lift to her class guys till their tuition so that I could throw fleeting looks at her. She had already sensed that my intentions werent clean and that I was trying to flirt with her. Sometimes, she used to grin at me and gaze into my eyes, and I only always gave a smile as a reply. Later, I sent her a friend request in her Facebook profile, but she purposefully chose not to accept it. Usually, she used to come to the tuitions in her car so I started getting conversant with her driver. I used to wait for her outside her tuition and sometimes talked to her driver who too was waiting for her. Occasionally, her brother used to pick her up from the tuitions but I was neither scared nor was ready to give up so soon. I started following her even when she was in the company of her brother. Beautiful girls usually have foolish brothers, so why to fret much. This continued for a few weeks and I couldnt find anyone who could be a hinderance to my love (it happens only in Hindi movies). The path was clear and the target was within my range. It was the time to hit the bulls eyes or, as we call it, propose her, but I wasnt getting an appropriate opportunity or place to execute my plan. It was just one of those normal days, when I reached Alishas tuition spot as usual, waiting for her. There I met Kush, who was one of the Alishas so-called-brother or, what we popularly say, muh bola bhai. Unfortunately, he too was studying in the same class and tuition along with her. He approached me and started a casual conversation. Finally, reaching the topic of the purpose of my presence, he enquired me about why I hanged about near this spot every

day? I strived not to tell him anything, as the guys from Alishas class had already warned me not to tell Kush anything about my intention. But his sugary words finally extracted everything from me - every disastrous thing regarding whom I was looking for and why I had been following someone. I was cursing myself for letting him know and asked him not to tell this to anyone. He promised me to do so, but I knew he was surely going to do something against me. 21st July, 2010. It was a usual day at the school. As usual, I followed her till the usual spot, and then headed back towards my residence. Late in the evening, I was with Sam, who challenged me for a race on the highway. We reached there and had a race, which, as always, I won on my bullet swift Pulsar 220. I had to go to Alishas coaching centre to catch a glimpse of her. So I rode back without a delay. I was mildly surprised to find her standing alone outside the coaching centre when I reached the spot. My aching head started working hastily and signaled me to propose her. I neither had a rose nor a ring to propose her classically. I reversed my bike to gather some courage, this being my very first time, and also to collect a red rose, if possible. I returned moments later with a few assembled guts but no rose and, to my utter disdain, found her with two of her friends. The possibility to propose her now contracted to zilch. My headache was getting worse from the race and the disappointment of not being able to propose her when given the chance. So, I came home to lie down on the couch. My moms cell phone suddenly beeped to life and it was displaying my dads name as the caller. The cell was lying within my reachable distance from me. So, I handed it over to my mom. She answered the call and the next moment she was creating livid expressions. I assumed it to be some private discussion, but after ending the call she asked me a question that proved my assumption wrong. Did you say anything to any girl of your class? I was shaken by the sadness of the question, and my mind raced back to the time of my meeting with Kush. But I eventually calmed my nerves and wished he wasnt the cause of this disgraceful question. No mom. Why? I replied, trying hard to maintain casualty in my tone. Some girls father came over to your dad and complained that you have said something offensive to his daughter No - no mom, I havent said anything to anybody May be, it was Tanay ...

I was still unable to deduce if it was Kush or Tanays typical nuisance that was the reason behind this incident Then why was some Mukesh uncle complaining about you saying something to his daughter? I freaked out when I heard the last sentence. That was Alishas father. I was too shocked to say anything. I became totally numb and felt paralysed. My body temperature rose abnormally and I was sweating frenziedly. My mind stopped working leaving me dumbstruck. I didnt know what to do at that moment. I straight away bolted away into my room and started thinking about what would happen next. God help me send an angel for my rescue. My head was bent down and I was sitting ominously quiet in isolation. Later, I pleaded begged would be a better word - my brother not to say anything about Alisha to mom or I would be stuck from every angle. My mother came over and re-inquired me about this matter, but I couldnt utter a thing. Was there a way out? What do most intelligent people do in such situations? Should I fall on my mothers feet and beg for her forgiveness or be bold and face the upcoming situation? Begging for forgiveness would have been too babyish. So, I hung upon the only option. Somehow, I managed to say that I didnt know anything about this matter. My brother was questioned the same and was about to reveal the whole thing but, looking at my face and my present condition, he took pity on me and helped me in escaping. He too replied negatively to her query, further adding that Mukesh uncle might have got me confused with someone else. I thanked Tanay for his favour and bribed him with two thousand bucks to lock his mouth from speaking about this issue ever again. My mother left the topic, though she wasnt entirely satisfied with our explanations. I was too depressed; my hands and legs were trembling. I didnt know what to do and was scared of any forthcoming consequences. That day was the worst day of my life. I had never felt so frightened of my parents earlier. I had always been into mischief and was caught many times too, but this was the first time there was ever any grumble related to girls. Woman: the root cause of all sin and love, the destroyer of mans happy life, the hacker of mans happiness. Never fall in love with dangerous girls like Alisha. Not knowing what else to be done, I started practicing Accounts questions. I was trying hard to solve the question, but my mind was straying off to that moment when my father would start shooting out questions regarding this topic. I had no alternate explanation What shall I tell him? How will I face him? I started feeling puny and went to bed without even having my dinner and slipped into a sleep even before my father arrived home that night. I dont exactly remember whether I really slept that night.

Next day, I woke up very early. My dreams were crammed with the thoughts of the incident that occurred just twelve hours ago in my life. I got ready for the school, deliberately staying in my room all the time. I was just keeping myself away from my father as I was too frightened of the questions he might ask. As I was gulping down milk, my father entered my room and slowly approached me. I almost shit in my pants and was paralysed with terror. He tenderly placed his hand on my shoulder and said softly Beta, this is the time to study and build your career. Be with the boys and keep your friendship only among them. You might not have said anything wrong, but that girl might have misunderstood you that led to all this circumstance. Try to be careful next time. Choose your friends wisely and carefully I drank my milk and ran to my Pulsar, jumped on it and headed for the school. I was riding my bike very slowly. My mind was intensely occupied by my fathers words. He believed it wasnt my mistake and supported me. I shouldnt have brought his head down in front of Alishas father. I was feeling too bad for him. I was being eaten away by guilt. I had disgraced my father for an evil serpent who lured me into sinning. Feeling weak and unhealthy the whole day, I did no job properly. I settled beside Abhay in the class and stayed quite all the time. I tried to tell him everything but was too weak even to speak. After the dismissal, I asked Abhay to ride me home as I wasnt feeling well. He rode the bike to the lane from where I usually followed Alisha. I was about to tell him to turn back the bike when I saw Mukesh uncle with Alisha. My heart stopped pumping and I started sweating like crazy. Unsurprisingly, I was scared like hell and tried to look somewhere else, but he was continuously ogling at me. I hate smart fathers of beautiful girls. Life would be much easier and better without them. I hastily asked Abhay to turn the bike and take the other lane. I narrated him everything that had happened yesterday after I reached home. He was stunned after listening to it and felt awful for me. For the next few days I was unable to look straight into my fathers eyes. Whenever he was at home, I would hide myself inside my room. My dad also didnt pick up that topic again and soon everything went to normal. I was feeling deeply guilty for whatever I had done and decided not to repeat it. I felt real bad for my dad who had to listen to callous statements every time for my deeds. I promised myself not to repeat it again. My life was empty and I was alone. After that incident, I was never concerned about Alisha and always only tried to avoid her. I knew that it was Kush behind my bad luck this time, and so, I decided to take my retribution from him. I planned to thrash him badly for his deed. I trusted him, believed him and relied upon him, but he didnt keep his words. He had to pay back with interest for his deception.

I was craving to take my revenge upon him and finally managed to find some lads to bang him. It had paid a little heavily from my pocket, but the very next day he was trampled by four lads in a remote street. The news spread like the wild fire in a forest. He had lots of enemies who wanted to bang him and so there wasnt a chance of him discovering that it was me behind this. His four front teeth were broken and his left hand was fractured. A few chinks on his face and other parts of his body completed the beautification. His girlish Scooty was wrecked with its head light and indicators conked out. I was mentally satisfied and was the happiest guy in the universe at the moment. He was advised a two week bed rest as his legs were badly injured. This added immense pleasure to my sweet revenge.

Chapter 4 - I Feel So Lonely

The word loneliness always seemed so scary to me. Its darker than the darkest of nights. Its weirder that the weirdest thing. It always had the stillness of the graveyard. Its that unfathomable depth where no light can reach. Its just so unnatural. Its just so dreadful to be alone. I was back to my normal life after this horrible interval, but was all alone. I was sad. I was lonely. There was nobody to be loved and to love me. There was a sudden change in my wits and I stopped to think where my life was leading to. I was seventeen and good looking, yet still single. God, was that some kind of punishment for my deeds in the past life? Of al the people in the world why did you choose me for this fate? Even foolish looking guys possess a girlfriend. No girl to follow, no wastage of time, no wastage of petrol and of money. I earnestly accept the maxim Avoid girls Save Petrol. It proved to be cent percent true, at least in my case. Filling the fuel tank of my bike consumed a lot of my savings. Also, I had spent hell a lot of money in nourishing my tenth grade friends. It too contributed to the drastic decrease in my bank balance. During these months, most of my reserves vanished and it was getting difficult to get my finances in place. I realized that Kanishka was my true love. Shes my only love, my first crush, my first and only true love. It was all wrong with Alisha. Everything was decided. My destiny was already written down by the Almighty. Kanishka was my destiny; thats the reason I wasnt even able to propose Alisha. I realized what was right and what was wrong. Kush helped me in meeting my true love, but I did wrong to him. I was guilty for my act and wanted to thank him for what he did with me. He was certainly not right in his deed but that benefited me. The whole class soon came to know about my crush story and my esteem was irreparably screwed up. This was just because of Tanay whose has those sissy friends. He leaked it to

a few girls of our class, and as the girls could never digest any information without planting it in others ears, soon it spread everywhere. I wasnt even able to meet my eyes with anyone in my class. I didnt care for anybodys feelings towards me but was embarrassed for just one person - Kanishka. She wouldnt have liked it. I was lonely, and my impression of being a Bhramchari seemed to be flooding without a halt. My brother, Tanay, proved to be such an asshole. I used to sit peacefully in class, concentrating on my studies. I started studying as the first terminal exams were closing in and hadnt even started revising anything yet. I was too busy in flirting Alisha that I wasted my time, my money and my prestige, causing an insult to my parents in return. The night before the exam, I was lying in my cosy bed and Alisha took over my empty mind. I always got puzzled while choosing between Alisha and Kanishka, but after constantly pressurizing my mind to its extreme and burying my feeling for Alisha deep inside my heart, I finally decided to dump Alisha. Also, I thought of a Journal Entry for it. Bad debt A/c Dr. To Alishas A/c (Being no gain of pleasure, no girlfriend, no gratification, only wastage of money and time) Exams were finished with my performance being quite satisfactory. I scored highest marks in computer as I was good in programming and got my name listed in toppers. Marks left a very good impression on our computer tutors mind for me and she started giving me importance. The mission to earn back my reputation started thereon. Days passed and as time heals I was back to the pavilion as the same old 'good boy' Shreyansh. This time there was no confusion in my mind. I was all sure with my feelings for Kanishka. All the time I was thinking about Kanishka. I wanted her in my life. I hadnt spoken to her for more than a year. I badly wanted to talk to her. I wanted to inaugurate at least a relation of friendship between us. It was Friendship day and I thought it to be a good occasion to start a talk with Kanishka. I was not going to lose this chance of a lifetime at any rate and strived hard for a good approach and concluded by giving best wishes of Friendship day with chocolates. It was a free period and Kanishka was sitting at her place, busy with a book. I headed towards her with racing heart and kept the chocolate on her desk. She was surprised and asked me For what? I wished her Happy Friendship Day and she replied with Same to you and Thanks. That was the first conversation we had after we entered into the world of SJIS. Even a short conversation with her and that too face to face after such a long time was a reason for celebration. I thanked my stars profusely for that wonderful moment. I threw a small party for celebrating my achievement using the occasion of friendship day. It became the most memorable Friendship day of my life.

Days passed and I was falling more and more in love with Kanishka. I wanted to talk to her; I wanted to listen to her voice, a voice so sweet, so attractive, so pleasing, and so charming. I wanted her as my friend, as my girlfriend, as my life partner. Whole day I use to stare at her continuously and was always lost in her. I used to write her name in my notebooks, books, school diary, rough copy, at every place where my ball pen could write. Sometimes she would also come in my dreams and I could see her even with my closed eyes. Oh! How beautiful it is to be in love! Once I saw in my dream that Kanishka came and asked me for something and after answering her query, I asked her why didnt she talk to me for such a long time. She in turn asked me the same question and I didnt have any answer for her. We were talking to each other and then I suddenly held her from her waist, brought her closer to me and we kept staring at each other but before I could kiss her lips, the alarm clock started beeping and thus disturbing my beautiful dream. Who the hell invented the alarm clockfuck you manperhaps a jealous lover. Dreams are always so crazy and impractical but are most beautiful and satisfying moments any person could ever have. That morning I was tremendously cheerful and an internal voice was telling me that Kanishka will surely be mine sooner or later. The same day Kanishka gave her finest (at least I thought it to be socmon I am madly in love with her) seminar presentation in our class using smart class technology. There are many advantages of studying in an international school and a computer equipped class is one of them. While she was presenting her project, my eyes were struck by her natural beauty and my mind was hypnotized by her voice. Those strands of her hair falling over her eyes and her magnificent hand placing them back to allow it fall again wasnt permitting my brain to process the words coming out of her mouth. Not even for a second I flicked my eye lashes but on the other hand I was praying for her excellent demonstration. She gave a splendid presentation and I was the first one to applaud for her rather mine was unnaturally louder than others that turned each head towards me. Kanishka gave a confused smile and it again stole my heart. Love is better when it is understood, love is best when it is reciprocated. My life was getting difficult and I was getting fidgety everyday. Sometimes I had sleepless nights, sometimes I would suddenly wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes I would call out Kanishka-Kanishka in my sleep which my brother informed me later on. I was madly gripped in her love and badly wanted her in my life. If I saw her it made my day, if I didnt see her my life seemed wasted. Love is a wonderful four letter word. Its deeper that the depth of an ocean, sweeter that sugar. Its like a hot brewing coffee that fills your senses and rejuvenates you. It is the most precious and beautiful feeling in the world. 15th December, 2010.

It was a usual day in school and I was doing my daily job of staring at Kanishka. I was following her each and every movement keenly. How her lips moved when she talked. How her searching eyes looked here and there. How her cheeks rose when she smiled. How her hands moved when she wrote, etcetera. I was continually observing her body gestures and admired them more and more. She had started marking my ravenous gaze and at times looked at me to find if I was watching her. Only if accidentally our eyes met I had to look somewhere else to avoid my embarrassment. In the evening I was in my room and was again lost in Kanishkas dreams. I opened a notebook and was writing KANISHKA I LOVE YOU, KANISHKA I LOVE YOU, KANISHKA I LOVE YOU thinking about her. Suddenly I realized the page had got filled up so I turned the page and wrote KANISHKA inside the shape of a heart. I kissed that 8 letter beautiful word repeatedly and uncontrollably, while drops of tears ran down my cheek. I was crying for Kanishka. I was dying for her. I felt weak in my stomach and cried more intensely. Tears werent in my control and my pillow was half wet. My love for Kanishka was making me cry. I had heard somehwere that reading of HANUMAN CHALISA gives strength and makes one feel better so I decided to try it and it worked. After reading it, I really felt healthier and a lot strengthened. I was too much troubled. I was feeling too lonely; the emptiness around me was chasing me like a shadow. I was haunted by my thoughts of Kanishka. 31st December, 2010. It was the last day of the year and I was all alone. Tanay was going to Chennai on the same day with my uncle and, my sister was already on a tour to south India. In the morning he boarded the Flight to Chennai and I was left alone. Whole day I anyhow kept myself busy with Facebook, sending New Year messages to friends and family. A New Year party was organized in our society so after the night fall I hung around there. I was with many of my friends but I felt unaccompanied. I was again missing my Kanishka. Yes, she was mine. She was again captivating my mind and making me feeble psychologically. I was trying hard to be normal but it was beyond me. I left the party before celebrating the New Year and came back home. I was in my room and was lost in Kanishka. I opened her picture in my PC and kept staring at her. I was again crying. I was crying too badly. I couldnt control my emotions and it started flowing in my tears. I loved her; I wanted her in my life. It sucks when a guy cries but love makes one do everything. Its beyond human control. It was soon going to be the New Year so I somehow gathered some courage and sent Kanishka a New Year message using a black SIM (those available without any identity proofs) and then switched it off. I have had her mobile number since the past THREE years but never tried to call or message her. I never had that much guts to talk to her.

After messaging her I was again thinking about her and I was crying so shamelessly just at the thought of missing. The countdown for the New Year started in the party and was clearly audible in my room. Everyone was enjoying the night except me. I too wanted to enjoy but I loathed anybodys company. Emotions were playing tricks on me. I was longing for Kanishka. I wanted to touch her, feel her, see her, be with her and yet could not do what exactly I wanted. The clock struck 12 and announced the advent of another New Year. Firstly I thanked the almighty for adding another year in life to live for Kanishka and then I sent a silent wish to Kanishka. Soon my cell phone started Buzzing and I had to attend a few calls from friends. I slept thinking of Kanishka with tears filled in my eyes.

Chapter 5- That Touch

It was the starting of a new year and I had too many hopes for this year. The school reopened and the classes started as usual. Our class was planning for a school picnic and I thought it may be the best time to initiate talking with Kanishka. I eagerly waited for the day when we would be talking confronting each other. I never missed my brother but now I was missing him too. I had never been away from him for more than a few days. We lived together since we were born. I was missing his company; I was missing our silly fights. There was nobody to talk to when I wasnt feeling sleepy. There was nobody to heed to my sentiments about Kanishka which I frequently did while sleeping. I had to sleep unaccompanied without him. He used to chat till late in the night and I was always disturbed by his buzzing cell phone but now I missed it too. We would fight most of the time but were always together if we were knackered by any problem. 7th January, 2011. I was sitting next to Abhay and was staring at Kanishka. Abhay had marked me gazing at her many a times and finally asked me about my feeling for Kanishka. Firstly I hesitated but was so hassled by craving thoughts of Kanishka that I let him know everything. I narrated him the whole story how I got attracted to her, when I realized I was in love with her, how much I carved for her. He gave me enthusiasm and comforted me saying that everything will be fine soon and if not, he will help me to get Kanishka. I really felt lucky having such a caring friend.

The date for the picnic was getting postponed constantly and it was becoming irresistible for me to wait anymore. Tanay informed me about his arrival on 13th January and finally I was going to see my brother after two weeks. I was too much happy and impatient. The day came and the waiting era was over. Whole night I couldnt sleep and was twisting and turning in my bed. I went to the Airport before the scheduled time and waited for the wheels of Plane to touch the land. It was the cold days of January and the freezing breeze was sending the sensation of Goosebumps in my body. Spending 14 days was like spending years without him but finally he was back. After a hell lot of deliberations and verdicts, finally the date was fixed for the picnic on 23rd January. I was too much energized for the picnic and wanted the day to come in an instant. It was getting uncontrollable for me to wait any longer. 23rd January, 2011. Finally the wait was over and the day came. I was in the school with my mates waiting for everyone to come. Both the Science and Commerce section was going for the outing and as per tradition, we guys were waiting for the girls to come. My eyes were constantly searching for that someone special but I couldnt find her. She was none other than Kanishka and then I found her standing at the back of everyone talking to someone. I felt relieved, yes she was coming. I was enormously taken aback when she turned and I saw her completely. She looked stunningly beautiful in her black denims and white t-shirt with a Stole and light make up. I was bowled over her beauty. I was again staring at her but this time more hungrily. I was falling more and more in love with her. I found most of the boys staring at her like hungry dogs which made me fuming with rage. I wanted to gorge their eyeballs from their eye socket. But then love had its own vices and one of them was jealousy. We all sat in the school buses and our journey started towards the picnic spot Jharna Gardens. I chose a seat beside the drivers at the very front so that I could have a perfect view of Kanishka throughout the journey. Whole journey I was staring at her while she was busy talking to Riya. I dont understand why pretty girls always get only bitchy friends, the chipkus. We reached and found the spot was great to have fun with typical water depth and clear litter free water. The waterfall attracted each one of us and all hopped into the water. The atmosphere there provided a perfect romantic outlet for love birds. Some guys were busy showing their swimming skills by swimming with unlike techniques whereas some were hectic flirting with girls. Some preferred dancing to the music beats while some opted for the all season game, Truth and Dare. Some were on a lookout for secret hideouts for boozing whereas some were already smoking behind the woods. It was the party time for all.

I chose a place for me which would give me a perfect view of everyone and was clicking snaps. I took plenty of junk food to munch as I knew the breakfast wont be satisfactory to eat. I was eating potato chips and was looking at the natural beauty, the natural beauty of Kanishka. I was lost in her beauty, her beautiful face, and her attractive smile. She too was enjoying the music and was swinging to the tune. Pretending to capture snapshots of Abhay, Tanay and others I was actually capturing Kanishka with my Digital camera. I wanted to capture every moment, every second, every moment of Kanishka. She ruled my mind, my senses, my life, my sheer existence. After sometime I joined my friends and engaged myself in one of the most popular bullshit topic, Girls. A feminine voice uttering my name hit my ear drum and I crooked my neck to find out who she was. I was happy and surprised at the same time to discover it to be Kanishka. She wanted to have a photograph with me and thinking of just standing beside her made my nervous system work off beam. God has his own way of rewarding or punishing. He always gives either more or less of what is demanded. I took Priyam with me in my nervousness who wasnt even invited. We all including Kanishka, Riya, Priyam and I had a group snap in Kanishkas cam and then Kanishka asked me for a snapshot without the uninvited guest. I was sustaining remoteness from both the ladies to leave a good impression of my character they proved my theory wrong. Kanishka asked me if I could go a little closer to them, for a better photograph. I was panic-stricken and fell short of giving right facial expression. Anyhow the photo session ended much to my relief and I moved out from there without receiving Kanishkas smile. My heart was pounding rapidly but was joyful for being with Kanishka. I was smiling, cheerful, jovial and surely not myself I was overwhelmed by the turn of the event and to keep me sane, I at times turned around to witness Kanishka. Priyam, Tanay and Abhay were boogeying hideously in the water and drew the attention of every eye around them. It was the funniest and craziest thing that I ever saw and so I started shooting them in my camcorder. Suddenly I twisted my head to have a quick look at Kanishka and found her lying on the ground. Oh fucksomeone go and help her yaar!! was what my mind said to me. Why dont you go and help her was what my heart said to me. The presence of slippery algae on the surface of the rock had made her foot to slip and she fell down. She tried to get up but she again slipped and fell. Once I thought to go and help her but then thinking about what others would chat about it, I stopped. Nevertheless, discovering her in trouble I stopped thinking with my mind and acted with my heart. I went towards her, held her right hand from her wrist, lifted her and brought her to a safe zone. In that brief second our eyes met and then I couldnt take my eyes off from her. I was lost in the depth of that darkness. They had a magnetic appeal. I couldnt take my eyes off her.

I didnt know how long we stood like that. The time stood still. The magical spell broke when I stumbled and was about to fall but somehow I succeeded in keeping my balance. With the break of the spell I realized what happened just now and looked down but didnt miss that smile on Kanishkas face. I was still holding her hand and was still lost somewhere in her, I really forgot everything. My body was shivering with unknown fear or excitement I didnt know. Her wrist was too lithe and soft to let go off easily. That touch was absolutely magical and intoxicating. She was warm and shivering too. Perhaps we both shared the same feelings. Did I do right or wrong, was what I was asking to myself. She was looking at me and was expecting me to leave her hand but I had completely forgotten that it was an outing with school and everyone was around. I had lost the sense of time and place. I was continually ogling at her beauty without blinking my eyelids. Suddenly I realized the situation and left her hand in haste. After leaving her hand I felt as if something snapped inside me. Without waiting to listen to her words I went away smiling with my head down. That smile was a mixture of nervousness and happiness. It was hard to describe. I didnt know why I was nervous but felt as if being in seventh heaven. That was the first time I had touched Kanishka and was blissful thinking about the touch. Theres always a first time and theres something beautiful about them. Your first crush, your first love, your first love letter, your first touch, your first date, your first hug, your first kiss blahblahblah Abhay came to me and wished me for my success and we smiled. One of the boys from the Science section commented on me Yaarchance le liya tu I had to become angry to hide my happiness on his comment and so shouted at him Behencotu chale jata chance lenetu kyu nahi gaya use uthane with red eyes. He understood the situation was hot and escaped swiftly without answering. The talk had spread fast and people had started reacting to it. Someone said it loud Abe jungle me mangal ho gya making Kanishka as well as me uncomfortable. My body was still trembling and my mind wasnt stable. Kanishka was sitting aside quietly and was not fine was what I guessed. I thought of her and my body temperature rose clemently. I was worried about her. I wanted to console her, hold her close to me, protect her and take away all her pain. I thought of offering her water so I brought a bottle half filled with water and forwarded towards her. Abhay interrupted me for the water and drank half of the water. With the remaining water, I again moved towards Kanishka and then one of the teachers saw a bottle in my hand and asked for it. As I could not deny, I gave him.

