July 2013

What To Do This Month Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Cable Channel Listing Definitely Not the News The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!

HOW CAN YOU MISS ME IF I NEVER GO AWAY!

So, like the song says all my bags are packed, Im ready to go. Its time for a break and some familia time! There will be no August issue but you can always get your fix by going to the website and checking out some back issues! Happy summer CM peeps! And well see you in September!

Yennys Market Catamaran Beach Bar Happy Hippo El Carey Costambar Community Center & Library Supermercado Tropical Big Lees Beach Bar Restaurant Chino Johns Beach Bar The Meeting Place Puerto Plata Beach Resort Ocean World Marina Los Tres Cocos

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Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Fine dining at its best! Call 809-993-4503 for details. PLEASE NOTE - they will be closed Wednesday July 3rd until Wednesday July 4th for holidays. At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach youll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! Every day they have Power Hour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. NOW A WIFI ZONE!!! Make your friends jealous and email them from the beach! They also hold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturday of every month beginning at 10am. No cost to vendors! Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food on the North Coast! Eat in or take out. Two locations - on the Malecon in Puerto Plata and calle Principal in Cabarete. This month they will be open Tuesday April 2nd & 9th. The Meeting Place is on summer hours now. Check their website for news on any happenings. Big Lees Beach Bar on the Malecon has great fantastic food at affordable prices! Amazing Fish & Chips, big juicy burgers and yummy sandwiches. Every Tuesday, Thursday AND Saturday enjoy a cuba/santo libre for only RD$50 or Jose Cuervo for only RD$100. Great food served all day until 8pm! July 13th is Karaoke! Starts at 8pm! The Happy Hippo & Pedros Kitchen offer great food & great fun! Start your morning with Hills new smoothies, fresh juices & yoghurts! Pedro has a special menu every day! Eat in or take out! Puerto Plata Beach Club is the new hangout for expats & upper class locals! Theres a bar, spa, cafeteria, Italian Pizza & Pasta to go, a minimarket & liquor store. Plans for this year include a casino, movie theatre, piano bar, live music & more! Kevin & Patricia invite you to El Carey Restaurant - where you can enjoy the beach your way!! You can enjoy great food & drinks inside, in their

garden or under parasols on the beach. They have Dominican food, burgers, pizza & more. The house specialty is garlic shrimp and you should try Kevins Mama Juana and pia coladas! Theyve got lots happening! They now offer 2 hours of Happy Hour from 6-8pm with 2X1 cuba/santo libres! And every Sunday at 2pm is Karaoke with party maker Segundo! Try their new empanadas! Take a break from the summer heat with one of their refreshing Caipirinha's! A great place to host your next event. Johns Beach Bar is newly opened and waiting to show you a great time! Its the place for great food, great fun and great friends! And Johns Snack Shack will tempt you with their tasty offerings including beer battered fish & chips! All July enjoy cuba/santa libres for only RD$50, Presidentes - Grandes for only RD$90, Pequenas for only RD$70 and Bohemias - Grandes for only RD$80 and Pequenas for only RD$65!!! And starting July 12th every Friday is Curry Night!!!

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Feel the Breeze - Feel Freeand Safe

Puerto Plata Beach Club

Come Be Part of a New Community for Foreign Residents!

JOIN US FOR A WEEK, A MONTH OR A YEAR STARTING AT AN INCREDIBLY LOW US$10 PER DAY!!

TS A P X E OR F lata E P C o A t L r P Pue THE ! n i e r n o o M c e and Mal e a h i r T On fete a C pa Bar - S

809-586-4243 www.puertoplatabeachclub.com Email ppbeachclub@gmail.com Twitter: @ppbeachclub Facebook: Ptoplabeachclub Apartments

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On the Malecon, Puerto Plata Open by 9am

Half RD$200 - Full RD$300

FISH & CHIPS

HAMBURGERS AND FRIES

1/4 lb. RD$150, 1/2 lb. RD$250
RD$70

HOT DOGS:
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely. At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing two dollars in 10 cent coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account. At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'. 'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier. The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.' 'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?' The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously: 'I think so. Provided those a**holes at Home Depot deliver the f***ing bricks on time.'

-- SANDWICHES: RD$50-130

SERVING GREAT FOOD ALL DAY UNTIL 8PM

Every Tuesday, Thursday & Saturday

CUBA/SANTA LIBRES RD$50
Made with Brugal Anejo or Blanco

JOSE CUERV0 RD$100

Restaurant Chino
Best Chinese Food On the North Coast! Two Great Locations! Eat In or Takeout!
Xiang Wan Jia Plaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata 809-261-5609 Calle Principal, Cabarete 809-571-0385

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We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year's Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scooted back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife went on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife didn't want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night, so she explained to the taxi driver that I would be out soon, saying 'He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.' A few minutes later, I got into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard! She'd better not shit in the vegetable garden again!' The silence in the cab was deafening.
THIS SUMMERS MUST HAVE FOR THE NORTH COAST!

