1

Praise for About Mr. Warren ...simply jarring. -Local jar maker Worth checking out even if you didnt just meet Josh Spilker. -Man who just met Josh Spilker With About Mr. Warren, Spilker does at 28 what most people do at 25... -Famous lit critic whose opinion you trust Hes made me read it...again. -Student An audacious and moving portrait of fallen industrial life on the cusp of further urban decay... -Man who perpetually chronicles the decay of urban life even when it is thriving. Like nothing Josh has written before... -Joshs friend Billy, who has never read anything Josh has written before.

this is a title page, where titles go. mine is:

about Mr. Warren

BY JOSH SPILKER

for you that are new at this, this is a book. You flip the pages. You read it. You follow. You conjecture. You argue. You love it.

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons AttributionNonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. To view a copy of this license, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/ or send a letter to Creative Commons, 171 Second Street, Suite 300, San Francisco, California, 94105, USA. Rights go to Deckght Press & Deckght & Josh Spilker, 2010.

They

an apple LIFES NOT a day JUST BEING ALIVE keeps the BUT BEING doctor away WELL. -yes.
7

Apples. Oranges. Whipped cream. Diet Sprite. Flip flip. Smooth flow smooth. Fold, enclose. Rustle rustle pause. -Ice cream? Stomp step stomp. -no. Stop. -Lemon freeze? Shake tap tap shake. -no. Foot loose. -Bottle of water? What's wrong? Scratch itch bite bit. -Don't bite Mr. Warren, no. -yes. -Scratch, okay? That's okay? -yes. Fold fold quiet unfold spread soft. -There. -yes. -How bout the ducks? -yes. Twist, turn. Shake shook shake full. Throw, crush, throw, watch. Swarm loose shake left. Throw, crush, throw, crush, throw, crush, throw, crush, throw. Scramble, scavenge, swallow. Sit. Down. Reach and out. Reach and out. Flip. Flip. Fold. -Ready? -no. Up, up, and away.

Her
Items he gave:
[The television is a 1992 Mitsubishi, picture in picture. Animal Planet and CNN at the same time. The TV came from a Goodwill on 7th Street. Maybe our last trip. I drove, he rode. He didnt say much then, but I didnt know how much he really did say. -You need a TV for there? There is here. He opened the door for me, even though I drove. Mostly clothes in the store. Shoes too undersized. -Look at this. A green dress, hemmed with lace at the bottom, dotted with small yellow flowers, the green was Liz Claiborne. Id never had Liz Claiborne, though once I had Gloria Vanderbilt. My only things not from Woolworths. -I dont need that. TVs against the back wall, they all looked the same to me, black square boxes with empty gray bowed glass. A wooden console that went out in 1987 was the last TV I had, and it wasnt really mine. Paige owned the television. Behind my back he would give Paige the latest talking dolls and Matt those radio controlled cars after I had given her a sewing loom or paper dolls and him a model car kit, complete with paint and varnish. TV and Sega in their room, thanks to him. The man at the Goodwill pointed out the Mitsubishi, my Mitsubishi. We plugged it in. We turned it 8

on. It was in color. The picture was large. -32 inch. A mustachioed crevice-toothed man. I said nothing. -Well take it. I said nothing. -Load it up. We turned around. The mustachioed crevice-toothed man called a guy over, a huge inky guy in an A-shirt. Had never seen him. -Where do you think theyre from? -I dont know. I stopped at the green dress on the way out, its straps looped through the hanger. He stopped too. -Good dress. -Nice dress. We went home. He plugged in the TV. The commercials came on. Ads for Macys, JC Penneys. I expected him to go back. Two days, I waited. It didnt come. Three days, four and five more and more.]