He drank all the water and put an empty bottle in my hand. I was too angry and so took out my anger on the bottle by crushing it and threw it in the flowing river adding to the pollution. Shit, I again missed a chance. When everybody forced Kanishka to join them in the water, firstly she denied but then shyly joined them in the water. She was enjoying others company and seemed happy as well as cheerful. I was again normal finding her happy and wanted to join them too but terminated my plan due to lack of guts. It always happened with me, I was always a fucking fearful chick when it comes to Kanishka. It was the time for lunch so we all went back to the camp. I was selecting some good songs to add to the playlist when Abhay called me. He alleged with a smile that Kanishka wanted to thank me for my favour and was calling me. He took me near Kanishka and pushed me towards her. Finding her so close to me, my nervousness level again started to rise and I was sweaty. Kanishka told me Thank You for aiding her and I could only utter OK with the balls and guts I had. I was just smiling at her like a fool. I didnt know what to say. I was happy to know at least she wasnt angry or upset with me. I went away smiling and left Kanishka dumbstruck by my uncomfortable behaviour. The shyness never allowed me to talk to Kanishka and I was never proficient to visage her. I always behaved with her like a dumb idiot. She approached me and wanted to talk to me but I missed that chance too. I cursed myself for being such a dumb ass and was angry at myself. I sat for the lunch and wanted a spoon. I asked it from one of the girls crossing me but she didnt hear me. I was waiting for the spoon and then somebody came and gave me the spoon. I raised my head to see who it was and a smile escaped my lips when I saw Kanishka. This time I said Thank You and she went away smiling. I was too much happy about it and wasnt able to digest the fact. I had a miniature lunch and joined the jazz. Everyone was dancing and enjoyed the loud music and I was one of them. I wanted to have some peace so I went in the woods. I was just exploring random trees and then I found a tree with a squashy outer surface. I took a piece of pebble and tried to engrave Kanishka I love you inside a heart. It wrote effortlessly and was prominently visible too, so I took a picture of it and went back to join the others. I was bad at dancing but still joined the crowd and started hopping. Everyone including boys, girls and teacher were grooving to the music and were enjoying the moment. The sun was setting so we got loaded into the bus and started for school. I was sitting in the last seat and few boys were playing Antakshari, so, I also joined them and was singing with them. Two girls of our class went crazy and behaved more like lesbians. They exchanged chocolates from each others mouth and kissed each other

on their lips. I was stunned looking at their intimacy and made a video to make them feel embarrassed later on. Kanishka was sitting a few seats ahead of me and all the time my eyes were on her. She was talking to others and I hungrily observed her lip movements. I saw her the last time that day when she was leaving for her house. My wish to talk with her was fulfilled but my thirst was not. I wanted to talk to her again and again. That was the best outing I ever had in my life and will never forget this date

Chapter 6 - The First Approach

3rd February, 2011. It had been more than 10 days since I had talked to Kanishka at the Picnic. I asked Abhay, Tanay, Priyam and countless other friends to at least assist me in creating a bridge of friendship between us but everyone was least bothered. They all did nothing except just consoling me. I was getting too frustrated and wanted to fill the gap between us as soon as possible. I understood its only me who can do something for myself. It was a usual school day and I was again busy in my daily act which I loved the most, Ogling at Kanishka. I was planning to approach Kanishka after the dismissal and so was preparing myself for the mission. I was gathering courage from every corner of my ass and prepared few emotional phrases to address Kanishka. I recited them repeatedly so that I can execute it productively without any blunder. Kanishka can you talk to me pleasecan we become friendsor do you hate me I was too panicky all day long. Sometimes our eyes met and we smiled. She noticed me staring at her and too stared at me at times. My sixth sense was indicating that she too wanted to talk to me. Her eyes said that she badly wanted to be with me. This gave me some courage and I decided I was surely going to approach her today ignoring the end result. As the time passed and periods got over, the level of my uneasiness and anxiety to face Kanishka increased at an arithmetic rate. The eighth period, probably the last period was about to end and my heart started beating louder and faster. The teacher was teaching something which was beyond my understanding capacity as my mind was totally focused on Kanishka. I was loosing my senses and was close to a nervous breakdown. I closed my eyes and was trying to get my heart to beat normally and calmly. First time in my school life I was praying for a delay in ringing of the bell. The bell rang exactly on time and there was all rush in the class as well as inside my heart. It was the showtime and I had to give my best performance. As Kanishka was always the last one to leave the class, I packed my bag very leisurely and waited for everyone to leave. Abhay was forcing me to pack everything faster but I asked him not to wait for me. I was still not confident whether to approach her today or keep it for

tomorrow. Finally my heart won and I had to listen to it. Everyone was out of the class except the three of us. Oops. The third one was Riya, the bitchy friend, the chipku. As Kanishka and Riya used to be together all the time so, this time too she was waiting for Kanishka. Kanishka struggled to pack her bag quickly, did it, and was about to leave when I called out her name..Kanisss I choked in the middle and moved towards her. I stumbled due to lack of room between the desks and benches and was about to fall on Kanishka. Somehow I managed to grab the desk at the right time and avoided an embarrassing situation. Kanishka- Are you alright Me Yaa I am fine all good I said with a thumbs-up. I rearranged myself and went near her. The lubb-dubb sound of my heart was clearly audible to me and might be to Kanishka too. Because of Riyas presence I had to adapt new phrases making a puppy face. Riya the idiot, Riya the bitch, can I throttle your neck. Me- Kanishka why dont you talk to us??? I wanted Riya to move out. Riya-Whhaattt??? (Kanishka was smiling and understood what I wanted to say.) Riya you bitch, dont you understands its the matter of the heart. Cannot you move out? Me-I mean why dont you ever talk to anyone? Do you have any problem with us??? I mean any problem with ME I said to myself. Riya-You want to say WE or ME??? Riyas existence was now irritating me. She was like bones in the chicken. Me-Whatever may be but why dont you talk to us yaar? Kanishka-I dont have and problem talking to anyone Thank god she said something. You mean even if I held you in my arms and kiss you, you wont mind. Me-Then why dont you talk to us DEAR??? You know I mean ME.

Kanishka-I talk to everyone those who talk to me in fact you dont talk to me...That day at the picnic I thanked you and you didnt even say anything except just OK. You didnt talk to me. That was the dumbest of me, I am far better than that. Me-Actually everyone was looking at us so I didnt talk much Kanishka-ok we will talk to you all I wasnt pleading for the world, be mine and talk to me only. Riya-We are getting late..Kanishka lets go.. Shut up your mouth and just go to hell Riya. Fuck you bitch. Why do you take birth, to make my life little harder and messier. Kanishka was endlessly smiling while she was leaving and it seemed that she didnt want to go. They left but left behind the smile on my lips. My preparation to emotionalize Kanishka was ravaged because of Riya but I was happy for overcoming my fear of talking to her. I took my bike and disappeared in seconds from the school. I was truly in seventh heaven. I was floating in the air and her smile was constantly flashing in front of my eyes. It was driving me crazy and I was doing the same with my bike. I reached home and laid down on the couch. I was just thinking about the magical moments that I went through a few minutes ago. I still did not believe that I actually approached her. This was my fifth attempt in all these days and I finally approached Kanishka and was victorious. I was smiling all the time. My brother came and inquired me what was going on with Kanishka but hiding it from him was better than the whole class knowing it. I felt Kanishkas presence near me and finally drifted off to sleep. When I woke up I found myself with my bag on my shoulder, shoes on my feet and schools uniform on me and realized that I hadnt even changed my clothes. Next day morning while I was entering the class, Kanishka was exiting out and there we exchanged our first official smiles. I was again in seventh heaven. Girls can turn you on even with just a smile. I kept my bag and went after her to attend the prayer. There was a continuous grin on my face all the time. The whole day we were exchanging glances and smiles and I waited for the moment when I could talk to her or when she will come and talk to me but nothing like that happened. She didnt come up to me ever for a single time nor was I able to go to her. After the dismissal, I sadly went to the parking area for my bike and found Kanishka and Riya standing there.

I said, I was waiting for you Kanishka whole day long... She tried to explain to me but then she asked me for something which I had expected. She asked for my computer notebook to note some of the C++ programs. As I was good at programming, today for the first I felt proud of my only attribute. At least a characteristic of mine gave her a chance to talk to me. She asked me if I didnt need it, she would take it for one day or else she wont. Even if I had something to do with my notebook, I would have undeniably given her. I gladly gave her my notebook and she shyly, smilingly kept it inside her bag. Her dominance to charm everyone was hard to be ignored. Deceit thy name is woman A few days passed and we got only few chances to talk during the school hours. Whatever and whenever we talked it never went beyond studies but I wanted to get personal. Sometimes I used to ask for a pen though I had many, sometimes a book even when it was lying in my bag. I tried hard to pursue her talking to me but it was all vain. I was restless without talking to her but she never went beyond ok and Thank you. She was too shy talking to me and the same was with me.

Chapter 7- Rose to Promise

7th February, 2011. It was the day of Roses and I had planned to present a Red Rose to Kanishka. I had already arranged for the Roses the previous day and it was kept in the safe custody of Abhay. It was resting in peace inside Abhays refrigerator so that Tanay wont even know about it. Keeping Roses at my place would have possibly given a prospect to my mom to doubt me. Rose and that too red, drawing a conclusion wouldnt have been too difficult for her. I rang up to Abhay but his elder sister picked up the phone. Me-Hi. Good morning Di-Good morning Me-Where is Abhay Di-He is sleeping How could he when I dont even wink the whole night. Me-Still sleeping

Will you kick his ass for me please? Di-Hmmmmm. Me-Will he come to school If he doesnt I would make him stand in front of the shooting squad. Di-Yes... He better be. Me-Ok then tell him to come soon and bring my important things Di-Bye Me-Bye I was in full mood therefore got dressed up quickly with a little extra care and went to school. I was waiting for Abhay, sometimes looking at the watch, sometimes staring outside the door but he didnt turn up. For seconds, I wanted to kill him, I was too much angry with him. I urgently wanted him to come and bring those Roses but he murdered my entire plan. My mood was totally fucked up. In the recess Kanishka exposed a full-size Red Rose to everyone and my heart missed a beat looking at the size of the Rose. It was bigger than the dimension of my palm. It was really a perfect RED Rose to be presented to someone special. I was just wondering who might have presented her or for whom she would have brought. We were exchanging smiles all the time and that feeling was really awesome. The most beautiful girl on earth was flashing smiles to me. Those smiles were enough to know what Kanishka felt for me. I was still angry with Abhay and wanted a payback from him. As soon as I got back home, I reached my cell and tried calling Abhay. He didnt respond for several times and I stopped calling him in utter displease. The altitude of my exasperation had reached the Alps and unexpectedly Abhay entered my room. I shouted Kutte school kyu nahi aaya bee (Why didnt you turn up to school?) Today Kanishka brought a giant size rose in the school and you didnt come. I wanted to give her a rose but you messed up everything. I shouldnt have kept roses at your place. You are a dogs tail that can never get straight. You are never available when lookedfor you are such an asshole I yelled at him. Chill bro.sorry yaarI know you are angry with mebut I was having a harsh head ache. But I promise I will do something to fix up everything...I can fix up a talk with Kanishka said Abhay in a single breath.

He took out a SIM card from his wallet which he wasnt using and inserted it in his cell phone. He said or better informed me that he was going to send an SMS to Kanishka. He had got her number from my cell phone in my absence, again an asshole. I was super angry and I replied, Do what you want to do. Dont ask me, I dont know anything about it. He sent the message Hi this is Tanay Tanay cursed him for using his name and meanwhile both of them went to an Abhays place and I was left behind. I hadnt changed yet so, I changed my clothes and directed my bike to Abhays place. I reached there to ask about the outcome but they informed me that they had already said Good Bye to each other. I asked for the phone to see the messages but Abhay informed me that they had already deleted it. I was again angry and asked them to tell me each and every thing and like dutiful puppies both of them narrated everything. I was already overwrought with my seminar to be presented in a few days with my team and Abhay tensed me more by his actions. I was the team leader but hadnt written a single word on my seminar and had to prepare the whole presentation. I went back home and thought where to start from. I dropped the idea of following Kanishka while she would be returning from her coaching classes and sat with books and Google search engine for preparing the seminar. I somehow compiled the whole theory and divided it into different parts for all the team members and thought of going to Devs place. I searched for my bikes key but it was missing. I looked for my bike but it too was nowhere to be seen. I was already worried and Tanay was giving me more headaches. I rang at his number but it was busy. I messaged him to return my bike but he didnt reply. Tanay was fucking irritating me and I was going crazy. I persistently called him and lastly he picked up my call. Where the hell are you, and where on earth is my bike? I shouted. Its standing outside the house Stop is an asshole, a moment ago I looked for it, it's not there I kept it just now.come and take away the key from me I am standing outside Fuck you man. I ran outside and found him talking to someone on the phone. I was shouting at him but he was trying to stop me from doing so. He was trying to say something by his gestures and I wasnt getting it. I yelled at him to say loudly and then I heard something which I had never expected.

Its Kanishka on the other side. He whispered. I was all calm and quiet and softly asked my brother if it was true. He said Shreyansh is here on the phone and handed over the phone to me. I heard the word HELLO and it wasnt less than I LOVE YOU for me. Thousand emotions ran across my brain and I didnt know what to say. I was talking to her for the first time and so was rather nervous and sweaty. She again said hello and I returned to my senses and responded. As she wasnt present in front of my eyes, I talked a little confidently. We talked from studies to teachers, friends to movies, everything and then I came to the main point. By the way that Rose was awesome from someone special fingers crossed. Nope I brought it for someone again fingers crossed Who is that lucky guy? (A long pause.) You For a second I believed it to be true and again started my seventh heaven's journey but then I wanted to get it confirmed before I drew some silly conclusions. You must me kidding I hope you are not. No, I am serious Then, why didnt you give me Ok sorry I am just joking I had brought it for someone but couldnt able to give it Ooh I see Can I give you a rose How will you give me now, its already too late and you dont even know where I live Dont worry sweetheart I am gifted with a supernatural sensitive nose. I can sniff my way to your house if you would like that. Hmm. We talked for approximately 25 minutes and those 25 minutes were the most priceless moments I had ever lived. Her sweet voice was turning me wild and was sending her

vibes to my body. I gave her my number in case she wants to talk to me or something like that. After we hung up, I asked Tanay about the whole scene talking to Kanishka and all. He articulated to me that they were still talking to her when I went to Abhays but hid it from me. They annoyed her for some more time and finally said the truth. She asked his actual number and thereafter she had called him to confirm whether it was that same Tanay who is her classmate. So, he took my bike and went to an Abhays place to talk to her but Abhay wasnt there so he came back and after that I know what happened. The most pleasing thing Tanay ever said was that Kanishka was continuously asking for me. I was even much happier now and all my worries and stress related to Kanishkas matter flicked in seconds. I felt being blessed at last. I felt like the luckiest person in the world. I had enough reasons to believe that Kanishka was interested in me. My legs gave in. I was too excited. The sudden happiness had drained out all my strength. The emotions were rampant and my heartbeat was making me deaf. I was floating in air. I was on cloud nine. Her sweet voice taking my name was rumbling in my mind and was making me smile. I thanked both Tanay and Abhay for their pranks which turned out to be the prime opening for me to converse with Kanishka. I took my 220 and went straight to Devs house. I was so much lost in Kanishka that I discussed the whole presentation standing outside his house. I was returning from Devs house when suddenly I thought of presenting her a Rose. A rose for a Rose. While I was planning that I crashed with a boy in a cycle. Actually it was his fault; he was riding a bicycle in a zigzag manner and that too on the wrong side. My bike was below 30 km/ph therefore the accident wasnt enormous. My little finger on right got slashed up and blood continuously flowed like a brook. The right side of the bike got few deep scratches and a small dent. The damage to my bike hurt me more than my wound and abusing him was the only way to take out frustration. I again started my journey but my mood was again spoiled that day. I reached the flower shop and took the most beautiful Rose for the most beautiful girl I had ever met and detached all thorns from it. Though it was not as big as what Kanishka brought to the school but was enough to please her. I paid and headed towards Kanishkas vicinity. I knew the locality where she lived but never had the balls to go there. It was posh area, clean and green, without any noise pollution, still, quiet, away from the busy city. Large bungalows and big buildings occupied the areas with wide streets flawlessly lighted. I exactly didnt know her house but tried to figure out. I was randomly looking at the bungalow and there I saw a light-greyish painted bungalow. My sixth sense again worked and it said it to be Kanishkas house. I looked from the gap between the gates and saw

her Scooty positioned in all pride. I was sure now it was her house but the main task, to make this Red Rose reach her was still left. I thought of keeping the rose in one of the flower pots but doubted on the success of the plan. Finding no other way and seeing watchmen staring at me from the opposite bungalow, I kissed it and kept it in a flower pot placed at the boundary of her house. It was a spruce plant pot placed fifth from the right of her gate. I got on my bike and flew away before that watchman could catch me and beat me for stealing flowers. I called Kanishka exactly 7 times but there was no response from her side. I came back home and messaged Hi to Kanishka. I waited for the reply and after one and half hours or so at 10 pm, her reply came. We talked on simple topics and I told her about the Rose which I had kept in her flower pot. Firstly she didnt get it but after I articulated her everything properly, she didnt believe it. She asked the color of her house and all other information and thereafter she was confirmed that I had deposited rose exactly at her house. She proclaimed to surely spot it next morning and thanked me for the rose. She questioned me how I got to know her dwelling and I simply answered that I just guessed it and tried my luck. I felt that it was her house and now I am right. We talked about many things, our likes and dislikes, our daily routine jobs, about family, siblings. I asked her about the time when she goes to bed, her favorite TV serials, her favorite actors, actress, about her favorite book, favorite movie, etc, etc. I didnt ask the question which most of the youngsters ask when they meet, Do you have a BOY FRIEND??? because I knew that she didnt have any. I wanted to tell her that I have been in love with her since the past four years, when I was just 13 but I prohibited my self from doing so. I was going really very slowly and cautiously because I remembered a Wisemans saying Slow and steady wins the race and I had to win the race of getting Kanishka anyhow. I didnt believe that I was actually talking to my dream girl, my first crush, and my first love. My wish was fulfilled. I really thanked god from the innermost depth of my heart. We talked for more than 2 hours via messages and sent my first ever Good Night message to a girl. Whole night I had a smile on my lips and was awake. Even after I dozed off, Kanishka was in my dreams. I started loving my life. I got a reason to be alive; I got the soul mate whom I loved so much, and the girl who was just made for me. 8th February, 2011. Next day I sent a Good Morning message which was again the first good morning message of my existence to a girl. We talked for sometime and then she went to get ready

thought it was a holiday. I was so crazy about our first talk that I noted down each and every message we exchanged in 8 pages of paper. Around 11am in the morning, Tanay got a call from Rashis ex-boyfriend demanding him to come to the Indira Gandhi ground. Rashi was Tanays new girlfriend, who was in a relationship with a Punjabi boy sometimes back. He wanted to have few talks with Tanay and resolve the dispute. Tanay, Abhay and I went there to straighten out the matter. We took a gentleman with us who was well known to Abhay and had a reputation of settling many political issues of Abhays father by hook or crook but mostly by crook. A tough, well built, muscular looking man to be precise. We went there and saw a gang of 15-20 boys waiting for us but we werent scared as we had the real player, Sudhir uncle, who was an MBA (Master in Bad Activities). Rashis ex-boyfriend Harry took my bro Tanay aside, far away from us to talk to him. His body gesture showed that he was too angry and was explaining something to Tanay. We three went there and enquired regarding the affair and then the whole thing was settled without shedding a drop of blood. He wanted my brother Tanay to leave Rashi and back off from her life. Tanay didnt have any option but to comply with Harry because Rashi too wanted that Tanay should go away from her life. We came back home and Tanay was numb and quite. He was heartbroken. He truly loved Rashi from his earnest heart but his heart was butchered savagely into million pieces. He was crying and tears were flowing down his cheek. I felt pity for him because I too understand what it was like to be heartbroken. He locked him self in his room and poured out his heart. He didnt open the door whole day and switched off his cell phone too. There was no possibility to talk to him unless he unlocks the gate. He was starving since morning and hadnt eaten anything so, he joined us in the dining table for the dinner. His eyes were red and his face looked pale. He had very little food and then again locked himself in that confined room. My phone beeped and Abhays name flashed on the screen and I picked the call. He spoke something which really took me in to deep thoughts. He just shocked me by those phrases. He claimed to have proposed to Shruti while chatting with her. Shruti was our classmate and since few days Abhay was unreasonably crazy for her. He said that he was waiting for the propose day to propose her and did it today. I believed him unquestioningly because I knew from the very beginning that something was being cooked in Abhays heart for Shruti. Abhay used to gaze at her all the time whenever and wherever he saw her.

Time and again I had asked Abhay about his feeling for Shruti but he never shared. He was such a coward to tell us. But today I was perfectly precise that he liked Shruti and loved her too. In these two days I saw many aspects of life. Where I and Abhay who were single and lonely and didnt have any girls in our life got our love and Tanay who was in a committed relationship for the first time became single again and lonely. Thought I didnt get Kanishka as my love, I just got her as a friend but I was happy with it. Abhay got a new girlfriend and was in a relationship for the first time. Two lives were having their best moment of life, where as a broken heart was struggling to get pieces into place. I wanted to give this news to Tanay but it wasnt the right moment. Kanishka and I again talked late night through messages and then retired to bed. 9th February, 2011. Next day we were in school and everything returned to normal except Tanay. It was the Chocolate day and I had brought a box of Dark Chocolates for Kanishka. It was also my seminar presentation day and our team presented on the topic Rural Development. We spoke pretty well and were praised. But the main task of the day was still left to be completed, to present chocolates to Kanishka. It was a free period and I was sitting in my place with Priyam and was chatting with him. Unexpectedly I heard a sweet feminine voice whispering my name and I twisted around. I saw Kanishka footing around with my computer notebook. I smiled and gazed into her deep eyes meanwhile she handed over my notebook to me. She went away to her seat with a cute overwhelming smile which killed me. I felt my notebook slightly thicker than the usual therefore opened it and found a big Dairy Milk chocolate. Again a smile spread over my face and I looked at her. Our eyes met and looking into her eyes, I felt as if that was a silent wish for the chocolate day. We gazed at each other for sometime but our Nayan Mataka was interrupted by the teacher. I tried to give her chocolates which I had brought but was always disturbed by some or the other one. I wasnt getting the right time to give her chocolates so, lastly a solution came up. I thought of asking for her scootys key and keeping the chocolates in the dickey after the dismissal and I did. I came home and responded to her messages. She was all praise for the idea which I implied on giving her chocolates. It was Abhays plan which I went on with and told her the same. She was astonished when I asked her for the key but now everything was clear to her. She liked my approach and eulogized it. Thanks for the chocolates So, did you like the chocolates?

Hmmm I liked them but actually Kit-Kat and 5 stars are my favorite ones was her reply. The reply reflected how simple her likings were and how honest she was. She didnt give a fake appreciation. Ok, but these are also pretty good; try it if you desire Ok, catch you laterBye Bye Late in the afternoon I bought her favorite chocolates, wrapped in beautiful paper and again made plans to execute it successfully. I retraced my steps towards her bungalow and reached there. This time also I kept those chocolates again in the flower pot as there was no other option. I chose the same flower pot to keep those chocolates and went away. I mailed her a text message, appealing her to emerge out of her accommodation and collect her chocolates. But the reply was scary. She denied for that and was angry at me. After a lot of pleadings, she accepted that and wanted to talk with me. I was reasonably nervous as I knew she would be bombarding with words. Finally I rang her and she started her homily. She was livid on me and cautioned me not to do this sort of nuisance again or else she would discontinue talking to me. But she thanked me for presenting her favorite chocolates, which approved that she liked what I did. I pleaded for sorry and guaranteed her not to do it all over again. 10th February, 2011. Today was another day to celebrate with Teddies but I wasnt planning to do anything akin to yesterday. It was a routine day in school and I was trying to shirk Kanishka. I wasnt able to accumulate that mach guts to meet up eyes after yesterdays incident. I came back home and was laying in my cozy divan when Abhay abruptly jumped on it. I was shaken and got up hurriedly. I was dazed for some seconds as I was in one of the usual moods, lost in thoughts of Kanishka but Abhay found it funny and was laughing at my state. I shouted at him and asked him the reason for his existence there. He was hiding something in his hands which I grabbed at one go. It was a small Teddy bear holding a heart printed I LOVE YOU on it. He was blushing and after much compelling he opened his mouth and bankrupted the anticipation. It was a gift from Shruti. Inadvertently I pressed it and a recorded melody buzzed out I love you. I was taken aback and so was Abhay. He too didnt know that the Teddy Bear was a musical one. Immediately a bright idea struck my mind. How about giving this Teddy Bear to Kanishka which spoke my feelings but was fearful if she takes it wrong or it was too early. But I made up my mind to give that and asked Abhay to quickly find out from where Shruti bought that.