INTERNATIONAL GOURMET CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES

COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

FLASK SANDALS!

NOW A WIFI ZONE!!!!!

EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH Starting at 10am FREE TO VENDORS!

FLEA MARKET!!!

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WELCOME TO KEVIN & PATRICIAS EL CAREY Where you can enjoy the beach your way!

2 HAPPY HOURs EVERY DAY 6-8pm!

2X1 Cuba/Santo Libres

EVERY SUNDAY 2pm!

KARAOKE with party maker Segundo

JOIN US FOR WIMBLEDON SEMIS & FINALS!!

4TH OF JULY - THURSDAY 2PM

POTLUCK BBQ! Bring your meat & grill it - Only RD$100 Salad etc. included Without meat RD$300

NOW SERVING CAIPIRINHA'S!!!

THURSDAY JULY 25TH

Turkey Dinner with all the trimmings! RD$500 paid by July 23 or RD$600 after

Try Kevins Mama Juana & Pina Coladas!

Also available for parties, weddings, etc.
Calle Reina Isabel, Costambar, Puerto Plata Spanish 809-918-1448 English 809-924-8233 CLOSED MONDAYS

Racquetball, handball, wallyball, pool-billiards, All Day Breakfast Big Screen TV for sports, movies and concerts Fish & Chips * Chicken Curry Full Menu * Daily Specialty Smoking and non-smoking areas

VILLA FOR RENT BY THE WEEK

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SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 9
SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

SUMMER
Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid. The remaining letters spell a hidden message

ANTS AUGUST BARBECUE BASEBALL BEACH BEES BICYCLE BLUE SKY BOATING BREEZE CAMPING

FISHING FLIES FLOWERS GARDENING GOLF GREEN GRASS HAT HIKING HOLIDAYS HOT ICE CREAM

JULY JUNE MOSQUITOES NO SCHOOL PICNIC ROLLER BLADES SANDALS SKATEBOARD SOCCER SOLSTICE SPRINKLERS

SUNBURN SUNGLASSES SUNSCREEN SUNSHINE SUNTAN SWEAT SWIMMING U V RAYS WASPS WATER FIGHTS WATERMELON

Across 1. Wander 5. Extraction 6. Paradise 7. Assuage Down 1. Seafarer 2. Supreme commander 3. Diverge 4. Relinquish

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TEL: 809-970-7194
12 22 28 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 40 42 43 44 46 49 CNN FOX ABC NBC CBS TBS CNBC ESPN-1 WGN CDN TNT USA ESPN-2 DISCOVERY DISNEY HBO SPORT BOOMERANG 51 56 57 64 66 70 71 72 74 79 80 81 83 84 85 CINE SPEED ANIMAL PLANET SCI-FI FOOD WEATHER CINEMAX SHOWTIME STARZ NASA JETIX CARTOON TNT LA HISTORY THE FILM ZONE CANAL

69 DISCOVERY KIDS

Police Office Police Car APC Office APC Gate Security Codetel Edenorte - emergency Edenorte - office Costambar Taxi Stand Canada Britain U.S.A. German Italian Clinica Bournigal Clinica Brugal Los Tropicos Pharmacy

809-320-8510 809-320-8840 809-970-7877 809-970-7015 809-220-1111 809-261-1844 809-586-9823 809-970-7318 809-586-5761 809-586-4244 809-586-4204 809-586-6995 809-320-7601 809-586-2342 809-586-2519 809-970-7607

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CHARTS AVAILABLE
Get your nautical charts of the Bahamas, Turks and Caicos Islands, Providenciales and Hispaniola From Rosa at Luperon Swap Meet Wendys Bar in Luperon Ocean World Marina in Cofresi

A woman opens her friends fridge and spots a picture of a lovely slender, perfectly built, scantilyclad young woman. She asks: Whats this? Her pal replies: Oh, I put it up there to remind me not to overeat. The woman says: Does it work? Pal: Yes and no. Ive lost 15 pounds but my husband gained 20.

If you have difficulty call Colin at 809-449-1819

BEGINNER

INTERMEDIATE

HIDDEN MESSAGE
Summer Vacation

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A husband and wife are bickering after dining out on a Friday date night. The wife was upset because her husband was flirting with the young voluptuous waitress all evening and was letting her husband know about it. Out of anger, he begins to speed up over the limit as they drive down the road. A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.' The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. ' While staring out the passenger window the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.' As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?' The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.' As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?' The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine' The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.' The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.' And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??' The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?' 'Only when he's been drinking'.