She and He
Lumbering battle rattle out of the CHU. kevlar in the prone position. So stiff, but little direction on where to next. hollow army of crunchies. We dead check ourselves. 3 am is not early, it is not late, it is normal. It is the start of the workday. Embrace the suck as they say, but Id rather just duck and run and fall asleep in a pile of leaves. Too many things I am responsible for that I dont care to

Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.
have; Remember:

10

11

They

White cup. Mr. Pibb. Coke. Mr. Pibb, Coke, Sprite, Mr. Pibb. Suicide. Over and over. Nothing, brown and yellow. Nothing, brown, yellow. Shiny foil, nothing. King. Burger. King. Burger King. Nothing, paper. Nothing, tray. Nothing, insert. Foil. foil. foil. foil, oil. Jumble, crossword, jumble questions. Square. Crosswords. Square. Search, words, word search. PHO-diagnol. DENV-across. MIAM-backwards. LASV-vertical. Black, white. Boxes, squares. 1234. 19 Down. President face state. 30 Across. Desert. Nothing, pencil. Eraser. 8 Across: MTN in NM 22 Down: Plain State. -Welcome to Burger King. Where you can have it your way. -no. -What? -no, no. -Huh? Marla... -no, no. 12

Rough smooth. -Hon, what is it? -no. no. no. -You want it off? -yes. Cartoon ruby red. Paper purple. Tear rip tear. Square, square, square, square. Pencil. Top left: Pencil, SQUARE 1. Top right: Pencil, SQUARE 2. Middle: Pencil, SQUARE 3. Bottom right: Pencil, SQUARE 4. Over, pencil, square one: HER Over, pencil, square two: SHE & HE. Over, pencil, square three: WE. Over pencil, square four: THEY. Flat palms. Tight squeeze. Eyes, shut. Black. Wax on. Wax off. Open, over. Square four: THEY.

13

Her

[My potato masher is here. Iron and and multi-pronged in that odd shape. It was my mothers. Dont know where she got it. Probably hand-made. That black iron. Her mashed potatoes were not just garlic, but she added honey, rosemary. And the butter beforehand. No one never knew that, not Patti, not Ruth, not any of them except for me. Maybe she told me because I had the least natural talent. I could make desserts alright, cobbler, apple pie, cinnamon sugar cookies. I couldnt make anything else. Couldnt fry a chicken well. My rotisserie turkey was never good. Stewed well. Potato and pea stew was the best I could do. She said I would never get married but I did, I think to the best one. Pattis husband ended up a swindler. Ruths caught factory work in Chicago too late. Sarahs husband never stayed at home much. But mine did. We were the poorest, but the happiest. Or maybe the smartest. Thats why I held on to it.]

14

15

They

Bells, bells, loop. Cell, cell, loop. -Come on. Bells, bells, bell. Move. Tumble, tumble. Snap on. Lock down. Rumble. Snap off. Lock up. -That was fast right, buddy? Open, shut. Open, shut. "Welcome to Burger King, how can I help you?" -Pie? -no. -Water? -no. -Coke? -yes. "Uh, #3 with cheese, no onion. Dr. Pepper for me, coke for him. Oh the drinks, over there, right?" "6.09." "Alright..." "How bout a crown for him?" -no, no. "Well...I guess..." -Come on buddy, how bout a crown? ... "Yeah, we'll take one, we'll take one." -Coke? -yes. -More? -yes. -Dr. Pepper? 16

-yes. -Sprite? -yes. -Suicide? -yes, no, no, yes. -See, Mr. Warren... Chew chew goo spit. -I don't mind taking you over here, don't mind. You're quiet, real quiet. So loud over there. Chew, chew, chewy. -I was in uh, Deborah's room. Know where her room is? -yes. -Animal Planet-showing cougars mating of all things. I shut that off and moaning, man. Moaning for ten, maybe fifteen minutes. Finally I just turned it back on. It wasnt fixed, but I didnt care. Dont think she cared. Moaned the whole time before it was it back on, that was the only thing to make her stop. -yes. Wrap, ball, crush, crinkle. -Next time, I walked by Animal Planet was on again, always on, this time baboons. Grease, greasy, slide, soft bite. -I'll see you. Swallow, swallow. -You staying? -yes -You walking? -yes. 17

-You know how far it is? -yes, no, no. -You know which way you're going? -yes. -Alright, I'll keep you signed out. Flip. Flip. Smooth smooth scratch.