He did the job sooner than expected and we were at that same shop in next 15 minutes. There was a lot of chaos in the store as it was the most popular and well known shop for soft toys. The teddy bears trade was at its crest and I had to get in to a queue to buy that teddy. The last piece of that Teddy was left and I clutched it with my all vigor. I appealed for wrapping it but the rush didnt permit. Lastly I wrapped it using my own skills and found the value tag was still on the teddy bear. I had to unpack it, detach the tag, and again wrap it and thinking about it made me nuts. I did the whole process unwearyingly, paid and left. Sometimes being quick makes us even more late. Not to replicate my fault again, this time I called her and asked her to come out of her house as I wanted to present it personally but she denied. I requested her millions of times but the responses were identical. Lastly I again used the same technique but with a twist. I kept the pouch containing Teddy and her favorite chocolates in the front dickey of her scooty and went away. Again I was spotted by that watchman. I called her and informed her about it but she demanded me to take it back or else she would throw it. She became too angry and ended the phone call without hearing my side of appeal. I was too much disturbed and didnt know what to do. Firstly I did what she didnt like and secondly I was scared if she comes to know about the music system. I didnt have my dinner that evening and was too much stressed. Love has its side effect too. Its like a bungee jumping or a rollercoaster ride where you cant exactly say whether you are more scared or happier because you just did a wonderful thing. Its like a F1 racing where you cant deny the risk and fear but at the end its always exiting. It was good to hear when she informed that she had accepted the Teddy and didnt throw it. I didnt ask her if she pressed it or not as I knew it would be hazardous and make the situation more volatile. We talked for sometime, exchanged Good Night messages and slept. 11th February, 2011. Today was more horrible day than yesterday. I hid myself from Kanishka all day long. We didnt exchange a single utterance in school, nor even a smile. I was feeling too much guilty for my act. I knew I have repeated my mistake second time and now have to face a bigger hurricane of anger. I was scared of being avoided by her or she might stop talking to me. I may be lonely again. Around 8pm in the night, she rang me on my cell and we were talking. I was at my terrace under the shed of dark night with countless stars and half moon. She didnt say

much of yesterday and we talked of our school life at St. Marks. In-between our chatting I remembered the significance of this day and asked her to get a promise from me in this Promise day. She asked to be good friends forever and I guaranteed her for being so. I was my turn and I asked her to be my friend (Girlfriend) forever and always be in contact. We talked for very long, an hour or so and this was another first time when I talked for an hour with a girl. We chatted at night for quite some time and slept in our cozy bed in peace. Days were becoming better and nights were getting tougher. The more I thought of Kanishka, the more she became an obsession for me. The more I conversed with her, the more I wanted to be with her. My wishes were getting fulfilled with less efforts and pain and I wasnt forgetting to thank god. I loved my life and was living it as beautifully as possible.

Chapter 8- THANX FOR LOVING ME!!...

16th February, 2011. It was Abhays birthday and he turned 16 for which a birthday message went into his inbox. The Good morning from Kanishka arrived and as usual we talked for sometime. It was the last working day for class 11th students in the school and I reached excessively late. I was standing in the late comers queue and even hadnt brought my school diary, where the late entrances were noted. I somehow reached the class and panicked hearing about the submission of the Business studies Project work. I hadnt even started working on it and today was the last capitulation day. I got too distressed and didnt know how to get out of this situation. I started tranquilizing myself and an idea struck my mind. I planned to copy it down from someone as there was no other option. Everyone else had submitted except me. I asked for project papers from someone, rough project from the other one and started copying it down. It took me approximately full three consecutive periods of 45 minutes each to complete the mission successfully. I was still writing until Vishal Sir asked for the projects the last time. I submitted my project but forgot to write my name. I again ran to get back the file, wrote my name and took a deep sight of relief. I felt peaceful and relaxed. It was an awful start of the day, firstly coming late and then the project. After the fourth period, it was the recess time and we all 11 Commerce had decided to have our feast together in class. The desks were arranged in a circle and every body had some or the other Indian foodstuffs in their lunch boxes.

It was just like a social gathering, only the music and the dance floor was missing. Kanishka had brought Paw Bhaji which was one of her loved foods. She passed me her box and gestured me to taste them. I munched a bite and found it appetizing. I took my lunch box full of sandwiches and positioned it near Kanishka so that she could have it. She took a bite, cherished it and gave a big smile. The same cute, adorable, killer smile. All other periods were as usual boring and teachers were discussing significant questions that might come in the exams. In computer Practical classes, I located a properly working computer most nearer to Kanishkas place and took the permission from teacher to sit there in the practical exam. I wanted to sit near Kanishka so as to help her in Practical exams. The examination was on the following day and Kanishka was too much tensed. After the dismissal, as I had already asked Kanishka to hang around in the class, she was waiting for me. But at the same time few more pairs were having their time so, I moved out and waited till everybody else left. Finally everyone except Kanishka had left and I entered the class wearing a smile. Kanishka was standing there blushing, looking intently downward and a little confused. I went near her and gave her a couple key rings which can be attached together to craft as one. Firstly she rejected my proposal but after I enforced her, she accepted it shyly. We talked for few seconds only and got out of the class. I ran down the stairs, reached my bike and dashed away. There was a Get-Together in our Accounts tuition as our Tutor was getting married and all the mates gathered at 4 Pm in the evening for the celebration. She brought the cake and cracked a secret that it also happens to be her birthday. Along with Nisha Di, Abhay too cut the cake and we all sang the birthday song for them. After the cake was cut, it was found more on everybodys face then in the abdomen. It was the last gathering we had for class 11 and of course for rest of the life with Nisha Di. We clicked many photos, danced, gossiped, enjoyed a lot and bid her bye. Abhay accompanied me back home. All the while I was riding the bike; I frequently twisted back while talking to him. We were too much engrossed in the conversation when suddenly a small boy ran in front of our bike from nowhere. Before I could react properly, my bike cuffed that kid and he fell on the road. Thank god I wasnt riding fast or else I would have surely landed myself into a great trouble. Abhay suggested to dash away but that would have worsened the situation so I stopped the bike and we ran towards him. He was about 4 or 5 in age and was crying nauseatingly. A huge crowd of people had already gathered and criticized us but in reality, that kid was at fault. Some wanted to hand us over to the Police and some demanded to take that kid to hospital. Some called me Nausikhia and few were commented us Bigade huye Rahis. I

was getting angrier by their comments but analyzing the situation kept myself calm. I forwarded to straighten my screwed evening and grabbed that kid. I tried to console him and tried all my tricks to somehow make him stop crying. I checked him for any injury and was relieved to know there were none. I pulled his cheek and a faint smile appeared on his face which indicated he was all right. I bought a chocolate from a near by store and gave him and we went our ways. It was really a narrow escape. The third horrifying incident that day. I came back home and messaged to Kanishka. She wasnt in our tuition so, I told her about the accident and Get-Together. We talked for sometime and then bid Bye to each other. After few hours a message came from her that she wanted to talk to me. So, I moved out of my house to talk to her uninterruptedly. I roamed in almost all the streets of my locality while talking to Kanishka. Abhay was calling me repeatedly but my number was looming busy. I was at the main street and heard a manly voice calling me. I turned around to see who he was and found it to be Abhay going some where in his car. He stopped the car and said Bhai hamare liye bhi kabhi time nikalo sirf bhabhi ko hi importance doge to kaise chalega I gestured him to call me afterwards and indicated him to go. We talked for some more time and hung up. I called Abhay and he asked me to hang around for his Birthday celebration. Abhay was not well so he didnt throw a big party this time. Tanay and I were his closest friends so he forced us to come with them for dinner. Tanay, me and Abhays family went to a Dhaba for the dinner. A special Birthday celebration in Dhaba, surely Abhays innovative ideas, always ridiculous. The Dhaba was on the High-way and we had a long journey to reach there. It was more like a Star-rated hotel and less like a Dhaba, with most of the imperial facilities. The only thing I didnt like was lack of network coverage of mobile phones which I found later on while attempting to make a call. Abhay cut the cake and after a few bites we smeared it on each others faces. We dined very well and celebrated his Birthday. It was pretty late when we returned but my parents didnt say anything as it was Abhays birthday. As soon as I reached home, a message from the Telecom company was delivered in my cell which showed 6 missed calls from Kanishka. It was too late and wasnt a good preference to call her at that time so, I hurriedly messaged her asking about the problem. Once she had said that someone calls her and talk to her insensitively. I had taken that phone number and tried to call but that number was switched-off most of the time. So, I had asked her to notify me as soon as a call comes from that number. Today again there was a call from that very number and she wanted to inform me but my cell wasnt reachable.

She informed me that a boy had called her and talked rubbish with her. She guessed that it might be one of our batch mates from St. Marks as he said things which our batch mates only knew. She presumed him to be Divesh. Divesh was one of the boys who used to flirt with Kanishka and had tried his luck. We talked on the same topic for a while and I asked for a sorry for my unavailability. And then it continued Was there anything between you and Divesh? I mean were you in a relationship or something like that sort of thing?? What do you mean by that? There was nothing like that between us. He was just a friend. How can you think so rubbish? How dare you talk to me like that? No one even talked with me so curtly She misunderstood my question and immediately flared. I didnt want her to get angry and could not afford to have any more misunderstanding. Please I am sorry, I am really very sorry, I really didnt mean that. I just want to help you yaar dont take me wrong You dont ever talk to me. I know what you mean to be. I am not that kind of girl okay How can somebodys mind be so dirty? I really didnt mean that Actually I mean that if there was nothing between you two then why he is still following you? Why he calls you? I dont know why he calls me but I got to know everything what you think of me. I never expected this from you at least. You were such a nice friend of mine and you turned out to be like this Please Kanishka try to understand me. I really didnt mean that. I swear. I know there was nothing between you two but still why he is still chasing you? The clock had already struck 12 in the night and she wasnt trying to understand me. I didnt know what to do. I was trying hard to bury up this issue but there was no use of it. The situation was really getting very critical. She was over retorting and the issue was getting out of my control. She was surely going to take it out on our friendship which had lasted just 10 days and I didnt want that. I didnt want to lose her. I was using both the halves of my Cerebrum to find a solution and only one option came up. To tell her about my feelings thatthat I LOVED her. But on the other side I didnt want to tell her now. I wanted to express my feelings after the Annual exams gets over so that it wont affect our studies and ultimately our results. Things did not look good and I could smell the bad odor of break-up in her harsh words. If I wont open up my heart now then I wouldnt be ever, perhaps never. Millions of

thoughts were running though my mind and my heart started beating too fast. I was sweating in the cold days of February. My heart was continuously skipping beats. My cell phone was continuously giving me troubles and was shutting down automatically. After a lot of but and so, if and then, yes and no, finally there was just one door open for me. Expressing my love for her was the only thing I could do at that time. Somehow gathering all the guts from my ass and balls I wrote, KANISHKA I LOVE YOU, WHY DONT YOU UNDERSTAND. My eyes were closed and I was praying to god for the last time to help me. I placed my right hands palm on my heart and clicked the send button. I was breathing heavily and my heart was racing fast, faster than a F1 car. I was continuously praying to god to please help me out and was conversing with him. Please god please I really love her too much. I can not live without her. Kanishka loves me naashe loves me naasay something, she loves me naa I broke the conversation with god after my cell phone alarmed me. The message read Dont joke yaar, pagal mat bano, I dont like this kind of stupid jokes. I think your brain is not working properly. You are not in your senses, have seen some romantic movies or what Dont call it a joke and break my heart Kanishka. I was never more serious in life. I really love you Kanishka. I am not joking. Believe me, since class 8 I am in love with you. I am not lying. I am in all my senses. I just said what I feel for you... :) I had no idea what was going to happen with me. I didnt know whether it was one sided love or the fire of love was blazing in both the hearts. But one thing was a universal truth that I really loved her million times more than anyone could and can do anything for her. I didnt want the rejection. I badly wanted her as mine. She was my dream girl, my love of life. My heart always beats for her. I like you as my friend and you are a very good friend of mine was Kanishkas reply. Do you love me??? I straightly asked her still praying. Say you doat least be honest to your heart. We are good friends yaar, dont take me wrong. Dont you have any feelings for me? If you dont love me then say that I am like your BROTHER. I will understand everything. Say that you never loved me Try to understand Shreyansh; we are good friends naa

Theres nothing more to understand and this is not a friendship day. Your answers are getting on my nerves. Then say that I am like your BROTHER I was continuously arguing with her and wanted to dig out those three magical words for which I had desperately waited since years. I knew she had a soft corner for me somewhere in her heart and loved me too which she was unaware of her feelings for me. I didnt leave any stone unturned and finally she broke the suspense and wrote. Ok, I .Age tum samajh jao I wont, I want it loud and clearthanks any way. Whats that? If you love me then say it proudly taking my name that I LOVE YOU SHREYANSH Did you really have so much of guts and balls to propose me and say these words to me? Yaa, I just said what I wanted to say from yearsI really love you KanishkaBut you still didnt said those three wordshuunnn I LOVE YOU SHREYANSHnow you are happy naayou are really romantic yaar. You used to flirt with me so magicallyI really fell in love with youI knew you loved meyour eyes had already said that but you proposed meIm still in a shock THANX FOR LOVING ME!!... That was the day I harvested my 4 years old love. It was like my dream come true. For the first time I was in a relationship. I went from STILL SINGLE to a COMMITTED relationship. I finally removed my tag of being STILL SINGLE. I was having my first GIRL FRIEND. I fell in love with Kanishka even more after she said that she loved me too. I was more in love with my life now. I got a reason to live. My life had a meaning. I achieved the biggest success of my life. My life was changed. Love was in the air. We talked for more than two hours and I told her every feeling of my heart which I had kept hidden for years. I let her know that I loved her from class 8 and I realized it when she left the tuition and joined some where else. I missed her company, our silly fights, teasing each other and every single moment. Just to see her everyday in tuitions, I joined the tutor where she had joined. I never told anybody about my feelings for her nor let Kanishka know my special soft corner for her. I was scared of the consequences which may arise after everybody came to know about our relationship.

We would have been the most popular couple all over and would have been always on spotlight. Everywhere we would have gone the topic of discussion would have affected our relation and hence our relation wouldnt have lasted for a long time. It would have affected our studies too. Those were the very reasons which stopped me from expressing my feelings for her. We were kids at that time and I was a fool who fell in love at the age of 13. I told her that how I changed myself for her, I changed my behavior, I changed my etiquettes, I changed the policies of my life just for her. I totally changed myself for her. I knew she wouldnt have accepted me as an unmannered guy. Everyone likes a well mannered, well behaved person. So I started changing myself for her. I even stopped talking to girls so that she didnt think me a flirt. She too poured out her heart to me. She said that she never had feelings for me but after the picnic when I helped her, she started to understand everything. She understood why I was so caring for her in the picnic, why only I came up to help her from a crowd, why I used to stare at her continuously in class. Firstly she had thought that Riya was my target but after that incident, everything was clear to her. She understood why I always felt shy with her, why I never tried to talk with her, why my head always bent down looking at her. She understood everything and believed in my love. She said that she always found me different. She always had a special soft corner for me. She liked the way I talked and the way I behaved with everyone. We talked and shared the best moments of our life. Our life was changed. We became one. She meant a lot to me and the same was with her. We both loved each other but we hid it. We were really very happy and didnt want this time to come to an end. We wanted it to go on and on and on. We talked romantically and I uttered I love you again and again with every single sentence. She asked me not to reveal to anyone her acceptance to my proposal. I too asked her not to say anything about this to anyone. We decided to keep it confidential and wont let anybody know about this. Because then everyone would have talked about us and soon this would have reached our parents and everything would have came to an end. She asked me not to tell even to Tanay. I too agreed with her because he had a feminine belly. Nothing can digest there without uttering it. We decided that our relationship shouldnt affect our studies and exams. It was already 02:30am by that time and tomorrow we were having our practical exams so, we said Bye to each other and again for the first time I said Bye to my GIRL FRIEND. I was the happiest person that time. It was truly my dream coming true. I still didnt believe that I had actually made her mine. I was just smiling. I was so happy. I pinched my self so many times to check whether I am dreaming or its a reality. Sleep wasnt

happening to me and I was lost in planning our life ahead. Our life, Kanishkas and mine. I was eagerly waiting for the morning when I will see my love, my Girlfriend, my life. I was just thinking about Kanishka closing my eyes and didnt know when I slept.

Chapter 9- The first day of relationship

17th February, 2011. I woke up little late than usual and sent the cutest Good Morning message I ever sent to anyone. She too wished me Good Morning in the cutest way, none had ever wished me. I was too much happy. I was smiling from the moment I woke up. After some exchange of messages I went through the book, just to have a look before the examination. I got ready and went earlier than the timing and was eagerly waiting for Kanishka. Priyam and I were just discussing about something when suddenly I crooked my head and spotted Kanishka. She was looking gorgeous and attractive as always and was just stunning. Her hair was tangled in a single knot and she appeared more beautiful and cute than a Barbie doll. A smile spread over my face after discovering her and I was again lost in her. It was surely the effect of love. She really appeared more beautiful and there was a special kind of charisma in her gestures. Our eyes met and she became timid and looked away. I could see a cute little smile spread on her lips and I can swear that it is the cutest thing in existence. With each passing second I was falling more and more in love with her. She was a seductress who had cast a spell on me. We were in the Computer laboratory at 10:30 Am and exams were going to start. We were offered chits of papers to choose from and the question written on it will be the question for Practical examination. My question was on Strings and Kanishkas was on Structures. The class population was divided in to two clusters that were going to give the Practical and viva exams simultaneously. I came in the Practical group and Kanishka on viva. My plan failed to sit near Kanishka and help her in exam so, I asked for the question from Kanishka. It reached me and I read her question and started solving it in a blank paper which I already had in advance incase we were seated far from each other. I was busy solving her question when suddenly teacher poked me. I was shaken and informed her that I was solving my question in a rough paper. I wrote the whole program and wanted to give it to Kanishka. She was sitting with teacher around her table so I went to teacher with some doubt and involved her in clearing that. I slipped the paper sharply hiding it from teacher and it reached exactly in the hands I wanted to.

I started my practical exams and was done in next 10 minutes. I started looking at Kanishka and was lost in her beauty again. I was fanatically scrutinizing each and every movement of her limbs and was more and more captivated by her charm. She was busy in her Viva exams and didnt have any clue that her new Boyfriend was gazing at her. Suddenly she twisted to put aside her locks falling on her eyes and saw me ogling at her. She smiled at me shyly and was again busy in her exam. The viva exams were over and it was the time for me to give my viva exam. Teacher was asking questions to everyone and was gathering answers but I was lost somewhere else. My eyes were on Kanishka and most of the time found her struggling with the program. She was sitting at a computer near the teachers table so it was quite visible what she was doing. I was looking at her persistently and teacher noticed me doing so. She asked me to concentrate on my viva but I was more bothered about Kanishka than teachers words. My viva exam was over and I was free now. Teacher was busy with others so I went to Kanishka and asked for her dilemma. I stood up near her PC and helped her noiselessly. She typed the Program same as I wrote but still her program showed 21 errors after compilation. The errors were more due to the complexity trait of structure programs. I examined the program and in most of the places the Terminator (;) was missing. She positioned it in all requisite places but still the errors existed. Teacher saw me helping her and got fired at me. I asked her to check for logical errors and then try to rectify it while moving away. I was continuously observing her from distance and found her stressed. She was still struggling with the program to remove all errors. I wished if I would have got that question and Kanishka would have got my question which was so trouble-free and simple. I couldnt resist my self and again went to her. Teacher saw me this time too and cautioned me for next time or else my marks would get reduced. Teacher started checking everybodys program and this made Kanishka conscious. She tried her best but failed and at last only 3 errors existed. She was gloomy and was on the verge of crying what I detected. I went near her and asked for a sorry for my inconvenience to help her. I made her feel good by cracking jokes and by telling her about others performances which was poorer that hers. I came back home and we talked for sometime. I again apologized to her but she asked me not to be sorry as it wasnt my fault. Three errors wasnt a big deal and thanked me for helping her. After we bid Bye to each other I slept imagining Kanishka near me.

I woke up in the evening and messaged her. I wanted to talk to her and she agreed. I went to the most isolated street in the city for commotion free talk and called her. We were talking on casual topics and then the topic of our relationship popped up. She praised me for my daringness to propose her. She said that she wouldnt have accepted my proposal if it was face-to-face. Suddenly while talking I spoke KANISHKA I LOVE YOU and there was pin drop silence for sometime. I asked her to reply but she was hesitated. I asked her to say it at least once so that I can hear her lovely voice taking my name and after a lot of persuasion she agreed. I dont know why girls do that. Why they cannot be straightforward like us. She just replied I love you too after a long pause but I wasnt delighted. I asked her to say me the way I proposed her taking her name but she asked me to be satisfied with it. I wasnt going to listen to her or giving up and requested her to say if she really loves me. I was recording the call to imprison this moment for the life time and keep it as a remembrance .The beeps after every 10 seconds gave the indication to her that I am recording the call. She asked me three times Are you recording the call?? but I lied and said NO. I posed the beeps to be network problem and she blindly believed it. She suddenly said I LOVE YOU SHREYANSH and I lied that I didnt hear that and appealed her to repeat it again little louder. She again repeated those magical words I LOVE YOU SHREYANSH. with her sweet voice and it touched straight in the heart. Thank youThanks a lotThanx for loving me were only words that I could say to her. She was getting late and so we ended the call. I was so superfluously pleased that I didnt have words to express my happiness. It was truly like a dream for me to listen to those words from her for me. Those words carried magic in them. Those words were said so energetically that it still echoed in my mind and were going to have a lifelong effect on my psyche. All the way while returning to my house, I was reciting those words continually. I listened to the recording for more than ten times that day and at night we talked endlessly. I informed her that I was actually recording the call to keep that moment as a memory. At first she was angry at me but later on she was happy that I said her everything truthfully. If I wouldnt have said then she wouldnt have ever known but I told her because I didnt want to lie to her and hide anything from her. She valued my thoughts and I promised her that I wont lie to her again nor will hide anything from her. We talked endlessly and couldnt make out when it was 2 am at night. So we decide to take leave and slept.