RD$1230 Includes Dental RD$1480 with Drugs

Aquacero, Malecon, Puerto Plata 5pm Biekes Bar, Costambar 6:30pm Or call Petra & Marcel Bahr 1-809-885-2155
Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology, Acupressure, & Hot Stone Physical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic Drainage Manicure & Pedicure: Regular & Intensive Braids & Hair Extensions & Mens Haircuts Facials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse Services Natural Health & Beauty Products
ASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS. Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointment Service to the home. Transportation available. #14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

calle Camino Real #28 2nd Floor Puerto Plata Tel: 809-586-1707 Cell: 809-903-6457
Post Graduate, Biomedical Research S.L., Spain

Full Range of Dental Services Dental Implants * Teeth Whitening * Orthodonitics Preventative & Cosmetic Dental Services
Free Estimates! Reasonable Prices! All Insurances Accepted! English Spoken! Free Parking DJimenez Store! Open Mon-Fri 8am-7pm & Sat 8am-12pm

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SOUND RENTAL

Karaoke Tropical
For Any Event Of Your Choice With Animation in English, Spanish, German and French Lyrics in 7 Languages International Music, Videos and DVDs

I'm the life of the party..... Even if it lasts until 8 p.m. I'm very good at opening childproof caps..... With a hammer. I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying. I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere. I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg. I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps. Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!
CLEAR FIBERGLASS 7 GALLON PROPANE CYLINDER TANK 24 TALL & 12 DIAMETER

809-204-4172 Email dj.marilyne_karaoke_tropical@hotmail.com

OPEN DAILY (INCLUDING HOLIDAYS) Mon-Sat 8am-10pm Sundays 8am-8pm Everything you need from snacks to supper! Delivery Service Available! Calle Principal, Costambar (just inside the gate) 809-970-3028

Tanks & valves are brand new Made in the USA Always know how much gas you get or have left! Lightweight & rustproof!
ONLY RD$2500 CALL COLIN AT 809-449-1819

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CMS DEFINITELY NOT THE NEWS!

Because rumour, gossip, hearsay and anecdotes are just sooo much more fun!
Welcome to a new feature were going to test drive! Its basically going to be tidbits about life here on the North Coast. Things that affect us. Things that amuse us. Things that annoy us. None of it is hard core journalism. Its what weve heard, seen and experienced. Feel free to email us at costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca with updates, clarifications, corrections or whatever. And keep in mind - we are not claiming that this is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! Its just a glimpse of whats happening and sometimes a bit of fun! Dont take it too seriously! TRASH TALK! Meetings have been held this month to try and resolve this issue of the price of garbage collection. According to sources, the first meeting didnt go as well as hoped. But the second meeting, held a few days later yielded better results. APC and members of the community left the meeting feeling more optimistic that the rate negotiations would bring us more in line with other Puerto Plata communities. They also broached the subject of APC possibly being allowed to renew their contract for tipping at the local dump and thus being allowed to offer garbage collection again. The results of the rate negotiations with the Ayuntamiento will be announced on the second Wednesday of July. POWER PLAY Julys power was pretty much as scheduled by Edenorte - give or take a few hours here and there. The interesting thing is that given the hellish situation with power in May, the Edenorte website indicates that they gave power to us 72.21% of the time. Had to be the two holidays during the month when we did have power almost 24 hours that brought that rate up! ELECTRIC CIRCUS! Based on real news It turns out Haiti is interested in buying power from the D.R.!! Sure they dont want the overabundance of chicken and eggs that this country produces but they do want the one thing this country comes nowhere near producing enough of! If theres a few kilowatts just hanging around looking for a home then send them our way! In related news, the government has said there is no end in sight to the energy crisis and declared it a national emergency. Now, everyone who keeps asking us when we think Costambar is getting 24 hour power - dont hold your breath!

INSULATOR INSTALLATION Things are progressing with the rewiring of Costambar. Crews are currently installing brackets with insulators to our pretty new poles. Unfortunately, in order to accomplished this they have done a hatchet job on our greenery. Plenty of old growth trees look like they have been struck by lightening with jagged and raw branches hacked off with no consideration. Sadly, it also appears that a number of palm trees have had their centre spike NO FLY ZONE? chopped sentencing them to certain death. I guess its A reliable source has informed us that the lucky that things grow so quickly here. Hopefully, it construction going on near the entrance to wont be long before new growth hides the wounds Costambar (behind Yennys) is actually intended to be created by this. With any luck in our next issue well affordable housing. Darn! The helicopter pad rumour be gushing over new wires! was just so much more fun! CM FAQ COSTAMBAR MONTHLY TAKES A BREAK There will be no issue printed in August. Its been a long time since we took an issue off and since things are very quiet here on the North Coast right now it just seems like the perfect time to get away and get refreshed for the coming season. But well be back bright eyed and bushy tailed in September! Enjoy your summer everyone!

