AMS 302 -10 THINGS THAT CAN TURN YOUR MARRIAGE AROUND FOR GOOD

INSTRUCTIONS Go through the lesson and the scripture outlines prayerfully and meditatively. Read over and over again until you get the underlying principles and don't be in a hurry to jump to the next lesson. After you are through, there are three things you need to do. (1) Do the assignment (Use site or facebook comment form to answer) (2) Go though the activities (These needs not be submitted) (3) Do the Quiz ( You will know whether you need to go through lesson again) MOVING TO NEXT LESSON Only move to the nextlesson when either Pastor Dunamis or Pastor Sophia has minuted on your assignment/comment.

AFTER MARRIAGE SCHOOL (AMS) Lesson 2 10 THINGS THAT CAN TURN AROUND YOUR MARRIAGE FOR GOOD
It was a wonderful marriage. Everybody was happy for them. They had a wonderful honeymoon but the honeymoon was soon over when they discovered there was moonlight but no honey. The couple, very promising both had a career to build. They soon got entrenched in their work. Few years after, and two children after, they had grown apart. Both leave for work in the morning with a good morning kiss, and return home late and of course, the husband is still ready, but the wife is almost always tired. Their sex life began to suffer. The frustrations they experienced in their sexual life soon spilled over into other areas of their lives. Communication had decreased. They seemed not to understand themselves again. Mr. and Mrs. Akinbode were always quarrelling. They seemed to vehemently disagree over everything. Arguments were the order of the day. Mr. Akinbode was sure that was not the woman she married four years ago. He was beginning to get tired of marriage. He would deliberately stay out till night time before coming home everyday. Home had become a sore point for him. From time to time, thoughts of divorce would crop up in his mind. He couldnt understand why his wife had grown so adamant. She had changed from the amiable, loving, respectful and ever smiling sweetheart to a cold, unyielding, irritating and disrespectful accomplice at home. He began to look elsewhere. Other women around him became more appealing. On the other hand, Mrs. Akinbode couldnt understand why he kept on hurting him day after day. He had grown so insensitive and unperturbed. He wouldnt eat the food sometimes and she had made up her mind to stop cooking all the time. She wondered why her opinion was no longer relevant and upon all that, he would still come and ask for sexshameless man! It is getting to a point in which she would start denying him sex, so as to get back to him. She knew that would hurt him badly. She began to seek affirmation elsewhere. She would appreciate any other person that offered her the minutest compliment, even when they were strangers. She bagan to go out on lunch dates with colleagues. She began to seek the temporal emotional companies from several other men that were ready to take advantage. In no time, both spouses began to cheat on each other. They never saw it as cheating. They saw it as necessary for life to go on. It was obvious both of them were not happy. They were supposed to enjoy marriage, but they were enduring. Marriage that is meant to be a haven is now an oven. The wife had become a knife, with obvious lacerations in the mind of the man, and the man had become a terror, and marriage had turned into bondage. The husband began to look outward in deliberate deviance to the marriage covenant to satisfy his sexual inclinations, the wife in flagrant reaction to the attitude of the husband ceased in her wifely roles, withdrew into her shell and suffered multiple depressive symptoms. The little children, a boy and girl suffered for it all. They couldnt understand why daddy was no longer available and mummy seemed to be angry with them all the time.

The couple made up their mind to seek counsel. Dunamis & Sophia attended to them and the following were some of the simple panacea that Dunamis & Sophia offered them that could turn their marriage around for good.