Shreyansh - That day was the best day of my life and Im not going to forget the day ever in my life. She accepted me and loved me. I really want to thank her for loving me. Thanx for loving me Vivan It was such a different style of proposingnicewhat happened after that Shreyansh- Then

Chapter 10- That visit

19th February, 2011. After the practical exams, our preparatory leave for Annual exams started. It was another morning and I woke up and messaged her good morning. Good Morning Dear Good Morning How did you sleep? I didnt sleep whole nightI want to cry.I want someones shoulder to cry on. Why, what happened.did I do anything.I am sorry Yesterday night my cousin brother met with an accident while returning home and he is badly injured.his condition is very criticaldoctors are not answering anything Dont worry deareverything will be all right...he will be fine soon The front grille of the car is badly smashed.. He was almost killed...any how he got savedI dont want to lose my loved onesI am really scared. Dont worry dear.nothing will happen to your brothertrust meeverything will be fine soon. I really want to cry..its eating me up from insideI cannot see him in pain Please dont cry.pleasepleasebe strong.everything will be finenow smile dont you know Kanishka that you have the cutest smile in the world and depression doesnt suits you I wont be able to smile till I see him in good health.I really love him.he is very good and he loves me too I felt like sharing with you all these....you are also a part of my life now

Those words you are also a part of my life now meant a lot to me. I spoke the unspoken feelings of Kanishka. The conversation continued and I was trying to make her feel good. She wasnt ready to listen to me as she was mentally troubled and shocked. We bid Bye and I asked her not to shed tears and be positive and strong. Nothing will happen to her bro. If she feels like weeping she will unquestionably message me or call me. In the midday some close relatives visited my house and I was occupied with them. It was my fathers birthday so my fathers favorite dishes were prepared and we all enjoyed our lunch and celebrated my fathers birthday. The weather became showery and the first drizzle in this New Year started pouring out. It wasnt the rainy season so the rain was mild. A message penetrated my inbox giving happy wishing for the first rain of the year. I thought it would be a pleasure to wish HER too so I forwarded it to Kanishka. We talked for sometime and she asked me to visit her house that evening to take back my Business Studies reference book and return her English notebook. I said that I may come or may not but will try to come if possible. She ordered me that I had to come by any means. Now I had no option but to go. I was setting up for some means so that this situation resolves and I didnt need to go but I was luckless. The relatives departed and I was free. It was already half past five and she had asked me to come at 6 so I started getting ready. I started with brushing teeth then having a shower then wearing spotless fresh clothes, spraying the best deodorants, getting the hair gelled, whiffing my breathes with mouth freshener, etc., etc. I was all unsullied and ready to thump her doors bell. I picked her note book and started toward my destination. 6:30 Pm. All the way I was thinking what to do, how to talk, how to answer, etc, etc. My heart was beating too fast and was about to pop out anytime. I was confirmed that I am always alarmed by Kanishka and even her single thought causes a chaos in my mind and my body. I didnt perceive when I reached her house. Everything seemed quite, unruffled, motionless. I looked into the built-in mirror in my tandem for the last time and pushed the door bell. My heart was out of my control now and I was hell sweating. She came out with my book wearing a big smile. She was looking awesome in Shirt and Denims. The shirt was enhancing her beauty and I was fundamentally stunned. She looked like a fashion model from the catwalk and her great outfit. Barbie in Shirt and Denims. I loved her the way she was dressedPERFECTeverything was perfect from her hairdo to her lip-gloss. Her typical tight Shirt to extra taut Jeans. Her branded footwear to her imported body mist. After staring at her for more than a minute, measuring the whole body, I gave her the notebook and turned to leave. She stopped me sweetly invited to come indoors of her domicile. I rebuffed her that its excellent outside and as the purpose is fulfilled, I should leave now.

She further shocked me by declaring that no one was inside. Her residence was vacant. I went sweatier and stammered while speaking. His bro and her mom had gone to her uncles place where the Hawan-Puja was going on for her brother. I was puzzled; it was like Meri fatt gyi thi I thought of decline her proposal but her inviting smile and charming request forced me to go inside. How could I tell her I was dying to be with her since ages? And how can i tell her that no way was I going to miss such a pleasant opportunity. After all opportunities dont knock the door everyday. I entered her villa unhurriedly crossing the parking area, then the entrance gate and arrived at the lounge. I was standing inside the living room and didnt know what to do. Actually this was the first time as always, I was to some girls house. I was really feeling too awkward. I had never been to any girls house previously so I didnt know what to do, how to react, I was just acting foolishly. She asked me to come inside her room we went upstairs and entered there leisurely. I was again acting like a dumbo and she asked me to sit on the bed. I thought in my mind Aaj to Pura fatt gya yaaraage aur kya hoga We were at the two corners of the bed at least 4 feet away. I had crossed my finger on both the hands and even toes and waited in anticipation. We were discussing on informal topics and then I asked about her brother. She became too emotional while talking about him and was about to shatter tears. To lighten up the atmosphere and twist the topic, I talked about yesterdays call recording. She had asked me to delete that recording and I asked her to delete it herself. She had also said that she wanted to listen it once and then she would delete. So, I took out my cell phone and played the recording and kept the cell phone on bed. She listened to it keenly and asked me to delete it. For this an argument continued for sometime and then lastly she gave me the phone with that recording undeleted. I selected the delete option and the conformation for the delete appeared. I asked her to delete it herself if she wanted. We were talking and my mind desired for knowing the time so I picked up my cell phone and pressed the OK button. I completely forgot that I had selected the recording for deletion and the recording got deleted. Before I could react and cancel the deletion it already showed DELETION COMPLETED. I was shocked. I told her this and her reaction was precisely conflicting to mine. I was heartbroken but she was smiling too broadly. I asked not to be pleased as it was an awful moment for me. But her smile never disappeared and she kept on smiling cutely. I queried her how her mother allowed me to come to her place but the response was the simplest. The first actual reason was of exchanging Books and she further added that she

had already introduced me to her mom as a Bother and as a Good helping friend so it wasnt a problem for her. She gifted me a card. The cover carried the name To U. It wasnt a card made for lovers but could be given to friends. A teddy bear with a heart was stirring inside it on a spring and Friends Forever was imprinted over it. There were many more hearts and on flipping them a promise by her appeared. I liked the card very much and thanked her for that. The card was too unexpected but a beautiful gift. I was feeling frosty in my T-shirt as it was still the end of the winter season but I didnt ask her to switch-off the fan. We continued talking and suddenly the current went-off. It made me ever colder. I thought in my mind Aur kitna faado ke godji... Kanishka moved towards the switch-board and switched on the CFL. After some time the bell rang and she spoke My Mom is back with a big bright smile. This time I was vexed with god, Kuch to chod dothoda saa Now I had to face her mother and her brother too. I was waiting for her rubbing my sweaty hands, thinking what to do and she returned after sometime. I was asking her for my departure but she asked me to meet her mother and then leave. We went to her mother and I spoke Namaste Aunty. She replied back Namaste Beta. The word BETA increased my confidence and I started conversation with her. She was as cute as her daughter and was talking so tenderly that her words put my revolting nerves at ease. She really made me comfortable by her hospitality and I was delighted by her nature. My suspicions and nervousness on How to talk? What to talk? With Kanishkas mother vanished in a second. She asked about Kanishkas performance in class and complained to me about her. She asked me to help Kanishka in her studies especially in Computer Science and I assured her to assist Kanishka thoroughly. Can I be your cute daughters bodyguard aunty, I can protect her from every danger, I said to myself. We talked for sometime and I asked her for my departure but she made me to stay a little longer. She asked me to have Dinner with them and go but it was already too much for that day so I requested her to keep it for some other time. The time had crossed half past eight and I had to leave. I came out of the accommodation while Kanishka escorted me. I looked at her with my eyes filled with love and stared at her beauty for sometime. She gave a naughty wicked smile and asked me to leave and I left smilingly. I was too much happy and joyous as it was a grand triumph for me. I came home smiling and sat in my room thinking about Kanishka. The first look of her in those outfits was driving me crazy. The smile never faded from my face. I envisioned each and every moment we spent together in that lonely room. The smile which flourished for me, the

outfit which she dressed on just for me, the perfume she wore just to make me drowsy. We talked about the time we spent together that night and a lot on romantic subjects.

Chapter 11- Another Visit

28th February, 2011. I was again invited by Kanishka to her place after few days of visiting her house for the first time. She wanted me to write some Computer programs for her with simple logics and then make her understand that. Kanishka was trying her best to make me accept her request and was emotionally black mailing me. I immediately accepted her invitation and notified her of reaching there in next 20 minutes or so. I got ready leisurely and was planning to face the situation. I was too desperate to meet Kanishka but at the same time was anxious and nervous facing her mother. I got ready at a snail's pace and was escaping out of my house swiftly but was clogged by my mother. She asked me as to where I was going, getting so fresh as dew, with clean attire, plunged in fragrance and a puzzled face. I hastily answered her saying that I was visiting one of my friends place and will be back soon. 7:30 Pm. I was trying hard to calm down the lubb-dubb sound of my heart but it was out of my control. I reached her house and messaged Kanishka to appear on the gate to receive me. She came out and we greeted each other. We entered her room and sat on her bed where she was waiting for me with her computer books. She asked me to make her understand the running of a program. I took the book to go through the logic and found it little complicated. Therefore I asked her for a notebook and was simplifying the same logic which would be easy to understand. While I was penning down the logic component she clued-up me that she will be back in a minute. I was lost in the world of C++, hectically writing the program and she suddenly appeared with an array of cuisines. She asked me to keep aside everything and first guzzle the foodstuffs. She said that she wanted me to flavor the food stuffs cooked by her and also the chocolate cake which was specially made for me with lots of love and care. Her actual purpose behind calling me was to make me savor the magic of her hands. As it was my first time feasting with my girlfriend, I was scarily alarmed. I asked her to let me complete the program and then we will start and wrote it leisurely. She kept all the

cuisines in front of me and sat on the other side. She was looking at me and was anticipating from me to begin first Why are you so shy Shreyansh, start naa Girls firstyou start then I will follow you Ooh hoo, its for you, you should start. Ok wait. She reported me cutely to be quick as she too hadnt eaten anything. She wanted to eat with me and was starving. As everybody knows no one can prevail over girls, I took a piece of Bread toasted with butter called Paw, dipped it in vegetable pulp called Bhaji and advanced my hand towards Kanishkas lips. She at once looked at me and a small smile missed her lips and then opened her attractive crimson lips and I placed it between them. I was little unconfident about her reaction at that time but that smile gave me a green signal. She then picked up a piece of Paw dipped it in Bhaji and made me munch. The taste gestured that the Paw Bhaji was made fastidiously and auspiciously. It tasted really awesome. The aroma of butter and its taste was adding more flavors to the whole cuisine. We were talking more and were eating less. She made me aware that Paw Bhaji is one of her favorite Indian chows. I complimented her for this appetizing food which was really great. She made me know that she had made it just for me herself. I was even gladder after hearing that. She knew that a way to mans heart is through his stomach but I had already given her my heart. She was asking me to eat and was just sitting and looking at me. I knew she would be indisputably hungry so I requested her to join me or else I too would not eat. She hesitated in joining me and then I started feeding her. It was really an awesome feeling to feed her. She told me that she can eat by herself and I should eat as the Paw was getting harder and colder at the same time. We were sharing the same plate and it was actually a big thing for me to eat with such a gorgeous girl who possessed me. I really felt myself lucky to have her in my life. She was looking so cute, shyly munching and then giving smile. I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her on lips. Sometimes I was feeding her and some times she was doing the same. I was touching her lips while making her eat and those touches were sending currents in my body. Her lips were really silky-smooth and soft. She was asking me to endow with her tiny bites but I was purposely choosing big pieces to make her eat. She then picked two pieces of Paw and made me eat that for the vengeance.

She asked me to taste the chocolate cake which she had baked for me. This time too, I picked a piece of cake and fed her first. She took a small bite and rest was left between my fingers. She asked me to taste it and compliment her, how it was. I wanted to have it from the same piece from which she ate but I had to pick a fresh piece. I tasted it and it was really nice and chocolaty but nothing like her. Her mother came and brought some more of Paw Bhaji but was disappointed to see our plate still half filled. She kept the plate and asked us to finish it soon but we continued eating at the same unhurried pace. I loved being with her, sitting near her, observing her beauty. I wanted this time to never come to an end and continue for ever. I was even more in love with her after that day. My stomach was already filled with pav bhaji and Kanishkas love and her mother brought Baby corns and Cold Drinks for us. I requested Kanishkas mom to keep it for some other time but she didnt listen to me. It was already 9:30 pm and was quite late. I was struggling hard to escape and then suddenly my cell phone rang and HOME flashed on the screen. I picked up the call and informed my mother that I would be there at home in next 15 minutes. Kanishka was by my side and approximately understood the situation and before I could say anything she asked to at least savor the Baby corn and then I could leave. Again I was abortive over her cuteness and smile and I flavored that too. It was really nice and Kanishka didnt let me go without cold drinks too. I asked for a sorry for my sudden inconvenience and left her place. I returned home and gave my mom tons of excuses concerning where I was. I escaped easily and had to eat my dinner. I had it very little so, my mother inquired if I ate something out side. Now what could I have said, that I was with my Girl Friend in her house and her mothers food had filled my stomach. I informed her that I had some Chinese at a restaurant with my friends. It was our usual time to talk so we started chatting. Thanks for coming to my place and I hope you enjoyed Thanks to you dear for inviting me and making my evening so special... I really loved that when you offered me the first biteI was very much happy at that time It was just from my heart what I did You made me feel so special todayI love you Shreyansh I love you too Kanishka...

Did you like the Paw Bhaji and Cake Dear I loved thatit was really deliciousthere is some magic in your hands...I must saythe Paw Bhaji was so awesome and the cake was as chocolaty and sweet as you are... Its nothing like thatI just made it for someone who is special to me so it became tasty.and thanks for the compliment. I am pleased that you liked it... The conversation continued and we were lost in our romance till we fell asleep.

Chapter 12- Our Exams

7th March, 2011. The exams were fast approaching to kick my ass and screw me up but the preparation for it was sluggish. I was trying my best to study but every time I glanced at the book and started reading, I was unfocused by the perceptions of Kanishka and fall asleep dreaming her. The entire course was left to be studied and I was gripped by the upshot of love potion. The effect of love was acting too much on me. All day long my books would lie unclosed but I was barely able to study. She was in my thoughts. She was in my dreams. She was in everything I looked at. Every instance I wanted to spend with her. Every moment I wanted to live with her. Exams started and kicked my ass hard. Most of my time during the exam hours was engaged in glancing and enhancing Kanishkas beauty. I was concentrating less in my exams and more on her. I looked at her after every 10 seconds and was hoping her to do the same. But she was busy in filling her answer sheets. She was seldom looking at me. When ever our eyes met, both of us smiled and she blushed. Somehow I got back to my senses and completed the exam. This wasnt the right time for these things but it happened. My exams were going quite average and her exams too were in the same state. We were fresh in the relationship so everything was new for us. She was mildly active about our relation but I was vigorously involved in it. We chatted less during the exams and I wasnt capable to digest that. I just wished the exams to get over as soon as possible so that we could talk whole day and night. Few days passed and it was last exam the next day. I was with Abhay at his place preparing for the exam. Half of the course was left to be revised and I was lagging behind

by shortage of time. I was missing Kanishka a lot and wanted to talk with her. It was around 9 pm and I was restless now. I couldnt control my self and I dialed her number, she didnt pick up for the first time. I tried it again and was about to end the call after waiting for more than 40 seconds when she picked up. Hi" Hi" Where were you?" I was having my dinner" Are you done with your dinner?" No I just started eating" Ok then I will call you laterBye" Bye" After 5 minutes I again called and she was still at her dining table. She said that she will call me after she completes her dinner. I waited for her call and after 10 minutes she called me back. Hey. You are ok naa Hmm.hopefully I am okay Did you have your dinner My life without you is so bare, so empty. I forgot to sleep. I forget to eat; I even forget who I am. The only thing I remember is I love you. No Im at Abhays placeI will do after I reach home What happened to you, everythings ok .do you have anything to tell me Kanishka I really love you and want you nowIm missing you a lot...Im not feeling good without you Shreyansh please control your selftomorrow is our examyou should studythat is more importantI too love you

I really need you...Im feeling too lonely without youI wish we could be together Shreyansh I love you, please understand tomorrow is our examplease study now. I really wanted her badly. I didnt know what happened to me but at that instance Kanishka was what all I wanted. We talked for sometime and then she ended the call. After talking to her I felt little better but wanted to be with her. I rushed to my home, had my dinner and we were on messages. A fear to loose her suddenly struck me and I was nutty. I was repeatedly telling her that I really loved her a lot and never wanted to loose her. I was behaving like a small kid. Guessing my condition she called me at around 11:20 pm. This was the first time we were talking late night. She was able to talk this time because her parents allowed talking late night during exams only. I told her everything what I felt for her till date. How much I missed her whole day, how much I loved her. Every time she was on my mind.I could not live without her. She was what all I wanted. Everyday I asked god to keep her as a part of my life till I alive. I was crying and was pleading her not to leave me ever and promised her to always love her. I needed her and would die without her and her love. I thanked her for loving me. I told her that I would have lost faith in love if she would have rejected my proposal. My heart would have broken into million pieces. I wont have been able to love anyone ever again. She saved me from that catastrophe and my love wasnt crushed. She asked me to concentrate on studies as it was our last exam. We had an entire month left for us to talk once the exams got over. She too got little emotional and poured out her feelings for me. She said that she too loves me a lot and needs me. She asked me not to cry and said that, that day she came to know how much I loved her. We talked for almost 40 minutes and it was around 12 in the night. It was quite late and the following days we had to appear for exams so we wished good night to each other and ended the call. I read for sometime and then went to sleep. 8th March, 2011. My eyes were hung on Kanishka all the time during the exam. My heart was crowded with love and only love for her. I was lost in her and was forgot many answers. Although I hadnt studied much but whatever I knew I forgot that too. It was difficult for me to complete my exams but somehow I completed filling up sheets of paper. We came out of the class and I was collecting my bag when I saw Kanishka coming out from class and my love for her again stirred up. I casually asked her how her exam went and all. We talked for sometime and then she went away. We were rarely talking at school campus as it was perilous if anyone comes to know about our relationship.

I came home but today I didnt chase Kanishka till her house. I left the school before her. After sometime she messaged me and asked about my condition. I was normal by that time but still wasnt entirely fine. She tried to cheer me up and lift my spirits and was quite successful too. She made me feel good and we had our usual SMS romance. Two days later we as usually talked at night. I was in a cheerful and romantic mood but I guessed Kanishkas mood was rotten. I guessed something was wrong with her as she replied monotonously. I solicited her to manage somehow and talk to me. She went up to washroom and called me at 11 pm. I picked up the call and found her voice too dry and sluggish. I felt that something was terribly wrong and was eating her up. She was in pain. I asked her if something happened with her. Did someone say anything to her? She denied me but finally she broke down and spoke. Today when I was returning from Shrutis house, Raj saw me going alone and started following meI increased my speed to get back home as fast as possible but suddenly he over took me and stopped his bike in front of me." Whattttthat son of a bitchhow dare he?? He wasnt aloneTwo more boys were with him. They all came near me and What the hell they did with youjust tell meI will kill them... I was already boiling with anger hearing that and had decided to screw up Raj. Taking the advantage of empty road, Raj came near me and gripped my hand as hard as he could and warned me to be careful and not muddle in his affairshe said I am cheap, characterlesshe even tried to What the fuck he tried totell me Kanishka burst out loudly, as hard as to cause everyone to hear her pain. He tried to kiss me. I was in great shock but anger superseded my shock. I was just thinking about what Kanishka had gone through. Ooh fuckdid he kiss you.he is gone nowhe will be fucked in all his holes I am going to drag you to hell man and put a stake through your heart. No...The Patrol Police jeep was coming towards us so he went away but now I am too much afraid of going somewhere alone and more than that I am afraid of him

You dont have to be afraid of anybodyDont worry I am there for you.I will not leave him.I will take the revenge I really need you nowI am so much scaredI hate him He has to pay back more than what he did. I am going to make him regret his whole life for this You please leave it on meits my problem, you arent going to do anything Am I not your Boyfriendthen leave everything to meyou just relax and enjoy his screwing up Few months back Raj was fishing for Kanishka. He was trying his luck in every possible way he could. He started wandering around Kanishka and didnt leave a single moment to come close to her. He used to comment on everything she said and poked in every matter Kanishka was in to. He was enormously trying to flirt with her. Kanishka was marking all this quite for sometime but kept quite. She never liked him and kind of hated him. She thought he is just another guy trying his luck on her but Raj was none of that kind. Raj started following her all the time. He started gathering information about her. He got to know her cell phone number and complete address. He started giving her blank calls and sent romantic messages. He started hanging around outside her tuition and sometimes around her house. She tolerated all this and was waited for the right time to burst out. On a very usual day it was just another nuisance created by Raj in the class. He approached Kanishka for friendship and tried to hold her hands. This was enough to blow up the cap. She warned him not to try to come close to her and never think of being her friend. She said everything what she had marked all these days and lastly slapped him face hard. The whole class was stunned. Everyone just wondered why was she shouting on Raj and then suddenly slapped him. There was a complete silence in the class for a few seconds. No one understood what happened. Then started a loud uproar and teasing. This insult fractured Rajs ego and hit hard below his belt. We talked for sometime and I assured her for revenge and lastly she stopped weeping. I cracked some silly jokes of mine which made her smile and she was better than before. I asked her not to cry as she was too sensitive to emotional hurts. She could cry on any silly issues. I was boiling within and was too much heated. Raj was all that occupied my mind whole night. I just couldnt wait for the next day so that I could make the worst day of Raj to happen. He had bunked all the fences of misbehavior. He needed to be taught a good

fucking lesson. He made my soft, delicate baby cry and touched her. He even tried to kiss her. I was not going to leave him this time. The last time he fought with me unnecessarily, I left him but it was not happening now. I promised myself to smash his balls and make him cry. He was no one to bring even a single tear in Kanishkas eyes. I didnt sleep the whole night and next morning I went with Abhay in search of Raj. He was found near our school returning after practicing cricket in our schools ground. I sweet talked to him and asked him to come with us as I wanted to talk to him, alone. He knew that Kanishka was a good friend of mine and so guessed the situation that something was fishy and rejected my proposal. I again asked him to come with us but he wasnt ready at all to come with us. After we guaranteed him that he wont be debilitated by us, he sat in the bike with us and we went to a lonely street. I stopped my bike and we got down. I was talking with Raj and Abhay was standing beside me. What did you do with Kanishka last evening? When did I do anything to her?? Just dont try to be fucking over smartwhat did you do to her? I just warned her to be careful next time and not to muddle in my affairs Behenchospeak the whole thing. Control your self keep you anger inside your ballsyour blood is hot nowchill why are you so much worried about her he retorted back. Just tell me what you did with her in Nehru Roadshe isshe is a very good friend of mine I was getting angrier with his replies and was about to start banging him, though I didnt wanted to. He wasnt coming to the point and was kicking around the bush. When he asked me why I am so concerned about her, I didnt have any answer. I couldnt let him know that she is my girlfriend and it hurt me too when someone hurt her. I had to say to him Kanishka is my friend. When you already know what I did then why you are asking it againI warned her be careful with me and held her hand Replied Raj You motherfucker tried to kiss her I didnt do that

If you every try to hurt her again then you wont return your home in single pieceand stay away from her Ooh really! What are you going to do? Do anything I will not leave her BehenchoTeri Maa ki I was already angry after Kanishka cried because of him and now he made me super angrier. I held his collar and planted a punch oh his stomach Duuuushh!!! . It was a hard one. He staggered but responded by punching on my back. Abhay tried to intervene but we threw him away. My second punch hit him hard on his face and blood started flowing out from his nose. For the time being I stopped and Abhay ran towards Raj and gave his handkerchief to wipe out the blood. It stopped after sometime. I again planted few punches here and there and stopped. I didnt want to land myself behind the bars for a murder attempt. Dont ever set your dirty eyes on Kanishka; it will cost you dearly. Dont ever try to come on her way, did you get that. Dont ever try to touch her next time or you will be smashed badly I howled and we left him half dead and crying. The issue wasnt resolved yet. Few days later he came with a gang of five rowdy guys. They had come to thrash me. I was little terrified and asked them to fight with equal power if they were real Mard. I called one of my friends who once beat Kush and asked for five-six boys. Within next 20 minutes six boys came in bikes with chains, punches, hockey, wickets, and etcetera. They stopped near us and asked meJaldi bolo kisko dhona hainsaale ka pura garmi abhi utar dete hain I looked at Raj and he understood who he was. I stopped him and asked him to wait. I went near Raj and asked if he still wanted a settle the score. Now we have almost equal number of people. If you still want to fight then you know what will be your condition thereafter. I told you that next time you will not go single piece. These muscular, tough guys will screw you entirely. We can still compromise, choice is yours He looked at every guy standing by my side and said OK What OK?? Do you want to fight?? Noonot that

Then what?? Lets settle the matter ourselves He saw my power and then agreed not to come in my alleyway or in Kanishkas again. We decided not to talk to each other again and behave like strangers. Raj and his squad left and our bunch of criminals went for a treat. I came home and was talking with Kanishka. I told her everything what ever happened that day and today. I also told her why I didnt say anything that day as I knew it before hand, that wasnt the end. Firstly she was angry at me that I didnt tell her anything about this and then thanked me for what ever I did for her. She was too happy that her revenge was complete. She was more concerned about the punch which Raj hit me and was apologetic. She asked me about the pain and injury but I didnt let her know that the punch still hurt. She blamed herself for whatever happened. Why did you do all that for meplease dont do anything like that next time. You know I will do it hundred times if I have toI really love you a lot. I just wanted to take your revenge and it was truly from my heartit pained me too when you were hurtI just want to see you happy Thanks for doing thatyou really love me a lot I can never tolerate a single drop of tear in your eyes Let every pain be mine and every happiness be yours. Im so happy. Im so lucky to have you as mineyou can do anything for me naa I can even die for youI will do anything to make you smile Thanks for everything you didThanx for loving me Thanx to you for loving me Kanishka

Chapter 13- From hands to lips

1st April, 2011. It was another jobless day and I was used to it but holidays were going to end up soon. I woke up and saw Kanishkas good morning message. We were talking and I told her that

I was missing her a lot. I wanted to meet her. It was irresistible for me to stay away from her. I badly wanted to be with her. I was repetitively requesting her to call me at her place as I wanted to spend some time with her and after so many demands, she agreed. She said that I could come today at her place to take back my novel which I gave her few days ago as she had completed reading it and we can spend time collectively. I thanked her being so grateful to me and was excited for the evening. We were at her place, in her room sitting on her bed together. We were maintaining quite a good gap between us as we were not much candid and open to each other. I wanted to feel her soft-squashy hands and so I insisted her to give her hands to me. She tried to play a tiny game with me. She said that if I want her hand then I have to catch them. She was moving her hands here and there and was enjoying my condition. I was feeling little discomfited touching or holding her body as we werent that close to each other. Every time I tried to grab her hands she hid her hands behind her backside and I was stopped from trying to catch her. This game continued for a while and I was annoyed now. I thought of clutching her hands anyhow. This time she again took her hands back and I jumped on her. I got over her and grabbed her hands which were now sustaining her to sit straight and spurned her falling on bed. My lips were just few centimeters away from her and I could feel her warm breath over my face. Her breathings were deep and heavy and so were mine. We were gawking at each others eyeballs and then I left her hands and sat by her. So, can I get your hands maam? Hmmmof courseyou won Thank youmaam My pleasure I was holding both of her hands and we were talking amorously. We were looking at each other and smiling. Sometimes she asked me What happened? finding me smiling and sometimes I asked her the same thing. The atmosphere was becoming romantic and arousing. Her locks fell on her eyes and every time they fell, I put them behind her ears. They again fell and I again did it. I really loved doing that and she loved what I was doing. Her hands were too warm and soft. I wanted to kiss them but I didnt have any basis to kiss her. Once I tried to kiss them but controlled myself as I never wanted to do anything to her devoid of her wish.