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VIVERO MAIMON
GREEN THUMB
Landscaping and Gardening Maintenance Services
Palms, Flowering and Foliage Plants BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST!!!
George Roesch 809-543-8041
OPEN Monday to Friday 8am-5pm Saturday 8am-noon

Km 11 Carretera PP-Imbert Just past The Fish Places

Son:"Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!" Father: "That's great son. Who is she?" Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter" Father: "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister. "The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later ... Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!" Father: "That's great son. Who is she?" Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbor's daughter." Father: "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister." This went on couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying. Son:"Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because dad is their father!" The mother hugs him affectionately and says: "My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He isn't your father."

Costambar Monthly page 14 FOR SALE 3 Solar panels 1 x 12 volt 65-80watt Broken/repairable (cracked glass) fully functional, 2 x 6 volt 1 Broken/repairable (cracked glass) fully functional 90 USD the Three. Prototype Solar/Wind charge controller, fully functional, 12/24 volt 100 amp 90 USD 1 Inverter PURE SINEWAVE 24 volt 2000/4000 watt voltage regulator integrated 1 year old 18,000 pesos. 1 electric wing mirror for L200, 1500 pesos. 2 x Ikea silver LED bedside/ office lamps 30 Usd each. Telephone 809 970 32 87 or 809 639 9393.

CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE Movie projector system for movie screen size RD$12000. Pfaff sewing machine, heavy duty, needs repair RD$5000. 2 flat screens RD$1000. Printer RD$1000. Keyboard RD$500. DVD players, need repair RD$200each. Amplifier, needs repair RD$200.Radio antennae RD$50. Yagie satellite antennae RD$500. Ziar satellite system RD2000. Raycor oil filters RD$200each.Motorcycle helmets RD$250each. Yamaha Enduro outboard motor, low hours RD$450000. Utility trailer, 2002, snmb wgt 497lbs, low miles RD$20000. Honda Hero 150 motorcycle RD$35000. Call 809-743-75125 or 809-836-8523 FOR SALE 2002 Izuzu Rodeo Sport, V6, Power windows/lock. New Front brakes/rotors/calipers. Good tires and drives great. American owned.Asking RD$245,500 Call 829-397-2772 FOR SALE I have a red 2007 X-1000 motorcycle with 3,125 km on the odometer. GL150GY-3A engine. It has always been FOR SALE Everything must go. Selling baby, child, adult and home items. Items include: crib, queen and twin bed, fridge, oven, washer/drier, home decor, tv, appliances and much more. Please email at lfelizsantos@gmail.com or call 849-860-6988.

LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBARS FLEA MARKET AT THE CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!!

FOR SALE Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be Mitsubishi L200 Pickup, 2001, placed by emailing costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca Diesel, Manual, New Tires, Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820 shock absorbers and many PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items. other parts. 7000 USD Commercial properties or enterprises (including real viewable in Costambar. Email: stanley.bobyk@gmail.com Tel: estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise 809 970 3287 Cell 809 639 notified. FOR SALE dinghy caribe 13 feet with latte 800$ both are negotiable US Microwave oven GE, combo convection and grill oven, stainless steel inside and out,rack for grilling and broiling IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you to FOR SALE services every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are in 200$ Complete contents of apt. Spanish. Children activities. Before Costambar Gate Boat stereo 30$ Everything almost new & good Wet suit 30$ Security, turn on the right side toward the power quality. Call John 829-560-7578 Life jacket 10$ plant, 100 meters on the right side. Snorkels 5$ Dog vest 20$ FOR SALE Fire extinguisher 10$ Hotpoint full capacity washer. Costambar Community Beige. Works well. RD $6,000. Power cord 30$ 50 to 30 adapter 100$ Call 829.259.3413 or Email Center & Library Fishing poles (3)80$ each MacK@ttlc.net432 Open 9am-5pm Joanne 829-319-0572 or eFOR SALE mail: Yamaha jog black and yellow Monday-Saturday noiseuxjoanne@hotmail.com ids,new tires, new battery, Located next to special muffler,top shape FOR SALE the Farmacia asking 18,000 pesos Honda CRV 2000 for georgioantiglio@yahoo.com RD$255,000 Diane & Victor Call 809 261 3795

Separate English & foreign language book rooms

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LAND FOR SALE

Beautiful lot just a couple of minutes from the Star Market in Puerto Plata. 750 square metres, quiet road, nice neighbourhood. Mountain view and harbour views. Spectacular view of the city lights at night.

APARTMENT FOR RENT

APARTMENT FOR RENT

Located Cafemba 3 bedroom 3 bathroom Main street Long term rental 24 hour electric, water Swimming pool 1bdrm Located in Las Rocas, Furnished Cofresi Inverter power Only long term rentals US$600 per month Well water Poolside WiFi, Utils included Call 809-993-4503

Contact dr84@hotmail.com 829-906-7012

SOMETHING YOU DIDNT REALIZE ACTUALLY HAD A NAME!

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