THE ROAD Worth seeing, UP yes; AND THE but ROAD DOWN not worth ARE ONE going AND THE to SAME see.

18

19

Her

[I am seventy-five years old. 10 years older than 65, twenty years older than 55, forty years older than 35 and fifty years older than Page. Spots on me. Liver brown liver. I am dry. I must pee though I drink little. My hair is stiff. It is not short, not like others. It is not long like it once was. Small gray curls lip over my skull. This is my hair. He bought me a stand-up hair dryer in 72. Light blue, its pole sat on the desk, its bulb encapsulating my head. A turning button for cool, heat, hot. I used heat. I used heat all the time. I dont dont know how to use a hand-held dryer. I see them here, women have them here. Daughters, granddaughters, great granddaughters bring them for birthdays, Christmas, anniversary presents and we dont know how to use them. He never bought me one. They showed us once how to use them and we forgot. And they never came back.]

20

They

He walked by himself THE KIDS and all places LOVE were alike THE DOG to him.
21

Click. So see so see flint. -oh almost you almost made it. -yes. Click. See so see glock; pop-pop. -yes. -two for me, tap it in. Tap tap tap. -3 for you. Strip crunch bunch flat. -come on, back nine. -yes. -Were tied 3 for 3 for you. -yes. -Karl and me came out here all the time. Did I ever tell you about Karl? -yes, no. -This frog jumped out of one of those fake pads, you know they have those fake grass along the course? This frog jumped and started tracking Karl basically. Up the steps down the steps. -It followed. I think he even gave it a name, Jose. -One hole was near the road and Karl was the last to go. He put his ball up there, and Jose came and jumped right next to it. Karl went back like normal, but then knocked Jose. -no. -He yelled can you see? -no. -He hit the next ball hole in one, I swear. -no. -Yes. Pull down. Shut. Latch. Spin, spin, spin. Paper.

Her

Planet. Ours. Animals. Theirs. Scratch scamper scamper scratch. Dig deep scratch raspy. Gut. Gutter. Guttural. From the summit of these pyramids forty centuries look down upon you. Waspy whisper willful. Who is to do the pleasant and clean work and for what pay? Bury burrow scurry shelled.

22

23

She and He
"Gabe and me walked down this embankment. Up at least 28 hours straight. I didn't think there was no one there. But there was. An old lady. No, not that old. 45, but maybe older. Hands curled in, feet curled in, she couldn't walk. Some arthritis or some thing. Nowhere to walk. She was the last. Me and Gabe looked at each he started to grab her, to lift her. She screamed, she lunged for a corner. We tugged her arm and more screams. We left. The screams stopped. She stayed. Here

stand I. I can do no other. God help me. Amen.

24

They

Grind. Pond walk pond walk. -Get one lets go buddy. -yes. Strut gaze slant. -Did I lock the truck? -no, yes, no. -Ridiculous, god-damn ridiculous. Walk pond pond walk pond. Open shut lock. -God lets go. Pond walk swish out crick swish in. "Welcome, hey there fella. ... "Need a sticker? -yes. Underwear? "Left, #9. -Seniors should stay home. Jeopardy is on, check the guide today? -yes. -What did she say? Give me that. -yes. Flip ruffle flip over. -Here okay 1. size 38. -no. -What? is that 36? -yes. -Buddy, youre right. Squeak spin purr purr quiggle quiggle.

25

-These ok? -yes. -God, thought so. Spin spin spun. -Hey wait here. Up up. -You know where tweezers at? -no -Forget it. what else? ... -Granola. vanilla pudding. mocha pudding. chocolate. -no -Shirt? -yes. -A dress shirt? -yes. -God. -yes. Swivel swivel swivel swivel, tag. -Hows that? -yes -Green stripes? -yes. -All right lean over. Pull over tug over grunt grunt over tug. "Sir, yessir you." "What?" "He needs a dressing room. Dont do that out here." "Cant you see..." "Sir, we dont allow customers to try on clothes in the 26