She wanted to take her hands away from me being afraid of someones sudden appearance so I too played a game as she did with me. I asked her to take away her hands from my clutch if she could. She used all her vigor to get her hands free and I too increased pressure on her hand. She was trying hard but she was no match to my strength. She gave up and I applied more force on her hand and she opened her mouth little loudlyAaaoooooooohhh.. I left her hand immediately and saw it was all red. She said it was paining and hurting her a little. I felt bad for doing so and asked for a sorry. I didnt know that my force applied will result such a twinge state to her hands. She was making faces which indicated that it really hurt her. I wanted to relieve her and said. I am really very sorryI didnt know that your hands are so sensitive No, they are okaydont be sorry Its hurting you naa Hmmm I wish I could kiss them and make them normal... You can kiss them and make them normal That was an open invitation to kiss her hands so I held her right hand, lifted it up to my lips, closed my eyes and kissed. I saw her closing her eyes too and it seemed that it pleased her. I took the other hand too and kissed. I looked at both the hands and said Sorry you cute handsI hurt youI am sorry and looked at Kanishkas face. She was smiling. She said Now it will surely heal soon We kept talking and while we talked I was caressing her handskissing them.rubbing them mildly. She felt good and was smiling. Time had rolled to 9 pm and I had to leave her place. I stood up and she too got up to accompany me till the gate. I wasnt much optimistic about the positive consequences but I went near her, held her face and hurriedly kissed on her right cheek. She didnt respond negatively so I kissed on her left cheek and then on her forehead and looked at her round gorgeous eyes. She concealed her happiness and only smiled and pretended to be normal. I found a sense of completeness in her eyes and said I love youtake care of your selfkeep smiling.I have to leave nowBye I withdrew my hands from her face and turned to leave though I didnt want to. She held my hand and said I love you tootake care.Bye

So, that confirmed it was a two sided affair. She enjoyed my company and she loved our growing closeness. And every time I feel like kissing her, I need not to suffer embarrassment. What I needed to do was hold her, bring her close and just kiss her. 20th April, 2011. After the results, the session for class 12th started and few days passed away. I had joined Accounts tuitions with Kanishka in the same batch and we often met in tuitions. We usually met at her place under the pretext to study but never did that. We were again together in the evening. I had brought a Red Rose, Kanishkas favorite chocolate and presented her. We were sitting close cuddling each other. The door wasnt locked but was partly closed. She was proving herself too hot for my arms. Her bodys temperature was fairly high or I felt so because I was hugging her too close. I was felling on top of the world and at that moment I didnt want anything except her. She was now everything to me. I was fearlessly kissing her today. It was just hectic on her. I brought her very close to me and kissed her wildly. I was drowned in passion for her love. I assaulted her body and was continuously kissing her, licking her everywhere. I kissed her soft cheeks, her cute nose, her attractive eyes, her round ears, her spotless forehead, her dimpled chin, her long neckeverywhere. I didnt leave any part of her face untouched by my lips except her lips. I didnt have control over me; I wanted to eat her up. I kissed her till I gasped for breath. While kissing her face once our lips brushed each others from a side but we didnt kiss. She was lying on my arms and I was caressing her, playing with her hands, kissing them occasionally, feeling her body, rubbing my hands all over. Her curls falling on her face and I was putting them back behind her ears. Suddenly we felt someones footstep and moved apart. Oooh shit.I got too terrified. My heart beat increased. I didnt want to loose Kanishka. Nor I wanted anyone to see use together in this condition. She went to see who was there but didnt find anyone. She wanted to confirm so went to bring water as a cause. She came back with a glass of water and confirmed that no one saw us together. I was relieved and thanked god for being on our side. She offered me water but I discarded and asked her to make me drink. She did so and kept the glass aside. As she did that I pulled her and she came and fell on my laps. She was in my arms and was hugging me tightly. I gave her a chocolate which i fed to her with my hands. Sometimes she was fed me and sometimes I fed her. Once when she was feeding me I intentionally bite her finger and again got a chance to kiss them, lick them. After eating chocolate she wanted to drink water but she had to go and bring it so I asked her Mera wala chalega kya she thought for sometime and said chalegaI smiled

and so passed on the glass. She sipped some water and said It tastes really good after you tasted it I too asked her to pass me the glass so that I can taste her water. I drank and found it tasting great after she had added her sweet saliva in the tip of the glass. We went back to our talks and I was back to kissing business. Unexpectedly she kissed me on my right cheek and hid her face on my arms in shyness. When her lips touched my face, I felt as if 440 volts current passed through me. I truly felt immensely pleased and hugged her. I badly wanted to kiss her everywhere, every part of her body. I was repeatedly touching her lips, sometimes rubbing my finger over her lips, sometimes playing with her soft lips, etc. I was out of control now and lastly asked her if I could kiss her on her lips. She rejected my approach but I requested her and took my lips close to her. I was trying to kiss but she was moving her cranium hither and thither. I looked into her eyes and my eyes related my desire to her eyes. She asked me not to do so but I tried to convince her. I went nearer to her and unexpectedly planted my lips on her lips and passionately kissed her. She was stunned and didnt know how to react but before she could do any thing, I kissed her again on her lips more passionately.Muuuuaaahhh. Her lips were too much squashy and sweet. Those were the most appetizing thing I ever tasted in my life. After few seconds I left her and looked at her eyes and found her little annoyed. She was upset. She didnt want me to kiss her but I did so. I asked her for sorry but she said Its ok and asked me to leave and I left her house. I came home and was happy but at the same time was feeling guilty for what I did. I shouldnt have done anything beyond her wish. We talked at night and I again asked her for a sorry. I was feeling guilty and promised myself not to do anything with her without her approval. Two days passed and I was still smitten by that happening. I felt behaving dull instead of romantic. I was feeling as if I did a big offense. I was feeling too bad for my deed. I felt as if I had used her for fulfilling my desires. I didnt know why I felt so much guilty after kissing her. Just because I did it forcefully or did it happen with everyone who kisses for first time. It was difficult for me to understand the complexity of love and desire. I could not understand both. Your heart desires for something your mind says something else. The things that seem right and natural to you are all wrong and immoral say the society. She understood that something was eating me up. She asked if I was still thinking about the kiss. She solicited me why I wasnt romantic after that kiss. I felt offended and said everything that was going on in my mind. She tried to make me comfortable. She made me understood that I did nothing wrongit was just love. It was the need of the moment. I just kissed her, nothing more than that. I didnt do any crime. I havent used her instead I loved her. She was happy after the kiss and enjoyed it.

She wanted to kiss me next time we meet and thanked me for that beautiful gift of love. I promised her not to do anything next time without her approval and will always respect and obey her feelings. She didnt mind it much and asked me not to think about it anymore. I was happy and relieved after talking to her. I felt as if a heavy load was taken off from my head.

Chapter 14- The family Outing

1st May, 2011. It was time for summer vacations. That was the last day at school and our holidays were going to start from next day. Kanishka was leaving for Goa next day to spend a few days there with her family and enjoy. I was in my deep sleep but was awaked by a sudden bash when Tanay kicked me and asked me to wake up Be Saale uthh late ho gaya hain AaahhFuck man.whats wrong with you. Have a look at the time Mr. Shreyansh It was an extensive effort to wake up and search for the cell. Finding it with closed eyes was thorny but after a couple of minutes of struggle I searched out and saw the time. It was 6:20 am in the morning. I was still in a drowsy mood and couldnt analyze the time but when suddenly the reality struck my mind the stupor went off. I was heartbroken. Kanishka was leaving for Goa and I would miss seeing her the last time before she leaves. I again slept for sometime and got ready to go to school after the dismissal to see Kanishka. I waited for the let off time and approximately 15 minutes before let off I started towards the school. It was a 10 km journey so I was easily going to catch Kanishka on the way. I went slowly from the same pathway which Kanishka used but didnt find her till I reached school. I asked few of my classmates if she was present in the school or where she was but they said that she had already left sometimes before. Again I back the same path but still couldnt find her. I dejectedly returned back home and waited for her message. Her SMS came and we started to talk. I told her about the reason for being absent and asked about the lessons in school. I told her my desire to meet her, see her at least once before she leaves for Goa. I told her that I went to school but couldnt find her there too. She consoled me saying that she would be returning in few days and there after we could meet and I could see her. Having no option, I had to comply with her.

Her Flight was on the following day at 10:15 am. I hadnt informed her officially that I would be going to the Airport to bid her bye but she knew that I would be coming. It was 9:10 am in the morning and my father called me urgently to his office. The office printer was giving some trouble so he wanted me to get some important pages printed immediately. The other staffs were all busy in work so I couldnt refuse and went to get the work done. I thought to complete the work sooner at a nearby Internet caf instead of going back home. I started my bike drive to the nearest Internet cafe in full speed on fifth gear. I stopped my bike near Cyber world and went inside the Internet caf. I gave the Pen drive to the owner of the caf and asked him to print the word documents named Important. While he was busy getting everything ready for the printing, I rushed back to my bike to collect the keys. I was back and the printing was still going on slowly. Suddenly the Printer stopped and the error on the computer screen appeared Empty cartridges!! Please replace it. The cartridges were empty and needed to be replaced. He neither had any new cartridges to replace the empty ones nor had any other Printer to print the remaining. Having no other option rather than going to the other caf, I paid him the amount and hurriedly went to the next nearby caf. Parking my bike carelessly, I ran inside the Internet caf and asked the owner to print the remaining 20 pages. His Printer was working even more slowly than a Dot-matrix printer and it seemed everything was against me. It was all happening to make me late for the Airport. Now, not going back home and taking print outs outside was proving to be a costly affair. Somehow the works was over within next ten minutes and only twenty minutes were remaining for Kanishkas flight to take off. I ran to my fathers office, handed over him prints and dashed the door without even listening to his Thank you. I was on my way to the Biju Patnaik Airport and my phone beeped and it was a message from Kanishka and it read Byelove youI am leavingtake care I was much more apprehensive now and thoughts of not seeing her last time captivated my mind. I geared my bike to its last and was almost flying without the helmet. Being the fastest Indian on my bike I reached the Airport and Parked the bike in next 8 minutes. I ran towards the lounge and saw Kanishka with her family. The flight was delayed. I was relieved and was breathing like a bull. Her searching eyes were looking for someone in the crowd and I messaged her You are looking too pretty in white Tee and black Denim Suddenly she looked here and there anxiously and found me standing beside a Pillar. Her smile broadened than before and her eyes filled with love for me. I saw some tears at the corner of her eyes and messaged her not to weep or else I would not be able to control myself.

I was standing in such a position that only she was able to see me. Her brother, Aarav was busy in his PSP, her father was reading the news paper, her mother was attending a call and Kanishka was looking at her boyfriend. Her message came I love you so muchthanks for coming I love you too and no thanks I too wanted to see you before you left for Goa I am so much happyI want to come and hug you... Come for sureI too want to hug you You know I cannot Sorry, I am late actually my father got me engaged in some urgent work Its okayno sorry dearI knew you would be coming Did you really know that I will be coming? Yes, because I know you love me a lot and cannot stay away from me Yaa, I really love you a lot and I dont know how I will stay without you all these days I too will not be able to live without youI love you so much Dont miss me too muchyou are going to enjoywe will meet in few days Suddenly the announcement for check-in was done by a recorded voice and Kanishka had to say bye. She messaged me Byelove youtake carekeep smiling Byelove you toohave a happy and safe journey.always smile Day 1 without Her. She went away with her Family to Gate no.-2 and I went out for my bike and waited there for the plane to take off. Few minutes later the Plane took off for its destination with my heart in it. I too went on my way back to home and seeing her plane, I took off my both hands from the handle and blew a big flying kiss to the Plane. I prayed to almighty to bring her back safely and happily. I reached home and took out her photograph and kept looking at it for a long-long time. She was going away from me for the first time for so many days and it was very

agonizing for me. Although she was returning back in 4 days but these four days were going to be like 4 years for me. Somehow I passed the first day but three more days were yet to be lived. She called me once during the day and we talked for sometime. I slept at night missing her, thinking about her. Day 2 without Her. I woke up the next day after she messaged me. She said that she was in a Beach and was enjoying the waves. She said she was missing me by her side too much. We talked for sometime and she had to leave and so bid bye. All day long I missed her and then I called Abhay for going to Tuition but he wanted to sleep. Kanishka had asked me to go to tuition regularly so I went and was alone without my Angel and my friend. Kanishka was a real Angel to me. I generally called her by that name. The other six girls commented and teased me concerning Kanishka and Abhay but I didnt mind that, in fact they were right, I was missing both of them. I returned back home thinking about Kanishka, missing her and her message came. After reading the SMS I had an ear to ear grin. The SMS read Mera JAANU tuition gaya tha kya? The Word JAANU was truly heart touching. She used such a beautiful and cute word that all my sadness flew away. We talked for sometime and she got busy again. Again I had a sleepless night and another day passed without her. Day 3 without Her. Next day she told me about her hectic schedule and also told me that talking would not be possible and I got much more restless and worried. I just wanted her to come back as soon as possible. Whole day I kept worrying about her like mother hen. Did she have her lunch? Was she sleeping well? Is she okay? etc., etc. I knew she had her parents with her to worry but I think thats what love is all about. If she is hurt, I feel the pain. If she is hungry, my stomach grumbles. When she cries, I wake up with my cheeks wet. She stumbles but I fall. We just exchanged a single good night message that night and that was the shortest conversation we ever had. Day 4 without Her. The fourth day was the most terrible for me. I felt lifeless and dumb all day. Most of my day was spent on the bed thinking about her. I was lost in her thoughts. Our kisses, our clasps, our conversations with eyes, everything was revolving in my brain. I wasnt able to do anything except missing my Angel, my Kanishka. I was mad for her. I didnt know how I was going to live without her after class 12 ends up. She was now part of me. She lived and breathed inside me. I never ever wanted to lose her. We rarely talked in these days and that was eating me up. Thinking of all these made me more miserable.

I was waiting for the sun to set and then rise for the next day so that I could see Kanishka. I spent the whole night turning and twisting in bed. I rarely slept and moreover in my dreams I saw that I missed her Flight and couldnt see her. Suddenly I would wake up and look for the time was it 7:00 am or I am late. Sometimes it was 3am, sometimes 3:30am, sometimes 4am. At last I woke up when I could take no more and waited for the clock to revolve to 6am. I got geared up with my teeth brushed, gelled hair, deodorant, Track suit and opened the door to leave. Suddenly I heard my moms voice calling me. I went up to her and she asked me where I was going. Jogging momits good for health was what that clicked my mind. Are you alrightare you going on your foot or bike my mom threw on me. There was no option of taking my bike now so I started running towards the Airport. Few hundred meter after I finally got an Auto Rickshaw and headed for the Airport. I was on time and was some ten meters away from the Airport and someone called my name. I turned and found two of my local friends. They too started pulling my legs finding me jogging. Somehow I managed to escape from their boring talks which wasnt important than Kanishka and ran inside the Airport. I didnt know her Flight no. but I knew the timing of her Flight. It was scheduled to arrive at 8:15 in the morning. I hadnt asked her about her Flight much and so she didnt know I was coming. It was a surprise for her to see me at the Airport waiting for her arrival. It was already 8:45 and her flight had already landed but I didnt find her or anyone of her family anywhere. I knew that she was around me but I couldnt find her. I looked all around but still couldnt find her anywhere. She might have exited from other gate so I ran to the parking but still couldnt find her. I was sad but still didnt lose hope. I looked around everywhere and suddenly saw her Car. Kanishka was sitting in the car and I could only see her from rear in Pink tee and denims. I was delighted seeing Kanishka after four days and couldnt stop smiling and came back home happily. I came back breathing heavily so that my mom thinks that I really had a tiring morning walk and messaged Kanishka Welcome back to Bhubaneswar dearGood Morning Good MorningJust now I reached home HmmI know. Howdid you come to the Airport

Yes, you were in Pink tee and denimsbut I could only see you from back Yaa, I was in those outfitsWhy did you come getting up so early? I wanted to see youthats why I came We could have met in tuitions naa But I couldnt wait till that dear You are just crazy.I love youthanks for coming Thanks to you for coming backI love you too You are too goodyou made my day I saw you early in the morning and now my day will be excellent I got to freshen up socatch you laterByetake carelove you Bye love youtake careKeep smiling She was back and so was my hearth beat. I was relaxed finding her back and was too much happy. Those four days separation was really like four years and I learned that I can never live away from her. Love is getting up early and running those extra miles to have a glance of your sweet heart. Love is remembering the color of her tee and denims. Love is about using the words like thank you and sorry unnecessarily. Love is about not forgetting to tell her how she made your day or how lonely you feel without her. Love is all the small tit-bits of life sounding special.

Chapter 15-Our Birthdays

It was summer and our Birthdays were round the corner. Our Birthdays were on consecutive days. My Birthday was on 14th and Kanishkas was on 15th May. For me, the excitement for her birthday was more than mine. I was preparing for Kanishkas birthday and planning out the whole thing. I wanted to present her all distinct happiness, anyone could ever get. Gifts, an integral part of any celebration, especially in birthdays, they are the most important things. I wanted to give her most beautiful gift but couldnt find anything more beautiful than Kanishka herself.

So, I thought of presenting her a coffee mug with her picture printed on it. I searched over the internet and got a website and ordered for it. I wanted to give her a wristwatch so that every time she looked for the time, the watch would remind her of me. I was looking for a cute wristwatch but nothing was as good-looking as her but at last I got one which was exclusively made for her. A Prada. I wanted her to always smell sweet and seductive so, gifting a Perfume was the only proxy. I went to the gift shop to select a Perfume for her. I was so much baffled that I wasnt able to decide which one to pick. At last I grab hold of very sweet and sensual Gucci perfume which was really seductive and sexy. Every thing I looked on to, I wanted it to be wrapped up for my Angel. I wanted to give her everything I could. I looked for a Birthday card and was again puzzled. Every card had its specialty. I wanted to give her the biggest card available but then thought of how will she hide it, which would be more a love letter and less a birthday card. At last after getting mystified for more than an hour, I selected an average sized card which was the most beautiful among all. I was not done yet. I wanted to give her something which was going to be truly romantic. I wanted her to gift a Gold Ring but that would have been too heavy on my pockets so, I thought of postponing this idea till I have ample funds to buy it. Selecting a nice Wrapping paper was essential too and with them the identical Paper bag made it all perfect. I was done and was just waiting for coffee mug to get parceled before her birthday. It was going to be her most special birthday. I thought of celebrating her Birthday in a Hotel but that was too much chancy. She came up with an idea of celebrating our birthdays confidentially. One of her friends was offering her place for our celebrations. It was a recently constructed bungalow and no one subsisted there which was the supreme advantage for us. She wanted to invite our mutual friends but I refuted her because it was she with whom I wanted to celebrate my birthday, nobody else. It was more that 20 days since I had ordered the coffee mug but it wasnt delivered yet. 14th May, 2011. It was my Birthday and exactly 12 at night she called me and wished me. She was the first one to wish me and that made me more delighted. Someone for the first time wished me at midnight and I was happier than ever. Happy Birthday to you my Jaanu.may god bless you and give you all the happiness of you lifemay you get success in everything you doMay your life be filled with lots of excitement and loveMay the smile from your face never fade awayhappy birthday Shreyansh

Her voice sounded sweeter than honey and cuter than that beautiful star that follows the moon. Thank you dear I love you I love you too Okthen It wasnt possible for us to talk at night as she used to sleep with Aarav and it was too unsafe. She disconnected the call as she was calling me from washroom and then we chatted through SMS as usual. We discussed about the evening when we will be together with each other and soon slept. I woke up when my cell buzzed and it was an SMS from Kanishka. She called me after that when she was alone in her room. She was saying sweet things to me and was praising me and telling me how much she loved me but my mood was little rotten so I was little in active while talking with her. I dont know why I behaving so but I didnt felt good. It may be because of my most horrible day returning after a year. My Birthdays have always been the most awful day for me. I never ever desired for it come again. I always hated this day. The day was going on uninterestingly and I was bored all the time. Missing Kanishka was the most common thing I did after eating and sleeping. Watching TV was also a good way to kill the time so I did that too. I was just waiting for the evening to come. After a long and tiring wait the day finally came to an end. It was 5:30 pm. I took a quick shower, got dressed in a hottest pair of outfit and stood before the mirror to give that extra touch to my hair style with gel. After bathing in the perfume and checking myself in to the mirror hundredth time perhaps and only when felt satisfactory picked my bikes key and left home quietly without informing anybody. I was on my way to Kanishkas friend, Anushas house with a smile on my face and trying to forecast the surprises kept for me. I was going from the main road and saw Kanishkas Scooty parked near a Bakery. I slowed my Bike to look for her and found her footing inside, collecting a box, perhaps her order for a cake. After seeing her, an enormous grin broadened my lips and I sped up my bike and went to buy some chocolates. I was too happy after seeing her. She was really looking like an Angel. I was on the way and called her to ask where she was. She crossed me and we talked by phone. I asked her to reach there and then call me. I was standing quite a distance from Anushas house and was waiting for Kanishkas call. After 15 minutes of waiting she called me and asked me to come. I went on but was little nervous as it wasnt feasible to be with two girls alone in a house. They were waiting on

the entrance gate and I reached them. Both of them wished me and then Kanishka took me to a room bedecked with flowers and bouquets. I waited for some time and then they came with the cake. They asked me to incise the cake but I felt incomplete without Kanishka so, I held Kanishkas hand and asked her to cut the cake with me. They both sang the Birthday song for me and then I fed a piece to Kanishka and vice versa. It was my favorite chocolate cake and I loved Kanishka for remembering it. She presented me a bag full of gifts and I had to accept those. Messing up the cake on each others face initiated and I took a big piece with lots of cream and abruptly place it on Anushas face. She was shocked and got irritated. She wiped it off and then it was my turn to get dirty. Anusha did the same thing with me but was more slaughtering. My face got oily with cream and it needed a wash. I went up to clean myself and then we all three enjoyed the cake. Anusha was with us for some time but then she left us and went to another room for studying and we were left alone in the room. I went on to the door and Kanishka was confused what I was doing. When I locked the door, she just uttered NO...NO PLEASE... but I didnt listened to her. I came back and was with Kanishka on bed. She looked stunning and the fragrance of her perfume was driving me crazy. I was licking her neck, kissing her lips, biting her cheek. I was all drowned in her love. She was in my arms and we were busy smooching. I was biting hard on her lips and was making her to yell. Doing so we fell on bed and were lying alongside, still eating each others lips. We were fighting with our tongues and were swapping saliva. We got too intimate and would have crossed our limits when suddenly the door knocked. Bang!! Bang!! Bang!! Kanishka We both freaked out and started to shiver. Yaa, coming . I spoke and went to open the door, setting my messy hair. Its an emergencymy uncle is coming to meet me hereNOW WHAT.??? Are you kidding?? was my reply. No yaarI am serious What should we do nowWHAT THE FUCK?? I barked irritated. You get into the washroom for sometimeand Kanishka you tooI will do something shortly Anusha said and left us.