1. MARRIAGE IS ENDORSED IN HEAVEN BUT MUST BE WORKED AT ON EARTH No matter how beautiful, promising and complimenting a couple is, and even if heaven stood still for them on their wedding day, the truth is that the couple must work at their marriage if it is going to last. It is like building a house. Pro 24:3-4 AMP Through skillful and godly Wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built, and by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation], (4) And by knowledge shall its chambers [of every area] be filled with all precious and pleasant riches. They must follow carefully certain principles if they desire the house (marriage) to stand strong and beautiful. No man builds without understanding what it entails. Luk 14:28 MSG Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesnt first sit down and figure the cost so youll know if you can complete it? There is no wonderful marriage that just happened. Nothing just happens. A car doesnt just move and the dishes dont just get clean. Somebody initiated the process. The same way, marriage must be worked at. 2. UNDERSTANDING AN IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN BUILDING A LOVING AND A LASTING MARRIAGE Have you ever tried cooking stew without salt or baking a cake without butter and sweeteners? You can never have a beautiful marriage without first seeking to understand yourselves. You must understand your spouse based on who he is and not based on who you think he should be. Dont make a clone out of your spouse. Understanding means, to grasp the meaning, nature, cause of or to see the significance or importance of. Ask yourself, do I know the very nature of my spouse? Do I know the why behind my spouses behavioural pattern? Do I see my spouses significance? Have you studied why men seem to come from Mars and women from Venus? Have you studied your temperamental differences, thereby accepting each others uniqueness? Marriage thrives best on the soil of understanding. Pro 4:7 NIrV Wisdom is best. So get wisdom. No matter what it costs, get understanding. Understanding will solve most marital problems. Without understanding, you keep stepping on each others toes. What you should smile over becomes a point of irritation. What should be a cordial relationship becomes a Tom & Jerry experience

3. MARRIAGE IS TWO FORGIVERS LIVING TOGETHER Maturity is learning to forgive and forget. Until you are a mature lover, you will keep on bringing up hurts of the past. Letting go and letting God is a popular saying that holds a lot of wisdom and the marriage setting is definitely a place to practice that. In the marriage relationship, forgive means to let go and not hold on to a suffered wrong. It means to release the negative emotion of hurt, bitterness, resentment leading to malice, strife and outburst of rage. It means shifting focus from that which causes emotional pain to something else that releases the pain. Pro 19:11 MSG Smart people know how to hold their tongue; their grandeur is to forgive and forget.

Focus your thoughts on something that brings you joy. This is because what you focus on determines your emotions, and emotions determine your attitude. When you have hurt bottled up, it leads to nasty attitudes. Job 15:12 MSG Why do you let your emotions take over, lashing out and spitting fire, Nasty attitudes then elicit nasty responses from your spouse and the cycle continues if not dealt with. If you want to experience the best of your spouse, give him or her your best attitude. One way to always have a wonderful loving attitude is to make sure nothing blocks you emotionally. 4. LOVE IS SPELT TIME You cannot love without giving. One of the best gift of love is TIME. Time that is undivided and focused. Spending time with your spouse is one of the greatest investments of love that yields great dividends. Even God loves so much that He sent his son to spend TIME with the ones he loves. Time spent with your spouse in times of distress, weakness, hopelessness, sickness, ignorance and less attractive situations will remain indelible and your spouse will not easily forget such moments. Eph 5:25 MSG Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the churcha love marked by giving, not getting. The time you spend with your spouse cannot and should not be delegated. Time-starved spouse always look for alternatives they end up having affairs with whoever spends time with them. This is the reason there are ridiculous affairs, ending up in bed with house helps, drivers, cooks, cousins, in-laws, and several other scenarios. Time is crucial in marriage! If your spouse spends more quality time with another colleague who is time-starved in his marriage, they will mostly always end up in having an affair. Sometimes, not deliberately, but then it happens. It is in the place of spending time with your spouse that intimacy, friendship, healing and strength are birthed. The time you have now is a gift from God and that is why it is called present. Use it well and share it with your spouse. Now is your best opportunity to enjoy love. 5. AFFIRM HER, PRAISE HIM Women are created to be responsive to words. When you speak good words to your wife, she will respond positively with a great attitude. When you speak negatively and discouragingly to her, you will get a negative attitude. God created the first woman and the first words she heard were strong affirming words how beautiful she was, how much she was longed for, her intrinsic abilities, (woman, that is, a man with a womb), qualities, uniqueness, how valuable her companionship would be and how much of a unique, awesome masterpiece of Gods creation she was. Nothing was mentioned of her inabilities, weaknesses and inadequacies. Your wife is like a rose in the garden. She will only blossom with your affirming and appreciating words. Until your wife blossoms, she will not be able to fully function in her role as a help meet for your destiny. Until she blossoms, she cannot help create that heavenly atmosphere in your home. She cannot help chase ten thousand problems away. Wives, one of your major roles is to continually praise your husband and I am writing about genuine praise born out of a genuine heart of admiration. Until you truly appreciate and cherish your husband, you cannot adore him. Do you cherish and value the husband that God has given you?