My dear fellow THEY COME beggars TO MAKE cant be A SHOW choosers THEMSELVES. Rip leave leave spring
tug tug off pull pull on.

middle of the store." Straight bend lay back bend squish shut bolt. -Alright, Ill be out here if you need me. -yes. -You hear me? -yes. -Good, good. -no. -What? -yes, no yes. -Okay. Tug tug sit poke bounce poke bounce pinch pull flip flip find

-God lets get out here. -yes. -Sign, 22 hours this week. 27

She and He
...tossing sand, five jumps, ten miles, the packs so minimal and all the bloody hand signals. overpowered here, no one can find a book to read or a decent conversation...FHM, SI or the occasional EW. We cant see, hear or know any of those... hug, dont let her see...just say:

it is life near the bone where it is sweetest.

28

29

Her

[He is a smart man. He was caught up in the wrong type of work, though. Always. Worked the railroad for a bit, laying track, working steel. Always good welding. Good at engineering too, just natural. He told that foreman a few things a few times, where the track should go, how the land should be leveled. Foreman wanted to know how he knew. He said he didnt know, he just knew. He was always like that. Just figuring out stuff. Theres this man, Perry. He and Perry out working out past the Texas line, they were spread out about 300 yards him and Perry out front laying whatever needed to be lay, or measured. But they got a mile, two miles out, Perry fainted. He saw him fall in the distance and ran. No water, no nothing. He just picked Perry up, put him on his back. He walked two maybe three miles until the work truck. Perry had appendicitis, almost died. Perry always says that he saved his life, that he wouldnt be doing whats hes doing without him. I dont think he remembers that story. I mean Perry does, but he doesnt. Perry left the rail soon after went out further west. He only stayed about a month longer on the rail after that. Never said he missed Perry, but he did. He reached the highlight I guess, saving Perry, what else was there to do? Thats what it was. Thats what it was.]

30

They

-You kind of liked it? -no. -You didnt like it? -yes. -Yes, you didnt like it? -yes. -The robots? -no. -The desert? -no. -The colors? The knife? -yes, yes, no. -Sex? -yes, no, yes. -So you liked the robots? -yes. -You're easy to talk to. -yes. -Lemme stop and use the phone. -yes, no, no, no. -Yes. -Give me your phone, please, Mr. Warren. -no, no, no. -Yes, yes. Give me the phone. -no, no. Grab grab pinch. -Mister...mister Warren. Let me have your phone please. Grab pinch grab pinch pinch twist. -....no, no....no. Twist pinch twist twist twist.

31

-Give me your phone. Give it to me now or it will be worse. Much worse, the worst. -....no, yes....no, yes, yes, yes. Scratch rustle rustle pull. -Thank you, Mr. Warren, thank you. Punch punch beep beep punch beep twerp. "So, it's 3, you ready. Ready?.... "...Nah, he don't know, he won't know." "....He'll come in with us. It'll be alright, it'll be good." "On your way?...." "....Okay. Call me when you get here." -no, no, no, no. -Please be quiet Mr. Warren. -no, no, no, no. -Mister Warren...Mister Warren....Mister Warren. -no. no. no. no. -Okay. Pop swing thud.

-no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no.

32

[this page intentionally left blank.]

33

She and He
there are no signs of happy people. Heavy sighing. Long glances at the clouds. The snap of cots. The clang of trays. We take the pot roast off, hold it in our hands and throw it as far as we can. We took some masking tape and made a triangle on a concrete floor of an old factory where we sometimes work on the tanks. We taped two saucers together from the mess, our discus. Two broomsticks serve as sticks. We can curl or play shuffleboard. Whatever. A few of the group have never played shuffleboard, but theyve come around. They love it now. Maybe crave it. It makes sense. Trying to get points on a triangle. It makes sense.

O for a life of sensations rather than thoughts.

34

35

They
The only MORAL INDIGNATION thing that can IS JEALOUSY exist is WITH A an uninterested HALO person.