She hadnt informed anybody that we were going to celebrate my Birthday and now her mistake or we can say her smartness was going to muddle everything. We both ran to washroom adjacent to the room and concealed ourselves. Kanishka was well known to Anushas family and so it wasnt a quandary for her but the crisis was me. We were in washroom and Kanishka was getting anxious. She was about to burst out any time. I saw her beautiful eyes roofed with tears and hugged her tightly. She was asking me for a sorry for what ever was happening with us but it wasnt her fault. In fact it was nobodys fault. It was just my misfortune which didnt leave chasing me even on this Birthday. I knew that my birthday cannot end un-touched without any mishap. She was hugging me more securely and was gently murmuring. I heard her voice and saw her sobbing softly. I lifted her cute face and unsoiled it from tears and sweat. I asked her not to be worried about me as nothing could happen to me when we were together and again hugged her. Anusha knocked the door of washroom and asked me to scamper through the lounge. She made her uncle sit in her room so that I could escape and I escaped. It was a very narrow escape. I still had the hangover of the event that almost knocked me off. Every thing was going to be shattered but nothing happened. I went to a Bakery and ordered for a Butterscotch cake for Kanishkas Birthday as it was her favorite flavor. I made some more preparations and came back. I felt my head being banged by a sledge hammer and I was having a bad head ache. Kanishka called me and she was feeling too sorry. She was sorry for what ever happened to me. I somehow made her realize that it wasnt her fault and she became normal. I felt better talking to her and it was time for the next bang. She promised me that nothing like today would happen tomorrow and it will be best day for us. We were messaging texts and talking but I was waiting for the day to end and the finest day of year to begin. 15th May, 2011. It was 12 Am and I called Kanishka to wish her before anyone does. But after a few seconds a recorded voice said The costumer you are trying to speak to is BUSY at the moment WHAT THE FUCK.FUCKKKK.WHO IS SHE BUSY WITH??? I was irritated. Someone called her before me and wished her. I again called and again that recorded voice repeated. I was hopeless and again called. The third time the call got connected and she picked the call. Many happy returns of the day to my ANGELWishing you a very Happy Birthday may you live more 1000 yearsmay your beautiful, radiant face glows forever and you become more beautiful by every passing nanosecondmay your sweet, innocent, soft voice never loses its appealI wish that mesmerizing smile of yours never faces away

from your lipsI wish you always get more than what you desireI wish your zero size figure always remains zeroso that you dont have to be on dietmay this birthday brings tons of happiness in your lifeI love you I spoke happily. Thank you baby for such a sweet wish was her reply. By the way, who was on the call Actuallyhe was one of my cousin brothers Shiitttt.He wished you before meI failed to wish you first No babyyou wished me firsthe called me before 12 but you were perfect I love you Ok We hung up the call and communicated through text messages. I was sad for failing to wish her First and was exasperated. We continued talking through message for sometime and then we slept. The day was going to be an eventful one for us. We talked for sometime in the morning and then got engaged with work. My coffee mug wasnt delivered yet and I was loping for it. I again went to the courier office and they again informed that it hadnt been received by them till now. I enquired and depleted 3 hours there but they didnt discover my parcel. I ranged up at all the Regional Offices but it was no where to be found. The records in computers said that it was received by the Regional Head office but got misplaced. It got delivered somewhere else. The gift which was going to be the most special one was missing. I was too much angry and lost all faith in online purchases. I decided not to purchase anything from that website and never use that courier service ever in my life. I was sad. I came back empty handed. I still hadnt prepared the card for Kanishkas Birthday. I opened the Internet but the server was down. Somehow I managed to pen down a few beautiful sonnets and then wrote them on the card. I thought of writing a poem for her and composed it from my innermost heart. Tum ho to sab kuch hain, Tumse hi sab khushiya hain, Tumse hi to duniya hain, Tujhe paa karr humne jaana, Is duniya ka mel-milana, Ab bas aur kuch nahi chahte hum,

Aap rahe mere sang har dum. It wasnt a good poetry but just expressed my true feelings for her in this few lines. I clad up in formal shirt with faded denims, took everything and headed for the celebration. On the way to Anushas house, I took the cake, refreshments, a big package of her favorite chocolates, roses, etc. I reached outside Anushas house and called her. Hey, is everything all set and the rose decoration I asked. Yaa, everything is done, where are you... Anusha asked. I am at your door I went inside Anushas place with gifts and other things loaded in my bike cum delivery van and got busy arranging everything. The decoration with Rose on the walls by the decorator was awesome and was making everything romantic. Kanishka came and I escorted her to the room. She was fascinated with the decoration and kissed me on my lips. The room was decorated more for a Honeymoon-night and less for a Birthday celebration. I presented her the gifts, the special Red Rose to her and went up to Anusha in another room. We got prepared and came with cake and everything. Kanishka was very happy and gave me a "you-are-the-best-lover" look. She asked me to join her in cutting the cake and Anusha and myself crooned the song for her. We partied, ate, danced for sometime and the Anusha left us like yesterday. She was in another room and was studying. I went up and again locked the door like the last time. Kanishka was sitting on the bed and was blushing as if it was her SUHAGRAAT. I went up to her on the bed and clasped her close to me and gave a tight hug. The air conditioner was ON and was making us chilled. I clutched her from her waist and was conversing delicately whispering in her ears and kissing them. I brought her more close to me and was kissing her on her neck then on to face and gradually moved on to lips. It was getting hard in my boxers and was again embarrassing me as always. We came closer and closer and then I lifted her and transported on my lap. We were hugging each other more compactly and were kissing on lips. The milieu was getting hotter and alike were turning us. I pusher her on bed and was now on top of her. She was asking me to move but I seized her firmly and started kissing her lips, then on her neck, and then gradually reached her upper chest. I was biting her lips harshly, sucking them, and flavoring them but she pushed me away with force.

She gave me Dont-do-that look and wanted me to kiss her sitting on bed. I again started munching her skin and yet again got over her and asked her not to move and cooperate. I inserted my hand under her back and started kissing her horizontal lips. I was running my hands all over her body and was kissing frantically. Suddenly the current went off and consequently lights too. Silence and darkness roofed the room. She asked me to open the door but I stopped her. I kept lying on the bed and brought her over me. She was now no more speaking and her eyes were shut. She was responding to my kisses now lying on me and her curls were falling on my face. I was kissing her lips leisurely, adoring her body, playing with her hair, all at the same time. My junior was trying hard to come out of my boxer and was making me undergo ruthless shame. We rolled and I was again reclining on top of her. We were still kissing and were lost in each other. We were twisting and twirling our tongue, fighting with them, bartering saliva, biting each others lips, just lost in each other. We were rolling on each other, sometimes she was on me and sometimes I was on top of her. The lights suddenly illuminated and she escaped from my arrest. I again caught her and brought on my lap and continued with my love making. Kissing her from spotless forehead till her hot upper chest, from her thin finger to her tender arms, from her cute ears to her long back neck, I was behaving crazy. I was giving her utmost pleasure to make this beautiful day more amazing for her. I was running my hands and my lips all over her body. Suddenly Anusha knocked the door and asked us to leave as it was getting late and we had been together for more than a couple of hours. I asked her to give us more five minutes and within that I kissed her allover her body. We left and I came back home being the happiest person in the world. Kanishka called me and thanked for the gifts as she really liked them and appreciated me for my x-factor in selecting such beautiful gifts. Vivan- You two really made her birthday memorable Shreyansh- Yaa, we really enjoyed our birthdays a lot and came too close Vivan- Then what happened next Shreyansh- Then we

Chapter 16- That Wedding

7th June, 2011.

10:20 Am Biju Patnaik Airport, Bhubaneswar. I boarded my flight destined for Delhi and was sitting at the window seat beside Dheeraj Bhaiya. I was overflowing with excitement and was over eager to reach Delhi. The excitement wasnt for my cousin Sisters wedding which I was indented to attend but was of meeting Kanishka. She left for Delhi three days ago to her maternal granny to have a congregate and spare some time with her. 2nd June, 2011. Kanishka informed me about her Delhi trip and made me almost dull and vexed. She was leaving me again but this time she was going too far. I didnt want her to depart but she had to. I was too apprehensive and so wanted to know everything about her outing. When she would be leaving, time, flight number and Airline. Where she would be staying, Area, colony, complete Address. When she will be returning again time, Flight number and Airline, etc. I was going to see her after a week. I was already sad and she added some more sadness saying that it would be too difficult for her to talk to me there. I was disconsolate. I was too addicted to her and without talking to her my days were always incomplete, my nights were always sleepless. Only two days were left in my hands and I wanted to enjoy these days so gratifyingly that I could live with those reminiscences for next seven days. I was going to drain each second from these two days and entirely utilize the time. I was going to make the best use of the available technologies with me. The first day we talked long hours in phone sometimes she was in washroom, sometimes I was in terrace. Sometime I was peeing talking to her; sometimes she was eating and telling me the taste of food. Sometimes Priyam was on the other side of my receiver for my mother when my mother caught me talking and sometimes Shruti came to Kanishkas rescue when she needed her. We made hundreds of short video calls to see each other persistently; sent hundreds of quixotic SMS, flew thousands of kisses to each other. We talked how much we would be missing each other. She would be busy with her relatives and I would be dying each moment. How much I would be lost in her thoughts all day long. Without talking to her how passing each second would be like living million years. Without asking her about her sweet dreams and her cozy sleep how my mornings would be bare. Without soliciting her to take her dinner, how my dinner would be unfinished. She got very emotional and declared that she would come to my house, will kidnap me and will take me to Delhi with her if I will miss her so much but I was surely going to miss her, A lot.

Next day I asked her if we could meet somewhere before she left for Delhi and decided to meet at Century Residential Colony. Century Residential Colony was one of the well known Residential colonies owned by Private Builders and was a hot spot for lovers to meet at. High buildings with big parking areas were an excellent hideout to meet confidentially. Dreaming about Kanishka and waiting for her call I fell for a small nap. I woke up when she called me after an hour and asked to reach at Century Residential Colony shortly as she was about to leave from her house. She asked me to bring Abhay with me as Shruti too was coming with her. With half sleepy eyes I went to Abhays place to convene him to come with me. Abhay was in a relationship with Shruti but always wanted to stay away from her. Contradictory to him, I was crazy for Kanishka and always wanted to be with her. Being away from her was like existing without my heart, my Jaan. Hey broI want you to come with me Where?? Actually Kanishka is leaving to Delhi for a week and I wanted to meet her. She has asked me to bring you too Cmon yaar.you dont need to ask forjust orderI am coming Dont be so happyShruti wants to meet youand she is coming too I just remembered some work.its urgentand I cannot ignore it Saale bahane mat banao I really have some work dude You are coming with meshe is your girlfriend and our Bhabhi yaarwhy you always try to swing away from her We went to Century Residential Colony in my 220 and haunted for them. They were waiting for us at the Parking area of a Building located at the end of the settlement. Kanishka called me and directed exactly where they were and we reached. She was in a pretty Red color body hugging Tee and Jeans. She was looking damn hot and gorgeous. Her inviting smile stretching the lips with dimples on her cheek added more to the prettiness. Girls look awesome in Red and Pink but when it comes to my girl she was always stunning.

We reached them and I left Abhay with Shruti and took Kanishka aside. Kanishka and I went little far away from them and I held her hand. She suddenly articulated at a thunderous pitch ouchhh What happened.??? Nothing Please tell me. I looked at her hand. There was a Band-Aid fastened near her wrist. How and when did it happen? Actually yesterday Shruti and I were roaming in my Scooty and suddenly a dog from nowhere came onto the road and then we met with a small accident Is there any other place where you got hurt? My left knee too was bruised I tried to look for the injury but how could I find them over her denims. Is it paining now Noo.not muchI am finedoing worry baby, nothing will happen to meyou are with me naa. And you didnt even feel the need to inform this to your Boyfriendhmmm.. I made a livid face. I knew you would be worriedthats why.sorryI love you naa baby she whispered and gave a seductive, murderer smile and I robotically smiled back for the reply. You are looking too beautiful and pretty Thank you I looked here and there and didnt find anyone around. I looked at Abhay and Shruti and found them standing away from each other with cell phones in both the hands. They were talking through messages, silly ideas out of Abhays brain. Finding my way clear I held Kanishkas hand and kissed her where she got hurt and said I love you...nothing should happen to youplease drive carefully It was an open parking area so we couldnt kiss on the lips but I kissed all over her hand. Suddenly I looked around and saw a lady staring at us from a window of another building. I was terrified and left her hand. I asked her to leave so she went up to Shruti and they left. After a while we two too left the place and came back.

I called her and we talked over phone and it was the last time before she absconds for Delhi. Will you call me at least once in a day and make me know about your wellbeing Yes, Jaanu I will surely try to call After a long pauseTry. She understood my stipulation and the heaviness of the word. I will call you Jaanueveryday You will take your supper in time naa You will take care of yourself and your mom too Surely Jaanuand thanks for caring for my mom I was getting poignant and my eyes swelled with tears. I was about to explode anytime and tears started rolling down from my eyes few seconds later. I wasnt making any noise so that she couldnt hear me crying but she recognized it. Are you crying my Jaanu N.no but my profound voice and blocked nose confirmed her. Why are crying babyI am just going for few daysI will be back in a weekI love you naa Jaanuif my Jaanu also loves methen he will not cry My sobbing became immense and was perceptible to her. Please dont cryingbeing a girl I am not crying and you are shedding tears I love youI really love you a lotI just love that when u say Jaanu to me I love you my Jaanmy heartmy lifemy everything Promise me you will not cry any moreI am not going to Delhi anymore Why wont you goare you okay Jaanu you are behaving like a babyand how can I leave my baby in this condition No.noI will not cryI just became a little sentimentalI am fineyou are going to Delhi

Promise Jaanu I swear I will not cry She consoled me sweetly and I was falling more and more in love with her. A feminine voice went though the receiver to my ear signifying Kanishka beta. she had to end the call and go, her mother was waiting for her. It was more than an hour since she was pretending to her mom that it was Shruti on the other side. 4th June, 2011. She left for Delhi at 8 Am from the Biju Patnaik Airport, Bhubaneswar. She had asked me not to come to the Airport or else she wouldnt be able to take her flight. I surpassed three days in gloom and isolation. The hallucination of love we shared in each others arms replayed persistently in my head. She called me few times but the call didnt last more than few minutes. Most of the time some or the other one was around her. She was missing me as much as I was. In my pursuit for love I had ignored the other aspect of love Separation. But love is about cherishing thats wonderful and meaningful in your life and not complaining. 7th June, 2011. The almighty felt pity and showed some kindness to me. My mother offered me a proposal if I would be interested in attending my cousin sisters wedding. Without getting fully aware of the details of wedding, I rejected it. I was already dying without Kanishka and the wedding was going to add salt to my wounds. Shreyansh beta Yeah..mom.. Are you alrightyour eyes are rubyhave you started drinking No momyou know I wont ever drinkI am just not well Okay.I trust you betabut what happened to you she held my hand to check if I had a fever. I am finenothing muchWhy did you call me??? Beta, are you interested in attending your Manisha dis wedding NopeI am going to my roomI am not well Beta at least listen to me.the wedding is in Delhi

What did you say just nowwhere is the wedding Delhi. My all subconscious cells and organs got stimulated and a ray of hope to meet my Kanishka rose somewhere at the corner of my heart. I already had the address of her residence in Delhi so it wasnt tough to find her. When is the wedding On 9th You mean this 9th Haan.are you going Why not! Why didnt you tell me that beforehand? When do I have to go? Tomorrow my flaccid face glowed with a smile. Rectificationa big smile Dont be so happy...you are not going alone the limpness again returned Who else will go I was little tensed. Your Dheeraj Bhaiya will go with you Ooh.okayno ProblemI will handle him again a smile appeared on my face Manisha di was the only daughter of Tushar uncle who is a distant relative of us. She was getting married in a wealthy business family, someone who were counted among top class business-clan of Delhi. My uncle too was a rich personality and was going to bestow his daughter grandly. I wanted to keep it a surprise for Kanishka so I concealed this information. Everything was set. I was going to run away as soon as I touched down in Delhi. Dheeraj bro was friendly to me so there were no obstacles that can stop me from meeting to my Angel. My Kanishka. My Jaan. Back to the present. I was at the window seat looking outside the sheet of glass. All set, with seatbelts fastened in every seat and hot Air hostesses showing their smooth legs, the aircraft was taking off from the runway for Delhi. Few minutes later it was flying in the air. Dheeraj bro was listening music in his I-pod and I had no one to talk with. I too didnt disturb him and got lost in thoughts of Kanishka.

I was thinking what my life would have been without Kanishka. If Kanishka wouldnt have been in my life then I must have been some other guy. The guy who flirts around with every girl. The guy who sleeps around with everyone. The guy who is better known as a Stud. If I wouldnt have got my first love then I would have surely stopped believing in love. I would have lost faith in true love and everlasting relationships. My life would have been empty. I might have developed bad habits. Then no one would have been there to listen to my feelings, to console my crying heart, to treat me like a small baby. No one would have been there to love me, to care for me so immensely. No one would have been there to lift up my spirits when I would be sad. No one would have been there to hug me and make me feel complete. But I got her, my love, my first crush. Kanishka is mine and is with me. She is always there to love me every time. She is always there to hug me and kiss me. She is there to keep me away from bad habits, from drinking, from smoking and from drugs. She is there to care for my health and my studies. She is always there to make up my rotten mood. She is always there to make me understand whats right and whats not. She doesnt go for sleep until she makes me sleep. She always talks to me when I am sleepless. She helps me in coming out of every dire situation and shares my every pains and sorrows. She is always fun and interesting to be with. Now, I truly believe in love, true love and everlasting relationships. I feel so complete with her. I am not alone in the race of life now. I got a reason to live. Its been four hours since the plain was flying in the air and finally it landed on its destination, Indira Gandhi International Airport, Delhi. A Mercedes was waiting for us and took us to Taj Ambassador Hotel. The car stopped at the entry gate and we were grandly welcome by two lady attendants in tight scarlet sari giving cute smiles. The first lady offered us bouquet of flower and the other one escorted us to our room effortlessly. The hospitality wasnt over yet. We were treated with utmost care and ecstasy. The luxurious 5 star hotel room was not less than a heaven. From bed to couch, fridge to locker, face wash to hair gel everything was already at the service. The 8 inches thick cot was the most comfy bed I had ever relaxed on. We went to meet Manisha di who was ours for today only. Tomorrow she was going to become someone elses. We met our other relatives too and I had to touch all the relatives feet (Our Indian tradition) to whom Dheeraj bro said Namaste. Most of them were totally unknown to me. The function was in the evening and I had ample time so I thought of giving a surprise visit to Kanishka. She was really going to love it. I went to reception and desired for a car and after confirming it from the manager I was issued a personal car. I informed my bro that I am going for some shopping and sight seeing and will be witnessed soon.

I asked the driver of Pajero to take me to Lajpat Nagar where my Kanishka was residing. I remembered the address and without much difficulty, we reached the given address. It was the bungalow of Kanishkas maternal uncle. I called Kanishka but she didnt pick up the call nor the first, second or the third time. The call was about to end the forth time when she picked the call. Hhelloooo.. Hey...where were youI had been calling for such a long time Actually I was in the bathroomtaking bath Now Yes Ok get ready in Five minutes.I will call u later onbye Buttt. I ended the call. The Pajero driver asked me if I was waiting for somebody but how could I tell him it was my Angel for whom I came flying from so faraway. I waited for ten minutes and called her again. Helloo Helloare u ready Yaaalmostbut what is it to you if I am ready or not Can you come to anyone of the balconies from where the main street can be seen Yaa.ok I am going but whats the matter First you come dearyou will know everything Okay After a while she appeared at a balcony. Surpriseeeeee Oh my god.Shreyansh she saw me standing at the footpath outside her bungalow. How is the surprise I just loved it.I love you Jaanu

I am so happy to see you againnow I feel I am aliveI love you too baby... Did you come here just to meet meso sweet Actually I had come to attend my cousin sisters wedding ceremony but now I feel that my purpose of coming is fulfilled Ooohniceand thanks for the beautiful surprise It was you who induced me to come from Bhubaneswar to Delhi I love you for that You are looking gorgeous in those wet hair Thank you Jaanu So, when are we meeting. Here in Delhi Of course here only But wherehow will I escape That you manageI came flying over five states to meet you, now you have to plan something to get us together Ok JaanuI will definitely do something. Thanks and I am returning on 10th.so plan something before that Surely baby.mom is calling mecan I go Yaa.. Bye Jaanulove you Bye baby.Muuuuaaahhh. I blew a flying kiss which she grabbed and replied me too with three flying kisses and I grabbed it with my lips. I returned back after a little shopping and on the way the Pajero driver asked me about Kanishka. Girlfriend

Hmmm. No problem Hmmmm She was so happy to see you I was happier than her I also used to do all these crazy things for my girlfriendbut now But nowwhat She is my wife and not my girl friend Oohnice. I came back and it was already evening and went to attend the Ladies Sangeet. I couldnt understand that when its Ladies Sangeet why we gents were invited. The dance performances from both the bride and the groom side were going on and from our side there were.hot chicksand oh my god!! They shook the floor with their performances. Only one compliment for them came onto my mouth Ye Delhi ki ladkiyamindblowing I fully enjoyed the program and was too much tired and slept on the cozy boozy bed after dining in the buffet hall that served the most mouthwatering culinary delights. Next day was the wedding so, all were busy in all the customs and rituals of wedding and no one cared about me and I too wanted that. Kanishka informed me that she was going for a movie at the Satyam Cineplex in Nehru Place for night show (9-12) and we could meet there at interval or in-between the movie. The wedding ceremony was going to start at 10 Pm and I had to be present there anyhow. I was entirely mystified what to do? Whether to attend the wedding or go to Kanishka and at last decided to go for the movie to meet Kanishka. Love conquers all. I went to the Satyam Cineplex at Nehru Place. I was going to the Ticket counter when I bumped with a guy. He was around 20 and looked smart. I picked up his ticket and saw the seat number 24 and 25 which was for the night show and passed it to him. We exchanged smile and he left. I booked a ticket for the same show which Kanishka had opted for and got the seat number 26 which was subsequent to that guys seats. I got ready for the wedding and informed Dheeraj bro that I will be returning soon. As planned, I took the same Pajero and went to the Cineplex. The show was about to start

and I entered the Theater. I searched for my seat and found it beside a girl. I went to sit and was totally amused and didnt believe my fate. Kanishka was sitting with the same guy who had bumped with me at the ticket counter. As always she looked cute and beautiful. I got to know him to be her brother and occupied my seat next to her. The movie started and so my eagerness to talk to her but that wasnt possible so I sent a message and we started messaging each other. I want to touch you. Are you nutsI am with Bhaiya Please its been 6 days since I touched you Jaanu noo. Okaycome outside the theater after five minutes.I am leaving now Ok I came out of the theater and she arrived 10 minutes later. We went to the rear of a car at the Parking lot and as soon as we were away from the public eyes, I started kissing her on lips and she too responded hungrily. It was a long breathless kiss which turned her lips red made her gasp for breath. This is the best thing in the world for me I told to Kanishka. For me too she replied. I feel so complete after kissing you I was dying to kiss you and touch you Thanks for being a part of my lifeThanx for loving me Thanks to you for coming in my life.I love you Jaanu Our lips had parted but my hunger for her wasnt fulfilled. I again seized her head back and placed my lips over her and again started kissing passionately. I thrust my lips into her mouth and tasted her saliva. She tasted sweet. Then I again returned back to her lips and nibbled at it hard almost biting her. She tried to get away but I vehemently hard pressed and kissed her more cruelly. After a long kiss I let her lips go. Looking at her eyes and finding her in my arms I felt like there was no tomorrow. I embraced her tight in my arms and brought her more

closer. The air was becoming optimistic but that wasnt the right place for romance. But I did not want to leave her. I started kissing her neck and wanted to eat her up. My phone buzzed to disturb me which irritated me most. Dheeraj Bhaiya. the screen flashed and I was shaken for a while. I attended the call and he almost barked at me and demanded to meet him as soon as possible and ended the call. Kanishka and I kissed for the last time and I left the place. I sat beside the drivers seat and asked the driver to fly the car. We flew at 120 km/hr and reached the Hotel within next 20 minutes. It was already 10:30 pm when I reached and a long lecture from Bhaiya welcomed me. We went for the dinner and then to the centrally air-conditioned wedding foyer. The rituals were going on and were about to complete. I was getting bored so I started staring at hot girls and aunties. I was trying to guess out the correct statistics of their curves and was using my time productively. The wedding rituals got over and Manisha di was now married. She got tied in many new relations and was different person for different people. She became daughter-in-law of somebody, sister-in-law of someone else, wife of her husband, Bhabhi for her Dewar and so on. We went to our bed after the Bidaai of Manisha di and few drops of tears rolled down my eyes seeing her weeping. Everyone else in the mass was weeping and made the environment cheerless. Next day we boarded the flight from Indira Gandhi International Airport and returned back to Bhubaneswar. Kanishka too landed the same day but from different flight.