Eph 5:24 NIrV The church follows the lead of Christ. In the same way, wives should follow the lead of their husbands in everything. Do you cherish his leadership and do you consider yourself blessed having him as your head? If you dont, there is no way you can praise him. Focus on his good qualities and you will have enough reasons to praise him and thank God for giving him to you. 6. DEVELOP A FUN PERSONALITY AND A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR Be fun to be with. Let your spouse enjoy your presence and company. Dont be a bore. Be friends. What do friends do? They play, gist and when they fight, they fight fair. What other thing do friends do? They talk. So talk and talk and talk. Enjoy fellowship and mutuality. Give and receive from each other. Share your strengths, weaknesses, fears, joys, weaknesses, pains, hurts, anxieties with each other. Sob, smile, cry and laugh over them. Pro 5:18-19 MSG Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! (19) Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose dont ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Seek after the good of each other. Make sacrifice for each other. When you are best of friends, you wouldnt go out of your way to hurt your spouse and if you do by error, forgiveness is easier. Sure enough, you dont want to hurt the friend you love. You always want to protect the interest of your best friend. Learn to bring out the best of each other. Develop and strengthen each other. Let your spouse become a better person, make contributions towards your spouses progress and improvement. Watch out for each other. Build up yourselves and make up your mind to enjoy your spouse. Mutuality in marriage is where both parties are being supplied. Nobody loathes positive inputs in his life. Have a great sense of humour. Laugh loud at and with each other and let the sounds of your laughter be melodies in your ears.

Ecc 9:9 MSG Relish life with the spouse you love Each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is Gods gift. Its all you get in exchange For the hard work of staying alive. Make the most of each one! Date yourselves all over again. Let nothing come between your time spent together. Let no other person take your place in your spouses heart. Not even the kids. Let no colleague, acquaintance, neigbour or friend take your spouses place. Wives, defend your territory. Hold on to your rightful position. Let everybody know there is no vacancy, forever! Love what your spouse loves. Watch football together, go to cinemas, cook together and sometimes, exchange domestic roles just for the fun of it. It will be great fun for the wife to wake up on a Saturday morning to discover that the husband has fixed a great breakfast! The wife will be very excited, despite the much salt! And it will be a greater fun to discover the wife has washed her husbands Rav4! Just create fun! Love whatever will make you be together. Share precious moments together that will be future triggers of sweet memories. 7. GUARD YOUR MARITAL RELATIONSHIP Anything that is precious must be guarded. Even nature makes provision for guarding and protecting that which is precious and vulnerable. You need to protect your marriage from intruders and enemies of your marital bliss. Every beautiful thing has enemies capable of turning its beauty into ugliness. It is your responsibility to mount guard and set up your defense mechanism over your marriage.