Tick clock tick clock tick clock tick clock tick clock tick clock Trickle sweat wet trickle trickle slap scratch smooth. Pull flip flip. Huff, cough, cough, huff, huff. Swing creak bounce. -You ready? Can you come out now and behave? ... -Well, can you? Can you? ... -It don't matter, you gonna have to come out. He's here. Pop swing creak slide step. "That him?" "That's him." -Hey Mister..."What's his name?" "Warren, Mister Warren." Hey, Mister Warren. -no, no, no, no. "It's okay. He's a little testy." "You sure this is a good idea?" "Yeah, it'll be fine. He'll be good." ... "Put on your hat, let's go." "He gonna wear something?" "No, he's what they call indescript. All they'll say is he's 36

retarded. You know how many retarded people there are in this town?" "I don't want him in there. I don't. He'll mess something up, yell, run maybe." "Serious?" "Serious." "Fine, he'll be in the car. He'll stay in the car." "Make him put something on. So he don't see nothing." -Mr. Warren, put your hat on. "He's got one of those pull down hats." -Lay down here till we get back. Swing shut lock. Beep lock. Purr purr breathe. Purr purr breathe. Darkness darkness darkness. Sniff sniff, creak creak turn. Darkness darkness.

BOP<BOP<BOP POW. BOP<BOP POW.

RARE---OOH---RARE--OOH---RARE---OOH RARE---OOH---RARE.
37

Swingopenshut;CREAK. Jingle jingle fumble jumble. -GOD! FUCK. Fumblefumble jingle jumble. Start start start start turn. Turn turn. PUSHPUSH SLAM FAST.

Buzz buzz blow wind blow. -We're going, we're going. -no, no, no. -You better believe yes. Believe, believe. Wind whip wind whip air. Tug, tug pull. -No, God, no. leave it on for Christ's sake. We have to, you have to. Pull pull. -Leave that alone, not yours at all. -no. 38

-What do you mean no? Leave it. -no. -What? -no. Pop swing swing bend...

WIND WHIP WIND WIND WHIP RUMBLE RUMBLE HONK

-What the hell? Close the god-damned door. Mister Warren, the god-damned door. -no, no, no. -You'll die, you know die? You will die. -no, no, no. Yank pull yank yank whip whiplash.

-MR. WARREN

Push windslamtumble POP tumble POP BUMP POP tumbleswivelpull SCRAPE SNAP SCRAPE rolloveroverroll spring roll tumble.

STILL
Sniff. 39

ALIVE.
Sniff purr purr breathe.

STILL. ALIVE.
-Yes. Who. Who. Sniff. Breath breathe breath. Who. Pull. Flip. Flip.

All THEY that a MAKE A man WILDERNESS hath will AND CALL he give IT for PEACE his life.

40

41

Them

A broken arm, thats it. Really? Thats what they said. Scrapes, bruises, of course. Of course. So be it. Anything on him? Long ski mask. Several layers of clothes. Wallet. Yeah? Just a piece of paper inside with his name. Mr. Warren. And a phone number. Called it and it reached Countryside Court. That a hotel? Rest home. What did he say, Mr. Warren? Nothing. Just yes and no. Thats it. Thats something. Oh and he wrote this down. Playing baseball A LITTLE for a living OF WHAT was like a YOU FANCY license to DOES YOU...NO... GOOD steal. Thats something. Thats something alright.

42

She and He
"deeper and deeper, we sunk." "nobody was able to sleep." "satellites, packing trucks and graphite." "just driving by, M4s ready, but kids coming out of these empty houses...it was hard to see." "he broke his back snapped kind of like a cockroach." "it's hard to see those damned kids." "let her know, just let her know, I'm okay. Okay for today. Got a bag for sleep, one magazine to read, again."

"'Men will not be content to manufacture life: they will want to improve on it."

43

Her

Golden Girls. Toss. Cosby Show. Turn. Spread Eagle. The Wonder Years. Flop. 227. Groan. Designing Women. Tip-creak-toe-creak-tip-creak-toe. Open, slide, pull, place. Place. Place. Doogie Howser. sleep. MASH. sleep. Beverly Hillbillies. sleep. Good Times.

