Ignatius Daily Reflections

Ignatius 1

In starting Ignatius, the first thing that stuck me was how his writing style in the third person

view differed from Augustine and how clear and concise his narrative is. His writing isn’t

convoluted with monologues to God, but the third person narrative created in me a sense that the

story was being told by an unbiased narrator while I had to consciously keep in mind that

Ignatius was telling his own story subject to his biases and selection pressures in his memory.

Ignatius starts off by taking about the vanity of his early years that, somewhat reflect Augustine,

as a privileged Spaniard. Ignatius initially comes off as the most extreme stereotype of a tough

man. He was a fierce warrior, and when injured by a hit from a canon ball, “…he never spoke a

word nor showed any sign of pain other than to clench his fists. (22)” When injured he was given

the books The Life of Christ and The Golden Legend to read.

All this reflection time led to his conversion into a good Christian, and then he felt a great need

to do penance for all his previous sins. He continued to live an extreme lifestyle by engaging in

self flagellation. Signs of his violent past emerge when he feels the urge to kill a man who

questions Mary’s virginity. Ignatius’ pilgrimage as a newly devout Christian also led him to give

up his wealth. One particularly interesting story is when he gave his clothes to a poor man but

the poor man was later threatened by other residents because they thought the poor man had

stolen the clothes. This tale made me feel sad for both the poor man and Ignatius, as Ignatius had

tried to do good for the poor man but the cynicism of the other residents got in the way and

evoked a strong compassion towards the man from Ignatius.

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The third and fourth chapters of Ignatius’ autobiography seem to concentrate on his pilgrimage to

Jerusalem. He continues as a man of extremes. He lived off alms, didn’t eat meat, and

continued on his quest even after falling ill on several occasions. Psychologically, he was able to

resist temptations that encouraged him to abandon his trip. For example, he though he heard a

voice saying, “How will you be able to endure this life for the seventy years you have yet to

live?” and responded by saying, “O miserable being! Can you promise me an hour of life? (34)”

He also had had bouts of sadness regarding his previous sins, and seven hours of prayer along

with confession didn’t help to the point that he considered killing himself (but thought it a sin).

Fasting and reflection eventually led to comfort from God and the Trinity, though his trip

continued with further illness and various visions/temptations. Since the multiple illnesses were

strong enough to cause high fever and vomiting, they may be the source of some of Ignatius’

delusions that reflected on his inner self.

Ignatius led his pilgrimage with great resolve. For example, he visited Mt. Oliver without a

Turk guide and therefore put himself in danger. He even had to bribe the guards with a knife

(then with scissors the second time around) to gain access, then was found and somewhat

scorned by an individual from the monastery in which he was staying for his risky excursion. I

see these events as representing Ignatius’s impulsiveness towards his faith and somewhat

reckless, as shown in the episode when Ignatius wanted to ignore the Provincial’s commands to

leave the area because of the previous kidnappings and killings that had happened there- only

fear of excommunication lead him to continue on with his pilgrimage.

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Chapters five and six of St. Ignatius’s autobiography Ignatius goes about preaching the word of

God and gets himself into some trouble. I saw a certain turn around in Ignatius’ attitude at this

point. Before he did go to extremes, but now even more so in a fashion that almost made me

think he was subconsciously competing with the saints that came before him to be the holiest

person around. He gives the story of the three ships, where the Turkish ship was destroyed and

the ship of the rich person that would not let him ride was destroyed, but the small ship that he

was riding on was spared in the storm. While he does not specifically say it, the implication

seems to be that the Venetian ship was lost because it would not allow him on board. He also

seems to have lost touch with much of reality. For example, he ignored the Spanish soldiers’

warning to leave the main road and was arrested on suspicion of being a spy. He thought of

addressing the captain with the respectful title por senoria rather than his usual title of vos (that

he though Christ and the apostles used, but then thought it a temptation and said, “I will not

speak formally to him nor will I show him reverence nor will I take off my cap. (55)” By this

point the captain “took him for a madman (55)” and ordered him released, no small event since

he was accused of being a spy in a time of war. He got arrested again when he was preaching, yet

he continued to preach even when in the jail. He could have had an advocate help get him out of

jail, but he even refused that. If he was thinking logically, he would have realized that it would

have been easier to spread the word of God while free. The disconnection with reality he is

experiencing is very obvious and worrisome, or perhaps he is thinking that being jailed and

suffering will help him strengthen his faith.

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The last chapters of Ignatius’ autobiography seem to continue in the same fashion as the previous

chapters. He still fasts and puts himself though what I would consider an unreasonable amount

of anguish, which, unsurprisingly, leads to more illness in his life. He also continues to have

visions, possibly from his illness or from hypoglycemia (whose symptoms include impaired

judgment and delirium). Additionally, he is sent to court again for reasons that he says may be

due to rumors that had spread about him, though he is acquitted in the trial. One issue I have,

though, is the lack of detail about the trial and why he was acquitted. I feel as though he may

have just been being defiant so he could get arrested again and use that to make him feel like he

is making even more sacrifices for God and being holier.

One a major positive aspect comes out of the last part of the book, and that is his drive towards

self-improvement along with some talk about the Society of Jesus. He took his studies very

seriously, saying, “Every time he heard the lectures, he could not pay attention because of the

many spiritual thoughts that occurred to him. Realizing…he made little progress…he went to

his master and promised him never to fail to hear the whole course. (78)” The story goes on with

the growth in acceptance of his spiritual exercises, and the formation of the Society of Jesus.

Ignatius puts a lot of effort into this society enabling us to reap the benefits of a Jesuit education.

Even up until the end of the story, he continues to have visions. For example, he says, “He also

had many visions when he said mass…he could now affirm this more easily because every day

he wrote down what passed through his soul. (93)”

St. Ignatius Loyola (trans. JF O’Callaghan). The Autobiography of St. Ignatius. Fordham

University Press: New York, 2000.