Chapter 17- Fight! Fight! Fight!...

5th July, 2011. It was a typical morning and the sun has raised normal. I was sitting in the same hard, tiresome, uncomfortable chair at school pretending to understand every bit of what John Keats wanted to say but my heart was demanding to talk to Kanishka who was sitting too far from me. A small mistake was all that did it. I used to sit beside Kanishkas bench just next to her and talked to her whenever, whatever I wanted to but now it was no more like that. Once during Accountancy class I was getting too bored. I casually moved my hand on the back seat where Mr. Abhay used to sit. I was in a naughty mood so I plucked his chest

Ooohthose are getting bigger day by day yaarusing some oil or capsules I mocked. He was in a serious study mood and grabbed my hand the next time I tried that. He pulled my right hand with all his force and made me wince in pain. We were in a friendly mood and were having fun. Suddenly the discipline-in-charge of senior secondary section plummeted from nowhere and caught us in the act from the window. We saw him and Abhay left my hand. We were been already alerted by our brains that we are going to be fucked up and then we were called by him. He charged with fighting in the class in the presence of a teacher. We were seated apart from each other but the worst thing was that my place was changed and not Abhays. I was sent to the other corner away from Kanishka and my group of friends. I was strictly instructed to park myself there only for the whole year. Rules are made to be broken but my list of breaking rules was so long that I couldnt afford breaking another rule meant for me. After that incident my mood usually used to be rotten. I wasnt smiling any more. I was away from everybody and it hurt me the most. Back to the Present. Kanishka just had a small fight with Abhay in our issue and she looked pissed off. I wanted to know the whole issue and hence wrote a note on a small piece of paper, placed it inside the book and passed it on which finally reached her. What was he saying? Nothing, I was abusing him for sending you so far from us Kanishka replied. I am missing you all here, I feel so lonely without you I too am missing you a lotwithout you around, its all so lifeless The chits were continuously exchanged and were somehow reaching safely to us. But every time we passed chits, Abhay and Tanay were trying to grab it so as to know the topic of discussion. I was sensing threats from both the assholes and so gestured Kanishka not to pass any more chits but she overlooked me and sent two chits at a time which Abhay grabbed while she was passing through someone. The teacher was in the class but still I ran to snatch it from them. I jumped over the empty benches and tried my best but Abhay had already positioned it inside his pocket and I was unsuccessful. Teacher saw me, shouted at me and instructed me to take my seat.

On the other side Kanishka was just sitting inoperative in her place and didnt even try to take those chits from Abhay. She thoughts that boys would obey her even in this situation and was just trying to convince Abhay to give it back to her. I was getting tremendously angry on her foolishness and would have done something really very wrong. Abhay and Tanay read both the Papers and were giving wicked smiles. After both of them read it, it was passed on to me but I was so annoyed that I didnt even read it. I slashed it into small bits and threw it on the floor. Kanishka just hid her face and that made me even angrier. She was inviting a big fight between us and provoked it, when she didnt raise her head till the departure time. A rough riding which tempted big accidents thrice, but I reached back home unharmed. She had lured a fight between us and switching off my cell phone was the first step I took to take it further. I was so fucking angry that I couldnt control myself. I didnt have my lunch nor talked to anybody. I was just thinking how to escape from this situation. Tanay was exasperating me and was teasing me that he knows everything between me and Kanishka. Today it was confirmed that you and Kanishka are in a serious relationship Tanay said. Whatwhat are you talking about? I barked at him. Havent you read what was written on those chitsI love you jaanuI really dont feel like here without you What the Fuck are you saying.what the Fuck is this Jaanu. I pretended shocked. I know what you did behind the door and on the bed in your and her birthday in a locked room. What the fuck are you sayingthis is all nonsense.who said you all that fucking rubbish Your love letter which you dropped yesterday while leaving the class. What the fuckI never wrote any love letter and for whom will I write a love letter For your Kanishka dudeI had come to know everything about your relationshipyou are such an assholeyou never said this to us My blood became ice cold. I was frozen. My head stopped beating. My nervous system blew off. I was such a fucking stupid who wrote every beautiful moment we shared together in a piece of paper to present it to my jaan and then leisurely kept it inside my book.

There is nothing like thatI havent written any love letter for anyone And I still have it, your love letter written in your hand writing Why the fuck I am such an asshole. I dropped it. I wished this to be a bad dream which will soon end but I was not that lucky. Its all my imagination what is writtenI swear on you You bustard dont swear on meI dont want to die because of your fucking relationshipokI am going to sleep and dont disturb me not even when the earth fissures He slept enjoying the moment but I was restless. His mind went for a rest and my mind started working for the rescue plan but I wasnt finding anything which could force him to return back the letter. Facebook was the first word which knocked my cerebrum. No one can live without social networking and a Facebook addict like Tanay have to give me the letter if he wants his profile back. I found out his saved passwords from the Firefox and changed all of them, Gmail, Ymail, Facebook, Orkut, Twitter, etc. I removed all the gifts, cards, Roses, Teddy, Personal Diary, everything from my drawer and hid it in the store room. I was too much stressed and didnt know how to flee from the situation. I went to my terrace and was sat on the wall. My cell phone was still switched off and I havent talked to Kanishka yet. I wasnt in a mood to turn it on but then I did it. As soon as I switched on the phone, a SMS from the service provider showed 31 missed calls and 23 messages from Kanishka. I started to go through all of them so as to kill the time. Most of the messages showed a common word sorry, sorry, and sorry. What the fuck will I do with this sorry. Sorry doesnt work every time in every situation. Its just like a BAND-AID for the wounds given by the mistakes you do. It wasnt going to heal the wounds. Suddenly my cell phone rang and it was Kanishka. She never used to call at this time as her mother was always around but never hesitated to call me when I was angry with her. I didnt receive it six times but couldnt resist myself for the seventh time and picked the call. Hello I heard from the other side. Hellowhat happenedwhat do you want now?? I almost barked at Kanishka.

Please dont be angry so muchI know I did a foolish mistake.Im really very sorry Ooh please.dont be sorryyou havent done anything maam Please forgive me the very last timeI guarantee you I wont repeat the Mistake againpleaseplease You have spoiled everythingyou never listen to me.you are never concerned about my words.when I stopped you, you ignored me and they took that. After that you should have tried to take it back but you have to put your head downthat was much more important I was crying Why do girls always blubber rather than performing I am really very sorryeverything will be fineI didnt write much about usjust that I miss you there and I LOVE YOU What the hell will I do with your sorrynothing is fine, neither will it benothing is undisclosed from anybodyall came to know whats going on between us What do they all know.?? That we are in a relationship, I used to come to your house, and we celebrated our birthday together in a locked roomwe hugged each other, we kissed each other, everything Please tell me its not true Its truemy bro told me all thisI was just shocked How did he come to know about uswe never shared this with anybody I wrote a love letter for you where I had written every feeling which we shared till now but before I could give you, I lost it somewhere and Tanay luckily got that WhattttHow anyone can be so careless. I am sorry Its because of you too.now what we will do Dont worry I had already done everything for the rescueI hope everything will be finehe has to give me that letter

What have you done I changed Tanays Gmail, Facebook, Orkut, every wheres password.he have to give me the letter Okaythank youwhere are you I am sitting on the wall of my terrace Whyplease get down from thereI love you naaplease Okay Dont you love me. I love you too Thank you I cooled down a bit and wasnt angry much but getting the love letter was the main task. Tanay still didnt know that his all passwords were changed. There was peace and stillness like it ensues before the war begins. Who changed my Passwords? Tanay barked when I was in my room waiting for him since an hour. How do I know? Dont lieI know its youwhy have you done thattell me the new passwords I havent changed that.what will I do with that I dont want to have a fighttell me the passwords...you have change my Gmail, Facebookevery wheres password I too dont want to fightso spare melet me enjoy the lovely voice of AkonI wanna makeup right na na na I spoke and again positioned my earphones. What do you want from mewhat have I done How can read anybodys letterwho the fuck gave you that rightwas it your Human Right or Consumer Rights. I caught his collar in anger. Who told you to handle it so carelessly?

It doesnt mean you will take and read it What do you want.tell me straight forward Give me that letter and I will tell you the changed passwords I dont have that its with Abhay What the fuckwhy did you give it to himchutiyeI want that right now from him I cant bring it right now I dont care for that.give me the letter and take your passwords The fight with words continued and then I was instructed to collect it from Abhay myself. I Messaged Abhay Why did you do that with me? What did I do with youdont you see what you did Abhay replied. What have I done You hid such a big truth from me I didnt hide anythingthats all lie You are still lying I thought I am your true friend and you ditched meyou hid that from all Of us What have I done? Why didnt you tell us that you are in relationship with Kanishka Who told you that.its all a lie Your love letter cant lieI was all written what you did together There is o truth in what is writtenit is all my IMAGINATION.. Dont liethat cant be imagination I swear its all my imaginationjust imagination

Swear upon Kanishka.swear upon your mother I thought for sometime. I was going to pledge which wasnt true but I have to, to save our relation. I Swear I want that letter I dont have that Fuck offI am not that foolI want it by any means You mother fuckermind your language You son of a bitchyou mind your language We dont have it.okay Dont lie I swearwe dont have itwe had given it to the rightful owner To whom you gave it.tell me We had kept it in Kanishkas bag But why.okand its just my imagination Please yaar dont lie now alsowe wont spread this information to anyoneyour relation will not be harmed by us Thanks yaar..sorry for hiding it from you all. Its ok yaarsofriends Abe we were always friendssamjhaI wont leave you The fight was over. Everything was fine. Tanay got his passwords. Abhay promised me not to spread it to anybody. I fought with my girl friend, with my brother and with my friend. Kanishka and my carelessness produced a big chaos and confusion, but at last everything was somewhat fine.

Chapter 18- The Anniversary

17th August, 2011.

It was our 6 months anniversary. Twenty six weeks. One eighty two days. Four thousand three hundred and sixty-eighty hours. Two lakhs sixty-two thousand and eighty minutes. Fifteen crore seventy-two lakhs four thousand eight hundred seconds. This was all what we spent together in a relationship. WE always belonged for US and US was always for me and Kanishka. We were together for 6 months but it still seemed like I had proposed her yesterday. We didnt realize when these six months soared away. I called her hoping she would be awake till now. The call connected, her cell phone rang but there was no reply. I again tried and the she picked it up. Hello. I spoke. Hello Kanishka replied from the other side. Happy 6 months anniversary babyI wish we will always be together just like U and I in keyboards.I love you Kanishka Same to you Jaanu She said after a pause. She was coughing and sneezing. What happened to youare you alright YaaI am finealmostLove you too Cough and coldhmm. Yes. Are you coming to school today I asked with my fingers crossed. YaaI will come Okay thentake carelove youbye Love you toobye I was little disturbed and wanted to spot her as soon as possible. I got ready and drove to school. Sitting in the class, looking at the watch with a rose, a card, her favorite chocolates and Armani perfume, I waited for my Sweetheart. First time in the history of 12 commerce everyone apart from Kanishka was in attendance. My luck always ditched me. I was never gifted to perceive her when I wanted the most. I didnt bring my cell phone as its battery was empty and today was the day I needed it the most. I thought of dashing back home with a reason of brutal tummy-ache but this time I was surely going to be caught. I had already escaped seven times from school with various reasons during the year.

I was all cheerless and monotonous without Kanishkas presence and everyone noticed it. Abhay and Tanay asked me what was wrong but I didnt let them know how badly I missed Kanishka. Somehow the classes ended and my 220 was talking with the air. The bike stopped when the rear tire made a semicircle on the ground with rubber marks outside my house. With my bag lying on the floor, shoes flying in the air, keys still placed in bike, I went running searching for my cell phone and located it in my dump of clothes. Still a call can be made with the remaining battery. I dialed Kanishkas number from the speed dial and she picked up the call. She was always on my speed dial but it was rarely used. HelloAre you alrightyou didnt came to schoolHow are you feeling now I spoke without breathing. Yaa I am fine nowactually I suddenly had a stomach ache and wasnt in a position to come Okay...butdid you visit doctor did you take medicinedid you take rest I shot many questions in one breath. Jaanu I am fine Dont worry OkbutI missed you a lot todayeverything seemed to be dull without you I too missed you a lot I wish I could see you todayits our anniversary Pleasepleaseplease say yes I too want that Thanks a lot. Can I visit your place if there isnt any problemour usual love nest I have to talk to mom but I will try my bestI will inform you then Ok then see youlove you...bye Love you toobye Whole evening my eyes were fixed on my cell phone for her SMS and finally there it was. I have convinced mom. Come by 7:30 pm maximum... OkayI will be there I replied.

I was always half hour late but today the history was going to be changed. I was all ready by 6:30pm and was waiting for clock to strike to 7pm. It was 7 pm and I took the card, chocolates, a Red Rose, perfume and a notebook to show Aunty that I was there for some serious studies. I geared my bike to the first and then arithmetically increased the gears with the speed. In next seven minutes I was outside Kanishkas house. 10 km, 7 minutes, not that bad. Before the bell switch was plucked I placed the rose inside my shirt, of course thorns were removed, Perfume and chocolate inside the pockets of denim, and card between the pages of notebook. I couldnt believe I was getting smarter day by day. 07:10 Pm. She welcomed me with a smile and then we went to her room on the first floor. The first thing I did was to enquire about her health and was glad to know she was fine now. I took out the card, presented her and then the Rose, perfume and chocolates. She was smiling and I again wished her for our six months togetherness and kissed on her lips. We had a long and soggy lip kiss and left each others only on hearing some footsteps. We moved apart from each other and I opened my notebook and started to read. It was Kanishkas mother and had come to ask Kanishka about her health and if she wanted anything. My heart was totally out of control and I was shivering. My head was down all the while she talked with Kanishka. She left after sometime and I started getting normal. She too had a surprise for me. Gucci cologne. With the perfume I found a piece of paper. I calculated the pages and it turned out to be 8. It was a love letter. The first love letter by her which she wrote for this very special occasion to give me. Love letters were exchanged in old days but now Mobiles and social Networking have taken their place. I started reading it. To, The person who sweetens my life with his presence, my Jaanu, my Shona, my life, my everything7th February was the date when we talked after a long gap. I cant tell you how much happy I was after getting such a dear friend. I always found you different, smart, good looking and most important a perfect boy with a perfect attitude and a helpful nature. Something in you always attracted me. On 7th February you gave me a Rose which was the first Rose from a boy then chocolates, teddy, promise and most beautiful among all on 17th February 2011. When you proposed me I dont know why I wasnt able to refuse. That was so special to me. I found myself so special that you proposed me. I wasnt able to grip my happiness The letter continued and all the pages were full of HEART and I LOVE YOU. There were so many beautiful things that my eyes swelled with tears as I went on. Many

promises, many expectations, many desires filled the pages. She had prepared a list of things I had to remember and promise her. PROMISE ME You will always be mine. You wont be angry with me for a long time. You will have your food in time. You will always love me [unlimited love]. You wont be driving your bike in rain, you easily get cold naa. You will always take care of yourself. You will always share your every small and big problems with me. You will always trust me, I never lie to you. You will always smile for me. We are meant for each otherwe are two bodies but one soul

The letter ended with the most beautiful line ever said by anyone to his/her love. Someday these two love birds will surely be togetherI will always wait for you. Drops of tears escaped from the corner of my eyes and similar was with her. She too was weeping and then a strong hug completed the scene. Our grips were so taut that her chest was pressed hard on mine and my bulge was pressed on her stomach which had always made me embarrassed. With no trouble she could always give a hard-on even in the most sentimental situation. She opened the gifts and really liked them. Rose was the most romantic for her among all which maybe in case of all girls. She showed me the very first Rose from me which she still kept and will always. The teddy still jingled the pre-recorded voice I love you every time it was pressed. She had even kept the wrappers of the chocolates I presented her and showed it. I too kept her every present, ever rose carefully. Lets celebrate our anniversary with some chocolate I brought out her favorite chocolate and asked her to take a bite. She took the rest and made me feed but I stopped her.

This should be specialnevertheless its our anniversary.I want to eat these chocolates from your mouth I spoke her naughtily. How she asked confused. Its as simple as eating a chocolate, just make it runny with you saliva and then transfer it to me via mouth. I merely answered. She got naughtier than me and spoke. I am not getting it, can you do it for me I took a bite and added saliva and energy till it was liquid and then brought her lips closer to mine and then slowly the juicy chocolate was flowing into her mouth How was the taste I asked her. That was more chocolaty and intoxicating than it should be she replied smilingly. Now can you do that for me maam I asked Kanishka. She did it better than me and we learned a new technique of eating chocolate without using our hands. As the chocolate initiates the need for water she went and brought that for us. She behaved too clever. She brought only one glass of water and asked me if I could help her in drinking. I took a long sip from the glass and slowly poured into her mouth. It was more difficult to transport than chocolate as it was more runny. Few drop of water fell on her neckline but that too didnt get wasted. It exhausted my thrust. We did it several times for each other with chocolate and water till our stomach was full. She was almost wild with desire and kissed me all the time. She was more active than me and was kissing me butcherly, hugging me tightly, crossing our limits. We had a long smooching session and she came over me chewing my lips. We both ended up with marks of love bites in each others body. I had to leave before 9:30 pm so we had our last kiss which was longer then ever and then several hugs and kisses followed. She suddenly spoke that it was our best meeting and we wont be able to meet next time at her place. Her mother allowed her this for the very last time. It was more shocking than someones death news for me. I become totally numb. I was cheerless. I was about to cry so, I left her place bidding her good bye. I was on my bike riding slowly when tears started rolling from my eyes. I stopped my bike in an empty road and was crying severely. My eyes were red and nose got blocked. Somehow I gathered myself and came back home.

At night, she explained to me about her problem and I had to agree with her. I was again crying and was pained too much. In the evening she made me the most cheerful person in the world but now I was the most lifeless person.

Chapter 19- I am HumiliatedAlmost

2nd September, 2011. It was another Friday like every Friday but Kanishka was sitting somewhere else than her usual place. She was sitting beside Tanay. Dangerous. Both highly reactive elements. Kanishka and Tanay. From the first period Tanay was talking to Kanishka or better poking to Kanishka. He was repeatedly making me irritated. She was my girlfriend but everyone else talked with her more than me. She too was freely talking with Tanay but I didnt mind that much. I thought it was just an unfussy talk for a while. But that informal talk didnt end in the first period with exchanging book and smiles. In the second period both, Tanay and Kanishka continued talking as if there isnt anyone in the class and they both were GF-BF. It was making me angry. She was brazenly talking to him yaar. I was again and again looking at her hoping now she would stop; now she would discontinue but there wasnt a stoppage anywhere. Third period was a free period and none of the teachers were in class. Kanishka, Tanay, Trisha, Priyam, Kasak, and few more made a huddle and gossiped needlessly. I was expecting an invitation to join them but that request never came. A deafening giggle was heard every few seconds and my deficiency in their group was humiliation for me. The humiliation level was growing high. Too high. Mountain peak high. Kanishka was humiliating me. Leaving her boyfriend to sit in a corner to gaze at them and chitchatting with everyone wasnt what she would have done. That was so fucking embarrassing. I was controlling my anger as well as my tears. My heart was broken in to million pieces. I wanted to sprint out from that place. The fourth period was the most embarrassing. Their murmuring could effortlessly be heard , I no more twisted my head to see Kanishka and Tanay talking but after all I was a possessive boyfriend. Sometimes I saw them from corner of my eyes but they were still incessantly talking. Once I saw Tanay speaking something in her ears and then she replying back in the same manner. That pose flared me off. I was absolutely pissed off. She never talked to me in school and was talking to someone who wasnt important to her more than me, that too in that clandestine way.

The most embarrassing moment for me was when Tanay took Kanishkas lunch box and she happily gave him. Tanay, Abhay, Priyam and I always had our lunch together in the canteen. Tanay on the way to canteen warned me not to take even a single bite from Kanishkas lunch box. That phrase from him smoldered me from inside. I even dont want to eat... was what I could respond. They all three emptied her box before they opened their boxes and as promised I didnt take a single bite. I was totally humiliated. That was too much for me to handle. I even didnt have my lunch. The next four periods of forty-five minutes each were the toughest time ever in my school life. She was talking with him endlessly turning towards him and was passing hefty smiles. Everyone else enjoyed the scene and commented on it. That too was making me to burst out anytime. Every time our eyes met, Kanishka just asked a worthless question Kya huaaa??? as if she didnt know what was going on. I ignored her and stopped looking at them. I was trying hard to have a command over my tears till the bell rang for the last time. She had crossed all the limits. She forgot her boyfriend was having an eye on her. She forgot her level of getting friendly with anyone. I wasnt that pissed off and humiliated even when I was found with a sex tape in my cell phone by my parents. She didnt even come to me after the departure. That was the last hope I had. I took my bike and twisted the accelerator as much that was enough to get crushed by a heavy truck or a car but god kept me breathing to swallow more torments and more humiliations. I reached home, picked my cell, switched it off and threw it in the dustbin. A little frustration was out. At least I wont have to respond to her messages. After a few seconds I picked it up because I knew that I cannot resist talking to her. But I didnt have my lunch nor I went for tuitions. I was awfully shocked by her behavior. I doubted my eyes but what I saw was 100% true. I had faith in her and knew she would never hurt me but such a behavior was absolutely unexpected. It wasnt tear-jerking for me that she was talking with Tanay but she never tried to talk to me. I never talked with her for such a long time. Her lips were always shut together in front of me. Even our call time was never more than an hour and couple of minutes. That too existed months back. I wasnt angry that she gave her lunch box to Tanay but she never gave to me. I wasnt given that respect, that importance in school what a boyfriend should get from his girlfriend. She could have just told me once to join them; I would have done that enthusiastically.