44

45

We

Slide wide. -It's mom's birthday. -yes. -Not mom for you. -no. -Feel okay. -Yes, yes, yes, no, no. -Good, good. -With Chris... -yes. ... -yes. -Im really sorry, I know it's not fair, the time it just goes, then stays gone. The finances, the management, it became squeezed... -yes. -But Chris... -yes, no, no, yes. -But, mom, what should we get mom? Electronics? -no. -Candles? -no. -Kitchen stuff? -yes. -Well, I want to bring her in here sometime. I mean, she doesn't know, she doesn't know anything. Would that be okay, for mom to come in here? -no. no. 46

-But, Dad, she might... -no, no. -Okay, I get it, really I get it. It's just that...I think you guys understand, I think you can still... -no. -Okay. I get it. I love you, and I know she loves you and Matt. You know that, right. -yes. -See you soon. -yes. Flip.

Whats the good NO GUILTY of a home MAN IS if you ACQUITTED are never IF JUDGED in it? BY HIMSELF!

Flip.

47

48

She and He
Everything is ok now, it blew over... Lawyer and everything. Charged with armed robbery. Hes fine, I havent put anybody else with him. May not for awhile, the psychiatrist said waiting wouldnt hurt...

49

Her

[Along with an AMC record player (a surprise!) he also brought two of the best (in my opinion!) records of all time: Patsy Cline Showcase and Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash. That must've cost him much. But we put those on, and we two-stepped in the living room. That became a slower dance. The windows were open and Sidney was barking outside. A breeze came in, who knows what caught Sidney's nose? Only thing on my mind was him. To be honest, that year was the best year I ever loved him. Right after that dance, we flipped the records over and made pound cake. He helped truly, and even washed the dishes. He told me the next day he had been laid off, by then I didn't care and he knew it. It worked, I was a sucker sure, but his sucker. We ate pound cake and milk and tried to decide what to do next. We had that talk about every three months at least, it seemed. Aunt's store always had some left over of soda. We would go and pick over the Orange Crush and Sprite. No one one bought those, they only bought the Coca-Colas and root beers mostly. He put those empty glass bottles on the mantle and would say he had had at least one vice in life, and wasn't I glad that it wasn't other women? I hadn't the heart to tell him that no other woman but me would take him. But all I told him was that I liked Orange Crush. Because I did. That was the truth.]

51

Him

Snap latch in. Turn turn turn, push. Jangle jangle slurp. Slurp. "I know you don't want to hear, but just this once." Twist turn. Turn, cli-cli-cli. Push push fast. "The custody, I wasn't sure..." "Not a good idea, no excuse, but sue? I dont have nothing. You know, you of all people should know." Beep bonk beep. "God, sorry, Paige." Bonk bonk beep. "Said, sorry, God." Turn, turn. "What the hell?" Light slight nothing stop slight light nothing spin. Spin.

M P U M P H U M P T H U M P S T O M P CAR EEN CAREEN CAREEN CAR EEN

52

53

bonk beep beep bonk honk

C H N C H U N CAR EEN CAREEN CAREEN CAR EEN PUMP THUMP STOMP honkhonkhonkhonk CRASH CRASH CRUNCH STOMP CAREEN beep. CRASH CRASH CRUNCH CRUSH. CRUSH. CRUSH.

CHRUNCHCRUNCHCRASHCRUNCH

CRUSH.

55

She and He
"An ambush drill and gunship lip." "...of IEPs in the desert and of empty rooms in the city and kid snipers in windows." "Open doors and grendade traps, M240s of night-fire with stuck pins and 400 m targets." "Runaway gun straightway into my face..." "I cannot erase nor hate nor rightfully complain."

"Tell her if you can: 'It became necessary to destroy the town to save it.'"

56

57

thanx

God, Ashley, family, work, free time, friends, you, Shreveport, Oldsmar, Nashville, N. Redington Beach, New Orleans, Atlanta, Wilmington, Bootleg, GWBJ, Vanderbilt, UNCW, places that published whatever, the rejection letters from literary places, that one time we went to St. Louis and threw watermelon rinds into the river.

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