Jer 31:22 NIrV a woman will guard a man. It is very okay to have a healthy jealousy over your spouse. I am not writing about the suspicious, controlling, hellish and manipulative jealousy. I am talking about the kind of jealousy that keeps an eagle eye on your spouse without suspicions, the kind of jealousy that smells and sense danger from a distance. Wives, you must not be nave or gullible. Be rightly inquisitive without being naggy. Imagine a lady who poses as an innocent colleague and already developed an affair with the wife having a clue? Dont let tomatoes and onions blind you to obvious signs of infidelity which if nipped in the bud will save you untold anguish of soul. Never expose your spouse to sugar ants that are ever ready to encroach on your marital sweeteners. Protect your wife and make sure nobody is helping you out to appreciate her. If you allow someone to help you appreciate and offer deceptive affirmations to your spouse, in no time, they will also help you take your spouse to bed. Be like a mother hen, and let your protective instincts get active without being unnecessarily overbearing on your spouse. Your marriage is your most valuable investment. Never allow any loopholes or loose ends. 8. FIGHT. IT IS OKAY TO FIGHT! I am not talking about fighting with your spouse. But it is okay to fight fair, that is, disagreeing to agree. But the fight I am talking about is fighting and declaring war against anything that takes your spouses focus and attention from enjoying your marital bliss. Some jobs, business, trips, friends, outings, etc are in this category. Dont fight your spouse or put the pressure on him or her, rather, direct your missiles on those enemies. One of the best ways to fight fair is on your knees, that is, by praying fervently over your husband and family. Women are created with birth canal. They are specialist in birthing. You can birth your desired husband and family in the place of prayers. That is why a woman has womb. It is the place of conception. It is the place of conceiving the kind of family you want and birthing it in the place of prayer. It is the way to victory. 9. COVER YOURSELF In as much as you are trying to guard your spouse, dont leave yourself exposed. Dont leave yourself to negative influence that will want to shift your focus from building a loving, lasting marriage. We live in an interesting generation. Valuable principles that build strong relationships are being eroded by too many distractions. The principles that build strong relationships in the home front are becoming archaic. Everyone seems to be living for their ownselfish interest. Every man for himself seems to be the order of the day. However, one thing is clear. Principles never get old fashioned. While they might have been around for quite a long time, they never get obsolete. They are tried and tested. One typical marriage principle says that husbands should love their own wives. Another one says that wives should submit to their own wives. To submit means to put him first. Let him have his way. Men are generally egocentric. That ego is for territorial claim, authority, dominion and leadership. Dont bother to bruise his ego, its of no use. You will only succeed in stirring up his masculine instinct for authority. So, what do you do with a mans ego? Simply nurse it! Let him be. Dont nag him. Dont compare him with any other man. Believe in him. Let the king in him rule. Respect his head of the house status. Let him have a feeling his word is final. While the wife can suggest, or even disagree, the husband should have the final say. What does a wife do when she feels so strongly that she is right and the husband is wrong in a particular decisive situation and the husband is not bulging? She should still allow the husband to have the final say as the head of the house while she goes and talk it over with God. At almost all times, the husband gets to realize that the wife is right in such situations and then it becomes a win-win situation.

The wife should present her opinion in soft statements like, Darling, what do you think of if that is okay by you, then its okay. But what if we By using statements like these, you are also using your feminine appeal and power of influence, not with force but gently, yet powerfully. 10. LET GOD BE THE HEART OF YOUR MARRIAGE How do you treat your heart? Your heart is the most important organ in your body. That is how God should be to our marriage. A healthy relationship with God becomes the foundation for a healthy family relationship. A couple who make God their focus and center of affection will have the reward of having God pull them closer to each other. Since God is love, love (agape purest form of love) gains ascendancy selfishness. All things exist by God, for God and with God, so also is your marriage. You take God away from your marriage and you are left with nothing. When a marriage is devoid of God, you get hatred instead of love, conflict instead of peace, pain and sorrow instead of joy, tears instead of laughter, crisis instead of comfort, suspicion instead trust, loneliness instead of companionship, revenge instead of forgiveness, affliction instead of affection, weakness instead of strength, fear and trepidation instead of tranquilitythe list is endless. The presence of God in your marriage is the presence of love and the absence of God is the presence of all marital woes. Everybody who had experienced bitter marital experiences had at one time or the other ignored God in their lives and marriages. Marital vows are only fulfilled with the help of God. Dont keep God in the basement of your marital life, give him the center stage, let him direct, dictate and conduct things. He will do a better job than you. God will never force himself to take the driver seat of your marital vehicle. He stays where you put him. God is courteous. Allow him. Assignment 1. Give one practical way that marriage can be worked at 2. What is understanding in marriage? 3. Give some examples of how you can relax with your spouse ACTIVITIES 1. Read a book on man / woman differences 2. Try and see how many hours you spend with your spouse alone weekly and see if it is enough.