I didnt speak a single word to my brother regarding todays school matter. It was Kanishka to whom I could eloquent. On her I had some rights. My mood was fucked up so I went out from my home in my bike. I didnt know where I was going. I just geared and accelerated. Coming out of the city, I was on highway. I thought for sometime where to go and then took a right turn and not the left turn because nothing was going right in my life. May be a right turn will make something right. Remembering all that happened with me in last few hours made my eyes wet. My eyes were full of tears and I had started crying. It was 35 kilometers since I was on the highway and still I didnt know where I was going. My cell was still switched off. I parked my bike near a Dhaba to eat some snacks. I was too much hungry and was starving since morning. After filling my stomach a little and sitting there for sometime, I then geared up for my return. I again thought of killing myself by crashing on a speeding vehicle but again I was saved. I returned home and was sitting in the couch silently, with red gloomy eyes and pale face. Tanay came and gave me his cell phone. Who wants to talk to me I asked him. Abhay is on the other side I took the phone near my ears and spoke Hellobolo Hello.Shreyansh It was a feminine voice that stroked my ear drums and after hearing that I disconnected the call. It was Kanishka. She constantly called several times but I disconnected it every time she did that. Tanay asked me to talk to Kanishka as she was requesting him to make us talk once but I asked him to stay out of this. It was because of him, what was going on between us. I didnt speak to her that entire day nor did I switch on my cell phone. The next day I slipped a new SIM-card to make emergency calls. That phone number was with very few people but Kanishka wasnt one of them. Thank god, I forgot to give her this number of mine. She only had my other two numbers. Once while talking to Tanay, I mistakenly spoke to him about using that new number and he informed to Kanishka. Soon Kanishkas SMS took a place in my inbox and it read Have you forgotten me.our loveeverythingI will die without youI cant live without youIf you really love me then talk to me Please talk to me oncerest will be your decisionwhat ever you wantplease talk to meand please dont switch-off this number too

Finally you remembered me was my first reply. (Sarcastic) Since yesterday afternoon after I entered my houseI am trying to contact youI have shrunk in to a carrotmy tears havent stopped since So.??? Whats wrong with youplease tell me What will I tell youdont you know anything? Please tell me.I am begging youwhy have you switched off your both the numbersis everything over between usdidnt you miss me a single time since yesterday I dont need to give you an explanationwhy have I switched off my cell phone I am dying each secondI was waiting for you SMS yesterday whole day and then whole night and today morning too I havent told you to wait for my SMS But I love you thats the reason I was waiting for your SMS... Sowhat shall I do What have I done??? Dont you know what you have done maam.yesterday in school. Yesterday in school.we were trying our best to make you talk to us but you werent listening Oohstarted lyingI was expecting your fake explanationcontinue I am not lyingbelieve meI asked Tanay to call you but he said that you will never listen to himI even asked Abhay to call youbut you were avoiding us Just shut the fuck up We all tried to call youI, Trisha, Kasak, Priyam but.we were talking about you only Huff.more lies

Its very true yaarwhy dont you understandI cant lose youI was just a living dead body before talking to you Bye. Pleasepleasepleasedont end our relationpleaseI beg you Your behavior towards me in school todayI dont think our relation will last for much longer if this is the case What did i dotell meit was just a casual talkhow can you think that That wasnt just a casual talkingokay If it wasnt just talking then tell me what it wasdont you trust mehe is your brother dont you believe me I dont trust you anymorethe word lie stands in the middle of the word BE-LIE-VE. Please try to understand.I cannot live without you I am just your necessitynothing morethats the reason you are talking to me What do you mean by thatI love you thats the reason I speak to youI want your love What ever respect I had for you and your emotionsyou have lost that all What have I done Shreyanshdont say thatwhat happened to youyou werent like that You havent done anything Kanishkaits all me Why did you feel badtell me clearly From the beginning of the day till the bell rang after the last houryou were continuously talking to Tanaychipak-kethat wasnt JUST CASUAL TALK OKAY Jaanu he is your brotherin fact he was calling me Bhabhi Dont call me Jaanu What do you mean Chipak-ke..we were just talking

Dont try to explain meFuck youI havent closed my eyesYou shouldnt have forgotten that you BOYFRIEND is sitting just 10 feet away from you Believe mehe is just a friend of mine.I knew that my boyfriend was sitting I know everythingdont try to explain to mewhy will you talk to him yaar He came up front and started talking to mehow could I just ignore him? He's your own brother!" Whole day he was just talkinghe asked you to talk in his earshe asked you for your lunch box I have given him my lunch box for you and told him to give youI swearit was for you I dont need you lunch box. My mother is still there to feed meI am not homeless You are taking it wrongit was for youit was for my loveI wanted you to eat Please stop lyinghe didnt even give me a single bite from it I swear it was just and only for you I dont want your lunch box and I dont want to talk to you in this topic Okay but believe me.I am purewe havent done anythingdont believe what you have heard Fuck offI just believe what I seebut I really appreciate your dreariness to do all that in front of me I am not that SICK.I just love youit was a casual talkhe himself asked for my lunch box You never try to talk to me yaar I always tryyesterday I tried my best to call you When did you call meno one asked me to join you all But I asked Kasak and Trisha and Abhay too to call you Ooh FuckWhen have you directly called me I asked Abhay to call youyou even ignored me

Did you say Shreyansh will you join usyou dont open you mouth in front of me you can talk to everyone else whole dayisnt itbut you cannot call me I am sorryyou know I never talk to you directlythats why I was calling you indirectly Its all forgetotal fakeyou have lost your trust from me Please trust me I can never trust you again Give me a last chanceI am confidentI will prove myself I Cannot yaarI cannotyou know whatyou talked to Tanay that wasnt my concern but you never cared to talk to meneverthats what irritated me. I am sorry.I know I never talked to you in schoolbut you too could have talked to me Why dont you understandI am too much possessive about youit fucks me in my all holes when any guy talks to you The conversation continued till everything was settled, every doubt was cleared, everything what happened in school was given a reason. She gave me a hell lot of explanations, promises, vows, etc., etc. I wasnt satisfied with her explanations but I forgave her. She promised me not to hurt me ever again. She promised me to be loyal to me and my love. She just treated Tanay as a friend and now promised she would never talk to him again. That day I understood why people say love is blind. You see things but you dont believe it. You hear things but you pretend you havent. You are angry but you forgive. You doubt her intentions but you say you trust her. Theres no reason that can justify your action. You live in your own world. The world that belongs to you and her and theres nothing in between. My life and probably her life were back in the track. I had really lost my trust and believe in her but still somewhere, something was still attached. Vivan- You were freaking angry with Kanishka dudeyou shouldnt have been so angry with her

Shreyansh- Thats what I realized later onI shouldnt have been so angry at herI really felt bad afterwards Vivan- Its okI know she must have easily forgotten that and hasn't done anything like that again Shreyansh- You are rightshe never gave me another chance to fight Vivan- Then what happened nextcontinue yaarI want to hear the whole story Shreyansh- Here it is what happened next

Chapter 20- That evening

20th September, 2011. After that horrible day in school, I always used to be annoyed with Kanishka. I was no more interested in her problems and was little careless for her words. She had already informed me that she cannot call me home another time but to get back her Shreyansh; she arranged to call me the very last time. Her father was in Singapore. Her mother was in Delhi. Kanishka was all alone with her brother in her house. Kanishkas father was on a business trip and Aunty had to insistently leave for Delhi due to the ill health of her mother. Kanishka was alone with her brother and that may be the unrivaled time to have the genuine gratification. She tried to call her mother but she wasnt picking up so she invited me to her house without informing her mother about it. I was feeling little gauche to go to her house in absence of Aunty but I couldnt miss the opportunity too. I got ready as clean as possible and went to her house with a bundle of paper books and as always with Kanishkas favorite chocolates. She greeted me and we went inside the room. We were quite close and were less cautious than usual as her mother wasnt home. And Aarav was too shy to come to the room in my presence. I was holding her from her waist and was eating her lips when a male voice came from down the stairsDidi. I left her hurriedly and opened Macro Economic book and turned the page to the chapter which wasnt even taught to us, chapter 4-Measurement of National Income.

DidiDo you have a black penI want it for my project work said Aarav with eyes looking down. NoI dont have any replied Kanishka wiping wet saliva around her lips. Okaysorry for disturbing you both Aarav said and went away. He left and my breathing returned. I again held her and was now kissing her neck. She was clamoring while I was working upon her neck and was trying to stop me from doing so. It continued for sometime and again that same voice echoed Didi Why your brother is so jealous of me.he even doesnt let me to love you satisfactorily. I spoke and again opened the book. I was again introduced to a new lesson, Chapter 7-Income Determination and the Multiplier. K=1 / 1-MPC I shouted enough to let Aarav know we are studying. He came and asked Kanishka if she could give her cell Phone for sometime. His cells battery was down and he had to make an urgent call. She gave him her cell phone and he left. I am sure he is coming to check whether we are studying or doing something else I said annoyed. No Jaanu Its not what you are thinking She spoke in defense. I was again back to my job and the third time the voice came Didi Your brother is such an Asshole Dont tell anything about himhe is my sweet little Aarav Didi I am leaving to my friends place Shreyansh Bhaiyawill you also leave now Aarav entered the room barked. No, we need some more time to studyhe will leave after ten minutes or as soon as the studies are over uttered Kanishka wiping the saliva from her neck. Okaythen I am going to my friends placetake care of yourself DidiBye I became the happiest person in the world. We were going to be alone for the first time. He gave me the dont-do-anything-with-her look, stared at me for sometime and left. Kanishka went up to lock the doors and returned after a couple of minutes. We were all alone in her sweet room inside her beautiful Bungalow. Aarav actually feels something is between usdidnt you hear his last wordstake care of yourselfas if I am going to do something to you I said.

Noits not like thathe loves me a lot... And me No one can compete with youyou love me the most Now we are all aloneI wont leave you nowI will eat you up You have to leave after 10 minutes Okaybut first come to me babycan you switch off the lights Why she asked but did exactly what was requested. I asked her to comfortably lie on the bed. Firstly she vacillated but then did that. I went over her and she came beneath. I wasnt on her but was standing with my four supportive limbs. My lips were going to touch hers and only few millimeters were left to kiss those attractive, succulent, cherry lips when she spoke. This is not right yaarwe are doing it wrong just like in Movie Murder when Emraan Hashmi was about to kiss Mallika Sherawat and she opens her mouth. I moved away from her and sat aside. There was complete stillness. Our breathing was effortlessly heard in that silence. Few moments later I went and hugged her but she resisted me. I left her and spoke I think I should leave now I was getting embarrassed. No. She spoke numbly. It doesnt seem you want me to touch you Noits nothing like thatI love when you touch mebut I dont think we are doing right I am just kissing you yaarits so familiar between us... Okay I am leavingits already ten minutes Noo.I am sorry.do what you want to do If you are not pleased then I must not do that

I am happycome to me and eat me upbut can me switch on the lights Is there any problem when they are switched off? Nobut then I cant see you naa. Her words didnt match with her intentions. I wont do anything wrong with you.I know where my limit ends and I will never cross my boundaries. I said seriously. You are taking me wrong I went up to her and slickly started kissing her, licking her lips smoothly, removing her locks coming in between. Still I felt some resistance from her side but I overlooked it. I was kissed on her cheeks, ears but the rejoinders werent as erotic as they uses to be. I came over her and lay partially on her and somewhat on the bed. The heaviness of the body was pressing her body and her cups were pressing hard on my chest. I was butcherly kissing her lips and then suddenly the bell rang. Ooh shitwho is at the door nowAaravno way I spoke almost shitting in my denims. Let me go and check by then you improve your condition I had already prepared my self for a bad news and then Kanishka returned. She wore a smile and my tightened nerves got relieved. Her fathers assistant had come from the office to give some important files. She asked me to leave and I replied with fucked up mood. This is the rarest situation when we are alone and we are not going to get another chance like this We looked in each others eyes and she saw my hunger to love her, to kiss her, to get astray in her and she pulled me towards her and slaughtering kisses started. Her strawberry flavored lips were making everything saccharine and erotic. We were hungrily biting lips and almost chewing them. I kissed her unsoiled forehead, moved on to her cute sharp nose, then again on to her lips, her smoothly curved chin, her dimpled chin, her spectacular neckline. Kissing and coming down slowly I stopped for some seconds, looked at her eyes and kissed on her chest over her cloth. A faint shriek escaped from her mouth demonstrating her zest of pleasure. I continued my journey and moved on till her foot. I asked her to come over me but she was coy and partly landed herself over me. I asked her to lay entirely on me but she said Its fine. I held her from her lower waist and tried to lift her and without much difficulty brought her completely over me

She was lying completely over me and I was overwhelmed with deep passion. She was too warm and was breathing heavily. Her tight t-shirt pressing her mounts and her bra could be easily felt on my chest covered with a thin cotton Tee. Her hands unintentionally entered my Tee and rested on my stomach. The touch was making me hotter and was giving harder Hard-on. I glided my hand inside her Tee from the back and kissed hungrily. The romantic kisses were uninterruptedly continued and everything was going just awesome. Kanishka suddenly removed her lips and again said We are doing it wrong Ignoring her contemplation, I again placed my lips and started kissing her. She got away from me and said 10 minutes are over now you go OkayI will go but where is my goodnight kiss She kissed me on my cheek and said Is it okay Dont you want any from me? Yesof course I kissed her on her lips forcefully and she started again Now you must leave I went out from her room to the corridor and then again returned back. Now what else She spoke confused. I lifted her on my arms and said I wont get another chance to do this she was lighter than expected and then carrying her, kissing her, I came out from her room to her corridor and from there to the ground floor using staircase. All the way I was too much cautious and was handling her with extreme care. Once I misbalanced and was about to fall but then it was all fine. I kept her down and mocked You were heavier than expected... I am just 45 I am kidding baby...you were too light to handle or else I wouldnt have carried you down 23 steps. Hmmm.now gooAarav may come any time I again lifted her but this time clutching her legs. My lips were near her chest and again I gave her a minute gnaw and she closed her eyes with thrill. She started to sway and

requested me to keep her down and I had to do so. I again attacked on her lips and we had a long smooch. My actions werent in my control and I didnt know what I was doing. She asked me to leave and then sat on the floor. I asked her to sit on the couch but she with utmost arrogance she said My wishits my houseI can do anything I understood she wasnt felling good and said You are going to the couch or I should carry you She parked herself on the couch and asked me to leave. This was the first time she didnt accompanied me till the gate. I placed the key, turned it to ON and started my bike. The gate still lay opened and she didnt came out even to close the door. I dialed her number and asked her to come and close the door. She requested me to leave and I left I again called her but she didnt pick up the call. After trying for several times, the 7th time she answered my call. There was complete silence. I knew she was sobbing. I tried to console her that we just loved each other, there was nothing wrong, this and that. After a lot of efforts, I was able to make her laugh by cracking silly jokes and she was fine again.

Chapter 21- The separation

If you accept life you cannot ignore death. If you appreciate beauty you cannot deny ugliness. If theres love, theres separation. God have a brutal way of ensuring. You may have everything but you spend the rest of your life searching for the one thing you then denied -love. Believe me separation hurts a lot. It was 3 months since I met Kanishka the last time at her place. It felt like my thirst for her, to love her wasnt exhausted for years. After the last time we met and had an awesome evening together we never got a chance to be together except at the Picnic and that too for very short time. We didnt have any other alternative rather than gathering at her house so we had to stay away from each other till she could organize for our reunion. She had promised me to arrange at least one meeting but when, was the mystery. It was always fidgety for me to stay away from her for a long time but still I controlled myself for her sake. Our exams were nearer so she didnt insist on getting us together. Studies were more important for us. We were studying more and gave less time to each other. Everyday I wanted to be with her. Every day I missed her, every second I loved her. Our first exams in class 12 went quite well and Kanishka had promised me to call me at her place but she wasnt able to execute it. The renovation and interior designing at her

place started and it was too difficult for her to arrange for our meet up as the work started at 9am in the morning and ended at 10 pm in the night everyday, even on Sundays. She assured me that the work will be completed soon and we would meet but due to unoccasional leaves by workforce the completion of work was getting delayed. We started fighting very frequently. We used to get angry at each other for silly reasons. Every third or fourth day we had a battle. The separation was eating me up and was the main cause for most of the clashes. She too wasnt responsible but whom to blame. We were given task of developing programs in C++as the project work in Computer science. I knew Kanishka wont be able to complete by herself so I developed it for her on the topic ATM, got it printed just to get an opportunity to be together but she insisted on giving it either in school or in tuition. Our chatting time was lesser than ever. Where we used to chat around two hour in the morning it got contended to only forty minutes. The talking time in the evening which used to be more than two hours, now it was less than an hour. Where we used to chat till one or two in the night, it got confined to eleven thirty only. The talked comprised of how was the day, what did you do and mostly about her problems. We no more talked romantic. I was always concerned about her, worried about her health and tried to keep her happy. The first Pre-boards followed the first Terminal Exam after a month and again we didnt get time to be together. Now studying Computer Science together wasnt the reason to be together anymore because Kanishka joined another new tuition for that very subject and was performing well. Studies and exam pressure was too much to handle. The days were getting longer and nights were darker than ever. she was to me like oxygen for lungs, calcium for bones, carbon dioxide for plants, Modaks for Ganesha, water for fish, petrol for car, electricity for fan, bed for sleep, tooth paste for tooth brush, SIM-card for mobile phone, Headphone for I-Pod, Cards for ATM, Shocks for shoes, Books for sleep, Beer for pain, Sanitary napkins for Periods, etc., etc. My life was more miserable and painful to survive. We fought more frequently than before. Every second day a conflict took place between us which led to a ridiculous fight. The understanding between us no longer lasted. We used to lose temper easily over each other. When brawls were giant we didnt even talk for couple of days. At last I had to apologize whether it was or wasnt my fault. We were given study leave for the second Pre-Board exams and there were no schools. Even tuitions werent continuing so I was hardly able to see Kanishka. Life was becoming tougher for me.

Kanishka said that her mother doesnt like my appearance on regular basis at her place. I lost all my hopes of ever meeting her again. It was more painful than the situation when she wasnt in my life. She could not even come some where else to meet. And only if she came; she had to come in the car with the driver. It was difficult for her to be out without any cause. I was too much used to her. My each day passed like months. We talked only on phone or better to say when our fight could not be solved by Messages. Sometimes once in a week or maybe twice a month. I never persisted on anything from her, never. I never solicited her to love me, to kiss me, to hug me, to meet me, to call me, or to message me. It was always her wish that prevailed. We talked when she wanted to. We met when it was possible for her. We slept when she felt sleepy and woke up by her message in the morning. I use to doze off late in the night, when I didnt know and was always awake before 7am. I used to wait for her messages till she got up and messaged me, sometimes for an hour or two. She was the one who lead our relationship and it was she who did everything. Nothing depended on me. Whole day I used to be in my divan inside a quilt with a book dreaming about her. I missed her whole day and whole night. She used to be in my dreams sometimes, where I used to kiss her, hug her, love her and be with her. To raise my spirits and take out my frustration, I used to go for movies but there too I would get gloomy seeing couples together. I missed Kanishka seeing them kissing. I missed Kanishka seeing them hugging. I missed Kanishka seeing them happy and I missed Kanishka in ever single romantic moment. Porn too were a very good friend to take out some aggravations and have some entertainment myself. There were many situations where our relation was on the verge of Break-up but that never happened because we knew we cannot live without each other. Books became my better friends than the living human friends. I was never out with friends for party or having a race in bike or any other exiting activities. Television too became a good friend than ever. A year ago, she wasnt mine and I died everyday to get her and now she was mine and still I was dying. A year ago she was far from me but was still very close and now she was too close but still so far. Abhay broke-up with Shruti 4 months ago but her condition was worse than me. Shruti still loved Abhay and thought him a very good person. She always waited for him but Abhay never returned. She stopped talking to everybody even with girls. The incident left a deep wound in her mind. Lying at a corner with heads down and weeping eyes was what all she did in class.

New Year arrived and so did the Second Pre-Boards but the situations never became better. Everyone can pretend to be strong to face any kind of situation but everyone has some weakness and my weakness was Kanishka. I was nothing without her. My love for her was my weakness. I didnt know why I loved her more that anybody but I just loved her. I no longer asked her When shall we meet? because every time I asked that the reply was always same I will call you very soon and after few days it changed to I dont know My heart became stronger than before just as the concrete becomes stronger and harder absorbing water and sunlight, I had become stronger by engrossing pain and soreness.

Chapter 22- Our last meeting

17th February, 2012. It was our anniversary, our first year anniversary. We hadnt met since months and nothing was going fine in our life. I had lost all the hopes to meet her even in our anniversary. I was too much annoyed with Kanishka. We rarely did anything other than fighting. We had completed one year but still it seems it was yesterday that I had proposed her. A lot of changes had taken place in our life. I had decided not to go to Kanishkas place even if she called me. At night I was awake till 12 to wish her for our anniversary. The clock struck 12 and she sent a SMS wishing me happy anniversary. I too sent her a message whishing her and then she surprised me by inviting to her place that day. I straight forwardly rejected her invitation and begged her not to force me. Whole night I cried and thought about each and every moment we lived together. Each moment that I remembered gave me more pain than the pleasure that I got that time. I barely slept that night and was woken up by Kanishkas SMS in the morning. We talked for sometime and she repeatedly asked me to come to her place. I had to tell her I would think over it and tell. She had killed all the enthusiasm in me to meet her. When our relation was flourishing, I was the one every time who begged for a meeting but now I rejected her offer. STRANGE. I had pre-handedly brought a card for the anniversary and had written every emotion of mine in it. I had engraved every state of emotion which I went through in all these days. An imported pen and seductive perfume too were bought by me days ago to present her in the anniversary. I badly wanted to meet her but my ego stopped me from doing so. In the evening she begged me to come to her place and I agreed to go.

I got dressed, carefully put the Red Rose, the Anniversary card, the seductive perfume and the pen in a bag and left my home. I was about to ring the bell with a dull and flaccid face but found Kanishka already present on the gate waiting for me. We exchanged formal smiles and went to her room. I sat quite far from her but she tried to bring me close which I opposed and asked her the reason for calling me. So, why did you want me to comeanything special Dont you know whats special today I dont think it matters anymore Are you are still hanging on with that fake break-up which you did with me few days ago That wasnt fakenow theres nothing between us anymore Look at my eyes and say that I looked at her and said Nothing is between us with low voice. The moment I ended saying that, she had already started weeping. I asked her to stop crying but she avoided me. Tears were wetting the pillow on her lap and my heart was melting rapidly. I am sure her tears could melt any size ice-berg. Mine was just a small heart. My nerves directed me to hug her and I tightly clutched her in my arms. I stopped her from crying and brought her to normal state. She was too much guilty for keeping us apart and asked sorry for the same. A simple sorry wasnt enough to forget everything but her eyes getting wet again melted my rock hard heart faster than the wax and I forgot all my anger. Please dont cryI LOVE YOU..please dont cry You dont love me anymoreyou have already proved it now It was all bogus, I was too much frustratedI didnt know what I was doing Why did you brake-up with me that day I told you it was fakeI wanted you to realize my importance in your lifeI can never imagine breaking-up with youI really love you Please stop playing with my heartI am not that strongplease dont do this to me I am that old Shreyanshwho loved you more than himselfIm sorry..

You dont know how I have lived all these days without you and your I LOVE YOUs. I too was dying without youevery day; every single moment you have killed me keeping me away from you Nothing was in my handsI tried my best to bring us together but I failedIm sorry Finally we kissed each other and nothing was between us, not ever the air. I gave her the Rose and then card, perfume and pen. She kissed the rose and smelled its fragrance and kept aside. She took the card and started reading from the first word. Every name which I used to call her was present to denote her. She went through all of them and gave a long kiss on my lips. She saw the two spots where the ink had spread and asked me Did you cry writing itI nodded my head indicating a yes. She hugged me tightly and asked me not to cry anymore because we are together now. She saw a poem which I wrote for her and started reading it. To you. Little love and care was all what I wanted, But she never understood what was demanded. Oxygen wasnt important more than her to live, But she never required it to believe. A smile on her face was more important than anything, I smiled with her and forgot everything. I made her smile and gave her happiness, But never let her know my problems and soreness. When ever I needed her, her problems appeared, I kept aside my dilemma and her trouble was cleared. She wanted to talk and I came out of my accommodation, But she always ended the call without any notification. She never stopped doing mistakes and I forgave her every time, She always said its last but that last was none of the time. My eyes were closed and she came in my dream, I held her in my arms and kissed her on her skin. I wanted to hug her forever, But that wasnt possible now or may be never. I looked at her picture and tears started rolling, I tried to control them but the never stopped flowing. I wanted to forget we ever kissed, It always pained me when ever it was missed. My smile never returned nor my gladness, I was always drowned in the river of my unpleasantness.

I stopped dreaming high but had one dream, To meet up again and held her in my limbs. I kept asking her when we will be together, She didnt said anything but I knew May be never. She was crying reading it and believed how badly I missed her. Every single word left a great impression on her mind and she didnt have any words to speak. She was dumbstruck. She gave me a hand-made scrap book, a coffee mug with our picture and my favorite perfume and chocolates. I didnt accept anything except the scrap book but she forcefully gave me all. The first page of the scrap book had our photograph which we had clicked in class 12th picnic and that picture immediately brought a smile on my face. She had filled more 21 pages writing about me. She had written sorry in almost every page which was highlighted with red color. A lot of good things about me were written which I dont consider them much true. She then brought a small chocolate cup cake for the celebration and we together took a bite from that cake. We sang the anniversary song for ourselves and then greeted each other. We lay on each others arms all the while and reminisced all our cute and childish talks, our silly fights, our ever lasting romance. She again asked for a sorry for all the pain she gave me and I too asked her sorry for behaving rudely with her. We kissed each other passionately and our hands went inside each others clothes. We felt each others bare back and I kissed every bit of her skin that was uncovered. We were lost in some other world and love was in the air. We hugged each other and let ourselves be in each others cozy embrace. We departed to breath and I found tears on her cheek. She had been silently crying all the time while I was relieving myself into her. I lost control over my sentiments and too broke in to tears. I cried loud and hugged her tighter than before. She caressed my hair and tried to stop me from crying but I cried until my tear glands dried up. I again hugged her strappingly and felt her love. She kissed me all over my face treated me like her baby. It was time to go and I had to leave her place. We departed with tears in our eyes and I cried all way along while coming back home. It was probably our last meeting before and after the board exams as she wouldnt be able to call me another time with the reason GROUP STUDY.

Chapter 23- Epilogue

20th February, 2012. 07:30 Am Vivan- Dont cry yaarKyu rooo raha hain .she is still yours naa Shreyansh-I really love her.I love her a lot Vivan-Stop crying dude.tu sach me thoda sentimental hain. Shreyansh-I know.Im little sentimental Vivan- Thats a great love storyafter so many difficulties you finally got your love Shreyansh- I am happy that I got my love even after a hell lot of difficulties Vivan- Ooheveryone is awake Shreyansh spoke wiping the tears from his eyes. Guys lets go yaar.uthoraath ki uteri nahi kya. They all sat in Shreyanshs car and left Abhays house..